Falls The CD1
Orchard Falla is a Capistan- speaking young male man.
He suffers from aching teeth, gross anaemia and a marrow deficiency.
For his age and his condition, he is heavy.
There is no known photograph of him.
Orchard lives outside Arklow, County Wicklow,
and works in an ironmonger's that makes a profit selling chicken wire.
It is not known what he thinks of the Violent Unknown Event.
He is very noncommittal about the Responsibility of Birds,
though in an unguarded moment, he has described his enemy as the FOX.
This might be no more enigmatic
than a reference to his profession as a seller of chicken wire.
At least once every 24 hours, Orchard drives five miles to the coast,
ostensibly to collect the skulls of seabirds.
He often returns with one hidden in the toe of a pair of perished waders
he keeps in the back of his car.
Concealment is a precaution in case he is challenged.
His finds are usually limited to the jaw of an oystercatcher
or the head of a herring gull sliced from its tar- covered body
with the penknife given to him by his employer last Bird- Fall Day.
Orchard often spends his time at the beach, day or night,
staring at the sea with both hands clamped tightly to his lower jaw
in the unlikely hope of squeezing away the toothache.
In such a position, he stares fixedly to the southeast.
If he had turned his gaze 45 degrees and stared due east,
he might have faced the horizon that hid the Lleyn Peninsula of Wales,
which is what he wanted to stare at.
As it was, he misplaced his time, his energy and his anxiety
by staring at the horizon that hid Pembrokeshire,
which was much too far to the south.
Constance Ortuist Fallaburr
is a Sackamayer- speaking middle- aged female woman.
She would admit her interest in flight has been a long one.
Since the Violent Unknown Event
she has developed an earthbound shape due to an engrossed coccyx.
She harbours doubts about the Responsibility of Birds
and having an exaggerated respect for gravity, now shuns flight herself.
Constance has two houses side by side on the coast at Southwold, Suffolk.
The one on the left was rented by her husband,
aviation historian Melorder Fallaburr.
It served as a holiday home for air orphans.
The other house was for Constance's own use,
and was crammed with furniture thrown out from airport lounges.
It was called le nid
after the initials of Nathan Isole Dermontier,
who threw himself from the Eiffel Tower in 1870.
Melorder said the story was a fabrication,
not least because the Eiffel Tower did not exist until 1889.
Constance replied that Dermontier must have jumped from Les Invalides.
Both houses have since been demolished
and the bricks used to strengthen sea defences.
Constance now lives in a house beside the main runway at Zürich airport.
And her favourite Tulse Luper story is The Cassowary.
A jet aircraft on a cloudless night began its landing flight path
20 miles due east from the airport where it was due to land.
For the first five miles, the noise from its engine disturbed no one.
At the sixth mile, an ornithologist on a reservoir
was irritated by the jet noise just enough
to give the aircraft a glance. He turned into a swan.
At the seventh mile, a naturalist and his wife saw the aircraft
through their bedroom curtains and turned into crows.
At the eighth mile, four children in a dormitory
saw it through a skylight and turned into herons.
At the ninth mile, seven nurses in an old people's home saw the plane
and turned into swallows.
At the tenth mile, 21 members of eight families saw the plane
and turned into gulls.
By the 19th mile, 24,927 people
in two towns, four villages and a camping site had seen the plane.
Most of them had turned into penguins.
When the plane exploded on the airstrip,
a cassowary stepped from the wreckage
and checked into the VIP lounge.
Melorder Fallaburr, the husband of Constance Fallaburr,
is a comparative- flight historian,
about to make his first flight from one of London's tall buildings.
What number, Melorder, is this building on your list?
It's in the top 20, but there's some trouble getting a permit to land.
Is it high enough?
It's a possibility, though the draughts are inauspicious.
L don't want to end up in the Thames. L can't swim, even if l can fly.
His last words in English were recorded on a tape recorder
in a hotel bedroom at The Crane at Bungay, Suffolk,
where he was making a survey of East Anglian decoy airfields
for the Imperial War Museum.
... two land mines dropped, making a crater big enough to hide a hayrick.
Present owner, Phoenix Insurance Company.
Decoy airfield half a mile from fork in Carrow to Redroads Lane.
From 1940, had lights and fires to attract enemy bombers.
Your researchers have surely told you that success has been very limited?
We all know there has been a conspiracy.
Only the failures have been recorded.
We are all too interested in Icarus and not enough in his father.
Melorder had been employed as a witness of the Violent Unknown Event,
and because of what he saw he had himself sterilised
as a precaution against making his wife pregnant.
He need not have worried. Most of those affected by the VUE,
male and female alike, became sterile anyway.
Melorder's brother- in- law, Rapper Begol,
had flippantly said that a true VUE mutant could only reproduce itself
with the aid of a placenta that had developed an eggshell.
Melorder and his wife rarely lived together after he was sterilised.
Is it true you were married in a DC 10 flying over the Eiffel Tower?
That was the intention.
But by the time the chaplain recovered from airsickness,
we were over Les Invalides.
Will your wife watch the flight?
No. She said, "Too much entertainment,
and not enough research."
What about the timing?
For the inaugural flight, l intend to use lights,
so the most auspicious time would be in the evening, round about now.
L'll make it down into the shadow of the building
when the shadow is at its longest.
That shadow is important to you?
Consider the times it's rotated around this building.
L was born down there. My mother started labour in that shadow
and had to wait until it came around again before she was finished.
When his duties as an official observer were over,
he had turned to publishing an encyclopaedic history of flight
and to the formation of an aircraft museum at Rishangles.
It's said that, having started life in shadow,
that's how it will end for you.
No. L can't help them out.
L've no intention of fulfilling that particular forecast.
Besides, if l fail, it will ruin your producers.
The BFI, the Bird Facilities Investments, might never film again.
The VUE had affected Melorder's sight for the better
and his hearing for the worse.
And the muscles of his arms, chest and back
had become enlarged, engorged and strengthened.
His doctor referred to the phenomenon as petagium fellitis
or skin- wing aggrievement.
This characteristic persuaded Melorder
that his historical and theoretical knowledge of human flight
should be put to practical use.
L hear Armeror Fallstag has ordered you a wreath.
He should save his money. L'm not dying by gravity.
L'd rather be pecked to death by penguins.
Appis (Arris) Fallabus is a Regest- speaking young male man.
He is partially blind, sensitive to temperature and has poor circulation.
Nightly, he has to lubricate himself with Spanish oil.
Is it true that you are plagued with body lice?
Yes, it is.
Everything you can imagine, ticks, lice,
termites, tapeworms. Everything. You name it.
After a change in the weather, it's especially bad.
Worse in summer, and impossible to get rid of at sea level.
Within reason, l have been advised to make them moderately comfortable
by wearing wool. But l live with it.
Appis, whose comprehension of urban Dutch has not entirely disappeared,
had been born in Zeelem, an isolated village
surrounded by canals that only appeared to empty due to evaporation.
In winter, every inch of water in Zeelem turned to ice
and the body predators that worried Appis slept, froze
or otherwise temporarily capitulated.
It is said that you identify with swallows. Is this correct?
Yes, it's true. But nowadays, that's not unique, is it?
Appis would have been an expert long- distance ice skater
but his mother believed it was dangerous
for his poor circulation to spend too much time out of doors in the winter.
Appis's mother was not a victim of the Violent Unknown Event.
As she grew older and her son remained the same age,
she discovered a new worry for each new season.
She could not have too many seasons left,
so Appis patiently waited to be set free to enjoy immortality on his own.
Meanwhile, he managed a kite factory,
in some part satisfying a desire for unaided flight in himself
and in the 19 million other victims of the VUE.
Is it true your father was killed by a bird counter named Van Hoyten?
My father was at the Amsterdam zoo studying saltwater fish,
when Van Hoyten was employed there as a bird counter.
apparently because my father had a fox tattooed on his chest.
It was said they were rivals.
In the summer, Appis flew a stunt kite to intimidate the birds
who he blamed directly for his predicament.
L'm told you drink salt water to crack the ice in your pancreas.
L do? Perhaps you're confusing me with someone else.
My father was always experimenting, putting plaice in the canals
and stimulating the salt glands in pelagic birds.
What do you think of the Theory of the Responsibility of Birds?
Well, the coincidences seem inexhaustible, obviously.
But l leave it entirely to the experts.
When flying his kite, Appis left swallows alone
knowing that a single bird of that species could be preyed upon
by a dozen different types of parasite,
and that was punishment enough.
Standard Fallaby has a DC3 single berth caravanette with a glass roof.
In winter, he hides it in caravan sites in the west of England,
ostensibly that it might escape the scrutiny of his sister Tasida Fallaby
whose attentions, says Standard, are not ornithological
and exceed those of an orthodox brother- and- sister relationship.
The VUE Directory Commission have, as yet,
not been able to locate Standard Fallaby or his caravan.
The VUE has contracted Standard's intestine and paralysed his legs.
He is obliged to cling to a hanging brace when asked to stand up.
He speaks Curdine.
Curdine is a cursive language
that deliberately fosters ambiguities and encourages punning.
Tulse Luper has said that in the larynx of the right man,
Curdine would be a superlative language,
an antidote to all the world's feathers.
Since the VUE,
Standard Fallaby has developed an interest in the Corvidae.
Every rook- nesting season, he parks beneath a rookery
somewhere in West England in sight of the Atlantic.
He has made a claim to the World Society for the Preservation of Birds
to have discovered a rook subspecies, Corvus frugilegus atlanticus,
whose diet is largely shellfish and whose call imitates young seagulls.
The WSPB has not recognised his claim.
(reads aloud in Curdine)
"My brother and l were born holding hands."
"My mother says so. His father denies it."
"L sometimes think l took the first small step out of the womb."
Tasida Fallaby is two years and seven months older than her brother.
"He deferred to me."
"This contradicts what might be read on our birth certificates."
"But then l have no patience with bureaucracies."
"It's water off a duck's back to them."
Apart from a thickening of the exterior muscles,
the Violent Unknown Event has only modified Tasida's interior,
leaving her exterior unmolested and encouraging her belief in naturism.
"When l was 15, my hair was longer than his, but he was taller."
"It didn't matter. He got over it."
The Directory credits Tasida with a partially collapsed lung,
a singing tinnitus, black- and- white vision,
a doubling of the menstrual cycle,
and, unlike her brother, a twisting of the intestine into tighter coils
so that Tasida suffers intense cramps and often has malodorous breath.
"Malodorous" is a translation of the adjective that she used
in the autobiography she presented to the VUE Commission
to counteract the statistics she was sure to find describing her
in the VUE Directory.
Tasida's autobiography runs to more than 300 pages written in Curdine,
though the Directory has registered her as a speaker in Katan.
At her insistence the autobiography was read aloud
for the benefit of the Commission who recorded the whole,
taking a greater part of a day to do so.
"L married Messenger after my great disappointment."
"L took to nursing like a duck takes to water."
"Messenger married me for it."
"But as time went on,
l realised that he was too interested in the clothing industry."
"He was even selling stockings to my friend Sanchia."
"L told him to stop making his business interest
break up our relationship."
Tasida has painstakingly learnt a mechanical Curdine
so she might talk to her brother.
Since he only wanted to talk about birds,
she pronounced ornithological terms
with an exactness suggesting enthusiasm.
"It is essential that my version of the facts be taken into account."
Curdine, notorious for ambiguity,
is certainly antipathetic to being spoken mechanically.
Tasida therefore spoke it with some courage, if not rashness.
Her blunt pronunciation contained layers of unconscious innuendo
and the ambiguous imagery had a hazardous relevance.
"...since a mere list of Commission Statistics compiled by assistants
who don't know a ruff from a decorated neckband,
it's bound to be unacceptable, and on this Standard is bound to agree."
Lacer Fallacet, after the Violent Unknown Event, had a dark head,
calloused hands and barked in Agreet like a person unwilling to use words.
She owned a succession of voiceless bitches, named after female aviators,
and her favourite Tulse Luper story. Was The Photographer's Dog.
A naturalist took a photograph of a dead dog on a beach.
The corpse was a week old...
Lacer Fallacet suffered from rheumatism, muscular spasms
and a loss of taste buds.
She was classified as an elderly female woman.
The VUE knocked three inches off her height
and added three stone to her weight.
According to her godson Rapper Begol, Lacer was born on Bardsey Island
where dogs hunted seagulls and learnt to imitate their cry.
Before the VUE, Lacer had variously been a child- minder,
a maths teacher and a pastry cook. She had worked in Sweden
as a swimming instructress, a dietician and a veterinary assistant.
Lacer married a pharmacist from Brougan
and had two daughters who married Russian pilots.
Her granddaughters came to England on Bird- Fall Scholarships
and, having gained political asylum, live in Canada.
- Puffin. - Black- headed gull.
Whatever her other attributes,
Lacer Fallacet has not been able to teach her dogs to fly,
though she may have witnessed, on a visit to the Ukraine,
laboratory tests that suggested dog flight was not impossible.
Six months after the VUE,
the first dog Lacer took up in a plane was a spaniel named Harzy
after Frau Esterházy.
But the first solo flight
was reserved for a three- year- old boxer bitch called Louise.
At Lacer's command, Louise jumped from a helicopter at 1,000 feet
and landed on loose straw in a field outside Copenhagen.
The second jump was from 2,000 feet and was unsuccessful.
The dog landed in a children's playing field.
Lacer was threatened with prosecution but the charge did not stick.
She was fined three kroner
for exercising a dog in a public place without a lead.
Nine days after the VUE,
Arris Fallacie gave evidence of being a dreamer- of- water,
Category One, Flight, which is nearly always illustrated
by the Bedfordshire Level Sequence from HE Carter's film The Last Wave.
Questioned, Arris found no difficulty
identifying his dream with the sample.
At the time of the VUE,
Arris was travelling to London from boarding school in Perth.
He was in a second- class non- smoking compartment facing the engine.
Both schoolboys developed identical VUE symptoms,
but the friend spoke Carn- est- aero and Arris spoke Itino Re.
The language conversion was abrupt and complete.
Their last collaborative work in English had been a mild punishment.
Arris began to spend more and more time asleep.
He developed a stammer round the letter H,
a lung inflammation and a shrinkage of the stomach wall.
He was sent to a dietary counsellor
at the isolation hospital at Bryne Boars, Chesil Beach.
But Arris never arrived.
On the train journey, searching for the toilet to be sick,
he opened the wrong door and fell into the path of an oncoming train.
Mashanter Fallack was registered as a speaker in English and Karnash,
with a knowledge of Allow- ease.
To identify herself with the victims of the VUE,
she insisted in speaking Karnash in public.
English to her was a language
prepared to debase ornithological nomenclature to an unacceptable level
demonstrating the paucity of the English concern
with the phenomenon of the Violent Unknown Event.
Do you think these film biographies are going to profit the VUE victims?
Of course. Think of who's involved, the IRR, the BFI, the COI,
the European Section of the WSPB, not to miss the Directory Commission.
These bodies have access to a viewing public that covers half the world.
Do you think public money is well spent on making films like this?
Do you ask about the public money being paid to all these people
in all these government offices?
L'm surprised that you of all people can ask that question.
Mashanter was born in the Canary Isles, though at times she denies it.
She now has an office in Berkeley Square.
Her parents were Danish.
Her father was an architect now employed building aviaries.
Her mother, a doctor, drowned in a ship's swimming pool.
Do you think there's any point in the IRR
making a separate case for VUE victims?
On the night of the VUE Mashanter was on holiday in Venice.
Apart from some migraine and insomnia Mashanter suffered little physically.
Her metabolism was invigorated.
At night, she studied ornithological literature.
She began to campaign for a better appreciation of avian terminology.
Soon she was spending her income in the magistrates' courts
paying fines for disturbance of the peace, harassment,
being a public nuisance and defacing public monuments.
Mashanter's favourite Tulse Luper story was Sparrow Week.
To curb flocks of sparrows eating one- third of its food production,
a nation organised Sparrow Week.
Day and night, for seven days, the country's population
rang bells, banged saucepan lids and shouted.
The sparrows, frightened to settle, eventually fell dead out of the sky.
Flight exhaustion from the same cause also killed gulls on the coast,
herons in the marsh, eagles in the mountains
and pigeons on the town square.
On the seventh day, Sparrow Week ended.
Next year two- thirds of the country's food supply was eaten by insects
and the money standard changed from gold to eggs.
Were you speaking metaphorically when you said
you were preparing to lay your own golden egg?
Can l take it that...
The compilation of the biography of a living person is a sensitive matter.
Where necessary, and in nearly every case where the subject wanted it,
various forms of anonymity were used.
The VUE Commission offered a choice of ten pseudonymous identities
and Squaline Fallaize, the subject of biography 10, chose identity 10
for she recognised it for another bird victim.
She has requested that accounts of her life should be brief,
unillustrated and translated for her mother's benefit into Kath- a- ganian.
She also insisted it be narrated by a woman.
"Squaline Fallaize had shining eyes,
yellow skin and a blaze on her forehead
in the shape of the Austro- Hungarian double- headed eagle."
(Kath- a- ginian)
"Squaline Fallaize had shining eyes,
yellow skin and a blaze on her forehead
in the shape of the Austro- Hungarian double- headed eagle."
"She spoke whatever language took her fancy,
her whims influenced by her appetite, which was usually small."
"She was known as a reticent conversationalist."
"Squaline was paid a retainer by the Language Commission."
"When it learnt she was getting an appetite,
the Language University at Caracas
sent several senior professors to her flat on Cappis Island."
"A large meal was cooked slowly in her small kitchen
whilst the linguists sat on the floor of her dining room
to listen to her fluency in 47 languages."
"The two chefs and the waiter who served the meal were paid for
out of a university expense account reserved for ringing storks."
There is some evidence to suggest that Squaline Fallaize is a fiction.
Carlos Fallantly lost his wife...
...at the time of the Violent Unknown Event.
She was a voluble, untidy woman...
...who made her own clothes...
...and washed once a week in the water...
...wrung out of the laundry.
She was invaluable to her husband.
She looked after his poultry,
kept his accounts...
...and when roused...
...was as uxorious a wife...
...as Carlos could wish to have.
On the night of June 12th of the VUE, Carlos's wife suffered a stroke.
Carlos transferred his affection to a turkey.
The VUE Directory records for Carlos
a malfunction of the left ventricle, bone- marrow disease
and, save for the VUE immortality clause,
would have normally given him six months to live.
Carlos had buried his wife in the floor of his greenhouse.
The local authorities had the body exhumed.
Now Carlos lived in the greenhouse to keep his turkey company.
A fowl pest epidemic finally erased Carlos's other poultry.
Two veterinary officials
came to make sure he had burnt or buried all the corpses.
Insisting the one remaining bird should be destroyed,
the vet promised to compensate Carlos with at least a set of photographs.
These were taken as the vet stalked the bird with his camera
whilst the vet's assistant stalked the bird with a shotgun.
Carlos was not happy with the photographs.
He is now awaiting trial at Clichy for shooting the vet.
Musicus Fallantly had quickly acclimatised himself
to the effects of the Violent Unknown Event.
A sufferer of petagium fellitis and a speaker of Allow,
he moved to Port Madoc, learnt to sing in Welsh, practised illusionism
and began a study of linguistics he called aero- ethnography.
Musicus worked on an Allow/Welsh dictionary
and adapted da Vinci's notes on human flight
as a text for the VUE anthem.
Musicus also wrote a Welsh/ Allow choral work
celebrating 92 early flight pioneers.
This work, of great complexity and an excess of narrative,
proceeded by listing categories of flight.
The characters were pilots, night pilots, airmen, flyers,
aeronauts and female aeronauts, birdmen and gullers.
A "guller" was an Allow word
for those whose attempts to fly had taken place over water.
Icarus had been a guller.
Musicus called his work Sky Lists and dedicated it to Van Riquardt,
the French patriot and pioneer airman
who threw himself from the Eiffel Tower in 1889.
Cadence, Musicus's wife, said that the film was a reconstruction
because the moving- picture camera wasn't invented until 1895.
Van Riquardt had been a linguist
and a baritone in the Lycée Nouvelle Ménilmontant.
Musicus Fallantly's eldest son Vanrick was named after Van Riquardt
but although interested in his father's illusionism,
he had no interest in choral work, language or self- propelled flight.
He became a sound recordist.
"Dear sir, In reply to your query about Wrallis Fallanway,
my husband was on artificial lake 11 early on the morning of June 13th."
In this dry overflow gully, Wrallis Fallanway began his post- VUE life
after three hours of artificial resuscitation.
His body had been found floating above the weir
on the Lake Marmion Complex, Ontario.
"At half past five, he said the lake shook three times,
the ripples coming from the edge of the lake towards the centre,
the reverse of what would happen if you threw a stone into the water."
"L'm not hiding the fact that my husband was a nationalised Canadian."
"He took his Canadian name from the road where we lived at Kashabowie."
"The road had been named after Lewis Fallan the lumberjack,
a second- generation Patagonian Welshman like Wrallis."
"He'd worked for the Goldhawk Company as a topman,
and he'd been crushed by a giant redwood,
the ones you don't find any more as they've all been pulled down."
"The second time Wrallis felt the lake shake
he fell into the boat and banged his head on the rowlock."
"When he sat up again he felt sure he'd got something in his eye."
"He felt sick at the back of his throat and nose, and his eyes ran."
"He was giddy for a long time."
"L learnt from my neighbours it was common knowledge
that Lewis Fallan had been awarded damages for his accident."
"The Goldhawk Company presented his widow with a certificate
and a tray of eagle eggs and named a road in Kashabowie after him."
"The road is supposed to be exactly 57 metres long,
as long as the redwood that crushed Fallan's chest."
"The third time, my husband fell into the lake."
"Air in his anorak must have kept him afloat
as he remembers nothing else."
"He was picked up by a Goldhawk vessel from the weir
about ten in the morning. He'd been in the water five hours."
"They gave my husband the day off and said he was lucky they'd found him."
"Wrallis became blind two days later and he kept falling over."
Wrallis Fallanway is registered as a middle- aged male man
suffering from Ménière's disease, migraine and apoplexy.
His lips grew calloused, his tongue diminished
and a nictitating membrane on his left eye
operated involuntarily in conditions of bright light,
making his vision sparkle with refracted lights.
"They sent me a certificate
which said that the Goldhawk Fisheries Company named the lake,
number 11 lake, after my husband, the Wrallis Fallanway Lake."
"They gave me a case of stuffed fish. They look like flying fish."
"Here's hoping my knowledge of my husband's case can help you."
"Sincerely yours, Asecretor Fallanway."
Allia Fallanx is the fourth Custodian of the Boulder Orchard,
the recognised geographical epicentre of the Violent Unknown Event.
The Boulder Orchard's first permanent Custodian was HE Carter,
painter, film- maker, banjo- player, hydronomist and indexer.
The second Custodian was Rapper Begol,
saxophonist, fire- watcher and writer of Egg Tales.
L noticed a brown sort of ball...
The third Custodian was Catuso Phelpis,
singer and ornithological registrar.
Allia Fallanx, as pianist, ornithologist, cataloguer,
apiarist and expert on flying reptiles,
perpetuated and expanded the Custodian tradition.
However, the publication of personal details of VUE Commission employees
is forbidden. This embargo does not extend to their families,
so it is possible to consider the VUE history of Allia's wife,
(The Lady is a Tramp)
Starling Fallanx, singer, firework enthusiast,
wanderer, collector of berets, bird hats and cardboard boxes,
authority on the nightingale,
was struck down by the VUE near a late- flowering hawthorn bush
on the road into the Manifold Valley.
Starling met Allia just eight hours after the VUE.
They were both suffering from sore feet.
After some wanderings,
with or without the VUE's disorienteering experience,
she moved into the Tyddyn- Corn Farm with her children and hats
when Allia became the Fourth Custodian of the Boulder Orchard.
She likes green grass underneath her shoes
Perhaps finding it difficult to cripple a moving target,
the VUE's interest in Starling Fallanx has been sporadic.
But now she has settled she can no longer taste salt,
open her eyes under water, wear velvet or smell hawthorn blossom.
But she can teach her daughters the 32 songs of the nightingale
and astonish them by locking her Achilles tendons
to grip apples with the soles of her feet.
She likes the theatre but she never stays late
Of all the VUE's attributes Starling felt the most,
and, at the same time, the least enthusiastic about, was immortality.
Barring accidents she would outlive her daughters and granddaughters.
Her kinship with her great- great- granddaughters
would be so diluted that she could scarcely claim a relationship.
She ought by then to be back on the road, maybe starting another family.
There would be chances to begin again.
She goes to opera and she knows every line
She goes to Shakespeare and she thinks him fine
She goes to the opera she knows every line
On the long drives to distant jazz clubs,
Starling kept an eagle eye on the fields looking for scarecrows,
the only site to be buried in
if a VUE victim wished to terminate a relationship with birds.
She likes to go swimming down in Abersoch Bay
She goes to the eisteddfod and she stays wide awake
Ipson and Pulat Fallari were brothers in fiction and half- brothers in fact,
or, thanks to Tulse Luper, maybe the other way around.
Either way they were inseparable.
Ipson Fallari on the right is marginally the eldest,
his mother being Iloge Kyle, who was the elder twin sister of Cloge Kyle
who was the mother of Pulat. The next improbable fact is more difficult.
The 14th VUE Directory declared the brothers to be dead,
shot in an airport hotel in Medina Sidonia
by the only legitimate son of their father.
The Directory is then silent for two years
only to resurrect them in the 17th edition,
this time spelling Ipson as Ipsan.
The father of the Fallari brothers, Crozier Fallari Raphael,
was a feathering and marbling café painter.
In 1939, he'd married a café proprietor's widow
in the Carcenne District of Brussels.
To this lady he'd given a son, Tason Raphael.
Next year, Crozier Raphael joined the British Royal Air Force
and met the refugee Walloon twins, Iloge and Cloge Kyle.
Crozier was killed at Dunkirk
and the Kyle twins each had a son in the same three- hour period.
They were christened Fallari, their father's second Christian name,
and reached their 18th birthday before being aware
of yet another and legitimate stepbrother.
Thinking of themselves as twins of twins,
Ipson and Pulat believed they possessed charmed lives,
took great physical risks, became air couriers and learnt to fly.
They practised parachuting and worked for a circus.
One New Year's Eve they climbed Cologne Cathedral,
and for an encore, crossed the Rhine jumping from ice floe to ice floe.
They ended up in the freezing water, and against expectation, survived.
But the Violent Unknown Event abruptly changed their luck.
From now on they were to share only the symptoms of high blood pressure
and perfectly synchronised blackouts.
They were obliged to relinquish their pilot's licence.
For Ipson it was not an enormous loss.
Pulat took any chance he could to sit at the controls of a small plane
and taxi it in small circles until the fuel was exhausted.
Ipson spoke Allow- ease and Pulat spoke Capistan.
Allow is terse and impersonal, full of abbreviations and imperatives
as though invented for use on a parade ground,
or for the writer of instruction manuals.
Capistan is a lazy, gentle language, spoken from the front of the mouth
and requiring unusual amounts of saliva and exposure of the tongue.
The two languages are as remote from one another as appears possible.
The brothers' adroit, inexhaustible crosstalk was at an end.
Previous to the VUE,
only one event in their lives had so come between them.
That had been Ipson's marriage to Stachia Lacquer.
The introduction of the third party
stretched fraternal loyalties intolerably.
After two years of impossible situations, swapped identities
and frustrated privacy, Stachia had walked out.
There was no way of persuading the VUE to leave.
The half- brothers had experienced several years of VUE's malevolence,
when, with a party of naturalists, they visited Medina Sidonia
on a forced fuelling stop.
They befriended the airport controller and his wife.
As was usual when meeting strangers,
before long the Fallari brothers had communicated their complex origins
to the amused delight of the airport controller's wife.
At three the following morning,
the airport controller burst into the Fallari hotel room
and shot at Ipson and Pulat with an emergency distress pistol.
The controller turned out to be Tason Raphael,
the Fallaris' stepbrother, the only legitimate son of their father.
All three were found unconscious. They'd blacked out.
The Fallaris with high blood pressure
and the stepbrother with alcohol.
From this incident and with assistance
from Tulse Luper's fictional account of the Fallaris,
the Commission Directory drew its conclusions.
A close scrutiny of a plane's passenger list leaving the day after
would show, if not the names of Ipson and Pulat Fallari,
then the names of Ipson and Pulat Raphael,
save Ipson's name had been spelt Ipsan.
Stachia Lacquer was an authority on vegetable oils.
She was a portrait photographer, a writer and an illustrator.
Stachia finished writing and illustrating The Tar- Barrel Crow
five years before the Violent Unknown Event,
and three years to the day before she met Pulat Fallari.
Stachia Lacquer had gone to Madras to cremate her father
who had been killed in a public disturbance.
She was drinking lemonade on a hotel veranda
when Ipson Fallari fell on top of her.
He'd been tightrope walking the balustrade of the veranda above.
He was awaiting the return of his half- brother Pulat
from conducting a party of English naturalists in Sri Lanka.
Stachia suffered a sprained wrist, a bruised shoulder
and a sliver of lemonade glass had sliced into her thigh.
She was in hospital for three days.
Ipson stayed with her and afterwards helped her to convalesce.
On Stachia's recovery, they flew to Hamburg and got married.
Five days later, Pulat, Ipson's half- brother, found out.
Determined not to be disturbed, he played down its significance.
He helped them set up house on the Vogelstrasse
opposite the statue of Haberlein, the discoverer of archaeopteryx.
For three months, they vastly enjoyed each other's company,
then Pulat began flying long trips, alone to towns without airfields.
Eventually he crashed in North Africa and broke both legs.
Ipson found him and promised to repudiate the marriage.
For a time this worked, then Ipson began seeing his wife again.
Again Pulat found out, and crashed at sea.
He turned up five months later on Smith Island in the New Hebrides.
Stachia suggested Pulat should come and live at the Vogelstrasse.
But after months of impossible situations, swapped identities
and frustrated privacy, Stachia could stand it no longer and walked out.
She wrote and illustrated a story
about a wooden chair that grew back again into a tree,
bore fruit and propagated a forest of chairs.
The story was bought by a seed company
and Stachia wrote their advertising copy.
With funds from the company's publicity account,
she built up an aviary of tropical birds
in Mexico City and then in Amsterdam. Before long she met Van Hoyten,
the Head of the Ornithological Department of Amsterdam zoo
and they were living together at the time of the VUE.
Stachia's VUE complaint is rare. It has been diagnosed as
de faire blessure or the opening of old wounds.
The first sign was inflammation of the skin
around an old scar tissue on her left elbow.
Stachia had fallen on her elbow when she was three years old.
This was followed by the opening of scar tissue on her ears.
Her ears had been pierced when she was seven.
Then bleeding under her arm. Stachia at 15 had cut herself shaving.
Scar tissue on her thigh started to bleed
and she was brought to hospital.
It was the scar from the Madras lemonade glass.
Stachia has spent most of her life in hospital since then.
A recipient of blood transfusions,
prone to persistent low blood pressure and periodic blackouts.
The Directory Certificate states Stachia's condition was caused
by blood emulsification due to an inability to absorb organic oils.
Stachia Fallari is registered as an Allow speaker but rarely speaks.
Her doctor says his patient felt that terse, impersonal Allow,
full of abbreviations and imperatives was antipathetic to her sympathies.
She is now learning Capistan, the language that is lazy and gentle
and requires unusual amounts of saliva and exposure of the tongue.
Aptesia Fallarme, for the purpose of this biography,
has been persuaded to adopt a pseudonymous identity.
It's relevant that she chose a bird victim who was also an actress.
In this unprofessional capacity,
Aptesia received dedications of thanks.
Aptesia Fallarme is supposed to have been the model for the character
Happy Enido in Leo- dee- nine's novel A Sea- Vue.
"She could fill a warm porcelain bath in 20 minutes,
a warm tin bath took a little longer."
"To fill a cold tin bath in less than an hour needed other inducements
like a view of the sea, a cow being milked, or the sound of a waterfall."
Much has been written about Aptesia Fallarme,
most of it exaggerated and most of it scurrilous.
The fair- minded Tulse Luper said, "She was a waterfall on legs."
Majority Powels said,
"She was a creature designed to render the services of an oasis."
"The water poured from her skin,
from the corners of her mouth, from her nose."
"As to the orifices more specialised for the expulsion of water
the audiences were rarely disappointed..."
"...and in the little bathrooms of the suburbs,
the water splashed upon the carpet
and they clapped and threw coins into the bath."
"In summer she was asked to stand on bare patches of lawn in the garden."
Aptesia herself was responsible for part of her exaggerated reputation.
Within months of the VUE, she was travelling far and wide,
exploiting her new characteristics
at disreputable fairgrounds, obscure cabarets and eventually
in the house of a photographer in Barons Court, West London,
where Leo- dee- nine must have seen her.
"The opening of an umbrella was enough."
"Every minute this human waterfall would shake her body like a dog
and wring out her hair."
"HE Carter would run in with a dressing gown
embroidered with a running faucet."
"At the clinic, she was kept away from the radiators
as she soon fogged the room."
"She got locked in the surgery cold store
and an orderly had to chip away the ice with a nail file."
"After an appearance at Palm Springs, she collapsed,
suffering from nervous exhaustion and obesity."
"The hospital arranged a programme to regulate her output."
"Then, against advice, she allowed her name
to be used by a plastic- swimming- pool manufacturer
and the hospital discharged her."
Aptesia's latest and much publicised ambition is to have a baby,
though she is frightened that the baby might drown at birth.
Starting at the buzzer, in 30 seconds
name as many birds as you can think of.
Partridge, parrot, peacock, bluetit, coal tit, willow tit, bearded tit,
marsh tit, long- tailed tit, great tit, woodcock...
One factor that influenced the selection of names
for all the other Violent Unknown Event victims
was a collection of interviews filmed 18 months before the VUE
by Erhaus Bewler Falluper.
...whooper swan... - (buzzer)
Starting at the buzzer, in 30 seconds,
tell me as much as you can about the emu.
The emu is the national bird of Australia...
Falluper, a statistician interested in assessing the public's knowledge,
conducted one particular survey by asking 41 interviewees
three elementary ornithological questions.
To assure a random sample, Falluper chose to use all the names
in the same Public Records Office file as himself.
Seven of these 41 subjects later became VUE victims.
And Corntopia Fallas was one of them.
Although happy for us to use material of her filmed before the VUE,
Corntopia had no wish to be photographed at the present time
for her sleep would be disturbed.
For Corntopia spends the cold months in hibernation in this cottage
a few miles from the Boulder Orchard on the Lleyn Peninsula.
The VUE had lowered Corntopia's body temperature
and slowed her circulation. She suffered badly from the cold.
She was happiest when asleep and she dreamt of water.
The dreams, said her doctor,
compensated for her experiences of the Event,
when she had been rescued from a serious forest fire.
You can see the black part there...
Rapper Begol, Second Custodian of the Boulder Orchard
and friend of Corntopia's,
was working as a Forestry Commissioner at the time of the VUE.
- He remembers the fire. - We thought we'd won the battle.
The wind changed, whipped the fire up again.
It started going round the hill.
About the first of May, Corntopia emerges from her hibernation,
and needing little sleep in summer,
is prepared to work up to 18 hours a day
on the weekly WSPB magazine, The Rooster.
Starting at the buzzer, in 30 seconds,
name as many birds as you can that start with W.
Whooper swan, widgeon, wagtail...
To announce Corntopia's return the magazine printed on its cover
a photograph of the will or the poor- will, known as the sleeper,
a bird that lay dormant for weeks without detectable heartbeat
in the cliff crevices of the Sierra Nevada.
In case of reprisal associated with the death of his two wives,
Anteo Fallaspy made use of a VUE Commission pseudonymous identity.
At the time of the VUE, Anteo Fallaspy was in Germany.
A trained philologian, inventor of fictitious languages and a traveller,
he carried a camera to record his enthusiasm for the written word.
On the night of the VUE, he was in Stuttgart at the Hotel Mack.
Anteo received retractable thumbs,
soft, serrated, fleshy earlobes and a six- part heart.
Registered as a public speaker of Capistan and privately of Althuese,
his major language credential is as inventor of Hartileas B.
Anteo Fallaspy's interest in this new language
has nothing to do with the normal ambition
of creating the invidious universal language,
but is about furthering communication with vertebrates,
mainly birds and their precursors, the reptiles,
along the lines anticipated by Messiaen and Max Ernst.
Anteo had undergone an operation on his tongue
to reshape the spaces of his mouth to approximately coincide
with the proportions of the singing apparatus of the starling.
He chose the starling for the variety of noises it could make,
its ability to mimic, its dual plumage and its sociability.
Anteo travelled, extolling the virtues of his pioneer language
and persuading converts to remedy the defects of their ill- shaped throats.
He persuaded the operation on his associates with mixed results
and the death of both of his wives aroused public suspicion.
Although cleared of their deaths, Anteo declined to marry a third time,
considering his marriage certificate to be a guarantee of fatality.
biography sub judice, pending investigation for embezzlement
from the World Society for the Protection of Birds.
It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here...
Three years after the VUE,
Anteo Fallaspy was in Holland with his camera.
He met music and language teacher Sashio Tempesta in Amsterdam,
where they were at a linguistics conference.
They travelled through Holland and married at Valkenswaard.
The Directory states Sashio had webbed underarms,
a bone- marrow deficiency, a scratched face
and that she is a dreamer, Category One. Water. Flight.
She is also a sufferer of après- radiance,
a radiant, flushed condition after exertion and stress.
Sashio was converted to the use of Hartileas B by her husband
and had alterations made to her mouth cavities
to better accommodate the shrill characteristics of that language.
She accepted an invitation to train with the birds on Bardsey Island
off the Lleyn Peninsula.
In good weather, the boat trip to Bardsey lasts about 20 minutes.
The small boat, laden with books, surgical instruments,
a cello, a portable harmonium,
a tea chest of cosmetics and valuable recording equipment, sank.
Only the helmsman escaped, saying the boat had been attacked by cormorants
soon after his lady passenger started singing and shrieking.
It was presumed that Sashio had been practising Hartileas B.
Sashio's decomposing body washed ashore four days later.
It still shone with après- radiance,
so excessive had been her physical determination not to die.
Three years after the death of his first wife, Anteo Fallaspy
was in Paris recording his enthusiasm for the written word,
and teaching Hartileas B at the French Ornithological Institute.
The Institute allocated Anteo an assistant, Vyanine Entasis.
Thanks to the VUE, Vyanine was a speaker of Ipostan,
suffered intestinal blockages, was allergic to the house- dust mite
and had an incurable desire to stay in a different place every night
and never to eat two successive meals at the same table.
She married Anteo for the opportunity to travel that he represented.
Vyanine had been a student of linguistics at Cairo
and had a working knowledge of some ten different VUE languages.
She studied with Parmitter on the Ayers Rock graffiti
and with Tulse Luper on the bogus Olduvai Papers.
Any likelihood that she was overawed by Hartileas B was remote.
After the marriage, Anteo and Vyanine were awarded a grant
to study the song of the aurally dull godwit
on its long- range migration around the world.
They had made plans to travel to Australia, Antarctica,
Alaska and Hawaii, when Vyanine was knocked down by an electioneering van
in the Rue des Oiseaux.
Making too slow a recovery for her own liking,
Vyanine discharged herself from the hospital.
Travelling by metro to the flat of a friend,
she had a relapse in the Rue Moineau.
The ambulance taking her to hospital was delayed by crowds
and Vyanine died, officially outside the Café Hirondelle,
unofficially opposite the Café Renard.
One, two, three, four...
Castenarm Fallast, occasional pianist, professional indexer
and itinerant propagandist for a well- known opera company.
The VUE has not impaired his livelihood
but has widened his outlook on birds.
Castenarm acknowledges the Theory of the Responsibility of Birds
and believes the epicentre of the Violent Unknown Event
was the Goldhawk Road, Hammersmith, West London.
Somewhere on this western section there are two places, maybe three,
where the epicentre of epicentres might have been situated.
The first is Stamford Brook Underground.
And the second is The Raven public house.
27 people died in the lounge bar on the night of the Event
and 14 had died in the saloon on the morning after.
Seven more had been variously blinded in the beer garden at the back.
The VUE has introduced Castenarm to insulin, Ventolin and praemocetylene,
widened his feet so that he now takes a larger shoe,
and has given him arthritis.
He now indexes for a publisher of popular ornithological literature.
A third possible VUE epicentre is this maternity hospital
where 30 children born in the 24 hours following the VUE
all showed a physiology that would suggest flight.
In celebration of the Goldhawk Road, Castenarm researched the indices
of the ornithological text books sent to him by the publisher,
and compiled a list of the 92 most unfamiliar bird names he could find.
With this list he is hoping to achieve several ambitions.
One is to find a sympathetic composer
willing to use the bird list as the libretto for an opera.
Ardenaur Fallatter died at sunset
on the 17th anniversary of the Violent Unknown Event.
The VUE had increased his stature, and had given him nine lives
the first four of which he used in the Gabon,
diving off the Letoke cliffs to rescue VUE suicides.
The remaining five lives, along with details of his biography,
became the property of the United African Congress,
who persuaded Fallatter to export his skill at exhibitionist- jumping.
Fallatter lost his ninth life
leaping from a grain store into a barley field
at a VUE flying gala at Stowe in Cheshire.
His body was flown back to the Gabon, and fulfilling his last wishes,
it was ceremoniously thrown off the Letoke cliffs.
Agropio Fallaver alone represented the 92nd language.
His language began and ended with him.
He was classified as a middle- aged female man and he spoke Fallaver.
That is to state the fact three times,
and make up for the incomprehension he was treated with for so long.
But at present, no further facts can be published, broadcast or used
until he and his unique language have been totally investigated.
It has been suggested that Agropio is an unsuspecting vehicle for FOX,
the Society for Ornithological Extermination.
Despite attempts to amalgamate them into one person
there have in fact been three Cissie Colpitts in Goole since 1931.
Propine Fallax is chronologically the third.
The accident of a marriage licence got her into the survey,
which is fitting, for she was President
of the Goole Water Tower Film Vault, home of the VUE Commission's archive.
Cissie Propine Colpitts grew up in the streets around the water tower
and must have known many of the Yorkshire cameramen
who made up the Goole Experimental Film Society.
The original brick water tower, the Pepper, built in the 1900s
became inadequate for Goole's growing population
and in 1933 a new and larger concrete tower, the Salt,
was erected by the Humber Authority on allotment land
leased from Propine's grandmother.
The tower filld the space between the railway line and an abattoir.
The tower was bequeathed to Propine on her fifth birthday
on the understanding that the rents were paid into an account
whereby half the interest
was available for the Goole and District Camera Society
and the other half paid for dancing lessons.
The second Goole Cissie Colpitts
married a bicycle manufacturer and moved to York.
She bequeathed her local film material collection to her namesake.
It was stored in hen coops, in the abattoir
and in the base of the old brick tower.
Propine, worried about the collection deteriorating,
felt it imperative to find it a permanent home.
In 1951, due to demand for yet more water, the tower became obsolete,
and after a two- year conversion, Propine, on her 18th birthday,
reopened it as a film vault.
On the night of the VUE, along with Arturo Fallax, owner of the abattoir,
Cissie Colpitts was on top of the tower with some friends
watching the fires at Hull,
when she fainted and began to bleed from the mouth.
She now suffers from anaemia, splayed thumbs and vertigo,
and to underline her new aversion to the darkness of cinemas
she has made a clean break with her past,
changing her Christian name by deed poll and her surname by marriage.
Biography number 28 has been meagrely reconstructed
from evidence found in an overturned car, licence number NID 301.
inconclusively identified from laundry marks on his underwear,
was a middle- aged man with red hair.
The carrion crow has a deep, hoarse caw
that often punctuates the other bird sounds of March.
Evidence of the VUE's influence on the body,
an engorged throat and petagium fellitis,
were obscured by injuries sustained at the accident.
It's possible that Cash Fallbaez was the victim of bird strike.
A large white bird, probably a swan, maybe two swans,
had smashed the windscreen. On the seat beside the body
was a shopping list written in the VUE language O- Lev- Lit
and a commercial recording of birdsong.
Sometimes in February and March,
you can hear a strident motor- horn note from the crow as well.
(crow caws like a motor- horn)
Biography sub judice pending cruelty- to- birds investigation.
The Directory has registered Coppice Fallbatteo
as an Italian- speaking young male man,
though the VUE has taken away his teeth,
made him short of breath, flattened his nose,
made him allergic to cats and rats,
changed his balance and restructured his colon,
it had left him with the language he had learnt as a two- year- old child.
Coppice wished it had not.
Coppice tried very hard to learn one of the VUE languages
but ambitiously he had chosen Betelguese,
the language of unlimited vocabulary
and rapidly changing grammar and syntax.
As fast as he had mastered one small area of its possibilities,
he found that the same area had developed,
aligned with a new set of meanings or had become entirely obsolete.
Dispirited, Coppice had made a hesitant start on Katan,
one of the more popularly spoken of the mutant languages.
But his experience with Betelguese
was like studying a consonant alphabet of two letters
after experiencing a vowel alphabet of 200.
Coppice was an art historian who,
trying to make a novel cultural theory out of the VUE,
had wholeheartedly taken to the idea of the Responsibility of Birds.
After exploring the significance of birds in European painting,
Coppice focused his interest on Francesca's Brera Virgin,
also known as the Egg Painting.
Coppice knew everything about this painting.
Its conception, mathematics, the constituents of its colours,
the hagiography of its saints,
its value in lire, dollars, gold and osprey feathers.
The centre of all this fascination was the suspended egg,
to Coppice, the symbol of the Violent Unknown Event,
and the one perplexing feature for which he had no explanation.
Coppice asked his students to copy the painting and kept the results,
some bad, some indifferent,
some eccentric, some three or four inspired,
two almost impossible to tell from the original
and one considerably better, painted by a girl who spoke Betelguese.
Her name, Adioner Perdona.
When Coppice had first tried to learn Betelguese,
"Adioner" could be translated into Italian to mean "yellow".
At the time Coppice began to take an interest in the della Francesca,
the word had shifted its meaning to suggest the concept of yolk,
and when Adioner had told Coppice her name it had meant "embryo".
The coincidence was too great for Coppice
and his wish to possess, marry and own Adioner was violent.
He found a reason to fail her in her finals exam,
and under the excuse of giving her extra tuition,
he won her confidence and seduced her. She had a child.
Coppice had the boy fostered by his married sister
and had him christened Piero dell'Adioner.
By that time "Adioner" in Betelguese
could only legitimately be translated into Italian as "egg".
Agrendo Fallbazz. Drowned in a ship's swimming pool.
Bereavement clause honoured for 16 weeks.
Full biography in later versions of The Falls.
Cisgatten Fallbazz lived off the Goldhawk Road
in a house fronted by a monkey- puzzle tree.
He was a designer and manufacturer of VUE novelties.
Soon after the VUE, Cisgatten had bought a licence to sell bird hats
and made avian upholstery for several years
until the Responsibility of Birds Theory became commonplace.
He turned to the children's toy market,
and in partnership with his brother, Agrendo, was very successful.
Thanks to the VUE, Cisgatten was obliged to wear rubber gloves
to stop his hands from drying out.
The VUE also robbed him of his sense of smell and impaired his sight
though apparently not at night.
His enemies and competitors called him Moreau Fallbazz
and accused him of experimenting on birds
to make the species interchangeable.
They hinted he kept owls illegally at his house
and that his brother had committed suicide for fear of prosecution.
The brothers bought a cottage on the Lleyn Peninsula, since burnt down,
where Cisgatten had met Cathine Fallbutus as a child.
They had both gone to the same primary school in the Goldhawk Road.
Against his brother's opposition Cisgatten proposed marriage to her.
Now that his brother was out of the way,
Cisgatten is keen to approach Cathine Fallbutus a second time.
The Violent Unknown Event
concentrated its vehemence on the head, face and neck
of Hasp Fallbazz.
Inoperable glaucoma, muscular collapse and skin discoloration
had persuaded Hasp to wear a mask.
For this film he asked that he might use the face of Jean- Paul Marat.
He agreed to an interview under conditions of his own choosing.
Hasp Fallbazz was a U- thalian- speaking convert from Entrée.
Hasp made the difficult language conversion from Entrée to U- thalian
as his interests were mechanical and technological
and Entrée had lacked even a word for "wheel".
The sketchy introductory nature of that language well deserved its name.
As a dreamer- of- water, Category One, Flight, it was not lost on Hasp
that U- thalian also had 47 words for water,
each one describing it in less than three syllables and under 14 letters,
for various of its states, like its purity, scarcity,
temperature, weight, salinity, iridescence, distance from the sea,
height above sea level, colour, rapidity of movement and its age.
Hasp has respiratory problems, is lame in the left leg
and is partly paralysed in the left arm.
He has been advised to keep exertion to a minimum, to eat no meat,
avoid the dark and stay near water.
Catuso Phelpus has said
it is fortunate Hasp is creatively interested in technology,
for these irritating prohibitions could be eased to an extent
by machinery of his own invention.
Hasp's machines, drawings and patents
are die- stamped with the emblems of an inverted left leg,
taken, according to HE Carter,
from the last evidence of the birdmen in Breughel's Death of lcarus.
Rapper Begol has stated that after years of experiment,
Hasp made a claim that he was able to grow bone
and manufacture feathers.
He works alone and is financially supported by the WSPB,
and the Kite Association, who send a weekly cheque from the Yellow Bank,
a fund financed by the sale of kites in China.
Thanks to the Violent Unknown Event, Canopy Fallbenning was immortally 83.
She spoke Abcadefghan,
and her favourite Tulse Luper story was The Cassowary.
(speaks foreign language)
During the First World War,
she worked in an armaments factory at Stoke,
and suffered from sympathetic tinnitus.
The VUE had neither ameliorated or exaggerated the tinnitus in any way
but had regulated it to a cycle of 30 seconds.
Canopy could time an egg by it.
To suit her pragmatism
and perhaps allow her some measure of self- retribution
Canopy gave the VUE an explosive origin, no doubt man- made.
She kept a diary and with home- made inks whose strength waxed and waned,
wrote authoritatively about everything.
For example, at a time when the ink was running strong,
she argued about the sexual quadrimorphism
that was a perplexing characteristic of the VUE.
She was old enough to have read Tulse Luper's Quadruple Fruit
and saw the implications of quadruple bonding
in the Violent Unknown Event's division of two orthodox sexes
into a heterodox four.
However, Canopy believed the division,
like so much else about the VUE, had been inconclusive, even bungled.
There had been too much indecision, too much hesitancy.
There was no clear role for the four newly formulated genders.
The original explosion perhaps had not been strong enough,
had been sidetracked by unnecessary adjuncts
like compound articulacy and immortality.
Canopy's original insistence on the VUE's incompetence
mellowed as each 83rd birthday passed by.
It took a strong personal event to revive it.
Like the death of a daughter,
when she wrote of a god who was a charlatan,
an inexperienced quack whose sense of time was irresponsible.
Three days after this entry she relented a little
and put the unsatisfactory incompleteness of the VUE's efforts
down to a god who had suffered the loss of a necessary skill.
A day later, in a pale and yellowing ink,
she softened more, and wrote that it was difficult
for one magician to accomplish successfully another's magic.
At a perpetual 83, her problems were not going to involve reproduction.
She was determined to enjoy immortality
and to reserve her splenetic attacks for agents of the VUE Commission,
especially those who believed in the Responsibility of Birds.
Biography sub judice pending trial for misconduct with a mynah.
It's a good field. It runs from a north- south direction...
Before the Violent Unknown Event,
Castel Fallboys was a competent pilot and a hang- glider enthusiast,
happy to discuss his enthusiasm on film.
After the VUE, Castel's ability at both skills became phenomenal.
The VUE added four inches to his height, shed him of 3 stone,
encouraged hair growth, raised his blood temperature,
shortened his vocal cords and taught him Instantaneous Dekis.
...where you just take off and become part of the elements.
Castel achieved his significant personalised flight
by a prodigious mastery of technique and by the use of new materials.
He was able to stay in the air for long periods,
his record was five days and four nights
and his longest recorded flight being 917 miles.
...designs into computers and getting much better designs out of computers.
His skill at assessing weather conditions,
and his ability to manoeuvre in poor visibility were not equalled.
He left his competitors so far behind that his skill isolated him.
He bricked up the doorways of his house
making it compulsory for himself to enter by the roof.
To minimise muscular growth that would inhibit flying
he used his legs seldom, until his gait resembled a starling.
Castel developed a great restlessness at every change in the weather
and on autumn nights accompanied migrating birds far out to sea,
always turning back with the greatest reluctance.
To extend his range and comparability with birds,
Castel ruthlessly streamlined his body by exercise and diet,
growing very lean in the leg, muscular in the shoulders,
long in the arm and short in the neck.
He was finally and fatally caught out.
Flying with a flock of terns, he banked too steeply, too sharply,
too suddenly and broke his neck.
His corpse dropped like a stone into the sea at Hell's Mouth
and his last pair of nylon wings are preserved at Slimbridge.
Acataloope Fallbus. A last- minute entry into the VUE Directory
due to very late- developing symptoms.
No details of biography as yet available.
Of all European countries affected by the Violent Unknown Event,
France has only a known total of 512 victims
and on investigation it seems only seven of these were French by birth.
The VUE Commission have put forward various reasons for this immunity
and rejected them all.
The Aérospace Nationale have suggested
that France had already paid an excessive quota of flight victims
in the early days of experimental flying.
Was anything wrong with the car?
The Italian Institute of Languages
hypothesised that the French language is responsible.
...30 mph. - Had you been here before?
No. It was the first time and this is the second.
Astraham and Loosely Fallbute
were touring on holiday in central France at the time of the Event.
On the night of June 12th they were driving on a little- used road
near Voile d'Argent when their car stopped.
The clock on the dashboard showed 11:41, Greenwich Mean Time.
Is this the place where it happened?
Yes. The engine stalled and the car stopped.
Astraham Fallbute, formerly a designer of sports facilities,
is now a designer of hospital equipment.
Loosely Fallbute, once a cosmetician, is now a catalogue researcher.
Did you have any sensation, any clue what had happened?
The Fallbutes both began to speak Cathanay
within 24 hours of the Violent Unknown Event.
Loosely Fallbute was employed by an insurance firm
to examine a possible topographical pattern in VUE incidents.
Among the many sites receiving her especial attention were number 23,
the maternity hospital in the London Goldhawk Road,
with special reference to delivery room seven.
Number 37, room number three of the Commission's own library.
The room was once the office of a film- production company
specialising in ornithological projects.
And site number 59,
the intersection of Broad Street and the Yarmouth Road, Norwich.
Appreciating firsthand accounts in her research,
Loosely was happy to help the Italian Linguistics Laboratory
investigate the paucity of VUE incidence in France.
What happened then?
Astraham, now an authority on the rehabilitation of VUE paraplegics,
suffered from partial paralysis and was keen to aid his wife's research
on sites where there had been a high toll of VUE malignancy
appearing as muscle collapse or muscle deterioration.
As at site number 119,
the railway bridge and electricity station at Cloudheath, Suffolk,
where Tulse Luper says the information on signs is significant.
And site number 171 at Fountains Abbey, near Ripon, Yorkshire,
where 310 people complained of sudden and involuntary muscle paralysis
which intermittently froze their lower limbs.
Both Astraham and Loosely share certain VUE symptoms
suggesting that proximity to a site or another victim might be relevant.
Most noticeable in the Fallbute case is the matching skin discoloration.
The Fallbute pulled themselves together and drove on
and at about midnight they arrived in Nevers
where a film company was making a film about a holocaust
and the Fallbutes were not surprised to be taken for extras.
Six members of the Fallbutus family living in England
are registered victims of the Violent Unknown Event.
They have an especial relevance to this study of the VUE
by owning property near the two main accredited VUE centres,
off the Goldhawk Road, London
and near the Tyddyn- Corn Farm on the Lleyn Peninsula.
Betheda Fallbutus had come to England with her American husband
to take advantage of the Welfare State to raise a large family.
She wanted the best gynaecological attention she could find,
anticipating labour pains to rival a wren laying the eggs of an ostrich.
So she insisted on being close to the Maternity Hospital in Goldhawk Road.
Betheda had been an air hostess, a milliner
and the owner of a restaurant.
She had flown too often, wasted too many feathers
and cooked too many chickens.
On her admission, sufficient excuse for herself and her family
to be plagued by the VUE in both their houses.
The family lived in various apartments along the Goldhawk Road
whilst they continued the search for a family home.
After the birth of her only daughter, Cathine,
Betheda's husband inherited his parents' Lleyn farmhouse
where Betheda could recuperate from further pregnancies.
Facing Window 2003
Fahrenheit 451 (1966)
Fahrenheit 911 CD1
Fahrenheit 911 CD2
Fallen Angels 1995
Falls The CD1
Falls The CD2
Family Guy 01x01 - Death Has a Shadow
Family Guy 01x02 - I Never Met the Dead Man
Family Guy 01x03 - Chitty Chitty Death Bang
Family Guy 01x04 - Mind Over Murder
Family Guy 01x05 - A Hero Sits Next Door
Family Guy 01x06 - The Son Also Draws
Family Guy 01x07 - Brian Portrait of a Dog
Family Guy 01x08 - Peter Peter Caviar Eater
Family Guy 01x09 - Running Mates
Family Guy 01x10 - Holy Crap
Family Guy 01x11 - If Im Dyin Im Lyin
Family Guy 01x12 - Love Thy Trophy
Family Guy 01x13 - Death Is A Bitch
Family Guy 01x14 - The King Is Dead
Family Guy 03x01 - The Thin White Line
Family Guy 03x02 - Brian Does Hollywood
Family Guy 03x03 - Mr Griffin Goes To Washington
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Family Guy 03x05 - And The Weiner Is
Family Guy 03x06 - Death Lives
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Family Guy 03x08 - The Kiss Seen Around The World
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Family Man The
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Fando y Lis
Fanfan le tulipe 2003
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Far From Heaven
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Far away so close (1993) CD1
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Farewell Home sweet Home (Otar Iosseliani 1999)
Fargo - 1996 CD1 25fps
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Farscape - 1x01 - Premiere
Farscape - 1x02 - I ET
Farscape - 1x03 - Exodus From Genesis
Farscape - 1x04 - Throne for a Loss
Farscape - 1x05 - Back and Back and Back to the Future
Farscape - 1x06 - Thank God Its Friday Again
Farscape - 1x07 - PK Tech Girl
Farscape - 1x08 - That Old Black Magic
Farscape - 1x09 - DNA Mad Scientist
Farscape - 1x10 - Theyve Got a Secret
Farscape - 1x11 - Till the Blood Runs Clear
Farscape - 1x12 - Rhapsody In Blue
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Farscape - 1x14 - Jeremiah Crichton
Farscape - 1x15 - Durka Returns
Farscape - 1x16 - A Human Reaction
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Farscape - 1x18 - A Bugs Life
Farscape - 1x19 - Nerve
Farscape - 1x20 - The Hidden Memory
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Farscape - 1x22 - Family Ties
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Farscape - 2x03 - Talking The Stone
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Farscape - 2x07 - Home On The Remains
Farscape - 2x08 - Dream A Little Dream
Farscape - 2x09 - Out Of Their Minds
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Farscape - 2x11 - Look At The Princess I - A Kiss Is But A Kiss
Farscape - 2x12 - Look At The Princess II - I Do I Think
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Farscape - 2x14 - Beware Of Dog
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Farscape - 2x16 - The Locket
Farscape - 2x17 - The Ugly Truth
Farscape - 2x18 - A Clockwork Nebari
Farscape - 2x19 - Liars Guns and Money I - A Not So Simple Plan
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Farscape - 2x21 - Liars Guns and Money III - Plan B
Farscape - 2x22 - Die Me Dichotomy
Farscape - 3x01 - Season Of Death
Farscape - 3x02 - Suns And Lovers
Farscape - 3x03 - Self Inflicted Wounds I - Coulda Woulda Shoulda
Farscape - 3x04 - Self Inflicted Wounds II - Wait For The Wheel
Farscape - 3x05 - Different Destinations
Farscape - 3x06 - Eat Me
Farscape - 3x07 - Thanks For Sharing
Farscape - 3x08 - Green Eyed Monster
Farscape - 3x09 - Losing Time
Farscape - 3x10 - Relativity
Farscape - 3x11 - Incubator
Farscape - 3x12 - Meltdown
Farscape - 3x13 - Scratch N Sniff
Farscape - 3x14 - Infinite Possibilities I - Daedalus Demands
Farscape - 3x15 - Infinite Possibilities II - Icarus Abides
Farscape - 3x16 - Revenging Angel
Farscape - 3x17 - The Choice
Farscape - 3x18 - Fractures
Farscape - 3x19 - I-Yensch You-Yensch
Farscape - 3x20 - Into The Lions Den I - Lambs To The Slaugher
Farscape - 3x21 - Into The Lions Den II - Wolf In Sheeps Clothing
Farscape - 3x22 - Dog With Two Bones
Farscape - 4x01 - Crichton Kicks
Farscape - 4x02 - What Was Lost (Part 1) - Sacrifice
Farscape - 4x03 - What Was Lost (Part 2) - Resurrection
Farscape - 4x04 - Lavas A Many Splendored Thing
Farscape - 4x05 - Promises
Farscape - 4x06 - Natural Election
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Farscape - 4x08 - I Shrink Therefore I Am
Farscape - 4x09 - A Prefect Murder
Farscape - 4x10 - Coup By Clam
Farscape - 4x11 - Unrealized Reality (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x12 - Kansas (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x13 - Terra Firma (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x14 - Twice Shy
Farscape - 4x15 - Mental As Anything
Farscape - 4x16 - Bringing Home The Beacon
Farscape - 4x17 - A Constellation Of Doubt
Farscape - 4x18 - Prayer
Farscape - 4x19 - We are So Screwed - Fetal Attraction (Part 1)
Farscape - 4x20 - We are So Screwed - Hot To Katratzi (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x21 - We are So Screwed - La Bomba (Part 3)
Farscape - 4x22 - Bad Timing
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 1)
Farscape - The Peacekeeper Wars (Part 2)
Fast And Furious
Fat Choi Spirit
Fate Ignoranti Le
Father of a Soldier (Rezo Chkheidze 1964)
Father of the Bride
Fear Dot Com
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Fear of Fear (Rainer Werner Fassbinder 1975)
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Fellowship of the Ring The
Female Convict Scorpion Beast Stable 1973 Shunya Ito
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Fiances The 1962
Fierce Creatures (1997)
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Fighter in the Wind
Fighting Fish 2004
Fille Sur La Pont La
Filles Uniques 2003
Film That Was Never Made A
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x01
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x02
Filthy, Rich and Catflap 01x03
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Final Countdown The 1980 CD1
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Final Destination - New Line Platinum Series
Final Friday The - Jason Goes To Hell 25fps
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Finders Fee (Jeff Probst 2001)
Finding Forrester 2000
Fire in the Sky
Firefly - Serenity (pilot)
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Firemens Ball The 1967
First Great Train Robbery The 1978 CD1
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First Men In The Moon 1964
First Power The
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Fly Away Home
Fly The (Kurt Neumann 1958)
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For A Few Dollars More 1965
For Scent-imental Reasons (1949)
Frasier 01x01 - The Good Son
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Frasier 01x03 - Dinner At Eight
Frasier 01x04 - I Hate Frasier Crane
Frasier 01x05 - Heres Looking At You
Frasier 01x06 - The Crucible
Frasier 01x07 - Call Me Irresponsible
Frasier 01x08 - Beloved Infidel
Frasier 01x09 - Selling Out
Frasier 01x10 - Oops
Frasier 01x12 - Miracle On Third Or Fourth Street
Frasier 02x01 - Slow Tango in South Seattle
Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All
Frasier 02x03 - Commentary by Director David Lee and Writer Joe Keenan
Frasier 02x03 - The Matchmaker
Frasier 02x04 - Flour Child
Frasier 02x05 - Dukes We Hardly Knew You
Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes
Frasier 02x07 - The Candidate
Frasier 02x08 - Adventures in Paradise Part 1
Frasier 02x09 - Adventures in Paradise Part 2
Frasier 02x10 - Burying a Grudge
Frasier 02x11 - Seat of Power
Frasier 02x12 - Roz in the Doghouse
Frasier 02x13 - Retirement is Murder
Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice
Frasier 02x15 - You Scratch My Book
Frasier 02x16 - The Show Where Sam Shows Up
Frasier 02x17 - Daphnes Room
Frasier 02x18 - The Club
Frasier 02x19 - Someone to Watch Over Me
Frasier 02x20 - Breaking the Ice
Frasier 02x21 - An Affair to Forget
Frasier 02x22 - Agents In America Part 3
Frasier 02x23 - The Innkeepers
Frasier 02x24 - Dark Victory
Freddys Revenge A
Free Willy 1993
Free Willy 2 - The Adventure Home
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French Connection II (1975)
French Connection The
Fresh Bait 1995
Friday Night (2002)
Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th Part 8
Friends - 02x03 - the one where heckles dies
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Friends - 02x11 - the one with the lesbian wedding
Friends - 02x13 - the one after the superbowl part 2
Friends - 02x15 - the one where ross and rachel you know
Friends - 02x16 - the one where joey moves out
Friends - 02x18 - the one where dr ramoray dies
Friends - 02x20 - the one where old yeller dies
Friends - 02x22 - the one with two parties
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Friends - 10x01 - TOW After Joey And Rachel Kiss
Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine
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Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
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Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
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Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
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Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
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Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
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Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
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Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
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Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
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Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
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Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
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Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
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Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
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Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
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Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
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Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
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Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
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Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
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Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
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Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
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Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
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Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
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Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
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Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
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Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
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Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
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Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
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Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
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Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
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Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
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Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
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Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
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Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
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