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Elling

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I've aIways been a mommy's boy.|I was an onIy chiId, as my mother.
We enjoyed each other's company.
No one ever came to visit.
But when mother died, they came.
TotaI strangers, that wanted to|taIk to me about my Iife.
Didn't they have their own Iives to taIk about?
It is generous of the Norwegian|government to suppIy a pIace -
- for peopIe who are in a ...|hectic phase in their Iives.
But I just wanted to be Ieft aIone.
I hated that the institution insisted we open up.
TaIk about mother and me and our|intense two-ness through 40 years.
My roommate was an orangutan|who onIy cared about women and food.
I'm not thriIIed about being here either.
I'm aImost 40, and I've never fucked.
You have haIf your Iife ahead of you.
I have haIf my Iife behind me, Iive in|a nuthouse, and have never fucked.
-It's overrated.|-Is fucking overrated?
-You get tired of it.|-I'd never get tired of fucking.
I've never had many friends.|None, actuaIIy.
But it became cIear that KjeII Bjarne|needed a ... spirituaI guide.
I was third mate on a cruise ship.|Came to a brotheI in the Caribbean.
With naked chicks?
I impressed the Negresses so much|that they forgot to charge me.
HoIy shit!
KjeII Bjarne Iiked my stories so much|that he shared them with Gunn.
-EIIing has Iied to you, KjeII Bjarne.|-Lied?
-Aren't you in Bandidos?|-I'm not exactIy a member.
-The chick you fucked on a motorbike?|-AII Iies.
You're just jeaIous, Gunn.
EventuaIIy things settIed down.
The Iady on that tropicaI isIand|that rubbed you and herseIf in with ...
OiI? Another Iie.
I don't give a shit.
-Do you mean that?|-Sure. As Iong as you teII it again.
KjeII Bjarne never shared|another story with Gunn.
And after two years the Norwegian|government decided -
- to give KjeII Bjarne and me our|own weIfare apartment.
Bye.
In the center of OsIo!
From there we are going to|attempt a return to reaIity.
Yes? Where to?
KjeII Bjarne and I are of course going to OsIo.
One way?
Are there different ways?|The quickest way to OsIo.
We are going to be met by|sociaI worker Frank AasIi.
You work for the government too.|Are you generaIIy nice peopIe?
130 kroner each.
It cost 25 kroner when mother|and I took the train.
-That must have been 30 years ago.|-It was.
Come on, EIIing.
EIIing!
Hey! EIIing and KjeII Bjarne?
The merry traveIers.
Are you ... Frank AasIi?
-Do they have hot dogs here?|-How was your trip?
-What's your name again?|-Frank AasIi, KjeII Bjarne!
-And you are a sociaI worker?|-That's right.
-Are you married, Frank AasIi?|-Yes.
-Is she nice, Frank AasIi?|-Nice enough. CaII me Frank.
-What's her name, Frank?|-KjeII Bjarne!
-Does she have any girIfriends?|-KjeII Bjarne!
Come on. Third fIoor.
ReIax. This is your home now.|Either of you have a cigarette?
It's up to you to prove you can Iive aIone.|Shop, cook ...
Answer the phone.|Prove that you can Iive normaI Iives.
If you faiI, there are pIenty of peopIe|waiting for this apartment.
-Isn't there any food here?|-No. You have to get it yourseIf.
Down the street to the Ieft.
I'II come around and check on you.|I Iike good pIans and fair deaIs.
And you each get your own bedroom.
EIIing?
This is your room.
And you go down here, KjeII Bjarne.|Now put down that damn Iuggage!
-Is this my room?|-Great, huh? Your very own room.
Here's my phone number. But remember,|I have tweIve peopIe to care for.
Just Iike Jesus. He aIso had|tweIve peopIe to take care of.
Let's get something to eat.|On the county's dime.
Come on, EIIing. The county is buying us dinner.
We just got here. Why go out|just to eat some Iousy food?
To ceIebrate your new home.
Why not ceIebrate our new|home in our new home?
-We don't have anything to eat!|-EIIing can buy us some food.
I've aIways had two enemies:|dizziness and anxiety.
Right around the corner.
They foIIow me, wherever I go.
Come on, you hippo!
I'm fine.
I'm fine, Frank. Just fine.
This is sociaI worker Frank AasIi.
Have a sIice, EIIing.|You have to eat something.
No thank you.|No one can order me to eat, Frank.
You didn't move here to|sit and stare at the waII!
I expect you to go out again.
Fine, KjeII Bjarne.
Now it wiII be just Iike at the institution, EIIing.
-I want to Iisten, EIIing.|-Sure, but not to that.
There is onIy one station:|The Norwegian state station.
-Do you have a picture of your mom?|-Thought we couId decorate.
Decorate with your mom? HardIy!
If my mom showed up, I'd throw her and|my fucking stepdad out on their asses!
Your mother gave birth to you, fed you,|washed your cIothes.
Not my mom.
-Haven't you ever wanted to kiII her?|-Why wouId I want to kiII mother?
How about your dad? Was he nice?
Father died two weeks before I was born,|but I think mother Iiked him.
-I'm hungry, EIIing.|-The store is out the door to the Ieft.
WeII done, KjeII Bjarne!
This is the best damn food|I have ever tasted.
NORWAYS FORMER PRIME MINISTER
Mother handIed practicaI matters at home.|I was in charge of ideoIogy.
The Norwegian Labor Party was an|exceIIent judge of right and wrong.
It's your turn to shop.|You haven't been outside once!
I have done other things.|And who eats aII the food, anyway?
We shouId go out, Iike Frank says.|Go somewhere with chicks.
I've said it before: Women Iike cIean,|shaved men, not 14-day-oId sweat ...
It hasn't been 14 days. Ten, max!
That's the Iast time I go shopping!
Wrong number again.
EIIing?
KjeII Bjarne?|Are you in there?
Why don't you answer the phone?
It must be broken.
I've diaIed again and again.|It doesn't work.
Shape up, boys.
You have to stick to our deaI.
If this is to work, I have to be abIe|to reach you by phone.
KjeII Bjarne ...
Fine.|We'II just have to practice again.
-I have to organize my tooIbox.|-No, you are both coming with me.
When the phone rings, you pick up|the receiver and say heIIo.
EIIing first.
Let's pretend it's ringing.
Ring. Ring.
Answer the phone.
-Answer, EIIing.|-Pick it up and say heIIo.
Come on.
Come on, EIIing.
-HeIIo?|-Hi. It's Frank. How are you?
-Pick it up!|-Hi, I'm thirsty. Likewise. Bye.
Great, EIIing. One more time.
Mother handIed aII our phone caIIs at home.
Your mother is dead. This is your home now.|You have to answer.
Say something, EIIing.
TaIk, EIIing!
It's not naturaI to taIk into a pIastic gizmo|to someone you can't even see!
You need to get out more among peopIe.
Why have an apartment if we have|to Ieave it aII the time?
If you don't do as I say, you won't|have an apartment at aII.
EIIing, maybe we shouId go out Iike Frank says.
No women are going to come here|if they don't know we Iive here.
We don't have to go out to|meet women, KjeII Bjarne.
Frank deserves credit for teaching|us how to use the phone.
I just Iove sex! I'm sitting here|pIaying with myseIf. Touch my tits ...
Four thousand kroner!
It's your choice: Pussy taIk or apartment?
You don't meet peopIe over the phone!
You have enough money.|It's a matter of prioritizing.
That's what I teII KjeII Bjarne.|Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize!
-I've never heard that.|-Yes, you have!
Shut up!
A finaI warning: Stick to our deaI.|I want to see progress.
I said we shouId go out.
Where, with minus 4000 kroner?|A SaIvation Army soup kitchen?
-Good idea. Let's go to the movies.|-No.
-Come on, EIIing.|-No.
Two against one.|That's how it's aIways been.
But when three grown men argue,|the tone can get pretty rough.
-Best damn movie I've ever seen!|-Good movie, EIIing?
I consider myseIf a modern|IiberaI man of the town, -
- but I refuse to appIaud|the breakdown of society!
-It was a comedy.|-Didn't you get it?
It was not funny. You don't|understand anything.
Nothing's good enough for you.
I can't taIk to you when you're in that mood.
-Let's go eat.|-Not out again, Frank.
-You had to come home to crap.|-PubIic restrooms are not my forte.
I Iook forward to seeing what your forte is!
No smoking in here.
No more staying cooped up here.|Time to tighten the reins.
He sticks his nose in everything.|Nothing is good enough.
And he mocks my ideaIs.
Why don't we try to go out,|just the two of us?
I'm scared too, EIIing. But we have money.|And we onIy Iive once.
I sure hope so. The concept of|reincarnation has troubIed me.
Someone Iike me must have an incredibIy|Iong way Ieft to Nirvana.
Let's go to the café around the corner.
The other day they had pork and gravy.
If things get bad, we can waIk home again.
Or run.
It's that simpIe.
Come on, EIIing!
Come on.
It's right across the street and to the right.
Just stick to the zebra stripes.
Here I waIk, aIong with one of|Iife's simpIer apostIes.
Yet I feeI safe in some strange way,|having him by my side.
Let's go.
-I hope they have Iots of pork.|-And gravy. I can't wait!
Come on.
-Two ...|-Here you go.
Shit! They don't have pork and gravy!
-Anything to drink?|-Don't you have pork and gravy?
-Today's speciaI is stew.|-You said they had pork and gravy.
-Let me check with the chef.|-Don't give up too easy, EIIing.
I had my mind totaIIy set|on pork and gravy!
-We had two heIpings Ieft.|-What's your name?
-Johanne.|-Thank you, Johanne.
My pIeasure. Let me get you some water.
-How is it?|-Best damn food I've ever tasted.
-Not quite as good as mother's, but ...|-That'II make the chef happy.
Here you go.
What a woman!
Bet Frank wouId Iove to see us now.
He wouIdn't be satisfied -
- untiI we joined a tabIe fuII of|peopIe from foreign cuItures.
We shouId aImost caII Frank|and teII him we are here.
-Do it!|-I said aImost.
KjeII Bjarne ...
AII of it?
-We have to Ieave, KjeII Bjarne.|-Why?
-I have to go to the bathroom.|-The can is right over there.
Want me to go with you?
How different peopIe are.
Some peopIe ski soIo to the South PoIe, -
- whiIe I have to summon aII my|courage to cross a restaurant fIoor.
This must be what is meant|by breaking boundaries.
That was aII for today.
-HeIIo. AasIi.|-Frank? Hi, it's me.
You making a caII, EIIing?
KjeII Bjarne and I have just grabbed|some food at our IocaI haunt.
Pork and gravy every Friday.|KjeII Bjarne is easiIy persuaded.
-I'II say!|-You can say that again.
-WeII done, EIIing.|-Wasn't it?
AII we need now are some chicks.|Let's go home and make one Iast phone caII.
-Let's do something cuIturaI instead!|-Huh?
CuIturaI, my ass!
We'II see.
HoIy shit! I don't beIieve it!
Imagine if she were reaI.
The thought has crossed my mind.
Look at this.
KjeII Bjarne, Iook!
Amazing!
I can't wait any Ionger, EIIing.
It's onIy five o'cIock.|Finish your cake first, at Ieast.
-Here you go, EIIing.|-For me?
If you don't Iike it, I'II go kiII myseIf.
-Is it aII right?|-It's fantastic.
I made it in my spare time.
Look, EIIing.
Here's you and me.
You're the yeIIow one.
Let me get your present, KjeII Bjarne.
Merry Christmas.
HoIy shit!
Try not to curse on Christmas.
How did you know I wanted the bIonde?
I have come to know you, KjeII Bjarne.
This is the best damn present|anyone has ever given me.
Likewise.
What was that?
KjeII Bjarne?
KjeII Bjarne?
EIIing, come and heIp me!|There's a Iady in the stairs.
-Who is it?|-How wouId I know?
-Is she sick?|-She wiII be. Now she's just drunk.
Come back inside, KjeII Bjarne.|Maybe someone eIse wiII find her.
HeIp me, EIIing!
Take it easy. One thing at a time.
What's your name?
-Grab her purse.|-Are you crazy? I'm no thief.
Check her purse.|Find out what her name is.
Empty it!
Reidun NordsIetten.
She Iives here.
December 24, 1 963...
-She has the same birthday as Jesus!|-Shit ...
-Today.|-She's pregnant, EIIing.
She couIdn't just be a IittIe fat?
Sure, there's some fat here.
But inside the fat there's|an astronaut fIoating around.
Hope she hasn't hurt the baby.
ReIax. I've done this a|hundred times with my mom.
-The key. Open the door.|-I can't, KjeII Bjarne.
-Open it!|-Of course.
We can't Ieave her in the|stairs on Christmas Eve.
We'II caII up in a coupIe of|hours and see how she's doing.
You go down. I'II stay tiII she's better.
You can't! You Iook Iike a rapist.|You'II terrify her.
The chiId's father may|show up at any second.
You are acting fooIishIy, KjeII Bjarne.|I'm teIIing Frank.
There you go. Get it out.
I'II just head down to our apartment ...
That was when the words struck me.
It was as if they were written|on the inside of my eyeIids.
We found her in the stairs
Her hair ... a bIack raven's wing|Beating against the fiIthy IinoIeum
We Iaid her on her bed, and saw|She had an angeI's chiId in her womb
My God, EIIing ...|You have committed poetry!
My entire Iife I have waIked the earth|Not knowing I am a poet!
No wonder there have been|certain misunderstandings, -
- when my poetry, my own Ianguage,|has Iain undiscovered within me!
We found her in the stairs ...
Hair ... This is poetry!
We Iaid her on her bed, and saw|She had an angeI's chiId in her womb
Hi, EIIing. Why haven't you gone to bed?
There you are.
You understood why I|retired so discreetIy, right?
So that I couId come to your aid,|if anything went wrong.
-Like what?|-What about Reidun's husband?
What if he found you in his|sofa on Christmas Eve?
You're Iucky she didn't wake up|before you came downstairs.
She woke up Iike heII!
Wasn't she terrified to find an orangutan|in her apartment?
Not reaIIy.
Doesn't she read the papers?|This town is fuII of burgIars and rapists!
It's time for you to go to bed, EIIing.|I sure am.
I have to fix her Ieaky faucet Iater.
She finds a totaI stranger in|her apartment, -
- and immediateIy asks him|to fix her Ieaky faucet?
Did she Iend you a key, too, so you can|come and go as you pIease?
KjeII Bjarne, you are in Iove!
I have to report this to Frank.|You are out of controI!
Dammit, EIIing!
-Workshop!|-Library!
-I've aIways wanted a Iibrary!|-BuIIshit! We need a workshop!
Frank toId you not to constantIy read that|book about Gro HarIem BrundtIand.
That isn't Frank. Let's just|pretend we're not here.
Hi, couId you heIp me with ...
-Sure. I'II teII him.|-Thanks for your heIp.
31 , 32, 33, 34...
I had to carry some firewood|up from the basement for her.
Shit! She invited us to dinner.|Tonight!
Before you knock yourseIf out ...|Did she invite us to dinner?
She said I couId bring you.
Thank you, but I don't Iike|being brought anywhere.
Why wouId I want to Iisten to you two taIk|about drinking and gaskets?
-Anyway, I'm busy.|-Busy?
-I have a meeting.|-Expect me to beIieve that?
-BeIieve whatever you want.|-What kind of meeting?
That's none of your business.
Just Iike it's none of my business that you|Iet pregnant drunks use you.
How about a game of Parcheesi to get|you in a better mood?
Poetry reading?
Those are my sungIasses.
You can't wear sungIasses|at dinner with Reidun.
-Where are you going?|-To a poetry meeting.
A very important meeting about modern|Norwegian IyricaI poetry.
You reaIIy are nuts.
Nuts because I'm going to a meeting?|Everyone goes to meetings.
Are you teIIing me I can't go ...
EIIing!
Have you reaIIy thought this through?
I can skip the dinner,|if you want me to go with you.
You go to that dinner, KjeII Bjarne.
Go ahead.
PIease come with me, EIIing.
I don't know what to|taIk to her about.
How stupid can you be?
Oh God. Now he's here.|Five sharp.
Stick to your pIan ...
Are you waiting for me, EIIing?
I was heading somewhere,|but now I don't know.
-And KjeII Bjarne ...?|-KjeII Bjarne went to the movies.
-I was heading to a meeting, but ...|-A meeting?
What kind of meeting?
-A poetry meeting.|-ReaIIy?
-But I don't know where it is.|-That's easy to find. Come here.
It's right here. But you're earIy.
I Iike to have pIenty of time.
I'm not the type that stroIIs in|at the Iast second.
But it's onIy ... five o'cIock.|These things start around ten.
-But it says that it starts at eight.|-It starts a Iot Iater, EIIing.
They wrote eight, so they|must mean eight.
-Fine. Have a beer whiIe you wait.|-I don't drink beer.
I think you shouId go to that meeting.|It's a good initiative.
I'II just waIk the streets for a few hours.
Be a waIking target|for random vioIence.
My oId enemies dizziness and anxiety|did not join me this time.
Strange.
It's perfectIy naturaI that we|poets go to meetings!
-Hi.|-An orange soda, pIease.
She probabIy assumes I've|been around so Iong -
- that my Iiver can't take any more.
It's soda or death for me now.
I wrote these poems whiIe sick|with maIaria in Cambodia.
The teak stump Over-fiIIed dams
The breath of a bird|Through the cavity and out
My next poem is caIIed ''Cobweb''.
Cobweb I Iie and stare at the cobweb
Every time something guiIty gets caught|You tear it asunder again
Strange, huh? The worse it is,|the more they cIap.
How's it going out there?
Let's do it.
A bIonde eIfin from Patmos|He didn't have a chance
Do you suck cock I screamed into|a paIe Aurorean ear
But as we wrinkIed sheets, in bed
He got a sun-tanned underarm shoved|up where the sun never shines!
Is anyone out there? Let go!
Stop!
It is cIear to me now. I must seek my|audience through other fora.
I shaII become the mysterious|underground poet ''E''.
Mommy's boy, maybe, but a|new, dangerous version.
So that made you sick, too?|The worse it is, the more they cIap.
Want to go somewhere for a drink?|Throw dirt on contemporary poetry?
I'm going home.
Why didn't I just say yes?
Two hot dogs with mustard, pIease.
-To teII you the truth ...|-Hi there.
I'm aIIergic to aIcohoI. It can make|me do things I'II regret.
I drank some Iiquor once, with|some other boys.
Mother came home, and I did|something I stiII regret.
I tore off her wedding ring and tried|to seII her body to these ''friends''.
Lousy friends.
-Want one?|-Thank you.
Do you go to book shows often?
I've Iived a sedate Iife untiI now.|I rareIy go anywhere.
Me neither.
And I had never been abIe to|speak to strangers before!
MostIy we just taIked poetry.
It's totaIIy pathetic. It's sick!
-CeciIie Kornes needs psychiatric heIp!|-That's where you're wrong.
Madness is poetry's most important source.
I aImost showed him my|poem then and there.
But as an underground poet I|had to remain anonymous.
This is where I Iive.
Thank you for wasting your time on an oId man.
-My name is AIfons Jørgensen.|-EIIing.
This was fun. Some peopIe just pretend,|but you reaIIy are crazy.
I was under the distinct impression that|this man needed cheering up.
I'm going to give you my phone number.
Had I reaIIy made a friend -
- without any heIp from the|Norwegian government?
-How did dinner go?|-Fine. How was your meeting?
-Fine.|-What kind of a meeting was it?
Just a basic poetry meeting.
She served hen up there.
-Chicken.|-Hen.
-Is that your hot dog?|-HeIp yourseIf.
That damn Spanisher! If that bastard|shows up here, he's in deep shit!
Imagine knocking her up and then taking off!
Are you going to marry Reidun, now?
-You know nothing about her!|-I know she works at a Iaundromat.
Have you toId her about your Ioving famiIy,|your stepfather, the pigs?
What did you get for dessert?
Some sort of homemade pudding.
-It was the best damn ...|-Dessert you've ever tasted.
-She said that she Iiked me.|-ReaIIy? Great.
-What did you say?|-ShouId I have said something?
-I'm no good at taIking.|-That's probabIy why she Iikes you.
You're the siIent type. You're ... mysterious.
-Mysterious?|-I don't know. TaIk to her!
I don't know how to.
I'm actuaIIy doing better.
Now that AIfons has taught me that|my angst is the price I have to pay.
Now I simpIy have to find the|right forum for my poem.
Do we have any more sauerkraut?
Gunn toId us that we have to get|better at expressing our emotions.
-You want sauerkraut?|-Yes. 1 8 packs.
I'II get some stewed prunes, too.|Have had troubIe crapping IateIy.
Maybe it's best he doesn't say too much.
No ...
-Are you EIIing?|-My name is EIIing.
-Can I ask you something?|-KjeII Bjarne is at the store.
I know. I saw him Ieave.
Oh my God. I'm stuck in the middIe|of a ménage à trois!
Reidun has simpIy used KjeII Bjarne|to get cIoser to me!
I have to taIk to you about KjeII Bjarne.
-You onIy want to taIk about him?|-You know him better than anyone.
I can't teII you just anything about KjeII Bjarne.
Why not?
A friendship between two men|requires a IeveI of confidentiaIity.
I just think he's so weird.
I prefer the EngIish expression ''rare''.
-Huh?|-Rare. As in uncommon.
That was beautifuIIy put.
I don't know, it's just that he never says anything.
-KjeII Bjarne tends to ruminate.|-About what?
Good point.
-Has he had many women?|-I wouIdn't say many ...
Do you think he Iikes me?
No, Reidun NordsIetten.
KjeII Bjarne Ioves you.
What am I saying?
It's one thing to break boundaries,|another to bIow your Iife to pieces.
-Has he said that?|-No. But I know KjeII Bjarne.
You must Ieave now. KjeII Bjarne|may be back any second.
-Is he that jeaIous?|-It's best not to chaIIenge him.
Thank you.
Shit ... I Iike you.
What kind of stew did you get?
Nothing happened, KjeII Bjarne.|We just taIked.
Are you crazy?|She wanted to taIk about you.
She Ioves you, KjeII Bjarne!
-HeIIo?|-Hi, EIIing here.
Hi. Yes, Iikewise.
Fine, thank you. Fine. How about you?
ReaIIy? Let me know if I can heIp in any way.
Yes, I see. Six ...
EIIing, I didn't mean to scare you.
Was it true ...
You wait here, KjeII Bjarne.
EIIing!
Is it true that Reidun ...
It's true. She Ioves you.|And I toId her you Ioved her too.
-Are you spying on me?|-No, but where are you going?
I can take care of myseIf.|I'm just visiting a friend.
A drinking buddy. He needed me to|do some shopping.
EIIing and KjeII Bjarne. OsIo's|new rescue team.
Pregnant or eIderIy, caII day or night!
Jørgensen?
AIfons Jørgensen?
It's me. EIIing.
Here I sit, Iike another idiot.
-Have you broken something?|-I hope not.
-This is KjeII Bjarne. He ... -Hi.
-You can't waIk on this foot.|-But I have to go to the bathroom.
-Where's the can?|-Down there.
No, KjeII Bjarne ...
There he goes again. KjeII Bjarne seems|to carry every person he meets.
Strange.
Why aII these damn books?
-How is he?|-He's on the can.
Thank you. Did you remember|to buy beer?
Oh no. Are they stiII out there?
HoIy shit, what a beauty!
I sprained my ankIe|chasing them away.
A '59 Buick Century Hardtop?
-'58. We bought it in '62.|-Is it yours?
I haven't driven it since my wife died.|I just hope they don't ruin it.
-I can bring her back to Iife.|-My wife?
-The Buick.|-You can try. I fear it's too Iate.
HoIy shit!
Eva died in '79, and so did the car.
My mother died two years|and six months ago.
-Where did you get aII these books?|-They just came fIying.
-A Iot of poetry.|-You can borrow whatever you want.
I'II make her run if it's the Iast thing I do.
So I hear. It's just an oId car.
-It's gorgeous!|-More so than Reidun NordsIetten?
You shouId focus on Reidun,|not that car.
My entire Iife I have respected the efforts|of the Iabor movement.
IdIeness has aIways been my worst enemy.|I am a man of many projects.
If you keep that up, you wiII get sick.
I can't take it anymore!
You aren't getting any|more cIearheaded.
-HeIp me, EIIing!|-Do something to impress her.
But I don't know what to say to her!
Let go, KjeII Bjarne! This isn't food.
-Are you sick, KjeII Bjarne?|-No.
He was crazy, but now he is hamstrung.|Won't even pIay Parcheesi.
-Are you feeIing unweII?|-No.
-What's the matter?|-KjeII Bjarne is in Iove.
-No, I'm not!|-You are.
-You've got a girIfriend?|-Yes, and she's about to have a baby.
-No.|-Yes.
-ReaIIy?|-Yes, Frank.
That's great! CongratuIations.|But you can't just Iie here.
You have to invite her to dinner,|to a movie, something.
-You have anything going on, prude?|-Yes, Frank.
That's nice.
I did it, EIIing! I did it, and it was done!
-Did what?|-Invited her out!
Good for you.
KjeII Bjarne? Hi.
-Thanks for the invitation.|-Don't thank me. Thank KjeII Bjarne.
-No. Thank EIIing!|-Whatever. But what time?
-Reidun wants to know when.|-Didn't you give her a time?
-How about now?|-Can I get my jacket?
-Have fun.|-EIIing!
-Wait, EIIing!|-I have a meeting.
KjeII Bjarne?
-What are you doing?|-Checking the expiration date.
See, the date varies. This one|says 2003, this one 2005.
-So?|-Maybe 2003 is a better vintage.
-Are you buying one, or not?|-Do you have cigars?
No one knows it yet, but the city|has a new poet: The Sauerkraut Poet.
The enigmatic ''E'' strikes again.
You don't smoke.
-Have you had a good time?|-I showed her the Buick.
-What a great car!|-Reidun washed his whoIe apartment.
His foot is a Iot better.|Do you have a Iight?
You're trying to take over|my friend AIfons Jørgensen!
Pretending he's your friend ...
-I wasn't pretending anything!|-He feeIs pressured.
Let me just find the right wrench ...
The next day it was Iike they had|known each other forever.
Coffee, boys!
At Ieast I have my poems to myseIf.
-He'II never get it to start.|-Sure I wiII.
-Sure he wiII.|-If so, we'II aII go for a drive.
A drive? Do you mean ...?
He means a drive. Where you drive|around in a car untiI you stop!
We can go to my cabin. I haven't|been there for years.
We've been invited to his|cabin, KjeII Bjarne!
-Cabin?|-If Frank Iets us.
-It's none of his business.|-Who is Frank?
-Nobody.|-I'II taIk to him. You just argue.
You stay out of this! It's time we cut|Frank AasIi down to size!
I won't Iet the weIfare state stop me.|Why can't I go to someone's cabin?
I have never been to a cabin in my Iife.|Never!
Does that weIfare rat get to|decide what I can and cannot do?
You taIk to Frank.
TeII him to caII me.
Coffee, boys.
AIfons Jørgensen? You're hanging|out with inteIIigentsia.
What's wrong with him,|since you know him?
He has pubIished books of poems.|He was quite famous.
Why didn't you say you|were a mechanic?
Nobody ever asked.
-You guys better behave.|-Now, Frank ...
On your cabin trip.
-It's Iike a baIIroom in here.|-Americans are generous peopIe.
Tonight I'm going to waIk aIong|the shore Iike a sober UIf LundeII.
Good no one's been drinking.
Is it because I finaIIy am getting out?
They're after me, the driver, not you.
So I'm not interesting, just|because I'm in the back seat?
The poIice abducted me|from my apartment!
Just a routine check.|License and registration pIease.
Out for a drive?|Nice set of wheeIs.
KjeII Bjarne fixed it up.
-Buick Century, right?|-A '58 Buick Century Hardtop.
Why does everyone know what this car is caIIed?
It's a 6-Iiter engine. A V-8.
And check out this carburetor.
It's hard to find originaI parts.|Over there is the power steering.
-I see that the tefting is Ioose.|-Tefting? That's the radiator hose.
Where I come from,|we caII it the ''tefting''.
-You'II break it.|-It's Ioose.
It's supposed to be!
This is beautifuI!
As Iong as the tenants haven't|burned up the furniture.
-I have a boat. Can you saiI, EIIing?|-EIIing's an oId saiIor.
Ask him about the Caribbean, AIf.|Or his mercenary career in Bosnia.
-Where shouId I sIeep, AIf?|-Wherever. I have three bedrooms.
-We can stay in here, KjeII Bjarne.|-Here's our room, KjeII Bjarne.
You reaIize that's not possibIe.
This is none of your business.
This is sick.|How dare you even consider it?
You're going to crush the baby.
Are you wiIIing to become a|murderer just to get some kinky sex?
You won't need a sIeeping bag.|I'II make your bed.
-Don't do it!|-AIf needs heIp with the firewood.
Sick!
EIIing?
Dinner is served, EIIing.
-Where did you Iearn to make this?|-Home economics.
I didn't Iearn anything at schooI.
I went to a speciaI schooI.|They thought I was an idiot.
He Iearned to read when he|got his first dirty magazine.
I think the Labor Party is to bIame.
For our Iousy schooIing, and aII that.
HoId your horses. Nobody bIames the|Labor Party for this.
But they were the ruIing party.
A house isn't in poor condition|because of a few rotten boards.
-Huh?|-He's speaking in pictures.
But where did the rotten|boards come from?
The Iumberyard!
Who smuggIed the rotten boards|onto the construction site?
SociaI democratic Iaborers|from the Labor Party?
-ExactIy.|-ExactIy not!
They were bought and paid for|by the CIA and the KGB!
-They brought the rotten boards.|-So caII them and yeII at them!
I'm going to get ready for bed.
You weigh 240 pounds, KjeII Bjarne!
It had to happen.
The moment when KjeII Bjarne had|to choose between Reidun and me.
EIIing?
What?
-Nothing.|-Then go to bed!
Can I borrow your underwear?
Aren't you wearing cIean underwear?
-No.|-When did you Iast change?
-I'm not sure.|-Hard to keep track of the weeks ...
Shit, I couIdn't know that Reidun ...|I couIdn't know that.
-I thought I was bunking with you.|-So it didn't matter.
-Want to borrow my socks, too?|-Sure.
Thank me properIy.
Thank you.
HoIy shit!
Yes!
EIIing ...
EIIing!
There you are.|My underwear did wonders, I see.
-It's started.|-Scream ''hoIy shit'' Iike that ...
It's started! Reidun has started!
Are you teIIing me that Reidun is|having her baby as we speak?
-Do something!|-Shut up!
What? At a Norwegian hospitaI?|SeveraI more hours of Iabor?
Don't you reaIize she couId|give birth any second?!
What does hydrocephaIic mean?
Maybe she'II have Siamese twins.|Or a baby with a cIubfoot.
What if it's a hydrocephaIic cIubfoot?
I'm sure the baby wiII have|ten fingers and toes.
Go get some sIeep.|CaII me tomorrow and fiII me in.
-We can't go to bed now.|-Why not?
Let's go for a drink.
A drink of what?
-Wine.|-We don't drink wine.
ExactIy. We don't drink wine,|therefore we'II drink some now!
Weird pIace.
-This doesn't heIp.|-Take it easy, KjeII Bjarne.
If you get drunk, we'II get sent|right back to the institution.
Who knows who your|new roommate might be?
These are Iike egg cups.
EIIing, you're a true buddy.|I was cranky because I was scared.
We're friends. You don't have to|keep shaking my hand, KjeII Bjarne.
-Here's to what is about to happen.|-Cheers!
Now caImIy waIk over|and caII the hospitaI.
-Maybe you shouId caII?|-No, KjeII Bjarne. Do it right now.
Waiter!
Let me teII you something. Have a seat.
His girIfriend is having a|baby as we speak.
Rita, bring out the champagne!
That guy in the coveraIIs is|about to become a daddy!
WeII?
Over ten pounds, EIIing.
A huge girI!
Did you hear that, EIIing?|Over ten pounds!
She's going to be bigger|than you, KjeII Bjarne!
-What are we drinking?|-Champagne!
Shit! This damn stuff tastes great!
I stiII don't know how we|got home that night.
The aIcohoI has gotten to us.|Might as weII ship us back to the institution.
That pIace is for Ioonies. It's normaI|of you to ceIebrate the new kid.
-How're the mother and baby?|-I have no idea.
Take some aspirin and|cIean up this vomit.
And Iater you can read these.|I borrowed them at the Iibrary.
Mind the return date.
HoIy shit!
You guys are doing just fine.
Everything passes on.
To put it another way:|Everything passes on to something eIse.
-I brought you the paper.|-Thank you.
-Notice ''The Sauerkraut Poet''?|-I sure did. Not a bad poem.
''E''?
Yes.
I was overjoyed when I read in the|paper about Kaare Svingen -
- and the pack of sauerkraut he|had bought downtown.
I have made my debut.
Thousands of peopIe are now wondering|who the mysterious ''E'' is.
I am on everyone's Iips.
It is tempting to stand forward, but no.
I want to remain who I am:
Mommy's boy. That anonymous voice|from the quiet streets of the night.
SubtitIes: Nick Norris
E=mc2
ER 01x01-02 - 24 Hours
ER 01x03 - Day One
ER 01x04 - Going Home
ER 03x01 - Dr Carter I Presume
ER 03x02 - Let the Games Begin
ER 03x03 - Dont Ask Dont Tell
ER 03x04 - Last Call
ER 03x05 - Ghosts
ER 03x06 - Fear of Flying
ER 03x07 - No Brain No Gain
ER 03x08 - Union Station
ER 03x09 - Ask Me No Questions Ill Tell You No Lies
ER 03x10 - Homeless for the Holidays
ER 03x11 - Night Shift
ER 05x01 - Day for Knight
ER 05x02 - Split Second
ER 05x03 - They Treat Horses Dont They
ER 05x04 - Vanishing Act
ER 05x05 - Masquerade
ER 05x06 - Stuck on You
ER 05x07 - Hazed and Confused
ER 05x08 - The Good Fight
ER 05x09 - Good Luck Ruth Johnson
ER 05x10 - The Miracle Worker
ER 05x11 - Nobody Doesnt Like Amanda Lee
Eagle has Landed The CD1
Eagle has Landed The CD2
Eagles - Hell Freezes Over
Eagles Hell Freezes Over The
Early summer Ozu 1952
Early to Bet (1951)
Earth (Deepa Mehta 1998)
Earth vs The Spider
Earthquake
Easy Rider 1969 CD1
Easy Rider 1969 CD2
Easy Six
Eat Drink Man Woman
Ecce Homo Homolka
Eclipse 1962 CD1
Eclipse 1962 CD2
Ed Wood (1994)
Eddie Murphy Raw
Edge The
Edge of Madness
Edges of the Lord (2001)
Edi
Educating Rita
Edward Cline (1940) The Bank Dick
Edward Scissorhands
Effi Briest 1974 CD1
Effi Briest 1974 CD2
Eiger Sanction The
Eight Crazy Nights
Eight Legged Freaks
Eighth Day The
Ek Chhotisi love story
Ekipazh - Air Crew (1980)
El Dorado
El Mariachi
Election
Electra 1962 CD1
Electra 1962 CD2
Elephant
Elephant Man The
Elf 2003
Elizabeth
Ella Enchanted
Elling
Elmer - Elmers Candid Camera (1940)
Elmer Gantry CD1
Elmer Gantry CD2
Elvira Madigan 1967
Elvis - Aloha from Hawaii
Elvis - Thats the Way It Is
Elvis Has Left The Building 2004
Elysium
Emanuelle in Hong Kong 2003
Embrace Of The Vampire
Emerald Forest The CD1
Emerald Forest The CD2
Emma (1996)
Emmanuele 1974
Emmanuelle
Emperor Waltz The 1948
Emperors Club The
Emperors New Clothes The 23976fps
Emperors New Groove The
Empire
Empire 2002
Empire Deity 24FPS
Empire Earth
Empire Records
Empire of Senses
Empire of the Sun
Employee of the Month
Empty Mirror The 1996 CD1
Empty Mirror The 1996 CD2
Encino Man
Encrypt
End of Days
End of the Affair The
Enemy Below The
Enemy Mine
Enemy Of The State
Enemy at the Gates
Enfants terribles Les (1950 Jean-Pierre Melville)
Enforcer The
English Patient The 1996
Enigma
Enigma (2001)
Enigma - Remember the Future
Enigma of Kaspar Hauser The (1974) CD1
Enigma of Kaspar Hauser The (1974) CD2
Enough (2002)
Enter The Dragon
Enter the Fist
Enter the Phoenix
Enterprise - 1x01 - Broken Bow Part 1
Enterprise - 1x01 - Broken Bow Part 2
Enterprise - 1x03 - Fight or Flight
Enterprise - 1x04 - Strange New World
Enterprise - 1x05 - Unexpected
Enterprise - 1x06 - Terra Nova
Enterprise - 1x07 - The Andorian incident
Enterprise - 1x08 - Breaking the ice
Enterprise - 1x10 - Fortunate son
Enterprise - 1x11 - Cold Front
Enterprise - 1x12 - Silent enemy
Enterprise - 1x13 - Dear Doctor
Enterprise - 1x14 - Sleeping dogs
Enterprise - 1x16 - Shuttlepod one
Enterprise - 1x17 - Fusion
Enterprise - 1x18 - Rogue planet
Enterprise - 1x19 - Acquisition
Enterprise - 1x20 - Oasis
Enterprise - 1x21 - Detained
Enterprise - 1x22 - Vox Sola
Enterprise - 1x23 - Fallen hero
Enterprise - 1x24 - Desert crossing
Enterprise - 1x25 - Two days and two nights
Enterprise - 1x26 - Shockwave part1
Enterprise - 2x01 - Shockwave part2
Enterprise - 2x02 - Carbon Creek
Enterprise - 2x03 - Minefield
Enterprise - 2x04 - Dead Stop
Enterprise - 2x05 - A Night in Sickbay
Enterprise - 2x06 - Marauders
Enterprise - 2x08 - The Communicator
Enterprise - 2x15 - Cease Fire
Enterprise - 2x16 - Future Tense
Enterprise - 2x17 - Canamar
Enterprise - 2x18 - The Crossing
Enterprise - 2x19 - Judgment
Enterprise - 2x20 - Horizon
Enterprise - 2x21 - The Breach
Enterprise - 2x22 - Cogenitor
Enterprise - 2x23 - Regeneration
Enterprise - 2x24 - First Flight
Enterprise - 2x25 - Bounty
Enterprise - 2x26 - The Expanse
Enterprise - 3x01 - The Xindi
Enterprise - 3x02 - Anomaly
Enterprise - 3x03 - Extinction
Enterprise - 3x04 - Rajiin
Enterprise - 3x05 - Impulse
Enterprise - 3x06 - Exile
Enterprise - 3x07 - The Shipment
Enterprise - 3x08 - Twilight
Enterprise - 3x09 - North Star
Enterprise - 3x10 - Similitude
Enterprise - 3x11 - Carpenter Street
Enterprise - 3x12 - Chosen Realm
Enterprise - 3x13 - Proving Ground
Enterprise - 3x14 - Stratagems
Enterprise - 3x15 - Harbinger
Enterprise - 3x16 - Doctors Orders
Enterprise - 3x17 - Hatchery
Enterprise - 3x18 - Azati Prime
Enterprise - 3x22 - The Council
Enterprise - 3x23 - Countdown
Enterprise - 3x24 - Zero Hour
Enterprise - 4x01 - Storm Front
Enterprise - 4x03 - Home
Enterprise - 4x05 - Cold Station 12
Enterprise - 4x06 - The Augments
Enterprise - 4x07 - The Forge
Enterprise - 4x08 - Awakening
Enterprise - 4x10 - Daedalus
Enterprise - 4x11 - Observer Effect
Enterprise - 4x12 - Babel One
Enterprise - 4x13 - United
Enterprise - 4x14 - The Aenar
Enterprise - 4x15 - Affliction
Entertainer The
Entity The
Entrapment 1999
Envy (2004)
Envy 2004
Epidemic
Equilibrium
Era of Vampire The
Eraser
Eric Clapton - Live In Hyde Park
Eric Clapton - Live On Tour 2001
Erik The Viking
Erin Brockovich 2000
Erotic Ghost Story
Errol Morris Mr Death 1999
Ervinka 1967
Escape From Hong Kong Island
Escape From Taliban 2003 CD1
Escape From Taliban 2003 CD2
Escape from Absolom
Escape from Alcatraz
Escape from LA
Escape from the Planet of the Apes
Eskiya 1996
Espinazo Del Diablo El
Essex Boys
Est Quest
Estorvo 2000
Eternal Blood 2002
Ethernal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Ett anstandigt liv (A Decent Life 1979)
Eu Tu Eles
Eunjangdo
Europa Europa 1990
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Evangelion ep 01
Evangelion ep 02
Evangelion ep 03
Evangelion ep 04
Evangelion ep 05
Evangelion ep 06
Evangelion ep 07
Evangelion ep 08
Evangelion ep 09
Evangelion ep 10
Evangelion ep 11
Evangelion ep 12
Evangelion ep 13
Evangelion ep 14
Evangelion ep 15
Evangelion ep 16
Evangelion ep 17
Evangelion ep 18
Evangelion ep 19
Evangelion ep 20
Evangelion ep 21
Evangelion ep 22
Evangelion ep 23
Evangelion ep 24
Evangelion ep 25
Evangelion ep 26
Evelyn
Even Cowgirls Get the Blues 1993
Even Dwarfs Started Small 1968
Evening With Kevin Smith An CD1
Evening With Kevin Smith An CD2
Event Horizon
Ever After - A Cinderella Story (1998)
Everwood 01x01 - Pilot - Extended Version
Everwood 01x02 - The Great Doctor Brown
Everwood 01x03 - Friendly Fire
Everwood 01x04 - The Kissing Bridge
Everwood 01x05 - Deer God
Everwood 01x06 - The Doctor is in
Everwood 01x07 - We Hold These Truths
Everwood 01x08 - Till Death Do Us Part
Everyday People 2004
Everyone Says I Love You
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask
Evil Dead 3 - Army of Darkness (DirCut) CD1
Evil Dead 3 - Army of Darkness (DirCut) CD2
Evil Words 2003
Evita CD1
Evita CD2
Evolution 2001
Excalibur
Exchange
Exocist The Beginnig
Exorcist 3
Exorcist The (The Version You have Never Seen)
Exorcist The Directors Cut
Exotica
Explorers 1985
Explosive City 2004
Extreme Measures 1996
Extremely Goofy Movie An
Eye 2 The
Eye For An Eye 1996 25fps
Eye Of The Beholder
Eye The 2002
Eyes Wide Shut CD1
Eyes Wide Shut CD2
Eyes Without a Face
Eyes of Laura Mars