Naked Gun The - From the Files of Police Squad
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Listen to me! Killing a few hostages|is not sufficient!
The Americans must be made to suffer.
We must humiliate them.
You do not go far enough,|General Amin.
We must strip their entrails out|and drag them to Damascus,
until they include us|in the peace process.
Nonsense! This solution|is not bold enough for Libya.
l say wipe out Washington|and New York.
What? And spoil|three years of good PR?
The Americans believe l'm a nice guy.
ln some of their polls, l'm more|popular than their president!
Gentlemen! Gentlemen!|This is getting us nowhere.
lf we do nothing else this week,
we must conceive|at least one terrorist act
that will show all the world
that the United States,|the great Satan,
is but a paper tiger - a weak nation,
a weak people,|a people ripe for destruction.
Cowards, no longer willing to fight.
l knew it!
Hey, who are you?
l'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin,|Police Squad.
And don't ever|let me catch you guys in America!
..98, 99, 100. lt's all here.
This completes|our first shipment of heroin.
lt better be - all 40 kilos.
The final shipment|will be delivered in three days.
- Then we'll expect payment.|- Don't worry.'
Police! Throw down your guns!
lt's a great day for Americans.|This man alone...
There he is!
No flowers, thank you.
Welcome home, Frank. Good work|in Beirut. We heard about it.
Thanks. l want to know one thing -|is it true about Victoria?
l'm afraid so.|She ran off with some guy.
They got married last week.
Then it's over.|All of this is meaningless.
l did it for her. Everything.
And now she's gone.
And you came down here|to get a hot story, didn't you?
Pictures of me|to sell your newspapers.
- Frank...|- Sure, you think l'm a big hero.
Do any of you understand|how a man can hurt inside?
Frank, they're not here for you.
''Weird Al'' Yankovic is on the plane.
What about the wedding?|What was she wearing?
Don't torture yourself!|Put her out of your mind.
l can't get her out of my mind.|What about the guy?
- Do you know anything about him?|- Not much.
Just that he's an Olympic gymnast
and it's the best sex she's ever had.
l trusted her and followed my heart.|Foolishly, it seems.
l'm just gonna have|to learn to forget.
That's why l took my vacation|in Beirut - to find some peace.
lt won't be easy.
Everywhere l look,|something reminds me of her.
Maybe cops and women just don't mix.
What about Nordberg?|l came as soon as l heard.
He's alive, but on life support.
He's got a 50/50 chance of living,
though there's only|a 10~/. chance of that.
Mrs Nordberg, l think|we can save your husband's arm.
Where would you like it sent?
- Frank! l'm so glad you came!|- Wilma, l came as soon as l heard.
Thank you, Frank.
- Where's Nordberg?|- He's right here.
Nordberg, it's Frank, your buddy.
l'll get it!
Get the switch|at the back of the bed!
Nordberg, it's me, Frank.|Who did this to you?
l love you, too, Nordberg.|Who were they?
- Ship... Boat...|- That's right. A boat.
When you're better,|we'll go sailing together,
- just like last year.|- No... Drugs.
Nurse, give this man some drugs!|Can't you see he's in pain?
- Give him a shot, quickly!|- No...
Heroin! Heroin, Frank!
Nordberg, that's a pretty tall order.
Give me a couple of days|on that one.
Oh, my poor Nordberg!|He was such a good man, Frank.
He never wanted to hurt anyone.|Who would do such a thing?
lt's hard to tell.
A gang of thugs, a blackmailer,|an angry husband, a gay lover...
Frank, get a hold of yourself!
A good cop - needlessly cut down|by some cowardly hoodlums.
- No way for a man to die.|- You're right, Ed.
A parachute not opening -|that's the way to die,
getting caught in a combine,
having your nuts bit off|by a Laplander.
That's the way l want to go.
Frank! This is terrible!
Don't worry, Wilma.|Your husband is gonna be all right.
Just think positive.|Never let a doubt enter your mind.
He's right, Wilma,
but don't wait till the last minute|to fill out those organ donor cards.
What l'm trying to say is,|as soon as Nordberg is better,
he's welcome back at Police Squad.
Unless he's a drooling vegetable,|but that's only common sense.
Do you know why Nordberg|was at the waterfront?
But l found this at home in a drawer.
A photograph!|''l Luv You'' out of Caracas.
A Panamanian ship.
When he said ''l love you'', he was|telling you the name of the ship!
l realise that...now.
- We'd better check this out.|- l want every available man on it.
l can't spare anybody.
We're in charge of security|for Queen Elizabeth's visit.
Wilma, whatever scum did this,
no man will rest until he's behind|bars. Let's grab a bite to eat.
Due to the extraordinary efforts|of some of our civic leaders,
Queen Elizabeth has included|the city of Los Angeles
as one of the cities she'll visit|during her American tour.
Will the city hire|additional security officers?
We have placed the Queen's security|in the hands of Police Squad,
a special division|of the Police Department,
represented here|by Lieutenant Frank Drebin.
Thank you, Your Honour.
- You can use my radio mic.|- Thank you.
Thank you, Your Honour.|Protecting the Queen's safety
is a task that is gladly accepted|by Police Squad.
No matter how silly the idea|of having a queen might be to us,
as Americans we must be gracious|and considerate hosts.
Thank you, Lieutenant Drebin.
Of course, we all have a stake|in seeing that this portion
of the Queen's American tour|is completely protected.
And we can take pride|that the Queen...
lndeed, it is for all the people,
who will be able to share|in these...celebrations...
will be...the Queen's...|public appearances.
We also would like...
Ed and l drove to where Nordberg|had been found floating.
Without leads, you have to start|somewhere, and that was the harbour.
Please disperse. Please disperse.
There's nothing for you to see here.|Keep moving.
Where did they find him?
Out there.|Do you wanna take a dinghy?
No, l took care of that|at the press conference.
lt doesn't make sense.|Good policeman, bright future...
then something like this happens.
He was found by the nightwatchman.
l'm gonna talk to the harbour-master.
l'll walk around and snoop.
- Yeah?|- Lieutenant Drebin, Police Squad.
l remember you. What do you want?
l wanna ask some questions.|Are you familiar with that face?
l don't know.|My memory ain't so great.
Oh, yeah?|Maybe this'll refresh your memory.
- Still hazy.|- How about this?
l remember. Why do you want to know?
- l can't tell you.|- Maybe this'll help.
- l don't think l should.|- Still don't think so?
- lt's Nordberg, he's a cop.|- No, he was dealin' 'H'.
- What?|- He was dirty!
Scum! l ought to|run you in right now!
He worked at Ludwig's Shipping.|He tried to push something.
- What are you gonna do about it?|- Why should l tell you?
- Maybe this'll help.|- l shouldn't tell you.
Can you spot me a 20? How about now?
l'm going down to Ludwig's office.
l'll find out|if you're telling the truth.
Vincent Ludwig owned one|of the city's largest corporations.
A respected business man|and civic leader,
he was to chair the Queen's reception|committee.
Now l was about to question him about|drugs and attempted murder.
- Mr Ludwig?|- Yes?
Lieutenant Drebin to see you, sir.
Show him in.
- Lieutenant.|- The feeling is mutual.
Nice to meet you, too. Cuban?
No, Dutch-lrish.|My father was from Wales.
- What a magnificent office.|- Thank you, Lieutenant.
Most objects l have collected|over a period of many years -
my Gainsborough, Ming vases.|Priceless!
They are objects which l feel|reflect my personality,
like the Japanese fighting fish -
beautiful, graceful, elegant...
yet single-minded of purpose
and deadly when it finds|what it wants.
This particular one|is valued at over $20,000.
A luxury item, to be certain,
but l am a man who appreciates|the finer things in life.
Oh, this...|This is a rare Samurai pen,
a gift from Emperor Hirohito.
Unbreakable.|lmpervious to everything but water.
- lts value is beyond estimation.|- That's fascinating.
But l'm sure you didn't pay this|visit for a lecture on fine art.
To what do l owe the honour?
l'm investigating the attempted|murder of a dock worker,
a man named Nordberg,|a police officer.
He is still alive, then?
He was shot six times.
Fortunately, the bullets missed|every vital organ.
- The salt water preserved him.|- So they...
So they got him|to the hospital in time?
He's in the intensive care ward|at Our Lady of the Worthless Miracle.
This certainly comes|as a shock to me.
As you know, l'm not the kind of man|who takes such things lightly.
There is no room in my organisation|for criminal activity.
Look out there - a vast|commercial development built by me.
Do you have any idea what was|out there just five years ago?
You bet you do. Orange groves!
Acres of them.|As far as the eye could see.
But now that land will generate|ten times the amount of profit.
Are you all right, Lieutenant?
Let me get you some Kleenex.
Has this officer -
What's his name? Nordberg -
been able to tell you anything?
Well, he hasn't been able|to tell us a thing so far,
but as soon as|he regains consciousness,
we'll see if he|can still play the guitar.
- Pardon?|- l've taken up a lot of your time.
l'd like to look|at your employment records
and speak to someone in Personnel.
- Dominique, send in Miss Spencer.|- Yes, sir.
l am quite busy making arrangements|for the royal visit,
but l will have my assistant|provide you with anything you need.
You've been very co-operative.|l'll note that in my report.
Miss Spencer! This is|Lieutenant Drebin from Police Squad.
Her hair was the colour|of gold in old paintings.
She had a full set of curves
and the kind of legs|you'd like to suck on for a day.
She gave me a look|l could feel in my hip pocket.
Yep, this was starting|to get interesting.
- Nice beaver.|- Thank you.
- l just had it stuffed.|- Let me help you with that.
This should be|what you're looking for -
the shipping and employment records|for Pier 32.
l've heard police work is dangerous.
Yes, that's why l carry a big gun.
Couldn't it go off accidentally?
l used to have that problem.
What did you do about it?
l just think about baseball.
That's a honey of an ankle-bracelet|you have there.
Did it slip down there again?
Yes, well...|l'll quickly go through these
and get them back to you tomorrow.
Fine, but there's no rush.|l mean, whenever you're through.
Thank you. l wish there was|some way l could repay you.
How about dinner? l know a place|that serves great Viking food.
lt's tempting, but l'm afraid|l must rest this evening,
tomorrow being Arbor Day.
Of course. Perhaps some other time.
- How about a rain check?|- Let's just stick to dinner.
Thank you for your help,|Miss Spencer.
- Well?|- Mr Ludwig, you startled me!
l'm sorry, my dear.
Did you give the lieutenant|what he wanted?
l gave him copies of the files|for Pier 32.
Good. That's good.
He is an intriguing fellow,|don't you think?
Well, l don't know.|l've only just met him.
He seems very nice.
Jane, l realise|this is an unusual request,
but if there is something illegal|going on in this company,
l need to know about it,|so we can root it out.
That's why l want you to...
well, to get to know Drebin|a little better,
find out what he knows.
Wouldn't this be best handled|by the police?
We are letting the police handle it,|my dear!
But we need to know|the facts quickly
before anything|gets into the newspapers.
Don't forget, l have a responsibility|to the stockholders.
Well...if you put it that way...
- Yes, l'll do my best.|- That's better.
l'm sure you will.
lt was about 4pm|when l returned to Police Squad.
l wanted to see what the lab had|come up with on Nordberg's jacket,
the one they'd found on the docks.
You can tell a lot from fibre|samples if they aren't too wet.
l was hoping we wouldn't|come up dry.
Hey, look out!
Anybody catch the licence plate?
Anybody get a look at the driver?
Take the names of everybody here|for questioning.
l've got to get...inside.
Hi, Ed, Ted. You got|those fibre samples yet?
- We got some action here.|- What?
We're testing our anti-graffiti wall.
We've got customers.
lt reacts when|the spray hits the sensors.
You've done it again - mazel tov!
Good work.|What will you think of next?
Now that you mention it,
here's something|we developed only yesterday.
To the casual observer -|an ordinary shoe.
But in actuality...|it makes a handy weapon.
And everything a cop would need.
We call it the Swiss Army Shoe.
- Great. And the fibre samples?|- Just one more thing.
See these cufflinks l'm wearing?
They're not just cufflinks. Each one|fires a single pin-sized dart,
that knocks out your victim|for a few minutes.
Let me demonstrate on Ed.
Don't worry.|He'll be up and around in no time.
- Why don't you take a pair?|- Actually, l could use another pair.
l think you'll like them.
- Want this, chief?|- Thank you, Al.
There's something|on the side of your mouth, Al.
No, no. The other side.
As you requested, we took some|fibre samples from Nordberg's jacket.
l'm afraid it doesn't look good.
- What do you mean?|- Take a look for yourself.
- l can't see anything.|- Use your open eye, Frank.
Yeah, l can see it now.
At first, it appears|to be the normal cotton fibres.
But we discovered|a fine white powder.
How well do you know Nordberg?
We were partners for nine years|and he's my best friend.
We can't allow personal feelings|to get in the way.
- Are you saying that Nordberg...?|- The Queen arrives in two days.
lf the press should pick this up,
it could be embarrassing|for the police and the city.
l'm sorry, Frank. l'm giving you|24 hours to clear Nordberg.
- Mr Ludwig?|- Yes?
- A Mr Pahpshmir is here.|- Show him in.
ls there something wrong, Mr Ludwig?
No, it's nothing.
- Then may we get down to business?|- Certainly. Have a seat.
l can carry out your request.
- My price is $20 million.|- Your price is not a problem.
But there is concern|on the part of those l represent,
that you would be able to...|complete so difficult a task.
Tell me, Mr Pahpshmir,
in all the world,|who is the most effective assassin?
l would think anyone who manages to|conceal his identity as an assassin.
Yes, but there is|even a more ideal assassin.
One who doesn't know|he is an assassin.
- Care for some tea?|- Yes, please.
Dominique, service for two, please.
l must kill Pahpshmir.
- Cream and sugar, sir?|- Mr Pahpshmir?
Cream only, please.
- There's a gun on the floor, sir!|- Just leave it. lt's all right.
- The tea, please.|- Of course, sir.
Mr Pahpshmir, have you ever seen|sensory-induced hypnosis?
l think l just have.
How will she get near the target?
Oh, l doubt whether it will be her.
Good secretaries|are so hard to find these days.
And it seems to me...
anyone...can be an assassin.
l had 24 hours to find|something to clear my friend's name.
l returned to the hospital|with Ludwig's records
to try to jog Nordberg's memory.
Doctor, l have the chart,|if you're ready to go over it.
l'll be with you|when l've finished with Mr Nordberg.
You'll be out of here|in a couple of...
- l'd like to see Officer Nordberg.|- Sign in, please.
Wait a minute!|Where's the police guard?
- Drebin called and sent him home.|- Drebin?
l must kill Nordberg.|l must kill Nordberg.
Drebin, Police Squad!|Let go of that pillow!
Drebin, Police Squad.|Follow that black car!
The car! Follow that car!
Stephanie, check your mirror. Signal.
Now pull into traffic.
Try and ease off on the brake.
- Give it a little gas.|- l know a short cut. Turn left here!
- There he is!|- Easy!
Turn right! Follow him!
lt's OK.|Normally, you would not be going 65
down the wrong way|of a one-way street.
Apply the brakes.
Now put it in reverse.
- You dumb broad!|- Stephanie...
Gently extend your arm.
Extend your middle finger.
- Very good. Well done.|- There he is!
Go for it, Stephanie!
Excuse me. Excuse me.
All right, move on!|Nothing to see here!
Nothing to see here. Please!
The attempt on Nordberg's|life left me shaken and disturbed.
The questions kept coming up|again and again,
like bubbles in a case of soda.
Who was this character|in the hospital?
Why was he trying to kill|Nordberg...and for whom?
Did Ludwig lie to me?|l didn't have any proof,
but somehow,|l didn't entirely trust him.
Why was the ''l Luv You''|not listed in Ludwig's records?
lf it was, did he know about it?
lf he didn't, who did?
And where the hell was l?
lt was almost midnight|when l got home.
l just wanted|to slip under my blankets,
but my night was|just about to begin.
That depends on what l'm late for.
You said we should|have dinner some time.
Tonight became ''some time''.
l'm boiling a roast.
How hot and wet do you like it?
Very hot and awfully wet.
You seem to know your way|around a kitchen.
l'm just as handy|in other rooms of the house.
That shirt looks familiar.
lt's yours. l didn't want|to get stained or wrinkled.
At least...not yet.
Do you mind if l slip|into something more comfortable?
There. That's better.
l hope you've brought your appetite.
l've brought everything.
Well, then, dig in.
lnteresting. Almost as interesting|as the photographs l saw today.
l was young. l needed the work.
No, they were taken|at Ludwig's docks.
A ship came in, a Panamanian ship.|lt wasn't on Ludwig's records.
Probably an oversight.
How is your...meat?
You be the judge of that.
l've got nine more.
- Have you seen that ship?|- l don't know.
lt doesn't look like ours,|but we deal with so many ships.
Has Officer Nordberg|told you anything?
No, there's been another attempt|on his life. He's in a coma.
That's terrible!|This world is such a violent place.
lf it wasn't, l'd be out of a job,
but l'd give it up tomorrow|to live in a world without crime.
This is all happening too fast.
- l've been hurt before.|- l'm sorry.
l'd known her for years.
We used to go to|all the police functions together.
How l loved her,|but she had her music.
l think she had her music.
She'd hang out with the|Chicago Male Chorus and Symphony.
l don't recall her playing|an instrument or being able to sing.
Yet she was on the road|300 days of the year.
l bought her a harp for Christmas.|She asked me what it was.
lt's the same old story.|Boy finds girl.
Boy loses girl. Girl finds boy.
Boy forgets girl. Boy remembers girl.
Girl dies in a blimp accident
over the Orange Bowl|on New Year's Day.
- Goodyear?|- No, the worst.
Now, now. l don't want to upset you.
Frank, it's not that.
Why did you have to be so wonderful?
- There's something l must tell you.|- No! No need to tell me anything.
What's in the past|doesn't matter anyway.
Maybe we're just two lonely souls|who have found each other.
l want you to know...|l practise safe sex.
So do l.
l had a wonderful day, Frank. l can't|believe we just met yesterday.
You really mean that?|You're not just saying it,
because we exchanged bodily fluids?
No, l really mean it.|You're very special.
- Can l interest you in a nightcap?|- No, thanks, l don't wear them.
Actually, l'm on stake-out tonight.
l'll be thinking about you.|l'll call you tomorrow.
The answer's up there|in Ludwig's office.
Call it what you will -|a hunch, women's intuition.
Ludwig knows more than he's saying.
A hunch won't stand up in court.|Where are your hard facts?
He's the only one except us|who knew Nordberg was still alive.
Next thing we know,|some thug tries to knock him off.
Maybe. But breaking into Ludwig's|office is taking a big chance.
l know. You take a chance|getting up in the morning,
crossing the street|or sticking your face in a fan.
There he is!
Just trust me on this, Ed.|l know l'm right.
OK, but be careful.
Get some sleep.|l'll see you in the morning.
''20,000,000 deposited,|Omani Bank, Zurich,
''upon proof of Queen's death.''
Destroying property, arson...
sexual assault|with a concrete dildo?!
What the hell were you doing there?
l'm sorry about that, Your Honour,
but we believe Ludwig is involved|in a plot to assassinate the Queen.
That's ridiculous!|Where is this ''evidence''?
Well...it...burned in the f-fire.
Vincent Ludwig is one of the most|respected members of this community.
lf we're very nice to him,|he will agree not to press charges.
- Your Honour!|- Did l make myself clear?
Yes, Your Honour. Good day.
l don't want any more trouble like|you had last year. That's my policy.
When l see five weirdos dressed|in togas stabbing a guy in a park,
l shoot the bastards.|That's my policy.
That was a Shakespeare in the Park|production of ''Julius Caesar''!
- You killed five actors! Good ones.|- Your Honour...
Your presence at the Queen's|reception tonight is not necessary.
ls that understood?
We understand, Your Honour.|Thank you.
The plane has taxied to a stop.
Any minute now|we expect the doors to open
and we'll get a glimpse|of the Queen,
as she begins her first visit|to Los Angeles in five years.
lt's a balmy, beautiful evening too.
She's going from here|to a formal reception...
- Jane!|- Frank!
l'm just making some dinner.|Are you hungry?
Maybe just a bite.
Ludwig wanted me to ask you|to meet him tonight.
There is something you should know.|l was in his place last night.
How nice! Did he show you his|Ming vases and rare oil paintings?
Jane, l think that he's involved|in a number of criminal activities.
Frank, stop it!
Vincent Ludwig is a well-respected,|generous, kind man.
- You don't know him like l do.|- How's that?
- What's that supposed to mean?|- l'm sorry. l'm worried about you.
l don't trust him and l don't want|you mixed up in anything dangerous.
Are Woo back in business?|They closed down three years ago.
Gee, has it been that long? l don't|feel like Chinese tonight anyway.
lt's sweet of you to be concerned,|but you're wrong about Vincent.
He's such a gentleman.|He's so generous.
He just wants to talk with you
to clear up any doubts|you might have.
- When?|- Tonight.
Meet him at the 7th Street|stockyards.
All right,|but promise you'll be careful.
Of course l will,|funny-face, for you.
l've got to go. See you tomorrow.
Are you sure you won't have|something to eat?
- Drebin?|- Yeah, l'm Drebin.
l have a message for you|from Vincent Ludwig.
l'm sorry, l can't hear you!
Don't fire the gun|while you're talking.
All right, put your gun down|and your hands up!
Matthews, stake out that end,
and card-check for|anyone suspicious looking.
Frank, what are you doing here?
l've been trading shots|with one of Ludwig's goons.
They're planning|to do her tonight, here.
- We better be on the lookout.|- Excuse me, ma'am, security.
- What's the meaning of this?|- Relax! Nothing will happen.
- l didn't do anything.|- Yeah? What about this?
You think we were born yesterday?|You didn't do anything, huh?
l got rights!
Ed, he's got a picture of your wife!
All right,|anyone else here seeing his wife?
That's all right, Frank.|Let's get in the hall.
Are you enjoying yourself, my dear?
l'm so excited to be here.|l appreciate your inviting me.
Pleasure's all mine.|Perhaps afterwards we can...
- Drebin!|- Frank!
You're both right.|Surprised to see me, Mr Ludwig?
This is not the time|or place to talk.
lt's way past the time we talked.
The gloves are off,|l'm playing hardball.
lt's fourth and fifteen, and|you're looking at a full court press.
Mr Drebin!|lf you have evidence, then use it.
lf not, l am warning you -|get off my back!
Or it will cost you dearly.
- Frank, what's wrong?|- A lot of things, sweetie-pie.
A meeting that turned into|a peek-a-boo session with bullets,
set up by someone|who's been playing me like a violin.
Funny-face,|what are you talking about?
My stockyard meeting, butter-wings.|Don't you remember setting that up?
Mr Ludwig said you'd called it off!|Believe me!
Thumb me another one, shuckie-lumps!
Frank, it's the truth!
Cops and women don't mix.|Like eating a spoonful of Drano.
lt'll clean you out,|but it'll leave you hollow inside.
Too bad, sugar-puff.
We could have been something.
l only did what l was told to do!
- Like make love to me?|- Frank!
That makes things easier, Princess.
To think l trusted you!|l made a big mistake.
- You can take this back.|- Whose is that?
Doesn't matter.|Take care of yourself, baby.
By the way...
l faked every orgasm.
And to commemorate our friendship,
the city of Los Angeles is proud|to present to the Royal Family
this Revolutionary War musket,|donated by Mr Vincent Ludwig.
Ladies and gentlemen,|Her Royal Highness,
Queen Elizabeth ll!
lt's disgusting the way they splash|this stuff all over the newspapers!
What is journalism coming to?
You're laying on top of the Queen|with her legs wrapped around you
and they call that news!
They can't kick you off the Force,|it's not fair.
l know. Life isn't always fair.
Just think, the next time l shoot|someone, l could be arrested.
Hey, look at that!
The missing evidence in the Kilner|case! My God, he WAS innocent!
He went to the chair|two years ago, Frank.
Well...what's the use?
What good are these damn awards|and citations?
Frank, that's not your desk!
Frank! l've been|looking all over for you!
Running another errand|for your boyfriend?
l tried to call last night.|l went by your place. Where were you?
l was out walking. All night.
Listen to me!|l have important information.
There was never anything|between Vincent and me.
- He likes East German men.|- What about you?
l like cops.
- All right! Yeah!|- Settle down. Take it easy.
- What've you got?|- l overheard Ludwig.
You were right. He is planning to|have someone assassinate the Queen!
- Where?|- At the baseball game.
The Queen will be there|as Ludwig's guest.
ls Ludwig going to shoot her|in front of 60,000 fans?
No, a player,|during the 7th inning stretch.
- lt starts in 20 minutes.|- l'll go.
- l'll go with you.|- Stay with Ludwig
- to allay suspicion.|- OK, let's go!
l've gotten you into enough trouble|already. l'll go alone.
No! This'll get you back on|the Force. We're right behind you.
Frank? l wanted you to know now,
l've loved you since the first day|l met you, and l'll never stop.
l'm a very lucky woman.
So am l.
Good afternoon.|We're coming live from the Big A,
where the California Angels|meet the Seattle Mariners
in their showdown|for the Division League.
Hello! l'm Curt Gowdy,|along with Jim Palmer,
Tim McCarver, Dick Vitale, Mel Allen,
Dick Enberg and Dr Joyce Brothers.
Join us for this|all-important ball game.
And a special game it is.
As we know, it is being attended|by Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth.
l'm sure she'll enjoy this game, Jim.
We've got all the exits covered.
l ought to arrest Ludwig right now.
No, we've got to let him|make the first move.
The Mayor would have you arrested.|You've got to stay out of sight.
l've got to get that assassin.
lt could be any of those players.
l've got to get down on that field|and search those players.
Ladies and gentlemen,|please rise and welcome
Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth ll!
Over there - these seats are taken.
My dear, is something bothering you?
No, why do you ask?
You haven't said a word.|You seem...nervous.
Well, you know how important|this game is for the Angels.
Why he not here now?|l do not like to wait for him.
Mr Pallazzo, our head usher will|be here in two minutes. Please wait.
- He should be here now!|- l'll send him right over.
l do not wait for him!|He waits for me!
- Yes?|- Mr Pallazzo?
l am the head usher.|l am here to... Excuse me.
- Mr Pallazzo?|- Yes?
- l am the head usher.|- One second.
Ladies and gentlemen,
on behalf of the California Angels|and the City of Los Angeles,
on the occasion of the royal visit,
please welcome|internationally-renowned opera star,
Ladies and gentlemen,|let us honour America,
as Mr Pallazzo will now sing|our national anthem.
And now we'll wait|for the exchange of line-ups
and the start of today's ball game.
Excuse me, could you tell me,|is this an official bat?
The Queen's visit|has brought a sell-out crowd!
And the fans are being entertained|by the stadium's Angel Vision,
showing some unusual moments|in baseball over the years!
How about that?
Ladies and gentlemen,
now taking the field -|your California Angels!
For everybody's safety,
we ask that you do not throw|any objects on the field.
We thank you for your co-operation.
As the Angels take the field, we're|ready for the first pitch ceremony
with the Queen of England|ready to toss out the first ball.
How about that?|Let's have a round of applause!
We're ready for the start,
as these lovely ladies would agree.
Those are the players' wives,|here to enjoy the game.
What d'you say, Cummings?|Are we gonna do this today?
Frank! Al, it's Frank!
The game's under way. Dave Spiwack|ready to face Jay Johnstone!
- Nothing to report.|- Don't worry, Al.
lf one of the players is the killer,|Frank'll find him,
even if he has to search|every one of them.
..lead-off hitter Jay Johnstone.
Hello, pal. Let's see|if that uniform's on straight.
Good here. Now let's see the shirt.|You should take a large.
lt's a little tight in the crotch.
All right? All set?
OK, play ball!
Have you found him yet?
No, and l've searched|almost everybody.
Yeah. There's only one more out|before the seventh inning stretch.
You're going to have to stall them.|Don't let 'em get that third out.
The Mariners' number four -|Armando Criscione! Criscione!
- Ball!|- Ball?
Get...get...what the...? Get off!
Catch it! Catch it!
- Get 'em off!|- Go, go, go!
- Safe!|- What do you mean, safe?
l don't believe it!
Second base! On two!
There's a throw by the catcher
and now they've got Criscione|hung up between 1st and 2nd!
What the hell are you doing?
- You're not supposed to do that!|- Wait a minute! Stop that!
Put that back down! Give me the ball!
l'll get you!
lt's hard to believe,
but apparently the umpires|have got Criscione in a run-down!
- Safe!|- Safe?
How about that?
- Out!|- Safe!
- Out!|- He was safe!
- Out!|- Safe!
There's a sight l've never seen!
- Safe!|- What are you doing?
Safe! Safe! Safe!
- He was out!|- He was safe!
You idiot! He was out!
All right, you're out of here!
- What?|- You can't throw an umpire out!
All right, YOU'RE out!
Hold on! Even the guy running|the scoreboard says he was out!
And he's up in the mezzanine!
lt's the third out!
l must kill...the Queen.
l must kill...the Queen.
Frank, it's the right-fielder!
- You're the boss!|- lt was safe.
Now, we're going to take a walk.
How could you|do something so vicious?
lt was easy. Don't forget l spent|two years as a building contractor.
Now, let's go quietly.
Hey, look at that! Let's get him!
Kick him in the balls!
l must kill...the Queen.
The umpire...|He saved the Queen's life!
That's not the umpire, Your Honour.
Hey, it's Enrico Pallazzo!
Frank! Frank, help!
Frank! Frank, help! Frank!
Hold it, Ludwig!
Stay where you are!
- He's got a gun!|- l know.
You ruined my life.|Now l'm going to ruin yours.
- Leave the girl alone!|- l am. l'm going to kill you.
Two can play at that game!
- You killed him!|- No, just stunned.
He'll be all right.
- lt's so horrible!|- l know, Ed.
My father went the same way.
l must kill...Frank Drebin.
l must kill...Frank Drebin.
No, no, don't shoot!
l must kill Frank Drebin.
You love Frank Drebin.
And Frank Drebin loves you.
Jane, if you don't love me,|you might as well pull that trigger,
because without you,|l wouldn't want to live anyway.
l've finally found|someone l can love -
a good, clean love...|without utensils.
l must kill Frank Drebin.
lt's a topsy-turvy world, Jane,
and maybe the problems of two people|don't amount to a hill of beans,
but this is our hill|and these are our beans.
Since l met you, l've noticed|things l never knew where there -
birds singing, dew glistening|on a newly-formed leaf,
l must kill...
Jane, this morning...
l bought something for you.|lt's not very much,
but pretty good|for an honest policeman's salary.
lt's an engagement ring.
l'd have given it to you earlier,
but l wanted to wait|until we were alone.
- l...|- l love you, Jane.
l'm sorry that l yelled at you|yesterday, l really am.
l was wrong about you.
This city and the whole world|owes you a debt of gratitude.
And Monday morning|we want you back at Police Squad...
- with a promotion to captain.|- Mayor...
Don't thank me. There's someone else|here who wants to thank you.
- Nordberg!|- Hiya, buddy!
The doc says|l should be on my feet in a week!
- And back on the Force!|- Nordberg, that's wonderful!
Frank! Everyone should have|a friend like you!
Na Cha The Great
Na Tum Jaano Na Hum
Na samote u lesa
Naissance de lAmour La
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