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Geboren In Absurdistan

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29.970
BORN IN ABSURDISTAN
A FiIm by HOUCHANG ALLAHYARI

-Mr. Secretary, I report: border patroI|is fuIIy present and accounted for.
-Mr. Secretary,|is this the Fortress Europe?
-Our guards shaII|protect our Iaws.
To those whose Iives|are being threatened ...
we shaII, of course,|grant asyIum.
But we can't Iet in aII those ...
just Iooking to improve|his or her economic situation.
IncidentaIIy, there was no|press conference scheduIed here.
We're concerned here|with a singIe issue,
an important issue:|securing our borders.
If you have further questions,
Iet me referyou|to our Deputy Assistant CIerk.
-PIease, Sir...
-Stefan, you take over.
-It Iooks Iike you're going to have|to settIe for me.
If you have any questions|about the IegaI situation,
I'II be happy to answer them.
As the Secretary said,|border infIux must be haIt...
...border infIux must be reguIated.
Moreover, in the Iine of duty|our officers consistentIy endeavor ...
to operate in a humane way.
We mustn't forget...
{y:i}We mustn't forget that it is|{y:i}a strenuous and dangerous job ...
{y:i}to combat cross-border crime.
Our guards are the first|impression of our country.
Yourfather is driving me cra"z"y.|-He thinks he's heIping you.
-What am I an"yw"ay, his spokesman?
-Ijust feIt another IittIe punch.
Can you feeI it?
-He's going to be a soccer star|not a boxer.
-Or she...
-Makes no difference to me,|boy or girI, just so he pIays soccer.
You know what?
As far as I'm concerned|the baby can take its time.
Such a beautifuI beIIy.
The most beautifuI beIIy|in the worId.
Sorry, I forgot,|I shouId be more carefuI.
-You shouId have been more carefuI|9 months ago.
And tomorrow|we're getting a bigger couch.

Excuse me,|can you heIp me find my way.
-Second fIoor,|aII the way to the Ieft.
-Thank you.
-How do you know this?
-Stefan.
-Honey, sorry. They didn't give me|the message at the office.
And then the stupid car wouIdn't|start. How do you feeI?
-Hi, Stefan.|-HeIIo, Doctor.
-Let's get to work.
-What?|-The birthing exercises. Let's go.
-Easy now, here comes a contraction,|inhaIe ...
and exhaIe ...
and inhaIe again ...
push now...
Lean back. Breath deepIy.|Give your baby pIenty of oxygen.
Now, inhaIe ...
and push hard.
Keep pushing.
-I can't.
Give him ten drops of EffortiI.
-Take him to my office.


-Strohmayer.
-CongratuIations. A strapping boy.
-I'm a father.
KarIi...
-Thank you so much.|-No probIem.
-You have been very kind.

{y:i}Karli, Karli is here.


What's going on here?
-You rang?|-Oh, Sister SigIinde, you're here.
-Marion.
-Excuse us,|we didn't mean to disturb you.
-Sister, pIease get these peopIe|out of my room.
-I'm sorry, but you see|we have very IittIe space.
-I can't Ieave a new-born baby|in the haIIway.
-But this just won't do,
my wife is exhausted,|she needs to rest.
I'm not paying|a fortune for a singIe room ...
that's as busy|as a Turkish ba"z"aar!
-PIease caIm down,|we can taIk about it.
-This wiII cost you your job,|I promise you that, Sister SigIinde.
The head of this ward|happens to be a friend of mine.
-I aIready feeI sorry for his chiId.
With such an asshoIe for a father.|-Excuse me?
-Emre...|-Stefan!
-Get out of my room this instant,
or I'II sue you|for intimidation ...
and you'II be back where|you came from before you know it.
If you want to say something,|speak German.
-Sister, what's going on here?
Who gave you permission|to put two patients in this room?
-Sir, we had no choice,|there's no room an"yw"here.
-I'II have to ask you to Ieave.
AIthough it is a doubIe room,
we've aIways had|room for two in here.
Racist.
-Give me my baby.
-Better hoId your tongue now.
-The doctor is absoIuteIy right,
you better hoId your tongue now.
-The name tags are finaIIy here.
-What? You mean they stiII|don't have their name tags?
I'II have a word with you Iater.
-It isn't ourfauIt, it was so busy...|-Take care of it immediateIy.
No wait, give them to me.
I'II do it myseIf.
-But Sir.
-Regina, wait outside.
-Emre, Iet's get out of here.|-Yes, sweetheart.
-How do you do,|Mrs. Deputy Assistant CIerk.
-Did everything go weII?|-Yes, wonderfuIIy,
great, terrific,|a strapping baby boy.
HeIIo.
She's a IittIe tired.
Let's have coffee in my office.|The nurse wiII caII us.
Get rid of the Turks.
-Good afternoon.
How's the new father?
CongratuIations on the new progeny.
I trust yourfather-in-Iaw|was pIeased, too.
-Yes, yes, thank you.
-But between you and me,|here's something ...
no one is pIeased about.
-Why?
Everything is in order.
A residence ban|isn't warranted here.
-If they aII do this,
pretty soon|we'II be a Turkish coIony.
Don't rock the boat,
and you'II go a Iong way...
-Come on,|yourfather is getting impatient.
-Are you the father?
-No, I'm the mother.|-Just asking.
-Let's go. He's going to be|a Iady-kiIIer, just Iike his grandpa,
you'II see, a reaI Hoffmann.
-Mama, I can do it myseIf.
-Do they have the right baby now?|-Of course,
what do you think?
-It's funny, I can't say|who the IittIe tyke Iooks Iike.
-To me it's the most beautifuI baby|I've ever seen,
maybe with the exception of Marion.
-My god, but we waited Iong enough.
-I know.
-To teII the truth,|I had given up hope.
-I know.
-And Marion's|a perfectIy heaIthy woman.
-And Stefan is|a perfectIy heaIthy man.
We were hardIy married a year before|ourfirst chiId was on its way.
Isn't that right, Maria?
Do you need heIp|with the birth certificate?
-Wafer, Mama?|-No.
-Are we visiting someone here?
Why did you bring up the Iuggage?
-Just wait a second, caIm down.
-Don't you think|we shouId go home first?
-Come, come.|-But where are we?
-Just come.
-What are we doing here?
Come, come in.
Who Iives here?
-This is our new apartment.
-ReaIIy?|-Of course.

Thank you for coming.
-And Mrs. NavratiI doesn't want|anyone eIse washing her hair.
-I'm Iooking forward to it, too.
-May I?
A genuine originaI Viennese.|The first Austrian-born famiIy member.
-It takes more than being born|here to be an Austrian.
-But he was born here, in Austria.
-Whether Austrian or Turk,
our son wiII be someone speciaI.
-Once again congratuIations|on your beautifuI baby.
My regards to yourfather.
-Look, do you recogni"z"e that man?
-Isn't that|the man from the hospitaI?
Is it our turn?|-No,
we have to wait|untiI they caII our number.
There must be some mistake.
The birth certificate|bears my wife's name.
-It's onIy a temporary|birth certificate.
If you want your name on it,
you'II have to provide|proof of paternity.
-What are you saying,|that I'm not the father?
-You are insuIting us.
-You don't understand,
your marriage Iicense|isn't vaIid here.
You have to take this to famiIy court.|-What?
FamiIy court,|what business do we have there?
-I don't understand,
I teII you ...
I'm the father,
my wife says so, too.
She ought to know.
-Don't get upset,
these are just formaIities.|-FormaIities?
They send us from room to room|with a IittIe baby in our arms.
-Good-bye.
-I don't think|this is where you want to be.
He's reading it|through from the start.
-Do you think|he understands any of it?
-You had a church wedding|in Turkey, what is it...
IsIam, so you got married|in the mosque, but no civiI ceremony.
-You understand nothing,
in our country one doesn't|get married in the mosque.
-My wife is right.|-Correct.
But in any case you wiII have to have|your marriage Iicense transIated ...
and then certified|at the Turkish embassy.
Then you come back here, OK.
Good-bye.
-Look...|Not so cIose, you'II frighten it.

Marion onIy has eyes|for one beetIe now,
but despite aII genetic ...
odds, it's a reaI prince.
-I didn't hear that.
-Mrs. Ph.D. is discovering|the pIeasures of motherhood.
Has your husband managed|to tie you to the stove after aII?
Marion,
we received this from Egypt.
Frit"z" found it|in the stomach of a toad:
CIavicornia insarena.
Now we have our own specimen.|-CIavicornia insarena?
We've got 40 in the basement.
-HeIIo, Emre.|-HeIIo.
What brings you here at this hour?|-I have a probIem.
-Mahmad, bring tea.
''For twice negIecting|to register with the aIien poIice ...
a residence ban is hereby|pIaced on the foIIowing persons:
Dönmez, Emre; Dönmez, Emine.''
-How do I teII Emine?
-An outrage.
You have to go immediateIy|to Iodge an appeaI.
You mustn't miss the deadIine.
-Get out, can't you read,|one at a time.
Shut the door.
-Next, pIease.
Are you here to see me?
-Room No 73?|-Yes.
That's me.
-I'm sorry.
No, no, I'm the one|who shouId be sorry. PIease.
First Iet me apoIogi"z"e|for what happened at the hospitaI,
I was a IittIe mixed up.
-You paid for the room.
-Won't you have a seat, pIease.
-Thank you.
-HeIIo.
-Is that your son?
-Yes, that's KarIi.
-He's got his father's eyes.
-AIright then,|what can I do foryou, Mr....?
-Dönmez. Emre Dönmez
I want to Iodge|an appeaI from this decision.
It says here|we have to Ieave the country.
-If you have vaIid grounds|for an appeaI...
-CertainIy,|we've Iived here for ten years...
-I've been working|for the same company for 8 years.
Here are my papers.|-We just moved into a new apartment.
We were two days Iate|in registering with the poIice.
-Yes, it was a mistake.
-We were so excited|about the baby.
-I wouId be gIad|to pay the fine.
-As far as I can teII, you meet aII the|requirements, I don't see any probIem.
-That means the grounds are good?
-Good afternoon.
-Yes, weII ...
there shouId be no probIem.
You have nothing to worry about.
-Thank goodness.
-It took a Iong time ...
to get used to Iife here,
we can't go back anymore.
Thank you.|-You're weIcome.
-Thank you a thousand times.
-Good-bye.|GIad I couId heIp you.
-What was that aII about?
-Oh nothing.
You wouIdn't beIieve|happenstance sometimes.
-Did you happen to send|a coupIe of aIiens home?
-No, no, that was an appeaI,|but the grounds are vaIid.
Oh no, I forgot to teII him|he has to submit a written appeaI.
I bet he thinks he taIked to me|and now it's aII taken care of.
-That's what they aIways think.|-But that's bad.
I know them in a way.
-Don't be ridicuIous, Strohmayer,
are you going to chase|after a coupIe of Turks?
-He'II probabIy|figure it out himseIf.
-Sit down,
after aII, it's not our job|to bring in more and more foreigners.
You don't want to|ruin things foryourseIf,
with your quaIifications.
You can't adopt every darkie|that comes through the door.
-And out you go.

-Can you get it?|-Yes.
Yes?
-It's Sister Regina,|from St. Barbara HospitaI.
-Oh, sure, come on up.
-Thank you.
-Good evening, what is it?
Don't you want to teII me|why you're here?
-PIease don't give me away.
I know it's awfuI, a crime.
I never shouId have|Iistened to Sister SigIinde,
but I didn't know she was this cra"z"y.
-I'm sorry,|I don't quite understand.
-PIease, you must promise|you won't teII on me.
My profession is aII I have,
and I've never made|a mistake before.
-OK, but what is this aII about?
-Won't you come in first?
Have a seat.
-So, pIease...
-That's not your chiId.
-I'm sorry, but I happen to know|this is our chiId.
-Your chiId got switched,|at the hospitaI.
-What do you mean, switched?
-UnfortunateIy,|I'm absoIuteIy sure,
Sister SigIinde said she wouId put|everything back in order,
and I beIieved her.
But yesterday|we were at our usuaI wine tavern ...
and she toId me the chiIdren|were stiII switched.
-Stefan...
-What kind of stories|are you teIIing us,
Are you cra"z"y?|You can't just come here and...
-But you were the one who took the|wrong chiId from Sister SigIinde's arms,
when the Turkish famiIy was there.
-Oh my god.
-I want this woman|to Ieave right now.
-But I know who has your chiId,|I have their name.
-PIease, don't teII me...
-The Dönmez famiIy.
Yes, the Turkish famiIy|in your room.
-Marion, get the baby ready.|You're coming with us.
It's going to be aIright again.|-It's going to be aIright again?
What are you thinking of doing?
-I'm getting our baby back,|what do you think we came here for?
-What's going on?
Stop this racket|or I'm caIIing the poIice.
-Open up. I must speak to|the Dönmez famiIy urgentIy.
-Never heard of them.|-Nonsense, I know they Iive here.
-Oh, the Turks. They're gone.
-What do you mean gone?
When are they coming back?|-They aren't.
Went back to Turkey. Deported.

-Stefan, pIease.
-Get moving!
-Stefan...
Assuming we find these peopIe,|what do we say to them?
-We'II see when we get there.
After aII, they'II want|their own chiId back, too.
-Do you have the passports?
-Afternoon. Thank you.
-Thank you.
Room No 4 pIease.
-Can we get something to eat?|-Sorry, everyone's gone home,
but I couId get you|some bread and butter.

-That's got to be Marion,
I feeI it.
HeIIo?
-It's me, Stefan.|Ijust wanted to give you a caII...
Everything's fine here.
It's a IittIe compIicated|to caII us,
this is onIy temporary.
-What's wrong?|Is the IittIe guy OK?
Is the car OK?
-We're in Carinthia,
KarIi is fine. The car too.
Marion can't come to the phone.|Yes, I'II teII her.
Look, I have to get off now.|Take care. Bye.

-Maybe we shouId have|had a bIood test done.
-Do you know how Iong that takes?
By then, we might have never|found the baby again.
-Are you so sure?
-Yes, I am.|Does that make it easierforyou?
-I don't know.
-PIease don't start up|with that again.
We agreed. We're driving over,|getting our baby, and driving back.
-Stop! Stop, this instant!
Poppies are much redder here.

-Not AIeman. Austrian.

-We're going to IncirIi aIso,|foIIow us.

-IncirIi here?|-Yes, yes. IncirIi.
Shit.
I don't understand.
-Mustafa make car good again.
-I hope we don't have|a hoIe in the radiator.
-Just a second.|Dönmez famiIy here?
-Come, come. Mustafa. Come.
-OK, OK, Mustafa. Marion.
Come on, Iet's go.
-Come, Mustafa knows aII.
Come, car...|Mustafa ...
make car good.
-ProbabIy better|if you wait here.
-I brought tourists.|They have a Mercedes?
-It broke down.
-Where is the man now?
-Over there.|-Have him come here.
TeII him the car|can't be fixed today.
You there, come here.
Ask them why they're here.
-What are you doing here?
What do you want?
-Stefan, what's going on?
-We have to taIk.
-Stay away from me, Austrian!
-Dönmez!
-Something's strange. FoIIow them,|find out what happens, go on.
-It's about our chiIdren.
-Wait, Dönmez!
You have the wrong chiId.
-Mr. Dönmez, it's about the chiId,
about our chiIdren.
-Wait. You have the wrong baby.
-I want nothing to do with you.
-Our chiIdren were switched|in the hospitaI.
-Mr. Dönmez, we have to taIk.
-About your deportation,|I never wanted that.
Dönmez, pIease.




Coffee...
Yes pIease.
If we come to an agreement,|Mr. Dönmez,
I can see to it that your probIems|in Vienna are soIved.
-I won't exchange my chiId|for a residence permit.
Besides, what can|a IittIe civiI servant Iike you do?
-FirstIy, it's not your chiId,
and secondIy, the Secretary of the|Interior happens to be a friend of mine,
weII,|at Ieast I know him personaIIy.
-What's his name?
-Heiri.
And his?
-KarIi.
-UncIe, uncIe...
-Why are you waiIing|Iike a jackass on fire?
-Do you know what I heard?|-No, what?
-You know the Austrian...|-Yes, so what?
-He sIept with Emre's wife.
-What? He sIept with Emre's wife?|-Yes.
-Emre,
get out here right now.
-What is it, Mayor?
-I'II teII you what, idiot?
Your wife was knocked up|by that preposterous person.
-What gave you that idea?
If that was true,|I wouId have kiIIed him Iong ago.
-What's going on?
-He heard from someone|that your husband sIept with me.
-No.
The man|who chased us out of Austria,
I toId you about him before.|-ReaIIy?
-Now he wants my chiId.
-What a deviI.
Leave him to me, you'II see.
Listen,
do you know what we do here|to peopIe Iike you?
-Mayor,
if you beIieve these Iies,|soon the whoIe viIIage wiII, too.
If the peopIe hear...|dangerous.
You sIept together.|-SIow down.
Who is spreading that nonsense?|-Okay, okay.
I'm starting to Iike the guy,|Iet's see what we can get.
-What did he say?
-We're going to a hoteI,
my hoteI, HoteI Mustafa.
Good...
and safe.
WeIcome, HoteI Mustafa.
Nice room.
-He is incredibIy cute,|the IittIe guy.
-Who?
-Heiri.
-I have the feeIing|he has your eyes.
-Do you think so?

I don't know.
-You know what?
I don't think|they'II ever give up the baby,
they've aIready gotten|so used to it.
-Emine is a nice woman.
-Be carefuI, Marion.
We mustn't get|emotionaIIy invoIved.


-Go and check on the baby.
-Mrs. Dönmez.
Emine.
-My husband isn't here.
-It's you I want to speak with.

-Come in.
-Marion?
Good morning.
-Ah. Good morning.
-Have you seen my wife?
-Wife gone?
-Yes, didn't you see her?
-Gone.
-Water gone, too?
-Water...
one week, refiIIed...
-I stiII don't know why|you are invoIved with this Mustafa.
-I bet it does seem strange,
but Mustafa has the entire viIIage|in his pocket.
In other words|he makes aII the decisions.
-It's the same way in Austria,|too.
-There's nothing nice about the man,
nevertheIess we had to|ask him for heIp.
We came here with hardIy any money,
and we didn't know what to do.
That's why we're at his mercy.
-Mustafa is a disagreeabIe person,|but at Ieast he heIps you.
-Even worse, he's a fooI.
He's such a fooI ...
that he wants|to controI ourfuture.
We wiII probabIy have to spend|the rest of our Iives in this viIIage.
I don't know|what wiII become of us here.
I'm a foreigner here ...
and I feeI Iike I'm imprisoned.
This isn't my home,
I didn't envision my Iife this way.
I don't know ...
what wiII become of my son.
-Have you ever considered having|both boys stay with us in Austria,
they couId go to high schooI together|and you couId come visit them...
-Never say that again,
never say that again.
I know you now, Marion,
you mean no harm,
I wouId never do that.
-Of course not,|I wouIdn't do it either.
-Woman, bring us fresh tea.
So, teII me,
how did this IittIe civiI servant|get a Mercedes.
-I don't know.
-You must know.
-AII over the worId|peopIe know what bribery is.
-Don't teII me he's corrupt too.
-My wife is gone,|have you seen her?
-Come with me.
Thank you, Mayor.
I wiII bring you to your wife.
-Carfinished?|-Car broken.
-Come.
-WonderfuI.

--Where is my wife?
-We missed her, the bathing hours|for women are over.
But you have to try this,
afterwards you feeI reborn.

I have to go to work now, have fun.
-He wants me|to reaIIy work this one over good.

-Dönmez!
Dönmez!
How do you expect to feed|a chiId, teII me that.
You're the viIIage idiot here!
-Better than being|a coId-hearted dog Iike you!
I can't hand my chiId over|to someone Iike you!
-Your chiId? You don't even want|your own chiId back.
-What are you saying?
-You don't even care.
-Or hasn't it sunk in? My chiId is|your chiId and your chiId is my chiId.
-Fine.
Then we trade chiIdren.
We each get our own baby.

-Nice haircut.
-Expensive.
-We trade chiIdren.
-It's finaIIy time.
-We need to taIk|with each other caImIy.
-TaIking is fine, but we must act.|-That's not the answer either.
-What's up, Hoca?
-We're going to|a circumcision ceremony.
-We thought we'd stop by.|-We need strong men.
Come aIong,|you can earn some spare change.
-The mayor says|you Iike our viIIage,
isn't it IoveIy...
I hope you stay with us.

My god, how adorabIe.
I hope we ceIebrate|his circumcision someday.
-What did he say?|-Sünnet.
-Sünnet?
What, circumcision?|-Yes.
-Are you cra"z"y? I'm not Ietting|my son be circumcised!
Give him to me!
-Have you gone cra"z"y?
The Imam invited us to see|a circumcision ceIebration, that's aII.
-Stefan isn't normaIIy Iike this.
He probabIy thought ...
they'd cut away|part of his mascuIinity.
-Circumcised men are better in bed.
Just kidding.
-Look,
my coIIeagues at work gave it to me.
-You must have been very popuIar.
-Yes, I was.
The beer here|doesn't taste good to me anymore.
-That's not very patriotic.
I'm awfuIIy sorry|about what happened in Vienna.
Ijust wanted you to know that.|-I know.
I know.
But I don't beIong here,
not anymore.
-But this is your home.
-It used to be.
I'm a man who comes back ...
without having|accompIished anything.
The onIy difference|is that now I have a son.
-With me it's ...
aImost exactIy the same...
A chiId.
-I thought where you come from|that isn't so important.
-But it is for me,|do you understand?
-I've thought about it ...
and I wiII die of shame,
but we have to ...
have a bIood test done.
-Yes.
We have to find out once and for aII|which chiId is which.
But not in Turkey.
In Austria. You'II have to|give us Heiri for a few days.
-Heiri isn't going|an"yw"here without us.
-Don't you trust me?
-No.
-It was onIy a joke.
And what if we take you back|with us?
AII three of you.
-You want to smuggIe us|over the border?
-Don't you think|I have the guts?
-You must be drunk,
you must be drunk.
We don't even have your car.
-They've got to|finish fixing it some time.
-It'II be a Iong time|before Mustafa ...
hands it over.
Never.
-That's what he thinks,
he doesn't know|who he's deaIing with.
-Cheers, my friends.
-Cheers, Mayor.
-Yes, my friends, just Iook at|the pashas my famiIy produced,
am I right?|-AbsoIuteIy.
-ShouId I sit here and rot?|-Of course not, Mayor.
-Good thing|the Austrian came aIong.
I sent word to IstanbuI,
there is interest in our region.|Don't miss this chance,
otherwise I can do nothing foryou.
They were excited immediateIy,|they wiII be here in a few days.

Doubters amongst you,|I shaII show you how tourism is run.
-UncIe, uncIe.|-What is it?
-Do you know what Ijust saw?|-What?
-The Austrian...
-Quiet. When the mayor speaks,|don't interrupt him.
I'II be right back, Mayor.

-Do you aIso have pIans|for me, Mayor?
-Of course I've thought of you too,|my son.
You wiII be the manager|of one of my hoteIs.
-Oh thank you, thank you.
We're getting into|the tourist business.
-How can you just sit here|with yourfriends?
Your wife and chiId are at home.|Aren't you ashamed? Your son's crying.
Go home now.
-Did everything go weII?|-Yes, fine.
-God protect you.
''SIeep, my chiId, sIeep,
''sIeep so you wiII grow up big,
''so you can take great strides,
''so you wiII become|an important man.''
-Are you coming or not?
-Why are you so uptight?|-Don't be stupid.
Come on, Iet's get it over with,|you're aImost done.
-If we kiss a IittIe,|I'II come sooner.
-For 500 schiIIings,|what do you think?
Do you want to finish?|-No tongue, just the Iips.
-If you act stupid, give me|my money. I'm Ieaving.
-We're bound to find someone here.
-You take care of it.
-Wish me Iuck.


-Stick your tongue in your mother!|-Don't taIk Iike that about my mother.

Friggin' whore!|-Bastard!
-Excuse me, miss,
can I have a moment of your time?
-Are you Austrian?
Where's your car?
-Let's go over there.
TeII me,
what was with the truck driver,|did he or didn't he?
-Do I Iook Iike a fooI?
He wanted to stick his tongue in my|mouth for 500 schiIIings, I'm no dog.
-And if you made an exception|and did a tongue job,
I don't know,|how much wouId that cost,
approximateIy?
-2000.
-That's for the whoIe night, right?
-If you're gonna bargain,|take a hike.
-SIow down,
I'II give you 1,150 schiIIings,|that's aII I have,
and you give him|the speciaI service.
-What?
No kinky stuff. If you're thinking|of both of you doing it with me...
-No, just him and you.|Now take the money,
go to him and give him my regards.
Go on.
-Shit, shit, shit.
-What?
-Do you know what I'II get...?
Any idea what I'II get ...
if they catch me with you?|-What did you say?
-5 years in the sIammer|for one shitty bIow job.
-What's wrong?
What are you doing?|What are you doing?
-WiII you teII me|what's going on here?
You can't do this,|we're not even at the borderyet.
-That's right.|-But that was the arrangement.
-Look bud, if they catch me,|I'm up shit creek back home,
I can drive a friggin'|horse-drawn carriage.
I don't wanna drive|a carriage for a Iiving.
-Nothing can happen. You Iet him get in|the back of your cab and we're aII set.
-Are you going to jaiI for me?
-You had a girI,|you want another one?
-I'm not going to jaiI foryou.
-Look, you get in and we get in.|-Get your hands off me.
-We'II take his bag...|-Lay off.
-You gave your word.
-You fucking, stupid ...
Mercedes driver.
-PIease.
-You're an asshoIe.
You're such a miserabIe creep,|a yeIIow-beIIied worm.
You big ugIy baby,|good-for-nothing, impotent asshoIe.
You're a fucking,|shit-faced piece of shit.
-Marion, forget it.|-You yeIIow-beIIied, impotent asshoIe!
-I'm not impotent.
-I'm going to cIose it now.
Everything OK?
-Thank you.
-Keep quiet now.

-Damn, I knew this wouId happen.
-KarIi, pIease cry.
KarIi, I said to cry.
-They're searching|those peopIe's car up there.
-Stay caIm, everything wiII be fine.
They won't search a Mercedes.|They don't stop cars Iike ours.
-Marion...
Let's just pray that Emre makes it|through the CO2 check.
Good morning.|-Good morning,
weIcome to Austria.
CouId you puII over to the right,
pIease.
-That's it.
They've got us.
We'II Iet her out,
maybe we'II get|mitigating circumstances.
-Mr. Strohmayer,
my coIIeagues|recogni"z"ed you immediateIy.
You were here|with the Secretary of the Interior.
-I thought you wanted to search my car.|-Not at aII,
Ijust wanted to offeryou|a cup of coffee,
and give you the chance to Iook around|without aII those pesky reporters.
-Everything's OK.
Everything is OK.
But we reaIIy work hard ...
to be abIe to maintain security.
I thought you might want|to put in a good word for us ...
back at the FederaI Department,
nothing officiaI, though.|That's often most effective.
I'm not actuaIIy in charge|of such matters...
If we want to combat the smuggIing|of human beings here,
the Department of the Interior|must do a Iot more.
We have the equipment now,
but not enough peopIe,
not enough trained men.
WouId you Iike|to test the CO2 probe?
-Sorry, but I reaIIy must go.|The baby gets restIess.
You understand, next time maybe.|Good-bye.
CouId I give that a try after aII?
-Of course.
First you measure the air content.
How much is it?|-It's fine.
-And now the probe.
CarefuI...
And?
-This one's cIean.
Thank you. This one's fine.
Thank you.
Here's my card,|feeI free to give me a caII.
I'II see what I can do foryou.|Good-bye.
Marion.

-Attention, iIIegaI aIien!
-Run, you idiot,
get out of here!|-Emre!
Emre!
-I've never seen you this way,|Mr. Deputy Assistant CIerk.
Why are you interested|in this story?
I mean, this kind of thing|happens every day.
It's a jungIe out there.
-Look,
this isn't by any means easy for me,|but I have my reasons,
and you reaIIy couId do me this favor.|-Yes, yes, I know.
-The babies reaIIy touch one's heart.
-It is indeed a heart rending story.
-You scratch my back,|I scratch yours.
-ExceIIent,
that's exactIy what I had in mind.
-It's not time yet,|we're stiII on pIayback.
No need for inhibitions, if you feeI|Iike crying, that's great, too.
Don't get nervous,|everything wiII be fine.
And I'd say, Iet's Iet the Strohmayers|answer the questions,
they're easier to understand|and it makes a better impression.
There, that's better, thank you.
-Those were the Iadies|from the beIIy dancing cIub...
-Jeannie.
-...from Lin"z",
and you're aII...|-Housewives.
Thank you foryour performance.
These speciaI guests|have shown us ...
how dancing and exercise can ...
keep you fit and happy.
For them this is no Ionger|just a hobby,
it has become a passion.
And now,
an incredibIe story ...
about parentaI|Iove and desperation.
A story that|was in aII the media:
An Austrian chiId|deported to Turkey ...
and a courageous,|determined father ...
who wants his chiId|back at aII costs.
But what do you do|when you have Ioved a chiId,
Iooked after ...
and cared for it,
onIy to discover that it|isn't your own chiId after aII?
Let us aII weIcome ...
the Strohmayer and Dönmez|famiIies.
Good evening,
pIease have a seat.
-OK, here comes my main man.
Look, there he is, that's him.
That's my man.
My man with the aIien poIice.
Now I aIways bring over cigarettes,|nothing can happen to me.
That's the dude I had in my truck,
Mr. fe"z"-head.
I had vegies in back. Their probe|wouIdn't have detected shit ...
because the stuff peopIe give off ...
is the same as|what vegetabIes give off.
Look, see the kids,
the two kids.
TotaI babes, huh? Both of them.
-A IittIe exotic maybe, but not bad.
-B"ut what do you do ..."
{y:i}when you have loved a child,|{y:i}looked after and cared for it,
{y:i}only to discover that it isn't|{y:i}your own child after all?
{y:i}Let us all welcome ...
{y:i}the Strohmayer and Dönmez families.
-It's a great opportunity|before the eIection,
you can beef up|your popuIarity ratings.
-Let me think about this:
If I do nothing, I'm an ass ...
who Iets them wrench IittIe kids|away from their parents.
-"Mrs. Strohmayer,"|{y:i}could you tell us...
-If I intervene...
-No one is going to say anything.
He'II just make|an asshoIe of himseIf.
No, I definiteIy think now|is the time for maudIin poIitics.
-Don't be sarcastic.
What I want to know is who got|the press onto this story anyhow.
-Here are the two famiIies who have had|to endure this emotionaI tug-of-war.
And we're taIking about|the strongest of aII emotions here:
motherIy Iove.
-"Of course at first"|{y:i}it was a shock because ...
{y:i}Karli had been living with us|{y:i}for three months, and ...
{y:i}Karli is our child.
-"Yes, l can understand that,"
{y:i}but which baby do you love now?
-"l can't answer that."
-Mrs. Strohmayer,
can you teII us ...
how you feIt when you Iearned ...
that your baby|wasn't your baby after aII?
-Of course at first|it was a shock because ...
KarIi had been Iiving with us|for three months, and ...
KarIi is our chiId.|-Yes, I can understand that,
but which baby do you Iove now?
-I can't answer that.
I can't imagine|not Ioving either one of them.
{y:i}l can't imagine|{y:i}not loving either one of them.
-"And what about you,"|{y:i}Mrs. Dönmez?
-"l love both children the same."
{y:i}So you see,|{y:i}ladies and gentlemen,
{y:i}this tragedy has to move|{y:i}anyone who has a heart.
B"ut the laws"|{y:i}are straightforward,
{y:i}little Heiri|{y:i}must go back to Turkey.
And what about you, Mrs. Dönmez?
-I Iove both chiIdren the same.
-So you see, Iadies and gentIemen,
this tragedy has to move|anyone who has a heart.
But the Iaws are straightforward,|IittIe Heiri must go back to Turkey.
Both coupIes are being separated from|a chiId that they Iove as their own.
TeII me, Mr. Strohmayer,
is it especiaIIy terribIe for a father|to Iose his son?
-I don't think that's the point,|it wouId be the same with a daughter.
Of course it's difficuIt...
You don't have chiIdren|of your own, do you?
-And what about you, Mr. Dönmez?
-Both Heiri and KarIi are my sons.
-Yes, it's the same way with me,
and that's why we want|the Dönmez famiIy to get ...
another chance in Austria.
-Ladies and gentIemen, Ijust got word|that we have a caIIer on the Iine,
and it happens to be ...
the Secretary of the Interior.
-"l will do everything"|{y:i}in my power...
{y:i}to prevent this drama|{y:i}from continuing.
{y:i}l am sure we will come up with|{y:i}a decent and fair solution.
-Just Iook at that,
not bad aII this huIIabaIoo, hmm?
-I shouId have prevented the mix-up|in the first pIace.
-SiIIy girI.
Do you think I wouId have permitted|the babies to get mixed up?
-What?
The chiIdren never were...
-I couId never do a thing Iike that.
-What a fooI I was|to go running to them...
-It was aII part of the pIan.
-We're about to|find out once and for aII,
the test is 100% accurate.
-Yes.
-We have no other choice?
-That's right.
-Soon aII our probIems wiII be soIved.
-Just a few more days.
-Afew days reprieve.
-We couId just waIk away,|what do you think?
-We waIk away.
-Have they gone cra"z"y?
-That's wonderfuI. Something|on the beach, with paIm trees.
-What about the test?
-Mustafa'II be our activity coordinator.|-When do we find out?
-It doesn't need|to be big, our hoteI.
-Not at aII,|we'II just seII the apartment.
-When do we get the resuIts back?|-We don't.
-What?
-That's right, no resuIts,|we scrapped the tests.
-We don't need them.
-We don't need them, exactIy.
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