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Blow Dry 2001

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Here, at the London Plaza Theater,
we are privileged to be watching. . .
a very special demonstration cut today, ladies and gentlemen.
Raymond Robertson.
Last year's winner of the British Hairdressing Championships.
And the year before that, and since l m counting,
Perm of the Year Award 1978 and '79.
Redken Salon of the Century runner-up, 1995.
lnternational Team Member, Helsinki Women's Blow Dry, 1998.
Raymond Robertson.
Gentlemen, ladies.
I have an announcement to make. . .
that will change the face of this town forever.
Something of a coup.
That's with a '' P'' , Stanley, if l say so myself.
Let's hear it for London's own, Ray Robertson!
- Bravo! - Ladies and gentlemen,
today, as the president. . .
of the British Hair Federation,
- Well done. - l am proud to announce. . .
the lucky town which will play host. . .
to this year s championship. . .
is. . .
Keighley!
As Lord Mayor of the town of Keighley,
l am proud to announce that from a long list of competitors,
our hometown has been chosen to host- -
wait for it- -
this year's British Hairdressing Championships.
Come again?
This year's British Hairdressing Championships.
l'm sorry. lt does that sometimes.
Well, is that it then? Hairdressing? Hold the back page, lads.
- Now, lads. - That's just crap.
Come on, boys. This competition's gonna change the face of this town.
Ungrateful bastards. You'll be sorry.
Tony, can anyone enter?
No. Professionals only.
l am a professional.
Time to wake up, love.
How many times? Bloody dirty boots downstairs.
- Tea. - ln the pot.
Shelley!
Good luck, love.
- No, not a chance, Tony. - Come on, Phil, lad.
- Chance to add to the silverware. - No.
You're joking me.
You're not gonna enter? King of the bloody scissors.
Mr. Numero Uno.
Keep still, will ya? l'll have your ear off.
And you needn t look so bloody interested.
Well, l can t help hearing, can l?
lt's team cutting, you know. Think of it, Phil.
Father-and-son team. Brian's on for it.
Listen, l did competitions for 10 years,
and that were ten years too many.
l'm a barber. He's a barber. End of story.
Short back and sides, and you're out on your arse.
- We could walk it, Dad. - Enough.
Come in.
Hello.
Mrs. Birkett. Shelley.
Robert.
- Why don't l start? - Pardon?
l'll kick off, shall l? Right.
See if l can remember it all.
Ah, yes.
There are a number of ways we can proceed.
Obviously there s another course of chemotherapy,
though this would be your-- what is it now--
third course in as many years.
Someone in the remission department's. . .
trying to tell you something there.
Then, there's the bone marrow donor transplant option,
which, as we know, is about as likely as the Pope on a pogo stick.
So, not to beat about the bush, you've had it, I m afraid.
- You're stuffed. - Shelley--
- Am l right? - Shelley,
- Chemotherapy-- - Come on, Robert. Am l right?
Yes.
Don't you just love being right, eh?
All right, love?
- Mum. - You got a minute?
Well, you know--
l need a chat, love. Maybe pop up later, eh?
- Yeah, maybe. - Tonight? l'll cook.
Can t tonight, I m working.
Tomorrow?
I'll give you a ring, all right?
You could shout and l d hear ya.
Yeah, well.
Look, he's in a right mood. l d better--
- Ta-ra. - Yeah. . .
ta-ra.
Now don t go dying on me under there.
Small step for you, great step for mankind.
- Well? - All clear.
- One hundred percent? - One hundred percent.
Oh, that's my girl!
Be a darling, Vincent. Wet nails.
Please, do not take the hair dryers from the hotel bathrooms.
l want Christina here with me. Get a bit of a buzz going.
Would you kindly check us in, please, Louis?
- Pleasure, treasure. - Thank you. That's it, my love.
Now you just stand there with me and let them all have a nice look at you.
You see those three jokers? Kilburn Kutters.
Brothers.
Jasmine's married to Robert. She s a nightmare.
Great model, mind. Chris, what have you been using, eh?
l don't know. Just some stuff l found in the cupboard.
Are you take-- Are you having me on?
l m sorry. Mum uses it.
Well, you're not with your mum in Minneapolis now, are you?
You're with me.
There s something you've gotta realize pretty fast, darling.
- The competition has started. - Dad.
l haven't see you in ages. l'm on vacation.
You asked me to model, l didn t ask you.
No, the whole town's full up.
But my dear, dear girl, this reservation was made months ago.
There's nowt down in book.
l don't care about the bloody book. l just want our rooms, okay?
We don't have any. We're full up.
Room key, Mr. TJ?
Ah, the Randolph Suite.
He's nicked our rooms. That bastard's nicked our rooms.
He's a bitter old bastard, basically.
And he's past it.
No, no, he is. I don't care what folks say.
So he's got some trophies, won a few things.
They go back to the bloody lce Age them do, mate.
Back to when the bloody Yeti. . .
were wandering High Street looking for a shampoo and set.
Whole new world now, mate.
More like sculpture is modern styling.
Tell you, if Henry Moore were born now,
he wouldn't piss around with marble and statues and stuff,
he'd be an hairdresser.
Who were you talking to?
- Mr. Barry Birt. - Ah.
There we go, Mr. Birt.
Have a good trip.
Well, they said you're in luck cause we've just had a vacancy.
No wonder. lt s in the middle of bloody nowhere.
- Says they do a good breakfast. - You are joking, aren't you?
- lt's the last on the list. - You can sleep in the car!
I'm sorry, love.
What?
Great Uncle Barton. Ninety-three.
Nonsmoker. The viewing s the day after tomorrow, Noah.
Ah.
Well, come in if you're coming.
Plenty of room. Just acquired an extra bedroom.
Lovely. Lovely, that's it, Barbara.
Lovely. Lovely, that's it, Barbara.
Yes, the whole works. Go for burn. Go for burn, Dot.
Come on, go for burn! Go for burn!
Bloody gyrobics.
Aerobics.
At my age, l ll call it what l like.
You hardly said not but two words to me, you have.
What s on your mind?
l m a hairdresser, Daisy. Nothing's on me mind.
- Your tests were due this week. - Was it?
And?
Fine, you know. All clear.
That'll be why you're crying then, is it?
l thought you couldn't see.
l can't, you soft lass. You're dripping all over me.
- Sorry. - Come on.
Don't give in on the bugger.
l already have, Daisy.
You most certainly have not, young lady.
Listen, l' ve had a long time to think about dying.
And there's only one good thing knowing you're on your way,
and that's sorting it all out.
I never had a chance with Harry.
One minute, he were feeding the cat. . .
and smelling up the kitchen with his home brew.
And the next minute, he just weren't. Gone.
l never said good-bye.
All them little ends l never tied up.
So, my dear, you've tied up all your ends, have you?
Absolutely, Daisy.
l've got an ex-husband who hasn't talked to me in ten year,
a son who's embarrassed to be in the same town as me,
let alone the same room,
and a girlfriend who thinks the only problem we've got this year. . .
is what color to paint the salon.
Yeah, l d say l' ve pretty much tied the ends up now.
Well, you'd better get a bloody move on then, hadn't you?
Oh, bloody fantastic.
- Where'd you get it from? - Leeds Train Station.
They re having a refit. Cheap, but it works all right.
Oh, it's good. lt's very good.
Thanks, lads. See you later.
All right, Shelley.
Brings it all back, does that.
Hair By Night were my favorite when l were modeling.
Phil would cook up the most amazing dos.
Big rigs, you know.
Well, he better get a move on.
Entries close end of tomorrow.
Ten years too late for that, Tony.
That's just what Phil said. You know something?
There's not a single team from Keighley in the whole competition,
and we re hosting the bloody thing.
That s typical around here, that is.
l mean, we got a veteran cutter, you a veteran model.
There's Brian in the business, and Sandra, another top model.
And what do you do when the circus comes to town, eh?
ln front of your home crowd, you watch.
Tony, we're not even speaking.
l m not asking you to speak, am l?
l'm asking you to cut.
Christina.
- There. - Don't forget your roots.
lf you like these, you'll let me color for you?
lf. And that's a big '' if' .
What's in this mix, anyway? It don t look right to me.
Hmm, looks fine to me.
'' Fine' might be all right in your mother s salon,
but you're gonna have to do better than that if you're to color for me.
'' Fine' don t win competitions.
Well, Dad, just give me a chance, will you, okay? l'm a good colorist.
l can't see it meself. lt s only hair, isn't it?
Only hair?
You can tell a lot from a man's hair.
- Oh, aye? - Oh, aye.
For instance.
Hey.
You washed it three days ago. . .
with avec.
T.T.S.T.
Tea-Tree Scalp Treatment. And it were cut--
rather well as it happens- - two and a half weeks ago.
What?
- By Phil Allen. - How d you know that?
- Phil? Still cutting then? - Who s Phil Allen?
See that? Tiny point at the nape of the neck. Unmistakable.
- He's out of it. Has been for years. - But who is he?
Nobody.
Good morning, starshine
The earth says hello
You twinkle above
We twinkle below
Good morning, starshine
You lead us along
My love and me as we sing
Our early morning singing song
- Gliddy glup gloopy - Sandra. . .
you know this, uh, hair competition?
- Yeah. - Should we go for it?
You serious?
Yeah.
Oh, Shell, I don't know.
That were a long time ago. l'm hardly model material now.
You' ve got beauty hair, and you know it.
We'll get Brian to do Men's Timed Cut. . .
and Phil to do Total Look.
Brian. . . and Phil.
Don t see why not.
Oh, come on, Shell. How many reasons do you want '' why not'' ?
How about this? You were married to him. I was his model.
You and me ran off together, night before National Championships.
Don't, Sandra.
Phil Allen hasn't said two words to me in nearly ten years.
And you haven't said two words to him.
lt's time you both bloody well started.
Oh, it is, is it?
Sandra, l thought you d be up for it.
Well, I m not saying I m not, love.
But if we re gonna do it, can't we do it without him?
No.
Well, l reckon Phil Allen would rather cut me throat than me hair,
to be honest with you.
Oh, l'd love another crack at it, though, Shell. I really would.
Mmm, the closer you get
Get out the moisturizer and the mud packs. . .
because l'm the oldest person on that stage by about 29 years.
The better you look the more l want you
- When you turn on your smile - Et voila.
l feel my heart go wild
- l'm like a child - Looking good, girl.
- With a brand-new toy - Looking good.
And l get the sweetest feeling, honey
- The sweetest - To us.
Baby, the sweetest
You sure this isn't conditioner?
Ooh, yeah
Ah. '' Tastes better when drunk in bed.'' Hmm?
Baby
Be right there.
The more you thrill me
Aye. . .
- lt's more than l can stand - to us.
Girl when you hold my hand
l feel so grand that I could cry
And I get the
Mama, the sweetest
Mama, the sweetest
- Sweetest feeling - Baby, the sweetest
- Sweetest feeling - Loving you
Take a seat. Be out in a sec.
Brian, shop.
Social call, is it?
Just wanted a word.
- Brian. - With you and all.
Please.
Hiya, Brian.
Mum.
Look, l know it s mad, but. . .
l m going in for the competition.
l was wonderin' --
Well, what about it?
lt s one salon per town, and nobody's even entered for Keighley.
We're sort of a salon.
Well, could be. . . technically.
l checked the rules.
- Same family. - Technically.
Well, we could do it, you know.
lt wouldn't take much to get back in the swing of it.
Be like old times.
Old times stopped ten years back, lass, when you upped and went.
Finished your breakfast? We're open.
Brian, what about it?
Please. . .
be my guest.
lt's your choice, lad.
That were a good one, Phil.
One for the album, I d say.
- Oh, my. Christina? - Yeah?
Biological warfare unit for you.
Guess I need a bit more practice.
Louis, you re coloring.
lf l had real models to practice on, l d do a better job, right?
One of the nastiest double crowns. . .
l've ever had the misfortune to tackle.
How the mighty have fallen.
Eh, Phil?
lt's seven-fifty a cut,
and two quid extra if you want it washing.
Wonderful.
Seven-fifty. l'm in a museum.
There's no charge for using the door.
Oh, come on, Phil.
l should be the one bearing grudges around here.
Who nicked whose model, eh?
Past life, Ray. We could be talking about another man altogether.
So, we won't be seeing the flashing scissors tomorrow then?
- No. - Well, it's a shame.
I'm on for the treble this year.
Win it-- Win it this time,
l get-- l get this for keeps.
Won't that be something?
Nice if you like silverware, l guess.
l wonder if you would have got the treble.
You know, if- -
if Sandra hadn't done a runner with Shelley, that is.
Don t push it, Ray.
Well. . .
sorry l couldn t tempt you.
Hello. Yes.
So what are you doing staying up at Noah s farm then?
Sorry?
lt is Christina, isn t it?
Brian. You. How, um--
How are you?
Oh, not so bad. Not so bad at all. What about you?
Fine, yeah, yeah.
- Are you. . . - Are you- -
modeling?
Yes. Yeah. Yeah, l, um,
I was coloring too, but. . .
l messed up on some wig tests and Dad's banned me now.
So, what about you?
Oh, me? No, um. . .
l mean, l'm cutting in me dad's shop, but. . .
not competitions.
Oh.
Well, you ve changed a bit.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's, um,
wonderful to see such a broad church here tonight.
We have teams from all three corners of the United Kingdom.
To win the coveted Silver Scissors Trophy,
these giants of the styling world. . .
will do battle over four events.
These are the, um--
The Women's Timed Blow Dry.
Uh, the Men's Freestyle, where. . .
members of our lovely audience will be styled.
Um, Hair By Night-- evening wear, evening hair.
And finally the Total Look,
where the follicle meets the metaphysical, ladies and gentlemen.
But remember, folks, all competitors. . .
must adhere strictly to the Federation rules.
In your dreams.
You'll find a copy in your gift bags by the door.
Entries must be in by midnight tonight.
So, don't hang about. Big up the big hair.
Look at them.
l ve swept better hairstyles off the floor of our salon.
l'm off to bed. You coming?
l ll just hang out a little bit longer. Just till l finish my drink.
Suit yourself. Keep an eye on her.
Okay.
Hello, love.
Eh-up, chuck. Nice to see you. lt s okay, Phil s not entering.
Of course. He s been off the circuit ten years.
There's no harm in checking. l don t want anything messing this one up.
- Have you got the combs? - Shh!
Sorted.
Now where s Christina?
Come on, love, we're going. Big day tomorrow.
Dad, it's Brian. Do you remember?
- Oh, aye. - Yeah, saw you at the salon.
Salon?
He used to be somebody, your dad.
Too scared to even enter now.
- Yeah, well, l'm not. - Oh!
Junior league, is it? Christina.
l'll get a taxi. l'll see you later.
l thought you weren't entering.
l wasn't.
It were a nice idea, love.
There's always next year.
Brian, what are you doing, love?
l'm not cutting for you permanent, just the competition.
So, what about it? Are you on for it?
Of course l am.
Sandra?
Right.
Hey, you'll have to do something about that. . .
if l m to work with it tomorrow.
Rehydrating conditioner or axle grease.
Don t start, you.
l shouldn t even be talking to you. My dad will kill me.
Your dad will never know.
Anyway, you said you need coloring practice, and l. . .
definitely need to get my scissor fingers loosened up for tomorrow.
- So- - - Yeah, but--
Shit, Brian.
l've never, uh,
l ve never seen a dead person before.
l mean, not. . . not really, not close up.
Keeps on growing after you die, you know.
Pretty spooky, that. Hair and the nails.
This is Uncle Barton.
l think you're sleeping in his bed.
Does it bother you?
A bit.
No volume, no real hold. That's the problem.
l use volumizing conditioner. That helps give it a bit of body, l find.
So, what about it? Take color, will it?
Jesus.
- Style me. - What?
- l want styling. - You're being done tomorrow.
- What more do you want? - Not that.
This.
A love-heart, l think.
Jas, l can t be doing that.
l mean, what the Jesus is Robert gonna think. . .
if he sees a love-heart on your pubic triangle?
Listen, darling, to Robert,
this is the bloody Bermuda Triangle.
So, if you want it. . .
you better cut it.
Your dad really won't let you color?
I just don t get it.
l spent ages practicing with Deacon in my mum's salon.
Deacon?
Boyfriend. . . sort of.
Sort of?
Yeah, you know.
Right. Better get a shift on, eh?
Gotta get him back to rights before morning.
Give us a hand here. We'll fix him up and then we ll do Uncle Barton.
Always were a weird kid.
l missed you.
You were only seven.
l still missed you.
Me too, Christina.
Me too.
Chris, it was just a kiss!
Christina! l m sorry.
He's alive, Brian. He's alive!
Oh, no. lt's just air trapped in his voice box.
l heard him, Brian. He moaned. He did.
Come inside. People will hear.
- l'm not going back in there. - lt's just air.
Look, l'll show you.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
They're viewing Uncle Barton at 10: 00.
l'm dead.
l'm bloody dead.
l'd better get you home.
Bloody door's locked.
He looks like bloody Sid Vicious.
Come on, Brian.
Don t let me down.
Where the hell have you been?
Sorry.
Ah.
She been doing her persuading, has she?
lt's nowt to do with her.
Well, are you happy with Sandra modeling, are you?
- Nowt to do with her, neither. - Who is it to do with?
Ray, that's who.
He walked all over you.
And you let him.
l'm a wonderful thing baby
Such a, such a
Wonderful
l'm a wonderful thing baby
Such a, such a
Right, leave this to me. Phil!
But l don't have much time
I've got a dozen or more babes
To see before l fly
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the. . .
British Hairdressing Championships. . .
here in Keighley.
Suit yourselves.
StyIists. . . check your dryers.
Ladies and gentlemen, competitors of the- -
Where the hell have you been?
Look, l'm here, aren't l?
The Ladies' Timed Blow Dry.
Huh?
Are we starting?
Oh, yeah. Three. . . two. . . one.
Let's style!
Who's that lady
Coming down the road
Christ, Sandra, you've got split ends.
Take a look at yourself, love.
Who's that woman
Walking through my door
So, how's the, uh,
little love-heart?
lt itches.
Ow, Dad!
Just smile, sweetheart. The red horns were a nice touch.
- Very theatrical. Talk of the town. - l was just practicing.
There are people you practice on and people you don t.
Dead people belong in the latter category.
And there are people you practice with and people you don't.
Bloody Brian Allen also belongs in the latter category. Right?
Right. Sorry.
- Get out of my dreams - Get in the backseat, baby
- What's the deal here? - What on earth? My comb's melting.
l can't work with this!
Steward. Steward! What is the meaning of this? Look at this comb!
Get into my car
Lady driver let me take the wheel
- Smooth operator - l'm really sorry, Sandra.
- What have you done? - l've got to go.
- Excuse me. - Come here, you.
Make it real Like a roadrunner coming after you
Just like a hill
l'm really, really sorry, Saul.
Competitors, stop styling.
All competitors to stop styling.
The, uh, clock has stopped.
There will be a five-minute time break.
Replacement combs are being issued now.
Well, fuck this for a game of soldiers.
Sorry, Phil. Had to be done.
What's going on, love?
They didn't get me scissor fingers.
- You silly bloody fool. - Oh, ta.
Serve you right. You'll get no sympathy from me.
Stop it, will you? Just stop it.
What do you think you were doing?
To dead people, for Christ's sake.
You want looking at by the head doctor.
Leave it, will you?
And you can stay clear of that girl.
What's it to do with you who l talk to, eh? You know what?
- You're bloody jealous, you are. - Just stop it!
For once in my life l needed some help from you.
lt's the love of your life, cutting hair, but you couldn't do it for me.
No way.
Are two and two making four here?
Well, it did when l were at school.
- Have you-- - Chemotherapy.
Radiotherapy. Holistic massage.
Bollicky potions from China. Monkey's piss.
You name it. Yes, l have.
Well, at least you won t be able to mess around with my hair. . .
when l'm dead, will you, love?
Why didn't you tell me?
Maybe because you haven't spoken to me in ten years. Good enough reason?
Sandra?
She thinks l'm still in the clear, doesn t she?
Waiting for it to grow back.
l can't tell her.
You told us.
Yeah, l told you.
l can tell you 'cause you don't care.
Not really.
She cares so much her heart will burst. . . silly cow.
Competitors to recommence styling.
You have 15 minutes remaining.
Go on, love.
l thought you of all people would spot a piece when you saw one.
Stylists, time's up. Combs down.
The judging will now begin. Models, take your poses.
ln third place,
with 79 points,
is London's Kilburn Kutters.
Second, from Birmingham,
with 80 points, The Style Warriors.
Yes!
And in first place, at the end of round one,
with 82 points,
it's South London's Raymond Robertson's Hair Studios.
Yes!
- So, one down, three to go. - Candy off a baby.
Round two: The Men's Freestyle starts at 10:00 tomorrow.
Volunteers from the audience will be given a free hairdo.
They will draw lots out of a hat and. . .
- be assigned to one of these teams. - l'm sorry. I did me best.
Lovely, lovely. Well, you know, early days.
- Commiserations to you. - Hello, Phil.
Two gin and tonics, please, love.
Detroit, 1982.
- Uh, not with you. - The old comb trick.
Detroit, 1982. World Styling Finals.
We re running around shouting, ' Foul, '' while the Yanks,
whose combs mysteriously do not wilt, do not melt,
just carry on styling.
No prizes for guessing who took the medals that year.
You can't have forgotten that, Raymond.
1982.
Nope. Can't remember 1982. We've moved on a bit since then.
Thanks, love. Most of us, anyway.
Yeah, the combs. lt s a fix, we know. Thanks for calling.
Just 'cause something's fixed, don't mean you can't break it.
Get your coats on.
- What's he doing? - He's the plant.
Ray spends three hours tonight getting it perfect,
and then Julie Andrews there pretends to cut it tomorrow,
twenty minutes flat.
But it's picked out of a hat.
How's Louis supposed to end up with him if it's random?
Their team's not in the hat, though, is it?
lt's in your man's pocket.
Come the selection, he dips his hand in the hat and abracadabra,
Louis gets the carrottop.
Nice, Raymond. Very nice.
Christina.
- Watch it. - Christina.
- Yeah? - Cheer up, we're winning.
Now what we need here is just the slightest tint,
so subtle, you'd never know it were colored.
Easy after your last assignment. He's still alive.
- ls this in the rules? - lt s in my rules.
Come on. You said you wanted practice.
What's she doing?
She don't look right happy about it, love.
She's still doing it, though.
He's sweet on her, all right.
Gonna get his heart broke,
if it isn't already.
Occupational hazard, love.
Yeah. l guess so.
Who's cuttin' your hair these days?
Nobody.
- l do it meself. - Looks like it.
Nobody gets to cut my hair.
l used to.
Yeah, but l learned my lesson, didn't l?
You could have run off with another bloke, at least.
There never was another bloke for me.
Still isn't.
You get out, you thievin' buggers!
Steal my bloody sheep, will you, you bastards.
- Time was drifting - Time. That s it. You've blown it.
You haven't even touched his fringe. You've got 20 minutes total.
That s five minutes each side, five at the back,
three at the front, two for your finishing touches.
You've gotta dance, lad, dance.
Forward, back, forward, back. Thirty times a minute, by heck.
l never thought a son of mine had have flat bloody feet.
Must get them from your mother.
On your toes, boy. Balance, shift, feel it.
Couldn't see the light l couldn't see the light
Sharon, love, hop out a second.
Swap over, Shelley. See. . .
you're our model for Hair By Night, you're not a dummy.
You can help her.
Brush.
Spray. See, it saves seconds,
maybe a whole minute over a Hair By Night job.
You can do a lot of business with a minute. Comb.
A kiss on the lips could be quite continental
But diamonds are a girl's best--
What the hell happened to you?
The Total Look- - Marilyn. . . Monroe.
Well, l didn't think you were the milkman.
Oh, you don't like it. He doesn't like it.
Do you know how many Marilyn Monroes are gonna pop up in Total Look?
- lt s the oldest gag in the book. - Now, now.
lt s not bad, Sand. lt s nice coloring, but--
Right. Different approach.
You could help her. You two did best Total Looks in bloody world.
Let's get this clear, Shelley. l m not cutting, especially not her.
All right, l'll do Total Look. I was never good at it though.
l still don't see how we re gonna get Ray's carrottop out the picture.
You keep your head on the job, you.
l m working on it.
Oh, sorry, mate.
How's it going, Tony?
Marvelous.
Don't worry. It'll soon fill up.
Enjoy yourself.
Model number nine to '' Hair Montage.''
Model number-- Can l see your number, lad?
Model number 11, the '' Kilburn Kutters. ''
Model number 26, '' The Cut Above. '
- Model number 33 to. . . - I don't bloody believe it.
'' Hair Raisers. '
Model number 31 to '' The Cutting Room.''
And number-- Can l see the card? Number 13 to. . .
'' The Flair Hair Salon. '
Model number 17 to '' The Clip Joint. '
And model number- - Let s see your number, sir.
Come on, what's your number? Number seven, thank you.
Where are you going to? Come on, don t be shy.
Thank you. Model number seven to '' The Style Warriors. ' Thank you.
And model number-- Can you put it the right way up, sir? Thanks.
Model number 19 to ' Raymond's Hair Studio.''
Thank you very much.
Model number 17 to, um, ' The Clip Joint. '
Model number 29 to '' The Main Line. ' Thank you.
Okay, the Men's Freestyle Competition. . .
is about to commence, ladies and gents.
Ooh, the tension's killing me.
Something should.
You have 20 minutes starting. . .
now, let's cut!
She'll never be rich She'll never be famous like you
Anything for the weekend.
Move over, Madonna Give it up for Betty Lou
Got bad news for your beard, mate.
Hey, Noah.
Oh. Thought you'd be in town.
Not allowed. Dad's banned me after l--
You know.
l'm really sorry about your great-uncle's hair. l really am.
Well, l just hope he sees the funny side wherever he is.
Miserable bugger.
Hard work, sheep shearing.
Don't know why we bother. Only gonna get nabbed like all the others.
Can't people tell which ones are yours?
One sheep's pretty much like another sheep, isn t it?
Noah, l might be able to help you, if you let me.
The 20 minutes are up.
And the scissors are down, ladies and gentlemen.
The scissors are down.
Can l just say, ladies and gents,
don't our people look fabulous?
No, l did try to call you.
lt's just really hard to find reception up here.
Deacon-- Yeah.
Yeah, let s- - let's just do that.
Bye.
l heard you did really well in the freestyle.
So where were you?
Not allowed to leave the farm unless l'm modeling.
But l've been busy.
l've cracked the color. I really have.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
You really are getting good at coloring.
Pink still needs some work. lt keeps running.
Did a good job on that carrottop last night too.
It was Dad s idea.
Brian, it's-- it s just hair.
Worth cheating to win, though, eh?
l'll see you around maybe.
Brian.
Brian!
Now after the Men's Freestyle,
Raymond Robertson Hair Studios are in first place,
the KiIburn Kutters in second- -
Jasmine, love, what l was th--
- What? - Wha--
Oh.
lt was Vincent's idea.
Sharon, love, you've got to smile for Hair By Night.
No, Shaz, you've got to smile for the whole haircut. The judges. . .
- like it, makes it look fun. - Ladies and gentlemen.
The Total Look.
Yeah? Nice.
What s the '' flucking'' problem?
Got summat to say, have you?
- Not me. - C'mon, out with it.
Elegance, ingenuity, imagination. That s what. . .
- judges are looking for. - So, l'm not elegant,
l m not '' ingenuitous,'' is that what you're saying?
Come on, love, this is panto.
Well, you're the expert around here, seem to remember.
So, why don't you help me?
You know bloody well why not.
Oh, come on, Phil, do you have to?
Listen, you re in fourth, wi' two rounds to go.
And there's just the slimmest chance you can take this competition,
but you re not going to with her in an outfit like that.
She hasn't a chance in Total Look.
Not without you she hasn't, no.
Back in a tick, Shaz.
You okay, love?
Sorry, Sandra.
I'm sorry, love.
Oh, you liar.
- You fucking liar. - Sand--
Out. Everybody out.
Come on! Don t you have homes to go to? Scram! Shoo!
- Bugger off! - Hang on, Sandra.
Oh, knew, did ya?
Of course you bloody did. And you and all, Phil?
Yeah. Traitors all. Everyone knew, except the dizzy cow here.
Don't tell her, she's only her fucking girlfriend, after all.
- What would she know? - Sandra--
Don't you dare!
You come round, after ten years of blanking me in the street,
telling me l've got no elegance.
Well, you re bloody right, l've got no elegance.
But l've got a big boot, and l'm gonna kick you out. Get out!
Out! And you, get out of my shop!
- What about me highlights? - Bugger your highlights! Get out!
Your highlights go green if you leave them in too long, love.
- How long's too long? - About now.
Well, you can find yourself a new model for tomorrow.
Bloody hell. l'll sue, l will.
Oh, come on, Sandra.
- Love. - You said you were clear.
You said-- You bloody said.
Emergency prescription, please. Painkillers from Dr. Hamilton.
My friend, Bob.
Did you bring that nice shampoo?
lt's a bloody silly time for a haircut.
Daisy?
What are you doing up?
Oh, l'm in with the dribblers and the dying, noisy bunch.
Night's the only quiet time.
You ve not got your scissors on you, have you?
Get terrible knots when l'm not seen too regular.
Not that you care.
l'll come tomorrow, Daisy, and bring my bag of tricks, eh?
'' l'll come tomorrow. ' That's what they all say.
But they never do.
And l don t have many tomorrows, do l?
ln case you've forgotten, neither do l, you selfish, old bat.
That's the spirit.
Tomorrow, then.
- Come on, Tony! - Ladies and gents,
welcome back to Keighley's British Hairdressing Championships.
All right then, lovely lasses,
on to the arena, please, thank you.
Round Three is entitled, ' Hair By Night. '
ln '' Hair By Night,'' the judges are looking for. . .
'' an evening wear style. . .
which combines elegant traditionalism. . .
with an imaginative, modern approach to elaborate, formal styling, '
it says here.
Well, it's your Friday night fancy hairdo, isn't it?
Can t we just ask someone, Dad?
Anyone, we can't just throw it away now.
Look, even if we had a model, l've never been one for evening styles,
That were your mum's bag. . . and Ray's.
We could have had em.
Hurry up and take your seats, ladies.
Competitors of the National Hairdressing Championships,
you have 45 minutes.
Let cutting commence!
What's it to be today, then?
Oh, summat special, l think, Shell. Summat really fancy.
Right you are, then.
l met a devil woman
She took my heart away
She said l've had it coming to me
l tell ya, he just walked out. Not a word.
- Poached eggs untouched. - Jasmine, he's gonna be back, okay?
- So. . . relax. - He better bloody had be, darling,
l'm not having you do my Total Look.
Well, smile, for God's sake. What's the matter with you, anyway?
You re cheating.
l'm winning.
Here's something that you're never gonna forget
Ba-ba-ba-baby you just ain't seen no-no-nothing yet
Nothing yet you ain't been around
That's what they told me
And now I'm feeling better
'Cause l found out for sure
lt's one of them 18th-century baroque jobs.
Very popular when that Amadeus was on at pictures.
Stylists. . . your time is up.
When l wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind
- Then l look at you - Smile, love, please. Just smile.
And the world's alI right with me
Just one look at you
And l know it's gonna be
A Iovely day
A beauty is that, Shelley.
A beauty.
Ladies and gentIemen,
the results of round three.
With 80 points, West London s the Kilburn Kutters.
With 81 points, Raymond Robertson s Hair Studio.
And winning this round with 91 points,
our very own, Yorkshire s pudding,
pride of our hearts, Keighley's Cut Above!
Fan-bloody-tastic!
Yes! Oh, yes!
Eh!
You see? You re only three points behind in the totals.
You can win it, Shell. All you need is a model for the Total Look.
That wasn t the point, Phil.
That were never the point.
l'm not with you.
You, me, Brian, Sandra. . . family.
No, you're right.
We were never going to work.
The final round begins at 6:00, ladies and gents, 6:00.
Mum?
Your mum was 18 and she'd given up modeling. . .
when you came along, and l was styling Sandra.
Dippiest cow l'd ever come across.
Hair like satin, though.
Beautiful.
And me and Sandra, we'd worked out the most amazing Total Look.
We spent six months planning it.
Six months on a fucking hairdo.
Well, she left. . . with your mum.
The night before the competition.
Fun and games, eh?
Doesn t sound like it's been exactly fun and games for either of em.
No.
Got that one wrong, didn't l?
l'll put some toast on, eh?
Ta, lad. Toast would be grand.
- Excuse me. - Watch where you're going.
- Nothing. - Well, where is she?
We should be prepping her now. lt's close enough. . .
as it is without her going AWOL. I want that trophy, Louis.
Christina?
Christina?
What have you done?
Louis,
get me another model.
Get out of my way!
l m a bit of a mess.
lt's the most beautiful cut l've ever seen in my life.
Don't make fun of me, please, okay?
l'm not. l'm not.
It's beautiful.
No, she's gone out for a walk.
She's probably up top of hill.
Your mum.
l'm in the bath. I'll let you know when l m out.
- Mind if l join ya? - No lock on the door.
All seems pretty stupid from this distance.
Sandra, she needs you.
Been through everything with her, you know?
Everything.
Didn't tell a soul, kept it all inside.
Our secret. The hairless bloody hairdresser.
But when it comes down to it,
she couldn't tell me, could she?
lt's not me she needs, Phil.
lt's you.
Maybe it's neither, it's us.
Not much of an us, you and me.
- Seen worse. - Really?
- Maybe not. - Aye.
Still, has to be worth a shot.
Please.
Well, l never thought l'd hear ' please ' come out of your gob.
You must be desperate.
ls it still there, the tattoo?
Oh, l guess faded a bit, eh?
l haven't looked in ages.
l m not proud of what I did, Phil.
l didn t want to run off with her.
l couldn't help it. l just fell in love with her.
Me too, kid.
Me too.
- All right, Tony? - Eh-up, sexy.
Welcome back to the final round. . .
of the British Hairdressing Championships.
The Total Look, ladies and gents,
is where the stylists recreate, not just the hair,
but the entire costume of an era, person. . .
or concept even.
The costumes and hair preparations have been worked on for weeks.
The hair, however,
needs to be created in just 45 minutes.
So, for the final time in this year s competition,
models to the mirrors, please.
And here they are, the top six teams. . .
who've made it to the grand finale,
where they ll challenge to become British Champion.
Hey, l'll say this,
what's Las Vegas got that Keighley hasn't?
Eh? Nowt.
Razzle-dazzle, entertainment, thrills and spills?
By God, we've got it all.
Viva Las Keighley! Yeah!
- Ray, found one. - lt's all bloody green!
She'll have to do. Come on, love.
So what do you think the chances are, eh, Louis?
Well, we're in the clear, The Cut Above s a no-show.
Where the bugger are they?
What about the bloody Kilburn Kutters?
Well, something's up. Robert s not doing total look.
He always does it.
- Ooh. - Mmm. Good luck.
Hey, Mum!
Mum!
- What is it, love? - lt's Dad. He's cuttin !
Hairdresser of the Year '80, '81, '82.
Twice British Champion, 1981, '82.
Ladies and gentlemen, Keighley's Phil Allen.
Just like old times, this.
The moment of truth. You have 45 minutes, starting now.
Calm down. l' ve done this a thousand times, all right?
Robert always does the wedding rig on me.
Well, you put an end to that, didn't you, babe?
Oh, Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Go on, love. lt's been waiting ten years, after all.
Baby, don't you know I'm just human
And l've got thoughts like any other man
And sometimes l feel myself alone regretting
Some foolish thing Some foolish thing I've done
But l'm just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood
Oh Lord
Don't you let me be misunderstood
Don't Iet me be
Don't let me be misunderstood
Ladies and gentlemen. . .
Suzie as ' Still Life. '
A total of 73 points, ladies and gentlemen.
And now we have The Style Warriors from Birmingham.
Ladies and gentlemen. . .
Ebony as '' Winter. '
- My dad, did you see him? - Shh. They're judging.
The Style Warriors with Ebony as ' Winter. ''
l wish we had that kind of winter in Keighley, eh?
Eighty-two points.
Okay, it's now the turn of the Kilburn Kutters. . .
from West London.
Ladies and gentlemen, Jasmine as ' Marriage.''
ls that how it's supposed to be?
Er, 65 points. Big round of applause, please, ladies and gents.
And now, it's Raymond Robertson s Hair Studio.
Ladies and gentlemen, it now gives me the profoundest pleasure. . .
to introduce you. . .
to the very lovely ' Nefertita. '
Ninety points!
Well, that keeps him in the lead overall.
Ninety points for Raymond Robertson.
lt's going to close, ladies and gents. lt's gonna be very close.
Thank you, Raymond.
And last but not least,
Keighley's own The Cut Above.
Sandra as- -
- Come on, Keighley! - Well. . .
as Sandra.
Give it all you got!
Come on, Keighley, you can do it.
Come on, Keighley!
Ninety-friggin'-four!
Yeah! Yes!
The Cut Above, 94 points!
Which makes them. . .
overall British Hairdressing Champions. . .
Hair 2000!
Yes!
We ve bloody gone and done it! Yes!
Hey, who's laughing at Keighley now, eh?
No one! No!
Champions! Come on, give it plenty!
Champions! Keighley the champions!
Yeah!
l'm sorry.
Back to London if you- - if you want a lift.
No.
Well, look after yourself, won't you?
You too, Dad.
Look at you.
How are you?
Never better, love. Never better.
You could've told me, Shell.
Me, of all people.
You of all people l couldn t.
Ah, love.
Ah, love.
Phil.
Beautiful, love.
Beautiful.
Thank you very much.
They went mad in there.
Home?
Yeah. . . home.
Shell, lend us one of your wigs?
What do you mean? That's a prize-winning haircut.
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna sta-ay
For more than just a day
Well, l just can't help believing
When she slips her hand in my hand
And it feels so small and helpless
And my fingers fold around it like a glove
l just can't help believing
When she's whispering her magic
And her tears are shining honey sweet with love
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna sta-ay
For more than just a day
For more than just a day
Oh, I just can't help believing
- Sing the song, baby. - Oh, I just can't heIp believing
- One more time. - Oh, I just can't heIp believing
- Yeah, one more. - Oh, I just can't heIp believing
For more than just a day
Oh, I just can't help believing
When she slips her hand in my hand
And it feels so small and helpless
And my fingers fold around it like a glove
l just can't help believing
When she smiles and whispers her magic
And her tears are shining honey sweet with love
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna stay
This time the girl is gonna sta-ay
For more than just a day
Oh, I just can't help believing
- Take it, babe. - Oh, I just can't heIp believing
- Yo. - Oh, I just can't heIp believing
Oh, I just can't help believing
B-Happy
BBC - The Blue Planet (1 of 8) - Ocean World
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Babylon 5 4x14 - Moments of Transition
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Babylon 5 4x16 - The Exercise of Vital Powers
Babylon 5 4x17 - The Face of the Enemy
Babylon 5 4x18 - Intersections in Real Time
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Babylon 5 4x20 - Endgame
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Babylon 5 4x22 - The Deconstruction of Falling Stars
Babys Day Out
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Baxter 1989
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Below
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Best years of our lives 1946
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Better Than Chocolate
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Betty
Between Heaven and Hell
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Bird People in China The 1998 CD2
Bird on a wire
Bishops Wife The 1947 CD1
Bishops Wife The 1947 CD2
Bite the bullet
Bitter Sugar (Azucar amarga)
Black Angel
Black Sabbath
BlackAdder 1x1 - The Foretelling
BlackAdder 1x2 - Born to be King
BlackAdder 1x3 - The Archbishop
BlackAdder 1x4 - The Queen of Spains Beard
BlackAdder 1x5 - Witchsmeller Pursuivant
BlackAdder 1x6 - The Black Seal
BlackAdder 2x1 - Bells
BlackAdder 2x2 - Head
BlackAdder 2x3 - Potato
BlackAdder 2x4 - Money
BlackAdder 2x5 - Beer
BlackAdder 2x6 - Chains
BlackAdder 4x1 - Captain Cook
BlackAdder 4x2 - Corporal Punishment
BlackAdder 4x3 - Major Star
BlackAdder 4x4 - Private Plane
BlackAdder 4x5 - General Hospital
BlackAdder 4x6 - Goodbyeee
BlackAdder Christmas Carol 1988
BlackAdder The Cavalier Years
BlackAdder the Third 3x1
BlackAdder the Third 3x2
BlackAdder the Third 3x3
BlackAdder the Third 3x4
BlackAdder the Third 3x5
BlackAdder the Third 3x6
Black Adder V - Back and Forth
Black Christmas
Black Hawk Down
Black Knight
Black Mask
Black Mask 2
Black Orpheus
Black Rain CD1
Black Rain CD2
Black Sheep
Black Widow 1987
Black and White (1998)
Blackout The 1997 CD1
Blackout The 1997 CD2
Blacula
Blade
Blade 3 - Trinity
Blade Of Fury
Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD1
Blade Runner (1982 Original Cut) CD2
Blade Runner Directors Cut
Blair Witch Project The
Blame It On Rio
Blast From The Past 1999
Blast from the Past
Blazing Saddles
Blazing Sun (1960) CD1
Blazing Sun (1960) CD2
Bleeder
Bless The Child
Blind Beast
Blind Chance (1987) CD1
Blind Chance (1987) CD2
Blind Spot Hitlers Secretary (2002)
Blind date
Bliss
Blob The 1988
Blood Crime
Blood Wedding (1981)
Blood Work
Blood and Black Lace
Blow 2001 CD1
Blow 2001 CD2
Blow Dry 2001
Blown Away 1994 CD1
Blown Away 1994 CD2
Blue (Derek Jarman)
Blue Car
Blue Collar Comedy Tour The Movie
Blue Max The CD1
Blue Max The CD2
Blue Moon
Blue Planet The 1
Blue Planet The 2 - The Deep
Blue Planet The 3 - Open Ocean
Blue Planet The 4 - Frozen Seas
Blue Spring 2001
Blue Velvet
Blue juice 1995
Blue thunder
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD1
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD2
Blues Harp
Boat Trip - Feedback Overflow
Bob Le Flambeur 1955
Bob Marley Story - Rebel Music
Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice
Body Double
Body Heat
Body The
Boiler Room
Bola El
Bone Collector The
Bonnie and Clyde
Book of Fate The
Book of Pooh The
Boondock Saints The
Boot Das 1981 CD1
Boot Das 1981 CD2
Born Romantic
Boucher Le
Bounce
Bourne supremacy The-1CD
Boxcar Bertha
Boy Who Saw The Wind The
Boys and Girls
Boyz N the Hood
Branca de Neve
Bread and Roses
Breakfast Club The
Breakfast at Tiffanys
Breakin all the rules
Breaking Away
Bride with White Hair The
Bridge Man The CD1
Bridge Man The CD2
Bright Future
Broadway Danny Rose
Brother (Takeshi Kitano)
Brother Sun Sister Moon 1972
Brother from Another Planet The 1984
Brotherhood Of The Wolf
Brothers The
Buddy
Buena Estrella La (Lucky Star)
Buffalo Soldiers
Bug 1975
Bugs Bunny - Baseball Bugs (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954)
Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953)
Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943)
Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941)
Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952)
Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949)
Bugs Life A
Bullet Ballet
Bullet in the Head
Bulletproof Monk 2003
Bullets Over Broadway
Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition)
Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994)
Burnt Money
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition
Butchers Wife The