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Frasier 02x14 - Fool Me Once Shame on You Fool Me Twice

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Allow me.
You're welcome.
When did everyone become so boorish?
Sometimes, l think l'm the only person with any sense of refinement.
Oh, smell my hands.
Thank you, no.
l'm so proud. l had to stop for gas, and l pumped it myself.
- lt's part of a new kick l'm on. - What?
l'm learning to be handy.
l depend too much on others, so l'm doing it myself.
Feel that. Surely the start of a first-rate callus.
- You left this in your booth. - Thank you.
- What is it? - A tape l rented for Dad.
lt's our new Wednesday ritual.
Dad makes chilli, we watch an Angie Dickinson movie and l wish l was dead.
- You should join us. - No, l got my first work shirt today
and tonight, l'm tackling the squeaky hasp on my cigar humidor.
Be sure to wear your hernia belt.
Roz, will you join us?
No, l'll just go sit over here.
Are you trying to avoid me?
Yes. You took a year to learn my name.
- You always make snide remarks. - Name one.
You told me my bedroom was easier to get into than a community college.
l was hoping you'd name that one.
l've got half a mind to...
Just hold on! You got off on the wrong foot.
lf you two had a real conversation, you'd hit it off famously.
You sit and l will go and get your coffee.
So, how are you?
- Fine. You? - Great.
l'm handy now.
So...that's a nice jacket.
- Thank you. - lt's offbeat.
What does that mean? ''Offbeat''?
- Well... - l know. Offbeat as in cheap.
l'm not rich enough to shop at the lnternational House of Tight Ass
like you and Maris the Heiress.
- That is what you meant, right? - Yes, but l didn't think you'd get it.
- Then you were insulting me. - You got in some good shots, too.
l did, didn't l?
l'm so glad we did this!
Sometimes l'm such a good therapist, l scare myself.
- Where's my briefcase? - lsn't it under your chair?
Someone must have taken it!
Frasier, look, there it is!
- Excuse me. - Excuse me.
- ls that your briefcase? - Yes.
- Where did you get it? - Some nuns in my parish gave it to me.
Then that would make you a priest.
Yes.
Then, Father, perhaps you'd like to explain why you'd be carrying around...
...a Bible and some rosary beads!
- What are you looking for? - A movie.
l loaned it to the monsignor to give to you.
Apparently he forgot. lt's a two-day rental. lt doesn't matter.
Sorry. lt looked like yours. They have the same inferior leather.
- l gave him that briefcase. - l know.
Yes, l would mind holding. l've already held three times.
l'm trying to report stolen credit cards but every five seconds...
Damn it!
Don't stare at me. l'm a humane man,
but right now, l could kick a kitten through an electric fan.
Hey, Frase. Niles called. Somebody stole your briefcase?
Go ahead, tell me how stupid l was to get taken advantage of.
Better than listening to ''Jumping Jack Flash'' for piano and flute.
You weren't stupid. These guys are pros. They need a second, and bam!
That's rather refreshing.
l thought you'd call me a naive dupe or...
- A bone-headed rube? - But you're not.
No. You learned a lesson. You gotta keep your guard up.
This world would be a happier place if everybody remembered people stink.
That's a little cynical for me. l prefer to think of people as basically good.
Yes, l am here, but l'm in the middle of a speech so you'll have to hold!
l enjoy my life that way.
lf the price l have to pay is to replace a few credit cards, so be it.
Reminds me of when l moved to London. l didn't trust people back then.
l tried to stay out of harm's way by walking with my eyes cast down,
never meeting anyone's glance.
But l decided that was no way to live.
So one day, l lifted up my chin and took it all in.
The change was amazing.
There were sights l'd never seen, sounds l'd never heard.
A tiny old man came up to me with a note in his hand. He needed help.
This was no city full of thieves and muggers. People needed me.
l took his note, read it, and l still remember what l said to him:
''That's not how you spell fellatio.''
So, whose point did she prove?
l have no idea.
lt's been fun chatting with you all, nasty old Gertrude aside.
l'd like to close with a personal message.
This goes out to the person who stole my briefcase yesterday.
And also stole my dry cleaning with the claim ticket that was inside it.
You need help, and l am here to provide it.
Also, the double-breasted navy blue suit should be worn with French cuffs.
You may be sick, but you should be stylish.
Until tomorrow, this is Dr Frasier Crane.
Man, that was a great show!
lt was better than great! lt was brilliant! You...
What do you want?
- Remember l said l need Friday off? - No.
You don't remember or l can't have Friday off?
Take one of each. l'm feeling generous.
(Phone rings)
- Hello. - (Man) 'Dr Crane?'
- Yes. - 'Oh, man! l can't believe l got through! '
My show is over. Please call in again tomorrow.
- 'l'm calling cos l found your briefcase. ' - Are you sure?
- 'Pretty sure.' - We can check.
ln the upper right-hand corner, there's a water mark
left by the careless resting of a champagne flute.
- 'lt's full of your stuff, Dr Crane. ' - That works as well.
- ls everything still there? - 'A pen, a set of car keys, a date book. '
- And my wallet? - 'Sorry.'
That was asking for too much. How can l get it back?
'l could drop it off.'
Meet me at the Café Nervosa on Pike. l'd be glad to give you a reward.
'Meeting you is reward enough. Half an hour?'
That's perfect. Bye.
- That was great. - But not surprising.
- l told you to have faith in people. - Yes. People are good. And fair.
We do nice things for people because of karma.
- You're not getting Friday off. - Why?
Allow me.
Can you believe that? That's the second time this week!
- l want to say something. - Why don't you?
Something happens when l talk to a beautiful woman. My knees turn to jelly.
You can only break people of bad habits by confronting them.
- That's true. - So?
- Who's next here? - l am.
No, you weren't next. l am!
People like you who glide through life in a cosy cocoon of narcissism
never notice such things!
But learn this lesson, sister!
There's still such a thing as good manners.
That's why l insist you let me buy you your coffee
and please try the poppy seed muffins.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Kind of brutal, weren't you?
l just remember ''l was next'' and the sound of blood in my ears.
Soon you'll be home with Maris and you'll forget about beautiful women.
- Let's sit here so we can see him. - Your Good Samaritan?
Yes. l'm feeling rather good about this whole thing.
l lost my wallet and my favourite suit but other things were intact:
my date book, my spare car keys, my fountain pen.
But best of all, what remained intact
is my sense that people are basically trustworthy.
He has your keys. He's meeting you here knowing you'd bring your car?
Before you launch into a paranoid riff, my car is...
moving down the street!
Stop that well-dressed man!
Charlie, it's Frasier's car. Could you put some extra manpower on this?
Yeah. l know. Fell for that old scam.
l told him to keep his guard up, but Frasier always knows better.
Mr Up-With-People.
Yeah. Remember what we used to call guys like him on the force?
Hey, we're still talking about my son here!
Yeah. l'll talk to you.
- Hi, Frasier. How's it going? - Terribly! Guess what happened today.
- What? - My car was stolen!
You're kidding.
l fell victim to a master criminal.
Did they hot-wire it? Boy, those guys got fingers like concert pianists.
No. He had the key.
A real pro. Made a wax impression and then had a duplicate key made?
No.
lt was the same miscreant that stole my briefcase.
He used the spare set that was inside.
He tailed you so he'd know where to find the car?
Not exactly.
He called the station and we agreed to meet.
- What for? - Low-fat lattes and biscotti.
What are you, the town crier?
lt doesn't shake my belief in the basic goodness of people.
Sure. He's probably using your car to deliver hot meals to shut-ins.
l'm glad my misfortune's given you so much glee. Dad, l have two requests.
First, wipe that smirk off your face. l'm not a child.
What's the second request?
Can l borrow your car? l want to go to the movies.
And last stop on our tour, my booth, where all the magic happens.
- Hey, what are you doing here? - Dr Crane needed a lift so l came up.
Just go on about your business.
lt's not like l'm listening.
Have we had one visitor yet who didn't do that?
Thanks but we do have a show to do.
- People say l have a talent for this. - Yes, of course.
Your soothing voice. l could listen to you for hours.
- Do you really think so? - Yes. Absolutely. Now get out.
(Phone rings)
- Could you get that? - Hello? Who's calling, please?
Just a second.
Denise. She was out with you last night.
- l wasn't out with anyone of that name. - Ooh, speakerphone!
All right.
Hello. This is Frasier Crane.
(Denise ) 'Hey, tiger. l miss you already. '
l beg your pardon?
'You just snuck out this morning without giving me your number,
'and l woke up to see your BMW pulling down my driveway.'
You did?
'l'm not mad. How can l be after my best first night ever with a man? '
Denise, could you hold on for a moment?
- Do you realise what this means? - He told her he was you!
And it worked!
Nobody ever sleeps with me on a first date!
Hi.
'Sorry but l won't be able to meet you for that drink at Alberto's.
'The agency called. They booked me for a swimsuit layout.
'There's my cab. l'll call you tomorrow. Kisses.'
Unbelievable!
He wasn't content to steal my possessions. He wants my identity!
- l'm calling the police. - No! l am going to Alberto's!
- You have a show! - Run ''The Best of Dr Crane''.
This jackal will meet me, not Denise!
- He could be dangerous! - l don't care! He's after my soul!
Shakespeare wrote, ''He who steals my purse, steals trash. But he who...''
Oh, l forget the rest, but it makes me good and mad!
Have you seen a man wearing an impeccably tailored ltalian suit?
- Just you. - Oh, well. Thank you.
- Giorgio Armani. - lt's nice to meet you, Giorgio.
- My name's Heather. - Frasier Crane. Do you mind?
Wait a minute. Dr Frasier Crane, from the radio?
- Yes. - l've heard your show. You're great.
- Thank you. - This is exciting!
Didn't you say that someone had impersonated you at the dry cleaners?
- Yes, someone did. - You could be the impersonator.
lf you're looking for identification, l...
- l thought so. - He stole my wallet.
- Who did? - Frasier did. The bad Frasier!
You're pretty sick, you know that?
This is absurd! Can't you recognise my...?
Nice suit.
- Oh, my God! lt's you! - No! You're mine now!
All right. l give up.
Damn it! How did you find me?
Denise called to cancel your rendezvous.
- Great. And l put on my best suit. - No, you put on my best suit.
Well, l guess this is it. Party's over. l'm so stupid!
You want to call the police?
No. l'd like to throttle you
till your eyes shoot across the room like champagne corks!
But this is still a civilised world, though not for long if you have your way!
Every wallet you steal puts bars on someone else's windows.
Every purse you snatch puts mace on another key chain!
You make our lives less liveable and l hope that burns on your conscience!
What do you have to say for yourself?
You're right.
l see. You think by agreeing with me, l'll let you off the hook.
No, you're right. l'm guilty and l deserve what l get.
Your keys. The car's out front with your briefcase in it.
Call the police. That's your new car phone, by the way. l upgraded.
l knew things would turn out like this.
Here comes the old sob story.
''My parents didn't love me, the bully next door stole my baseball glove.''
No. Dad loved me. Mom spoiled me and l was the bully next door.
- Let me do that. lt's kind of tricky. - Thank you.
l myself am to blame for my problems.
Hi. The number for the Seattle PD, please.
l take the easy way out of everything. And you know why?
l'm lazy. Lazy, lazy, lazy.
Oh, sweetheart, could you just connect me?
Thanks, hon.
Your life of crime is down to your laziness?
l don't like to work.
lt's easier to take something than to work. l'm a lazy criminal.
A briefcase here, car keys there, light shoplifting.
But a bank robbery? All that planning! Split-second timing.
Forget it! And that second-storey stuff - grappling hooks! Who does that?
Yeah. Thank you. You're on hold.
Story of my week.
- You seem to be taking this well. - lt was bound to happen.
Perhaps you wanted to get caught.
Think about it. You've taken ever-greater risks.
That's a man who wants to get caught.
l'm telling you. Lazy!
Your pants. You'd think l'd have them hemmed? Staples.
Oh, dear God!
l still say that you really wanted to get caught.
- lt's a classic cri de coeur. - Cri de what?
lt means you don't like the life that you're living.
lt's not a great life.
l don't know where my rent's coming from, l have no solid relationship.
- Why don't you change? - Gimme an 'L'. Gimme an 'A'...
As a psychiatrist, l don't buy that. You're not lazy. You are afraid.
There are lots of things you could do legitimately.
You're afraid to try one of them and fail at it.
- You think l can change? - Yes.
l believe in the basic goodness of people.
Hello. Yes. Just a moment, please.
Start now. Take responsibility for yourself.
For once, don't take the easy way out.
Hello? Yeah, l'd like to report a crime.
He's been impersonating Frasier Crane!
- Let's go. - What? l am Frasier Crane.
- Do you have any lD? - No, but it's true. Tell them.
Thank God you're here. l've detained him.
- What?! - But he's lying! He's the impostor!
Don't you recognise me? This is madness!
People of the world, listen to me! Trust no one, especially that lazy bastard!
# Hey baby, l hear the blues are calling tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# Oh, my!
# And maybe l seem a bit confused Well, maybe...but l got you pegged!
# But l don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs
# They're calling again #
Good night, Seattle, we love you!
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Friends - 10x13 - TOW Joey Speaks French
Friends - 10x14 - TOW Princess Consuela
Friends - 3 22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x01 - The One With the Princess Leia Fantasy
Friends - 3x02 - The One Where No Ones Ready
Friends - 3x03 - The One With the Jam
Friends - 3x04 - The One With the Metaphorical Tunnel
Friends - 3x05 - The One With Frank Jr
Friends - 3x06 - The One With the Flashback
Friends - 3x07 - The One With the Race Car Bed
Friends - 3x08 - The One With the Giant Poking Device
Friends - 3x09 - The One With the Football
Friends - 3x10 - The One Where Rachel Quits
Friends - 3x11 - The One Where Chandler Cant Remember
Friends - 3x12 - The One With All the Jealousy
Friends - 3x13 - The One Where Monica and Richard
Friends - 3x14 - The One With Phoebes Ex-Partner
Friends - 3x15 - The One Where Ross and Rachel Take
Friends - 3x16 - The One the Morning After
Friends - 3x17 - The One Without the Ski Trip
Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2