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Jedna ruka netleska 2003

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Presents
a film by David Ondricek
Boss, can I ask you something?
- Ask me what?
When I was loading
those crates...
The chickens in one of those|crates looked kinda weird to me.
I told you -|forget about those chickens!
Yeah but them birdies
had kinda odd beaks.
I'm telling you don't worry|about the chickens.
And you haven't seen|any eagles either.
What eagles? I didn't say|anything 'bout no eagles.
Don't gawk at me|or I'm gonna chop your hand off.
How many of those crates|you got in there?
- Don't know exactly.|It's in the papers.
- 52.
Exactly.
Milos, these chickens look kinda|strange. Come check it out.
I knew it.
It's quite simple.|You don't have to worry at all.
You take|responsibility for it
and I'll make sure|you get the lowest sentence.
And when you get out I'll|financially reimburse you.
They will reduce your sentence|in half for good behaviour.
To be honest,|you don't have much choice.
I don't know 'bout Stan but...
I take it.
So you're pleading guilty?
Yeah, I put those eagles there|with the help of my partner.
Then sign here.
I wasn't even loading the truck.
Stan was doing it all by himself.
I thought them chickens|looked kind of bizarre.
Stanislav Mares, born May 4,1967,
is sentenced to three years.
ONE HAND CAN'T CLAP
Starring
Welcome to,, I'll catch ya".
Today we prepared a special
Executive Producer|package for Mr. Chadima,
who, according to his friends,
Producer|has a good sense of humor.
We'll see.
Your ID...|Costume Design
...your wallet...
- A parcel for you.|Set Design
- The victim...|- That's right a parcel.
Could you sign here for me please?|Sound
...1,966 crowns in cash...|Edited by
...your keys...
Music|- What can it be?
- It's all wrapped up...!
Screenplay
A bomb... What a surprise!|Director of Photography
Shit... It's a bomb!|A bomb, a booooomb...
...and your sun-glasses.
Chadima.|Director
Welcome to,, I'll catch ya".
Sign here.
Mr. Vetchy?
This is Stan Mares.
I'm calling like I was supposed|to call you when I got out.
I'll be very happy to see you|and we straighten it all out.
You can count on it.
So tomorrow at 5 P.M. It is.|And make sure you come alone.
See you.
I thought we agreed that you won't use|your cell phone in front of the kids.
I'm sorry, I forgot.|I already turned it off.
Look, dad. An eagle!
It's not an eagle, David.|It is a kestrel.
- Eagles are very rare.
- How rare?
Very rare. There are more|kestrels than eagles.
That's why they're so expensive.
How expensive?
David, don't disturb your dad|while driving.
Since when are you interested|in how expensive birds are?
He asked so I'm explaining.
Oh, wouldn't you know
what happened to my tool-box?
It was in the garage|next to the bricks.
No I wouldn't. What would I do|with your tool-box?
I want a kestrel.
...and then I was in jail.
It was interesting.|I had plenty of time
to think things over.|- That's a weird story full o' lies.
Those people conned you and|now you gotta pay them back.
- I don't know...|- You don't know!
It's your duty to revenge!|Today the whole world's
full o' people who think they can|get away with murder.
So you gotta show those assholes|that no one can fuck with you.
Leave me alone.
Here, have a swig.
Once you drink this shit|you'll end up here forever.
Have a swig.
- Good morning.|- Good morning.
- Good morning.|- Morning, Mom.
- Good morning.
Why didn't you put on that|pink sweater I got out for you?
Could you answer me?
Nicole, I have a feeling|you did it on purpose.
It isn't the first time I got|clothes ready for you at night
and in the morning|you put on something else.
I'm your mother and I know best|what you should or shouldn't wear.
- Did you say something?|- No, why?
A thief!
Catch him!
Stop!|I said stop!
You think I can't catch you?!
A thief!
Did you see how he slipped?|- Yeah, but he didn't slip.
- It doesn't matter. You'll go|with me as a witness. Understood?
- You mean at the police station?|- To the mega-store.
I work there|as a house-detective.
You'll testify I caught him.|Is that clear?
I could do it but the first|thing is you didn't catch him
and the second is|that if you escort him
there should be some evidence|that you caught him, right?
You're a smart ass, pal,|aren't you?
Well, actually I have|a pretty solid position there
and if I tell my boss|you assisted in this arrest
maybe he could try you|out as a junior guard
- if you're looking for a job.
- Well I don't know...|- I'm not promising you anything
but you might have a chance.
You gotta believe in yourself a bit.|- OK, I believe in myself.
Yeah?|- Well.
It wasn't simple at all
'cause it wasn't a regular|pick-pocket; he was a pro.
It was quite fierce, a lot of|confusion but I got him.
And this guy helped me.|- Good day.
So...
...I thought you might hire him.|Try him out.
He could be my assistant.
If you quit your job now I won't|make you to pay for this VCR.
Really?
So unfair.
- Ouch.|- I'm sorry.
Don't apologize,|it wasn't your fault.
It wasn't your mistake|that you tripped him
and that VCR broke and|because of that I lost my job.
I don't have any money|and I owe everywhere I look.
Wait.
But it's not my fault|that you're broke.
Don't apologize.|It all right, really.
But if you could lend me a grand|it would really help me out.
- Well, I guess|I could lend you something...
I don't believe it!|- What happened?
- My wallet's gone.|- I told you he was a pro.
If you wait till tonight I'll be|able to loan you some cash.
That's really good you didn't|talk to anyone about it, Stan.
I honestly doubted|you'd keep your lips sealed.
It's been a long time
and people have a tendency|to confess to someone.
You know that old saying,|'Three could keep a secret
only if two of them are dead? '
No I don't.|But you know what I mean
and that's important.|Because if you told someone
I couldn't pay you back now.
You understand?|Very well.
So later tonight?|- Tonight.
- Is tonight convenient for you.|- Yes, it is.
- Be in Holesovice at eight P.M.|We'll straighten everything out.
So it will be finally behind us.|What do you say, Stan?
- But where in Holesovice?|- Dock 13.
- Dock 13. All right.|I'll be there.
- But be prompt.|- I will.
And come alone.|- I will.
- Excellent.
Thanks.
- Listen, who is that guy?
- In 1999 I pulled a job for him.
- What kinda job?
- Sorry but I can't tell you.
- Why?|- 'Cause I wouldn't get the money.
- What money?|- For those eagles...
But that's all I'll tell you.|- Wait, you already started
so now you should finish it.
- What did I start?|- A story.
You should finish it.
- I didn't start anything.|- But you did.
- No I didn't.|- You did.
- I didn't and leave me alone!
If you want to be a jerk|keep it to yourself.
In '99 I did a job for him.
We went to Slovakia...
I got out on good behaviour|after half my sentence was up.
- And what do you wanna do now?
- Now I'm gonna get that money.
And what do you gonna do|with it?
Well, I don't know yet.
Probably some travelling.|I'd like to go to Mexico
to see those Indian pyramids.
To Mexico.
And you don't want me to assist
you with collecting it.
Not really. I'll pick it up|myself and then...
I'll lend you two grand.|- Thanks.
- See ya.|- See ya!
I made you some herbal tea.
- It has a calming effect.|- I'm pretty calm.
- Brother, you're crazy!
- She's pretty sharp.|Most of the kids in her age
can't orientate in this game.
You know how much work it is|to protect them from all this?
Why do you think|we don't have a TV,
a computer or a microwave oven|and all that junk?
- Why?
- Nicole, go play in the garden.
You come visit us and the first thing
you do you give her this.
Calm down. It's just a game|that improves logical thinking.
You let a patient play it
and it lets you discover|what's close to him.
That may be true but my kids
are not your patients.|I'm the one raising them
and all I want is that|they would be themselves.
- That's good.
But you'd be surprised how many|folks refuse to be themselves.
It's like an epidemic lately.
During the World Cup I had|two Beckhams
and one Zidane.
And before the Pope came I had|six Satans and two Jesus Christs.
- Are you serious?
- There's more and more people
who think they are|a historical personality.
All these Napoleons,|Cleopatras, Hitlers, Lenins...
- Are you interested in this?|- Yeah.
How this deformation shows?|- At first it's very subtle.
Colorful dreams,|compulsive thoughts,
soliloquy and sometimes|hallucinations.
Not too many people|notice anything.
But later these affected people|begin to hide their traits.
At first in private but when
their conviction grows stronger
they have to go|and demonstrate it in public.
But I don't want to bore you|with all this.
How is my brother-in-law doing?
Is his veggie joint prospering?
You'd never understood|'cause you're a corpse-eater.
But luckily there's less|and less people like you.
Because you kill the carnivores?
You couldn't eat them anyway.
I know you think that eating|meat is a natural thing
but let me give you one example.
When you're hungry
and I will lay a carrot and|a dachshund in front of you,
what would you cut into?
- Definitely the dachshund.
I didn't take you as a jerk.
Take it easy. Calm down.
Don't ever tell me|to calm down again!
- There is all this tension built|in that must be released.
Try to get in the car, drive to|the woods and scream it all out.
- Get out.|- Let me give you some pills.
Stuff them up your ass.
You'd feel much better.
And the kids too, after all...
Bye.
You didn't bring the money,|right?
What makes you think so?
Just a wild guess.
I don't understand.
We had an agreement|and you kept all your promises.
Explain to me,|why I shouldn't pay you now?
Yeah, you're right,|I kept my part.
Give it to me then.
Here it is. You can count it.|Well?
Got ya!
You overextended yourself, pal.
Who are you gaping at?|You think I don't know anything?
I know everything.|About those birds...
Oh, man, it is so simple|to find a poor naive devil
and throw him in the slammer.
And then cut some papers,|stuff them in an envelope
and think everything's all right.
Well it isn't mate!
Wrong, you'll give him his cash|or I'll make beef stew out of you.
- Didn't I tell you to come alone?
- Alone...|well I don't remember now.
- He's alone here.
- I see two people here.
I was just passing by. We don't|know each other, right Stan?
Stan? Did you say Stan?
- No.|- Good.
Wait. You think that money|in that envelope was real?
That it wasn't counterfeit?
I just feel you weren't supposed|to be there. That's what I think.
Oh, come on! I saved your life.
I'm not so sure about it.
- Oh, wait.|- What wait?
Well, I mean like... wait.
- What for?|- Wait! Wait.
- What 'wait, wait? '|- I just said, 'wait, wait.'
- I heard you but what,, wait, wait?"
- What wait?|I'm just saying wait, just wait.
- Well I'm waiting, waiting.
- Well, then wait, wait.
- Well, I'm waiting...
- Wait, wait...
Wait -
Stop gaping at me|or I'm gonna chop your hand off.
That chopped off hand...
...wasn't a bad idea.
Good morning, police. In the name|of the law, surrender the vehicle!
Get out!|- What...?
We'll give it back later. See you!
Why do we actually pick|mushrooms at night?
- 'Cause a toadstool picked under|a full moon works the best.
- I see.
- You know why they teach us|that toadstools are poisonous?
- 'Cause they're poisonous.
- Wrong, in fact they're|hallucinogenic.
- So they're not poisonous?
- Some of them can be toxic but mostly|because they're hallucinogenic.
You're saying|you wanna eat a toadstool?
- Exactly.
- But isn't it dangerous?
Any adventure that's not|dangerous is no adventure.
In case you ever talk
about me to someone again
just remember this situation.
Verstehen Sie?
What did he say?
I think he got it.
- You think so?
- Absolutely.
Hasta la vista, baby.
Well, take him down.
Murderers!
Martina, come here!
What should we do?
Peel that tape off his mouth.
Thanks.
Who are you?
- Could you untie me, please?
- First tell us who are you.
A guy who was tied up and thrown in|the water. For God's sake, untie me.
Andrea, what do you think? What kind of|people end up at the bottom of a dam?
I think people who got|involved in something awful.
Mostly pretty bad people.
Help!|Help!
Help!
Stan! Hold on!|I'll be right there!
What kinda tea is this?
A regular 'shroom tea.|- I see.
- Why? Isn't it good?|- It's good.
It's great.
You made it yourself?
- Couldn't it get infected?|- Nonsense.
You saw me to heat the needle|with my lighter, didn't you?
But shouldn't you thread|the needle first?
You're a smart ass,|girl, aren't you?
Whose place is it anyway?
- It's my dad's cabin.|- A regular 'shroom tea. Sure.
Could you tell us what|happened up there on that dam?
Not now. It could affect|the investigation.
- You're a cop?
- Stan isn't but I am.
But you can't reveal this fact|in the next 48 hours to anyone
or it could be used against you.|Is that clear?
Yes.
So can you tell me why that car|was stupidly sent into him?
If that pond wasn't so shallow|your buddy would already be dead.
- Martina? Is that you?|- Father.
- Hi, Uncle.|Martina is here with me.
- Girls, just imagine|what happened to me.
Some character flagged me down|on the road and when I stopped
he pulled me out of my car|and took off.
So I had to walk and I found|my car at the dam again.
Turn the TV on, there will be|an interview with me.
What's going on in here?|Who is it?
Some people tied this guy up and|wanted to throw him in the dam.
We fished him out.
Hello, Father.
Who broke that window?
The officer who's working|on the case.
He probably had an idea and had|to take care of it right away.
I think we should have|a serious talk.
Let's sit down
and this guy|will explain everything to us.
You're...
...a likable guy...
and one can count on you.|I like that.
But you should use more of your
own initiative and invention.
See you tomorrow evening.
...23 dead and 64 injured.
A serious accident took place|in Pardubice's suburb.
36 years old driver overlooked|the railroad-crossing stop sign
and the freight train hit|his car in a full speed.
The fire-fighters were cleaning|the debris far into the night...
- Can I help you?
- How,, I'll catch ya"started?"|- Wait.
- I had this idea while working
in the radio station.
We were calling various people|and tried to perplex them.
,, Catch them out", as they say.
For example I called a hospital|and said I need a circumcision.
Or I told a restaurant|that my car hit a deer
and if they want to buy it, etc.
Then TV approached me so|I added another dimension to it.
We picked a person and installed|hidden cameras in their place.
A lot of people say|that's immoral
and you've already faced|some legal charges.
Those people probably|don't have a clear conscience
and the charges|only increased our ratings.
Look, you can't take our show|too seriously.
It's just fun.|We're looking into someone's privacy
and discovering|very funny things there.
And don't forget we can't catch
everyone who's watching our show
because he or she simply sees it.
So as I say,
the best defence against us
is to stay with us.
I don't mean to offend you|but I find it hypocritical
when you reveal|only the secrets of others.
How would you feel if someone exposed
your own family?
You haven't seen the one|where I exposed my daughter?
Of course I've seen it.
How would you feel
if someone filmed you|naked on a nudist beach?
Look, my nudity|isn't very interesting
but of course|I wouldn't mind at all.
One shouldn't be ashamed of|what he or she really is
and I don't have|any problems with this.
You can't simply catch me|with my pants down.
I see you have a strong opinion
but could you sincerely answer|this question:
Do you think that|what you're doing is right?
In 16th century's England lived|a philosopher, Francis Bacon.
And this wise man said one day:
A man would rather believe what|what he considers truthful
because he doesn't have enough|patience to discover
so he rejects difficult|deeper things
because he is vain and arrogant
and above all he rejects|paradoxical things
because he is liable|to common thinking.
Exactly.
Listen, I believe you can fly
but you should realize|it is foggy out there.
When you'll fly you|won't be able to land.
I don't wanna land. I wanna fly.
Don't stand under the roof, uncle. When|he jumps he's gonna fall right on you.
Girls, bring a net or a blanket|over here. Don't just stare!
I won't jump.
I'll fly like a bird...
like a bird of prey...
like an eagle...
You idiot!
They stole my car today|and broke my window.
And now I run|into a moron like you.
What is God punishing me for?
What have I done|to deserve this?
Owwww!
My hand.
Where have you been?
I'm sorry.|I have tons of work.
What is it?
- Gloves.
- What for?
They are gloves in gloves.
- I'm tired. Good night.|- Today is Thursday.
Should I push more?
Not yet.
What about the kids?
Today they had history.
What exactly?
World War II.
I'm coming.
I'm not.
I'm sorry. I apologize.
Before I go to Mexico,|I'll do something really big.
Something that's going to change|the lives of many people.
I don't know what it is...
but it's coming.
It's great!
Do you feel it,
my dear friend
tree?
Andre, you know what?|I really like you, you know?
- Yeah, thanks.
Oh, I see. You should've said|that right away.
It's not what you think.
It just struck me I should tell you
that 'cause I had a feeling
nobody wants to talk to you and|you're not really an amiable guy.
So I just said it|to make you happy.
You don't always have to say|everything that's on your mind.
I see, I didn't think of it.|That's good.
I don't always have to say
what's on my mind.|That's true.
A little while ago|I was in jail
and now I'm sitting here|with you.
- You're sitting here but|you could've been dead.
Murderers.
So what?
- You're sitting here but|you could've been actually dead.
Murderers.
I'd be just dead.|- You wouldn't mind?
- I'd probably mind but what could|I do if I was already dead?
- Hmmm, that's true.
Maybe you'd be reborn|as a bird and you could fly.
Or be smuggled|in a truck as a chicken.
- What?|- Tell them what happened.
Well, in 1999 I had this job.
What a scum to throw|an innocent guy in the slammer.
You must get your money back.
- If it wasn't for you|I already had it.
- Well, wait...|- Money isn't the only thing.
- That's right that money|isn't the only thing!
But what is?|- Justice.
- It's obvious that justice|is more important.
- We'll find out why he was|smuggling those eagles.
Let's swear on this candle that|all four of us will do it together.
- Wait a minute...
Let's swear on THIS candle
that all four of us|will do it together.
- Repeat after me:
I swear on this candle.
- I swear on this candle.
- I swear on THIS candle.
- That I shall uncover|the mystery of the birds of prey.
- That I shall uncover|the mystery of the birds of prey.
- Together with these four beings.
- Together with these four beings.
- Andrea.|- Andrea.
- Andre.|- Andre.
- Martina.|- Martina.
- Stan.|- Stan.
- Stan.
Oh, a guy called you.
He said his name was Brousek|or something like that.
He said that the bear is ready.
- What?|- The bear is ready.
I don't know what it means.
- Oh, Mr. Berousek. I see.
So that's how it is!
The bear is ready.|That's funny.
That's good.
Would you explain to me|what is up with that bear?
The bear is ready means|something like...
...really...
...like...
- Like what?
- Well, I didn't want|to tell you about it,
I didn't want|to brag about it...
Actually it means...
that the bear is ready
for a costume tryout.
- A what!?
- I met Mr. Berousek,|the circus owner.
And he asked me if I wouldn't|like to sponsor his bear.
The little hairy thing.|Actually not the bear
but the bear's costume|in one very funny sketch.
The bear's riding on a bike|and has these blue shorts on.
Are you crazy?|You want to sponsor people
who lock animals|in cages and drill them?
- I don't sponsor people|but I'd sponsor a bear.
Oh, by the way, didn't you|borrow that hauling rope
from the trunk of my car?
- No. What would I do|with your hauling rope?
I'm sorry.
- Mom, I wanna see|that bear in a costume.
- See what you've done?|- I'm sorry.
Davie, you wouldn't like it at all.|All animals at the circus are unhappy
and there are bad people there|who torture them.
- I'd like to see that circus.
- No.
Dad, I know you have|that little hand.
It's door 206.|- I know that.
- You're not gonna tell me what you'll|say? - Leave it up to me.
- I thought we were a team.|- So calm down.
Easy, yeah?
What is it?
May I help you?
We just wanted to ask you -
where the toilet is.
- Reception?|We have some intruders here.
- Wait.|- Let's go!
- Run. Run.|Wait. The elevator.
- It was somewhere here.|- Are you sure?
- Well, within 300 meters.
You can walk that far,|can't you?
- What do your parents do?
- My mom died when I was a kid.
I'm sorry. And your dad?
- He works in a theatre.|- As what?
- Don't know exactly. We don't see|each other very often.
As an actor|or something like that.
- Your dad is an actor and you|don't go to see any his shows?
- No, I don't feel|like going there.
But you don't communicate with|you father very much either.
You don't know?
I thought everybody's seen it.
- Seen what?|- Never mind.
Are we getting close?
- We're almost there.
It's gotta be somewhere over there.
- The next house over there.|- What house?
- The one where that man|with a doggie is standing.
- A doggie, right?|- Yeah, the little poodle.
Martina?!
- The building is guarded|by cameras,
everything's top secret there,|the receptionist is a pro.
- Did you find something concrete?|- What do you mean by that?
- Like something touchable.
- Nothing.
And do you have|something concrete?
- Nothing concrete.|Touchable, yes.
- Also nothing I guess.|- Same like you.
- I'm telling you. It wasn't easy.|We tricked the receptionist,
searched for the door marked|restaurant,, Magical Garden","
stepped in and there was|this vigilant secretary.
- Wait, what restaurant?|- Not a real restaurant,
just a sign on the door.|- But why was there a sign?
- Yeah, why?|- He probably owns some restaurant
and this is its office.
- It's not here.
- Magical Garden.|National Blvd. 6, Prague 1.
- Let's go.
- But you can't go in there like|this. They think you're dead.
- You know what would happen|if they'd recognized you?
- That would be silly.|- You're right.
- I have an idea.
- What do you need it for?|- Well, we need it for...
- We need it for a masquerade.|- For a fancy-dress ball.
- The most important thing is|that nobody recognizes us.
- You're odd.
When I was in your age|I went to the dance-halls
and didn't dress like a woman.|- Why like a woman?
- Dad, do you have something?|We don't have much time.
In dear employment:|Therefore hence, be gone:
But if thou, jealous, dost return to pry|In what I further shall intend to do,
By heaven, I will tear|thee joint by joint,
And strew this hungry churchyard|with thy limbs:
The time and my intents are savage-wild,|Fiercer and more inexorable far
Then empty tigers|or the roaring sea.
- Shakespeare, Romeo!|- Super!
Dear! You're just|an inexperienced little goose.
And thou will pay dearly|for a cheap word.
- Dad, calm down.
And these few precepts in thy memory|See thou character.
Give thy thoughts no tongue,|Nor any unproportioned thought this act.
Those friends thou hast,|and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul|with hoops of steel.
But do not dull thy palm|with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd,|unfledged comrade. Beware of entrance
to a quarrel, but being in, Bear't|that the opposed may beware of thee.
Give every man thine ear,|but few thy voice;"
Take each man's censure,|but reserve thy judgment.
Costly thy habit|as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy;"|rich, not gaudy;"
For the apparel|oft proclaims the man.
This above all,|to thine own self be true;"
And it must follow,|as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false|to any man.
Lord Polonius from Hamlet -|Shakespeare, too.
Some of this might fit you.
With this guy|we're safe 'n' sound.
Up,
open your arms
and sway to one side,
spring on your knees...
David will get out|his physics textbook now
and Nicole will draw|on the blackboard
what she's thinking the most|about lately.
- Mom, I can't find|my physics textbook.
- Look again.
- It's not here, really.
- Let me see.
Nicole, haven't you seen|that textbook?
Oh well,|we'll take care of it later.
Let's take a look at something else.
David, what would you like|to learn about?
- A kestrel.|- Very well.
David, how do we call|the science about birds?
- Ornithology.
- That's correct, Nicole.
David, look up the chapter|called,, The birds".
Ornithology is a science that|explores the life of birds.
- The kestrel is missing here.|- Let me see.
Who did this?|Now you will tell me who did it
or there will be a detention.
- The list of tonight's guests.|- Thank you.
- Have you decided?|- I'd like to have some white meat.
Do you have fish or chicken?
- We only serve soy meat,|salads and vegetable specialties.
- I see. My friend told me you|make great chicken here.
- Your friend must be mistaken.|We've never served meat here.
- You never heard of eagles|either, right?
- Excuse me?|- Lentil soup for me.
- Me too.|- Make it three.
- How about you?
- I'll have a coke.
- All right, three lentil|soups and one coke.
- This is interesting.
- What's? Lentil soup?
- Stan, did you say you delivered|chickens with eaglets mixed in?
- Yeah, that's right.
- But why did you deliver eagles|for a vegetarian restaurant?
- I can't listen to this|any longer.
You just wanna sit here|and stare?
- Wait. We're talking about it|and that's important.
- Even you are against me?|- Don't be stupid!
The girls here are helping us|so give them a break.
Those friends thou hast,|and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul|with hoops of steel.
- But do not dull thy palm|with entertainment...
- Cut it out you guys.|- Dear...
...You...
Judy.
He's going bananas.
I'd better go after him.
What do you wanna do?
- I'm running the show|all the time.
I'm planning things.|I'm on it like a pro.
I wanna do it|with a surgeon's precision.
And Andrea's eyes keep|bugging out at me all the time.
- Bugging out?
What are you looking for?
- Do you know where|the men's room is?
- You already passed it.
- Thanks.
Do you think he recognized us?
- How could he?|This disguise is perfect.
- You think so? - Where|do you think those stairs lead to?
- Probably to the basement.|- Right.
And that's what looks|fishy to me.
- What do you wanna do?|- Act.
Let's synchronize our watches.
In exactly 20 minutes|we'll meet upstairs.
- I don't have a watch.
- All right, then make it fifteen.
- How is the soup?|- Full of lentils.
- Where's Andre?|- He'll be back in 20 minutes.
- In 20 minutes?|- Actually in 15.
- We'll wait I guess.
No, we won't wait.|Could we get our bill?
- Are you sure it was them?|- Yeah, I'm dead sure.
Then go and find them.
- We'll pay next time.|Let's split.
If we don't report it|and he gets killed
we'd regret it|for the rest of our lives.
All right. I'll go there.
I'm quite experienced|with cops.
I know how to handle them.
- I honestly don't understand|what you are trying to tell me.
- I thought I was clear enough.
A vegetarian restaurant.|Food for vegetarians.
And all of a sudden, abracadabra,|eagles in the chickens shipment.
Well, you wonder what that|has to do with it
and why they wanted|to dump me in the dam?
And Andre?|We're waiting for 20 minutes
- well just 15|'cause I don't have a watch -
we wait for half an hour|but he never showed up.
- Careful, Mr. Mares, watch out.
Don't play with the law 'cause|the law is not a toy for kids.
You should realize|our time is precious.
We only investigate|real criminal cases here.
Jokes must be put aside.
Could you produce some evidence?
- No, I can't.|- You see?
If you wanna prove something|you gotta have some evidence.
Some snapshots|or something like that...
- Well, if it's all|I think I'd better go.
- Wait a minute.|- Good bye.
Do you see what he's doing?|I'll get it.
He's really a moron.
Stop!|It is still not quite right.
Try to play something more
festive and more dynamic...
Stop!
That's still not it!
- I may as well play this one.
Excellent! That's it.|You can go now.
Nicole, why is this doll|missing a hand?
- Did you break it off?|- No.
- Where is its hand?|- I don't know.
- Did something happen?|- Nothing.
Karl!
You ain't gonna believe this!
- Did you know about this?
- I heard something 'bout it|but I didn't know it'd be this crude.
What are we gonna do now?
- Let's go, guys.|I've got a black belt in karate.
What happened?|No masquerade tonight?
- I forgot to ask you|if I could borrow your camera.
- It's at home.|- I see. That's stupid.
- You wanna go there and get it?|- Is this yours?
- It's ours. We videotape|our rehearsals and stuff.
Be careful, don't erase anything.|- I caught it all, during everything.
- I caught you lying, feuding...
- That's Martina's dad.
- Did she come by with you today?|- Yeah, the redhead.
- And now take a look at our most|successful catch.
Welcome to,, I'll catch ya"!
Now I'll dial her number|and invite her for a date.
We'll see|if she's already horny...
Wow, that's Martina|but she's much younger.
Let's try it again.
- Is she your girlfriend?
- Well, yeah,
I guess so.
A skilful girl.
You have a good taste.
I'm proud of you.
- So I hit him and he went down.
I was really surprised|how easy it was.
- Guys, could you leave us|alone for a while?
All right, Mr. Konicek,|let's get started...
Tell me how you got in here|and what you want.
- Eat this: Kiss my ass, amateur.
Do you know who you're talkin' to?
You really think I'd be scared|of a chicken shit like you?
Go on!
I got one.
- Which one?|- The car jumper.
- Where is he?|- In the freezer.
- You honestly surprised me.
- What should I do with him?
Don't gawk at me.
If you think you'll wave|that axe in the air
and I'll start singing|you're wrong.
You'll regret this moment for|the rest of your fuckin' life.
Am I worthy of undertaking|such a mission?
Yes I am worthy.
Andre?
How did you know how many bricks|to put inside that suitcase
so it would lift David|all the way up to the ceiling?
- I figured that out.|- I see.
And did you figure out|the gripping mechanism too?
- Or were you told how to do it?|- It was in the book.
- What book?|- The physics book.
But your mom isn't teaching you|physics yet.
- It's David's book.|- I see.
Ok, Nicole. Why don't you stay in the|next room while I'll talk to your mom?
- Don't touch him!|- Calm down.
It's not as bad as you think.|David, go in there for a moment.
Look how smart she is. This|complicated gripping mechanism...
or here - this is actually an incline,|a simple lever and a double pulley.
She used the same mechanical components|the Egyptians were using to build
pyramids. She's a little genius.|- What are you babbling about!?
She's a regular murderer!|- I wouldn't be so harsh.
- Are you saying|I'm being too harsh?
- You love David, that's natural.
What about TV? Isn't Nicole|watching too much TV lately?
- You know we don't have a TV.|- Sorry, I forgot.
Maybe that's the stumbling block.
Children need television as an|additional communication device.
It is their connection|with the world,
as natural as their parents.
- My daughter tries to kill my son|and you advice me
to buy a TV set.|- Well.
Are you fucking serious?
I have more of those pills|I gave you. In that drawer there.
Do you need some more?
It will calm you down.|- In here?
- Right.
The significance of our meeting
will be fully recognized|perhaps after many centuries
but one thing I know|today very well:
A man who doesn't have|enough courage to discover
and who rejects the deep|difficult things but,
above all, a man who rejects|things paradoxical
becomes a stagnant being
who denies the natural evolution.
Such a person becomes a static,|degenerate creature
who huddles in the corner|of a dark room
instead of spreading|the wings of desire
and flying like a bird of prey
across the sky to drink|from the goblet of the unknown.
But to take off from the ground
and fly up into the sky|we have to get rid of our fear.
We have to be ready|to sacrifice ourselves.
One of us has to rise to take full|full responsibility upon his shoulders,
has to decide what is right|and what is wrong.
I'm asking myself:|Am I worthy
of undertaking such a mission?|And I have to answer myself...
Yes, I am worthy...
When I, filled with the feeling|of the highest bliss, watch your faces
then I know one thing for sure:|My life's struggle
hasn't been fought in vain.
- Let me in at once...
- Today I've personally prepared
something very special for you.
- Excuse me, I'm sorry.|- Let me in at once.
- What are you doing here?|- Why did you bring the kids over?
- I'm sorry but|I can't take it any longer.
- What is it you can't take any|longer? To baby-sit two kids?
What's wrong? Tell me!|- Nothing's wrong.
It's just that David|is putting on girl's clothes
he's stealing from Nicole -|stockings, panties, etc.
She drew this diagram,|a hauling rope...
She wanted to kill her brother|and she almost succeeded.
- Excellent.|So everything's in order...
- What do you mean by that?
- Nothing, everything will be GUT.
Zack?
- Yes?
- I just wanted to tell you|I videotaped everything.
So everybody will find out|what was happening here.
- So what?
- So I think it's useless|to burn this place down
when I have it all videotaped.
- When I was a little boy
I hated spinach.
My mom kept telling me|to eat it to be healthy
because there was iron in it.
But not too long ago I read|an article that scientists
made a mistake with|the decimal point in the past.
Spinach has the same amount|of iron as any other vegetable.
- Yes, but now everybody will|see that you're eating
endangered species here.
And it's good that they'll know.|- More spinach, more iron.
We'll show it on TV|and people will see it...
And they'd mimic you.|No, that's not good.
- It's good but it doesn't|have as much iron
as potatoes or onions...
- Yeah but I know for sure
that to eat people|is definitely wrong.
- You think so?|- Yeah, I know that for sure.
Stan!|What are you doing here?
Why did you set|the place on fire?
We better run!
How can I show it|if I don't know what's on it?
- Dad!
You owe me this one.
- Put it on.|- What?
- I said put it on.
Welcome to,, I'll catch ya".
These days it's very hard to|tell what's right and what isn't.
Things that were unimaginable
just a few years ago|we take as normal today.
What used to be considered ugly|can be an ideal of beauty today.
That's why I'm showing you|things the way they really are.
And even though they're|sometimes painful
and unpleasant,
especially when|your own family is involved,
it gives me and you|the possibility
to make our own opinion
of the world we live in.
Today my daughter came to me|after years of refusal.
She gave me a videotape made
secretly by her friend Stan
and asked me if I could...
- She did it!
Everybody stop working|and pay attention!
Since I was a kid I had a bad|luck with whatever I touched.
I don't have any money, no place|to live, no girlfriend.
I don't have anything I like|or what I could like.
Maybe you're also not following|your dreams,
maybe you also don't live|the lives you wanted to live.
But me and one girl have accomplished|something what will change my life.
And maybe it will help|to all of you, too.
So look up and watch|that silly TV now!
...that's why I promised her|to show it to you
because I owe it to her.
So here we go...
Sometimes you can see|bad things on TV,
but if you use your head,
you'll make objective,
and mainly, your own opinions|on what you're about to see.
It can be useful for you,
for each individual.
Understood?|- Well no.
You don't mind that your eyes|bug out all the time?
- No, I don't. Do you?
- Yes, I do.
But you do have a pretty voice.
- Thanks.|- Don't mention it.
Could someone|change the channel?
That's sweet...
Those people conned you and|you have to pay them back.
This world is full o' people|who think
they can get away with murder.
So go and show them assholes
that no one can fuck with you.
Hi.|- Hi.
- I guess I should apologize...
but I have no reason.
I saw that scene|with that doggie...
but only afterwards...
so I'm sorry...
but nothing really happened...
- I know many people thought|it was gross
and they say they'd never|do things like that
but I wanted to do it|so I did it and
just because my crazy father|taped me doing it doesn't mean
I'll stop being myself.|I just came here
to tell you I like you
and when you get out|you can call me.
I mean if you want to.
- Yeah, sure, all right.
I'll call ya.
JFK
JFK (directors cut) CD1
JFK (directors cut) CD2
JFK (directors cut) CD3
Jaal (The Trap)
Jackal The - Collectors Edition
Jackass - The Movie
Jackie Brown 1997 CD1
Jackie Brown 1997 CD2
Jacobs ladder CD1
Jacobs ladder CD2
Jade 1995 25fps
Jagged Edge CD1
Jagged Edge CD2
James Bond - Octopussy (1983)
Jamon Jamon 1992 CD1
Jamon Jamon 1992 CD2
Janasheen
Janguru Taitei
Japanese Story
Jason And Argonauts 1963
Jaws (25th Anniversary Collectors Edition)
Jaws 3-D
Jaws CD1
Jaws CD2
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
Jealousy
Jean Luc Godart - A bout de souffle (1960)
Jedna ruka netleska 2003
Jeepers Creepers
Jeepers Creepers 2 (2003)
Jennifer 8
Jeremiah Johnson 1972 CD1
Jeremiah Johnson 1972 CD2
Jerry Maguire
Jerry Maguire (1996) CD1
Jerry Maguire (1996) CD2
Jersey Girl 2004
Jesus Christ Superstar
Jete La (Chris Marker 1962)
Jeux Interdits (1952)
Jimi Hendrix
Jimmy Neutron - Boy Genius
Jin Roh - The Wolf Brigade
Jingi naki tatakai 1973
Joan Of Arc
Job The (1961)
Job The (2003)
Joe Kidd
Joey 1x01 - Pilot
Joey 1x02 - Episode One
Joey 1x03 - Joey and the party
Joey 1x04 - Joey and the book club
Joey 1x05 - Joey and the perfect storm
Joey 1x06 - Joey And The Nemesis
Joey 1x09
Joey 1x10
Johnny English
Johnny Got His Gun
Johnny Stecchino (Johnny Toothpick)
Joint Security Area
Joki
Jolly Roger
Jonas qui aura 25 ans en 2000 (Alain Tanner 1976)
Jonny Vang
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat CD1
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat CD2
Josie and The Pussycats
Journey To The Center Of Earth 1959 CD1
Journey To The Center Of Earth 1959 CD2
Journey to the Seventh Planet
Joy Ride
Ju-On - The Grudge 2 (2003)
Ju-on The Grudge
Juana La Loca
Judge Dredd
Judgement in Stone A
Judgment at Nuremberg
Juego de Arcibel El 2003
Juggernaut
Juice
Jules and Jim
Jumanji (1995)
Jungle Book II The
Jungle Book The
Jungle Fever
Jungle Juice
Junk (Shiryour Gari 1999)
Junk 1999
Jurassic Park - Collectors Edition - DTS
Jurassic Park - Lost World
Jurassic Park 2 - The Lost World CD1
Jurassic Park 2 - The Lost World CD2
Jurassic Park III
Just Cause (1995)
Just Do It (aka Hamyeondoinda)
Just a kiss
Just married
Just visiting
Juste une Question dAmour
Juvenile
Juwanna Mann
Juyuso seubgyuksageun (Sang-Jin Kim 1999)