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Better Than Chocolate

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''I would really...
love to see you naked, baby...''
''l would love to...
see you tremble with delight...''
''l would love to...
come inside your window, baby...''
''Come on, baby... Oooh-ah, sexy.''
''l could take you on a very sexy ride...
Sexy.''
''Girl, l want it, all day everyday so you give me...
Your touch.''
''lt's such a rush, boy, when it comes to makin' love...
Sexy.''
''Well, girl, you know you're so sexy.''
Man, you still got those fuckin' allergies?
Fuck you, man.
Look at the little baby angel dyke. Goin' home early?
- What is that? - l don't want any trouble.
- Could l have an answer, please? - Excuse me.
''l could rub you...
underneath the covers, baby.''
''Ooh, l'd love to...
(horn blowing)
Fuck this, l'm outta here.
You okay?
Yeah... yeah, l'm okay.
Okay...
''Oooh, all night, all night.''
Oh, yummy, give it up for Maggie, from 1 0 Percent Books.
Making her lip-synching debut here tonight at The Cat's Ass.
And remember, girls, she is s-s-single.
(phone rings)
- Ten Percent Books. - Honey...?
- Ten Percent... - Margaret?
Mom?
You know, l've just had this...
terrible letter from the university.
lt was addressed to you, so l opened it...
and it's confirmation of your withdrawal from school.
l mean...
l thought you wanted to be a lawyer.
Mother: Darling, l've been trying to track you down for days.
So, what's up?
l decided it was time l learned about...life...
from...life...
l've got a really wonderful apartment...
in a really interesting part of town.
lt's big, and it's cheap...
An apartment? Really? And it's big?
Because...
Oh, well, the reason that l called is because...
Michael and l are getting a divorce.
Finally? l mean...
are you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, l'm fine. l'm just, you know...
kind of at my rope's end about...
where we were gonna go, but...
l mean, if the apartment is as big as you say, then...
Paul and l could come and stay with you.
l know it's gonna be hard 'cause he's gonna have to transfer.
Paul: Transfer? What do you mean?
- ls there a high school near you? - l don't know.
Anyway, l have to go to the bank...
and l'm gonna put the... furniture in storage.
and then we'll... be there on Friday.
Okay? Thank you, Margaret. Thank you, sweetheart.
- Mom...? - We'll see you soon, okay? Bye-bye.
She's coming here. To live with me.
No, no she isn't. This is my book store...
where l let you sleep on the sofa until you find a place...
which will be very soon, because your mother's not coming here.
Try the sublets.
And tell you mother you're queer, before somebody else does.
(sea gulls - ship horns)
Four weeks only, then l'm back.
l'm gonna leave all my stuff.
You got a problem with that?
l'm sleeping on the couch where l work, and...
it's a long story.
l don't wanna come back to any surprises.
- Where are you going? - l'm off Thursday...
on the ''Love That Latex'' Safe Sex Tour?
l'm giving safe sex demonstrations from Tuktoyactuk to Yellow Knife.
So, you wanna take it?
You've saved my life.
Cool.
- What titles? - l don't know.
They're holding my fucking books at the fucking border again...
and they won't tell you the fucking titles?
These people don't fuck, that's the problem.
lf any of those idiots from Customs call...
l'll be on the phone to the Civil Liberties Association.
This is going to ruin me.
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- Did you find a place? - Yes.
- You did? - Yes.
Good.
Customs held up another order of books at the border.
They're claiming the books are pornographic...hello?!
Which they aren't. Well, maybe ''Butches ln Chains'' is...
but so what?
You were great the other night at the club.
Hey, Maggie, l didn't know you were looking for a place to live.
You could stay with me. l've got some new toys.
Five-speed vibrator, Magic Eggs... Clit-titious Dancer...
No, but, thanks.
Ouch, it's the plight of the bisexual. Gay girls won't play with you.
You're not bisexual, Carla, you're onmi-sexual.
You're like that tornado in the ''Wizard of Oz''...
sweeping up everything in your path.
- You need to let go more. - Yep, that's me...
Letting it all hang in. Oh, Carla...
my mother and brother are coming to stay with me.
l don't want you to frighten them, all right?
- Promise? - Promise.
Hey, Maggie!
Hey, can you believe she's never been in my coffee shop?
Tell her how great it is.
Come on, l just got here. l haven't been anywhere.
Come on, tell her how great it is...fuck.
lt's great...fuck.
See? Can l take a peek?
No, no. Know what? Can you maybe just add a bit more hair up top?
l mean, what is art all about, right?
lllusion.
To quote Whistler, a successful picture is the thrust, movement...
counter-movement, and final equilibrium of forms and colors in pictorial space.
Which means...
more hair.
Yeah, just a little bit.
- There. - Finished?
Done.
Minchia, Maggie... is that a good-lookin' guy or what?
Know what l'm gonna do with this?
l'm gonna hang it up in my cafe.
l don't know, l'm thinkin', maybe you come in...
l give you free cappuccinos...?
Yeah, sounds great.
lt's still $20 for the picture, though.
Okay, free coffee for a month.
Do l look like l'm anywhere for a month?
With the coffee, my home-made grappa. Real kick, hundred percent.
Hundred percent what?
Hundred percent kick. Trust me.
See, ya, Maggie.
Bye, Tony.
Sit down.
l don't have 20 bucks.
Who does?
Sit.
l'm Kim.
Maggie.
Wow, you have beautiful eyes.
Really?
Yeah, really.
So...
great van you've got there.
Yeah, l'm livin' out of it. l'm doin' that ''on the road'' thing.
But...
l'm not in any rush.
You wanna go for coffee?
Okay, here we go. Excuse me.
Try it.
Oh...my God.
That's not a kick, that's a one-two punch.
That'll put hair on your chest.
You're good.
You can tell a lot about a person from sketching them.
Problems with your mother, issues about higher education.
Single.
That's uncanny.
l asked around.
And you... have someone?
No.
Oh, hey... sorry.
- lt's my mother. - Where?
No, not here...
My mother and brother are coming for a visit on Friday.
Today is Thursday.
Hey, hey, Maggie...
what are you doing? There's no kissing. No kissing here.
You wanna kiss, go someplace else. Fuck, l got families comin' in here.
l saw you and that girl last week, Tony, on the coffee bar.
Hey, l'm a man. She was a woman. That's different.
What about hand holding? Hand holding okay?
Ha-ha, that's funny. Get out.
l am out.
Just go, okay?
Lips.
l'd ask you to come home with me, but l haven't got one yet.
Well, you know...
- There's always my place. - Oooh...nice.
Oh, my God, hang on!
Kim: A hundred and twenty-five bucks.
Great.
Maggie: You're gonna leave it with all your stuff?
Kim: What choice do l have?
Maggie: God, l've never been anywhere.
Kim: Northern Ontario was...boring.
Maggie: Straight from high school to residence. My mom insisted.
Kim: Oh, but the prairies...
they're great. But hot. Very, very hot.
l hit all the folk festivals; did like ten portraits a day.
Paul, honey... speed limit.
- Erotic paintings? - Yeah, first l put paint on the person.
- On the person? - Uh-huh.
Where are we goin' again?
Just a minute, let me look.
'Cause l wrote it down... on a piece of paper.
Oh, you want a chocolate?
Hey, l got a plane to catch.
Don't forget to water the plants.
See ya.
Wow.
This is great.
- You like it? - Yeah...
Very cool.
l don't know. l don't think my mom's gonna like it very much.
Oh, l gotta sit down.
What are you doing?
Better Homes and Dildos.
My mom is coming.
- l'll take them down tomorrow. - Um-hm. You better.
(Paul knocking) Maggie...?
Oh, Jesus, turn it off.
Open up, its your bro. lt's Paul.
Paul, do you see anyone?
Yeah, Ma, this is the place.
l don't think she's here.
Let's go get something to eat.
Margaret...?
Your mother?
Why would anybody be living here? Are you sure this is the right spot?
l don't do family reunions so well. l'll go out the back door.
No...
Well, then, what are you gonna tell your mother?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
Maybe a big fat lie.
Margaret?
Hi, honey. Paul, she's here.
- Margaret! - Mom!
Baby...
gosh... oh, sweetheart.
l'm sorry, l know we're early. Paul was driving.
- Oh, well, you know...hey, Paul. - Sis, what's goin' on?
Good to see you.
l'm wet.
Oh, Mom, this is Kim. Paul...Kim.
- Hello, Kim, nice to meet you. - Hi, nice to meet you.
- You okay? - Yes...
What a climb!
- So...this is it, huh? - Welcome. Home, sweet home.
lt's big. You're right.
Goddesses.
l noticed that your goddesses are all...so young and nubile.
Rather like the person your stepfather's been having an affair with.
Haven't you heard of the Venus of Willendorf?
Goddesses have large, sagging breasts.
That suckled ungrateful children and deceitful men.
- Would anyone like a beer? - Yeah...
l'd love one.
Beer? Yeah, l'd love one.
Beer? Don't you have any wine?
Mom...
so l thought you could take the bedroom, and Paul...
you could bunk down in the hall, and...
Kim and l could bunk down in the back room.
Kim is just staying for a...
Kim: A while.
A short time.
Yes, l know what ''a while'' is.
- 'Night, Mom. - 'Night honey, sleep well.
All set?
So, you're working in a discount bookstore?
l am?
Oh... ''Ten Percent''.
Well, got everything?
'Night, Mom.
Well, goodnight.
Oh, sorry.
Could this be love?
(laughing out loud)
Shhhhh.
Must be love.
There's no other reason that we'd be putting ourselves through this.
Shhhh.
Shut up.
Oh, come on, Maggie. She knows.
No. lt would never occur to her.
Please.
No.
But, if she did know, she would never let me know that she knew.
Really, well, maybe if she knew, she'd give us the bed.
(Maggie and Kim laughing)
Shhh.
Oh, shit. Shhhh.
- Never mind. - You're an animal.
Morning.
Good morning.
Shouldn't you be in school or something?
Yeah, l start Monday.
Then l write my scholarship exams.
Unlike you, l will get to law school.
So, what happened?
Why are you and Mom here?
Mommy-o's broke.
Broke?
But Michael's a corporate lawyer, he prints money!
Michael's been getting ''some exercise'' from his partner's wife.
From Sandra the Tequila Slushy Queen?
Yeah, for a year.
l mean she... she had no idea.
Oh, God. Poor Mom.
Oh, God.
l don't need another window display. l need a lawyer.
Little Red Riding Hood?
What is going on with Customs?
Little Red Riding Hood and the big bad wolf?
That Little Red Riding Hood?
- Do we stock that book? - A customer ordered it for her niece.
They're trying to ruin me, Customs. That's what it is.
Attention shoppers.
l got a letter from my father today.
The same father who told you to drop dead? That father?
Yes...no, well, what l mean is his lawyer wrote me.
And he says my parents are going to buy me a condo.
So that after the surgery l'll have someplace to go...
to recuperate... to have some sense of security.
l mean, wow, not a word from them since l told them.
Nothing in two years. And now this.
They miss me.
l'm going to write them and invite them for a housewarming party.
Please, buy the condo and move my mother in.
How is your Mom? And l see you have a new friend.
Yeah. Kim is... staying with me.
Yeah, and her mother and her brother.
Sounds complicated.
Well, you know l have an extra room.
This is Carla and Judy.
Hi. lt's nice to meet you.
Nice meeting you.
l was thinking of the Heritage Peak Condos
they're putting up down the street?
Do you think your Mom and l could live there?
Cheap and tawdry goods masquerading as quality.
Comme moi! l'll be a Heritage Homo.
Frances, now that l'm almost a woman of almost means,
l was wondering if maybe you'd like to go out with me, sometime?
Well, you know... oh, gosh l'm really, really busy.
There's practically a war on here.
Excuse me.
You can run but you can't hide.
So, have you told your mother about your honeymoon yet?
No.
l want her to leave. l don't want to kill her with the shock.
Oh, come on, she can take it. Parents can be very resilient.
What does she do all day?
Shop. Cook. Clean. Decorate.
She sounds lonely.
Hi, l'm Judy. ls Maggie home?
Oh, gee, she's not, you know. She and Kim went out again.
Oh...l brought her these as a housewarming gift.
Well, for all of you, really.
Well, how lovely.
- l'm Lila, l'm Maggie's mother. - Nice to meet you.
- And you're...? - Judy. Maggie's friend Judy.
Just think of me as the Welcome Wagon.
Well, welcome.
- Would you like to come in? - Yes, thank you.
My, it's quite a climb, isn't it?
l almost got an aneurism.
And here... and here.
- Lovely, thank you. - And cheers.
- Cheers. - Welcome.
You know, l just love that shirt.
Thank you. l do my best with my limitations.
lt's so hard to find nice things to wear when you're my size.
Oh, you should be proud of your size. So strong and so striking.
l think the word you're looking for is ''enormous.''
- Exotic. - Thank you.
You know, l just wish Maggie had some of your sense of style.
Oh, no, Lila. Maggie's...Maggie's lovely.
- She's very clever, you know. - Yes. Yes, she is.
But, what is going on with her these days?
You'd have to ask her that, Lila.
So, there is something going on?
Oh, well, she's nineteen.
There's always something going on when you're nineteen.
More wine?
Did you ever wake up one morning...
and feel that everything in your life was wrong?
Hmmm...
Because l woke up one morning last month, and...
and l know this sounds silly because, you know housewives,
excuse me, ''homemakers,'' as we're now called,
aren't supposed to have existential crises.
l think homemakers have existential crises all the time.
Well, l found out that my husband had been having an affair.
Oh.
And it had been going on for more than a year.
A year. That's a long time.
l had the choice right then, to either carry on or break it up.
Oh, my goodness, you're easy to talk to.
Here's to strong women.
To strong women.
- God loves you. - Hey, l'm busy here.
Jesus loves you.
Thank you.
Can you still read ''Die Dyke Die?''
or do you think l've finally gotten it all off?
Maggie, you know we never used to have graffiti around here. Never.
Yeah, l think it's my window displays.
Oh, yeah.
Listen, Maggie, first it's graffiti, then they start breaking windows,
then God knows what's next.
Certain people, you don't want to attract their attention, capice?
Capice.
l don't need people writing ''Dyke'' on my coffee bar, all right?
Do l look like a dyke to you?
Come on, you're riding shotgun.
- Where we going? - Customs, baby.
Hey, hey, hey! Who's supposed to clean this shit up now, huh?
Stu catzo!
- Excuse me. - Yes?
Can you direct me to Mr. Marcus' office?
- Downstairs, turn right. - Thank you.
Buildings like this are designed along the lines of a rationalist conspiracy.
The thing is not to be bamboozled,
just know where you're going and go there. Oh, l'm so sorry.
Ah!
- Ooh! - Don't ask.
Oh, boy.
The books have been classified as obscene
and will not be allowed through the border.
Now, if l can just get you to sign here.
''Little Red Riding Hood'' is obscene?
Well, we...we thought that was something else.
- l'll bet you did. - Our mistake.
However, titles such as... ''The Lesbian SM Virtual Sex Manual''
and ''A Guide To A-a-a...''
''Anal Safe Sex'' will remain here with us.
Something to read on those dark, lonely nights.
lf l could just get you to sign here, here and here and here.
You can have ''Little Red Riding Hood'' back within the week.
Seriously, Mr. Marcus...
the Supreme Court has declared that anal sex is to gay male sex
what Mozart is to classical music.
Miss Turner, we are not here to discuss classical music.
l myself am a huge Mozart fan, but...
Look, the Supreme Court has declared this material is not obscene!
This is not the Supreme Court.
We're in Customs and l have a job to do.
Just following orders, are we? Asshole.
From your perspective that must be a compliment of Mozartian proportions?
Security! Security!
Frances, l think you should let him go.
We have a problem?
Bernice?
Bernice, is that you?
Oh, my God l haven't seen you since the Womyn's Music Festival.
Who was that woman you were with? The meter maid?
Julie, how is Julie?
l'm going back in there.
l don't think so.
Wow.
That is a great piece.
lt's a great piece of...
Art, Frances.
The ice age destroyed the dinosaurs.
So, l'm commenting on the dinosaur mentality of Customs.
Ultimately, the cube melts and the books are liberated.
But ruined. Liberated but ruined.
lt's conceptual.
Ooh, yes. l love the layers of meaning.
Like a popsicle.
There's an orange layer, and a blue layer, and a pink layer.
Um-hmm.
Now, you're going to clean up after your ''conceptual''...
- once it starts to melt, right? - Oh, yeah.
Right.
For bright pink, use whole dye package.
So, have you known Margaret long?
No, actually. Not that long at all. Maybe about a week.
Mmmm... seems like longer.
Yes, you two seem very close.
We are.
Actually, that's something l'd like to talk...
You know, Margaret never really had any friends in high school.
l mean, she was a straight-A student so she was always studying.
That's why l don't understand why she has quit university.
- lt's what she always wanted. - Hmm.
Have you been to university?
Art school.
Ahhh, art school.
l went to music school, you know.
Oh, really?
l used to sing...
Puccini, Verdi.
You sang opera?
l know, l hardly seem like the prima donna type now...but, yes.
l...had to give that all up, of course.
Why, ''of course?''
Well, because, it's nonsense, really.
l mean, you know, if you can't be great...
if you can't be the best.
That's ridiculous. What if it's what you really love to do?
Lila, l want to talk to you about something. Maggie and l...
You didn't ask Maggie to quit university, did you?
No, no, no, Lila. l didn't.
l did want to talk to you, about her...and about me.
We're in love.
Well, that went well.
7-1 -2 Heritage. All right.
This must be the place. Got my resume.
l am woman!
Are you here about the job, dear?
Oh, yes, l am.
l can type 1 20 words a minute.
l can do spreadsheets, Lotus and Windows.
Oh, l am sorry, but the job's been filled.
So, why don't you just leave me your resume...
and l'll get back to you if something comes up.
Are you here about the job?
That's right.
l thought there was someone else here.
No, only me.
Okay.
- You know, l do windows. - Good, good.
- Watch it, big guy. - Oh, sorry.
l've got the job!
Oh, Mom, congratulations.
Wine, my dear, much more ladylike than beer.
And if l help the agents with sales,
they'll give me a commission on their commissions.
Awesome, Mom. You rock.
Well, l'm not the person l was going to be, l'll tell you.
l was going to have a career.
l was going to have a wonderful, successful marriage,
and two wonderful, successful children, and...
look at me.
And look at you.
You're looking so, l don't know, just shabby these days.
To you, Mom.
l'm going to be taking messages, and helping the agents
while they're selling the units and keeping the Show Suite clean,
which is...you know.
l read a study...
and after the age of forty...
a woman's chances of having sex are diminished by eighty percent.
So, after fifty...
God help you.
And since l probably won't be having sex again,
chocolate's the only pleasure left for me.
Kim?
Do you have a boyfriend, dear?
No. l don't. Funny that.
What's wrong with boys these days?
Paul?
Yes, Mom.
- Honey? - No, that's okay, Mom.
Yeah?
( rock music playing)
What is this God-awful music?
The thing is Maggie, she's going to find out sooner or later.
l know, l know. lt's just...
just give me some time.
''l'm in love with...''
''l'm in love with...''
''l'm in love with...''
''Julie Christie.''
''She makes me go misty.''
''She makes me go, ahh!''
''Oh, what a star.''
''Everybody's entitled to a little fantasy...''
''And how l'd love to step inside the screen.''
''Everybody's entitled to a bit of fantasy...''
''Well, you know that film, Billy Liar...''
''She set my heart on fire!''
''Julie Christie...''
''she makes me go misty.''
''She makes me go, ahh!''
''Oh, what a star.''
''l'm in love with...''
''l'm in love with...''
''Julie Christie.''
''She makes me go misty...
''She makes me go, ahh! Oh, what a star...''
''Julie Christie.''
''Julie Christie...''
Mom?
Oh, Margaret, l'm so sorry.
l should have rinsed out the machine after l dyed my underwear.
And l...
lt's okay. We'll just tell everyone we're from a cult.
Mom?
Margaret, what ever happened to that boy you were dating?
Todd? He went to Toronto, to study fashion design.
Fashion design?
Oh... ''Fashion design.''
l never liked him.
Mom...
And you still haven't explained to me why you left school.
l hated it there.
l might want to try something else like, writing.
- Writing? - Maybe.
Margaret, there is no future in the arts.
You will need something to fall back on.
Like Michael?
l'm sorry... l'm sorry, Mom.
l...
Mom, just because you stopped singing opera or whatever,
doesn't mean that l have to be like you.
l'm different. ln fact, l'm very different...
l'll say you're different, you're...
- look what you're wearing. - What?
You will never get a boyfriend dressed like that.
- Mom... - Okay?
And l'm not very happy about that hole in your navel.
l know, l know what you need.
l brought you something.
Mr. Snugly!
Oh baby, do you remember when you couldn't sleep without him?
Mom, l can sleep without him just fine now, trust me.
Well...
Thanks.
Mommy-o...
Mommy-o, is this like a Grateful Dead thing or what?
Granite counters and a very cozy but spacious breakfast nook.
And, of course, outside the tile patio for outdoor dining when weather's nice
with the lattice and the planting for that illusion of privacy.
And they're exactly like this. We only have six.
Let me show you upstairs...
because l just know you're going to love the bedroom.
l think you're right about the colors, Lila.
Well, you need intensity, Judy, to compliment your personality.
- Decorative borders? - Kind of Matisse-y?
You know, one color combination l simply adore...
l saw it on a silk ribbon once. lt was taupe and lime.
Yummy.
Come and see the view. Oh, you're going to die.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Don't you love it?
So, what do you do, Judy?
l sing, in a club.
- You're a singer? - Just old standards.
How wonderful! Well, please... sing something for me.
''We'll find a perfect peace, where joys never cease...''
''somewhere beneath the starry skies.''
''We'll build a sweet little nest, somewhere in the West...''
''And let the rest of the world go by.''
That was lovely.
Oh, oh, you know, l never really had any talent.
l never let that stop me.
Here we go.
Lila, l want to ask your advice.
My advice? Me?
Love advice. Woman advice.
Well, l think you've come to the wrong place for that...
l mean, you'd have to ask me for advice on how to end up alone.
No.
Now, l'm very attracted to this...person...
but l'm not getting anywhere.
What's his name?
Frances?
''Francis''...what a lovely, old fashioned name.
That's sort of the problem.
Lunge at it.
- Really? - That's my new philosophy.
lf you really want something, you lunge at it.
What if it doesn't work out?
Well, in my experience, things don't really work out anyway.
l give up.
How about some cocoa?
We gotta go, Mom.
You're going out? Margaret, it's after ten.
Yeah, well, in some places the night's just starting.
- Have a good time. - Thanks.
Roses...roses.
Anybody want a rose?
Oh, sorry.
Oh, you want a rose?
No.
Do you want one?
Well, actually, l was thinking about something else.
You know, it's really hard having sex
when your mother's sleeping in the next room.
Oddly enough, it's really hard to have sex
when you make so much noise.
(loud moaning)
Okay, come on, honey!
This is great.
Hey, look who l found when l came to see if you girls wanted to play.
Looks like you've been playing already.
Are you accusing us of having sex in the bathroom?
l hear it's all the rage.
Paul, l...
Carla gave me a ride on her motorcycle. Carla!
Maggie, Maggie. l bought a condo from your mother today.
Oh, she is such a sweetheart.
And l've finally sent that invitation to my parents!
l never thought l'd see the day.
l can't talk right now. l am on in like, five seconds.
God, l can't believe Carla brought Paul here.
He's only seventeen. He's not even consenting age.
Looks like he's consenting to me.
Hey, everybody, if you'd please take your seats.
Our very own... Judy Squires!
''l'm not... a fucking drag queen,''
''l'm in another bracket.''
''What you see before you...''
''is not some midnight racket.''
''Nothing here is padded...''
''l've paid a mighty fortune.''
''A few things have been added...''
''and one to two subtractions.''
''l'm not a fucking drag queen,''
''l won't let you forget it.''
''When you say, ''Good day, Sir!'' you stab me all the way through,''
''my tender, transgender heart.''
''And if you happen to be gay...''
''you could show a little heart and understanding.''
''lnstead of twittering and whispering and pointing Judas fingers''
''like a bunch of cunning linguists at some gender crucifixion.''
''And if you think l'm such a freak,''
''there's no need to cut me down and put me in my place.''
''You may just want to take a look at why your pants are oh, so wet''
''and your knees like castanets, are giving you away.''
''l'm not a fucking drag queen,''
''l don't wear foot-long lashes.''
''Don't wear a pound of make-up...''
''or seventeen tiaras!''
''l don't want your five dollars...''
''Before this song is over.''
''Don't want your... ''How's it going, man!''
No, no, no.
''Miss Squires'' will do nicely.''
'''Cause, l'm not a fucking drag queen,''
''so please don't be so rude.''
''l'll break your fucking legs, sir...''
''and then l'll pirouette while l mend my transgender heart!''
''Can't you just say, ''yes, dear''... and ''she'' and ''her'' and ''sister''...
''to my tender, transgender heart.''
That was great, really.
Family life's starting to get really weird.
Yeah, l bet they didn't teach you this in Sex Ed.
Well, consider me ''Dr. Carla'' at your service.
What's with all those dildo things?
Oh, they used to be a political no-no,
but now it's just a radical sex thing.
Of course, l've always done exactly what l wanted to do.
Girls have to improvise, you know?
l like a cucumber, but they can get really slippery.
Boys like toys too, you know.
- This is for boys? - Um-hmmmm.
- What is it? - A butt plug.
lt's okay honey, l bleach it.
Frances, l'm in love with you and l'm lunging until l get you.
This isn't a good place... time, to lunge.
l'm under a lot of pressure with this Customs thing.
l know. l'm lunging anyway.
Judy, l have never been what you'd call sexually adventurous.
You don't have to be. l'll take that on.
l mean l've never had a threesome, l've barely had twosomes.
l have had three girlfriends, all of whom were exactly like me.
l'm exactly like you.
l know your favorite writer is Gertrude Stein...
and l love Gertrude Stein. And not just the readable Stein.
l was an English Major...
my thesis was on Stein's ''The Geographical History of America.''
''l think if you announce what you see...
''Then nobody can say no.''
Wow.
- Do you like to... - l'd love to.
- l just have to... - ...go to the bathroom.
After you.
Hop on.
Cool.
Dykes!
l'll just go and pay the bill.
Okay.
Excuse me?
Aren't you in the wrong place, ''sir?''
l don't think so.
Shouldn't you be in the men's washroom?
l mean, you are a man.
No, l'm not.
Get out.
Make me.
Are you happy now?
Let's go home.
Get out!
Stop it!
- Are you okay? - She's not a woman...
She should be in the men's washroom.
She is a woman and she's our friend.
- She is not a woman. - Yes, she is.
- No! - Now, you say you're sorry.
- She doesn't have to. - Say it!
Sorry!
''Sorry, Ma'am.''
Sorry, Ma'am.
Thank you.
(Opera music playing)
Hm?
This is a great place.
And it's very private.
Do you really like boys?
l mean...
Soft centres, hard centres... l like all the chocolates in the box.
Hold on...
Relax.
Bite me.
Yes!
- Come on in. - Thank you.
l'll take your coat.
Thank you.
Would you like some tea?
l have Mint Dreams, Cranberry Mist, Lemon Zip and decaf organic Earl Grey.
Yes, please.
Lunge.
- Frances? - Um-hmmm?
Here.
- l just... - What's wrong?
l think l need a little more time.
Oh...
Oh...okay.
Okay.
l'll get your coat.
- l had a really good time tonight. - Shh, shhh, shhh.
Call me.
'Night.
Good night.
Batteries...
batteries... oh there, there's some.
Good morning, Margaret.
l've made coffee.
Everybody decent?
Mom?!
Oh...
l made some coffee.
So...
l wanted to ask you about... how should l put this...
about the box that l found underneath your bed last night.
The box...?
Oh, the box!
You know... l should go.
No, oh, no...
you should stay.
All right...
the box..
Mom, about that box...
Because, l...
l was surprised that a girl your age would need all those...implements.
Mom, they're not mine.
What?
They're not mine. They belong to the woman that l'm subletting from.
She does these safe sex demonstrations.
Oh, my God.
Mom, did you...?
- Mom, did you? - Yes.
- Yes? - And why not?
And actually the experience was very... liberating, it was very liberating.
So, Margaret...
now you tell me, what's going on here?
W-what?
Well, there's something going on here.
That's... l mean, are you...?
Do you actually think you're in love?
Well...?
Well?
Well.
Mom...
l'm tired of you always running my life and criticizing me.
- l don't... - Criticizing the way l look.
l don't run your life.
- The way l dress. - Let me tell you something...
l would love to run your life. Somebody should besides you.
Oh, so you're admitting it.
Well, l would do a better job.
Oh, right, because you're running your own life so well!
You think because you're young everything's gonna work out.
Well, that's not true. You fuck up now and you're going to...
- Me fuck up...? - fuck up your entire life!
Look at yourself!
- Leave it! - Let me help.
Leave it. l'm fine.
l'm sorry.
She asked you if we were in love.
My mother doesn't need to know everything in my life.
Well then, fuck you!
l'm going to go and get Paul. l am not going to be sticking around.
lt's not that l didn't try to help, l have tried to help.
l have tried in every way l could.
But if that's how she feels...
Here you go.
Thanks.
l will not stay where l am not wanted.
l mean, you try and you help someone and this is the thanks l get.
lf that's how it's going to be, then that's how it's going to be.
l've had it with working my fingers to the bone.
Here, let me get the door for you, Tony.
Hey, Judy, what do you think of this?
My sister-in-law gave it to me, fuck.
Oh, it's beautiful, Tony.
Ah, it's a piece of garbage, but it's better than the other one.
Hey... watch your back there, my love.
Okay, put it over here.
Come on here, put it down. What are you, stupid?
So, why didn't she just tell Lila?
lt doesn't matter. lt's over.
Listen to me, Kim, if you leave now you will be making a huge mistake.
l mean, you two have it made. You love each other...
it's as clear as day...
and love is not that easy to come by.
Well, how about you and Frances?
Are you okay?
Not really.
l'm sorry.
Yeah.
She's the one making the huge mistake. That's for sure.
Come on, Judy, you're one in a million.
Thank you.
And what do you get?
San Francisco?
That's what she said.
Right.
Oh, sweetie, why didn't you just tell your mom?
l suddenly felt ashamed l wasn't sleeping with ''Mr. Snugly'' any more.
What?
l gotta go to work.
No, sweetie, stay right here and you get yourself together,
- you take all the time you need. - Thank you.
Oh, sweetie. lt's gonna be okay.
lt's about time.
l want you to clean up this mess.
Hello?
Asshole!
Hi, Frances.
l'm sorry about the other day.
Yeah?
l came to tell you... l found this.
The Film Classification Board is coming here.
They're going to impound your videos.
l stole this for you.
Shit.
- They're coming here tonight. - Tonight?
They love coming at night because of the overtime.
They'll be here just before closing time.
Yeah, well... look Bernice, thanks.
Yeah, that's okay.
''Officers are to search the premises and seize any videos...
which could be classified as obscene materials.''
l give up.
Maybe they're right. Look at this place.
Yeah, it's obscene. That's the point!
We can hide the videos.
They'll just come back for them.
Call your lawyer...call the newspapers! They want obscene?
- Maggie...speak to me. - They've got it!
Margaret and l never fight, but all of a sudden, l'm the bad guy.
Well, don't you worry about a thing, Lila.
You and Paul can stay here as long as you like.
Oh, and then so Paul calls to say that he's not coming home last night.
And you know, that's just so unlike him...
and, you know, l'm really...l'm worried sick.
l mean, what's gotten into him?
l'll get that, sweetheart.
Hi...Special Delivery for Mr. Jeremy Squires. He has to sign.
Jeremy? l think you have the wrong address.
- l'm Jeremy. - Oh, l'm sorry, Judy.
l'm Jeremy Squires.
Thank you.
Have a nice day.
You're Jeremy?
Why don't you come inside, honey.
Just come inside.
l'm Jeremy.
You're a man.
No, no, no... not really.
Not ever.
l was born into a man's body, but l've always been a woman.
And, well... after the final surgery...
l think l need a little drink.
Help yourself.
''Dear Jeremy, thank you for your invitation.
But your mother and l won't be able to visit with you.''
Oh.
''We're sorry but, in the future, l think it's...best.''
What is it?
My father's lawyer will be in touch with you about the sale.
So, they're not going to come?
But...well, they bought you this place.
Yes, well...apparently this place is a...
a ''get lost'' contract.
Well...
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
You know, l'm feeling a kind of a rage.
A nasty kind of bubbling-up kind of rage.
Thank you.
l'm too old for this.
No... you are not too old.
You are pissed-off.
See...
rage gets trapped in the body...
and it can make you feel old and tired...
that's why you have to let it out.
Like this.
Li-la! Li-la!
Li-la!
- l can't. - Come on, come on.
Yes, you can. And remember...
Scream. Let it out. Let it out.
Li-la, Li-la...!
Oh, my God! Here we are!
Here we go... one, two, three!
Frances, come on! What is she going to do...
stay like this all night?
l'm going to call the press.
l'm going to call my lawyer.
- l gotta go lock up. - l've got to get changed.
l'll be right back, okay? Just stay where you are.
Because we are the Goddesses.
And what we need, we take.
Come on. l want Frances to hear this.
Yes!
But we can't go over like this.
Oh...
Make-over!
(shower running) l'll just call the television stations.
(phone ringing) No, the newspapers. And my neighbor.
''Hi, it's Frances, talk now.''
Hi Frances...? it's Kim.
l can't find Maggie anywhere.
Or Lila.
Where is everyone?
Oh, forget it. lf you get this message can you just tell Maggie that l called.
Thanks.
Hey, dyke!
- Hey, hey, baby. - l know what she needs.
Come on man, we're late. Forget it, fuck.
Judy: l'm going from Shannon to Dublin...
to London... to Botswana.
Oh! Oh, honey...
Oh, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
No. No, we must go and find this Frances.
Oh... in my hair?
- Just a little. - Oh, my God.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, oh, God...
l feel much better.
Come on, lesbo!
Don't you want to play with me, huh?
l've got eight inches from hell here for you, baby!
Oh my God, that looks like Margaret.
lt is.
Get away from my daughter you!
You stupid creeps!
Come on guys, get lost.
- Yeah, get out of here! - Fuck you.
Oh, Judy!
- Oh, sorry...sorry. - Oh, my God!
- Dyke. - Oh, thank you.
Open the door, Margaret. What are you doing in there?
You've got no clothes on.
Please, open the door!
Margaret, open the goddamn door!
- What, you're going to break in? - lf l have to.
- l am not taking sides. - Fine.
Oh, oh my God, Maggie, please.
Sweetheart, please, come down out of the window.
- Maggie, please. - l need coffee.
- Maggie, come on. - We're closed.
- You want one? - Why are you doing this?
l think l saw a light on over in Tony's.
This is about Kim, isn't it?
You think l don't know anything about life, about love?
Well, let me tell you something. l was in love once.
Completely.
And his name was Otis.
Otis?
Yes, and he was a back-up singer for Wayne Newton.
Yoo-hoo, Tony!
You've got to put something on.
Oh, Maggie, he was so...he had this little black moustache and...
Okay, you want some coffee you're going to have to make it yourself.
- Thank you, Tony. - You're welcome.
Hey listen, l called my lawyer, you know.
l told Frances l would and l did.
(gas hissing) Goddamn this thing, the thing doesn't fit.
l thought l loved your father.
We'd been married for two years. l was pregnant with you, but...
Mother!
But then l met Otis and l... oh, my God.
( engine revving men shouting)
Hey!
Shit!
Mom?
Mom? Mom, where are you?
Mom?
Maggie...?
Mom?
Oh, Maggie.
- Oh, Mom. - Oh, sweetheart, are you okay?
l'm okay, Mom, are you okay?
Oh, my God, oh my baby.
Wait a second.
Who's this?
Oh my God, Tony.
lt was my sister-in-law's stupid fucking oven.
Where is Judy?
Wait.
Judy?
Oh, look at this!
My store blows up and nobody even comes to see me.
- lt's broken, fuck. - Judy...?
- Lila...? - Oh, there you are.
Oh, Maggie. Oh, my God, are you okay?
l got the license number. We have to call the police.
Good.
Oh...
Frances!
Frances, wait! We need to call the police.
- l got the license number. - l called the police.
And you know... are you all right?
That's ''Frances?''
Judy... l love you.
Thank God.
You go on now... go on.
Careful Maggie, watch the traffic!
Here... have a drink.
B-Happy
BBC - The Blue Planet (1 of 8) - Ocean World
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Blind Chance (1987) CD1
Blind Chance (1987) CD2
Blind Spot Hitlers Secretary (2002)
Blind date
Bliss
Blob The 1988
Blood Crime
Blood Wedding (1981)
Blood Work
Blood and Black Lace
Blow 2001 CD1
Blow 2001 CD2
Blow Dry 2001
Blown Away 1994 CD1
Blown Away 1994 CD2
Blue (Derek Jarman)
Blue Car
Blue Collar Comedy Tour The Movie
Blue Max The CD1
Blue Max The CD2
Blue Moon
Blue Planet The 1
Blue Planet The 2 - The Deep
Blue Planet The 3 - Open Ocean
Blue Planet The 4 - Frozen Seas
Blue Spring 2001
Blue Velvet
Blue juice 1995
Blue thunder
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD1
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD2
Blues Harp
Boat Trip - Feedback Overflow
Bob Le Flambeur 1955
Bob Marley Story - Rebel Music
Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice
Body Double
Body Heat
Body The
Boiler Room
Bola El
Bone Collector The
Bonnie and Clyde
Book of Fate The
Book of Pooh The
Boondock Saints The
Boot Das 1981 CD1
Boot Das 1981 CD2
Born Romantic
Boucher Le
Bounce
Bourne supremacy The-1CD
Boxcar Bertha
Boy Who Saw The Wind The
Boys and Girls
Boyz N the Hood
Branca de Neve
Bread and Roses
Breakfast Club The
Breakfast at Tiffanys
Breakin all the rules
Breaking Away
Bride with White Hair The
Bridge Man The CD1
Bridge Man The CD2
Bright Future
Broadway Danny Rose
Brother (Takeshi Kitano)
Brother Sun Sister Moon 1972
Brother from Another Planet The 1984
Brotherhood Of The Wolf
Brothers The
Buddy
Buena Estrella La (Lucky Star)
Buffalo Soldiers
Bug 1975
Bugs Bunny - Baseball Bugs (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954)
Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953)
Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943)
Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941)
Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952)
Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949)
Bugs Life A
Bullet Ballet
Bullet in the Head
Bulletproof Monk 2003
Bullets Over Broadway
Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition)
Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994)
Burnt Money
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition
Butchers Wife The