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Even Cowgirls Get the Blues 1993

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1 00:00:24,074 --> 00:00:29,842 j& Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you j& 2 00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:34,942 j& Happy birthday, dear Sissy... j& 3 00:00:34,984 --> 00:00:38,181 The surprise of Sissy Hankshaw 4 00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:41,054 is that she did not grow up a neurotic disaster. 5 00:00:41,091 --> 00:00:44,185 If you were a small girl in a low-income suburb 6 00:00:44,227 --> 00:00:47,424 of Richmond, Virginia, as Sissy was, 7 00:00:47,464 --> 00:00:49,432 and your own daddy sometimes makes jokes 8 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:52,094 about you being "all thumbs," 9 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:55,161 then you toughen up... or you shatter. 10 00:00:55,205 --> 00:01:00,905 j& ...Happy birthday to you. j& 11 00:01:00,944 --> 00:01:02,639 Oh yes! 12 00:01:02,679 --> 00:01:07,480 Oh, did you make a wish? 13 00:01:07,517 --> 00:01:10,645 No, and I'm afraid she ain't gonna make much of a brain surgeon, neither. 14 00:01:10,687 --> 00:01:12,416 Hey, she could be a butcher. 15 00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:16,118 She could retire in two years on the overcharges alone. 16 00:01:16,159 --> 00:01:20,459 She might make a hell of a hitchhiker. Ha ha ha ha ha. 17 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,795 If she were a boy, you mean. 18 00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:25,926 She is, if I may speak frankly, 19 00:01:25,969 --> 00:01:28,631 somewhat of a medical oddity. 20 00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:31,333 Well, the Lord made them things big for a purpose. 21 00:01:31,374 --> 00:01:32,773 Although... 22 00:01:32,809 --> 00:01:35,141 Lord only knows what that might be. 23 00:01:36,379 --> 00:01:38,745 Doc, oh Doc... 24 00:01:38,782 --> 00:01:42,183 if a young man ever shows up here 25 00:01:42,218 --> 00:01:45,346 with ugly fingers... 26 00:01:45,388 --> 00:01:48,789 you know, would you please... 27 00:01:48,825 --> 00:01:53,558 Dear lady, please remember the words of the painter Paul Gauguin 28 00:01:53,596 --> 00:01:56,497 who said, "The ugly may be beautiful... 29 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:59,001 but the pretty, never." 30 00:02:00,703 --> 00:02:03,263 I don't suppose that means very much to you. 31 00:02:03,306 --> 00:02:06,298 I'm not stupid. 32 00:02:06,342 --> 00:02:08,401 There's nothing about your past, present or future... 33 00:02:08,444 --> 00:02:10,412 that your hands do not know. 34 00:02:10,446 --> 00:02:12,505 And there is nothing about your hands 35 00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,710 that Madame Zoe does not know. 36 00:02:14,751 --> 00:02:17,879 I, Madame Zoe... 37 00:02:17,921 --> 00:02:20,185 er... Jesus-fucking-Christ! 38 00:02:21,291 --> 00:02:23,259 Husband... 39 00:02:23,293 --> 00:02:26,126 is she gonna find a husband? 40 00:02:26,162 --> 00:02:28,426 Oh... 41 00:02:34,704 --> 00:02:37,400 I see men in your life. 42 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:38,498 Oh... 43 00:02:38,541 --> 00:02:40,907 I also see women. 44 00:02:42,712 --> 00:02:46,671 Lots and lots and lots of women. 45 00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:48,673 Oh... 46 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:54,883 let's get out of here. 47 00:02:57,660 --> 00:03:00,094 The gods did not choose Sissy Hankshaw 48 00:03:00,129 --> 00:03:02,097 for her thumbs per se, 49 00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:04,258 but rather for the use that she would make of them. 50 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,758 Hitchhiking would become her customary mode of travel. 51 00:03:07,804 --> 00:03:11,638 Hitchhiking would become, in fact, her way of life... 52 00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:14,905 a calling to which she was literally born. 53 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:17,242 "Greater freedom of movement." 54 00:03:48,244 --> 00:03:54,205 j& In perfect dreams j& 55 00:03:54,250 --> 00:04:01,747 j& Love has no extremes j& 56 00:04:01,791 --> 00:04:04,351 j& All the world can be j& 57 00:04:04,394 --> 00:04:12,460 j& Endlessly in perfect dreams j& 58 00:04:15,138 --> 00:04:22,135 j& In perfect dreams j& 59 00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:29,141 j& You can fly, it seems j& 60 00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:32,484 j& Sailing nakedly j& 61 00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:39,553 j& Weightlessly, in perfect dreams j& 62 00:04:43,967 --> 00:04:46,094 j& Dream... j& 63 00:04:46,135 --> 00:04:50,731 j& Have a rendezvous j& 64 00:04:50,773 --> 00:04:53,537 j& A fling... j& 65 00:04:53,576 --> 00:04:57,478 j& Or two j& 66 00:04:57,513 --> 00:05:00,107 j& Dream... j& 67 00:05:00,149 --> 00:05:04,245 j& And I promise you j& 68 00:05:04,287 --> 00:05:11,125 j& It all rings true j& 69 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:17,360 j& In perfect dreams j& 70 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:24,397 j& Life is quite serene j& 71 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,375 j& You and I could be j& 72 00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:35,112 j& Happily in perfect dreams j& 73 00:05:39,055 --> 00:05:43,719 j& Dreams... j& 74 00:05:45,995 --> 00:05:49,158 j& Dreams... j& 75 00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:51,555 "Sissy, precious being, 76 00:06:51,594 --> 00:06:54,620 how are you, my extraordinary one? 77 00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:58,225 Next time you're near Manhattan, do ring me up. 78 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:03,398 There is a man to whom I simply must introduce you..." 79 00:07:05,108 --> 00:07:08,874 - Crimeny. - "Thrill! The Countess." 80 00:07:59,529 --> 00:08:04,193 j& Moving j& 81 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:07,862 j& Give me motion j& 82 00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:12,603 j& Grooving j& 83 00:08:12,642 --> 00:08:16,043 j& On a notion j& 84 00:08:17,947 --> 00:08:20,711 j& Ooh... j& 85 00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:24,618 j& Ooh ooh-ooh... j& 86 00:08:59,889 --> 00:09:01,880 Goin' north? 87 00:09:07,496 --> 00:09:10,693 - You want some? - Thanks. 88 00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:16,104 American cheese. 89 00:09:16,138 --> 00:09:18,299 It's the king of road food. 90 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,973 You in show business? 91 00:09:25,014 --> 00:09:29,917 - I was a successful model once. - For magazines? 92 00:09:29,952 --> 00:09:32,819 I was the "Yoni Yum Feminine Hygiene Dew" girl 93 00:09:32,855 --> 00:09:36,757 from 1965 to 1970, and then I got laid off. 94 00:09:36,792 --> 00:09:38,919 - So now you're bumming around? - Yeah. 95 00:09:38,961 --> 00:09:40,986 Hitchhiking? 96 00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:42,998 Please don't think me immodest... 97 00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:45,296 but I'm really the best. 98 00:09:45,334 --> 00:09:47,632 - You're the best? - Yeah. 99 00:09:49,538 --> 00:09:51,665 I am. 100 00:09:51,707 --> 00:09:57,145 When I was younger, I hitchhiked 127 hours without stopping. 101 00:09:57,179 --> 00:09:59,647 I crossed the continent twice in six days, 102 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,513 cooled my thumbs in both oceans, 103 00:10:01,550 --> 00:10:04,417 and caught rides after midnight on unlighted highways. 104 00:10:04,453 --> 00:10:06,546 When I'm really moving... 105 00:10:06,589 --> 00:10:09,581 moving so freely, so clearly, so delicately 106 00:10:09,625 --> 00:10:12,651 that even the sex maniacs and the cops 107 00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,856 can only blink and let me pass... 108 00:10:14,897 --> 00:10:19,095 then I embody the spirit and the heart of hitchhiking. 109 00:10:20,670 --> 00:10:23,798 I have the rhythms of the universe inside me. 110 00:10:24,807 --> 00:10:27,298 I'm in a state of grace. 111 00:10:35,785 --> 00:10:37,650 Well, right off... 112 00:10:37,687 --> 00:10:41,589 I don't remember how old I was when I found out I was part Indian. 113 00:10:41,624 --> 00:10:46,527 My mama's family, a lot of them had lived out west in the Dakotas. 114 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:50,191 One of them had married a squaw, Siwash tribe. 115 00:10:50,232 --> 00:10:53,690 You may say that my pleasure in Indianhood 116 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:57,103 and my passion for car travel might be incongruous... 117 00:10:57,139 --> 00:10:59,130 if not mutually exclusive... 118 00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:03,839 but after all, first car that ever stopped for me 119 00:11:03,879 --> 00:11:07,474 had been named in honor of the great chief of the Ottawa. 120 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:14,079 New York City. 121 00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,225 Sure is a hell of a town. 122 00:11:26,235 --> 00:11:28,226 Ominous. 123 00:11:38,047 --> 00:11:41,141 ...gold or silver beads, she has... - Ah! 124 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,477 Sit down, dear, do sit down. 125 00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:51,355 Take a load off those lovely tootsies. 126 00:11:51,394 --> 00:11:53,988 Would you fancy some sherry? 127 00:11:54,029 --> 00:11:57,897 Shit, oh goodness, I'm all out of sherry. 128 00:11:57,933 --> 00:12:01,232 How about some red Ripple? 129 00:12:01,270 --> 00:12:03,397 You know what red Ripple is, don't you? 130 00:12:03,439 --> 00:12:05,600 Fruit punch with a hard-on. 131 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:10,438 To my own special Sissy. 132 00:12:12,214 --> 00:12:14,512 So my letter brought you flying, huh? 133 00:12:15,518 --> 00:12:17,486 Now where were you? 134 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:19,579 Salt Lake City? LaConner? 135 00:12:19,622 --> 00:12:22,955 I may have a little surprise for you. 136 00:12:22,992 --> 00:12:25,153 But first tell me about yourself. 137 00:12:25,194 --> 00:12:28,994 It's been six months, hasn't it? In some circles, that is half a year. 138 00:12:29,031 --> 00:12:31,829 - How are you? - Tired. 139 00:12:31,867 --> 00:12:33,926 That is the very first time 140 00:12:33,969 --> 00:12:35,994 in the eons that I have known you 141 00:12:36,038 --> 00:12:38,006 that I have ever heard you complain, 142 00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,065 and now you're tired, poor darling. 143 00:12:40,109 --> 00:12:42,942 "Born freak can only go uphill." 144 00:12:42,978 --> 00:12:44,502 Freak shmeak! 145 00:12:44,547 --> 00:12:46,981 All of us are freaks in one way or another. 146 00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,348 Try being born a male Russian countess 147 00:12:49,385 --> 00:12:51,353 into a white, middle-class 148 00:12:51,387 --> 00:12:54,618 Baptist family in Mississippi and you'll see what I mean. 149 00:12:54,657 --> 00:12:56,955 Well, I've always been proud of the way nature singled me out. 150 00:12:56,992 --> 00:13:00,860 It's the people who have been deformed by society I feel sorry for. 151 00:13:00,896 --> 00:13:04,127 I've been steady moving for 11 years and some months. 152 00:13:04,166 --> 00:13:07,135 I think I should rest up for a spell. 153 00:13:07,169 --> 00:13:09,660 I'm not as young as I used to be. 154 00:13:09,705 --> 00:13:12,299 Shit, oh goodness! You won't be 30 for another year 155 00:13:12,341 --> 00:13:14,172 and you're more beautiful than ever. 156 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,770 Does that mean you have an assignment for me? 157 00:13:20,382 --> 00:13:22,350 You were the Yoni Yum girl 158 00:13:22,384 --> 00:13:25,751 from... let's see... 159 00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:29,053 1965... 160 00:13:29,091 --> 00:13:32,083 through 1970. 161 00:13:33,195 --> 00:13:36,460 And you always smelled so nice... 162 00:13:36,499 --> 00:13:38,899 like a little sister. 163 00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:41,164 I loathe the stink of females. 164 00:13:41,203 --> 00:13:43,433 They're so sweet the way god made them. 165 00:13:43,472 --> 00:13:45,565 Then they start fooling around with men 166 00:13:45,608 --> 00:13:48,270 and soon they're stinking like rotten mushrooms... 167 00:13:48,310 --> 00:13:51,143 like an excessively chlorinated swimming pool, 168 00:13:51,180 --> 00:13:54,707 like a tuna fish's ree-tirement party. They all stink... 169 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:59,278 from the Queen of England to Bonanza Jellybean... they stink! 170 00:13:59,321 --> 00:14:02,085 - Bonanza Jellybean? - What? 171 00:14:02,124 --> 00:14:05,150 Oh... 172 00:14:06,161 --> 00:14:08,721 Jellybean... 173 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:11,164 Well, she's a young thing who works on my ranch. 174 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,328 Anyway, my dear, I am getting out of photography now 175 00:14:14,370 --> 00:14:15,962 and into watercolors. 176 00:14:16,005 --> 00:14:20,567 The exact man that I have wanted you to meet, 177 00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:23,772 is my artist, the watercolorist. 178 00:14:23,812 --> 00:14:25,780 - But Countess... - No, no, no. 179 00:14:25,814 --> 00:14:29,147 Don't get agitated. I realize that you have always avoided 180 00:14:29,184 --> 00:14:31,652 all but the most rudimentary involvements with men 181 00:14:31,687 --> 00:14:34,713 and I might add, you have been right. 182 00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:36,884 But what I am getting at, is there comes a time 183 00:14:36,926 --> 00:14:40,418 when it is psychologically impossible for a woman to lose her virginity. 184 00:14:40,462 --> 00:14:43,158 She can't wait too long, you know? 185 00:14:43,198 --> 00:14:46,497 Now I'm not saying that you must lose yours, 186 00:14:46,535 --> 00:14:50,164 but uh... just ponder it a bit, that's all. 187 00:14:50,205 --> 00:14:52,901 Well, what makes you think this watercolorist and I 188 00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:55,035 would develop a romantic relationship? 189 00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:57,068 I can't be sure that it would, 190 00:14:57,112 --> 00:14:59,580 but what have you got to lose? 191 00:15:01,817 --> 00:15:04,012 Well, okay, I'll try it... 192 00:15:04,053 --> 00:15:07,420 for you. It seems kind of silly, though... 193 00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:10,482 me goin' out with an artist in New York City. 194 00:15:10,526 --> 00:15:12,255 Oh good, good, good, good! 195 00:15:12,294 --> 00:15:13,761 You'll enjoy it, you'll see. 196 00:15:13,796 --> 00:15:16,162 Julian is a gentleman. 197 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,362 And by the way, Sissy, 198 00:15:20,402 --> 00:15:24,338 he is a full-blooded Indian. 199 00:15:40,222 --> 00:15:42,383 Hi. 200 00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:53,902 Julian? Are you okay? 201 00:15:53,936 --> 00:15:55,904 This is bad. We better get him home. 202 00:15:55,938 --> 00:15:58,338 He has asthma. Take him home, he'll be fine. 203 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,365 - You come with us. - Yeah. 204 00:16:00,409 --> 00:16:03,344 - The cigarette is not helping. - I beg your pardon. 205 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,244 Hold up. 206 00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:08,181 I've been enthralled with your photographs for years. 207 00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:11,675 When the Countess said that you might like to meet me, 208 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,712 he never explained why. 209 00:16:14,757 --> 00:16:17,783 I was ready to paint... for free. 210 00:16:19,495 --> 00:16:22,157 And now I had to go and spoil it. 211 00:16:22,197 --> 00:16:25,189 Let's talk back at your house. 212 00:16:25,234 --> 00:16:27,964 Come on, honey. It's gonna be fine. We're going home. 213 00:16:33,442 --> 00:16:38,379 - Oh God, this is dreadful! - It's not your fault. 214 00:16:38,414 --> 00:16:41,383 You know, asthma attacks are brought on by emotional stress. 215 00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,386 Poor Julian he is just so high-strung. 216 00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:46,388 The excitement of meeting you 217 00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,390 must have upset his chemical balance or something, 218 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,450 because, my dear, you are so stunning. 219 00:16:51,493 --> 00:16:53,518 Don't be afraid of us, Sissy. 220 00:16:53,562 --> 00:16:56,588 - Come on. - Oh, I've never ridden in a cab before. 221 00:16:56,632 --> 00:16:59,624 The whole idea of paying for a ride 222 00:16:59,668 --> 00:17:01,636 just makes my thumbs hurt. 223 00:17:01,670 --> 00:17:03,638 That is so interesting, but don't worry, dear. 224 00:17:03,672 --> 00:17:06,971 It's not nearly as bad as it sounds. 225 00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:09,534 Just take a nice seat in the back. 226 00:17:16,719 --> 00:17:19,813 ...what I was saying, no, she has a style. 227 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:25,320 "Crazy Guggenheim" has more style. 228 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,225 I'm saying... 229 00:17:32,768 --> 00:17:35,566 Ooh... 230 00:17:35,604 --> 00:17:37,868 Lay him out on the couch. I'll be right back. 231 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,578 Keep the airways open is what I know. 232 00:17:47,616 --> 00:17:49,914 - What do you mean? - Keep the airways... this... 233 00:17:53,922 --> 00:17:57,414 Just take a nice seat, honey. Take a seat. 234 00:18:00,362 --> 00:18:02,887 - Is this right? - That's fine, that's fine. 235 00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:06,425 You want a drink? 236 00:18:06,468 --> 00:18:14,432 - Hey! You want a drink? - Thank you. 237 00:18:14,476 --> 00:18:18,435 There, that ought to beat them bronchial buggers into submission. 238 00:18:19,581 --> 00:18:21,378 I was a medic in the army. 239 00:18:21,416 --> 00:18:24,180 Thank you. 240 00:18:24,219 --> 00:18:27,313 I really should have gone into medicine instead of publishing. 241 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,881 Sometimes though... 242 00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:33,656 I think pushing books is a lot like pushing medicine. 243 00:18:36,064 --> 00:18:38,624 Think of books as pills. 244 00:18:38,667 --> 00:18:40,828 And I have pills to cure ignorance, 245 00:18:40,869 --> 00:18:43,235 pills to cure boredom... 246 00:18:43,272 --> 00:18:45,467 pills to elevate moods, 247 00:18:45,507 --> 00:18:49,307 and pills to open people's eyes to the awful truth. 248 00:18:49,344 --> 00:18:52,472 Too bad they don't have a pill for bullshit, is what I say. 249 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,917 So, where do you live, Ms. Hankshaw? 250 00:18:57,953 --> 00:19:00,148 I'm staying with the Countess. 251 00:19:01,523 --> 00:19:04,617 I know. 252 00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:12,994 But uh... where do you live when... you're not in New York? 253 00:19:13,035 --> 00:19:17,597 - I don't. - You don't? 254 00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:20,767 I mean, I don't live anywhere in particular. 255 00:19:20,809 --> 00:19:22,800 I just keep movin'. 256 00:19:24,179 --> 00:19:25,840 Hmm... 257 00:19:28,317 --> 00:19:30,808 the traveler, eh? 258 00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:32,480 Well, you might call it that... 259 00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:34,489 but I don't really think of it as traveling. 260 00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:37,890 Well, what do you "think of it" as, then? 261 00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:40,121 Movin'. 262 00:19:41,330 --> 00:19:43,730 Oh... 263 00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:47,301 How unusual. 264 00:19:49,504 --> 00:19:50,835 Hmm... 265 00:19:50,873 --> 00:19:53,706 Well, Rupert, before you get too engaged 266 00:19:53,742 --> 00:19:57,200 in your research on scotch as a cure for aging, 267 00:19:57,246 --> 00:19:59,271 are you gonna call Elaine 268 00:19:59,314 --> 00:20:01,680 and cancel our reservations, or shall I? 269 00:20:01,717 --> 00:20:04,652 What would we do without our little efficiency expert, Carla, huh? 270 00:20:04,686 --> 00:20:06,813 Without her the whole world would just go to hell. 271 00:20:06,855 --> 00:20:10,018 She's gonna be running for mayor next year, you know. 272 00:20:10,058 --> 00:20:14,358 Hey, Rupert... Rupert! 273 00:20:14,396 --> 00:20:17,797 Up yours... "Herr doktor book salesman." 274 00:20:17,833 --> 00:20:21,166 Will the demands of your "medical profession" 275 00:20:21,203 --> 00:20:23,171 allow you to cancel or shall I? 276 00:20:23,205 --> 00:20:27,198 - Oh let me do it! - Oh, so the girl has to do it? 277 00:20:29,845 --> 00:20:32,211 The girl's gonna do it. You're not gonna do it. 278 00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:51,198 Where are the others? 279 00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:55,636 Rupert and Carla had a little hassle and went home. 280 00:20:57,839 --> 00:20:59,807 Julian fell asleep. 281 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:03,140 We covered him up. 282 00:21:03,178 --> 00:21:06,204 We thought we should make you comfortable too. 283 00:21:06,248 --> 00:21:08,216 Yes, thanks. 284 00:21:08,250 --> 00:21:10,844 Oh... mine... 285 00:21:10,886 --> 00:21:14,378 mine are fuller, but yours are more perfectly shaped. 286 00:21:14,423 --> 00:21:18,519 Highly... highly debatable. 287 00:21:20,262 --> 00:21:24,562 I'll wager they're the exact same size. 288 00:21:25,667 --> 00:21:27,032 Hmm... 289 00:21:28,603 --> 00:21:31,197 yours are large, Marie, 290 00:21:31,239 --> 00:21:35,608 but Ms. Hankshaw's... Sissy's are more firm. 291 00:21:35,644 --> 00:21:38,943 You'd think they would have started to droop, 292 00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:41,074 I mean, from not wearing a bra. 293 00:21:41,116 --> 00:21:43,744 Howard, watch your manners. 294 00:21:43,785 --> 00:21:45,548 You're embarrassing her. 295 00:21:45,587 --> 00:21:48,488 Here, Sissy, let me compare. 296 00:21:53,962 --> 00:21:57,295 This is a finer place than the place I live. 297 00:22:16,184 --> 00:22:18,652 Oh, Howard! 298 00:22:19,888 --> 00:22:23,016 Sissy... 299 00:22:23,058 --> 00:22:26,494 - What are you doing? - Getting dressed. 300 00:22:26,528 --> 00:22:29,053 But... but I don't want you to go. 301 00:22:29,097 --> 00:22:31,031 Please, stay. I... 302 00:22:31,066 --> 00:22:33,159 l... ahem... we can go to dinner. 303 00:22:33,201 --> 00:22:35,795 I owe you a dinner and, and later... 304 00:22:35,837 --> 00:22:39,136 - Julian, I have to go. - Why? Why do you have to go? 305 00:22:39,174 --> 00:22:41,404 My thumbs hurt. 306 00:22:41,443 --> 00:22:44,742 I've made a mistake. I've been negligent. 307 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:48,375 I have to hitchhike a little bit every day no matter what, 308 00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:51,580 or my thumbs, they get stiff and sore. 309 00:22:51,620 --> 00:22:54,145 I have to go, Julian. 310 00:23:09,104 --> 00:23:11,766 Sissy had crossed the continent 400 times 311 00:23:11,807 --> 00:23:13,934 and passed everybody twice... 312 00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,909 but she had never seen anything 313 00:23:15,944 --> 00:23:18,674 like what she had just witnessed in Julian's apartment. 314 00:23:18,713 --> 00:23:21,614 Turning to the Countess' for an explanation, 315 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:24,517 she received instead, another surprise. 316 00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,488 Sissy... 317 00:23:27,522 --> 00:23:31,288 Sissy, you can desist from wearing paths 318 00:23:31,326 --> 00:23:33,191 in those forgotten highways. 319 00:23:33,228 --> 00:23:36,095 The Countess has arranged a job for you. 320 00:23:36,131 --> 00:23:38,258 And what a job. 321 00:23:38,300 --> 00:23:39,665 A job for me? 322 00:23:39,701 --> 00:23:43,068 I am once more about to make advertising history. 323 00:23:43,105 --> 00:23:46,131 And only you, the original Yoni Yum Dew girl 324 00:23:46,174 --> 00:23:48,142 could possibly assist me. 325 00:23:48,176 --> 00:23:51,805 "The Food and Drug Administration said Wednesday, 326 00:23:51,847 --> 00:23:55,840 female deodorant sprays may cause such harmful reactions 327 00:23:55,884 --> 00:23:58,978 as blisters, burns, and rashes. 328 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,887 Although FDA judges that the reported reactions 329 00:24:01,923 --> 00:24:03,891 are not sufficient to j-justify 330 00:24:03,925 --> 00:24:06,519 removal of these pr-products from the market, 331 00:24:06,561 --> 00:24:08,529 they are sufficient to warrant 332 00:24:08,563 --> 00:24:12,727 the proposed mandatory label warnings." 333 00:24:12,767 --> 00:24:14,792 Shit, oh dear, it's enough to make me asthmatic. 334 00:24:14,836 --> 00:24:18,363 The nerve of those twits. What do they know about female odor? 335 00:24:18,406 --> 00:24:20,670 Don't interrupt... 336 00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:23,439 here's my concept. 337 00:24:23,478 --> 00:24:26,140 My little ranch out west, 338 00:24:26,181 --> 00:24:28,741 it's a beauty ranch. 339 00:24:28,783 --> 00:24:30,751 Well, it has a few head of cattle 340 00:24:30,785 --> 00:24:32,218 for atmosphere and tax purposes... 341 00:24:32,254 --> 00:24:35,121 but it is a beauty ranch... 342 00:24:35,157 --> 00:24:39,491 a place where unhappy women, divorcees, and widows mostly 343 00:24:39,528 --> 00:24:42,122 can go to lose weight, 344 00:24:42,164 --> 00:24:44,530 uh, remove wrinkles, or change their hairstyle 345 00:24:44,566 --> 00:24:47,797 and pretty themselves up for the next disappointment. 346 00:24:47,836 --> 00:24:51,328 My ranch is called "The Rubber Rose," 347 00:24:51,373 --> 00:24:53,273 after the "Rubber Rose" douche bag. 348 00:24:53,308 --> 00:24:56,209 My own invention and, bless its little red bladder, 349 00:24:56,244 --> 00:24:58,644 is the most popular douche bag in the world. 350 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,308 So, get this. 351 00:25:01,349 --> 00:25:05,786 It is on the migratory flight path of the whooping crane. 352 00:25:05,820 --> 00:25:10,587 The last flock of wild whooping cranes left in existence. 353 00:25:10,625 --> 00:25:13,185 Whooping cranes, in case you didn't know it, 354 00:25:13,228 --> 00:25:16,129 are noted for their mating dance. 355 00:25:16,164 --> 00:25:19,156 Now picture these birds 356 00:25:19,201 --> 00:25:22,102 doing their sex dance on TV... 357 00:25:22,137 --> 00:25:24,162 right there on the home screen... 358 00:25:24,206 --> 00:25:27,539 creation's most elaborate sex ritual, 359 00:25:27,576 --> 00:25:31,535 but clean and pure enough to suit the Pope... 360 00:25:33,415 --> 00:25:37,852 with lovely Sissy Hankshaw in the foreground... 361 00:25:37,886 --> 00:25:40,116 her white gown, red hood attached, 362 00:25:40,155 --> 00:25:43,386 big, feathery sleeves, trimmed in black. 363 00:25:43,425 --> 00:25:45,393 And then, 364 00:25:45,427 --> 00:25:49,625 in a very subdued imitation of the female whooping crane, 365 00:25:49,664 --> 00:25:53,998 she dance-walks over to a large nest 366 00:25:54,035 --> 00:25:56,026 where there sits... 367 00:25:58,807 --> 00:26:01,071 a can of Yoni Yum and a can of Dew! 368 00:26:01,109 --> 00:26:04,408 Oh my very goodness gracious! 369 00:26:04,446 --> 00:26:07,108 Grandiose, lyrical, 370 00:26:07,148 --> 00:26:09,139 erotic... 371 00:26:09,184 --> 00:26:12,119 and Girl Scout-oriented. You can't top it. 372 00:26:21,329 --> 00:26:24,162 So the Countess dispatched Sissy out west 373 00:26:24,199 --> 00:26:26,565 for her first modeling assignment in years, 374 00:26:26,601 --> 00:26:29,069 but not before warning her to keep her distance 375 00:26:29,104 --> 00:26:31,072 from those nasty and uppity cowgirls 376 00:26:31,106 --> 00:26:33,097 who worked his so-called ranch. 377 00:26:33,141 --> 00:26:35,109 He also insisted 378 00:26:35,143 --> 00:26:37,703 that she avoid any contact with the alleged holy man 379 00:26:37,746 --> 00:26:39,873 who lived on the ridge above the Rubber Rose, 380 00:26:39,914 --> 00:26:43,611 known as "The Chink," though apparently he was Japanese-American. 381 00:26:43,652 --> 00:26:47,588 He appeared to be one of those berry-picking moon-howlers. 382 00:26:47,622 --> 00:26:50,989 The kind of old kumquat who might fuck a snake 383 00:26:51,026 --> 00:26:53,756 and then write a little poem about it. 384 00:27:01,236 --> 00:27:05,172 j& I long to be lifted... j& 385 00:27:08,810 --> 00:27:11,745 j& I long to be lifted j& 386 00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:19,913 j& Lifted high... j& 387 00:27:19,954 --> 00:27:22,548 So we take in the good energies. 388 00:27:22,590 --> 00:27:25,491 Taking in, we turn. 389 00:27:25,527 --> 00:27:27,722 And we give them out. 390 00:27:27,762 --> 00:27:32,096 And take in and take out good things. 391 00:27:36,037 --> 00:27:38,904 You feel that? Good, huh? 392 00:27:42,143 --> 00:27:45,704 j& I long to be carried j& 393 00:27:49,684 --> 00:27:52,881 j& I long to be carried j& 394 00:27:57,625 --> 00:28:01,686 j& Carried by... j& 395 00:28:05,834 --> 00:28:07,699 j& Carried by... j& 396 00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:13,100 I've traveled through the Yucatan with the circus, 397 00:28:13,141 --> 00:28:17,441 popping false eyelashes off a trained monkey with my bullwhip, 398 00:28:18,913 --> 00:28:22,246 when one night I ate peyote and had a vision. 399 00:28:22,283 --> 00:28:27,152 Niwetkame, the mother goddess... 400 00:28:27,188 --> 00:28:29,588 came to me on the back of a doe, 401 00:28:29,624 --> 00:28:32,491 with hummingbirds sipping the tears she was shedding, 402 00:28:32,527 --> 00:28:36,861 crying, "Delores... 403 00:28:36,898 --> 00:28:40,834 you must lead my daughters against their natural enemy. 404 00:28:40,869 --> 00:28:43,497 You must come to the Rubber Rose Ranch 405 00:28:43,538 --> 00:28:45,904 and prepare for your mission... 406 00:28:48,410 --> 00:28:51,573 the details of which will be revealed to you in a third vision." 407 00:28:54,549 --> 00:28:55,880 Whoo! 408 00:29:07,896 --> 00:29:09,864 Usually she preferred to hitchhike 409 00:29:09,898 --> 00:29:11,923 without a fixed destination... 410 00:29:11,966 --> 00:29:13,934 hitching for hitching's sake... 411 00:29:13,968 --> 00:29:16,835 for freedom and movement and that alone. 412 00:29:16,871 --> 00:29:19,635 But something was pulling her to the Rubber Rose, 413 00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:23,770 something softer than money and stranger than work. 414 00:29:25,213 --> 00:29:27,443 Someday... 415 00:29:27,482 --> 00:29:29,814 if that Sissy Hankshaw ever shows up here, 416 00:29:29,851 --> 00:29:33,082 I'm gonna teach her how to hypnotize a chicken. 417 00:29:34,989 --> 00:29:38,049 Did you know chickens are the easiest critters on earth to hypnotize? 418 00:29:38,092 --> 00:29:40,424 You just twirl a chicken in the air 20 times, 419 00:29:40,462 --> 00:29:42,589 it's yours forever. 420 00:29:42,630 --> 00:29:45,428 How exciting. 421 00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:06,179 Are you a pilgrim? 422 00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:08,451 No, I'm more of an Indian. 423 00:30:08,490 --> 00:30:10,549 l... I think she means are you gonna go see "The Chink"? 424 00:30:10,592 --> 00:30:12,492 Well, I may, and I may not. 425 00:30:12,527 --> 00:30:16,019 But seeing him's not my main objective here. 426 00:30:16,064 --> 00:30:19,397 You know, th-that's good 'cause, you know, he... he might not see you. 427 00:30:19,434 --> 00:30:21,493 I mean, we drove all the way from Minneapolis 428 00:30:21,536 --> 00:30:23,697 and the crazy bastard tried to stone us to death. 429 00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:27,003 Yeah, it bummed me out. I thought he was a master, 430 00:30:27,041 --> 00:30:29,441 but he's nothing but a dirty old mountain man. 431 00:30:29,477 --> 00:30:33,607 He took out his wanker and shook it at Barbara. 432 00:30:33,648 --> 00:30:36,674 I mean, I wouldn't go up there if I were you. 433 00:30:36,718 --> 00:30:39,710 I wouldn't, okay? Bye-bye. 434 00:30:41,322 --> 00:30:43,620 It was like showering rocks... 435 00:30:45,193 --> 00:30:47,923 I had a vision that it hit me in the head. 436 00:32:09,110 --> 00:32:12,238 By any chance, are you Sissy Hankshaw? 437 00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:14,305 Yes, I am. 438 00:32:14,349 --> 00:32:17,876 Well, my goodness, why didn't you telephone? 439 00:32:17,919 --> 00:32:20,820 Someone would have driven into Sisters to pick you up. 440 00:32:20,855 --> 00:32:23,153 I'm Miss Adrian from the ranch. 441 00:32:23,191 --> 00:32:25,955 The Countess wrote me that I should expect you. 442 00:32:25,994 --> 00:32:28,462 Oh, get in. You must be exhausted. 443 00:32:28,496 --> 00:32:32,364 Uh, Donna, help Ms. Hankshaw with her... 444 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:34,800 ...with her luggage. 445 00:32:43,911 --> 00:32:46,607 Twit. You really ought to have phoned. 446 00:32:46,648 --> 00:32:48,548 We were just in Sisters 447 00:32:48,583 --> 00:32:51,552 escorting some guests to the afternoon train. 448 00:32:51,586 --> 00:32:54,316 More guests leaving ahead of schedule. 449 00:32:54,355 --> 00:32:56,653 Three checked out today. 450 00:32:56,691 --> 00:32:58,659 They decided to transfer 451 00:32:58,693 --> 00:33:02,459 to Elizabeth Arden's Main Chance Spa in Phoenix, Arizona. 452 00:33:04,032 --> 00:33:09,163 It costs $250 a week more than at the Rubber Rose. 453 00:33:09,203 --> 00:33:13,401 So, why are our guests leaving and going to Elizabeth Arden's? 454 00:33:13,441 --> 00:33:16,137 I'll tell you why. 455 00:33:16,177 --> 00:33:18,873 It's that plague of cowgirls. 456 00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:20,881 I'd like to complain. 457 00:33:20,915 --> 00:33:25,011 Some of you cowgirls have been sleeping two to a bunk again 458 00:33:25,053 --> 00:33:28,819 in violation of the agreement that "crimes against nature," 459 00:33:28,856 --> 00:33:31,347 are to be kept confined to the hayloft. 460 00:33:31,392 --> 00:33:33,360 Yeah. 461 00:33:33,394 --> 00:33:36,989 Well, I don't care who sleeps with who or where or how. 462 00:33:37,031 --> 00:33:39,864 But the moaners and the groaners and the screamers 463 00:33:39,901 --> 00:33:41,766 ought to turn down their volume 464 00:33:41,803 --> 00:33:43,395 'cause some of us are trying to sleep... 465 00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:45,668 or meditate. 466 00:33:45,707 --> 00:33:47,675 I'd like to complain about the food here. 467 00:33:47,709 --> 00:33:51,042 It's rotten to the core. 468 00:33:51,079 --> 00:33:53,206 Hallelujah, sister. 469 00:33:53,247 --> 00:33:56,808 They've gradually infiltrated every sector of our program. 470 00:33:56,851 --> 00:33:58,876 The one named Debbie... 471 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:02,720 she considers herself an expert on diet and exercising. 472 00:34:02,757 --> 00:34:04,315 The ball... 473 00:34:04,358 --> 00:34:06,952 with Bonanza Jellybean's permission 474 00:34:06,994 --> 00:34:09,053 - And against my explicit orders... - Someday... 475 00:34:09,097 --> 00:34:11,258 she's been coercing the guests 476 00:34:11,299 --> 00:34:13,494 into trying something called Kundalini yoga. 477 00:34:13,534 --> 00:34:15,399 Do you know what that is? 478 00:34:15,436 --> 00:34:18,530 It's trying to mentally force 479 00:34:18,573 --> 00:34:22,304 a serpent of fire to crawl up your spinal column. 480 00:34:22,343 --> 00:34:23,708 Humph. 481 00:34:23,745 --> 00:34:26,839 Oh, and there's a new one. 482 00:34:26,881 --> 00:34:29,577 The one called "del Ruby." 483 00:34:29,617 --> 00:34:32,848 - She has the goodwill of a scorpion. - Whoa! 484 00:34:32,887 --> 00:34:36,516 The little barbarians are destroying everything I've built, 485 00:34:36,557 --> 00:34:39,219 mocking all that the company stands for. 486 00:34:47,702 --> 00:34:51,934 But now that the season is practically over... 487 00:34:51,973 --> 00:34:54,635 we operate April through September... 488 00:34:54,675 --> 00:34:58,543 and the Countess is finally coming... 489 00:34:59,614 --> 00:35:02,242 I'll get those little peckers. 490 00:35:04,418 --> 00:35:07,717 Our ranch has all the latest in modern facilities. 491 00:35:07,755 --> 00:35:12,590 Guests can relax on our veranda or swim in our pool, 492 00:35:12,627 --> 00:35:16,563 all in view of spectacular Siwash Ridge. 493 00:35:16,597 --> 00:35:18,588 At the Rubber Rose Ranch, 494 00:35:18,633 --> 00:35:22,694 we prepare more than 850 lo-cal meals per day. 495 00:35:22,737 --> 00:35:24,967 Your attention... 496 00:35:25,006 --> 00:35:26,906 We have a facial wing 497 00:35:26,941 --> 00:35:29,774 and next to that is the hair barn. 498 00:35:31,579 --> 00:35:35,709 We have 15 hair experts from all over the world. 499 00:35:35,750 --> 00:35:39,447 Up there is where the fanny flab flies off 500 00:35:39,487 --> 00:35:44,220 at the rate of about 675 pounds a day. 501 00:35:44,258 --> 00:35:46,954 That's a lot of salted ham, Sissy. 502 00:35:46,994 --> 00:35:50,293 - Wow, you're gonna make a movie. - Hey, give me that! 503 00:35:50,331 --> 00:35:52,458 Ladies, as most of you have been informed, 504 00:35:52,500 --> 00:35:55,958 one of the fringe benefits of your stay here at the Rubber Rose Ranch 505 00:35:56,003 --> 00:35:58,528 is a rare opportunity to get a look at the world's 506 00:35:58,573 --> 00:36:01,098 last surviving flock of wild whooping cranes. 507 00:36:01,142 --> 00:36:03,406 They stop off here twice a year 508 00:36:03,444 --> 00:36:06,072 at that marshy little lake on the north end of the ranch 509 00:36:06,113 --> 00:36:08,047 and you're in luck because even as I speak, 510 00:36:08,082 --> 00:36:09,606 the flock's over there right now. 511 00:36:09,650 --> 00:36:12,483 Our special guest Ms. Sissy H... 512 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,455 uh, Ms. Sissy Hankshaw is with us. 513 00:36:19,727 --> 00:36:22,594 Merciful Jesus, they're murdering the guests! 514 00:36:24,532 --> 00:36:27,558 Es gibt soviele verschiedene farben von erdpfel hier in Amerika, 515 00:36:27,602 --> 00:36:30,002 in Deutschland gibts nur eine sorte. 516 00:36:30,037 --> 00:36:31,299 Ja, ja, ja. 517 00:36:31,339 --> 00:36:34,137 Where are the guests? Where are the guests? 518 00:36:34,175 --> 00:36:37,269 Take it easy, lady. They just rode over the hill with the cowgirls. 519 00:36:37,311 --> 00:36:40,303 You're Miss Adrian. We gotta talk about that filming. 520 00:36:40,348 --> 00:36:41,679 Not now, you fool, not now. 521 00:36:41,716 --> 00:36:45,174 Those crazed bitches have led innocent women out 522 00:36:45,219 --> 00:36:47,483 and are slaughtering them at this moment. 523 00:36:47,521 --> 00:36:49,716 We'll all be killed. 524 00:36:49,757 --> 00:36:51,884 Oh... 525 00:36:51,926 --> 00:36:53,826 there's a slaughter going on, all right, 526 00:36:53,861 --> 00:36:56,523 but it ain't the fat ladies that are getting it. 527 00:36:56,564 --> 00:36:58,555 Your hired hands are killing the cattle. 528 00:36:58,599 --> 00:37:01,830 The cattle? They're killing the cows? 529 00:37:01,869 --> 00:37:03,234 That's what they said, Miss Adrian. 530 00:37:03,271 --> 00:37:06,172 How dare you slaughter the Countess' cattle? 531 00:37:06,207 --> 00:37:08,072 What's a ranch without cows? 532 00:37:08,109 --> 00:37:09,940 We're replacing them with goats. 533 00:37:09,977 --> 00:37:11,968 The cows are diseased and in pain. 534 00:37:12,013 --> 00:37:14,607 We're just putting them out of their misery. 535 00:37:14,649 --> 00:37:17,948 According to Ms. Bonanza Jellybean, 536 00:37:17,985 --> 00:37:21,284 the Rubber Rose is indicative of the Countess' values. 537 00:37:21,322 --> 00:37:25,122 They purchased a cheap but weak strain of cattle in the beginning, 538 00:37:25,159 --> 00:37:26,854 - And within... - Oh heavens. 539 00:37:26,894 --> 00:37:30,022 I don't want to hear what Bonanza Jellybean tells all you girls. 540 00:37:30,064 --> 00:37:33,966 Come on, Sissy. I'll show you to your quarters. 541 00:37:34,001 --> 00:37:37,027 Hren sie, wir mssen ber diesen film sprechen. 542 00:37:37,071 --> 00:37:38,834 Es ist sehr wichtig. Ich meine, 543 00:37:38,873 --> 00:37:41,740 warum bin ich so weit hier angereist, ja? 544 00:37:49,350 --> 00:37:50,647 Excuse me, miss. 545 00:37:50,685 --> 00:37:52,778 Would you care for your breakfast now? 546 00:37:52,820 --> 00:37:55,311 I feel a bit hungry. 547 00:37:57,692 --> 00:37:59,660 Okay. 548 00:38:02,096 --> 00:38:06,328 Road food! How did you know? 549 00:38:06,367 --> 00:38:10,235 Well, it is a change of the usual grapefruit and melba toast, I'm sure. 550 00:38:10,271 --> 00:38:13,069 "Compliments of Bonanza Jellybean." 551 00:38:13,107 --> 00:38:15,075 She'll be up to see you directly. 552 00:38:25,453 --> 00:38:27,444 Yep? 553 00:38:28,990 --> 00:38:31,288 Welcome, partner! 554 00:38:31,325 --> 00:38:33,657 You seem to know who I am. 555 00:38:33,694 --> 00:38:35,992 Maybe even what I am. 556 00:38:37,098 --> 00:38:38,690 Thanks for the breakfast. 557 00:38:38,733 --> 00:38:41,497 Oh I know about Sissy Hankshaw, all right. 558 00:38:41,535 --> 00:38:44,026 I've done a little hitchhiking myself. 559 00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:46,039 I'd heard tales about you 560 00:38:46,073 --> 00:38:48,837 from people I'd meet in jail cells and truck stops. 561 00:38:48,876 --> 00:38:50,844 Jail cells? 562 00:38:50,878 --> 00:38:53,847 I heard about your, uh... wonderful thumbs. 563 00:38:53,881 --> 00:38:56,145 Hm... 564 00:38:56,183 --> 00:38:59,050 Well, you may claim that I have an unfair advantage, 565 00:38:59,086 --> 00:39:02,487 but no more so than Nijinsky, 566 00:39:02,523 --> 00:39:04,582 whose reputation as the world's most incomparable dancer 567 00:39:04,625 --> 00:39:07,560 is untainted by the fact that his feet were abnormal... 568 00:39:07,595 --> 00:39:10,189 havin' the bone structure of bird feet. 569 00:39:10,231 --> 00:39:12,461 Nature built Nijinsky to dance, 570 00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:15,367 me to direct traffic. 571 00:39:31,052 --> 00:39:33,043 The example of your life 572 00:39:33,087 --> 00:39:35,920 has helped me in my struggle to be a cowgirl. 573 00:39:35,956 --> 00:39:38,754 - Tell me about it. - About what? 574 00:39:38,793 --> 00:39:42,092 About being a cowgirl. When you say the word, 575 00:39:42,129 --> 00:39:45,792 you make it sound like it was painted in radium on the side of a pearl. 576 00:39:50,771 --> 00:39:54,764 Well, I saw my first cowgirl in a Sears catalog. 577 00:39:54,809 --> 00:39:56,777 I was three. 578 00:39:56,811 --> 00:40:00,713 Up until then, I'd only ever heard of cowboys. 579 00:40:00,748 --> 00:40:03,774 Years later, my real struggle began. 580 00:40:03,818 --> 00:40:07,413 I had been teased by my classmates for some time 581 00:40:07,455 --> 00:40:10,390 about my particular fantasy. 582 00:40:10,424 --> 00:40:14,588 Cowgirls exist as an image, a fairly common one. 583 00:40:14,628 --> 00:40:17,358 The idea of cowgirls, 584 00:40:17,398 --> 00:40:20,561 especially for little girls, prevails in our culture. 585 00:40:20,601 --> 00:40:23,229 Therefore, it seems to me 586 00:40:23,270 --> 00:40:26,671 that the existence of cowgirls should prevail. 587 00:40:26,707 --> 00:40:29,175 I mean, otherwise they're being fooled. 588 00:40:29,210 --> 00:40:33,078 Like in the Rodeo Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City, 589 00:40:33,114 --> 00:40:35,605 there are just two cowgirls. Two... 590 00:40:35,649 --> 00:40:37,708 and both of them were trick riders. 591 00:40:37,751 --> 00:40:42,484 Trick ridin' is what cowgirls have almost always done in rodeo. 592 00:40:42,523 --> 00:40:47,324 Our society sure likes to see its unconventional women do tricks. 593 00:40:47,361 --> 00:40:51,127 That's what prostitutes call it... you know, "trickin"'? 594 00:40:55,569 --> 00:40:59,061 Did you know that cowgirls have been around for many centuries? 595 00:40:59,106 --> 00:41:03,338 Long before America. 596 00:41:03,377 --> 00:41:04,844 In ancient India, the care of cattle 597 00:41:04,879 --> 00:41:07,780 was always left up to these young women they called "gopis." 598 00:41:07,815 --> 00:41:10,909 Now being alone with the cows all the time, 599 00:41:10,951 --> 00:41:15,285 these gopis got awfully horny, just like we do here. 600 00:41:15,322 --> 00:41:17,290 Each gopi was in love with Krishna, 601 00:41:17,324 --> 00:41:19,849 a good lookin' hunk of a god, 602 00:41:19,894 --> 00:41:22,362 who played the flute like it was going out of style. 603 00:41:22,396 --> 00:41:24,864 And when the moon was full, 604 00:41:24,899 --> 00:41:26,958 this Krishna would play his flute by the river 605 00:41:27,001 --> 00:41:28,628 and call the gopis to him. 606 00:41:28,669 --> 00:41:32,196 Then he would multiply himself 607 00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:35,936 16,000 times... one for each gopi... 608 00:41:35,976 --> 00:41:39,434 and make love to each one the way she most desired. 609 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:42,176 There they were... 610 00:41:42,216 --> 00:41:45,413 16,000 gopis balling Krishna on the riverbank 611 00:41:45,452 --> 00:41:47,977 and the energy of their merging was so great, 612 00:41:48,022 --> 00:41:52,152 that it created a huge oneness, a total union of love, 613 00:41:52,193 --> 00:41:54,388 and it was God. 614 00:41:55,629 --> 00:41:57,824 Quite a picture, huh? 615 00:41:57,865 --> 00:42:00,732 Wow. 616 00:42:02,203 --> 00:42:06,139 Cowgirls...! 617 00:42:06,173 --> 00:42:08,767 Well, that couldn't be Krishna, could it? 618 00:42:08,809 --> 00:42:12,210 A bit shrill for a flute. Just our rotten luck. 619 00:42:15,449 --> 00:42:18,384 Well, I gotta run. Delores says I'm needed. 620 00:42:18,419 --> 00:42:22,515 Somebody's here. Maybe it's the Countess. 621 00:42:34,435 --> 00:42:38,371 j& Wondering, wondering j& 622 00:42:38,405 --> 00:42:40,839 j& Wanting it all j& 623 00:42:40,874 --> 00:42:44,674 j& A curious soul... j& 624 00:42:44,712 --> 00:42:47,237 j& Astray j& 625 00:42:48,916 --> 00:42:52,113 j& A curious soul... j& 626 00:42:52,152 --> 00:42:56,248 j& Astray. j& 627 00:43:44,638 --> 00:43:47,630 So you look like a big bird, a wonderful bird. 628 00:43:47,675 --> 00:43:51,042 Go down and you protect the product like... 629 00:43:51,078 --> 00:43:53,569 But I'm not a bird, sir. I'm a girl. 630 00:43:53,614 --> 00:43:55,582 But you look like a bird to me 631 00:43:55,616 --> 00:43:57,777 and you will look to the people who will watch the commercial. 632 00:43:57,818 --> 00:43:59,649 Come on, Sissy. We're working here. 633 00:43:59,687 --> 00:44:02,713 Okay... slowly you rise. 634 00:44:02,756 --> 00:44:05,316 And you look at the product, you turn around 635 00:44:05,359 --> 00:44:07,259 and the camera will then see you, 636 00:44:07,294 --> 00:44:09,455 and the camera's over there, remember. 637 00:44:09,496 --> 00:44:11,657 - You got it? - Yes, sir. 638 00:44:11,699 --> 00:44:13,326 All right, then let's do it. 639 00:44:14,702 --> 00:44:18,035 And remember... just be great, okay? 640 00:44:18,072 --> 00:44:20,040 Thank you, sir. 641 00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:22,235 Okay, do it. Go down... 642 00:44:23,377 --> 00:44:24,969 and stand by. 643 00:44:25,012 --> 00:44:27,742 Music. Action! 644 00:45:21,068 --> 00:45:23,059 Cut! We do it again. 645 00:45:24,505 --> 00:45:27,872 Delores zonks out on peyote at least once a week. 646 00:45:27,908 --> 00:45:30,638 But so far her third vision hasn't happened. 647 00:45:30,677 --> 00:45:33,202 Niwetkame, the mother goddess, it seems 648 00:45:33,247 --> 00:45:34,771 has not gotten back in touch with her yet. 649 00:45:34,815 --> 00:45:35,804 Huh. 650 00:45:35,849 --> 00:45:39,148 Meanwhile, she and Debbie are rivaling each other 651 00:45:39,186 --> 00:45:41,211 like a couple of crosstown high schools. 652 00:45:41,255 --> 00:45:45,589 Tension... cowgirl tension. What a drag. 653 00:45:45,626 --> 00:45:47,856 Well, what is Debbie's position? 654 00:45:47,895 --> 00:45:50,796 Well, Debbie says that if women are to take charge again, 655 00:45:50,831 --> 00:45:52,924 they must do it in a feminine way. 656 00:45:52,966 --> 00:45:56,561 They mustn't resort to aggressive and violent masculine methods. 657 00:45:56,603 --> 00:45:59,766 She says that it's up to women to show themselves better than men. 658 00:45:59,807 --> 00:46:02,742 To love men and set good examples for them. 659 00:46:02,776 --> 00:46:04,801 Guide them tenderly toward the new age. 660 00:46:04,845 --> 00:46:07,473 She's a real dreamer, that Debbie dear. 661 00:46:07,514 --> 00:46:11,211 So, you don't agree with Debbie then? 662 00:46:11,251 --> 00:46:13,481 Well, I wouldn't say that. 663 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,385 I expect she's right ultimately. 664 00:46:15,422 --> 00:46:18,585 But I'm with Delores when it comes to fighting for what's mine. 665 00:46:18,625 --> 00:46:21,958 This is cowgirl territory, and I'll stand with Delores 666 00:46:21,995 --> 00:46:23,963 and fight any bastards who might deny it. 667 00:46:23,997 --> 00:46:27,592 I guess I've always been a scrapper. 668 00:46:27,634 --> 00:46:31,297 Look, this scar... 669 00:46:31,338 --> 00:46:34,501 only 12 years old and I was felled by a silver bullet. 670 00:47:32,366 --> 00:47:34,891 He's here. 671 00:47:36,737 --> 00:47:40,104 Look at him... perverse as a pink pickle. 672 00:47:40,140 --> 00:47:41,471 Hmm. 673 00:47:41,508 --> 00:47:43,408 Well, he's in a snit. 674 00:47:43,443 --> 00:47:45,502 He wants to see you after the barbecue. 675 00:47:45,546 --> 00:47:48,140 - Oh really? - Huh. 676 00:47:48,181 --> 00:47:50,308 Well, why don't you go ahead and get the girls, 677 00:47:50,350 --> 00:47:52,545 'cause he's gonna see me right now. 678 00:47:52,586 --> 00:47:54,053 Okay. 679 00:48:40,233 --> 00:48:42,360 You will all be rounded up and sent to prison 680 00:48:42,402 --> 00:48:44,267 if this goes any farther. 681 00:48:44,304 --> 00:48:46,465 This is not your ranch. 682 00:48:46,506 --> 00:48:50,169 You pathetic little cutesy-poos. 683 00:48:50,210 --> 00:48:52,178 Do you actually believe 684 00:48:52,212 --> 00:48:55,613 that this exhibition of childlike melodrama 685 00:48:55,649 --> 00:48:57,446 is advancing the cause of freedom? 686 00:48:57,484 --> 00:48:59,145 Yes! 687 00:48:59,186 --> 00:49:02,087 You owe us. This here ranch is token payment 688 00:49:02,122 --> 00:49:04,215 to your disgusting exploitations. 689 00:49:04,257 --> 00:49:06,589 That's right! 690 00:49:09,997 --> 00:49:12,727 Then take it. 691 00:49:15,969 --> 00:49:17,960 Go for it, girls! 692 00:49:19,806 --> 00:49:22,240 Go to your bunkhouse and stay there. 693 00:49:34,121 --> 00:49:35,816 Better reach for your spray cans. 694 00:49:35,856 --> 00:49:37,619 Yee-hah! 695 00:49:46,299 --> 00:49:47,960 Not one of these pussies has been washed in weeks. 696 00:49:48,001 --> 00:49:49,593 Yeah, smell this! Woo. 697 00:49:53,140 --> 00:49:55,404 Ooh! 698 00:50:03,517 --> 00:50:05,178 Shit, oh goodness! 699 00:50:29,242 --> 00:50:31,972 Any of you ladies who'd like to join us 700 00:50:32,012 --> 00:50:35,448 you're welcome to stay as full-working partners at the Rubber Rose. 701 00:50:35,482 --> 00:50:37,575 The rest of you get packed, and I mean now! 702 00:50:37,617 --> 00:50:42,054 You've got 15 minutes to move your lard-asses off this ranch. 703 00:50:56,036 --> 00:50:59,335 j& Cowgirl pride... j& 704 00:50:59,372 --> 00:51:03,206 j& Cowgirl pride... j& 705 00:51:14,221 --> 00:51:18,385 Torn between her loyalty to her benefactor, the Countess 706 00:51:18,425 --> 00:51:21,758 and her growing affection for Jellybean and the cowgirls, 707 00:51:21,795 --> 00:51:25,356 a confused Sissy hit the road 708 00:51:25,398 --> 00:51:27,696 with not a Pontiac in sight. 709 00:51:28,769 --> 00:51:32,068 j& Cowgirl, cowgirl... j& 710 00:51:43,950 --> 00:51:46,578 Ha ha! 711 00:51:46,620 --> 00:51:48,281 Ha ha! 712 00:51:48,321 --> 00:51:50,448 Ha ha! 713 00:51:53,660 --> 00:51:56,322 Ho-ho. 714 00:51:56,363 --> 00:51:58,524 Ho-ho. 715 00:51:58,565 --> 00:52:00,965 Ho-ho. 716 00:52:20,987 --> 00:52:23,512 Hee hee! 717 00:52:23,557 --> 00:52:25,923 Hee hee! 718 00:52:25,959 --> 00:52:27,654 Hee hee! 719 00:52:32,966 --> 00:52:36,800 Ha ha. Ho ho. Hee hee. 720 00:52:36,837 --> 00:52:38,828 Hey, wait! 721 00:53:00,527 --> 00:53:02,757 Come on, baby! I'll make you supper. 722 00:53:08,401 --> 00:53:10,801 I'm a friend of Bonanza Jellybean's. 723 00:53:10,837 --> 00:53:13,135 l... I know. 724 00:53:22,749 --> 00:53:25,479 Whoo-hoo-hoo! 725 00:53:29,522 --> 00:53:32,320 There's been some trouble on the ranch, you know? 726 00:53:32,359 --> 00:53:34,327 It's so dark now. 727 00:53:34,361 --> 00:53:37,922 Doubt if I could find my way back by myself. 728 00:53:37,964 --> 00:53:40,694 You save your breath for the climb. 729 00:54:26,913 --> 00:54:28,608 I don't know how to polka. 730 00:54:28,648 --> 00:54:30,843 Me neither. 731 00:54:39,592 --> 00:54:43,551 Personally I prefer Stevie Wonder or Tony Bennett, 732 00:54:43,596 --> 00:54:45,564 but what the hell? 733 00:54:45,598 --> 00:54:49,728 Those cowgirls are always complaining and bitching 734 00:54:49,769 --> 00:54:52,431 about there's only "one station in the area 735 00:54:52,472 --> 00:54:54,633 and all it does is ever play polkas." 736 00:54:54,674 --> 00:54:58,838 Well, I say you can dance to anything 737 00:54:58,878 --> 00:55:02,109 as long as you feel like dancing. 738 00:55:02,148 --> 00:55:05,015 I pledge to you tonight from this office 739 00:55:05,051 --> 00:55:07,451 that I will do everything in my power to ensure 740 00:55:07,487 --> 00:55:09,455 that the guilty are brought to justice 741 00:55:09,489 --> 00:55:13,482 and that such abuses are purged from our political processes, 742 00:55:13,526 --> 00:55:17,929 in the years to come long after I have left this office. 743 00:55:17,964 --> 00:55:20,023 Some people... 744 00:55:30,777 --> 00:55:32,768 Sissy... 745 00:55:33,980 --> 00:55:37,143 the earth is alive. 746 00:55:38,318 --> 00:55:42,311 She burns from the heat 747 00:55:42,355 --> 00:55:44,823 of eternal cosmic longing. 748 00:55:44,858 --> 00:55:48,453 - She longs for her mate. - Hm. 749 00:55:48,495 --> 00:55:52,431 She groans, she moans... 750 00:55:52,465 --> 00:55:56,162 she turns softly in her sleep. 751 00:56:02,308 --> 00:56:04,776 I love those cowgirls. 752 00:56:10,850 --> 00:56:12,977 But... 753 00:56:16,923 --> 00:56:22,589 I just can't be a party to their... utopian dreaming. 754 00:56:25,632 --> 00:56:27,623 Hmm. 755 00:56:35,241 --> 00:56:38,005 What do you believe in, then? 756 00:56:41,881 --> 00:56:44,247 Ha ha... 757 00:56:44,284 --> 00:56:46,479 ho ho... 758 00:56:46,519 --> 00:56:48,510 hee hee. 759 00:58:34,627 --> 00:58:37,619 This is uh, point 3, north 20 zero east. 760 00:58:37,664 --> 00:58:41,566 Roger. Standby... we'll call you back. 761 00:58:41,601 --> 00:58:43,535 Where the hell are those cranes? 762 00:58:45,705 --> 00:58:48,640 When in doubt, keep moving. 763 00:58:48,675 --> 00:58:51,337 There was no road that did not expect her 764 00:58:51,377 --> 00:58:54,437 nor vehicle she could not command. 765 00:58:54,480 --> 00:58:57,415 In the post office boxes that she maintained 766 00:58:57,450 --> 00:58:59,645 near a dozen different Indian reservations 767 00:58:59,686 --> 00:59:03,679 she frequently found letters from the liberated ranch. 768 00:59:03,723 --> 00:59:06,749 And thus, wherever she traveled, 769 00:59:06,793 --> 00:59:09,990 Jellybean traveled with her. 770 00:59:25,411 --> 00:59:27,675 Sissy, don't act dumb with me! 771 00:59:29,949 --> 00:59:33,009 The cowgirls are involved in this whooping crane disappearance. 772 00:59:33,052 --> 00:59:35,145 You know perfectly well they are. 773 00:59:35,188 --> 00:59:37,554 Last seen in Canada, didn't make it to Texas... 774 00:59:37,590 --> 00:59:40,525 Siwash Lake is between Canada and Texas. 775 00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:43,529 The cowgirls have possession of Siwash Lake! 776 00:59:43,563 --> 00:59:46,031 I don't know anything about it. 777 00:59:46,065 --> 00:59:48,863 Sissy! 778 00:59:48,901 --> 00:59:52,667 You are trying to protect those scuzzy bitches. 779 00:59:52,705 --> 00:59:56,197 Well, "Let conscience be your guide," as my mommy used to say, 780 00:59:56,242 --> 00:59:58,210 but it won't work. 781 00:59:58,244 --> 01:00:01,111 Those stinking sluts are going to suffer! 782 01:00:01,147 --> 01:00:03,274 Shut your mouth! 783 01:00:06,552 --> 01:00:08,247 Argh! 784 01:00:08,287 --> 01:00:09,686 Oh, oh dear! 785 01:00:11,724 --> 01:00:11,951 Ahh. 786 01:00:16,696 --> 01:00:16,923 Ooh. 787 01:00:48,494 --> 01:00:50,962 "Sissy, I'm remembering your sweet hands on my scar. 788 01:00:50,997 --> 01:00:54,694 In a few minutes, I'm going to return to the scene of our love. 789 01:00:54,734 --> 01:00:57,202 Last spring Debbie and I left mountains of brown rice 790 01:00:57,236 --> 01:00:59,261 for the cranes to munch. And they stayed at the pond 791 01:00:59,305 --> 01:01:01,273 longer than they ever had in the past. 792 01:01:01,307 --> 01:01:04,037 This time, we're gonna try a different diet on them 793 01:01:04,076 --> 01:01:06,271 to see if they won't stay even longer. 794 01:01:06,312 --> 01:01:09,338 By the way, I'm visiting the Chink once a week again. 795 01:01:09,382 --> 01:01:11,612 Now you know my little secret, huh? 796 01:01:11,651 --> 01:01:13,744 Well, I hear that you don't exactly sit at his feet 797 01:01:13,786 --> 01:01:15,754 listening to Bible stories. 798 01:01:15,788 --> 01:01:18,882 He's really something, isn't he? The billy goat. 799 01:01:18,925 --> 01:01:23,055 I love you, Bonanza Jellybean." 800 01:01:39,912 --> 01:01:43,143 Well, he's not out of danger. 801 01:01:43,182 --> 01:01:46,242 But I think we can safely say he's gonna make it. 802 01:01:46,285 --> 01:01:48,845 Now I'd be pretty surprised if he didn't. 803 01:01:48,888 --> 01:01:52,722 However, there is evidence of injury to the frontal lobe. 804 01:01:52,758 --> 01:01:55,522 And I have reason to fear that this injury may be permanent. 805 01:01:55,561 --> 01:01:57,654 Brain damage? 806 01:01:57,697 --> 01:02:00,165 You mean he's gonna be a vegetable? 807 01:02:00,199 --> 01:02:03,396 A vegetable? 808 01:02:04,403 --> 01:02:06,428 No, I wouldn't say that. 809 01:02:06,472 --> 01:02:09,566 We won't know the extent of the injury for some days. 810 01:02:09,609 --> 01:02:12,237 But there is a genuine possibility 811 01:02:12,278 --> 01:02:15,247 of severe and lasting behavioral defects. 812 01:02:15,281 --> 01:02:18,808 I wouldn't classify it in the "vegetable" category, however. 813 01:02:22,054 --> 01:02:24,147 Thumbs that not once in a lifetime 814 01:02:24,190 --> 01:02:26,181 had been raised in anger, 815 01:02:26,225 --> 01:02:29,058 that had often known bliss but never violence, 816 01:02:29,095 --> 01:02:33,122 that were wound 'round with artistic skill and athletic glory 817 01:02:33,165 --> 01:02:36,498 now had been reduced to the status of weapons. 818 01:02:36,536 --> 01:02:39,562 A sorrowful Sissy had her thumbs transport her 819 01:02:39,605 --> 01:02:42,768 to the one person she knew who might disarm her... 820 01:02:42,808 --> 01:02:45,868 or should we say, "disthumb" her. 821 01:02:51,751 --> 01:02:53,150 I'm afraid I can't help you. 822 01:02:53,185 --> 01:02:55,619 - Oh Doctor! - Please, child. 823 01:02:55,655 --> 01:02:57,646 Don't be dismayed. 824 01:02:57,690 --> 01:03:00,420 We all have our problems these days. 825 01:03:00,459 --> 01:03:02,586 But as the painter Van Gogh said, 826 01:03:02,628 --> 01:03:06,462 "Mysteries remain, sorrow or melancholy remains, 827 01:03:06,499 --> 01:03:08,729 but the everlasting negative is balanced 828 01:03:08,768 --> 01:03:11,965 by the positive work which thus is achieved after all." 829 01:03:12,004 --> 01:03:14,472 I don't suppose that means very much to you. 830 01:03:14,507 --> 01:03:19,001 I have retired... a victim of a malpractice suit. 831 01:03:19,045 --> 01:03:21,013 - Oh... - My last operation 832 01:03:21,047 --> 01:03:23,447 was a simple reworking of a boy's nose. 833 01:03:23,482 --> 01:03:25,450 I was a bit overenthusiastic, 834 01:03:25,484 --> 01:03:28,510 succumbing to my supressed artistic drives, 835 01:03:28,554 --> 01:03:30,522 I sculpted, in living flesh, 836 01:03:30,556 --> 01:03:33,719 on the face of little Bernie Schwartz 837 01:03:33,759 --> 01:03:36,023 the world's first cubistic nose. 838 01:03:40,633 --> 01:03:43,796 Ah, the thumb! 839 01:03:43,836 --> 01:03:47,897 The thumb, the thumb, the thumb. 840 01:03:47,940 --> 01:03:51,740 The thumb, the thumb, the thumb. 841 01:03:54,614 --> 01:03:57,606 One of evolution's most ingenious inventions. 842 01:03:57,650 --> 01:03:59,618 A built-in tool, 843 01:03:59,652 --> 01:04:01,813 sensitive to texture, contour, and temperature. 844 01:04:01,854 --> 01:04:05,915 An alchemical lever, the secret key to technology, 845 01:04:05,958 --> 01:04:09,394 the link between the mind and art. 846 01:04:09,428 --> 01:04:11,419 The humanizing device. 847 01:04:11,464 --> 01:04:15,161 The marmoset and the lemur are thumbless. 848 01:04:15,201 --> 01:04:17,499 None of the new world monkeys has opposable thumbs. 849 01:04:17,536 --> 01:04:20,096 The spider monkey's thumbs are absent 850 01:04:20,139 --> 01:04:21,834 or reduced to a tiny tubercle. 851 01:04:21,874 --> 01:04:24,638 The thumbs of the potto are set 852 01:04:24,677 --> 01:04:28,613 at an angle of 180 degrees to the other digits. 853 01:04:31,217 --> 01:04:33,185 And so... 854 01:04:33,219 --> 01:04:35,619 you are demanding at last, 855 01:04:35,655 --> 01:04:40,422 the privileges of thumb that nature has perversely denied you? 856 01:04:42,294 --> 01:04:44,455 I just want to be normal, Doctor. 857 01:04:44,497 --> 01:04:48,365 Give me that old-fashioned normality. 858 01:04:48,401 --> 01:04:50,892 It was good enough for Crazy Horse, 859 01:04:50,936 --> 01:04:53,166 and it's good enough for me. 860 01:04:55,741 --> 01:04:58,335 Ah yes. 861 01:05:00,046 --> 01:05:02,708 Very well, my dear. 862 01:05:02,748 --> 01:05:06,081 Here's what we can do. 863 01:07:27,827 --> 01:07:29,954 The whooping cranes are here, all right. 864 01:07:29,995 --> 01:07:31,622 They're in fine shape... 865 01:07:31,664 --> 01:07:34,724 and as you must have saw from your flying machine... 866 01:07:34,767 --> 01:07:37,395 unrestrained, free to go as they please. 867 01:07:37,436 --> 01:07:41,532 But this is private property and you aren't setting a foot on it. 868 01:07:41,574 --> 01:07:43,906 None of you. 869 01:07:43,943 --> 01:07:45,911 We'll be back, and when we come back we'll have a court order 870 01:07:45,945 --> 01:07:47,469 and a fistful of search warrants. 871 01:07:49,081 --> 01:07:51,072 I'm scared of you. 872 01:07:51,116 --> 01:07:54,574 Yee-hah! 873 01:08:01,193 --> 01:08:04,526 It will be my extreme pleasure to report to the President 874 01:08:04,563 --> 01:08:07,930 who has been gravely concerned about the fate of our whooping cranes... 875 01:08:07,967 --> 01:08:11,198 ...and the Interior Secretary and the American people 876 01:08:11,237 --> 01:08:14,638 that the entire flock of cranes is, indeed, at Siwash Lake, 877 01:08:14,673 --> 01:08:17,267 and in apparently healthy condition. 878 01:08:17,309 --> 01:08:19,277 The cranes have built brooding nests 879 01:08:19,311 --> 01:08:21,279 around the entire circumference of the lake, 880 01:08:21,313 --> 01:08:23,508 and have hatched chicks there. 881 01:08:23,549 --> 01:08:27,883 Uh, including the young birds, there are approximately 60 cranes in the flock. 882 01:08:27,920 --> 01:08:31,253 While this is good news, it's also quite bewildering. 883 01:08:31,290 --> 01:08:33,884 Er, whooping cranes are territorially-minded 884 01:08:33,926 --> 01:08:37,054 and have never been known to nest within a mile of each other, 885 01:08:37,096 --> 01:08:39,826 and yet here they're virtually side by side. 886 01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:45,364 The whooping crane has been driven to the edge of extinction... 887 01:08:45,404 --> 01:08:48,965 ...by an aggressive, brutal, patriarchal system 888 01:08:49,008 --> 01:08:51,101 intent on subduing the earth 889 01:08:51,143 --> 01:08:53,543 and establishing its dominion over all things 890 01:08:53,579 --> 01:08:59,040 In the name of God the Father, law, order, and economic progress. 891 01:08:59,084 --> 01:09:04,386 From men, the whooping crane has received neither love nor respect. 892 01:09:04,423 --> 01:09:06,857 Men have drained the crane's marshes... 893 01:09:06,892 --> 01:09:09,588 ...stolen its eggs, invaded its privacy, 894 01:09:09,628 --> 01:09:13,291 polluted its food, blown it apart with buckshot. 895 01:09:13,332 --> 01:09:15,698 Obviously, a patriarchal society does not deserve 896 01:09:15,734 --> 01:09:17,702 anything as grand and beautiful 897 01:09:17,736 --> 01:09:21,263 and wild and free as the whooping crane. 898 01:09:21,307 --> 01:09:23,571 You men have failed in your duty to the crane, 899 01:09:23,609 --> 01:09:25,600 now it is women's turn. 900 01:09:25,644 --> 01:09:28,169 The cranes are in our charge now. 901 01:09:28,213 --> 01:09:31,512 We will protect them as long as they still require protection, 902 01:09:31,550 --> 01:09:34,917 while working toward a day when the creatures of this earth 903 01:09:34,954 --> 01:09:39,584 no longer have to suffer man's egoism, insensitivity, and greed. 904 01:09:39,625 --> 01:09:42,560 We refuse your order. We say... 905 01:09:42,594 --> 01:09:44,994 ...take your order and shove it. - It's Jellybean! 906 01:09:45,030 --> 01:09:48,261 This awesome bird's staying with us. Get lost, mac. 907 01:09:49,702 --> 01:09:51,693 j& I've pinned myself against the wall j& 908 01:09:51,737 --> 01:09:53,398 j& Stationed like a horse in stall j& 909 01:09:53,439 --> 01:09:57,170 j& Just wishin' they might call me art j& 910 01:09:57,209 --> 01:09:59,200 j& There I hung in the hall j& 911 01:09:59,244 --> 01:10:00,939 j& Collectin' dust, that's all j& 912 01:10:00,980 --> 01:10:04,381 j& That's all I needed to do j& 913 01:10:04,416 --> 01:10:06,748 j& While in the corner, quite a size j& 914 01:10:06,785 --> 01:10:08,514 j& He sits talkin' whisky-wise j& 915 01:10:08,554 --> 01:10:12,081 j& Hopin' to throw me off j& 916 01:10:12,124 --> 01:10:14,092 j& But no matter how he tries j& 917 01:10:14,126 --> 01:10:16,094 j& I'll just look him in the eyes j& 918 01:10:16,128 --> 01:10:19,097 j& That's all that I need to do j& 919 01:10:19,131 --> 01:10:22,623 j& That's all it took to see I was wasting time j& 920 01:10:22,668 --> 01:10:24,636 j& That's all it took to see j& 921 01:10:24,670 --> 01:10:26,661 j& I was walkin' the line j& 922 01:10:26,705 --> 01:10:30,232 j& I'm gonna ride high as can be j& 923 01:10:30,275 --> 01:10:32,573 j& I look behind and see them j& 924 01:10:32,611 --> 01:10:35,671 j& Following me. j& 925 01:10:36,682 --> 01:10:39,082 j& Yee-hoo! j& 926 01:10:43,789 --> 01:10:46,781 there came a point when Delores felt compelled 927 01:10:46,825 --> 01:10:50,056 to get in her peyote wagon and leave the ranch. 928 01:10:50,095 --> 01:10:52,086 She had a mission to perform. 929 01:10:52,131 --> 01:10:56,033 The cowgirls protested that it was much too dangerous. 930 01:10:56,068 --> 01:10:58,559 But they knew better than to try to interfere. 931 01:10:58,604 --> 01:11:03,132 Unfortunately, there were federal agents who had no such qualms. 932 01:11:14,319 --> 01:11:16,082 Yeah, yeah, right, right... 933 01:11:49,922 --> 01:11:52,049 We heard on the radio 934 01:11:52,091 --> 01:11:55,652 where they set Delores' bail at $50,000. 935 01:11:56,762 --> 01:11:59,629 Man, right when we really needed her. 936 01:12:03,702 --> 01:12:06,296 Whoo-hoo! Yeow! 937 01:12:24,756 --> 01:12:26,986 Well, let's celebrate! 938 01:12:36,502 --> 01:12:38,629 Ain't that just like women? 939 01:12:40,105 --> 01:12:42,232 Looks like every time we get together, 940 01:12:42,274 --> 01:12:44,139 - Things are in a mess. - So be it. 941 01:12:44,176 --> 01:12:47,839 It's pretty serious this time, though, huh? All these guns? 942 01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:51,111 You're actually prepared to kill and die for whooping cranes? 943 01:12:51,150 --> 01:12:54,415 Hell, no! The cranes are wonderful 944 01:12:54,453 --> 01:12:56,421 but I'm not in this for whooping cranes. 945 01:12:56,455 --> 01:12:58,218 I'm in it for cowgirls. 946 01:12:58,257 --> 01:13:01,158 If we cowgirls give in to authority on this crane issue, 947 01:13:01,193 --> 01:13:03,423 then cowgirls become just another compromise. 948 01:13:03,462 --> 01:13:07,660 I want a finer fate than that... for me and every other cowgirl. 949 01:13:07,699 --> 01:13:11,157 Better no cowgirls at all than cowgirls compromised. 950 01:13:11,203 --> 01:13:13,467 How did this business get started anyhow? 951 01:13:13,505 --> 01:13:15,769 Why are the birds nesting here? 952 01:13:15,807 --> 01:13:18,241 You were aware we were feeding them, weren't you? 953 01:13:18,277 --> 01:13:21,974 We fed 'em brown rice. They stayed over a couple of extra days. 954 01:13:22,014 --> 01:13:24,448 Then we decided to try something different. 955 01:13:24,483 --> 01:13:27,884 We mixed our brown rice with fishmeal. Whoopers love seafood. 956 01:13:27,920 --> 01:13:32,619 Then Delores suggested another ingredient. 957 01:13:32,658 --> 01:13:34,250 We think that's what did the trick. 958 01:13:34,293 --> 01:13:37,262 - You mean...? - Peyote! 959 01:13:37,296 --> 01:13:39,423 They're drugged? 960 01:13:39,464 --> 01:13:42,058 Oh come off it, Sissy. What do you mean, "drugged"? 961 01:13:42,100 --> 01:13:44,660 Every living thing is a chemical composition 962 01:13:44,703 --> 01:13:47,228 and anything that is added to it changes that composition. 963 01:13:47,272 --> 01:13:51,572 If you eat a cheeseburger or a Three Musketeers bar... 964 01:13:51,610 --> 01:13:54,135 it changes your body chemistry. 965 01:13:54,179 --> 01:13:56,147 The kind of food you eat, 966 01:13:56,181 --> 01:13:59,378 the kind of air you breathe can change your mental state. 967 01:13:59,418 --> 01:14:02,979 - Does that mean you're drugged? - No, I guess not. 968 01:14:04,890 --> 01:14:07,017 "Drugged" is a stupid word. 969 01:14:10,729 --> 01:14:13,960 But the peyote is obviously affecting their brains. 970 01:14:13,999 --> 01:14:15,967 It's made them break a migratory pattern 971 01:14:16,001 --> 01:14:18,196 that goes back thousands of years. 972 01:14:18,237 --> 01:14:20,205 The way I see it, 973 01:14:20,239 --> 01:14:22,537 the peyote mellowed them out, made them less uptight. 974 01:14:22,574 --> 01:14:26,442 They were afraid of humans and bad weather. 975 01:14:26,478 --> 01:14:29,038 That's why they migrated and kept to themselves. 976 01:14:29,081 --> 01:14:32,107 Peyote has enlightened them. 977 01:14:32,150 --> 01:14:35,711 It's taught them there's nothing to fear but fear itself. 978 01:14:35,754 --> 01:14:39,349 Now they're digging life and letting the bad vibes slide on. 979 01:14:39,391 --> 01:14:42,019 "Don't worry, Be happy." 980 01:14:42,060 --> 01:14:45,587 Be here now. 981 01:14:45,631 --> 01:14:47,599 This here discussion is destined to become academic, 982 01:14:47,633 --> 01:14:50,864 because we've got less than half a bag of peyote buttons left 983 01:14:50,902 --> 01:14:53,462 and Delores' run ended up in the Sisters jail. 984 01:14:53,505 --> 01:14:55,405 So any day now, we'll get a chance 985 01:14:55,440 --> 01:14:57,840 to see how the whoopers behave when they come down. 986 01:14:57,876 --> 01:15:02,779 But in the meantime, I'd like to say this about fear... 987 01:15:02,814 --> 01:15:05,977 Judge Greenfield, at the request of the ACLU, 988 01:15:06,018 --> 01:15:08,418 has granted a 48-hour extension of the deadline 989 01:15:08,453 --> 01:15:11,616 by which the Rubber Rose cowgirls must comply with his orders. 990 01:15:13,659 --> 01:15:15,718 Negotiations between the cowgirls and the government 991 01:15:15,761 --> 01:15:17,319 are expected to follow. 992 01:15:17,362 --> 01:15:20,388 Another "ride 'em in," the forewoman of the Rubber Rose Ranch, 993 01:15:20,432 --> 01:15:23,094 a Delores del Ruby, is now free on bond... 994 01:15:26,805 --> 01:15:28,864 ...after having been arrested in Sisters 995 01:15:28,907 --> 01:15:31,603 with more than 50 pounds of peyote buttons. 996 01:15:31,643 --> 01:15:33,907 Her bail has been paid by the owner of the besieged ranch, 997 01:15:33,945 --> 01:15:36,072 Countess Products, Inc. 998 01:15:36,114 --> 01:15:40,016 Ms. del Ruby's bail having come from the tycoon's personal advisor, 999 01:15:40,052 --> 01:15:43,453 - A Dr. Robbins of New York City. - Dr. Robbins? 1000 01:15:56,668 --> 01:15:59,728 It isn't for ourselves that we take this stand... 1001 01:15:59,771 --> 01:16:02,535 it isn't for cowgirls. 1002 01:16:04,142 --> 01:16:06,542 It's for all the daughters everywhere. 1003 01:16:06,578 --> 01:16:08,978 That ain't no lie! 1004 01:16:10,982 --> 01:16:14,281 This is an extremely important confrontation. 1005 01:16:14,319 --> 01:16:19,086 This is womankind's chance to prove to her enemy 1006 01:16:19,124 --> 01:16:21,820 that she is willing to fight and die! 1007 01:16:24,296 --> 01:16:27,390 And if we women don't show here and now 1008 01:16:27,432 --> 01:16:30,230 that we're willing to fight and die, 1009 01:16:30,268 --> 01:16:33,362 then our enemy will never take us seriously. 1010 01:16:33,405 --> 01:16:35,873 That's right! 1011 01:16:35,907 --> 01:16:39,343 And men know that no matter how strong our words, 1012 01:16:39,378 --> 01:16:41,846 or determined our deeds, 1013 01:16:41,880 --> 01:16:45,907 there is a point where we'll back down and give them their dinner. 1014 01:16:45,951 --> 01:16:47,316 No way! 1015 01:16:57,329 --> 01:16:59,388 I love you. 1016 01:17:01,233 --> 01:17:04,862 Every time I tell you I love you, you flinch. 1017 01:17:04,903 --> 01:17:08,202 That's your problem. 1018 01:17:10,776 --> 01:17:14,212 If I flinch when you say you love me, it's both our problems. 1019 01:17:15,614 --> 01:17:18,276 My confusion becomes your confusion. 1020 01:17:19,851 --> 01:17:22,012 Students confuse teachers. 1021 01:17:23,822 --> 01:17:26,848 Patients confuse psychiatrists. 1022 01:17:41,173 --> 01:17:43,437 Lovers with confused hearts 1023 01:17:43,475 --> 01:17:46,842 confuse lovers with clear ones. 1024 01:17:49,948 --> 01:17:52,007 I'm prepared to win! 1025 01:17:52,050 --> 01:17:55,884 Victory for every female living or dead... 1026 01:17:55,921 --> 01:17:59,721 who has suffered under the temporary defeat 1027 01:17:59,758 --> 01:18:03,194 of masculine insensitivity to their inner lives. 1028 01:18:03,228 --> 01:18:05,594 I'll fight the bastards! 1029 01:18:06,898 --> 01:18:09,366 I'll fight them with bean gas if necessary. 1030 01:18:15,474 --> 01:18:17,999 Sun's gone down. 1031 01:18:18,043 --> 01:18:21,012 So those of you who are not standing watch, 1032 01:18:21,046 --> 01:18:24,038 get a good night's sleep. 1033 01:18:24,082 --> 01:18:28,143 Tomorrow morning, we'll plan our fight. 1034 01:18:29,788 --> 01:18:34,589 Tomorrow afternoon, those of you who would like to join me... 1035 01:18:34,626 --> 01:18:37,220 in the reeds... 1036 01:18:40,866 --> 01:18:44,768 the cranes and I will be sharing the last crumbs in the peyote sack. 1037 01:18:49,708 --> 01:18:52,268 I love you, Jelly. 1038 01:19:15,634 --> 01:19:18,569 Lost in a psychedelic trance, 1039 01:19:18,603 --> 01:19:21,197 Delores, queen of the whooping crane rustlers, 1040 01:19:21,239 --> 01:19:24,333 wandered among the nests of those great birds 1041 01:19:24,376 --> 01:19:28,369 who would rather go extinct than change their lives to suit the ways of men. 1042 01:19:28,413 --> 01:19:32,281 Peyote buttons sang in Delores' brain like a choir, 1043 01:19:32,317 --> 01:19:35,218 and above that ancient chorus, 1044 01:19:35,253 --> 01:19:37,949 there eventually rose the voice of Niwetkame, 1045 01:19:37,989 --> 01:19:41,755 the divine mother, calling her daughter to her muddy throne. 1046 01:19:41,793 --> 01:19:47,322 There the promise of the third vision was fulfilled. 1047 01:19:47,365 --> 01:19:51,301 But what was said, and what was shown? 1048 01:20:33,612 --> 01:20:36,740 It is woman's mission 1049 01:20:36,781 --> 01:20:40,217 to destroy as well as it is to give birth. 1050 01:20:40,251 --> 01:20:44,017 We will destroy the tyranny of the dull, 1051 01:20:44,055 --> 01:20:46,285 but we cannot do it with guns... 1052 01:20:47,292 --> 01:20:49,453 or with whips... 1053 01:20:49,494 --> 01:20:55,592 oh no, we will destroy our enemy in other ways. 1054 01:20:55,634 --> 01:20:59,092 The peyote mother has promised a fourth vision. 1055 01:21:01,373 --> 01:21:03,967 But it won't come to me alone. 1056 01:21:04,009 --> 01:21:07,001 It'll come to each of you... 1057 01:21:07,045 --> 01:21:11,038 every cowgirl in the land! 1058 01:21:12,884 --> 01:21:15,853 But first we have to end all this business 1059 01:21:15,887 --> 01:21:18,412 with the government and the cranes. 1060 01:21:18,456 --> 01:21:21,357 It's been positive and fruitful, but it's gone on far enough. 1061 01:21:21,393 --> 01:21:25,193 Playfulness ceases to have a serious purpose... 1062 01:21:26,264 --> 01:21:29,392 when it takes itself too seriously. 1063 01:21:59,264 --> 01:22:00,492 Well, what we got to do 1064 01:22:00,532 --> 01:22:02,261 is one of us has got to go up that hill 1065 01:22:02,300 --> 01:22:05,667 and tell them boys that America can have its whooping cranes back. 1066 01:22:05,704 --> 01:22:07,695 Now since I'm the boss here, and 1067 01:22:07,739 --> 01:22:09,707 since I'm responsible for a lot of you 1068 01:22:09,741 --> 01:22:11,675 choosing to be cowgirls in the first place, 1069 01:22:11,710 --> 01:22:14,907 it's gonna be me that goes. 1070 01:22:14,946 --> 01:22:17,744 No buts about it. It's getting lighter by the second. 1071 01:22:17,782 --> 01:22:21,218 You partners keep your heads down, all right? 1072 01:22:21,252 --> 01:22:23,652 I'll see you soon. Ta-ta. 1073 01:22:58,790 --> 01:23:01,258 Yep, better get rid of these. 1074 01:23:01,292 --> 01:23:03,351 Might give those greenhorn dudes a fright. 1075 01:23:03,394 --> 01:23:05,555 She's gonna fire. 1076 01:23:06,865 --> 01:23:09,060 Shit! Shit! 1077 01:23:09,100 --> 01:23:12,467 Hey, no, no, no... 1078 01:23:14,038 --> 01:23:16,199 You've got two minutes to come out with your hands up! 1079 01:23:21,746 --> 01:23:24,306 No! No, no, no! 1080 01:23:24,349 --> 01:23:27,045 No! Stop it! 1081 01:23:39,097 --> 01:23:41,156 Take that, you bastard! 1082 01:23:42,400 --> 01:23:44,698 Stop! Stop! Stop! 1083 01:25:09,888 --> 01:25:14,689 Rotten scar. I fell on a wooden horse when I was 12. 1084 01:25:15,960 --> 01:25:20,488 I wasn't really shot with a silver bullet. 1085 01:25:23,201 --> 01:25:25,795 Or was I? 1086 01:26:17,622 --> 01:26:19,817 You know, partners, 1087 01:26:19,857 --> 01:26:23,657 you can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish. 1088 01:26:28,733 --> 01:26:32,533 God, but it's good to be a cowgirl! 1089 01:26:37,208 --> 01:26:42,441 j& Happy trails to you j& 1090 01:26:42,480 --> 01:26:47,349 j& Until we meet again j& 1091 01:26:47,385 --> 01:26:52,379 j& Happy trails to you j& 1092 01:26:52,423 --> 01:26:58,020 j& Dearly parted friend j& 1093 01:26:58,062 --> 01:27:02,795 j& When we meet out there j& 1094 01:27:02,834 --> 01:27:08,067 j& Where pastures never end j& 1095 01:27:08,106 --> 01:27:12,270 j& Happy trails to you j& 1096 01:27:12,310 --> 01:27:19,216 j& Until we meet again. j& 1097 01:27:36,601 --> 01:27:38,125 Everything getting worse? 1098 01:27:38,169 --> 01:27:41,036 Yeah. 1099 01:27:41,072 --> 01:27:43,563 Everything's getting worse. 1100 01:27:43,608 --> 01:27:47,601 But it's also getting better. 1101 01:27:47,645 --> 01:27:51,012 - Yeah. - Hm. 1102 01:27:51,049 --> 01:27:53,040 The Countess has come to our aid. 1103 01:27:53,084 --> 01:27:57,748 The Rubber Rose Ranch has been officially deeded over to the cowgirls. 1104 01:27:57,789 --> 01:28:00,656 I've been asked to oversee the ranch 1105 01:28:00,691 --> 01:28:03,990 - For $300 a week. - All right, huh? 1106 01:28:04,028 --> 01:28:08,089 And the Countess... he's not going to be the vegetable doctors thought he was. 1107 01:28:08,132 --> 01:28:10,828 Here's a picture. 1108 01:28:14,739 --> 01:28:18,175 There he is. 1109 01:28:20,511 --> 01:28:25,073 Hmm... I'm splitting the ranch. 1110 01:28:25,116 --> 01:28:28,347 Help me up. 1111 01:28:33,424 --> 01:28:38,862 Look, the westbound choo-choo's out of here at 1:40. I'm on it. 1112 01:28:40,298 --> 01:28:42,425 Will you drive me to the station, hmm? 1113 01:28:48,172 --> 01:28:52,871 Agh, don't ever bet against paradox, ladies! 1114 01:28:52,910 --> 01:28:56,676 If complexity doesn't get you, paradox will! 1115 01:28:56,714 --> 01:28:58,443 Ha-ha! 1116 01:28:58,483 --> 01:29:00,815 Ho-ho! 1117 01:29:00,852 --> 01:29:03,616 Hee-hee! 1118 01:29:06,724 --> 01:29:08,885 The brown paper bag 1119 01:29:08,926 --> 01:29:12,157 is the only thing civilized man has produced 1120 01:29:12,196 --> 01:29:14,960 that does not seem out of place in nature. 1121 01:29:14,999 --> 01:29:17,729 Crumpled into a wad of wrinkles 1122 01:29:17,768 --> 01:29:20,828 like the fossilized brain of a dryad, 1123 01:29:20,872 --> 01:29:23,363 blending with rock and vegetation 1124 01:29:23,407 --> 01:29:26,069 as if it were a burrowing owl's doormat 1125 01:29:26,110 --> 01:29:28,374 or a jackrabbit's underwear, 1126 01:29:28,412 --> 01:29:31,245 a number eight kraft paper bag 1127 01:29:31,282 --> 01:29:33,978 lay discarded in the Oregon hills 1128 01:29:34,018 --> 01:29:37,078 and appeared to live where it lay. 1129 01:29:37,121 --> 01:29:40,887 Once long ago, it had borne a package of buns 1130 01:29:40,925 --> 01:29:42,893 and a jar of mustard 1131 01:29:42,927 --> 01:29:45,020 to a kitchenette rendezvous with a fried hamburger. 1132 01:29:45,062 --> 01:29:50,523 Most recently, the bag had held love letters. 1133 01:29:50,568 --> 01:29:53,332 As a hole in an oak hides a squirrel's family jewels, 1134 01:29:53,371 --> 01:29:55,566 the bag had hidden love letters 1135 01:29:55,606 --> 01:29:57,801 in the bottom of a bunkhouse trunk. 1136 01:29:57,842 --> 01:30:00,504 Then one day after work, 1137 01:30:00,545 --> 01:30:03,480 the lanky filly to whom the letters were addressed, 1138 01:30:03,514 --> 01:30:07,541 gathered bag and contents under her arm, 1139 01:30:07,585 --> 01:30:09,553 slipped down to the corral 1140 01:30:09,587 --> 01:30:11,748 past ranch hands pitchin' horseshoes, 1141 01:30:11,789 --> 01:30:13,984 and ranch hands flyin' Tibetan kites, 1142 01:30:14,025 --> 01:30:18,758 saddled up and trotted into the hills. 1143 01:30:18,796 --> 01:30:20,764 A mile or so from the bunkhouse, 1144 01:30:20,798 --> 01:30:22,823 she dismounted and built a small fire. 1145 01:30:22,867 --> 01:30:26,598 She fed the fire letters, one by one, 1146 01:30:26,637 --> 01:30:30,937 the way her girlfriend had once fed her french fries. 1147 01:30:30,975 --> 01:30:34,308 As words such as "sweetheart" and "honey britches" 1148 01:30:34,345 --> 01:30:37,542 and "forever" and "always" burned away, 1149 01:30:37,582 --> 01:30:40,483 the cowgirl squirted a few fat tears. 1150 01:30:40,518 --> 01:30:45,455 Her eyes were so misty, she forgot to burn the bag.
E=mc2
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