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Hannah and her Sisters CD1

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(man) God, she's beautiful. She's got the prettiest eyes.
She looks so sexy in that sweater.
I just want to be alone with her and hold her and kiss her
and tell her how much l love her and take care of her.
Stop it, you idiot! She's your wife's sister.
l can't help it. l'm consumed by her. lt's been months now.
l dream about her, l think about her at the office.
Oh, Lee. What am l gonna do?
l hear myselfmooning over you, and it's disgusting.
Before, when she squeezed past me in the doorway
and l smelt that perfume on the back of her neck...
Jesus, l thought l was gonna swoon.
Easy. You're a dignified financial advisor. lt doesn't look good for you to swoon.
Elliot?
- Elliot? Sweetheart? - Mm?
Have you tried these? They're wonderful. Holly and her friend made them.
Fantastic. Your sister is an unbelievable cook.
l know, l know. She has all the cooking talent.
- No, you've got tons as well. - l've eaten five of these.
- Holly, why don't you open a restaurant? - Mm, we practically are.
Well... not a restaurant, but... April and l are gonna do some catering.
- What? You're kidding. - No, we decided.
Perfect.
We like to cook for friends, so... until an acting job comes through,
we could make money doing private parties.
- Great idea. That's where your talent lies. - l know.
Get outta here. Could l speak to you privately?
l'm her husband. She tells me anything.
Hannah, l need more money. Don't get upset.
- l never get upset over that. - This is the last time.
- l'm keeping strict accounts. - Please, don't insult me.
- Someday l'll pay it back. - l know. How much do you need?
- $2,000. - Uh-huh?
l know it's a lot, but April and l have this catering idea. lt's gonna be great.
You admit we're great cooks.
ln order to get started, there are a few things to buy and some old debts to pay.
Just tell me one thing. Are we talking cocaine again?
l swear. We've already got some requests to do dinner parties.
Obviously l'm not gonna be a caterer for ever. We both still go on auditions.
Something could come up at any moment, but the parties are at night.
l can still take my acting class. l haven't done drugs in a year.
\ A whimpering, simpering child again
\ Bewitched, bothered and bewildered...
Mom and Dad are floating down memory lane again.
- Have you tried Holly's shrimp puffs? - They're fantastic.
l need an antihistamine for Mom's asthma before she turns into Camille.
Mom's Camille every morning.
- At least she isn't drinking. - Doesn't she look great in that dress?
She knows it cos she's flirting with the men.
When she's 80 she may stop straightening her garter belt when there's a guy around.
- Where's the antihistamine? - Elliot's got them somewhere.
- Frederick didn't come with her. - When does he ever?
He's such an angry... He's such a depressive.
- l thought she was moving out. - l don't know.
\ A pill he is
\ But still he is
\ All mine and l'll keep him until he is
\ Bewitched...
Watch out, you guys! Beep-beep!
Your kids are so adorable. lt gets so lonely on the holidays.
Oh, gosh. Well, that's why l invited Phil Gammage tonight.
- Hannah, he's such a loser. - He's not a loser at all.
- He's the head of Daisy's school. - He reminds me of lchabod Crane.
His Adam's apple jumps up and down when he gets excited.
He's a lot better than your ex-husband. He's got a good job.
- He's not a dope addict. - Give me a break.
- Am l interrupting any sister talk? - Mm-mm.
Good, because there are no interesting single men at this party.
Well, listen. Maybe April would like Phil. Phil Gammage? The tall guy?
Oh, yeah, l met Phil. He looks like lchabod Crane?
l love that. That's my type. No, really!
No, we mustn't get discouraged.
Hannah will invite some men over who don't look like lchabod Crane.
Maybe at Christmas, or if not Christmas, New Year's, or maybe next New Year's.
Ouch!
- lt must be here someplace. - (Lee) Oh, you know?
l love that book you lent me, The Easter Parade.
You were right. lt had very special meaning for me.
How's Frederick? He didn't come.
You know. One of his moods. But it wasn't a bad week.
- He sold a picture. - Oh, great.
Yeah, it was one of his better drawings, a very beautiful nude study.
Actually, it was of me.
lt's a funny feeling to know you're being hung naked in a stranger's living room.
But you can't tell it's me, although... You're turning all red, Elliot.
Oh, really?
- So... what else? What are you up to? - l don't know.
My unemployment cheques are running out.
l may do a course at Columbia with the last of my savings.
- Like...? - l don't know, exactly.
Sociology, psychology, maybe...
l always thought l might work with children.
lncidentally, l always have clients furnishing places.
Someone might be interested in buying art. Shall l call you?
Yeah, sure. Frederick would really be grateful for a sale.
(Hannah) Hey, guys! Dinner's ready!
You look so beautiful. Doesn't she?
l bumped into your ex-husband on the street the other day. He's still crazy.
- He was on his way to get a blood test. - Mickey's such a hypochondriac.
l wonder how he'd handle if there was ever anything really wrong with him.
- (glass being tapped) - Now, ladies and gentlemen...
- Dad... - (glass rings)
- Dad... - No, now this is a toast...
This is a toast. This is a toast.
You know, this beautiful Thanksgiving dinner was all prepared by Hannah.
l had a little help from Mavis. Also, Holly and April...
No, no. You did it. She did it.
And we drink to her,
and we congratulate her on her wonderful accomplishment during this last year.
Her great success in A Doll's House.
(all cheer)
l played Nora. l'd hate to tell you what year.
And it's very difficult to behave like Torvald's little chipmunk
without making a perfect ass out of yourself.
Now, l think that lbsen would have been damned proud of our Hannah.
Speech! Speech!
No, no. l've been very, very lucky.
When l had the kids, l decided to stop working
and just devote myself to having the family and l've been very happy.
But l've always secretly hoped that maybe some little gem would come along
and tempt me back on the stage.
Now l got that out of my system, l can go back to the thing that makes me happy.
Bravo! Bravo!
ls it my imagination or does Elliot have a little crush on me?
lt's funny. l've had that thought before.
He pays a lot of attention to me all the time.
And he blushed tonight when we were alone in the bedroom.
l wonder ifhe and Hannah are happy.
lt's funny. l still feel a little buzz from his flirting.
- You want some coffee or tea? - (man) No, thank you.
- How about something to eat? - No, nothing.
- Are you sure? - Absolutely.
What am l gonna do with you? God!
Why didn't you come tonight? We all had a terrific time. You would have enjoyed it.
l'm going through a period of my life where l just can't be around people.
- l didn't want to abuse anyone. - You wouldn't. They're all so sweet.
Lee, you are the only person l can be with,
who l really look forward to being with.
You're too harsh with everyone. You know that, don't you?
- lsn't it enough that l can love you? - You're such a puzzle!
So sweet with me, and so contemptuous of everyone else.
There was a time when you were very happy to be only with me.
You wanted to learn everything about poetry, about music.
Have l really taught you everything l have to give? l don't think so.
Elliot said he might have a couple of clients for you.
l'm sure those morons he handles have a deep feeling for art.
You never know, they might. He was just trying to do the nice thing.
- Because he likes you. - Me?
Yeah. Elliot lusts after you.
Based on what? You never even see him.
When you see him, you come home full of books he's recommended,
- or films you must see. - Oh, no, no. He's my sister's husband.
And l think if you gave him half a chance, you'd like him. He's very intelligent.
He's a glorified accountant and he's after you.
And l prefer to sell my work to people who appreciate it, not to rock stars.
You understand?
- Why can't we do the sketch? - Standards and Practices say it's dirty.
They saw the rehearsal. They just figured out what the words mean?
- Mickey, we got a half-hour to air. - The show is five minutes short.
- How? We timed everything long. - With no sketch, we're ten minutes short.
- How can they do that to us? - lt's because our ratings are low.
- l have a migraine. - Hey, Mickey! Listen.
You'd better go to Ronny's dressing room. He took about 1600 Quaaludes.
- l don't think he can do the show. - Why me, Lord?
You Standards and Practices? Why is the sketch dirty?
Child molestation is a touchy subject...
- Half the country's doing it! - Yes, but you name names.
- We don't. We say ''The Pope''. - That sketch cannot go on the air.
Hey! Who changed my sketch about the PLO?
l had to make cuts. lt's four lousy lines.
- The whole premise is ruined! - lt's not so delicate.
- Everybody's married to every line. - l don't care! Don't tamper with my work.
- OK... - You want 'em cut? l'll cut 'em myself.
Mickey, listen. lnstead of the child molestation sketch, why don't we repeat
the Cardinal Spellman-Ronald Reagan homosexual dance number?
- l don't feel good, Mickey. - What did you do? Swallow a drugstore?
- l lost my voice. - Oh, Jesus!
Ronny, you know, you do have to go on in 25 minutes.
Does anybody got a Tagamet? My ulcer's startin' to kill me.
You want a Quaalude?
(Mickey) Christ, this show is ruining my health.
Meanwhile, my ex-partner moves to California
and every stupid show he produces turns out to be a big hit.
Brother, what am l gonna do with my life?
Speaking of that, l gotta remember to see my ex-wife tomorrow.
- Hi. - l know.
- Glad you could put in an appearance. - l got two minutes. The show is killin' me.
l got a million appointments today. lt just fell this way.
- l gotta see new comedians... - Just two minutes on your sons' birthday.
- lt's not gonna kill you. - Happy birthday, fellas!
(Hannah) Daddy brought presents!
Hey, a little hug? What is this? How about a little action from the kids?
- How is everything? - Everything's fine.
OK, you can open the presents now. l wanna get a little reaction.
- How's Elliot? - He's fine.
l'm trying to convince him to produce a play. l think he'll find that satisfying.
l like him. l think he's a sweet guy, the few times that l've met him.
Cos he's a loser. He's awkward and he's clumsy, like me.
- l like an underconfident person. - This is really nice.
- He's been wanting a mitt. - You have good taste in husbands.
Thanks. That's a beauty!
lsn't that great? Come on, let's go!
Go out by the Sung vase and catch this.
- Watch the... - (crash)
Hannah's sweet, although sometimes l still do get angry when l think of things.
What the hell. At least l'm not paying child support.
God, l hope there's nothing physically wrong with me.
- So what's the problem this time? - l really think l have something.
l'm absolutely convinced. Not like that adenoidal thing,
where l didn't realise l'd had them out. But l was younger.
l saw your father this week about his sinus and he complained of chest pains.
Well, this guy's the real hypochondriac of the family. He's, you know...
- You said you'd had some dizziness. - Yes, a little.
And l think l'm developing a hearing loss in my right ear.
Or my left ear. No, l'm sorry... My right or my left ear. l can't remember.
OK, let's take a look.
Well, you have had a significant drop in the high-decibel range in your right ear.
Really?
Have you been exposed to a loud noise recently, or had a virus?
No, l've been perfectly healthy. You know me. l always imagine that l have things.
- When did you first notice this? - About a month ago. What do l have?
You've had some dizzy spells. What about ringing or buzzing?
Yes, now that you mention it,
l have buzzing and also ringing. Ringing and buzzing. Am l going deaf?
- lt's just in one ear? - Yes.
ls it healthier to have problems in both ears?
l'd like to make an appointment for you at the hospital.
- l'd like to have them run some tests. - The hospital? What kind of tests?
Now, don't get alarmed.
These are more sophisticated audiometry tests than l can run here. lt's nothing.
Then why do l have to go into the hospital at all?
l hear fine. So l'm a little weak on the high decibels. l won't go to the opera.
There's no reason for panic. l just wanna rule out some things.
- Like what? - lt's nothing. Will you trust me?
Hello, Dr Wilkes? This is Mickey Sachs. l wanna ask you a question.
- Sure, Mickey. What's up? - lf you have a hearing loss in one ear,
and it's not from a virus or a loud noise or anything, what are the possibilities?
Anything. Often it's hereditary. Flu. Even a small noise'll do it.
Right, but nothing worse?
Well, yes, l guess the dark side of the spectrum is a brain tumour.
Really?
- OK, so here's the new pages. - Did Cards get these?
- Not yet, no. - Let's hope it's good.
Yeah, really, really. We'll be down in a minute, OK?
- (phone ringing) - Mickey, what's the matter with you?
l feel dizzy, you know? l don't feel well.
Do you hear a ringing? ls there a ringing sound?
Yeah, yeah. l hear it, l hear it.
- No, not that. - Hello?
Yeah, we're gonna be working late tonight.
No, we'll order out.
lf l have a brain tumour, what am l gonna do?
You don't have a brain tumour. He didn't say you had one.
No, they're not gonna tell you because sometimes the weaker ones will panic.
But not you?
- Can you hear buzzing? - Come on, we got a show to do.
- l can't keep my mind on the show. - There's nothing wrong with you.
lf there isn't, why does he want me to come back for tests?
- He has to rule out certain things. - Like what?
- l don't know. Cancer. - Don't say that. l don't wanna hear that.
- Don't mention it while l'm in the building. - You don't have any symptoms.
l got the classic symptoms of a brain tumour.
Two months ago you thought you had a malignant melanoma.
Naturally. The sudden appearance of a black spot on my back.
- lt was on your shirt. - Was l to know? Everyone was pointing.
- We've got to make booking decisions. - l can't think of it.
This morning l was so happy. Now l don't know what went wrong.
You were miserable this morning.
We got bad reviews, terrible ratings, the sponsors are furious...
No, l was happy, but l just didn't realise l was happy.
(woman) These are delicious! What are they?
- Those are quail eggs. Aren't they good? - They're very good.
My friend April makes those. Try a shrimp puff.
- Oh, thank you. That looks good. - l make those.
Excuse me.
Oh, thank you.
- The stroganoff is ready. - We're a big hit!
ln this we are. Yesterday l auditioned for Come Back Little Sheba. Not such a hit.
You will be. You'll get five jobs next week.
- Excuse me. Are there any more clams? - Yeah, a few. Do you like 'em?
- l can't resist. - Really? How flattering.
- Did you try the shrimp puffs? - You are too attractive to be caterers.
- Something's wrong. - We're actresses.
- ls this your first job? - ls the food that bad?
No, not at all.
We need more bread and bechamel sauce for the lasagne. Hi.
You're an actress with a great flair for shrimp puffs.
No, the shrimp puffs are Holly's. l do the crepes caviare.
- The quail is responsible for the eggs? - Let's hope so.
Here, l stole you a couple of extra clams.
- lncidentally, l'm David Tolchin. - Oh, April Knox. Hi.
- You're Holly? - Yeah.
We're the Stanislavski Catering Company.
Now l'm gonna tell you the truth. l really came in because l was bored by the party.
How are we more interesting?
Actually, l'm gonna listen to Aida, if l'm not in your way.
(both) Oh, no.
We saw Pavarotti in Ernani at the Met, and l cried.
l cry at the opera.
(April) l go limp in the last scene of La Traviata.
Me too. l have a private box at the Met.
l bring a bottle of wine. l open it, l sit there, l watch and l cry. lt's disgusting.
- What do you do? - l'm an architect.
- What kind of things do you build? - Are you interested?
Yeah.
What time do you get off?
- (Holly) The red one? - (April) lt's magnificent!
The design's deliberately noncontextual, but l wanted
to keep the atmosphere of the street, and the proportions, and in the material.
- That's unpolished red granite. - (April) ls that what it is?
- lt has an organic quality about it. - Right.
Almost entirely, wholly interdependent, if you know what l mean.
l can't put it into words. The important thing is, it breathes.
You know, people pass by vital structures in this city all the time
and never appreciate them. l get the feeling you tune into your environment.
Oh, it's really important.
- What are your favourite buildings? - Wanna see some?
- Yeah. - Well, let's do it.
(Holly) lt's just so romantic. l just wanna put on a long gown
and open the French doors and go on the balcony.
(David) lt's romantic. And it's got a handsome partner sitting right beside it.
They fit right in together. And your eye goes along, lulled into complacency,
- and then... look at this. - (April) That's disgusting. A monstrosity.
(Holly) lt's really terrible, and it ruins everything else.
- (David) lt does. - (April) We have seen a lot of stuff today.
- Maybe we should start going home. - Oh, jeez, yeah.
- Who gets dropped first? - Oh, gee, l don't know.
- Well, l live downtown. - Yeah, we both live downtown.
- lt depends on what way you wanna go. - l know. lf we took Fifth,
- then we'd get to your house first. - We could do that.
- Yeah, but Fifth is so jammed, isn't it? - Well, sometimes.
- You live in Chelsea, don't you? - Yeah.
Well, l guess if you live in Chelsea, that's probably first.
- Oh. OK. - And then April.
Right.
Naturally, l get taken home first. Obviously he prefers April.
Of course, l was so tongue-tied all night.
l can't believe l said that about the Guggenheim!
My stupid little roller-skatingjoke. l should never telljokes.
Mom can tell 'em, and Hannah, but l kill 'em.
Where didApril come up with that stuff about Adolph Loos and ''organic form''?
Well, naturally, she went to Brandeis.
But l don't think she knows what she's talking about.
Could you believe the way she was calling him ''David''?
''Yes, David. '' ''l feel that way too, David. '' ''What a marvellous space, David. ''
l hate April. She's pushy.
Now they'll dump me and she'll invite him up. l blew it.
And l really like him a lot.
Oh, screw it. l'm not gonna get all upset. l've got reading to do.
Maybe l'll get into bed early, turn on a movie and take an extra Seconal.
- Oh, my goodness! - Oh, Elliot! What are you doing here?
- l'm looking for a book store. - ln this section of town?
Well, yes. l'm killing time. l have a client near here and l'm quite early.
- How about you? - Well, l...
Oh, yes! You live near here, don't you?
- Where are you headed? - l was just going to my AA meeting.
Why do you still go to those? You never touch alcohol.
You didn't know me before Frederick. l'd start with a beer about ten in the morning.
- You must have been very unhappy. - Yeah, unhappy and fat.
And l still find the meetings very comforting.
l'll never understand it. You're so bright and charming and beautiful...
l think to myself ''What problems could she possibly have?''
Don't let me get started on my childhood.
Oh, you know what? There is a book store a couple of blocks from here.
lf you don't know about it, you should. You'd love it.
Well, if you have some free time...?
- Yeah, sure. - Thank you.
lsn't this great? They have everything here.
- Yes, it's wonderful. - What book did you want?
- What? - You wanted to buy a book.
No, l'm killing time. l just want to browse.
You've picked the right place. You can stay all afternoon,
not buy anything and just read.
Unless, if you have some time, we could get some coffee.
- No, l don't have time. - No, l understand completely.
No problem. You're busy. l...
- You seem tense. ls everything OK? - No, no.
- No? - Uh, yes.
- Everything's OK? - Yeah. How are you?
l'm... all right.
- How's Frederick? - Fine.
We went to the Caravaggio exhibition at the Met.
lt's such a treat to go through a museum with Frederick. You learn so much.
- Do you like Caravaggio? - Oh, yes. Who doesn't?
Look.
ee cummings. l'd like to get you this.
- Oh, no. l can't let you get me that. - Yes, l'd like to, very much.
l read a poem of you and thought of his last week...
a poem of his and thought of you!
- You'll be fine, though. - This is great.
- l love ee cummings, but... - Listen. l'd love to get you this.
- Are you sure? - Maybe we could discuss it sometime.
- Well, thanks a lot. - Thanks for showing me the book store.
Perhaps you could take me to an AA meeting sometime.
- l'd love to see what goes on. - Yeah, you'd love it.
lt's really entertaining. l know you'd have a good time.
And don't forget the poem on page 1 1 2.
- lt reminded me of you. - Really?
Page 1 1 2.
- Goodbye. - Bye.
(Lee) ''your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myselfas fingers,
you open always petal by petal myselfas Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose...
..(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens,; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands''
l wasn't too happy with the results of your ENG or your BSER, either,
which is why l sent you to Tomography, where you saw that stuff rolling around.
You see this little grey area here?
That grey area's what l had hoped that we wouldn't run into.
l'd like you to come in Monday morning for a CAT scan.
- A brain scan? - Mr Sachs, let's take it one step at a time.
We won't make any decisions until we have all the information in front of us.
OK, take it easy.
He didn't say you had anything.
Hejust doesn't like the spot on yourX-ray, that's all.
lt doesn't mean you have anything. Don'tjump to conclusions.
Nothing's gonna happen to you.
You're in the middle of New York City. This is your town.
You're surrounded by people and traffic and restaurants. God...
How can youjust one day vanish?
Keep calm. You're gonna be OK.
Don't panic.
l'm dying! l'm dying!
l know it! There's a spot on my lungs!
All right, now take it easy. lt's not on your lungs, it's on your ear.
lt's the same thing, isn't it? Jesus, l can't sleep!
God, there's a tumour in my head the size of a basketball!
Now l keep thinking l can feel it every time l blink!
Oh, Jesus! He wants me to do a brain scan
to confirm what he already suspects.
Look, l'll make a deal with God.
Let itjust be my ear, OK? l'll go deaf, and blind in one eye, maybe.
But l don't want a brain operation. Once they go into my skull,
l'll wind up like the guy with the wool cap who delivers for the florist.
Relax, will ya? Your whole life, you run to doctors, the news is always fine.
No, that's not true. What about years ago?
l'm sorry to say, Mr Sachs, that you cannot have children.
Gee.
ls there no chance?
This doesn't mean that you can't have a normal sex life,
but Mr Sachs' tests indicate that he is infertile.
Small sperm volume and infertile.
ls there anything l can do? Push-ups? Hormones?
- l'm afraid not. - l gotta get a second opinion.
- This is the second opinion. - Well, a third opinion.
l realise this is a blow.
My experience is that many very fine marriages become unstable
and are destroyed by an inability to deal with this sort of problem.
l hope you won't make too much of it.
One can adopt children, and there are various artificial methods of fertilisation.
- l'm so humiliated. - Could you have ruined yourself?
- How could l ruin myself? - l don't know. Excessive masturbation?
Hey, you gonna start knockin' my hobbies? Jesus!
- Maybe we can adopt a child. - What about artificial insemination?
- What are you talkin' about? - l would get implanted.
- By a stranger? - They have banks where they're frozen.
- You want a defrosted kid? - l want to experience childbirth.
- With a stranger? - Just think about it, that's all l ask.
Oh, that was a wonderful show. That's the best show you two ever wrote.
The funniest show that Mickey and l ever did was the one we won the Emmy for.
l think as far as plain laughs go, that was probably the best thing that we ever did.
Yeah, it was funny, but the show about the two Frenchmen was funny and warm.
- We got that idea on that trip to Paris. - Remember that summer in France?
Hannah, you had jet lag for six weeks.
Yeah, but it was... l guess we had fun when we were there.
Sorry. Coffee?
Listen, you guys... Want some more?
We had something we really wanted to discuss with you.
Yeah. Jesus, this is very delicate.
And l only bring this up amongst friends.
This should not go any further than this room.
l'm all ears.
Hannah and l can't have any children.
Now, l don't wanna get into whose fault it is. lt's my fault that we can't.
The details are too embarrassing to...
We've decided, after a lot of discussion, that we'd try with artificial insemination.
Yeah, l'm not so sure that l like that idea myself.
And l didn't want to go to a sperm bank and have some anonymous donor.
l just wouldn't want that.
We felt, if we were gonna do it, we'd like somebody who we knew and liked,
and was warm and bright...
(Hannah) You can say no. Feel free to say no.
We realise it has all kinds of implications.
The point that we're making here is that we need some sperm.
Gee.
Well, my first reaction, after the initial shock, is flattered that you'd ask me.
l would be the father. You would just have to masturbate into a little cup.
- l can handle that. - Obviously we wouldn't have intercourse.
Gosh, listen. l've gotta tell you the truth. l'm a little uneasy about this.
- l know it's a lot to ask. - Well, l feel for you, l do. l...
l'm gonna cry. You want my husband to have a child with you?
Don't answer now. Just take it home and think about it for a while.
l gave blood before... and clothing to the poor.
OK, Norman, listen. l really wanna talk about this at home.
l think it's a matter for your analyst, and mine.
And maybe my lawyer.
We understand completely if you feel you'd rather not.
l didn't mean to spoil the evening. Let's move on to another topic.
So you had my ex-partner's baby. Twins.
And maybe that did cause some trouble, but l think we were drifting apart anyhow.
Now, instead of man and wife, we'rejust good friends.
Boy, love is really unpredictable.
(\ aria from ''Manon Lescaut'')
Lee? Frederick? Say hello to Dusty Frye.
- Hi, Dusty. - Hi.
Dusty's just bought a huge house in Southampton and he's decorating it.
Yeah, it's kind of a weird place. A lot of wall space. How you doin', man?
l told him about your work and he's very excited.
l got an Andy Warhol, and l got a Frank Stella too.
lt's very beautiful. Big, weird, you know?
lf you stare at that Stella too long, the colours just seem to float. lt's weird.
Are you excited about becoming a collector?
Yeah. l got a lot more to learn, though. l really wasn't into art when l was a kid.
Do you appreciate drawings?
Yeah.
Oh, hey, wow. She's beautiful.
But really l need somethin'... l'm lookin' for somethin' big.
- Frederick, show him the oils. - They're in the basement.
Frederick's done a new series that l'm sure you'd love.
- Are they big? - Yeah, some of them are.
Cos l got a lot of wall space there.
l don't sell my work by the yard.
Oh, Frederick!
- How's everything? - Oh, you know.
l talked to Hannah this morning.
She said you were going to the country this weekend.
Yes, she loves to go out in the woods.
But l go nuts. lt's a conflict.
- l have to get my teeth cleaned this week. - Oh, that's nice.
l figured l'd get Frederick and Dusty together.
- Yeah, that's really nice of you. - This kid, he's earned a trillion dollars.
- He's got six gold records. - Oh, speaking of records,
l bought that Mozart trio you recommended.
The man in the shop showed me another one you'd love.
lt's another Bach, second movement.
You have that one? l'd love to hear it.
Oh, and Holly met a wonderful man who loves opera, an architect.
Well, that's nice. l'd love to see her wind up settled.
She's a tense one.
lsn't that beautiful?
l know this.
Bach, F Minor Concerto. lt's one of my favourites.
Uh...
Did you ever get around to ee cummings?
Yes, he's just adorable.
They have a very large gay clientele where l get my teeth cleaned.
All the hygienists now wear gloves because they're afraid of AlDS.
Oh, right.
Did you ever get around to the poem on page 1 1 2?
Yes, it made me cry, it was so beautiful, so romantic.
(Elliot) l want so badly to kiss her.
Not here, you idiot. You've got to get her alone someplace.
But l've got to proceed cautiously. This is a very delicate situation.
OK, uh...
Ask her ifyou can see her for lunch, or a drink tomorrow.
And be ready to make light of the offer ifshe's unresponsive.
This has to be done very skilfully and very diplomatically.
Did you ever read this one...?
- Elliot, don't! - Lee, l'm in love with you!
- (recordjumps) - What are you doing?
l'm sorry. l have to talk to you. There's so much l want to say.
- l've been in love with you for so long... - (Frederick shouting)
Forget it! l'm not interested in selling it.
l only asked if you had something with a little puce in it!
What's wrong?
l don't care about your interior decorator!
l can't commit to anything without consulting her first. That's why l have her.
This is degrading! You don't buy paintings to blend in with the sofa!
lt's not a sofa. lt's an ottoman!
God, forget it. Let's just get outta here, Elliot.
What a weirdo that guy is. Paranoid...
- What's the matter with you? - l'll be OK.
- lt's no big deal. We just didn't hit it off. - No, you go on ahead.
- Are you OK? You're sweating. - Yeah, l just need some fresh air.
lt's probably something l ate. l'll walk, you go ahead. Go on.
- (phone rings) - Hello.
Hello?
Hello!
Oh, there you are! l was looking for you.
l must apologise. l'm sorry. l'm so mixed up!
How do you expect me to react?
l know, but l am in love with you.
- Oh, don't say those words! - l'm sorry. l know, it's terrible.
- You know the situation. - l know. l realise.
- What do you expect me to say? - Hannah and l are in the last stages.
She's never said so, and we're very close. She'd tell me.
lt's so sad. She's crazy about me,
but somewhere along the line, l've fallen out of love with her.
- Not because of me, l hope? - Oh, no, no... Well, yes! l love you.
- l can't be the cause of anything... - No, it was inevitable that we part.
- Why? - For a million reasons.
- But not over me? - No, we're going in different directions.
- Poor Hannah. - But how about you?
Do you share any of my feelings, or is this an unpleasant embarrassment?
- l can't say anything. - Be candid. l don't want you to feel bad.
Yes, l have certain feelings for you, but don't make me say anything more.
OK, OK, you've said enough. lt's my responsibility now. l'll work things out.
Don't do anything for me. l live with Frederick, and Hannah and l are close.
- Yes, but you do care about me? - Elliot, please, l can't be a party to this.
l'm suddenly wracked with guilt just talking to you.
Your guilt is because you feel the same.
Oh, please, l have to go. l have to get my teeth cleaned.
l have my answer. l have my answer.
l'm walking on air!
- God, am l glad to see you! - Hi. How's she doing?
She's in the kitchen there. lt's the same thing.
She promises, promises. And it's all lies, always.
Don't make it worse, Dad.
Hi, Mom. How are you doing?
l'll get you some coffee. That's enough of that. What triggered it?
We were making a commercial at the mayor's office.
There was this young salesman
and your mother was throwing herself at him in a disgusting way.
Then she found she was too old to seduce him, that he was just embarrassed by her.
Liar! Liar!
At lunch, she got drunker and drunker, and finally she became Joan Collins.
All my life l've had to put up with insults from this non-person!
This haircut that passes for a man!
He could never support us. lt's a good thing we had a talented daughter.
l can only hope that she was mine!
With you as her mother, her father could be anybody in Actors' Equity!
She's talented, so it's unlikely she's yours.
Dad, could you stay in the other room and let me take care of her?
You never know when she's gonna fall off the wagon and humiliate everybody.
Here, Mom. Drink this.
You know, you're awful. You probably were flirting.
No! l like to joke around and have fun
and he gets angry because l get the attention.
He's gotten sourer as he's gotten older and l've tried to stay young... at heart.
You promised to stay on the wagon.
The sacrifices l've made because of that man...
He's ruined me with his ego, his philandering, his... mediocrity!
OK, stop being so dramatic.
He's the one that's laid every ingenue in stock!
OK, OK.
- They wanted me for a screen test. - l know.
But l knew that he'd get up there and flounder around
with his expensive haircuts and hairdos and clothes.
He's all show.
Now, how can you act when there's nothing inside to come out?
(\ piano playing)
(Hannah) She was so beautiful at one time, and he was so dashing,
both of themjust full of promise and hopes that never materialised.
Then the fights and the constant infidelities to prove themselves
and blaming each other. lt's sad.
They loved the idea of having us kids, but raising us didn't interest them much.
But it's impossible to hold it against them. They didn't know anything else.
You know, of all of us in the family, you were the one blessed with the true gift.
My true gift is luck, Mom. l just had a lot of luck, from my first show.
l thought Lee was the one destined for great things.
Yes, she's lovely, but she doesn't have your spark. She knows it.
She worships you. She wouldn't dare get up there on stage.
- Now, Holly's not shy. - Holly's game for anything.
- Holly takes after me. - True.
l'd have been a great dope addict.
Remember this, Hannah?
Mr Sachs, l'm afraid the news is not good.
lf l can show you exactly where the tumour is,
and why we feel that surgery would be of no use...
lt's over.
l'm face to face with eternity.
Not later, but now.
l'm so frightened, l can't move, speak or breathe.
Well, you're just fine. There's absolutely nothing here at all.
And your tests are all fine.
l must admit, l was concerned, given your symptoms.
What caused this hearing loss, we'll never know for sure,
but whatever it was, it's certainly not anything serious. l'm very relieved.
(\ livelyjazz)
What do you mean, you're quitting? Why?
The news is good. You don't have canc... the thing.
Do you realise what a thread we're all hanging by?
You're off the hook. You should be celebrating.
Can you understand how meaningless everything is?
l'm talking about our lives, the show, the whole world. lt's meaningless.
- Yeah, but you're not dying. - No, l'm not dying now, but...
When l ran out of the hospital, l was so thrilled because l was going to be OK.
l'm running down the street, and suddenly l stop. lt hit me.
So l'm not gonna go today, l'm not gonna go tomorrow,
but eventually l'm gonna be in that position.
- You're just realising this now? - No, l've known it all the time.
But l stuck it in the back of my mind
because it's a very horrible thing to think about.
- Can l tell you something? A secret? - Yeah, sure.
A week ago, l bought a rifle. l went into a store and bought one.
lf l had a tumour, l was gonna kill myself.
The only thing that might've stopped me is my parents would be devastated.
l would have had to shoot them first.
And then my aunt and uncle. lt would have been a bloodbath.
Well, you know, eventually it is going to happen to all of us.
But doesn't that ruin everything for you? lt takes the pleasure out of everything.
You're gonna die, l'm gonna die, the audience, the network, the sponsor...
- l know, and your hamster. - Yes!
Listen, kid. l think you snapped your cap.
Maybe you need a few weeks in Bermuda or something, or go to a whorehouse.
l can't stay on this show. l need answers.
Otherwise, l'm telling you, l'm gonna do something drastic.
- l thought you weren't coming. - l almost didn't.
- l didn't sleep all night. - No, l'm sure.
What are we doing, meeting in a hotel room? lt's terrible.
l couldn't think where to invite you without taking risks.
l promised myself l wouldn't let this happen till you were living alone.
l was so torn when you called.
l've wanted to call you every day since l first told you how l felt.
l resisted so many times.
Don't think badly of me.
This is not an easy situation.
l know it isn't.
That was just perfect.
You've ruined me for anyone else.
l don't want anyone else ever to have you.
l was so worried l wouldn't compare with Hannah.
Oh, my God. You really do have those thoughts, don't you?
All the time.
l know she must be a really passionate person.
Yes, she's very warm and giving, but it's me that wants to be giving to you.
l wanna do things for you. Hannah doesn't need me as much.
Oh, l'm being presumptuous. Not that you need me...
l want you to take care of me.
And l love when you do things to me.
H
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