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Nine Months

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All right.
Toast time.
All right.
Um, this is,|amazingly enough, to us.
[Giggles]
Five incredible,|incredible years.
[Clink]
Cheers.
Come here.
[Woman] Brendan, we're leaving|in five minutes, sweetie.
Samuel.
Yeah?
Do you want more?
No, thanks.|No. I've had lots.
No. Not lunch.
I mean|more for us.
By which you mean|the big '' M''--
Marriage, huh?
Well...yeah.
Um, I'm over 30,
and I feel like|something's missing.
O.K. Well,|you know, what?
What could possibly|be missing?
Let's look at that,|because, you know,
we live in|a fantastic apartment.
My practice|is really good.
We get on better|than most married couples.
Sure.
Life is dangerously close|to perfection actually,
so, uh, why would you|want to change things?
Why change|what's perfect?
Yeah?
Right.
O.K.
Uh, new toast.|To stability.
Honey!
Oh, God!
Shit, honey.|I hit a guy. Come on!
Are you all right?
Excuse me, ma'am.|I know CPR.
Aah...
O.K.
You're conscious! I thought|you were French kissing.
I was trying to scream.
Don't get up.
He's all right.
It's under control,|madam. Thank you.
Does your head hurt?
Yes.
Are you nauseated?
Very.
Open your eyes!|Wide! Wide!
Aah!
Your pupils|aren't dilated.
You're O.K.|I brought you back!
[Rebecca]|He's O.K. Let him up.
All right.|Whoa. Sorry, buddy.
No. Careful.
No lawsuit.
Good. No lawsuit.
Yeah. Marty Dwyer.
Yeah.|Samuel Faulkner.
How you doing?|Good to meet you.
A big wind|came along and bam!
Cracked you|on the noggin,
but I guess|you know that.
Kids, stop that!|Your manners.
There's plenty.|Help yourselves.
This sucks.|It tastes like poo!
Oh, bloody hell.
What did I say about spitting|in people's food?
Oh, please.|Here, eat this.
Eat that, honey.
You know, I know you.
I don't think so.
You're Sean's friend,|the kiddie, you know,
shrink.
Yes. I'm a psychotherapist.
Like some help|with your children?
I met you last year|at Sean's loft.
I'm his sister Gail.
Oh, hi.|I'm Rebecca.
Nice to see you again.
Look, I'm sorry.|That's beluga.
It's $64 an ounce.|It's not dog food.
I'll write you a check.
No, it's fine.|It's just...
O.K.
[Gail] Kids,|say thank you to the man
for the nice cheese
and give him|a big hug!
[All]|Thank you!
Pleasure.
[Kissing Noises]
[Marty] Kids, break it up.|We got stuff to do.
[Kids All Talking|At Once]
Have a little bit.|Just a bit.
No. Come on.
Come on, Sprinkler.|Let's go.
Hope we didn't ruin|your picnic.
No. Why would you|think that?
Take it easy.|See you around.
Bye.
You see--breeders,
perfect example|of the product of change.
[Van Morrison Song|These Are The Days Playing]
The swelling's|gone down.
It's still quite painful, actually.
You know,|all I'm saying
is there should be|two areas on the beach,
one for adults|and one for children.
Then everyone's happy.
Is that any better?
Yeah.
That's much better.
You're|too tense.
You need to|loosen up.
Come on.
There is no past,|there's only future
There's only here,|there's only now
Oh, your smiling face,|your gracious presence
I love you.
I adore you.
These are the days|by the sparkling river
His timely grace|and our treasured faith
This is a love,|the one magician
Turned the water|into wine
Oh, yeah.
My dad's an asshole.
O.K.
Good.
Interesting.
Um, is that|something
you can maybe|elaborate on
a little bit|for me, Truman?
O.K.
Great.
My dad's|a giant asshole!
Yeah.
1 , 2.
1 , 2.
O.K. When you|bring your arms up,
round like this,|O.K., Eleanor?
Round. Round.
There you go.|Yeah. O.K.
Like this,|Miss Rebecca?
Look. Look at that.
[Giggling]
I don't know|about Truman.
I'll get him|to open up,
but he's got very|severe problems,
and we know who|to thank, don't we?
Huh?
You know,|his parents.
3 2.
The state|requires you
to take a written test|to drive a car,
but any moron|can become a parent
and just destroy|a child's life.
It's like people|have babies on a whim.
Surely, to be a parent|you have to plan ahead.
36.
Say, do I want to|become a parent?
38.
Am I ready?
I'm pregnant.
What?
Pregnant?
[Honk]
Watch out!
[Honk]
Watch out!
Aah!
Watch out!
Well, I guess you|don't want the baby.
Sir, your car will be|ready in a minute.
You're lucky
the engine's|in the back.
[Samuel]|Yeah. Right.
Hi.
Ready in a minute.
Good.
So, um...
we are absolutely certain|about this, right?
Well, my period's|1 0 days late.
Right.
And there's no way|you could have had it
and just not noticed?
Sorry. Ridiculous.|That was stupid. Stupid.
Could you be a little|more positive about this,
more supportive?
I'm trying to|be positive.
Killing us in a head-on|collision is not positive.
It must have been shock.
Out of the blue,|you say you're pregnant.
It was just|a little bit unexpected
was probably the reason|for the crash.
I thought you were|using birth control.
I was.
Your car's ready now,|sir.
Great.
Oh...
you don't believe me!
No?
You think I got pregnant|behind your back.
No, no, no, no.|No, no, no.
Do you think|I planned this?
I'm as flipped out|as you are.
I suppose|I just thought
that birth control
had a little teeny element|of control about it.
Thought it was supposed|to be foolproof.
Nothing is foolproof.|It's only 97% effective.
It says so on the box.
Yeah. Right.|97% effective.
So 3% completely|bloody ineffective.
They should put that|on the box.
Here you are.
[Man]|Thanks.
We're off.
Hey. Hey.
Sean.
Who's the blonde?
No idea.
Oh, my God.|Jesus.
Hey,|how are you?
Hi.
Hey,|this is Bobbie.
Hi.
This is Rebecca|and Sam.
Hi.
I was getting worried|about you guys.
What happened|to this car?
Oh, long story.
[Quietly]|What happened to Christine?
A long story.
So this is where|you two are going to stay.
Yeah, lovely.
So, what do you|think of her?
What,|you mean the blonde?
She's attractive.|Very attractive.
She's 25 years old.
Her skin|is like ribbon candy.
Breasts|like sponge cake.
Her calves|are like calzone.
I mean,|highly edible.
Highly edible.
She's crazy|about sex.
This is somebody
to get me over|the rough spots.
Mmm. What do you mean?|What rough spots?
Oh, Christine|left me.
Oh, shit.
When?
Oh, uh...|a week ago.
What happened?
Well...
she wanted|a child.
[Glass Hits Floor]
I'm sorry.
Are you O.K.?
Yep. Yep.|What an idiot.
Leave that.
Got it.
She said she wanted--
She, uh...|Christine wanted a baby.
She was hungry|for seed,
so I closed|the iron door,
denied her|my essence.
You know,|I'm not ready
to be biologically|extraneous.
She would have|devoured me
from the head down,
chewed up|my manhood,
swallowed my youth,|and gobbled me up
like some|praying mantis.
Not for me.
What do you mean,|praying mantis?
The female mantis,
after she has sex|with her mate,
she eats him.
Oh, yeah.
But Christine|wasn't pregnant
or anything|like that?
No. What do you mean?|Like on the sly?
On the sly,
or, you know,|in the run of things.
On the s-- No.
I mean, Christine|has her faults,
but I don't know|who would do that.
That's a knife|in the back.
Yeah.
You know, that's--|No, of course not.
That's|some voodoo woman
who puts pins|in her diaphragm.
Ha ha.
Spooky, Sam.
That's a she-snake.
That's like|the most hateful,
cruel, sneaky,
horrible thing|you can do.
Who would do that?
No! No!
Aah!
Aah!
They eat the father!|They eat the father!
They eat him!
Honey. Honey, what?|Honey, what?
Who eats fathers?
No one.|Sorry. Sorry.
Just a bad,|bad dream.
Silly, silly dream.
O.K.|You worry too much.
Just relax.
Lie down, O.K.|Lie down.
It's O.K., baby.
Whatever happens,|we can work it out.
I know.
I love you.
I've loved you
since the first moment|I saw you.
You're the only one
I want to be the father|of my children,
whether|it's now or later.
O.K.?
Oh...
[Snickers]
I love it|when you do that.
Do what?
Ha ha ha!
That thing you're doing|with my knee.
That is so good.
Oh, Samuel.
Stop it.|I love it.
Go on.
But, Samuel?
What? Yeah?
I'm not doing anything|with your knee.
Huh?
Aah! What is it?
Aah!
- Aah!|- Aah!
What's the matter?|Come here, kiddo.
Where you been?|Come here, you.
[Grrr]
I'm sorry, folks.|Come on. Get away from him.
I'm sorry, folks.
She's going through|a hiding phase.
It's for attention.
Hey, honey,|you'll get it dirty,
and God knows|what's on there.
Hey, honey,|it's the beach people.
Oh, hi.
This is great. Don't worry.|We didn't bring a kite.
How about another one|of them kisses?
What's going on?
We found her.
We've been looking|for her for an hour.
Honey, tell the neighbors|to call off the search.
You, call the sheriff|before the choppers go up.
We're sorry.|Looks like a full house.
Party time, then!
I'm sorry.|Get back in there.
Listen, um, sorry,|and I'm going to take off.
You'll be here all weekend,|right?
Sounds great.|Good to see you.
You didn't tell me|they were coming.
They didn't|tell me either.
They always|show up uninvited.
I hope they don't|spoil your weekend.
Oh, no.
We'll be fine.|The kids seem adorable.
Oh,|they're monsters.
They're monsters.
See, this is why|I don't want kids.
[Sean]|It's nonsense.
No, what I'm saying is
I think it's such baloney|and such a cliche
that the artist|has to be messed up
and have a life|of deprivation,
be an alcoholic|or deprived in some way.
It's how you use, obviously,|with imagination and passion
whatever it is...
I love you.
Well, that's nice.
I think|you're great.
Marry me,|Captain Renaldo.
Who's|Captain Renaldo?
Marry me.|Make me your wife.
We'll honeymoon|in Paris.
Well, I'm not sure.
It's King Stanislaus'|daughter, isn't it?
You're madly|in love with her!
Who?
Don't deny it!|I saw you two kissing!
Brute!
She hit me.
Shannon,|no hitting.
O.K. You run along.
Go play.|We'll talk later.
You weasel!
Oh, God.|I am so sorry about that.
She's been reading|Harlequin Romance novels,
and she's just|obsessed with it.
[Marty]|It's kind of cute.
Isn't it cute?|Lovely.
Not many teeth left,|but cute.
What a puss.
[Snickers]
[Clink Clink Clink]
All right, everybody.|I've got an announcement.
Gail and I|are going to have a new baby.
[Under His Breath]|Oh, shit. Not another one.
So I'd like to|make a toast.
To my wife, the most beautiful|pregnant woman in the world.
Love you.
Hear, hear!
You could be|the toughest guy,
but when your child|looks into your eyes
and that child knows|you're their dad...
suddenly|it smiles.
It's like...|I cannot explain it.
It's like magic.
Is it magic when they do|that little dribble of vomit
down your shoulder?
I'm sorry|if we're boring you, pal.
Just a joke.
O.K.|Just forget it.
The guy is rude.
Sorry.|What did you say?
You are rude.
Rude?|You think I'm rude?
Yes, I do.
I'm sorry--|It's all right, honey.
Let's just deal|with this accusation.
Like an idiot,|I was under the impression
you were monopolizing|the conversation.
I'm sorry|if I'm a little excited
about my wife and I|having another baby.
Is being excited a reason
to exclude eight people|from conversation?
I didn't realize
this was a frickin'|group therapy session!
How much do I owe?
You didn't realize|you were a crashing bore.
I'll walk over there|and kick your bony little ass!
I'll have|my 5-year-old daughter do it!
Let's drop it.
Marty, he does|have a point,
but just drop it.
Sean, he's a dick,
and you're an even bigger dick
for taking his side|over family.
You and Gail used to|be interested
in politics,|music, art.
Now it's nothing but|kids, kids, kids.
My kids are|very meaningful to me.
When my first was born,
it was my most|exciting moment.
I felt like I really|made a contribution
to this world.
Absolutely.|Congratulations.
The world|is overpopulated.
Our society has too many|starving children.
I would say our society
has too many|starving artists.
It hasn't been|lucrative.
That's true,
but that|doesn't mean
what I do|isn't respectable.
Van Gogh,|while he was living,
didn't sell|one painting.
Now his stuff goes|for $40 million.
How long will you|have to be dead
before you can pay|that phone bill?
Do you come here|to ruin my weekends
and embarrass me|at my home?
Your home?|This isn't your home.
It was our parents' home!
You aren't making|any contributions.
You've got no wife,|no kids.
You insult your|only family.
You keep this up,|you'll die alone,
like a dog,|like a bum,
like Van Gogh.
Hey, Doc,|you all right?
[Snapping Fingers]
Are you O.K.?
Yeah. What?
You don't look good.
You look like|you're going to puke.
No, I'm fine.|Thank you, Truman.
I was just listening|to what you were saying.
Interesting.|That was a key sentence.
Would you mind|repeating it
just so|I can get it down?
You're an asshole.
Right.
And Dad's a bastard!
Yeah.
Right.
I can't be a father.
I can't.|I ca...I...I...
Why would I want to|have a child?
Just so he can call me a bastard|in 1 0 years' time?
We'd have to move out.
We don't have space|for a child.
Rebecca and me,|we're wonderful together.
It's just insane|to spoil it.
Just the two of us--|That's how it should be.
This baby is not|a good idea.
That's what I'll tell her.
Beck.
Hi.|Be right there.
[Rebecca]|Just stay back. Bye-bye.
I'll tell her now.
Hi.
Beck.
Listen, Beck--
Samuel,|I've been thinking--
No. Wait.
Wait. This pregnancy|was an accident.
It took us|completely by surprise.
Right.
We've been doing|really great together,
and a baby|would change everything.
I suppose it could.
Our apartment's|not ready for a baby.
No.
We'd have to|redecorate.
Yep.
I'd have to|quit my job.
Nobody wants|a pregnant dance teacher.
We're not ready|for a child.
There's not one good reason|to keep this baby.
But I still want to.
Right.
Maybe it's crazy,
but I feel it|living inside me.
Oh...
and I really|want this baby.
O.K.
What about you?
What do...
Oh, you mean|what...what...
what do I think?
I'm just saying|how I feel.
So, um,|what do you feel?
Right. How do I|feel on that one?
Well, um...
I feel, um...
I, uh...
I feel exactly|the same as you.
Really?
Yeah.
We won't let it|change us.
No.
Oh, my gosh.|Oh, my gosh.
I have to go|to the bathroom again.
It's one of the joys|of pregnancy.
O.K. Oh, gosh.
We're going to|have a baby.
Aw, I'm such a...|I'm such a coward!
Sorry. Forget it.|Nothing to do with you.
Oh, baby,|you were incredible.
Not bad, eh?
That was the single|most satisfying
sexual experience|of my life.
Well, I, uh...|aim to please.
[Giggling]
I know.
Now it's time|for dinner.
Dinner?
Aah!
No!
[Incoherent Ranting]
Time to get up.
Today's our first|doctor's appointment.
Today?
I told you about it|two weeks ago...
and then last week,|three days ago,
and twice, I think,|yesterday.
Sorry, honey.|I completely forgot.
Yeah.
Figures.
I swear I won't|forget next time.
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Rebecca Taylor|to see Dr. Green.
Oh, Dr. Green's|been out with pneumonia.
You can see Dr. Kosevich|or reschedule.
Yes. I think we'll|just reschedule.
We can see|Dr. Kosevich.
Are you sure?
Why?|Is there a problem?
Oh, no. No.
It's just Dr. Kosevich|is new...from Russia.
He's a little nervous,|oh, but very sweet.
Well,|we're already here.
We may as well|see Dr. Kosevich.
O.K.
O.K.
[Speaking Russian]
[Arguing In Russian]
Please, sit down.|One moment.
A little family business.
[Speaking Russian]
If it's not|one thing,
it's your mother.
Please, please,|sit down.
I'm very sorry.
Oh, hello.
So we hear|you're from Russia.
You have a problem|with it?
I am not a Communist.
I was only briefly|member of party.
It was only for medical reasons.|I was a scientist.
In Russia, I was chief|of obstruction.
Obstruction?
Abstraction?
Abstraction?
Obstetrics,|I think you mean.
That's it.|Obstetrics.
One moment.
Not obstruction,|is obstetrics.
Yes, I was the head|of obstetrics research
at Pasklovansky Hospital|in St. Petersburg.
What brings you|here, then?
I didn't work with people|in Russia.
More the technical side.
No. Animals.
Animals?
Only rats and monkeys.
Rats?
Change of scenery.
You've seen one rat ass,|you've seen them all.
I also want a patient|who won't bite me.
Last month,|I received my new license,
and now|I deliver human babies.
O.K., now,|I have a computer program here
that I have written myself
that will calculate|your due date very accurately.
O.K.?
Fine. When was the first day|of your last menopause?
- Menopause?|- Menstruation.
Menstruation.
Period.
End of sentence.
March 1 1 th.
March 1 1 th.
March 1 1 th.
O.K.
Here it comes.
The baby will be due|December 8th.
O.K.
Congratulations. The baby|was conceived March 1 7 th.
Oh, that's clever.
Most people know that,
but some people|are too drunk to remember.
Oh, my God.
What is wrong?
I'm not the father.
What?
Oh, my God.
On March 1 7 th,|I was away
at a child psychiatry conference|in Boston, remember?
What are you|saying?
I'll leave you two alone.
That's fine.|I'm going.
No! Wait!|Come back! Sit down!
Samuel, sit down!
Check your computer|again!
It is--the computer|is very accurate.
Check the goddamn|computer.
Check it!
Don't yell at me!|Please don't do this.
I spent a year|in Afghanistan.
I have sometimes|very low tolerance for pressure.
Come on!
O.K. What is wrong|with the thing?
Oh, fuck me!|It's not working.
[Cursing In Russian]
Hold on. O.K.|What is wrong?
Oh, O.K. O.K.|Excuse me.
This is the problem.
It is feces|flying into the fan.
There are function keys|for humans and simians,
and you're not a simian.
No, I'm not.
I had you as a baboon.
Sorry. I didn't...
There you go.|Were you here March 23rd?
Yeah.
With her?
- Yes.|- Yes.
O.K., um,|everything is fine now.
We're all back on-line,|and your baby...
your baby will be born|on December 1 5th.
O.K. Now it is time|for the physical examination.
Let's take a look|at your Volvo, O.K.?
Come with me into here.|I'll warm my hands for you.
Please come in.
All right, madam.
If you would get undressed,|we'll begin, O.K.?
And you may stay,|sir, if you like.
That's fine.|I'll wait--
Don't you dare.
I'd like to|stay.
Very good.|Let me get ready for you.
O.K.
We've worked out|all the insects.
Giddyup.
[Whispers]|Run.
That lunatic|is not delivering me.
That's fine.|He's just a replacement.
Dr. Green will be there.
Let me help you, honey.|Just be gentle!
Honey, listen,|I was thinking,
about the baby--
Let's just keep it|to ourselves, huh?
Um, um,|yeah, all right.
Talking about it
before the third month|is bad luck.
Marty, look who's here!
[Marty]|Hey, look who's here!
Hey, guys,|what the hell?
Good to see you!|How you doing?
Hi.
When|are you due?
Oh, I'm not|pregnant.
You're not pregnant?|Yeah, right.
Huh?
What are you|doing
on the maternity|floor?
Are we on|the maternity floor?
Good grief.|We're completely lost.
Poor old Beck.
She had|some bad Chinese.
We're here to see|the gastrointestinal specialist.
What's his name?
His name?
Yeah.
I can probably|tell you
what floor he's on.
She volunteers here. I've sold|cars to almost every doctor.
Beck, what's his name?
It's Dr. something,|isn't it?
It's Doctor...
Ridiculous.
Excuse me.
Oh, gosh.|Thanks.
I didn't realize|I'd left it.
Thank you|very much.
You have|a small pussy.
What?
I found the little hairs|on the bag.
What?
You know, the...meow...
Oh, cat!
Yes, we have a cat.
Well, you must|get rid of it.
What?
Cats spread the disease.
Oh, yeah. Where|the small worms...
Yes.|Small worms.
In the poop.
Toxoplasmosis.
Toxoplasmosis.|Thank you.
Thank you both|very much,
but Skippy|is old and clean
and won't cause|any problem.
O.K. Well,|it is your choice--
the cat or the baby.
Sorry to bring you|that news.
Baby.
Oh, congratulations,|guys.
I'm so excited!
Congratulations,|you guys.
Congratulations.
Wow. That's great.|Oh, your first.
Thanks.
Sorry about--
That's all right.
I've been|lied to before.
You're good at it.
We could use you|at the car lot.
[Gail]|It's so exciting!
[Marty]|We're happy for you.
How are you feeling?
I'm O.K.|A little tired.
Everybody|gets tired,
but the whole|thing is just
a life-changing|event.
I'll give|you my number.
We can go|baby shopping.
You've got to|get that book,
What To Expect|When You're Expecting.
And we've got videos of|all her births.
You've got to|film your first.
That's the best.|It's the bloodiest--
blood everywhere,|things shooting out,
people screaming, stuff getting|torn and sewed together.
It's like a good|World War II movie.
Will you keep|the car?
Yeah. It's fine now.
Cost a bit of money.
But it only seats|two people.
It always did.
But you're going to|have a baby.
You could never fit|a car seat in there.
Listen, stop down|by the lot.
I'll make you|a good deal.
All right?
Great.
Honey, we got to go.|Bad Chinese...
Buddy!
Come on, baby.|Let's roll.
See you guys.
O.K.
I hate him.|I loathe him.
He tried to|sell me a new car.
Can you believe that?|Tacky or what?
Yeah,|but he's right.
We're going to need|something bigger.
But you know how much|I love my car.
I've worked|hard for it.
What do you|suggest?
Tie the baby|to the hood like a deer?
Well, no, but maybe|you could get a car.
On my salary?|Come on.
Well, put it this way.
I'm not getting rid|of the car.
What about the cat?
Huh?
What, you believe|Dr. Zhivago in there?
The monkey doctor?
He's right.|I've read about it.
Cats can be dangerous|for a baby.
They can suffocate|the baby, claw the baby.
Skippy is 1 6.|He can barely move.
He's half-blind.
He's too weak|to suffocate anyone.
What about hygiene|in the kitchen?
You get cat hair|and cat saliva.
You said that this baby|wouldn't change our lives.
Now I have to sell my car|and get rid of my cat.
This is the second month,
and our lives|are practically unrecognizable!
I really appreciate|your asking us along.
I'm hoping this|will get Samuel excited
about having a baby.
Oh, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, 'cause, um,
if things|don't change,
I'm thinking|about leaving him.
Oh, yeah.|Yeah. Sure you are.
I thought about leaving|Marty all the time,
but this|is his first time.
You've got to|give him a chance.
He's completely|uninvolved.
This whole baby thing|really scares him.
He's probably having|trouble facing it.
If you have a baby,
that means|he's got to grow up.
The baby's the fun part.|That's fun.
You know.|Look at all this stuff.
Ah, yeah! Whoo!
He's going to|love this.
You know you're|having a boy, right?
Yeah.
Gail took one of those|amnio tests, I suppose.
No.
How do you know?
I can tell|it's a boy
by the way she's|carrying it all in front.
They don't often|carry them at the back.
If it's a boy,
they carry them low|like this.
If it's a girl,|it's up like this.
Plus, there are|special ways
to ensure that it|will be a boy.
What do you mean,|special ways?
Well,|when we made love...
Yeah?
we used|special positions.
Oh, please.
That's an old wives' tale,|that stuff.
You'll see.
Sometimes I'm not sure|I want this baby.
Oh, Missy,|of course you do.
It's just|such a privilege.
There's hundreds|of women
who spend thousands|of dollars every day
trying to|get pregnant.
It's like our profound|biological right.
It's something men|can never experience.
It has to be|at the right time for you,
but really,|it's a miracle.
And then|when the baby comes,
there's moments|of sheer happiness.
Even if you're alone?
I know it's fashionable,|PC, all that,
to be a strong,|independent single mother,
and, uh,|I'm prepared for that.
I can do that,
but, um, I would|love this baby
to have a mother|and a father.
I would love to|have a family,
and I would love to|marry Samuel.
Um...
all he has to do is ask.
Oh, Missy.
Okey-dokey.|Huh huh huh.
O.K. Tell your mommy|if she loves you,
she'll buy you|the whole Arnie collection!
Thank you,|Arnie.
Who loves you,|girls?
- Arnie.|- Arnie.
Hey, fellas.
How about taking home
a new Arnie doll|for the kiddies?
No, thank you,|buddy.
Mister,|you'd look great
in my ''Arnie Loves You''|t-shirt.
They come in|extra-extra-extra large.
No, thank you.
How about a new|''Arnie Loves You'' video?
Love is for|you and me
No, thanks. O.K.?
We are one|big family
I'm not going to|buy your damn video!
But the kids|will love it.
My kids think|your show sucks.
Oh.
But thanks,|anyway.
Hey, no hard feelings,|O.K.?
All right. Sorry.
That's O.K.|Huh huh huh.
So long.
[Man's Voice]|Eh, you cheap shit.
What did you say?
[Arnie Voice]|Huh?
Oh, gee. I didn't say|nothing, mister.
He didn't say|anything, Marty.
Bye-bye.|Arnie loves you.
[Man's Voice]|You penis-head.
I heard that!
[Arnie Voice]|Heard what?
I heard what you said!
He's pathetic.|Come on.
There's children around here,|for God's sake!
So long...
[Man's Voice]|you fat-ass pussy!
That's it!
No.
Yes!
[Arnie Voice]|Uh-oh.
[Samuel]|No. No. Arnie.
Come on,|you wiener.
Come on,|you bitch.
Here's one|for the queen.
Oh!
I'll get him, Sammy.
Hey, cut it out.
Oh, you hit|like a girl,
you flatulent|butt-head.
I'll take both|you wieners on.
You and that|pussy boyfriend!
Right, you bastard!
Who's the fat pussy|now, buddy?
Tell your sister|to let go of my tail,
you weak-wristed|Nancy boy!
Get off me,|you fat bastard!
I'll shove an ''Arnie Loves You''|lunch box up your ass!
Marty!
Samuel!
Oh, you--|Hi, honey.
He is|such a jerk!
[Marty]|We're in trouble.
[Arnie Voice]|Run to Mommy.
I'll wipe the floor|with you.
Oh...
Wow! That's, uh...
that's quite a breakfast|you've got there.
Mm-hmm!
Wow, you, uh...
certainly got|your appetite back.
Mmm! Boy...
I don't know|if you noticed--
The first three months|were tough on me.
But now, you know,
my breasts|don't hurt,
no more nausea|or insomnia,
and I feel great!
Oh! Good news.
So, I was thinking,|you know,
I know it's been|two months
since we made love,
but maybe we could|fool around tonight.
Check!
Leave the breakfast.
But I haven't|finished the food!
[Wheels Squealing]
O.K.|I'll be right back.
Huh? What?
I'll be right back.
Wait here for me.
Right. Right.
Ready when|you are.
Ow!
[Shirt Rips]
Ready.
[Marvin Gaye Song|Let's Get It On Playing]
I been really tryin' baby
Tryin' to hold back
This feeling for so long
Oh, my God.
And if you feel
Like I feel, baby
Then come on
Oh, wow.
Oh, come on
Whoo!
Let's get it on
Ah, babe
Let's get it on
Let's love, baby
Let's get it on
Sugar
Let's get it on
Ooh hoo hoo
[Record Scratches]
Ha ha ha!
What is it?
It moved.
Huh? What moved?
The baby. It moved!
Oh.
Oh, right.
Here.|Put your hand here.
It's like bubbles.
I-I-I don't|feel anything.
No,just wait.
Oh. It stopped.
What a shame.
Yeah.
It's an incredible|feeling.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I guess I got plenty|more time to feel it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Ohh...
Honey, do you think|we're hurting the baby?
No. No.
Because|if I can feel it,
then it can feel me.
No, I don't--|I don't think so.
Yeah.
Yes, yes, yes,|it can.
What if the baby|can see?
Um...see what,|my love?
Your penis|coming toward it.
That could scare|the hell out of a baby.
Rebecca, I-I--
What if your penis|caused brain damage?
Are you serious?
I don't know, I just...
don't think|we should make love
until we talk|to the doctor.
Please?
We don't know what|could happen, hon.
O.K.
Fine.
Fine, fine, fine.
But you know what?
I bet|if we wait awhile,
we can feel|the baby move again.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
That will be|just as much fun.
[Kiss]
[Kiss Kiss]
Uh!
That's my game.
Fuck! Shit! Shit!
Aah!
Hey, hey, Sam.
Fuck!
Ho!
O.K., that's it.
No more tennis|for today.
That's it.
What happened to your|British etiquette?
This John McEnroe thing|is scaring me.
Um, Sam,|what's the matter?
What's the matter?
I'm in the middle|of a nervous breakdown.
You're going|to have a thrombo.
What's the matter?|Why?
O.K.
Rebecca is|pregnant. There.
What?
I am completely|sexually frustrated.
I do not|sleep at night.
I have these|appalling nightmares.
About what?
The latest nightmare|is that the baby is deformed--
It's missing an arm,
or it's got|cauliflower ears
with an eye|on its forehead.
I can't stand it!|I don't know why...
Do you want|the baby?
I don't know|what I want anymore.
Well, what about|an abortion?
We're in the fifth month.|It's too late.
Absolutely.|Sit, sit, sit.
Relax. Let's talk|about this for real.
My God.Jesus.
I mean, you love|Rebecca, right?
Yeah, I adore her.
O.K., O.K.
You got to be|honest with her.
Always let her know|how you're feeling.
You got to|talk to her.
Christine and I|never talked.
We were idiots.|We threw it away.
Look at me. Look|what I've become.
You have a wonderful time
dating young girls.
Sam, my life's|a pile of shit.
It's a pile of shit.
It's empty|and pointless.
My sister Gail|is right.
If I continue|this way,
I'm facing|a lifetime alone
without a family.
I don't want to die|like Van Gogh.
It's terrifying.
If you want|to know the truth,
man,|I'd give anything
to have|Christine back.
That's the truth.
And sometimes--
God strike me dead|for admitting this--
sometimes I think|I'd like to be a father.
Ha ha ha!
Sorry. Right.|No, you're serious.
You'd make a good dad.
Well, you know,|whatever,
but we're|getting older.
I think it's time|for us to...
to face our|responsibilities.
But--But|don't lose Rebecca.
She's the best thing
that ever|happened to you.
Hey, you guys,|it's the 30th.
Hey, you guys,|it's the 30th.
Your membership fees|are due.
My sister|takes care of that.
Oh, really?
Wait, wait,|did she...
did she say|it was the 30th?
Yeah, why?
Shit!
Shit!
Oh, this isn't|happening. No!
Oh!
Today's our|second ultrasound.
I've missed it.
I swore|I wouldn't miss it!
Uh-oh.
Appointment|was at 1 1 :00.
I can make it.
Go!
Y-Yeah.
Shit.
Oh, shit.
Shit.
Shit, shit,|shit, shit, shit.
Oh, sorry.
Dr. Thatcher,|please.
She's in there.
Sir, do I have you down|for an appointment?
[Knocks On Door]
Mr. Faulkner?
She left about|1 5 minutes ago.
Thanks. Thank you.
Would you like|to know the sex?
The sex of the baby?
Mm-hmm.
Wow.
Well.
Does Rebecca know?
Yes.
O.K., then.
It's a boy.
A boy.
Thanks.
Thanks very much.
Mm-hmm.
Great.
So...
that means,|presumably,
you can actually|see his...
whatnot.
Penis.
Penis, yeah,|and it's fine--
I mean, size-wise|and that kind of stuff?
Perfect.
Good.
Lovely.
And I'm assuming|everything else
is as it should be.
You know, lip and eyes|in the right spot, and...
nothing whatsoever here?
Everything|looks fine.
Here. Watch this|with Rebecca.
She forgot|to take it.
Yeah. O.K., good.
This is...
That's actually him?|That's my son?
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Mr. Faulkner.
Yeah.
Pregnant women need|a lot of support.
Be affectionate|with her.
Kiss her a lot.
She was pretty|emotional earlier.
Right.
Thanks.
[Door Unlatches]
Beck?
Hi.
What are you doing?
I'm leaving.
Beck, wait.|I mean, I...
I know I've missed|a few appointments.
Look, you don't|care about me.
You don't care|about this baby.
You're too wrapped up|in your own feelings
to deal|with this pregnancy.
You're not ready|to be a father.
Where will you go?
Marty and Gail's.
Marty and Gail?
I don't want to move in|with my parents,
and all my girlfriends|are single,
and they don't need
some pregnant person|living with them.
Gail and I have gotten|to be close.
She knows what it's like|to be pregnant.
She'll get me|through this.
And the baby?
I'll raise the baby.
Alone?
Yeah.
I'll get|an apartment.
I can do it|by myself.
B-Beck...
Beck.
[Door Closes]
The little heart's beating.
[Rings Doorbell]
Marty, hi.
Is she here?
She never wants|to see you again.
Let me talk to her|for two seconds.
If I let you,|I'll be in the doghouse.
I'll have to|live with you.
You're a great|kisser, but--
[Gail]|Who is it?
It's my mom, honey.
But your mother's dead!
Yeah,|it's really weird!
Marty, please!|Just tell her one--
Just--
What do you|think of this?
Take a look at this.
You're aiming|specifically
at the hotel-room|market now, huh?
You're right.|It's a hotel-room painting.
That's what it is.|It's terrible.
Look at that.
What happened|to the nudes?
Oh, they|weren't selling.
It's cheaper for guys|to buy Playboy.
This is terrible.|Bon voyage.
I deep-six it.
Sleep|with the fishes.
You're|absolutely right.
I can smell the room service|on that painting.
But, you know,|it's you.
You're around.|That's why I'm painting this way.
You're very unhappy.
You're like the antidote|to exhilaration.
If I take|any more of this in,
I'll be painting|cats and clowns.
Is it Rebecca?
You haven't|heard from her?
No, I haven't|heard from her.
I have told you
so many times,
she refuses to see me.
No. She won't
answer my calls,
reply to my letters.
It's a total...
shutoff.
I've thrown away...|thrown away
the most important|thing in my life
just like that.
You need|a new outlook.
No, no, no.|Don't scoff.
Listen--|Forget about Rebecca.
How could you
say that to me?
You reminded me
she's the most important
thing in my life
just weeks ago.
I never said that.
I never--|I never said that.
You said it
at the tennis court.
Oh, yeah.
So what if I did?
That was then,|but it's over,
and you've got to get|on with your life.
Listen to this--
Buy some|new clothes.
I'm telling you,
we'll learn|a new sport,
I'll throw a party,
and you'll meet|some new people.
Come on.|We'll have some fun!
I don't think so,|Sean.
Start with a smile.
Smile,|for heaven sakes.
Well,|that's hideous,
but...but...
but, you know,
that's--that's--|that's the idea.
Oh, darling
I'm so lonely without you
Can't sleep at night
Always thinkin' about you
That's O.K.|There you go.
But if I had the chance
To start all over
I wouldn't be wishin' today
On a four-leaf clover
And leavin' would be|the last thing on my mind
If I could turn back|the hands of time
Ohhhh!
Oh, baby
If I could turn back|the hands of time
Oh, darling
Aren't you a little|old for this?
I can't hold out much longer
You want an ambulance?|Watch your step.
But the pain|is getting deep
Oh, the hurt|keeps getting stronger
But if I had|just one more try
I would be yours alone
Until the day I die
And we would have|a love so divine
If I could turn back|the hands of time
If I could turn back|the hands of time
Oh, baby
If I could turn|back the hands of time
Mm-mmm
Remember, girl
That I love you
Oh, darling
I'm so lonely without you
Can't sleep at night
Always thinking about you...
Do you want to dance?
No, I--
Come on.|Don't be a stiff!.
[Cat Yowls]
Start all over
I wouldn't be wishin' today
On a four-leaf clover
And leavin' would be|the last thing on my mind
If I could turn back|the hands of time
If I could turn back|the hands of time
Oh, baby
If I could turn back|the hands of time
I love you
If I could turn back|the hands of time
Girl, I need you
Thanks|for the ride home.
Pleasure. Pleasure.
Want to come up|for coffee?
No. Thanks, no.|I'm just going to...
shoot off.
Oh.
Do you want|to come up for sex?
Wow. Ha ha ha!
That's--|That's pretty...
direct.
Um...
no. The thing is,|Lili, I think...
you're incredibly|attractive,
but I think it's|just a bit early
for me|to get involved,
so I'll take|a rain check.
Another day.
Arr, matey.
Will ye be taking it|out to drive?
[Marty]|If you travel,
this holds a lot.
You can put|a queen-size waterbed in back.
Ever been|on a waterbed?
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm looking|for Mr. Dwyer.
He's right|over there.
You never have|to worry about hemorrhoids.
I'll be right back|with you.
Just enjoy the car.
Thanks for|coming down, man.
I missed you.
Thanks.
Well, um...this is|very painful for me,
but I want to buy|a new car.
Buddy! Buddy,|it's about time.
We happen|to have a few.
How's Rebecca?
She's great.
You're taking|care of her?
Gail's taking|her shopping,
and they're|exercising.
Then I make them|dinner every night.
Right.|And she's O.K.?
Yeah. The first month,|she cried a lot,
but she hasn't|mentioned you in two weeks.
I think she's|getting over you.
This is|the car for you.
Listen, Marty,|I need to see her.
She doesn't|want to see you.
I really have to|speak to her, O.K.?
I want her back.
That's going to take|a lot of convincing.
Do something for me.
Just, um...organize|a chance meeting.
Bring her|to a grocery store
or a restaurant,|and I'm there.
I don't know.
Ask Gail if I could|baby-sit your kids Saturday.
You want to baby-sit|my kids?
Yes! It's brilliant.
It will convince Rebecca|that I like children.
That will get me|in trouble with Gail,
and you know|how mad she gets.
Marty, please|do this for me!
O.K., O.K.,|I will.
Thanks! Excellent!
Excellent!
Excellent.
Oh! There we go.
This is fun,|isn't it?
Yeah!
Isn't this jolly,|Molly? Ha ha!
Listen to this.
''I removed|the victims' brains
with an ice-cream|scooper.''
Awesome, huh?
Shannon, the other|children here
don't want to hear|that beastly stuff,
so just|read quietly.
Higher!
Yes. Higher.
Now, Patsy, no.|That's not funny, my love.
Don't strangle|the little boy.
But he likes it!
Say uncle!
Just...|Yes, that's it.
Hey, Sam! Sam!
Oof!.
Shit.|Sam, are you O.K.?
Great. Fine.
Are you all right?
Yeah, yeah. Good.
We're getting on|well here.
Is Rebecca coming?
No.
No? Marty,|we had an agreement.
She's|in the hospital, Sam.
The hospital?
Why? What's wrong?
There might be a problem|with the pregnancy.
What are you|talking about?
The doctors don't know,|but she's with them.
Jesus Christ.
Be careful, Sam!
Hi. Which room is|Rebecca Taylor in, please?
61 5.
Where's that?
Just around|the corner.
Gail!
So?
Will she be|all right?
Yeah, she's|going to be fine.
Oh!
She just started|having some contractions,
and she started dilating.
They'll keep her overnight,|restrict her movement.
It just sometimes happens|in the seventh month.
And the baby's O.K.?
Yeah. Baby's great.
So...can I see her?
Don't upset her.
I won't.
Promise?
Yep. Promise.
O.K.
Thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
What are you|doing here?
Well, you know I was|worried about...
about you|and the baby.
We're going to be fine.
Yeah. That's|what Gail said.
[Beeping]
Is this...|is this noise--
Is that the baby's|heartbeat?
Yeah.
Strong.
Yeah.
Beck, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I was, um...|a disgrace.
I mean,|I know now exactly
what a bastard|I was.
I was...I was...|completely selfish,
and you had|absolutely
every right
to walk out on me.
But I just want|you to reconsider.
Sam, please, no--
Let me just explain.
I think--
I know|that I've changed.
You don't believe|in change.
I do now.|Change is great.
Change is what|it's all about.
Anyone who doesn't believe|in change is a coward,
which is what I was.
I was scared.|I was scared of...
of losing control
and of losing,|you know,
you or what|we had together
and losing my youth.
Aren't you now?
No. No, especially|not my youth.
My youth is here,
doing well.
I'd really love|to believe this.
Listen, I've seen
the second|ultrasound--
The one you left|at Dr. Thatcher's
the day I was late.
The point is,|I don't care
what I think or|don't think anymore.
I don't give|a damn about me.
I'm in love|with my child.
You are?
And I'm completely in love|with you for having it.
Samuel, you almost|ruined everything, and--
Shh. Please.
It's|the seventh month.
The baby|can hear you.
How do you know that?
I've been|reading up--
Dr. Brazelton,
What To Expect When|You're Expecting.
I've been|to a Lamaze class.
I was the only|single father there.
Really?
And I sold|the Porsche.
Oh, I don't believe that.
Yep. Marty gave me|a terrible deal
on a big family car.
He did?
Yes.|It's parked outside.
Car seat,|family extras.
It just needs|a family.
And, um...
there's this.
Open it.
Would you be my wife?
Yes.
Yes!
On one condition.
O.K.
Lose the earring.
Wah-oh
It's gone.
Wah-oh-oh-oh
Have I ever told you
How good it feels|to hold you?
It isn't easy|to explain
And though I really|keep trying
I think I may start crying
My heart can't wait|another day
When you kiss me,|I've just got to say
Baby, I love you
Come on, baby
Baby, I love you
Sweet baby
Ah!
Baby, I love you
Come on, baby
Baby, I love you
Oo-wee, baby
Thank you.
I've always wanted
to be carried|over a threshold.
Unh.
Are you all right?
Yeah. I've got|something to show you.
Yeah?
Oh, Samuel.
It's...
It's beautiful.
You did this|all by yourself?
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
It's perfect.
How are you feeling,|love?
Oh, O.K.
My feet are|really swollen.
My back's killing me.
Well, look.
Leave this to me.
I'm going to pull|a few strings.
All right.
Hi. Look, I'm sorry|to bother you.
My wife's pregnant,|she's due in two weeks,
and I was wondering...
Lili.
Samuel. Oh.
Hi. What a coincidence.
How-- How long-- How long--
How long have you|been working here?
Three weeks.
Three weeks.
How are things?
Busy.
Obviously.
So listen, Lili,
how long is the wait|for a table going to be?
Give me|a few minutes.
I'll seat you|right away.
O.K. Great.
Great.
Well, succes.
She's just setting|the table now.
You know her?
Who?
The hostess.
The hostess?
I've never seen her|before in my life.
Samuel!
She called you Samuel.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
That's my name.
Yeah, but you're|on a first-name basis
with a woman you've|never seen before?
Well, she took|my first name. See?
Some places take|the first name.
Some places,|they use last names.
Here, they use|first names.
Oh.
You're silly.
You're paranoid.
Oh.
Go on.
Aah!
What is it?
Aah...shit!
What? What?
I cut my hand.
Wow, that's bad.
Samuel--
Hang on.|This is quite serious.
That needs stitches.
Samuel,|my water broke.
We'll get you another.
No. My water broke.
This water broke?
Yeah.
That means it's time.
That's right.
We got to go|to the hospital.
Well, go! Go!
Wait! Wait for me!
[Screaming]
[Honking]
I got the doctor's|machine again.
Where could he be,
at some bloody|doctor's party?
Come on.|Please go faster.
When did you sell|the Porsche?
I knew it.
What, hon?
You slept with her,|didn't you,
while we were apart?
It was completely|innocent.
Nothing happened.
I was completely|faithful to you.
Lili, wasn't I|completely faithful?
Completely faithful.
I don't believe you.
If it was innocent,
why did you lie|about knowing her?
Because you were|in a fragile state.
I'm in a more|fragile state now.
I swear on the life|of my child
I did not sleep|with her.
Samuel, stop!
Jeez!
[Brakes Squealing]
- Aah!|- Aah!
- Aah!|- Aah!
Oh.
Jesus.
You stupid|son of a bitch!
He has|a heart condition!
Learn to drive!
What?
George,|are you all right?
I'm having|chest pains.
I'll call an ambulance.
Look, I'm on the way|to the hospital,
if you'd like a ride.
[Screaming]
[Samuel]|Where is Dr. Green?
Get off the phone|and drive,
Limey scumbag!
Leave me alone,|you mad witch!
Aah!
Sorry. Where is|Dr. Green?
You tried|his home number?
Yes.
His beeper?
Yes. No!
You have that number?
Yeah. It's around|here somewhere.
Oh, where is that|bloody number?
Uh...
Samuel?
It's a bicycle!
Aah!
Jesus.
I'm sorry.|Are you all right?
My leg is broken.
Help me!
Help me!
Yes. Help!
Just stay there.|Just stay there.
Are you trying to kill|everyone in San Francisco,
you asshole?
We don't have time|for this!
My husband is having|a heart attack!
Oh! Ow!
[Crash]
Ohh!
Ow! Where are|you taking me?
Shut up or I'll break|the other leg!
Ah! You! Over here!
I've got stitches,|heart attack, woman in labor,
oh, and broken leg.
Aah!
Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, my God.
[Samuel]|Come quick!
Aah! Aah!
O.K.
Yeah, I got it.|I got it.
Unh! Unh!
Aah!
[Samuel]|Please. Please.
Please. Please.
She's...Please.
Oh!
Lady, I'm sorry.|I'm so sorry.
It's all right,|honey.
I beg your pardon.
[Samuel]|It's all right.
[Rebecca]|Aah!
Aah!
[Crash]
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.|Are you all right?
Get me out of here.
May I help you?
Rebecca Faulkner|for Dr. Green.
Her water's broken.
I'll get the doctor.
Come on. Move!
Hey! Don't push me.
I'll get the doctor.
How are you?
The baby's ready.
What do you mean,|ready?
To come out!
Jesus Christ almighty,
where is|the bloody doctor?
Here I am.
- Aah!|- Aah!
Please don't do that.
No. No.
Hi. Where's Dr. Green?
Where's our doctor?
Miami.
He's on vacation.|You are two weeks early.
You're not the replacement|doctor, are you?
Yes, I am.
No. No.
I want|someone else.
There is nobody else.
There must be!|Find me another doctor!
There's no one else!|All right?
It is a full moon.
Everybody has gone into labor.|Look around!
There are not enough|doctors and nurses.
There are not|enough delivery rooms.
Unless you want to deliver|this baby yourself,
follow me!
Ow!
Oh, God! I'm O.K.
I'm a little nervous,|O.K.?
It's my first delivery.
If there aren't|any rooms,
where is she|having the baby?
I'll put her|with another patient.
We're sharing a room?
I'm sorry. We're a little|overbooked, O.K.?
Let's go. Let's go.
Get this woman
on the delivery table|immediately,
if not later.
Come on. Let's go.
Where are you taking me?
You're looking good.
You're dilated|to 7 centimeters.
How much is that?
O.K.? Got it?
She's very good, O.K.?
You look uncomfortable.
I'm going|to raise you down.
No! Don't touch|anything!
All right.|Get somebody over here!
Hey, buddy.
No!
What are you doing here?
I'm cruising|for chicks.
I'm having a baby!
Hi. Hi!
How you feeling?
Isn't this terrible,|just terrible?
Sounds very good.
Where's my husband?
It's a full moon!
Women are|spouting them out!
Good.|Everybody's old friends.
Back to work!
Smile, Doc.
How's she doing?
Great.|God bless America, O.K.?
Ooh...
Honey, smile for me.
I love you. Smile.|You're so beautiful.
It's not bad, is it?|It doesn't hurt.
I want something|for the pain.
O.K. I'll get you|something.
Knock me out!
Knock me ow-ow-ow...
Give her something|for the pain!
You don't want|natural childbirth?
No!
O.K.|You want Anastasia?
What?
Drugs, yes?
Yes!
Give me a moment.|I'm thinking.
You mean|you don't know?
Kind of.
Think,|you Commie bastard!
Shut up,|you Limey prick!
Sorry.
I can't take|the pressure.
Don't yell at me.
Yes. Yes. It's fine.
Oh...
Valium.
Valium's|no good for her!
No, for me!
No!
I've got it!
Oh, thank God!
Nurse,|call the anesthesiologist.
This woman needs an enema.
An enema?
- Enema?|- Enema?
No. Uh...|she needs a pedicure!
This ain't|no beauty parlor.
Epitaph.
She's not dead,|you moron!
Epidermis?|What is it, Epilady?
Epidural, asshole!
That's right! Yes!|That's what I mean.
Epidural.|Epidural.
I always|get those confused--
enema, pedicure, epidermal.
I should buy myself|a clitoris.
A thesaurus.
You don't know|what a clitoris is.
What are you doing?|Go away from here.
I'm proud of you.|I love you.
I hate you!
You did this to me,
you miserable piece of|dick-brained horseshit
slime-sucking|son of a whore bitch!
That's perfect,|sweetheart.
The kids will love it.|I'll put it--
Ooh!
Get out! Get out!|You're the one!
You are the one!
Hi, everyone.|I'm Dr. Newsoe.
I'm here to administer|the epidural.
[Rebecca]|Oh, yes! Thank God!
You inject that thing|into my wife?
Mm-hmm.|Right into her spine.
Mm-hmm. Good. Excellent.
[Rebecca]|Whoa...hey!
[Dr. Kosevich]|Look, you see?
That is why women|have the babies--
because men|can't handle the pa-aa--
Hey, you guys!
Get some smelling salts
and get these men up|off the floor!
[Rebecca]|Help me! Help me!
I need some help.|I need some help.
Oh!
- Aah!|- Aah!
No time|for an epidural.
Why?
No time, Doctor.
I checked her cervix.|She's dilated to 1 0.
Doctor, this woman|is also dilated to 1 0.
Hi, everybody.|Smile big!
Give me a smile.
What are you doing?
I'm making you a souvenir.|Isn't it great?
Get that thing|off her face!
Give it to me!
No! I got a great shot|of the head!
Asshole.
You broke my camera.
Ooh!
Oh, Sam, I'm sorry.
I got carried away.
Bastard!
Be right back.
It's too late|for the medication!
Hold on! I'm coming!
Whoa! Oh!
Keep breathing.
Breathe. Breathe.
[Bonk]
Oh!
I cannot believe|you're fighting now!
This is my moment.
Your moment.
This is my miracle.
Samuel!
Aah! Oh!
5, 6, 7...
[Dr. Kosevich]|Now we're ready
for the final push,|all right?
And you push!
There you go!
And...she's out!
[Baby Crying]
Nurse.
The clamp.
There we go.|And the scissors.
And she's free from you.
You have a girl,|unless I cut the wrong cord.
Bad joke.
[Baby Crying]
Go see Papa.
[Baby Crying]
O.K.
Congratulations, Papa.
You have a big,|beautiful girl.
Can we still|call her Samuel?
She's not yours.|She's yours.
No, she's not.
I've already got|three girls!
Four, actually,|counting this one.
Holy shit!
[Speaking Russian]
Oh...
Aah! Aah!
What's going on here,|honey?
I bought|all that cowboy stuff
and the sports stuff|and all the other stuff.
Is there another one|in there, honey?
Isn't she beautiful?
Yes, but how's she going|to play for the 49ers?
She could play.
No. You think so?
Yeah. She could do anything.
Yeah.
A pretty good arm.
Push!
1 , 2, 3, 4...
5, 6, 7, 8...
9, 1 0.
Come on.|Work for your baby.
Aah!
All right!
I know it hurts,|but you have to come back now.
Listen to me, O.K.?
I don't want you|to tear.
You have to control|your push.
It's burning.|It's burning.
Pant.
There you go.|The baby's head is out.
Bulb syringe.
One more push,|and you will see your baby.
Aah! Aah! Aah!
That's it--|the final push!
There we go. Ready?
[Nurse]|Easy. Easy.
Go, baby!
And...he's out!
[Baby Cries]
You had it!
Another clamp, please.
Another clamp.
Open your eyes.
Take a look|at your son.
[Baby Crying]
You have a boy.
A beautiful boy.
[Crying]
Say hello to Papa.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Thank you|for choosing me.
He's very handsome.
He's got very big|testicles, too.
Well, yes.|He would have.
Hey.
Thanks.
See this?
I know. It's great,|isn't it?
We--
We're a family.
Thanks.
[Crying]
Hey.
I think she's|looking at me.
She's got your eyes.
Think so?
Yeah, and your hair,
and your figure,|in fact.
Shut up.
I guess having another|girl's not so bad.
You just have to keep|trying for a boy.
Think of all|the new positions.
Yeah.
Jesus, poor Gail.
Listen, I'm sorry|about your camera.
No. I was|out of line.
It's my fault.
Mart, um...
I, uh...
I just want|to say thanks.
For what?
Well, for today,
for, um--
Without you and Gail,
I just probably|wouldn't be here,
probably wouldn't|be a dad, so...
You're welcome, buddy.
I love you, man.
And I love you,|big guy!
Hey,|we did it, huh?
I'm sorry about|what happened.
Oh, no, no.
No, really. We|underestimated you.
Without you?
Come on.|We make a great team!
Hey, Doc, have you been|celebrating a little bit?
Just a little.
Come on. We'll crack|another bottle, O.K.?
I'll be right back,
but first I have|to circumcise your son.
O.K.
What?
Shit!|Dr. Kosevich--
[Baby Crying]
I'll go.
Shh-shh-shh.
[Crying]
[Baby Cooing]
[These Are The Days|Playing]
These are the days
Of the endless summer
These are the days
The time is now
There is no past
There's only future
There's only here
There's only now...
Hi.
[Rebecca]|Hi.
Sorry if we woke you.|He was tense.
I thought we'd have|a bit of dancing.
Very good for tension.
Oh, the raging heart
You're the son of glory
That cries freedom|in the night
These are the days
By the sparkling river...
Want to dance|with Mummy?
She's a professional.
She's better|than me.
This is a love
For the one magician
Turned the water
Into wine
All right...
These are the days
Wah-oh, wah-oh-oh-oh
Have I ever told you
How good it feels
To hold you?
It isn't easy to explain
Though I really keep trying
I think I may start crying
My heart can't wait
Another day
When you kiss me
I've just got to say
Baby, I love you
Come on, baby
Baby, I love you
Oo-wee, baby
Baby, I love you
Baby,|I love only you
Wah-oh,|wah-oh-oh-oh
I can't live|without you
I love everything|about you
I can't help it|if I feel this way
Oh, I'm so glad|I found you
I want my arms|around you
I love to hear you|call my name
Oh, tell me|that you feel the same
Baby, I love you
Come on, baby
Baby, I love you
Sweet baby
Baby, I love you
Come on, baby
Baby, I love you
This is the time|of your life
What you going to do|with it?
Don't fool with it
This is the time|of your life
You better face it
Don't waste it
Don't think|about the future
Don't think|about the past
There's just this moment
Better make it last
Now, you better|get it right
'Cause this is the time
Of your life
Oh, yeah
Ooh
I'm looking down|on the rooftops
The changes are coming|too fast
Don't have no answers
Don't even know|what questions to ask
I'm better off|saying nothing
Than telling you lies
Trying to ride out|the fire
And a kiss good night
I'm lost if I don't|see myself
In your eyes
Oh
This is the time|of your life
What you going to do|with it?
Don't fool with it
Yeah, this is|the time of your life
You better face it
Don't waste it
Don't think|about the future
Don't think|about the past
There's just this moment
Better make it last
You better|get it right
'Cause this is the time
Of your life
This is the time,|baby
Time
Oh
Oh, ohh
Oh, yeah
This is the time|of your life
What you going to do|with it?
NYPD Blue
Na Cha The Great
Na Tum Jaano Na Hum
Na samote u lesa
Nabi CD1
Nabi CD2
Nacktschnecken 2004
Nada Mas
Naissance de lAmour La
Naked 2002
Naked Ambition CD1
Naked Ambition CD2
Naked Gun 33x3 - The Final Insult
Naked Gun The - From the Files of Police Squad
Naked Jungle The (1954)
Naked Killer
Naked Lunch 1991
Naked Weapon CD1
Naked Weapon CD2
Naken 2000
Name Of The Rose The CD1
Name Of The Rose The CD2
Nameless - Los sin nombre
Namnam buknyeo (2003) - Love Impossible
Nan bei zui quan
Nanguo zaijan nanguo - Goodbye South Goodbye
Napoleon Dynamite
Narayama Bushiko - Ballad of Narayama
Narc
Nashan naren nagou (1999) - Postmen in the Mountains
Nashville 1975 CD1
Nashville 1975 CD2
Nashville 1975 CD3
Nathalie X
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation
National Lampoons Christmas Vacation 2
National Lampoons Vacation 1983
National Security
National Treasure CD1
National Treasure CD2
Nattens Engel 1998
Nattevagten
Natural Born Killers
Natural City
Nausicaa of the valley of Wind CD1
Nausicaa of the valley of Wind CD2
Navigators The
Navigators The 2001
Near Dark
Ned Kelly (2003)
Needing You
Negotiator The CD1 1998
Negotiator The CD2 1998
Nell (1994)
Nelly and Monsieur Arnaud
Nest The 2002
Net The
Network 1976
Never Die Alone 2004
Neverending Story
New Alcatraz
New Guy The 2002
New Nightmare
New Police Story CD1
New Police Story CD2
New York Stories
Next Friday
Next Karate Kid The (1994)
Ni Liv (Nine Lives)
Niagara
Nicholas Nickleby (2002).CD1
Nicholas Nickleby (2002).CD2
Nick of time
Nicotina 2003
Night At The Opera A 1935
Night Flier
Night Wish - End of Innocence CD1
Night Wish - End of Innocence CD2
Night and Fog
Night and the City 1950
Night at the Roxbury A
Night of the Demon (1957)
Night of the Generals The CD1
Night of the Generals The CD2
Nightbreed 1990
Nightmare (2000 Korean)
Nightmare Before Christmas The
Nightmare Before Christmas The - Special Edition
Nightmare City
Nightmare On Elm Street 3 A - Dream Warriors 1987
Nightmare On Elm Street 6 A (1991) Freddys Dead
Nightmare on Elm Street 3 A - Dream Warriors
Nightwatch
Nightwish - End Of Innocence
Nightwish - From Wishes to Eternity
Nikita
Nikos the impaler
Ninas Tragedies 2003
Nine Half Weeks
Nine Lives (2004 I)
Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat The
Nine Months
Nine Queens
Nineteen Eighty Four - 1984
Ningen Gokaku (Kiyoshi Kurosawa 1998]
Ninja Scroll
Ninth Gate The (2000)
Nip Tuck 1x01
Nip Tuck 1x02
Nip Tuck 1x03
Nip Tuck 1x04
Nip Tuck 1x05
Nip Tuck 1x06
Nip Tuck 1x07
Nip Tuck 1x08
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Nip Tuck 1x10
Nip Tuck 1x11
Nip Tuck 1x12
Nip Tuck 1x13
Nirvana 1997
Nixon CD1
Nixon CD2
No 3 Limited
No Blood No Tears 2002 CD1
No Blood No Tears 2002 CD2
No End 1985
No Good Deed 2002
No Mans Land
No Mans Land 2001 Limited
No News From God
No Way Back
No way out
Noam Chomsky Distorted Morality (2003)
Nobody Someday
Nobodys Fool 1994
Nocturne (1980 I)
Noi The Albino 2003
Noises Off 1992
Nomads 1986
Non ti muovere
Norma Rae
Normais Os 2003
North Sea Hijack 1980
North Shore
North To Alaska CD1
North To Alaska CD2
North by Northwest (1959)
Northfork
Nos Miran
Nosferatu eine Symphonie des Grauens
Nostalghia (Tarkovsky 1983)
Not One Less CD1
Not One Less CD2
Not another teen movie
Notebook The CD1
Notebook The CD2
Nothing Hill Collectors Edition
Nothing to loose
Notorious (Hitchcock 1946)
Notre dame de Paris CD1
Notre dame de Paris CD2
Notting Hill
Notting Hill (Collectors Edition)
Notting Hill - Ultimate Edition
Novo 2002
Now Or Never 2003
Now Voyager
Nowhere To Run
Nowhere to Hide
Nude for Satan (Luigi Batzella 1974)
Nurse Betty
Nutty Professor 2 - The Klumps (Uncensored Directors Cut)
Nutty professor The (1963) Jerry Lewis
Nynke 2001