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Frasier 01x06 - The Crucible

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You're listening to KACL,
780 on your AM dial.
This is Dr. Frasier Crane.
Our lines are open. So please give us a call.
I'm just sitting here waiting.
Seattle, come on, I know you're out there.
I realise it's a sunny day,
but on the rainy days I was there for you.
All right, if that's the way you want it, you leave me no recourse.
When the moon hits your eye Like a big pizza...
Ah, seems I got you going there, OK! All right, then.
I knew you were out there.
OK, Roz, who do we have?
We have Gary on line two. He and his wife had a fight.
Sorry to hear that, Gary. I'm listening.
'My wife's hell-bent on going to Italy this year.'
Ah, Italia!
The rolling hills of Toscana, the art of Firenze,
the passion that is Venezia!
'Yeah, well, anyway, I like taking a vacation as much as the next guy,
'but if we dip into our savings,
'we should buy a new sump pump for the basement... '
Let me stop you there. I'm siding with your wife here.
'But it's 1,800 bucks, without the Splendours of the Vatican package.'
There is more to life than sump pumps.
Whatever happened to feeding our souls?
I purchased a painting by one of our premier artists.
Oh, it's not important who. Well, it's Seattle's own Martha Paxton.
Practical, no, but...
Ever since acquiring that painting, I look at it every day
and every time I do, I'm uplifted by its beauty.
So, Gary, go to Italy.
Bring back a suitcase full of memories. Will you do that?
'I still think I should get the sump pump.'
Well, then yes, Gary, you... You should get the sump pump.
We'll be right back after this newsbreak.
Roz? Uh, just what is a sump pump?
If you need one, you'll know.
Do you own a Paxton or were you blowing sunshine up Gary's skirt?
- Yes, indeed, I do own a Paxton. - She's on line three.
A pre-eminent neo-fauvist and you put her on hold!
Well, the phone rang, I...
Ms. Paxton, oh, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting.
Well, thank you!
Yes. I'm very flattered that you listen to my little show.
Yes, I meant every word.
That's lovely. I'd like to meet you, too, sometime.
I'm having a few friends over for a little gathering this Friday night
for some cocktails and such.
I suppose you're far too... You would? Oh, that's marvellous!
It's the Elliott Bay Towers,
on the counterbalance, around 7:00 is fine.
Well, I'll see you then. Ciao!
- I didn't know about your cocktail party. - That makes two of us.
Me theory on death is, you're whisked down a dark tunnel
towards a white light and you get all the jokes you never got before.
You let out a little chuckle and then you die.
Delightful story, but I think the toast points need replenishing.
Be right on it.
Enchanting.
Why is no-one eating the mousseline of duck?
You mangy little cur! Get! Get! Get! Oh!
Now we know why.
The dog is eating the food, the pianist is too intrusive,
the Pinot Noir is far too stagy...
- It's 7:05, and Martha isn't here. - I won't have to sedate you, will I?
No, I'm just on edge. I want everything to be perfect.
Where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
She's on your bed... asleep under the guests' coats.
She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
- She should be looking after Dad! - He's in the bathroom.
That must be... La Paxton!
And fashionably late, of course!
Oh, hi, Roz, it's you.
- And you look radiant! - I look like crap.
I stained my dress, over-plucked one eyebrow,
and the crotch of my pantyhose is creeping down to my knees.
Why not do it on the elevator?
Oh, my goodness, you've got a neck!
What do you think? Is it how you imagined?
To be frank, I don't spend my idle hours imagining how you live.
But I did expect lots of beige. And look, I was right.
- Would you like a drink? - Sure, something light.
Double bourbon, rocks, and spill a little in the glass.
Oh, Daphne, you're here, too.
My goodness, shouldn't you be mixing?
Don't mind me. I'm just getting some ice.
- Lovely party, isn't it? - Yes, it is.
This fresh fennel smells wonderful, doesn't it?
It certainly does.
Dr. Crane, were you sniffing my hair?
Why would I do that? I'm married, I love my Maris.
- Where should I put this coat? - Just throw it on the bed.
So, which one is your dad?
He's the gentleman showing Bethany Van Pelt the photographs.
Oh, my God!
When we got to her, it was hanging by two tendons.
Would you excuse us, please?
Stop showing crime scene photos.
She was the one who brought it up!
Oh, yeah, the Junior League head brought up the subject of a hooker
who was dismembered and scattered in a warehouse?
She asked, "Are these meatballs the messiest thing you've ever seen?"
- And I said "no... - Dad, please!
All right, but stop shadowing me! I don't need a nursemaid!
All right, just give me your word.
Watch him!
Hi, Niles. You may not remember me...
I do! Be a love and watch that man with a cane.
Everyone!
Dr. Crane?
- I'm Martha Paxton. - Of course. Who else could you be?
Welcome to my salon.
Everyone, your attention please!
Let's welcome our guest of honour, the renowned artist, Martha Paxton!
- May I take your... poncho? - No, I never take it off at parties.
- So I don't have to shake hands. - How delightfully eccentric.
You must meet my brother Niles. Oh, Niles!
Ms. Paxton? Dr. Niles Crane. It's an honour to shake your hand.
Well, to shake anything of yours is an honour.
Now, where did you hang my painting?
I'd like to know how people live with my work.
"Live with my work." I love that phrase. This way, please.
This is the perfect spot for an ideal viewing. Oh, God...
I've waited so long for this moment. I'll let you describe your work,
"Elegy In Green," in your own words.
You insinuate the palette but never lean on it.
You've captured the Zeitgeist!
It's the most perfect canvas I've gazed upon.
One can only imagine what inspired you to paint it!
I didn't paint it.
Well, of course you didn't. You created it, you gave birth to it.
I didn't do anything to it. I never saw this painting before.
And you thought I was going to embarrass you.
- I liked your friend, Roz. - What?
Roz, at the party tonight. Nice gal. Ask her out.
She's great-looking and she can really hold her liquor.
Dad, you mind? I've had the most humiliating evening.
I've been made a fool of by this... this thing.
I may be just a girl from Manchester, but I have to tell you.
Even though it's not a Paxton, I really like it.
I liked it before I even knew who Martha Paxton was and, frankly,
I don't think that woman bathes.
Enjoy it while you can, because it's going back to the dealer.
I'll demand my money back.
No one takes advantage of Frasier Crane!
You're upset. I'll return it for you.
I appreciate the gesture, but what do you know about the art world?
Apparently about as much as you do.
I can see the love in your eyes.
You must have this painting. - Are you the owner?
- Yes, I am, Philip Hayson. - I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
- I have a little... - The Dr. Frasier Crane on the radio?
Guilty, yes.
My wife and I love your show. Could I have your autograph?
But speaking of autographs, I have a problem with this painting.
- Would you like a glass of wine? - Actually...
We toured the Loire Valley and we bought four cases of this.
It's quite extraordinary.
- I'd rather not have any wine... - Just a moment, just...
- Oh, it finishes well. - Would you like more?
No, thank you. I gave a small soiree which Martha Paxton attended
and she told me that this painting was not her work.
I can imagine how embarrassing that was.
- I doubt it. - Let's take a look at that
in a slightly better light, shall we?
Oh, yes, I remember this. It's breathtaking.
Ronald, Diane, will you step in here?
Remember when this piece was in the gallery, everyone wanted it?
Yes, it's special.
Mrs. Chitcherelli wanted to buy it.
Yes, but it's not a Paxton.
It says here that it is a Paxton. The signature...
Martha Paxton says it's not a Paxton!
- Oh, Martha! How is the old dear? - She and I go back a long way.
- Is she still...? - As a melon, yes.
- More wine? - No, I want to discuss this painting.
- Some brie? - No, I don't want any brie.
I want my money back!
That's where things might just get a bit prickly.
We have a strict policy here. All sales are final.
- You'll make an exception. - I can't.
- But it's a forgery. - If it is, it's a damn good one.
I'll make this simple, I want my money.
I'm sure you do.
Oh, I know what you're doing.
You're agreeing with me, hoping I'll tire and leave.
- Whatever you say. - I don't believe it.
You're shining me on!
Where is the justice in this?
If you ever find justice in this world, let me know, will you?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do.
Did a crate of freshly painted Rembrandts just arrive?
You're not getting away with this. I am not leaving!
I thought you were going to return it.
They wouldn't take it back.
All I got was a cheap glass of wine. Loire Valley, my ass.
- Now what? - I'll call the police.
- 555-3000. - Thanks.
Try to mess with Dr. Frasier Crane.
Hello... Oh, just a second. Dad, who do I ask for?
Fine Arts Forgery Department.
Hello, yes, the Fine Arts Forgery Department, please.
Dad! They're laughing at me.
Give me the phone.
Hi, who's this? Hey, Doris! Yeah, Marty Crane.
Yeah, that was my son.
I just thought he needed a bite of a reality sandwich.
Yeah, give my best to the guys. Thanks. Yeah, bye.
- What was that? - They handle murders and robberies.
No time for artsy-fartsy stuff.
What am I supposed to do? I've been cheated!
What were you doing back there?
Maris lost her earring. Daphne crawled under the bed to look for it while I...
Yes?
...searched the credenza.
Maybe it was trampled into the hallway carpet
when everybody stampeded for the elevator.
No one stampeded! Good guests just know when to leave.
- Two hours early. - Shut up!
Does this foul mood mean you were unable to unload the bogus Paxton?
Yes.
What's the name of that vicious lawyer you use?
The one I used to sue the contractor or to sue the personal trainer?
- The meanest. - The second one.
- I used him to sue the first one. - Give me his number.
Forget it. Five years of litigation will be eight times the painting's price.
- I hate lawyers! - They make wonderful patients.
They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.
I know, I can use my radio show.
I can use my bully pulpit to expose that man for the fraud he is!
They'll sue you for slander.
Where is the justice? Where can I turn to?
I'm a beloved household name and I've been screwed!
You're 41. It's time you learned something.
The system ain't perfect.
Sometimes the bad guy wins and things you thought would help you,
the courts and the police, aren't there when you need them.
So let it eat a hole in your stomach
or file it away under the heading "Sometimes life sucks".
That file's getting pretty thick.
So Hayson just gets away with it.
He's sitting there with his wine and his little chuckle at my expense.
I see why people take matters into their own hands.
It would be so satisfying
to just slash his tyres or throw a brick through his window!
To show that you can't get away with this.
I know you would never resort to that sort of thing.
Would you, Frasier?
There's a vein throbbing in your forehead.
I couldn't find it, but I'll try something else.
Give me the other earring. Maybe I'll get something.
Oh, yes, I'm getting a feeling. It's in your father's room.
No, It's in Dr. Crane's room.
No... Oh, this is odd. Now it's in the hallway.
Eddie!
Good evening. Lovely night, isn't it?
Yes, well, uh... Good night.
- Get in the car. - What are you doing here?
- Stopping you from being stupid. - I know this is wrong,
but it's the only thing left for me!
All right, Frasier. Just give me the brick and no one will get hurt.
- It's none of your business. - It is.
- How. - Remember in school
when somebody took my clothes while I showered?
They hung them from the goalpost.
I had to get a ladder and climb up there wearing only a towel, wet and shivering.
Then the towel fell off.
There I was, hanging naked from a goalpost, and everyone was laughing,
and Coach Medwick just stood there going... Whatever that means.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I was so humiliated.
I went home, I cried my eyes out. I swore I would get even.
I was just about to put sugar into Coach Medwick's gas tank,
and you stopped me.
You said, "If you act like a barbarian, you will become one."
I said that? - Actually, you were more verbose.
I had to listen while you were sitting on my chest.
- Give me the brick, Frasier. - And let him get away with this?
What the gallery owner did was wrong and humiliating.
But if you throw that brick,
you will have lost something more valuable than your money.
You will have lost... your mind. You can't do this!
If you could show restraint after so much humiliation,
not to mention the nicknames...
- Nicknames. There were nicknames? - You didn't know that?
Dear God. Peachfuzz, Jingle Bells... I can't remember the rest.
- "Peachfuzz"? - Coach Medwick made that one up.
Well, anyway, here you are. I won't be needing this any more.
I'm proud of you.
- What have you done? - Nobody calls me Peachfuzz!
Now let's get the hell out of here!
What are you doing?
We may be barbarians, but we pay for our pillaging.
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Baby, I hear the blues a-calling
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
Oh, my
Maybe I seem a bit confused
Yeah, maybe... but I got you pegged!
But I don't know what to do with those
Tossed salads and scrambled eggs
They're calling again
Scrambled eggs all over my face
What is a boy to do?
Frasier has left the building.
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Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2