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On the freeways it's looking good! No major traf... BACKFIELD IN MOTION You touch it again and you lose the finger. It's not too late to turn back. Forget it. God. I'm going to be wearing overalls and picking my teeth with straw. Hey, I've seen Hee-Haw. And now you're gonna live it. Hee-Haw. So honey, where do you think our house is? Here! Here it is! AHHHHHHHHH! I knew you'd like it. Dish patrol, they're here. Just showed up in some old car. Honey, you should see what's she's wearing. Isn't it exciting. Our little community is growing every day. Think she's nice? Are you going over? Are you kidding? I've been cooking all day. What are you bringing? What do you think? Are you moving in? Ahhhh, yeah. I live up the street. Great. Well, I'm kinda busy so... Look. This wasn't my idea, alright. You know, my mother sent me down here and stuff like that. Joe Dooley. Tim Seaver. You play football? I haven't had much time lately. Why? Welcome to Deerview. We're glad you're here. Wow. All this from a can of tuna? Right here. No, you gotta go up higher. That's too high. Take it down. A little big more, a little big more, a little big more. There, I like it there. Straighten it out. That's good. That's good. Yoo-hoo! Hi. Everyone around here is weird. Oh, they're just trying to be friendly. They're not my friends. My friends live five hundred miles away. Did you ever see away. Did you ever see Invasion Of The Body Snatchers? They were friendly too. Nice friendly pods. Yeah. Well, they do have that certain game show contestant glow about them. You sure you don't want any help? No. If your dad can do it, I can do it too. Alls I have to do is stick this right in here. Aces, Nanc. Shut up. Hi. Hi. How are you? Hello! What is that? Some people call it lunch. I don't know. It's a concept. You haven't made lunch since I was ten. Is that a casserole sandwich? It's tuna, isn't it? Is that what you're wearing? Is that what you're wearing? Bag the earring. Let's go. You won't tell? Mrs. Seaver? Yeah. No, I mean go. It's Nancy. The company said you'd be here and here you are. Oh, I'm Shelia Evans. Hi. Welcome. Thank you. I'll get us some coffee. Great. Oh, oh. Come here. This is your office. Oh, I see they gave me the executive suite. And which hemisphere is that, Christine? Ah, the southern? Oh, Hi. You must be Tim. Class, this is Tim Seaver, our new student. Everyone make him feel welcome. So ah, you're from L.A.? Yeah. Have you been with the company long? Well rounding it out roughly a week. The company sent me right here right after the training course. This is the first job I've had in like fifteen or sixteen years. Wow! How long have you been here? Ah, seven years. Whoa. Yeah. But I'm-I'm just a receptionists. Um, anyway, ah, I went through the multiple listing and I typed up everything that's on the market. Now that includes things that are in escrow. And I also noted how long each house has been for sale. Man, this must be a typo, 478 days? Oh yeah, sorry. That should be 578 days. Hi. I'm Laurie. This is Sally. Hi. We're not interrupting are we? Well, I... Good. Your house is lovely. Just lovely. Well, I was thinking about painting the living room black. What do you think? I was kidding. Just kidding. Well, I hope you don't think we're too pushy dropping in like this. Shelia's told us so much about you. Well, not so much. We know you're from Los Angeles. Your son goes to Deerview. You're a widow. But it's the little things that make a neighborhood. You know, like what kind of hobbies you have, the kind of food you eat, that that's any of our business. No. Of course not. Kitchen? I'm real thirsty. So ah, Laurie's the shy one, right? Yeah. Mrs. Hill across the street's widow too. You meet her yet? Oh yeah. We did that widow secret handshake thing. You're kidding again, right? You caught me with my pants down. Oh, we came here for another reason, didn't we? To invite Nancy to the pep really. Oh that's right. You do like football, don't you? Hmm... you see, our sons play junior varsity. Well, to be honest with you football's not my thing. Oh really? And what is? Well, if you're talking serious entertainment value then I'd have to say access cable. You know, it's on all the time. You want to know my favorite. Okay. It's that Priestess Of Love Show. I swear to God, this broad sits there and She tells you four hundred ways how to 'boink' your man, you know. She's got this really bazaar green eye shadow on and this tub-top thing. You can't help but love her. So, you'll let us know. Oh, we would love for you to come. Well, thank you. Um, Listen, I've got to get some homeowners insurance. Where would I go? Huh. Only one agent in town. Ann Badowski. We could add flood, tornado, infestation and, of course, mysterious disappearance coverage. Oh, for those unexpected UFO visitations. Well, whatever you got I want it on the economy size see, because I'm kinda living on a limited budget. You know, we should rethink that earthquake insurance. A 7.5 snaker could annihilate your home. Well, I like annihilation, you know. It's like my favorite form of destruction. Alright, then. Who do we want to name as beneficiary? Um... We do know the meaning of beneficiary? Yes, 'we', I do. I happen to be one. My husband died about a year ago. Me too. I'm single, I mean. Divorced. Kids? A son. Deerview High? Yeah. Mine too. Boy, are you lucky you came in here today. I did happen to mention that I'm president of the PTA, didn't I? Now, here is a schedule of our activities. You'll note the asterisks. Those are the combine meetings with the Booster Club, which I'm also the president. Yooo, save me! Do you have to walk so close? Yes. So, this is what Hell is like. Later. Oh, there she is. Hi! Oh, you made it. Yeah. Hi. So, what do you think? Well, it's beyond anything I ever imagined. I am hot. Anybody else hot? I think Angie's pregnant again. Hi, Darleen! Are you listening to me? Little beads of have sweat dripping down my back. Okay, we get the point. There are our boys. Oh. Mine's the blond. Andy. My Derek's next to him. Boz is the one with the string stuff. Boz, stop it! How proud you all must be. Yeah. G - O... Go! De-vil's Go! Go - Go - G - O - De-vil's Go! Go - Go... Joe, who's that girl over there? The one next from last. Oh, that's my sister, Betsy. Pitiful, ain't it? Thank you, girls. Thank you. Let's hear it for the Deerview Cheerleaders! And now without further ado, I'd like to present to you your coach. Coach Jimmy Cox. Thank you, Principal Marsh. Well, here we are. Another season. Another championship season. Boy, football's kind of a big deal around here, isn't it? The biggest. We've got a bunch of touch, smart, good boys. With your help... heck, we could do anything. Football isn't just a sport, it's life itself. The fumbles, the interceptions, the touchdowns, we live 'em day to day. I am... Nuts. ...reminded of a quote from an old coach of mine... ...Jimmy, the man who said winning isn't everything was a weinie. On a scale of one to ten how hurt can he get? Coach Cox can answer all your questions. There's your boy over there at the boockers Hi, Timmy. Hey, Jimmy! Jimmy! Yes. This is Mrs. Seaver. Tim's mom. How do you do? Hi. Now, she's a little concerned about the ah... Yeah, I just want to know if he's going to play he's not going to get ripped into thousands of pieces, is he? Now, I can assure you that Coach Cox plays a safe game. Ah, excuse me, Howard. I play the way we need to play. I know that but... You wouldn't want to tell how to run this team, would ya? Of course not. Good. Ah, maybe this isn't a good time. No, no, no. Don't go running off. Actually, we've been like this for years. We used to play against each other. Oh, you played football? You didn't tell you about '76? I guess it never came up. See, it was County Championship game 1976. Howie here is this big deal player. Collage scouts come to see him play. Where were they from again? USC. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, Howster's QB at Deerview. Me, defensive end, Lincoln High. I knew there's only way we're going to win that game. Get in the 1st half. Deerview's third and goal at the seventh. I knew Howie was going to fake left, so, he faked left and who do you think he found on his right? You? Oh! It was beautiful. Sacked and out! Of course, ah, I never meant to break your leg like that. But we won the game. And that's all that's important. You bet. Oh, excuse me. Thank you for sharing. I feel much better now. Me too. Touch down, Devils score. Touch down... six more... Devils score. Touch down... six more... Hey Dooley, Coach wants to see you. It's about the fathers and sons game. Oh yeah, right. I forgot about that. Yeah, my dad's already starting to do sit-ups and stuff. Well, they have to. They're so old. See ya. I thought you were at the Dooley's. Guess I was wrong. Are you okay? Just tired. Did you do your homework? Yep. Geometry? I said yes! Well, do you want to make an ice cream run? No. No?! You know the echo's getting worse in here! Hey! What's going on? Nothing. Well, something's bugging you. Why? Because I don't want ice cream? Is it school? Why are you doing this? Is it your friends? Stop! I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong? You want to know what's wrong? What's right? We move from home. I hate my English teacher. You ask me four thousand questions a day and there's a fathers ons//football game coming up. Oh, Tim. You want to help? Give me back our old life. My old friends. Give me back my bad! I wish I could. You all know how important the fathers/sons game is to the school as a found-raiser. So, I hope all your fathers out there are getting into shape so you can beat the sons this year. Mr. Harris assures me that his broken ankle is healed and he's ready to go full steam ahead. Any of you moms out there who want to bake for the bake sale, the sign up sheet's up here. Let me emphasis that you can not over do on the brownies. You know how our men are. They love their chocolate. You know baking is something that any of us can do. Even us single gals. So, without further ado, I'd like to introduce the man who's going to lead your sons to another glorious game, Coach Jimmy Cox. What'd I miss? The bake sale. Hey, what's with the jacket? What? Is it too much? Well, not to Annie Oakly. Tttt. Thank you, Mrs. Badowski. So, we're all looking forward to that game, aren't we dads? You men know we play for fun. For laughs. Hey, with nine guys on the side you get plenty of rest for substitutions. But seriously there is that fund raising side of things. Ah, ladies, like Ann said, we need your help too. Baking, the car wash, ticker sales... Ah, volunteer? Mrs. Badowski has sign up sheets for ya. I don't bake. Oh. So, what do you want? I wanna play. I'd like a shot at being in the fathers/sons game. I'm sorry, that's just not possible. Why? Well, it just isn't, alright? No, it's not alright! My son doesn't have a father and I want to play. I mean, I know I'm new to this town and everything. I just don't get you people. I mean, geez, especially you women. This is the best you can do? A bake sale? Don't you remember like fighting for equal rights? Equal rights? Don't let these men push you around. I want to roll in the dirt. I want to have some fun. I want to play football. Come on, sit down! Harry! Mrs. Steamer! Seaver! Mrs. Seaver, we'd love to have you play but let's be practical. It's too dangerous. Look at Mr. Evans here. Put pads and a helmet on him. What happens if he accidently falls on you? Not a pretty picture, is it? No. No, it's not. You know you are absolutely right. Let's lose the dads and what about a mothers/sons game?!!! Sign the tardy sheet and you'll have to bring a note from your mother. Okay. Okay. Sorry. Car trouble. Mrs. Seaver. Well, I would like to continue our discussion about the mothers and sons football game. There is no game. Well, in that case, do the words sexual discrimination suit mean anything to you? Wait a minute! How'd we go from a football game to a sex suit?! I'm sure Mrs. Seaver didn't mean... Can I interject here? I think I know Nancy better than anyone else in the room. Single, alone. I know what it's like to stand on the sidelines of life. Even though we can't play Nancy, we can still cheer the others on. Well, I don't want to cheer. And I don't want to patronized. I just want to play football. And if you have a problem with that, well, I'm really sorry but I'm not going to give up. Howard? Howard? Yeah. You're boy's VP, tell her how the boys will react. They'll hate it... at first, then they'll love the idea of creaming their moms. Great. Just great, Peterman. Maybe you'd like to coach them. They're about your speed. Would you give us a minute, Mrs. Seaver? Perhaps Mr. Peterman could show you our trophy case. Well, I suppose I should thank you for standing up for me. You don't have to. Yeah, you're damn right. Especially since I know you weren't trying to help me. I wasn't? You were just trying to get at Coach Cox. Maybe a little. Maybe a lot. Lady, I take it where ever I can get it. No! No, no, no! She's only asking to play against her son. You can still have the Varsity fathers ons game. It's humiliating! It's un-American! Look, you have nothing to worry about. In order to pull this thing off she's got to recruit enough mothers to play. And you can take it from me there are not nine mothers in this town who will do this. Do you think they'll go for it? Not a chance. Mrs. Seaver? You've got two weeks. If you can't get a team of nine organized by then I never want to hear about this again. Deal! You guys want one of these? They're Blue Hawaiis. Oh, okay. They're good. Nancy! Oh, Hi, Joe. Say hello to camera. Hello. Hello. Our lovely hostess. Good. Good stuff. Yuck! Why don't Nancy invite her? She didn't. Are you implying I might have let the word get out? Really. Let's get this over with. Hi. Ahola. I brought you some cupcakes. Oh, that's very very sweet. Well, what do you think? Oh, it's very festive. I love what you're wearing, Shelia. It's very Don't Ho of you. Thanks. I'm trying to organize this mothers and sons football game thing, you know. Hey, hey, don't even think about it. Shelia. I heard you. We all heard you. He probably has hair on his back too. Hey, I've been meaning to talk to the two of you about this mothers football game... No. No really, don't beat around the bush. I knew there was an ulterior motive for this Trader Vic food fest. Think she'll pull this off? Actually, you know what? I kind of hopes she does. What are you talking about? Remember last year's game? I was so sore afterwards I had to have the kids tie my shoes for a week. Here we go. What is this? Teriyaki surprise. Surprise? Just eat it. Open your mouth, shove it in and eat it. Forget it, Mr. Harris. My mom is a total whimp. He calls them like he sees them. Joanne, this is Nancy. Nancy, this is Joanne. Hi, Joanne, nice to meet you. Oh, I've been meaning to call you. I work at the aerobic studio down the street from you. I thought maybe we could have lunch or something. I'm tell you they're not real. You know I'm glad you brought up this aerobics thing see, because I'm trying to put together this mothers and sons football... Nancy! Darling, you're running a little low on the Ramaki. Oh and how very thoughtful of you to point that out to me, Ann. Mmm... really different tasting. What gives it that unusual flavor? Prunes. Shelia, you will be singing the school fight song at the fathers ons football game, //won't you? I really hadn't planned on... Oh, you must. With your voice. Besides it just won't be a fathers ons game without you. If there is a fathers ons game. Oh, there will be. Oh, excuse me. Talk about your basic damage, Seaver. Your mom is totally weird. You're mom isn't? I know what you're doing, Ann. What do you mean? Right. Well, hey, you like to be helpful, don't ya? Not that I want to take you away from all of your socializing or anything but, could you do me a really big favor? I've got a couple of pineapples sitting out in the kitchen. Could you cut them up and put them on this plate here? Oh, you're such an angle, thank you so much. Nancy, thank you. Great party. Thank you for coming. Yeah, I've got some great shots. Yeah, I want you to make me a copy. I'll come over and play it for you. Not that I have a VCR or anything. I'll get you one. Alright come on, Julie's in the car. Come on! Bye ladies. Oh, Laurie, dearest. I've notice that you have not signed up for the bake sale. Remember, 'nothing says loving like something from the over. ' Call me. Tootles! I don't believe it. She actually thinks I'm going to be inspired from a quote from the pillsbury Dough Boy. You know my son thinks I'm a whimp? My husband won't let me do anything? Aren't we tired of being pushed around? I want to toll in the dirt! I want to have some fun! I want to kick some butt! Is this some sexual problem? No. I am not a whimp. We want to play football. Are you serious? Well, what do we have to lose? Our kids and husbands don't respect us. Well, that's true. Besides we all hate baking. Great! Yeah, I'm as coordinated as an ox. Yeah, me too. But I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna show those little pigs. Nancy, Hi! Hi! Hi! Look, if anyone sings the Rocky theme I'm outta here. Hey, boys. Oh look, there's Howard. Really? Look, keep going. I'll be back. I need a wind machine. Okay. You think it's funny? Ah, yeah. Well, listen, Mr. I was A Football Hero, how about putting some of your expertise where your mouth is. You're asking for my help? I am flattered. Course, I'll still be the coach, you know. But you can help with the strategy. You mean how to pass and how to catch? And how to tackle. Ah, exactly. I'll think about it. I'll be fun you know. Out there on the grid iron. Running those plays. I said I'd think about it. Thinking's good. I can except thinking. She's going to ruin everything. Seaver's mom comes to town. She's going to blow it. Am I in your way, Seaver? You got a problem, Badowski? Me? Naw. I was just explaining to them what 'macho' meant. 'Macho' as in manly. As in Seaver's mom. Excuse me? Coach! I bet she likes chewing tobacco and tracker pulls. Don't do nothing, Joey. Shouldn't we do something?! Stay outta this. Break it up! Break it up! Break it up. Ever hit anyone before? Hurts don't it? Felt great. Badowski must have said something pretty awful to make you go that wild. Yeah. Something. Something about your mom? Lucky guess. I'm also guessing that right now the earth would open up and swallow her whole. Keep that on there. You and Coach Cox don't get along, huh. Nancy told me how Cox broke your leg. Coach Cox and I aren't the issue and neither is Badowski. Let's get back to the part about your mom. It's like she's becoming this different person. She's always been a little cranked but ever since we moved here. It's like this Mothers ons//football game. I mean she never would have done that before. Why can't she just leave things alone? Just don't make her come get me, alright? I have to, Tim. What? Is that part of the Vice Principal's code of honor? Give her a chance. Please. You won't let it happen again? Least not this year? I swear. Alright. Get outta here. It's over 24 hundred square feet and the very best part about the whole house is backyard here. I mean, talk about low maintenance. Can I go back there? Sure. Have a party. What are the neighbors like? Oh, they couldn't be nicer. Oh! Nice doggy! Nice doggy! His bark is much worse than his bite. Oh. Oh yeah. Right there. It feels good. Hmm... Oh yeah. Right there. Oh, Nancy! Hi! Howard was just showing me how to get rid of my headaches. Wow, I can't wait to see what you do for hemorrhoides. Oh lis... oh, I better get home. See you. I'll see you. Ah, your messages are on the desk, Nanc. Bye! Tim got in a fight at the game. A fight? He's fine. What was it about? I don't know. Well, why didn't you call me? Because he asked me not to. Well you still should have. I mean isn't that part of the Vice Principal's code of honor? That's what he said. Look, Tim is having a little bit of trouble adjusting and I think that the Moms/Sons football game is like setting him up as a target. Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot. You got your PH. D in Child Psychology. Right. Like it's hard to figure out that your mom playing football is embarrassing. Well, it wouldn't be if we weren't so bad. I mean, if we could get some help... if you'd help coach. Whoa, I know where this is going. Well, if you don't want to do it for us then you should do it for yourself. Think of the satisfaction you'd get by beating Jimmy Cox. By totally seeing him humiliated in front of all those people, you know. Losing to a bunch of women. Losing to you. You can almost taste it, can't you Howard? Revenge is sweet. I'm telling you. It's very very sweet. Where's my fork? Mom, I'm starving! Coming right up! You're such a brat. Potatoes, please. Potatoes. Pass the pess. Here we go. It's an even trade. So Joe, what'd you get on that history test the other day. You know the one you had on Monday? The day after Sunday. Oh yeah. I got a A 'B'? A 'D'. Next time try harder. Okay? Okay. You're so lucky. I just don't get it. I mean, why do you like hanging here? I don't know. I guess I like you. All of you. How many bathrooms at your house? These places are all the same. Okay. So, three bathrooms and only two people. Want to trade families? Believe me you wouldn't want to. Oh yeah, because if you lived here it would mean like you're a brother. To bad too. We couldn't become friends. We have potential. Faith, honey! Paper towels! Paper towels coming right up. Hut, hut! Hike! Hey, next time keep your head up. That big can on the right almost juked you. Is this like a thing with you? How do you know where I live? And where I work? Privileges of membership. School records. Or invasion of privacy. I burn, do not chop. Hey, how's Tim doing? He's not speaking to me. Not that it's any of your business. Boy, if you act like that I'll change my mind again. About what? About helping you out. Like you said. Revenge is sweet. I knew I couldn't be wrong about you! We're like two peas in podsville. You want to run that by me again? Yeah. We're alike, you and me. Trouble makers. You actually thought something nice about me? Must be my smile. Women are really into smiles and I got a pretty into smiles and got a pretty damn good one. No coffee stains or nothing. Just a little overbite. Chicks dig that. Well you know if was shopping for a horse teeth might really be an issue but I just want you to show us how to throw a ball. She says as she stares at my dimples. Can we get down to it? Hey, anytime. I'm talking about playing. So am I. Football! Would you stop it?! Okay. Alright. You've got about a week to put a team together before Mrs. Marsh's deadline. And then there's the game itself. No, I don't have a week. We have a week. Remember we're in this together right up to your dimples. Give me some coffee. Well, how are we going to recruit these women? Well, if you're going to go hunting you've got to go where the prey is. You mean we have to find a place where these athletic type moms hang out? Hm-huh. Exactly. Feel the burn. Feel the burn. Feel the burn. Feel the burn. One, two, three, four. Breathe in, breath out. Breathe in. And elbows up. Squeeze the beachball! Squeeze the beachball! Squeeze the beachball! Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! Visualize that you are firm! Visualize that you are firm! Visualize! Visualize! Firm! Firm! Firm! Visualize that you are firm! Great. I told you they weren't real. Okay now, I want you to try and tackle. Now if you can't don't worry about it. Just try to keep your hands on me and hold onto me. Don't let me run by you. Ready? Okay. Bag weighed how much? Good! Good. Very good. Hey, do you think we're ready for our workout? You know, tackling and all that. We need a quarterback. Yeah, by tomorrow. Listen, I got to go pick up Tim. You think they'd mind if we knocked off early? Hey, you guys mind if we knock off early tonight? Yeah! I think they can handle it. Can I get a ride home? Nancy, How, come on in. Pull up a chair. Make yourself at home. Mom, we need more bread! Coming right up! Okay, Nancy, present your team. Alright. Joanne Nelson, center. Faith Dooley, quarterback. MaryAnn Turner, tackle. Laurie Harris, wide receiver. Sally Ramos, wide receiver. Shelia Evans, running back. Diane Anderson, tackle. Carol Foster, end. Alright, knock me down! Hit me hard! Low! Get down lower! Hot me hard! Hit me hard! Okay, atop! Stop! Alrgith, Laurie, knock him down! Come on! Get him! Okay Faith, let's see some defense. Okay, Shelia. Okay, Sally! Okay now, Nancy! I think you're starting to get it. Call a coroner, we're dead. Come on. Ahhh... even my hair hurts. Come on, let's get up! Come on everybody, let's run a play! Get up, gals! Alright! Let's go. Let's go! Alright! Sally! Do a fly pattern to the left. Shelia, ten yard button hook. Nancy, two second delay and then Faith will pop it to ya over the middle. Alright, let's go! Okay. Just give me one second of your time. Okay, Sally?! Yeah. Run really far out and head for the library. Oh. Okay. Shelia you run to where it says 20 on the ground and then stop. Hut one! Hut two! They're alright. They haven't done anything yet. They're here, aren't they? Hey, Seaver. That your mom out there? The one in charge? Yeah. That's my mom. Offensive/defensive tackle. Mine's the tightend. Too bad we're going to kill 'em. Hut one. Hey two. Get your butts over here! I've decided to take over coaching you runts for this mothers/sons thing. But coach, what about the varsity team? Priority, son. Some things are just more important. Alright, let's do it again! Alright! Alright, line up. Let's go! Hi. I know it's late but I forgot to give you your playbook. Oh, thanks. Right. Well... Goodnight. Hey, good practice today. Well, yeah. Nice. Earrings, I mean. My husband gave them to me. Your husband? Yeah, you know. The dead one. Eric. You never talk about him. Well, it's not that easy. You know. It's like talking about this whole other life. I wasn't always the town subversive. I wasn't always a single parent. Hell, I single parent. Hell, I couldn't even find the mayonnaise in the market. I had to ask every single time. Look, it's not your problem. Man, I was hoping you were going to say that. You are such a sensitive guy, aren't ya? What I meant was... I think you're blowing it way out of proportion. Don't be so hard on yourself and on everybody else. Yeah, thanks. Well, I guess I'll figure out my life some day, huh. Maybe you already have. Well, it's late. I should go in. I'll see you tomorrow. Okay. Goodnight. Bye. Hey, I heard you're coaching the sons now. You heard right. That your play book? Yeah. This is mine. You know what they say, Jimbo... size doesn't matter. It's what you do with it that counts. Alright ladies, let's get up now. Let's work on some blocking. We'll start out with the offensive line. Now line up. Go ahead and line up and run a play. Let's see how you do. Okay, ready? Hut one! Hut two! Okay, that's it. Alright. Nancy, come here. Listen, that's real good but there's a couple of things we've got to do a little bit different. I'm gonna be you this play, alright. You did a good job. I want you to watch me. Listen, each of us has a man across from us, right? Right. Keep that men from out away from the quarterback. Keep her outta there no matter what. Go ahead and play. Hut one! Hut two! Okay, that's great! That's great. See? I felt great. So honey, is Howard getting cuter or what? Oh Howard's definitely getting cuter. Would you look at my hands. I mean, I used to have fingernails. And what is the deal with this rash? Bra burn. Is that like jock itch? What is jock itch? It's really gross. You really want to know? No! So Nanc, what do you think of Howard? Oooooh! Whoo-whoo-whoo! Oh, what do I think of him or what do I want the whole town to know? Excuse me, guys, but I am not a gossips. No but what about like, a big blabber mouth? Or maybe busy body? Or chatterbox? You forgot yenta. Oh wow, they look great. They don't move. I mean, they move but... they don't jiggle. Well, they sort of jiggle but it's like a uni-jiggle. Was I right or was I right. Whoo! Goodnight. Does this make any sense to you? Ahh... yeah, it's the Statue Of Liberty play. Oh. Of course. You know what these are, right? Hugs and kisses? Oh, I know. It's the offensive and defensive alinements. Right. So your quarterback drops back like he's gonna... she's gonna make a pass... You know your birthday's coming up next week. I thought you wanted to talk about this play. What should we do? Ignore it. I was in labor for 47 hours. This is not a day I ignore. You owe me. Besides, remember how your dad used be no birthdays. Could we not do this, please. Well, I just thought we'd do something special. You know you could invite anybody you want. Joe. Betsy. For example. I don't want anything. Okay, so no parades and no fireworks. It'll just be me and you. I know. I'll make you some tuna casserole. No. Some Ramaki. No! You know I love you, honey. I know. Alright, ladies. When I call off your names you come up and I'll give you your jerseys. And after that Mr. Brooks will get you the rest of your gear. Foster, 72. Yeah. Alright. Anderson, 75. Oh, sorry I'm late. Here are the comps you wanted. Oh, why didn't you give them to the client. Oh, you're the agent. You could be. Oh, I couldn't. Harry wouldn't want me to be out of the house... Forget about him. We're talking about you now and your life. I'm afraid. Oh what? Of failing. I mean, what would people think if I don't do well? Who cares? You've gotta over that. You know, you can't go living your life based on what other people think. There's always gonna be people who like you and people who don't. You just have to be yourself and take it from there. Seaver, 89! I appreciate the fact that you know what... you could have said... Mrs. Seaver? Do you think that... What? Telephone. It's over there. Alright, thanks. See you later, Nanc. Hello. Oh, Hi, Maryann. Where are you? No. No, you're right. Chicken pox is much more serious when you're an adult. You just feel better okay. Bye. You heard. I happened to be standing there. Right. So, football game's off. Well, Nancy, can't you get someone to take Maryann's place? You know I have already asked every mom in this town. Every mom? I beg your pardon you have not asked me. Of course, no one every asks me to do anything. Ever! Not a cup of coffee. Not a party. Not a-a lunch. Ann. All I do is work. Work, work, work, work. And what do I get in return? Zero, zilch, nada. I just want people to like me. Why don't they like me? Well, could it be you've got a tendency to overdo everything. Charge of everything. The PTA, Quail Fan Club. Well, you're lucky. Your husband died. Gee, I knew I was looking at this whole thing the wrong way. I don't mean it like that. My husband walked out on me. Do you know how many hours I filled up wondering what I did wrong. I wasn't sexy enough. I wasn't funny enough. I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't enough. It's funny, isn't it? I've been trying so hard to get everyone accept me I made everyone hate me. Nobody hates you, Ann. You just kind of wear us all out. Well, maybe it's time you put some of that energy to some good use. Actually it would be but it's not. It's perfect. Ah ladies! Excuse me. And Howard. Okay, I've got good news and bad news. First the bad news. Um, Maryann had the chicken pox. Are you serious? That means we don't have a team. No. See, you're always jumping to the wrong conclusions. The good news is I got us a replacement. Alright! Great. That's great, Ann. Okay, you guys. Nancy, thank you so much. It was so much fun. What to have lunch with us? No, I've got to go home and make dinner for the kids. Okay, see ya. Okay. Bye-bye. You need a ride? Boy, you really like to cook, don't you? Hey, I like to eat. Yeah but Chinese is really hard. Not once you get the hang of it. Why? Well, all the chopping takes about... How come you're not married? Go ahead, ask me something personal. Hey, you're blushing. Go sit out there. Oh, so now it all makes sense. What does? Why you never got married and why you became Vice-principal instead of Principal. Why you let Coach Cox push you around. Hey, I like being Vice-principal. That accident sure changed your life, didn't it? No, it just just your life and your whole future. It wasn't that big a deal. Tttt. How do you know? I guess I don't. I'm sorry. It's just that I've heard that I've heard that I could been a contender' talk my whole adult life. And you wanna know a secret? I wasn't that good. What about the scout and the scholarship? Pipe dreams. That injury got me off the hook. With my family, with my school. With this whole damn town. I didn't let anyone down. I didn't disappoint anyone. I broke my leg. End of story. No more hero. I got to just be a guy. And a very good Vice-principal. Yeah. So now that you know my deepest darkest secrets maybe you'll go out with me sometime. Out? You mean like a date? Because, I mean, if it's like a date date kind of thing, oh man, I really... I don't think so. But then if it's just like a friend. Get together, no pressure kind of thing. Then, you know, I-I think that's okay. Fine. Hey, if it makes you feel any better you can pay. Okay. No, wait. Hey, thanks for the ride. Can we go back to the part about where I pay? Goodnight, Nanc. Goodnight. Hut one! Hut one! Go, go, go! I see your mom plays better than you do. Ha-ha. Alright. Good job! You know, Coach, they're not that bad. Maybe you'd like to play with 'em, Dooley. Hut one! Hut two! Whoo! Good job. Alright, here we go. Get back on the line now. So, we'll face it. It's not the Taj Mahal but they, it's a steal. All you have to do is use a little bit of imagination. Okay, like this ugly wall back here. That's ugly right? It is ugly. So you could just get somebody to paint like a mural on it. You know, I was thinking something very early Grand Canyon. What do you think? Grand Canyon will work. Why don't you go out there and take a look. Oh. But before you do. Listen. Trust me. You are going to need this. Hi, Tim. Bets. Yeah? Ah, nothing. Are you going home? That usually happens after school. Right. Right, that makes sense. Glad I could help out. Um, see, I was wondering since we live so close to each other. I thought maybe I could sort of walk you home or walk home with you or we could walk together. I'd like that. Wanna go? Are we going to go to your house now or what? Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sure. Hi, Nancy. Come on in. So, Nancy, can you stay? No. And neither can Tim. Mrs. Dooley bought a cake. Let's go. It's just a party. This isn't your family! Come on Tim, you come home with me. No. No, I want you to come here. Who do you think you are to treat me like this?! Oh, you don't want to talk. Fine! Cause I've got stuff to say anyway. Number one! I don't want you eating at the Dooley's anymore! This your home, you get the picture! And I don't want you to ignore me like I'm some sort of leper or something. I am your mother!! And it is not a take it or leave it proposition. You owe me some respect. And finally, if you ever pull the kind of crap that you pulled over there tonight... I got it, alright. Now lay off! Now, I'm not going to pretend like everything's back to normal again because it isn't! And it hasn't been ever since your dad died! Oh, I'm not going to talk about this. You need to talk about it! No we don't! You have to! I can't! Because it hurts! Alright?! It hurts too much. I didn't ever get to say good-bye. Don't you think I know? Don't you think I'm feeling everything that you're feeling? One day the man I've lived with for 15 years leaves for work and the next thing I know some drunk driver makes a wrong turn and I'm at the hospital collecting his watch and his ring and his wallet in some plastic bag. It will never be the same. We're not the same. I can't be mom and dad. And you can't go over to the Dooley's hoping they'll adopt you. I know. I love you, Mom. I know you do. I love you too. Nancy? Can we still do something for my birthday? Yeah, well, I thought of a few things. But, what do you want to do? I am dying for some Mexican food. Ever since we left L.A. There's that little place right outside of town. Let's go. Okay, hold on a minute. I'll go get my purse. I'll be right back. Okay ladies, let's talk about some penalties. Nanc, up. First of all, clipping. Clipping is blocking from behind. You can't do that. Second of all, off sides. Crossing the line of scrimmage before the ball is hiked. You can't do that either. Now my personal favorite... holding. You try and run by me. Okay. That's holding. Okay. You better quit before you get to illegal use of the hands. And now for a little defense. Stripping the ball. Sometimes when you tackle someone you just don't want to tackle them you want to get the ball loose. Cause a fumble. Give me that ball. Let's do this in slow motion. You come at me. Slow motion. I'll strip the ball. Watch me. Aaah, okay. A very effective move. You going out? With Betsy. Like on a date? Maybe. You? Howard? Maybe. Tim! Hey, Tim, do you wanna a ride?! No! Too geeky? No. No, you look just like... you look very handsome. You look okay too. Yeah. You mean for someone my size. No, I don't. Short and beautiful like the perfect day. That's what dad always said. Well, he meant big and difficult. You know your dad never cared about my size or what I said or who I ticked off and, in fact, I ticked off and, in fact, I think he loved me because of those things. You know that I really loved him too, right? Is this some weird way of working up a mom/son talk about Howard? No. Well, yeah, maybe. I mean, even it's not Howard it could be some guy. And I just want to make sure that you're okay about all this. Well, what do you think your dad would think about this game on Saturday? Same as always. Mom's doing a Lucy Ricardo. He never said that. Sure he did. All the time. Come on. I don't believe it! Lucy? He was Lucy. Now are you sure that you're okay about Mr. Peterman, you know, Howard and me? Nanc, I heard what you said. Lighten up. It's okay. Wreck him. What happened to dinner? Movie? Bowling? Well, I just want to be ready for Saturday. You're ready. It's not like it's the Superbowl. I don't want to blow it. You won't. How come you're always doing all this positive thinking stuff? It's an ugly job but someone's gotta do it. I can think positive. Right. I can! Like? Okay, like... this place. I'm starting to like here. This town? Your home? Yeah... my home. That sound cool, doesn't it? My home. My town. Your town. You know um, Eric, my husband, he was really a great guy. I really loved him. Everybody really loved him. And what could be better than being Mrs. Great Guy. But this... I did this. I moved here. I made new friends. I'm raising my son al hell, I even got a job. Nobody told me how to do it. I did it all by myself. Me. Me. Me. Pretty gutsy. You're damn straight it was gutsy. I mean, I miss Eric and everything but I never would have had the guts to do anything like this before. Probably not. You know what I'm finding out though? What? It's just like, you solve one problem and then another one comes along. There's never really any end to it. There's never time either. But, you know what the beauty of it is? At least now when I make a mistake I know it is mine. You're on a roll. You're happening. You're the queen bee. Head honcho. Big cheese. Top dog. You've got it all figured out, don't you? Yeah. Me, me, me and a little bit more me and that's all you need. That's all I need too. Well, did anybody ever tell you you do have a really cute smile? It's the overbite, right? Yeah. Chicks dig that. Howard. Damn kids. D-d-d-e-v... I-i... How's it go? Will you just calm down. Hold your breath. My breath or my breast? Feels like my last mammogram. OH! Are you suppose to do that? This is killing me. I can't believe guys do this all the time. Ahh... Anybody have any mascara? Wait a minute. Need some help? Yeah. Ah! Ah! Ahhh! Hey... hey, this looks pretty good. Hey Nanc, I saw you last night working out. So now I suppose the whole town knows, right? Well actually ah, I haven't said a word to anyone. You haven't? Hey, it's nobody else's business, right? Right. Okay, ladies, huddle up! Look, the game's gonna start in a couple of minutes. Oh goodie, our first pep talk. I know you worked hard and you deserve to win but if you don't it doesn't matter. We're still gonna go out for pizza and beer afterwards anyway. And anyway winning is not important. It's how you play the game. No. It's believing in yourself that counts. So let's go out and have some fun. And now I think your coach might have a few words of inspiration. Yeah, okay. Okay. Well, I do have one announcement. Right now, as of this moment, I'm quitting as coach. What? Because... Aaah... You know you've been calling the shots all along anyway so this just kind of makes it official. But forget that crap he said about winning's not important. Let's get out there and show them we're a bunch of tough mothers! Moth-ers! Moth-ers! Moth-ers! Moth-ers! What are we gonna do? Kill 'em! I can't hear you! Kill'em! This is getting kind of sick. Devils do it... gotta get get get to it! Devils do it... gotta get get get to it! Devils do it... gotta get get get to it. We're the mothers, we're the mothers rah-rah-rah! We're the mothers, we're the mothers sis-boom-ba! Ricka-racka firecracker, rah-rah-rah! We're the mothers, we're the mothers sis-boom ba! Man, hey look mean. Look, the jiggle up and down. Good luck to ya. Yeah. Play your best. That's my earring. They're pierced, Mom, not clip on. You pierced your ear?! You are dead fish! It's meat, Mom. Not fish. Meat, fish... I don't care what it is! That is ridiculous. You look like a complete pinhead. Earring! I'll never do it again. Mom! Hey, nice going, Ace. Hey, it wasn't my idea to pierce all their ears. They thought it'd raise team spirit. Oh man. Hey, Howard, we've gotta do something. Well, let's get everyone lined up for the National Anthem. That'll make them stand still. No can do. Shelia's suppose to sing. What am I suppose to tell her. She's never seen a boy in and earring. It's not just your grandmother. We need a volunteer. Me? Sing? The National Anthem? I don't think so. Go, go, go Moms, go! Go, go, go Moms, go! Go, go, go Moms, go! We are set for the first annual Mothers/Sons football game! We're set for the kick-off. The Moms are kicking off to the Sons. And oh, look, kicking off is none other than my lovely and intelligent wife, Faith Dooley. Faith, honey, wave to the camera! Hi! Alright, alright. She's busy. We'll get her later. Alright, the ball is picked up ah, 33. Derek Ramos. Oooh, he's got daylight. The fitty, the forty, the thirty, the twenty, the ten! He's going to go all the way, folds! Touchdown! Touchdown Sons! And they take a quick lead six to nothing! YES! Ahh. Ahh. They got one. We get the ball next. We're still gonna win. Don't worry about it. Come on now, you're okay! That's alright! Sorry. I got it. Alright. Hut. Hut. Oh, I'm so sorry. You okay, Mrs. Dooley? Hey, Faith. Get over center! Take the hike from center, Faith! Hut! Hut! Oooh, intercepted by Fred Badowski. Way to go, Freddy! One, two, three. Come on. One two, ready go. Ready, set. Hut, hut-hut. Hut-hut! What'd I do? Joey's throwing you off with his count. Oh. Don't move before you see the ball leave the ground. Okay. And you're hitting me too high. Get low. Okay. Thank you. Ready set! Hut! Hut-hut! Hut-hut! Hut-hut. That's the way to do it, Mom. Great job. Thanks, honey. Set. Hut-hut. Alright. Beautiful move by Tim Seaver. Really faked his mom out. Put her in the popcorn machine. Left her in the mud hole. And Nancy is down on the field. You okay? How'd you get so fast? I've got motivation. From Coach Cox? No. From you. Well, whatever I said... I lied! Oooh, no good. Just off to the left. Alright, that makes it 13 to nothing, Sons. Ocme on everybody! Cookies! Brownies! Get over here! Now remember what we worked on the last couple of weeks? The basics. Don't let them run the quarter and if it's a pass get your hands up in the air. Now, you can do that, right? Right. Right! Right! Let's go then! Come on! Hut! Hut! Go, Moms! Hit 'em again! How's that for motivation? You guys don't have a pray. You want me to tell dad how you broke the CD player? No. Then shut up! Ready, set... hut! Hut! That's for the 'B+' in Algebra. What? It should have an 'A'. By the way, don't you ever call me a whimp again. M-O-M-! MOMS! Yeah! Hey, Ann. He wants you to carry. I can't carry. Yes, you can. On two. Ready, break! Go! Nancy! What? What do I do? Well, you stand there... get the ball and then you run. Right. Stand there... get the ball... run. Run play! Run play! Go Mom, go! I'm running. I'm running. I'm running. Hit her low. I'm running. Okay. I got her. Ladies and gentlemen, she's carrying two young men towards the goal line! I'm running. I'm running. Go! Go! Alright! Alright! Why to go, Mom! It's up... and it's good! Alright! And the score is The Son, 13 and The Moms, 7! Oh, you guys are doing great! Alright, team spirit. I love it! We are not... I repeat NOT, gonna to lose to a bunch of mothers. Do you hear me?! Come on, Coach, it's just a game. It is not!! It's about honor! Our honor! See women can be smart. They can play tennis. They can be president of the whole U.S. of A! But they cannot play football!! Do I make myself clear?!! Come on you guys. Do you have any idea what these boys are going to be like for the whole rest of the year if they beat us here today? We gotta do it! Maybe the coach has got a point. Do you have any idea what it'll be like living with them if they win? Nancy's right, you know. We owe it to ourselves to win. Hell, we owe it to Nancy. She's the one who's done all this and made us believe that we can do it. So, are we going to let her down? No. Are we? NO! Nancy! Nancy! Nancy! Nancy! Nancy! Nancy! Nancy! Let's get 'em! Yeah! Let's go! Let's go out there and blast the little suckers! Yeah! Let's go! Let's go! Hey, Tim. Think your Dad's watching? On the fitty. I bet he's proud. Of both of us. MOM! Cotcha. Hey, let go! Let go! Let me up! Let me up! Yeah! Ready, set, hut! Alright, they used up their last time out. We got one left. Save it. Now, they're probably gonna run the ball at us. We need a turnover. Okay. We did talk about this, right? Turnovers? Stripping the ball! Alright, in here! Let's go! Get out there. Come on! Alright! Break! Set! Hut! Hut! These moms have really done themselves proud but, basically they're just running on fumes at this point. Again, the score's 16-13. It looks like this will be the last play of the game. Wait a minute! Fumble! And the mom's have recovered! Call time out! Call time out! Time! What do we do? Defense - Defense! Defense - Defense! Defense - Defense! Defense - Defense! Defense - Defense! Okay. Here's the play. Should we let'em tie? We could lay back on our backs and die and they still wouldn't make that kick. Okay guys, ready. BREAK! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Get in there and block it! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Block that kick! Hut! Statue if Liberty play. The old Statue of Liberty! Statue of Liberty play! Alright! Alright! Get'em! NANCY! Keep moving! Keep moving! Alright! Ah, you're not thinking... I've been thinking about it for days. Here? Right here. You're crazy. And that's why you like me. |
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A Confessions of a Campus Bookie 2002 Big Sleep The Big clock The 1948 Big girls dont cry Biker boyz Billy Elliot Billy Madison 1995 Biloxi blues Bingwoo 2004 CD1 Bingwoo 2004 CD2 Bio Dome Bio Hunter Bio Zombie Bionicle 2 A Legends of Metru-Nui Bionicle Mask Of Light 2003 Birch Tree Meadow The Bird People in China The 1998 CD1 Bird People in China The 1998 CD2 Bird on a wire Bishops Wife The 1947 CD1 Bishops Wife The 1947 CD2 Bite the bullet Bitter Sugar (Azucar amarga) Black Angel Black Sabbath BlackAdder 1x1 - The Foretelling BlackAdder 1x2 - Born to be King BlackAdder 1x3 - The Archbishop BlackAdder 1x4 - The Queen of Spains Beard BlackAdder 1x5 - Witchsmeller Pursuivant BlackAdder 1x6 - The Black Seal BlackAdder 2x1 - Bells BlackAdder 2x2 - Head BlackAdder 2x3 - Potato BlackAdder 2x4 - Money BlackAdder 2x5 - Beer BlackAdder 2x6 - Chains BlackAdder 4x1 - Captain Cook BlackAdder 4x2 - Corporal Punishment BlackAdder 4x3 - Major Star BlackAdder 4x4 - Private Plane BlackAdder 4x5 - General Hospital BlackAdder 4x6 - Goodbyeee BlackAdder Christmas Carol 1988 BlackAdder The Cavalier Years BlackAdder the Third 3x1 BlackAdder the Third 3x2 BlackAdder the Third 3x3 BlackAdder the Third 3x4 BlackAdder the Third 3x5 BlackAdder the Third 3x6 Black Adder V - Back and Forth Black Christmas Black Hawk Down Black Knight Black Mask Black Mask 2 Black Orpheus Black Rain CD1 Black Rain CD2 Black Sheep Black Widow 1987 Black and White (1998) Blackout The 1997 CD1 Blackout The 1997 CD2 Blacula Blade Blade 3 - Trinity Blade Of Fury Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD1 Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD2 Blade Runner Directors Cut Blair Witch Project The Blame It On Rio Blast From The Past 1999 Blast from the Past Blazing Saddles Blazing Sun (1960) CD1 Blazing Sun (1960) CD2 Bleeder Bless The Child Blind Beast Blind Chance (1987) CD1 Blind Chance (1987) CD2 Blind Spot Hitlers Secretary (2002) Blind date Bliss Blob The 1988 Blood Crime Blood Wedding (1981) Blood Work Blood and Black Lace Blow 2001 CD1 Blow 2001 CD2 Blow Dry 2001 Blown Away 1994 CD1 Blown Away 1994 CD2 Blue (Derek Jarman) Blue Car Blue Collar Comedy Tour The Movie Blue Max The CD1 Blue Max The CD2 Blue Moon Blue Planet The 1 Blue Planet The 2 - The Deep Blue Planet The 3 - Open Ocean Blue Planet The 4 - Frozen Seas Blue Spring 2001 Blue Velvet Blue juice 1995 Blue thunder Blues Brothers The (1980) CD1 Blues Brothers The (1980) CD2 Blues Harp Boat Trip - Feedback Overflow Bob Le Flambeur 1955 Bob Marley Story - Rebel Music Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice Body Double Body Heat Body The Boiler Room Bola El Bone Collector The Bonnie and Clyde Book of Fate The Book of Pooh The Boondock Saints The Boot Das 1981 CD1 Boot Das 1981 CD2 Born Romantic Boucher Le Bounce Bourne supremacy The-1CD Boxcar Bertha Boy Who Saw The Wind The Boys and Girls Boyz N the Hood Branca de Neve Bread and Roses Breakfast Club The Breakfast at Tiffanys Breakin all the rules Breaking Away Bride with White Hair The Bridge Man The CD1 Bridge Man The CD2 Bright Future Broadway Danny Rose Brother (Takeshi Kitano) Brother Sun Sister Moon 1972 Brother from Another Planet The 1984 Brotherhood Of The Wolf Brothers The Buddy Buena Estrella La (Lucky Star) Buffalo Soldiers Bug 1975 Bugs Bunny - Baseball Bugs (1946) Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951) Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942) Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944) Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954) Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953) Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949) Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946) Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948) Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949) Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948) Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952) Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943) Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941) Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952) Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950) Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951) Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952) Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950) Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950) Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949) Bugs Life A Bullet Ballet Bullet in the Head Bulletproof Monk 2003 Bullets Over Broadway Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition) Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994) Burnt Money Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition Butchers Wife The |