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Dawg

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Stand tall, enemy approaching!
Krissy Tate requesting entry to King Dawg's castle, please.
lt's gonna cost you.
You have to kiss me for five seconds.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi...
three Mississippi...
four Mississippi...
five Mississippi...
Entry denied!
l hate you, Douglas Menford.
l can't believe it! He said no!
Why did you do that?
l've kissed better.
Can l get one of those plastic divider things?
Sure.
Between the goal post, baby!
Oh, hallelujah!
What're you doing here?
What do you mean? What's wrong with me being here?
How did you know where l worked?
Mr. Langley, how are you? Excuse me a moment. Sorry.
This broad, l sleep with her once, and she thinks she can follow me to work.
But l'll take care of it. Don't worry.
That broad is my wife, and you're fired.
Stupid twit!
-They can all kiss my ass, Joe. -Easy, Dawg.
No, ''easy'' this.
Screw them. Screw R.P. Langley.
-You already screwed his wife. -l didn't know it was his wife.
l wish l had known it was his wife. Would have made it more exciting.
You know what? He can lick me. Crack to sack, okay?
R.P. Langley can lick me, crack to fucking sack.
Hey, not in front of the lady.
Sorry, tough week.
That's no excuse for cursing like that.
lt's important for decent people to control their language.
Motherfucking son of a bitch, you're hot!
So are you. lncredible.
-Take your panties off. -No, not yet.
Come on, l'm depressed.
Sex is like medication. lt'll help ease the pain.
Why are you depressed? You'll find another job.
lt's not really about my job. lt's about my grandmother, actually.
She just died.
What's wrong?
You're using your grandmother's death to get yourself a piece of ass.
That is so demented.
l'm someone who can channel depression through sexual energy.
-l'm in real mourning. -You're sick.
l only need four hours of sleep.
lt's a funeral. How awake do you have to be? Where're you going?
l know l'm not scheduled to speak here today...
on behalf of my beloved grandmother, but l would like to add...
she was a woman of incredible character.
She was a great woman of incredible character.
Shit!
The woman who taught me the valuable lessons of life.
Just don't make them like her anymore.
ls this where the Kate Menford funeral is going to be?
This is where the Kate Menford funeral was.
No, it was supposed to be at 9:30.
No, 8:30. Sorry, pal.
Come on, get these....
You got to put these on the truck.
Sorry, Gram.
l'm gonna miss you.
lf you think about it...
it's a lot like sex, missionary style, with the lights turned off.
lt can only last so long, you know?
lf you screw too many times on the top of the coffee table...
flip it over, and tie your partner to the legs. Trust me, that's hot.
-That's disgusting. -lt's great.
lt's got to be one of those big wood jobs.
The square kind, solid oak.
Wow.
Coffee table.
l'm sorry. How do you know my grandmother again?
l'm your cousin, Denise.
Cousin Denise.
Hi, how are you?
-Fine. -How're you doing?
You look great since you got the braces off. You really do.
One door closes and another one opens.
-Hi, l'm Anna Lockheart. -Doug Menford, how are you?
-Nice to meet you. -You're not related to me, are you?
Hardly, no.
l'm your grandmother's attorney and the executor of her estate.
l wanna make this really brief. This isn't the time or place to conduct business.
l imagine you must be pretty....
l am. But my strategy is to lay low and hang out by the food table.
Because usually when you're eating, people don't bother you.
-l'm sorry. l didn't mean to-- -Relax, l'm just messing with you.
The truth is every good-looking woman will end up at the food table...
because women like to eat when they're sad.
Really? And what do men do?
We look for sad women.
-Are you free on Monday afternoon? -Yes.
Here's my card.
Be at this address at 1 :00.
Why?
Let me put it this way.
Your grandmother was worth a lot more than you think.
ln fact, she was worth more than anybody thought.
And out of all her immediate family...
distant relatives, second and third cousins included...
and all money-hungry hopefuls gathered here today...
for some reason...
yours is the only name that appears on the will.
Mr. Menford?
How much exactly is she worth?
1 :00, Monday.
l'm here about the coffee table. Solid oak.
-Are those-- -Strawberries.
Kinky!
This isn't even in kinky's parking lot.
l always wanted to do it Dawg style.
Come on in, gentlemen.
ls that what l think it is?
lt certainly is.
Share the wealth, baby!
More!
-You must be Mr. Menford. -That's right.
Douglas Menford is here to see you.
Thank you, Harris. Send him in.
-Go right through that door. -Great, thank you.
Good morning.
lt could be.
What's that supposed to mean?
Do you want me to do community service or take a physical?
You name the time and the place, l'll pee in the cup.
Did your grandmother's death affect you at all, Mr. Menford?
Let's cut to the chase. What're we talking about here?
$20,000? Her Lincoln Town Car, what?
We're talking about $1 million.
We are?
You sure you have the right will?
Holy shit!
Where'd she get that kind of money?
You weren't the only one to dabble in the stock market.
l don't dabble. l help people with money decide where to put it.
As luck would have it, my career...
happens to be....
Where the fuck did she get $1 million?
lt seems that your grandmother was some kind of financial genius.
Great. Where do l sign?
l'm afraid it's not quite that easy, Mr. Menford.
''l, Kathryn J. Menford...
''hereby declare my grandson...
''Douglas Lawrence Menford...
''the sole beneficiary of all my monetary savings...
''if...
''and only if...
''he successfully completes the following mission.''
Mission?
What mission? Let me take a look.
How many serious girlfriends have you had?
-Girlfriends? How many serious? -What does that have to do with the will?
Everything, actually.
None, after a while, they start hearing wedding bells.
How many girls have you...
used for sex?
Used for sex?
-One-night stands, saying ''l love you''-- -l know what you mean.
-Do l have to answer that question? -Yes, you do.
Let me think about it.
-l get the message. Thank you. -l'm interested to find out now.
No, please stop.
You read from the second paragraph...
you'll get the gist of what we're talking about.
''ln order to receive your $1 million...
''you must track down a significant number of these women...
''and get them to say the words 'l forgive you.'''
What's a significant number?
A nice, round dozen.
l shall shadow you every second of every day to check that you don't cheat.
lf l even get the slightest whiff of any fraudulence...
the whole deal is off, and her entire estate goes to the local dog shelter.
So, are we on?
l get to pick the girls.
Don't be ridiculous.
You'd find some silly little girls that would collude with you.
Your grandmother loved you, Mr. Menford.
But she thought you behaved like an absolute jerk when it came to women.
Now then, how would a man like you record his conquests?
-Have you got a little black book? -No.
-Do you make notches on the bedpost? -No.
Then, how are we going to do this?
These are disgusting!
l am going to sort these out.
Play poker, Mr. Menford?
Not really.
Well, let's hope you draw a lucky hand.
-That's a good one. -Right.
Very good.
Not good.
Some of these girls are gonna be hard.
And 1 2.
Okay, 1 2 it is.
What?
-Good morning. -Hello.
-Need all these bags? -Of course l do.
What the hell is in this one? Kitchen appliances?
Just a little reading matter.
Careful!
Reading matter, my ass! Encyclopaedia Britannica.
-Now what? -The door.
There it is.
Mr. Menford, one thing: l am a nervous passenger.
Please keep to the speed limit.
-Where are you going? -lnside with you.
No, l'm nervous enough as it is. No way.
Let's just recap here a little bit, okay?
Your job is to secure 1 2 ''l forgive yous.''
My job is to witness that. Therefore, l have to be present.
All right, let's get it over with.
You're supposed to start a relationship with trust.
-Give me the benefit of doubt. -Relationship?
You don't even know the meaning of the word.
Very funny.
Well?
l'm just reflecting on my grandmother's keen sense of humor.
Easy, she might hear you.
-Oh, man, no way! -Hi, Megan.
-Doug Menford? -Yeah, it's me.
This is Anna.
Holy shit!
Who'd have thought that, almost six years after rapping backstage with the Beasties...
you'd be knocking on my door?
Do you remember the Beastie acronym?
Boys Entering....
-Anarchistic States Towards lnternal-- -Excellence.
Man, this is so weird.
-Do you mind if we come in? -No!
l mean, no, please do.
Excuse the mess. lt's just me and my friends.
We don't get many visitors.
Please make yourself comfortable. Have a seat.
So, tell me already...
what brings you here?
Well, l needed to see you.
Yeah, right.
-No, seriously. -Why?
Get down, ''H''!
''H''?
-ls that short for something? -lt's her name.
To keep things easy, l just assign them all letters.
lt gets to be kind of a bitch, though.
''B'' sometimes comes when l call ''P.''
''M'' answers to ''N.''
You were saying you needed to see me?
Can l have a drink?
l am so rude!
-Anna? -No, not for me, thanks.
-Doug? -Jager and Coke.
The woman's insane, how could you have had sex with her?
She wasn't crazy when l had sex with her. She didn't have any cats, either.
You can help out, if you're gonna sit here. You might as well throw in a little--
Sure, do it all for you. Wouldn't that rather defeat....
Thank you very much.
l appreciate it.
Megan...
Anna here is actually my AA coach.
A special program, a new thing, where you're allowed to have...
three drinks a day...
for three weeks, you know, because we lead such...
hurtful lives, when you think about it.
Just coming and going. We lay waste our time.
-lt's what we do and-- -Mr. Menford.
Catharsis.
Like old relationships, for instance.
Sometimes we say and do things. We don't realize how it affects people.
And that's the thing. For instance...
l hope l haven't said things in the past that might have hurt you.
l like the things you said...
-when we talked. -Yes.
But you're making it easy for me. l want it to be hard.
l want to feel the pain. l want it to hurt. l want it to have...
deeper meaning, really.
Oh, my God!
This has been around for three generations.
Really?
My grandmother handed this down to my mother.
And my mother passed it on to me.
This is a Riley heirloom.
l'm so sorry.
l couldn't be sorrier even if l was sorrier.
You are very sorry, Mr. Menford.
Yes, l am. l'm extremely sorry. l'm terribly, horribly sorry about this.
Here l was making an apology...
and in the middle of it, l have to make another apology.
-l'm so apologetic right now about how-- -Shut it!
Shut the fuck up about it!
-l forgive you! -Okay.
We got to go. See you later.
Sorry.
You cheated.
Yes, and?
Maybe we should just forget about the $1 million.
You can't stand that l scored.
What you did back there was despicable.
You said no collusion. You said nothing about cutting corners.
Cutting corners is cheating.
But if that's the way you want to go, just kiss the money goodbye.
Since we're redefining the deal, let's get something straight.
From now on, you stay in the car.
You do not come inside. You stay in the car.
The Pin-Drop 3000 receiver.
This represents the cutting edge in audiophilic technology.
The band frequencies actually...
bend the waves within the cochlea...
causing the ear itself to become a cacophonic resonator.
Additionally, the receiver has a built-in microphone...
with a transmitting capacity of 15,000 uberhertz.
The ratio of conduction to reception is beyond compare.
Somewhere within the graphologic paradigm of being...
in the same room.
For an additional $3, l'll throw in a fountain pen.
On the other hand--
Could you just go back to the bit about the--
We'll take them.
-Can you see it? -No, it looks great.
Okay, so...
we're gonna be able to hear each other and talk to each other if we need to.
Right. Who's next?
-Kiana Mortenson. -Kiana!
Perfect. Okay, now let's test this equipment.
You jump out of the car, walk a little bit away...
and l am going to say, ''testing, testing,'' okay?
Testing.
Testing!
Does it work?
That was incredible.
All you need is that Caribbean place, and you'll be all set.
You remembered. Long time no see.
How about some iced tea?
l missed you.
Figured l'd see if you're still around.
Part of me thought you would be in Saint Croix by now, but....
Are you disappointed?
Wait! l want to show you something.
Holy shit.
l did it myself.
lt's my dream space.
-l'll get it. -l got it. Give it to me.
-Here we go. -Let me do it!
-Help me. -l am.
Okay.
Up!
-What's wrong? -l want to be on top.
Go this way.
Wait. On the count of three. One, two, three.
-Did you say ''three'' yet? -Yeah, l did.
-Three, roll. -l'm trying to roll.
Pull my butt!
What?
Sorry....
Sorry for leaving you in the theatre.
l should have gotten the popcorn and come back.
l don't know what l was thinking.
Oh, my God!
l forgive you.
l don't believe it.
Shit!
Very funny.
Serves you right.
What are you doing up here?
l thought you were gonna do this one with decency.
-Trust me, she's not mad, okay? -How do you know that?
Because she loves sex as much as l do, okay?
Sex is just an activity to you, isn't it?
Sex is a big, giant party.
lt's more than that for women. l can assure you.
You have sex with the same woman long enough, she wants to have your baby.
Revelation! Doug Menford is terrified of children.
l love children, l just don't want to have them.
There's a difference. One's a phobia, the other's a choice.
l think you're the most sexist, shallow, self-centered man l've ever met.
She was horny, l was there. lt's called timing.
You mean she just had sex with you without giving it a second thought?
-Pretty much. -l think that's sad and weak.
l think you have, A: a problem with sexual women, or B: a problem with sex.
l have a problem with you.
l didn't spend years in law school just so l could follow you around...
documenting your sexually deviant behavior.
Take that stupid grin off your face and drive.
Let's go, shall we?
Hey, you guys.
We forgive you!
-Good evening. -What do you want?
l came to celebrate.
lsn't that a bit premature?
l don't think so.
l'm off to a good start.
l've got two days to get five more.
-So let's have a drink. -l'm working.
Just one. Take a break.
l think l'll pass.
So, what's your deal?
There must be more to Anna Lockheart than books and business.
What would l find listed under hobbies? Better yet, what's listed under skills?
l think you'd find what you're looking for under...
marital status.
-You're married. -Happily. His name's Cole.
Where's the ring?
Getting reset. One of the prongs broke.
Excuse me.
-Really? -Gentle reminder, Mr. Menford...
l'm here because l made a promise to your grandmother, who was a lovely woman.
The purpose of this expedition was to humble you, to tame your ego...
not blow it out of all proportion.
With all due respect to my grandmother, screw that.
lt's all about the lucky sevens now.
-You're enjoying this, aren't you? -Yes, l am.
Why don't you go and enjoy it in your own room?
Okay.
Here's to seven for seven.
Listen, this layout just isn't working.
Wow!
-Hi, Christine. -Excuse me, ladies.
Honey, this is Doug Menford.
Doug Menford, the experiment.
Don't worry, brother, it's all good.
l'm sorry, Doug, did l miss the reason for your unsolicited visit?
l wanted to apologize....
Shit!
l'm gonna keep this brief and painful...
much like our time together.
Your apology is not accepted.
-Apparently, it ain't all good. -But l just wanted to say one....
-Experiment? -l took advantage of her brief identity crisis.
l was her Mr. White.
Bad choice on her part getting you.
l'm barely out of the blocks, day two, and l get screwed by a politician.
Thank you Mayor Hodges.
-Don't be pathetic. Get back in there. -And do what?
-Throw down with Billy Dee? -Repeat whatever l say.
-What do you mean? -l'll be your prompter, say what l say.
-You're trying to trick me? -You have a better idea?
l just hate this layout. We can do better, that's all.
Now what?
l have something that l needed to say.
l'm waiting.
So am l.
Waiting.
For my entire life...
I've been a sexual slug.
What?
A sexual slug.
Say it!
Christine, believe it or not...
l have had some significant...
breakthroughs recently, and l've....
Talk or walk!
-Spit it out, Doug. -$1 million, Douglas!
For my entire life, l've sort of been a--
Excuse me, l have a campaign to run here.
All my life, l have been a sexual slug.
And a repugnant, pompous dick.
And a repugnant, pompous guy.
-Dick. -Dick.
-Who are you calling a dick? -l was a dick.
-You can say that again. -l'm loving this.
This is fascinating.
Keep going!
Let's go.
I recently had an epiphany.
-Wait! Recently, l had an epiphany. -Epiphany? That's a good one. Come on!
l disrespected you--
And I saw your skin color as just another conquest.
-l never said that. -Said what?
l saw your skin color as just another conquest.
l was wrong, and l beg your forgiveness.
That must have been very difficult for you to say.
Let him go, Drew. lt's okay, let him go.
Okay, you got it.
-l forgive you. -Thanks.
You bring new meaning to the word ''white lie.''
Vote for Hodges.
Hope you know that l don't believe any of the crap that l said back there.
Doesn't matter if you believe it or not. Christine Hodges believed it.
l did you a favor back there.
Thanks.
Here we go!
Cutting and separating.
l like things neat and in their proper place.
The proper place for food is in your stomach...
not marching on your plate, single file.
There's something to be said for self-restraint.
-Sometimes even self-denial. -Really?
ls that what your husband believes? What, are you both monks?
Two things come to mind right now.
One, every man has that certain sexual partner who stands above the rest.
For me, it was Angel.
And two...
l love breasts.
Whoa, wait!
All right, everybody, take a break.
Angel has to be who she is. Give her a moment.
-Who are you and what agency sent you? -l'm not from an agency.
lt's me, Doug Menford.
They used to call me Dawg.
Okay, look, Dig Dawg.
Security is just a shout away, so don't mess with me.
No. You and l used to be involved.
You know, sexually?
You actually told me that l was one of the best you ever had.
-Was l drunk? -l don't think so.
l hope you fuck as good as you sell.
Good God!
Okay, everybody, you know the drill. That's an Angel-five.
-That's great. -Man.
Some place you got here.
Who are those guys?
Just friends.
Now shut up and enjoy.
Magic hands, gonna get you going.
You like that?
Yeah.
-What's wrong, baby? -Nothing, it's great.
-Are you sure nothing's wrong? -Yeah.
-Look, is he gonna cooperate or not? -Yeah.
Two-minute warning everybody. Two minutes.
This has never happened to me before.
Some people just can't perform under pressure.
Biggie Dig Dawg Doug, l forgive you.
Fuck!
Go ahead, take your best shot.
Hey, l never hit a man when he's down.
Come on, let's just drive.
Look, there's a chapter here on impotence.
What do you think you're doing?
Feeling better?
-Much. -Me, too.
Okay, turn right.
-Right? -Yeah.
-You sure? -Positive.
-Do you ever stop eating? -Nope.
Perfectly normal bodily function. Or don't you have those?
lf you don't find a bathroom, l may have one right here and now.
How's it going?
You ever tried standing up? lt's easier. More natural, too.
-Let's face it. We are insanely lost. -No, we're not.
lf we're not lost, how come we've passed that same little pile of stones 80 times?
We haven't.
Look, it says in the map that we--
Don't tell me we're in the ''men don't read maps'' phase.
-No, we don't. -Men also don't ask for directions.
No, we don't. We give directions to women who ask for them.
-That's pathetic. -Let me explain something to you, okay?
A man is a clean, straight line. A woman is a wiggly circle.
We have a real one-on-one relationship with real objects in the real world.
We have tools, you have books. We build, you watch. Case closed!
Mr. Menford.
Can l ask you a wiggly question?
Sure.
Does a flat tire qualify as a real object in a real world?
-What are you doing? -l'm calling AAA, okay?
-Don't be so ridiculous. Hang up. -What?
-Hang up. -You have a better idea?
As a matter of fact, l do.
l think that's supposed to....
Onward.
-Goodnight! -See you in the morning.
-Have you seen my luggage? -No.
You're a natural man, go naked!
My name is Doug.
What's yours?
Lindsay Anne Wickman.
-Cool name. -Thank you.
-You want some help? -Sure.
-May l come over? -Okay.
-You can hold this. -All right.
-What are they? -You're spilling them.
l didn't realize the top was all open.
Sorry about that.
That's most of them.
-Maybe l should just give that back to you. -lt's okay, l forgive you.
Thanks.
So whose garden is this?
Mine, but it used to be my mommy's.
-ls her name Emma? -Yes.
-And where is she? -She died.
-Where's your dad? -l don't have a dad.
You okay?
-How old are you, Lindsay? -Eight.
-And what's your birthday? -April 13.
1992.
How did you know?
Who lives here with you?
My grandma.
What are you two doing?
You are trespassing.
-Lindsay, you get inside, right now. -Excuse me, l need to speak with you.
-Who are you? -My name is Doug Menford. l knew Emma.
l'm sorry, we're busy.
What happened back there?
l think that little girl is mine.
l think if she were, her mother would let you know.
l'm not going to count this one. Come on, two more to go.
Hello?
-We don't open till 10.:00. -ls Erica here?
That's very funny. Erica, you got a visitor.
ls she here?
Drop the ''A.''
-l said, drop the ''A.'' -From what?
''Erica.''
Eric Koyle.
Welcome to my club, Doug.
l think l need to sit down.
Yeah, sure.
Kill the lights, Lou. You got the poor thing all shaky.
You want a beer?
You know, Night Club and Bar voted this place number one in Sacramento.
Can you believe that shit?
God! lt's surprising, especially in this right-wing town we live in.
God, l cannot get over how good you look.
Like $1 million.
You know, Doug, you are still a hot piece of ass...
after all these years.
-What's the deal? Now you like women? -Some are cool.
And you also like men?
l liked men before. There's really no reason to stop now.
-Let me ask you something. -No, don't tell me. Let me guess.
Why did l go through with it, right?
Okay, look, Doug, l was sick of being a fucking doormat.
You should, of all people, know this.
Let's leave Erica out of this, right. This is between you and me.
l got an idea.
-What? -You wanna see it?
-See what? -My brand-new dick.
-Not really. No. -Come on. lt's a real conversation piece.
-No. No way. -Come on, Doug.
l really dropped a lot of coin on this dick. Hey, Lou! Spot me!
Come on, Doug. Look at my fucking dick.
-Oh, God. Okay, you happy now? -lsn't it a good one?
-How should l know? -Only because l used your dick as a model.
Oh, my God.
Remember the first time l sucked you off? That was my first blowjob ever.
Oh, God.
Remember what you said when l asked you how it was?
-Look-- -You said, and l quote:
''Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it. ''
l'm fucked up now. l don't know what's happening.
Yeah, which is odd, because l'm doing a little wondering myself.
Why are you here?
l think you should tell him the truth.
l stand to inherit a little bit of money, if l can get...
some of my former girlfriends to forgive me.
Oh, so this is about the money?
l see, it's like a little biz transaction?
ln that case, Doug, let's let the negotiations begin.
l don't have a whole lot l can offer you right now.
Yes, you do.
Come here.
Closer.
On your knees.
Oh, God.
-l want-- -l'm not gonna blow you.
l want you to see what it's like for your first time.
-lt's not gonna happen. -How much does this inheritance mean?
-This isn't what it looks like. -lt's looking pretty bad.
What is this, some kind of sick joke or something?
You son of a bitch motherfucker.
-Wow! You can really throw a punch. -What's wrong with you? Fight back!
-l can't. She's a girl. -She's a boy.
l'm a man!
-l can't do it. -lf you can't, l can.
Right. You forgive him.
Unbelievable.
l fucking forgive you, Doug.
-See? -What are you doing Saturday night?
Cole.
What do you think would have happened if l hadn't come and rescued you?
Let's not think about that right now.
-What time do you have? -Nearly 8:30.
So, one more to go. Then l can finally get to spend some time with my husband.
lf it isn't Mr. Big-Man-on-Campus.
-Hey, Billy, right? -Willie.
Come on in here. lt's raining out there. Get your ass in here.
Your sister around?
The big shitty city sucked all the small-town talk out of the boy.
Yeah, Darcy's here. She's in the back.
Can l talk to her?
Sure, will do, okay.
Well, well, well. Look who we got here.
lt's little Dougy Menford.
What a surprise.
How are you doing, Darce?
Come over here next to me on the couch.
Comfy?
-You look like you got your ass kicked. -Oh, yeah, just a little scuffle.
-You still look great. -Thanks.
How do l look?
You look...
different.
You all right?
Yeah, l gotta catch my breath.
Long time no see, Dougy.
Where the hell have you been?
Just around.
The least you could've done was told me you were leaving.
Well, l had to get out.
You can't grow if you stay in your hometown.
l stayed, and l grew plenty.
l just thought you were going through one of your little phases...
and l let you be.
By the time the news got back to me that you moved...
that was it, you were already a college man.
l was trying to find myself.
Did you?
So much for soul-searching.
You told me you were gonna marry me.
Like an idiot, l believed you.
lt wasn't until after you moved away...
that l knew you'd been using me through high school.
You know what the craziest thing is?
To this day, you are still the only person l have ever loved.
Listen...
l was an asshole, okay?
But l can't go back and change that.
I wish I could, but I can't.
You hurt me.
When l thought you believed in me, l blossomed.
And one kiss from you, l felt l could fly.
l tried. l mean, l entered a personal ad once.
And l ended up getting to know a really nice guy over the telephone.
He came over.
He took one look at me. He didn't even take off his coat.
And the sad part is l was only half the weight l am now.
You know, l can almost understand what he did.
He was just being honest.
l was the one who stretched the truth when l described myself over the phone.
But you....
You had the most sought-after prize at Casper High...
who wanted no one in that school but you.
l'm sorry.
Can you forgive me?
How about a kiss...
just for old times' sake?
Forgive you?
l fucking hate you.
Willie, get him out of here!
Now wait a minute--
Wait, three little words. Please forgive me.
Get him out of here, now!
Stay away from my sister!
You don't get it, do you? You ruined her life!
-Willie, l-- -Hey, buddy, do me a favor.
Quit stomping on people's hearts.
They're not all as hard and empty as yours.
So get the fuck off of my property, before l call the cops!
I think you're the most sexist, shallow, self-centered man I've ever met.
Forgive you? I fucking hate you.
My name is Doug Menford. I knew Emma.
I'm sorry, we're busy.
l thought you'd be back.
Emma told me about you before she died.
She told me how she'd fallen so much in love with you, adored you...
would do anything for you.
And then, when she found out she was pregnant...
she took one long look at you.
She thought, ''This is not the kind of a man that l want to have raise my child.''
Hello?
Are you okay?
l don't know what's wrong with me.
Well, if l might say something...
l think that deep down inside, you now truly believe that you are a dick...
and that makes you feel horrible about yourself.
That stuff you had me say to Christine is actually true.
l know that little girl was mine.
l was with her mother the whole summer of '91 .
She got pregnant.
She had our baby and decided not to tell me about it.
What does that say? lt says ''loser.''
''Deadbeat.''
l'm going to step outside my legal capacity for a moment, okay?
Your grandmother trusted me to execute her estate.
So l think she trusts me to make a judgment call here.
You've had your teeth kicked in on this trip.
But l think you've learned the sort of lesson your grandmother wanted you to learn.
The $1 million is yours.
-Really? -Yeah.
You've earned it. ln fact, l think you deserve it.
Thank you. That's really nice of you.
lt's my pleasure.
What about your husband?
l couldn't help but notice he was marked down to $4.99...
back at the drugstore.
l keep that photo to shield myself from unwanted advances.
-Like this one? -Yes.
Those are for you.
Thank you.
Take a seat, Mr. Menford, please.
That's a little formal, isn't it?
-There is no $1 million. -What?
There's no inheritance. There never was one.
Do you remember this?
No.
You befriended me for an entire semester, and made me fall in love with you...
just so you could get into some dick-fest organization.
My friend found this...
on the score du jour bulletin board in your frat house.
Okay, that was a long time ago. l've changed.
lt's way too late for you to be sorry.
l was a freshman. l had no friends.
You came along, turned on your charm...
and made me feel like the luckiest girl on campus.
lt was a dirty trick, and l'm truly sorry.
You ruined my four college years for me...
and l never got over the humiliation of that.
l vowed that one day l would find you...
and make you feel as bad as you made me feel.
What about Friday night? l mean, doesn't that mean anything to you?
l should think that you, more than anyone...
knows the meaning of the words ''one-night stand.''
You planned this?
That's sad.
Let me ask you something.
Do you think you could find it in your heart to forgive me?
For what you did to me?
Never.
Well, for what it's worth...
l forgive you.
-So, did you like your horse? -Yeah.
Was he fast?
Good.
-What do you want for supper? -Pizza.
Can you excuse me for two secs?
l see you got her.
Yeah, more like she's got me, thanks to you.
Hey, Lindsay. l'm Anna.
Anna the lawyer?
-My daddy talks about you. -Really? What does he say?
He says that you're smart, and smart women always win.
l didn't say that they win. l said they usually get what they want.
But sometimes when they get it, they realize they don't want it anymore.
We should get going.
-Maybe see you around. -Maybe.
-Bye, Lindsay. -Bye, Anna.
What?
lt's okay.
And, ready?
-lt's okay, get down. -And action.
Can l get a couple of those.... l'm sorry. Can we start that again?
-Attitude. -A better attack, yes. Ready?
Give her the cue, Dennis.
-Get out of that goddamn frame! -Get out of there. Ready?
Why did you do that?
l've kissed better.
-Cut. -Roll tape.
Okay, ready?
Dialogue, you ready?
-Okay, ready? Go! -l'm very committed, yes.
-No laughing on the set. -l dropped my keys.
ls that plane bothering us or not?
Don't cut.
lt's gonna be great once the fucking thing gets past.
You should try them.
-Fuck. -That's cut.
DC Sniper 23 Days of Fear
D A R Y L 1985
Daddy Day Care
Daffy Duck - Drip Along Daffy (1951)
Daffy Duck - Duck Amuck (1953)
Daffy Duck - Duck Dodgers in the 245 Century (1953)
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Damien Omen II
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Das Boot - The Directors Cut
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Dawg
Dawn Of The Dead (2004)
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Deep Space 9 1x08 Dax
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Deep blue sea
Defiant Ones The
Delicatessen
Delicatessen (1991)
Delirium (Delirio Caldo)(23.976)
Deliv and Daniel Webster The
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Deliverance
Demetrius And The Gladiators 1954
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Demon Baby
Demoniacs
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Dentist 2 The 1998
Deranged
Derrick 2004
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Desert Fox - The Story of Rommel
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Detonator
Detroit 9000
Dev
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Devils Backbone The
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Dial M for Murder 1954
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Die Hard With a Vengeance
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Dirty Tiger Crazy Frog 1978
Disaster
Discovery Air Jaws Sharks of South Africa
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Disha
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Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story
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Dogma
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Dont Bother to Knock
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Donzoko 1957
Door in the Floor The 2004
Doors The CD1
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Dora-Heita 2000
Double Jeopardy
Double Team
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Doulos Le
Down By Law 1986
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Dr Dolittle
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Dracula - Dead and Loving It
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Duck Soup (1933 Marx Brothers)
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Duel The
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Duellists The
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Dumb And Dumberer When Harry Met Lloyd 2003
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Dying td CD1
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