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Family Guy 03x11 - Emission Impossible

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"It seems today that all you see
"Is violence in movies and sex on TV
"But where are those|good old-fashioned values
"On which we used to rely?
"Lucky there's a family guy
"Lucky there's a man who positively|can do all the things that make us
"Laugh and cry
"He's a family guy
Let's see. We've got soda, purple stuff...
Sunny D! All right!
We now return to "The Smurfs".
- Hey. You have a good time last night?|- Smurftacular!
- I saw you leave with Smurfette.|- We left the bar and she started smurfin' me.
Shut the smurf up!|Right in the smurfin'parking lot?
- Smurf, yeah!|- That is freakin' smurf!
- You smurf it.|- That is freakin' smurf.
- (phone rings)|- Hello?
Oh, my God!
Peter, why are you staring into the dryer?
I'm watching the latest episode|of Laundry Theatre.
Those are Chris's socks, right?
They don't know that Stewie's shirt|is having an affair with Meg's trousers.
It's fun to watch rich people be naughty!
Listen to me. My sister just called.
Her baby's due any day now|and Ted just walked out on her.
Whoa, back it up. You have a sister?
I promised her I'd be on the next train.|Poor Carol, all alone in that big house.
Carol... She the one with|the Jacuzzi and the pool table?
- Yeah.|- I'll come with you.
Really? That's a surprise.
Come on, Lois.|When have I not been there for you?
- Get outta the car!|- Scream and you're dead.
Thanks for the ride, lady.
- It's the Griffins. What can I do for you?|- Glen, we have a family emergency.
We really need you to take the kids|for just a couple of days.
In accordance with Megan's Law,|I'm obligated to inform you that...
- That's fine. I'll take the kids.|- Thanks, buddy.
Gosh, I never entertained kids before.
So a chick walks into|a gynaecologist's office...
Wha-ha-ha-ha-hey!
Diggly, diggly, diggly, diggly!
(giggles)
Carol, we'll get you through this.
In a few days you'll have a beautiful baby|to smother with all your unrequited love.
And as soon as the baby can crawl,|it'll probably leave me too,
just like my eight husbands.
Hey, Carol. It's me, Ted.|I came back because I love you and...
I'm just kidding. It's me, Peter.
It was so nice of you to come, Peter.|You're so considerate.
It was nothing.
(smash)
(dragging furniture)
Mr Quagmire, I finished the scavenger hunt.
Hold your horses. Let's go down the list.
- An unsharpened pencil?|- Check.
A speed-limit sign that|doesn't end in five or zero?
Your mom's hairbrush?
- You win!|- Oh, boy! What's my prize?
- A pencil and a speed sign.|- I did it!
I'll be right back.
Teeth and some toenail clippings|and we'll be ready for our date.
Carol, since Ted dumped you,|can I have his shirts?
Ted's shirts? He's half your size.
I know, but check this out.
Carol, say "David Banner,|I just slashed your tyres."
- David Banner, I just slashed your tyres.|- Aaagh!
(laughs)
I'm priceless!
Sit with Carol. I'm gonna use the ladies room.
- Does she still take the newspaper in there?|- Yeah.
And after she does, I just can't read it.
Oh! Oh, God! The baby's gonna be here|any minute. We'd better get moving.
You gotta relax. You let that kid start|calling the shots now and you're screwed.
Is Mr Quagmire baby-sitting|all these people, too?
Hey. If I could rearrange the alphabet,|I'd put U and I together.
You must be a parking ticket,|cos you got "fine" written all over you.
Hey, there. I don't wanna|come between you... or do I?
That's awful.
This is a song I've been singing|for a number of years,
and I find it grows truer and truer|as time goes by.
(sings "Hungry Eyes")
I'm hungry for you, baby.|Come on, walk with me, talk with me.
(beeps horn)
(panting)
Don't worry. We're almost there.|Peter, why are we stopped?
- I'll have three cheeseburgers.|- For God's sake, she's having a baby!
Oh, that's right. And a kid's meal.|And... I guess I'll have fries.
If I have fries,|is anybody else gonna have any?
I don't wanna be the only one eating 'em.|I'll feel like a fatty.
- Nurse, this woman is in labour.|- Excuse me. I was here first.
My leg is asleep.
Oh!
All right, let's see what we have here.|The baby's crowning.
Oh!
All right, I'm just going to put on|a pair of gloves and we'll deliver this baby.
These don't feel like gloves at all.|They feel like used needles.
But this is where I always keep the gloves.|Maybe if I dig deeper.
No, just feels like more needles.|That's the craziest thing.
Oh. Now I'm sure this isn't the glove drawer.
Oh, my God! Who's gonna deliver my baby?
Honey, do something!
No baby, but it looks like|Carol's blowing a bubble.
- Peter, that's the head. Push! Push!|- I am! It won't go back in.
Not you, Peter. Carol, push. Peter, you pull.
Aagh!
- Oh, my God!|- What? What?
It's a beautiful baby girl.
A baby girl. I'm so happy!
But she has a penis.|We'll have to do something about that.
- Peter, no! It's a boy.|- Well, how do you like that!
Hey there, little fella.|Welcome to the planet Earth!
Coochie, coochie, coochie-coo!
(farts)
- He takes after his Uncle Peter.|- He's Carol's baby. Give him to her.
Oh, yeah.
Honey, you were fantastic. And you were|so cute when you were holding it.
I know. I didn't wanna give it up. Let's steal it.
No, wait. I got a better idea.
- Lois, let's have another baby.|- What?
- Sweetie, you're not serious?|- I sure am.
The best thing I've ever done is being a dad.
Peter, I think it's a wonderful idea.
Why haven't you sent for help?
I can't believe you wanna have another kid.
Did you find Chris and Meg's baby books?
Not yet. Hey, look at this, Lois.|It's our pet rock.
I remember the first day we brought it home.
See that? Huh? Huh?
Bad rock! Bad!
We do that outside.|Look at him. He knows what he did.
I found my baby book!
Hey, here's the broken condom|that led to my birth.
And the resulting lawsuit bought us|this house. You're my favourite mistake.
You see, Meg? I'm the favourite.
Ah, baby books. Nostalgic for the days|of chafed nipples and episiotomies?
- Somebody hasn't heard the news.|- News? What news?
What's the most wonderful thing|that could happen to this family?
The Phillies won.
- You're gonna have a baby brother.|- Or a sister.
A new baby. That's wonderful.|Call me when Kojak starts.
What?!
Another baby? But I'm the baby. Why|the deuce would they want to replace me?
My cheeks are pinchable, my bottom|is smooth, my laugh is heart-warming.
(laughs)
What's that? I certainly am not overreacting.
What happened to Bobby|when they added Oliver to The Brady Bunch?
- Oliver, did you break this vase?|- No, the floor did.
He's so cute.
- Hey, everybody! I...|- Bobby, you get back in the garage!
It can't happen. I was here first. Well,|technically third, but no time for semantics.
This is Stewie country,|and I intend to keep it that way.
As God is my witness, from this day forward,|Peter and Lois shall not conceive.
- What are you doing here?|- Peter and Lois are... getting intimate.
My God, I thought I had more time.|I've got to stop them.
Whaaa! Whaaa!
Mommy, Daddy, I had a bad dream!|I saw the bo...
Blast! What is that name again?|Bo... Bo... Bogeyman! Yes, that's it!
- I saw the bogeyman.|- Did someone have a bad dream?
Why don't you sleep|with Mommy and Daddy?
Peter, for God's sake. Stewie's right here.
We can still do it.|He'll just think I'm hurtin' ya.
Relax, honey. It's only for tonight.
(snores)
Roll over. Roll over, I say!
Smells like cheese.
- OK, insert rod support A into slot B.|- That's what...
If you say "That's what she said"|once more, I'll pop you.
What you buildin', neighbour?
We were keeping it a secret,|but you're my best friends, so I'll tell ya.
Lois and I are having another baby!
We are so throwing you a shower.
Fat man, we'll see if Lois|wants to have sexual relations
when she finds lipstick on your collar.
There we are.
Well, look at you there.
You're a filthy girl, aren't you?
Yes, you're looking for a bad time,|that's what you're after.
You're a dirty flirt. You want it bad|and you don't care who you get it from,
because you have no self-respect,|and that gets you off, doesn't it?
Stewie! Bad boy! That's Mommy's make-up.
And you got it all over your father's|favourite shirt. Go to your room.
Wow. The evidence is really piling up.
Make any joke you want.|You know I look good.
Oh, my God! They're at it again. All this time|spent keeping people from having sex!
Now I know how|the Catholic Church feels. Ba-zing!
Time to initiate phase two.
All right, testing voice modulator.|Blast, you vile woman!
- Blast, you vile woman.|- That won't do.
Pardon me, you with|severe aesthetic deficiencies.
- Hey, ugly!|- Excellent. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Sweet. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
Who's got beer?
- Where'd you go, my little pumpkin-eater?|- To the can. Kissing you made me barf.
- What?|- Dad, Meg keeps pushing me.
- Like I could! He's so fat.|- I'm not fat. I'm Rubenesque.
That's it. Your dad's had enough.
I want you kids to go and drink|the antifreeze in the garage.
I'm gonna chug it all|so there's none left for you.
- Watch it!|- Peter!
What?
Hey, Peter.
(imitates Sergeant Schultz)|I see nussing. Nussing.
I've had it with these interruptions.|All we want is time alone.
You kids go to your rooms|for the rest of the night.
I don't wanna go to my room.|There's an evil monkey in my closet.
Evil monkey! That's funny.
Agh!
This romantic dinner|was a wonderful idea, Peter.
You deserve it, my beautiful princess.
You know, I'm not wearing any panties.
Don't worry.|We can always throw that chair out.
Very well, then. If I can't stop them from|the outside, I'll stop them from the inside.
Oh, dear. I'm afraid you're in a no-fly zone.
As was your fate, Mr Fly, so is the fate|of every sperm in Peter's body.
Aagh!
Computer on.
30 minutes before ship re-expansion.
Just enough time to obliterate|all those little potential usurpers.
- Engine status.|- Nominal.
- Fuel supply.|- Full.
- Air supply.|- (" "Lost in Love" by Air Supply)
Very well. Through the lips, over the gums.|Look out, testicles, here I come!
"Lois
"You can't spell "love" without L-O
"You can't spell "is" without l-S
"You can't spell "silo" without Lois
And solo from the pet rock.
No! No! No!
Oh, God! Oh, God! Oh, God!
Warning: Host's oxygen levels rising.|Heart rate increasing.
My God. Either they're watching Batman|or they're doing the do.
(" Batman theme music)
If I'm to reach the testicles and destroy the|sperm before coitus, I must buy some time.
- Computer, location.|- 15mm northeast of the duodenum.
Very well. Fire phasers!
Oh, jeez! My duodenum's acting up.
Entering testicular perimeter.
Well, well. Do you know what today is?
A bad day to be a sperm.
What the deuce...?
- Well, it seems you're out of ammunition.|- As are you, Stewart.
- You know my name.|- I know many things.
- Indeed.|- Quite.
We should exchange monosyllabic|expressions of arrogance in person.
- Hm.|- Mm.
- Peter, I'm waiting.|- I'm comin'.
(" rumba)
- You came unarmed?|- As we agreed.
Admirable. But foolish!
It's going to be a shame|to destroy such a worthy adversary.
My thoughts exactly.
- I've got you in the sleeper hold.|- As I you.
Your attempts to escape are...
(yawns) Futile.
Well, well. Nap time appears to be over.
Finish me off. My one regret is that I won't be|able to do away with that red-headed woman.
What the...? How the devil|do you know about Lois?
You've seen that little gleam|in the fat man's eye? That twinkle?
That's me, plotting my escape.
You hate Lois? I hate Lois, too.|What else do you hate?
People who send pictures|of their families as Christmas cards.
- People who use the word "guestimate".|- Guys who wear sandals with socks.
Jason Patric. Ew!
Perhaps I've been looking|at this the wrong way.
I should embrace the idea|of having a little brother.
After all, it's obvious|we'd make quite a formidable team.
(beeps)
- Two minutes to re-expansion.|- Dear God! I'll never get out of here in time.
Move aside. I know a short cut.
Mm.
Mm.
(coughs)
Re-expansion in 60 seconds.
There's the tear duct.|We've gotta make him cry.
I think I know just the way.
Follow my lead.
(sings theme from|"An Officer and a Gentleman")
Oh, Peter. I love you.
And I love you, Lou Gossett Junior.
It worked. You've got to get|down there so you can be born.
10 seconds to re-expansion.
- I guess this is goodbye.|- For now.
When you're born, don't let the doctor|slap you on the ass. It degrades us all.
(beeps horn)
Give it to her good, old man.
Peter, wait. I've been thinking.
It's been a long time since|we had such a wonderful night.
It'll be impossible to spend time together|like this if we're raising another child.
I thought, you know,|Brian would do a lot of the work.
I don't know. I mean,|Stewie alone needs so much attention.
Maybe we should hold off|on having another baby.
- Yeah, you may be right.|- No, no! You must receive his seed!
- Look who's here!|- But, Lois, we still get to do it, right?
- Honey, not in front of Stewie.|- OK. Back in a minute.
No, no, no! Come back here this instant,|you fat bastard, and do her!
Stop! Stop it! Stop tickling me! Stop it!
I'll kill you, I swear to God!
(toilet flushes)
Wha... Wha... What did you just do?
- (sighs)|- No!
You killed my brother! How could you, you...!
Oh, my God! The twinkle. He's alive.
Well played, sperm brother. Well played.
He's more clever than I thought.
Perhaps too clever.
Visiontext Subtitles: Sally Lewis
ENGLISH SDH
Face 2004
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Family Guy 01x01 - Death Has a Shadow
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Family Man The
Family Viewing 1987
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Far From Heaven
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Farewell Home sweet Home (Otar Iosseliani 1999)
Fargo - 1996 CD1 25fps
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Farscape - 1x01 - Premiere
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Farscape - 1x05 - Back and Back and Back to the Future
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Farscape - 1x07 - PK Tech Girl
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Farscape - 1x11 - Till the Blood Runs Clear
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Farscape - 4x20 - We are So Screwed - Hot To Katratzi (Part 2)
Farscape - 4x21 - We are So Screwed - La Bomba (Part 3)
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Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2