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Cats Meow The CD1

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I found my love in Avalon
Beside the bay
I left my love in Avalon
And I sailed away
I dream of her and Avalon
From dusk till dawn
So, I think
I'll travel on
To Avalon
Every morn my memories stray
Across the sea where flying fishes play
And as the night is falling
I find that I'm recalling
That blissful all enthralling day
Beside the bay
And I sailed away
I dream of her and Avalon
From dusk till dawn
So I think
I'll travel on
To Avalon.
Man: Stop pushing.
(crowd yelling)
Man: Stop pushing.
Man: Please, calm down.
Woman's voice: In November of 1924,
during a weekend yacht party bound for San Diego,
a mysterious death occurred within the Hollywood community.
However, there was no coverage in the press, no police action,
and of the 1 4 passengers on board,
only one was ever questioned by authorities.
Little evidence exists now, or existed at the time,
to support any version of those weekend events.
History has been written in whispers.
This is the whisper told most often.
The yacht, you see,
belonged to William Randolph Hearst.
Only in a place like this do reporters and autograph hounds
have absolutely no scruples about stampeding mourners at a funeral.
Welcome to Hollywood,
a land just off the coast of the planet earth.
(Hawaiian guitars playing "Aloha Oe")
After we all leave,
the man in the box will disappear.
Just his ashes will remain.
After all, it's fire that can hurt you, not ashes.
(music playing)
Radio announcer: ...you're listening to KFI.
And stay tuned for our weekend music marathon,
with our own KFI studio orchestra.
I fear this bizarre yet fascinating town,
but I can't leave it.
You see, I'm never quite certain if I'm visiting the zoo,
or if I'm one of the animals in a cage.
Don't you dare! I will not be seen arriving early.
Yes, ma'am.
Woman's voice: I want to avoid the solution to this riddle
but the man in the box forces us to confront it.
All of us were there that weekend.
Stop!
I am not here.
(engine roars)
Woman: The birthday boy is early.
He must be anxious.
My God, this thing must be 200 feet.
- 220. - He owns that?
And the ocean it's sitting in and the sky above.
What are you doing?!
The old boy should give you the ship as a birthday present, Tom.
We could sell it and get the studio out of hock.
Don't be melodramatic, George, no one's in hock.
We're not far away. I don't know about this new strategy.
It's like I told you, people's tastes have changed.
They want to read more modern stories. Contemporary, adult.
Tom: Like the kind you read in Hearst's magazines.
Woman: Will it be like this all the way to San Diego and back?
Besides, he has a lot of other assets to offer.
Yeah, cash.
I still don't think it's the right time. Too obvious.
Relax, George. No one's going to be obvious.
Woman: Business. Business.
(horn blowing)
Everybody loves my baby
But my baby don't love nobody but me
Nobody but me
Everybody wants my baby
But my baby don't want nobody but me...
Yes, take that bag.
Kono, a starving man
eats the wooden planks of his log cabin.
- Is that funny? - No, Mr. Chaplin. Not funny.
Don't hold back. Tell me what you really think.
Huh? Hmm?
Chaplin: Don't tell me Elinor Glyn has arrived on time?
Good God, perhaps even early?
Oh... all right then.
Hello, you little bastard.
The "little" I object to.
I see your young passion flame is not accompanying you.
Lita? She's not here? I seem to have forgotten her.
Let's keep it that way, shall we?
Oh my God!
(chattering)
...they cost him a fortune.
Mr. Chaplin, it is an honor,
and I mean a true honor to meet you, sir.
Louella Parsons.
I write for Mr. Hearst's paper the New York American.
I've been there a whole year.
Louella Parsons of the East, meet Elinor Glyn of the West.
Elinor is the finest and naughtiest writer in the entire world.
Oh, you don't have to tell me that.
I wish I could be introduced as being "of the West."
Whatever makes you happy, dear.
Well, I'll leave you two alone.
I have something-or-other to attend to.
Mr. Chaplin, did you happen to notice the rave review
I gave your last picture, "A Woman of Paris"?
Yes, I did. Thank you, that was most kind.
So deserved, so deserved.
Itjust stinks that nobody went to see it.
At least you won't lose your shirt on the next picture too.
I hear at least you have the good sense to be in this one.
"The Gold Rush." I hear that's just a hint
as to how much this picture is costing you.
Oh, there's the birthday boy!
- Marion, sweetheart. - Happy birthday.
Thank you. It's not until tomorrow but I always love it
when a beautiful girl kisses me.
- Wow, look at you! - Thanks.
We should try to find a naval picture for you,
so we can get this look on film.
- What do you think, George? - Absolutely.
- Drinks? - A natural comic too.
- Thanks. - So, where's our captain?
He'll be down in a minute.
...if I'm truly going to make a difference,
is a daily column with my name on top,
marking the place where both the people
in the audience and on the screen
can come together to read the truth,
notjust vicious gossip and innuendo.
Keep after old WR, I'm sure he'll come around.
I plan to, believe you me.
Take you, for example. I want you to know that l, for one,
am so sorry about your difficulties with your little co-star,
this little girl, Lita...
Oh! We're here.
- Allow me. - Yes, it's... moving.
Oh! So, Mr. Chaplin,
if you ever need a sympathetic person to confide in, I'm all ears.
After all, you'll need someone on your side
when the shocking truth emerges.
- (chuckles) - Thank you very much, Ms. Parsons.
- Lolly. - Hmm?
Lolly. All my close friends call me Lolly.
- Lolly. - Um-hmm.
So, Mr. Chaplin...
Goddamn son of a bitch!
If you kids'll excuse me again for a sec.
- Tom: Charlie, how are you? - Safe, for the moment.
You know George Thomas, my business partner?
- George. - Charlie.
This is Miss Margaret Livingston, George's guest and a delightful actress.
- Charmed, I'm sure. - Me too.
- And Mrs. Ince? - Couldn't make it,
one of our boys isn't feeling well.
- Sorry to hear that. - Yeah...
Say, that "Woman of Paris" was a terrific picture.
Pretty big risk you took by not being in it.
You're a risk taker, Charlie, just like me.
Just when you got everyone laughing at your Little Tramp character,
you make some weepy melodrama without him.
You can't fault the man for taking a gamble.
And anyhow, failure is a character builder. Right, Charlie?
I don't know, Tom, you tell me.
Thanks a lot. You introduce me and then you hog him to yourself.
Little prick.
Really? I hear he's got a pretty big one.
Actors running a studio.
It's like the goddamn serfs running the palace.
He lost his shirt in that last picture.
He's so overbudget on "The Gold Rush,"
his partners aren't even returning his phone calls.
And his 1 6-year-old leading lady collapsed on the set... pregnant.
- No kidding? - Uh-huh.
They learn about the birds and bees so much younger these days.
The buzz is that Chaplin did the pollinating.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, Zoe. Can you get me some more of these? Thank you.
Did you hear that hack lecture me?
Hack? The man built three movie studios all by himself.
Just 'cause he builds a paint shop doesn't make him Van Gogh.
Why haven't...
Come here.
Why haven't you returned any of my phone calls, you little shit?
'Cause I hate telephones.
Maybe I was calling to tell you to stay away this weekend.
That would pretty much ensure that I turn out, wouldn't it?
Willie's heard about us.
He's even had private detectives around.
He only invited you so he could watch us.
Nothing can happen this weekend.
What are you doing next weekend?
Jesus, Charlie! You didn't get me into bed and you're not going to.
- Says who? You or Captain Willie? - Says me.
I've got to go help little Miss Lolly...
I mean it!
You start anything, I'll throw you and your smirk overboard.
Marion!
Do you believe I would've stayed away?
No.
But you should really believe that I wanted you to.
I won't have anybody walk on this boat
without being introduced to everybody.
Lolly, this is everybody. Everybody, this is Lolly.
- Tom: Hi. - Marion: Louella Parsons.
This is one of Willie's insightful movie reviewers.
Especially because of the wonderful things she writes about me.
- (chuckles) - And...
I wrote them before I knew you were Mr. Hearst's...
You know, before you and the boss... I knew that...
Uhm...
Gosh, this thing is big, isn't it?
Yes, dear, but does he know how to use it?
(chuckles)
Well, that's that.
I'll get the captain so we can shove off.
Did you hear that, Pops? I'm coming up.
Very convincing.
- Oh, is anyone here yet? - Everyone's here and you know it.
Are you gonna come down from Mount Olympus or what?
There's no need for sarcasm, Marion.
You're the one up here in radio central spying on everyone.
- Those who have nothing to fear... - Save the Bible quotes.
- It's not from the Bible. - Whoever then.
Fine, go right ahead and keep spying
'cause there's nothing to see.
There have been whispers.
Stop listening to whispers and listen to me.
There's nothing going on between me and Charlie.
Okay?
I bought you something... in New York.
- Willie... - (chuckling)
It's beautiful.
But you already gave me a butterfly brooch.
Oh no! That's diamonds and rubies. This is diamonds and jade.
You don't have one of these.
There are a lot of things I don't have.
- If you love someone... - You can't buy me all of them.
you try to get them what they don't get themselves.
I love you so much.
Don't ever stop.
And I'll always be here,
don't you know that?
Thank you.
Every time you thank me... what do I say?
"Shut up and keep me happy, Pops."
Exactly.
Ah, Dr. Goodman.
I didn't see you come on board.
You know me, Joe. Elusive as ever.
- How's the chief today? - A little edgy, Dan.
- Marion? - Why else?
No, I mean, how is Marion?
Oh. The usual.
- Spunky. - Uh-huh.
Permission to come aboard!
Here we go.
- Frank, how are you? - Joseph!
- Not late, are we? - Not at all, not at all.
- Who's he? - Boring Frank Barham,
the pill of the Hearst publishing world.
They are invited to remind WR that for every one of us
- There are two of them. - What's the wife called?
Who knows?
Oh my word! What a big boat!
Correction, who cares?
Marion! Marion, honey.
Do you trust Tom Ince?
Do you trust him?
Well, he doesn't drink during the day.
- Can't trust him. - Hmm? Oh...
And I better not catch you two talking business.
- Or what? - Or you'll get yours.
Marion: Aww...
Marion: Well, here he is.
Finally.
Welcome!
Such a remarkable economy of words
for one who controls more print than Jesus Christ.
Take that back, or I'll have to dishonor your good name.
I hope someone does. I'm feeling rather frisky.
Lolly, Madam Glyn would like a word.
Bastard!
Mrs. Glyn, I've read every one of your wonderful,
wonderful books.
How lovely for you, dear,
but do forgive me, I have to go to write another one.
Chief, it's nearly noon. We should try to keep on schedule.
Woman: Stop!
Raise the gangplank!
- No! - Oh my God!
- Wait! - Stop!
Woman: Oh, thank God.
He always does this to us! Every time!
I'm sweating like a pig.
How am I gonna land anyone with sweat dripping down my nose?
Don't bitch, Didi, I'm not in the mood.
Both: Hi! Hello!
I think this is going to be a most enjoyable boat ride.
Yeah... the cat's meow.
That's it everybody! Out to sea!
(horn blows)
(clears throat)
Wow.
(moaning)
Jesus Christ, Tom!
- You want everyone to hear you? - Yes!
- Be sensible, please. - God!
You said this time was going to be different,
that I was going to come off George's arm and onto yours.
You will. We've gotta be delicate.
We've got to find the right moment.
No one cares if you're having an affair.
Look at Hearst and Marion, for Christ's sake!
Mrs. Hearst knows about Marion.
She doesn't approve of divorce, but she approved the arrangement.
She wants to stay a very rich woman
with the last name of Hearst. Who can blame her?
Now it's your innocent, vulnerable wife who's the excuse.
I'm trying to make a deal with the guy.
So not getting on his morally objectionable side...
The man's whole life is morally objectionable!
You're getting loud!
Sorry. You just... get me crazy sometimes.
No, you're right. I'm sorry. It's my fault.
I'm not giving you a chance to strut your stuff.
- I don't want to strut my stuff... - See, there you go...
- You're selling yourself short. - I just want to strut with you.
You're a fabulous actress
and you should be given a chance to shine.
We can't be pushy is all I'm saying.
Let me work some of my magic on the old man...
and we'll get you noticed.
As an actress or on your arm?
The lady places a tall order, but maybe we can do both.
- Yeah? - Hmm...
Okay.
(sighs)
"Flames of Youth"?
Dear God!
WR,
you're early for dinner.
I always like to come out just before sundown.
The best time to watch for seagulls.
What? Oh, yeah. Beautiful creatures.
You know, Tom, I just love movies.
I always thought the press
was the most powerful thing for a communicator
- But that's not true these days. - You're absolutely right.
Words don't always translate well across seven continents.
But through those fabulous, fabulous moving pictures...
Well, it's a universal language, and morality and politics...
and any other goddamn thing I can put into someone's head.
- (gunshot) - Son of a bitch!
Your days are numbered, you little bastard!
You gotta keep your gun low or else they see it.
Yeah, yeah... I see.
- Can I be frank with you, WR? - You can be whoever you like, Tom.
I think your eye for movies is right on target.
- You do? - But you have to face facts.
There's some things even you can't control.
- Like what? - Your whole empire,
your family, is based on the east coast.
- The movies are in California. - I'm aware of that.
You should also be aware that movie producers
can't send orders over the telephone and they can't have yes men
represent them when real decisions...
You're being almost inexcusably frank.
- (gunshot) - God damn it!
There's a lot of money in movies, WR.
Yeah, mine!
I've made millions from this business and...
we both know that despite the quality of your pictures
you've never made back a dime...
All right, suppose I believe your frank observations,
are you implying that Thomas H. Ince can make a difference?
I'm not implying, I'm stating.
I'm talking about personally overseeing Cosmopolitan Pictures.
- Marion's career in particular. - How personally?
Well...
consulting with you on which scripts and directors are right for her.
- Making sure her productions... - What's in it for you?
The stories in Cosmopolitan and other magazines, for starters.
Hmm...
It's not that I doubt your background in the business, Tom.
On the contrary... that's just where it's been lately, in the background.
You have to admit, you're not the force you were five years ago.
That maybe true of both of us, WR.
But I think we both have different strengths
to help the other's weaknesses.
No offense, Tom...
But if I'm in trouble I don't need a cripple to help me up.
(seagull squawks)
(gunshot)
Ha! Gotcha!
Look at him fall.
Splash.
That's the one that tried to get away before. Stupid bird!
You've ever eaten a seagull, Tom?
- No. - They taste awful.
Just like eating a crow.
Are you gonna let me in?
I'll kick the door in.
I'll kick your teeth in.
- Come to my room then. - Your room?
I mean it. I have a love letter that needs proofreading.
Why don't you have Lita proofread it?
- She's not old enough to read. - How could I forget?
Admit it. You're in love with me, aren't you?
Not as much as you are with you, Charlie.
Every morning, every evening, ain't we got fun?
Not much money, oh but honey, ain't we got fun?
The rent's unpaid, dear, but we have a car...
Oh, Doctor. There's something I wanted to ask you.
Lolly: Every time I eat grapes I get extreme palpitations.
Dr. Goodman: I wouldn't worry about it.
Lolly: My heart starts pounding and then I break out in a rash.
Everything all right, Chief?
Everything's just fine.
I can't believe he still only let us have one drink.
Well, Didi, it is illegal.
Yeah, but not for us. You had yours?
I'm saving it for later when I'll really need it.
"I don't need a cripple." He actually said that to you?
Nice way to treat the guest of honor, huh?
If I had the same mean streak, I'd throw that fling
Marion and Chaplin are having right on his face.
- Marion and Chaplin? - Saw them holding hands on deck.
Notice they're the only ones we're still waiting for.
I advise you to keep it to yourself.
- I know, I'm a decent man. - I need my escort, if you don't mind.
I hope you were not waiting for me to eat your appetizers.
Elinor: Since you've decided to grace us with your presence,
perhaps you'd have the decency to tell us where to sit.
If Willie had it his way, he'd talk business all night.
So you, Mr. Birthday Boy, will sit at my end of the table.
And Willie, why don't we have Charlie sit by you
- To keep you laughing all night? - Or is that vice versa?
Now, Charlie, hold your tongue.
And your seat.
(everyone laughs)
You got me, WR.
I've done it to many people, but never had it done to me.
How does it feel?
Invigorating.
Get over here, Lolly. Sit down.
That was hysterical, Mr. Hearst.
... Still we have fun
There's nothing surer
The rich get rich and the poor get poorer...
Good band, huh?
Especially the saxophone player, eh?
Yeah, isn't he... ooh, you caught me.
So, Big Joe, what have you been up to since I saw you last?
Well, I saw you in "Lady of the Harem."
Ohh, you did, huh?
And what did your mama think about that?
Well, Mama was sitting on my lap.
Didi: You're a dirty, dirty boy.
I should forget about him if I were you.
Pardon me?
Married moguls and mistresses don't mix, Margaret.
Oh, it's rather good. I must use that in a novel.
- Have you got a pen? - Yes.
Marion, not even a teensy weensy bit of business talk?
What is it, Tom?
I'm trying to negotiate a deal with WR,
and you gotta tell me the secret. How do you get through to him?
- You want to know my secret? - Uh-huh.
I don't have to do a goddamn thing.
I don't follow you.
People have funny ideas about me and Willie.
- The whole gold-digger thing. - No, no, no! I didn't mean...
The truth is, Willie did the pursuing.
He used to buy two seats every night when I was in the Follies.
One for him and one for his hat.
I never once asked him to put me in a picture.
It would take more to get him to stop putting me in his pictures.
That's my secret, Tom. With Willie, I don't have to dig.
So, your husband is Mr. Frank Barham?
- Yes, he certainly is. - Barham: Hello, darling.
- Who's that? - That's Mr. Barham.
Oh, I thought maybe your lover was on board. Too bad.
- Dan, don't be modest. - Oh, no.
Mr. Hearst takes full responsibility for Cosmopolitan Pictures.
Everyone knows you're one of his top executives.
I'm actually a physician by trade.
- Oh, you're a doctor? - Semi-retired.
Oh nice. Very...
Medicinal.
Hearst: Maybe I should ask you. What do you think, Charlie,
about Marion's pictures, how we've been handling her?
I don't think you've recognized that she's a wonderful comedienne.
I mean, her eyes, her smile, her laugh. She's a delight.
Comedy... I don't want people laughing at Marion.
Well, she doesn't need any more stodgy period dramas.
Excuse me, but Marion belongs in serious, important pictures,
certainly not running around in baggy pants comedy.
No offense, Charlie.
Excuse me, you're not doing what's right for Marion.
- No offense, WR. - (glass clinks)
I'd like to make a toast.
It's usually Willie's job, but as you know,
a few weeks ago, us gals, we got to vote for president again.
So I figured I can do whatever the hell I darn well please.
Here's to our birthday boy.
Not only did Tom invent the cowboy picture,
but he helped build this town.
He figured out how to run a studio that could make
- 1 0 movies at the same time. - And took credit for all of them!
(laughing)
Oh, Willie!
- To Tom! - All: To Tom!
Thank you.
That was very sweet.
Mr. Hearst, I just want to say,
it's so wonderful to be here.
The more I see the lovely people of California
the more I'm reminded of the need for a columnist...
You know, Lolly, the first rule of California living
is never to mix business with pleasure.
Now, what were you saying?
Oh, uh...
I was just saying it's so...
wonderful to see all these fascinating people
assembled in one place.
You see, Charlie? That's why I've hired her.
Even with a gun to her head
she still gives me unconditionally rave reviews.
As long as nobody pulls the trigger...
What are you laughing about down there?
It was the funniest thing ever!
it was all about... there was a gun at my head
and somebody pulled the trigger!
Guns and triggers, such violence!
All in line with Madame Elinor's California Curse.
California Curse? What's that?
Not that nasty thing. Not now.
Yes, Elinor, do educate our visitor.
Elinor: The California Curse strikes you like a disease
the minute you set foot in Hollywood, so pay close attention.
Oh, I am, I am.
You see, this place you've arrived in,
this place we call home,
isn't a place at all, but a living creature.
A living creature?!
More precisely, an evil wizard.
Like in the old stories.
- And you all live on him? - Like fleas on the belly of a mutt.
Elinor: Exactly.
But unlike the helpless dog, this wizard is able to banish
the true personalities of those he bewitches,
forcing them against their will to carry out his command,
to forget the land of their birth,
the purpose of theirjourney,
and whatever principles they once held dear.
Don't forget about the symptoms, that's my favorite part.
The curse is taking hold of you if you experience the following:
you see yourself as the most important person in any room;
you accept money as the strongest force in nature;
and finally, your morality vanishes...
without a trace.
Well, thank God none of us have been infected, eh, WR?
Umm... yes.
Thank God for that.
Charleston, everybody!
- (cheering) - (music plays)
Come on, Pops, let's show 'em how it's done!
Hearst: You bet!
Mrs. Barham: What are you looking at?
Oh, I'm tired. Let's sit down.
Sit? I want to pound my feet so hard the devil will complain.
(Hearst laughs)
Come on, Jay, take us to the moon!
(cheers)
(tenor singing opera)
Hearst: They've just shot all this a couple of days ago.
I haven't seen any of it yet.
Hearst: Shh!
It's wonderful...
Hearst: There! You see that throne?
That throne is from the 1 6th century.
That's King Lewis II. I brought that over from Hungary.
Honey, you're wonderful. Just wonderful.
(snoring loudly)
(chuckling)
(laughing)
(laughing)
- Marion: Get in there! - Chaplin: Ow!
(chattering)
- (music playing) - Wow, Marion, look at you!
Yeah, but that movie sure went in the shithouse.
Okay, Willie's at the wheel for two hours so who's first?
- Chaplin: I am! - Didi: Hands off, you little tramp!
Marion, you always have the best moonshine.
That's because every hour, bottles arrive from her many admirers.
Well, this one sure's got sex appeal. Who gave it to you?
Who do you think?
Didi: Hmm, I see...
Well, it's mine now.
Ahoy there.
Tom, how are you?
Stuffed!
That was some banquet.
Wait until tomorrow. Marion's prepared quite a birthday feast.
- Marion is a special woman. - Yep, she is.
It's so hard to love someone in our business.
There's so many men who prey on beauty.
And not sincerely either, but in cruel ways, just for the conquest.
Take a character like Chaplin for example.
He's absolutely notorious.
I'm sure you've heard about Lita, his leading actress.
Mm-hmm.
Apparently she's pregnant with his child...
she's only 1 6 for Christ sakes!
That's why I keep my Nell far away from show people.
Women aren't as strong as we are. They're easily fooled,
their hearts are easily corrupted.
Yeah, yeah, it is a concern.
It must be, especially...
considering the amount of time you're forced to spend 3,000 miles apart.
This might be something else I can help you with.
- What do you mean? - Well...
if we were to merge our motion picture interests,
along with all the other benefits,
I could keep an eye on her for you.
Hmm...
What makes you think she needs to be watched?
- Well, she certainly has... - Barham: Is four a crowd?
Not at all. Join us. You were saying, Tom?
We can talk later.
- Such a charming cabin! - Good night, everyone.
What a nice man.
Yes. Very nice.
- Here I am with surprises! - Jay: Charlie!
- Didi: Let's see what you got, Celia. - It's dope, Didi.
You had that the whole car ride?
If I'd told you in the car that box would be empty right now.
Is it true what they say about a Jazz man and his instrument?
- Every word, sister. - Oh!
You're with me. Come on.
Hey!
You're not gonna be a flat tire about our playtime, are you?
You do as you like, Marion, dear.
Just don't expect me tojoin you in such infantile nonsense.
Frank, I admire your marriage.
So simple... clean.
- Thank you, WR. - Nothing complicating things.
Frankly I feel uninteresting compared with the...
colorful lifestyles of your other guests.
Lord knows what they're all up to at this hour.
Frank, I won't hear such talk.
The codes of decency are something to be held in high regard.
We should feel no shame for not being as liberal-minded as the rest.
Darling, please.
No disrespect, but you know what one of those actress persons
- Said to me at dinner? - What?
She had the gumption to ask if Frank was my lover!
- No! - Yes!
What did you tell her?!
I said, "Mr. Barham is my husband, deary, we're not lovers."
- You set her straight. - The thought of such a thing!
(music playing)
(inhaling)
Among the finest I've ever tasted, Celia.
The absolute finest.
- Who is it? - Tom: It's me.
If you say, "It's Tom Ince
to see Ms. Margaret Livingston alone in her cabin
on a Saturday night," you'll get a big surprise.
It's uh...
Tom Ince to see Miss Margaret Livingston
alone in her cabin on a Saturday night.
I suppose that's the best I'll get out of you.
Elinor: ...He said it was a sausage!
All right, everyone, time for charades!
Celia: We call them "sha-raids."
These are the subjects I've prepared.
Chaplin: Well...
We will be one team.
Very well.
Didi and Celia will be team two.
- What a gyp. - Shut up!
Come on, Marion. Choose.
(laughing)
Two medical students I once knew.
- Celia: Let them get started. - Elinor: Noo...
"Indian Love Call," by Harback and Hammerstein!
- Didi: Guppies! - Elinor: No, no.
King and Queen Tut!
There was no Mrs. Tut!
- Celia: Oh oh oh! - Jay: Oh, he's getting her now.
Didi: Concubines!
All: Oohh!
Didi: I know! Sex!
This charade is being misread.
Marion, come outside so I can explain it to you.
Now, Marion, what's going on?
I promised myself this wouldn't happen.
You had to promise yourself?!
I don't know, l... can't think straight.
Have you slept with him?
- No. - Have you?!
- No! - Thank God.
You're not in love with him?
He thinks he's in love with me.
Charles is only capable of a monogamous relationship
with his own movies.
But I want to trust him before l...
Before you what?!
Listen to what you're saying!
You know, Willie's the first man who ever had faith in me.
And I'm all he's got keeping him a human being.
I think he'd... he'd...
he'd die if I left him.
I think he would.
And you think Charles Chaplin would die if you left him?
Charlie might cry at my grave
and recite some lousy poem he wrote.
But give him a day or two and he'd be back in the market.
A day or two? Charles would copulate
with a reasonably attractive pallbearer.
What is it, baby?
I'm sorry.
No. Don't be sorry.
- It's just that... - Talk to me.
- It's just what? - Everything.
- I feel like it's all slipping away. - What is?
Everything. Me.
Tonight Hearst called me a cripple in the picture business.
- That's a lousy thing to say. - Do people see me as a cripple?
- No. - Or a credit hog?
- No, honey. - Oh God...
I used to be a force in this town.
- You are a force. - Not too long ago.
I used to make 40 pictures a year.
Now I'm lucky if I can get one off the ground.
- God, I need him so badly. - You'll get him.
- You think so? - I know so.
- Do you? - Yeah, I know it.
You're a force.
- I am, aren't I? - You are.
(moaning)
Marion must think you're a lousy kisser
or else she'd be back by now.
Hey, Charlie,
you look just like Adolphe Menjou in this ad.
Chaplin: That's 'cause it is Adolphe Menjou.
No wonder I never heard of the picture. Who wants to see
a Charlie Chaplin production without Charlie Chaplin?
(Chaplin coughs) (chuckling)
Not... not many people, apparently.
I demand that someone kiss my magnificent breasts!
Jay: Okay.
- What, again? - Chaplin: Me, please.
Type it up, will you?
Shit.
Just be strong and keep telling him no.
- Understand? - Yeah.
Four people on the bed and Chaplin's the only one asleep.
Elinor: That's something you don't see every day.
(laughing)
WR?
A wire's come through from the New York office.
It's an item that will be published
in tomorrow's New York Daily News.
- Grace Kingsley. - Oh God!
Which one of my pictures is she bashing now?
- I'll leave it here for you. - No, no, go ahead and read it.
"Charlie Chaplin continues to pay
ardent attention to Marion Davies.
He's spent the evening at Montmartre dining and dancing
with the fair Marion the other night.
There was a lovely young dancer entertaining that evening.
And Charlie applauded but with his back turned.
He never took his eyes off Marion's blonde beauty.
Miss Davies looked very fetching indeed."
Photos?
Studio close-ups of each of them.
- Placed side by side? - Yeah.
Caption?
"They're still seen around with each other."
I'll leave it here for you.
Fine, fine. You can go now.
- Shall I make a call? - Get out!!
- Good morning. - Good morning.
Question: Two men starving to death
decide to eat their hair like spaghetti. Is that funny?
Elinor: Hmm... well,
it depends whether by "funny," you want to make people laugh.
Chaplin: Sarcasm doesn't suit your hat, Elinor.
(Elinor chuckles)
Hearst: I want to show you something absolutely fantastic.
Bring the cannon out here!
Ladies, don't be frightened. Mr. Cannonball!
Bring it up here, boys. How is it going?
Stop. Get back, boys.
Get out of the way.
Put those down there.
- Ready, Mr. Cannonball? - I'm ready.
All right. Get back, you'll get blown up.
Only us brave performers are gonna stay up here.
- Ready, Mr. Cannonball? - I'm ready!
(crowd screams)
- (all cheer) - Hearst: Amazing!
Amazing, amazing!
Every single time! By jingles!
I don't know how many times I've seen you do that
but it never ceases to amaze me.
I believe I saw you before on Catalina last summer.
Yep. Catalina, up and down the coast from Frisco
clear on down to Ensenada.
Wherever you see a cannonball hit a man's stomach
and you see that same man walk away on both legs,
you're seeing me.
Didn't I tell you?
- Tom, that was good. - Wonderful.
Hearst: You've seen it 1 00 times...
How many more times do you suppose it'll take
before the cannonball explodes through the poor man's back?
I don't know, but Hearst will be there with a match in his hand.
That is what he's waiting to see.
George.
You know, Margaret,
there's a certain unspoken bond
between single women who are trapped on a yacht together.
What Didi wants to know is,
is it true you're Tom Ince's lover?
- I beg your pardon? - I think he's very attractive.
Not to mention influential.
He's a little short, but then every man in this town
is much smaller than you'd like him to be.
Excuse me.
Have you lost your mind?!
I've tried your approach. It doesn't work.
I have to show him I can handle his private life too.
- Marion only affects him. - By proving Marion's unfaithful?!
Which will make him hate you forever.
I know you're looking for some harpoon,
but this one is dangerously double-edged.
- Tom, we need to talk. - Not now, Margaret.
Look...
Hi, everyone! Did I miss it?
Marion!
- He can do it again. - Shut up.
Oh, you just missed it!
CQ
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Con Air
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Confessions of Sorority Girls
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Connie and Carla
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Conspiracy Theory 1997
Control 2004
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Countess Dracula (1970)
Country of my Skull
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