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Being John Malkovich

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I deliver perfection...|and don't brag about it! :D
Craig, honey, it's time for bed.
{y:i}Craig, honey, time to get up.
Craig, honey, time to get up.
I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch|was out of his cage.
- Come here. Morning, sweetheart.|- Morning.
What are you gonna do today, honey?
Working in the workshop.
I was thinking, maybe you'd feel better|if you got a job.
We've been over this.
Nobody's looking for a puppeteer|in today's wintry economic climate.
I know, honey, but I thought, you know...
...maybe something else|until this puppet thing turns around.
Derek Mantini doesn't need a day job.
Not everybody can be Derek Mantini.
I gotta get to the shop. We have|a shipment of kitty litter coming in.
Will you do me a favor?|Will you take a look at Elijah today?
- He's not feeling very good again.|- Which one is Elijah again?
- The chimp, honey.|- Yeah, okay.
{y:i}On the lighter side of the news|{y:i}in Westchester County today...
{y:i}... puppeteer Derek Mantini|{y:i}thrilled onlookers as he performed...
...The Belle of Amherst|{y:i}with a 60-foot Emily Dickinson puppet.
{y:i}"How dreary to be somebody!"
{y:i}"How public, like a frog|{y:i}To tell your name the livelong day"
Gimmicky bastard.
You don't know how lucky you are,|being a monkey.
Because consciousness...
...is a terrible curse.
I think, I feel, I suffer.
And all I ask in return|is the opportunity to do my work.
And they won't allow it...
...because I raise issues.
{y:i}While we enjoyed the pleasures|{y:i}of an uneasy love...
{y:i}... and abandoned ourselves to fornication...
{y:i}... we were spared God's severity.
{y:i}Say no more, I beg you,|{y:i}and cease from complaints like these...
{y:i}... which are so far-removed|{y:i}from the true depths of love.
Look, a puppet show!
Okay, honey, just for a minute.|Mommy's waiting.
{y:i}Even during the celebration of Mass|{y:i}when our prayers should be pure...
{y:i}... lewd visions of these pleasures|{y:i}take such a hold upon my unhappy soul...
{y:i}... that my thoughts are|{y:i}on their very wantonness...
{y:i}... instead of my prayers.
{y:i}Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed...
{y:i}... by the movement of my body.
{y:i}I took my fill|{y:i}of my wretched pleasures in you...
{y:i}... and this was the sum total of my love.
You motherfucker!
Oh, Craig!
Honey, not again!
Why do you do this to yourself, honey?
I'm a puppeteer.
Seven and a half, right?
- Yeah.|- I'll take you through it.
Seven and a half.
Thank you.
Welcome to Lestercorp.|How may we meet your filing needs?
No. My name's Craig Schwartz.
I have an interview with Dr. Lester.
- Please have a seat, Mr. Juarez.|- Schwartz.
- Pardon?|- Schwartz.
I'm sorry, I have no idea|what you're saying to me right now.
- My name is Schwartz.|- "My name is Warts."
Mr. Juarez?
Yes?
- Chest?|- I said, "Yes".
You suggest what?
I'm sorry. I have no time for piddling|suggestions from mumbling job applicants.
Besides, Dr. Lester will see you now.
Come in, Mr. Juarez.
My name is Craig Schwartz, Dr. Lester.
Security!
No, sir, it's just a little mix-up|with your secretary.
My name is Craig Schwartz.|I tried to explain that to her.
She's not my secretary.
She's what they call an executive liaison.
And I am not banging her,|if that's what you're implying.
No, sir, not at all.|I think I must have simply misspoke.
Well, now, tell me, Dr. Schwartz...
...what do you feel|you can bring to Lestercorp?
Well, sir, I'm an excellent filer.
Are you? All right. Let's see about that.
Which of these two letters comes first?|This one or this one?
The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir.
Damn, you're good.
- I was trying to trick you.|- I see.
- Well then, put these in order.|- Yes, sir.
Floris, get Guinness on the phone.
{y:i}Yes, sir. Genghis Khan Capone. Fine.
Damn fine woman, Floris.
I don't know how she puts up|with this speech impediment of mine.
You don't have a speech impediment,|Dr. Lester.
Flattery will get you everywhere, my boy.
I'm afraid I have to trust Floris on that one.
You see, she's got her doctorate...
...in Speech Impedimentology|from Case Western.
I apologize if you can't understand|a word I'm saying.
No, I understand perfectly.
It's very kind of you to lie.
You see, I've been very Ionely...
...in my isolated tower|of indecipherable speech.
You got the job.
- Any questions?|- Well, just one.
Why are these ceilings so low?
Low overhead, my boy!|We pass the savings on to you.
But seriously, that'll all be covered|in orientation.
{y:i}Welcome to the 7 1/2 floor|{y:i}of the Mertin-Flemmer building.
{y:i}As you'll now be spending|{y:i}your workday here...
{y:i}... it's important that you learn a bit|{y:i}about the history of this famous floor.
{y:i}- Hello, Don.|{y:i}- Hello, Wendy.
{y:i}Don, I was wondering, do you know why...
{y:i}... our workplace has such low ceilings?
{y:i}It's an interesting story.|{y:i}Many years ago in the late 1800s...
{y:i}... James Mertin, an Irish ship captain,|{y:i}came to this town...
{y:i}... and decided to erect an office building.
{y:i}He called this building the Mertin-Flemmer|{y:i}building after himself and...
{y:i}... someone else, who local legend|{y:i}has it was named Flemmer.
{y:i}Well, one day, old Captain Mertin received|{y:i}an unexpected visitor.
{y:i}- Captain Mertin?|{y:i}- Aye. What want ye, girl child?
{y:i}I'm not a child, but rather an adult lady|{y:i}of miniature proportions.
{y:i}I see. Well, if it's charity you're after...
{y:i}... be gone with ye, you foul demon!
{y:i}I'm not asking for alms, Captain...
{y:i}... but, rather, the ear of a kind man|{y:i}with a noble heart.
{y:i}Well, speak then, if you must.
{y:i}Captain Mertin, I'm afraid that the world|{y:i}was not built with me in mind.
{y:i}Doorknobs are too high,|{y:i}chairs are unwieldy...
{y:i}... and high-ceilinged rooms|{y:i}mock my stature.
{y:i}Why cannot there be a place for me|{y:i}to work that's safe and comfortable?
{y:i}Thy story has moved me like no other.
{y:i}Therefore, I shall make ye me wife.
{y:i}And I shall build a floor for ye...
{y:i}... between the seventh and the eighth|{y:i}in me own building...
{y:i}... so at least there'll be one place|{y:i}on God's green earth...
{y:i}... where ye and your accursed kind|{y:i}can live in peace.
{y:i}So that's the story of 7 1/2.
{y:i}Since the rents are considerably lower,|{y:i}this floor has been adopted...
{y:i}... by businesses which have been forced|{y:i}to cut corners.
{y:i}After all, the overhead is low.
Moving story, huh?
Unfortunately, the story's bullshit.
Listen, I'm Craig Schwartz.|I'm just starting out at Lestercorp.
Where are you starting out?
{y:i}Shut up! Shut up!
- Shut up! Shut up!|- Hey, shut up!
- Shut up!|- I'm sorry, honey.
Sorry, honey.
Sorry, honey.
- Shut up!|- Sorry!
- Help! She's locking me in a cage.|- Isn't that cute?
- I just taught him that today.|- Yeah, that's adorable.
- You want to do some dishes for me?|- Put that down.
Here, Elijah. Here you go.
You know, I have an appointment|tomorrow with Elijah's shrink.
I think we're finally getting down|to the bottom...
...of this acid stomach, aren't we?|Come here.
Get down from the...
She thinks that it's some sort|of childhood trauma.
Feelings of inadequacy as a chimp,|you know?
Careful. Isn't that interesting?
I find it really interesting.
So, honey, have you thought any more|about us having a baby?
I think it's just so tough right now,|economically and all...
...that I think maybe we should just wait|and see if this job thing pays off.
You know?
I was thinking about what you said|the other day...
...about the orientation film being bullshit.|- Yes?
I think maybe you're on to something.
- And 50 other lines to get in a girl's pants.|- No, no!
No, I was just talking about the film.
Here's the thing.
If you ever got me, you wouldn't|have a clue what to do with me.
I wasn't. I was talking about the film.
What magic those fingers could work|on the right cabinet.
Maybe you could alphabetize me.
And don't forget...
..."I" comes before "U".
Floris, I think you're very nice...
...but the truth is that I'm in love|with someone else.
I'm afraid I have no idea|what you're saying to me.
- You bastard.|- What?
- Don't toy with Floris, Schwartz.|- No.
If I was 80 years younger, I'd box your ears.
I wasn't toying with her, sir. I wouldn't...
- Pardon me. How old are you, sir?|- 105.
Carrot juice, and lots of it.
I swear, sometimes it's not worth it.|I piss orange.
And I have to piss sitting down...
...like a goddamn girly-girl,|every 15 minutes.
But nobody wants to die.
To be a young man again.
Maybe then Floris would care for me.
The elderly have so much to offer.|They're our link with history.
I don't wanna be your goddamn link,|damn ya.
I want to feel Floris's naked thighs|next to mine.
I want my body to inspire lust...
...in that beautiful, complex woman.
I want her to shiver|with a spasm of ecstasy...
...as I penetrate her wet...
Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered|you would share your feelings with me...
...the workplace isn't the most suitable|environment for this type of discussion.
You're right. I'll tell you what.
Meet me after work today|at Jerry's Juiceteria on Lex...
...and I'll spill my goddamn guts for ya.
No, I won't be late, Lotte.|I just have to, you know...
...listen to Lester's sexual fantasies|and drink carrot juice for a while.
It's a job thing, really.
So, I'll talk to you later, okay?|Yeah. You, too.
Gotta go back to work. Okay, bye.
Hi. Do you know that I don't even know|your name or where you work?
Yeah.
How about this?
If I can guess your name in three tries,|you have to have a drink with me tonight.
Why not?
Okay.
You look like a...
...Bar...
...Ru...
...Bell...
...Carol...
...Ta, Cher...
...Susan...
...Emily...
...Marlar...
...Maxine. Maxine?
Yeah! Who told you?
Nobody told me.|That just came out. Isn't that odd?
So where do you live and stuff?
I am dubious...
...but I don't welsh.
Okay, meet me at The Stuck Pig, 7:00.
If you're late, I walk.
Nubile. Blonde.
Wet with desire. Me in leather.
A harness, if you like.
And all eyes, Craig,|are upon me as I speak.
"Ladies", I begin.
"I am the love god Eros." They like that.
"I intoxicate you."
"My spunk is, to you, manna from heaven."
Dr. Lester, this is all really fascinating|and stuff...
...but I gotta get back home to my wife.
- You have a wife. I'd like to meet her.|- Yes, sir.
Shall we say dinner Thursday?
You can come, too, if you like.
Get that? That was a joke.|You hear what I said? You can come, too.
That was a good one.
- All right. Thank you.|- Yeah.
Maxine.
- I made it, Maxine.|- Just.
Buy you a drink, Maxine?
Are you married?
- Yeah. But enough about me.|- Yeah.
- What'll you have?|- I'll have more of the same, please, Barry.
And I'll have a light beer, or something.
So...
I don't know, I like you.
- I don't know what it is about you. I just...|- My tits?
- No!|- No?
It's your energy,|the way you carry yourself.
You're not a fag, are you?
No. I am really attracted to you.
"I am really attracted to you."|You are a fag.
Well, we can share recipes, Darlene.
- Wait! I love your tits. I wanna fuck 'em.|- Now we're gettin' somewhere.
Not a chance.
So tell me about yourself.
If you can get your mind|out of the gutter long enough, dog boy.
Well, I'm a puppeteer.
- I've been...|- Check.
I'm sorry I'm so late.|Lester just wouldn't let me get away.
Hi, Elijah. We're supposed to have dinner|with him on Thursday...
...but I can get us out of it, if you want.
It's amazing. He's like this insane old lech,|and it's kind of amusing...
...once you get past|how disgusting it actually is.
- Did you eat?|- No. I'm not hungry.
I'm sorry I didn't call.|It was just hard to get away.
- I was worried.|- I'm sorry.
You know...
...you wanted me to work.
How was your evening?
Tom-Tom's puncture wound is infected.
- The ferret?|- The iguana.
So I just dressed the wound...
...and I've just been feeding everyone|and putting everybody to bed.
- You want a beer?|- No. I think I'm going to go to bed.
Elijah's gonna sleep with us tonight.
- I don't think he's feeling very well.|- Okay.
You know what? I'm gonna go|in my workshop for a little while.
- But I'll be in in a little while.|- Okay.
Tell me, why do you love puppeteering?
Well, Maxine, I'm not sure exactly.
Perhaps it's the idea of becoming|someone else for a little while.
Being inside another skin...
...thinking differently, moving differently...
...feeling differently.
Interesting, Craig.
Would you like to be inside my skin...
...think what I think, feel what I feel?
More than anything, Maxine.
It's good in here, Craig.
It's better than your wildest dreams.
{y:i}You're not somebody|{y:i}I could get interested in.
You play with dolls.
Puppets, Maxine.
It's the idea of being inside|someone else's skin...
...and seeing what they see|and feeling what they feel.
Yikes!
It's just that, well...|Please, let me explain.
I've never done this before, but...
...I feel something for you,|and I've never felt this way before...
...you know, about anybody,|not even my wife.
And I just...
I really feel that you and I belong together.
Shit.
What's the file number?
You know what?|The puppeteer told me he loved me today.
I know. I can't think|of anything more pathetic.
I'm sorry.
Afternoon, sir.
The Broadhurst Theatre, please.
Say, ain't you that actor guy?
Yes.
John, what is, John...
Don't tell me. Maplethorpe?
- Malkovich.|- Malkovich. Right.
Yeah. I thought you were all right|in that one movie.
Thank you.
The one where you played a jewel thief.
- I never played a jewel thief.|- No?
- Who am I thinkin' of?|- I don't know.
No, no, I'm pretty sure it was you.
Yeah. Absolutely, doll.
I'm just about to close up.|Wanna meet at The Pig in 20 minutes?
Cool. Bye.
I'm splittin' for the day, puppet man.|Lock up for me, okay?
Don't you wanna know|what happened to me?
No.
- Please, this is important.|- Better be.
It is.
There's a tiny door in my office, Maxine.
It's a portal, and it takes you|inside John Malkovich.
You see the world|through John Malkovich's eyes...
...and then after 15 minutes,|you're spit out...
...into a ditch on the side|of the New Jersey Turnpike.
Sounds great!|Who the fuck is John Malkovich?
He's an actor. He's one of the great|American actors of the 20th century.
Oh, yeah? What's he been in?
Lots of things. That jewel thief movie.
He's very well-respected.|Anyway, the point is...
...this is a very odd thing.
It's supernatural, for lack of a better word.
I mean, it raises all sorts|of philosophical-type questions...
...about the nature of self,|about the existence of a soul.
You know, am I me?|Is Malkovich Malkovich?
I had a piece of wood in my hand, Maxine.
I don't have it any more. Where is it?
Did it disappear? How could that be?
Is it still in Malkovich's head?|I don't know!
Do you see what a metaphysical|can of worms this portal is?
I don't see how I could go on living my life|the way I've lived it before.
Yeah?
{y:i}So I've been thinking,|{y:i}is this Malkovich fellow appealing?
Maxine! Yes, of course, Maxine.|He's a celebrity.
{y:i}Good. We'll sell tickets.
- Tickets to Malkovich?|{y:i}- Exactly.
{y:i}$200 a pop.
But, Maxine, there's something,|I don't know, like, profound here.
I don't know if we should exploit it.|You think?
{y:i}I need you for this, Craigy.|{y:i}You're my man on the inside.
You need me? I'm your man?
{y:i}Sure, whatever.
Hey everybody, I'm home.
- Treats for everyone.|- Maxine?
{y:i}- Yeah?|- We don't know the significance of this.
It might be dangerous to toy with?
{y:i}I'll protect you, doll face.
{y:i}Bye-bye.
Who was that?
I'm going to be working a lot of late nights|with this partner...
...'cause Lestercorp's open during the day,|so I'll be working a lot of nights.
It's a good thing. It'll get us|out of the hole financially...
...'cause we're gonna turn it|into a business.
But I don't understand.
There's no such thing as a hole,|or a portal into somebody's brain.
Yes, there is. A brain or soul or whatever.
I was inside John Malkovich lookin' out.
- Really?|- Yep.
- I wanna try it then.|- Pardon?
I want to be John Malkovich tomorrow.
That'd be perfect,|'cause then I can meet your partner.
The thing is, Lestercorp's open during|the day, so we can't go during the day.
But if you want to, we can do it right now.
- Now? Right now?|- Tonight, on the way to Lester's.
I'll meet you on the side of the road|by the New Jersey Turnpike.
I'm scared.
You don't have to do this, you know.
No.
No, I wanna go.
- You sure?|- Yeah.
{y:i}It's wet.
{y:i}Weird.
{y:i}That's nice.
{y:i}God, I feel sexy.
Lotte, are you all right?
Craig, I gotta go back!
- No!|- Maybe tomorrow.
- No! I gotta go back now!|- We'll talk about it later.
Being inside did something to me.
I knew who I was.
It's like everything made sense.|I knew who I was.
But you weren't you.|You were John Malkovich.
God, I was. I was, wasn't I?
I was John Malkovich.
I was John fucking Malkovich!
- Take me back, Craig.|- We're late for Lester.
So tell me, Lotte,|can you understand a word I'm saying?
Oh, yes, Dr. Lester. Absolutely.
You were just explaining|the nutritional value...
...of ingesting minerals through a colloidal|form which I couldn't agree more with.
Be still, my heart.
Dr. Lester, would you point me|in the direction of the restroom?
With the greatest pleasure, my dear.|You go up the grand "escalier"...
...and once atop the stairs you'll want|to enter the fifth door on my left.
- Watch the step down. It's sunken.|- Okay. Thank you.
What do you think Lester's relationship|with John Malkovich is?
That portal's been boarded up forever.
I bet Lester's not even aware of it, him,|the portal. Why?
No reason. I was just thinking.
Do you think that it's kind of weird|that John Malkovich has a portal?
Do you think it might have some sort|of significance, for example?
I don't know. Why do you think that?
I don't even care.
I think it's kind of sexy|that John Malkovich has a portal.
Sort of like he's a vagina.
It's sort of vaginal, like he has a...
...he has a penis and a vagina.
It's sort of like...
...Malkovich's feminine side.
I like that.
"Visit J.M. Inc., Mertin-Flemmer Building...
...nightly from 9:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m."
Sounds good. Oblique, but intriguing.|Phone it in.
- Want me to phone it in?|- No.
- Lotte!|- Hi.
- I heard your voice.|- What are you doing here?
Is this your partner? She's pretty.
I had to do the Malkovich ride again,|you know? Is this her?
- Hi. You're Craig's wife?|- Yeah. Hi.
Lotte, Maxine. Maxine, Lotte.
- Have you done Malkovich yet?|- Hi. Yeah, I want to place an ad.
Okay. "Ever want to be someone else?"
No, that's the ad, but we can talk|about you in a minute.
"Ever want to be someone else?"
"Now you can. Visit J.M. Inc."
"Inc. Mertin."
"M-E-R-T-I-N. Flemmer."
You should really be at work.
I've been going over and over|my experience last night, Craig.
It was amazing.
I've decided...
...that I'm a transsexual.
- I know it's the craziest thing, Craig!|- Are you fuckin' nuts?
No. It's just that for the first time,|everything just felt right.
I've got to make sure.
But if the feeling is still there...
...I'm going to talk to Dr. Feldman|about sexual reassignment surgery.
This is absurd!|Besides, Feldman is an allergist.
If you're going to do something, do it right.
You get these half-assed ideas|and do a half-assed job.
Just drop it.
It's just that I really like Dr. Feldman.|All right?
So I thought|that I would ask him his opinion.
Is there something so terrible about that?
- Why do you always yell at me like this?|- Sweetie, I'm sorry.
It's just a phase. It's the thrill of seeing|through somebody else's eyes.
Okay? It'll pass.
Don't stand in the way|of my actualization as a man.
Let her go, Craig.
- Okay.|- I mean him.
Right now?
It's the middle of the day.|How will I get her past Lester?
- Yawn. Figure it out.|- Okay.
Let's go. Come on.
- Bye.|- Bye.
Davey, it's Max.
Listen, can you get me|John Malkovich's home phone?
"But what I had been through."
"I am hungry as the winter."
"I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar."
"Fate has tossed me hither and thither."
"I have been everywhere. Everywhere."
- "So strong."|- "But wherever I have been..."
- "...every minute, day and night..."|{y:i}- I want that voice.
- "...my soul has been full..."|- "My soul has been full..."
- "...of mysterious anticipation."|- "I feel the approach of happiness."
"Anya, I see it coming."
- Yeah?|{y:i}- Mr. John Malkovich?
- Yeah. Who's calling?|{y:i}- Oh, my goodness!
{y:i}You don't know me, but I know you.
{y:i}I'm a great admirer of yours.
How did you get this number?
{y:i}It's just that...
{y:i}... I dream about you.
{y:i}And well, even speaking to you now|{y:i}has gotten me sort of excited, you know?
{y:i}The way this woman's talking to him.
Listen, I really don't find this amusing.|Don't call here anymore, okay?
{y:i}My nipples are at attention,|{y:i}General Malkovich, sir.
{y:i}What, her nipples?
{y:i}So why don't we have dinner tonight?
{y:i}Bernardo's? 8:00?
{y:i}I really want to see you.|{y:i}I just loved you in that jewel thief movie.
{y:i}You're not gonna meet her there?|{y:i}Come on!
{y:i}Meet her. Meet here there.
{y:i}- Meet her there!|{y:i}- "...as the winter."
{y:i}"I am sick, anxious, poor as a beggar."
{y:i}- Meet her there!|{y:i}- "Fate has tossed me hither and thither."
{y:i}"I have been everywhere. Everywhere."
{y:i}"But wherever I have been,|{y:i}every minute, day and night..."
{y:i}Meet her there. Meet her there.
{y:i}Yes!
- How was it?|- I have to go back at 8:00 exactly tonight.
- Why?|- Don't crowd me, Craig.
- Excuse me. Are you John Malkovich?|- Yes, I am.
Wow. You really are great in that movie|where you play that retard.
Thank you very much.
- I have a cousin who's a retard.|- Thank you.
So, as you might imagine,|it means a lot to me...
...to see retards...
...portrayed on the silver screen|so compassionately.
Well, thank you very much. I appreciate it.
Good night.
{y:i}- Maxine? It's Maxine.|- Hi.
I'm so glad you decided to come.|I'm Maxine.
I'm John. How do you do?
Good.
I wasn't sure I was going to come,|but I felt oddly compelled.
{y:i}You're so beautiful.
{y:i}The way you're looking at me,|{y:i}I mean, at him, at us.
{y:i}I've never been looked at like this|{y:i}by a woman before.
{y:i}I think I'm sweating.
I must say, I was intrigued by your voice.
And the funny thing is, Mr. Malkovich...
...my voice is probably|the least intriguing thing about me.
So, I mean, how was it?|What was he doing?
He wasn't doing anything, really.|He was just hanging around his apartment.
I think he's probably|just a really Ionely guy.
See, men can feel unfulfilled too, Lotte.|I'm glad you're finally realizing that.
You shouldn't assume|that switching bodies...
...is gonna be the answer to your problems.
You're right, Craig. You're right.
You know what I was thinking?|I was thinking that maybe...
...we should invite Maxine|over for dinner one night...
...because you're partners and|I thought it might be a really nice gesture.
- I think she'd like that.|- Maxine?
The thing is, there's been some tension|between us at work...
...business stuff,|and I would hate to expose you to that.
It'll be okay.
I'll cook my lasagna,|we'll smoke a joint, and...
...tensions will just melt away.
Now, when you say that I can be|somebody else, what do you mean exactly?
Well, we mean exactly that.
We can put you inside someone else's body|for 15 minutes.
Can I be anybody that I wanna be?
- Actually...|- You can be John Malkovich.
That's perfect!|It's my second choice, but it's wonderful.
I'm a fat man. I am sad and fat...
$200?
Yes.
Okay. You gotta crawl in there.
Oh, my God.
No, that's what I'm saying.|See, I don't really need an extra bath mat.
So if I get the set, would it be possible...
...if I could just get maybe three...
...extra hand towels...
...if I get the set, instead of the bath mat?
{y:i}- Yes, sir. Sure, we can do that.|- Great. That sounds good.
And for the color: Periwinkle?
{y:i}I'm sorry. We're out of stock in periwinkle.|{y:i}Do you want to back order?
No. I'll go with the Ioden.
{y:i}Would you like to order anything else?
What is the difference between|the foot-pampering, looped cotton rug...
...and the bath mat?
You're my friends. Thank you.
Did you know that Eskimos have not one...
...but...
...forty-nine words for snow?
It's because they have so much of it.
So much snow.
After dinner, I'll show you my puppets.
After dinner, I'll introduce you|to my chimp Elijah.
He has an ulcer right now|due to suppressed childhood trauma...
...but we're working through it.
Psychotherapy.
- This the bedroom?|- Yeah.
{y:i}The thing is, the way that I see it...
...I think the world is divided...
...into those who go after what they want|and then those who don't, right?
- Right.|- The passionate ones...
...the ones who go after what they want...
...well, they may not get what they want.
But at least they remain vital.
- Yeah.|- Yeah.
So when they lie on their death beds,|they have few regrets.
Right?
And the ones who don't go after|what they want...
...well, who gives a shit|about them anyway?
- Lotte!|- Craig!
I don't find you attractive.
And, Lotte, I'm smitten with you.
I am. But only when you're in Malkovich.
When I looked into his eyes last night,|I could feel you peering out.
- Really?|- Yeah.
Behind the stubble and the too-prominent|brow and the male-pattern baldness...
...I sensed your feminine longing.
And it just slew me.
Oh, my God!
Only as John, sweetie. Sorry.
Thanks for a wonderful dinner.
No hard feelings, partner?
J.M. Inc.
{y:i}Hi. It's Lotte.
{y:i}I'd like very much to see you again.
{y:i}Can you call him and invite yourself over?
When?
{y:i}Tonight after you close?
Okay, 4:11.
4:11?
{y:i}- Thank you, Maxine.|- You're welcome.
Thanks so much for having me over,|sugarplum.
I'm glad you called.
Shall we to the "boudoir"?
A couple of minutes. I'm early.
So do you enjoy being an actor?
Sure. It's very rewarding.
- Hi.|- Hi.
{y:i}My sweet Maxine.
{y:i}- My darling.|- I love you, Lotte.
Did you call me Lotte?
Do you mind?
No, not really.
{y:i}- Oh, God.|- My sweet, beautiful Lotte.
{y:i}Maxine!
Yes, Maxine. Yes.
{y:i}Maxine, this is so right.
- You were him, weren't you?|- Yeah.
And he was with her!
We love her, Craig.
{y:i}- We?|- John and me.
Don't forget about me!
You have the Maxine action figure|to play with!
I'm sorry. That was nasty.
You are late, my little cowboy.
Are you torturing me on purpose?
- I've fallen in love.|- I don't think so.
You know why?|Because I've fallen in love!
This is what people|who've fallen in love look like.
You picked the unrequited variety.|It's very bad for the skin.
You're evil, Maxine.
Do you have any idea what it's like|to have two people look at you...
...with total lust and devotion...
...through the same pair of eyes?
No, I don't suppose you would.
It's quite a thrill, Craigy.
What are you doing?
- Oh, my God! Is that real? What is that?|- Yes!
I don't know how to use it very well,|so don't make any sudden moves!
I'm serious! I'm serious.
Suck my dick!
Shut up, okay? Just shut up.
- Craig!|- Tell her you need to see her.
{y:i}J.M. Inc. Be all that someone else can be.
I need to see you.
{y:i}Sweetie!
{y:i}I had so much fun with you last night.
{y:i}Shoot. But it's business hours.
Tell her, "What the hell,|close early, live dangerously."
Say it.
What the hell, you know?
Live dangerously. Close early.
{y:i}Doll.
{y:i}I love this new devil-may-care side of you.
{y:i}All right. I'll track down lover-boy|{y:i}and see both of you in one hour.
Exactamundo.
- What's the matter with you? Stop it!|- Sit up, okay? Just sit up. Just sit up.
Help! He's locking me in a cage!
Shut the hell up!
Shut up!
{y:i}"Was ever woman in this humor wooed?"
"Was ever woman in this humor won?"
Tommy, can I take 15?
Good night, everybody.|See you back here at 9:00 p.m. tomorrow.
Lotte, this is so good!
{y:i}My God! This is amazing.
{y:i}I want to touch her breast.|{y:i}Touch her breast.
{y:i}Move right hand across left breast now.
{y:i}Move right hand across left breast now!
{y:i}Move right hand across left breast now!
{y:i}- Holy shit, yes!|- Holy shit, yes!
{y:i}- Holy shit, he said what I said!|- Shit, he said what I said!
- Lotte? Is that you?|{y:i}- Yes, yes, sweetheart.
Yes, sweetheart, yes.
What the fuck is going on?|That's not me! I didn't say that.
- Lotte.|{y:i}- Maxine.
Something was making me talk.
Some goddamn thing|was making me move.
- I've gotta get out of here.|- Doll face!
It was just your passion for me taking hold.
No, doll face. I know what|my passion taking hold feels like.
Bye!
I did it!
I made him move his arm|across your girlfriend's glorious tit!
And I made him talk, sort of.
It's just a matter of practice|before Malkovich...
...is nothing more than another puppet|hanging next to my work table.
I'll tell you about it when I get home, okay?|All right?
Craig! I wanna...
No, man, I'm sorry...
...I'm sorry to have called you like that,|but I was just really scared.
I was so freaked out.
I mean, it was like, somebody was|just moving all the way through me...
...moving my arms, moving my hands,|talking for me.
I mean, literally,|I feel like I'm going crazy, Charlie.
I'm sure you're not going crazy.
You don't understand, man.|It was like nothing I've ever felt before.
- Were you stoned?|- Yes, I was...
Jesus.
Yes, I was stoned.
But that doesn't have|anything to do with it.
Charlie, someone was talking|through my mouth.
You were stoned.|Case closed. End of story.
- How hot is this babe?|- You know what?
Maybe it was this Lotte woman talking...
...because it could have been her|talking through me.
Because the weird thing is...
...this Maxine likes to call me Lotte.
Ouch. That is hot.
Maybe she's using you|to channel some dead, lesbian lover.
She's my kind of gal.|Tell me when you're done with her.
What are you talking about,|"done with her"? Tonight freaked me out.
You're nuts to let a girl go|that calls you Lotte.
I don't know anything about the girl.|She could be a fucking witch or something.
That's even better!
Hot, lesbian witches.|Think about it. It's fucking genius.
I gotta know the truth, Charlie.
The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy.
Thanks.
This way.
Excuse me. Exactly what type of service|does this company provide?
You get to be John Malkovich|for 15 minutes.
200 clams.
I see.
- No cutting, by the way.|- No cutting!
Come on! Break it up!|Break it up! Cut it out!
Everybody gets...|It's him. It's John Malkovich.
Sorry, Mr. Malkovich.|Hope we didn't hurt you too terribly.
Get inside!
- Darling!|- What the fuck is going on?
John Malkovich. Mr. Malkovich, sir.
- Mr. Malkovich, I think I can explain.|- Yeah, explain.
My name is Craig Schwartz...
...and we operate a little business here...
...that simulates for our clientele...
...the experience...
...of being you, actually.
- Simulates?|- Yeah, after a fashion.
- What exactly does that mean?|- Well, it's hard to describe.
I want to do it.
That'd pale compared|to the real experience.
- I want to do it!|- Right now Mr. Hiroshi's in the tube...
- Let him do it, Craig.|- Of course.
Right this way, Mr. Malkovich,|compliments of the house.
Jesus.
What happens when a man|goes through his own portal?
We'll see.
Malkovich.
Malkovich. Malkovich.
- How was it?|- It was amazing this time.
- That was no simulation!|- I know. I'm sorry.
It's an honor.
I have been to the dark side.|I've seen a world that no man should see!
Really? For most people,|it's a rather pleasant experience.
That portal is mine,|and it must be sealed forever...
...for the love of God.
But, Mr. Malkovich, sir,|with all due respect...
...I discovered that portal.
It's my livelihood. You understand?
It's my head, Schwartz! It's my head!
I will see you in court!
What makes you think|I won't be seeing what you're seeing...
...in court?
Hey, Malkovich, think fast!
Fuck!
Dinner.
You know, Craig,|once this was a relationship...
...built on love.
Well, you gave up that claim...
...after the first time you stuck your dick|in Maxine, Lotte.
You fell in love with her first, Craig.
But I didn't do anything about it,|out of respect for our marriage.
You didn't do anything about it, Craig...
...because she wouldn't let you near her|with a 10-foot pole!
That's true.
God, Lotte, what have I become?
My wife, in a cage with a monkey.
I need to go to the bathroom|and take a shower.
What am I, some kind of monster?
I don't want to be a monster, Lotte,|I don't want to.
Craig, you're not a monster. No.
I know you're not a monster, honey.
You're just...
...a very, very confused man.
I love you so much.
I love you.
Come on, Craig.
- J.M. Inc.|{y:i}- Maxine.
Lotte.
I've been thinking about us, you know?
{y:i}We have to meet.
Okay, I'll see you in Malkovich in one hour.
Craig!
I hate you.
Elijah!
You really are magnificent.
- J.M. Inc.|{y:i}- Maxine!
Honey pie! I was just heading|out the door to meet you.
{y:i}Listen, Maxine.
It hasn't been me in Malkovich last time.|It's been that son of a bitch Craig.
He had me locked in a cage with my chimp,|holding a gun to my head.
{y:i}- Oh, my God!|- He made me call you.
{y:i}I'm sorry, Maxine.|{y:i}It's been him the whole time.
I'm so sorry. That's horrible.
I miss you so much, Maxine.
So, but...
...that was Craig inside of Malkovich?|{y:i}- Yes, it was him.
It's because he's a puppeteer, I think.
Well, boy, I'm...
I'm surprised. That's pretty impressive.
- What?|{y:i}- So if Craig can control Malkovich...
{y:i}- ... and I can control Craig...|- But, Maxine...
...I thought it was me that you loved!
I do.
It's confusing, you know?|This is a very confusing situation.
{y:i}I know.
Listen, I should really get going, okay?
'Cause I'm gonna be late|for Malkovich now.
- What?|{y:i}- We'll talk about this later.
{y:i}- Maxine! Wait!|- Okay?
What the fuck do you want?
I can explain about the portal, darling.
Listen, don't con me, Maxine.
I don't know who the hell you people are,|but this insanity is now over.
Shut up.
Craigy. Craig.
Schwartzy, are you in there?
How did you know it was me?
Lotte called me.|She escaped your evil clutches.
Really? Well, I'm really sorry|I did that, Maxine...
...but I'm really in love with you,|and I didn't know how else to be with you.
Apparently you can control|this Malkovich fellow now?
Yes, I'm getting better all the time.
I'll say you are.
Hey, let's do it on his dining room table.
Then we'll make him|eat an omelet off of it.
No!
Shut up, you overrated sack of shit!
Craigy.
Yes?
Hi, Dr. Lester.
It's Lotte Schwartz, Craig's wife.
Yes.
Oh, my God.|You'll catch your death out here.
Look at you. You're soaking wet.|Please come in, come in.
- Here you are, my dear.|- Thank you.
How's that?
Much better, thank you.
So, my dear...
...what is it that brings you to my doorway|on such an inhospitable evening?
Well, Dr. Lester...
See, I...
I have a very unhealthy obsession|with John Malkovich.
I see.
You mean, the performer.
Yes.
And what prompted you|to come to me with this issue?
Well, when I was here|with my husband for dinner...
...I came upon a room that seemed to be|some sort of John Malkovich museum.
So I thought, perhaps, maybe you would...
...have some appreciation|for my state of mind.
You look so lovely, my dear...
...standing before the fire|in my oversized man's robe.
Thank you, Dr. Lester.
Tell me...
...what is this strange power|that Malkovich exudes?
You've gotta help me understand.|All I think about is wanting to be him.
- Wanting to what?|- Wanting to be him.
Wanting to be John Malkovich.
I see.
Well, perhaps you can.
But, Dr. Lester...
I am not Dr. Lester.
I am Captain Mertin.
I don't understand.
It was 90 years ago|that I discovered a strange portal.
And I found that this portal led|to a vessel body...
...and that I could live forever|by leaping from vessel to vessel.
- So Dr. Lester is such a vessel?|- Yes, he is.
You still there, sweets?
I figured out how to hang on|as long as I want.
It's all a matter of making friends|with the Malkovich body.
Rather than thinking of it as an enemy|that has to be pounded into submission...
...I've begun imagining it|as a really expensive suit...
...that I enjoy wearing.
This illustrates...
...how I will move|into my next vessel, Malkovich...
...on his 44th birthday.
That's when he becomes ripe.
But I must enter by midnight on that day.
After that, I'd get diverted|into the next newly forming infant vessel.
I don't want that to happen.
- I'd be absorbed.|- Absorbed? What does that mean?
Well, trapped, held prisoner,|if you like, in the host's brain...
...unable to control anything...
...forever doomed to watch the world|through someone else's eyes.
Now I'd like you to meet some friends.
See, I got Ionely in Lester by myself...
...so I figured out a way this time|to take others along with me.
Come.
Everyone, this is Lotte.
- Hi, Lotte!|- She's a new friend of mine.
Do a puppet show for me, Craig, honey.
You mean, with Malkovich?
- I'd love to see your work.|- Really?
Okay.
This is something that I call:
"Craig's Dance of Despair|and Disillusionment."
That was incredible! You're brilliant!
You see, Maxine,|it isn't just playing with dolls.
My darling, it's so much more!
It's playing with people.
Stay in him forever.
How will we make a living|if our clientele can't access to our product?
Well, we'll have all the money|in Malkovich's bank account...
...plus he does get|acting work occasionally.
No, please!
Shut up! We're trying to think here.
It is sort of like puppeteering.
- I like that about it.|- Exactly!
And no one would ever even|have to know it's not him.
And I could use Malkovich's|existing notoriety...
...to launch my own puppeteering career.
Craigy, that's brilliant.
So lovely. I've always wondered|what it would be like to have a penis.
- Now I'll know.|- Really? I know it's very...
Lotte? We like you.
We can see you're a kind|and decent woman...
...and so...
...we've decided to offer you a place|in John Malkovich with us...
...if you like.
Dr. Lester...
...you've been so kind to me...
...and trusting.
And...
...there's something I think you should|know about the Malkovich vessel.
{y:i}John's here to see you.|{y:i}Should I send him in?
Of course send him right in. Don't ever|keep him waiting again, you understand?
Hey, John.
Great to see you.|Sorry about the cunt at reception.
- This is my fiancée, Maxine.|- Great to see you, Maxine.
Sorry about the cunt at reception.|Please, have a seat.
Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water?
No, thank you.
- Teresa, get me chicken soup.|{y:i}- Okay.
Chicken soup?
Larry? I want to get right to the point.
From now on, I'm no longer an actor.|I'm a puppeteer.
Okay. Great.
And I would like to redirect my career...
...so that from now on|the name John Malkovich...
...will be synonymous with puppets.
Sure. No problemo.
Poof, you're a puppeteer.|Just let me make a couple calls.
Honey? Maxine?
Maxine?
I'm busy.
Maxine, honey, it's on!
{y:i}Yeah, there's the truth, and there are lies...
{y:i}... and, art always tells the truth,|{y:i}even when it's lying.
{y:i}The enigmatic John Malkovich...
{y:i}... one of the world's greatest entertainers|{y:i}and the man who reinvented...
{y:i}... how we view puppeteering.
{y:i}Tonight we look at the man|{y:i}above the strings...
{y:i}... and the woman behind the man.
{y:i}Raised in Evanston, Illinois, Malkovich|{y:i}had a lifelong interest in theatre arts...
{y:i}... and as a young man,|{y:i}was one of the founding members...
{y:i}... of Chicago's world-renowned|{y:i}Steppenwolf Theatre Company.
{y:i}From there, it was a simple transition|{y:i}to Broadway accolades...
{y:i}... and Hollywood stardom.
{y:i}But nothing could prepare the public|{y:i}for what was to come next.
{y:i}And so it was,|{y:i}that just eight short months ago...
{y:i}... John Malkovich dropped the bombshell|{y:i}that sent shock waves...
{y:i}... through the entertainment community.
{y:i}Turning his back on his former profession,|{y:i}Malkovich had to start from scratch...
{y:i}... and pay his dues all over again|{y:i}as a fledgling puppeteer.
{y:i}Hello, ladies and gentlemen,|{y:i}I'm John Malkovich.
{y:i}I'm really John Malkovich.
{y:i}From these inauspicious beginnings...
{y:i}... John Malkovich's rise to stardom|{y:i}was fast and furious.
{y:i}His breakout performance was|{y:i}at this year's Emmy Awards...
It's really good! I look really amazing.
I'd fuck me.
{y:i}If there's anything that upsets me|{y:i}about it...
{y:i}... it's feeling like if I move|{y:i}into it too quickly...
{y:i}... l'll be, you know, deemed an imitator.
{y:i}But, I think that|{y:i}once we all get the courage...
{y:i}... to follow through on our instincts,|{y:i}like Malkovich has...
{y:i}... I think that a lot of us|{y:i}will move into puppetry.
{y:i}Malkovich's rise to fame brought about|{y:i}a renaissance in puppeteering.
{y:i}No, no, no. What are you doing?
{y:i}I'm making him weep, John.
{y:i}You're making him weep,|{y:i}but you're not weeping.
{y:i}Don't ever... with your audience.
{y:i}Until the puppet becomes...
{y:i}... an extension of you, it's a novelty act.
{y:i}It's Topo Gigio.
{y:i}No?
{y:i}He's a technical genius.
{y:i}He breathes life into inanimate objects.
{y:i}It's a very godlike thing...
{y:i}... to be able to take something and,|{y:i}you know, make it live.
{y:i}He was the talk of the town...
{y:i}... from the Beltway to Broadway...
{y:i}... aided in no small part by his new wife|{y:i}and manager, Maxine Lund.
{y:i}In Maxine,|{y:i}Malkovich had found his mentor...
{y:i}... his muse, his inspiration.
{y:i}In Malkovich,|{y:i}Maxine had found the love of her life.
There, there, my dear. Relax.
This travesty will all be over with|by morning.
{y:i}And the crowds have been|{y:i}absolutely sensational...
{y:i}... and I'djust like to thank God|{y:i}for giving us this opportunity...
{y:i}... to share our creative vision.
{y:i}Nothing was impossible for John|{y:i}and Maxine in the early days.
{y:i}Their union was a joyous one,|{y:i}and together they worked tirelessly...
{y:i}... to further Malkovich's|{y:i}puppeteering career.
{y:i}John Malkovich, the artist...
{y:i}... and Maxine, the entrepreneur...
{y:i}... they make this character...
{y:i}... this protean figure|{y:i}that we call John Malkovich.
{y:i}But some say Maxine has changed|{y:i}since becoming pregnant...
{y:i}... recoiling from the limelight...
{y:i}... and, rumor has it,|{y:i}from her husband's affections.
I'm so sorry.
{y:i}Malkovich shows us...
{y:i}... a reflection of ourselves, our frailties...
{y:i}... and our, you know, desperate humanity.
{y:i}That's what makes him one|{y:i}of the most relevant artists of our time.
{y:i}And what does the future hold|{y:i}for John Horatio Malkovich?
{y:i}Well, to quote the Bard,|{y:i}"He's got the world on a string."
{y:i}As the poet said, "The puppeteer's voice|{y:i}need not merely be the record of man."
{y:i}"It can be one of the pillars, the props...
{y:i}...to help him endure and prevail",|{y:i}and I believe that.
It's over!
Max?
I've gotta head down to ABT now.
I've got the "Swan Lake" benefit tonight.
But when I come back,|we can maybe celebrate...
...Malkovich's big four-four.
Okay?
Jesus! Why couldn't I have found|the portal to a younger body?
What if I fall tonight and break my hip?
Like that, little girl?
Huh, lamb?
I love you.
Bravo!
Maxine?
Hello? Hello?
{y:i}- We have Maxine.|- Oh, my God.
Please, please, don't hurt her.
Listen, I'll give you|anything you want. Please.
{y:i}You listen to me, asshole.|{y:i}I don't want your fucking money.
{y:i}What I want is for you|{y:i}to leave John Malkovich now!
- Who is this, Lester?|{y:i}- Does it matter?
{y:i}We're gonna kill Maxine|{y:i}if you don't leave the body immediately!
But I can't do that.
I mean, if I leave Malkovich,|then I'm Craig Schwartz again.
No career, no money.|Maxine will have nothing to do...
She barely has anything|to do with me now.
{y:i}Jesus, we're going to kill your wife,|{y:i}you fucking lunatic!
God.
{y:i}Listen, Schwartz, Malkovich is our vessel.|{y:i}We're old.
{y:i}We're going to die if we don't|{y:i}get into him by midnight...
He called our bluff.
Shit!
Can't we just go inside the portal|and push Craig out?
No, he's much too powerful.
Schwartz would just jam us down|into Malkovich's subconscious.
Lotte.
If I can't have you, no one will.
Lotte, no!
No, Lotte!|God, no, we can't really kill her!
She's carrying Malkovich's seed!|My next vessel!
Hey! Help me!
- Where the fuck am I?|- We're in Malkovich's subconscious.
The last thing you'll ever see, Maxine.
Fag-o-vitch!
Johnny, baby, Johnny.
Bad. I am bad. I am bad.
Maxine, I am gonna kill you!
{y:i}You're creepy.
{y:i}Little Johnny Malk-o-pee!
I loved you so much!
Why did you have to hurt me like that?
I'm sorry, Lotte.
I guess I loved you, too, in my way.
You are so full of shit, Maxine!
I know.
I know!
It's your baby, okay?
What?
The baby, it's yours.
It's ours. I got pregnant|when you were in Malkovich.
- You can't fuck with me any more, Maxine!|- I'm not!
I kept it because I knew|you were the father...
...the other mother, whatever...
...because it was yours.
So, we're parents?
Together?
Yeah.
- Aren't you John Malkovich?|- No.
- Yeah, you are.|- No.
I can't believe you're in this shithole, man.
- This is John Malkovich.|- I'm not John Malkovich.
- This is John Malkovich.|- I am not John Malkovich!
Yes?
{y:i}Lester, please don't do it.|{y:i}Please don't kill Maxine.
- So you'll leave?|{y:i}- Yes, I am leaving.
All right. Do it now|while I'm on the phone so I can hear...
...and your lovely bride walks.
Okay. Okay.
I'm going.
Now, my friends. The time is now.
I'm free.
I'm back!
Lotte.
Hello. Hello, young lady.
We're Malkovich.
Maxine! I did it, Maxine!
I left Malkovich for you, sweetie!
It's no good being Malkovich without you.
- It proves I love you!|- Fuck off!
- Doesn't it?|- He's not with us.
Maxine, I love you!
I'm gonna go right back into Malkovich,|and kick Lester out!
And then you'll love me again! Maxine!
- Machine.|- Hey. Malcatraz.
- How are you?|- I'm very well. And you?
- Good, good.|- You look well.
Thank you. How's Celeste?
She's good.|She's sorry she couldn't make it today.
- She had to go to the store.|- That's okay.
Charlie, hi! I didn't even hear the door.
- Lookin' great, Flo.|- I'm looking grateful?
Charlie, we are not getting any younger.
Well, don't rub it in.
Listen, Charlie,|I know this is going to sound crazy...
...but what would you think|if I told you that I'd found a way...
...for us to live forever?
All of us.
- Johnny boy, what are you talking about?|- All of us.
Celeste, Floris, you, me.|Gary Sinise, maybe.
I don't really understand.
Charlie, this is Emily.
Isn't she lovely?
Pass the Cheetos.
- You need more puffs?|- No, I want more.
- Okey-doke. They're covered in grease.|- Shut up.
- Can I swim yet?|- Can you swim yet?
- What time is it?|- Shall we do the cramp test?
Check her.
Let me see.|Are you gonna throw up? Let me see!
Are you gonna throw up?|Are you gonna vomit?
Okay, you can swim.
{y:i}Maxine.
{y:i}Maxine.
{y:i}I love you, Maxine.
{y:i}Oh, look away.
Subtitles by SOFTITLER
B-Happy
BBC - The Blue Planet (1 of 8) - Ocean World
BBC - The Blue Planet (2 of 8) - The Deep
BBC - The Blue Planet (3 of 8) - Open Ocean
BBC - The Blue Planet (4 of 8) - Frozen Seas
BBC - The Blue Planet (5 of 8) - Seasonal Seas
BBC - The Blue Planet (6 of 8) - Coral Seas
BBC - The Blue Planet (7 of 8) - Tidal Seas
BBC - The Blue Planet (8 of 8) - Coasts
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Babylon 5 - 2x02 - Revelations
Babylon 5 - 2x03 - The Geometry of Shadows
Babylon 5 - 2x04 - A Distant Star
Babylon 5 - 2x04 - The Long Dark
Babylon 5 - 2x06 - Spider in the Web
Babylon 5 - 2x07 - Soul Mates
Babylon 5 - 2x08 - A Race Through Dark Places
Babylon 5 - 2x09 - The Coming of Shadows
Babylon 5 - 2x10 - Gropos
Babylon 5 - 2x11 - All Alone in the Night
Babylon 5 - 2x12 Acts of Sacrifice
Babylon 5 - 2x13 - Hunter Prey
Babylon 5 - 2x14 - There All the Honor Lies
Babylon 5 - 2x15 - And Now For A Word
Babylon 5 - 2x17 - Knives
Babylon 5 - 2x18 - Confessions and Lamentations
Babylon 5 - 2x19 - Divided Loyalties
Babylon 5 - 2x20 - The Long Twilight Struggle
Babylon 5 - 2x21 - Comes the Inquisitor
Babylon 5 - 2x22 - The Fall Of Night
Babylon 5 - 3x03 - A Day in the Strife
Babylon 5 - 3x05 - Voices of Authority
Babylon 5 - 3x06 - Dust to Dust
Babylon 5 - 3x07 - Exogenesis
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Babylon 5 - 3x10 - Severed Dreams
Babylon 5 - 3x11 - Ceremonies of Light and Dark
Babylon 5 - 3x12 - Sic Transit Vir
Babylon 5 - 3x13 - A Late Delivery From Avalon
Babylon 5 - 3x14 - Ship of Tears
Babylon 5 - 3x16 - War Without End (Part I)
Babylon 5 - 3x17 - War Without End (Part II)
Babylon 5 - 3x18 - Walkabout
Babylon 5 - 3x19 - Grey 17 is Missing
Babylon 5 - 3x20 - And the Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place
Babylon 5 - 3x21 - Shadow Dancing
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Babylon 5 1x02 Soul Hunter
Babylon 5 1x03 Born to the Purple
Babylon 5 1x04 Infection
Babylon 5 1x05 The Parliament of Dreams
Babylon 5 1x06 Mind War
Babylon 5 1x07 The War Prayer
Babylon 5 1x08 And The Sky Full Of Stars
Babylon 5 1x09 Deathwalker
Babylon 5 1x10 Believers
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Babylon 5 1x12 By Any Means Necessary
Babylon 5 1x13 Signs and Portents
Babylon 5 1x14 TKO
Babylon 5 1x15 Grail
Babylon 5 1x16 Eyes
Babylon 5 1x17 Legacies
Babylon 5 1x18 A voice in the wilderness - Part 1
Babylon 5 1x19 A voice in the wilderness - Part 2
Babylon 5 1x20 Babylon squared
Babylon 5 1x21 The Quality Of Mercy
Babylon 5 1x22 Crysalis
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Babylon 5 4x09 - Atonement
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Babylon 5 4x13 - Rumors Bargains and Lies
Babylon 5 4x14 - Moments of Transition
Babylon 5 4x15 - No Surrender No Retreat
Babylon 5 4x16 - The Exercise of Vital Powers
Babylon 5 4x17 - The Face of the Enemy
Babylon 5 4x18 - Intersections in Real Time
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Babylon 5 4x20 - Endgame
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Babylon 5 4x22 - The Deconstruction of Falling Stars
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