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Harold and Maude CD1

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subS|* a n d a n t e *
split+sYnc|* v a t e r L a n d ! *
2CD riP+AC3|* b r e Y e r s *
nOv 2oo2|* t E A M . L o V E i N A *
# Don't be shy #
#Just let your feelings|roll on by #
# Don't wear fear #
# Or nobody will know|you're there #
#Just lift your head #
# And let your feelings|out instead #
# No, don't be shy #
# Just let your feelings|roll on by #
# On by #
# On by #
# You know, love #
# Is better|than a song #
# Love is where #
# All of us belong #
# So don't be shy #
# Just let your feelings|roll on by #
# Don't wear fear #
# Or nobody will know|you're there #
# That you're there #
# You're there #
# You're there,|you're there, there #
# You're there #
# You're there #
# You're there,|you're there #
# Don't be shy #
#Just let your feelings|roll on by #
# And don't wear fear #
# Or nobody will know|you're there #
#Just lift your head #
# And let your feelings|out instead #
# No, don't be shy #
# Just let your feelings|roll on by #
# On by #
# On by #
# Oh, on by #
# On by, on by #
# On by, on by #
# On by, on by ##
I suppose you think|that's very funny, Harold.
- Hello?|- Hello.
- Fay?|- Yes.
Darling, cancel my appointment|with Rene this afternoon.
I know he'll be furious,|but I've had such a frightful day.
And with guests|coming this evening.
Oh, would you?|That's sweet.
Tell him I promise|to be in on Tuesday.
Thank you, Fay.|You're a darling.
Yes. Bye.
Bye.
Oh. Dinner at 8:00, Harold.
And do try and be|a little more vivacious.
[Greensleeves Plays]
Harold's father had|a similar sense of the absurd.
I remember once, in Paris, he had|just stepped out for cigarettes.
The next I knew,|he was arrested by the police
for floating nude|down the Seine,
experimenting in river currents|with rubber water wings.
Mauve ones.
Well, that cost|quite a bit
of influence et d'argent|to hush up, I can tell you.
Harold, dear,|don't play with your food.
What's the matter?|Don't you feel well?
I have a sore throat.
Oh. Well, now,|directly after dinner,
I want you to go|straight to bed.
Harold's always been|a very delicate child,
even as a baby.
He seemed totally prone to|every possible kind of illness.
Harold, dear,|eat up your beets.
I remember|once, in Tokyo,
I had to call the embassy|for a doctor.
Oh, my God.
This is too much.
I can't stand|much more of this.
I can't take any more.
Oh, my God.
This is just...
Oh, God!
Oh...
That's very interesting,|Harold,
and, I think,|very illuminating.
There seems to be|a definite pattern emerging.
And, of course, this|pattern, once isolated,
can be coped with.
Recognize the problem,|and you are halfway on the road
to its, uh,|its solution.
Uh, tell me, Harold,|what do you do for fun?
What activity gives you
a different sense of enjoyment|from the others?
Uh, what do you find|fulfilling?
What gives you that...
special satisfaction?
I go to funerals.
# Then I found myself|alone #
# Hopin' someone|would miss me #
# Thinkin' about my home #
# And the last woman|to kiss me #
# Kiss me #
# But sometimes|you have to moan #
# When nothing seems|to suit you #
# But, nevertheless,|you know #
# You're locked|towards the future #
# Ooh ooh ooh ooh #
# So off and on you go #
# The seconds tick|the time out #
# There's so much|left to know #
# And I'm on the road|to find out #
# Ooh ooh ooh... ##
Thou dost prepare for me|a table
in the sight|of my adversaries.
Thou dost anoint my head|with oil.
My chalice overflows.
Kindness and grace|shall follow me
all the days|of my life,
and I shall dwell|in the house of the Lord
for length of days.
The earth is the Lord's|and the fullness thereof--
the world and they|who dwell therein,
for He has established it|upon the waters
and set it firmly|upon the rivers.
Who shall ascend|the mountain of the Lord,
or who shall stand|in His holy place?
The innocent of hands|and the pure of heart
who has not turned|his mind to vanity
nor sworn deceitfully|to his neighbor.
He shall receive|the blessing from the Lord
and a reward|from God his Savior.
This is the generation|of those who seek Him.
# Oh, yeah #
# I wish I knew #
# I wish I knew #
# What makes me me #
# What makes you you #
# It's just|another point ofview #
# Ooh #
# A state of mind|I'm going through #
# Yeah #
# So what I see|is never true #
# No ##
Harold?
Why you purchased|that monstrosity,
I have no idea.
You can have|any car you want,
but that ugly black horror|is an eyesore
and an|embarrassment.
Really, Harold, it is time|you settled down
and stopped flitting|away your talents
on these amateur theatrics,
these little divertissements,
no matter how psychologically|purging they may be.
I don't know what to do.
Go and have a talk|with your uncle Victor.
Perhaps he can fathom you.
After all, he was|General MacArthur's right-hand man.
Well, what|do you say, Harold?
Ah, it's a great life.
There's action,|adventure, advising,
and you'll get a chance|to see the war firsthand.
And there are plenty|of slant-eyed girls.
I'll make a man|out of you, Harold.
You'll travel the world,|put on a uniform,
and take on a man's job.
You'll walk tall|with a glint in your eye,
a spring in your step,
and the knowledge|in your heart
that you are|working for peace
and are serving|your country,
just like Nathan Hale.
Now, that's what|this country needs--
more Nathan Hales.
And, Harold,|I think I can see
a little|Nathan Hale in you.
[Rachmaninoff Plays]
Tell me, Harold,
how many|of these, uh, suicides
have you performed?
An accurate number|would be difficult to gauge.
Well, just give me|a rough estimate.
A rough estimate?
I'd say...
1 5.
1 5?
That's a rough estimate.
Were they all done|for your mother's benefit?
No. No.
I would not say benefit.
I only have a few minutes,
and I want to inform you|of my decision.
You have led|a very carefree,
idle, happy life|up to the present,
the life of a child.
But it is time now|to put away childish things
and take on|adult responsibilities.
Oh, we'd all like|to sail through life
with no thought of tomorrow,|but that cannot be.
We have our duties,
our obligations,
our principles.
In short, Harold,
I think it is time|for you to get married.
Let us pray to the Lord,|King of glory,
that He may|bless and deliver
the souls of all|the faithful departed
from the pain of hell|and the bottomless pit.
Deliver them|from the lion's mouth
and the darkness therein,
but rather, bring them|to the blessing of light,
holy life,|and eternal rest.
"O Lord,
"do not bring|your servant to trial,
"for no man--
Ssst!
"becomes holy|in Your sight
"unless You grant him forgiveness|of all his sins.
"We implore You, therefore,
"do not let the verdict|of Your judgment
"go against him|whom the loyal prayer
"of Christian faith|commends to mercy.
Ssst!
"Rather, by the help|of Your grace,
"may he escape the sentence|which he deserves,
"for during|his earthly life,
"he was signed with the seal|of the holy trinity.
You who live and reign|forever and ever."
Amen.
Ssst!
Like some licorice?
- No, thank you.|- You're welcome.
Did you know him?
No.
Me neither. I heard|he's 80 years old.
I'll be 80 next week.
Good time to move on,|don't you think?
I don't know.
Well, I mean,|75 is too early,
but at 85, you're|just marking time.
You may as well go|over the horizon.
I'll never understand this|mania for black.
Nobody sends black|flowers, do they?
Black flowers|are dead flowers.
Who sends dead flowers|to a funeral?
It's absurd.
What is your name?
Harold. Harold Chasen.
Oh, how do you do?
I'm Dame Marjorie Chardin,|but call me Maude.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks. I think we're going|to be great friends, don't you?
Can I give you a lift?
No, thank you.|I have my own car.
Well, I must be off.
We shall|have to meet again.
Ah.
Tell me, do you dance?
Pardon me?
Do you sing and dance?
Uh, no.
Uh, no. I thought not.
That woman.|She took my car.
I have here the forms
sent by the national|computer dating service.
They screen out|the fat and ugly,
so it's obviously a firm|of high standards.
First, here is|the personality interview,
which you are to|fill out and return.
Now then, are you|ready, Harold?
Here is the first question.
"Are you uncomfortable|meeting new people?"
I think that's a yes,|don't you agree, Harold?
"Should sex education be|taught outside the home?"
Oh, I would say no,|wouldn't you, Harold?
We'll give a "D" there.
3--"Should women run for president|of the United States?"
I don't see why not.|Absolutely yes.
"Do you|remember jokes
and take pleasure|in relating them to others?"
You don't do that,|do you, Harold? No.
Absolutely no.
"Do you often|get the feeling
that perhaps life|isn't worth living?"
What do you think,|Harold? "A"? "B"?
Oh, we'll put down "C,"|not sure. Mm-hmm.
"Is the subject of sex|being overexploited
by our mass media?"
That would have to|be yes, wouldn't it?
"Is it difficult for you|to accept criticism?"
No. We'll mark "D."
"Do you sometimes|have headaches or backaches
after a difficult day?"
Yes, I do, indeed.
"Do you go|to sleep easily?"
I'd say so.
"Do you believe in|capital punishment for murder?"
Yes, I do, indeed.
"In your opinion,|are social affairs
usually a waste of time?"
Heavens no.
"Can God influence|our lives?"
Oh, yes.
Absolutely yes.
"Does your personal religion|or philosophy
include a life|after death?"
Oh, yes, indeed.
That's absolutely.
"Did you enjoy life|when you were a child?"
Oh, yes, you were|a wonderful baby, Harold.
"Do you think|the sexual revolution
has gone too far?"
It certainly has.
"Do you find
the idea of wife swapping|distasteful?"
I even find|the question distasteful.
"Do you--
Harold, please!
Harold, please!
"Do you have ups and downs|without obvious reason?"
Oh, that's you, Harold.
Ha ha ha ha.
# Lord, my body #
# Has been a good friend #
# But I won't need it #
# When I reach the end #
# Miles from nowhere #
# I guess I'll take|my time #
# Oh, yeah #
# To reach there ##
Ssst!
"Dearest brothers,
"let us faithfully|and lovingly
"remember our brother
"whom God has taken|to Himself
"from the trials|of this world.
"God have mercy.
"Christ have mercy.
Lord have mercy."
Our Father,|who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come,|Thy will be done on earth
as it is in heaven.
Give us this day|our daily bread,
and forgive us|our trespasses
as we forgive those|who trespass against us.
Lead us not|into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen.
# Bring tea|for the tillerman #
# Steak for the son #
# Wine for the woman #
# Who made the rain come #
# Seagulls,|sing your hearts away #
# 'Cause while| |us sinners sin #
# The children play #
# Oh, Lord,|how they play and play #
# For that happy day #
# For that happy day #
# Happy day ##
Uh, my boy, excuse me.
One moment, please.
Who was that old lady|waving to you earlier?
Hello, Harold.|can I give you a lift?
There you are, madam.
Were you not the lady|who drove my car off yesterday?
With the St. Christopher medal|on the dashboard?
Yes.
It was me.|Get in, Harold.
Were you also the one|who painted the saint?
Oh, yes. How did|you like that?
Well, I didn't.
Don't be|too discouraged.
For aesthetic appreciation,|always a little time.
What a delight, Harold,|to bump into you again.
I knew we were going|to be good friends.
You go to funerals|often, don't you?
Uh, yeah.
So do I.
They're such fun,|aren't they?
It's all change,|all revolving--
burials and birth,|one linked to the other,
the great circle of life.
Hey, this old thing|handles well.
Ever drive|a hearse, Harold?
Yeah.
Well, it's a new|experience for me.
Good on curves.
Shall I take you|home, Harold?
Uh, this is my car.
Your hearse?
Yearse.
Ohhh!
Then you shall|take me home.
So just before he left|for the monastery in Tibet,
big Sweeney|gave me his keys.
'Course I made additions|for the new models,
but not as many|as you might think.
Once you have|your basic set,
it's then only|a question ofvariation.
You hop in any car you want|and just drive off?
Not any car.|I like to keep a variety.
I'm always looking|for the new experience.
Maybe.
Nevertheless, I think|you're upsetting people.
I don't know|if that's right.
Well, if some people|get upset
because they feel they have|a hold on some things,
I'm acting as|a gentle reminder--
here today,|gone tomorrow,
so don't get|attached to things.
Now, with that|in mind,
I'm not against|collecting stuff.
I've collected quite|a lot of stuff in my time.
Yeah. This is all memorabilia,|but it's incidental,
not integral,|if you know what I mean.
Oh--the birds.
Wow.
Oh, I love them so much.
They're the only wildlife|I get to see anymore.
Ah, me. Free as a bird.
At one time I broke into pet shops|to liberate the canaries,
but I decided that was an idea|way before its time.
Zoos are full,|prisons are overflowing...
Ah, my. How the world|still dearly loves a cage.
Uh, please sit down,|Harold.
I'll put the kettle on.
We'll have a nice|hot cup of tea.
Thanks, but|I have to go.
But it's oat straw tea.
You've never had|oat straw tea, have you?
No.
Well, then.
But I have to go.|I have an appointment.
I really can't miss it.
Oh. At the dentist?
Kind of.
Well, then you'll just|have to come back and visit.
All right.
My door's always open.
All right.
- Promise?|- I promise.
Harold.
Harold?
I asked, do you|have any friends?
No.
None at all?
No.
Maybe one.
Would you care to talk|about this friend?
No.
I find you a very|interesting case, Harold,
but this reluctance|on your part
is detrimental to|the psychoanalytical process.
Do you understand?
Very well.
Your mother tells me,|Harold,
that she's arranging|several dates for you
with some young ladies.
How do you|feel about that?
Hello. I'm Candy Gulf.
How do you do?|I'm Mrs. Chasen. Do come in.
Harold is|out in the garden.
He'll be here|in a moment.
Shall we sit down?
Oh, there's Harold.
Hello.
Oh, he seems very nice.
Oh, thank you.
- You are at the university?|- Yes, I am.
And what|are you studying?
Poli sci, minoring|in Home Ec.
- Poli Sci?|- Political Science.
- Oh.|- It's all about what's going on.
Is Harold interested|in what's going on?
I just think it's such|a super thing to study.
Of course, I can always|fall back on my Home Ec.
Now that's good planning.
Yes.
Tell me, are you a regular|with this computer club?
Oh, heavens, no! I don't have|to worry about dates.
Oh.
But some of the other girls|in my sorority
decided somebody|ought to try it,
so we drew straws,|and I lost.
Oh--but I-- I'm looking|forward to meeting Harold.
Well, I think|I should mention, Candy,
Harold does have his|little eccentric moments.
That's all right.
I have a brother|who's a real cutup, too.
Oh, I will never|forget the time
we had this old television set|with no parts in it.
Tommy stuck his head|behind it
and started giving|a whole newscast
before the entire family.
Must have been|very funny.
Aah! Harold!
Oh!
Oh, yes, dear.|Here is Harold now.
Harold,|this is Candy.
Candy's just been telling|such a funny little story about--
Oh!
Walter|Cronkite.
Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
# I used to walk alone #
# Every step|seemed the same #
# This world|was not my home #
# So there was nothing|much to the game #
# Look up and|see the clouds #
# Look down and|see the cold fog #
# Until you came|into my life, girl #
# I saw nothing,|nothing more ##
Oh.
- Excuse me.|- Mmm?
I beg your pardon.
Well, what do you want?
I'm sorry.|I was looking for Maude.
Harold?
Maude.
How about|some ginger pie?
Fine. Thank you.
I'll heat some up.
My, Harold, I'm glad|to see you again.
Do you often|model for Glaucus?
Oh, heavens, no.|I don't have the time.
But I like|to keep in practice.
And poor Glaucus occasionally|needs his memory refreshed
as to the contours|of the female form.
Do you disapprove?
Me? no. Of course not.
Really?
Do you think|it's wrong?
No.
Oh! Heavens,|I'm glad you said that.
I want to show you|my painting.
This is|The Rape oflRome.
Over in the corner|is Leda and the Swan--
a self-portrait.
And over here|is my favorite.
It's titled...
Rainbow With Egg Underneath|and an Elephant.
Do you like it?
Oh, yeah.
Very much.
I then became|infatuated with these--
my odorifics.
Give the nose a treat,|I thought--
Have a kind of a--|a olfactory banquet.
So I began first|on the easiest--
roast beef, old books,
mown grass...and|Mexican farmyard.
Oh. Here's one you'll like.
Snowfall|on 42nd Street.
I'll put it on.
Now, you hold on|to this.
I'll pump it up.
OK. Now,|hold it up there.
Now, what|do you smell?
Subway?
Ha ha.
Perfume.
Cigarettes.
Snow.
Snow.
Oh, it goes|on and on.
It's just great.
But then I decided|to switch to the tactile.
Uh...
what do you think?
I like this--
Oh, no, no, no.
Really get close|and reach in and feel.
Oh...there's|my kettle.
Uh...well...
stroke...
palm...
caress...
explore.
Unh...
Mmm.
Here we are.
Oat straw tea|and ginger pie.
Excuse the mismatched|saucers.
This is definitely|a new experience for me.
Oh, wonderful.|Try something new each day.
After all, we're given life|to find it out.
It doesn't last|forever.
You look|as if you could.
Did I tell you|I'll be 80 on Saturday?
You don't look 80.
That's the influence|of the right food,
the right exercises,|and the right breathing.
Greet the dawn with|the breath of fire.
Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!
Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh!
Huh! Huh! Hu...
Oh...
well, there's|no question.
My body's giving out.
I'm well into autumn.
It's all going|to be over after Saturday.
Tell me about yourself.
What do you do when|you aren't visiting funerals?
Yes, there is definitely|a certain attraction.
I ask you, though, Harold,|is it enough?
What do you mean?
Oh, well...
Mmm...
I like to watch|things grow.
They grow and bloom
and fade and die
and change|into something else.
Ah, life.
I should like to change|into a sunflower most of all.
They're so tall and simple.
What flower|would you like to be?
I don't know.
One of these, maybe.
Why do you say that?
Because they're all alike.
Oh, but they're not.
Look. See...
some are smaller,|some are fatter...
some grow to the left,|some to the right.
Some even have|lost some petals.
All kinds of|observable differences.
You see, Harold,
I feel that much|of the world's sorrow
comes from people|who are this...
yet allow themselves|to be treated as that.
# Well, I think it's fine #
# Buildin' jumbo planes #
# Or takin' a ride #
# On a cosmic train #
# Switch on summer #
# From a slot machine #
#Yes, get what|you want to, if you want #
# 'Cause you can get|anything #
# I know we've come|a long way #
# We're changin'|day to day #
# But tell me #
# Where do|the children play #
# Well, you roll on roads #
# Over fresh green grass #
# For your lorry loads #
# Pumpin' petrol gas #
# And you make them long #
# And you make them tough #
Power steering.
# But they just|go on and on #
# And it seems that|you can't get off #
# Oh, I know|we've come a long way #
# We're changin'|day to day #
# But tell me #
# Where do|the children play ##
Hey!
That little tree|is in trouble. Come on.
Look at it.
Oh.
It's suffocating.|Well, it's the smog.
You know, people|can live with it,
but trees,|it gives them asthma.
They can't breathe.
The leaves. Look,|they're turning brown.
Harold, we have got to do|something about this life.
What?
We'll transplant it|to the forest.
You can't do that.
Why not?
This is public property.
Well, exactly.
Well, we'll need tools.
You're right.|We'll go see Glaucus. Come on.
Wait a minute.
Oh, police. Come on.
Well,|good afternoon, officer.
Bit of trouble here?
Yes, ma'am. Someone|had trouble parking.
That's a tricky turn.
Tell me, that|car over there,
is that parked|all right?
Yes, ma'am, that's fine.
Thank you so much.
Uh, might turn the radio off.|Saves the battery.
A little after-dinner|liqueur, Harold?
Thank you,|I don't drink.
Oh, it's all right.|It's organic.
Thanks.
It has no|nutritional value,
but consistency is not|really a human trait.
What is that up there?
Oh, that's my umbrella.
That's just a relic.
I found it while packing|to come to America.
It used to be my defense
on picket lines and rallies|and political meetings--
being dragged off|by the police
and attacked by the thugs|of the opposition.
What were you|fighting for?
Oh, big issues--
liberty, rights, justice.
Kings died,|kingdoms fell.
I don't regret|the kingdom.
What sense in borders|and nations and patriotism?
But I miss the kings.
When I was|a little girl,
I was taken|to the palace in Vienna
to a garden party.
I can still see the sun shining,|the parasols,
the flashing uniforms|of the young officers.
I thought then that|I would marry a soldier.
Later on, Frederick|would chide me about it.
He was so serious.
A doctor|at the university...
and in the government.
But that was all before.
So...
you don't use|the umbrella anymore.
No more revolts?
Oh. Oh, yes.
Oh, every day.
But...I don't need|the defense anymore.
I embrace.
Still fighting|for the big issues,
but now in my small,|individual way.
Shall we have a song?
I don't--|I don't play--
Oh, come on.
- I'll show you.|- No.
# Sing out, sing out #
# If you want|to be free, be free #
# 'Cause there's|a million things to be #
#You know|that there are #
# And if you want|to be high, be high #
# If you want|to be low, be low #
# 'Cause there's|a million ways to go #
#You know|that there are #
# And if you want|to be me, be me #
# If you want|to be you, be you #
# 'Cause there's|a million things to do #
#You know|that there are #
Harold, join in.
#You know|that there are #
#You can do what #
#You want #
#The opportunity's on #
# And if you find #
# A new way #
#You can do it today #
#You can make it|all true #
# And you can|make it undo #
#You see #
# Ah, it's easy #
# Ah, you only need|to know #
# If you want|to sing out, sing out #
# And if you want|to be free, be free #
# 'Cause there's|a million things to be #
# You know|that there are #
# You know that there are #
# There are, there are #
# You know that there are ##
Oh, that was fun!
Let's play something|together.
I don't play anything.
Nothing?
Oh...dear me.
Everybody should be able|to make some music.
That's the cosmic dance.
Oh, come with me.
There has|to be something.
Now, let me see.
Got to oil this thing.|Oh. Hold on to this.
Let's--What is this?
This is it.|There we are.
You take--|This is the one. Take that.
Just be impulsive.|Be fanciful.
Let the music|flow out of you.
You--You got|to make some chords.
Put--Put your finger|on the second fret.
And this one on the third.|Then this one here.
Harold!
Harold?
Harold, dear!
Oh, there you are.
I have a little|surprise for you.
It's a present.
Come along.
There.
Isn't it darling?
I had them take away|that monstrous thing of yours
and send this one|'round instead.
It's so much more appropriate|for you, don't you think?
Oh, one thing more,|Harold.
I telephoned your second|computer date this morning,
and she seems|a very nice, quiet girl.
Cute little thing,|isn't it?
I like it very much.
Your license, lady?
I don't have one.|I don't believe in them.
H
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