Life Is Beautiful
This is a simple story...
but not an easy one to tell.
Like a fable, there is sorrow...
and, like a fable,|it is full of wonder and happiness.
I sing what I see. Nothing gets by me.
" Here I am," said I to chaos.
"I am your slave!"|And he: "Good."
" For what?" said I.
Free in the end, I am!|What good is a caress when bliss...
this man came to possess?
Here I am, readry.
And I can resist no more.|Go, sweet Bacchus, take me.
The brakes are gone!|The brakes are gone!
I heard you.
- No, they're really gone!|- Hit the brakes!
Weren't you reciting a poem?
It doesn't work!
We're going to die!|The woods!
The king is coming!
There he is!
It's full of people down there.|Straight.
We have no brakes!
We have no brakes! Move!
Go for a walk.
Otherwise,|we'll get there tomorrow.
I found the screw.
Now what do you need?
Nothing.|I need ten minutes alone.
All right,|I'll leave you alone.
Do you want the screw|from before?
No, I want to be alone.
Do I toss out the screw|If I find it?
I need ten minutes alone.
I'm washing my hands.
Prettry girl! How's it going?
What are you doing?
Did your mom put this stuff here?
No, the landladry did.
Is it a market? It's beautiful.
How much is it?|How old are you?
- What's your name?|- Eleonora.
Nice to meet you.|I'm Prince Guido.
- Prince?|- I'm a prince, I am.
All this is mine.
Here starts the prince's principate.
I'll call this place Addis Ababa.
I'll change it all.|Out go the cows, in come the camels.
Even a few hippopotamus.
I must go.|I'm meeting with the princess.
- When?|- Now!
Good morning, Princess!
How frightening.|I almost killed myself. Did I hurt you?
I've never been better.
Do you always leave|the house like this?
I wanted to burn that wasp's nest,|but I got stung.
A wasp stung you? There?|Allow me.
Hold still, Princess.
A wasp's poison is very dangerous.
You have to get it out.
- Lie down. It'll take a while.|- No, thank you.
- Did you get stung anywhere else?|- No, thank you.
What a place here!|It's beautiful!
Pigeons fly, women fall from the sky.|I'm moving here!
It's all his! He wants to fill it|with camels! He's a prince!
Prince Guido|At your service, Princess.
- How can I thank you?|- There's no need.
If you really want|to thank me...
I'll take some eggs to make|a nice omelette for my squire.
Take whatever you want.|It's all yours.
I'll take two-- six.|All right? I'll make a nice omelette.
Good-bye, Eleonora!|My regards, Princess.
Here I am, Ferruccio!|Tonight's special: omelette!
All camels here!
- Where is this house?|- Turn left. We're almost there.
Is your uncle sleeping with us?
He's lived in the hotel for 30 years.|He's the head maitre.
He's lending us the house.|He uses it for storage.
There. We're here.
That's Robin Hood,|my uncle's horse.
Here's my uncle's buggy|and my uncle's house.
And inside is my uncle.
Hello, dear uncle! Here we are!|Hurry, it's late.
Here we are.|The car broke down!
- Barbarians.|- Who were they?
- Barbarians.|- Why didn't you cry for help?
Silence is|the most powerful cry.
Is he your poet friend?
My name is Ferruccio.|I'm also an upholsterer.
Here you are. It's an old storehouse|full of odds and ends.
An old passion--|an odd and end in itself!.
What's all this stuff for?
You can stay as long as you want.|It's not easy to be a waiter.
That's the bed.|Legend has it Garibaldi slept there.
Nothing is more necessary|than the unnecessary.
The town hall is on Via Sestani,|to the right after the colonnade.
The bathroom, equipped|with the invention of Mr. Bidet.
There are a few books here,|among which The Life of Petrarch.
The kitchen is in there. This is|a velocipede, commonly called a bike.
I have to get back to the hotel.|There's only one key. Don't lose it.
It's so good to see you.|I'm coming, Robin Hood!
What an uncle!
Look at this!
Didn't I tell you? We're in a citry.|You can do whatever you want.
If you want to do something,|you do it.
You want to let yourself go?|You want to yell? Yell!
Stop it!|What are you, crazy?
You can't act|like you do in the country.
You've been yelling like a madman.|You can't yell!
May! The key!
See? You can't yell.
Understand? If you stopped thinking|so much about poetry...
you'd make your father happier|and you'd make more money than him.
That's right, Oreste.|That's what I tell him too.
You have to settle down!
What a nice hat.|How does it look?
- Nice. How does it look?|- Nice, but it's mine.
When do I start working?
You're already late.|Right away!
Get that armchair|and take it to the workshop.
- That one?|- That one. And be careful!
Good. I'm going to the town hall.|Good-bye.
Good-bye,|and behave yourselves...
because these are hard times.
Hard, hard times!
They're hard times?
Why, what are your|political views?
Benito! Adolph!|Be good!
What did you say?
I said, how are things going?
Careful!|You'll break the legs!
He pulled it off.|He took my hat. I'll find him though.
Benito,|you're going to get a slap!
I need to do the whole bureaucratic|procedure to open a bookstore.
- Does it take a long time?|- Years.
Then we'd better|open a file now.
First you apply, and|the department head has to sign it.
I almost scrambled my eggs.|I've had them since yesterday.
I forgot about them.|Thank God they didn't break. Take note.
I, the undersigned,|Guido Orefice...
- am applying to open--|- He can't sign it now!
What's going on?
I need your signature|to open a bookstore.
- Miss, what's going on?|- Mr. Rodolfo, I told him.
-Just one signature.|- No, I can't.
My substitute will be here|in an hour. Ask him.
- All I need is a signature.|- We close at one here!
It's ten to one.
File a complaint.
Boy, is he nastry.
To sign a paper, open a file,|all he had to do was--
Now I have to wait one hour|for his substitute.
I'm filing a complaint.|Write, "I, the undersigned--"
What a wallop!
Are you hurt?|I'll help you.
Come here.|I didn't do it on purpose.
Don't touch me!
You can forget|about your bookshop!
No, the eggs!
You scoundrel!|I'll kill you!
Out of the way!
Good morning, Princess.
I wonder if we'll ever bump|into each other standing up.
Excuse me,|but I've got to run.
- Chicken.|- That's easy.
It's served whole,|bottom down on the plate.
"Will you cut it for me?"|" Naturally."
I stick the blade under the wing|then I rip off the drumstick.
I cut the meat along|the bottom of the breastbone.
- Off go the wings, breast and skin.|- Lobster.
Piece of cake, Uncle.
I stick the wing under the leg.
Off goes the leg.|I rip off the lobster, stick the--
Lobster is a crustacean.
Off goes the crust...|of the crustacean.
Off go the crust and antennae.|Who eats the antennae?
Off go the antennae,|off goes the lobster.
There's nothing left.
We're out of lobster,|but the chicken is delicious.
- I don't remember how to do lobster.|- You serve it as is.
There's no need to touch it!
That's too easy.|That's why I didn't remember.
- Continue.|- Behavior!
Stand by.|Still, like this.
In position.|Stand by behavior. Waiter!
Why only me?|There must be other waiters, right?
Bowing!|Piece of cake.
You bow down, further.
Like this, at a 45 degree angle,|just like a champagne bottle.
45 degrees, even 50, 55.
90 degrees.|A right angle. 1 80.
How far do I bow down?|1 80 degrees? Like this?
Think of a sunflower.|They bow to the sun.
But if you see some|that are too bowed down...
it means they're dead!
You're serving.|You're not a servant.
Serving is a supreme art.
God is the first servant.
God serves men,|but he's not a servant to men.
- There was no button here.|- It doesn't go there, silly.
I have to take the car back to Pop.|He's counting on it.
You'll take it back|in a month or so.
No, I've got to get it back soon.|You know why?
- What? What time is it?|- Were you sleeping?
Of course I was.
You fell asleep|while talking to me!
- How did you do that?|- Schopenhauer.
Schopenhauer says that with willpower,|you can do anything.
"I am what I want to be."
Right now I want to sleep,|so I was saying to myself...
"I'm sleeping, sleeping,"|and I fell asleep.
Amazing.|And it's simple too.
I want to try too.|I'm sleeping, sleeping, sleeping--
Don't move your hands.|You're not a juggler.
It's a matter of thought.|It's serious, and it takes time.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
What is it now?|What are you doing?
- It totally works!|- What works?
Schopenhauer.|You know what I just said? "Wake up."
Bam, you woke up.|This theory is incredible.
- How does it work?|- You were yelling in my ear!
That's why I woke up.
- So I should say it quieter.|- Don't say it at all!
It's deep.|You have to think it.
Why are you running?|Slow down!
Hurry up. It's late!
May, the key!
Every morning,|she throws the key.
There's that teacher.|Boy, is she pretty.
I even dreamt about her.|Come with me. I'll introduce you.
- Holy smokes! Stay still!|- What is it?
The one in the car.|He's that jerk the eggs fell on.
He'll kill me if he sees me.|Be good.
- What's he doing?|- He's talking.
- What's he saying?|- How do I know?
- What's he doing?|- He's saying good-bye.
He's got a car just like mine!|There he is!
Don't move.|He'll kill me if he sees me!
Stay still, Ferruccio.
Good morning, Princess!
It's you again.|How do you do this?
This is the princess|who fell from the sky into my arms.
Is he the one who sucked|the stinger out of your thigh?
Yes. We keep meeting like this.|You just suddenly show up.
We could make plans to meet.
- Tonight at 8:00?|- No, it's nicer this way.
Let's go, Dora.|You'll be late.
I hope we meet again|suddenly.
Did you see her?|She's pretty, huh?
She likes it|when I suddenly appear.
I don't believe it.
You're a genius!
"The bigger it is,|the less you see it."
Marvelous.|Did you make that riddle up?
No, but you solved it in five minutes.|It took me eight days.
Salmon, salad|and a glass of white wine.
Listen to this one, Guido.
If I may, it's my turn.
My pop told me this|when I was a wee boy.
"The dwarves and Snow White|sit down for a bite.
How fast can you guess|what she serves her guests next?"
It sounds refined.
I want to solve it right now.
- Eat first or it'll get cold.|- I don't want to. It's too late.
Salad, salmon, white wine.|It's light.
and Snow White.
- Is the kitchen closed?|- Everybody's gone. Why?
A gentleman from Rome is here|from the Ministry. He wants to eat.
The kitchen is closed.
Oh, well, he would have|given you a good tip.
The kitchen is open.
Come right in.
Doctor, you're not eating anything?
"The dwarves and Snow White--"
I know the kitchen is closed.|Maybe a cold dish.
- It's all delicious. Take your pick.|- Something light.
Well, we've got meat,|a nice heavy steak...
lamb, kidneys,|some greasy breaded liver.
- Otherwise, there's fish.|- Fish.
We have...|a nice fatty turbot...
eel stuffed with fatty sausage|and greased with Grand Marnier...
or some lean salmon--
The salmon, thank you.
- Side dish?|- There's a side dish too?
Of course.|We have very, very fried mushrooms...
buttered potatoes in Nancry butter|with a flaky sauce--
Is there a small, light salad?|If not, nothing.
A light salad? What a pity.|The very, very fried mushrooms...
were out of this world.|So, a light salad...
a lean salmon|and a glass of white wine.
Perfect.|As soon as possible.
I'll do my best.
" How fast can you guess|what she serves her guests next?"
- "The dwarves and Snow White."|- Good night, Doctor.
Good night, genius.
What did he say? The dwarves?|What is he, drunk?
It's a riddle.|"Seven seconds."
"Seven seconds" is the solution.|"The dwarves and Snow White."
If there are seven dwarves dining...
and she serves seconds,|that means "seven seconds."
Doctor Lessing is a physician,|a very serious person.
But he's obsessed with riddles.|He loses sleep over them.
Excuse me.|The " Francesco Petrarca" school.
The elementary school? A friend|Of mine teaches there. It's beautiful.
It's not far from here. Why?
Good. I can sleep|an extra half hour.
Do you have to go|to that school tomorrow morning?
They're expecting me at 8:30.
Please, children, silence!|A moment of attention.
The inspector from Rome|will be here shortly.
I want to make|a good impression on him.
Listen very quietly|and carefully to what he says.
He'll tell us some very important|things about our beautiful country.
The inspector is here, ma'am.
He's already here?|He's early!
Sit down, Roberto!
Good morning, Princess.
Good morning, Mr. Inspector.|I'm the principal.
These are some of our teachers.
How many years have you taught|in this school district?
Are you up to date|with the ongoing...
school program approved|by the Ministry this year?
Did you read the bulletin|regarding childhood hygiene?
What are you doing on Sunday?
No, I mean, Sunday is St. May's Day.|What are you doing?
I'm going to the theater.
- To see what?|- Offenbach.
Right,|they're playing Offenbach.
Thank you very much, and good-bye.|I just came to--
As you know, the inspector...
came from Rome to talk to us|about the race manifesto...
signed by the most well versed|Italian scientists.
He will, and we're very honored...
demonstrate to us that our race...
is a superior race--
the best of all.
Take your seats.
Go ahead, Inspector.
- Our race--|- Is superior.
Our race is superior.
I've just come from Rome,|right this minute...
to come and tell you in order|that you'll know, children...
that our race|is a superior one.
chosen, I was,|by racist Italian scientists...
in order to demonstrate...
how superior our race is.
Why did they pick me, children?
Must I tell you?
Where can you find...
someone more handsome than me?
Justly so, there is silence.|I'm an original "superior race"...
Let's start with something that|one says: "What's so big about that?"
The ear. Look at|the perfection of this ear.
with a pendant|little bell at the end.
Check it out.|Movable cartilage.
Find two ears more beautiful|than these and I'll leave!
But you have to show me them.|They dream about these in France!
Races exist, children.|You bet they do!
But let's continue.|I want to show you something else.
He said Inspector?
The belly button!
Take a look at this belly button!|What a knot!
But you can't untie it,|not even with your teeth!
Those racist scientists tried it.|Not a chance!
This is an Italian belly button.|It's part of our race!
Check out this style!
Look at these muscles:|ceps, biceps, triceps!
Look at this beauty!|Admire this hip!
Just look at the movement!
I must say good-bye now.
I have to go.|I have an appointment.
I'll make my Aryan exit|and bid you farewell.
Farewell!|The belly button!
I'll see you in Venice, Princess.
I can only hear|out of this ear.
Look at me, Princess.
Go on, I'm down here.
Look at me, Princess.
Turn around, Princess.
Turn around, around--
- Can we get a chocolate ice cream?|- Yes, but we'll have to be quick.
We have to be at the Prefect's at eight.|We were invited to dinner.
- Where?|- At the Prefect's.
Have pity on me, Lord.|Let it not be true.
- Another dinner at the Prefect's?|- Your mother is coming too.
Let's us just go to dinner.|We'll stop by the Prefect's for coffee.
I'm not coming!
All right, I heard you!|I'll tell him we're not going.
It'll just be me and you.
- Good evening, Rodolfo!|- Good evening, Mr. Prefect.
I'll see you later at my house.|I'll expect you at 8:00.
We'll be there at 8:00 sharp.
Where is she?|Did you see her?
- She has to be here.|- You're here?
On time tomorrow, got it?
Did you take that stuff|out of the car?
It's silk. Don't ruin it.|Be very careful.
- What an opera.|- Beautiful!
Is that one of your curtains?
No, it must be|one of my colleague's.
He took my hat again!
- Let's go.|- Don't you see how it's raining?
- You go get the car.|- It's right around the corner.
All right, you wait here.
I'll pull up right here|and toot.
Give me the key!
Not the house key!|The car key!
The car key?|Are you crazy?
Keep him busy, you know,|the jerk the eggs fell on.
Keep him busy as long as you can.|I'll see you tonight.
Inside the car there's--|Go slow!
The least you could have done|is come get me with the umbrella.
You're just plain rude.|Look what a mess I am.
Plus, dinner at the Prefect's|gets me so nervous!
I knew it.|I've got the hiccups.
I always get them when I'm made|to do something I don't want to.
Don't you know that it takes|so little to make me happy?
A chocolate ice cream is enough!|Even two!
A nice walk together|and then whatever happens happens.
Good morning, Princess!
This is incredible.|You owe me an explanation.
No, you're the one|who owes me an explanation!
I stop under a roof and you fall|from the sky into my arms.
I fall off my bicrycle|and end up in your arms.
I do an inspection at school,|and there you are again!
You even turn up in my dreams.
Will you leave me alone?|You've really got a crush on me.
I don't blame you, but--
All right. At this point,|I give in. You win.
Where shall we go, Princess?|To the sea! Do you like the sea?
Yes, but they're waiting for me|at the theater. Take me back.
Princess, do you know how|to turn on the windshield wipers?
Step on the brakes!
Have no fear!|Hang on to me!
When did you learn to drive?
- Ten minutes ago.|- I thought it was less than that.
- The top doesn't close.|- The door won't open.
Wait! We're stuck!
We'll get out of here.|I'll take care of it.
The important thing is that|you don't get wet.
Cover yourself with this.
Take it.|We'll get out of here now.
I'll take care of everything.
Here we go.
Step right out, Princess.
There!|Step right out!
There's a huge puddle!|You'll get your feet wet! Wait!
- Go ahead, Princess.|- Where are we?
We've already been here.
- Me and you? When?|- Don't you remember?
The night it was raining...
and I made you an umbrella|out of a pillow!
It was a beautiful night. I put|the steering wheel on my shoulder...
did a little waltz,|and when I stopped in front of you...
you kissed me.
Princess, your behind|is blowing in the wind.
It depends on the person.|My pop was like that.
He had the ability|to make me do anything.
He understood me.|He knew how to deal with me.
I was like putty in his hand.
I always, always, always said yes.
So, all these treasures|you're hiding--
there is a way to open this treasure|chest and always get you to say yes!
It's easier than you think.
- All you need is the right key.|- And where exactly is it?
It's clearing up.
So, you were saying...
the key that always makes you say yes|has to come from heaven.
I'll give it a try.
If the Virgin May tosses|it down to me-- You never know.
May, the key!
Is this it?
Do you really have to go home?|What about the chocolate ice cream?
- Let's get it right now.|- No, not now.
- Then when?|- I don't know.
Are we going to let heaven|decide that too?
No, leave May alone.|Don't bother her over an ice cream!
No, it's way too important.|We can't decide when to have it.
I have to ask her.
May, send someone to find out...
how long before|we can have the ice cream!
- This is my house.|- I've gone by here a thousand times.
I've always asked myself:|Who lives there?
I wanted to open|my store right out front.
- The bookshop?|- Yes. I'll see you every day.
You've been so nice to me.|All I want now is a hot bath.
I forgot to tell you.
You can't imagine how much|I feel like making love to you.
But I'll never tell anyone,|especially not you.
They'd have to torture me|to make me say it.
- Say what?|- That I want to make love to you.
Not just once.|Over and over again!
But I'll never tell you that.
I'd have to be crazy to tell you|I'd even make love to you now...
right here,|for the rest of my life.
You'd better run or you'll get wet.|It's going to rain again.
- You're all wet.|- My suit is no big deal.
It's that hat that bothers me.
I need a dry hat,|but where can I find one?
How did it go?|Right, it's easy!
May, send someone|to give my friend a dry hat.
Good night, Princess.|Farewell.
- Excuse me, where's the restroom?|- Straight ahead to the left.
If you don't get up|immediately...
I swear on your father's deathbed|I'll never speak to you again.
For the rest of my life!
I'm going to count|to three now.
If you don't get up,|I'll force you to get up.
Do you know|who's getting married?
Didn't I tell you?|That jerk the eggs fell on!
- Who's he marrying?|- I don't know.
But she hasn't even|shown up yet.
I've looked everywhere for you!
- Your uncle.|- My uncle?
Something's happened.|Come with me!
Outside! The horse!
Is that your horse?
What a sight!|What did they write on him?
"Achtung, Jewish horse."
The usual barbarians, vandals.|It's sad. What nonsense.
Don't get upset.|They just did it to--
They didn't do it "to."|They did it "to."
You'll have to get|used to it, Guido.
- They'll start with you too.|- With me?
What could possibly happen to me?
The worst they can do is undress me,|paint me yellow and write...
"Achtung, Jewish waiter."
I didn't even know|this horse was Jewish.
Let's go. I'll clean him up|in the morning.
Take him back to the stall.
Look, there, in front of you!
Wait. I'll surprise her.
Come with me. I'd like to|introduce you to Fido Giovanardi.
Doctor Lessing!|Where are you going?
Urgent telegram.|I must go to Berlin immediately.
- What are these flowers?|- They're for your departure.
I'll take just one.
I'll take it to my wife:|Guido's flower.
I truly enjoyed myself with you.
You're the most ingenious...
waiter I've ever come across.
Thank you. You're the customer with|the most culture I've ever served.
Good-bye, Doctor Lessing.
By the way.
"If you say my name...
I'm not there anymore.|Who am I?"
If you say my name,|I'm not there anymore.
What is it?|What did he say?
Beautiful. If you say the word,|it's not there anymore. Silence.
I'm not talking about Berlin,|in the outskirts. Imagine that!
Third grade.|Listen to this problem.
I remember it|because it shocked me.
A lunatic costs the state|four marks a day.
A cripple,|four and a half marks.
An epileptic,|three marks and a half.
Considering that the average|is four marks a day...
and there are 300,000 patients,|how much would the state save...
if these individuals|were eliminated?
I can't believe this!
That was my exact reaction.
I can't believe|a seven-year-old child...
has to solve|this kind of equation.
It's a difficult calculation.|Proportions, percentages.
They need at least some algebra|to do those equations.
That's high school material for us.
No, all it takes is multiplication.|You said there are 300,000 cripples?
300,000 times four.
If we killed them all,|we'd save 1 ,200,000 marks a day.
- It's easy!|- Exactly!
But you're an adult. They make seven-|year-old children do this in Germany!
It's truly another race.
"Good morning, Princess."
- What did you say?|- It's here, on the cake.
Why are you just standing there?|Let's go!
Just a few words.|You already know it all by now...
and you've known|for several years.
Dora and I were born|on the same street.
We went to school together,|we had the same friends.
Dora is the woman of my life...
and I'm the man in her life,|therefore...
we've decided to get married|within the year.
You're all officially invited|on April the 9th...
to the Basilica of|Santa Maria del Pellegrino.
And then we'll celebrate till dawn|all together, right here...
just as happy as we are now.
Kiss her! Kiss her!
- What's wrong with you?|- Nothing.
- Are you all right?|- Fine.
Who put this armchair here?
Are you all right?
- I'm fine.|- I'm sorry.
- I didn't get hurt.|- No, I was talking about--
- Are you enjoying yourself?|- It's going fine.
Go back to your table.
Go on. I can do this.
Are you all right?
Fine! Why are you all asking me that?|Is there something wrong?
No, nothing is wrong.
But--|Go to the kitchen.
They moved everything|around tonight.
Look where they put the kitchen.
It's me!|What, have you gone soft?
We finally meet, Dora.
He never introduced us.|You were scared to, weren't you?
Now you don't need to come|with us to the brothel anymore!
I apologize if I've disrupted you.|Happiness and best wishes to all.
You sly old dog!
What a jolly fellow!
Everything is just fine.|I'll pick it all up.
You're here too?
Take me away.
And now, ladies and gentlemen...
a magnificent surprise|offered by the Grand Hotel.
The Ethiopian cake!
Thank you!|Music, maestro!
- Congratulations.|- Thank you.
Right this way, Princess.
He's that jerk with the eggs!
He's got the keys to the house,|darn it all!
Some wire.|I can open it if I find some wire.
I'm a whiz with wire.|My pop taught me.
I used to make toys out of wire|when I was a kid.
I opened it.
Let's go. You're going|to make Mommy late.
I lost my tank.
Don't worry.|We'll find it.
Where did you leave the tank?
- It's on the stairs.|- I'll get it.
Hold the bicrycle.|I'll get it.
- Go, Pop!|- Go slow!
You're late for school! Go!
There's a horse!|Two horses!
Stop ringing that bell!|It's driving me mad!
- It's not me, it's Joshua.|- It's not me, it's Pop!
Stop it! Let me off!.
Here we are.
See you tonight.
Go fast, Pop!
Can we buy this for Mommy?
- How much does it cost?|- Fifteen lire.
It's a fake. It's probably|a fake cake, like your tank.
Let's go, Joshua.
" No Jews or dogs...
Why aren't Jews or dogs|allowed to go in?
They just don't want|Jews or dogs to go in.
Everybody does what they want to.
There's a hardware store there.
They don't let Spanish people|or horses into his store.
Further ahead, there's a drugstore.
I was with a Chinese friend of mine|yesterday who had a kangaroo.
I said, " May we?'"' No, we don't want|any Chinese or kangaroos here."
They don't like them.|What can I tell you?
We let everybody|into our bookshop.
No. From now on,|we'll write it too.
- Is there anybody you don't like?|- Spiders. What about you?
I don't like Visigoths.|Starting tomorrow we'll write...
" No spiders and Visigoths allowed."
I'm sick and tired|of these Visigoths.
Everything's half price.
- Guido Orefice?|- That's me.
- You have to come to the Prefect's.|- Again?
- He already went.|- Let's go.
- Is that man with you?|- Yes. Let's go.
- I'm coming too.|- No.
You stay here.|It won't take long, will it?
Not long at all.
Joshua, make sure|you treat the customers good!
I'll be right back.
- I'll take this one.|- It costs five lire.
No, it says ten lire.
Everything's half price.
Give this to your mom|and tell her it's from Grandma.
I've never seen|my grandma before.
- Would you like to meet her?|- Yes.
You'll meet her tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?|- Yes.
Because tomorrow|is your birthday...
and your grandma will come|and bring you a nice present.
A new tank?
No, a surprise.
Give the letter to your mom.
You forgot your change,|Grandma.
- When are you coming?|- In an hour or so.
I'm going to stop by my uncle's to see|if he'll bring some leftovers.
- Then what did Grandma say?|- She's coming tomorrow.
It's about time!
- It's time for your bath now.|- I don't want to take one.
- Go take a bath.|- I took one on Friday.
You change your shirt.
- I changed it on Thursday!|- Don't forget the flowers!
They're outside.|I already picked them.
- I'll come with you, Pop!|- You have to take a bath, stubborn!
I don't want to take one!
Hurry up.|I have to go pick Grandma up.
- Where do you want the flowers?|- Set them down. I'll be right there.
I took one on Friday!
Do you know where Joshua is?
He must be in there.
Will you put those things|in order?
Why don't you show me the flowers?|They look so beautiful.
They are. I'll bring them right over.|You want to see the flowers?
I'll make them come right over.|Come, flowers!
Schopenhauer, willpower,|I want the nightstand to come here.
The nightstand seems|very dirty to me.
Good morning, Princess!
He can already read and write?
- For over a year now.|- You did a good job.
I'll help you get out.
No, I can do it myself.
Dora, what's wrong?
Are we there?
No, it's a crossing.
Will you tell me|where we're going now?
What do you mean, where?
You asked me a thousand times.|We're going...
to the place--|What's it called?
Where are we going?
What day is it today?|Today is your birthday!
You've always said|you wanted to go on a trip!
It took me months|to plan this whole thing.
You know where we're going?
I can't tell you.|I promised Mom I wouldn't tell.
You know how she is.|She'll get mad.
It makes me laugh.
My pop planned something like this|for me when I was little too.
It was so--|Boy, it was funny!
I'm not going to tell you.|I want you to see for yourself.
It's a surprise.|You know, it's really--
It really makes me laugh.
Go to sleep.
Where are we going?|Where are they taking us?
What time is it?|We're leaving right on time.
- You've never taken a train, huh?|- No. Is it nice?
It's really nice!
It's all wooden inside. Everybody|stands up. There's not one seat.
- There aren't any seats?|- What? Seats on a train?
It's obvious|you've never been on one!
No, everybody|stands real close together.
Do you see this line?|I got the last tickets just in time!
Hurry up, Uncle Eliseo.|I don't want them to say, "Too late.
It's full.|Go back home."
Wait up. We've got a reservation!|Leave some room for us!
Look at this line!
Here we are!|We made a reservation!
- May I help you?|- There's been a mistake.
My husband and son|are on that train.
What's your husband's name?
and Eliseo Orefice|are on that train too.
There's no mistake.
I want to get|on that train too.
- We're all ready.|- Send them off then.
Go back home, ma'am.
I want to get on that train.
Let me get on that train!
They stopped the train|to let Mom get on.
Are you happy? Did you see this place?|Are you tired?
- I didn't like the train.|- Me either.
We'll take the bus back.
We're taking the bus back!|The one with the seats in it!
- I told them.|- It's better.
You see?|It's all organized!
Did you see that line?|People are lined up to get inside!
- Everybody wants to get in!|- What game is this?
It's that game where--
It's the game--
We're all players.
It's all organized.|The game is...
the men are over here,|the women are over there.
Then there's the soldiers.|They give us our schedule.
It's hard, you know.|It's not easy.
If somebody makes a mistake,|they get sent right home.
That means you have to be|very careful.
But if you win,|you get first prize!
What's the prize?
- It's a tank.|- I already have one.
This one's a real tank!|Brand new!
Yes!|I didn't want to tell you.
Where's Uncle Eliseo going?
He's on another team.|It's all organized.
A real tank.
What did I tell you?
What a place!
Hurry up or they'll steal our places.|We've got a reservation. Two singles!
There's our place!
This is our bed.|We'll sleep real close.
It's ugly here. It smells.|I want to be with Mommy.
We will be!
- I'm hungry!|- We'll eat!
Plus they're really mean here!|They yell!
They yell because everybody wants|first prize. They have to be tough.
- Can I see Mommy?|- When the game's over.
When's it over?
You have to get|a thousand points.
Whoever gets a thousand points|wins a tank.
I don't believe you.|Are we getting a snack?
Just ask.|We're all friends here.
- Look who's here. What's his name?|- Bartolomeo.
Let me ask you something.
Did the guy who hands out|the bread and jam already come by?
Darn it all!|We missed him by a second!
He'll come back again though,|won't he?
He's coming back.
- What did he say?|- He asked if anyone speaks German.
He's going to explain|the camp's rules.
- Do you speak German?|- No.
The game starts now. Whoever's here|is here, whoever's not is not.
The first one to get a thousand points|wins. The prize is a tank!
Every day we'll announce who's in|the lead from that loudspeaker.
The one with the least points|has to wear a sign saying "jackass"...
right here on his back.
We play the part|of the real mean guys who yell.
Whoever's scared loses points.
You'll lose your points|for three things.
One, if you cry.
Two, if you want|to see your mommy.
Three, if you're hungry|and you want a snack.
Forget about it!
It's easy to lose points|for being hungry.
Just yesterday|I lost 40 points...
because I absolutely had|to have a jam sandwich.
Apricot jam!|He wanted strawberry.
Don't ask for any lollipops.|You won't get any.
We eat them all!
I ate 20 of them yesterday!
What a stomachache.|But they sure were good.
Sorry if I'm going so fast,|but I'm playing hide and seek.
I have to go now|or they'll find me.
Don't ask me anything.|Ask Bartolomeo. He knows everything.
Don't forget to tell me|what he said too.
A thousand points?
I told you we're going|to have fun!
These guys are crazy!
This has to weigh a hundred kilos!|It's got to be 3,000 degrees in here!
Vittorino, I can't cope anymore!
- After only the first one?|- Why, are there more to move?
We're here until tonight!
Bartolomeo, what happened?|Where are they taking you?
To the hospital.|I hurt my arm.
We're going to die here!
I can't take it anymore!|I'm putting this down.
I'll tell them I can't do it.|What can they do to me?
They'll kill you!
- Where does this thing go?|- Down there.
Good Lord!|I'll never make it!
It's got to be|1 0,000 degrees in here!
Look here! See?|It's nice, huh?
We're signed up.
When I got there to sign up...
the referee was there|and he said...
" No, you and your son|aren't on the list.
You didn't pay your dues."
I almost fell over.
He said, "You can go home."|I said, " No, you go home!
Joshua and I signed up.
Give me my number!"|In fact, they gave me one. Look.
I had them put it here, too,|just in case.
See what a nice place...
your pop takes you to?
Did you play with|the other kids?
Yes, but they don't|know the rules.
They said it isn't true that|first prize is a tank.
They don't know anything|about the points.
Did you fall for that?|They're as sly as foxes.
They want to beat you!|Are you joking?
There's no tank?|Don't you believe them!
How many points|did we get today?
Forty-eight. They took two points|away from me because...
I tripped while I was...
laughed like crazy today!|I died laughing!
Boy, did I have fun!
I can't wait to start|all over again tomorrow!
Hopscotch, tug of war|and ring around the rosy.
Every game.|I don't even remember all of them.
"You guys are obsessed! Stop!|I'm tired!" I said.
- Did you eat something?|- Yes, but I didn't ask for a snack.
Good boy!|That means you got 1 2 points too!
Forty-eight for me, 1 2 for you.
This is what you get|when you get up to 60.
A plain piece of bread,|no jam.
Here, eat this.
- Is 60 points a lot?|- Are you kidding?
It sure is!
Look who's here!|Bartolomeo!
How'd it go?
Any worse than this--|I got 20 of them.
We got more than him.
Don't tell him that.|We're in the lead!
I already told you:|no children or old ladies!
Back inside!|You don't work!
The rest, downstairs!
Let's go, girls, quickly.|Come on. This way!
That one's new.|She learned right away.
The lady at the door,|she seemed nice when she first came.
She's the worst of all!
At least she didn't send|the old ladies and children to work.
They don't send old people and kids|to work because they kill them!
One of these days|they'll call them to take a shower.
"Children, shower time!"
The truth is, they make them|shower there in the gas chamber.
How can I do this?
Where'd they find|all these anvils?
Why are you here?|You're not supposed to be here!
Why aren't you with|the other kids?
all us kids have to take|a shower today, and I don't want to.
- Go take a shower!|- No!
I'm not going to.
Go take a shower!
What are you doing here?
We're making... a tank.
We're building the tank.|We're still working on the tracks.
We're running slow.
You can't stay here.|Go take your shower!
I don't want to!
You stubborn thing! I'll tell Mom!|Ten points off for you!
Hide behind there.|We'll go back together when I'm done.
Don't let anyone see you!
This sure is fun.
Take everything off!.|Hang it up there!
You'll get it back|after the shower.
Remember your number|to get your clothes back!
Women and children|will shower together.
Are you hurt?
From now on, you have to|hide here the whole day.
If they see us now it's over.|We're disqualified.
What do I have to do?
You have to stay.|Vittorino, help me out.
You have to hide here all day.
Don't let anyone see you,|especially those mean guys who yell.
This is the hardest part.
If we get this right, the tank is ours.|It's worth 120 points a day.
I'll take you with me.|I'll hide you. You're gone.
Who's ever seen you before?|Who are you? Where is he?
Anybody here?|Am I disturbing?
Quick as lightning!
Good morning, Princess!
Last night,|I dreamt about you all night!
We were going to the movies.|You were wearing that pink suit...
that I really like.
You're all I think about,|Princess.
I always think about you.|And now--
Pop wheels me in the wheelbarrow,|but he doesn't know how to drive!
We laugh like crazy!
We're in the lead!|How many points do we have today?
Run! The mean guys|Who yell are behind us!
- Where?|- Over here! Come on!
Are they dry?
What happened to Vittorino,|Alfonso and the others?
They didn't make it.
"If you say my name,|I'm not there anymore."
Thank goodness. I was getting scared.|What happened to you?
They're half crazy!
The man who does the check-ups,|the Captain--
He's a friend of mine.|I met him when I was a waiter.
He said they're having a dinner|with all the officials and their wives.
He asked me if I wanted to|wait tables at the dinner.
Maybe he wants to help me.|He might get us out of here.
Have you seen Joshua?
What do you mean, no?
What are you doing?|Come here!
- No.|- I told you to come.
No? Come on out!
Come out! Look here.|You're all dirty.
Where have you been?
I had to finish playing rummy.
They make buttons and soap|out of us.
- What are you saying?|- They burn us all in the oven.
Who told you that?
A man was crying. He said they make|buttons and soap out of us.
You fell for that?
I thought you were a sharp boy--|cunning, intelligent.
Buttons and soap out of people?|That'll be the day!
You believed that?
Just imagine. Tomorrow morning,|I wash my hands with Bartolomeo...
a good scrub.
Then I'll button up|with Francesco.
Darn it all!
Look! I just lost Giorgio!
Does this look like a person?
Come on! They were teasing you!|And you fell for it!
What else did they tell you?
That we get cooked in the oven.
They burn us up in the oven.
You fell for that too!|You just eat everything up!
I've heard of a wood oven...
but I've never seen|a man oven before.
"I'm made of wood!"|"Take this lawyer!"
"This lawyer doesn't burn.|He's not dry enough.
Look at that smoke!"
Buttons, soap,|we get burned in the oven.
Let's be serious now.
I have a bag race|with the bad guys tomorrow.
That's enough.|I want to go home.
- Now?|- Right now.
It's raining now. You'll come down|with a terrible fever!
I don't care.|Let's go.
All right.|If you want to go--
I'll get our stuff|and we'll leave.
- We can leave?|- Naturally.
What do you think they do,|force people to stay here?
That'll be the day.
Wouldn't that be great?|Let's go. We'll pack our bags...
and get out of here.
What a shame. We were in the lead.|We're quitting. Off the list we go.
Some other kid|will win the real tank.
There aren't any other kids.|I'm the only one left.
There aren't any more kids?|It's chock-full of them here!
Where are they then?
They're all hiding.|Nobody's supposed to see them.
- This is a serious game!|- I just don't get it.
How many points do we have?
I told you a thousand times.
Let's go, though.
- We're winning, but if you want--|- We're winning?
We're first, I told you.|But we'll quit if you want.
I saw the chart yesterday.|We'll go anyway, though.
Bye, Bartolomeo.|Joshua and I are leaving.
We're fed up here.
The tank is done.|It's ready.
Clean the spark plugs off|before you start it.
Open the throttle...
otherwise the cannon will|get stuck with the tracks.
And the gun. Did you see|how nice it is? It came out beautiful!
Lift the emergency brake off|before you move! We're going.
Joshua wants to quit.
We could have gone back with a tank|soon, but we'll take the bus today.
Joshua and I are leaving.|So long, everybody!
We're tired of this place.
Let's go or we'll miss the bus.
Let's go, Joshua.
It's raining. I'll come down|with a terrible fever!
It's me, Pop!
I have to tell you|something important! Come here!
That little rascal's been|running away all morning.
- Is there really a kid?|- There must be two thousand!
They're like mice.|They hide all over the place!
Those creeps want our tank!|Stop!
I might have spotted him.
I think he's nearby.
Look. Go see if he's hiding in there.|I'll wait here.
I'll keep a watch out.
He's there, Pop!
- What'd he look like? Blond?|- Yes.
That's him then.|His name is... Schwanz.
He's been in there|for three weeks.
He was the runner up.|We beat him, though!
Sooner or later,|I'll find the others too.
- How many are there?|- It's swarming, I told you.
They're all hidden.
- Look, Pop!|- There's a hideout!
Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha!|You're out! Let's go.
- Holy smokes! She saw us!|- Are we out?
She's coming over for you.
Now it's time for|the "be quiet" game.
You're never to speak.
- Swear it!|- I swear.
They all talk strange.|You can't understand a word.
If we get through this,|the first prize is ours.
They're rounding up everyone in|first place. It's the silence game.
Not a word, got it?
Why are you here|with the children?
Quiet!|You're never to speak.
I have to talk to you.|Very important.
- Where? When?|- I'll signal you. Later.
I told you not to talk|to the children.
Doctor, my wife is here too.
Eat slowly.|It's bad for you.
We're in the lead.|We just might leave early.
The game finishes early.
Don't make a mistake|now that we're in the lead.
" Fat, fat, ugly, ugly,|all yellow in reality.
If you ask me what I am...
I answer, 'Cheep, cheep, cheep.'
Walking along I go,|'Poo poo'.
Who am I?|Tell me true."
A duckling, right?
Is it a duckling?
A veterinarian friend of mine|sent it to me from Vienna.
I can't send him mine...
until I solve this one.
but it doesn't go,|"Cheep, cheep, cheep."
A duck-billed platypus goes--
I translated it into Italian|for you last night.
Well, what do you say?
Everything points|to a duckling.
For heaven's sake...
I can't even sleep.
It's the duckling!
- I'm tired.|- Come here.
Where are we here?
I might have taken|the wrong way.
Good boy, sleep.|Dream sweet dreams.
Maybe it's only a dream!
We're dreaming, Joshua.
Tomorrow morning|Mommy will come wake us up...
and bring us two nice cups|of milk and cookies.
First, we'll eat.
Then I'll make love to her|two or three times...
if I can.
Excuse me, Bartolomeo.
They've called those two officers|20 times. I bet they escaped.
- Did you understand anything else?|- It's clear enough.
The war is over.|They're running all over the place.
Where are those trucks going?
The important thing is|not to get on those trucks.
They leave full|and come back empty.
You know where they're going?
What about the women?|What's going on?
Let's get out of this dump|and split up.
We don't even have|to pack our bags!
I've been hearing|only dogs and machine guns.
- They want to get rid of everything.|- I'm leaving.
See you in Viareggio.|We'll start an anvil factoy!
So long, guys.|I'm leaving.
Look how mad they are!|Furious!
You see?|They're looking for you.
Just for you.|All this is over you!
You're the last one!|The last one to find!
They're even looking|under the rocks!
The game is over tomorrow.|They'll give the award.
If they don't find you tonight,|it's worth 60 points!
How many points do we have?
We've got 940 points.|Plus 60?
- A thousand!|- First place! We win!
They're looking|all over for you.
No mistakes tonight.|This is it!
- Go hide in that box, quick!|- Schwanz is in there.
The blond boy.
They got him yesterday.|He was eliminated.
It's the safest place to hide.|Nobody will look.
Let's go, quick as lightning.|Come on!
Take this blanket|in case you get cold.
I'll be back soon.
I'll put them on the wrong track.|I think I saw him over there!
Pop, you scared me to death!
Give me the blanket.|Are you cold?
Give me your sweater then.
I'll throw it on a tree|and put them off track.
They're looking all over for you!
Everybody's yelling,|"Where's Joshua?"
They're even cursing.|They're really, really mad!
No one will find you.|Bye, now. I'll be back later.
if I'm really late coming back...
don't you move.
Don't come out.|You're not to come out...
until it's completely quiet...
and nobody is in sight,|just to be safe.
I won't come out|until nobody is around.
Good boy, stubborn.
Go away, dog!
Good job, Ferruccio.
Is there anyone|called Dora here?
Dora, are you here?|It's Guido.
I know someone is hiding here.|Is there a Dora here?
Is there a Dora here?|She's Italian. She's my wife.
Yes, there's a Dora here.
It's me, Dora!
It's not her!|Is there another Dora?
Jump out of the truck|as soon as you can!
Get off!. Jump out!
This is my story.
This is the sacrifice|my father made.
This was his gift tome.
- We won!|- Yes, we won!
A thousand points|to laugh like crazy about!
We came in first!|We're taking the tank home!
LA Confidential CD1
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