Pearls and Pigs
Free your mind|and the rest will follow
Kids cost a lot of money, you know...
Can't she sleep on the couch?|-Where do we watch TV then?
Selfish pigs.|-Go ahead, take her with you
Same time next month.|Right, Daddy?
We'll get at least 5e for the CD
Whadda-ya say,|you did great!
Coming up next, our very own|child star from way back when
Don't fall off the stage, Laura!
Hey Laura! Take them all off!|-Shut up, prick!
It's the faggot brothers!
He's Mr. Faggot to you!
I can't hear you!|-Come closer!
Hard to speak mouth|full of sperm, eh?
Right, take a sip and|have some balls too!
If you fight|I'll ban you from the bar
Let's fight!|-He's never been banned so far.
We got lucky this time...|...a VCR!
We can watch porn all night long.|-Timo, hey...
Your kind of porn too
Timo hey, where does the tape|go in? -The tape slot
See my point? That's some VCR.|-I'd say so
A VCR and record player all in one.|-Put that bloody bag away!
Let's go home and watch porn.|- I'll stay out tonight
What's up, boys?
Timo stole a Karaoke set for a VCR|and Bulk ate a bottle. -Really?
So what! You eat the cone|with the ice cream, dontcha?
Where the hell did you learn that?|-Home economics, eighth grade
I almost got banned from the bar.|-Great. Now let's open shop
Boy sang some mean Karaoke tonight!
Who the hell taught him that?|-It wasn't his Dad, for sure
HIRVONEN & SONS|AFTER-HOURS BOOZE AND SNACKS
PEARLS AND PIGS
But when you are not around me|I'm breathless with nothing left
I lost my love to the four winds|save me now or when you find it fit
Damn, too late to take a leak!|-The commercials are still on
Is your child a good singer|and a talented performer?
If so, you may wish to enter|this year's Super Kid Contest!
Win a brand new car,|and 20 000 euros tax-free
Call the number on the screen,|and you're in!
If Boy was still eight years old,|he'd definitely win
He still could, eh?|Let's just shorten him a little
You bloody moron!
MATULA - THE GERMAN PRIVATE EYE
Matula's gonna get beaten up twice|tonight. -I say once
I'll bet 5 e on it.|-I say twice too
He always gets beaten up.|It's the charm of the series
I changed my mind.|I say zero too
No more changing bets!
Isn't that so, Dad? -You play|the cards that God dealt you
You heard him.|-And God just dealt me a wild card
-Which I'm using now!
Shut up, boys! This episode's|directed by Uli Möller
You'll pay for the booze next month,|or your head will roll
Hi, this is Marita from|Babies Are Us Magazine...
... had a chance to look at the|free sample we sent you? Hello?
Bloody hell!|You just lost a subscriber!
Dad got the door open!|-Yes!
Hey, guys! And you too, Pam.|Come over here
You guys up for some free vodka?|-What the hell is this?
Not good enough for you, fancypants?|-It is, it is
You didn't see us here today?|-No, we didn't
Sure about that?
Hello. -Hello.|What can I get you?
Something to go with...crayfish
That would be white wine. What|price range were you thinking of?
Cheap, I mean... expensive
CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS
I'll see what we have.|-No. You have to stay there
This is a hold up.|-Help!
Nobody move!|-Is this the end of my young life?
Help, he's going to kill him!|-I'm too young to die!
I didn't quite follow
-It's a hold up. Do as I say
I hear the Hounds of Hades|barking on my heels!
Are you serious?|-Yes, I am
Help!|-But don't call the police
Be quiet, dammit!
The cash register's pretty empty|this early in the day-
but if you come back after|the tourists have stopped by...
Fuck the tourists!|I need booze, a lot of it
30 cases of domestic vodka.|-I'm not sure we have it in stock
Make up for the rest with Russian!|-Would that be Stoli or...
Whatever.|-I'll go see to it
Just take it easy in the meanwhile
I'll kill everyone|if the cops show up!
You don't see much of|them around here
What a weirdo.|-You did good, Dad
With a little more practice,|I'd have done even better
If we pull this through,|we'll get you a role on Matula
Nope. The gig is just getting to me
What the hell is taking so long?
Well, I've got to pack the bottles|and the stockroom is a mess...
Go easy on it, boys
I thought you said you'd never|drink again?
When the stuff's this good,|you can't call it drinking
You're sure about this?
Here, sons. My silver medal drink.|-From the bartending contest?
Right, 1986.|-Who won?
Lehikoinen,|but with jury tactics
Not the bartender from our pub?|-The same son of a bitch
What did he do?|-Got the jury so drunk that-
his halfwit brother was the only|member sober enough to vote
There's no justice in the world.|-Let's drink to that
Don't spill it on the register,|Jussi's gonna get mad
Jussi! Will you be our driver?
Roots... roots... beet roots...!
Daddy, make me a new drink!|This one... kind of missed
Jussi! Keep on carrying that vodka!|-I'm sorry... bad back
Lade, hey.|Listen, son
If something should ever happen|to me...
You know how your brothers are...|-Now what would ever happen to you?
Forget it, Dad.|We'll be fine
Look at them...
I say nothing.|You didn't read me my rights
They only do that in America.|-And we're not as good as them, eh?
I can't go to jail, I already have|a tattoo. Cool, isn't it?
How could I have recognized Dad|he was wearing a mask?
So it was just a coincidence that|the whole Hirvonen family was there?
No, it wasn't.|We're all kind of fond of booze
And the only place to get it|the liquor store
I got so drunk in the end I wouldn't|recognized my own father
And I didn't, did l?
What was the question?|-I'll go straight to the answer
Your father gets charged and the|rest of you get the hell out of here
Thou shalt not play God
A man tried it once,|with pretty ugly results
Erkki Valtteri Hirvonen will be|to prison for 2 years
The other suspects are found|guilty in lack of evidence-
and are to be released
You guys owe us a lot of money.|-No kidding?
Don't be so cocky
Either you pay,|or you die and pay
And if you were planning to|leave town, think about the old man
See him running with that|ball and chain?
This ain't funny
Pig and Sty are an ugly lot-|You'd better disappear for a while.
-And leave Dad in trouble?
You're not worth shit without|your father
And your landlord's been looking|for you. It's about the rent
10 e says Matula gets|beaten up twice
And we die six times over.|-Six is my best bet too
No visitors.|We're in mourning
Situation over, Timo!|-Shut up
This just keeps getting better
Congratulations, guys.|You've got a healthy sister
What the hell do we do with her?|Let's throw her back in the staircase
I've got Celiac disease.|-What?
It means that bread makes|her fart
Goodbye boredom.|-Hey guys, do we have any bread?
Hey, Lade... guys.|-Yeah?
What's wrong with her?|-What do you think?
Ask her wouldn't she rather cry|on the couch than behind it
Yeah, why don't you just|worry about that
Ask her yourself
I don't speak Child.|Hey Bulk, do you speak Child?
No, but Lade does
Lade, hey.|We can speak child now
Leave it to us experts
This is where I sleep at home too.|-This is where she sleeps at home
You speak Child really well.|-Is she a child or a dog?
Here, girl, fetch!|Lade, can you interpret?
So what do we do now?|-How the hell should I know?
What did you do as a kid|when you were feeling bad?
Jumped on the bed, drank booze|and went out stealing
Not necessarily in that order
And then my all time favorite...|360 degrees
Bulk used to play jumping|over the river when he'd pee in bed
Piranha river, piranha river...
Get lost, Lade
And you can fall on your back|like this and it doesn't hurt
Hey, it's Saara's turn.|There's not enough room for us all
You have to wait for your turn
Come on, try it
I can jump.|-There's not enough room
OK, start jumping, just small|bounces, hop, hop, hop...
I'll just jump here then
Then try higher.|Over the river and back
Watch out for the piranhas...
Higher, higher,|360 degrees!
Guys, we just need a plan.|-So start fucking making one
I'm gonna go pick a fight.|-With whom?
Anyone.|-Wait, I'll come with you
Where are you going?|-Anywhere
I brought the midget back.|Thanks very much for the loan
It's his bastard.|He don't pay, he takes care of her
You can't be serious.|-Try me
Sit right there.|She'll let you in soon
NO FREE DISTRIBUTION -|A hundred for a shag
So the others couldn't make it?
I guess they're scared.|It's not easy when things change
Maybe you boys should move|some place where no one knows you
I'll be okay here.|-Don't worry, we'll sort it out
I just have to get the boys back|in line-
which may be more easily|said than done
You never told us about Saara, then?
It was just a one-night stand
I didn't find out about Saara|until she was born
And by then I had my hands|full with the four of you
I just never got around to it.|-She came over last night
That figures.|-Not a very cheerful child
Hardly surprising,|if you look at her folks
But we're her folks too!
I bet you a cookie that the|guy did it
The mutant.|-You're on
You fucking faggot!|Come back here!
You can't have this...
Go Bulk, go...|Kill him!
Come on, get up!
East Side's the best!
The bottle return's not working.|-I'll take it. Here's your deposit
The recycling machine won't accept|any bottles. -I'll take a look at it
We'll come back later to see if|it's fixed. -OK
Good work, Saara
Is that the first money you ever|got? -Yeah
Turn it up.|No, the other 'up'
Which do you like better?|Chips or cheese puffs?
Cheese puffs.|-Excellent. So do I.
Can't hear you!
The mike's howling!
If you're feeling alright, clap|your hands! -Clap in your pants!
I've got good news|and bad news
First the bad news!|-No, first the good news!
I listed the bad news first
We're broke, we're on a hit list,|and Dad's in jail
Those were the good news?
But we have lots of chips|and cheese puffs and...
Yeah, two whole bags.|One of each
16 liters of flat beer in a jerry can,|save some for us, Bulk...
and it tastes like diesel oil.|-Petrol
I said diesel oil.|-PETROL!
Hey, let me finish...
And save the condoms.|We can still use them
How can I talk when the whole|house is falling apart around me?
Keep talking, it's a great speech.|-We won't interrupt anymore
You're the family funny man.|-Let's give him a little big hand
Go on, it's a good speech.|-And then we have this new Korean...
Karaoke set.|and a new family member
Thanks a hell of a lot.|Let's party!
Now that we're done with warm-up,|let the Karaoke contest begin
And now let's see who'll be|the first performer
And his name is...|Eros Ramazotti! -That's me
He'll do a song called|"Tears of Despair"
Yes, my name really is|Eros Ramazotti
Take it away, Eros!
I wrote this song especially|for tonight
It goes like this
You left,|and the fields were flooding
The stars died out,|and the wind was howling
The rivers were filled|with tears of despair
This song is so Timo.|-And now the synthesizer
The night ends and a new day|dawns so bright
Oh home, sweet life...
How I love you...
I can't sing.|I've got a terrible cold
Thank you, Bulk.|Saara, do you want to sing?
That's okay.|You don't have to
But let's give Saara a big hand|for helping with the party!
Ladies and gentlemen,|here's tonight's main act... Boy!
This one goes to Dad
See the tree how big it's grown|but friend it hasn't been too long
it wasn't big
I laughed at her and she got mad|the first day that she planted
it was just a twig
Then the first snow came|and she ran out-
to brush the snow away|so it wouldn't die
Came running in all excited,|slipped and almost hurt herself
And I laughed 'til I cried...
It's OK, we'll manage somehow.|We are the Hirvonens, after all!
Hell, I 'm a Hirvonen!
I'm a Hirvonen, you Hirvonen?|Me Hirvonen too...
Saara, come out. You sang great,|there's nothing to be ashamed of
What's going on here?|-Nothing. Go back to bed
I've gotta take a leak.|-Don't shout, you'll scare her!
What are you, parent of the year?|-I'll explain in the morning
A miracle has happened.|-Better wash the coffee pot then-
or you'll have cafe au miracle|in the morning
Saara, hey.|Please come out
And now I present you|our new super kid, Saara
Saara is going to sing us a song|called "Love's Last Farewell"
Press the button and it'll start
That's one hell of an artist|you signed up
Very funny. When you have|no idea what's going on
At her pace you'll sell|at least a hundred gigs a night
Was she good, really?|-Hell, yeah
So maybe it's a stupid idea,|but what have we got to lose?
That's it.|I'm gonna go pick a fight
Well?|-I haven't finished my Donald Duck
You really believe in that super|kid shit? -What's there to lose?
If Pig and Sty see we're trying,|it could buy us some more time-
while we think of something better.|-What say you, Brother Timo?
I'd see it as a better alternative|than selling our internal organs
Give me a... pass... so...|-What?
GIVE ME A BACKSTAGE PASS|SO I CAN TAKE A SHIT!
Did I articulate myself|clearly enough?
I'm drawing helmets on the ducks
Lade, these are in alphabetical|order. -Look what I found
"Eagles don't use stairs"
That's it.|I've fucking had it!
Do you have any books|that make kids go la-la?
We have some song books.|-Do they work?
In what way?|-Do they make kids go la-la?
It doesn't work that way.|-So you don't know, huh?
I wonder what you get paid for!
I made the logo of the employment|office. -It's missing the spot
That looks better. It's 3-D!|-I'm the Michelangelo of multivitamins
What...oh, great helmets!|-Now Donald won't hurt his head
Listen: for healthy self-confidence,|involve the child in daily tasks
I can teach her to fight,|if someone else buys her the booze
They're referring to a normal|family, you idiot
Are you saying we're not normal?
What's normal, anyhow?
Dad's in jail, four grown men|living under the same roof...
Never done an honest day of work...
Between the four of us, we get|laid once a year, if we're lucky
We'd do a higher average|if Boy did his bit
Now I eat the employment office
Hey, I found it
child who refuses to do something|developmentally essential-
or doesn't wish to learn some|new, significant skill-
can be inspired to do so|in form of play
Huh?|-It's singing time
I made you|an employment office too
Did you now?|-Sure did
I'm not letting it burn!
How is it?|-C minus
Let me stir.|-I'll keep the stove on, then
And you! Start setting the table.|-In form of play, remember?
You look cool with those crumbs|flying out your mouth. -You too
Hey Saara, let's play this food game
The guys and I are murderers|on our way to the gas chamber
And as our last wish,|we ask for soup
Or Slurp, as we call it here
You're the warden and you bring|us spoons and plates...
And knives so we can cut|each other's stomachs open
You know what's inside a|human being?
All that great stuff like guts,|we can use them as noodles...
Sounds fun, huh? -Yeah, but it's|more like a boys' game
I'm a boy, I think.|-But she isn't
You play with her then
Never mind him. His games|have always been kind of violent
He's the family idiot
Look, Barbie's dancing happily|like this. -Do that trick!
"We girls can do anything..."
And suddenly she becomes possessed...
See?|-"I come from hell..."
What's with her?|-Spoiled shitless, that's all
But the evil's still in the woman!|Brother Bulk, pass the holy water!
Coming up!|"Vade retro spiritus...-
spiritus vade retro..."
Let go, you demon!
Saara, we have this little custom|to sing a food song before eating
What's the song called?
The Food Song.|-Yes!
I copied the words|so we can all sing together
I wanna learn it by heart.|-Just read it from the paper
But I have musical ambitions.|-Stand up, smartass
Well, if we're in a rush.|-On the count of four: one, two...
Gee, it'll taste so good.|I can smell the food
The eggs are frying on the pan,|then I run so fast, oh man
Hey, that's enough.|Knock it off
...Then I run so fast, oh man.|See, I learned it by heart!
And without using your hands.|-Without using my hands
You shouldn't|pick on someone smaller
No huh? Wanna stay hanging|up there for the rest of the day?
I'm gonna throw up on you.|-Hey Lade, she's one of us!
And now the final moments of|"Look Who's Singing Now" are at hand
You know the rules. You have|to guess who's singing on tape
Let's start with the first sample
That was you.|-Yup, it was me
OK, lets move on.|Here's the next one
Roots... beet roots...
It must be a monster.|-It was Sepultura
Or at first it was...|but then I improvised
Yeah, so much for that.|Let's give Timo a little big hand
And now to our last contestant...
Where's the sarcasm now, Bulk?
Great soundtrack for the|snuff film we'll make about you
The song's not bad
The voice was a bit hissy.|-Might be due to the microphone
What do you say?|-Let's talk
When's the contest?|-Halfway through August
How much can you get from it?|-Twenty grand
You'll pay us fifteen in August,|or you're dead
How much time do we have?|-3 weeks, and that's the good news
The kids are selected for regional|trials on the basis of the tapes
And in the finals they have also|interviews and a talent section
What the hell is that?
A display of a child's talent|in an optional field
Drinking, stealing and farting|excluded
Shit, our special fields of|expertise. -I was kidding, moron
Phew. I'd hate to see a good|case of Celiac disease wasted
We need someone to coach Saara.|This won't work otherwise
Saara hey, come here. We need|some personal details for this...
... Housing Department form
Did you see my lollipop?|-A froggypop!
It's Saara's. Put it away or she'll|go mad. -It's my froggypop
You're not thinking of asking that|singing barfly to help us?
Remember as kids when Mom took|us to see her sing at the mall?
The mall sucks.|Security cameras everywhere
Well, it's not like we did do|much stealing back then. -Nope
Sorry we're late.|Laura drove
Quit showing your ass to everybody,|you slut!
Show us your hand, asshole!
Dammit, an ace!
Hey, it's the Faggot Brothers.|What are you staring at?
Looking for a blowjob?
Looks like all you need|is an onion ring
around your dick,|to make a fine Greek salad
It's the Feta cheese in a|Greek salad, you moron
You're gonna fucking die now!
Why don't you just sit down?|No one asked you anything
Sit the fuck down!
We'd like to speak to the lady here
I'm gonna take this dog for a walk.|No animals allowed in here
Your company can't be worse|than them for an old kebab like me
Old kebab? -Meat gone around,|half cow, half sheep
Is that an old saying?|-I just made it up
What a beautiful voice.|-Would you coach her?
Thanks but no thanks.|I've quit the music scene
Say hi to your father from me
Bulk, come on out!
Remember the legwork,|you have to keep moving
When Bulk moves,|you move!
Saara hey, you can't stop.|Keep the legs moving!
Now in time with the music, faster!|Don't let him get near you!
Go, go, keep the rhythm.|Keep spinning, don't stop!
Close the gap!|Who's gonna get this trophy?!
Don't let him get near you!
Start moving your mouth|towards the ears
As high up as you can,|higher...
All the way up to the ears,|showing your teeth...
There you go.|Now flash your teeth
Not like a grimace|but more relaxed...
Now pull the sides of your mouth|ever ever closer to the ears...
And don't forget to blink your eyes
Great, very good.|Now! There's a smile!
And now a series of punches.|Great, and Bulk falls down
Now come here, quickly.|Put your foot on top him
And then the smile
Excellent, Saara.|It's a good start
Are you ready?|Here goes...
And now do the boxing stuff.|-What?
Box to the tune of the song
The other hand.|Not the one with the mike
Now the smile.|Like when you won the match
Now turn around slowly.|-I can't, I need to see the words
Need to see the words, huh?|Just turn around bravely
Look up at us
At least the mike's still working
This Karate Kid method of yours|is a real killer
I've had it with you pissass bums!|You guys could at least try!
Give me a Christmas Special,|Lehikoinen
So you came here looking|for trouble? -Yeah
...like a tattoo here saying|"Juhis and Laura forever"...
You can always have the arm cut off...
Oh shit, that fucking queen|wants you! -Where?
OK, boys. Let's beat the shit|out of that faggot!
Aren't you guys so tough.|-Yeah, and hard in the right places
Does this turn you on?|-In your dreams
It turns me on.|-Me too
All set?|-All set
Laura!|-Hi. What are you doing here?
Thought you might use the backdoor.|-Oh?
Have you thought about my offer?|-Sorry, but I'm done with music
If you can't face your past,|you'll find it in your future
What the fuck do you think|you know about my past?
Nothing. I'm sorry
And the book where I read|that line sucked, anyhow
Got a light?
Crappy flat, lousy food,|ugly and horny flatmates...
You get two grand if we win,|to give you a fresh start
That's a really shitty offer
You've got an hour|to pick up your stuff
I saw the homo hop in there
SEE YOU - NOT!
That's Bulk.|-Hi. Laura
And the next one's Boy.|-Hi, I'm Boy
And that's Timo.|-Hi. Laura
Anyone want the rest?
So what do we do now?|-Have you told her your plan?
We have like... sort of hinted...|-So you haven't told her anything?
That's one way of putting it.|-Good. Does she drink coffee?
Yeah, with lots of milk|and two sugars
Should I go get her?|-No
Bulk, stop staring!|I mean it
It's okay, I just brought|you some coffee
I'm Laura,|I'm a friend of the boys
I'm Saara.|-Hi Saara
Do you like it here?|Are the boys nice?
Well, Lade's nice.|But Timo's kind of weird
What have you guys been doing?|-Singing and fighting
You know I heard you sing on tape.|It sounded really beautiful
You must like singing?
I get scared when there's|someone listening
Would you let me teach you?|-Yeah, but teach the boys too
Their singing is awful,|and they never stop
OK, I promise.|-For sure?
The trick is not to think|about the audience at all
Just pick one nice person in|the audience whom you sing to
And when you see that that|one person likes your show-
you know everyone else|likes it too
What if he doesn't like it?|-Don't worry, he will
I got it. If I had Boy with me|when I was trying to pick up a girl-
she'd keep her eyes fixed on him,|and I could feel her up in the meantime
Man, you guys are stupid!
Nice touch, boys.|Are you ready?
OK, guys. Out you go.|We'll try it alone first
Lade's the nice one. Nice Lade.|-Shut up!
Could I take these home to be|fitted? - For 24 hours only
Can I see your I.D.?
We'll be expecting them back|tomorrow. -Sure, thanks
I'd like to try on a leather jacket,|but they're chained to the rack
Could you...?|-I'll come and show it to you
I'm taking these home to be fitted.|The girl must have missed a tag
Let's go and check the files
What name is it under?|-Hirvonen. Right there
So it seems.|-It's good to keep an eye on things
She must have missed one of the|tags. -Yeah, it happens sometimes
A performing outfit for my sister.|-Thank you
Right. Thanks a lot.|-Bye
You're supposed to guess how many|times Mr. Matula gets beaten up
And the one who comes the closest|gets all the cookies
This is such a thrill,|really the highlight of the week
Well I say zero times.|-I say zero too
Zero times.|-And zero for me too
I mean... three times
Still wanna change your bet?|-Make it zero
Look at the nice person
And now smile a little
Baywatch passing gas?|-I'm the bailiff asking for cash
I just wanna see if you're|wearing a wire
You look like you jumped right|out of a German detective series
Go away now
Your rent is due. You'll have to pay.|-I've had it
Say hi to your mom!
He's still there
You mean that if we don't|give you the money.
Big guys will come in|and carry out your stuff
A wave for the big guys!
How big are the big guys?|-I mean it
Now get your ass down the stairs,|and we pretend you never existed
No. I will not leave.|-Sure as hell you will!
You can't get to sleep?|Are you worried?
About what?|-All kinds of stuff
Do you miss home?|-No, or... I'm not sure
I hate it there and like it here,|but everything's just so strange
Should we go see your friends|tomorrow?
I haven't got any
You've got me,|and those idiots in the next room
We can go see them in the kitchen|tomorrow. -That's what we'll do
And hey... thanks, Saara.|-What for?
Just thanks.|-Shall we sleep now?
Yeah, let's sleep.|-Okay
COME AND SEE THE NEXT|SUPER KID'S FINAL REHEARSAL
BE ON YOUR BALCONIES AT 8 PM
P.S. THOSE WHO DON'T APPLAUD|WILL BE PUNISHED SEVERELY
Dear guests of honor-
I present you Saara,|the next Super Kid of the year
Give her a nice round of applause,|or we'll be getting back to you
I can say thank you from|language to language-
and bid greetings to you all
But I can't catch a star|that shines in the early dawn
I can bear hardness and hardship|keep quiet if that's my call
Leave a wreath on the grave|and keep going on
Love has died in the river of life
Save me if it's on the line.|Save me, save me...
What song are you going to sing?
"Loves Last Farewell"
It's a great song
I welcome you all to the 2003|Super Kid Eastern Finland Trials
10 promising young performers|have been selected here-
on the basis of the tapes|they have sent in
Saara Mäkinen is the best!
And our jury members today are...
Marilyn, Marilyn,|if I could turn back the time
The old folks tell tales|of how the devil...
The cat broke its ribs,|when it played, meow, meow...
Thank you, that was very nice.|Let's give Maria a round of applause
And coming up next we have lida!
Hey, get back to your seat
No platonic feelings,|I long for romance
Romeo and Juliet|is the name of the game...
Innocence prevails,|I love you in the dark...
And now to our last contestant,|Saara Mäkinen!
Clap louder,|or I'll punch you in the face!
And now it's finally time to|declare the winner of our trials
Has the jury reached a decision?|Yes, it seems it has!
And here comes Super Bunny too!
Yes, and the winner is...
The show was great,|we heard it on the radio!
I never thought anything|good would come out of you
Shut up, Airi, or you won't|get any homebrew tonight!
You're good boys!
Not last week we weren't!
Keep it down,|it's Dad
Say hi from us.|-Yes, yes!
The boys say hi and yes yes
It went really well
Teaching Saara how to rave.|Yeah, the classical style...
She's right here, hold on.|He wants to talk to you
Well, what did he say?|-That I did good
You know what?|You were fantastic!
But it must have been hard?|-I was so nervous
No one could have ever guessed.|-Really?
You know when I used to sing-
I was always really nervous|before going on stage
Was it your job to sing?
Hey, let's go see what|the boys are up to
Yeah, but will you stay with me?|There's so many people there
Sure. Let's go
Now we have a celebrity|living in our building!
Can I have your attention please?|-No!
Thanks. Now that we're here|to celebrate Saara's victory-
I would like to quote the famous|singer. -It's pronounced "loois"
Louis Armstrong.|You, Saara-
may be a small girl to mankind|but a big girl to us Eastsiders
And...eh...|-Yes. I wrote it to sound natural
...to borrow a metaphor from...|-Don't forget to return it later!
"Home is where the brew is..."
We have at least fifty liters of|homebrew, so fill up, folks!
And if it gets to your stomachs,|go crap in your own toilets!
That means you too, Airi!|-Excellent speech!
Saara, sweetheart!|Did you miss Mommy?
Why did you run away like that?
Why did you run away?|Hey, Mom's not mad at you...
Get lost, cow!|-Knock it off, dammit!
Take it easy now. She's the|child's custodian, after all
She's just afraid that I'm angry.|-That ugly imitation of a mother?!
And you Mam, cut the crap,|so we can get this done with
OK, honey. We're going home
Don't worry. You'll be fine,|as long as you just don't sing
Let's go.|-I'll be seeing you!
Get the hell out of here,|everyone! The party's over!
It means you too, Airi.|Get your ass out of here
When this super kid crap started|even I wasn't sure about it myself
I just had to think of something|to keep the boys from falling apart
Hey, the guys are doing great,|and Saara's had the time of her life
But the end result...|total shit
Come to bed with me
Good Morning.|-You know what?
It's almost possible to like you.|-A close call, huh?
Should we go see what's going on?
It's probably just Bulk customizing|furniture in his horny Neanderthal fit
What the hell...?
Let go of my brother!|-Hey guys, stop it!
Calm down!|Let go, will you
Now what the fuck|is going on here?
You'll have lots of room to make|love after I throw out your stuff
You go on making love|in your pocket!
You guys are out of here tonight,|either voluntarily or feet first
Nobody's gonna take me out|feet first!
Die mutant!|Or die and die!
And you get the fuck out|of here, fast!
Never surrender!|-Put the god damn bunny away
Timo, be a nice boy|and put the bunny away
No surrender!|-No surrender either!
Take me to your leader!|-Excuse me?
Better do as the UFO man says|or he'll nuke you
We'd like to see the store manager.|-You heard him, act!
Did I get this right? You wish|to make a sponsorship deal-
where you would be granted the use|of a warehouse as rehearsal space-
with electricity, running water,|showers, kitchen...
... and a VCR
And in return, you would wear caps|with the company logo-
promote our teamwork and...|-A scarf
The gay person here wears a scarf.|-I see
Naturally we need a van for|transportation of equipment
We can do promotional rounds|in your parking lot if you want
Like Kimi Räikkönen.|-Right
And we'll cry when they play|the National Anthem. -Like Kimi
And after the contest Saara will|be obliged to perform in the mall-
every day for a period of one week,|4 x 45 minutes per day...
What?|-It's our procedure
Very good. Hartonen will look after|the details
Way to go, Hartonen!
Well, I've got things to do,|so thanks and goodbye
Don't mention it,|you are welcome
And please return the jackets|on your way out
Have you noticed,|ever since we took up honest work-
everyone's been wanting to|beat the shit out of us?
What?|-No shagging in here
Stupido! Say goodbye to live porn
Go ahead and shag!
Aren't they kind of cute?|-No, they're not
Yes, we are!
A man in love is an ugly sight.|-Shit, lets drink to that
Great housewarming party!
Shit, it's a walrus!
Me make art
I'm not gonna pay twice for the|tiles if they keep falling off...
Bloody hell! It's Hirvonen!
See you moved in next door.|-I guess we fucking did
We were just thinking of|paying you a visit
What a great coincidence.|Stay right there...
... we have a wonderful|housewarming gift for you
It's perfect for your new|shithole flat
Oh, I got it... shithole...
Fucking hell!|-What is it?
It's a piece of Dad's ass,|with Mom's name tattooed on it
Oh God!|-Dad never had a tattoo on his ass
Not as far as I remember.|-I thought he had one
Well he certainly doesn't anymore
Why don't you jerks just stay here|and speculate while I go kill those...
Get away from me!|-Take it easy now
Let go of me, Bulk!|Someone's gonna die!
I just don't give a shit anymore!|-You have to
I'm not letting you|get yourself killed
Don't think we don't|appreciate what you're doing
But we're not gonna come|running to thank you
What did you just say?
Come on, sweetie.|Sing Mommy a little song
Just a small one,|just to stay in tune
Come on, have a cookie.|Mommy's little baby...
Sing us a song
Haven't you got any respect|for your mother?
She gave birth to you,|bought the cookies and everything
Let's hear you sing
Now let me tell you something.|Give me that cigarette...
I brought you to this world with|blood and tears-
you have no idea what it's like
I'm asking you to sing,|and you bloody hell refuse to
You are driving me fucking crazy
I'm gonna start kicking that bastard|around soon. Spoiled little brat...
Mommy loves you so.|She just wants to hear her baby sing
Mommy loves you so much
Hey, guys. Did you like the gift?
Yeah, we gave it to Bulk|as an advance on his inheritance
We dropped by for coffee,|now that we are neighbors
Bring out the artist for a|matinee. -She happens to be...
She's visiting her Mom
Too bad. What do we do now?|-We can have Chinese take-away
We'll chop, but you ain't gonna sue!
You're an ugly fucker, but tell me...|which is your prettier half?
I'm the prettier half!|-Stop it!
Hi there, everyone.|-Well hiya-fuckin-ho
I see you've got company
I don't think we've met.|Hi, I'm Saara's Mom!
So, how are things?|-Fucking great
Get your ass out of here,|bitch
Shut up, slut!
Bye then. Mommy's going to|drop by and see you soon
I'm the single parent seal,|and you're the puppy seal
And they go to visit|Bob the Polar Bear-
and his newborn baby
How do the hands go?|-Like this
But they're called flippers
Now let's go
Here comes a Norwegian|seal hunter to kill the seals...
You can't have my baby!|-The puppy's just what I'm after
Watch out, boys! Watch out!
Happy Birthday, Saara
But it's not my birthday
Since you've never had|a birthday party-
we wanted to make up for it|before you reach the big ten
There's at least a hundred|candles on it
Forty-five, for each candle|missed so far
Now blow them out, quickly!|-Blow, blow... excellent!
Here you are.|-Thank you
Here you are.|-Thank you
It's kind of silly,|so can you open it later?
Wow, they're great
Aren't they kind of alike?
It doesn't matter, because this|guy doll is the magician-
and the girls are his assistants.|And because they all look alike-
they can be in different places|all at once
That's just what we had in mind
Remember those tricks|you used to show us as a kid?
Do you have names for the dolls?
What tricks?|-Never mind
Tell us, tell us, tell us!
I knew a few stupid magician's|tricks as a kid, nothing...
A few stupid tricks?|They were supergreat!
At least better than that song,|remember...
Show us a trick.|-Show us, show us, show us!
I'm not sure I remember how.|It's been so long
How did you do that?|-A magician never tells his secret
Except for Lade.|Remember the contest?
Shit, I'd forgotten all about|that talent section
Will you teach me?|-Yeah. Starting now
You know what, Laura?|-What?
I'm so happy
Bleed, ye Christians!
Go Timo, go!
OK, time to sleep
Let's tuck in
Good Night.|-Good Night. Good Night, guys
Good Night, Saara!
Good Night, Lade!|-Good Night, Saara!
Good Night, Bulk!|-Good Night, Timo!
Good Night, Boy!|-Good Night, Timo!
Good Night, Laura!|-Good Night, Boy!
And then you switch sides,|you pull it tight...
Make it tight,|and I'll put my hands...
Hi there.|-Hiya ho
Hey honey. Show Mom your|little trick. Go on, boys
How'bout you leave us alone?|We're just practicing
You won't let me stay and watch|my little girl perform?
She and I have a long career|ahead of us after the contest
Hey, it's just this one gig and we|promised you a share. So get lost
You think I'd let scum like you|take all the cream off the cake?
In your dreams, sonny.|-You bloodsucking leech!
Shut up, prick. Show Mommy.|-Get the hell out of here!
Take your hands off me!|Stop...
You seem kind of worried again
Are you nervous about the contest?|-No, but I...
What are you worried about?
I don't want to be a singer
I really appreciate that you've|been teaching me and stuff...
And I don't want to leave|the boys in trouble
And if I win,|I get to go to the amusement park
But I never thought about|what's going to happen afterwards
You think your Mom was serious?|-Yes, and it's going to be so awful
Everything's going to be alright
Lade, hey...|-I'm so fucking stupid
I never thought that witch would|come up with plans for Saara
I should have known if anyone
Whatever happens in the contest,|we lose
So which one do we sacrifice,|Dad or Saara?
Lade, hey.|We'll think of something
Should I be proud of you?
Yes!....or damn if I know...
Guess what? We're going to|the amusement park! -Good!
How's the backside?
Well, it still gives a flat|imitation of a bagpipe
Better than nothing
What do you think will happen|after all this is over?
I don't know.|But let's not think about it yet
Everything will turn out fine.|-You just have to seize the moment
My life has really changed|since I left home
I used to sleep on a mattress on|the floor
It was this thin
And you know what?|You couldn't jump on it!
Know what?|I happen to be a champ at this!
"Have you ever seen green and red|dots?" -I do now
Look, you can see them|if you go like this
Bulk, you're the man!|-Room service!
Timo, you know they show porn|on cable TV? -That's tasteless
Porn is tasteless?
Now Bulk is gonna say that|he's having the time of his life
What else can I do?|I'm a sensitive summer dude
God, these kiddy bottles|really mess you up
But luckily I brought their|daddy along
"Have you ever collected ants?"|-"Only when I used to collect ants"
"Have you ever drank up|a whole glass of water?"
"Only after mistaking|salt for sugar"
Hey, for a bunch of idiots|we're not such total idiots
Yes, we are.|And here's to it!
Daddy bottle, kiddy bottle...
Please stay seated,|we are about to go on air
And please see that your|mobile phones are switched off...
Ladies and Gentlemen,|parents of the contestants-
all our TVviewers, welcome to|the finals of the Super Kid Contest!
10 talented, young contestants have|been selected in countrywide trials
Let's give them a nice|round of applause!
And the first prize is,|as you all know-
A brand new Opel Astra with|20 000 euros in the backseat
And here to assure that everything|happens by the book are two-
officers of the law, constables|Risto Mikkonen and Arto Nordström
Hi. My name is Veera.|-I'm Saara
Hey kids! Isn't it past your bedtime?|-Yeah, where's Winnie the Pooh?
Winnie-the-poop is in your pants!
Boys are so stupid.|-Yeah, or not all of them
The trick I am about to perform|requires two volunteers
How about you two gentlemen|in the front row?
Please hold the ends, and then|switch sides, tighten the rope
And do the same again.|To make me more comfortable
Now you press the top,|and you make a knot
You appear to be wearing|a perfect magic jacket
Could you put it on top here,|being that my hands are tied?
And now Ladies and Gentlemen,|do you believe-
that I can untie myself on a count|to ten?
In that case, start counting!|-One, two, three...
Stop, stop...|A little slower, please
Like this: one, two...|-Two, three...
Sir, could you please stop|speaking on the cell phone?
I'm trying to concentrate here
This is not working out.|Can you please carry me out?
So Pasi, what do you|value the most in life?
I guess that would be my hamster
My parents. Without them|I wouldn't be here today
Well, what would we do without|charming hosts like you?
And what do you, Saara,|value the most in life?
My brothers and Laura,|who is my best friend
And what are you going to|become when you grow up?
I haven't even turned ten yet.|Isn't it a bit too early to tell?
Do you have a cell phone?|-No, not yet
Can I have your address|so I can write to you?
I don't really have an address either
How come?|Everyone I know has an address
It's a long story.|But I can write to you first
Oh God, I'm so nervous
And our next contestant is...|Saara Mäkinen!
Oh no!|-You'll do great
Something's gotten hold of my heart|keeping my soul and my senses apart
Something's gotten into my life|cutting its way-
through my dreams like a knife
Turning me up|and turning me down
Making me laugh|and making me frown
In a world that was small|I once lived in a time-
there was peace|with no trouble at all
But then you came my way|and a feeling unknown shook my heart-
made me want you to stay|all of my nights and all of my days
I gotta tell you now
Saara, are you okay?
What happened?|-Did she have a fit or something?
There goes the money
Everyone, please keep calm
All the excitement must have|been too much for her
And now while we're waiting,|a few words about our sponsors...
How can you talk about sponsors|when a little girl just fainted!
Anything might have happened!|Shame on you!
Have you no feelings at all?|Howdy
What's there to applaud?|They lost
Sure they did,|but my son made a great speech
The production company doesn't|wish to make an issue out of this
I have here an official apology-
obliging you not to give|any press interviews
Sign right there
It's a pity though.|The girl was excellent
This really killed her chances|in show biz
We'll just have to live with that
Can we leave now?
It's not really a police matter.|I guess you're free to go
And the winner is...|Veera Airaksinen from Lahti!
Wow, we pulled off one hell of a|talent section, didn't we?!
We just do the interviews tomorrow,|and then we're in the clear
It pissed me off though|that the car wasn't even locked
Lade's speech was so touching|I almost cried
And I nearly forgot to|steal the money
How did you manage to keep a|straight face backstage?
It wasn't easy, believe me.|I didn't even dare look at Lade
Unfortunately this really killed|your chances in show biz
Hey, it was a joke
I should become an actress
Don't ever do that again
And you're not even ten yet,|so it's too early to tell
I made that up myself|because that host was such a jerk
His questions were so stupid
Let's give a nice round of applause|to Saara from Joensuu!
You were fantastic!
There goes.|Pearls for Pigs and Sties
Saara, your share of the money is|in the same locker as Laura's
You two can do something fun|with it together
I'll kick your ass if you start|crying
The same goes for you too
And me too
You're wasting your time on us.|We're on the same side as you
The guys and I were thinking of|starting a detective agency
It's still under development,|but we've thought up a slogan:
"If nature calls, we'll tap the line|and arrange surveillance"
Kind of like Matula,|but specialized in bodily fluids
Really, I almost fainted when I saw|her faint. She was doing so great
Did you see that Jenni Whomever|doing the ballet?
Stuck in this Victorian|type scenario
You lost the money yourselves,|and now you try to frame us
I saw a movie where the|same thing happened
The cops were charged, the chair|sparked and the Hound of Hades barked
And it wasn't even a nature film
Do you work out?
The bad cop routine is|not gonna work on me...
Do you like nature films?|I guess not, since nature doesn't-
draw a line between good and evil.|It puts the police out of business
I'm not speaking,|not even if you cut my head off
Actually, especially not then.|Hey, a joke!
You ever watch Matula?
It's a German detective series.|It's so best
P S 2004
P T U
Pact of Silence The
Padre padrone (Paolo Taviani & Vittorio Taviani 1977 CD1
Padre padrone (Paolo Taviani & Vittorio Taviani 1977 CD2
Paid In Full
Paint Your Wagon 1969 CD1
Paint Your Wagon 1969 CD2
Pale Rider CD1
Pale Rider CD2
Pan Wolodyjowski CD1
Pan Wolodyjowski CD2
Panda Kopanda (Panda! Go Panda!)
Pandoras Box 1929 CD1
Pandoras Box 1929 CD2
Panic Room 2002
Paper The 1994
Paradine Case The (1947)
Paradise Hawaiian Style - Elvis Presley (Michael D Moore 1966)
Paradise Villa 2000
Paragraph 175 (Rob Epstein Jeffrey Friedman 1999)
Parallax View The 1974
Paran Deamun (1998)
Parapluies de Cherbourg Les
Parent Trap The CD1
Parent Trap The CD2
Paris - When It Sizzles (1964)
Paris Texas CD1
Paris Texas CD2
Parole officer The
Pasolini Volume 2
Passage to India CD1
Passage to India CD2
Passion 1982 30fps
Passion Of The Christ The
Patch of Blue
Pather Panchali (Satyajit Ray 1955)
Patlabor - The Movie - 1990
Patlabor The Movie 3 CD1
Patlabor The Movie 3 CD2
Patton CD1of3 1970
Patton CD2of3 1970
Patton CD3of3 1970
Paul McCartney Back In The US CD1
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Pauline At The Beach
Pauline and Paulette
Pauly Shore is Dead
Peace Hotel The (1995)
Pearls and Pigs
Peculiarities of National Hunting
Pee-wees Big Adventure (1985)
Peep Show 1x1
Peep Show 1x2
Peep Show 1x3
Peep Show 1x4
Peep Show 1x5
Peep Show 1x6
Peeping Tom (1960)
Peking Opera Blues (1986)
Pelican Brief The
Pennies from Heaven (1981)
Pepe le Moko
Peppermint Frapp 1967
Perfect Murder A
Perfect Score The 2004
Perfect World A
Petek13th part 7 A new blood
Peter Pan (2003)
Petes Dragon (1977)
Petrified Forest The 1936
Peyton Place CD1
Peyton Place CD2
Phantom of the Paradise
Philadelphia Story The 1940
Phone - Byeong-ki Ahn 2002
Phouska I (The Bubble 2001)
Piano Lesson The
Pickup On South Street 1953
Piece of the Action A 1977 CD1
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Pieces Of April
Pink Panther The - A Shot In The Dark (1964)
Pitfall The (Otoshiana 1962)
Planet Of The Apes (1969)
Planet of the Apes 1968
Planet of the Apes 2001
Planets The 1 - Different Worlds
Planets The 2 - Terra Firma
Planets The 3 - Giants
Planets The 4 - Moon
Planets The 5 - Star
Planets The 6 - Atmosphere
Planets The 7 - Life
Planets The 8 - Destiny
Plastic Tree CD1
Plastic Tree CD2
Platonic Sex CD1
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Platoon (Special Edition)
Play It Again Sam
Playing By Heart
Please Teach Me English (2003) CD1
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Plumas de Caballo
Plunkett and Macleane
Pocketful of Miracles CD1
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Pod Njenim Oknom (Beneath Her Window)
Poika ja ilves
Point Break - CD1 1991
Point Break - CD2 1991
Pokemon - Movie 1 - Mewtwo Strikes Back
Poker (2001) CD1
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Pokrovsky Gates The 25fps 1982
Pola X 1999 CD1
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Police Academy (1984)
Police Academy 2 Their First Assignment 1985
Police Academy 3 Back in Training 1986
Police Academy 4 - Citizens on Patrol 1987
Police Story (2004) CD1
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Police Story 2
Poltergeist 2 The Other Side 1986
Poltergeist 3 (1988)
Pork Chop Hill
Porky - Awful Orphan (1949)
Porky - Dough for the Do Do (1949)
Porky - Porky Chops (1949)
Porky - The Wearing of the Grin (1951)
Pornostar (Poruno Suta)
Port of Call (1948)
Portrait of a Lady The
Poseidon Adventure The
Poslusne hlasim (1957)
Possible Loves - Eng - 2000
Post Coitum 2004
Postman Blues (1997)
Power Play (2002)
Presidents Analyst The (1967)
Prick Up Your Ears
Pride and Prejudice
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Pride and Prejudice CD3
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Prime of Miss Jean Brodie The CD1
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Prince and the Showgirl The
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Princess Of Thieves
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Private Life of Sherlock Holmes The (1970)
Project A CD1
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Psycho - Collectors Edition
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Public Enemy The
Pulp Fiction (1984)
Pump Up The Volume
Pumping Iron (1977)
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Purple Rose Of Cairo The
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