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Loaded Weapon 1993

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What the hell was that?
Hello, hello. How are you?
Nice weather we are having today.
Nice weather?
You think we're having nice weather?
l guess you didn't lose the only one...
that meant anything in your life.
l guess you don't feel burned out...
by the human misery and despair...
perpetrated by the criminal vermin...
that infest every pore of this decaying city...
forcing you to guzzle cheap wine and cheaper whiskey...
to dull the pain that shatters your heart...
rips at your soul, keeps your days forever gray.
What flavor lcee you got today?
Kiwi cherry.
Oh, baby.
Namaste.
Excuse me.
Do you have any of these in taupe?
No taupe. Beef jerky.
And you call this a convenience store?
Open up the cash register, or l'll splatter your brains.
Excuse me.
You scuzzballs mind if l join in?
l know what you're thinking, punk.
You're thinking...
"Did he fire 173 times...
"or 17 4?"
Well, do you feel lucky...
punk?
You guys got to get that thing fixed.
l know. Don't thank me.
l'm just a cop doing his job.
You have reached the desk of Sergeant Wes Luger.
Please leave a message after the beep.
Yeah, Wes. lt's me, Billy.
Hey! l said, "after the beep."
Well, excuse me.
Listen, it's nine thirty--
Oh, nine thirty-seven.
Look, it's just getting too dangerous to wait here.
l got to get out.
Meet me at the Squealer's Hotel in forty-five minutes.
l have a contact there.
Who is it?
Wilderness Girls.
Wilderness Girls.
A little late to be selling cookies.
Troop leader says we are not meeting our quota.
l'll take a couple of boxes.
That won't be necessary, Miss York.
l got to be honest.
You look better in the wig.
My hairstyle is the least of your worries.
Wilderness Girls, eh?
So that's how you're moving the drugs.
Brilliant, Miss York. Now...
Where is the meecrofilm?
The what?
The meecrofilm.
l don't know anything about any meecrofilm.
Don't play coy with me.
This is too important.
And this is the plot.
lmportant enough so that anyone within earshot...
should listen to each and every detail?
That important.
And you're talking about the microfilm...
which holds the recipe for turning cocaine...
into innocent-looking cookies?
l don't know anything about it.
ln a little while, Miss York, you will be begging for mercy.
No, no. l'll beg now.
Save yourself unnecessary pain.
Tell me!
McCracken.
Thank you, Miss York.
ls that Dan McCracken or Mike McCracken?
Mike.
ls he on Alpine or Oak?
Alpine.
Hey, psst!
Park on Third.
You'll never find a spot on Alpine.
Thank you. You have been most cooperative.
Don't mention it.
And, you, remember, you saw nothing.
What you got, lrv?
Oh. Beats me, Sarge.
Dandruff, seborrhea, maybe just dry, itchy scalp.
Have you tried this, lrv? l use it.
Head & Shoulders?
Sarge, you don't have dandruff.
l know.
Are you ready to limbo?
What'll it be? Matte finish or glossy?
Matte.
Good choice.
Be ready in about a week.
So what are we looking at here, Doc?
The worst-dressed stiff l've ever seen.
This stiff and l pounded a beat together for five years...
so show some respect.
l'm sorry, Wes.
l see so much of this senseless mayhem...
that sometimes l get a little insensitive.
All right, this loser has taken the chickenshit way out...
and punched her own ticket.
Suicide, huh?
She must have caught herself by surprise.
Found these on the floor near her.
Wilderness Girl cookies.
Give me a hand, Doc.
Sure.
You knew her, Sarge?
Yeah, l knew her.
She was my partner.
l'm sorry, Sarge.
Hey--hey, Sarge.
lt's tingling.
Good, lrv. That means it's working.
Here's to getting through another lousy day.
Claire.
l miss you so much.
l'm trying, Claire.
God knows l'm trying.
But it's too damn hard without you.
l'll get the bastards that took you.
Well, Herb, back to the salt mines.
Mind if l drive this time?
This is supposed to be an express line!
No, he had fuller lips. Pouting lips.
Wide eyes. Yes, that's him.
Dooley, give it a break.
What's going on?
Dooley's bet us he can escape in fifteen minutes.
-How long has he been at it? -Three days.
Better step on it, Dooley.
You think crime's taking a holiday?
Well, think again!
-What the hell you want, Luger? -l want the York case.
There is no York case! lt was a suicide! Coffee?
No, thanks.
Cappuccino? Espresso?
Hey, Scotty, can you get this machine to work?
l'm giving it all she's got, Captain!
lf l push it any harder, the whole thing'll blow!
Give me my plate!
l don't think York was a suicide.
She was onto something.
On something is more like it.
Those Wilderness Girls cookies was laced with cocaine!
No wonder l couldn't eat just one.
York left me a message.
She'd uncovered a drug-running operation.
l think that's what got her killed.
You don't think it was the bullets?
Give me the case.
You're days from retirement. Let it go.
York was a partner, a friend. l owe her.
l owe it to every cop who's walked a beat...
every cop who's made a bust...
who's ever laid his life on the line!
Wait a minute!
l'm the captain here! l do all the yelling!
lf it's that important to you, take the damn case!
Thank--thank you, Captain.
Don't be so fast to thank me!
Because you're going to be naked on this one.
People are going to be watching!
You screw up, you'll be hung out to dry!
You drop the ball, you'll be left twisting in the wind!
lf you embarrass this department...
your pants will be dancing with figs!
ls that clear?
Everything but the pants-fig thing.
And one other thing--
Narco's sending over one of their burned-out psychos...
to look into the Wilderness Girl cookies.
l'm teaming him with you.
Captain, you know l work alone.
You get the case, you get Jack Colt!
Cigarette!
Cigarette! Hit the floor!
Hey, back off!
Easy.
That's Luger's new partner.
Captain, you can't seriously be thinking of using this man.
He's dangerous, a menace.
A loose cannon.
A walking time bomb.
Most of all, he is gun-happy.
Where do you get off saying that?
l give up.
There's someone you better talk to...
if this case involves cookies.
Not him.
Yeah. Him.
You know the rules.
Do not touch the glass.
Do not hand him any sharp instruments...
power tools, sewing materials, or condiments.
Make sure you stay to the left when you walk down the hall.
He's in the last cell.
The right! l meant stay to the right!
What?
Un papa?
ls it a code?
An obscure foreign language?
So, this is Mr. "Screw With Your Brain...
"Eat Your Spleen...
"Wear Your Flesh As A Hair Net" Leacher, huh?
Well, look who's Mr. Scaredy Pants now.
ldentification, please.
Closer.
Please sit.
Dr. Leacher, we need to ask you--
There's someone out there again, isn't there?
A bad boy with pastries.
Hai Karate. You wear that sometimes, don't you?
But not today. Today it's...
mentholated deep-heat rub.
You order chef's salad with dressing on the side.
You have an attractive wife with perky breasts...
a nine-year-old son, and a sixteen-year-old daughter.
Who told you that?
l saw their picture in your wallet.
We came to talk about cookies.
Quid pro quo, Mr. Colt.
What's that mean?
lt means l'm pretentious.
Tell me about the worst meal you've ever eaten, Mr. Colt.
Quick!
Uh, it was a fish sandwich at--
Don't tell him anything.
Can you help us?
You hold the key, Mr. Colt.
Look into yourself for an answer to the cookie concern.
Look to a man with whom you were involved.
No, no. Not him.
lt was in Vietnam.
You disappoint me, Mr. Colt.
lt was Mortars. General Mortars.
W-wait a minute.
l--l never--
l didn't mean that kind of involvement.
You were under his command.
Mortars was once my patient.
l taught him to express his anger.
You taught him well.
Quite.
After our last session, he started the Vietnamese war.
Seek him out...
and...when you find him, please...
l would love to eat his cookies...
with some fava beans and a nice chilled Fresca.
l just got to ask.
What does human flesh taste like?
Chicken.
Are we going to see Mortars?
Follow the lead of some psychotic, mind-twisting...
jumpsuit-wearing sociopath?
Forget it.
l've only got forty-eight hours.
Wrong, Sarge.
Forty-seven hours, twenty-nine minutes.
l'm looking for the man that killed my ex-partner.
Come on, spud.
She was going to meet some stoolie at Squealer's Hotel.
l don't need some hotshot cowboy from--
Don't fry me!
-Not validated. -What?
Val-i-dat-ed.
l don't need some hotshot from Narco in my way.
You're not the only one who's lost a partner.
You got anything smaller?
Keep it.
Anything larger?
Claire and l rode together for seven years.
York and l were in academy together.
Then we partnered for five years.
Before that, we dodged the draft together.
Before that, we played high school football together.
Before that, we were in grade school together...
and before that, we breast-fed together.
What happened to your partner?
The hell of it is l don't know.
l came home one night, and she was gone.
You two were living together?
She used to sleep at my feet and lick my toes...
though sometimes she'd forget about me...
and just lick herself for hours.
Personally, l don't think it's a good idea...
to get that involved with your partner.
You try not getting involved with a partner...
who saves your life one minute...
then nuzzles your crotch the next.
Billy and l weren't like that.
She left the force five years ago.
We didn't see each other much after that.
When we did, she was always excited to see me.
When Claire was excited, she'd pee on my leg.
What do you think happened to her?
Maybe she just took off.
l hadn't been paying enough attention to her.
l realized how neglected she felt...
the night she shit in my shoes.
My gut tells me we were getting too close to someone.
When she disappeared...
l had a feeling we were being followed.
l think we're being followed now.
Don't look.
Just play it cool.
So, did you catch that Stallone retrospective at the Omni?
No. Sounds fascinating, though.
l'm going to try and lose them.
Nice driving.
Thanks.
You really got me going
You got me so l don't know what l'm doing
You
Really got me now
You got me so l can't sleep at night
Oh, yeah
You, you've really got me now
You got me so l don't know what l'm doing
Oh, yeah
You really got me now
You got me so l can't sleep at night
You really got me
You really got me
You really got me
Don't ever set me free--
What the hell?
General.
How's your health, Mike?
Fine.
Sea Monkeys?
Piranha.
Their lives exude a beautiful simplicity--
savage, ruthless...
existing only to devour and destroy...
to taste blood, to rend flesh.
Sounds like me, right?
ln its own environment...
the piranha is a ferocious killer.
ln mine, just a helpless little fish.
There's a lesson to be learned from that, don't you think?
l have a concern that you might alleviate.
lt seems certain information was shared...
with an individual who might have jeopardized...
the cookie operation.
While that individual has been eliminated...
we have yet to recover a very important item.
Where's the microfilm, Mike?
l don't know. l gave it to York.
l thought she was one of your men.
Act in haste, repent in leisure.
But he who hesitates is lost.
Never judge a book by its cover.
What you see is what you get.
Loose lips sink ships.
Life is very short...
and there's no time for fussing and fighting, my friend.
Sorry, Mike. No good.
You've been careless, sloppy.
We just can't have that.
Where's the microfilm, Mike?
Does this have anything to do with the Billy York killing?
Nah. Domestic dispute.
OK, l'm going to try and talk them out.
Hold your fire until l give the order.
Can l have one that's made in America, please?
You up there.
l order you to throw your hands down...
and come out with your weapons up.
Who fired that shot?
Sergeant... That--that was me that--
-Give me the gun. -l was just--
Give me the gun.
When you learn to follow orders, you can have it back.
Oh, so we think that's funny, do we, Officer Davis?
Maybe we'd all like to know what's so funny.
Maybe Officer Davis can make us all laugh.
Nice to see all those smiling faces out there.
What do you call 2,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
Say, why'd the guy give a name to his penis?
He didn't want a stranger making most of his decisions.
Thanks a lot. You've been great.
Make sure he doesn't get any doughnuts.
You could have gone a little lighter on the guys.
That's how it starts, Colt.
You lighten up, next thing you know...
all the rules are out the window.
Tight ass.
You say something?
Pencilneck.
Butthead.
What is it with you guys?
l run a respectable place.
What are you rousting me for?
l got friends downtown.
l don't know what you're talking about.
We haven't said anything yet.
l got nothing to say.
Park the tongue, buddy.
l'm Sergeant Colt. This is Sergeant Luger.
You know a woman by the name of Billy York?
You got a picture?
Oh. Ahem. Here we go.
That her?
No. That's her picture.
Nope. Don't know her.
Well, maybe this will refresh your memory.
l don't know. She's a little out of focus.
ls this the Billy York informant shootout?
l don't know. l just got here.
Wait a second.
Hey, Larry.
ls this the Billy York informant shootout?
No. Check out the third floor.
Thanks.
Beat it.
This is an FBl case.
All right, bring him on out.
ls he the Billy York informant?
Get your shit together.
That's Becker, four-oh-three.
Hey, you!
Not so fast.
That's better.
Nope. l'll handle this.
All right, Becker, open up! Police!
Now that we've tried it your way, let's try mine.
Who is it?
Room service.
What? l don't know nothin'.
l didn't see nothin'. l ain't sayin' nothin'.
Nothing, the word is nothing, not nothin'.
There's an i-n-g on the end of it. Nothing.
OK. Nothing.
OK, you happy?
That's better.
That's not what you told York.
l--l don't know no York, and where's my food?
We ate it, and please, no double negatives.
Sorry. l don't know any York.
You don't know any York?
These matches say you're lying.
Oh...York.
She was supposed to meet you here the night she died. Why?
lt's where l live.
Yeah, but why you?
The other guy couldn't come up with the security deposit.
What do you know about a piece of microfilm?
lt's small and brittle...
and it's used in a lot of Bond films.
All right, l did some money laundering...
for your standard ex-military psycho types.
Give me a name.
Weren't your parents supposed to do that?
Who are you working with?
There's been three attempts on my life.
Come with us. There won't be any successful ones.
This thing is big. lt's really big.
lt's bigger than Watergate. lt's bigger than Oprah.
There's nothing you can do.
They're too strong and powerful...
and they're too... je ne sais quoi.
We can protect you.
Le commedia est finie.
Guess that's the last time he'll trust a cop.
Give it to me straight.
ls this it, the big checkout?
Level with me. How bad is it?
lt's not bad. You'll be fine.
You'll be back on your feet in no time.
Your ticket.
Don't bury me. l'll only be a minute.
Yes, sir.
Closer together. OK, big smile.
Beautiful.
They bought it right away.
Those two tried to make a getaway.
They gave me a new partner, too.
This is Sport.
She likes you.
l've done worse.
What are we looking at?
A mixed breed-- Rottweiler and Chihuahua.
They must have used a lubricant.
l'm talking about the case.
Seeing Sport makes me think l could love again.
What do you have, lrv?
l'm not sure, Sarge.
lt's a nagging, itching, burning sensation.
What the hell do you expect?
Your foot's on fire.
Hey, what you got, Sarge?
l don't know.
Nothing solid.
You got any theories?
Uh, E equals MC squared.
Anything of your own?
But l'll tell you, Sarge. Something just doesn't add up.
What?
My wife and l haven't had sex for two years.
l have a six-month-old daughter.
You're getting too suspicious.
This job will do that to you.
You're right, Sarge.
Thanks.
Hey, buddy, come give me a hand?
l don't know.
This may look like a suicide, but my gut tells me...
there's something else going on here.
Hey, weren't there five stiffs?
Damn! McCracken's missing.
Hey! Hey, has anyone seen McCracken's body?
l need a little help here.
He didn't just get up and walk away!
l got something important to show you.
So, what's the big news?
You see this?
This ring was given out to a ClA front in 'Nam...
run by General Mortars.
When the VC tried financing the war with cocaine...
they went in and burned it.
Twelve years later, after sobering up...
General Mortars went into the drug business.
l just could never prove it.
Are you telling me you took evidence...
from the scene of a criminal investigation?
You want to crack this case or not?
Not by making up the rules as l go.
Sometimes, pal, those are the only rules that work!
Good thing we used valet parking.
Taxi!
l guess we're making somebody nervous.
lt's going to take a lot more than a couple of car bombs...
to get us off this case.
Not a hell of a lot more.
Luger, don't worry about all this bomb stuff.
Happens to me all the time.
l'm not worried about bombs.
l'm trying to figure out what to tell my wife about her car.
Understand, gentlemen, if you wish to do business with us...
you must take the entire shipment.
Test the merchandise.
Half the payment now...
half tomorrow, half on delivery.
The price is not negotiable.
The merchandise is satisfactory, yes?
Good. Then we can do business.
Use the Vista card. You get frequent flyer miles.
The shipment will be prepared and boxed Friday evening...
and ready for shipping Saturday morning.
l need a signature and daytime phone number.
lt's a pleasure doing business with you.
Not so fast.
The carbons?
Oh...smart man.
l like doing business with smart men.
They know never to screw with me.
There's something between you and this General Mortars.
He was my C.O. in 'Nam.
The ClA listed him as MlA...
but the V.A. l.D.'d his M.O., and we put out an APB.
Oh, l see.
May l help you?
lt can't be. Not Mary O'Brien...
the bucktoothed, freckle-faced...
pigtailed little girl l knew in the fifth grade?
No, l'm not. May l help you?
l'm Sergeant Luger. This is Sergeant Colt.
These are our wallets. Metropolitan Police.
We'd like to speak to whomever's in charge.
Follow me.
Miss Demeanor will be right with you.
Help yourself to some cookies.
Let me do the talking.
l've eaten her cookies.
You're the boss.
Detectives Colt and Loser?
Oh, sorry. Loogie.
Uh, why don't you make yourselves at home?
No, l meant why don't you sit down...
and tell me what you want?
Can l get either of you something to drink?
Uh, just water.
No, thanks.
We're investigating a felony, Miss Demeanor.
Oh, sounds violent.
l hate violence.
Anyone for snow cones?
Thanks.
During the course of investigating two homicides...
we found boxes of Wilderness Girl cookies.
They were laced with cocaine.
Oh, my. That's horrible.
But surely you can't suspect the Wilderness Girls...
of somehow being responsible?
l can.
l'd like for you to come downtown...
and answer a few questions.
This is downtown.
Headquarters.
You can have your attorney present.
Why would l need my attorney?
May l change before l go?
Sure.
You should always wear your hair down.
For you, l always will.
Look, lady, you may think...
you can divert our attention from this case...
but you're wrong.
We see through your tricks.
Now, move it.
Do you run the Wilderness Girls?
ls your money raised selling cookies?
Do you know General Mortars?
Well, l drive a Buick.
No, that's General Mortars. General Mor-tars.
One down, nine to go.
Hey, how you doing? Don't mind me.
Keep doing what you're doing.
We're a team. We work together.
Honey, nice outfit.
Points out all the tourist attractions.
Didn't you die?
l thought this was the sequel.
Miss Demeanor, this isn't a good time to lie.
When is?
l don't know the meaning of the word lie.
Who was the last man to bat over four hundred?
Ted Williams.
What did Cher see in Sonny?
Did Oswald act alone?
You need help shaving your legs?
Show a little respect.
How many men have you slept with?
Five...maybe six.
Not a lot for this day and age.
lt's been a slow week.
Do you know Bill York?
Who cares? Do you sleep in the nude?
Only when l'm naked.
How do you feel about the designated hitter rule?
l hate it.
lt undermines the purity of the game.
l like pure things.
They give me pleasure.
Here we go!
All right!
We've detained Miss Demeanor long enough.
Uh, you can go now.
Sorry to have troubled you.
No trouble, Detective.
But l'm going to need transportation home.
Anybody want to give me a ride?
-Pick me! -Pick me!
Back off!
lf l were you, l wouldn't leave town.
Oh, l won't. l live here.
Sorry if it was a little rough on you.
You're just doing your job.
And l'm just a gal like any other gal.
l want a home, a family, an occasional spanking.
l used a rolled up newspaper to spank Claire once.
Thanks for bringing me back.
lt was nice meeting you.
Nice meeting you, too.
l hope it was a successful performance.
Good. We may have stumbled...
on the whereabouts of the microfilm.
Mr. Jigsaw, use your powers of persuasion...
and see if Sergeant York...
left our two police friends a memento.
They're not onto you.
No more innocent people have to suffer.
You're letting compassion intrude.
lt's an unbecoming trait.
Drop your gun, Mr. Colt.
Who the hell are you?
l am your worst nightmare.
No. Waking up without my penis is my worst nightmare.
All right. So l'm not your worst nightmare...
but l'm right up there.
Now...
Where is the meecrofilm?
What's going on here?
Drop your gun, Mr. Luger!
l don't have one.
You're not carrying a weapon?
Don't believe in them.
Pick up the gun.
Drop the gun, Mr. Luger!
Don't do it.
Drop the gun, or l'll shoot your partner.
He's going to shoot me anyway.
lf you drop it, we're both dead.
Wes, shoot him.
Drop the gun!
Get the car!
Freeze!
Damn.
So you let him get away, huh?
He's gone, Colt.
Look, why don't you come home with me...
so you can see how a warm family environment...
can offer so much more...
than your hollow, hate-filled existence?
Maybe some other time.
Sergeant Colt, Metropolitan Police Department.
This is Sergeant Luger.
We're commandeering your vehicles.
Wait a minute.
We're commandeering kids' bikes?
That's disgusting.
l'm getting too old for this bike-confiscating shit.
Don't worry, kids.
We'll take good care of your bikes.
l can't imagine where Doris is.
She always likes to check out my new partners.
You forgot, Daddy.
This is Mom's "bowling with the Teamsters" night.
Oh, yeah, right.
So, Ben, dad help you with your homework?
Nah. l don't want to repeat the fifth grade again.
So, Debbie, uh, how do you like school?
How do you think l like it? lt sucks.
Oh, here's Doris now. Hon, hon.
l want you to meet my new partner Jack Colt.
Charmed, l'm sure.
Um, this is Ted Polanski.
Ted's a produce manager.
Assistant produce manager.
Mr. Brubaker's the manager.
Ted's been very helpful with my produce selections.
l thought l should extend him a special courtesy.
l should be going.
Stay for coffee. Coffee, Ted?
Ted's from a dysfunctional family.
Oh. So, no coffee?
l thought he should spend some time with us.
l was thinking about taking him to Mother's for the weekend.
Dear, l know you're just trying to block out the memory...
but come on, now...
your mom's been dead for over six months.
Did l forget to give you that message?
l'll pass on coffee.
Did l come at a bad time?
You should be more careful.
l might have blasted off your eye shadow.
So, what's with all the candles?
l couldn't find the light switch.
You have an interesting place.
lt's much bigger than it looks from the outside.
l chose light colors to make it look bigger.
So what are you doing here?
Waiting for you.
l mean, what brought you here?
-A taxi. -Yeah, but why?
My car's in the shop.
The police station would have made me nervous.
You better go.
You're not even going to ask why l tracked you down?
OK, why did you track me down?
l wasn't totally honest with you and Detective Loogie.
No one ever is.
l can't live with it anymore.
l know who's responsible for those cookies.
lt's a man l fell for...
a man who used me and betrayed me--
General Mortars.
Why are you telling me all this?
You don't understand.
He's using the Wilderness Girls of America to sell cocaine.
He can ship them anywhere.
Everyone trusts a Wilderness Girl cookie!
Oh, my.
l feel as though an incredible weight has been...
lifted off my chest.
Can you feel it?
Yes, as a matter of fact, l can.
lsn't it wonderful?
And there's more.
Tomorrow at midnight...
a big drug deal at the Wilderness Girl Cookie Factory.
You and Loogie must stop it.
But not until after.
After what?
Relax, Colt.
l'll talk you through it.
Squeeze me.
Squeeze me like l was an S&W seven forty-seven...
double-action magnum...
with an extended chrome eight-inch barrel...
just begging for a few squirts of gun oil.
ls this a come-on?
Blow in my ear...
like you were blowing away the metallic blue discharge...
wafting from your barrel...
after you've spent your full load.
What?
Painful cuticle.
You think that's painful?
Razor burn.
Retaining water.
Nickel Beer Night--
Dodger Stadium.
These? Vietnam?
Parochial school.
Grenade.
Riot at a "Love Connection" taping.
That's nothing.
The plate in my head?
Elective surgery.
l was a fool.
Try this.
Low-budget organ transplant.
Enough foreplay.
We were made for each other.
lt was magic, Colt.
l guess you're crying because you know it's wrong...
to get mixed up with a guy like me...
a guy who lives on the edge and plays by his own rules.
That can only spell heartache and loneliness...
for a woman like you.
No. l'm crying because now that we've had these moments...
and l'm so friendly with the villain...
l know l'm going to die.
Well, some things are worth dying for.
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
l'm just taking one of those...
unmotivated butt-in-the-moonbeam walks.
Do you hear something?
What the hell are you doing?
Uh, is this, uh, ten-fourteen Pacific Coast Highway?
Ten-fourteen Pacific Coast Highway?
No! This is eight-fourteen Pacific Coast Highway!
Ten-fourteen is two blocks up that way!
Sorry. My mistake.
No problem !
Colt, look!
lt's Mortars. l know it.
l'm getting the hell out of here.
-That's mine! -Give me that.
Take care, babe.
Next time, instead of just smoking cigarettes in bed...
do you think we could actually make love?
Yeah, maybe.
Colt, please. l want you.
l'm burning for you. l'm on fire.
And l'm late.
lt'll only take a minute.
Who told you that?
Colt, please.
Don't you find me desirable?
Sure.
But l got a partner to warn.
Stick 'em up, sailor!
Get your hands off me!
You crazy? Not that one.
What the hell are you doing here?
l'm saving your life.
Look, it's always the green one.
Yeah, but--but that one's orange.
Who asked you anyway?
Hey, hey, hey, Colt.
Did you see "Hot Shots"?
Ahem. Not that l'm drawing any parallels here...
but don't you think it's kind of coincidence...
you know, it's kind of weird...
that you're doing this, and in "Hot Shots"--
All right, Becker, that's it.
This one's got your name written all over it!
Where are you?
ln here.
What's wrong?
Nothing.
Taking a shit.
Sorry.
Bust at a cookie factory?
l don't know.
-Can you trust her? -Yeah.
How do you know? You kissed her?
Well, sort of.
French?
Give her a hickey?
Shaved her back? Handled her hooters?
You parked the pink Cadillac?
Well, what can you possibly know about her?
We wear the same size pumps.
Are you one of those macho guys who hates women?
lf l tell you something...
do you promise it'll just stay between us?
Your secret's safe with me, Colt.
Whatever you tell me doesn't leave this car.
You have my word.
My mother never breast-fed me.
She'd tease me with it and then give me the bottle.
lt went on for years.
Lufthansa announces the departure--
By the time l hit thirteen...
l developed a love-hate thing with breasts...
and a distrust of all women.
l just don't understand them.
l breast-fed till l was sixteen years old...
and still don't understand women.
While we're sharing so openly here...
l want to tell you l appreciate you coming to warn me like that.
Most people l know wouldn't have done that.
Well, that's the advantage of working with strangers.
You're telling me a guy dressed like a Wilderness Girl...
with a German accent--
-Austrian? -Austrian. Yeah.
Austrian accent.
Killed York and tried to kill you, too...
and tonight there's a drug deal at the cookie factory?
l know it sounds crazy, Captain, but--
lt is crazy!
Consider this investigation closed!
Well, it was nice almost working with you.
Wait a minute.
We can't quit now. We've come too far.
You heard the captain. We're off the case.
You're more hung up on going by the book...
than solving this case.
By failing to follow the safety guard's manual...
look what l've done.
l'm to blame. l didn't go by the rules.
lt's all my fault.
From this day forward...
l will always go by the book.
You were a crossing guard?
You guys were all geeks.
And what's your problem?
You got some kind of death wish?
lf he only knew.
lt was Claire who lived life on the edge.
lt's hard for you to understand, Luger.
You got a family. All l got is revenge.
l'll nail Mortars for the York and McCracken killings.
You may be headed in the right direction, Colt...
but you're doing all the wrong things to get there.
Oh, really, Mr. Perfect?
Well, aren't we forgetting something?
l thought maybe l was getting through to you.
Sometimes you can't play by the rules.
l'm going after Mortars, alone and by myself.
"What Russian novel...
"embracing more than five hundred characters...
"is set in the Napoleonic wars?"
"War and Peace."
l have been waiting for this moment, Mr. Colt.
This has gone far enough.
First you use my affection...
then you use me to sell drugs through the Wilderness Girls.
What kind of a man are you?
A user.
l knew that when you made me parade around...
in that leather demi-cup underwire bra...
with matching panties and garter belt.
The bra with the metal studs?
That's the red one.
l mean the black set with gold thread piping.
Always loved that one.
l hate it. But most of all...
l hate the fact that you made me lure Colt here...
the man l've come to love.
"The man..." Don't be foolish.
All right, General, playtime's over.
Destiny, l was moved by what you said.
l meant it, Colt. l love you.
Not that. l mean the stuff about that black leather outfit.
All right, General, your cookie's crumbled.
Perhaps you should take a look at this first.
Let her go, General.
Yeah. L-L-Let her go and keep me.
OK. Keep her and let me go.
Keep everybody but me.
Why should l listen to any of you?
Because you want this.
l underestimated you, son.
Thank you. l'll take that.
All right, Mr. Colt...
the game is up.
Put your weapon down.
Put down yours, General.
You won't shoot me, angel buns. You haven't got the...
guts!
Hold it!
Colt, look out!
Colt, l'm cold.
l'm so cold.
Thanks.
Kiss me.
May not be a good idea.
l got a touch of the flu.
Please, Colt.
Get Mortars for me, Colt.
Give it up, Mortars!
You're only making things worse.
lt's over. The jig is up.
The Rubicon is crossed.
Getting sloppy, son.
Well, it was still sound advice.
Drop the gun, General.
Luger. You came.
That's personal.
But what's important is l'm here.
Shoot him, partner.
Shoot him, shoot him, shoot him, shoot him !
You can't shoot me, Sergeant.
You're a cop. You have to play it by the book.
Go ahead, Sergeant, shoot me.
Sometimes, General...
you make the rules up as you go.
Just kidding.
Nothing like a good smoke after you've blown someone away.
-You mind? -Yeah.
You're right. These things are dangerous.
Looks like you missed the fireworks, Captain.
Wrong!
Looks like we're just in time for them !
So you two guys are a couple of superheroes?
We got the bad guys, Cap.
Yeah, and you almost got yourself killed.
Wish l had more men like you.
Would you reconsider that retirement?
Only if Colt's my partner.
l think it can be arranged.
Thanks, Cap.
-Sequel. -Sequel.
-l'm driving. -l'm driving.
You know, l feel like l'm forgetting something back there.
Destiny. Claire.
That's it.
We're here, Colt.
Destiny, Claire, you're all right.
Me, too, in case you have the sensitivity to care.
l know you're uncomfortable with me, but don't worry.
l grow on you.
Kind of like a rash.
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