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RPM

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This is Unit 23. We're outside the Delson Building.
We've recovered the stolen vehicle.
[ Male Narrating ] Some people say I have a problem.
I see a beautiful vintage car, and I just have to steal it.
Like this A.C. Cobra, for instance.
But to me, it's more like a duty.
We live in a world where all the right things...
somehow end up with all the wrong people.
And me and Max feel obligated to correct that.
That's Max, my highly trained canine companion.
And that's me, Luke Delson.
We both love old cars.
And the owner of this glamor girl didn't appreciate her enough.
I was doin'him a favor!
Yeah, by stealing his car.
I didn't steal it, I fiXed it.
Luke, you broke into the guy's garage.
Yeah, then I retuned the supercharger and realigned his timing belt.
Yeah, before driving it to Santa Barbara... for the weekend.
-Just a little test drive. - With his wife!
That was his wife?
She didn't act like she was married.
[ Luke Narrating ] My boss would love to fire me,
but I keep inventing things that make him even richer, like this gizmo.
He thinks it's part of a new satellite tracking system.
But this little fella's gonna make me the greatest car thief the world has ever known.
It's not about the money. It's about the rush.
[ Luke Narrating ] This is just a prototype, with a couple of extras.
- [ Woman #1 ] Amazing! - [ Woman #2 ] Typical of Luke, isn't it?
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Delson ] A detective's coming up to see me who wants you charged... again!
Have you got any idea how much money it costs me to keep you out ofjail?
Have a guess. Go on. How much?
[ Luke ] Relax, all right. Take a look at this.
Maybe a spell in the pen will do you some good. Get out!
- There's a call for you, Luke. South of France. - Don't touch him.
All right. Now we're gettin' somewhere.
[ Delson ] Listen to me. It's fixed.
I'm sending you to our factory in Hamburg until I can get this mess straightened out.
That's not good.
I'm out of here. Tell Lynn I'll take the French call on the mobile.
Luke!
- Detective Raisher, sir. - Okay, Delson!
I'll get back to you.
- Where is he? - Where's who?
We both know I'm here to arrest your son.
Come on, Detective. Lighten up.
This whole car thing's... a little misunderstanding.
He stole it, like he stole the other 1 7 vintage automobiles missing in the last 8 months.
Okay, maybe he's got a problem. We're dealing with it.
That is $5 million worth of stolen property, and he's not walking away from it.
Where is he?
- Unfortunately, he left for Germany this morning. - Shit!
Yo! I want a copy of all departure records...
on today's private flights to Europe.
Get Leblanc patched through on the radio.
- Who? - That Interpol jerk in Paris.
I don't care what it takes. This time Delson's going down. Where is my car?
[ Luke Narrating ] The call from France was the one I was waiting for.
My chance for a place in history.
And nothing was gonna get in my way. At least, that's what I thought.
- [ Siren Wailing ] - What do you say about tomorrow?
What the fuck is that running on? We've been in for fuel twice...
and that son of a bitch just keeps going.
It's a big fucking secret.
[ Man ] You're looking at history, boys.
The R.P.M. isn't only an investment opportunity,
it's a revolution.
So it's fast. Big deal.
- What about fuel consumption? - Keep watching.
Okay, bring her in.
So, you wanna get your heads from up your asses?
How many miles to the gallon in normal driving?
None. You can drive it till the fucking tires wear out.
What fuel are you using?
Fuel! I'll tell you what fuel! She runs on genius!
The direct brilliance of my mind!
Dr. Grinkstein, gentlemen. Head...
- of my research and development. - Is she not incredible?
Is she not the most astounding thing you've ever been privileged to see?
She is. Thank you, Doctor.
Now, if you'll excuse us.
Amazing. Erotic.
- Passionate. Sensual! - Shut up!
I want her under wraps and behind bars now.
What's this engine gonna cost the consumer when it's mass-produced?
No more than your standard family car.
Sure is a beautiful piece of machinery.
How long is it gonna take to gear up?
When your money's in, you'll get your answers!
Do you realize what this will do to the world's stock markets?
- You'll be able to buy oil stocks for pennies. - Yeah!
More important, anyone who's got the balls to join me is going to be filthy rich.
I tell a lie. Outrageously rich.
[ Luke Narrating ] Let's be honest. Biggerman was a world-class asshole.
But in a couple weeks, he was gonna be the richest asshole on the planet.
And that wasn't going to make the current holder of that title happy at all.
What's this, a lockup? [ Shouting ]
[ Man ] Pull!
[ Luke Narrating ] Constantine Chiarkos, Biggerman's greatest rival.
And not just a lousy shot, but a cheat too.
Damn!
- Pull! - [ Machine Gun Shots ]
[ Laughing ]
- Well? - I'm afraid the news isn't good, sir.
Interpol is stepping up their investigation into you.
Stealing the R.P.M. now would make too much attention.
Screw the attention!
Biggerman's seeing investors.
If that technology gets out and the world starts buying gas-free cars,
what the fuck do I do with 67 oil tankers?
- Ahh. - I want that car, Zantos.
And I will not let a man who couldn't find his own ass blindfold keep it from me.
[ Luke Narrating ] My boss's orders were to go straight to Germany.
But I preferred to follow some other orders.
Orders that took me straight to sunny Nice,
the French Riviera.
- Ahh, feather-soft landing, as usual, Luke. - Thanks, Tim.
There's something wrong with this radar scanner. Didn't you have it checked out?
She had a complete overhaul two weeks ago. Everything checked out.
It's that fuse circuit head at the rear of the processor.
A tricky thing to replace.
We may have to lay over longer than planned.
Mr. Delson was very clear. The factory in Hamburg with no delays.
We'll be there as soon as you get that fixed.
Hey, what happened to the sun?
- Karen, guard this with your life. - Yes, sir. What is it?
It's a circuit head to the scanner, and it's our little secret.
Might this mean a longer stopover than planned?
Regrettably so, yes.
Passport and wallet.
You're an angel, Karen.
I want you to carry these in for me, Max.
Can't have any trouble at customs, so listen to me for once in your life.
Come on, stop flirtin'.
[ Luke Narrating ] Getting through customs can be a problem for a bi-continental car thief.
- I know it's gonna look silly-- - There are pieces of equipment that are hard to explain away,
which is why I've come up with a creative solution of my own.
But Max doesn't really like being a part of it.
- [ Scanner Beeping ] - That must be him.
That's a great little outfit.
Oh, hi. Here I go.
No stamp? Too bad. Thank you.
Thank you. Arrivederci.
That's a great color.
I know, I know. I'll get you a beer later.
Woof! [ Laughs ]
I know, Max, I know. I didn't like it one bit either.
But a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do to get by in this world.
[ Luke Narrating ] And then I saw her, and I knew I just had to have her.
How low can you go?
Hey, look, Max!
James Bond. Not many of these babies in captivity.
- Think she needs rescuing. - Pile of useless goddamn junk!
[ In French Accent ] A kick to the bodywork!
No! It never clears a blocked spark generator.
I don't know what you're going on about, smart-ass.
But you're going the right way of getting a blockage of your own.
''Classic cars,'' my broker says!
[ Luke Narrating ] What did I tell you? Some people don't recognize class.
- None of them bloody work! - I could fix this clunker for you.
If I could borrow your watch. I'll give it back.
[ Luke Narrating ] To others, class stands out a mile.
- This car is a work of art. - This car is a pile of shit!
[ Luke Narrating ] Oh, well. Appearances can sometimes be deceptive.
Voila. Please, monsieur,
take the seat.
[ Woman ] Hello. What's your name? Tsh, tsh, tsh.
Now, give it a try. Give try.
[ Engine Revving ]
Okay, so it's your lucky day.
If you could just hold this wire for me.
Watch the con rods.
If they shake, I will iron out the revs.
Max! Max, I mean now!
We're gonna have to have a serious talk.
Get that mutt off my leather!
- Are you watching? - Watching what?
How you say ''smart-ass''?
In America we say... sucker!
[ Luke Narrating ] Nice seemed like a nice town, if you like trouble.
And trouble that looked like that had my name written all over it.
[ Arguing In French ]
- Are these men bothering you? - No, but you are.
Don't worry, Max. I think I can handle this.
[ Arguing Continues ]
- Come on, break it up. - [ French ]
[ French ]
- That was really dumb. - I thought it was kinda cool.
No, you're right. That was dumb.
[ Tires Screeching ]
- Are you okay? - Sure.
I know, a little shaken up. But there'll be time to thank me--
Ow! Later.
[ Siren Wailing ]
Damn!
- Damn! - Pull over!
- I'm afraid that's not possible. - Pull over!
- Don't tell me you stole this car. - I won't then.
- Pull over! - Goddamn it! Crazy.
Are you crazy or something?
I haven't done this in a long time.
Keep cool, Max!
- So, what are you doing for dinner? - What?
[ Luke Narrating ] I guess some people just don't appreciate...
you giving 'em a good turn.
The next morning was Chiarkos's Concours d'Elegance.
One of the best vintage car shows in the world.
Alfa Romeo, Bugatti,
Citroen, Delahaye,
Jaguar, Corvette,
Aston Martin, Ferrari.
The list was endless.
Just being in the same town with that much beauty...
was worth almost any amount of trouble.
And as it turned out, that was a good attitude to have,
because that's what was coming.' trouble, in spades.
The moment I saw it,
I knew whoever owned this yacht must have a really small dick.
But that was his problem.
And I was about to find that I had plenty of my own.
- Something smells bad, Max. - [ Barks ]
Not you.
[ Luke Narrating ] It takes a real pro to liberate a Delage.
It just had to be Claudia. Claudia Hex.
Well, what do you know?
Ass end of a very bad day.
It's a pleasure to see you too. Agh!
All right, you win, Claudia.
- You don't win 'cause I'm not crying. - I'll make you cry.
Mr. Delson!
Mr. Chiarkos. I should've known.
- All right, give in? - Okay, you win.
I trust you had a good trip.
- What I had was a wasted trip. - Where are you going?
I thought this was a professionally run job.
Obviously, I was wrong.
You came here for the same reason as her.
You can't resist them.
You're hooked, both of you.
It's like a drug.
Some of the most beautiful cars in the world are here for the Concours d'Elegance,
and I'll pay you to steal them.
- It's not about the money. - Oh.
It's about the rush.
I see you both made a good start.
- Are you sponsoring this show? - Mmm. Ironic, isn't it?
All those idiots who wouldn't sell me their cars have traveled halfway over the world...
at their own expense to hand them to me on a plate.
You'll get $25,000 advance...
against any expenses you may incur.
Are you both in?
Work with her? For you?
You're crazy, Mr. Chiarkos.
I don't need your money.
- And I don't want your job. - I haven't finished with you yet,
Mr. Delson.
Take her up and fix her a drink.
I'm not finished with you, either.
Oh, what happened to your poor little head?
[ Luke ] Come on!
This is bullshit! Time is money.
It was the R.P.M. I wanted to speak to you about.
R.P.M.? The gas-free engine? Is it ready?
Test driven only, but Biggerman's got investors crawling all over him.
Biggerman.
Ooh, it must be kind of irritating,
dickhead like Biggerman getting egg all over your face.
I've got 67 fucking tankers floating out to sea full of gasoline.
If that engine sees the light of day, it might as well be horseshit!
- [ Snickers ] - Now, if you get the R.P.M. while it's down here,
- you'll get a modest bonus. - How modest?
A billion dollars.
I don't think modesty is this bonus's trump point.
- Why didn't you offer Biggerman the money? - I did. He declined it.
I mention this, Mr. Delson,
because only you have the skills necessary to acquire it.
I think it better this remains a secret between the two of us.
Any secret with nine zeros is safe with me. You don't have to worry about a thing.
My only worry is that you won't get distracted...
like you did the last time.
You're not in any trouble right now, I hope.
Me? No trouble at all!
[ Ambulance Siren Wailing ]
West to East always screws up my time clock.
That is why I never leave France. Interpol.
And so, once more, the gravy thickens.
- The plot. - What?
- The plot thickens. - If you insist.
Would you like to tell me what you think, Detective?
I think it's too hot to be spending the afternoon with small-time corpses...
when we know Delson's here.
Small time? These men have a big-time boss.
These men work for Chiarkos.
[ Luke Narrating ] Chiarkos had been dumb enough to try to steal the R.P.M...
before I got here.
It had cost him two men and a lot of loose ends for the cops to start sniffing around.
And that meant trouble for the both of us.
I say we concentrate on Delson and deal with Chiarkos later.
- I think you are obsessed by this Delson. - Damn right, I am.
That rich punk has given me the runaround for too long.
I've got an extradition order for his ass.
I've flown 6,000 miles for this.
But you are in danger of letting the tail wag the chicken.
Dog, Inspector!
- A chicken does not have a tail. - Feathers?
Feathers, yes, but no goddamn tail.
- But a dog has a tail. - Yes!
Alors. We do agree on something.
- I thought we'd talk about it at lunch. - I do not want lunch.
I want a shower and a hotel list of all U.S. citizens staying in Nice.
- Dinner then? - Inspector.
- Drinks? - I'm here to work.
It is the South of France, Detective. I'm your host.
But, I must show you around.
First of all, take your hand off my butt.
Second, you are not my host, you are my co-worker.
Thirdly, since I can't stand underarm hair,
do not find Jerry Lewis the least bit funny,
and am allergic to red wine, unfiltered cigarettes and dairy produce,
there is no way in this life I could ever be attracted to a Frenchman!
- Do I make myself clear? - Yes.
Good.Jesus.
I'm actually Belgian...
by birth.
Just so you know.
Bloody hell!
Howdy.
My, oh, my.
I'd love to have this thing wrapped around me.
Yes, uh-- She's, uh-- She's a beauty, isn't she?
- We're down here for the-- - Don't you feel maybe a little...
movement... every time you slide into her?
[ Coughs ]
For the d'Elegance. The Concours d'Elegance.
What's that... silvery thing in the middle for?
This? That's the hand brake.
It, um-- It stops the car, um,
from slipping away when you want to stop it and park it.
It's just so beautiful.
Look, um,
my boat's just over there.
- Would you like to go for a ride? - For a ride? Oh!
In, in the car.
[ Nervous Laughing ] In the c--
Uh, what I'll do, I'll just, um--
I'll just pop these things in the, uh-- In there.
And I'll be right back.
All right, cowboy. You go to your boat...
and I'll wait here by the car, and make sure it won't drive away on its own.
[ Luke Narrating ] Claudia was good, and she knew it.
- But she didn't care about cars like me and Max. - Stay there.
- Frankly, she'd steal anything. - All right, cowboy.
I-I'll just pop these bits--
Just a--
Be careful, now.
[ Luke Narrating ] Her only problem was, like a lot of women,
she couldn't make her mind up about exactly what she wanted.
So she'd take 'em both.
Bonjour.
- [ Horn Honking ] - Oh, shit!
Fuck you too!
Bonjour!
[ Siren Wailing ]
[ Policeman Shouting In French ]
You want the keys? Whoo-hoo!
[ Shouting Continues ]
So long, sucker!
[ Luke Narrating ] Oh, well. At least she was keeping the cops off my back...
while me and Max got on with the real business of stealing the R.P.M.
With one or two distractions.
That's small potatoes, but we'll consider it a loosener and exchange cars.
[ Max Barking ]
What's a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?
Pardon.
[ Whining ]
What the hell's the matter with this door?
You little bastard!
Max? Max, goddamn it! I mean now!
Hey, hey, hey!
[ Glass Shattering ]
Max! Come on! You're a dirty dog, Max.
I'm gonna rip you apart, use your guts...
as dental floss.
[ Horn Honking ]
- [ Speaking French ] - Delahaye 1 35.
- [ Continues In French ] - 1 938.
Merci.
Lord Baxter, you've come to France and won the Concours three years in a row.
Is there any secret to your success?
Well, there's no one out here...
who understands these cars like me, my dear boy.
Our ecurie has exquisite taste...
and an unsurpassed knowledge of automobile history.
All of which is backed up by limitless financial resources.
No expense spared.
Your entry this year has been a closely-guarded secret.
Can you tell us something about it now?
My dear boy, I'd be delighted.
This year, I'm showing my 1 938 Delahaye 1 35.
Her specifications...
are totally original.
It's actually become the pride of my collection.
We're all terribly proud of her, particularly as we've managed to rescue...
this last surviving model just before she disappeared into oblivion.
What the fu--
[ Engine Sputtering ]
[ Luke Narrating ] Nice move, Claudia.
Unfortunately, the Delahaye wasn't the only thing she'd picked up.
Are you fucking mad? You could've killed me, you idiot!
You're lucky I cut the fuel line.
- Who the hell are you? - It's none of your business, wanker.
It will be when I tell the police, and they charge you for ripping off this car.
Tell the police? You don't want to do that.
- You know what I wanna do, do you? - Got a pretty good idea.
Come on, I'll tell you.
[ Whispering ]
Is that legal?
- Not the last time I did it. - [ Laughs ]
- I'll have us moving in a minute. - All right, bum-boy.
[ Banging On Window ]
It's a smoke screen. It must be.
Smoke screen.
Oh, pardon.
We have positive identification from Immigration on both Delson and Claudia Hex.
They're both contract operators stealing in bulk for individual clients.
Just suppose that Chiarkos was the client.
Why would Chiarkos want to steal these cars?
- He's got hundreds of his own. - Exactly.
Maybe he's trying to tie the police in knots while he moves in on what he really wants.
And you are going to tell me what it is, I suppose.
Those men who worked for Chiarkos, the ones in the ditch--
According to police reports, they were last seen at Biggerman's test track.
[ Chuckles ] Now you bring in Biggerman.
- What's he testing down there? - Is this all you can think about?
This case? This endless speculation...
about the who, the why and the what?
There's something going on. I can feel it.
Maybe we should discuss it over lunch?
Would you cut it out with this ''lunch'' thing?
- Dinner, then? - Oh, for chrissake! Shit!
- You rush in like the bull in the tea shop. - Bull in a china shop.
Exactly. You see, Georgie-- I may call you ''Georgie''?
You must make the work longer,
slowly, slowly.
- How you call it? - What, ''catchee monkey''?
Monkey? What is ''monkey''?
It's a saying. ''Slowly,
slowly catchee monkey. ''
- ''Slowly, slowly catchee monkey.'' - [ Makes Monkey Sounds ]
- [ Engine Sputtering ] - There's something wrong with the car, Doris.
It's your fault. You never take it in for a service.
I gave Pierre a hundred francs to fix it.
You should've given him a thousand, and had it done properly.
Aah, holy shit!
- Damn Frogs! - I don't know why you're looking under there.
You don't even know how to put gas in it.
- You have a big problem I can help you with? - I don't know what happened.
Shejust dropped dead on me.
I know more about broads than cars. [ Chuckling ]
This is put together beautifully.
I know, I know. They don't build them like this anymore.
[ Chuckling ]
- Is no good, huh? - Mm-mmm.
Madame, s'il vous plait.
- [ Tapping ] - [ Rudy Taps Signal ]
That was some luck, her coming along, huh?
I think your cam shaft needs grinding, monsieur.
Whatever you say, baby.
I'll just take her around the block, pussycat.
Slowly, slowly catch a fuckin' monkey. It's a saying.
It means-- Who gives a fuck what it means?
I know exactly what it means.
You see, Georgie, it's better...
slowly, slowly, longer, longer.
D'accord?
My mind is like a spring trap... that has sprung.
It never misses a thing.
[ Luke Narrating ] Claudia had got herself a new recruit.
Now she was gonna see if he could pass the oil test.
Agh!
Ooh!
- [ Laughing ] - What the fuck are you doing?
[ Sighs ] Here's your money, fancy pants.
Money.
I thought you were desperate.
Why don't we get cleaned up? Then we can celebrate.
Oh, I--
I thought you might want to get a little... dirty.
Whoops.
A little more than dirty?
How about dirty, dirty?
- [ Laughing ] - Come on.
Stop it!
Dirty filthy rich.
[ Female Singer ] It's not hard to understand
What makes a woman love a man
[ Zipper Unzips ]
It's not hard to understand, no
It's not hard to understand
What are you waiting for, poofter?
What makes a woman love a man
Tune me up.
[ Groaning ]
[ Luke Narrating ] Some guys pass the oil test, some guys fail,
and some... just get carried away.
Ah, Max!
You picked a nice one. No one around.
Fancy meeting you here.
[ Chuckles ]
- The name's Delson. Luke Delson. - [ Barks ]
I'll be your captain for the evening.
Ah, damn!
Come on, buddy!
[ Shouting In French ]
[ Shouting Continues ]
[ Barking ]
[ Luke Narrating ] Meanwhile, Claudia had located Biggerman's factory.
[ Claudia ] What do you think, cream puff? Is it do-able?
It's a bloody fortress.
The R.P.M. is there, so for a billion bucks, think of a way, pansy.
[ Rudy ] Okay.
We take the main gate. There's only one camera.
I think I can make it across the wire in a couple of minutes...
if someone could attract the guards'attention.
Why did I think this should be a problem?
[ Luke Narrating ] It didn't worry me, though. She was about to find out...
why the direct approach wasn't gonna work.
That's a shirt-full.
[ Guard ] What's she playing at?
[ Luke Narrating ] Typical Claudia.
But her sidekick was in for a real shock.
[ Yells ]
- [ Barking ] - All right.
What's the problem?
- [ Meowing ] - What are we gonna do with these guys?
''Michelle Clair.
31 4 Boulevard Des Pecheurs.''
Ha. How about a little detour?
Get in your seat.
It's time to stash this baby, Max. Let her cool down a little.
[ Speaking French ]
Yeah. Max likes her too. Don't you?
We paid a hell of a price on her.
Gotta find an alternate form of transportation, Max.
Something that says ''honest, friendly, eager to please.''
[ Male Singer ] Doo-doo-doot Oh, yeah
Doo-doo-doot All right
Doo-doo-doot Oh, yeah Doo-doo-doot
There's a feeling in the air
[ Indistinct Chattering ]
Shit, Lord Baxter. Excuse me.
Well, fellas--
Monsieur!
[ Shouting In French ]
Got the whole wide world in your hands
Gonna have fun in the sun
[ Shouting ]
Parlez-vous anglais?
Ooh!
We'll have fun in the sun in the warm summer sun
So bright
Doo-doo-doot Oh, yeah
Doo-doo-doot All right
Sorry! Oh.
Gonna have fun
Desolé.
We're gonna have fun in the sun in the warm summer sun
Hello, thief.
Ah, this is a big misunderstanding, Michelle.
Do you mind if I call you that?
I don't care what you call me, as long as I get my car back.
- What car? - Fine. You want to do things the hard way?
I'll call the police. You can explain it to them.
Michelle, no need to get the authorities caught up in this.
Maybe I could try to get your car back.
You'll take me straight to it, now.
- Or else-- - Or else what?
- Max is a hostage? - Your word, not mine. Shall we go?
Well--
Your car is gone, sir.
I was told to give you this note.
Oh, shit! Let's get out of here.
- Tell me what the hell is going on. - I'll explain on the way.
[ Honking ]
[ Horns Honking ]
[ Luke ] Been a long time since I've been scared in a car.
Kinda like it.
I'm not interested in small talk, Mr. Delson.
You're right. Let's skip it and check straight into a hotel.
If you think I'm attracted to you, you're dumber than I thought.
- Not even a little bit? - You're not my type.
You like the idea of my type, don't you? An outlaw.
- It fascinates you. You'rejust fighting it. - I'm not fighting anything.
Well, you obviously like driving fast.
You know the thrill of the moment, what it's like to grab the stick...
and grind the gears.
What it's like when you're just about to lose control. That's what stealing's like.
I never heard such bullshit in my life.
It's the most erotic thing on Earth.
You must have a very limited sex life, Mr. Delson.
- Let me prove it to you. Help me steal a car. - Don't be ridiculous.
- You're just scared. - I'm not scared of anything.
Let me put it this way. If you don't help me steal a car,
then we can't get into the lockup, and we can't get your car back.
The choice is yours.
- I need a lift to Beaulieu. - That's where I was going. Hop in.
- Thank you so much. - Right. Yes.
My pleasure.
Off we go then. What happened?
- I ran out of petrol. - You can't be too careful.
All sorts of rogues around these parts.
[ Luke Narrating ] I just knew she was gonna be a natural at this.
And it was a nice touch gettin'in the back.
I was such an idiot. I only had one glass of champagne.
Just one! That's all it takes with me.
The next thing I know, I'm in this guy's bed...
- licking chocolate yogurt off two of his friends. - Really?
And enjoying it! That's the scary part.
You know what your problem is. Cheap champagne.
- What do you mean? - Well, there's a much higher acidity level.
Forces the alcohol into the blood faster, which is why you lose control.
Wow! How do you know all that?
Well, it's-- It's what I do. Champagne.
- I sell it. - Wow!
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- And this stuff isn't cheap? - Cheap? No, no, it's very expensive.
It won't make me want to take my clothes off and rub you down with baby oil?
- Absolutely not. - Good.
Mmm. How do you feel?
Fine. You were right. I feel fine.
Oh. Have some more.
There we are.
Wonderful stuff.
- What's the matter? - All of a sudden, I feel kind of hot.
Hot? Ah. I'll just go and get the baby oil.
No, wait. Do I feel hot to you?
Oh, yes! Maybe I ought to get you out of this lovely little dress.
I've got to get you out of those nasty little pants.
Feel free.
You know, I was always taught to think the best of people.
- Yes. - And you're a big disappointment.
What? Oh! Come back!
Come back!
Look! That's my car! What?
Not my car! My Delage!
Sex! Sex!
I'm so hot right now.
- You call that erotic? - That was more than erotic. That was a masterpiece.
I mean it, you're a natural.
Yeah, it was kind of exciting, I suppose.
Come on, admit it. It's like great sex.
- Is that all you think about? - When you're around, yes.
Where the fuck is Zantos? I'm serious.
Come on. I've got some things to go over with him.
Where's Claudia? I'm going to nail her ass. I'm sick of this shit!
What? Wait. Where is he?
I don't believe it.
Oh, fuck off, Zantos. Give me that key!
Mr. Chiarkos wants to see you.
Where have you been?
I don't see that's any of your business.
- I'm sorry. You've lost me. - You don't own me.
I don't? Oh, I'm sorry, Michelle.
I thought I'd paid off some debts of yours. I must've been thinking of someone else.
Zantos, correct me if I'm wrong.
Does Michelle owe me any money?
- No, no, no, boss. You said it was a gift. - [ Chuckles ]
I did? Well, now I'm telling you it was a loan.
Fine. I'll pay you back.
- Whatever it takes. - A short-term loan.
Which must be repaid immediately.
You know I can't do that.
Ahh! Well, then, I'd say you have a problem.
It's over. Why don't you just accept it?
Because I decide.
Not you.
And I've decided your place, tomorrow night.
Cook something simple.
Oh, and, Michelle,
if you ever run off again,
it'll be the last thing you ever do!
So nice to have you back.
Keys?
- [ Cell Phone Ringing ] - [ Luke Narrating ] I had one thing on my mind.'
the R.P.M. was waiting, and it was almost time for the big moment.
Hello?
Yeah, I've been waiting for your call.
Yeah, I got 'em.
I made some computations on the computer.
Still think it's best to go through the roof.
Yeah. Oui! Oui!
Yeah. Bye.
Luke! Hey, Luke!
Biggerman will kill you before you get near the R.P.M.
A little feisty opposition, that's the excitement.
Besides, Biggerman will be Chiarkos's problem.
- You can't trust Chiarkos. - Hmm, I know.
He'd throw you to the dogs without thinking twice.
Guy's a first-rate asshole, no argument there.
But he's a good payer, and he's come through so far.
Hold on to this for me.
- Hi, Karen. - I thought you said there was nothing to it.
- I lied. - Figures.
From the photographs, we're best coming in from the northeast, treetop level, give us cover.
- Yeah, it's a one-shot deal. I go in on the first round. - Okay.
I'll explain on the way.
I must be crazy.
[ Man ] That's my car there. That's it.
- That's a Hispano Suiza. That's my car! - Thank you, thank you.
Any news yet?
If this continues, we'll be back behind the desk!
Are they gonna stake out Chiarkos for you or not?
The Commissaire-- police chief-- is a provincial idiot.
Stupid and nervous. A combination I detest.
- So the answer's no? - But a ''no'' which suddenly makes sense.
My mind has been spinning and spinning...
asking the same question over and over again.
Why?
Every effort I make to reach out to you,
you just ignore.
You dismiss it as another unwanted sexual advance.
What on earth are you talking about?
I'm talking about the feelings you are hiding behind this case.
But why?
[ Laughing ] I don't believe this.
You have a tan line on your left ring finger.
Do you think I didn't notice?
You were married once.
Is that what you are trying to forget?
The empty apartment you come home to every night?
Too much space?
Too many memories?
Oh, please, Georgie, shout at me, hit me, talk to me!
I don't care!
But no more lies about your interest in this case!
[ Sobbing ]
Georgie!
Yes, yes.
- Wave! - What?
Wave... at the guard!
- Wave at the guard! - You're kidding?
Hi.
[ Luke Narrating ] Biggerman's plant was built like Fort Knox...
to protect the greatest technological breakthrough in automotive history.
I was gonna have to be good.
But we were all in for a big surprise.
- What are you talking about? What more fucking time? - I need another six months.
- Six months? Weeks ago you said six fucking months. - Maybe five months then.
I haven't got five hours! There's no more time!
- There has to be more time! - No!
[ Biggerman ] Fucking no!
We've been running two cars in the fuel consumption trials for six months.
How much longer do you think it's gonna take for someone to figure out the R.P.M is a fake?
[ Grinkstein ] Fake?
How dare you, you jumped-up, fucking bloody philistine! It's not a fake!
It is a fake. You're a fake.
[ Biggerman ] It's all a fucking fake!
I'm on the verge of the greatest scientific discovery...
since ''E'' equaled MC squared.
You are on the verge of fuck all!
And you've been on the verge of fuck all since we started on this nightmare!
You don't understand science, Biggerman.
Science! You cannot rush science!
Bollocks to science!
I've spunked a fortune up the fucking wall for science!
This piece of shit is not gonna work, ever! Fucking never!
Yes, yes, one day!
- One day! - One day. This is my last chance.
There are people out there, they wanna pay me big.
I want my fucking money and I'm fucking taking it! Then off!
[ Luke Narrating ] It seems hard to believe that things...
- were about to get even worse. - It's her again.
- But they were. - [ Horn Honking ]
Excuse me, madam. This is private property.
One moment, bitte. Where I am on the map?
C'est bon.
Where do you want to get?
- Here. - This way?
You little schmuck!
Ah, mein Herr, your friend has fainted. I don't know why.
Bonne nuit.
[ Beeping ]
Excuse me, I must use a phone.
- It's over there. - Merci.
[ Excited Chattering, Shouting ]
I smell trouble, Max.
Max?
Claudia?
I can smell you.
- ''Obsession'' with a dash of chloroform. - ''Poison.''
And I think you should come a little closer.
Save the sucker punch for your suckers.
[ Laughing ] You're so sweet when you try and fight me.
You always have been.
What I don't understand is why we could never be close.
You're sick!
I'll tell you why.
'Cause every time I turned my back on you,
you stole everything I ever had.
Kept you on your toes.
Turned you into that man you are today.
What do you want, Claudia?
I know about your secret deal with Chiarkos.
I know about that billion dollar bonus for the R.P.M.
Yeah?
Well, I think there's something you should know about the R.P.M.
Cut the crap!
All I need to know is how rich it's gonna make me.
[ Laughing ]
Yeah, well, you're making a big mistake.
Just say yes. It's so much less messy.
Be careful with that thing.
I missed you.
Yeah, I missed you too.
Yeah, I really believe that too.
We were always meant to be together.
You and I are the only ones who really appreciate the thrill of it all.
Can we talk about this later?
- What's the hurry, Luke? - Steal the car.
- Do you have to get back to your little girlfriend? - [ Groans ]
Drop it, Claudia!
She's no good. Trust me.
Why is it every time I meet a woman, you try to wreck it?
Not bad for a midget.
She's seeing Chiarkos, you know.
Everybody else knows. I'm sorry.
- You win. - Thank you.
- So, are we gonna steal this car or what? - Thought you'd never ask.
You get the elevator, I'll pull the car in.
Why don't I think that's a good idea? I'll drive, you get the elevator.
- Fine! Darn bitch! - Sure.
[ Tires Screeching ]
Knew I could count on you.
[ Shouting ]
[ Shouting ]
Get the fuck outta here!
A Ford V8?
[ Laughing ]
I gotta hand it to you, Biggerman,
that's a world-class scam.
You there! Show me your identification.
- [ Speaking French ] - Intruder! Workshop section!
Intruder! Workshop section!
[ Alarm Blaring ]
Where is it?
Mr. Biggerman, what a pleasure.
You tell me where the R.P.M. is! Now!
Ah, I can see you're a little anxious.
It'll put a hell of a dent in your paycheck...
once the world finds out that your miracle machine...
is just a fancy tin can...
with a Ford V8 engine.
That wasn't very nice, Mr. Biggerman.
You tell me where it's gone or I'll tear you a new asshole!
Why? You're the one that's full of shit!
[ Shouting ] Seize him! Stop him!
- Exterminate him! - [ Gun Falls To Floor ]
Well.
Don't you feel stupid?
Turn around!
[ As Marlon Brando ] Give me a stick of butter.
Just kidding. Turn around.
Put your hands up on the glass.
Higher!
[ Alarm Blaring Continues ]
What's all this walking about?
Shut up! Give me five.
- What are you doing? - I said shut up!
You're a bigger fucking faker than I thought you was!
Give me a kiss.
What are you-- What are you doing?
What are you doing? You crazy? You'll kill both of us!
[ Screaming ]
Doctor?
Serves you right, you wanker.
[ Screaming ]
[ Alarm Blaring Continues ]
Oh, shit! What is the fucking code?
Nine.
Eight. Three.
Nine, eight, three, what?
Zero! [ Groans ]
Thank you!
Fuck 'em.
It's time, Professor,
to sever our partnership.
[ Saw Buzzing ]
[ Over Phone ] Biggerman here!
If that car falls into the wrong hands, you're fired.
F-U-C-K-E-D! Fired!
Got that?
Ow! [ Screaming ]
Oh,Jesus Christ! Fuck, fuck!
You made me break a nail.
One, two, three.
We got enough for a threesome, fellas.
Who wants to go first? Ugly or Dumb?
- [ Groans ] - [ Groans ]
This is embarrassing. At least make an effort.
Oo-la-la!
Now look what you've done, you mama's boys! Mama's pet!
You smell!
Hello? Inspector?
Yeah.
Sorry. Took me a while to get back to you.
My dear friend,
I was just wondering when I'd hear from you.
Did it go according to plan?
[ Luke ] Everything's set. Where's the Greek?
He's left his yacht.
I had him followed to an address in Juan-les-Pins.
Are you concentrating?
With every part of me that counts, my dear Georgie.
[ Luke ] What'd you call me? What are you saying?
Just bringing a colleague into the loop. 31 4 Boulevard des Pecheurs.
Call me when you have spoken to him.
Three hundred and fourteen, huh?
[ Leblanc ] It's a small world, my friend.
Yeah.
[ Chiarkos ] To us.
[ Michelle ] There is no ''us''anymore.
- [ Chiarkos ] Why do you keep saying that? - Because it's true!
And whatever you do or say to me, it isn't gonna change.
This had better be important.
It is.
More wine.
We got interesting news, sir.
He has it?
[ Zantos ] Yeah. I told him to bring it here.
If he was good enough to steal that car from Biggerman,
he'll be good enough to steal it from me.
What about the billion dollars?
Ahh! I'll whack him!
[ Car Approaching ]
Running out on me again? Why do you dislike me so much?
I don't dislike you. I just don't want to belong to you.
And the money, and the cars, and the jewelry, it's not enough, huh?
I told you, it's not about the money.
Too bad.
- Mr. Delson! - My God.
Shit.
What a pleasant surprise.
You owe me a billion dollars.
Are you telling me you have the R.P.M.?
No, I got that oven timer you ordered.
Of course I got it.
- [ Door Opens ] - Sir, Rudy's here.
So?
He has the R.P.M.
I'm disappointed, Delson.
A last minute bluff like this? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
- You're making a mistake, Chiarkos. - Good-bye, Mr. Delson.
It's gonna be an expensive mistake.
- Will you let me explain? - What's there to explain? You lied to me.
You can't burst into someone's life and expect them to tell you everything about themselves.
Two days ago, you were just a guy who'd stolen my car.
Oh, you can sleep with me, but it's too personal...
- to tell me you're the girlfriend of the asshole I work for. - I'm not his girlfriend.
- I owe him money. I've been trying to shake him for weeks. - I really believe you, honey.
So you haven't lied to me, is that it? What about Claudia?
If she's just a bad memory, why do you carry a photo of her in your wallet?
Tell me that.
Claudia's my sister.
There's no time for this. He's gonna kill whoever brings him the R.P.M.
No one is walking away with the money. No one!
- I'm gonna kill you if you don't bring Max back. - You're crazy.
So, what about the money?
Please, go with Zantos. He'll give it to you.
- Open the hood. - Open it yourself! I'm a fucking billionaire now.
You want me to pay a billion dollars for a Ford V8?
- I want him out of here! - What? What's wrong with the fucking car?
[ Zantos ] Bad idea double-crossing Mr. Chiarkos.
I hope you're a good swimmer, Rudy.
- What's wrong with the fucking car? - Get rid of him!
- Put me down! - Bye-bye, Rudy.
I've been strung up like a kipper, you bastard!
- Bye-bye. - [ Screaming ]
[ Laughing ]
[ Chiarkos ] What the fuck is going on?
You see, Biggerman had two R.P.M.s made.
That one, and the real one. The one I've got.
How do I know this... miracle engine really exists?
For all I know, they both could be fakes.
Well, there's just one way to find out.
Be at this address tomorrow at 1 1 :00 a.m.
The new price will take my sensitive feelings into account.
What new price?
Mmm, $2 billion.
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Yeah. Do you want the car or not?
Delson, you deliver or you're dead!
I mean it. I want that car.
Yeah, and I want my fucking dog back!
[ Gasps, Applause ]
I'm very pleased you could make it. Whoops.
If you'd excuse me for a moment.
[ Luke Narrating ] Biggerman was running out of time.
Even faster than he knew.
Merci.
Which gave me a perfect idea.
Until I hit a little trouble of my own.
Max!
Max?
What are you doing here?
I care about you. I don't want you to get hurt.
Yeah, right.
- Why won't you just admit it? - Admit what?
That you really like me. That's why you're so angry.
If you didn't care about it, then none of this would matter.
- [ Karen ] Luke? - Romantic crisis. Can you give me five?
Are you still seeing Chiarkos?
I was. But it's over now. He just won't accept it.
And when you say you like me, how much do you like me?
I love you.
I don't believe you.
Now can we get out of here?
I've got some business to take care of.
Don't you understand what I just told you?
Just trust me on this, sweetheart.
Trust me. Look.
I'll take your deposits now. If you'll forgive the expression.
No sense of humor.
When all your money's through,
then you'll be part...
of the secret of the century.
Karen, take Max.
Okay. There's a good boy. Come on.
- What are you doing? -Just finishing off.
Finishing off what?
Stealing the R.P.M.
Hello. Nice earrings. I like 'em.
Right, here we go.
[ Biggerman ] What the fuck is going on? Who the fuck's driving?
No one, you leopard!
Luke, if I fucking get my hands on you, you're dead!
I hate you!
This is good!
[ Screams ]
- Come on. Come on, Claudia. - I'm right behind you.
All right, you win. Yeah, you win!
He's here, boss.
What is it? Ugly Day and somebody forgot to tell me?
Where is my fucking car?
- Where is my fucking money? - [ Zantos ] Shut your mouth.
Aah! They let all the animals out of the zoo?
Hey, tough guy.
It's good shit.
The rat met the weasel. I got the cheese.
Okay.
Go ahead. Take a look under the hood. It's a miracle!
- Where are you going? - She's leaving you.
- What? - For me. She's leaving you for me.
Kill them both.
- Run! - [ Machine Gun Fire ]
Don't hit the car!
Don't hit the car!
Bastard!
[ Yells ]
Let's get her up.
[ Luke Narrating ] I'll confess, I was a little nervous.
This was the first time I've tried out my gizmo under such severe conditions.
I needn't have worried though. The little fellow worked like a dream.
[ Luke, Michelle Laughing ]
I told you before, I can't fucking control it.
- Put your foot on the brake! - I've got me foot on the fucking brake!
Have I just spent a billion dollars on a piece of shit?
Let's face it, Constantine, you have been conned.
Stop the car, or I'll kick you in the head.
Give it a rest. I'm not feeling well.
[ Laughing ]
- How do you like it now, Ch-- - Okay, now can we get out of here?
- I got one more score to settle. - I wanna go home.
Yeah!
- Will you finish this please? - Right now, honey.
You see, my dear Georgie,
what did I tell you this morning?
You said I have a most beautiful-- [ Moaning ]
Longer, longer.
Better, better. Oh, slower, slower.
- [ Michelle ] Faster, faster! - [ Luke ] Okay, we're going home.
Subtitles By Captions, Inc. Los Angeles
I can feel the passion
- Between me and you - The passion
- I know what to do - The passion
Take it all the way
Yeah
You know you take me
Where I've never been
You know you make me feel so alive
I want to do it all again
You make me feel so free
You know you make me live
I feel the need for the things
That only you can give
I can feel the passion
- Between me and you - The passion
- I know what to do - The passion
Take it all the way
Yeah
I feel the fire
I look in your eyes
So much desire Can't resist
No need to try
You got what I want
You got what I need
You're so exciting So inviting
Give it all to me
I can feel the passion
- Between me and you - The passion
- I know what to do - The passion
Take it all the way
Yeah
The passion
I can feel the passion
- Between me and you - The passion
- I know what to do - The passion
Take it all the way
Yeah
I can feel the passion
- Between me and you - The passion
- I know what to do - The passion
Take it all the way
Yeah
RPM
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