Download over 80'000'000 DVD movies!!!
Searh and Download Over 80 Million DVD Quality Movies!!!

Subtitles for Red Dwarf 04x02 - DNA.

English Subtitles for DivX Movies.


Select one of the letters to view a proper section of titles list:

# A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z



Red Dwarf 04x02 - DNA

Click here to download subtitles file for the movie "Red Dwarf 04x02 - DNA"

Click here to download the movie "Red Dwarf 04x02 - DNA"


Ads:

Stand by. She's coming round.
There's something out there, man. We're clamping on.
- Visual down! Radar down! - We've lost the entire desk!
- What are you all staring for? - You've just unplugged the console.
Right. I'm blow-drying my hair.
- We're tracking a UFO. - Oh, you're tracking a UFO,
so I have to look like the Bride of Frankenstein?
- Use another socket. - This is beyond belief.
A spaceship five miles long without enough plug sockets!
There's plenty of plug sockets, Cat.
They're all taken up with your beauty aids. Use a wall socket.
What?! Unplug my hot wax strip unsightly hair remover?!
Yes. Unplug your hot wax strip unsightly hair remover.
I don't believe this.
We finally encounter an alien species, and I meet them with a wavery bikini line!
It's back, bearing zero-niner-zero. Adjust 1% portside.
1% portside. C locked on...
All right. OK. I'll use gel. Everybody happy?
Stabilise pitch. Reduce correctives...
- What is it? - I have no idea.
The craft does not appear to be of Earth construction.
Aliens. They're probably going to return Glenn Miller.
- What? - That's what they do.
People who inexplicably vanish, they return them.
Ah, smeg! That's all we need. Glenn Miller boring us with "Pennsylvania 6-5000".
Kryten, open communication channels.
We don't want him! Go away!
You took him, You can keep the smegger!
How deliciously bizarre. The hall's molecular structure conforms to no known element.
Whoever or whatever made this thing had access to a technology far ahead of our own.
- OK, let's split up. - Why? Why split up?
- We'll can search quicker. - What's the hurry?
Have you got a major luncheon appointment?
- What's your problem? - I'm not going with him.
- Me? What's wrong with me? - You're totally egocentric,
you flee at the first sign of trouble, you're vain, selfish and self-obsessed.
You just listed my best features.
- I'm going with Kryten. - Come on, Cat.
Kryten, take point. I've seen those movies. The guy in the lead always buys it first.
Well, in my experience, the fellow bringing up the rear gets picked off first,
so the others aren't aware they're under attack.
You're right. Can you take the front and the back, so I'm in the middle?
I'll do my best, sir.
- Go, Kryten. - We've found something, sir,
- Yeah? - I think it's one of the crew,
A hideously malformed triple-headed skeleton with putrefied flesh hanging from it,
It fell through Rimmer as we opened the lift door,
- Is he all right? - He's discovered what shirt tails are for,
All right, Don't make me sound like a complete cowardly git, I'm fine now,
Shall I cancel the order to find your mother?
- Is that thing still on? - Hey, look at this.
- Don't. We don't know what it does. - I'm just looking.
Cheers, man! Brilliant! I'm trapped!
- Get me out of this thing. - Be cool.
I'm on the case. I remember the sequence.
It was red-blue-yellow... No, blue-yellow-red.
What the smeg is that?!
Curious, the skeletal form appears to be basically humanoid in structure.
He's got three heads.
Wait. Here's some kind of wallet.
The artefacts are human. A pilot's licence, ID, even a video club card.
This guy belonged to a video club and needed a card so they'd recognise him?!
He's got six eyes and three noses. I'd remember him.
"Aren't you the bloke who came in last week, sneezed and caused a monsoon?"
I think he started out as human and something happened
that mutated him in this unspeakable way.
Language trace completed, Dialect English, colloquial, 23rd century,
Do nothing. Press nothing. Just get Kryten!
- Wait, I think I got it. - Transmogrification sequence initiated,
- Maybe not. - Transmogrifi-what?!
Gene sample accepted and cloned, Please key in new genetic structure,
Do nothing. Press nothing. Get Kryten!
Hey, you think I can't handle this? I have to get Novelty-Condom-Head to bail you out?
I got you into this, I'll get you out.
- Get Kryten! - Relax, would you? I know what I'm doing.
New genetic structure accepted,
Metamorphosis in ten seconds and counting,
I got a good idea. Why don't I get Kryten?
Look, forget Kryten. Just press the pads, any pads! Stop this!
Sequence complete,
Are you OK? We detected a massive power surge in this sector.
Where's Lister?
- That's Lister?! - What can I say, except... whoops?
- What is it? - Best guess? Some kind of DNA modifier,
designed to alter organic life at its molecular level.
This explains our triple-headed friend.
- So what does it do? - Every cell in your body contains DNA,
a series of genetic instructions for your body.
It's like a computer program that chooses the colour of your eyes, shape of your nose,
designates sex, height, even your lifespan.
This machine rewrites the DNA program.
So this machine can transform any living thing into any other living thing?
- Precisely. - And it turned Lister into a chicken.
- So it seems. - Question is, can we turn him back again?
The question is, do we want to?
Hypothetically, it shouldn't be too difficult to recall his original form.
We simply have to decode the keypad.
Listy?
It's incredible. It really is him. Look, it's even got his little beer gut.
Hmm, seems a fairly straightforward hexadecimal layout.
Logically, this should be the recall sequence.
That's not it, is it?
Let's start from the top. What happened here, exactly?
I was pressing the pads. I definitely pressed the yellow one first.
And then this thing came down. I'm pressing buttons,
- then this voice said... - Transmogrification sequence engaged,
Right! So I press some more buttons, and then it says...
- Please key in new genetic structure, - That's it exactly!
- Cat, stop! - No need to engage your panic chip, sir.
The machine only operates on organic life. I am mineral and therefore immune.
New genetic structure accepted, Metamorphosis in ten seconds and counting,
Oh. Wait a minute. No. My brain is part organic,
and therefore it is possible for the machine to transmogrify my physical condition.
Engage panic circuits... Panic circuits engaged.
- Are you OK? - Yeah, I think so.
- What was it like being a hamster? - Better than being a chicken.
You've seen the size of an egg? You've seen a chicken's bum?
That's what the clucking was about. I was trying to say, "Give me a epidural!"
Let's get Kryten back. Press what you pressed for Lister.
My heavens.
I am human.
Yeah, but you lost your looks.
I'm human - my greatest dream come true, I can experience real feelings,
I'm experiencing one now. I'm in happiness mode.
I've never experienced anything like it before.
Except for that time I accidentally welded my groinal socket to a washing machine.
I'm alive!
- How's he doing, Hol? - Physically, he's fine.
He's got the body of a perfectly normal 30-year-old human male... apparently.
- Is he all right? - He needs to adjust. Everything's a bit new.
- Morning! - Greetings, fellow human.
Ah, breakfast, my very first meal. Boiled chicken ovulations - delicious!
- How you coping? Any problems? - Just one or two.
I've compiled a list, if you'll indulge me.
Now, then, my optical system doesn't appear to have a zoom function.
- No, human eyes don't have a zoom. - How do you bring a small object into focus?
Well, you just move your head closer to the object.
I see. Move your head closer... hmm... to the object.
All right. What about other optical effects,
like split screen, slow motion, Quantel?
- No. We don't have them. - You don't have them? Just the zoom.
No, that's fine. That's great. No, that's great.
Now, my nipples don't work.
In what way "don't work"?
Well, when I was a mechanoid, the right nipple nut regulated body temperature,
while the left was used mainly to pick up short-wave radio transmissions.
Now, no matter how hard I twiddle it, I can't seem to pick up Jazz FM.
- Human nipples don't do that, Kryt. - I see. Fine.
Ah, recharging.
Now, I presume that humans recharge much the same way mechanoids do.
I have located what I presume is the recharging socket,
but for some strange reason, it doesn't have the standard three-pin adaption.
Now, do I need some kind of adaptor, because the lead just keeps falling out?
Kryten, we eat and sleep. That's our way of recharging.
Oh. Hmm...
Ah, now, I wanted to talk to you about something.
Something I know we humans get a little embarrassed about.
It's a bit of a taboo subject, not the sort of thing we discuss in polite conversation.
Kryten, I'm an enlightened 23rd-century guy. Spit it out, man.
Well, I want to talk to you about my penis.
I knew it. You've gone straight into smirk mode.
Aren't we both adults? Can't we discuss our reproductive system
without adolescent sniggering?
- Yeah, of course we can. - Thank you.
- Well? - Well, what?
- Well, what do you think? - What am I supposed to say?
Is that normal?
Taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates? No, it's not!
Well, is it supposed to look like that?
- Well, yeah. - It's hideous!
That's the best they could come up with?!
Are you telling me there were choices, and someone said, "Ah, that's it.
"That's the shape we're looking for, the last-chicken-in-the-shop look?"
Shakespeare had one? Einstein?
Perry Como sang "Memories Are Made Of This" with one of those stashed in his slacks?
- Well, yeah. - No wonder humans don't have a zoom mode.
Now, take a look at this.
And this.
Now, why do you suppose that happened?
Wh-What were you thinking of at the time?
Nothing in particular. I was just flicking through an electrical appliance catalogue.
I came across the section on super de-luxe vacuum cleaners
and suddenly my underpant elastic was catapulted across the medical bay.
You see, man, you're neither one thing or the other.
You shouldn't be getting erotic thoughts about electrical appliances.
It WAS a triple-bag easy-glide vac with turbo suction and a self-emptying dustbag.
Kryten, I don't care what model it was.
No vacuum cleaner should give a human being a double Polaroid.
- Do yourself a favour, man. Change back. - Back?
Become one of those sappy, sad-act mechanoids again? This is my dream.
Hey, I've got a joke for you.
How many mechanoids does it take to change a light bulb?
- I don't know. - Twelve. You know why?
- Why? - Because they're so stupid!
Isn't that the greatest joke?
I've got another. Heard about the mechanoid peeping Tom?
Man, this is a totally whacked-out idea. It'll never work.
That DNA machine can do anything. The hard part was finding one of my dead cells.
You really think you can clone yourself from your dandruff?
Why not? Dandruff has DNA in it. That machine has a clone facility.
But a man made from dandruff? It'll never work.
The first time you use medicated shampoo, you'll disappear.
I won't be made of dandruff. My body will be recreated from the genetic pattern in it.
- How's Kryten? - Confused.
If he offers to show you his photo collection, my advice is decline politely.
I bet he can't believe his luck. He's reached the pinnacle of evolution. He's human.
What's so big about being human?
Listy, don't knock it till you've tried it.
I just don't trust that machine. I know it's old-fashioned,
but I believe if God intended us to fly,
he wouldn't have invented Spanish air traffic control.
That machine might be able to cure diseases,
but you shouldn't use it to change you into what you're not.
Wasn't it Descartes who said, "I am what I am"?
- No, it was Popeye the Sailor Man. - Well, he was a hell of a philosopher.
I think what he was saying was stay true to what you are.
Oh, here we go. Typical knee-jerk techno-fear reaction.
That machine is the greatest single technological advancement mankind ever made.
Greater than fire, greater than the wheel.
What about the dude with three heads?
- Well, he abused it. - Someone always does.
So you wouldn't use it? There's nothing about your bodies you'd like to improve?
Me?! Are you serious? Most people leave their bodies to medical science.
I'm leaving mine to the Louvre, baby!
At some point, most people wish they were someone else.
This is going back years, before the accident.
Kochanski had finished with me, and I felt really pony.
So I went for a walk in the botanical gardens and saw this squirrel collecting nuts.
It stopped and looked at me, and I thought, "You lucky little sod.
"You like your job. You have no woman trouble. You'll never feel as bad as I feel. "
And at that moment, I would have given anything to swap places with him.
That's awful, man - when a woman screws you up so bad you want to become a squirrel.
It made me think that being human isn't always fun.
So, Lister, what are you telling us? You're a closet squirrel?
Behind closed doors, you parade around in a strap-on bushy tail calling yourself Nutkin?
I'm saying that being human sometimes isn't all it's cracked up to be.
If Kryten thinks it'll solve all his problems, he's in for a major disappointment.
A wonderful thing has happened. We found this machine that's made me human.
- You're a human now? - That's right, Spare Head One.
Our wildest, most incredible dream has come true.
- What's it like? - It's indescribable, Spare Head Two.
True, I'm having a few problems coping with the human emotions,
there's no zoom, the nipples don't work,
and I could show you a snapshot that would make your eyes spin.
- That apart, it's all going well. - What about us?
- It was my turn to be main head next month. - Obviously that's not possible.
Aren't you happy for me? I'm not second-class any more.
What about Spare Head Three? You can't just leave him. He's got droid rot.
I don't need no bugger to look after me!
Me units may be shot to buggery, but I don't need sympathy from 'im!
Well, I'll still visit. I won't forget you.
- Where have you been for the past four days? - I've been busy.
Aye, busy swankin' round with his poncey new eight-valve heart,
la-di-da-ing with all his fancy new human friends!
Oh, what do you know about anything?
Ooh, hark at 'im! Orderin' his own heads around.
I may be 30,000 years old,
and me circuits may be bandy, but I'll tell you this for nowt -
you came into this world a mechanoid, and a mechanoid you'll always be!
I don't have to take this from you. I'm a human. Shut your stupid flat head!
Kryten, I don't believe you just said that.
I don't even know why I came here.
I think you should leave now, Kryten. There's nothing more to say.
Aye, sling your bloody hook! Go on! Clear off!
And what about you, Spare Hand One?
Greetings, fellow human.
"Fellow human. " How hollow those words sound now.
What's eating you, man?
I can't get the hang of these human emotions. One moment I'm happy, the next I'm miserable.
I'm up and down more than a pair of kangaroos in the mating season.
Depression's there for a reason. It's the mind's way of saying something's wrong.
What could be wrong? I've got everything I want.
- Oh, yeah? - No. I've done the most terrible thing.
I've hurt my own kind, those closest to me.
I've been a complete Polaroid-head.
Yeah. You've had your head up your recharge socket.
Agreed. And you've known all along.
Yeah, well. I did something similar once. Sold out.
You sold out?
Hmm. Look, this is between me and you, OK, Kryten?
Once, many years ago...
I went into a wine bar.
- That's it? You went into a wine bar? - OK. Keep it down!
- I don't want the whole world to know. - What's so bad about going into a... WB?
It means I was a class traitor.
I could have been on that slippery slope - hankering after pine kitchens,
sleeping on futons, eating tapas.
Who knows? I could have started having "relationships" instead of "going out",
got married, got on the property ladder.
Who knows where it could have ended?
Next thing you know, I'm playing squash every Tuesday night with a bloke called Gerald.
A lucky escape, man.
I want to be a mechanoid again. It's what I always have been, always will be.
And no bad thing. Let's do it.
Kryten, a cartoon character called Popeye said a really profound thing.
- What did he say? - "I am what I am. "
Are you sure? I thought that was Descartes.
So did I, man. It's so easy to get those two dudes mixed up.
- OK, Hol? - I've got it sussed.
- We should try it first. - What with?
- Well, anything organic. - Hey, don't look at me.
- I'm not. I'm looking at that container. - Lister's curry?!
It's organic. If we can change a mutton vindaloo into a chicken vindaloo,
we'll know it's safe for Kryten.
Nice idea, Goalpost-Head.
- Let's try it. - I was enjoying that!
Gene sample accepted and cloned, Metamorphosis in progress,
- What the smeg is it? - What have we created?
It's the mutton vindaloo beast! Half man, half extra-hot Indian curry!
OK. You go. I'll cover you.
- Seriously?! - No!
I don't believe I'm running away from a psychopathic curried man!
- Is he still following us? - Can't you smell him? He's right behind us!
Remember last Easter? The Polymorph?
That's right. The killer shami kebab.
How can the same smeg happen to the same guy twice?
Last time, it was hors d'oeuvres. This time, it's lunch.
- Kiss your ugly ass goodbye, beast! - Twice!
Go back to the DNA suite. I've got an idea!
Holly, I want the truth - can you make this machine work without any mistakes?
Yeah. I know what I did wrong.
It's a mistake any deranged, half-witted computer could've made.
- I can do it. Give me a chance. - That creature's virtually indestructible.
There's only one way to beat it.
Turn me into a superhuman. Man plus.
Are you totally insane?
You're letting that fruitbat of a computer diddle with your DNA?
- Have you got a better plan? - Maybe Indian restaurant music will stop it.
Or we could make a surrender flag out of flock wallpaper.
The chomp thing'll be through that door any minute now.
Right. Let's do it.
Transmogrification sequence initiated,
Metamorphosis complete,
Did it work?
- Kind of. - What do you mean, "kind of"?
I mean "kind of".
- Well, getting better. - What now?
No time to change him back. Let's scoot.
Come on, stumpy.
Wait for me!
I can't keep up! I'm knackered!
Of course. Lager. The only thing that can kill a vindaloo.
Has anyone got a poppadom the size of Lake Michigan?
This stuff's really good.
This guy's pure class.
# It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere
# I'm all alone, more or less
# Let me fly far away from here
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose
# Drinking fresh mango juice
# Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun
# Fun, fun, fun
# In the sun, sun, sun #
RPM
RRRrrrr!!!
RU Ready
Raaz
Rabbit Proof Fence
Rabid Dogs - Cani Arrabbiati 1974
Raccoon War Pom Poko The CD1
Raccoon War Pom Poko The CD2
Radio
Radio Days
Raging Bull 1980
Raid 2003 CD1
Raid 2003 CD2
Raid On Rommel 1971
Rain Children The 2003
Rain Man CD1
Rain Man CD2
Rainmaker The
Rainy Dog - Takashi Miike
Raise Your Voice
Raisin in the Sun A
Raising Victor Vargas (2002) Deity
Raja Hindustani
Ranch The 2004 Unrated Uncut Edition
Random Harvest 1942
Random Hearts (1999)
Rasen (The Spiral)
Rashomon 1950
Ratcatcher (1999)
Ravenous
Ray CD1
Ray CD2
Rayon Vert Le (Rohmer 1986)
Real Cancun The
Real Fiction (Shilje sanghwang)
Real Women Have Curves (2002)
Rear Window
Rebel Music - The Bob Marley Story
Rebel Without a Cause 1955
Recess Schools out
Recipe For Disaster 2003
Reconstruction
Red Dessert (Deserto Rosso) CD1
Red Dessert (Deserto Rosso) CD2
Red Dragon (Jet Lee)
Red Dragon 2002 CD1
Red Dragon 2002 CD2
Red Dwarf - 05x01 - Holoship
Red Dwarf - 05x02 - Quarantine
Red Dwarf - 05x02 - The Inquisitor
Red Dwarf - 05x03 - Terrorform
Red Dwarf - 05x05 - Demons and Angels
Red Dwarf - 05x06 - Back To Reality
Red Dwarf 02x01 - Kryten
Red Dwarf 02x02 - Better Than Life
Red Dwarf 02x03 - Thanks For The Memory
Red Dwarf 02x04 - Stasis Leak
Red Dwarf 02x05 - Queeg
Red Dwarf 02x06 - Parallel Universe
Red Dwarf 03x01 - Backwards
Red Dwarf 03x02 - Marooned
Red Dwarf 03x03 - Polymorph
Red Dwarf 03x04 - Bodyswap
Red Dwarf 03x05 - Timeslides
Red Dwarf 03x06 - The Last Day
Red Dwarf 04x01 - Camille
Red Dwarf 04x02 - DNA
Red Dwarf 04x03 - Justice
Red Dwarf 04x04 - White Hole
Red Dwarf 04x05 - Dimension Jump
Red Dwarf 04x06 - Meltdown
Red Heat
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Off the Map
Red River 1948
Red Shadow
Red Sonja
Red Sorghum 1987
Red Water
Red beard 1965 akahige CD1
Red beard 1965 akahige CD2
Ref The
Regarding Henry 1991
Regle Du Jeux La
Reign of Fire
Reindeer Games
Relentless 1989
Remains of the Day The CD1
Remains of the Day The CD2
Rembrandt
Remember Me CD1
Remember Me CD2
Remember the Titans
Remember the Titans (Standard Edition)
Remo
Rendez-vous 1985
Replacement Killers The
Replacement Killers Who Am I
Replicant The
Requiem for a Dream
Requiem from the Darkness Episode One
Requiem from the Darkness Episode Two
Rescuers Down Under The
Rescuers The
Resident Evil Apocalypse
Respiro grazias island 2002
Resurrection of the little match girl CD1
Resurrection of the little match girl CD2
Return The
Return To Me
Return To Paradise (1998)
Return of The King The
Return of the Dragon
Return to Sender
Return to the Blue Lagoon
Returner (Takashi Yamazaki 2002) CD1
Returner (Takashi Yamazaki 2002) CD2
Reversal Of Fortune (2003) Korean
Revolution OS 2001
Rhapsody In August 1991
Richard III - CD1
Richard III - CD2
Ricordati Di Me CD1
Ricordati Di Me CD2
Ride The
Ridicule 1996
Riding in Cars with Boys
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x01
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x02
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x03
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x04
Rikyu 1989
Ring 0 - Birthday 2000
Ring The CD1
Ring The CD2
Ring Virus
Ring of Bright Water
Rio Bravo 1959 CD1
Rio Bravo 1959 CD2
Rio Lobo (1970) CD1
Rio Lobo (1970) CD2
Rio das Mortes (1971)
Ripleys Game
Ripoux 3
Risky Business
Riso Amaro (1949)
Riten (1969)
Ritual 2000
River Wild The
River of no Return The 1954
Riverworld 2003
Road Movie CD1
Road Movie CD2
Road To Perdition 2
Road Trip (Unrated Edition)
Road to Perdition
Roadhouse
Roaring Twenties The 1939
Rob Roy 1995
Robe The CD1
Robe The CD2
Robe The CD3
Robin Hood (Disney)
Robin Hood - Prince Of Thieves 1991 CD1
Robin Hood - Prince Of Thieves 1991 CD2
Robin Hood Men in tights
Robocop
Robocop Directors Cut 1987
Rock The CD1
Rock The CD2
Rock The CD3
Rocket Brothers (2003)
Rocky Horror Picture Show The
Rocky III
Rodger Dodger
Roger Dodger
Roger and Me 1989
Rogue Trader
RollerBall
Roman Holiday
Roman de Renard Le 1930
Romance
Romancing The Stone 1984
Romantic Comedy
Romeo Is Bleeding 1993
Romeo Must Die
Romeo and Juliet CD1
Romeo and Juliet CD2
Romper Stomper
Ronin CD1
Ronin CD2
Rookie (2002) CD1
Rookie (2002) CD2
Room with a View A CD1
Room with a View A CD2
Rope (1948)
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD1
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD2
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD3
Rosemarys Baby
Rote Sonne
Rouge
Roughnecks - The Starship Troopers Chronicles (1999)
Roxanne
Royal Engagement CD1
Royal Engagement CD2
Royal Tenenbaums The
Royal Tramp (Stephen Chow)
Royal Tramp 2 (Stephen Chow)
Rudy (1993)
Rue Des Plaisirs (2002)
Rugrats Go Wild
Rules of Attraction The
Ruling Class The 1972
Rumble Fish 1983
Rumble in the Bronx CD1
Rumble in the Bronx CD2
Run
Run 2 U
Run Silent Run Deep
Runaway Bride
Runaway Jury
Runaway Train
Rundown The
Running Out Of Time
Running Out Of Time 2
Running Scared 1983
Rurouni Kenshin TV 1-9 2000
Rusalka CD1
Rusalka CD2
Rusalka CD3
Rush Hour - New Line Platinum Series
Rush Hour 2 (2001) CD1
Rush Hour 2 (2001) CD2
Rushmore (1999)
Rusians Are Coming The Rusians Are Coming The CD1
Rusians Are Coming The Rusians Are Coming The CD2
Russian Ark (Aleksandr Sokurov 2002)
Ruthless People