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Frasier 01x04 - I Hate Frasier Crane

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He's doing it again. Must this dog stare at me all the time?
I don't know. Eddie, must you?
He must.
What is so fascinating about me?
Is my head a large piece of kibble?
Am I some sort of canine enigma?
Think about it. Get back to me.
Gents, dinner's up. Can I help you clear your papers?
No, I need these in order.
What is it?
An old case from the police force, the weeping lotus murder.
You're still trotting this out? He's been trying to solve this case for 20 years.
And I'm not stopping till I do.
Cops have an instinct. Mine tells me this case can be cracked.
There must be one small thing I keep overlooking.
There is, who the murderer was.
It's nice you're still so dedicated.
It's a hobby. Some guys build boats.
I figure out why a maniac kills a hooker
and stuffs her into a bowling bag.
It's relaxing.
- Hello, Niles. - Sorry I'm late.
Maris had a run-in with a rude Directory Assistance operator.
It shattered her calm.
Seems Maris is a bit high-strung. Maybe she should see someone.
She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling Directory Assistance?
Evening, Dr. Crane.
Hello, Daphne. Good to see you. An enchanting scent you're wearing.
Must be the ranch dressing.
- Won't Mrs. Crane be coming? - I'm afraid not.
And no more of this "Dr. and Mrs. Crane" formality.
To you, it's Niles and... uh...
- Maris. - Yes, Maris.
- Glad you could join us, Niles. - I wouldn't have missed it.
Well, the food's ready. Let's start.
- Well, enjoy. - Where are you going?
- In the kitchen. - Don't be ridiculous.
You can't eat by yourself in the kitchen. I'll join you.
We're all eating right here, like a family. End of discussion.
Well, isn't this nice? Feels just like home.
- I'm famished. - Me too.
You boys still say a prayer before you eat?
- Oh, almost without exception. - Yes, yes.
We thank you, Lord, for the food we're about to eat.
You've blessed our table with Your bounty.
Thank You, Lord, for bringing this family together.
We also thank You for Your other gifts.
May we always remember to share with those less fortunate.
- Stop staring! - I wasn't staring.
Amen.
Frasier, did you read Derek Mann's column? You were mentioned.
- No. - It wasn't flattering.
- Still, I'd like to have seen it. - Why didn't you say so?
Who's Derek Mann?
He writes that "Mann About Town" column. The things he says!
Sometimes, he's really funny. What did he say?
"I hate Frasier Crane."
- Oh, sorry. - That's it? "I hate Frasier Crane"?
Don't let it bother you.
It doesn't. I knew when I chose this career, I'd be open to criticism.
It's the price I pay for celebrity. But thank you for bringing the paper.
And for highlighting it in yellow.
- Who'd like some wine? - I would.
Daphne, the salad is exquisite.
- Why would he say that? - Must be the carrots.
Not the salad. Derek Mann. Why would he write that?
This attack is totally unwarranted. I'm a healer, for God's sake.
- Oh, for crying out loud. - I've every right to be upset.
I won't enjoy my dinner until this is in the trash.
- I wanted to save an article. - On what?
- Nothing. - Come on, I'm interested. Tell me.
It was about Margaret Thatcher's secret for growing zinnias. Happy?
Not really.
OK, Lorraine, calm down and listen to what I say. Will you do that?
- 'OK.' - Good girl. Your problem...
'Oh, gosh. That's call waiting. Do you mind if I take it? '
Go ahead.
It's certainly an interesting situation she's in. Don't you think so, Roz?
Yes.
'OK, I'm back.'
All right. Listen carefully to what I say. Your problem...
'Sorry. I'll be right back.'
For someone with so many problems, she certainly is popular.
'OK. Go ahead, Dr. Crane.'
'I don't believe it, another call! '
Hold it, you want to take that call for the same reason
you want to change your career and leave your boyfriend.
You're obsessed with what you think you're missing,
the "call on the other line".
You've got to take one call at a time from now on.
Fully explore each one in turn,
and you'll be a stronger person for it. Do you follow me?
'OK, I'm back! '
Thank you for your call.
Only a few minutes left. I'd like to end on a personal note.
As some of you may know, yesterday,
I was mentioned in Derek Mann's column.
He said, and I quote, "I hate Frasier Crane."
"I HATE Frasier Crane."
What trenchant criticism Move aside, Voltaire
Step back into the shadows, HL Mencken,
there's a new kid in town.
One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow
of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life
and pecked out this chef d'œuvre,
"I hate Frasier Crane."
A lesser critic would have wasted our time
by presenting a well-thought out, point-by-point,
constructive critique of this show.
But, no, not our Mr. Mann.
So, dear listeners, when Mr. Mann's column arrives on your doorstep,
read it, enjoy it, and above all, treasure it.
For, one day this man will join the pantheon of the immortals.
And, if we're lucky, it'll be one day soon.
I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
- Funny running into you here. - I'm always here.
- Have you seen today's 'Times'? - No.
Lucky for you, I saved it. Look at Derek Mann's column.
This is the second time in two days you've given me a paper.
Have you ever considered getting yourself a route?
- Hello. I don't think we've met. - We have, a few times, Roz Doyle.
Oh, of course. It was at the, uh...
It was during the, uh...
Well, I'm too successful to feel awkward. Where did we meet?
- The radio station. - Nice to see you again.
Apparently, Mr. Mann heard your programme.
So I see. "Yesterday, Dr. Frasier Crane got on my case
"for not giving a point-by-point criticism of his radio show.
"Well, he asked for it..."
- His entire column is about your show. - Not very flattering, either.
He even attacks your "dim-witted sidekick call screener".
That's me!
Oh, now I remember you.
"It's hard to say what to hate most about Crane's show,
"his pompous, sanctimonious style, his self-congratulatory references,
"or his voice, a mock sympathetic tone so sickly sweet,
"one wonders if he graduated from medical school
"or from some mind-controlling cult."
- It's continued on 12. - I've read enough!
- Can I get you anything? - How could he say something like that?
- It's my job. I'm a waiter. - We don't want anything, thank you.
In a few days, it'll blow over.
You're right.
To retaliate would be to stoop to his level.
The best response is no response at all.
Pompous and sanctimonious, am I?
Mann can't even write grammatical sentences.
Every five words there's one of his precious dot-dot-dots.
He must like making dots with the crayon he writes this drivel with!
Dr. Crane, we have Stewart who has a problem with delayed gratification.
Well, he's just gonna have to wait!
I don't know who Derek Mann thinks he is,
but if he thinks he can hide behind his paper like a school child behind a tree,
I say, let's expose this Derek Mann for what he is,
not a man at all, but half a man.
- What line is Stewart on? - He hung up.
I'm leaving all sorts of bodies in my wake today.
Let's see who's on line five. Hello, this is Dr. Frasier Crane. I'm listening.
- 'Good, 'cos I was listening, too.' - And you are?
'Derek Mann.'
I see.
'Look, nobody calls me half a man, especially some Ivy League twit.
'So what do you say we settle this... like men? '
Are you implying you want to fight me?
'No, I'm saying it.'
Fight as in a fist fight?
'No, I thought we'd throw pies at each other
'So are you up to it, or aren't YOU man enough? '
We'll be back after these messages.
We're back. We have a surprise caller, Derek Mann.
'What's it gonna be? You gonna fight me or not? '
- You can't be serious. - 'Just as I figured. You're chicken.'
No, I don't think civilized people behave that way.
Maybe our listeners have an opinion. Who's on the line?
Lines one to eight are people who think you're chicken.
- 'You're chicken, Crane. Admit it.' - I'm not chicken!
We are mature, thinking people, not cavemen.
You want a fight so bad, name the time and place.
'Kinsley Square, outside your office, by the old statue, noon tomorrow.
'Don't back out.'
I won't.
Don't you back out, either, because I know where your office is, too,
and I know where you live, and I'll track you down!
Who else wants a piece of me?
Having a look at that murder case again?
Yeah, I dug out the old crime scene photos.
Don't be a greedy guts. Let's have a look.
Her name was Helen.
Yeah, it was.
You must have seen that on some of my papers.
No, I just got this feeling when I touched the picture.
- You're putting me on. - She had a lot of men in her life.
No kidding. She was a hooker.
No, I mean she had four brothers.
That's amazing. She did have four brothers.
What else are you getting?
Tell me more.
I can't just turn it on and off like a faucet.
Give it a try, please. What else are you getting?
Nothing... No, wait.
- I see a man. - Yeah?
A well-dressed man. He's wearing wing tips and a trench coat.
Yeah, yeah.
He's getting off an elevator. He's walking down a long hallway.
She doesn't know he's coming. He's opening the door.
Hello, everyone.
Sometimes I get me signals crossed.
- What's going on? - Unless you killed a hooker, not much.
We heard your show. I loved the way you handled that Derek Mann.
Especially when he challenged you to a fight and you stood up to him.
- Yes, I did, didn't I? - Boy, I can't wait to see that.
I'm not actually gonna go through with it, Dad.
- What are you talking about? - I already won our little war of words.
How would I benefit by having a fist fight?
Maybe I'm misunderstanding.
He challenged you, and you're backing down?
Mature people should use their intellect to settle differences.
A man doesn't just turn and run.
- Are you encouraging me to fight? - You gave him your word.
I didn't know what I was saying. I hadn't had lunch.
I might've known this would happen. It's Billy Kriezel all over again.
What did you say?
Something about a Billy Kriezel.
That was 30 years ago.
- Who's Billy Kriezel? - A kid who tormented me.
So Frasier made fun of Billy's crew cut.
He started it. He made fun of the elbow patches on my blazer.
They were supposed to fight
after school only "Patches" didn't show up.
I had a clarinet lesson!
You don't need to remind me. Billy's dad was a cop, too.
The guys rode me about that for years.
Every time I couldn't make it for a drink, they'd say, "Got a clarinet lesson?"
Couldn't you have met Billy after the clarinet lesson?
Daphne, could you excuse us for a moment?
Of course. I have a feeling I'm going to be excused a lot in this house.
I am sorry if I embarrassed you
for not fighting Billy Kriezel 30 years ago.
The situation is not the same now.
I'm adult, I've been to med school, I have a position in this city.
- I don't resort to brawling. - You accepted the man's challenge.
You won't be happy until I have a black eye.
I just want you to do what you said you'd do.
You can talk about your medical school, your intellect, your place in this city...
But you know what? It's all one big clarinet lesson.
I can't even look at you.
So I step out of the shower, I look out the window,
and I notice the garbage man looking at me.
I say, "Did you get a good look?" He says, "No. Turn around."
He smiles, and he's missing a tooth. That's when the romance went out of it.
Why are you telling me this?
To get your mind off the fact that in five minutes
you're going to get your clock cleaned.
Did it occur to you that I might win?
Your shoe's untied.
If you fell for that one, you're going down,
and you're going down hard.
Frasier, there's quite a crowd out there.
Secretaries with bag lunches, children with balloons.
- All that's missing is a mariachi band. - They're setting up.
I'd better go find a place in the crowd.
I'll be off to the left if you tear his ear off and want to throw it to me.
As your brother and as your friend, why are you doing this?
- It's Billy Kriezel. - Where?
He's not here, Niles.
- I ran away from him when I was ten. - I remember.
You know, and I've been running ever since.
Well, this is where it stops. I'm not running any more.
What is it that makes us Crane boys such targets?
Chalk it up to random violence.
- Hey, there. - Dad, what are you doing here?
I said some things that went over the line.
Dad, if you're worried that you talked me into something
that I wasn't ready to do, you're wrong.
I... I'm doing this for myself.
Good.
Who told you that I was going through with it?
Let's just say a father knows certain things about his son.
Good news. I parked on a broken meter. We're getting a freebie.
Good luck with the fight.
Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions?
Actually, yes, but don't worry. I'm frequently wrong.
Frasier, there's something I want you to see.
There, the man standing to the left of the statue.
I recognize him from the paper. That's Derek Mann.
He's gigantic.
My God, you could show a movie on his back.
Sure you wanna go through with it?
- Yes... Yes, I am. - Good.
You'll be fine. Remember, this is a street fight,
so fight dirty and throw the first punch.
I find that a knee to the groin does the trick.
Any doubts, check with a fellow in Manchester named Nigel Tavers.
If we want an unobstructed view...
I prefer if you guys stay here.
Whatever you want.
- Well, wish me luck. - Go, champ. That a boy.
They got a band out there.
I have to get their card. I need someone for our summer barbecue.
Look, they're starting to fight.
They're just sizing each other up.
Come on, Frasier, hit him first!
- Is that the police? - What are they doing here?
They're breaking it up.
OK, I'm coming peacefully. Let me get my jacket.
I'm not arresting you.
But I warn you, in this town, we don't settle our differences with street fights.
- You'll have no more trouble from me. - OK.
Dad, did you see me? My hands are trembling.
My chest is pounding, my knees are like jelly. I feel great!
You did good.
I was out there. I was ready. You saw that, right?
- You would have kicked his butt. - From here to Tacoma.
I say we celebrate. A round of victory lattes on me.
Thanks, Harry. I owe you one.
You cut it close, Frasier was almost eating sidewalk.
- I'm missing lunch for this. - You could stand to miss a few.
Some of the guys are having a beer. Why don't you come?
Maybe I will. You know why I will?
'Cos the Crane boys don't take clarinet lessons any more.
What are you talking about?
Oh, that's right. You weren't in my precinct.
Baby, I hear the blues a-calling
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
Oh, my!
And maybe I seem a bit confused
Well, maybe... but I got you pegged!
But I don't know what to do with
Those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
They're calling again
Thank you!
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Friends - 02x22 - the one with two parties
Friends - 02x24 - the one with barry and mindys wedding
Friends - 10x01 - TOW After Joey And Rachel Kiss
Friends - 10x02 - TOW Where Ross Is Fine
Friends - 10x03 - TOW Ross Tan
Friends - 10x04 - TOW the cake
Friends - 10x05 - TOW Rachels Sister Babysits
Friends - 10x06 - TOW Rosss Grant
Friends - 10x07 - TOW The Home Study
Friends - 10x08 - TOW the late Thanksgiving
Friends - 10x09 - TOW the birth mother
Friends - 10x10 - TOW Chandler Gets Caught
Friends - 10x11 - TOW The Stripper Cries
Friends - 10x12 - TOW Phoebes Wedding
Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2