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Alvarez Kelly CD1

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In every war...
In every age...
The forgotten weapon is...
...Food. For to kill, soldiers must live...
...to live, they must eat.
And a herd of cattle is...
...as vital as a herd of cannon.
The United States in 1 864.
Hey, we made it, amigos!
When you're ready to talk business, Kelly, I'll be at my hotel.
- You're Steadman. - Major Steadman.
Major Steadman.
Sorry.
Major, I've got the most marvellous beef in the world for you.
The best beef in all of Mexico. No, Sanchez?
They're a little thin by now, but it's been a long walk.
- A few days in the pasture... - You are late, Mr. Kelly.
Ten days late. Ten miserable days in this stinking, hot town.
Is it Vermont or Massachusetts?
I'm from Boston...
...which, may I tell you, is one long way from this prairie rat hole.
Well, there are certain compensations, major, in a railroad town.
I was hoping that you brought a couple of them along.
I see.
I don't happen to be a procurer, Mr. Kelly.
Forgive me.
Whiskey or sherry?
I'm here on business, Mr. Kelly. United States Army business.
I'm waiting for an explanation.
What were you in civilian life?
A lawyer. I want an explanation.
Lawyer, huh?
- You've never driven cattle? - Hardly.
Hardly.
Three months, major. Not ten days.
Three months, staring into the rear ends of those beeves.
Smelling their stink, choking on their dust...
...listening to their damn bellowing night and day.
I'm a reasonable man.
If I weren't...
...I might go over to the other side and see how their manners are.
You'd do business with the Confederates?
No.
Their money's no good.
Kelly.
What's he doing?
If I'm not mistaken, someone's stealing my wine.
I thought you were a soldier, not a sheriff.
You like my wine, Paco?
I like it if you do, huh?
Costs five dollars a bottle.
That's ten dollars out of your pay.
Since you're a generous man, share the rest with your friends here.
I don't understand you. I don't understand you at all.
A thief should be punished.
We'll have dinner now.
And take a few more bottles of wine out to our friends.
He's a Ionely thief, Steadman...
...trying to celebrate after a rough journey.
He'll be happy to go home.
They all will.
And so will I.
I'm afraid you won't be going home quite yet, Mr. Kelly.
There's been a change. Take the cattle by rail to Virginia.
Deliver them to a plantation near Richmond. The pasture is there.
You'll be paid on arrival.
That's not in the agreement.
I was ordered to bring the cattle here.
The war's going into a new phase.
We're concentrating on Richmond. And when we take it, we've won.
I don't care who wins.
You want that herd in Virginia?
It'll cost you five dollars per head extra.
I'm authorized to pay you one dollar a head extra. Not a penny more.
That's not Army beef yet, major.
Not until I get paid off on my contract.
The contract specifies, in rather small print, I'll admit:
" Payment shall be made when the beef is delivered to the area...
...deemed most urgent by the commanding general."
Which is 30 miles south of Richmond.
It's in order. I prepared it myself. Even specifying the size of the print.
Now those steers are going east, Mr. Kelly.
Oh, by Godfrey, that judge. He thought he had me licked.
Licked, Kelly.
But he underestimated the man he was dealing with.
I hit that judge...
I hit him with a writ of certiorari.
It's like a brilliant bolt out of the black, a tiger springing.
A writ of certiorari!
Play cards, Steadman.
Thousands of them.
The boys in blue are gonna eat beef tonight.
And tomorrow and next month. Till it's coming out of their craws.
Maybe it's our stomachs making us see what ain't there.
Colonel, how about me going and bringing back proof.
Just to make it official.
My orders are to scout that herd.
Go ahead.
Just make sure the Yanks don't scout me.
Oh, Lord.
This is always embarrassing.
I'm sure you'll handle it with your customary tact.
- Take over, captain. - Yes, sir.
Major Steadman, ma'am.
I'm Charity Warwick.
This is Alvarez Kelly, who brought the cattle here.
I was ordered to arrange quarters for the two of you.
Your men can camp in the field below the house.
Mr. Kelly, the grazing is best in the north pasture.
You may eat in my dining room tonight, major.
But from tomorrow on, you'll make other arrangements.
Mrs. Warwick...
...will you join us for dinner?
Nice try, but I don't think...
She's a lady, Kelly.
A great lady.
One rarely has the privilege to meet such a...
What does that mean?
Woman.
- Pick up those strays. - I'll get them.
Go get that meat!
Sir?
Cleet Warwick must be rolling around in his grave.
I'll bet this is the first time his place...
...has been lit up like that since Manassas.
- Eat while it's hot. - The man who brought the cattle.
- Colonel, I promise you... - That man really knew his business.
Moved that herd like it was a column of infantry.
That's prime beef, Johnny.
And there's enough down there to feed a lot of people...
...who haven't chewed on meat in a long, long time.
Thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty.
Now with the $1 0,000 advance paid to you in Mexico...
...it makes it a total of $50,000 and completes our original contract.
Plus the...
...additional $2500.
Just sign here.
- Buying beef at three dollars a head. - Two.
- And selling them for 20. - Not bad.
It's outrageous.
You go to some nice place to count your profits?
I spend it, Steadman. I spend it and enjoy it.
And when it's all gone, raise it again.
You make it sound simple.
It is, if you don't want it too bad.
Money, whiskey and women. Your three deities.
Tell me something, Mr. Kelly:
Have they made you a happy man?
No.
But not as miserable a one as you.
Mrs. Warwick.
Dinner is served, gentlemen.
How nice. You changed your mind.
A lady's privilege.
Your privilege is our pleasure, ma'am.
I got hungry.
Driving thousands of half-wild animals across thousands of miles.
For someone brought up in these parts, it seems impossible.
I have such respect for special knowledge.
It's nothing.
You certainly know how to charge for it.
Do you object to making money, Miss Charity?
In wartime? I think so.
Making money out of war. It's almost an act of nature.
Do you have any idea what a major's salary is?
I wasn't talking about that.
What about a colone"s salary? And the prestige afterward?
You'll carry that rank into every courtroom for life.
- I didn't go to war for that. - No, but you'll use it.
Every man, in his own special way, takes care of number one.
I don't admire men like that, Mr. Kelly.
Mrs. Warwick...
...if there were a kind of profit driven right into your own back yard...
...would there be any reason not to take advantage of it?
What do you mean by that?
I would say it's a matter of the north pasture.
The north... You're talking in riddles.
To you, ma'am?
I don't understand.
I was curious.
When Mrs. Warwick specified the north pasture, I wanted to know why.
The soil, major, is overworked.
Dying for the lack of fertilizer.
- Well, yes, but I still don't... - Manure, major.
I didn't know you were a farmer.
I was raised on a farm.
My father's estancia in Texas.
Estancia. What a lovely word.
So is caridad.
Charity.
Yes, it was lovely.
It was lovely and big.
Open.
Fifty families lived on it.
My father was like a lord. Like an Irish lord.
Yet this virtuous Irish lord...
...was not quite able to stop his son from turning pirate, was he?
Make jokes, Steadman, about the war, about God, and about me.
But don't make jokes about my father.
He was killed defending our home.
Mexican War, I think you called it.
We had other names for the theft of a piece of our country.
The officers wore the same uniform you have on.
Only some of them now have changed it to grey.
So I say, "Alvarez Kelly...
...take what you can from both sides. Small return for your birthright."
- Beg pardon, ma'am. - What is it?
A guard found one of our drovers...
...beaten and unconscious. - We're 30 miles behind the lines!
They butchered a steer inside the gates.
Where the hell were the sentries? Excuse me.
All right, let's go.
The poor major.
He finds duty more fascinating than...
...pleasure.
Do you undress every woman you meet?
There has to be some beauty.
Then it's no special compliment.
Being a beautiful woman is compliment enough.
From what you've said about your father's estancia...
...it must have been something like it was here before the war.
Very much like it.
Might be interesting to buy some land around here.
Not to help rebuild, though. Not to live.
- Just to buy cheap and sell dear. - It's a nuisance the other way around.
You disappoint me, Mr. Kelly.
After what happened to you, I should think you'd sympathize with us.
I have no sympathies, only instincts. And they shy away from losers.
I'm overstaying my welcome. You must be tired.
You underestimate yourself, Mr. Kelly.
Rarely.
Thank you for the evening.
How long since you've been with a woman?
Three months.
A lifetime.
My husband's been dead three years.
There was someone under the bed all the time.
Hatcher.
The money.
I got just as many men outside.
I warn you, I'm a Mexican national.
Doing business with the Yanks.
- My privilege. - Grazer!
The money.
Obliged, Mr. Kelly.
Just how far would you have gone?
You bastards couldn't have waited a while longer.
Hatcher.
Good night, Charity.
God bless.
Take care, Tom. God bless.
God bless, Charity.
Bless.
Oh, Mrs. Warwick.
Good night and God bless.
Yes?
Major Steadman.
- Yes, major? - You had visitors.
Old friends of mine.
Old, dear friends.
And why did they take Kelly?
For the money, wouldn't you say?
They didn't have to kidnap him to get his money.
Perhaps they didn't want to shoot him in front of me.
Shoot him? For what?
The way they see it, he committed an act of war against the Confederacy.
Of course, they're prejudiced.
Mrs. Warwick...
...did you know about this?
Of course! I saw it happen.
No, I mean beforehand. I mean aiding and abetting.
Oh, that difficult lawyer talk, major.
Mr. Kelly was certainly right.
Alvarez Kelly hijacked by rebels.
You appreciate that, major?
Mrs. Warwick.
- Beaurider. - Yes, sir.
Get back to camp fast as you can.
Straight back. We've had our enjoyment for the evening.
Yes, sir.
Turn them around, boys!
Now that that's over, would you mind telling me what this is all about?
Not yet. Get in.
- Tell him to keep his hands off me. - Get in.
I may choose not to.
You may choose to die too.
You'd give up those stripes for that privilege, wouldn't you, sergeant?
As long as you knew my hands were tied.
Rossiter, we both know you didn't bring me this far to shoot me.
For some reason, you want me alive and in one piece. Why?
You know, Mr. Kelly, you talk too much. Get in.
I'd like to tell you a little something.
This river winds all the way to Richmond.
Now, if I was to put you to sleep...
...you'd miss some of the prettiest scenery in all of Virginia.
Colonel, in my inside pocket, where my money used to be...
...there's a cigar. You could get it for me.
Or better yet...
...I could get it for myself.
Bust him, colonel, sir! Make him shut his big mouth.
Confederate man-of-war?
Kelly, we've got to have that beef.
The army and the whole South is starving.
- That's your problem, not mine. - Damn it!
If hungry people don't mean anything to you, this should!
That already belongs to me.
We'll double it.
In gold, colonel?
Are you suggesting our currency is no good, sir?
Can I tell you what for?
Colonel, I have to hand it to you. You're not just half-mad.
How do you figure you're going to get 2500 head of cattle...
...over Grant's lines? By balloon?
Nope. We don't have that many balloons.
All right, we can't get over them.
But we can go around.
We can make this big circle. Come up behind the plantation.
Then we just shoo those cattle back the way we came.
- Just "shoo" them back? - That's right.
You know there's a small army guarding those steers.
Don't you expect a fight?
I'll handle the military. You handle the herd.
- Fair division. - Then you'll do it?
Mr. Harrison, I intend to die in bed, in the arms of a beautiful woman.
We all share that wish, sir.
I do not intend to die from a Yankee bullet.
So I say the hell with it, colonel.
You're not walking out of here.
This city is swarming with spies, and you know our plan.
Worth nothing.
You couldn't even try it without me.
Oh, look at the soldier boy!
Morning.
Morning.
Enjoying yourself?
Oh, yes.
I like cockroaches with my soup.
Specialty of the house.
You about ready to leave?
Not under your terms.
- But I've got some advice for you. - Yeah? What's that?
Nobody's even gonna start to move that herd out without drovers.
- My Comanches can handle it. - Cavalry?
Top riders. Fought under Jeb Stuart.
Any Texans among them? Cowhands?
They're Virginians.
And there's no damn thing anybody can do on a horse they can't match.
No, except maybe drive a cow out of a closet.
Takes a long time to train a drover.
Jailer!
Open up.
Mr. Kelly, your education has been sadly neglected.
Not bad.
But you're not charging the enemy.
You're pushing cattle. For that, you need trained cowboys.
- Now look... - These is warhorses, mister.
I reckon they can handle them little old cows.
All right, lieutenant.
Take your warhorses and push those little old cows into that back corral.
With your permission, colonel?
Move, cow.
Come on, cows! Get in there!
You darn fool cows, get in there!
Come on, get in there!
You darn fool cows, get in there!
Colonel, where the hell you get these cows? From an old ladies' home?
Move them out!
Get on! Get out of here! Get out of here!
All right, you darn fool cow!
Come on!
Get out of my way! Go on! Move along there!
Watch out!
- Sound retreat. - What's that, sir?
- I said sound retreat! - Yes, sir.
Close the gate.
Get those cattle! Go on, get them.
Now, listen:
There are 2500 head of Mexican range-bred steers on that plantation...
...stupid, temperamental and a lot more vicious than anything you've got here.
All right, so we got plenty to learn.
But you can train us.
Damn you, Kelly, you're gonna train us!
Back to jail.
Are you coming in or am I going out?
General Lee has approved the raid.
That makes you the only missing link.
Missing's the word.
That's a lot of cash to carry around, colonel. It'd be safer in a bank.
Matter of fact, I'll give you permission to open an account in...
They'll be butchering and eating that herd before long.
I figure you've got no more than ten days to get us ready.
Burn it all.
Ten days before we start.
God deliver me from dedicated men.
Ten days.
You used to have ten fingers. Now you got nine.
Tomorrow, you'll have eight.
You stay stubborn, the day after that, you'll have seven.
The day after that...
...it's up to you.
You decide whether you want to end up with a pair of stumps...
...or lend us your talent.
You decide.
Get a doctor.
Don't split them up like that. Get them.
All right, get those back. Get them together.
He drives hard, I'm glad to say.
Don't split them up! Slow down there! Take it easy with them.
I deplore what happened, colonel.
- However, under the circumstances... - It was necessary.
Still, there's a time for sandpaper and a time for silk.
From now on, I think we'd be wise to cater to his taste.
I want to borrow a hat.
- Tool of the trade. - Will mine do?
Mr. Kelly, I'd be honoured if you'd accept the hospitality of my home...
...for the remainder of your visit.
I believe you'd find the accommodations more cheerful...
...than your present quarters.
- And the bourbon? - More plentiful.
You gentlemen have a way of making it hard for me to refuse.
Who am I?
You're a rich land speculator looking for bargains.
Seems to me I heard you mention something like that...
...recently.
Satisfactory?
Yes, yes, that would go down well with anyone who was curious.
Mrs. Townsend is having a soiree next week. Nothing pretentious.
No, certainly not. Not in starving Richmond.
I can't offer you a clean shirt...
...but we'll take care of the one you got.
That's thoughtful.
Now watch this.
Slow down.
When he moves to your house...
...one of my men goes with him.
Naturally.
Oh, Mr. Kelly, I couldn't. I'd love to, but I just couldn't.
- I'm spoken for. - Loudly?
By a seafaring monster who can shrivel a girl right up.
Where's he?
Very impressive.
Since you and I are only going to be friends...
...it's only fair that you turn me over to her.
Liz Pickering? You're really running in luck tonight.
- Married? - Engaged.
It's not the same, is it?
I bet you could tell me, if you really wanted to.
Military secret.
- Damn the military and their secrets. - Come on.
I suppose it's very dangerous.
Not as dangerous as you.
The way you look tonight, you could start pandemonium in the streets.
And that perfume...
But you do prefer horse sweat.
Oh, Tommy, I'm sorry, but I see you so seldom.
You know, that's what I hate most about the Yanks.
They keep us apart.
I understand married officers have more leave than single ones.
But what if one of those nasty old Yanks...
...threw a speck of dust in my other eye?
How would you look leading a blind man down the street?
As foolish as you sound talking about it.
Thank you.
Who's he?
Rich businessman from Mexico. Friend of the Harrisons.
But not a friend of yours?
No.
Tom, what's the matter?
I don't know.
I guess the war's the matter.
War's the matter with all of us.
Mr. Kelly, this is Captain Angus Ferguson of Glasgow.
- Captain. - Isn't he magnificent?
Aye, it's good when they adore you, especially when they're half your age.
Or could it be the wee gifts I bring her in my ship?
The French perfumes and silk nighties?
- Let's dance. - I'm not used to a ballroom.
There are many stout lads to stretch your muscles.
If you don't put your arm around me now, I'll take you up on that.
I will dance the whole night through with you in my rooms.
Angus, you're a devil.
No use telling her it's my farewell night, is there?
Not till morning, that is.
Which one of you will help me make an old sea dog jealous?
Tom.
Rank does have its responsibilities. Go ahead, darling.
So I weigh anchor tomorrow evening, courtesy of Secretary Harrison.
After four months wait and a good deal more effort...
...than a Scotsman cares to spend.
For mercy sakes, no, Mr. Kelly.
That stuff there will distemper a whale.
Here, you take a taste of this. Blessed nectar from Scotland.
Will you believe it, there are 1 000 bottles of that aboard my ship?
Sounds like paradise.
I was commissioned to run it in here, but then I found...
Confederate money isn't worth the match to burn it with.
Aye, so I'll take it to New York.
Heavens, Mr. Kelly, don't tell me the currency there is still wampum.
Mr. Kelly, you have my flask!
If I may suggest, Miss Pickering, the punch is pale.
This will improve the colour.
You're gallant enough to be a Virginian.
And your beauty goes beyond the bounds of geography.
I'm Alvarez Kelly.
And you've learned my name and a few particulars.
Only one.
You've shortchanged yourself.
You could remedy that.
Are you any kind of gambler, Kelly?
I've lost my last few bets.
Will you come to my house?
I need some advice that can't very well be given here.
What time?
Midnight, number 1 9, Royall Street.
Make sure there's no carriage outside.
Why, Mr. Kelly, whatever happened to your hand?
One of the bets I lost.
Darling, I think he's rather charming.
Yeah.
- You understand? - Playing with fire, aren't you, lad?
It's not my house.
Now, follow me.
With all of the beautiful women that were here tonight...
...the result is I don't feel much like sleeping.
You know what I mean?
I don't know how to put it to your delicate ears, but in Richmond there...
There must be a house of joy.
There's a few.
Now, let me guess what your orders were.
Let him do what he wants...
...but don't let him out of your sight. Right?
Well, let's be off. Two men of the world.
You ever seen him before?
No, but I wish I had.
Kelly, you might not like these women.
I understand that the Mexicans like their women fat and dumpy.
Relax, Hatcher, you can't make me angry tonight.
What part of Mexico, amigo?
Durango, amigo.
You Ionely?
Not really.
Friendly?
Not very.
Thirsty?
Not especially.
You're the one I want.
A bottle of your best wine.
- This is where I draw the line. - I'll wait.
May take all night.
Should I take it off?
The wedding ring.
Some like it on, some like it off. You men are peculiar.
What do you do in case of fire?
I don't know, we never had one.
Well, suppose you had one right now.
There's a window with a big, old wisteria vine right by it.
Show me.
Now, look, I want you to stay here all night...
...and improve your mind.
Your body's already perfect.
Come in, sir.
Miss Pickering will be down in a minute, sir.
My Japanese room. Uncluttered.
Does she have to stay here?
You can go to bed now, Ellie.
Why, Kelly, whatever are you thinking of?
I was thinking there might be...
...some chimney sweeps up there in grey uniforms.
I've grown to expect anything from Southern belles.
I'm not a Southern belle. I'm Liz Pickering.
This house was something quite special in its day.
Sorry you couldn't have seen it.
Used to be a lovely miniature over the mantle.
Till last week. It paid for the gown I wore this evening.
I don't know why you asked me here, but it was not to pity you.
Hardly. Pity is the real empty room I despise.
I amuse you, Kelly?
It's too early to tell.
Well, we're getting older by the minute.
Would you like to drink that where it's more comfortable?
Whatever your friend's got, he ought to market it, huh?
Well, good night.
Wherever did you get wine at this time of night?
Ask me no questions.
Haven't tasted anything so good since the war began.
You should've seen that too, Kelly. It was grand.
That was the year Tom Rossiter and I became engaged.
The year the boys went off singing.
I begged Tommy to marry me.
It wasn't very ladylike, but I begged him.
I loved him so much.
But he was noble, he had principal.
Said he couldn't risk leaving me a widow.
The second and the third years...
...the singing somehow stopped.
I still wanted Tommy to marry me.
He'd lost an eye by then, but that didn't matter.
But he was nobler than ever.
Said it might be an arm next or a leg.
Those were the years of frustration.
Then tonight...
Tonight I realized what he feared the most.
Losing his sight.
Tom Rossiter is right.
I couldn't stand to live with half a man.
God, Kelly. It must be some hideous failing in me.
I'm so sick and tired to death of all the fighting and killing...
...and trying to be brave and patient over a lost cause.
So then we come to the fourth year.
The year of temptation.
Thank God you're not another one of those honourable men.
I've spent my life surrounded by honourable men.
Enjoying myself is one of my weaknesses.
I guess people like us have our own kind of honour.
It's not your advice I want, Kelly. It's your money.
- House mortgaged? - I've been asked to vacate.
Any other assets?
Myself.
To buy another dress?
I want you to help me get out of Richmond.
At the moment, impossible.
Nothing's impossible for you...
The minute our good colonel found out I was missing...
...he'd send a regiment after me. I wouldn't make it to the city limits.
Tom and you?
- You're not what you're supposed to be. - Who is?
Then why did you come here tonight?
Many reasons.
Mainly because you were his girl.
Only now, I find out you're not.
If I could manage something for you, would you be willing to go anywhere?
Anywhere.
There's a chance.
Just a chance.
Then you will try?
Yes, I'll try.
Kelly, I think we ought to drink to that.
I think we should. I promised a friend that...
...this might take all night.
I wouldn't make a liar out of you for anything in the world.
Now, the main thing to remember is that...
...cattle are like women.
Sometimes you have to be firm.
Sometimes you have to be gentle.
And sometimes you have to give them a slap on the rump.
Your pistol, captain.
Now that's just a reminder that the sound of gunfire spooks cattle.
A sound that's practically guaranteed on our venture.
All right, now start singing, captain.
That's right. Sing.
Music's the best medicine for scared animals.
Now, look here.
The man said sing!
Yes, sir!
Loud and clear!
I wish I was in the land of cotton
You, Hatcher, out there and sing.
For the want of one voice, the battle could be lost.
Sing.
- Damn it, sing! - Colonel.
You know, I keep wondering why you came back to us...
...after slipping away from Hatcher.
I have a commitment.
Don't suppose you'd care to say where you went.
Not yet.
- Morning, sir. - Morning.
Developing a new weapon, Tom? Trying to scare the Yanks to death?
His idea.
I hope those wailing banshees are ready.
They're ready. We move tonight, on schedule.
I know your opinion, I want his.
What about it? Can the men manage the herd?
If he would keep after them so that the men sing on key...
You're beginning to annoy me, Mr. Kelly.
To the point of refusing my services?
Mr. Kelly, I'd give you the Richmond symphony...
...if they weren't already in the army.
Polish up your contralto, Tom...
...and I'll notify General Lee you're set to go.
Carry on. I'm going back to town.
Nothing like a bath, a bite to eat and a bottle of whiskey before battle.
- Reception. - Yes, sir?
My name is Kelly. Captain Ferguson is expecting me.
Tell him I'm in the dining room.
I shall tend to that, Mr. Kelly.
I'd like a double whiskey.
- Make that two. One for the captain. - Mr. Kelly.
- Hope I didn't disturb you. - Not at all.
I was just packing my gear.
- Getting ready to shove off. - Aye, that I am. At nightfall.
Now, what can I do for you?
Book a passenger. A lady.
Anyone I might know?
Beside the point.
And yourself.
No.
Now, the Athena is a broad ship, but she's tiny.
I don't think...
Two thousand.
On the other hand, I am a man with no contempt for money at all.
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Alice in Wonderland
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Anchorman
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Appleseed 2004
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