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Happy Accidents 2000 CD1

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Murder.
Oh, God, Sam. Murder?
- It wasn't me. - Nobody could understand this.
It's too much.
I thought it would be easier if I told you a little at a time.
It would sink in a little at a time.
Sink in a little at a time?
You just dropped an emotional...
...anvil on my head.
Look at me. I'm flat as a pancake.
- Are you even listening to me? - I'm listening to you, Ruby.
I'm listening to you with all my heart...
...and that's why I had to tell you.
That's why you need to understand.
And that's when I felt it.
Felt what?
The fist.
- What kind of fist? - Pressing on me. Paralyzing me.
It's so stupid, because, based on what he had just told me...
...I should have punched him with that fist, in the other eye this time.
I should have just kicked him out!
But I couldn't.
Do you love Sam?
Dear, you know, there's really not much I can do to help you...
...if you don't talk to me.
But it's not about me. It's about Sam.
After all our time together and all our sessions, you still believe that?
I must suck.
You say it's about Sam. Okay. Let's talk about Sam, and we'll see.
But let's include this revelation in our thinking.
Crank it back, just rewind.
Tell me again, how did you meet him?
Tell me what it was like.
It was exciting.
It was like a roller-coaster ride.
The world, the night, the lights, everything was...
...fast.
Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.
Sounds like falling in love to me.
Sam said something like that.
First time we met.
Something about love and time.
- He said your heart... ...is like a clock measuring time...
...and one's emotional state determines the flow of time.
It speeds it up or slows it down.
- So, time is a personal thing. - Sure.
Time is an emotional thing. That's what you're saying.
It's true. Don't bad things always seem to last longer than good ones?
But good things seem to just fly by...
...like the best times in life.
Like what?
- Like... - Like falling in love.
Oh, my God! I'm late for work. I totally spaced.
See what I mean?
That was the morning we first met.
I got fired that afternoon.
I cannot give you my name, sir.
Do you want the number, or...
My number?
Tell me what you look like first.
So. What did he say?
He said I took too much time.
That's men for you, always in a rush.
Shit, you're helpful.
I mean, isn't that what directory assistance operators are for?
I was too helpful.
You know, let me talk to my boss. I'll see if I can get you a job teaching ESL.
- How's your grammar? - Fuckin' great.
So, over breakfast last month, he goes:
"Do you believe in Christ as your savior?"
- You're kidding? - I'm telling you the truth.
Five months, not a peep about anything remotely spiritual, right?
All carnal. The guy just wants to fuck.
- Then he just springs this on you? - That's right.
So, I tell him, "I'm Jewish, you idiot.
"I'm a Jew.
"I mean, what do you think, I'm a Jew for Jesus or something?"
He freaks out. I freak out. It turns out he's a Jew for Jesus.
- And he never told you? - Not a peep.
That's the Trojan horse strategy.
They get you to bring them into your palace, and then out come the soldiers.
Do you remember Steven? The Adventist?
The religious ones are really sneaky that way, right?
- You got a mug shot? - Oh, my God!
You're kidding!
- I think he belongs in the box, please. - I know.
We need a bigger box. I don't think they're all going to fit.
Unless Ruby wants her own.
Guess what, Claire? You have more in there than I do.
- I don't think so. - Count them up.
Don't count. That's depressing.
Remember that Ruby has a higher handicap, because she's a recovering codependent.
I was fired today.
Ruby, did you ever actually fix any of them?
She doesn't really fix them. She goes in there to fix them...
...and discovers that they're permanently broken, then she ends up dumping them.
- All those men. - You mean, all those problems.
The narcissist.
The abductee.
The bad drummer.
The artist.
Are you leaving me? Or are you leaving my work?
The bad actor.
Don't come crying to me when I'm famous and you're, like:
"Ned, please take me back." It's over.
The fetishist.
I should have expected this.
It's happened before.
The Frenchman.
Fini?
The junkie.
Okay, enough.
I'm not fixing anymore.
I'm not in that business anymore. My fixing days are over.
Tell that to your therapist, you kook.
That's what she tells me to say.
I'm sorry about the job, baby.
- I've got one question for you. - Shoot.
Do the words "Jesus Christ" mean anything to you?
- I'm a painter. I paint. - What, houses?
I'm a real painter. I'm having a big show in a couple of months.
- Hey. - Ned.
- How you doing? - All right. You?
Great. Have you seen me since this happened?
Pretty good? I've been doing a lot of lifting weights.
Doing a lot of free-weights, isometrics, my body fat's way low.
So, what was it like?
What was it about him?
For God's sake, swing it around here.
- Starboard. Right. - Starboard.
That's Victor.
His sister went down in the "Titanic". He always talks about it.
- She went down on the "Titanic". - I know. I remember.
Old folks are great. You should hear the stories.
Wow.
- You an artist? - No. It's just a hobby.
Kills time.
What was it about him?
Maybe it was his manner.
He seemed gentle.
But I didn't think I'd see him again.
"I..."
He was one of those guys you meet for a moment...
... but that lodge themselves in your brain forever.
"...that my own needs are important."
Better for fantasizing about than actually sleeping with.
"I am willing to find a balance between my own needs...
"...and my concern for others."
Better as mysteries.
Because we all know what happens when you take away the mystery.
Hi, Ruby.
Hi.
How do you know my name?
You left your book in the park. Your nametag.
I looked up your name in the phone book. I put it back on Page 45, where it was.
You could have just called.
You know. I was in the neighborhood.
- Don't you work today? - It's my day off.
- What's it about? - It's...
It's erotica.
Ana´s Nin.
You didn't peek?
What's that?
- What? - You smell that?
It's sublime. It's beautiful.
I don't smell anything.
It's...
The perfume, it's lovely.
Thanks.
You're not from here, are you?
It's that obvious?
- What, are you from the Midwest? - Dubuque.
Ohio?
Actually, it's Iowa. Dubuque, Iowa.
It is?
Shit! Okay.
- What? - Nothing. I'm fine.
I'm okay.
We don't...
We just don't have little ones like that in Dubuque.
But I'm okay. I'm fine.
I think I should apologize. I've been acting a little odd.
It's just because I've never done this before. So much has happened, so many surprises.
I haven't been able to stop thinking of you since we met...
- But we just met. - And why you left the book.
- I'm absent-minded. - I think that you've been thinking about me.
Look, I don't even know you.
I know.
- Deep inside you've wondered about me? - No.
- And why I'm here in New York City? - No.
Can we meet? After?
After what?
Class.
My name is Ruby Weaver.
I'm your new teacher.
This is my acquaintance.
What's your name?
My name is Sam Deed. I am from Dubuque, Iowa.
Thank you.
Who are you?
Sam Deed.
I know. And what's your agenda?
Agenda?
I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I need balance in my life.
It's really nice to be talking to you.
I'm only here because I liked what you did in my class today.
So...
...are you an army brat?
- What's that? - The languages...
Did your parents travel around a lot as a kid, in the military or something?
Actually, I've never left Dubuque before.
What brings you to New York?
Job at the UN?
- Job at the United Nations? - No.
I came here three months ago and...
Are you okay?
I'm sorry.
You don't have to say anything...
...if it makes you uncomfortable.
Do you like music?
- Yeah. Doesn't everybody? - I love music.
- You're not a drummer, are you? - No. I like to listen to it.
Would you like to listen to music with me tomorrow night?
Come up for a sec. I'm almost ready.
- Hi. I'm ready. - Hey.
Are you ready to rock?
What?
You know, if you told me you wanted to just listen to music...
...I do have a CD player.
The man said these were warmer.
Can you do this?
Yeah.
You look great.
Thanks.
I thought that we were gonna go out, so I...
...dressed up.
Is this typical of your musical taste?
I love this.
This is...
Wine?
What do you call this?
French Merlot.
Don't sound French to me.
Do you want to dance to this French Merlot with me?
- This is like an "Art of War" thing, right? - What?
You just confuse your foe, and then you move in fast for the kill?
Come on. Life is short.
- What are you on? Ecstasy? - Ecstasy?
Why are you so happy?
'Cause I'm here with you.
But you don't even know me...
...at all.
I'm sorry.
It's just that where I'm from, courting rituals are...
...really abbreviated.
I'm sorry.
"Courting rituals"?
What are we, birds?
You could show me.
- Show you what? - How to court you.
This is new.
The man asking the woman how she wants to be seduced.
Like a role-reversal strategy?
No.
There's no strategy.
I just liked talking to you that day in that park.
I think you're really...
...great, and I'd like to get to know you.
And I think the reason why I'm acting so awkward...
...it's because I'm worried about acting awkward. That's all.
- You want to know how to court me? - I would.
Take off this shit, put on something good, and pour me some more wine.
So, that's how it happened.
Like I told you, fast.
It was brilliant strategy.
He tricked me into picking up him.
He'd never have figured it out on his own.
I love you.
So that's when you started to become suspicious, correct?
No. It was after that.
It was definitely after he moved in.
When was that? When did he move in?
Later that week.
JosÚ couldn't put him up anymore. He needed a place to stay.
Didn't it occur to you at the time...
...that this kind of compulsive behavior is repetitive for you?
It's classic codependency. It's why you came to see me.
This is what you don't want anymore in your life.
This is what we've been working on.
I mean, Sam has a problem...
...and you make sacrifices to fix it.
But it wasn't a sacrifice.
It was great.
Oh, my God!
I was really happy.
After all the boozers and fuck-ups and gender floppers...
... and the fiasco with Tab.
I mean, Sam, he could be over the top sometimes, but it was fun.
- Sweetie, you want to go in? - Go in there?
But listen, it wasn't like I just jumped blindly into this relationship.
Are you sure you don't want to go in?
What is this? Why would I want to go in?
I was very cautious.
Very cautious.
You pass.
Let's see it. Come on.
At first there didn't seem like there was anything to worry about.
Sam always had a clever explanation for everything.
I lost a dare to a friend at a Stop & Shop. If you scan me, I'm a dozen bananas.
Even his friend JosÚ saw good colors in my aura.
Said he felt really good about us.
Like we were kind of meant for each other.
This is great for the relationship. It's perfect.
Our relationship has to be about trust, and...
We both told each other everything about ourselves, about our families.
We went to the Al-Anon meetings every week.
My mother, she took the brunt of it, of course.
But it worked.
He doesn't drink anymore.
That's when he first told me about his parents.
I really don't talk to them much anymore, since I left Dubuque.
And his sister.
She fell out of an elm tree.
It was an accident.
And so after that, I had to...
I couldn't stay in Dubuque.
And that's why you came to New York?
Do you have any pictures of her?
I don't like to live in the past.
Thank you for telling me, Sammy.
- Hi. How much? - $8.75.
Then I found the photos.
There you are. Thank you.
I didn't want to think he lied.
Maybe he forgot.
But how could he forget?
I let it slide.
But I guess after that, my antenna came out.
I started to notice other things.
Just little things.
Like he's scared of dogs.
Miniatures.
I mean, terrified.
- Maybe he got bit as a kid. - Maybe.
Talks in his sleep.
That's a problem for you?
It's just the things he says.
Break the causal chain.
And then everyday normal things, just seem really new to him.
Oh, God. You're being so ridiculous!
God!
He has spells, Gretchen!
Spells? What do you mean?
Sometimes he just stares at things. His eyes get all glazed over.
Like he's in a trance.
It's like he's really far away.
It's weird.
Does it happen during sex?
- No. - Then don't worry about it.
If these spells were happening during sex, you know, then I'd worry.
That usually means they're thinking about someone else, you know?
That's not Sam.
You know what he said to me the other night?
- What? - He said...
You know, I've never told a woman the things I've told you.
You are the first and...
...the only.
You're the one and only.
You know...
I feel like...
...my whole life has just been a journey into your arms.
Oh, my Larry. Are you kidding me?
Kick him out now while you got the chance, sister.
I guess you had to be there.
You are this incurable romantic, like, thwarted back...
...to 1955, where you think you are his first love.
You know, men only say that kind of shit when they got some agenda goin' on.
He meant it. I mean, I think he meant it.
"I am willing to find a balance between my own needs...
"...and my concern for others.
"I am learning to love myself more every day."
Maybe I shouldn't have been so paranoid.
What is it? What is he on?
Maybe I should have just trusted him, the way he said he trusted me.
Should I worry?
Only...
...if you love sailing.
It's prescription Dramamine.
It's prescribed for people who suffer severe distress at sea, seasickness.
Are you planning a cruise?
Sammy?
Guess what today is?
But I'd been burned so many times before.
"So, that's how it happened".
That's how I learned who I was living with.
Hey, baby. Guess what day it is today?
Who is Chrystie Delancey?
She's a girl.
Are you sleeping with her?
"You're the one and only" maybe. God. Gretchen was right.
You're a hypocrite. You're a liar and you're a cheat.
I am not a cheat.
What's this? Prescription Dramamine?
Planning a little cruise on "The Love Boat" with Ms. Delancey?
- It's not what you think. - I don't know what to think!
You're fucking someone else.
You are the one and only.
Baby, that is the truth.
I got you some roses.
A whole dozen of them.
It's our three-month anniversary.
- Baby, don't cry. - They're carnations.
Or is that another thing they don't have in Dubuque?
You think I haven't noticed your little idiosyncrasies?
Your spells?
What's going on?
Don't give me any bullshit.
Okay.
I'm listening.
I'm different.
You're gay.
You're a Jew for Jesus? It's that tattoo. It's a cult.
You're a Branch Davidian? You're a survivalist!
You're a pimp, and Chrystie Delancey is one of your sluts?
I'm not a pimp!
What then?
Okay, look, I'll say it. All right?
I'm not from Dubuque.
Okay. You're not from Dubuque.
So where are you from then?
Dubuque.
I'm not from Dubuque in the way you think.
- How many ways are there? - I'm not from your Dubuque.
Since when is Dubuque mine? I've never been to Ohio!
- Iowa. - Whatever.
I'm just saying that my Dubuque is different from your Dubuque.
- How? - It doesn't exist.
- You just said it's in Idaho. - Iowa!
- So your Dubuque doesn't exist? - Yet.
- Yet! - Yet.
So when will your Dubuque exist?
2470...
...AD.
That's in 471 years...
...from now.
471 years?
Not counting leap years.
See, when I say "my Dubuque," I don't mean the present Dubuque...
...which is your Dubuque.
I mean the future Dubuque, which is where I'm from.
- The future. - Oh, God.
At least, forward on the time-space continuum...
...which is how your scientific establishment would understand it.
It's called "back-travel."
That's what I meant about who I am. I'm a back-traveler.
I know it's hard to understand, and...
...that's why it was hard to tell you, because I knew you'd be real upset.
I didn't think you'd laugh in my face.
Come on. You're from the future?
I am from the future.
I'm from the year 2470.
I was born on May 8, 2439, in Dubuque, Iowa...
...on the Atlantic coast.
That's right, the Atlantic coast.
It moved inland, after the icecaps melted in 2330.
That was five years after the Great Infestation eliminated...
...all plant and vegetable matter, trees and flowers and domestic pets.
Cats, hamsters, dogs.
Okay, don't touch me.
Don't worry. I'm a Biological. I'm just like you.
Back in 2470, most people are corporate-sponsored Gene Dupes...
...manufactured in the Philippines. My parents were Anachronists.
- And they believed in doing it the old way. - Stop it!
What? I'm just being honest!
My parents raised my sister and me on a reservation with other Anachronists.
The Gene Dupes kept us there. They hated us.
We were always fighting for our nostalgia rights. My father was a freedom fighter.
He led the battle to have the Ban on Beauty lifted, in 2451.
The Gene Dupes finally got him. Want to know what his crime was?
He was teaching us an ancient protest song.
Maybe you've heard it before.
"I'm as a free as a bird now
"And this bird will never
"change"
My mother, she taught ancient languages in a local school.
Spanish, French, Ebonics.
She died of cancer when I was 25. You know, there's still no cure.
But I'll never forget what she told me while I was watching her deconstruct.
She said to me, "Make your sister proud."
You know, not her, my sister.
But she died, too. 2468.
She was 14. I mean, 14.
That was a year after they banned back-travel. But that didn't stop anybody.
If you had guts you'd get an Underground Agent to send you back.
And that's what I did. That was six months ago.
There.
Now you know everything.
Any more questions?
Yes.
Who is Chrystie Delancey?
You're killing me.
Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Freebird"? A protest song?
So, what, everybody's a redneck in the future?
It's really hilarious, Gretch!
He's dead serious. You should have seen the look in his eye.
You want me to get the ex-files?
Have you got a mug shot yet?
Why must they always be drawn to me?
I'm sorry.
All right, don't keep me in suspense anymore.
Who's this Delancey ho?
My contact!
What kind of contact?
Another back-traveler who can orient you. Chrystie Delancey was my contact.
I wrote her name down so I wouldn't forget it.
I found her. She filled me in on current events.
Taught me how to flag a cab, and gave me my back-story, and then she left.
- "Back-story"? What? - False documents. A driver's license.
Birth certificate. You know, so you can assimilate.
That's good. Are you "assimilating" with her?
No! She's old and...
...wrinkled and...
Looks pretty hot in your drawings!
That's not Chrystie Delancey...
...baby.
- "It's you." - What?
That's what he tells me. The drawings are of me.
There's just a little something missing from your story.
Sanity.
That, and the part where you walk him to the door...
...and you open it and you say:
"Just get the fuck out of my apartment! Get the hell out!"
I tried.
But then he starts into this story...
... about a certain photograph.
I found a photograph of you. And that's what these drawings are.
Of that photograph.
- Where's this photograph? - The future.
- What? - You can't bring non-carbon...
...based, inanimate matter back with you.
I know the drawings aren't very good. Okay, blame me for that.
But that's the way that...
...I remember that photo.
Okay?
Look, you could say that they're drawings...
... of a memory of a photograph...
... of you.
Look, I can explain. Okay?
After my sister died, I kind of lost it.
After his sister died...
... he kind of lost it.
She was the only family he had left. And now there was no one.
I guess Anachronists are big on families.
One day...
One day...
... he stumbles into this small curio shop.
He says he was looking for a certain piece of obsolete, pre-millennium technology...
... a gun.
Instead, he finds this photograph.
I stared at it for hours. Those hours, they turned into days.
Every time I shut my eyes to go to sleep...
... I saw your face blazing on the inside of my eyelids.
And suddenly I remembered everything my dad fought for.
That the past had potential, that the past had meaning.
So, I leaped into the temporal stream, and I came back...
... here, to this time, I guess, to find...
... the meaning in life again.
To find your face.
My God, I'm gonna cry.
He was going to kill himself.
He gave up all he had in the future to travel through time to find me.
It's one of the most romantic, crazy, fucked-up lies a guy has ever told me.
So, what did you say? How do you respond to that?
Oh, my God!
I didn't have time to.
It hit me I'd made arrangements for us to have dinner at my parents' that night.
The one night I need to be on my toes.
I feel so good about having come out. We can be more honest with each other.
Just once, I wanted to impress them. Especially after that fiasco with Tab.
Hello, Theodore.
Listen, we're here, and I'm assuming you're not going to say anything to them.
No. That would violate protocol.
Protocol?
Strict rules of conduct for back-travelers.
You never reveal your identity, where you're from or your name.
It's absolutely forbidden.
Okay, so this is new. Sam is not your real name?
- It's not. - Okay.
What is your real name?
It's in binary code, so it might not make sense.
But if you really want to know, it's 011110011...
...110011000110.
Just like on my bar code and my chip. My contact gave me "Sam Deed."
That's S-A-M, three. D-E-E-D, four.
That's three- and four-name combos. All back-travelers have that...
...so we can identify each other, also so we can avoid each other.
But protocol prohibits us from telling anybody any of this.
You just told me.
Haven't you ever tied a tie before?
Dressing rituals went out with the advent of disposable clothes, back in the early 2200s.
Oh, God. Just get me through this one night.
You know, Sam, Ruby tells me that you work at a hospice.
Did you study medicine?
No. I drive the van, Lillian.
- I see. - So where you from, son?
He's from Iowa, Dad.
That's good country out there.
What part?
The Atlantic coast.
Sorry?
- Coast? - He means the shoreline.
- The Mississippi... - River.
- Shoreline. - Right.
- Did you go to college out there in Iowa? - Didn't have to go to college.
They planted everything I needed to know right here when I was 3.
"Planted"?
Sam is a prodigy.
He speaks five languages fluently.
Right?
- Prodigy. - Oh, my God.
Not bad.
Is that Homeric or Platonic Greek?
Actually, it's Platonic.
Amazing. Fantastic. You must have big ambitions.
Please tell us, what brings you to New York?
I came because of...
Okay, Marvin!
Down!
Wow.
I didn't know they were so soft.
How is he?
- Who, Dad? - Yeah.
Working. Always. Buying, selling.
- That's good. Right? - Sure.
Where did you meet this one? I like him.
- I do. - You do?
I like him. He's sweet. He's funny.
You think he's funny?
Yes, funny.
Lillian, these are great pickles.
Very nice.
Pickles?
Pickles.
You really are funny.
You know, Sam has some incredible ideas about investment.
- Does he really? - Very advanced. Very exciting.
Tell us. Something that I should know?
Excuse me.
You all right, son?
Is he all right?
- What's wrong with him? - I don't know.
- Sammy? Are you all right, baby? - I'm okay.
It didn't go very well.
I know. I'm sorry. It's my fault, you know, I...
First the thing with the dog, you know.
I can't believe I left dinner so abruptly.
It's okay. I think they really liked you.
- You think they really liked me? - Yeah.
- Really? - It's a first.
Wow!
You gotta tell me what's really going on...
...here.
I would never do anything to hurt this relationship. I wouldn't.
That's the truth.
It's just that...
...I have...
...RTDS.
- RTDS? - Residual Temporal Drag Syndrome.
It's a side effect of back-travel.
Most people call it "drag."
It's like you're jet-lagged.
You know, because when you back-travel, you go back centuries, like that.
The mind is a little slower.
It tries to catch up, but then it gets confused and throws itself into reverse.
The causality of events flips, and time flows backwards.
But you shouldn't worry about it, okay? Because most people adjust in months.
- Most? - Yeah.
For some people, it just gets worse...
...until everything is in reverse all the time.
They live in a reverse world in their head until they die.
"Die" is the wrong word. Until they re-enter their mother's...
...you know.
But you know, that Dramamine that JosÚ got me, that helps.
Maybe you should see someone.
There is someone that could help me.
Who?
- Hey! - You.
Okay. Now it's making sense.
He's getting off on it. You're getting off on it.
It's a kinky role-playing game.
Role-playing?
Look, I know I shouldn't tell you this...
...but Mark and I play a little game also.
Mark likes to pretend that he's someone else in bed.
Who?
Anthony Michael Hall.
Shut up.
You know, that geeky actor kid from that "Sixteen Candles" movie.
- I swear to God. - Shut up.
I'm just telling you this, because some guys are kinky.
Maybe Sam watched a lot of "Star Trek" as a kid, you know?
Who cares? God, as long as the sex is good.
But I don't think that this is about sex.
You're so old-fashioned.
He's from the future.
What the hell do you guys see in each other anyway?
I have to be able to trust him. I mean, who is this Delancey bitch?
He told you.
She's his contact.
Come on. I'm telling you. It's just a game. Play along!
I think that I think I'm going to have to leave him.
I thought you guys were coming to the beach house this weekend.
That would be perpetuating the fantasy.
It's not dealing with the problem!
I have a therapist to answer to.
Just make up your mind, sweetie. I mean, what are you waiting for, proof?
That's going to be hard to find. Mark.
It should have been so easy to kick him out.
So why didn't you, right then?
Were you waiting for proof?
No! I don't know.
I guess I was just curious.
I wanted to get to the root of it.
Maybe that's what the whole thing was, just morbid, sick curiosity.
How did you find me?
You just had that one, crumbling photo.
The date was electronically printed on the back.
And the guy in the curio shop...
...he just guessed that it was New York City because of all the black clothing.
So I took a chance.
I came to this here and now. Your face was as familiar to me as the sun.
I searched and I combed the streets, and then that day in the park.
It was a happy accident.
- It was just a happy accident? - That's exactly what it was.
Give me your wallet.
- I don't have any money. - Give me your wallet.
Okay.
- What? I don't know who those people are. - Let me remind you! Mom and Dad!
That's back-story! My contact gave me that! I told you.
- That's not your sister? - No.
That's not a photo of your sister? You said you had no photos.
No. My sister was terrified of dogs.
- I know you don't believe me... - There's a date on the back.
There's no way that I can actually prove it to you.
1991.
1991 sounds like the past, though, it doesn't sound like the future.
You know what? There's a phone number here, too.
Yeah?
So call it!
I mean, if that's what you want to do, call it! That's what it's for, for doubters like you.
- You really want to know? - I do want to know.
Then call it! They'll tell you everything you want to know.
My dad'll tell you how he works in a plastics factory...
...and my mom drives a school bus.
I was born in 1961, Dubuque.
I was a breech birth. Backwards? It's a little joke between back-travelers.
They'll tell you that I was clumsy in school. I was always falling off the jungle gym.
How I had an overactive imagination.
They'll tell you about the difficult years, the black lights, the acid trips.
The fights about money and responsibilities, proper hygiene!
How I ran away when I was 23...
...and they haven't heard from me since.
You see, my story...
...is a sad one.
You want to know why?
Because that's all I could afford.
I don't want to see you anymore.
Sit over here, so that we're not facing each other.
I don't want to see you in my life anymore.
And the way that I see it, it's freaks versus normal guys...
...and you have confirmed yourself as a member of the former.
- What's a freak? - It's a weirdo!
You are scamming me somehow. I don't know how...
...but I'm not sticking around to find out.
You call me a weirdo?
I'm sorry it didn't work out, but my therapist says that I have a fear of intimacy.
- I am freak. - I think it's best if I work it out on my own.
Freak. I thought that was the dance circa the 1970s. Weirdo, I know.
That's what Blinovitch's detractors called him...
...when he discovered how to bend space and time in 2278.
Time-travel is a physical impossibility.
So was the light bulb. So was going to the moon. So was male pregnancy.
You explain to me how time-travel is possible.
You tell me how an internal-combustion engine works.
You don't even know how the basic quantum mechanics work.
Sit down.
- No! - Sit down!
You want to know how back-travel works? Sit down.
Okay. Let's hear.
Give me your leg.
- You want to know how back-travel works? - Okay. Yes.
- You want to know how it works? - I'm giving you my leg.
Let's say that this is the passage of time.
This is the present.
And that...
...is the past.
It's a memory.
The problem always was...
...how to get from the present...
...all the way back to the...
You can't do it, right?
Breaks all the fundamental laws of physics.
It's impossible.
It's impossible.
But what if time isn't a rigid line?
What if you could bend space and time...
...so that the present...
...lays side by side with the past?
Then you really wouldn't have to go back at all.
You'd just have to make a little leap.
See, you go from here...
...to there.
Maybe it was all about sex at first.
Maybe I was just in denial, buying time...
... ignoring the problem.
But I really did want it to work.
It really did feel like a game.
As long as it was just our little game...
... as long as he didn't tell anyone else...
... everything seemed just fine.
So, why did the Gene Dupes ban it?
Back-travel?
Brain drain. Apparently, too many Anachronists disappeared into the past.
They banned it in 2467, except for the terminally ill.
That's fun isn't it? Playing along?
Yeah. I mean, he's a freak, but he tells a good story.
I'll bet he does.
What if he has?
- Has what? - Told someone else?
Then I'd worry. But he hasn't.
Don't worry. He couldn't. That would spoil the fantasy.
Trust me on this one. He couldn't.
Do you ever think about, like...
...the big issues, you know?
Like, where do we come from? What are we here for?
The big questions.
Someday, Marko, there won't be any big questions.
Like UFOs.
What are they?
They're interstellar travelers.
They come from a planet called Eenon from the Sirus Galaxy.
They stop here on Earth to fill up their nitro-carbon engines, and then...
Maybe.
What about God?
Is there a God?
Surprisingly, yes. A Jesuit priest found 102 of them using a telepathy scope.
- Through a what? - Telepathy scope.
What's a telepathy scope, dude?
You're all right, man. I like you. I feel like I can talk to you.
Gretchen, she's cool and everything, but I don't know if it's gonna work out.
She's not deep enough, you know?
What about Ruby? Is she deep?
What is this stuff?
I just want to say how happy I am that you guys are here.
- We're happy, too. - Let's toast.
To the future...
All right.
...of our relationships.
- Good Merlot, Gretchen. - Thanks.
It's a Syrah, actually, from Brazil.
Apparently, they are growing grapes where the rain forests used to be.
I think it's so tragic about the rain forests. They're going so fast.
Do you know that I read that they will all be gone...
...by the year 2467?
Actually...
Can you tell that story about that time...
Can you imagine the world without the rain forests?
- That's deep. - 'Cause I often wonder...
...just all of it, gone.
That's deep.
What do you think that world would be like, Mark?
That's real deep, baby.
You're stoned.
Ruby, what about you?
I heard that the rain forests are doing just fine and in no danger, thanks to Sting.
How worthy of him.
What do you think that world, that...
...future world...
...would be like? Hypothetically speaking, of course.
Lick my finger.
Go ahead, lick it. It's nothing weird. Come on, baby.
And that's what the world would be like in the future.
You're fucking stoned!
I am stoned.
What did I tell you?
So what can I tell you? I felt we made progress that weekend.
As long as I just played along...
You mean, as long as you enabled him?
Yes.
But...
...it enriched our relationship. I know you don't approve, but...
...by trusting him...
...it allowed him to open up in ways that he couldn't...
...that he hadn't before.
That's when he told me about his sister.
She didn't fall out of a tree, did she?
Or at least the latest version of his story about his sister.
No, all the trees were gone after the Great Infestation. You know.
- It's back-story. Remember? - Yeah. I'm sorry.
He said she was down on the beach...
... or whatever they call the Atlantic coast of Iowa.
She was by herself...
... and she was looking for washed-up treasures.
He said she must have seen something...
... something out in the water...
... something marvelous...
... a real treasure...
... because she swam out after it...
... and drowned.
Now, wait. Let's hang on a tick.
Sam claims he can travel back into the past.
What prevented him from simply going back and saving his sister from drowning?
- I asked him the same thing. - Very good.
What'd he say?
Blinovitch's Second Law of Temporal Inertia.
Again?
Blinovitch's Second Law of Temporal Inertia.
Basically, it's impossible to back-travel in your own lifetime.
You have to go way back...
...to make any change at all.
Even then, they have to be small changes...
...so they dampen out by the time it reaches the present.
So, you really can't change anything?
It's just a theory, and an unproven one as well.
If it's just a theory, then you should change it.
There is another theory, you know.
That you can change the past. That you can really change it.
What theory is that?
- Cheeseman's. - Cheeseman's?
Cheeseman's Emotional Energy Theory. It's true.
Cheeseman believed if you can concentrate enough energy in a moment in time...
...then you could alter the past and create a new future.
What kind of energy? Nuclear?
Emotional. Love energy. Hate energy.
- It's very potent stuff, you know. - Really?
Cheeseman worked with fruit flies, and then he realized...
...they didn't have enough emotional energy.
It was kind of low.
But then he thought, humans are creative, sensitive creatures.
Maybe they could muster up enough energy to actually...
...break the causal chain, alter the past and create a new future.
- So then what happens to the old future? - It'd be there. There'd be two futures.
The one you left and the one you're creating.
They'd exist simultaneously, parallel to each other.
Not parallel universes.
It's only a theory. It hasn't been proven...
...yet.
After that, I guess you could say we coasted.
If the Gene Dupes defeated the Anachronists...
I learned about his past by asking about my future.
And Sam, he kept the relationship interesting by keeping it mysterious.
Hi. Can I have the number for Sunil Vipassana?
I think it's in Queens.
What's a relationship without mystery, right?
Okay. Somebody give me a verb.
So, for a while, we just enjoyed each other and our game.
We can beat this thing.
And we took care of each other.
- I know we will. - We'll do it together.
Maybe you should see someone.
I wasn't talking about me.
Maybe it could have gone on like that forever.
But it didn't.
Another cruise?
It was just a matter of time before something...
... I guess you could call it reality...
... shocked me back to my senses.
Oh, boy.
And it was after that...
...that I finally asked you for your help.
I definitely think I should see him.
Why? What do you mean?
Have you ever heard of TLE?
- TLE? - Temporal Lobe Epilepsy.
Don't worry, I mean, this is not like grand mal.
I mean, he doesn't fall to the ground foaming at the mouth.
These seizures are infinitely more subtle.
Seizures? So, you think that his spells are...
With TLE, it's more like...
...intense attacks of emotion.
Euphoria. A heightened sense of smell and hearing.
The distortion of time and space.
H
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