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Alfie

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Here, are you starting again?
- What if I am? - What if the police come?
Let īem. The windows are steamed up, the doors are locked.
Itīs like a Turkish bath. It donīt half make you thirsty.
Here! Watch your ring with my stockings.
Move over a bit, then.
Get your knee off the wheel!
- I canīt. Līm stuck. - Look out. LīII do it.
That hurt!
I told you to be careful with your legs.
- I was only trying to be helpful. - I can help myself.
Hello.
They never make these cars big enough, do they?
Well, you all settled in? We can begin. My name is...
Alfie?
Alfie.
I suppose you think youīre going to see the bleeding titles now.
Well, youīre not, so relax.
What time will your old man be at the station?
- Never mind him. - Thatīs who I will mind.
Never spoil a good thing. You women donīt get that.
- Enoughīs as good as a feast. - Youīve changed your tune.
That horn put me off. I hate noise at a time like that. Eh, mate?
Donīt forget your napkin.
The first time you put your hankie over your shoulder,
I thought you were going to play your fiddle.
I come from a musical family. Here. Mind you donīt catch cold.
līve had a lovely time, Alfie.
A married woman. Every one of īem in need of a good laugh.
It never strikes their husbands.
Make a married woman laugh and youīre halfway there with her.
It donīt work with the single bird. Itīd start you off on the wrong foot.
You get one of them laughing, you wonīt get nothing else.
Just listen to it. It was dead glum when I met it tonight.
I listened to its problems, then I got it laughing.
ItīII go home happy.
Whereīd you tell your husband you were?
- Pictures with Olive. - What pictures?
Just the pictures.
Never be vague. It plants suspicion.
No wonder thereīs all this broken marriage and divorce.
It would never occur to him that another man would wanna take me out.
No, I see what you mean.
Suck this sweet so he donīt smell the gin.
- I donīt care if he does. - Be human. Why should we hurt him?
- Heīs done us no harm. - You want everybody happy.
I donīt believe in making anybody unhappy if I donīt have to.
Or in making an enemy.
You could be crossing the Sahara, and heīd be the bloke you met.
What about next week? Same time, same place?
- Maybe. - LīII go and get my ticket.
She donīt know we wonīt be seeing much more of her.
Sheīs on her way out.
When a married woman gets too hot on, itīs time to cool off.
Next thing sheīII want is to introduce me to the husband.
I can see it coming.
- LīII say good night to you, girl. - The firmīs dance is on Saturday.
- LīII treat you. - Wonīt your old man be there?
Yeah, līd like you to meet. Night.
Donīt forget your napkin.
līm like the Boy Scouts, always prepared.
Once līve met the husband, it donīt half put me off the wife.
He could be dying, but if I ainīt met him, I wonīt think about him.
Itīs once you meet. Like as not, heīII turn out to be a good sport.
His sort usually are.
As līm having it off with her,
I keep thinking about him hanging up his shirts,
Or arguing in the pub about football or cricket,
You get a lot of his sort, Chelsea supporters,
Hello.
- Had a nice time, dear? - Not bad at all.
Good film?
There was a queue, so we didnīt wait. We went to a restaurant.
Did you enjoy yourself? Thatīs the main thing.
Well, I did my best. What about you?
I went through that garden catalogue that came. Very interesting.
You should go out more. You come back so cheerful-made over again.
Now līm off to visit a little bird called Gilda.
While she ainīt exactly stupid, she is a bit on the simple side.
Sheīd never make a number one.
You couldnīt take her out and show her off.
She ainīt an exciting dresser, but sheīs a cracking little stand-by.
And for another thing, she ainīt a liberty taker.
Most birds go mad to get hold of a bloke and then go about changing him.
I told Gilda from the start that I ainīt the marrying sort,
Do you know what? She donīt mind, Sheīs a stand-by and she knows it,
Any bird that knows its place in this world can be quite content,
Alfie?! Did you forget your key?
Humphrey, itīs you.
Yeah. Līm sorry for coming round so late, but I was just passing by.
Yes, I see.
līd just finished work and I was feeling a bit Ionely,
so I thought līd pop in.
Yes, I see.
Have I come at an awkward time?
I am expecting Alfie any minute.
Thereīs a pong in here!
Itīs Phul-Nana. The scent of Araby. Donīt you like it?
No. I like things to smell natural.
līve got your meal ready.
Never push things at me as soon as I come in.
- I like to get my bearings. - Just as you like it.
Thatīs enough of that, anī all.
I saw that geezer Humphrey going off.
Here. Youīre not having it off with him, are you?
Alfie, I canīt bear another man to come near me since I met you.
I just wondered. Did he just call to give you these chocolates, then?
No. He called to tell me he loved me.
- Love you? Some men are funny. - Alfie, do you love me?
Well, shall we say I like you a lot.
Ah, well, I will have that grub after all.
Hot-water bottle? Sheīs getting a bit previous.
Hello.
- Is today the 22nd? - Yeah, I think so.
Shouldnīt our little friend have arrived on the 19th?
Donīt worry, heīII turn up. He always has done.
Heīs usually so punctual.
I had a really good day at the café.
I took over Ģ50 on the till. Isnīt that wonderful?
Whatīs so wonderful? It ainīt your money.
I like to think of them doing well. It keeps me busy.
Itīs time you started that fiddle, playing the piano on the till.
Alfie, I couldnīt.
Thatīs the only till in London that ainīt bent.
Luigi and his wife treat me like family.
All the more reason to do īem.
Alfie, līm happy as I am.
You could still be happy with a few hundred quid in the bank.
Now, look.
The one thing youīve got to get into that head of yours
is that nobody helps you in this life.
Youīve got to help yourself. If you fiddled five bob a day,
youīd have 200 nicker on one side by now.
Money isnīt everything.
Only people who ainīt got none say that.
līve had a fiddle on every job līve done.
A fiddle gives you an interest in your work.
I believe that everybody should take an interest in their work,
Thereīs another little job done.
- You sound cheerful, Elkins. - Some mornings, I feel chirpy.
Yeah? Not all that chirpy on what līm paying you.
You must be working a nice fiddle.
Thatīs defamation of character. līII report you.
Come off it. How do you think I got where I am?
līm quite satisfied as long as you do the job well.
But donīt get greedy, otherwise youīII kill the goose.
I tumbled at once. I shouldnīt whistle.
Never be cheerful if youīre doing a fiddle.
Youīre getting careless.
You can say that again. Little Gilda, sheīs pregnant.
- No! How long? - Couple of months.
You ainīt thinking of getting married?
Me, in my state of health?
Sorry, full up.
Room for just one more inside.
Humphrey, līm glad itīs your bus.
- Are you? - I havenīt seen you for so long.
You donīt need flinging down stairs to know youīre not welcome.
- Līm sorry. - Thatīs alright.
- Līve missed our little chats. - Have you?
Two six pennies, when youīve got the time!
Ta.
līve never seen you looking lovelier. Still canīt get you out of my mind.
Howīs... Howīs Alfie these days?
Heīs fine.
Mind you, it doesnīt hurt like it used to.
- What doesnīt? - The old heartache.
Still, I wouldnīt be without it.
You havenīt got engaged or anything like that, have you?
No, nothing like that.
He doesnīt rush into things, Alfie.
I donīt expect youīII ever need me.
But if you do, līII always be there.
Bye, Gilda.
God bless.
- Hello, Alfie. - Youīre late, girl.
I ran all the way.
Any news? Any reports from the front?
No. It doesnīt look like it.
Weīve got to do something about this little lot.
līve tried everything.
Youīre taking stuff on the quiet?
You donīt wanna make yourself ill.
Alfie.
- Youīre getting cooey lately. - Līm sorry.
And in a way youīre more bossified,
as if līve got to take notice of you, instead of you of me.
I canīt describe it, but I can feel it.
- Do you love me? - What can I say when you ask?
You shouldnīt ask, you know. līII tell you, when I feel like it.
- LīII go and make the coffee. - Yeah. Make it strong.
Alfie, I was thinking.
Why canīt we... go through with it?
What an īorrible thought!
līve never been through with anything.
If I was to marry you, youīd gain a husband but lose a friend.
You donīt have to marry me. līve got it worked out.
I donīt care. Think twice before you turn an innocent creature out.
I wouldnīt turn him out. līII have him adopted.
What are you talking about?
Well, by a rich woman, see?
- A rich woman? - Līd like to do that much for him.
līd be certain heīd have a good life, then.
Steady on, girl.
You canīt be sure thereīs something there yet.
This morning, I thought I felt him kick.
How can they kick? It wonīt be the size of my thumbnail.
- LīII tell you next time. - You wonīt!
Donīt give way to your impulses.
Something a woman might think natural
a bloke will find sickening.
Mrs Artoni at the café called her husband every time their baby moved.
You donīt realise that men are more sensitive than women.
Remember that big bird līd dance with at the Locarno?
One Sunday night she showed me her operation scar,
from when she was a kid. A long scar with white skin round it.
I got straight out of bed and put my clobber on.
īīWhatīs up with you? īī she says.
īīlīd sooner see a bleeding horror film, īī I said, īīthan that. īī
Alfie, please.
Can l, you know, go through with it and have the baby?
What you asking me for? Itīs yours, isnīt it?
Nobody in this world has any right to stop you doing what you want to.
Steady on, girl. Now, then. Donīt break your bleeding heart.
If you wanna do something and you think itīs right, you do it.
To hell with īem. Mind my shirt.
Now...
She was quite happy them months she was carrying,
which to my mind was out of place in a way,
her not being married,
Mind you, she came over quite beautified for a time,
especially in the early months,
I told her. I says, īīBlimey, girl, you ainīt as ugly as I thought. īī
Anyway, her time comes and into the hospital she goes to have it,
I wasnīt there, so I didnīt know till they told me,
Then, from all accounts, the kid comes out a treat,
Right bang on the minute, you might say,
Alfie?
I didnīt see you there. You look all different.
- What do you mean? - Well, sort of mumsy.
I put my name down as Mrs Elkins. Was that alright?
Course itīs alright.
Put your name down as who you like. Itīs a free country, isnīt it?
I brought you some flowers,
but I didnīt want to be seen carrying them.
Thatīs nice.
Freesias! How delightful.
līII put them into a vase for you, Mrs Elkins.
What do you think of your son, Mr Elkins?
- My what? - He hasnīt seen him yet.
Here he is.
Heīs the image of his father.
Yes.
I can see more of me in him than you.
What are you gonna call him?
I thought Malcolm Alfred.
Malcolm bleeding Alfred?
HeīII never forgive you if you give him a name like that!
Here, heīs moving. Quick, you better take him.
The mistake I made with Gilda was getting involved,
I was having a beautiful little life and I couldnīt see it,
There was this manageress of a dry-cleanerīs,
And I was getting a suit cleaned in the bargain,
Well, you canīt turn something like that down.
Then, there was a chiropodist from a foot-comfort service
I was having it off with, She cut my corns handsome,
I never had my feet in such lovely condition,
I was hopping about like a little fairy,
Sheīs got a little ginger moustache,
but I find līm quite willing to overlook the odd blemish in a woman,
provided sheīs got something else to make up for it.
Well, thatīs why weīre here-to help one another out in this life.
Then there was Dora, a little bird from Pimlico
I had it off with Mondays and Wednesdays
when her young man was at his body-building classes,
And, on top of them,
there was always the odd bird that came my way by chance,
What a lovely baby.
- Is it yours? - No, no, itīs my sisterīs.
So why I had to get involved with Gilda, I do not know,
- Whatīs that brown round his mouth? - A bar of chocolate I gave him.
Alfie, you shouldnīt!
You smell a bit milkified.
līm sorry, Alfie, līII have a wash.
No, I donīt mind, it smells mumsy.
How long will you do the breast-feeding caper?
As long as I can. Itīs the best thing for him.
Donīt let yourself get too attached to him.
Why not? Līm his mother.
And līm his father, but youīve gotta be fair.
Youīve gotta think of him.
- What about this rich woman? - What rich woman?
The one who was gonna adopt him, so heīd have a chance in life.
līve got to think about it. I canīt rush into it.
- Make up your mind quick. - Why should I?
He might get so drawn to you,
itīII fret his heart out when they take him away.
- Who says theyīII take him away? - Thatīs what you said.
You were gonna get him adopted so heīd want for nothing.
That was a long time ago.
You know what youīve had, donīt you, girl?
Youīve had a change of heart. I can see it in your face.
What about it? Havenīt you ever had one?
Yes, but līve always resisted it.
Lying in hospital feeding him brought it on.
I could see your face changing. Coming over all mumsy.
- Līm not ashamed of it. - But youīve got to think of him.
You could never bring him up like this rich woman could.
WeīII see. līm going back to work next week.
She could really take care of him. Dress him handsome.
Who says I canīt dress him proper?
Look at that lovely shawl,
and the things for him in that drawer.
You canīt learn him to talk nice. Not like this rich woman could.
I can if I try hard.
Not proper, you canīt. HeīII be īībleedingīī this and that and worse.
- I wonīt let him. - These are dry, you can use īem.
WhoīII look after him when you go back to the caff?
līm not going back. LīII work in the brewery. Itīs better paid.
Lugging bleeding beer crates about? When will you learn some sense?
Who will look after him while youīre at the brewery?
A woman called Mrs Tippet.
Sheīs got four children of her own and sheīII look after him
from Monday morning till Friday teatime.
And līII have him all the weekend. I think thatīs best for him.
And what about... and what about me?
You think līII spend my weekends dodging under wet nappies?
You wonīt leave us, Alfie? Not now?
līII have to think about it.
Please! I wonīt ever ask you for anything, not a farthing.
But donīt leave us now. If you do...
Donīt talk like that. I havenīt said līII leave you.
I had to speak up. I donīt think youīre doing right by that kid.
But I will. LīII look after him. līII never neglect him. Never.
līm only telling you the truth as I see it.
You wonīt leave us, will you?
- Promise me, Alfie. Promise! - Let go. Donīt ruckle my sleeve.
I ainīt a savage. I ainīt gonna scarper.
But donīt start crying, either.
līII belt you one for sure.
I donīt feel up to it.
Donīt jump up to him at once. It donīt do.
YouīII grow more attached to each other, and he wonīt go to Mrs Tippet.
Here, mate. Thatīs enough of that.
līII give you something to cry for. Come on now.
There you are. All you need is a fatherīs voice.
Heīs got a hard life in front of him.
Donīt give him any wrong impression from the start.
Now, about this little kid of mine,
He turns out to be a real quick īun,
And he donīt half love it when I play games with him,
Never wants his mother, always asking for his father,
Very soon, I find līm getting quite attached to him, Know what I mean?
Thatīs something I always guard against,
Because sooner or later thatīs gonna bring you some pain,
So if a bird ainīt got you one way, sheīs got you another,
Thatīs the trouble.
Once you get a kid in your life, it ainīt your own.
- Look at the things you have to do. - Next, please.
Well, you canīt be too careful, not with hereditary.
No smoking, please.
Queer job for a bird, photographing peopleīs insides.
Chin on the top, please.
Hands on hips. Shoulders forward.
Whatīs she think I am, a bleeding contortionist?
Nice hands, though. Firm but gentle. Know what I mean?
- I wouldnīt mind her giving me a... - Hold it.
Next, theyīII be taking pictures of what youīre thinking.
ThereīII be some X certificates knocking around.
Sorry līm late. There was a traffic jam at Piccadilly.
Itīs alright, youīre here now.
I brought you some cherries.
You shouldnīt have done.
Well, we never got that rain they promised us.
Doesnīt look like it.
You had a hard morning?
The usual.
I donīt like you working on that brewery bay. Itīs no job for a woman.
You get used to it.
- Whatīs that? - That ring I was talking about.
- Itīs heavy! - 22 carat. Solid gold.
Same as I say that was my motherīs.
They donīt make rings like that today.
They made īem to last then.
- Can I try it on? - Yeah, go on.
Er, no. No, sorry, but itīs bad luck.
Once you put a wedding ring on, you should never take it off.
Thatīs what they say. I donīt know if thereīs anything in it.
Humphrey?
How would you feel... bringing up another manīs child?
Have a cherry?
You mean little Malcolm? Well, I mean...
Once we were married, I could only look on him as my own child.
līd try to be a good father to him, if heīd have me.
Here. Look, can I have this?
Come on, darling, have a little bit of the ladyīs sandwich.
Just a little bit.
Come on, darling. I wonīt hurt you.
Just a little bit. Come on. Good boy.
I must go. I shall be late for work.
Will you think over what I said last Wednesday?
līve been thinking it over.
līII tell it to you for the last time, Malcolm.
Then youīve gotta go to bye-byes.
īīAbou Ben Adhem, may his tribe increase,
awoke one night from a dream of peace. īī
īīAnd saw within the moonlight in his room,
making it rich and like a lily in bloom,
an angel writing in a book of gold... īī
Whatīs a angel?
You know what an angel is. I told you.
Theyīre on guard, up in heaven, all round God.
īīExceeding peace had made Ben Adhem bold... īī
Whoīs Ben Adhem?
Heīs the man itīs all happening to.
Now, shut your eyes and listen, Malcolm.
Lie down, and donīt ask questions.
īīAnd to the presence in the room he said,
īWhat writest thou? īīī
īīThe vision raised its head,
and, with a look made of all sweet accord,
answered, īThe names of those who love the Lord. īīī
What a lad. He could hardly keep his eyes open, but he wouldnīt give in.
Know what? He went off just like that.
HeīII be a real handful in a few monthsī time.
WeīII have to be careful what we say in front of him.
Heīs as sharp as a needle.
Wait till he sees that teddy bear I bought for his birthday.
Itīs about that size. Ever so soft.
The bloke who sold it to me said it was a real rich kidīs teddy.
Here, do you fancy an hourīs kip, girl, while heīs asleep?
Cloth ears! Līm talking to you.
Humphreyīs been to see me twice this week at lunch time.
Whatīs he after? A bit on the side?
Nothing like that. We just talked a bit.
Donīt tell me what you talked about, because I donīt want to know!
One thing I canīt bear to hear about
is a bird and a bloke having innocent talks together.
I think itīs more intimate than the other.
What is he after?
He wants to marry me.
- What did you tell him? - That līd talk it over with you.
Why talk it over with me? Youīre a free agent.
- Malcolm needs a father. - What do you think I am?
I donīt mean just a weekend father, I mean a proper father.
Yeah, well, we all need proper fathers.
And proper mothers, too, come to that.
It seems thereīs just not enough to go around these days.
I donīt love him.
I donīt know what love is, the way you birds talk about it.
But I respect him.
Well, youīd better marry him, then, hadnīt you?
Youīve got young buster in there to think about.
līII be seeing you.
Maybe.
Daddy!
Daddy!
Nice, isnīt it? Goes like a bomb, too.
This car-hire firm līm working for, they have all the best stuff.
Know where līm off to now?
Pick up a party of publicans, take īem to Brighton for the races.
Youīve gotta get out and enjoy yourself.
Once a bloke starts thinking about a bird heīs finished with,
well, thereīs a waste of time for you.
līm not picking īem up till 11:30, so līm popping in here.
Itīs that X-ray. Didnīt come out right or something.
Load of red tape, if you ask me.
Tilt forward, please. Thank you.
Youīve done this before, havenīt you?
Thank you. Have you been worrying about anything lately, Mr Elkins?
Who, me? No, līm not the worrying sort.
You know what? Gildaīs only decided to marry this Humphrey geezer.
- Do you find you get tired easily? - No, līm always full of energy.
I got a letter from her, see?
īīI donīt love him, īī she says, īībut I do respect him. īī
I donīt want no birdīs respect. I wouldnīt know what to do with it.
- Step on the scales, please. - I havenīt got much time.
Sheīs told me time and again she loves me.
Loves me for myself, whatever that means.
- Have you lost any weight? - No, I always weigh 12 stone six.
Have done for years. But līve never told her I love her.
Except when youīve gotta say something for appearancesī sake.
- 11 stone nine pounds. - Get out of it!
You sure these scales are right? This suit donīt weigh nothing.
Nine ounces, lightweight. Itīs the new Terylene and mohair.
You donīt feel as though youīve got nothing on at all.
The one thing I never do with a woman, I never...
Would you take your shirt off, please?
Would you take your shirt off, please?
I never crawl to one. They either take me as I am or not at all.
Do you perspire? I mean, do you sweat much?
Sweat? No.
Tell a lie, I did sweat last Sunday at the Locarno.
But I was dancing, and līd had a few beers.
I use a deodorant under my armpits.
Just rub it on. Quite good, they are.
I see. Do you ever sweat at night?
At night?
- You mean in bed? - Yes, in bed.
Come to think of it, I did sweat a lot last night.
I couldnīt for the life of me understand why.
Sit there with your back to me, please.
Now take a deep breath.
Now breathe out slowly.
She said, īīMalcolm will be alright. līII be home to look after him. īī
Again. A good deep one.
Hold it.
Let it out.
īīWhat about you? īī she said. īīWonīt you miss us? īī
- Say 99. - 99.
- I came over quite choked at that. - Again. Whisper it this time.
- 99. - Whisper it again.
99. Course I managed before...
I managed before I met her and līII manage now sheīs gone.
- Do you ever feel any back pain? - Pain? No.
You know what? Last week, I find līm missing her, so I calls...
Funny, I do feel some pain there now.
- Where? There? - No, a bit to the left.
- There? - No, higher up.
- There? - Yeah, there.
- Is it tender? - It is when you mess it about.
Turn around, please.
Yeah, so I calls round, you see.
She wouldnīt let me in. She kept me at the door.
Take a deep breath.
But little Malcolm kept yelling īīDaddy! īī so she had to let me in.
Breathe out.
She wouldnīt let me touch her. She drew back for the first time.
- 99. - 100.
- What? - 99.
Yeah, she drew back. īīSorry, but līm playing fair by Humphrey,
the way līve always played fair by you. īī
- Do you cough much? - Cough? No.
Only in the mornings, but everyone does after the first smoke.
Fair by me? She never wanted no other geezer when she was with me.
What playing fair was that? Bleeding sauce!
- Bring anything up when you cough? - No. I just clear my chest.
Thatīs the point of coughing. Bring something up, clear the tubes.
Now, the pair of īem have taken my little son from me.
There are times when I can still hear him calling īīDaddy! īī after me.
Do you find you get quickly irritable of late?
Funny you should ask. I do find I do my nut very easily these days.
- Do you sleep well? - Like a top.
The moment my head hits the pillow, līm off. I never wake up till...
Till when, Mr Elkins?
I never used to wake up till it was time to get up.
Thatīs Elkins with an S. You know what I mean?
- I think so. And now? - I wake up dead on the same time.
Four oīclock in the morning.
That is, no matter how much līve had to drink or...
- Can I be perfectly frank with you? - Certainly.
No matter whoīs beside me. You know what I mean?
Yes, I understand.
Thank you. I never have been partial to these all-night sessions.
For one thing, līve rarely found a woman...
You donīt mind if I come out with it straight?
You can tell me everything.
Very few birds can get into my rhythm of sleeping.
I see.
I find myself lying there in the dark staring at the ceiling.
I keep thinking about this kid I used to know.
I was friendly with his mother.
Nothing special, just an ordinary girl.
But I knew him well, the child.
Thereīs something I must tell you.
All I wanted was for her to come back with little Malcolm,
so we could spend our Sundays together.
But she never come. Do you understand me?
- Yes, perfectly. - Now.
If you lose a bird, you can always replace her.
But with a child, itīs different.
Theyīre each one themselves. Each oneīs got his different nature.
I may not be the best dad in the world,
but I am his real dad. Credit where creditīs due.
Thereīs something I must tell you.
Heīs come out of these loins. What do you wanna tell me?
Look at this.
They canīt get away from it. Heīs my son.
This is your X-ray, Mr Elkins.
- Blimey! Is that me? - Yes, it is.
līm just a load of old ribs!
līm afraid there are two shadows on your lungs.
Shadows on my lungs? What are you talking about?
Look at this patch. Youīve got an infection here. And one here.
An infection? I canīt have! I ainīt been with nobody!
- Itīs not a question... - You have to do something about it.
We can deal with it.
I want the best attention there is. līII even pay for it.
Itīs just a question of rest. Thatīs all you need.
I canīt rest. Līm off to Brighton with licentious victuallers!
Weīre in for a blow-out. Itīs booked!
It has to be unbooked. You need rest in the country.
I hate the country. How can you rest with all that bleeding dawn chorus?
Whatīs the matter?
My feet feel like lead.
The sweatīs pouring off me!
Mr Elkins, do keep calm. These are only shadows.
Shadows?
On my lungs?
līm being eaten away!
This is the end of me!
God in heaven, help me!
Good afternoon, Mr Elkins.
Good afternoon.
Here, once you know you ainīt gonna die,
funny how soon you pull back to normal.
I used to think money was everything.
If youīve got money, I used to say, you can have beautiful birds,
handsome suits, a car of your own.
But those things ainīt a bit of use without good health.
Hello, Harry. Not come yet?
Sheīs run off with the milkman.
Here, see this chap here?
His nameīs Harry Clamacraft.
Heīs 35 years old, married, with three kids.
Heīs sitting in bed waiting for his wife, Lily, to visit.
Heīs had nothing else on his mind since Sunday.
I know for sure sheīII be late.
Watch him. In a minute, heīII pick up that book
and pretend heīs not worried and heīs reading.
There you are, what did I tell you?
Heīs no more reading than I am.
Heīs all ears, listening for her footsteps.
You know what? I ainīt had a single visitor since līve been in here.
I told īem all līm on silence, not allowed to talk.
Oi, Harry, your old womanīs here.
Mrs Clamacraft? Donīt go all the way round. Come through here.
- Līm not supposed to. - Course you can. Come on.
- Here she is, Harry. - Hello, love.
- Harry, līm sorry līm late. - Thatīs alright. Now youīve come.
Sheīs 20 minutes late and now she wastes another 20 telling him why.
I left home in time, but everything went wrong at the station.
You look worried.
I was only worried in case something had happened to you.
Hereīs your new-laid eggs.
Hereīs your marmalade.
Bleeding great chunks of peel in it. No wonder heīs ill.
Did that chap come about the smell in the garden?
He thinks itīs trouble with the main drain.
Now heīs worried about the bleeding drains.
- How were your last X-rays? - I think theyīre improving.
Ask him to look at that loose gutter. It might fall on you or the kids.
- Kill the bleeding lot of īem. - I will.
- How was your sputum test? - Now thereīs a morale raiser!
Theyīre waiting for the results.
Are you managing alright? I mean, about money?
Yes, everythingīs going fine.
- Youīre sure? - Yes, certain.
Theyīre trying to get through to one another. Know what I mean?
It ainīt easy with their sort of mentality.
Here, see this?
Carla, her name is. Hear how her skirt rustles?
Thereīs something about that rustling.
I think līII get on my bed, just in case.
Donīt let me disturb you. You can take that later.
I know what it must be like, seeing each other only once a week.
- She seems quite nice. - Yeah, sheīs very nice.
līII just get you ready for your injection, Mr Elkins.
Thank you, nurse.
Would you like a banana?
Thanks.
Ta.
Did my mother come round?
What?! Yes.
Was everything alright?
She was put out because I hadnīt made the kids a cooked dinner.
Sheīs mad about Sunday dinners.
- Young Philīs missing you ever so. - Is he?
He woke up early this morning.
I could hear him talking away to himself in his cot.
He kept scolding you for not coming home.
Ah, bless him!
- I seem to have only just got here. - Donīt panic.
Dirty beast!
The sister will give you your injection after tea.
Tell her to send the blonde whoīs a good dart thrower.
- You wonīt forget to write? - As soon as theyīve gone to school.
- Give my love to Phil and Shirley. - I will.
- Bye, love. - Eat your eggs.
Yeah, I will.
Donīt worry, līII be alright in a minute.
Donīt worry, līII look after him.
- He hates me going. - LīII soon cheer him up.
Thank you.
You get dependent on īem coming, see.
And it donīt do to get dependent on nobody in this life.
They bring fruit and flowers and say how well you look,
and after five minutes, theyīre dying for the bell so they can get away.
I know, līve watched īem.
Theyīre no sooner out of the door than they say to each other,
īīGawd, did you see old Ned? Didnīt he look rough? īī
īīKeep them insurance policies dusted. Donīt throw that black hat away. īī
līve heard īem.
- Mr Elkins. - Hello, nurse.
You should be in bed.
I couldnīt sleep, so I come down and made a cup of tea.
Youīre not supposed to.
I have been doing things all my life līm not supposed to.
You know what? I had an īorrible nightmare.
- You must have had too much supper. - No, serious.
I dreamt that the hydrogen bomb had fallen,
and I didnīt get killed.
But I got some of that dust on my shoulder, see?
I rushes in this house, shuts the door,
and whoīs standing there? Little Malcolm.
Who?
Oh, yeah. Itīs this kid I used to know.
And then I realised that this... this dust on me,
this poison līve picked up...
...will kill him. And I was taking it to him.
I was taking death to him.
But what could I do? I had to save my bleeding self, didnīt I?
Made me feel rough, though.
It would make some sense to a psychiatrist.
You know what? I wish just for once
I could get myself to do something good in my dreams.
It wouldnīt cost me anything.
līd get a great deal of satisfaction out of it.
Theyīve got you when youīre awake and when youīre asleep.
YouīII be leaving here next month?
Yeah. līII be glad to get back to London.
It wonīt be the same without you around here.
I ainīt gone yet.
Would you like me to give you something to make you sleep?
Now, thereīs a good idea.
Alright, then, come with me.
Marvellous what you can get on the National Health.
- Bye, Mr Elkins. - Bye, Mrs Clamacraft.
Bye-bye, love.
You know something? Visiting days ainīt doing you any good.
- How do you mean? - Takes you a week to get over one.
If youīre not careful, youīII be leaving here in your wooden suit.
But thatīs all I live for, to see her and talk to her.
Youīve got to live for yourself, not for others.
Youīd do without her if she got run over.
Donīt talk like that, Alfie.
No. All līm saying is,
it donīt do to get attached to nobody like that in this life.
What your sort donīt understand...
- What? - Is...
Is the bond between husband and wife.
What I do understand is human bleeding nature.
How do you know your missus ainīt got a geezer outside?
You say another word about my wife, līII knock your bloody...!
Harry.
Donīt get aeriated.
Harry, sit quiet.
Here, have a fag.
The doc said not to smoke more than five a day.
Take no notice of the doc. Youīve got to get yourself better.
No, all I meant was,
with a bird, you can never tell where itīs been nor what itīs done.
Say īīsheīī. Youīre talking about my wife.
She or it, theyīre all birds.
What youīve got to do is start living for yourself.
Like I do.
They wonīt keep me here long.
No, but, Alfie, I miss the kids.
- Especially the youngest. - Here, just listen to me.
Just listen to me for a minute.
Supposing tonight, you was to snuff it. Know what I mean?
- Youīre a right īun. - Just supposing.
- Have a giggle. Thatīs all life is.
Say your old woman picks up with a bloke and brings him home.
Not Lily! She wouldnīt.
Why not? She ainīt bad. Sheīs got a fair little figure.
Not my type, but still. She brings this bloke home
and introduces him to the kids as Uncle Bill.
- Your kidsīd get a kick out of him. - Not young Phil.
Heīd be the first if Uncle Bill brought some toys.
You wouldnīt buy Phil with toys!
Then your missus tells the neighbours the kids need a dad.
- Sheīd blame it on the kids. - What are you getting at?
I only want you to see the truth and start getting better.
For a month or two after youīre gone,
your wife and kids might take flowers to the cemetery,
but once sheīs married again and the kids start calling Uncle Bill īīDadīī,
your little grave will become just a mass of weeds.
If you walked into your home six months later,
your kidsīd ask Uncle Bill, īīDad, who is it? īī
līII knock your bloody head in! Youīre driving me up the wall!
All I want is for you to see life,
see what it is and what it does to you.
I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.
I never want to hurt anybody.
No, I suppose not.
But you do, Alfie. You do.
Want a game of draughts?
- Yeah, alright. - Come on.
Oi!
- How are you? - Alright.
- Look at you. - I feel alright.
- Līve got a gaff lined up for you. - Līm not used to all this noise.
līve had six months of peace and quiet and fresh air.
līd be scared to take a car out now.
līve got just the job for you, all the fresh air you want.
Street photography. I do it myself. Up at Tower Hill. Tons of tourists.
Chat the birds up easy. Theyīre asking for it.
Nothing to it. īīHold it, lady. Little to the left. īī
īīThree for 12 and a tanner. īī
I think these photographers are a damn nuisance.
līm sure heīs a nice gentleman. You can have it on your own.
You got film in that camera? Are you loaded?
- Yeah. - Good. Good morning to you.
Nice to see you, madam.
Come on, lady, give us a great big smile.
- Here you are, sir. - Not today.
- They wonīt bite. - I donīt want my photograph taken.
What about the young lady?
- Nor does she. - How would you know that, sir?
What about it? One on your jack...? On your own?
- Alright, I think I will. - Vacationing?
- No. - Immigrant?
- In a way. - Married?
- Sometimes. - Now?
No, not now. How do you want me?
Well, līve got two positions, straight up or sideways,
depending on your nationality. līII have you against the ships.
Alright. Līve always been partial to the navy.
You look a real treat there, you do.
- Ruby, weīve no time to waste here. - It wonīt take a tick.
Weīve got a fast film in today. Allow me, madam.
- Heīs getting a bit choked up. - Well, donīt let it worry you.
It doesnīt worry me. It doesnīt seem to worry you, either.
- I never let any man worry me. - I see what you mean.
Now, thatīs lovely. Can you hold it?
līII do my best, young man.
- Put a jerk in it! - LīII put a jerk in you. Hold it!
Lovely. Thatīs a real beauty. Now the close-up. Lick your lips.
Strewth!
Now, watch the dickie bird.
Now, whatīs your address? And your telephone number.
Thatīs three of each. ItīII be 15 shillings, sir.
- Havenīt you got any change? - No, I havenīt!
- LīII have to look for some. - Keep the bloody change!
Hello. How about a little souvenir?
You can have an enlargement for four and six, sir.
īīlīve got just the job for you, īī Nat says. īīPlenty of fresh air. īī
Know what? I got the flu twice in six weeks.
So I went back to the hire-car lark. With the Rolls there.
Oh, yeah.
Itīs very nice of you to come, Alfie. Wasnīt it, love?
Yes, it was.
If līd known you were gonna be here, I wouldnīt have come.
I didnīt mean that.
Course not.
She looks real tired. Donīt you think so, Alfie?
līm alright.
Harry, you think about yourself, or youīII never get out of here.
Yeah. Alfie, do you think you could give her a lift home in your car?
Harry! Please! No!
Itīs a long way for her by train.
Yeah, līII take her back. Itīs a pleasure.
HeīII take you back.
She didnīt want to come and I didnīt want to take her,
We both agreed to please Harry,
Looks real ribby, though, donīt she?
To brighten her up, līm taking her a roundabout way,
Show her a bit of the scenery,
Well, you can only try, canīt you?
How would you like a nice cup of tea, girl?
I donīt want to be any trouble.
Thatīs alright.
One thing about driving a Rolls, theyīre pleased to see you anywhere,
Know what?
When she smiles that little smile of hers,
līm quite touched by it,
Yeah, Now I look at her, she ainīt so ugly after all,
It must be hard on you, girl, old Harry being away so long.
Still, līII say this for him,
he could hardly wait for those visiting days to come round.
Donīt worry about him, Lily.
HeīII be home soon.
Course he will.
Cheer up.
Well, what harm can it do?
Old Harry will never know.
And, even if he did, he shouldnīt begrudge me.
Nor her, come to that.
And itīII round off the tea nicely.
I donīt know what you must think of me.
I bet you ainīt been with many blokes besides Harry.
I havenīt been with anyone.
- Where you going, love? - London.
Thatīs a big place for a little girl. Come on, hop in.
Hello, Frank.
What do you want to eat?
līm not hungry. Just a cup of tea, please.
- You must eat something. - No, thank you. Just tea with sugar.
- Wotcher, Alfie. - How you doing?
You wanna watch your loading ropes, Frank, they look a bit dodgy.
- Ta. - Whatīs the fancy dress for?
Got a Rolls outside, ainīt I?
Youīre almost a stranger. Why didnīt you turn up?
Sorry, darling, I couldnīt make it.
A small tea and a slice of buttered toast, please.
You wonīt get far on cups of tea.
līII be alright.
Whoīs the mystery?
That one, Frank brought in.
Watch it, Alfie, thatīs Frankīs bird.
Itīs not my type, anyway.
līII just go and check those ropes, see theyīre alright. You OK?
Bit dead in here, though, isnīt it? I think līII have a tune.
They ainīt half got some old ones, ainīt they?
Yes.
- Did you come in with Frank? - Yes. Why?
Heīs a good bloke, Frank. A good mate.
Yes, he seems nice.
Yeah. Heīd share his last cigarette with you.
Very good-hearted is Frank.
You know what? HeīII even share his birds with his mates.
One bloke told me, heīII even lend you his wife.
Like the Eskimos do. I wouldnīt fancy that.
Well, I mean, sheīs so bad-tempered.
I didnīt think he was married.
Yes, heīs got at least one wife.
Being a long-distance lorry driver, heīs away from home most nights.
Funny, some blokes, arenīt they?
I wouldnīt like sharing a girl, would you?
- No! - No.
- Where are you making for? - Well, London.
- Any particular place? - Not really.
līd like to get a room and a job if I could.
Here, I might be able to help you.
I know the personnel officer of a big toffee factory.
A lovely little number.
- Could I see you in London? - I could take you down there.
līve got a Rolls-Royce out there. A radio, heater, the lot.
I should have to tell Frank, first.
You darenīt risk that. HeīII knock your block off. Mine, too.
See that door there?
Well, 50 yards down the road thereīs a telephone kiosk.
You wait for me there.
- I donīt like doing that. - Donīt be frightened of me.
I ainīt a wolf, you know. Go on, before he comes back.
You donīt want sharing, do you?
- No. - Of course you donīt.
Go on, away you go.
Would you tell the driver I came in with that līve had to go?
līII tell him.
- How much I owe you, Flo? - One and a penny.
- You ainīt going yet? - Līm in a hurry all of a sudden.
What about your toast?
Give it to Frank. He could do with a slice.
- See you. - See you, Alfie.
Did you see the way he lapped it up?
- Canīt see what they all see in him. - FrankīII go raving mad.
Good.
Sit back and enjoy yourself, girl.
Do your folks at home know where youīre going?
- I havenīt got any. - There must be somebody?
I want to make a new start in London.
I reckon youīve landed on your feet. YouīII have a great life with me.
It ainīt come up too bad, has it?
All it needed was a good wash and a bit of care and attention.
Itīs quite dainty. You know what I mean?
Here, I no sooner take a pair of socks off than it washes īem.
And it can cook, too. A bit limited on the menu.
It goes in for Lancashire hotpot and steak and kidney pie.
They blow you out a bit, but it does do a marvellous egg custard.
I ainīt never tasted nothing like it.
Itīs pretty fair on the other, anī all.
A bit on the shy side, but I find that makes quite a change these days.
Oi. Turn it down a bit, Annie.
Itīs in love, see,
Now, when it listens to that stuff,
it daydreams that the bloke who threw it over will one day want it back,
What a bleeding hope, Just watch how it works,
Scrub, scrub, scrub,
It takes some birds like that,
Not all of īem,
Can I get you a cup of tea, Alfie?
Take it easy! You always want to be doing something.
Here, I had a bird once, a big fat thing it was,
got crossed in love or something.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
She used to sit in front of the fire,
smoking cigarettes and drinking tea till her shins were burnt red raw.
īīGive us a cup of tea, bracken shins, īī I said to it once.
īīWhat, īī it said, īīyou paralysed? īī I soon got rid of it.
Are you visiting your friend at the sanatorium?
Old Harry? I thought I would. You fancy a ride in the car, girl?
līve some washing to do.
Youīre always bleeding washing. Take a rest.
I feel better if līm doing something.
Well, if it makes you feel better, līm not going to stop you.
Punishes itself, you see. That way life canīt get at it the same.
- What time will you be back? - You shouldnīt ask me that.
When I go out, I donīt know what day līII be back, let alone what time.
- Līm what is called a free agent. - Sorry, Alfie.
I just thought līd have your meal ready.
Make a meal thatīs always ready. Hash or stew or something.
- I thought līd do something special. - Get those boots for me, girl.
See, even sheīs started asking me when līII be back.
Know what? That little remark could be the writing on the wall.
Annie? When will you start using those gloves I bought you?
YouīII ruin your hands with all that scrubbing.
They donīt matter.
They may not matter to you, but they matter to me.
Nothing puts me off more than a woman getting hold of me with horny mitts.
Youīve got pretty little fingers.
Theyīre like a childīs.
Look after īem for me.
Sometimes, it gets a dead ghostified look come over its little face,
as though it were all sick inside with love,
and its poor mind was stumbling about looking for a corner to rest in.
Take the other night...
After what weīd just been through, it made me really mad,
Thereīs a time and a place for everything,
Even your thoughts have a proper place,
Sorry, Alfie.
Forget him, girl. līm here and in the flesh.
Blimey! She looked dead guilty,
Know what? I was sorry I spoke,
īīAlfie, īī I says to myself, īīsheīs as human as you are, īī
Well, līII be off now, girl. Like to give me a brush down?
Shall I say youīII be back about seven?
Say what you like. Whether līII be here or not is another matter.
You have something ready. If līm here līII eat it.
You know what, Annie? Youīre a nice-Iooking girl,
only you want to brighten yourself up.
Donīt mope about depressed. Think of others. So long.
Take care of yourself, Alfie.
I didnīt like leaving it there on a Sunday, scrubbing away,
but what could I do?
You know what I mean? I couldnīt take it with me.
Going up in the world, ainīt I?
Do you know what the rents are here?
15 quid a week!
Thatīs including central heating, of course.
YouīII never guess who līm calling on.
Well, I wouldnīt have believed it myself three months ago.
līm here, girl.
Thatīs life, isnīt it? You can never tell whatīs round the corner,
Down one minute, up the next,
You drop a tanner, look around, and what do you find?
- Ruby! - Hello, baby!
Hold it!
Gotcha!
Sheīs in lovely condition.
- What are you so impatient about? - What do you think?
Donīt kiss my ear. You know what it does to me!
- What about it? - Letīs at least have a drink first.
- Whisky? - You havenīt got a beer, have you?
Yes, līve probably got a beer on the ice.
She gets all this lot off income tax.
Business expenses, see? She owns three hairdressersī.
The thing I like about Ruby, sheīs a mature woman.
You can feel a lifetime of experience in her fingers.
Know what I mean? I find līm going in more for that sort of woman now.
Here, donīt you dig your nails in like you did last Thursday.
- Līve got scratches down my back. - I may do more than that today.
Great long weals, they are. She dug her nails right in.
Sheīs had two husbands.
Both dead.
And līve a good idea what they died of.
She donīt keep asking do you love her like young birds do.
She donīt never mention love.
She knows what she wants and sheīs gonna get it.
If thereīs any going.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Alfie, donīt you ever think
about bringing your girlfriends flowers or candy?
I often think about it, but I never do it.
Not unless theyīre in hospital.
Donīt put your wet glass on my polished table!
Youīre getting bleeding fussy.
- I am not getting bleeding fussy. - You are.
I am not fussy!
Hello!
Sheīs in beautiful condition.
- Youīre a little sexpot, ainīt you? - Am I?
Yeah. Youīre a little lust-box, ainīt you?
My little lust-box!
I might settle down with her.
With a wife like Ruby, you wouldnīt want nothing on the side.
Bedroom!
Here, come and have a look at this a minute.
Great, isnīt it? Have you caught the ceiling?
Look at the size of that bath! King-size.
A bit of a tight squeeze with two of us in it.
You can have a lot of fun splashing about and whatnot.
There have been times when līve felt lucky to get out of that bath alive.
- Hello, lads. - Hello, Alfie.
- What you having? - Brown ale.
Have you got the car outside?
I donīt think līII go up the club.
līve got this northern bird, Annie, staying at my gaff. Canīt half cook.
- Cook?! - Whatīs cooking got to do with it?
She donīt like it if he donīt come home for his meals. Eh, Alfie?
No. She does some handsome nosh-ups. Steak and kidney pie, hotpot.
I love her cooking, I do.
I thought you was looking a bit blown out. Eh, Vi?
- What do you mean, blown out? - Itīs just the appearance, Alfie.
- What appearance? - Well, you look all puffed up.
Blown out.
Sort of... poncified.
Poncified? Līve never felt fitter in all my life.
He wasnīt saying you wasnīt fit.
No. You just look different, thatīs all. Donīt he, Vi?
Whatīs bleeding different?
That bird Annieīs putting the block on you, mate, and you canīt see it.
- What do you say, Perce? - Looks that way.
Sheīs only looking after me.
In 12 months, you wonīt recognise yourself.
YouīII be stuffed to the ears with hotpot.
- How you going, mate? - I thought it was you.
Remember that day you came in the Busy Bee?
What day was that?
Couple of weeks back. You was in a chauffeurīs uniform.
Oh, yeah. What about it?
Did you slope off with a little girl from Sheffield called Annie
when my back was turned?
Who, me? No, I donīt know what youīre talking about.
Youīre a bloody liar!
Watch the suit. Itīs just back from the cleanerīs.
Is that you, Alfie?
Yeah, itīs me.
līm late, ainīt I? Start rucking me!
What happened? Youīve got an awful black eye.
Blimey! Heīs injured me for life!
- Whereīs that steak you bought? - Līve made you steak and kidney pie.
līm fed up with hotpots and steak and kidney pies!
Why canīt we have something out of a can for a change?
Corned beef or Spam. Handsome grub, that was.
You said you liked my steak and kidney pies.
If I get that lot on top of a skinful of beer, I can hardly draw my breath!
līII get an īorrible feeling of being full up, blown out, poncified.
You said you loved that feeling of being full.
What I loved once and what I love now are two different things.
Whereīs my button-down shirt?
Your blue one? In the drawer.
- No, the pink one. - I washed it. ItīII soon be dry.
Why did you wash it? I only wore it for a few hours.
I thought itīd feel fresher for you.
I do believe you only wash to fill in your bleeding time!
- Why should I? - To get him out of your mind!
Get who out of my mind?
That bleeding Tony you write about in your little diary!
You canīt get outta your mind or something!
Alfie, have you been in my bag and read my diary?
Why shouldnīt I?
You shouldnīt because themīs my secret thoughts.
You ainīt entitled to secret thoughts living with me!
Everyoneīs entitled to them.
Then you shouldnīt write them down and let me see īem!
I only wrote them to get them out of me.
līII show you what I think of you, your secret thoughts
and your bleeding steak and kidney pie!
And donīt take nothing that donīt belong to you, either!
Donīt let your custard spoil.
Itīs in the oven.
Annie?
Annie? Come back! I didnīt mean it!
Come in.
Youīre a bit early, girl.
I didnīt want to be late.
- Is he coming? - Yeah, about two oīclock, he said.
Here, give us your bag.
Blimey!
Your hands ainīt half cold.
You ainīt worrying, are you?
A bit.
Yeah, youīre all dark under the eyes.
I couldnīt sleep last night.
Well...
And you can get ready for him when you want to.
Thanks.
līve let myself in for something this time alright.
It was that day I took her up the river, see.
Round about three months ago, it was.
That was something I thought I got for nothing.
But it donīt never work out that way, does it?
So, I agrees to help her and lay it all on,
Well, it was the least I could do,
knowing old Harry, anī all. See what I mean?
Come in, mate.
Well, here we are.
What do you mean, here we are?
I mean youīve come to the right place.
And this is the young lady I talked to you about on the phone.
Pleased to meet you.
- Got your gear with you? - Donīt ask questions.
Sorry. This is the room where you can examine this young lady.
And why should I examine this young lady?
Well, you got to, ainīt you, before you do it?
- Before I do what? - Do what youīve come to do.
Quiet, Alfie. There must be some mistake.
You are the gentleman I talked to last Thursday night?
- Alfie, please, be quiet. - Donīt worry, my dear.
Now, I must have a serious talk with you both.
- Are you two married? - Us two married?!
Blimey! Do we look it?
No. I mean, sheīs a married woman, but līm a single man.
Is there any chance of you getting married in the near future?
I very much doubt that. What do you say, Lily?
But you are the putative father?
The what?
Me?! Līm nothing. līm just obliging a friend.
Well, thatīs unusual.
Itīs very unusual.
You are the man who... is going to help me?
Her old manīs in a sanatorium, see? And sheīs had a moral lapse.
- See what I mean? - Līm not quite sure that I do.
ItīII never happen again.
She needs helping because her marriage would look very dodgy
if her husband came out at this stage of the game. Got me?
Sheīs got three other kids as well.
And where do you fit into all this?
Well, she had no place to go, see?
Well, thatīs most altruistic.
I hope you both
appreciate the seriousness of this case.
To terminate a pregnancy after 28 days is a criminal offence
punishable in a court of law with seven yearsī jail.
Do you understand this, you two?
Yeah.
Not only that, but itīs a crime against the unborn child.
Itīs a course never to be embarked upon lightly.
You must consider the circumstances thoroughly
before you go through with your decision.
Since afterwards it will be too late to change your mind.
Have you given the matter your fullest consideration?
- What do you say, Lily? - Līve no way out.
Then youīve decided to go through with it?
Yes, I must.
Then I might be able to help you.
- Thank you. - Yes.
Have you got the money?
Yeah, the money. The young ladyīs got it.
- ThatīII be Ģ30. - 25. Thatīs the figure we discussed.
Very well, then, 25.
Right. Very well.
Right, young lady, would you care to follow me?
- LīII need some boiling water. - The kettleīs on the stove in there.
Good.
I hate anything like this.
My understanding of women only goes as far as the pleasure.
When it comes to the pain, līm like every other bloke.
I donīt wanna know.
Have you done?!
Almost everything I can do.
- Can she go home now, then? - Lord, no!
Itīs only been induced. It hasnīt happened yet. That comes later.
If her temperature rises rapidly, give her two of these.
- LīII leave you six. - How will I know?
Well, if she starts to sweat, give her two.
Here, mate.
Shouldnīt you see the job through,
considering how much youīve been paid?
Two if she sweats.
How you feeling, girl?
He gave me these tablets to give to you.
Take two if your temperature goes up.
You do look old, girl.
He got his money easy.
Not so loud. My landladyīII hear!
I canīt help it!
This pain!
- Lily! - This pain! I canīt help...!
līm sorry, Lily. Līm sorry. I had to do it.
If my landlady heard, sheīd have the ambulance here!
Doctors, police, the lot!
All this would have been for nothing!
See what I mean? Thatīs why I had to do it.
Is there something I can get you, Lily?
Would you like a cup of tea?
No. You go.
līm better on my own.
Thereīs nothing you can do.
YouīII be alright, will you?
Youīre sure youīII be alright?
I know it donīt look nice, going off and leaving her,
But what do look nice when you get close up to it?
Come on, Malcolm!
You naughty boy! Youīre keeping everyone waiting.
Suzanne Elizabeth, I baptise thee in the name of the Father
and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.
And now we join together in the family prayer of Christians.
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven...
Whoīs Daddyīs best boy, eh?
Whoīs Daddyīs best boy? Whoīs the best boy in the world?
Lily?
Is it all over?
Yes.
- LīII be ready to go in a minute. - Thereīs no hurry, girl. No hurry.
Donīt.
Donīt go in there.
I could have dropped on the spot with the shock.
All I was expecting to see was...
Come to think of it, I donīt rightly know what I was expecting to see.
Certainly not this perfectly formed being.
I half expected it to cry out.
It didnīt, of course. It couldnīt have done.
It could never have had any life in it.
- Not a proper life of its own. - No, I suppose not.
Still...
...it must have had some life, of course.
And... as it lay there so quiet and so still...
...it quite touched me.
And I started praying or something.
Saying things like, īīGod help me! īī, and things like that.
And then I starts to cry.
Straight up. The tears were running down my face.
All salty. Like I was a kid myself.
Crying for him, you mean, Alf?
No, not for him.
He was past it.
For my bleeding self!
You know, it donīt half bring it home to you what you are
when you see a helpless little thing like that lying in your own hands.
Heīd have been quite perfect.
And I thought to myself,
īīYou know what, Alfie? You know what you done? īī
īīYou murdered him. īī
Well, thereīs nothing you can do about it now, Alf.
- Will you lend me 25 quid, Nat? - Donīt be bloody funny!
- Thatīs all līve got in the world. - Take this watch as security.
If I havenīt paid you back in two weeks, you can sell it.
I donīt want no security. līII give you the money.
Thanks very much, Nat.
Well, thatīs that.
You all ready?
Come on, līII run you home.
līd sooner go on my own.
You say that again, you will go home on your own.
- I want to. - OK by me.
Thereīs a bus to Waterloo or a Green Line all the way.
Here. This is for little Phil.
Who?
Phil, your youngest. The one who writes all them squiggly letters.
- What is it? - You wanna see it?
I bought it a long, long time ago.
For a little kid I used to know.
Catch.
Tell him itīs from his Uncle Alfie.
Come on, mate.
līII take you home.
līm definitely gonna settle down with this Ruby.
līm fed up with being on the move.
You know, I find līm not stalking these young birds any more.
Ruby! Where are you, girl?
- Alfie? - I thought līd give you a surprise.
līII be right out! Make yourself a drink.
Alright.
I was sleeping.
- Līve got a headache. I took a pill. - Oh, līm sorry.
- You said you were on a job today. - It fell through. Want a drink?
No thanks. You better go, darling. līve got a splitting headache.
Alright. You better have these now līve brought īem.
Alfie, what a thing for you to do.
I never thought līd live to see the day.
- I like surprising a woman. - You did that.
Look at the wrapper. Theyīre not off a barrow.
I can see that.
Theyīre lovely. Really lovely. Thank you.
- LīII go. You take an aspirin, girl. - I will.
- Thatīs new. - New? What?
That radio. Where did you get that?
I picked it up cheap.
Will you ring me tomorrow? līII be alright then.
līII come around lunch time. We might have a session.
- Yeah, why not? - Right. See you.
Alfie?
Yeah?
līm sorry about the headache.
- LīII make it up to you. - Sure.
- Whatīs that? - What?
- That? - Itīs a guitar.
- You doing it with groups now? - Donīt be so disgusting!
And the radio. Youīve got a bloke in there, ainīt you?
- Itīs none of your business! - You pick him up cheap, too?
There is no-one in there!
I honestly thought you had a headache.
- What a mug līve grown into! - Get out of here!
I have a splitting headache!
Why him? Better than me?
Whatīs he got that I havenīt?
Apart from long hair?
Well?
Come on, letīs have it. Whatīs he bleeding got?
Heīs younger than you are.
You got it?
īīHeīs younger than you are, īī Thatīs what she said,
Anybody would think I was doddering about on crutches,
Trouble is, I still keep thinking about her,
I canīt get her out of my mind,
Whoīd have thought a ruddy great lust-box like her
would have found her way into anybodyīs feelings?
She might have looked a hard case, but underneath she was quite mumsy,
And she was in beautiful condition,
Do you know, līm beginning to think she was beautiful.
After all, it ainīt through the eyes that you feel beauty,
itīs how the heart hungers for something that makes it beautiful.
Oi!
Siddie.
Alfie. Hello.
I ainīt seen you in ages.
You didnīt turn up.
Look, I can explain that.
I ainīt half missed you.
I like that gear.
Where you going? līve got the car round the corner.
- What about it? - I canīt, līm gonna meet my husband.
Itīs nice material. Still, you always was a snappy dresser.
What about Sunday, then?
- No, līm not sure. - Come on.
Same time, same place?
- WeīII see. - LīII wait for you for five minutes.
Donīt forget your napkin.
līm like the Boy Scouts, I am, always prepared.
See you, then?
Maybe.
You know what?
When I look back on my little life and the birds līve known,
and think of all the things theyīve done for me
and the little līve done for them,
youīd think līd had the best of it all along the line.
But what have I got out of it?
līve got a bob or two, some decent clothes, a car.
līve got my health back and I ainīt attached.
But I ainīt got my peace of mind.
And if you ainīt got that, you ainīt got nothing.
I donīt know, it seems to me that if they ainīt got you one way,
theyīve got you another.
So whatīs the answer?
Thatīs what I keep asking myself.
Whatīs it all about?
Know what I mean?
Come on, boy.
(ENGLISH)
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