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Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes

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Look at this. My so-called windproof umbrella. Look! Look!
l'd have fared just as well with one of those paper ones.
l collect those. They remind me of great evenings l can't remember.
- City College wants you to lecture. - Fine. Just tell me the date.
OK. St Bartholomew's Hospital wants you at their benefit.
- Pass. - Turning down a hospital?
Yes. Don't look at me that way.
l'm with you. l hate how whiny, sick people are always nagging.
''l want a magazine. l want a kidney.''
Roz, l sympathise as much as you do, which is why l said yes last year.
l bought an Armani tuxedo, wrote a speech, put off a visit to Frederick.
Then they didn't need me. Their first choice had become available.
The irrepressible Kathie Lee Gifford.
- Way to hold a grudge! - This is not about spite.
This is about dignity, a rare and fragile thing. Anything else?
- Judging the Miss Seattle Pageant? - l'll do that.
- That's dignified. - A scholarship is involved.
All right. You're on in ten seconds.
Look, we have new sponsors. Work this copy in as often as you can.
Good afternoon, Seattle. This is Dr Frasier Crane. KACL 780.
lt's a grey, depressing day in the Emerald City.
Let's hope we can brighten up your afternoon.
We hold it our duty to banish your rainy day blues.
First, a message from a new sponsor.
''Death is inevitable.
''But it's especially painful when it claims a beloved pet.
''lf you've lost, or are planning to lose...
''...a cherished dog, cat or bird,
''let Pet Paradise console you with a memorial
''bearing the likeness of your departed friend.
''Pet Paradise. Though your pet may be small, your loss is great.''
- Who's our first caller, Roz? - Edna.
She's a receptionist at a pest control firm. She's depressed.
Hello, Edna. l'm listening.
(Edna) 'Hello, Dr Crane. l've worked in pest control for 1 5 years.
'l go in every day, answer the same calls, ask the same questions.
'''What kind of bugs? Have you seen any droppings?''
'Then l go to the next person. ''What kind of bugs?'''
Edna, l can sense where this is going.
Even the most interesting life can become routine.
You need to shake up your world.
Find a new boyfriend, a new job, a new city.
- 'You mean, move?' - Well...
There are easier places to cheer up than this dreary, soggy city of ours.
'Dr Crane, you're right. l don't have to stay here.
'When you think about it, there's a whole world of vermin out there.'
Eloquently put, Edna. Thank you.
Speaking of vermin... ''When that special rat of yours
''turns its toes up for the last time,
''don't forget your friends at Pet Paradise.
''Pet Paradise. When a shoe box isn't enough.''
Another radiant morning.
What do you think, Dad? Should l drive to work or hail a gondola?
l like rain. lt gets those squeegee guys off the street.
Now, stay put until l can dry off your feet.
There. That ought to do it.
Daphne, get that hat off him. lsn't it bad enough we had him neutered?
At this rate, l don't think l'm going to have children.
Just let me dress up the dog.
l've never seen him look that stupid.
You'll change your tune when you see his St Patrick's Day outfit.
Hey, Derek Mann mentioned you in his column.
''l listen to Frasier Crane because l'm trying to drop a few pounds.
''His voice is an effective appetite suppressant.''
- How witty. - l thought so, too.
Give me that.
''Yesterday he advised an unhappy woman
''that she could cure her depression by leaving Seattle.
''lt would cure my depression if the Seattle-hating Dr Crane
''would take his own advice and leave town.''
- Ludicrous! l never said that. - Yes, you did.
You said Seattle was dreary and she should leave town.
lt was one of several suggestions taken out of context.
- Apologise. - What for?
For insulting Seattle. People take pride in it.
They don't want you telling them it's rainy and depressing.
lf you hadn't noticed, it gets a bit damp here.
For God's sake, the state flower is mildew.
Listen, a city's like a woman.
Get one mad at you and it doesn't matter who's right.
You apologise or you'll be paying forever.
- l don't care for that analogy. - l'm sorry. l was way out of line.
All right, you're forgiven.
Dad, to you, everything is like a woman.
A fast car, a romantic song... A good meat loaf is like a woman.
A city is not like a woman, it's like a city. And l'm not apologising.
lf you don't understand, Seattle does.
Seattle loves Frasier Crane.
(Thunders)
- Hello, Father Mike. - Hello.
Dr Crane was not bashing Seattle.
He was sincerely trying to help that woman.
Who's our sponsor? Pet Paradise.
Go ahead and boycott them.
See how easy it is to flush your dead dog down the toilet.
Was that a complaint about the rain thing?
l've been on the phone all morning.
Forgive me. l'll stick to subjects like suicide
and stay away from controversial stuff like weather.
- Hello? - Hey, Doc, l need some advice.
l feel a cold coming on. Should l take vitamin C or leave Seattle?
l hope you're happy. The switchboard has had over 50 irate calls.
50? Damn! You broke my record.
The most l got was 35 on my commentary,
''Lady umpires: finally a chest worth protecting.''
- Frasier, think about apologising. - l would if l'd said anything wrong.
l've got half a dozen calls that say you did.
l don't want to talk to them.
l don't know how to break this to you, but it's a call-in show!
(Woman) 'How can you say Seattle is depressing?
'l've spent 40 years here, working the graveyard shift at a salmon cannery.
'And, let me tell you, you fatheaded moron,
'l'm the most cheerful person you'll ever meet.'
Certainly the most cheerful one l've met today.
Alas, we're out of time.
l'd like to say, as l've been saying for three hours,
that it was not my intent to cause offence.
Since it seems obvious that l have, l would like to apologise.
l do not find Seattle depressing.
lt would take more than clouds to obscure her beauty
and more than drizzle to dampen the warmth and fellowship
that make Seattle the only place l care to call home.
Till Monday, then, this is Dr Frasier Crane, signing off.
Good grief! Have you ever heard such whiny, provincial crybabies?
This city has lost its rain-addled mind!
Dr Crane, we're still on the air.
Thank you, Roz.
Now, we're off.
(Niles) l believe this goes here and that attaches there.
Are you sure you don't want me to try?
No, you might crack a nail or snag a cuticle.
- There. Are we getting anything? - Does annoyed count?
Hush. lf you hadn't bashed it with your cane when the Seahawks lost,
we wouldn't need a new set. lsn't there a manual?
Yes, but unfortunately, Stephen Hawking isn't here to explain it.
- l thought the winds had eased. - They have.
- What happened to your umbrella? - A listener recognised me.
He pulled it through a fence.
You would not believe the hostility, even at the Café Nervosa.
l thought l heard a new cappuccino maker, l saw three tables hissing!
(Phone )
- Don't answer it. - l can't abide a ringing phone.
lt's another crank. They've been calling all day.
Oh, no! They've got my number?
So, the phone rings. We don't have to answer it.
Although it could be Frederick, or Grammy Moon to say her hip's out.
We can't be slaves to a bell.
Just because it's going ring...ring...ring!
or, in the case of a British phone, ring-ring...ring-ring
ring-ring...ring-ring!
- Just answer it! - Thank you!
Crane residence.
He can't come to the phone. May l take a message?
Nice language, that! l hope you don't eat with that mouth.
Daphne, excuse me. How dare you speak to a lady that way!
Well, that's no excuse, ma'am.
Only cowards make threats by phone. l dare you to say that to my face!
Never mind where l live.
(Door rattles)
ls anyone expecting visitors?
l suggest we all remain very quiet.
l have this image of angry villagers wielding torches and pitchforks.
- Frasier, open up! lt's Roz. - lt's worse than l thought.
- Why are you out in this weather? - l called, but your line is busy.
- Hey, Roz. - Hey, Martin. How are you?
- Good. - New TV?
Got it hooked up yet?
No. l let Niles take a crack at it first.
God! Martin, you're awful.
Frasier, the station manager came by.
lf you can't smooth this over, he may have to suspend you.
- What would he put in my time slot? - The best of Crane.
What will they do the second day?
How can l smooth it over? This city is out to lynch me.
A guy cancelled on me cos l work for you. You're alienating my boyfriends.
We can't afford to lose a demographic as large as that.
We need damage control.
lt's not too late to call St Bart's Hospital and do their benefit.
- After the way they treated me? - There will be lots of media.
lt's a chance to redeem yourself.
- Listen to Roz. - Dad!
- Take my advice. - l did. l apologised.
Oh, so sincerely!
You'll make a few jokes and self-deprecating remarks,
help sick people and show you can laugh at yourself.
- l think it's a brilliant suggestion. - Niles, did you compliment me?
lndeed l did. You're very sawy, Roz.
You remind me of those amoral PR flacks
who sell their services to industries that pollute.
- You think it's a good idea? - lt worked for Nancy Reagan.
She was widely criticised for lavish spending,
so she appeared at a dinner in thrift store clothes
and performed ''Second Hand Rose''.
- That made people like her again? - Yes, briefly.
Tell them l'll MC. Better yet, l'll take a table at the banquet.
l have. Give the nuns 800 bucks.
- 800! - Don't mess with them.
l'm in a precarious position. l must choose my material carefully.
- l know some good jokes. - No, Niles. You don't.
lf you need jokes, use some of mine.
Oh, yes. l'm sure the nuns would love that.
And l'll ask call Bulldog and ask for a couple of limericks.
l'll call Father Mike. l'm sure he knows some inoffensive jokes.
Hello. Yes, well, l don't care how you feel.
l want to use the phone right now.
Your grandmother's hip is out.
Just kidding! Kidding!
l do hope you'll have some humorous stories for us,
though, of course, nothing too racy or risqué.
- l wouldn't dream of it. - Good.
Last year, Kathie Lee Gifford told a most unfortunate story
involving newlyweds and a ski lift.
Hello, all. Thank you for coming out for such a good cause.
St Bart's did my hip surgery. They treated me good.
l just saw Frasier. He seems nervous.
There's a lot riding on this.
Thank goodness he's got that sweet old nun there to comfort him.
She's not sweet. lt's Sister Joselia, the scrubbing nun.
- ''The Terror of Ward Three''. - You still remember her?
You know the nightmare where l scream, ''Not the sponge!''?
That's her!
- As a girl, l considered being a nun. - What changed your mind?
l didn't want to work weekends.
- Where did Maris go? - Mrs Crane is over there.
She's cornered Lydia Beaumont, head of the museum board.
- Maris wants to get on the board. - Lydia's getting away.
The ''freshen-the-drink'' ploy. Lydia has no idea with whom she's dealing.
Chug that sherry, Maris. On with the chase! Yes!
She's gaining! lt's Mrs Beaumont and Maris...
And yes! They meet again.
They'll be board-mates before the dessert.
- Evening, everyone. - We were saying you look confident.
- Really? - Absolutely! Forehead.
- You memorise the jokes l gave you? - Yes. That's why l look so confident.
Shouldn't they have started?
We're waiting for the Bishop who's introducing me.
He'll be here any minute. Break a leg.
Remember, keep smiling and look like you're having a good time.
- Right. - lf a joke bombs, pay no attention.
Do what Johnny Carson did, make a joke about it.
''Bomb-o!'' Boy, l miss that guy!
Your dad's right. Go up and be confident.
l will, after l find a men's room.
- lt's butterflies in your stomach. - Not for long! l'll be back.
Good evening.
l'm Father Mike Mancuso and l've just been asked
to make a very sad announcement.
Every year, our speaker has been introduced by Bishop Cologie,
our chairman and host of the cable TV show ''Pancakes and Parables''.
We've just heard that the Bishop has had a terrible accident.
He was out fishing this afternoon
when his boat was hit by a storm and capsized.
At the moment, he remains missing. l'll keep you informed.
Why does everything happen to Frasier?
Devastated as we are, we know what this evening means to the Bishop
and how he'd delight in entertaining us
with his biblical hand shadows.
We also know he would be the first to insist that we proceed without him.
So, l'm going to step in and introduce our speaker.
Won't you extend a cordial and gracious welcome
to my friend and colleague, Dr Frasier Crane.
Dr Crane? Dr Crane?
Ah!
Thank you very much, Father Mike.
lt's an honour to be here.
l expected the Bishop to introduce me but l'm sure he'll drift in soon.
lt's a real comfort to see so many priests out in the audience.
l don't dare speak in public
without someone standing by who can perform the last rites.
Whoa! Very religious crowd, l see.
l can tell because of the vow of silence.
Got some holy water, Father? l'm dying here.
And speaking of water, that reminds me of a little story.
A rabbi, a minister and a priest
are all sitting at the bar on the Titanic.
Dr Crane! The Bishop!
l heard the story with a priest, but what the heck? A bishop's funnier!
Thank you, Sister. OK, then...
A rabbi, a minister and a bishop...
...are at the bar when the purser rushes in with the news...
Frasier, the Bishop is lost at sea!
Are you telling this story or am l?
- Frasier... - l work alone, lady, all right?
Anyway, the purser rushes in with the horrible news about the boat.
The rabbi says, ''My people need me.''
The minister is leaving when the priest says... Sorry, the bishop...
...says, ''Have another drink. The rabbi can handle it.''
The minister says, ''You abandon your flock when we've hit an iceberg?''
The bishop says, ''An iceberg? l thought he said we hit a Weisberg!''
Hello? ls this thing on?
Bomb-o!
# Baby, l hear the blues a-calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# Oh, my!
# And maybe l seem a bit confused Yeah, maybe...but l got you pegged!
# But l don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# They're calling again
# Scrambled egg's all over my face!
# What is a boy to do? #
Thank you!
Face 2004
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Fame
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Farscape - 4x02 - What Was Lost (Part 1) - Sacrifice
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Frasier 01x12 - Miracle On Third Or Fourth Street
Frasier 02x01 - Slow Tango in South Seattle
Frasier 02x02 - The Unkindest Cut of All
Frasier 02x03 - Commentary by Director David Lee and Writer Joe Keenan
Frasier 02x03 - The Matchmaker
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Frasier 02x05 - Dukes We Hardly Knew You
Frasier 02x06 - The Botched Language of Cranes
Frasier 02x07 - The Candidate
Frasier 02x08 - Adventures in Paradise Part 1
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Frasier 02x10 - Burying a Grudge
Frasier 02x11 - Seat of Power
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Frasier 02x13 - Retirement is Murder
Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice
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Frasier 02x16 - The Show Where Sam Shows Up
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Frasier 02x21 - An Affair to Forget
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Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2