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Mans Best Friend

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Come on.
This is ridiculous.
What is the deal with these people?
KCBG. Who are you holding for?
Listen, I've been trying to get ahold of Lori Tanner...
for the last ten minutes.
I'm sorry. She's not picking up in her office right now.
Yeah, well, tell her she just lost her story.
Hold on. Maybe she's somewhere else in the building.
Let me try and locate her.
Wrinkle-free dirt-repellent polyester...
Is this working for you so far?
Is trying to make a comeback from the disco decade.
Edit bay one.
Yeah, hold on a second.
...is finding new life among top clothing designers.
Hi, this is Judy Sanders over at Emax.
Oh, God, Judy! Thanks for calling me back.
It's not my fault we're stuck with this lightweight...
Shh! It's important.
I didn't expect to hear from you again.
Look, I can sneak you into the lab tomorrow night...
if you've still got that five hundred you promised.
Yeah, yeah. I just have to make sure...
you can get me in to see the animals.
I got to know exactly what's being done to them.
No problem.
Why don't you meet me at 8:30 at the north gate?
And don't be late. I can't afford to get in trouble.
I'll be there.
Yes! Yes!
Good morning, Mr. Perez.
Buenas dias, Senor Perez.
Buenas dias, Senor Perez.
How are you, Mrs. Perez?
Como esta usted, Senora Perez?
Como esta usted, senora?
How are you, Miss Perez?
Como esta usted, Senorita Perez?
Como esta... shut up!
- Hello, sir. - Hola, senor.
Hola, senor.
- Hello, madame. - Hola, senora.
Hola, sen...
Ladies and gentlemen.
I am pleased to meet you.
Mucho gusto en conocerle.
- Thank you. - Gracias.
- Please. - Por favor.
- Goodbye. - Adios.
This is exactly the type of story I've been looking for.
What do you know about animal rights?
You have a parrot that can't stand you.
It's topical. It's hard-hitting.
I think I can do something significant with it.
Do an expose. Who knows what goes on in that place?
We're already running late on the polyester segment.
Polyester segment. Please, give me a break.
Drip-dry suits. That's real hard-core.
Excuse me, but that's what we get paid to do around here.
How many times have we had this discussion...
about what we'd do if we got a chance to cover a real story?
No, I'm not going to let you do this to me again.
You've got to shoot this one for me, Annie. You're the best.
Why can't we be like everybody else, huh?
It doesn't make sense to shoot the whole story on spec.
We should just sell everybody on the idea first.
No! Because they'll just go and put somebody else on it.
The only way we're ever gonna get to do anything real here...
is if we just shoot the story and blow their socks off.
I'm doing this with or without you.
Come on. Bring it up.
What is the deal? It's 9:00.
What's her name... Judy... said she'd meet us here at 8:30.
Maybe we should just get out of here.
There's no answer. Damn it.
What are you doing?
I'm sneaking in.
Lori.
Lori!
Wait.
Lori, wait for me.
Did your wife fix me up with her sister yet or what?
On second thought, I don't think that's such a good idea.
I found out she won't be turning 18 for another 8 months.
Hey, that's perfect, man.
If I was you, I'd rewrite that personal ad.
Oh, come on, man.
I haven't gotten a date from that personal ad.
Hey, listen, I was taking a creative writing course...
one time in community college.
I'll help you with it on my off night.
We'll get together, we'll rewrite the thing.
Those things don't work.
I got one more inside we got to get.
So, yeah, we'll just get together, like, Wednesday night.
What's that smell?
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Shoot it. Shoot it.
OK.
I don't eat doughnuts all day.
I eat doughnuts in the evening. I eat candy bars in the morning.
Listen, you should try driving with this shit in your trunk.
You ever get a whiff of this shit?
It stinks. I'll buy you some air freshener.
How do you like that?
This must be the place.
Got everything?
Have I ever forgotten anything before?
Let's do it.
Oh, my God.
Look at this. Look at this. Annie, tape the rabbit.
Got it, got it, got it.
Hey, pan down the row.
Look. They took her ear off.
Move in on this one. This one.
Look at the size of this wound.
Now pull back and get the name of this monkey.
OK, stay out of the shot.
These people are sick. Look.
Look at her head.
And the tattoo on her face, too.
This is unbelievable.
- Bring your camera up here. - Hold on, I'm coming.
Look at this place. Look at this place.
We've got to get this whole shot of the whole place.
I want people to really see what's going on in here.
What kind of person could do all this?
- Fifty-five, dude. - Yeah, yeah.
Did he take everything, Manning?
Yes, sir, Dr. Jarret.
Meet me around back. I got some specimens...
I want you to help me take up to the lab.
Damn.
I'm not so sure about this.
Oh, no. Look at this.
Do we have enough light to tape in here?
Yeah, it's good.
I can't believe they're experimenting...
on endangered species like these.
This is really strange.
I'm not even sure if this is legal.
Annie, Annie, look at the bear.
Come on, come on. What are you waiting for?
Be there in a second, doctor.
Get the other cage.
Get these doors here open.
This is a major piece.
We have got a real story. This is going to work.
Lori.
What's in here? Did you see what was in here?
Let's just get out of here.
Here we have a rare, extinct...
dog.
Let me get that for you, doctor.
Take these and put them in the lab.
Thank you.
What are they doing to you, huh?
I don't think you should be doing that.
I want to check him out. He's not going to do anything.
Hey, what are they doing to you around here, huh?
Poor little guy.
Don't you look at me. I didn't put you in there.
You were probably a lawyer in another life, I bet.
What is this thing they have on him?
What is this? What are these wires?
Your rooms are ready.
Wake-up call's at 6:00.
You can check in, but you can't check out.
- Do you have us both in frame? - Yeah, why?
I want to do the intro to the story.
Are you crazy? We can do that later.
No, it's perfect now. Now.
Do I look OK?
- You look beautiful. Hurry up. - Dog slobber!
Rolling.
Is this dog really a noble sacrifice...
donating his life for the betterment of mankind...
or is he simply an innocent victim...
of the billion-dollar vivisection industry?
Shit. Shit. Doggie!
Max! Max!
Get back here.
- Max! - Where did he go?
Max?
Hey! Hey, hold it right there!
Hey, hold it! Hold it right there! Stop!
Shit!
- Hurry! - I'm trying! Go! Go!
- Jesus! - Shit!
What the hell are you doing here?
Max.
What's going on?
What are you doing out?
Sit.
Max.
Halt, Max.
Good boy. Good boy.
Max, you're scaring me.
I'm not angry with you. I'm just tired.
Max...
final command.
Enter.
Enter.
Max...
Max.
Now.
Max!
Max!
God damn it!
- Where's the car? - Over there.
Come on, come on! What are you waiting for? Let's go!
Just get in! Just get in the car.
You don't know what you're doing!
Get in!
Forget the dog!
Max! No!
Oh, man! Oh, man! Sucker!
Max!
No!
Max! Max!
You said they had a video camera.
Any idea why?
About six months ago...
there was a group of animal rights fanatics...
protesting outside the lab.
I called the police.
A couple of 'em tried to break in.
Maybe that's the connection.
Emilio, why don't you see if we booked anyone?
Nah, nah, nah, nah. The police did nothing.
Exactly what kind of work do you do here?
I do genetic research...
often using animal models.
You talking about vivisection?
Yes, I am.
Vivi what?
Vivisection...
those cruel experiments they do on animals...
to test out new products.
My girlfriend talks about it all the time.
She wants to make sure things like the shampoo I use...
are on a cruelty-free products list.
Well, your girlfriend is rather ignorant...
like most of these animal rights people.
You try telling her that.
Look. The kind of research I do here...
is about saving lives, human lives.
That's what's important, isn't it?
I don't make eyeliner here...
and I don't pour acid into monkeys' eyes...
or stitch them closed, either.
We get the picture, doc. We'll be in touch.
Yeah.
I want Max back.
We're not talking about a street mutt here.
We are talking about...
a million-dollar research animal.
Well, for that kind of money...
he should be able to find his own way home.
I'm sure not sending him back there. You saw that dumpster.
I'm sure not sending him back there. You saw that dumpster.
Yeah, but what are you going to do with him in the meantime?
I don't know. Guess I'll take him home.
Find another place for him.
Your boyfriend is gonna freak out...
when he finds out where you got him.
Oh, yeah, right. Perry? Perry won't even notice him.
Give me your purse! Give it to me!
You, too, bitch! Gimme the watch!
OK, OK! Let her go.
What else you got? Come on, what else you got?
Nothing, nothing, nothing.
- Oh, God. - Don't do that!
You got any jewelry?
You want to watch me, mutt? Woof!
Oh, shit!
Get that mutt away from me!
- Get him! Get him! - Yeah! Yeah!
Shit!
- Jerk. - Are you OK?
Son of a bitch.
Look at that.
Oh, God.
Max, how... What did you do, Max?
Max.
Hey...
My God. Is this dog incredible or what?
Oh, boy.
Someone's hungry, aren't they?
Yeah.
This stuff smells so disgusting.
Wait till he goes to the bathroom.
I want to see something. Would you sit?
Good boy!
Down.
Oh, that's a good boy.
Good boy.
I'm a natural at this.
He's a good boy. Come here.
You just need to have a little scratch.
OK, get a really good, cute... Oh, look at that.
Oh, this is great. This is a great shot.
Oh, my God. Get a close-up of this.
Look at the size of these scars.
Wait a minute. Let's see here. Wait.
Somebody's been butchering you, haven't they?
This is like in a concentration camp.
You poor dog.
Max, Max, come here, Max.
Max, sit. Sit.
Max, sit.
You're so good.
You're so good, aren't you?
Hey, don't worry. No one's going to hurt you again.
You protected me. Now I'm going to protect you.
OK?
Damn truck.
Oh, thank you, Max.
You're sweet.
Turn around.
Baldy, baldy, baldy!
- Aw, screw you. - Screw you!
Lori?
Hey, Lori!
Come on out. I want to show you those new menus I got.
Jesus!
Lori, what the hell's going on in there? You OK?
Max, calm down!
I'll be with you in a second, honey!
You stay.
What the hell's going on? What's that dog?
Honey...
Annie and I were attacked in the parking lot...
at the market tonight.
Jesus. Are you all right?
I'm OK. Just some asshole with a knife grabbed my purse.
Oh, God.
Did you call the cops?
I didn't have to.
This dog was in the parking lot.
He chased the guy off, and then he went and got my purse...
and brought it back for me.
Really?
He saved my life.
It was incredible. You should've seen it.
He's a great guard dog.
No, no, no, we are not keeping this dog.
That's like a six-hundred-pound dog, Lori.
If he's that well-trained, he's got to belong to somebody.
They're gonna want him back.
Maybe. L... I feel a lot safer with him here...
after what happened to me tonight.
Lori, you're always doing this to me, you know?
You're always bringing something home.
You brought home that parrot, that foul-mouthed, messy parrot.
And this ugly painting and...
Honey.
It's just... the point is, you don't ask me about it.
You know? I just come home, and there's the stuff, right?
If you wanted a dog, you know...
you should have just told me about it.
We'd go down, and we'd pick out a nice dog, right?
Don't you think that would be a better way to do it?
- Yeah, it could be, I guess. - OK, good.
- But he's already here. - No, Lori, No.
L... Why? I don't even know what kind of home...
No dog! No dog!
Just try it with me!
If it doesn't work out, we'll give him away.
If he stays, he stays in the backyard.
I don't want him running around the house loose.
It's cold out there.
Whatever you say, honey.
Thanks for being understanding.
The toughest part of owning a restaurant...
is picking out the stupid menu.
What do you think of this?
Honey.
Oh, God! What are you looking at?
That's disgusting.
How can you read that before you go to bed?
You're going to get nightmares.
- Perry, I'm... - I don't want you...
to get nightmares, sweetheart.
I want you to sleep real well.
I do. I want you to get a good night's sleep.
- You know what I mean? - Yes.
Good, hmm?
Honey? I can't...
What? The dog's fine, really.
He's going to bark the first night.
That's just natural.
I can't... I can't get into this with him making all that noise.
I have to go check on him. I'm sorry.
- OK. - All right?
Fine. Better go check on him.
He could be hurt or something.
- Who's going to hurt that dog? - Fine.
Don't be too long, all right?
Ohh, you...
What are you making so much noise for?
You miss me? You lonely out there, huh? Huh, boy?
Come here, Max. Max. Max, come here.
No, you can't go in. No, you can't go in there.
No, you can't. You can't go in.
Lori!
All right, that's enough. Out.
Max.
Oh, Max, go to hell, Max.
Get outside. Out.
Oh, give me a break.
You're bad.
OK.
OK, you can stay. OK.
But you have to be really quiet...
because we don't want mean old Perry finding out.
OK.
Hey, Lori, are you coming up or what?
OK.
Honey?
Honey?
Are you asleep?
- So, what took you so long? - I'm sorry.
- What was the matter with him? - He's lonely.
Yeah, I know how he feels.
I'm sorry.
OK?
So, what did you do to shut him up?
You know, I have a way with men.
You're such a liar.
Screw you, mutt!
Is that that dog outside the door?
You let that dog in the house, Lori.
I didn...
- He was crying out there. - How could you do that?
I agreed to let you keep him, didn't I?
The least you could do...
You got to meet me halfway on this one, Lori.
OK. OK.
No, Max! No, Max! No, Max! No, Max! No, Max!
- Get him out! - Got to go, Max.
Come on, Max. Come on, Max. We're going now.
Get him out, Lori! Out!
See what you did? He's upset now.
Get him out, please.
Based on the descriptions you gave us...
we have several suspects.
All of them have prior arrests...
for illegal animal rights activities and so forth.
So, what we want you to do is take a look...
at a couple of these pictures here.
Good. Thank you.
Hey, doc, have a seat.
I think we got something for you here.
Can I have a glass of water?
These are our prime suspects.
Thank you.
I'm not sleeping too good.
Anything?
No.
Take your time.
No. Nothing.
What are we going to do now?
We're dusting for prints. I'm waiting to hear from the lab.
No good. Came up empty.
You know, we're on borrowed time, fellas.
All right, doc, look.
You're a little strung out. You're tired.
Why don't you go home? We'll round up a few suspects.
This bullshit is not gonna do anything.
What we gotta do is go out there and rescue my dog.
We're doing the best we can.
I'll tell you something.
I've given a dangerous and experimental animal...
a neuropathic drug to keep him stable...
to keep him calm.
When that drug wears off, he is going to snap!
Hey, don't do that kind of shit in here!
We're sitting on a time bomb...
and you're talking about going out and dusting for prints!
Don't tell us how to do our job.
You don't get it, do you? Max is fragmenting.
He's coming apart.
If I don't get him tonight...
he's going to go through a psychotic episode.
You're the only fucking psycho around here.
Hey, where you going? We're not done.
We're not talking about man's best friend here.
Sorry, pooch.
Oh, my God!
I'm sorry, OK? OK? I'm sorry!
Max!
Max! Come here, boy! Breakfast!
Hey, Mr. Ed.
Now, today's word is fartface.
Can you say fartface?
- Fartface. Fartface. - Very good.
Yes!
- Hey, Lori. - Rudy, how you doing?
I'm doing fine, but I'm starving. What are you making?
Fruit and yogurt. Want some?
No, thanks. I'm allergic.
Well, go ahead. Look in the fridge.
There's carrot sticks and apples, some celery juice...
- Cool! Pizza! - Some pizza.
- It's been in there a week. - Yeah, just like at home.
Who's that?
- Wow! When did you get the dog? - Yesterday.
Oh, man. This guy's even bigger than my collie.
- What's his name? - Max.
Hey, Max, want to come in? Come on in.
Hey, don't let him get my pizza.
Come here. Come here.
He's not allowed in the house.
Can I bring him over to my house to meet Heidi?
- Does that sound like fun? - He's so cute.
All right. Hand me his leash.
All right. There you go.
- Keep your eye on him. - I will. I will.
Be careful. Bring him back in one piece.
- You don't trust me? - No.
Rudy, close the gate when you bring him back.
- OK? - OK.
Oh, hi, doggie.
You want to help me fix this thing?
You could go over and get that brake line if you wanted to.
Whoa. Good boy, Max.
Hey, Heidi. Say hello to Max.
You like her, huh?
M-M-Max. Max!
Max! Shh!
You're going to wake up my dad!
Shut up, Max! Quiet!
Rudy, what the hell's going on out here?
You know I've been working all night.
It's nothing, dad. Max just wanted to play with Heidi.
Doesn't want to play with him, OK?
Now get him out of here so I can get some rest.
OK.
Come on, Heidi.
Come on, Max. Let's go see Chet.
All right! Good noose.
Worthy of the SPCA.
Don't mess with the pros, hairball.
Hey, chill, fleabag, or I'll stun gun your bun.
We got him.
What do you think you're doing?
I wasn't gonna light it.
Go ahead. Kill yourself.
At your age and weight...
you're a perfect candidate for a heart attack.
- I'm trying to quit, aren't I? - Exactly.
I'm gonna put you on a real fitness program.
You're worse than my wife.
In six months, you won't recognize yourself.
Yeah, 'cause I'll be dead.
- What's this crap? - Missing persons.
Gets a call from a guy named Bill Sanders.
His wife Judy doesn't come home last night.
Guess where she works?
Emax.
You're shitting me.
Pulled a photo off the computer. Take a look.
Maybe we'd better have another visit with the good doctor.
Judy Sanders only worked for me for about three months.
I didn't really know her very well.
Her husband says she left for work that morning.
Well, she never arrived. That's all I know.
What about my dog?
Any leads?
Keep your shirt on, doc. We're on top of it.
We already fed the description into the computer.
All units have been alerted, including animal control.
I have to show you something.
Friday, bring up the promo material.
One moment, please.
Voice activation.
You know, when you think of guard dogs...
you usually think of German shepherd.
They're loyal, smart, lethal, but not good enough.
And now, with the development of the Emax-3000...
they're totally obsolete.
You see, Max, as I call him, is not your typical dog.
He's a genetic crossbreed.
A mutt.
I don't mean a mutt, sir. Look around you.
Each of these animals is endowed...
with a specific desirable trait...
that is dedicated to their survival.
If you took the DNA from each...
and genetically spliced it...
into the DNA of a breed of a dog...
you would have a magnificent creature.
You've actually been able to do this?
Enhance sight, hearing...
strength, speed, stamina...
the ability to climb with jaguarlike agility...
even a chameleonlike capability...
to camouflage itself if threatened.
Each of these traits have been bred into Max.
His intelligence is so advanced...
that he can operate as a stand-alone unit...
without a human handler.
He can comprehend almost 350 spoken commands.
Is that in English or in Spanish?
You take your pick, detective.
What I am trying to tell you...
is that in the right hands, Max can save thousands of lives.
In the wrong hands, he can be a deadly weapon.
Boy, did my brother cut one this morning.
Boy, did my brother cut one this morning.
Grossed me right out of the kitchen.
Sounds like it was nuclear winter in there.
Ka-boom!
Look. There's Mrs. Barclay's stupid cat Boo.
I hate that dumb cat. He always tries to scratch me.
Me, too.
- Get him, Max! - Sic 'im! Come on!
Go! Go, Max! Go! Get him!
Come on, Max! Get him!
Kick his ass! Come on!
- Yeah, get him! - Come on!
Come on!
Wow.
You sicked him on that cat, not me.
Oh, no, no, no. You did.
We better get out of here. Mrs. Barclay will kill us!
Forget about it! We just got to get out of here...
before he gets us, too!
- Oh, man! - I told you not to!
- Shut up! - That was your fault!
Shut up! Shut up!
- It's the brake lines. - You're kidding.
Yeah, like, two hundred bucks.
- You got the checkbook? - Yeah.
You got it on you?
Maybe.
Hey, listen...
why don't we finish what we started last night, huh?
Because I'm already late for work.
Come here.
Curtains are open.
So what? Nobody's watching.
Well, come around, idiot.
Come around!
You stupid mutt!
Put a lid on that dog, huh?
Hey, stop!
You stupid mutt!
No, no, no, Max.
Come on.
You have to... Max, you have to stay. Max.
Go on. You have to stay.
Good boy. I'll be back in a little while.
I just have to go to work. It's OK.
I have a deadline to meet.
Max.
Don't do this to me, Max.
You stay.
Do what dogs do... guard the house. You know.
Come on, we got to go.
- Dad... - I don't want to be late.
Come on.
Come on, Heidi. You have to stay at home. Come on.
You don't want to miss the game, do you?
OK, I'm coming.
You locked the front door, didn't you?
- You think I'd forget? - All right.
Let's go.
Here, kitty, kitty, kitty!
Come here, boo!
Let's get to work.
See how this tape turned out.
I need a cappuccino. You want one?
Can we just get into this, please?
So, how was Max last night?
He was a pain in the ass...
but he's got such a personality.
- How did Perry handle it? - Oh, he loves Max.
Right. You didn't tell him where you got that dog, did you?
He'll see it on the news.
I think something's gnawed through your brake line somehow.
I had my brake lines changed just this morning.
See for yourself, huh?
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God. He's trying to kill me.
- Who's trying to kill you? - My girlfriend's dog.
Yeah, right.
I like that.
- Yo, Frank, over here. - What do we got, Dan?
One of the box boys found a body behind the dumpster.
It's pretty bad.
Fits the description of the mugger...
that's been terrorizing the mall.
Jesus Christ!
Get ahold of Jarret. I want him to look at this.
You won't be mugging anybody no more, pal.
The lacerations, the power, the efficiency...
yes, it was Max.
Put this bastard out of business.
Put him out of business?
He killed him, for Christ's sake.
That's what he was designed to do, sir.
What is the matter, detective?
You upset that Max did your job for you?
- Want to see me do my job? - Yeah, do your job.
I'll do my job, all right. Emilio, get on the blower...
and tell every black and white in San Remo...
that if they find this... this canine...
to blow its friggin' head off!
I wouldn't do that if I were you, detective.
I don't think this city could survive...
a multimillion dollar lawsuit 'cause you went off half-cocked.
Half-cocked? Somebody died here.
This was a predator who preyed on innocent people.
People have to cower in their homes...
because you two are standing around bullshitting.
Eat shit.
Max doesn't deserve a bullet. He deserves a medal.
Friday, what is the maximum amount of time left...
before Max becomes completely destabilized?
One moment, please.
5 hours, 29 minutes, and 14 seconds.
And the minimum?
The minimum time has already expired.
Hi there, buddy.
Hey, big fella.
Easy now, boy. Easy, easy.
Take it easy now. Don't be stupid.
You must be new in the neighborhood.
I think it's time we met.
Try something, you son of a bitch.
Dr. Jarret?
I found something.
Hey, Glen, you got any blank tape I can steal?
- Hurry. - I'm trying.
Go!
Jesus!
- We're in big trouble. - Why?
I just saw Dr. Jarret out front.
Hi, Lori. This is Deborah at the front desk.
Yeah. I've got a Dr. Jarret here to see you.
Sure.
I'm sorry, sir. Miss Tanner's not available right now.
Hey, look, it's urgent that I talk to her.
Sir, please step outside.
Where are you going?
I just... I got to do something with Max.
What are you gonna do with him?
I don't know! Hide him. Put him in a kennel somewhere.
Lori, that's probably the first place he'll go looking for him.
You just have to give him away to somebody.
- Who? - I don't know. Check the paper.
There's got to be somebody looking for a great guard dog.
Sir, please leave the building peacefully...
or I'm going to have to call security.
What?
- Don't make me do this. - Wait a second.
- Come on, listen. - Don't do that.
Please, sir, leave the building.
She is not available to talk to you right now.
- Call her back... - Ray!
Excuse me, sir. You're going to have to step outside.
Get the hell out of here.
- Come on, let's go, let's go. - OK, OK.
Jerk.
Hey, Lori!
Hello, fartface!
Max?
Oh, Max!
I got something for you, Max.
Lunchtime!
Hey, buddy, how you doing?
Look what I got for you, huh? Look at that.
Some nice steak tartare from the restaurant.
It's all for you, buddy, OK? Good boy.
Go ahead. Eat up, boy. That's it.
I made that special for you, all right?
Go on, Max. Eat up, buddy.
It's good. Yum yum yum.
Eat the food, Max.
Hey, fleabag! Muttonhead!
Max!
Max.
Hi, Max.
Come on, boy. Come on, boy.
We got to go for a ride. That's a good boy.
Come on. Come on. Good boy. Come on.
Oh, good boy.
OK, stop stuffing your face for one minute.
I got news.
I think Dr. Jarret's psychotic superdog killed Judy Sanders...
the girl who disappeared from Emax.
Check this out.
He got his Ph.D. From Berkeley at twenty.
By the time he was twenty-eight...
he was patenting this new synthetic hormone.
Made him a multimillionaire overnight.
All right, he's got a wonderful resume. What else?
Here's where the story gets interesting.
About six years ago, Jarret gets busted...
experimenting on endangered species.
His investors pulled out...
and he's rejected by the scientific community.
He has a nervous breakdown.
About a year later...
he gets out of the hospital, takes Emax private...
and starts breeding these friggin' guard dogs.
He's got everything he has riding on their success.
He'd do anything to protect that animal.
I say we get a warrant, go to Emax.
I bet we find the body.
- Hi. - How are you doing?
- See the scars? - Yeah.
Get them. Go all the way up and down.
- Do you have us both in frame? - Yeah. Why?
I want to do the intro to the story.
Are you crazy? We can do that later.
No. It's perfect. Now, now.
Do I look OK?
You look beautiful. Just hurry.
Dog slobber.
- Lori? - Ray?
Come here, boy.
Come on, I'm not going to hurt you.
How are we going to become friends...
if you're going to act like that?
I've got a nice piece of rawhide for you.
You know you want that.
Come get it. Come get it.
You're a big dog.
Handsome, too, aren't you?
I bet you get all the girls. Huh?
Hey, you want some more?
Boy, I sure would like to have him around.
So, where would Max live, exactly?
Well, not here, that's for sure.
OK.
No, I got a big ranch of about 15 acres out in Shadow Hills.
My dog Wayne used to love it out there.
That sounds great.
There's plenty of room to run around in...
rabbits to chase, creeks to swim in.
Dog's got a good life if he's with me.
I need to know I can have him back if things change.
This isn't easy.
Oh, he'll be all right.
Just give him a couple of days up at the ranch...
he won't even remember you.
I'm sorry, Max.
I have to do this.
Otherwise, they're going to take you back to the lab.
Remember I promised I would take care of you? Huh?
Besides, Ray's going to look after you.
- Isn't that right, Ray? - That sure is right.
We're gonna have a great time together.
Aren't we, Max?
OK, Max, you be good.
Stay with Ray now, OK?
I'll be back for you.
You'll be fine, boy.
Easy, boy, easy.
That's enough of that.
Settle down, boy.
She dumped you, just like they all do.
I said settle down, you worthless piece of dog shit.
I asked you nice, didn't I?
- Hello. - Lori?
Look, I don't know if you're gonna believe this or not...
but I think your dog tried to kill me today.
What are you talking about?
Well, he gnawed through my brake lines...
and I almost crashed going down the highway.
That's crazy, Perry.
Oh, I know it's crazy, but I swear to God it's true, Lori.
And then when I finally got home, he attacked me.
The dog's got to go.
- He's gone, OK? - What?
- I just gave him away. - Lor-Lori...
What's the matter, boy? Don't you like my ranch?
Living at the end of that chain...
is gonna make you the meanest junkyard dog in the city.
Shut up!
You going to shut up or not?
OK, you asked for it.
Now you're going to get it.
Come on, boy. Come on, Max.
Come on, Max. Now you're going to be a hot dog.
I'm going to teach you a lesson. I'm going to burn your ass bad.
Get off me! Get...
Look, I'm telling you...
Dr. Jarret just ran out a little while ago.
I mean, he told us to pack everything up.
I'm sure when Dr. Jarret gets back, he'll explain everything.
Do you know a woman named Judy Sanders...
one of the ladies who used to work here?
Not really.
I mean, I said hello to her a couple times in the hallway.
Why?
We think Judy is dead, and Dr. Jarret is responsible.
What?
Tell us where he went.
Yeah, I think we got it, Doug.
All right. That's good.
You know, I'd like to take about a five-minute break.
Yeah, that's good.
Hey, pan down the row.
Remember me?
Where's my dog?
Hey, man, it wasn't my idea.
You got to talk to Lori.
Where's Lori?
Max?
Oh, my God.
Where did you come from?
I got him for you.
Do you like him?
What? I...
I can't believe you did this.
Yeah. I know. Me, neither, really.
But I was feeling kind of bad...
you know, 'cause I know how much you miss Max.
And also I figured now was my chance...
to get a dog in here that I liked, too...
before you brought home another monster.
- He's cute. - Mm-hmm. What is he?
I don't know. The lady at the pet shop...
she swore to me he wasn't gonna get much bigger than this.
So he's a little dog. That's what he is.
Looks like he should be a Barney or...
No. Spike. I've been calling him Spike.
- He likes it. - Spike?
Yeah. He acts like a Spike. Watch this.
This is his favorite thing, this plug.
Go get it, Spike. Go get it.
Honey, that's not... that's not... that's dangerous.
OK.
It's very sweet of you.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- I love you, Lori. - I know.
Thanks for getting rid of Max for me, honey.
I really didn't like him very much.
I got to go to work, honey. I'm late.
Spike. No, no.
Don't play with that.
- Lori? - Rudy.
Meet Spike.
Where's Max?
Uh, Max's owner decided to take him back.
You're lucky.
What do you mean?
Uh, nothing.
I'm going to make a milk shake, OK?
Voila. Stir.
Um, look, just take it easy, OK, Max? Just take it easy.
Max. Look, everything's OK, buddy. Take it easy now.
Look, you went after me first, Max, and I went after you...
so we can just call it even then, OK? And we can be friends.
Max. Max.
Oh, damn.
Perry!
Oh, God. Max.
Max, no! No!
Oh. Rudy, Rudy.
- Open up! Let us in! - Max!
- Freeze! - There he is!
Stay down!
Let's go! Let's get this mutt!
Right over there. Come on. Come on.
Let's go, Emilio!
Get in there, you wimp.
All units, all units. We have a 1091-A.
Vicious dog, pursuit in progress.
- Oh, yeah. - Come on.
We got to get in on this.
Any available units, please respond.
Come on, let's go! Floor it!
He's turning right on Albuquerque. Adam 361.
Split off. We'll try to box him in.
You got it. We're in pursuit.
He's turning on Montecito! Don't lose him!
Rank amateurs.
Uh, roger that.
Close in on him! Now!
We got him, we got him.
Ram him! Run him over!
He's ours now.
Move over, rover, so the pros can take over.
You ready for some action?
Cocked and loaded, armed and dangerous, baby.
All right, let's bag this puppy.
I've got a weird feeling about this.
Come on, man.
Here, puppy.
Good doggy.
Here, puppy.
- Go! Go! Go! - I'm going! I'm going! OK!
What was that?
What's going on?
- Stay back, folks. - You folks stay back.
Stay clear of the area, please.
OK, ma'am, to the side. Just stay back there, please.
I heard there was some kind of wild animal that got in there.
OK, people, let's go home. Show's over.
They tell me he's going to be OK.
We'd like to ask you some questions inside.
I'll be in here, Emilio.
Where do you think you're going?
There's nothing you can do for your boyfriend now.
I have to go to the hospital to be with Perry.
Hey, the way I look at it, you only got two choices.
One... you walk out that door, and we arrest you.
Two... you stay here and help us catch...
this friggin' psycho mutt.
'Cause I got a hunch he's coming back here.
I'll do whatever I can to help. I'm sorry.
All right, all right, all right. Sit tight.
We'll take care of everything.
It's, uh... all clear out here, Frankie.
OK, Emilio. Let me know if you see anything.
10-4.
- We'll call you if we need you. - OK.
It's going to be OK, Spike.
Everything's going to be all right.
Get in!
Let me out!
I just need you long enough to get Max to follow us to Emax.
- Then you can go to hell. - Stop the car!
Stop it!
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Why didn't you leave me alone?
What about those animals at your lab?
What about what you're doing to them?
They mean nothing. The project is what's important.
Don't you understand that?
- No. I can't. - Gimme that.
You broke the bond with Max.
If I don't sedate him, he's going to turn on you...
just like he did on me.
Max! Max!
Release! Max! Release!
Release!
Max!
Spike, come here.
No!
Get out.
He'll kill you.
Max.
Spike!
Max.
Get away from my dog.
Get away from him!
No!
Lori! Come here! You got to come see this! Come on!
OK. Come on, Spike.
Let's say hi to Rudy.
Come on.
You won't believe this. Come on.
What?
Surprise.
Oh, no! Look at them!
- Aren't they cute? - Oh, come here.
Hey, you want one? You want one?
Oh, look. Spike's jealous.
MASH 1970 CD1
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