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Evangelion ep 25

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There was no other choice!
Because he was an Angel! Kaworu was an Angel!
He was still an Angel! He was still one of the enemy!
He wasn't! He wasn't! He was not!
Even though he was as human as me?
No! He was an Angel!
Is that why you killed him?
Yes! Otherwise we would have all died!
We would have all been destroyed!
So, that's why you killed him?
I didn't want to kill him! I didn't have a choice!
Help me...
Help me...
Help me!
Somebody, please, help me!
I'm begging you! Somebody, please, help me!
You know, it was Kaworu who should have survived.
He was much better than I am.
He was the one who should have survived.
No, the one who survives is the one who has the will to survive.
He wished for death.
He neglected his will to survive and chose a false hope.
You weren't wrong, Shinji.
Are you sure?
Are you sure it was right?
I don't understand. What can I do?
What am I supposed to do?!
What was that?
I fear myself.
I fear being hated.
But by whom? Who is it?
It's my
father!
My father abandoned me. He hates me.
If others hate me, what will I do? What will I do?
Where am l?
Where am I supposed to go?
I can't see anything. I don't understand what I feel.
Misato?
Misato?!
Hey, where are you, Misato?
Hey, where am I supposed to go?
Misato? Asuka? Ayanami?
Toji? Kensuke? Ritsuko? Kaji?
Father?
Mother?
Somebody, please! Please tell me what I have to do now!
Evangelion Unit 01...
I still have to pilot it? Even after it made me kill him?
My father and the others tell me l have to pilot it no matter what.
Why do I have to keep fighting after all that's happened?!
Mother!
Say something! Answer me!
Because everyone tells me to.
What do you mean?
It's for the sake of Mankind! Isn't that good enough?
That's right! Is there something wrong with that?!
I'm doing the right thing!
When I do it the others appreciate me! The others like me then!
You're lying!
Are you stupid?!
You know damn well that you do this for yourself!
You're just making excuses, the way you always do!
I do?
Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others
Pretending that you're sacrificing yourself for the sake of others
is just another cop out, isn't it?
It makes you feel so superior to play the martyr!
I'm not sure that's true.
You're feeling lonely and isolated, nothing more.
Am l?
Of course you are! You live on sympathy!
You gain it through your symbiosis with your Eva, Shinji!
It could be true.
You love having others depend on you!
It really satisfies your twisted little mind!
That could be.
All you're doing is sitting there and waiting
for someone else to bring you happiness!
But it's a false happiness!
But isn't that what you've been doing?
I don't want to be in this Eva again.
They're forcing me to pilot this.
But this piece of junk won't work!
But it's only junk because of what I've become. I'm the garbage now.
I'm worthless. Nobody needs me.
Nobody needs a pilot who can't even control her own Eva.
You seek your own value in the perception of others.
Shut up!
Do you fear being alone?
Are you afraid that you will lose your identity if others leave you?
You pilot the Eva so that you'll be praised by others.
Shut up! Shut up! Just shut up!
How can a wind-up doll like you dare to tell me that?!
Who am l?
You are Rei Ayanami.
But who are you?
Are you Rei Ayanami as well?
Correct, I am that which is recognized as Rei Ayanami.
We are all things that are known as Rei Ayanami.
How could all of these be me?
It is simply because the others call us Rei Ayanami, that is all.
You possess a false soul and a fake body? Do you know why?
I am neither false nor fake. I am simply me.
No, you are an empty shell with a false soul,
created by a man named Gendo Ikari.
You are just an object that is pretending to be a human.
See, look deep within yourself.
Do you perceive the almost intangible,
invisible presence that lurks inside your darkest dreams?
It is there that your true identity lies.
No, I am me.
I became myself through the instrumentality of the links
and my relationships with others.
I am formed by interaction with others.
They create me as I create them.
These relationships and interactions
serve to shape the patterns of my heart and mind.
Yes, that is the name for what I share with those
who have created the being known as Rei Ayanami.
That is what will continue to shape me.
However, there is someone else who is your true self.
You don't know her, but she exists.
You deny that fact
and attempt to suppress that facet of your reality.
Because she might not have a human form.
Because then your present self might cease to be.
This is what you fear, that you will become nothing.
You are frightened that you will disappear from the minds of others
if another exists.
I'm afraid? Why is that?
Because then your current self will have never existed.
Because you will cease to be.
No, I'm happy.
Because I want to die. I want despair.
I want to return to nothing.
But I can't.
He won't let me return to nothingness yet.
He won't let me return yet.
I still exist because he needs me.
But when everything is over,
when I am of no use anymore,
he will abandon me.
I've prayed for the day he would abandon me.
But now, I fear it.
Well, let's go. This is the day for which you were created, Rei.
Yes, Sir.
What is this feeling?
I think I've experienced this sensation before.
It's as though my physical form were disappearing.
It feels nice.
As though my being is spreading itself out
to cover the entirety of existence.
Incorrect. It is not a return to nothingness.
It is merely a return to the state of beginning.
It is no less than a return to the primal womb that we lost long ago.
All individual souls and minds will become one,
thereby attaining a state of eternal peace.
The final goal is nothing more than that.
And that's Instrumentality?
There's an emptiness in our souls, a fundamental incompleteness
that has haunted all beings since the very first thought.
On a primal level, Man knows of the darkness at the core of his mind.
We have sought to escape this void and the fear it causes.
All Man's accomplishments stem from the hope of filling it.
The darkness will never vanish as long as Mankind is merely human.
And so you'll just crush everyone's minds together to fill the gaps?!
How dare you presume to make the entirety of human existence
into an experiment to prove your theory?!
And to use deception in order to accomplish it?!
And yet, that is exactly as you wished it to be!
Where am l?
This is the me that exists in your mind, Misato.
And yet, at the same time
this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji?
In order to establish my identity,
I have to communicate with the minds of many people.
I have to examine that which is at my core.
I have to stare at Misato who resides on the inside of my mind.
What is it that you wish for, Misato?
I have to be a good child.
Because I have no papa.
I have to be good and not bother my momma.
But I don't want to become like my momma.
When my papa is not here, she always cries.
I can't cry. I can't depend on anyone else.
So, I have to be good.
That way, maybe my papa won't hate me.
But I hated my father, and l hated being a good child.
I hate it.
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of keeping myself clean.
I'm tired of myself pretending to be pure and noble.
I'm so tired of it all.
I want to disgrace myself.
I want to see my life and my reputation ruined.
Is that why you slept with him? With Kaji?
No! I slept with him because I loved him.
Did you really love him?
Yes, I did! He accepted me for myself!
He was kind!
No! Don't show this to Shinji!
Why are you still embarrassed after all that's happened?
Because I'm ashamed of it!
Why does this embarrass you?
You aren't ashamed.
On the contrary, it pleased you to reveal yourself to one you love.
No, don't do this!
You're happy to show this to Shinji, aren't you?
It's a lie! No, no, I'm not!
Are you sure? Or perhaps it's your father you'd like to show this to?
No!
Wasn't it really peace of mind that you were seeking in Kaji's bed?
No!
You wanted peace of mind and warmth from Kaji, then?
No!
You wanted to find your father in Kaji's embrace, didn't you?
It's not true!
It is true.
In Kaji, I had found my father reborn.
And so, I fled from him.
I was so afraid. He was so much like my father.
But at the same time, I was also very happy. I was never happier.
That was such a wonderful time.
That's why I hated it. That's why I left.
So, no reason was required to begin our love,
but you needed a reason for ending it?
You are so kind, Kaji.
You are so kind. I beg you...
Disgrace me.
Just because you hate yourself is no reason
to injure yourself further.
Punishing yourself is simply a cheat
to make you feel better for a little while.
Don't do this to yourself.
And now, you'll tell me to take care of myself?
Men always do that.
They escape to their jobs, their own world, and leave me behind.
They always leave me behind.
Just like my father did.
They always escape from the harsh realities.
Harsh realities? I am his harsh reality.
Of course, I'm a problem, aren't l?
Stop that, Misato!
I despise myself! I hate myself!
You're vulgar and impure.
You're pathetic.
You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore!
You're disgusting! You're a dirty whore!
I've never seen anyone in such a disgusting relationship!
Congratulations on your promotion, Major Katsuragi!
The me who is recognized
is the me who's performing a role in order to be appreciated,
but she's not the real me.
Your true self is always crying, isn't she?
Yes, but I'm happy.
I am happy.
It's true, I am happy!
I'm not! This isn't the happiness I want!
This isn't me, it's not my true self!
I just don't want to face the harsh reality!
But we must. We can't live otherwise.
You'd be alone and afraid...
...unstable...
...if nobody was sleeping next to you.
Are you afraid of sleeping alone?
Or does sleeping by yourself remind you of how empty your life is?
She can't stand not having other souls around her.
So, you'll sleep with anyone, won't you?
No!
Yes, you just want to be infatuated with primal ecstasy.
You want to fill the hole in your heart with temporary escape.
You take advantage of men to soothe the pain in your soul.
No! No! No!
Where am l?
This is the me which exists in your mind, Asuka.
And yet, at the same time
this is also the me which exists in your mind, isn't it, Shinji?
What do you want, Asuka?
I want to live by myself!
I don't want my papa and my momma. I'll live by myself!
And then I won't cry anymore!
But I'm still crying.
Why am I still crying?
I'm sorry. I just don't like her.
What happened to you, the capable doctor?
I told you, I'm a human being before I'm a doctor.
But how can a trained professional like you...
She acts too much like an adult and she rejects me absolutely.
Sometimes she even scares me.
Have you had such a feeling with her?
No, and, in any case, you are now Asuka's mother.
That may be, but I'm your wife before that.
Both duties are concurrent.
In a social perspective, yes.
In a social perspective, yes.
But you can't quit being her father.
I can quit being her mother anytime.
Well, you could say so.
No, Momma! Don't quit being my momma! I'll be a good kid!
Don't stop being my momma!
Don't ignore me!
No, momma! Don't kill me!
Your papa hates your momma.
He doesn't need me anymore.
No, he didn't love me to begin with.
He didn't need me at all.
So, let's die together because Papa doesn't need us.
Am I a waste? Am I not worth anything?
Die with me!
No, I am not your doll!
I'll think for myself and live by myself!
Then, my momma was hanging from the ceiling.
She looked so happy.
But I hated how she looked.
I don't want to die. I don't want to disappear.
I hate boys! I hate my papa and my momma!
I hate everyone!
Nobody cares about me.
Nobody stays with me!
So, I don't want to depend on anybody!
But I hate it at the same time. It's a pain!
I don't want to be alone!
I don't want to be alone!
I don't want to be alone!
Don't leave me.
Don't abandon me.
Don't kill me.
What is this?
This is the Instrumentality which your father is beginning.
This is it?
This is part of it.
This is part of it.
You can't tell what the truth is.
You can barely tell if what you're feeling is real.
The truth is within you.
And the facts that remain in your memory
are what will become your truth.
Truth can be changed from time to time.
This is all real. This is the result of everything?
This is real, but only one of the many realities.
This is the conclusion you wanted.
Wanted? Me?
Yes, total destruction.
You wished for a world in which nobody would be saved.
No! I didn't wish for this! The others didn't save me.
Nobody can save you.
This is what you wished for.
Destruction, death and a return to nothingness.
You wished for these.
This is that reality.
What is reality?
This is your world.
A world for yourself that exists without time, space or others.
A world in which every facet was determined by you.
This is the world where you just wait
for others to give you something.
This is your world no matter what.
This is the world that is! Nothing can change that!
No, you made the decision.
This is the world where your mind decides what will be.
Whether it is the will to survive,
or a wish for death, it is all up to you.
Are you saying that this darkness, this insane world,
are what I really wished to create?!
Yes.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
You wished for a closed world that was comfortable for you.
In order to protect your weakness.
To protect your few pleasures.
This is merely a result of your wish.
In your closed world, in a world where only you are allowed to be,
others cannot live with you.
But still you wished to close the world that surrounds you.
Your wish ejected things you disliked,
and created an isolated and lonely world.
This is the world your wishes have created,
a private haven in the recesses of your mind.
This is how it ends. It is one of many possible endings.
This is an ending you brought upon yourself. You chose this fate.
E=mc2
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Evangelion ep 01
Evangelion ep 02
Evangelion ep 03
Evangelion ep 04
Evangelion ep 05
Evangelion ep 06
Evangelion ep 07
Evangelion ep 08
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Evangelion ep 10
Evangelion ep 11
Evangelion ep 12
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