Hello I am your Aunt CD1
"Ecran" corporation presents
"HELLO, I AM YOUR AUNT"
after B.Thomas's play "Charley's Aunt"
HAROLD LLOYD, FAVOURITE OF FORTUNE AND A NICE GUY
BABS BABERLEY A.KALIAGIN
MAX LINDER, KING OF THE SCREEN
THE UNPARALLELED MARLENE DIETRICH, THE RISING STAR
THE GREAT CHARLEY CHAPLIN
"HEARTS AND PEARLS OR THE LOST LOVE OF THE IDLE LIZARD"
BUSTER KEATON - A COMEDIAN WITHOUT A SMILE
"Put it back"
"Donna Rosa D'Alvadores, the famous Brazilian millionaire, a one hundred percent Englishwoman!" (T.NOSOVA)
"Donna Rosa d'Alvadores has no children. Her only heir is her nephew Charley Wakem!"
"A former housekeeper has become a millionaire?!"
"ELLA DELAY, Donna Rosa's pupil" T.VEDENEEVA
BRASSET, A MANSERVANT V.GAFT
- Have you handed the letter over? - Yes, Sir.
Then make breakfast and be quick about it!
- For how many people, Sir? - For...
For five people.
And mind you, breakfast must be ready at one o'clock sharp.
That is absolutely impossible, because now it is half past twelve.
Brasset, breakfast must be ready at 1 o'clock, otherwise I am not paying you your salary.
- What wine shall I serve? - Champaign, naturally.
But there is just a little left.
How do you mean a little? Only yesterday there were 6 bottles.
- No, just four. - But yesterday there were 6 of them, Brasset.
See for yourself: one, two, three, four.
So, where are the remaining two bottles?
Oh, Brasset, Brasset.
JACKY CHESNEY O.SHKLOVSKY
Daddy! Welcome home, Daddy!
- Jacky! - How was the trip?
- My brother and your uncle is dead... - Good God.
...He left us nothing but debts. We are ruined.
- That's what I expected. - Don't loose heart, my boy.
I hope to find a nice job for you somewhere...
...in India or some other colony.
I presume that in some 20-30 years you will be able to make a fortune there.
COLONEL FRANCIS CHESNEY (M.KOZAKOV) - That'll take too long, Daddy.
- Wait a moment. I have an idea. - What is it?
The only thing that could help us in our predicament is a marriage to a rich bride.
In half an hour my friend's aunt will be here.
- Marry her, Daddy. - Me?!
For a second time? No, no, no. That's out of the question.
But Daddy, she is a widow! Besides, she is a millionaire. And perhaps...
...no quite ugly. - Yes?
- Jacky, listen to me... - Oh! Meet my friend Charley Wakem.
- My father, Colonel Francis Chasney. - Glad to meet you.
This is her nephew.
CHARLEY WAKEM M.LYUBEZNOV
- Are you sure she is a millionaire? - 24 carat gold.
- Glad to meet you. - Well, let us no waste time.
Daddy, you've got to change. Look out!
Yes...And don't forget to put a flower into the buttonhole.
And as far as the millions are concerned...
Dear Charley. Full stop. Held back on important business. Full stop.
Donna Rosa d'Alvadores. Full stop.
We are lost. Full stop.
Quiet! Keep calm! Only keep calm.
- What are we to do? - Damn it!
She has to be here today, otherwise all our plans don't work.
And still there is no Aunty.
And tomorrow Annie will be taken to Scotland.
And Betty too.
Jacky, in spite of it all she has come! We are saved.
Excuse me, how come this lady is here?
Get lost, you fool! Only real millionaires come in this way!
- Formidable! - Incredible!
Glad to here you and now Good bye.
- What? Where are you going? - Auntie, and what about breakfast?
- No, thank you, I am very busy. - But breakfast will be charming.
My father will be here any minute. He dreams of meeting you!
- Your father? - Yes. A charming man, a widower and a colonel.
A charming colonel? No, I am leaving.
But Auntie, the colonel is such a nice old fellow!
An old fellow? But I court only the young, on principle!
- Auntie, you are so witty. - But there will be young people at breakfast too.
- No, no... Are they interesting? - Yes, very!
Well, that's different.
How many of them?
- Two. - Two girls.
- Two? Now everything is clear. - What is clear?
Each of you will court a nice girl,
...and I'll get some nice old guy.
With all my respect, no.
Excuse me, Sir, the messenger has brought a reply.
They'll be here any minute. Quiet!
My dear, please, hand me my suitcase.
Quiet, only quiet.
Auntie, dear, the trouble is we haven't told you everything as yet.
- The thing is we are in love. - What? You too?
Do you understand? Yes. And that is serious.
- Have you made your feelings known already? - No.
You want me to do it for you?
- No, we'll do it ourselves. - Yes. You see, Auntie...
...the trouble is that Annie and Betty's guardian doesn't allow them to see us.
- But why? You are serious about your feelings, aren't you? - That's exactly what...
...he is afraid of, because he doesn't want to part with the money of his rich heiresses!
- What a monster. - Yes. Auntie, talk to him.
- Help us, I entreat you, Auntie. - Help us!
- What is this natural phenomenon called? - Judge Krigs.
Judge?.. Where is my suitcase?
Thank you, dear.
What a heartless woman.
You don't know what true love is, Aunt.
You can't be more mistaken. You can't be.
Didn't my sadness strike you?
- No. - Oh... Yes, of course.
Oh yes. Well, is this feeling really so immense and deep?
Like an ocean!
I'll even give up drinking.
- Poor soul. - I sympathize with you.
It is the tragedy of my life.
I've met the best human being on earth.
The moment I wanted to tell him... her about this...
Sir, there are policemen in the hall.
They want to know if a man dressed as a woman has come into our house.
What are you talking about? Get rid of them this minute!
- They won't leave, Sir. - What do you mean they won't leave?
- The Constable wants to inspect the house. - What the hell!
All right. Tell them to wait.
Brasset is always displeased with something.
Auntie, you don't drink, do you.
Sir, there are two ladies. I saw them into your room.
- Oh please, my boy. - Yes, I am sorry.
How did this sir get in here?
Yes, that is curious.
Amazing! That's some Aunt!
- Oh! - Quiet.
All right... Quiet.
Brasset! Fetch a razor, some soap...
...hot water. Quick. - Yes, sir.
I warn you...
...l won't give up easily.
Not in the face!
OK. Is everything quiet?
Constable, this way.
This way, please.
Jin, brandy, rum?
- I am at work, Sir. - That means whiskey.
- We've got to discuss some very important business. - Yes, Sir.
Follow me, quick!
Donna Rosa d'Alvadores.
Miss Annie, Miss Betty.
Let me give you these flowers.
You must be tired after the trip. Crossing the ocean is no joke.
You've absolutely got to have a rest.
Brasset, you may go.
What a nice day it is today!
- Oh, the weather today is really exceptional. - Yes, absolutely.
I hope you've already got used to our climate?
- To your climate? - Yes.
I understand you'll be spending the whole day with us, won't you?
Oh no, no, Auntie is very busy today.
Yeah. I've got to do a lot of washing today.
Auntie... Antie meant that tonight...
...she was going to brainwash her housekeeper.
You are so kind to Charley. You'll be like a mother to him.
Where are you going? Go to Auntie! To Auntie!
My Goodness, he looks so much like my dead brother.
I love you and treasure you so much.
You would love and treasure me even more, my baby,
...if you got to know me closer.
I swear I'll deserve your love.
Jacky... My God, I can't.
Donna Rosa... me too.
I'll take the liberty, Sir...
...his excellency Judge Krigs...
...inquires if his pupils are here.
- You must get rid of him! - Of whom?
Of him. Of the Judge. Be quick!
I've got to run!.. Let go!
Betty, what are you doing?
Where are the lousy girls? I'll show them!
What did you say?
JUDGE KRIGS A.JIGARHANIAN
- What do you want? - I've got to see the owner of the house.
Well-educated people never talk to ladies with their hat on.
Oh, I am so upset.
Are you really so upset that you allow yourself to remain seated while I am standing?
You have no respect for women, do you.
What a scoundrel!
I've got to see Mr. Cheshey this minute.
- He is not here. - Really? And the two girls that are in my care?
- There is only one girl... - Oh really?
And so far I haven't entrusted you with looking after me.
My lady, you are mistaken.
The servant saw that those two girls entered this house. He did!
Then he didn't notice how they left.
- No. - Yes.
- No. - Yes.
- No. - Yes.
I saw it! I saw it myself!
- Where are they then? - What if they are home already?
I'll leave now, madam, but if I don't find them at home I'll be back.
Oh what shall I do with you!
Aren't you ashamed of frightening a weak woman?
Oh what shall I do with you!
- Are you drunk? - No.
- Yes, you are. - I am not drunk.
- Yes, you are! - I am not drunk.
You are drunk. Yes you are! Yes you...
Get out of here this moment!
What's the matter? Quiet.
Sir... Sir Francis Chesney!
Quiet. It's my father.
Pray, be nice to him.
Good God, kinship again. Is he another of my relatives?
Idiot! You are from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys.
Daddy, dear, you are just on time.
Let me introduce you. Miss Anny. Miss Betty.
Daddy, let me introduce you to our famous guest.
Donna Rosa D'Alvadores.
- Colonel Francis Cheshey. - Pleased to meet you.
You know, I'm Charley's aunt, I am from Brazil where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys.
How are you, sir Francis?
Thank you, Donna Rosa, excellent.
- Is she really a millionaire? - Daddy.
You know, Colonel, my nephew said a lot of good things about you.
- Idiot. You've never seen me before! - He wrote about you in every letter.
In other words he wrote a lot of good things about you in every letter.
Funny, it's only today that I had the honour of meeting Mr. Wakem.
But daddy, I've been telling Charley so much about you, that he knows and loves you.
Ah, I'm so pleased, so pleased.
You've come to England only today and today is the first time that you saw Mr. Charley!
Ah, what the hell.
Dinner is ready.
- Donna Rosa, let me offer you my arm. - Thanks.
- Please. - Thank you.
With pleasure, my Francis.
Francis? Did she say Francis? Looks like it's working.
Auntie, let me treat you to a small piece of roast beef.
Thank you, my friend, thank you. Only the piece can be a bit bigger.
Give me more. I mean more garnish.
Oh, what a nice rose!
Please, take it as a present from an enchanted admirer.
- Please. - Thanks! You are so amiable, Francis.
Again. She fell in love with me at first sight.
- Brasset! - Give me everything.
See to it that there is champagne for our guests.
- Has it disappeared? - Yes, dear, the champagne.
Oh, what luck, you know I've brought a couple of bottles with me.
Brasset, go find them in the hall.
Daddy, the respected judge Krigs has arrived.
I am honoured, sir, to see you honour in my house.
Well, I am not honoured to see my honour in your house.
That's how you spend time while I am away? ls it?
- But sir... - Shut up!..
- Just a moment, we must explain everything to you. - I'll hear no explanations.
Stop shouting! You tire me.
What?! What did you say?!
- Governess! - What?!
- Sir, that is unacceptable. - What?!
Do you think I'll be afraid of your uniform?
There are ladies here.
And one of them is a pretty important lady!
- Is that you? - Exactly!
Old... old witch!
- What? - Yes!
What? What did he say? Did you here that?
- My Goodness! Did you here that? Me an old witch! - Yes, yes!
I can't bear this.
Sir, take you words back this minute.
No way. She lied to me! She said they were not here.
But believe me, these girls have come here with the only intention of being introduced to the aunt.
What?! Don't make me laugh! What sort of an aunt is she? Just look at her face. Auntie.
I am sure that you'll change you opinion when you learn that the name of this lady is...
...Donna Rosa d'Alvadores. -What?!
I'm Charley's Aunt, I am from Brazil...
...where in the forests there are lots of wild monkeys.
The world-famous millionaire. It was my childhood dream to get married to her.
What have I done?.. Thank you very much.
Madam, madam, I, I can't control my ecstasy at seeing you.
How could I make such a mistake! How?
No, execute me. Execute.
I deserve to be executed! Just execute me!
Make him beg for forgiveness and allow him to stay for breakfast.
You words were a deadly insult to me, but I like arrogant men.
If you succeed in begging me to forgive you, I'll let you live.
Madam, I'll beg for forgiveness till the end of my days.
- Madam! - Get up.
Get up, I am not rancorous.
Moreover I allow you to stay for breakfast with us.
You are an angel! Having breakfast with you!
As a sign of reconciliation...
...l give you this flower.
Donna Rosa, please. Donna Rosa, please.
- What? - Thank you.
- A rival? - Quiet, quiet.
No, I'm not going to give in.
- Please, madam. - You are so amiable.
- Please... - What is it?
- Please. - Oh please, madam.
Donna Rosa, please. Please, Donna Rosa.
Thank you, gentlemen.
What is it? I smell my cigars.
- Don't you, Brasset? - No, I don't.
- You may go. - Yes, Sir.
Oh, Charley, is everything all right? Is it?
Listen, get lost, quick.
But wait a moment, I have a date with Miss Anny right here.
- Charley, you can't, that's not the right time and place. - Yes, right here.
- What, again? - No way. Get lost yourself.
- Mr. Chesney! - Mr. Wakem!
What an unexpected meeting.
Oh, you are not alone?
Yes, as you can see.
We are not alone?
Betty, every man in the course of his life...
...has fatal moments when he pitilessly severs all ties with his past...
...and at the same time with a trembling hand he unveils the mysterious future.
Is it clear?
No, rather vague.
I am so glad to see you, Miss Annie.
I must have a very serious talk with you.
What about? Probably some nonsense?
Yes... I mean, no. Well, I mean...
Please, speak quicker, we don't have much time.
I hate unnecessary words too and so I'll start from the most important thing.
You see, Miss Annie, every man in the course of his life...
...has fatal moments when he pitilessly severs all ties with his past...
...and at the same time with a trembling hand he unveils...
...the mysterious future. - Yes, of course.
- Explain, please. - Explain what?
It's very vague.
But Betty, it's so simple.
The mysterious veil over the future...
- It is... - What is it?
- It is... - It is?
- It is... - It is?
- It is... - It is?
- It is... - It is?
- It is, Betty... - It is?
- Mommy, mommy! - Mommy.
- Mommy! - Mommy.
Jacky, sonny... Oh, pardon, madam.
Son, congratulate me, I've taken the decision.
I don't understand. Just say it.
As you please. To provide for you and save the prestige of our family...
...l've decided to get married to a rich woman. - Oh, congratulations.
I am glad you've found the friend of your life, worthy of you and our ancestors.
Is she young and pretty?
She is no longer young and not at all pretty.
But she is very very rich. And that is the most important thing at the moment.
- You are right, dad. Who is this lady? - You know her.
- That's curious. Me, dad? - You pleaded with me to get married to her.
I am intrigued, dad. What is her name?
Donna Rosa d'Aladores.
- I say, Jacky... - What?
His behavior is absolutely indecent. Taking advantage of the fact that he is a man... I mean a woman...
...he walks with my Annie in the most intimate parts of the garden and tenderly embraces her.
Nonsense. I am in real trouble.
What? Is some one ill?
Yes, my poor dad.
What's wrong with him? Where is he?
- In his room. - Oh.
- And what is he doing there? - Drinking champagne to get brave.
A very queer illness, Jacky, a very queer one.
- He decided to propose to her! - To whom?
To whom? To this rascal your aunt!
Good gracious! What a plight.
It was all your idea!
- My?! - Yours!
- It was you who confused me! You and your nasty aunt! - Me?! You said me?!
- You totally confused me! - And who shaved her?
- Who? - Who shaved her?
- I'd rather have killed her! - Yes, you'd better have killed her.
What is the matter?
What a brute!
Betty, you are heavy. You are heavy, Betty. You are...
End of part one.
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