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Black Knight

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( "I Like the Way" by Beenie Man)
Zaga-zow, ziggy-zow, zaga-zow
Let me out, ba-na-na, yow
Zaga-zow, ziggy-zow, ze, ze, zow
We like the way you comb your hair
We like those stylish clothes you wear
It's just the little things you do
That show how much you really care
And when I'm all alone with you
There's nothin' l would rather do
Than spend each moment loving you
Baby, through and through
Girl, you wanna make me touch ya, touch ya
Girl, you wanna make me rockya, rockya
Girl, you want to let me kiss ya, kiss ya
Move over, make me beg ya, plead ya
We like the way you comb your hair
We like those stylish clothes you wear
It's just the little things you do
That show how much you really care
And when I'm all alone with you
There's nothin'l would rather do
Argh!
Girl, so you want to freak me, freak me
Girl, so you want to kiss me, kiss me
Use your hand and touch me, touch me
Touch me all over body, body
Honk, honk!
We like the way you comb your hair
We like those stylish clothes you wear
It's just the little things you do
That show how much you really care
And when I'm all alone with you
There's nothin'l would rather do
Than spend each moment loving you
Baby, through and through
Girl, so you want to freak me, freak me
Girl, so you want to eat me, eat me
Girl, so you want to kiss me, kiss me
Use your hand and touch me, touch me
Touch me all over body, body
Girljust want to groove me, groove me
- Watch out! - (car horn)
Sorry.
It's just the little things you do
That show how much you really care
And when I'm all alone with you
There's nothin'l would rather do
Than spend each moment loving you
Baby, through and through
Yo, what's up with that?
- Tommy quit. - Looks like he went out in style.
You know Tommy. You better steer clear of Bostick today.
Come on, man. I invented the low profile. I ain't goin' near that.
Hey! Bostick wants to see everybody. Now!
Check it out. Openin' up two miles from here.
- Hello, Castle World. - (woman) I heard that.
We've survived a recession, two earthquakes and a health inspector
who, despite my many advances, turned out to be gay.
We're not goin' anywhere. We're gonna stay right here and compete with Castle World.
I've been providing quality jobs for this community for over 27 years.
I got an idea.
Why don't you cash out? Yeah, yeah. Go to Miami,
get you a Cadillac and one of them bald-headed pool boys.
Everybody get to work.
Jamal, you can clean the moat.
Oh, come on...
But first I wanna talk to you.
Dammit, Jamal. Can't you look outside yourself for two seconds
- and just buckle down and help me? - Why can't you help yourself?
Forget about the community and "providin' quality jobs" for people.
Take what money you got, and jet.
Book it. You feel me?
(whispering) Get out. Bye-bye.
You don't get it, do you?
I had high hopes for you.
Maybe you shouldn't have.
Jamal.
Clean up them battin' helmets while you're at it.
Urgh! Dang, man!
Man, this is like some Three Mile lsland, Exxon Valdez shit.
What other choice do we have, man?
In two weeks Castle World's gonna blow this place out the water.
We apply now,
avoid the rush.
- Oh! - You feel me?
- Yes! - Cos I can't keep doin' this, not here.
Oh. All right. OK.
- To Castle World! - To Castle World!
- And then I go in... - Aah!
You dead.
Hey!
- That's gotta be worth a lot of money. - What?
Oh, hold on. Let me get something to get that out.
Agh!
(gasping)
What the hell...? Hey, Steve!
Mrs Bostick!
Oh, shit! Oh, shit!
The water's cold!
You disturb my peace.
What is your business here?
What the hell...?
Oh, all right. I get it.
You had too much to drink, huh? Openin' party for Castle World?
Oh, you're upset. I ain't got no beef with you, dog.
Kindly address me with the proper respect.
I am Knolte of Marlboro.
And I am not a dog.
You may not be a dog, but you may wanna roll over.
Got my suit all soaked up.
Wait a minute. You ain't breathin', man!
Ohh!
He ain't breathin'! Um... 911!
911! White man down!
White man down!
I'm gonna get a little close to your mouth,
so if you wake up and you see a brother on you, I ain't like that.
It's about gettin' you to breathe.
So bear with me. Ahh!
Here we go. Here.
Oh, damn!
What you been eatin', spoiled nachos?
Wait. Wait, wait!
Uh, where...
Uh... Spray paint.
I ain't gonna spray-paint you. No!
Ah, hold on.
Here we go.
- Bahh! - Agh!
(coughs)
You've saved my life.
- Don't mention it. - I owe you... thanks.
Don't even worry about it. Where do you live, man?
Come on. Here you go. Come on.
- This is it? - It is.
What the...?
Whoa, whoa. You got a license to have animals, man?
This is a big-ass donkey. Do you have a license for this?
Homie, may I make a suggestion?
IKEA. Yeah, get you some end tables and some of them $5 lamps, man.
You know, and a futon. Then you'll be stylin'.
And try to wear somethin' on your feet that has a little give other than metal.
You know, get you the proper sneaker.
Are you hungry?
What is that, man?
- 'Tis food. - 'Tis road kill, man!
Ugh. You know what? Get you some food stamps.
Just tell them you doin' bad. You know what I mean?
You know, if they don't believe you, ask a social worker to come through your spot,
check out where are you livin', cos this is...
It's like that, seriously.
And you oughta get yourself into a shelter, you know?
Try that. So, um...
Thank you for inviting me to your place.
Thank you
for your... conversation.
- You thankin' me for talkin' to you? - I am a man reviled for my failings,
for... for I have not served well my queen.
I must be crazy, man.
(sighs)
Here's two bucks. All right?
Get yourself some soap and, uh, some Tic Tacs.
I'm gonna get up outta here.
Freeway should be that way?
I'll find it.
(Jamal) Brother lost in the woods: not good.
(bleating)
(mooing)
(whinnying)
Oh, hell, no! You know you did wrong!
Oh, shit! Castle World?
Mrs Bostick, you're in trouble.
(Jamal) You all seen that? They tried to run me...
Hold up! Hold up!
Hold up!
Hey, let me see your manager, OK?
I damn near got trampled by some of them dumb-ass actors
takin' their job way too seriously!
- Who be ye? - Who be l?
I be stompin' your ass, you put your hand on me one more again!
OK? I'm from South Central.
Florence and Normandie.
Normandy? A thousand pardons.
We've been awaiting word from Normandy. Please, enter.
We'll inform the king of your arrival.
That's more like it. That's how brothers need to be treated, you know?
And talk to your boy, cos punks jump up to get beat down.
I'll holler!
Whoa. Castle World's got it goin' on:
horses, costumes, smells...
Hello. Lose the hat, homie.
(man) Thank you for saving our little village.
And such is the legend of the Black Knight.
(imitates horse whinny)
- (laughter) - The princess will look so beautiful!
It will be a wedding for the ages. Don't you agree?
Yes, but she doesn't love him.
So? She's but a woman.
What if a woman were not considered just a man's property
and were free to choose her own husband?
- Are you feeling ill? - Let us pray it's not plague.
- Should she be bled? - No.
No, I'm quite well. It was just foolish talk.
Oh, damn.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
Uh...
Allow me to introduce myself.
Jamal.
Victoria.
Oh, wait! Uh, look, darlin'. Don't cheat yourself, treat yourself.
Uh, look, uh...
I, uh, I don't... work here.
Yeah, I'm a talent agent.
I represent, uh, people like... Mariah... Denzel...
You can call him Zel. I'll let him know just you gonna call him Zel.
But I gotta tell you... I'm just gonna be upfront and say it. You are gorgeous.
You glow, girl.
You speak with an unusual tongue.
Oh, no, that's just how we talk in my neighborhood.
Now, look, first thing we gotta do is get some pictures taken.
- You own a thong? - A what?
OK, never mind. Why don't you just bring an old pair of drawers and cut the ass out?
You know? So just give me your number.
Seven.
- Excuse me? - You asked my number.
I am one of the king's chambermaids, number seven.
Oh. Well, that must be your employee number.
No, I was talkin' about your phone number. Don't worry. I'll write my number down.
Anybody got a pen?
- You can read and write? - Yeah.
Who you been datin'? You gotta raise the bar.
Good day, ladies. How are you feeling today? Wait. I shall tell thee.
- (gasps) - Yes.
Very nice.
You especially, my Nubian queen.
Hey, what the hell is wrong with you, man? Don't you know that's sexual harassment?
Ah! You the idiot that damn near ran me over, aren't you?
Wait till I find your boss. He's gonna fire your metallic ass.
You would do well to mind your tongue, Moor.
- (women gasp) - Or I will cut it out and feed it to the dogs.
(imitates dog panting)
Come here. Nah, I'm just messin' with you, man.
I ain't no talent agent, so cut the act.
I'm just tryin' to get at her. Ain't she fine? Watch me work.
Moor! Do you mock me?
The king awaits thee, messenger.
You might want to take a chill pill, all right?
"Do you mock me, Moor?"
Hey, look, your boss makes you call him "king"?
We gotta talk union.
Yeah, man, that's not right. We gotta get you a dental plan.
We do apologize, sire. We did not expect your arrival for several weeks.
- How shall I introduce thee? - What do you mean?
Your formal introduction for your audience with the king.
Formal introduction?
( regal fanfare)
Your Majesty, if I may have your attention?
Starting at small forward,
from lnglewood High,
two-time All-County Conference Player of the Year, the messenger from Normandy,
(imitating sports announcer) Jamal "Sky" Walker!
That be l! What's up? What's happenin', y'all?
Thank you! Appreciate it, big homie! Thank you!
It's the... (barks)
Hey, what's up, now?
Oh, man! Now, that brings back memories.
You arrive early. My daughter and I welcome you. What news from Normandy?
Uh... what news?
Well, a couple of drive-bys.
Other than that, same ol', same ol'.
When will the duke arrive to take my daughter's hand?
This is a hell of a setup you got here. I mean, I'm not lyin'. I mean, whoo!
You got to have major coins behind this. Who's backin' you - Puffy?
Silence, Moor! Tell me, when will the duke arrive?
Oh, I get it. You wanna see if I can improv.
OK, well, let's see...
The duke will arriveth
in all his royal pomposity and splendor on Tuesday.
Tuesday! Ha. That is excellent news.
Ah. Phillip, have the servants ply this messenger with much food and drink.
And let him lay with any damsel he desires.
Except my daughter, of course.
- Can I get a ride back to town? - Oh, an excellent idea.
Phillip, show our guest the grounds.
Allow him rest, and then we shall ride, and ride we shall.
Oh, ho, ho! This is funky!
Hey, oh!
Y'all got the little cutout thing like the castles for real.
Hey, how you doin', Miss Darlin'?
Hey, look here. I'm in the presidential suite. Uh-huh.
Yeah! Oh, so, I get it.
This is like a theme park and a hotel, right?
- Sire? - Y'all got the real brick.
None of that fake stuff, huh?
Oh, man! Oh, man! Hey, I need to use your bathroom.
Bathroom? What is that, I pray thee?
I gotta drain the... you know, drain the anaconda.
- Ah, the privy. - Yeah. Appreciate it.
Oh, got to go! Got to... Whoo!
Oh!
(flies buzzing)
Oh, damn!
Seriously, you think you're gonna charge people money to stay here
and wipe their ass with straw?
Ain't gonna happen.
There's doo-doo on top of the...
Tell me you don't see that shit!
And I mean that literally!
- Where's the Texaco? - Texaco?
- What's happenin'? Where y'all goin'? - To the beheading.
- They're executing the leader of the rebellion. - Y'all went all-out. Y'all got the...
- You said, say what? - They're executing the leader of the rebellion.
Oh, that should be live. Let's check it out.
Remember that little honey I was hollerin' at?
- Out the window? - Yeah, yes, yeah!
(Jamal) Hey, that's tight!
Long live our deposed queen!
Power to the people!
Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your rehearsal.
Please, proceed, proceed.
(crowd gasps)
Y'all got a head that comes off? A neck that spurts blood?
Look at the head.
How do they make it look so real?
Oh, because it is real.
(screams)
You have to calm yourself.
Calm myself? I was just holdin' a human head!
- You'd think you've never seen an execution. - Not lately!
Wait, uh...
OK, all right. What day is it?
- Is it Sunday the 5th? - Yes, messenger, I believe it is.
- 2001? - Two?
It is the Year of our Lord, 1328.
- Argh! - The date frightens you?
You think it don't when it does! Oh!
I didn't mean...
OK, let me calm... Let me just relax.
That's what... a seat. It's a...
All right, is this how you use the chair?
OK, cos I don't really know if you should go...
(moans)
- I gotta go! - But leave you cannot!
There's work to be done. You wear the medallion.
Well, lots of brothers wear medallions.
I got a cousin. He'll wear a manhole cover if you get a big enough chain.
You gotta put some bling-bling on it, though.
- You're nervous. - Yeah, a little.
Cos this is not... I don't even know where I'm from.
When I walked in I saw, like, um...
Let me calm your spirits.
Oh, my damn. Y'all really know how to make a brother feel welcome.
Yeah. Let's make it happen! Huh?
- Grab that leg for me right there. - Why do you disrobe?
Um... Well, uh....
I saw you were gettin' out your drawers.
I wanted to show you that l, too, wear the medallion.
- (flies zip up) - Oh!
Yeah. You know what? That was my thinkin'.
- Cos it looks just like mine right here. See? - Of course.
I'm here to help you kill the king and return the kingdom to our deposed queen.
- Say what? - That's why we wear the medallion.
I was wearing my medallion cos I thought it looked good with my gear. You know?
- So, how will you do it? - Huh?
Poisonous snakes in his chamber, or drop him off the edge of the earth?
God knows he deserves it, after killing King John and stealing the throne from our queen.
He left a warning to all those who might dare oppose him.
What kind of warning?
Oh!
I'll be goin' now. Yeah, I'm just gonna step...
We have a horse ready for you, sire. The king awaits thee.
- Horse? - You said you wanted to ride.
Yeah.
- (whinnies) - Oh, shit!
- He's yours to ride. - Me?
I haven't been, uh... totally honest to you about who I am.
Oh?
(Jamal) Uh...
I'm not only the duke's official messenger,
but I'm also the court jester.
(King Leo) Messenger and jester.
An odd combination of talents.
Bring him on.
That is funny.
Damn!
(screams)
(horse whinnies)
(grunts)
Huh?
(grunts)
(whinnies)
King Leo. Bastard.
I've a mind to slice him open and feed him to the masses.
Soon, brother. Very soon.
(horse grunts)
Come on, man. Help a brother out.
(Jamal screaming)
(King Leo) I admire his commitment.
He's no longer funny, but he refuses to give up on the joke.
(Jamal yells)
Messenger and jester.
I have great respect for this man.
(moans)
- Does that feel better? - Yeah.
Good. The bloodletting appears to be working.
- What's that? - It's to burn off the leeches.
The what?
Oh! Ah! Agh!
Now I gotta get home. Where's the lake?
- Which lake? Where? - The one with the... drunk-ass homeless guy.
Uh... Knolte.
Knolte?
- He's dead. - No, he just smells dead.
- Am I interrupting? - Yes.
My apologies. There is a banquet tonight, and the king requests your presence.
Oh, I don't think I can make that.
My schedule just opened up.
Mmm. Hmm?
( slow Renaissance)
Let us celebrate the upcoming union between my daughter and the Norman duke.
He is coming, isn't he?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, the duke?
Oh, no doubt. He'll be here.
Yeah, the duke, he just likes to stop off, you know, see the sights and, uh...
Stuckey's. He likes to stop at Stuckey's because they got a banana pie that he likes.
But he'll be here.
Allow me to carve.
(King burps)
(farts)
- Peas? - Uh, uh...
Uh, please.
I'd like to learn more about your culture.
It is my understanding that the Normans are excellent dancers.
If you wanna know more about my culture, remove the dog from the table.
No offense, King, but the thing about dancing was a very stereotypical thing you said.
- So, you cannot dance? - Ahh!
Can I dance? Come on, man. That's how I get down.
Please, pleasure us with your skills.
- Now? - Mmm. Silence!
Servants, clear the floor, so Sky Walker may demonstrate some fine Norman dancing.
Um...
Time to get the boogie on. Oh, yeah.
Dance well, Moor.
I'm startin' to like this word "Moor" Iess and less.
( slow Renaissance)
(music trails off)
Your Kingliness, special request?
OK.
Now, this is a pretty white crowd, OK? So nothin' too crazy.
OK? My life's dependin' on it.
OK, guys, I'm gonna need a bass line.
So I'm gonna need y'all to help me out here, cos I got a lot ridin' on this, man.
Cos y'all got the trumpets, so I'm gonna need y'all...
- Sky Walker. - Yeah?
- I'm getting impatient. - I got it together.
I just want the music to be crisp. Cos if it's crisp, you're gonna jam.
All right. Kick the beat, man. I need you to kick it like a white boy ain't never kicked it!
Kick it. Uh, follow me, OK?
Just, uh, one...
Two.
Three.
Boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom
(offbeat accompaniment)
Boom! Boom-boom!
(operatically) Boom-boooom!
Boom, bo-boom
(singing stops)
Excuse me. Um... y'all gonna get me killed!
- Sky Walker! - Uh, yeah?
OK.
We're ready, King. One...
Two.
Three.
Boom-ba-boom-ba-boom-boom-boom
Boo-boo-boo-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom
Ba-ba-ba-boom-ba-boom ba-boom-boom-boom...
Now, that's better.
All we need is a drummer
For people who only need a beat
Now, gimme some drummin'.
Yeah.
Now someone add me some guitar
To make it easy to move your feet
Yeah.
Whoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Someone add me some bottom
So the dancers just won't hide
(joins in the rhythm)
You might like to hear my organ
I said "Ride, Sally, Ride"
( Gospel-style riff)
And you might wanna hear my horns blow
Sittin' there on the throne
( jazz-style riff)
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Whoo!
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
I think our jester-messenger knows not his place in society. Perhaps he should learn it.
(moans)
Your tongue was in my mouth, swimming around like an eel.
- Yeah, it's called a French kiss. - From Normandy?
- Florence and Normandie. - Show me more of this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Excuse me. You have no business with this woman.
She was comin' on to me.
Are you accusing our fair princess of having an interest in thee?
No, I'm accusing her of having an interest in me.
Prepare to taste cold steel.
Behold!
Halt, coward!
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Agh!
Assassins! Seize them!
This is an outrage! Lord Percival, how could this happen?
I would be dead right now were it not for the heroics of Sky Walker.
That's very nice of you, King, but we do what we can do.
Hey, look. Please, allow me.
Lighten up on Percy, OK?
Let's show a little mercy for Percy.
Everyone is entitled to one enormous,
near-fatal, catastrophic disaster.
- Ain't that right, Percy? - (King) Sky Walker,
allow me to honor you by appointing you a lord of my court, in charge of security.
- What?! My Liege... - The king is talkin'.
Now, that's rude, Percy.
But I guess that's how you were brought up. Now, you were saying, Your Magnitude?
Yes, as I was saying, is there some way I could prevail upon you
to stay awhile and become a lord of my court?
Lord of the court? What comes with that?
Well, I would give you 60 hectares of land
- with 20 men to till it. - Farming?
- No, I gotta think about that awhile. - I would also give you women for your bed.
- As many as you need. - I've reached my decision.
His Lordship, Sir Sky Walker!
( funk fanfare)
What's up, homie? You straight? Cool.
Um... I decided to stay.
Now, I got an idea how to make some serious coin.
Have you ever had a Frappuccino? No? Check this out.
- What is it? - Jamal-in-the-Box, man.
Yeah, the first of many. And the good thing is, it's gonna have a ride-through.
Yeah, you just gallop up, place your order,
and in seconds, you're outta there,
- killin' and plundering. - Excellent work.
Now, I had my royal tailor whip this up.
Yeah!
Hey, hey, pay attention. See this?
This is my official Sky Walker logo. Yeah.
Whoo! Yes!
Damn, y'all catch on quick.
What do we have here?
Look like you can use some help.
If you think I need help, you do not understand the game, Moor.
Moor? Well, I prefer "Lordship."
Do you mind?
All right. Excuse me.
All right.
Oh.
To win this game, you're gonna need your knights.
And you might wanna leave your rim pawns at home.
Yeah. That's your ass.
Sometimes the queen has to be sacrificed for the good of the kingdom.
Yeah, but every pawn is a potential queen.
You turn your back, she'll bite you in your ass.
I don't intend to let the game last that long.
Checkmate.
We should get together and play again sometime.
I'm sure we will.
Mind your back, Moor.
(Phillip) Lord Sky Walker, the king demands your presence!
Excuse me there, cuz.
Hey, Your Kingliness. What's up, big homie? What's happenin'?
Were you not to consult on issues of security?
Uh... yeah.
- Why, what happened? - I was out for a ride with my men.
One of my soldiers caught this peasant stealing a turnip from the castle garden.
Sire, I beg your forgiveness.
I only did it to feed my starvin' family, for we are...
Silence. Round up his starving family, take them all away for execution.
You...
Man just said...
- How much did you take? - Only a turnip.
Come on!
- And Sky Walker? - Yeah?
We are still waiting on your duke. My patience is wearing thin.
Yes, Y-Your Fabulousness.
I'm gonna handle a little somethin'. Get your ass up!
That's the king. Take a good look at him.
- Say "King, I'm sorry"! - King, I'm sorry!
- King, I apologize! - King, I apologize!
- King, that's my ass! - King, that's my ass!
That's your ass. Watch out! Dead man walkin'! Dead man walkin'!
Dead man walkin'! Dead man walkin'!
Why you bring the mean out in me?!
That's the king, and you're gonna be punished! Punished severely!
- With these coins. - Huh?
OK, go. Get outta here. Go.
Here, take the bag too. Go!
You're free. Go!
Get out. Go.
With the compliments of the king, it is his pleasure to share with Lord Sky Walker
- his booty. - Booty, as in "spoils of war"?
Oh, that booty.
Good night.
Whoo!
Let's get it over with.
- You asked to have me delivered to you? - Yeah, so we can talk.
- Mm-hm! - No, seriously.
Um... if you're not naked, they may hear us.
Uh... Iet me break it down for you.
I asked him to bring you here for this so they wouldn't get suspicious.
Now, we gotta act like we're doin' the do, OK? Cos the guard's right out front. Uh...
Oh! Oh, yeah!
Oh! Oh, girl! Yeah, there it is.
Oh! Ooh! Oh, remind me to thank the king! Whoo!
Uh...
(high voice) Sire, you're hung like a horse!
(moaning)
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Work with me. The king is crazy.
He's killing people over vegetables.
- So you'll help with the rebellion? - Oh, no, I got to get outta here.
If the real messenger shows up they'll slice me up like Wonder Bread.
But you wear the medallion. You're a man with honor.
And as lord, you now have even greater access to the king.
Ohh!
(whispering) Good.
Ohh!
(Jamal) Whoo! Put that up right there.
Now hold that right there. Whoo!
(whispering) Look, I'm not the guy you're lookin' for.
Then I have nothing more to say to you.
And that is how I break it down.
She's quite a spirited one, eh, sire?
Whoo! Where did y'all get her?
Oh! One in a million.
I was hopin' you'd come back to say good night.
Halt!
I am Jobert of Normandy, with a message from the Duke DuBois.
- Sky Walker. - Hm?
Oh!
- Regina? - Regina?!
- What are you doin' here? - You dare to deflower the king's daughter?
Somebody got to that flower long before I did.
You need to know...
- (taunting) Your daughter's a freak. - Ohh!
The girl has been soiled. The duke will no longer be interested in...
The duke will no longer be interested in your daughter's hand in marriage. Good day.
You have not only tarnished my daughter,
but any chance of an alliance with Normandy!
- He'll pay for this. - Well, what if I was to say,
in all seriousness,
that I'm really, really sorry?
(sobs)
Oh, we misjudged you, Sky Walker.
When you foiled our assassination attempt and doomed us to execution...
- We were a little peeved. - To say the least.
But now, seeing your plan unfold...
- (both) Genius. - My plan?
Oh. Well, yeah. Well...
Uh...
Well, I don't like to be obvious, you know?
My plan, it just creeps up on ya.
Yes. Had the king united with Normandy,
our rebels could never have defeated them.
Because you deflowered the princess, Leo cannot form his alliance.
Your action has given us hope.
With luck, we can restore our queen in hiding to the throne.
- Sounds like that's a good plan. - It's a perfect plan.
- Our deaths will not be in vain. - Well, good, good.
Death?! Ain't nobody dyin' here!
Ah, that white girl came on to me!
We're all going to be put to death tomorrow.
You can bloody well bet those bastards are sharpening the ax.
At least, I hope they're sharpening it.
I saw it done with a blunt ax once. Took all day.
Just hacking... and hacking
and hacking... and hacking...
We get it, man!
- If only the Black Knight were here. - Who?
- You never heard of the Black Knight? - You ever heard of Shaq?
We're even.
- The legend of the Black Knight... - Legend?
The Black Knight was a great warrior.
Kings tried to buy his might,
but he swore allegiance only to justice.
It is said he was once swallowed whole by a fierce dragon.
- Swallowed whole. - But lo, with a sword of gold,
did he cut his way from the belly of the beast.
And when he emerged, he himself could breathe the fire of the dragon.
(exhales)
See, this is why you shouldn't drink your own urine.
(crowd shouting)
Shit!
Let the execution commence!
Maybe we need a-a...
Should wait for a bigger crowd, OK? I'm only gonna do this once!
- Go forth! - OK. Uh...
They want us to line up in order of color, light to dark!
You a priest! I pay my tithe. I go to church.
I give up the moola! Ohh!
Wait! Primitives! They're backwards! Um...
Your Kingliness, um, one last word?
Uh...
Well, uh...
Behold!
I am a great sorcerer!
(murmuring)
Ooh!
Uh, uh...
Do not anger me!
For with these hands,
I make... fire!
Wait. Uh... fire!
We have fire.
Oh.
Execute him! Now!
No, no!
(sobs)
No!
(coughing)
The sorcerer has cast a spell of death upon him!
Who?
Yeah! That's right!
I cast a spell of death on him!
But I can bring him back cos I'm a great sorcerer.
- Boogedy-boogedy-boogedy! - (man) Agh! Not me!
(crowd gasps)
- Behold! - (gasps)
I have somethin' to tell you.
I can make the sun fall from the sky
and burn you medieval motherf...
- Fire! - (woman screams)
The sun is falling! He'll kill us all!
Fear him not! He is no sorcerer!
He is a charlatan and a jester! Seize him!
This way! Down!
Aagh!
Get in!
Get him!
- Come on! - Go!
Yah!
Close the portcullis!
- Open it! Open the portcullis! - It's stuck, sire! It won't open!
- Sky Walker! - Knolte!
Up we go.
Fifth time's the charm.
You find them... you kill them.
You done this shit before, haven't you, Knolte?
You saved my life. I simply repaid the debt.
Payin' debt? You were kickin' ass back there, man.
- How'd you get in on this? - Your fair Victoria told me of your plight.
- Victoria did this for me? - Well, you and the rebellion.
But, uh... a lot of it was for you.
Yeah, that's all right.
Agh!
I wish you well.
Look, I owe you one. I got your back, all right?
But if you fall into trouble again, he will not be there. Will you, Sir Knolte?
- Sir Knolte? - I paid my debt and now I must leave.
Knolte was once one of the greatest knights in England,
until he fell for Percival's trick and the queen lost her throne.
That was a long time ago.
I've laid down my sword and I will not fight again.
Wait. Knolte!
Uh, uh...
But... check this out. Knolte!
Sir Knolte!
I still say we should move camp. It's just luck Percival's patrols have yet to discover us.
An interesting suggestion. Now here's another suggestion: serve more gruel.
(men laugh)
You know, y'all dead wrong. You dead wrong. This is a lady here.
Uh, Vicky? I wanna thank you
- for helping Sir Knolte save my life. - Actually, the plan was mine.
- No shit? - I shit you not.
I had to tell everyone I'd heard it from a great warrior,
otherwise no one would have listened to me, a woman.
- So you like me a little more than you... - Did you have a nice time with the princess?
Wait! Look, the only reason I slept with the princess,
cos I thought she was you. That's true. That's the real true bill. True bill. OK?
It was dark, and I had no night-light.
- I'm tellin' you... - Whatever you think I want to hear.
- I think all our words have been said. - Hey, Vicky...
I can help you get outta here, way outta here.
Take you to a place where a smart woman like you can do more than just ladle gruel.
Look, if you show me how to get to the lake, tomorrow you'll be at Fox Hills Mall
gettin' your legs waxed. Huh? Drinkin' mai tais, chillin'.
So what's it gonna be? Gruel, leprosy, mean-ass king?
Mai tais, chillin', bikini, thong?
I realize that our backward rebel society is far from perfect,
but it's a step in the right direction.
Now is the eve of our great offensive.
I can live with losing the good fight, but I cannot live with not fighting it.
The lake you seek is that way.
Safe journey.
Hey, old sot!
I have no quarrel with you, sir.
Finally, the lake.
Better not come out on the other end fightin' dinosaurs.
All right, think, think, think.
It's not my fight. Yeah, that's it. It's not my battle.
That's right, it's... it is not my battle at all. Yeah.
So, uh... Iet's do this.
Home sweet home.
Perhaps I'll stand you to a drink.
Oh!
Thank you.
Bless you.
(laughs)
Man, I think it's time to admit you have a drinking problem.
I want my grog back. Pick it up.
You don't wanna be messin' with me cos I'm liable to stuff a mud hole in your ass.
You know?
It's an insult, dumb-ass.
I have killed six men with these.
- What do you move for? - It's called boxing.
That's called a Rope-a-Dope.
Look at the footwork! Look at the footwork!
You know it
Now let me introduce you to my little friend.
Knolte! Come on, man. I know you got my back.
Knolte is not a fighter.
- He is not even a man! - All right, wait.
Aaagh!
(retches)
Get your ass outta here. That's right.
- That's what I'm talkin' about. - Perhaps there's life in the old dog yet.
Oh, man! High five. This is a high five moment.
Yeah, put your arm up. Right here, like that.
Well, we'll work on that.
Hey, you bad man. You put his face in the shit!
Yes, I did.
Oh, man.
Hey, Knolte, we was a great team back there, right? Like Shaq and Kobe.
Shaq and Kobe?
Well, I'll explain it to you when we get back to the camp. I loved it, man.
This... "Rope-a-Dope."
Could you teach me its mysterious ways?
You just let your man tire himself out, right?
He just get the punchin' on you. Then you like that, while he like this...
Then he tired, and you ready to really...
- What happened? - Percival's patrols. They found us.
The only men standing are those of us who were away from camp.
Damn! Victoria told us this would happen.
- Victoria! - They took her.
Now she's lost, like our cause.
Just another bauble in the king's crown.
Look here, we just gotta rescue her. You know what I'm saying? Take out the king.
Uh, uh...
Who here will fight?
Who's ready to rumble?
Nobody?!
I will.
That's what I'm talkin' about, Knolte.
But we are greatly depleted, both in number and in spirit.
Nothing could inspire them to ever fight again.
(woman) These men might fight for their queen.
The queen.
What's happenin' now? How you doin'?
He's French.
Sir Knolte.
I am pleased to see you.
For all this time, I thought you were dead.
Well, l... was.
Your Majesty, I was.
I beg your forgiveness. I should not have left you alone.
If you had not, you surely would have been killed with the others.
I'm therefore grateful that you did.
But now that you've returned from the dead, it is time to return me to my throne.
Will the men fight again on my behalf?
Oh! I can answer that. Ain't nothin' happenin'.
You know? They draggin' ass. I asked them that same thing.
They go and act like they ain't hear me, didn't they, Knolte?
This is my friend Sky Walker, a man of unconventional wisdom and courage.
What do you think, Sky Walker?
I think they're gonna need a pep talk. You know what I'm sayin', Your Highnessness?
They gonna be needin' a major pep talk. Gotta get up in here.
My queen could inspire the stars to fall from the heavens.
Gather the men, that I might give some words to stir the soul and burn the blood.
(shrieking) England!
Sceptered isle of lute and chattel,
void your rheum upon my bosom!
(painfully) Oh, England!
- (man) I've heard enough. - Oh, England!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Why don't you let me give it a try? See if I can give 'em the ol' AI Sharpton.
Well, uh...
There once was a great king!
Rodney King,
who said "Ow, ow, ow!"
"Officer Allen, ow!"
"Get 'em off... Ow! Bzz! Agh!"
And who also said "Can't we all just get along?"
We need a knight, not a jester.
I'm gonna go and start diggin' our graves.
Well, I say sometimes we can't just get along!
Sometimes we gotta take up arms!
Look.
Hear what I'm sayin'.
Your lives are shitty.
I know because I've been there.
I know the feeling of waitin' for your ship to come in
and you're standing in the middle of the desert.
Oh, England, you lost your kingdom.
You live in huts. You look like hell.
Well, you do! Check your feet out.
Look at your feet. Mm-hm, see?
Restore this lovely queen to her throne.
Cos when you can do that, she promises that there will be a horse in every stable,
a chicken in every pot. That's right. Mm!
Can I get an "amen"?
I said, can I get an "amen"?!
(crowd) Amen.
Can I get an "amen"?!
Amen! Amen!
King Leo.
He thinks he's King Arthur.
Well, I know King Arthur.
And you, King Leo, are no King Arthur!
No King Arthur, indeed!
No King Arthur! No King Arthur!
Ask not what your fiefdom could do for you,
but what you could do for your fiefdom!
Now, Sir Knolte, bring me back my crown.
Your Majesty, it will be an honor.
(Jamal) King Leo got a great big castle
(all) King Leo got a great big castle
And we're gonna shove it right up his asshole
We're gonna shove it right up his asshole
- Sound off - One, two
- Bring it on down - Huh, huh, huh-huh
( "Get Up Offa That Thing" by James Brown)
Yeah, that's tight! Right to the chest.
- I'm lovin' it! - Tight.
That's tight.
Yeah, yeah! Get it! Get it!
Try not to mount his ass next time.
Ooh! Oh!
One, two, three. Yes!
Set!
Eight! Shift! 27 blue!
Oh! Lovin' it, yeah! See what I'm sayin'?
- Splendid. - Yeah, that's tight.
- Here you go, man. - What are these?
Some new jumps, for when you lead your troops tomorrow.
Thought it might be easier for you to get around if your feet didn't weigh 500 pounds.
- I thank you. - It's all good.
I, too, have something for you. John!
- What's this? - A knight must be properly attired.
You and I both know I'm no knight.
You're as much a knight as any man I know, should you so choose.
Sleep well.
(distant shouting)
(man) The portcullis is open, unguarded!
- (man #1) Where is Percival? - (man #2) Where are the guards?
Knolte!
(man) Be brave, lads!
Hold the line!
Slaughter them!
It's the Black Knight! The Black Knight!
He lives!
It's the Black Knight!
- The Black Knight! - I can't believe it!
It's him! He lives!
It's the Moor!
Yah!
Blue 27!
Set! Hut, hut, hut!
- Yeah, yeah! - Whoo!
Aagh!
(screams)
- I'll take him. - Good idea.
Is that all you got?
I pray you, is that all you possess?
Huh?
Phillip!
- The kingdom is falling! - Be not afeard. I have everything in hand.
Are you mad? You must help me flee. You must get me to safety.
Shut up!
Aaah!
Ha-ha-ha! Boo-yeah!
Watch your step!
Ha-ha-ha! Good, eh?
And that, my friend, is the Rope-a-Dope.
Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about! Hey, Knolte, you the man! Yeah!
Knolte!
Knolte!
You're a brave knight.
It's been an honor fighting beside you.
Take this.
You know what to do.
The Black Knight.
Drop the sword, or I kill the girl.
- Let her go. - Do it!
Don't do it, Jamal!
So...
Now the Moor's a swordsman.
Now you shall die at my hands, as Knolte did.
Ohh!
Let me ask you somethin'.
You like baseball?
Or maybe you like basketball?
Maybe golf?
You can thank Tiger for that.
- You OK? - I'm sure I'll be fine.
- How's your neck? - You were very brave.
Let me help you up.
Jamal!
(thud)
Knolte!
- Long live the queen! - (cheering)
Yes! Yes!
Yes! Knolte!
We'll have an amazing life together. You'll love LA.
- But I was thinking... - I'm not goin' back without you.
You know, I'd go to the end of the earth for you.
That's only six miles from here.
You've got a lot to learn.
- Teach me. - You want me to teach you?
- 'Tis a strange way to... - It's French.
Oh!
Sky Walker, are you both still determined to leave us?
We hate to lose such a brave warrior.
Nothin' personal, uh, Miss Queen.
But, uh, Knolte's right.
I got my own battles to fight, you know?
That's my bun. You hooked me up with her.
- Mm-hm. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She knew I was down with somebody cool, so she started likin' me.
In acknowledgment for your service to the Crown,
I dub thee Sir Sky Walker, the Black Knight.
Clear.
Clear!
- What...? - His vital signs appear normal.
Jamal! Jamal!
Yo, you OK, man?
You scared the hell outta me! You was under that water for, like, ten minutes!
Hey. Yo, where's Victoria? Vicky?
- Who? - Stop playin', man!
Vicky. Victoria, my bun!
Jamal, what you talkin' about, man?
What...? Vicky?
Dude, you know, a workplace accident like this, we can sue.
There ain't no honor in that, man.
Don't think I don't know what you doin'.
You fake you some accident, get you a lawyer and walk away with my money.
Well, it won't work! And I already went ahead and took your advice.
- What advice? - I quit.
Oh, Mrs Bostick, you can't quit.
OK? We can work it out. We just gotta fight, that's all.
You on the pipe?
Mrs Bostick, look, um...
I know things can get a little scary, but courage isn't the absence of fear.
It is the presence of fear, yet the will to go on.
(Jamal) Good, good! I'm lovin' it!
How's the babies? Everybody's good? Good.
Oh, this is lovely.
How you doin', my queen?
I always knew you had it in you, Jamal.
Well, I'm just glad you like it.
- I love it. - Good, good.
(pitching machine clinks)
No, no, you can't be scared of it. Try it again.
(pitching machine clinks)
- Oh, lovin' it! - (woman) Way to go, Bobby!
(arrow whooshes)
Thanks. I think that's the first time he actually hit the ball.
You look familiar.
So do you. Uh...
- Name's Jamal. - Nicole. My friends call me Nicky.
I work in admissions up at the college. Is that where we met?
Maybe. I registered for some night classes.
Can I ask you where you got that scar?
This? Oh, it's from a long, long time ago.
Well, maybe I could take you out to lunch. You could tell me all about it.
I'd like that... very much.
All right. Good.
- (Bobby) Hey, Aunt Nicky? - I gotta go.
Yeah, well, uh, it's nice meetin' you.
I... I didn't get your number!
Excuse me. Yeah.
Ohh! Ohh!
(gurgling)
(crowd cheering)
(chanting)
(man) Release the lions!
(gate opens)
Uh...
(screams)
( "Dance to the Music " by Sly & the Family Stone)
Get up and dance to the music!
Get on up and dance to the music!
( scatting)
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
Dance to the music
All we need is a drummer
For people who only need a beat, yeah
I'm gonna add a little guitar
And make it easy to move your feet
I'm gonna add some bottom
So that the dancers just won't hide
You might like to hear my organ
I said "Ride, Sally, Ride" now
- Cynthia! - Yeah!
lfl could hear the horns blow
Cynthia on the throne
Yeah
Listen to me
Cynthia and Jerry got a message, they're sayin'
- All the squares, go home - Yeah, yeah
Listen to the voices
( scatting)
Dance to the music
- Ohh, ohh - Dance to the music
- Yeah, yeah, yeah - Dance to the music
Dance to the music
US SDH
B-Happy
BBC - The Blue Planet (1 of 8) - Ocean World
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Babylon 5 4x14 - Moments of Transition
Babylon 5 4x15 - No Surrender No Retreat
Babylon 5 4x16 - The Exercise of Vital Powers
Babylon 5 4x17 - The Face of the Enemy
Babylon 5 4x18 - Intersections in Real Time
Babylon 5 4x19 - Between the Darkness and the Light
Babylon 5 4x20 - Endgame
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Babylon 5 4x22 - The Deconstruction of Falling Stars
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Batteries Included
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Battlestar Galactica 01x05 - You Cant Go Home Again
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Battlestar Galactica 01x08 - Flesh and Bone
Battlestar Galactica 01x09 - Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down
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Baxter 1989
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Beach The
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Beauty And The Beast
Beauty and the Beast (Disney Special Platinum Edition)
Beavis and Butt-head Do America (1996)
Bedazzled
Bedford Incident The
Bedroom Key The CD1
Bedroom Key The CD2
Beethoven
Before Night Falls 2000 CD1
Before Night Falls 2000 CD2
Before Sunrise
Before Sunset 2004
Beguiled The
Behind Enemy Lines 2001
Behind The Sun (Walter Salles 2001)
Being John Malkovich
Being There (1979) CD1
Being There (1979) CD2
Belle Epoque CD1
Belle Epoque CD2
Belle and La Bete La (1946)
Bellinin And The Spynx CD1
Bellinin And The Spynx CD2
Bells Of St Marys The (1945)
Belly Of The Beast
Belly of an Architect The
Below
Belphegor
Ben-Hur CD1
Ben-Hur CD2
Bend It Like Beckham
Bend of the River 1952
Beneath the Planet of the Apes
Benny and Joon
Bernie
Best years of our lives 1946
Bet on My Disco
Better Off Dead 1985
Better Than Chocolate
Better Tomorrow 2 A CD1
Better Tomorrow 2 A CD2
Better Tomorrow 3 A
Better Way To Die A
Betty
Between Heaven and Hell
Beverly Hillbillies The 1993
Beverly Hills Ninja
Beyond Borders CD1
Beyond Borders CD2
Beyond The
Beyond The Clouds
Bez konca (No End 1985) CD1
Bez konca (No End 1985) CD2
Biches Les (Claude Chabrol 1968)
Bicho de sete cabezas
Bichunmoo CD1
Bichunmoo CD2
Big
Big Blue The CD1
Big Blue The CD2
Big Bounce The
Big Chill The
Big Daddy
Big Deal on Madonna Street (1958)
Big Fat Liar
Big Fish 2003
Big Hit The
Big Lebowski The
Big Mommas House
Big Nihgt
Big Shot - A Confessions of a Campus Bookie 2002
Big Sleep The
Big clock The 1948
Big girls dont cry
Biker boyz
Billy Elliot
Billy Madison 1995
Biloxi blues
Bingwoo 2004 CD1
Bingwoo 2004 CD2
Bio Dome
Bio Hunter
Bio Zombie
Bionicle 2 A Legends of Metru-Nui
Bionicle Mask Of Light 2003
Birch Tree Meadow The
Bird People in China The 1998 CD1
Bird People in China The 1998 CD2
Bird on a wire
Bishops Wife The 1947 CD1
Bishops Wife The 1947 CD2
Bite the bullet
Bitter Sugar (Azucar amarga)
Black Angel
Black Sabbath
BlackAdder 1x1 - The Foretelling
BlackAdder 1x2 - Born to be King
BlackAdder 1x3 - The Archbishop
BlackAdder 1x4 - The Queen of Spains Beard
BlackAdder 1x5 - Witchsmeller Pursuivant
BlackAdder 1x6 - The Black Seal
BlackAdder 2x1 - Bells
BlackAdder 2x2 - Head
BlackAdder 2x3 - Potato
BlackAdder 2x4 - Money
BlackAdder 2x5 - Beer
BlackAdder 2x6 - Chains
BlackAdder 4x1 - Captain Cook
BlackAdder 4x2 - Corporal Punishment
BlackAdder 4x3 - Major Star
BlackAdder 4x4 - Private Plane
BlackAdder 4x5 - General Hospital
BlackAdder 4x6 - Goodbyeee
BlackAdder Christmas Carol 1988
BlackAdder The Cavalier Years
BlackAdder the Third 3x1
BlackAdder the Third 3x2
BlackAdder the Third 3x3
BlackAdder the Third 3x4
BlackAdder the Third 3x5
BlackAdder the Third 3x6
Black Adder V - Back and Forth
Black Christmas
Black Hawk Down
Black Knight
Black Mask
Black Mask 2
Black Orpheus
Black Rain CD1
Black Rain CD2
Black Sheep
Black Widow 1987
Black and White (1998)
Blackout The 1997 CD1
Blackout The 1997 CD2
Blacula
Blade
Blade 3 - Trinity
Blade Of Fury
Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD1
Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD2
Blade Runner Directors Cut
Blair Witch Project The
Blame It On Rio
Blast From The Past 1999
Blast from the Past
Blazing Saddles
Blazing Sun (1960) CD1
Blazing Sun (1960) CD2
Bleeder
Bless The Child
Blind Beast
Blind Chance (1987) CD1
Blind Chance (1987) CD2
Blind Spot Hitlers Secretary (2002)
Blind date
Bliss
Blob The 1988
Blood Crime
Blood Wedding (1981)
Blood Work
Blood and Black Lace
Blow 2001 CD1
Blow 2001 CD2
Blow Dry 2001
Blown Away 1994 CD1
Blown Away 1994 CD2
Blue (Derek Jarman)
Blue Car
Blue Collar Comedy Tour The Movie
Blue Max The CD1
Blue Max The CD2
Blue Moon
Blue Planet The 1
Blue Planet The 2 - The Deep
Blue Planet The 3 - Open Ocean
Blue Planet The 4 - Frozen Seas
Blue Spring 2001
Blue Velvet
Blue juice 1995
Blue thunder
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD1
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD2
Blues Harp
Boat Trip - Feedback Overflow
Bob Le Flambeur 1955
Bob Marley Story - Rebel Music
Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice
Body Double
Body Heat
Body The
Boiler Room
Bola El
Bone Collector The
Bonnie and Clyde
Book of Fate The
Book of Pooh The
Boondock Saints The
Boot Das 1981 CD1
Boot Das 1981 CD2
Born Romantic
Boucher Le
Bounce
Bourne supremacy The-1CD
Boxcar Bertha
Boy Who Saw The Wind The
Boys and Girls
Boyz N the Hood
Branca de Neve
Bread and Roses
Breakfast Club The
Breakfast at Tiffanys
Breakin all the rules
Breaking Away
Bride with White Hair The
Bridge Man The CD1
Bridge Man The CD2
Bright Future
Broadway Danny Rose
Brother (Takeshi Kitano)
Brother Sun Sister Moon 1972
Brother from Another Planet The 1984
Brotherhood Of The Wolf
Brothers The
Buddy
Buena Estrella La (Lucky Star)
Buffalo Soldiers
Bug 1975
Bugs Bunny - Baseball Bugs (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954)
Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953)
Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943)
Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941)
Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952)
Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949)
Bugs Life A
Bullet Ballet
Bullet in the Head
Bulletproof Monk 2003
Bullets Over Broadway
Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition)
Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994)
Burnt Money
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition
Butchers Wife The