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Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch

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Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
[HUMS]
Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
Whoa! Ow!
Schman! The great rad spot is mega-sweet for party boarding.
-Indeed. -Any calls while I was out?
Yeah. You got a telesonic transmission from Kif a couple hours ago.
My Kify called?
-Kif? -Oh, Amy, you're back.
Another hour and I would've thought of hanging up.
Why didn't you leave a message, sweetie?
I've left hundreds of messages with your answering machine...
-...but you never seem to get them. -Bender!
It's not my fault if you don't check me.
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
Messages erased.
Oh, dearest, this long-distance relationship is too much to bear.
When even an inch separates us, I quiver with misery.
So you can imagine how I feel when it's a billion light years.
Kif, don 't cry, or you'll get a tummy ache.
Lieutenant, some things came off me and clogged the drain, so if you can--
Oh-ho. What's this?
Well, well, well. Do my eyes believe me, or is that my bosomy swan, Leela?
Say again? You're breaking up.
Oh. . . .
Good news, everyone.
You'll be delivering pain medicine to the hive mind of Nigel 7.
Scruffy's rolling out a large pill.
You're going to Nigel 7? Kif's on patrol near there.
-You could drop me off on the way. -We could, but we won't!
It's a spaceship, damn it, not a prom limousine!
Ooh! lf anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome.
This is a very long trip.
So we'll all have to go into hibernative naptosis to save oxygen.
I don't even breathe oxygen.
[SNORING]
Here I come, Kif.
[AMY LAUGHING]
They jumped right out of their pants.
[ALARM WAILS]
Oh, what now? Activate glass window.
Kif, I'm sensing a very sensual disturbance in the Force.
-Prepare for ship-to-ship intimacy. -Yes, sir, captain.
[CLANGING]
How about I help you finish that dream you were having about me?
Okay. I was just at this part:
[LEELA YELLS]
Let's try that a little lower and lots softer.
Imagine you stowing away and stealing a licensed starship.
Oh, it's so romantic it gives me the shivers.
I don't care how much trouble I get in.
I needed to feel my lips pressed against your lip-less beak.
Oh, Amy, I can't stand having a whole universe between us.
I've been thinking a lot about this, and-- Well, would you move in with me?
Here? But, wouldn't it be crowded?
Oh, no, no. It's really twice the size.
You can use the floor and I'll have the ceiling. See?
Kif, you have so much creativity and niceness.
-But I'm not sure if l-- -Hush.
Before you answer, come thither.
This is the Holo-Shed. It can simulate anything you desire.
And nothing can hurt you, except when it malfunctions. . .
. . .and the holograms become real.
Well, that probably won't happen this time.
I wanted to show you what life could be like if we were together.
Computer, run program Kif One.
[BEEPING]
This is so beautiful!
Spirit! Kif, that's the pony I always wanted. . .
. . .but my parents said I had too many ponies already.
Yes. I programmed it in for you. Four million lines of BASIC.
And if this isn't the life you want, how about this?
Run program Kif Two.
[BEEPING]
AMY: Oh, Kif.
We could live here at the shore of the Tranquilibrius Sea, in a time-share.
And I would pluck the moon from the sky just to see you smile.
Almost got it.
Seems to be sort of stuck.
I love you!
[COUGHING]
Run program Kif-colon- slash-slash-three!
[BEEPING]
This isn't bad. My aunt had a place like this.
Amy, we could live in a bus station bathroom for all I care.
As long as we're together, it'll feel like a castle to me.
Kif, I'd love to live with you. Someday.
But before then, there's still lots I want to do on my own.
-What was that? -Oh, dear.
I fear the Holo-Shed might be broken again.
Well, as long as we don't cross paths with Attila the--
[KIF GROANS]
Look! Spirit!
KIF: And there's Professor Moriarty.
Jack the Ripper!
Evil Lincoln!
Right-o, gents. It's another simulation gone mad.
So murder and mayhem, standard procedure.
[YELLING]
Real holographic-simulated Evil Lincoln is back!
[ALARM WAILING]
The Holo-Shed's on the fritz again. The characters turned real!
Damn! The last time that happened, I got slapped with three paternity suits.
-Oh, my God! -Listen up, history's greatest villains.
Get back into the Holo-Shed before I start blasting.
Stop! No shoot fire-stick in space canoe!
Cause explosive decompression!
Spare me your space-age techno-babble, Attila the Hun.
[YELLING]
BENDER: Oh. . . .
BENDER: Hey!
[YELLING]
-Kif, hold on! -I totally want to!
-Grab on! -Over here!
Please, hold me!
Have a good one.
[KIF YELLING]
-Oh, man! -Whew.
After all that, I could use some relaxation.
I'll be in the Holo-Shed.
[SCANNER HUMMING]
Well, except for a few broken bones, some internal hemorrhaging. . .
. . .and a partially barfed up heart, everyone appears fine.
Phew.
Oh, and Kif is pregnant.
[GASPING]
Oh, joy!
Amy, isn't it wonderful? I'm pregnant.
Yes, it's great. A great miracle.
And not one of those bogus everyday miracles, like a sunrise.
-Aren't you a male? -Yeah, what's the deal?
Just when I thought I'd figured out you biological creatures, it's something else!
Let me at him! Get over here, Kif! You're--
Look, I'm sure we're all a little unclear on how anyone gets pregnant.
So, Kif, pray explain, and don't spare the dirty words where appropriate.
Well, it's quite simple really.
When one of my species experiences deep feelings of love. . .
. . .we enter a so-called "receptive state. "
You disgust me. Go on.
At that point, our skin becomes a semipermeable membrane. . .
. . .which allows the passage of genetic material.
I held Amy's hand, and voilą!
Well, okay. But that better be all there is.
Oh, Amy, you'll be a mother!
What a wondrous affirmation of our love. And all from the touch of your hand.
Dude, hold up. Remember when Zapp blew a hole in the ship?
-Indeed. FRY: Kif touched everybody there.
-Couldn't any one of us be the mother? -Hey, yeah!
I mean, what about that, Kif?
Well, I suppose I might have gotten pregnant that way.
Or even from a toilet seat.
Though, that's impossible, since I have a private washroom.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
My home away from home.
By the way, Kif, your flush seems to be set on stun, not kill.
[SHUDDERS AND GROANS]
Look, Kif, I probably am the mother. Although maybe I'm not.
Of course, I hope I am, but just in case I'm not, maybe we should have a test.
A test! I demand a test!
Even I laughed at me when I built this alien cross-species genetic analyzer.
But I guess I showed myself.
Subjects, please enter the chamber.
Now to take a DNA sample.
When I pull this switch, the materni-fuge will spin at 1 0,000 rpm. . .
. . .separating out everyone who isn't the mother--
Father-- Whatever.
[YELLING]
Faster! Faster!
Good! Fry's ejection indicates that he is not the man mama.
-Nor is Captain Brannigan. -Oh, thank you, merciful God.
Zoidberg? What the hell were you doing in there?
That's where I live. I have no home.
[SCREAMING]
Amy? But that means. . . .
Leela must have impregnated me when she grabbed my ungloved hand.
That explains the poster in hygiene class: "No glove, no love. "
-Wow, this is all so confusing. -Leela, how could you?
Our love has had to endure your constant hatred, and now this?
-Stop testing our love! -Oh, please, captain.
I thank Leela for the DNA she gave me, but in my species. . .
. . .the true parent is the one who inspired the initial feeling of love.
We call that person the "Smizmarr. " And my Smizmarr is Amy.
So the toilet seat is like the uncle or something?
-Sorry I got your boyfriend pregnant. -That's okay.
At least Kif's baby shower should be fun.
I better put it on my calendar.
Thursday. Baby shower. Enter.
Might as well plan for my new life while I'm at it.
Set motherhood mode.
To motherhood.
BENDER: Zoidberg?
FRY: My face was stuck in a pizza.
-Mom? Dad? I know this is weird, but-- -Yeah, yeah.
We don't care how squishy alien get pregnant.
All we care is that we have grandchild.
-You're very open-minded, Mrs. Wong. -Hey, you call her "Grandma" now.
Call me Grandma like crazy. All the time.
Check it out, y'all. Everyone we invited is here.
-Also Zoidberg. -So let's open the gifts.
-Yeah! -I can't wait.
We'll start with this one from Bender.
It's my booties from when I was a kid.
-Uh, they're already bronzed. -They are bronze.
And this one's from Leela. Oh, I just love the bow.
-I wonder what it is. -Yes, I wonder what we got you.
-It's a basket! For picnics? -It means a lot to me.
It's the basket my parents left me in at the Orphanarium.
You could use it for picnics.
-Here, Amy, we get this one for you. -Is it a new party board?
It's a board, all right. An ironing board.
We had your old party board converted now that you not be partying anymore.
-You trashed my party board? -Damn right. Now you a mom.
The only surfing you'll do is under a big wave of responsibility.
Oh, this is the happiest moment of my life.
You all brought such wonderful gifts.
-But the greatest gift. . . -Mine!
. . .is the bond I share with my Smizmarr, Amy.
For soon, the quivering mass of life within me will depend upon us both.
Even now, I can sense it feeding, squirming, searching, questing.
And shortly, it will rend my loins in twain. . .
. . .burst forth and pull us down, down, down. . .
. . .into the deep, dark waters of commitment.
That's so beautiful.
Yes, it's. . . .
No! I can't do this!
Oh, my God!
[BABY CRYING]
Oh, how could Amy leave me?
When will women learn to take responsibility. . .
. . .for the children they've helped create?
[RUMBLING]
The quickening! My time is near.
I must return to my home world to perform the ancient birthing rights.
Let me know how that turns out.
I must now embark on a perilous journey. . .
. . .to give birth in precisely the same swamp in which I was born.
If it's so dangerous, I'd better go with you.
-A gal has to protect her DNA. -No, Leela.
Tradition demands that I make this journey with my Smizmarr.
And since Amy isn't here, I must go it alone.
Farewell, for we may never meet again.
My scrapes feel a little better now.
Hey, what's this fat, ugly thing? A frog? A toad? Or your mama?
It's a poisonous froad! No one move.
[SQUEALS]
I'm back, baby.
Behold.
The sacred ancestral birthing grounds of my family.
Smells like a jockstrap.
-I am the Grand Midwife. -Hi.
I am Kif, of the clan Kroker, come to bear my young.
Then let the tea of new life be brewed, as it is writ:
"And both shall lift the jug together. "
-Where is your Smizmarr? -She's not with me.
Oh, the sorrow! Oh, the shame!
Sorry, I'm probably just making you feel worse.
As long as Amy is with me in my heart, I will have the strength of two.
[GRUNTING]
Apparently Amy hasn't been working out much lately.
As the tea boils, please join hands with your beloved Smizmarr.
Oh, right. Sorry, but I've memorized the ceremony by rote. It mentions her a lot.
-I'll try to endure. -Good, 'cause I'm not changing it.
Now turn, ye two, and gaze deeply into each other's eyes.
-What are you looking at? -May the love I sense between you. . .
. . .at this moment remain with you both through all your days.
The tea of new life is ready.
Let those whose love created this life speak each other's names, then drink.
-Amy. AMY: Kif!
[GASPING]
Amy! ls it you, or have I gone crazy with loneliness?
Both.
Whoa!
I still don't know if I'm ready for this, but I do know I love you.
And I want to be here beside you.
Great. Now I lost my place. I'm starting over!
Oh, no time. It has begun.
[GROANING]
Oh, my!
-Neat. -You can do it, Kif.
Whoa, Nelly!
[LIQUID RUSHING]
[GROANING]
Oh, man!
Amy, my love, tell me, are they making it to the water?
Amy!
Stay away from my babies!
The birthing is complete.
-Oh, thank goodness. -I will now take my leave.
I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere. . .
. . .but you don't have to talk to me anymore.
-Congratulations. -Way to go, squishy!
LEELA: There goes my DNA.
-What a disgusting and beautiful process. -That's birth for you.
Well, we've given them a great start, Amy.
And in 20 years, they'll sprout legs and crawl back onto land as children.
I'll be ready then.
Face 2004
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Friends - 3x18 - The One With the Hypnosis Tape
Friends - 3x19 - The One With the Tiny T-Shirt
Friends - 3x20 - The One With the Dollhouse
Friends - 3x21 - The One With a Chick and a Duck
Friends - 3x22 - The One With the Screamer
Friends - 3x23 - The One With Rosss Thing
Friends - 3x24 - The One With Ultimate Fighting Champ
Friends - 3x25 - The One at the Beach
Friends - 4x01 - The One With the Jellyfish
Friends - 4x02 - The One With the Cat
Friends - 4x03 - The One With the Cuffs
Friends - 4x04 - The One With the Ballroom Dancing
Friends - 4x05 - The One With Joeys New Girlfriend
Friends - 4x06 - The One With the Dirty Girl
Friends - 4x07 - The One Where Chandler Crosses
Friends - 4x08 - The One With Chandler in a Box
Friends - 4x09 - The One Where They are Going
Friends - 4x10 - The One With the Girl from
Friends - 4x11 - The One With Phoebes Uterus
Friends - 4x12 - The One With the Embryos
Friends - 4x13 - The One With Rachels Crush
Friends - 4x14 - The One With Joeys Dirty Day
Friends - 4x15 - The One With All the Rugby
Friends - 4x16 - The One With the Fake Party
Friends - 4x17 - The One With the Free Porn
Friends - 4x18 - The One With Rachels New Dress
Friends - 4x19 - The One With All the Haste
Friends - 4x20 - The One With All the Wedding Dresses
Friends - 4x21 - The One With the Invitation
Friends - 4x22 - The One With the Worst Best Man Ever
Friends - 4x23 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 1
Friends - 4x24 - The One With Rosss Wedding - part 2
Friends - 5x01 - The One After Ross Says Rachel
Friends - 5x02 - The One With All the Kissing
Friends - 5x03 - The One Hundreth
Friends - 5x04 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS
Friends - 5x05 - The One With the Kips
Friends - 5x06 - The One With the Yeti
Friends - 5x07 - The One Where Ross Moves In
Friends - 5x08 - The One With All the Thanksgivins
Friends - 5x09 - The One With Rosss Sandwich
Friends - 5x10 - The One With the Inappropiate Sister
Friends - 5x11 - The One With All the Resolutions
Friends - 5x12 - The One With Chandlers Work Laugh
Friends - 5x13 - The One With Joeys Bag
Friends - 5x14 - The One Where Everyone Finds Out
Friends - 5x15 - The One With the Girl Who Hits Joey
Friends - 5x16 - The One With the Cop
Friends - 5x17 - The One With Rachels
Friends - 5x18 - The One Where Rachel Smokes
Friends - 5x19 - The One Where Ross Cant Flirt
Friends - 5x20 - The One With the Ride-Along
Friends - 5x21 - The One With the Ball
Friends - 5x22 - The One With Joeys Big Break
Friends - 5x23 - The One in Vegas
Friends - 6x01 - The One After Vegas
Friends - 6x02 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel
Friends - 6x03 - The One With Rosss Denial
Friends - 6x04 - The One Where Joey Loses His
Friends - 6x05 - The One With Joeys Porsche
Friends - 6x06 - The One On the Last Night
Friends - 6x07 - The One Where Phoebe Runs
Friends - 6x08 - The One With Rosss Teeth
Friends - 6x15
Friends 7x01 - The One with Monicas Thunder
Friends 7x02 - The One With Rachels Book
Friends 7x03 - The One With Phoebes Cookies
Friends 7x04 - The One With Rachels Assistant
Friends 7x05 - The One With The Engagement Picture
Friends 7x06 - The One With The Nap Partners
Friends 7x07 - The One with Rosss Library Book
Friends 7x08 - The One Where Chandler Doesnt Like Dogs
Friends 7x09 - The One With All the Candy
Friends 7x10 - The One With The Holiday Armadillo
Friends 7x11 - The One With All The Cheesecakes
Friends 7x12 - The One Where They are Up All Night
Friends 7x13 - The One Where Rosita Dies
Friends 7x14 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty
Friends 7x15 - The One With Joeys New Brain
Friends 7x16 - The One With the Truth About London
Friends 7x17 - The One With the Cheap Wedding Dress
Friends 7x18 - The One With Joeys Award
Friends 7x19 - The One With Ross and Monicas Cousin
Friends 7x20 - The One With Rachels Kisses
Friends 7x21 - The One With the Vows
Friends 7x22 - The One With Chandlers Dad
Friends 7x23 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 1
Friends 7x24 - The One With Monica and Chandlers Wedding Part 2
Friends 9x01 - The One Where No One Proposes
Friends 9x02 - The One Where Emma Cries
Friends 9x03 - The One With The Pediatrician
Friends 9x04 - The One With The Sharks
Friends 9x05 - The One With Phoebes Birthday Dinner
Friends 9x06 - The One With The Male Nanny
Friends 9x07 - The One With Rosss Inappropriate Song
Friends 9x08 - The One With Rachels Other Sister
Friends 9x09 - The One With Rachels Phone Number
Friends 9x10 - The One With Christmas In Tulsa
Friends 9x11 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work
Friends 9x12 - The One With Phoebes Rats
Friends 9x13 - The One Where Monica Sings
Friends 9x14 - The One With The Blind Dates
Friends 9x15 - The One With The Mugging
Friends 9x16 - The One With The Boob Job
Friends 9x17 - The One With The Memorial Service
Friends 9x18 - The One With The Lottery
Friends 9x19 - The One With Rachels Dream
Friends 9x20 - The One With The Soap Opera Party
Friends 9x21 - The One With The Fertility Test
Friends 9x22 - The One With The Donor
Friends 9x23-24 - The One In Barbados 1 2)
Frisson des vampires Le
From Beijing with love
From Dusk Till Dawn
From Dusk Till Dawn 3 The Hangmans Daughter
From Hell
From Justin To Kelly (Special Edition)
Frontera La
Frusta e il corpo La
Fucking Amal
Fudoh The New Generation 1996
Fugitive The - The Chase Continues
Fugitives (2000)
Fukssvansen (Chop Chop)
Full Frontal 2002
Full Metal Jacket
Full Time Killer
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD1
Fun Movie (2002 Korean) CD2
Fun in Acapulco (Richard Thorpe 1963)
Funeral Parade of Roses
Funeral in Berlin
Funny Girl
Fuochi dArtifizio
Furia (2002)
Fury The (1978)
Futurama 1x01 - Space Pilot 3000
Futurama 1x02 - The Series Has Landed
Futurama 1x03 - I Roommate
Futurama 1x04 - Loves Labors Lost in Space
Futurama 1x05 - Fear of a Bot Planet
Futurama 1x06 - A Fishful of Dollars
Futurama 1x07 - My Three Suns
Futurama 1x08 - A Big Piece of Garbage
Futurama 1x09 - Hell is Other Robots
Futurama 2x01 - A Flight to Remember
Futurama 2x02 - Mars University
Futurama 2x03 - When Aliens Attack
Futurama 2x04 - Fry and the Slurm Factory
Futurama 3x01 - Amazon Women in the Mood
Futurama 3x02 - Parasites Lost
Futurama 3x03 - A Tale of Two Santas
Futurama 3x04 - The Luck of the Fryrish
Futurama 3x05 - The Birdbot of Ice-catraz
Futurama 3x06 - Bendless Love
Futurama 3x07 - The Day the Earth Stood Stupid
Futurama 3x08 - Thats Lobstertainment
Futurama 3x09 - The Cyber House Rules
Futurama 3x10 - Insane in the Mainframe
Futurama 3x10 - Where The Buggalo Roam
Futurama 3x12 - The Route of All Evil
Futurama 3x13 - Bendin in the Wind
Futurama 3x14 - Time Keeps on Slippin
Futurama 3x15 - I Dated a Robot
Futurama 3x16 - A Leela of Her Own
Futurama 3x17 - A Pharaoh To Remember
Futurama 3x18 - Anthology of Interest Part 2
Futurama 3x19 - Roswell That Ends Well
Futurama 3x20 - Godfellas
Futurama 3x21 - Future Stock
Futurama 3x22 - The 30 Iron Chef
Futurama 4x01 - Kif Gets Knocked Up a Notch
Futurama 4x02 - Leelas Homeworld
Futurama 4x03 - Love and Rocket
Futurama 4x04 - Less Than Hero
Futurama 4x05 - A Taste of Freedom
Futurama 4x06 - Bender Should Not Be Allowed on TV
Futurama 4x07 - Jurassic Bark
Futurama 4x08 - Crimes of the Hot
Futurama 4x09 - Teenage Mutant Leelas Hurdles
Futurama 4x10 - The Why of Fry
Futurama 4x11 - Where no Fan Has Gone Before
Futurama 4x12 - The Sting
Futurama 4x13 - Bend Her
Futurama 4x14 - Obsoletely Fabulous
Futurama 4x15 - The Farnsworth Parabox
Futurama 4x16 - Three Hundred Big Boys
Futurama 4x17 - Spanish Fry
Futurama 4x18 - The Devils Hands are Idle Playthings
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD1
Fyra Nyanser Av Brunt CD2