High school is like[br]the training wheels...
for the bicycle of real life.
It is a time when[br]young people can explore...
different fields of interests...
and hopefully learn[br]from their experiences.
In coming to terms[br]with my own personal setback...
I have been able to learn...
that I don't need to rely[br]on drugs and alcohol...
and that I'm very lucky...
that more people[br]besides myself and Kerry...
weren't injured in the accident.
And I have learned...
that to overcome[br]life's obstacles...
you need faith, hope...
and above all, a sense of humor.
No more education
It's time for celebration
'Cause this is the day[br]of our high school graduation
We've stayed for the duration
Now we're the newest members[br]of the general population
God, what a bunch of retards.
God, I know.[br]I thought that chipmunk face...
was never going to shut up.
I know.[br]I liked her so much better...
when she was[br]an alcoholic crack addict.
She gets in one car wreck...
and all of the sudden[br]she's Little Miss Perfect...
and everyone loves her.
Let's see if they gave me[br]the right diploma.
These assholes are saying[br]I have to go to summer school...
and take some stupid art class.
God, I didn't think that[br]just because you get an "F"...
you have to take the whole class[br]over again.
Wow. This is so bad,[br]it's almost good.
This is so bad, it's gone past[br]good and back to bad again.
At least[br]we'll never have to see...
any of these creepy faces[br]ever again.
Unless they're[br]in your summer school class.
-Don't turn around.[br]-What? Why?
-Don't turn around.[br]-Damn it.
Oh, my God. You guys,[br]I can't believe we made it.
Yeah.[br]We graduated high school.
How totally amazing.
So, what are you guys[br]doing this summer?
Well, I'm going[br]to this actor's workshop...
and I'm hoping[br]to start auditions soon.
Oh, we have to get together[br]this summer.
Yeah.[br]That'll definitely happen.
Well, bye, you guys.
-Hey, Rebecca.[br]-Oh, hi.
So, we finally--
What about me?[br]Am I not even here?
-So, we finally made it, huh?[br]-Yeah.
So, where are you going to go[br]to college?
Both of you? Why not?
Yeah, we made other plans.
I guess[br]I should have figured...
that you two[br]would do something different.
So, Todd, what are you[br]going to be when you grow up?
Well, I'm majoring[br]in Business Administration...
and thinking of minoring[br]in Communications, so--
See, that's exactly the type[br]of thing we're trying to avoid.
Look at this.
Is Stacy Himmler[br]going out with Rod Harbaugh?
Oh, God. How perfect.
He better watch out, or he'll[br]get AIDS when he date-rapes her.
Where is the love
You said you'd give to me
As soon as you were free?
Will it ever be?
God, just think.[br]We'll never see Dennis again.
No, really.[br]Think about that.
It's actually[br]totally depressing.
Is it crazy for an oil company[br]to care about the environment?
We don't think so.
I already told you[br]I'm not going to college.
I think it's a good idea[br]to keep all your options open.
You can even enroll[br]in the winter quarter.
Actually, you could live here...
and go to the city college[br]part time...
and still get a job if you want.
Look at me.[br]I'm not even listening...
to a word you're saying.
Did I tell you who I ran into[br]at the bagel place?
-Guess.[br]-How should I know?
Well, someone from the past.
-Who?[br]-You give up?
-Not the Maxine?[br]-Yeah.
Oh, God. How horrifying.
It's very good.
Check out these people[br]behind you.
I'm totally convinced[br]they're Satanists.
So when are we gonna start[br]looking for our apartment?
I have to wait and see how[br]this summer class goes first.
God, it's so weird that we're[br]finally out of high school.
We've been waiting for this[br]our whole lives.
It's such a weird feeling.
Yeah.[br]It hasn't really hit me yet.
Well, well, well.
If it isn't Enid and Rebecca--
the little Jewish girl[br]and her Aryan friend.
-You're late, asshole.[br]-Fine, and how are you?
Did you bring the tape?
You never paid me for that tape[br]of the lndian dance routine.
Yes, I did.
You Jews[br]are so clever with money.
Fuck you![br]You stupid redneck hick.
Oh, my God.[br]Look, the Satanists are leaving.
Hey, we should follow them.
Oh, we totally have to.
Oh, my God!
So, what do you do[br]if you're a Satanist, anyway?
Sacrifice virgins and stuff.
Well, that lets us off the hook.
How the hell[br]did we get so far behind them?
I don't know.[br]That's just great.
Oh, my God. Look at this.
"Wowsville"?[br]Authentic Fifties diner?
Since when were there mini-malls[br]in the 1950s?
Who could forget this great hit[br]from the Fifties, huh?
I feel as though[br]I've stepped into a time warp.
Hey, check out the awesome[br]Fifties hairdo on our waiter.
Hi.[br]My name is Allen...
and I'll be your waiter[br]this afternoon.
-Hi, Al.[br]-Can we call you "Weird Al"?
I'd imagine so.
You should check out[br]the personals.
Maybe our future husbands[br]are trying to contact us.
Here we go.
"Windsurfing doctor, Mensan IQ,[br]maverick Sagittarius.
"Let's hit the clubs,[br]make each other laugh."
You can have that one.
Jesus, listen to this one.
"Do you remember me,[br]airport shuttle, June 7?
"You, striking blond[br]with yellow dress...
"pearl necklace, brown shoes.
"I was the bookish fellow[br]in the green cardigan...
"who helped you find[br]your contact lens.
"Am I crazy,[br]or did we have a moment?"
God, that's so pathetic.
I mean, she probably[br]didn't even notice him.
And he's psychotically obsessing[br]over every little detail.
We should call him[br]and pretend to be the blond.
Oh, we totally have to.
It's his machine.
Hi, it's me.
Your striking blond.
Of course I remember you.
Let's get together for lunch[br]sometime.
How about Friday at 1:00?
Meet me at my favorite[br]restaurant--Wowsville.
It's in the mall[br]on Century Parkway.
See you there, darling.
Oh, yeah, and be sure to wear[br]that sexy green cardigan.
Oh, it's that comedian[br]I was telling you about.
-I still live with my mother.[br]-He's the absolute worst.
So what if she's been dead[br]for fifteen years?
See?[br]That's barely even a joke.
Well, it's like I always say--
take my life...please.
Joey McCobb, the weirdest man[br]in show business.
If he's so weird,[br]how come he's wearing Nikes?
Joey McCobb is our god.
-I want to do him.[br]-I bet.
Actually,[br]he kind of reminds me...
of that one guy[br]you went out with--Larry.
God,[br]what look was he going for...
a gay tennis player[br]from the Forties?
-Fuck you.[br]-You dated him.
Why do you have this?
I don't know. You lent it to me[br]in, like, tenth grade.
Oh, look at how cute I am.
What a little hose bag.
Look, there's my dad[br]with Maxine.
God, look at her.[br]What a fucking monster.
If he starts dating her again,[br]I'll kill myself.
Listen, lady, you tell me[br]you want to relax your hair.
Sing it a lullaby or use this.[br]It's all I've got.
Hey, what you doing?
You have five minutes[br]left on your shift.
Well, hello there, young[br]employee of the Sidewinder.
Look, I already told you guys,[br]I'm not giving you a ride.
What can you tell me,[br]young man...
about the various flavors[br]of frozen yogurt?
I'll be done in a minute.[br]Can you guys just wait outside?
I don't understand.[br]I simply wish to know--
Josh, what are you doing?
In addition to our favorites,[br]chocolate and vanilla...
this week we are featuring[br]six-gun strawberry...
wild cherry roundup,[br]and ten-gallon tangerine.
I don't believe[br]I care for any of those.
What's up, Josh? Give me[br]two packs of cigarettes today.
Working overtime. Sixteen hours.
And nature's nectar,[br]wake-up Juice.
And give me[br]six of these beef jerkys.
I'm hungry enough to chew[br]the crotch out of a rag doll.
Hey! Hey, you!
How many times I tell you?[br]No shirt, no service.
Get the hell out of my store.
What do you think this is,[br]Club Med?
It's America, dude.[br]Learn the rules.
No, you learn the rules.[br]We Greeks invented democracy.
-You also invented homos.[br]-Fuck you.
You wish.[br]You got to buy me dinner first.
Can we talk about this[br]in a minute?
Seriously, I'm, like,[br]this close to being done.
Son of a bitch.
What do you think you're doing?
Turn off that goddamn noise.
Rock 'n' roll, baby.[br]Freedom of speech.
What do you think this is,[br]Woodstock?
-That guy rules![br]-Who, Doug?
That guy spends more time[br]in here than I do.
It's my parking lot!
So, Josh,[br]will you please give us a ride?
-Please? It'll be super fun.[br]-Please, Josh?
Look, I don't see[br]why you guys even need a ride.
You could walk there[br]in two minutes.
It's just an excuse for us[br]to spend time with you, Josh.
If this guy freaks out,[br]will you protect us?
This guy[br]has every reason to freak out.
This is a pretty fucked up thing[br]to do to somebody.
I think Josh[br]is becoming too mature for us.
Oh, look, maybe that's him.
No. It's still[br]twenty-five minutes too early.
Aren't there[br]a million places like this?
No. This is the ultimate.
It's, like, the Taj Mahal[br]of fake Fifties diners.
So, where's the Weird AI guy?
There he is back there.
I can see his hair[br]bobbing up and down.
I want to make love to him.
I'm gonna tell him[br]you said that.
So nice to see you again,[br]ladies.
Hi, Weird Al.[br]My friend here has--
-She says she wants to--[br]-Shut up!
Oh, my God.
God, that is obviously him.
Oh, my God. He just ordered[br]a giant glass of milk.
That's a vanilla milkshake.
Oh, God,[br]this is totally unbearable.
Fucking asshole![br]What's wrong with you?
Oh, my God. It's him.
-Can anybody drive?[br]-He's insane.
-We should follow him home.[br]-Forget it.
Come on, Josh. Don't you want[br]to see where this guy lives?
God, he lives[br]right in our neighborhood.
He doesn't even look[br]all that bummed out really.
Wouldn't he be, like,[br]totally pissed off?
This type of thing[br]must happen to him all the time.
Mirror, father, mirror.
That piece is entitled[br]"Mirror, Father, Mirror."
I like to show it...
to people that I'm meeting[br]for the first time...
because I think it says so much[br]about who I am...
and what it feels like[br]to inhabit my specific skin.
And this is exactly[br]what I'm hoping to get...
from each of you[br]over the course of this summer--
a picture[br]of your own self-exploration.
Now, my own background is[br]in video and performance art...
but I'm hoping that doesn't[br]influence you too much...
and you'll find your own ways[br]of externalizing the internal.
And at the end of the summer,[br]this class has been invited...
to participate[br]in a show of high school art...
at the neighborhood[br]activity center.
The title of the show will be...
"Brotherhood and Community:[br]Art as Dialogue."
Are there any questions so far?
This is really creepy.
We just need to find out[br]what apartment he's in...
and we'll stalk him[br]from a distance.
I'm afraid if I see him,[br]I'll feel really bad again.
This is girl mail.
This is computer catalogs[br]and stuff.
"The W.C. Fields Fan Club[br]Newsletter"?
Oh, my God. The National[br]Psoriasis Foundation?
-Bingo.[br]-Did you hear something?
What if he recognizes us?
Eww, look at this.
It looks like a gross rat.
That's a mongoose.
How much is it?
That's not officially for sale.
I might have to hang on to that[br]for the time being.
So, you looking for anything[br]in particular?
Do you have any other[br]old records besides these?
Oh, him. Seymour.
He's the man with the records.
Do you have[br]any old lndian records?
Yeah. You know, like, old lndian[br]1960s rock 'n' roll music.
I may have one Hindu 78...
in my collection[br]from the Twenties...
but it's not really for sale.
I don't really collect foreign.
Those are all 78s.[br]You play 78s?
Maybe not 78s,[br]but I can play regular records.
Well, there's[br]some good stuff in here.
-You like old music?[br]-Yeah, it's good.
There's some choice LPs[br]in here...
that reissue some really great[br]old blues stuff.
How about this one?[br]ls it any good?
No, that one's not so great.
This is the one I'd recommend.
This track alone[br]by Memphis Minnie...
is worth about $500[br]if you own the original 78.
I know the guy[br]who owns the original...
and lent it for use[br]on this reissue.
-How much is it?[br]-$1.75.
If you don't like it, you can[br]bring it back for a refund.
We're here every Saturday.
I'm sure it's OK.
It was so cute[br]how he had his own little bags.
I thought[br]I was going to start crying.
Yeah, he should totally[br]just kill himself.
Oh, here's one.
But you have to share with a...
"nonsmoking feminist[br]and her two cats."
I don't know.[br]I kind of like him.
He's the exact opposite[br]of everything I really hate.
In a way,[br]he's such a clueless dork...
he's almost kind of cool.
That guy is many things,[br]but he's definitely not cool.
This would be good,[br]but there's no kitchen.
Yeah, but...[br]you know what I mean.
Forget it.[br]I can't explain it.
Oh, my God.[br]What are you guys doing here?
What are you doing here,[br]Melorra?
My acting workshop[br]is across the street from here.
I'm just on my break.
Well, we won't keep you.
I love this place.
It's so, I don't know...[br]You know, funky.
So, what are you guys up to?
We're looking for apartments.
God, how cool.[br]Where are you moving?
We don't know yet.[br]That's why we're looking.
God, that's so exciting.
Oops, I should go.
Bye, you guys. Call me.[br]Bye.
What, is she black now?
So, I was thinking that when[br]we look for our apartment...
we have to convince these people[br]that we're totally rich yuppies.
What are you talking about?
That's who people[br]want to rent to.
So all we have to do is buy[br]semi-expensive outfits...
and I think it's no big deal.
It'll be really fun.
Honey,[br]have you seen my blue spatula?
What, are you making pancakes?
Not if I can't find[br]that goddamn spatula.
That's just great.[br]When did you do that?
God, how long[br]have you been standing there?
Hey, look. There's the pants.
Where are we going?
Let's go hassle Josh.
-Oh, look, there he is.[br]-As always.
Waiting for the bus[br]that never comes.
I wonder[br]if he's just totally insane...
or he really thinks[br]the bus is coming?
Why don't you just ask him?
Hi. What's your name?
-Are you waiting for a bus?[br]-Yes.
I hate to tell you this...
but they canceled this bus line[br]two years ago.
There are no more buses[br]on this street.
You don't know[br]what you're talking about.
I bet he's in there jerking off.
I'll bet he never jerks off.
Yeah, he's beyond[br]human stuff like that.
Should we leave a note?
-Yeah. You got a pen?[br]-Yeah.
"Dear Josh,[br]we came by to fuck you...
"but you were not home.[br]Therefore, you are gay.
"Signed Tiffany and Amber."
-You're going to leave that?[br]-Why not?
Why do we have to go in here?[br]I hate this place.
Don't worry.[br]It'll only take a second.
Whoever told you[br]that bullshit about boiling...
is out of his mind.
Carpet beetles are the only way[br]to get flesh off a corpse.
I'm just telling you[br]what he said.
Don't you creeps[br]ever talk about anything nice?
Don't you ever talk about fluffy[br]kittens or the Easter Bunny?
Look who's talking,[br]Little Miss Badass.
Yeah, nice outfit.
Who are you supposed to be,[br]Cyndi Lauper?
Blow me, doofus.
Oh, my God.[br]Didn't they tell you?
-Tell me what?[br]-Punk rock is over.
I know it's over, asshole.
Want to fuck up the system?[br]Go to business school.
That's what I'm going to do.
Get a job[br]at some big corporation...
and, like, fuck things up[br]from the inside.
-You know, I'm not even trying--[br]-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hey, do you have my money?
Oh, how punk.
You know that tape sucked,[br]by the way?
-So sorry if it offended Jew.[br]-Go die, asshole.
-Get a job.[br]-God, fuck you.
Can we go now?
You know, it's not like[br]I'm some modern punk, dickhead.
It's obviously a 1977[br]original punk rock look.
Johnny Fuckface over there[br]is too stupid to realize it.
I didn't really get it, either.
Everyone's too stupid.
It took me a while before I got[br]a chance to actually play it...
but once I heard that song,[br]it was like--
You liked it, huh?
There's[br]some really rare performances.
What about--Did you like[br]the Memphis Minnie?
That was good, too.[br]The whole record was good...
but that one song,[br]"Devil Got My Woman..."
I mostly just keep playing that[br]over and over.
Do you have any other records[br]like that?
There are no other records[br]like that.
Actually, I have the original 78[br]in my collection.
It's one of maybe[br]five known copies.
Yeah. Do you want to see it?
I can run upstairs[br]and get it.
Watch my stuff.
Here we go. It's...
It's only about a B-minus.
It's got[br]an incipient lam crack...
but it plays decent[br]as I recall.
-Oops, I dropped it![br]-Jeez!
I was only kidding.
Jesus, Seymour,[br]are you all right?
Yeah, it's just...
it's very valuable.
Now, last week, I asked you...
to try to create[br]a piece of artwork...
that responds to something[br]you have strong feelings about.
I merely want to help you[br]find...
the best way[br]to look within yourselves...
the best key[br]to your particular lock.
And it looks like we have some[br]really interesting work up here.
What can you tell us[br]about your piece...
It's about The Mutilator.
It's a really great[br]video game...
about a guy who kills people[br]with a big hammer.
Oh. I thought maybe this was[br]supposed to be your father.
What can you tell us[br]about this piece..
Well, it's kind of a diary,[br]I guess.
I think that Phillip and Enid[br]can help us to see that...
there are many different ways[br]we can express ourselves.
We can do things like these[br]cartoons that are amusing...
as a sort of[br]a light entertainment...
or we can do work[br]that is more serious...
in scope, in feeling,[br]and that deals with issues--
of great importance.
Who is responsible for this?
Talk to us about it.
It's my response to the issue[br]of a woman's right to choose.
It's something[br]I feel super strongly about.
Isn't this[br]a wonderful piece, class?
This definitely falls into[br]that higher category of art...
I was speaking of earlier.
In a world where[br]nothing is what it seems...
in a time of uncertainty...
the future[br]is about to be placed...
Hello.[br]Welcome to Masterpiece Video.
How may I help you[br]this afternoon, sir?
I'm looking for a copy[br]of "8 1/2."
Is that a new release, sir?
No.[br]It's the classic ltalian film.
I'll just check that[br]on the computer for you, sir.
Hello! How are you[br]young ladies this afternoon?
May I help you find[br]a particular Masterpiece movie?
Yes, here it is.
"9 1/2 Weeks"[br]with Mickey Rourke.
That would be[br]in the erotic drama section.
No, not "9 1/2," "8 1/2."[br]The Fellini film.
How about this one?
Forget it.[br]I'm sure it sucks.
All these movies suck.
America's top critics agree--
"The Flower[br]That Drank The Moon..."
Let's get out of here.[br]This place makes me sick.
We have to do something fun[br]tonight.
It's my last weekend of freedom[br]before I start my stupid job.
I know a party[br]we could go to later.
It's a surprise.
Some records[br]I will pay serious money for...
provided[br]that they're a sincere V-plus.
Other than that, I just prefer[br]to have them on CD.
But CDs will never have[br]the presence of an original 78.
Wrong. A digital transfer,[br]adequately mastered...
will sound identical[br]to the original.
Do you have a decent equalizer?
-I have a Klipsch 2B3.[br]-Obviously the problem.
You expect[br]a ten-band equalizer...
to impart[br]state-of-the-art sound?
Dream a little dream.[br]It's never gonna happen.
I totally, totally hate you.
Come on.[br]This is a fun party.
Erskine Hawkins and[br]his orchestra, do you have that?
That's nice, but no.
-"Golden Wedding"?[br]-Oh, I know that.
What's the story with[br]the two cheerleaders over there?
Seymour? No.[br]You got to be kidding me.
Don't worry about it. I've lived[br]with the guy for five years.
He's not getting any.[br]Neither are you.
Hey, you know what?[br]Listen to me, Joe, all right?
Let me tell you something,[br]Joe, OK?
You can't score a home run[br]without swinging the bat.
All right?[br]Physically impossible.
Watch and learn, padre.
How's it going, Adam?
There's a seat right there.
-Mind if I sit down?[br]-Yes.
Oh, man. That was cold.
You're all right.
You're pretty sharp.
You're wearing a green dress.[br]What are you, lrish?
I bet you're lrish.[br]What's your name?
So listen to me, Melorra.
Let me tell you something.
You seem like[br]an interesting chick.
What are you doing hanging here[br]with all these losers?
What do you say you and me[br]go hit some night spots?
Well, Melorra,[br]I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get a beer.
No, Enid, wait.
Hey, that's all right.
It has a large center hole[br]and a hair crack.
But the crack is so tight,[br]it's completely inaudible.
But a tight hair crack[br]is just that--a crack.
I don't collect cracked records.
I only pay premium[br]on mint records.
Seymour, you know that.[br]Please.
So, what was all that about[br]enlarged holes and tight cracks?
I didn't think[br]you would have any interest...
in this get-together.
If you would have told me[br]you were coming...
I would have warned you it's not[br]like a real party or anything.
You're right about that.
So, is this[br]your record collection?
God, no. This is just junk[br]I have for sale.
-The record room is off limits.[br]-Really?
Are all these records?
I've got about 1,500 78s[br]at this point.
I've tried[br]to pare down my collection...
to just the essential.
Look at this room.
This is, like, my dream room.
Look at all this stuff.
You are, like,[br]the luckiest guy in the world.
I would kill[br]to have stuff like this.
Please.[br]Go ahead and kill me.
Oh, come on.[br]What are you talking about?
You think it's healthy[br]to obsessively collect things?
You can't connect[br]with other people...
so you fill your life[br]with stuff.
I'm just like all the rest of[br]these pathetic collector losers.
No, you're not.[br]You're a cool guy, Seymour.
Then how come I haven't had[br]a girlfriend in four years?
I can't even remember the last[br]time a girl talked to me.
I'm talking to you.
You know,[br]I bet there are tons of women...
who'd go out with you[br]in a minute.
I know I could get you a date[br]in, like, two seconds.
I mean it.[br]You leave everything to me...
I'm going to be your own[br]personal dating service.
Yeah, well, we should get back.
By the end of this summer...
you're going to be[br]up to your neck in pussy.
What about her?[br]Would you go out with her?
What kind of a question is that?
It's totally irrelevant,[br]because a girl like that...
would never be caught dead[br]with me.
Yeah,[br]but put that aside for now.
Would you go out with her?
I really didn't[br]get a good look at her.
Yes, you did. Whoa.
What about her? Are you[br]into girls with big tits?
I mean, as long as[br]she's not a complete imbecile...
and she's even[br]remotely attractive...
Hey, look, there's Norman.[br]Hi, Norman.
We need to find a place[br]where you can go...
to meet women[br]who share your interests.
Maybe I don't want to meet[br]someone who shares my interests.
I hate my interests.
List your five main interests[br]in order of importance.
I'd have to put[br]traditional jazz, blues...
and then ragtime[br]at the top of the list.
Right, so let's just say music.
That way, we only use up one.
Can we go in here for a second?[br]Just for a second.
Just stopping by to say hi.
This is my friend Seymour.
OK.[br]Well, we'll see you later, Josh.
Josh, what you goddamn doing?
Clean up that fucking mess![br]Jesus.
So, was that your boyfriend?
Josh?[br]He's nobody's boyfriend.
He's just this guy that[br]Becky and I like to torture.
But do you...[br]Are you going out--
Oh, my God.[br]We have to go in here. Come on.
Yeah, sure. Very funny.
Come on. Please?
Becky and I[br]have been dying to go in here...
but we can never find any boys[br]to take us.
-I would really rather not.[br]-Come on. Please?
Just for a minute.[br]It'll be a riot.
-I don't think so.[br]-Please. Please.
Oh, my God.[br]Look at all these creeps.
OK. Can we go?
This place is a total riot.
What are you doing?
Oh, my God.
Who would actually have sex[br]with this thing?
Come on. Can we go?
Seymour, you have to lend me[br]the money to buy this.
I don't really have[br]a lot of money on me right now.
Come on, Seymour. Please?
I don't want this showing up[br]on a credit card statement.
I'll get put[br]on some weird mailing list.
-It's not that much.[br]-That's not the point.
Gimme all your money, bitch.
Where did you get that?
You'll never believe it.[br]Guess.
No way. When?
Just now.[br]I went with Seymour.
I can't read[br]the trivia question.
"Where on the human body[br]is the Douglas pouch located?"
Slightly below[br]the uterus on a female.
He does that every single day.
I'll have a decaf-mocha to go.
Can I get you--
No, I do not want a biscotti[br]with that.
God. How can you stand[br]all these assholes?
Some people are OK...
but mostly I just feel like[br]poisoning everybody.
At least the wheelchair guy[br]is entertaining.
He doesn't even need[br]that wheelchair.
He's just totally lazy.
No, it really doesn't.[br]You'll see.
You'll get totally[br]sick of all the creeps...
and losers and weirdos.
But those are our people.
So, when are you going[br]to get a job?
I'm working on it.[br]Got a few leads.
Don't worry about it.[br]I'll get a job next week.
God, I can't believe you went[br]to Anthony's without me.
Honey, would you come in here[br]for a minute?
Sweetie, you remember Maxine?
I'm going to go to bed.[br]I'm really tired.
Honey, I made spaghetti.[br]You don't want some?
No. I have to get up early[br]for class tomorrow.
It's really quite something[br]to see you all grown up, Enid.
I'd love to know[br]what you're doing now.
I can't help but feel...
I had some small part[br]in how you turned out.
What are you studying?
You were always[br]such a smart little girl.
I'm taking a remedial[br]high school art class...
for fuck-ups and retards.
Who is this, Enid?
It's supposed to be Don Knotts.
And what was your reason for[br]choosing him as your subject?
I don't know.[br]I just like Don Knotts.
What do we have here, Margaret?
It's a tampon in a teacup.
I can see that.
What can you tell us about it?
First of all,[br]what kind of sculpture is this?
It's a found object.
That's where an artist[br]takes an ordinary object...
and places it[br]in an artistic context...
and thus, it becomes art.
But what can you[br]tell us about it...
in regard[br]to your artistic intent?
Well, I guess I see the teacup[br]as a symbol for womanhood.
Such as tea parties[br]in the olden days...
but instead of tea...
I was trying to kind of[br]confront people with this--
This shocking image[br]of repressed femininity.
Well, I think it's a really[br]wonderful piece...
and it illustrates perfectly[br]what I was saying...
about not being afraid[br]to use controversial imagery.
Oh. Well, this looks like[br]the work of Phillip.
Hey, you see that guy[br]over there?
-Which one?[br]-The blond guy over there.
He gives me, like,[br]a total boner.
He's, like, the biggest idiot[br]of all time.
You guys[br]up for some reggae tonight?
OK, you're right.
Sometimes[br]I think I'm going crazy...
from sexual frustration.
And you haven't heard[br]of the miracle of masturbation?
My band's playing here[br]on Friday night...
and there's going to be[br]a bunch of cool bands playing...
and you don't have to pay...
if you show them this flier[br]at the door.
You should come check it out.
Which band is yours?
It's Alien Autopsy.
maybe I'll see you there.
God, what a dork.
You're just jealous.
Trust me, at this point,[br]I'm past the fact...
that every single guy[br]likes you better than me.
Oh, face it. You just hate[br]every single guy...
on the face of the earth.
That's not true.
I just hate all[br]these extroverted, obnoxious...
The Donnie G show.[br]Donnie G!
Nothing but classic rock...
coming at you[br]this beautiful evening.
You're listening to KFTO--
God, that asshole's voice[br]is so hateful.
No wonder[br]I never listen to the radio.
Relax, Seymour. Relax.
He's just so shrill[br]and loud and piercing.
I feel like I'm being[br]jabbed in the face.
"KTO coming at you[br]on this beautiful evening."
Why'd you bring the record?
I brought it[br]so he can autograph it.
He's going to be amazed[br]to see it.
It's one[br]of only two known copies.
I can't believe they have him[br]as the opening act...
and not the headliner.
It's--What an insult.
There's gonna be lots of girls[br]to pick from at this bar.
I'm not holding my breath[br]in that department.
What, are we[br]in slow motion here?
What are you, hypnotized?
Have some more kids,[br]why don't you?
Jesus Christ, move it!
I can't believe these people.
They could at least turn off[br]their stupid sports game...
until he's done playing.
Don't go away.
We got Blues Hammer[br]coming up in just a minute.
Hey, check that out.
She's nice, but, you know...
Offer her a seat.
-I'll do it.[br]-No, no, no, no.
Wait. Let me think of something[br]to say to her first.
That was great music, huh?
Yeah, I just love blues.
Actually, technically,[br]what he was mostly playing...
would more accurately be[br]classified in the ragtime idiom.
Although, of course,[br]not in the strictest sense...
of the classical[br]ragtime piano music...
Iike that of Scott Joplin[br]or Joseph Lamb.
Authentic blues[br]has a more conventional...
twelve-bar structure[br]in its stanzas.
Oh. If you like[br]authentic blues...
you really gotta check out[br]Blues Hammer.
They're so great.
All right, people,[br]are you ready to boogie?
'Cause we gonna play[br]some authentic...
So get ready[br]to rock your world!
Well, I been plowin'[br]behind the mule, son
Picking cotton all day long
Yes, I been plowin'
Picking cotton all day long
I said, Lordy, baby
But my woman she be gone
Now I remember why I haven't[br]been anywhere in months.
It's simple for everybody else.
You give them a Big Mac[br]and a pair of Nikes...
and they're happy.
I can't relate to[br]ninety-nine percent of humanity.
I can't relate to humanity,[br]either...
but I don't think[br]it's completely hopeless.
Well, it's not[br]completely hopeless for you.
I'm not even[br]in the same universe...
as those creatures back there.
We just need[br]to find you a place...
where you can meet someone...
who isn't a complete idiot,[br]that's all.
Why do you care so much[br]if I get a date or not?
I don't know.
I guess I just can't stand[br]the idea of a world...
where a guy like you[br]can't get a date.
What is this, Seymour?
I borrowed that from work[br]about fifteen years ago.
I guess it's mine now.
What are you,[br]a Klansman or something?
Yeah, I'm a Klansman.
You know[br]the Cook's Chicken franchise?
"Four-piece Cook's special...
"deep-fried with side and slaw.[br]It's outrageous!"
Yeah, well,[br]Cook's is just a made up name.
Back in 1922...
they were originally called[br]Coon Chicken lnn.
That's an early painting[br]of their first logo.
How come everybody[br]doesn't know this?
It's ancient history.
Same reason nobody knows about[br]this Lionel Belasco record.
I was more interested in[br]the whole Cook's phenomenon...
when I was about your age.
Sort of lost interest[br]when I started working for them.
You work for Cook's Chicken?
For nineteen years.
Were you a fry cook[br]or something?
Nothing so glamorous, actually.
I'm an assistant manager[br]at their corporate headquarters.
Jesus. I'd go nuts if I had[br]to work in an office all day.
So I don't really get it.
Are you saying that things[br]were better back then...
even though[br]there was stuff like this?
I suppose[br]things are better now, but...
I don't know, it's complicated.
People still hate each other...
but they just know[br]how to hide it better.
Can I borrow this?
I promise[br]I'll take good care of it.
They're very sensitive about[br]that kind of stuff at work.
Don't you trust me, Seymour?
Let's address discussion[br]to this piece.
I don't like it.
Can you tell us why?
I don't know.
I think it's totally weird.
It's totally offensive.
Yeah. I agree.
It's not right.
Well, these are[br]all valid comments, but...
I think we should see[br]if the artist...
has anything to bring to this.
Well, I found this when[br]I was doing some research...
and I discovered[br]that Cook's Chicken...
used to be called Coon Chicken.
So I decided to do my project[br]based on this discovery...
as kind of a comment[br]on racism...
and how it's whitewashed over[br]in our culture.
Did you actually[br]do this painting?
Well, no,[br]it's more of a found art object.
How do you think this addresses[br]the subject of racism?
I guess I'm trying to show...
how racism used to be[br]more out in the open...
and now it's hidden[br]or something.
And how do you think[br]an image like this...
helps us to see that?
I'm not sure.
I guess because when[br]we see something like this...
it seems really shocking.
And we have to wonder[br]why it's so shocking.
I don't really[br]know what to say, Enid.
I think[br]it's a remarkable achievement.
I'm going to let you handle[br]the 4:30 crowd by yourself.
That way, I can evaluate your[br]performance while it's slow.
Then we'll ease you[br]into the big crowds, all right?
-You can count on me, sir.[br]-Cool.
Do you serve beer[br]or any alcohol?
Actually, you wish.
After about five minutes[br]of this movie...
you're going to wish[br]you had ten beers.
What are you doing? You don't[br]ever criticize the feature.
Why?[br]What's the difference?
I mean,[br]we already got his money.
Look, that's the policy, OK?
If you want to make up[br]your own rules...
open up your own theater.
And let me have lots of butter[br]on it.
Here you go.
Smothered in delicious[br]yellow chemical sludge.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I was just joking around[br]with the customers.
-It's my shtick.[br]-Well, lose it.
And why aren't you[br]pushing the larger sizes?
Didn't you get training[br]about up-sizing?
Yeah,[br]but I feel really weird.
It's pretty sleazy.
It's not optional!
Hi. Can I get a medium 7 Up?
Why, sir, do you not know[br]that for a mere 25 cents more...
you could purchase[br]a large beverage?
And you know,[br]I'm only telling you this...
because we're such good friends.
Medium[br]is really only for suckers...
who don't know[br]the concept of value.
What are you talking about?
What kind of loser gets fired[br]after one day?
Look, I told you.[br]The manager was a total asshole.
I'll get another job.
Besides, I have some ideas[br]to make money in the meantime.
I can't believe you're selling[br]some of this stuff.
Fuck it.[br]Everything must go.
I remember this hat.
This was during[br]your little old lady phase.
How much is this?
That's not for sale.
Wait a minute.[br]It says five dollars.
I know, it's...
That's a mistake.
I'm not selling it.
What was that all about?
I thought[br]"everything must go."
Like I'd let some asshole[br]with a soul patch own Goofy Gus.
How much for this dress?
God, I can't believe[br]you're selling that.
That's five hundred dollars.
You're crazy.[br]It should be, like, two dollars.
I was wearing that[br]when I lost my virginity.
Why do I care about that?
Why do you want it?
It would look stupid on you[br]anyway.
God! Fuck you!
So, now are you going to get[br]a regular job?
Do you want to do something[br]tonight?
I can't.[br]It's Seymour's birthday tonight.
Oh, shit.[br]What time is it?
I'm supposed to go to the store.[br]I was going to make him a cake.
Do you still want to go shopping[br]tomorrow?
Yeah, I guess. Call me.
Since when can you make a cake?
OK, you can open your eyes now.
Oh, hey. Thanks, Enid.[br]I really appreciate it.
No, blow it out, doofus.
-Are you OK?[br]-Yeah.
Oh, it's just my stupid back.[br]I'll be all right in a minute.
What is that?
It's just this elastic thing[br]I have to wear sometimes...
for lumbar support.
What, like a girdle?
Maybe now you can understand[br]why I can't get a date.
Well, at least[br]you're not the only one.
I think only stupid people[br]have good relationships.
That's the spirit.
Actually, there is this one guy[br]I have a crush on right now...
but...[br]totally fucked-up situation.
Yeah. You met him, remember?[br]That guy Josh.
But I can't do anything[br]about it...
because Becky[br]would totally freak out.
Just forget it.[br]It's complicated.
Aren't you going to get that?
Let the machine get it.
I have no desire to talk to[br]anyone who might be calling me.
I knew it. It's my mother.
Hi, I'm calling for...
You placed an ad in "The Weekly"[br]over a month ago, and...
well, I'm the blonde[br]in the yellow dress.
At least, I think I am.
I saw the ad[br]when you first placed it...
but I was in this relationship[br]at the time...
so I cut the ad out, and...
and I'm not[br]in a relationship anymore.
God, this is really confusing.
Anyway, if you still want[br]to talk to me...
I can be reached at 555-2673.
That's my work number...
and my name is Dana.
What was all that about?
It's just somebody's idea[br]of a joke.
That didn't sound like[br]a joke to me.
What, did you place an ad[br]in the personals or something?
Yeah, a long time ago.
She called before. It's just[br]somebody trying to humiliate me.
I think[br]you should call her back.
Oh, look.[br]We have to get these.
You know, I can't afford[br]stuff like this right now.
Look, I'm sick of waiting.
I mean, we have to get stuff[br]if we're ever going to move.
Aren't these the greatest?
What? They're nice.
I can't imagine spending money[br]on plastic cups.
You don't have to.[br]I'll pay for everything now...
and you can pay me back[br]when you finally get a job.
So, are we still going[br]to that thing tonight?
You know, that guy's band[br]is playing tonight.
Actually,[br]Seymour's big date is tonight.
And I kind of want to be around[br]when he calls...
you know, so I can hear[br]how badly it went.
God, I'm so sick of Seymour.
That was great.
Jeez, thanks a lot for cooking.
I love to cook.
Most women wouldn't invite a guy[br]over on the first date, but...
I think you should trust[br]your instincts.
When I talked to you[br]on the phone...
you just seemed so...[br]I don't know, so harmless.
I love this song.
Isn't it great?
Doesn't it[br]make you want to dance?
-Come on.[br]-No, I don't really dance.
Come on, Seymour.[br]Don't be silly.
Anybody can dance.
Here, follow me. Watch my feet.
Come on, Seymour.
Just feel the music.
Loosen up.[br]It's all in your head.
Here, let's put down[br]your bowl of ice cream.
Wow, it's 9:00 already.
If we're gonna make that movie,[br]don't you think we should go?
OK. Party pooper.
I'm so excited[br]to see this film.
Dustoff Varnya[br]is such a brilliant director.
Did you see his last film...
"The Flower[br]That Drank The Moon"?
It was glorious.
Must have missed that one.
Then again, what do I know?[br]I like Laurel and Hardy movies.
Really?[br]I never really cared for those.
Why does the fat one always have[br]to be so mean to the skinny one?
-Hello?[br]-Hey. It's me.
-Oh, hi.[br]-So, what happened?
Actually,[br]it's still kind of happening.
She's over here right now.[br]I think it's going pretty well.
-What? You're joking.[br]-Yeah, so I better go.
It's not really[br]the best time to talk, OK?
What, are you going to have sex[br]with her on your first date?
Jesus! I'll talk to you[br]later, OK? Bye.
That was my mother.
Do you still want[br]to do something tonight?
What happened to Seymour?
I can't believe this.[br]He actually scored.
God, how repulsive.
So, should I come over?
Actually, I was just about[br]to go out with some friends.
What are you talking about?[br]Who?
Just some people from work.
I don't believe you.
You said you were busy, so...
Look, I better get going.
I guess I'll call you tomorrow.
So, where have you been?
I've been looking[br]all over for you.
I've been wandering the streets[br]day and night...
trying to find you.
No. Joe told me where you are.
But how come you never call me[br]anymore?
I'm sorry.[br]I've just been really busy.
So, how are things going with...
What's her name? Dana?
Pretty well.[br]Surprisingly, you know.
What do you do together? ls she[br]into your old records and stuff?
Yeah, sort of. I mean,[br]she doesn't dislike that stuff.
Anyway, she's trying.
Actually, we're supposed to go[br]antique shopping...
for her apartment[br]this afternoon.
So, we should get together.
I'll definitely give you a call[br]this week or something.
Are you trying to get rid of me?
No, no, no.[br]It's just that l...
I should be going[br]in a few minutes, and...
Aren't you even going to ask[br]how I'm doing?
So, how are you?
I don't know.[br]Good, I guess.
Oh, hello.[br]Guess I'm a little early.
-This is Enid.[br]-Hello.
It's great to finally meet you.
So, how do you two[br]know each other?
I'm kind of surprised[br]he hasn't mentioned me.
-We're old friends.[br]-Really?
Yeah. Very close.
In fact, I was standing[br]right next to him...
the first day you called.
You know, if it wasn't for me...
he would have never[br]called you back.
-Is that right?[br]-I would have--
Well,[br]I've really got to get going...
but I'll stop by and see you[br]sometime, Seymour.
It really was great to meet you.
Now remember,[br]the art show is this Saturday...
7:30 p.m., sharp.
Oh, and Justin.
I'm gonna really miss[br]all of you people.
I hope that each of you[br]feels as if you'll be...
taking away something[br]from this experience.
Thanks.[br]So long, everyone.
Enid, can I speak to you[br]for a moment?
-Uh-oh.[br]-Don't worry, it's nothing bad.
I got a call[br]from a close friend of mine...
at the Academy of Art[br]and Design...
and she tells me I'm allowed[br]to place one student...
from your graduating class for[br]a full one-year scholarship...
and I took the liberty[br]of submitting your name.
As far as I know[br]it includes housing...
and meals and everything.[br]It's really quite an offer.
Let me know as soon as you can,[br]Enid.
This could be a really great[br]thing for you.
I'm coming in.
Well, I have some good news.
What is it now?
Are you still looking for a job?
Maxine thinks she can get you[br]a job at Computer Station.
Normally, you have to have[br]a lot of references....
and at least[br]two years of experience...
but she thinks[br]she can convince them.
Tell her to forget it.[br]I don't need her help.
You know, if that's...
Awful! Just awful!
I will take care of it,[br]I promise you.
I will handle it.[br]Thank you.
I'm sorry, I need to speak[br]with her for a second.
-Well, enjoy the show.[br]-Thank you.
Yes, what is it, Phyllis?
I am sorry...
but you are simply going to have[br]to remove that painting.
Several of the parents have[br]complained about it already.
Well, I will do no such thing.
Then I'm going to go over there[br]and take it down myself.
I think we should[br]give the artist a chance...
to talk with the parents about[br]her intentions with this piece.
We should be promoting[br]discussion as a solution...
instead of censorship.
Oh, that is such a big word[br]for you, Roberta.
-Do not touch that--[br]-OK, I have a solution.
Thank you, everyone,[br]for your patience.
Margaret, have you seen Enid?
-I don't think she's even here.[br]-You're kidding.
-All right. There we go.[br]-Thank you very much.
So there's this stupid art show[br]I'm going to tonight...
and I want you to be my date.
There's something[br]I want to show you.
Yeah, l...[br]I don't think I should.
Of course you should.
I'm already[br]a million hours late. Come on.
I better not.
OK, well, forget the art show.[br]Let's do something else, then.
I really wish I could,[br]Enid, but...
Dana just got out[br]of a really bad relationship...
and I don't want her to have[br]the wrong idea, you know?
Hey, what's happening?
Where'd you get those pants?
They were a present from Dana.
You like them? They a good fit?
Yeah, whatever. I mean,[br]what do I know about clothes?
It's nice to have somebody[br]do all the work for me.
I'll just be in my room.
What's her deal, anyway?
Did she actually tell you[br]that you can't see me anymore?
No. No, I mean...
Not exactly. She just...
She just doesn't understand how[br]I would know someone like you.
What does that mean,[br]"someone like me"?
Just someone so young.
Don't worry.[br]I won't bother you anymore.
Do you remember me?
You're, like, the only person[br]in this world I can count on...
because, no matter what,[br]I know you'll always be here.
Well, that's what you think.
I'm leaving town.
Where are we? This is[br]such a weird neighborhood.
This is a totally normal,[br]average neighborhood.
-That must be it.[br]-Great.
What? What's wrong with it?[br]It looks totally normal.
What? I said great.
Yeah, I can tell[br]you really love it.
What am I supposed to say?
"Gee, I can't wait to live[br]in some depressing shit-hole...
"out in the middle of nowhere"?
You know, you hate every single[br]place that we look at.
Why don't you just tell me[br]you don't want to live with me?
Because you'll totally freak out[br]and act like a psycho about it.
You're the psycho.
You've totally ignored me[br]ever since high school ended.
You're still living out some[br]stupid seventh-grade fantasy!
"Your own apartment."
Have fun living with your dad[br]for the rest of your life.
God. Fuck you, too.
Because, honey,[br]if something's wrong...
I'd love it[br]if we could talk about it.
It's nothing.[br]It's just some hormonal thing.
Don't worry about it.
OK, because I have some[br]very, very important news...
to talk about...
and if you're not feeling well,[br]we can do this some other time.
Well, Maxine and I have been[br]seeing a lot of each other.
And we were thinking[br]it might be really best...
for all of us[br]if at the end of the summer...
she came here to live with us.
We could really just see[br]how we got along together...
and see if this is--
Is this your first death mask?
All artists have to suffer.
Just a minute.
I brought the application[br]for the art academy.
I just hope it's not too late.
I am so sorry[br]about what happened, Enid.
What do you mean?
Well, the whole business[br]with the art show...
and the newspaper--[br]it's just absolutely...
They're forcing me[br]to give you...
a non-passing grade[br]in the class.
Can't I still get a scholarship[br]to the art academy?
-Well, I'm sorry, Enid--[br]-Can you help me out here?
-I can't breath under this mask.[br]-Excuse me.
That's fine. Just breathe.[br]Don't worry about it.
Hey, what are you doing here?
I needed to see you.
Can you at least let me in?
Yeah, sure. Come on in.
Look, I just need someone to be[br]nice to me for five minutes...
and then I swear[br]I'll leave you alone, OK?
What's the matter?
Do you have anything to drink?
There might be some root beer.
-What's this?[br]-That's Dana's.
We're supposed to be saving it[br]for our two-month anniversary.
You better not--
I mean, you like me,[br]right, Seymour?
We're good friends, right?
Yeah, sure. Of course.
What is this?
Dana got it when[br]we went shopping for antiques.
She said[br]it didn't go with her stuff...
so she gave it to me.
Said it would go better[br]with my old-time thingamajigs.
Jesus, how can you stand her?
How come all that time I was[br]trying to get you a date...
you never asked me out?
You're a beautiful young girl.
I couldn't imagine[br]you'd have any interest in me...
except as an amusingly cranky[br]eccentric curiosity.
At least you're not like every[br]other stupid guy in the world.
All they care about[br]is guitars or sports.
I hate sports.
Maybe I should just move in[br]with you.
I could do the cooking[br]and dust your old records...
until I get a job.
You know what my number one[br]fantasy used to be?
I used to think about one day...
just not telling anyone and[br]going off to some random place.
And I'd just disappear...
and they'd never see me again.
Do you ever think about stuff[br]like that?
I guess I probably did[br]when I was your age.
You know what we should do?
We should just get in your car[br]right now and just drive off.
Just find[br]some totally new place...
and start a whole new life.
I'm not[br]in any good condition to drive.
I'm just so sick of everybody.
Why can't I just do what I want?
What do you want?
What do you want?
Don't you like me?
Boy, I never expected[br]anything like this to happen.
Yeah, well, me, neither.
You must know I always...
Did you mean all that stuff[br]about moving in with me?
I was just thinking out loud.
I mean, you've got this thing[br]with Dana, and...
I'm not gonna let you[br]fuck that up.
Yeah, but I don't know,[br]I just...
I really need to get some sleep.
Right. One second.
-Sorry. Go ahead.[br]-We're almost done.
Hi. Yeah.[br]No, it's excluded.
They've already paid[br]the earnest money.
Well, let's see[br]if they bring it up...
if they notice it[br]on the final walkthrough.
Great. Sounds good.
-Yes![br]-We did it!
-Great job.[br]-Thank you.
I'm proud of you.[br]I'll catch you guys later.
I'm going to start[br]the paperwork.
-Congratulations.[br]-Thank you. Have a seat.
So, what brings you down here?
I just really feel like[br]I need to say something to you.
I've never said this[br]to anyone before.
Believe me, I've...
I've stayed in horrible[br]relationships for years...
just so I wouldn't have[br]to do this.
What are you trying to say?
Maybe it's not such a good idea[br]that we keep going out.
It's Enid. Leave a message.
I really want to talk to you.
I've been thinking about[br]what you said...
about moving in here, and...
Yeah, so just...
give me a call[br]when you get a chance.
OK. Thanks. Bye.
Look, I'm really sorry[br]about the other day.
I don't know[br]what's wrong with me.
I really do want[br]to move in with you.
Look, I don't know.
I was thinking maybe I should[br]just live alone, you know?
I've decided to rent that place[br]that we looked at...
and I start moving in[br]next week.
Please let me come with you.[br]Please.
Look, I don't know. I don't[br]think it's such a good idea.
Of course it's a good idea.[br]It's our plan.
Yeah, but how are you going[br]to pay rent and everything?
You don't even have a job.
I'll get a job tomorrow.[br]I promise.
Maxine said she could get me[br]a job at Computer Station.
Tonight,[br]I have a very special partner--
one who is[br]a performance artist...
in sign language for the deaf.
Please welcome to the stage...
Well, here's where the fun[br]never stops.
She could at least have[br]the decency to call me back.
Wasted time, trying to logically[br]figure out the female brain.
That's for sure.
Maybe she got another boyfriend.
Yeah, well,[br]thanks for cheering me up.
It's Enid. Leave a message.
Oh, come on.
Hey, look at it this way...
at least[br]things can't get any worse.
Seymour![br]Just the man I want to see.
Step in here for a minute.
Have a seat.
What can you tell me about this,[br]Seymour?
So, what do you think?
-Where's all your stuff?[br]-There.
That's all you're bringing?
No. I'm gonna pack up the rest[br]tonight.
I'll bring it over[br]sometime tomorrow.
I don't know. Noon?
All right, cool. Just make sure[br]you're here by then...
because we got[br]a lot of stuff to do.
I got to show you this.[br]It's really cool.
Isn't it great?
A smile is something special
A ribbon is something rare
So I'll be special,[br]and I'll be rare
With a smile[br]and a ribbon in my hair
To be a girl they notice
Takes more than a fancy dress
So I'll be special,[br]and I'll be rare
I'll be something beyond compare
I'll be noticed[br]because I'll wear
A smile and a ribbon in my hair
What's wrong with you, retard?[br]It's 3:30.
Oh, hi. Enid's stepmother[br]told me that she'd be here.
She's not at home?
No, they told me[br]that she'd be here.
Well, where the fuck is she?
She was supposed to be here[br]three hours ago.
Do you mind if I wait?[br]I really need to talk to her.
Are you sure she wasn't there?
I mean, maybe she was just[br]hiding from you or something.
Why would she be hiding from me?
I don't know.
Where is she, then?
Maybe she's with Josh?
Josh?[br]Why would she be with Josh?
I really don't know enough[br]about it to...
But why did you say[br]that she was hiding from me?
Did she say anything to you[br]about me?
Yeah.[br]She thinks you're a dork.
She said that?
What do you expect? I mean,[br]considering how we met you...
What do you mean?
She didn't tell you about that?
What are you talking about?
On that pathetic[br]fake blind date?
What fake blind date?[br]What are you talking about?
Did you have a good laugh[br]at my expense?
What do you mean?
Do you think that's funny?
Here, is that funny?
I'll show you something funny.
-Hey. Damn it. Come on.[br]-Get--
Not so cool now, are you,[br]good-looking boy?
-What's going on?[br]-Call the cops, man.
Call the cops!
Get the hell out of my store!
All right.[br]Hey, no need to get violent.
I'm outta here.
Are you OK?
You seem a little stoned.[br]What are you on?
High on life.
Look, Seymour,[br]I came by to tell you...
how really, really sorry[br]I am about everything.
I know you probably[br]totally hate me.
You don't have to say--
Please. Don't say anything.
I know I'm a total[br]disappointment to everyone.
I just quit my job[br]this morning...
and then I had a fight[br]with Becky...
because I told her I wasn't[br]going to move in with her...
and she really[br]just wants to kill me.
And there is just no way[br]to explain how I feel.
I guess I'll just have[br]to figure myself out.
Enid, I'm not mad at you.
I know I'm just a dork.
Seymour, you are not a dork.
Sure I am.
You are such a stupid idiot.
Did you even look through[br]the rest of the book?
You're like...my hero.
Thanks for waiting.
Is he going to be OK?
I think he'll be fine.
What are you going to do now?
I'm not sure.
I'd better get going.[br]I'm going to be late for work.
Call me, OK?
I have to admit things are[br]starting to look up for me...
since my life turned to shit.
Remember what I said[br]when we first started?
This little break-up might be...
the very best thing[br]that ever happened to you.
I think I'm ready[br]to get back to my old life.
You think that's too soon?
Why don't we start with that[br]next week?
Don't thank me.
You're doing all the work.
-Is he done?[br]-Yes.
Seymour,[br]did you have a chance...
to think about what[br]you might want for dinner...
while you were in here?
No, I haven't.
Maybe we could discuss it[br]in the car.
Did you want mashed potatoes?
See you next week.
Not so funny now, tough guy,[br]are you, huh?
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