Royal Tramp (Stephen Chow)
In the early regime of Kang-Hsi in the
Ching dynasty, emperor Hsuan-Hua was too young to rule the country.
So 4 regents were appointed to help him.
Among them, Ao-Bye was the most cruel,
threatened the emperor in order to call the shots.
And persecute men of letters.
So eight nobles hated him very much.
Especially, Chang Chin Nan, the chief ofthe Tien-Dee Association.
Day and night, he thought about how to kill him.
Lord, it's the Tien-Dee Association.
Your Kung-Fu is second to none, my Lord.
You're asking for death.
I have my orders to. Arrest the head of clan-Chang Chin Nan.
Ha-Da-Fu kneel to Your Majesty.
How's the plan going?
Chiefs of seven banners ordered me to tell Your Majesty.
They'll arrive at Li Chun House on time.
What's your opinion on this?
Your Majesty! Ao-Bye covered the White Banner and
Led them to oppress your other subjects. They hate him.
Yet, Ao-Bye has so many members that
they dared not stir against him.
This time, Your Majesty,
you went outside to discuss
how to deal with him with seven chiefs.
They thank for your blessing.
This is a big case. I went out in plain clothes
to discuss this with them.
It's not a good thing to appear here.
Listen carefully. Except for the seven chiefs,
all who know of this must die.
I'm an adult.
I don't want to be controlled like a puppet.
Your Majesty, you're very wise!
Look! They are so pretty!
Girls, up stairs, down stairs, come to see our guests.
Thank you for coming so close.
Standing so straight to me is a kind of respect.
Today, my topic is the
general chief of the TDA-Chang Chin Nan.
People say it's useless to be here without seeing Chang Chin Nan.
He is 8 feet tall. And his waist is 8 feet, too!
Wow! A square?
Square is square. It's real!
People are different.
There is even an octagonman!
His Kung-Fu is called,
One push of the hand, and within hundred of miles!
People, animals, shrimp crabs fleas, of all kinds,
all become dust.
Yet, it's hard to find him.
I saw half his face.
using a saw or Not,
there's no use seeing half a face!
Jerk! He covered the other half!
You heard the song "With Balloon-guitar to shelter half-face"?
You didn't go to school. Pig!
Although I just saw his half-face, but gave my heart at once.
Immediately, I cut a chicken's head, burned yellow paper,
and became his brother.
You, shut up! S.O.B. What're you talking about?
They wouldn't call girls!
They're willing to
Iisten my story.
And to call girls is harmful for health. There's a good thing.
Good thing? Your sister is a prostitute, too.
No one dare call her that, you eat shit!
It's good for health. Keep it for yourself!
For me? I'll settle you!
Why are you so upset?
Sorry! Sir. Please don't mind.
Little S.O.B. Stay!
You apologize first!
Me? You need fists?
Help! Someone is sick!
Find someone to help him.
Someone! Call for my sister!
Who's your sister?
the love making candidate in town! The most beautiful woman, Wei-Chun-Hua.
It's mess here.
Waste no time here.
Seven chiefs wait for us upstairs.
It's him! He is sick!
What's the condition? Let me see.
Is he dead? lf he is, throw him out.
Don't make this place dirty!
Who? It's not easy to die.
It's Tun-Men-Chi. Dead or not, I have no idea.
It's easy. Lift him!
According to my experience,
if man is sick, take a hairpin,
hit the spine point! Then it will bounce out.
Lift his ass.
I was almost hit by the stick.
Don't watch! Go away!
Don't move! Stay!
All stand still!
We're going to arrest Chang-Chin-Nan.
Four men with great Kung-Fu were here looking for Ao-Bye.
I don't think so.
What are you up to do?
Who knows where Chang-Chin-Nan is?
Him! Here he is.
I'm just telling the story, guys.
Take him back for investigation.
Don't kill innocent people.
ChiefJou, take the chance to go!
Chief General, see these dogs?
They won't scare us away!
You see? Great!
Go to hell!
Don't be afraid! I come to rescue you.
Please follow me.
Climb into there.
Where? The hole for dogs.
Even me? No way!
They saw I rescued you,
they won't dream that we'll turn back.
Heroes know when to bow to circumstances. Life is the most important thing.
What happened to the Greenwood party chief?
I'll fetch water to clean your eyes.
Lime will become hot and burn my eyes.
What should I do?
Use vegetable oil!
OK! I'll take it.
I'm Hai-Da-Fu. Eunuch General in Palace.
Oh, Lord Hai, l...
I have the Emperor's order here.
Evacuate all soldiers here.
The order is that we cooperate to defeat Ao-Bye.
Lord Hai! Your Majesty!
All evacuated. Your Majesty may go back.
The Lord ordered us to evacuate.
Well, I've got to go, too.
It's ok. But take him with you.
For everyone knows that he saved your life.
This is to prevent trouble.
Hero Chang! I admire you!
Please accept me as your apprentice.
He saved your life. I should reward him, right?
If you don't want, I'll kick him out!
To prevent being killed for his sake. Is that right?
It's dangerous to a be member of TDA,
will you regret it?
you teach me the best kung-fu, I won't be afraid.
What's your name?
You are my apprentice.
After paying money, killing the chicken and burning the yellow paper,
You will become a member of the TDA.
I enroll you into the Greenwood.
We have 10 Party Principles and 20 Disciplines.
30 strict rules, 80 loose rules.
If you commit one of them, even if you are my apprentice.
You still have to suffer 81 knife stabs!
Don't fuss about it! One is enough.
Nonsense. Stand up!
The Greenwood Chiefwas killed by Ao-Bye.
We should follow the Chief's will
to kill him.
And kick the Emperor and his subjects out of this country.
Restore Ming dynasty!
I have a dangerous task for someone.
And expect a volunteer!
To steal "42 Chapter Classic" from the Palace.
In that book,
there is a vital secret.
If we know that secret,
we can restore the Ming dynasty.
All the citizens' property can be regained.
And we can disconnect the dragon's figure.
Then, their days are numbered.
We can restore our country quickly.
So, I'll appoint someone to steal it.
Yet, it's hard
People who don't want to go, please sit down.
You took half and I the other half!
Bao, you justjoined in TDA
and want to take credit.
OK! I allow you to.
But the truth is that, the chair...
A promise is a promise.
Do you know breaking your word and disregarding loyalty to friends break
the Eighth Party Principle? The punishment is to cut one of your hand and leg.
Is this the TDA, or a place to fool people around?
Come in with me.
Bao. You are smart.
I can use an intelligent way to talk to you,
but not to them.
I don't understand.
Most of the intellectual and reasonable men
are government officials now.
So, to fight against Ching subjects,
we should use slow people.
To them, you cannot tell the truth.
Use religion to amaze them.
Make them believe, whatever they do is for a righteous cause.
So, "Anti-Ching, For-Ming" is just a slogan.
Just like Amen.
They oppress us, robbed our money
and women from us.
So, overthrow Ching dynasty.
To get the money and women back, right?
To restore the Ming dynasty or not is none of my beeswax!
OK! We are all smart. Understand and continue!
To sum up, if we succeed
we'll have countless money and women.
Are you willing to go? Yes.
But you said it's a suicidal task it really scares me!
I can teach you the best Kung-Fu in the world.
Such a big book? I think it would take months to practice it.
It's just the catalogue.
That pile over there the secret book.
Wow! It would take at least one year to read it!
I read for 3 years, practiced for 30 years.
And become what I am.
30 years? How much time do I have left then?
One night to practice? That's demented!
No! After read it, sure win. But if you don't, fated to die.
You go as an underground operative. Maybe will meet our members.
I have a mark for you.
I will tattooed "Anti-Ching, For-Ming"
on your foot.
The other words. I'll tattoo myself. Is that ok?
Or you'll be killed by our people,
that's not worth it.
Bao, you go to the palace to apply to be an errand boy,
There is someone to pick you up. The gesture is to wink.
Wow! The line is long! When it's my turn, I may die.
Why does no one line up here?
Brother, is this also the registration stand?
Yes! Come in!
What kind of bed is it?
Why do you tie me up?
To be an eunuch, you have to castrate.
Castrated of course, you have to be!
Who wants to be an eunuch? You, Of course!
Your mother wants to be that! I'm applying to be errand boy.
We're short handed. It's promising.
And it has a lot of advantages.
We are on the same boat. No kidding.
Believe me! I'm really applying for that.
That way! You let me go, and I line up there.
Sorry to bother you.
Anyway, no one goes out without being shipped.
Forget it! Hold him. I'm going to snip.
Stop! Stop that! Don't snip now.
Lord Ah! No way!
Castrate him. Then he can't walk for two months.
But I need workers.
Give him to me. I'll bring him to palace.
I'll castrate him at palace.
But what? Untie him!
Sorry! A mistake.
We met before right?
If there's any opportunity be my guest at night.
You want to run? Kuei can change clothes with him.
And you can't use your real name.
I'll call you Chun.
Don't call me Chun!
Chun! ln the palace, the soldiers patrol very strictly.
Five steps a stop, ten steps, stop again.
So, you can't walk around.
Or you will be decapitated. Understand?
Are you afraid?
Then, why are you holding on to me?
I think you liked it. Sorry!
This way my Lord?
No! I admine your dark glasses! Not bad!
You know how to appreciate things?
A little bit.
You are so handsome, and promising.
That beard, it's so creative.
Without these, you're still cool.
You're kidding, Chun!
I dare not!
This bunch are phony.
Eunuch is not a complete man.
This fake beard
could give me a little respect.
What are you up to?
What is that
in the glass?
This one is a deer's!
This a Tiger's!
This a cow's!
Wow! This must be an elephant's!
No! A human being's.
I was only a baby when I was snipped.
Wow! Yours is so big! Wish I had one.
When I polished it, I put it in the wrong place. That's the one,
this is a turnip.
Let me have a look.
I can't see anything!
Use this, you can see more clearly.
I see it! Wow! So delicate!
I was snipped when I was one. Really something.
I think the one who snipped for you is really something.
Everyone's penis is in Penis' Room.
I'm afraid of losing it. So, I put it here.
Don't worry! I'll keep an eye on it.
Want to pee!
Lord! You stand to pee or squat?
What did you say?
I think you'll lie flat on the ground.
Have to line up just to pee?
You don't mind peeing together, do you?
You're the first person who pees and bleeds at the same time.
What kind of kung-fu are you practicing?
You're so powerful your pigtail has become straight.
Many... Many corpses.
How do you know?
How do you know my pigtail has turned straight?
I've got eyes to see.
Aren't you blind?
Who told you I'm blind?
No one did.
If the eunuchs were not all dead,
I wouldn't make this exception.
To let you come in without being snipped.
Tonight, you and Kuei go to the Queen Mother's room,
find out something important for me.
My Lord, spare my life!
Everyone goes into her palace and
next morning, they will be found dead in the garden.
All their veins frozen!
Please spare my life. Please!
Don't be a chicken like that.
I'm a new comer. I can refuse.
But you worked here for so long. Want to escape?
Lord! Don't worry!
I'll persuade him. Let him go alone.
Real! lfyou don't want to go, I'll hit you.
Lord! I got hurt. I want to take leave for two days.
Tonight, I can't go.
Kuei! You thought, to use this method,
Go: die! Not go: die, too!
I have to fight!
Want to run?
Yet, my Lord, you don't have to flush.
You can hit him at such a long distance. You're really good.
Your Kung-Fu is better than mine.
What's the matter?
I hit you twice, too.
I couldn't dream about this!
What are you doing?
I was hit by his palm. My bone softened.
That's a slow one.
You see your left hand.
After that green air passes your elbow,
your bones will break completely.
But, at least, you have one more month to live.
Lord! There's no grudge between us.
Why did you do this?
If you find the thing for me
in her palace,
then, I'll cure this.
Aaargh! That palm again.
This is not that palm.
What do you want me to do?
Steal "42 Chapter Classic"!
"42 Chapter Classic"?
No more talking! Go right away!
Don't be afraid. There is her Ts-Nin palace.
Now, she must pray to Buddha, at Shang-Ha Palace.
It takes at least 2 hours. You have enough time.
After fetching it, hand that to me at once.
If she comes back at once, what should I do?
I'll protect you. Get down.
It's so high. How to get down?
Use my palm to send you there. It'll be OK.
It's really OK.
What a coincidence.
Welcome the Queen Mother back.
The Queen Mother is quite well.
Queen Mother! Since you feel sick,
I'll help you to change clothes.
See! It's not easy to get it.
Let me try!
Wow! She has Kung-Fu?
It's impossible! So easy to get it.
You damn eunuch. You want to steal?
What's your name?
You don't know me? New here?
Yes. Sir, may I have your title?
Sir? Who do you think I am?
So, you're an eunuch, too?
Don't monkey around. We're all friends. Give it back.
If you won't, I'm going to punch you.
Even if you give it to me now, I'll still punch you!
You sleazeball! I'm going to kill you!
Help! Brother! Don't run!
Nothing! Just an accident.
Stop! Don't run!
Help! Someone's chasing me!
Who are you? It's none of your business!
Don't think I'm scared because there are two of you!
Hand it down to me quickly.
If you have the guts, come here.
If you have the guts, come up to take it.
Who is his direct supervisor?
Let me tell him to punish him.
No! He is ajerk!
He thinks both of us as real eunuchs.
And usually, when they see us,
they are just like chickens. But not him.
He hit me with all he could!
If you have the guts, come here. I'll punch you!
Must be a trap! I'm not stupid!
If you are a man, come down and fight.
You like to fight?
No! But someone likes me to beat him.
How do you want to fight?
I have three rules.
First, you can't hit my face.
Second, we can only hit your face.
What a cunning eunuch.
He took my book.
I'll fight with you after he returns the book.
Did you take his things?
No, I didn't.
Beat him up now.
You've got it in your hand and you deny it.
I'll return with more people. You'll know you're wrong then.
My master is powerful.
You'll lose your blood just by a sneezing.
Who's your master?
That's because in your life time, you didn't see Chang...Lord,
it's sad to be a hero. Ha-Da-Fu. Lord-Hai.
He's your master?
You're too scared to laugh.
Isn't it funny?
Yes. But his Kung-Fu is rather poor.
You don't have to write a letter to apologize.
Anyway, you can just surrender and give it back.
Call it a day. Tomorrow, continue.
If you can win tomorrow
I'll give it back to you.
And give you another one.
You have one?
Of course. Its boring! I don't know its usage.
In the Queen Mother's palace
there is a eunuch who is close to you in terms of age and gung-fu.
Yes, I've experienced many hard times.
Now he took away the 42 Chapter Classic.
And I have to fight with him tomorrow.
He'll give it back to me but only if I can beat him.
How dare you lie to me after my slapping you.
No, he hit me again after I mentioned your name.
And he gave you a letter.
This eunuch is funny, but his kung fu is terrible.
Please teach him the best kung-fu.
So that I can keep him company.
Remember, don't ever punish him.
And don't ever treat him badly.
And listen to him. Don't disobey.
Or, I'll be unhappy.
What? ls that OK?
What kind of Kung-Fu do you want to practice?
See what he looked like. Does he owe someone money?
Want to practice? Then De-Bone Palm is OK.
If you practice for 30 to 50 years, you may succeed.
Wow! Why does it take hundreds of years to practice great Kung-Fu?
From even half of it, I will die.
You are kidding, I couldn't even melt phlegm!
That's right! And it is too powerful.
I'm afraid of hurting you...
The atmosphere here.
Then, what's your best technique. Show me so that I can choose.
What are you doing?
Fetch something for me.
You use this to carry dung?
You look tired, change to a lighter one.
It's really something. Help me! Thanks.
One is big and one is small. How it be shown publicly?
Flying up and down isn't interesting! You aren't a child!
You saw I was eating hot-pot but you still knocked these leaves down,
you made me angry!
Chun! You're picky. What are you up to?
You asked me to practice Kung-Fu.
What do you want to do?
Want to run away?
You're really bothering me.
Go to hell!
What's that movement called?
"Without fail heart-piercing hand".
"Without fail breast-catching hand"?
I'm a cultivated person. I'll learn this.
Even with no sleep, I'll practice.
Where did you learn this?
None of your business.
Usually, I use this on women.
I think you are a good man,
I make an exception to let you know its greatness.
Brother! You are lousy today.
You couldn't win.
Don't come here. He's playing seriously.
Definitely, it will snap here!
But you seized my breast!
So what? You don't make a living with them.
Or my face.
You are an eunuch. So glib. So mean.
You are not an eunuch?
Only the Emperor has this!
Who do you think you are?
What can be said now?
Are you surrendering or not?
Let go... Surrender or not?
I surrender. I win.
Your gung-fu is so bad.
What? It's painful, don't do that.
You want me to grab you.
How's that... Of course it's painful.
Why do you have...
You said only the Emperor has...
Your Majesty, Auo-Bye ask for permission to see you.
What should I do now?
This old turkey!
He dares to enter my study directly. He's going too far!
Take him aside!
Hurry! Hurry! Hide!
Subject Ao-bye knees to Your Majesty! Your Majesty.
Thank Your Majesty.
Why do you and the other subjects want to meet me?
Please give an order to arrest Sony!
Ao, he and you
are appointed to be the four assistant subjects.
He's a credit to the country, why arrest him?
For he committed a terrible crime! The citizens complain about that!
The defence department isn't satisfied with what he did.
If let him get away with it, the outrage is going to be hard to pacify.
So we ask Your Majesty to do it.
Please let us have your command.
No evidence! I couldn't do it.
My words are evidence!
I control so many soldiers.
My words are powerful.
Wave the flag, then chop the head!
You think I'm a liar?
Even if I lied to you,
do you think they'll lie to you, too?
Have a second thought.
I'll consider it.
People live poor lives,
Please waste no time.
I need... Your Majesty!
Your Majesty! I work for you.
He's Ao-Bye? Yes.
So rude? Yes.
What are you doing? I'm not a woman.
I know. And you're not a man, either.
Don't fiddle with it!
An eunuch! Why you hide there?
Aides! Pull him out to be beheaded!
Why not? He is my confidential subordinate!
I haven't heard about that?
You talked to His Majesty so loudly, you want to go to hell?
Your Majesty! You see me!
He goes too far!
What's your name? How old are you? Where do you work?
Don't look! Speak!
Why are you all standing up? Kneel!
What are you looking for? Speak!
Your Majesty! I don't care who he is,
I want you to make the command to arrest Sony.
Why listen to you? His Majesty has his plan!
You don't have to nag!
Basically, Sony didn't pay for his meals,
flirted with old woman and seduced your wife,
we know that.
Baloney! I haven't finished!
Actually, I'm a inside man!
Yes. Golden lnside Man.
Especially, around you!
To watch Sony and his colleagues appear.
You, maybe, are in the same group so that you want to kill him so urgently!
Baloney! I control millions of soldiers.
Do I have to?
What? Go on!
to His Majesty! You all heard! Threats His Majesty!
His Majesty and I heard that. That's contempt.
Aides! Pull him out to behead him!
Wait! I think you are all right,
I'll give you a chance. You go!
I'll kill you!
Thank you, but it's not your business.
Everybody has to die if the Emperor wants them to die.
But I don't know if you'll die first or I'll die first.
Auo-Bye, I know how to deal with Sony.
I will give you gifts tomorrow.
You and other officials can leave now.
Auo-Bye, we'll leave first.
What a young hero.
Your Majesty, I'll leave now.
This time Chun's braver than you were.
You were so scared.
We all depend on you.
No need to mention it.
I grabbed Your Majesty by mistake.
Please forgive me, Your Majesty.
You didn't do it on purpose.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Chun is funny, would you offer Chun to me?
Stop fooling around.
I need capable men to help me now.
You are clever and brave,
do you want to serve me?
It's my pleasure.
Good, now you are my spy.
You have to spy on Auo-Bye and Ha-Da-Fu.
Ha-Da-Fu is an important person.
He's been acting strangely lately. He may have some evil plot.
Moreover, he dislikes the Queen Mother.
You have to follow him closely and let me know what he's up to.
Our relationship and what happened today,
Should only be known by three of us. If you let the cat out of the bag,
your head will be on the ground.
Yes. If it is her?
Your Majesty is just. I worship Your Majesty heartily.
Whenever I call for you, see me at once. Help me to spy on those wicked persons.
Watch me by the way.
This is called "Old Tree Roots",
I turn over to control his under part.
He looks back.
Then a "Lion steals peaches" suddenly.
The is "Monkey steals peaches", right?
Lion wouldn't. It doesn't eat fruit.
No interrupting. Sleazeball!
That "Lion steals peaches" didn't work well. I stole nothing.
Just got a bunch of hair.
Is that the hair at armpit?
You think you are the first one to stir up fighting?
Besides De-bone palm, I have other sorts of Kung-Fu that you don't know.
Where are the "42 Chapter Classics"?
I forgot where I put them.
Did the green air pass your elbow?
Soon...lfyou heal me from this hurt!
I maybe, can think about it.
Want to play dirty?
Who is that?
Lord Hai! Queen Mother told us to come here.
I was sick and so I couldn't welcome you outside.
Are there any bids?
Queen Mother asked Chun to come over.
Did Chun do anything wrong?
No more talking!
Ask him out. We have to take him back.
Why is she looking for you?
For I'm a lady-killer.
Fine! There is a powder bag.
Put it into her tea or wine if you get the chance.
I'll cover you secretly. Go!
Another one again!
Are you Chun?
Yes. The Queen Mother wants to see me? Please lead me there.
I didn't say I won't go.
What're you up to?
Rape me! But don't kill me!
Why killing? ls it right?
Did she know my secret - No snipping?
If she does, oh, fudge!
Who is that?
You...? You don't recognize me?
You think you can escape me
for my brother didn't give you to me?
I could ask Mother's maids to catch you.
Mother? Queen Mother is...
My mother. My brother is the Emperor.
Seeing Jian-Ning Princess, you should kneel.
Too late. You show contempt to me. Behead him!
Don't be so impulsive. I'm bound, I can't move!
I don't care! Behead him!
Dig out your eyes or cut your nose?
Or snip that?
If you ask my opinion, let me free first.
Then, do whatever you like.
Try to make yourself look cool.
Not necessary. I always am.
Then the ugliest one, just like Y.C Chu!
No! It's impossible for me.
Or the sexiest one.
No! Have a look in the mirror. You are.
Okay, I'll let you get out.
You pretend to be a tortoise.
Sorry, I don't know how to be a tortoise.
Why? It's my principle.
Okay, I'll have to hit you then.
Alright, I'll be a tortoise.
Now I don't want that now. Laugh...
Stop. Keep on laughing...
I'd rather be a tortoise now. It's fun.
Then... Trust me.
Pretend to be a tortoise and let me hit you.
Do it now.
Okay, little horn...
Why do you have to force me?
Come on, please, hit me.
Are you kidding?
Please use the terrible one to beat me!
Totally, just once.
Then that one. Please. Beat me!
No! I don't feel natural to do it.
Hurry! Beat me!
OK! I fear nothing.
Princess! Please pay attention
Silly! Why crying? I'll treat you well.
You couldn't lie to me.
I have make up my mind.
Put on the new clothes,
or someone will see you nude.
Jian-Ning, what were you doing?
You are naughty by nature. I don't blame you.
Why do you mess around with an eunuch?
Although nothing will happen...
it's shameful for us if other people get to know about this.
Queen Mother, I'll never do it again.
Don't do it anymore.
I'll leave now. Stay.
You'll have to suffer for the Princess.
Release him, or I will kill the Princess.
Who are you? You get into my Palace time after time.
Do you know you and your family members must die for this?
You pretend to be the Queen Mother, you and your family have to die too.
I'm not lying. Last time when I fought with you,
I knew you're using the Kung-Fu of the Dragon Gang.
Why do you come to the Palace? Tell me!
Let's see if you can force me to tell you.
The gold snake trapping the lion's hands.
How dare you fight with me!
You're not as experienced as I am.
God, why does it have to end up like this.
Chun, help me kill this evil woman.
I've never even killed a chicken. I can't help you.
How dare you to offend a superior?
Chun, take my sword
and pierce his forehead.
I'll make you a major official.
I'll just be happy if you don't kill me.
Making me an official? I don't trust you.
Don't trust her.
She can't move now or she'll lose control.
Take that pick and poke the top part of her head.
It's none of my business. Just pretend you haven't seen me today.
Chun, kill her.
If I die
No one can heal you.
I'll do it.
Baloney! She cannot.
His Majesty is arriving!
Under this circumstance,
He won't trust you and will kill you first.
Even it I go crazy, I want to kill you!
Don't be so impulsive!
Cure me first. I'm afraid of you.
Indeed. I mean it.
Not on purpose.
I just passed your palace and I heard the loud sound.
There is a assassin in a black suit.
This eunuch saved my life.
Chun! Did you see that assassinator?
Did you see him?
Yes, but not clearly.
The princess was struck and she fainted.
Aides! Send for the doctor for the princess
and sound the alarm!
Mother, you were scared! Have a rest.
You don't have to help me!
Find anything? Not yet.
Go to watch Hai-Da-Fu at once. Quick!
Please. Lord Hai, even if you die,
don't scare me like that. Please!
It's not my concern
You should go to Queen Mother or anyone else.
Every year, in July the 14th, I will burn paper money for you.
You should go to your enemy, not me.
Indeed it's not my concern.
Penis! You are the penis.
Your tongue is like that, right?
No! It's the way you look.
Lord, you said my tongue looks like a penis, I don't care.
But my look, I could not agree with it.
Nonsense. Is he crazy?
You want to find that! Follow me.
Here it is.
No! It's here.
You drink it now. And you'll have one.
And I fetched some medicine for you.
After that, it will become as big as pomegranate!
So big? This Big!
Escape is the best policy.
Finished. But I don't have that. Where is the penis?
You said there's medicine for me. Give me that. Hurry!
Hurry up! Give me that.
Here it is! No! That is the powder.
Is he crazy?
Lord! Are you all right?
I'm asking you.
Why imitate me?
I make a killing now.
Please heal me. I was hit by De-Bone Palm.
I'll heal you.
Let you be healthy again.
Your Majesty please forgive me.
What do you want to tell me?
I follow Ha was ordered by Your Majesty.
He discovered my plan.
How could that happen?
He heard me talking about my plan when I was asleep.
He tried to kill me.
Fortunately, I was calling Your Majesty's name when I fought with him.
I hit him on his weakest spot.
Now Ha turned mad, please forgive me Your Majesty.
How dare you.
Yes, I'm daring.
You dared to disguise as an eunuch to cheat me?
I dare not. Lie!
I saw the record. Your name was not on it.
Nor the snipping record. Where are you from?
To tell you the truth. I was forced.
I came here to apply for servant in the kitchen.
Yet, when Lord-Hai saw me,
I don't know why,
he forced me to be an eunuch.
I didn't cheat you on purpose.
Thank you, Your Majesty.
Tell me the truth,
are you snipped?
Good deeds good ends.
All are just.
I caught your penis by mistake.
Now you catch me,
this is meaningful.
I admire Your Majesty like the river,
that never ends.
It's like the Yellow River. No one can stop it from flooding.
You grabbed me last time. Now I repay you with this.
Now we are even.
Thank Your Majesty for grabbing me.
It's fine that you're not a eunuch.
Accoring to tradition
Eunuchs cannot intervene in politics.
Now I can make you an official.
What is your name.
My name is Wei-Shew-Bao. I'm from the capital city.
Auo-Bye killed Sony.
Auo-Bye is always pushing me.
Now I'm pushed to the corner.
I won't forgive Auo-Bye.
Auo-Bye has the most powerful troops.
If I do anything openly, I'm afraid he will...
overthrow the Court.
But he can't get his troops to accompany him every day.
I can attack him when he's alone.
That's what I was thinking.
Where did you come from?
It's a secret. Why should I tell you?
Duo long is a loyal guard.
My dear friend.
I've asked you both to come here
to discuss how to...
create some opportunities for you to kill Auo-Bye.
Are you scared?
If other people know about what happened today
You two have to die.
I've already asked Auo-Bye to go to my study room.
Think about how to kill him.
We copy Jing-Ke's way,
wrap a knife in a map and kill him when presenting it.
Or give him a drink.
If he won't die by that,
use 12 great Kung-Fu masters in an ambushment,
and kill him.
His Kung-Fu is wonderful. I'm afraid it won't work.
Not really. I set up a trap.
And still we have a great master.
The sick Lord Hai.
He went crazy copying my every movement.
We can disguise him
to kill Au-Bye.
Invite Ao-Bye here, sentence him for treason
ask him to kneel before Guan to swear.
He makes oaths randomly, like farts!
If he won't kneel, it's ok.
If he does, I kill him.
You scared me.
You have my permission. Start tomorrow. Kill Ao-Bye.
Thank Your Majesty.
Lord Wei, you look painful.
His Majesty caught me 4 times and hit 8 times.
You can stand it. You are really something.
My admiration for you is like
the River, never ends.
Like the Yellow River, couldn't to be stopped.
I want to do this...
to burn yellow paper to become blood brothers.
Buy some roasted pork and chicken.
Isn't it better to ask a lady to buy roasted pork?
Lord Auo-Bye has arrived.
Auo-Bye, the Emperor would like to see you.
What may I do for Your Majesty?
The boundary between my country and Russia has always been unclear.
They have sent us a map recently.
We have to decide where to put the boundary.
I'd like to have your advice.
I'd like to see the map first.
There is no need to hurry.
Give him some wine.
Auo-Bye, this is the map sent by the Russians.
Take a look.
Historically, this kind of plan has proved a failure.
I can't believe it.
His Majesty has employed a dumb plan.
You dared to despise me!
Sheesh! You have trouble. Don't you know that?
Do you know? What did you drink?
I used kung-fu to protect myself from the poison in the wine.
Help me! Antidote!
Start the device.
Locked him! Now I won't feel so frightened.
Help! Your Majesty.
Normally speaking. I should die, if you want me to.
But you treated me this way, it's notjust.
How daring you are. Knowing your Kung-Fu is good,
I'd like to examine it.
You dared to talk to me like that!
Examine my Kung-Fu?
Fine. Since you said "you are loyal".
Kneel before Guan to make an oath.
Promise me of your loyalty.
Ao-Bye will be loyal to the country till I die.
If I lie to you, I'll be hit by thunder.
Guan's spirit appears!
He's snorting. Heard that?
13 bodyguards practice Golden Cover.
It seems they won't die from being hit.
13 bodyguards practice Golden Cover.
Then, no one could defeat him?
Attack his under part! Open his legs.
Are you crazy?
Don't mind me! Fight him first. Coming!
Go to hell!
The ultimate Golden Cover technique, "Draw back the penis!"
Protect His Majesty!
Your Majesty, please forgive me for being late.
Still so talkative!
I protect Your Majesty all the time.
Save His Majesty! Penis!
Wait for me!
No! You cannot kill me.
Under this circumstance, I have to tell you the truth.
I am your son. Father!
Catch breast Dragon Hand!
Help! Ao-Bye rebels.
Aides! Damn! Where are they going? Help!
Fire! Put out the fire, quickly!
Queen Mother! Help! Help!
So brave. I didn't go to see you,
you ask for it?
Listen to me, Ao-Bye rebelled.
He killed His Majesty! He is looking for you.
He said he'll rape you before killing you. Rape then kill!
What did you say?
Queen Mother, don't mind me, you go first.
Protect! Queen Mother!
Are you OK?
Your Majesty! After the hard fighting.
I defeated Ao-Bye, the traitor to keep Queen Mother safe.
Even if I die, I feel content.
Are you hurt?
Inside! lfyou give me millions of money
to buy medicine, then I will be all right.
Put Ao-Bye into prison! Yeah!
It's my fault to have frightened you.
Fortunately, Bo save my life.
Or I would have been killed by the traitor.
You deserve great credit, again.
What a pity! His is an eunuch, and cannot be an official.
Indeed, he is not.
He is my spy for investigating Ha-Da-Fu.
He is a man.
He didn't cheat you on purpose.
For this sake, please forgive him.
Then, Lord Wei can become an official!
Wei-Shew-Bo. Listen your title! Yeah!
Titled as a failed Scholar.
Gift yellow suit. Responsible for killing Ao-Bye's family.
Duo-Lung, you assist him.
Thank Your Majesty!
Worry about the country, and feel sad.
Lord, don't cry just because of singing badly.
Suck egg! I cried for I felt sad.
Ao-Bye, the traitor robbed
so many things from our people.
I cried for the country and for the people.
Lord Wei, you are so great.
his property is worth 380,000 totally.
This traitor grafted so much money.
I hate that most in my life.
I'll report to Your Majesty to kill him.
Lord, I read it wrong.
It should be 3,800,000.
Hatred, deep like sea...Unforgettable!
I'll report to Your Majesty.
To cheat people, just like the old Ming dynasty.
Do you know how to do it?
First, bury the man in the sand.
Keep his head above ground,
then use a knife to slice his head.
Open his head,
put cement in.
Then, he will feel unbearably itchy!
Then, he'll try to find a hole desperately.
Coincidentally, there's a hole on the head. No skin on it.
It comes out!
I don't know when I can fulfil this ambition.
Yes. Lord. I counted carefully.
In sum it's 13,800,000.
Still some are not listed.
I suggest to send these to your place.
After counting, then present it.
Why are so many people kneel here?
They're all Ao-Bye's wives.
So young? Must have been taken by force! What a pity.
I know she needs sleep.
Send her to my place to sleep with me for 2 nights.
Ao-Bye was cruel!
You see. Beat her face to swell like this.
Send her to my house. I will heal her.
Golden Hair Lion King?
Ao-Bye's betrayal must be influenced by this spy.
Send her to my place. I'll torture her.
Even a black one. This one, too.
Even a black one couldn't escape. They're all the same in the dark.
Ao-Bye, the sleaseball.
From 8 to 80, he wanted them all.
Lord! A mistake. She's
his mother! I don't want them all.
Send her to your place.
An old woman in a family is like a treasure.
Send you the treasure. You should treat me to midnight snack.
Why ok? I'll beat you.
Lord Wei, in Ao-Bye's storage,
A gun and a silk vest were found.
and a gun.
You use this gun to shoot the vest,
It's simple. A brave soldier wears this vest.
Then you shoot. The answer will be clear.
Lord! Aim on target.
in his secret room a "42 Chapter Classic" was found.
This is not!
It's "Chin-Kang Classic". Understand?
I'll take it back for my mother.
It's really on target!
That shot hit Duo-Lung.
Even the vest is not reliable.
Bury him for me.
I know what to do.
And, don't mess things around.
In two more days, I'll kill them all.
Lord Wei! Let me tell her something! Excuse me!
Give me a little space!
Bao, you've become an official, right?
Yes. And grafted away millions of money.
But now I have to run away!
I'm here to take you with me.
Fainted! Not dead yet! Find someone to save her.
Too close! I couldn't recognize who he is.
Master! Why you?
I know what you did in the palace.
I don't quite understand.
Between your eyebrows, there's black hair. Are you poisonous?
Yes. Slow De-Bone Palm! So sad!
Master! Help me!
I knew that you could. Thanks Master.
Go back with me I got something to tell you.
I Chang-Chin-Nan as the Chief General
Now promote Wei-Shew-Bao to be the chief of Greenwood Party.
Congratulations to ChiefWei...
This is the official plate of the Greenwood Party.
ChiefWei has caught our enemy Auo-Bye.
He's now in prison.
But I've heard that...
Auo-Bye's disciples and seven monks will come to rescue him.
ChiefWei must do something first.
Auo-Bye must be killed
and the king of Chin Dynasty.
They must both be killed.
Yet, my power is limited.
Collect so much money.
Now you have money and women. You should do something.
I have some money! Just for a living!
But no women.
Come out! Who's that?
They're twin sisters!
Connected together when born.
After magic doctor's operation, separated them.
So, their every movement, even their speech, are the same.
Eating, sleeping together.
better than two people.
Now, I give them to you to protect you.
To help you to kill Ao-Bye and the Emperor.
Master! Let's have a chat there.
Obviously, you appoint them to spy on me!
Frankly, you have half and me, too.
Don't ask me to go into the palace again.
Or you sixty percent, me 40.
Want 70 to 30? Too greedy!
You meant 20 and 80? Where's your humanity!
Is that 10 and 90? I'd rather go to the palace!
You said that, not me.
Buddy! Assemble all the members.
Tomorrow, midnight, outside the door.
Wei uses firework as his signal.
Then we invade the palace and
kill Ao-Bye and the Emperor.
I promised I won't escape. Why tie me up?
We went in. By the way, do you trust me?
Please respect yourself.
If you will, I'll untie you.
Mr "Keep A Promise".
Honest and reliable. I'm no phony.
I follow my words, people know that.
You don't want to let me free because you're loyal.
And you have to prove me that to me.
I want to know do you have mental telepathy.
You feel itchy, then you feel painful! You, painful, then you get impulsive.
Saying it is useless.
Want to try?
OK! You sit here. Don't move!
You come up with me. Don't move!
No! No! Real!
Harder! Harder! No stop!
Harder! Harder! No stop!
It's the right time.
I proved it.
You have mental telepathy.
And my Dragon Hand is
The meaning General Chief handed us to you.
Indicates that we are yours. Please treat us with respect.
After Ming's restorations, we'll marry to you.
Why didn't say that at the beginning?
Sit here! Don't move!
I do another experiment! For study!
Who is that?
Bao, where are you?
Emperor's sister! Hide! Quickly!
Remember! Don't make noise.
Bao-Bao! You hid here.
Where have you been? Don't mind me.
I took tigers' Penises and
cooked soup for you. Really?
OK! Let me use my hand to take your bowl and drink.
Left! Right! Forward! That's it! Thanks.
House is big it echoes.
Wait for it to cool.
You may drink it.
OK! I take my bowl.
Why put that on your head! What a waste!
No! I'm kinky. So I make my neck harder.
Finished? I give it to you.
You are a duke now.
Tell my brother about the marriage.
Don't you remember
we had sex that night!
You want to deny it?
I'll ask him to execute you!
You don't have to. Why not?
You have other women!
No! Are you crazy? Except for you.
Other women to me, are shit!
What are you doing?
There's a mosquito. Mosquito?
If you have the guts, fly to my chest! I'll kill you!
That should scare it. Come here!
Why not mention this to my brother?
You vomited blood!
Hot inside! Hot inside?
Of course! Three penis soup causes this.
You incriminated me!...
No more talking!
Fetch a cup of cool tea for me.
Go! I'm vomiting to death!
No more beating! Or I'll die.
You are so bad.
You hide two women here!
I asked Queen Mother to kill you!
With that lousy Kung-Fu, you want to fight with me!
Two against one! Not a hero?
No more quarrels!
Queen Mother invited Lord Wei.
Catch her. Put on the bed.
Lord Wei, Queen Mother invited you!
Again? lf nothing important...
Queen Mother ordered it. If you don't go, we'll bring you
Wait a moment!
What's the matter?
Those two outside have good Kung-Fu,
don't risk it! What should we do?
I'll go with them and will be back soon.
Sir, be careful.
Watch her carefully.
Wei-Shew-Bao asks after Queen Mother.
Congratulation! Duk Wei.
You've searched Ao-Bye's family, you must have some treasures in your house.
I'm loyal to the country, I'd never do things like that.
If I took any money from Ao-Bye,
I'll be seized to death by Ao-Bye.
If it were not me,
you would be killed by him.
Queen Mother's Kung-Fu is second to none. And I'll never forget your favor.
The "42 Chapter Classic" of Ao-Bye
is now in your hands, right?
Don't play around with me!
You and Hai Da-Fu made a plan
to steal the "42 Chapter Classic" of Red Banner.
And I know His Majesty gave
the book for White Banner to you.
Now in National House, I found nothing,
no "42 Chapter Classic" for Blue Banner.
It must be you.
Except one for Yellow Banner
in Wu-Shang Kuei's hand.
Among of these four books, you've got three of them.
You must know the secret exactly.
It's hard to understand! Could you please repeat it?
What are you doing?
Right sole,"Chin-Ming". Left "Anti-For".
Do you want to deny you are a member of the TDA?
Queen Mother! Don't be angry!
Yes, I am!
But, you are a member of the Dragon Gang.
In fact, we don't have to uncover it.
But you spoke out so loudly, it stand to reason you want me to tell them this?
To tell whom?
If I kill you,
are you going to turn up in His Majesty dreams?
No! lfyou want, you'll kill me at the beginning.
I want to know the whereabouts of the three books? Talk!
I followed you knowing.
You hid them in Li-Chun-House
and met Chang-Chin-Nan.
I took them away.
Took them! Then, that's fine!
Excuse me! I'm leaving.
Do you thing I didn't read "42 Chapter Classic"?
You and His Majesty's books, I've read a hundred times!
Still, I don't know what the secret is.
Yet, if you let out the secret,
I may spare your life.
Now then, you'd better kill me.
But, remember! I'm a Duke.
More than 90,000 people know I'm here.
And your daughter, Jian-Ning Princess, too.
Kill me! They'll suspect you!
Should I believe what you said?
Then, bet on it.
Don't worry! Today is the feast day of the Dragon Gang,
So we don't kill anyone today.
You should say that at the start.
You scared me to death! You are really...
But I know someone who would be glad to kill you.
Speak out! What's the secret?
What's what? I don't know.
Don't know? You want to go to hell to talk to him?
No! We have nothing to talk about.
You could try to be more cultivated.
Please don't kill me!
I'm going to kill you, bastard!
I'll kill you!
Here! Come over!
Kill you! Kill me! I'm waiting.
Push me around?
You think I'm afraid of your "drawing back"?
If you have the guts, draw it and put it in your mouth.
You S.O.B. without humanity! Eat shit!
I'll choke you with that!
Your father be prostituted! Mother got sexual disease!
Don't think I don't know?
When three, you peeked at a woman bathing.
When four, you forced women to have sex. When five...
What happened? It took so long!
A great man is liberal.
Don't grudge me. I'm just playing.
Till 70, you want to cut the foreskin.
When 71, you take young girls to watch gold fish.
Indeed, you want to rape them!
When 72, you are gay.
Whenever people want to be your mates, you give them 1,000 and a bun.
I think it's not mean enough at the age of 40!
Then from that year on, I try again! Schmuck!
Go to hell!
Brother! We came to rescue you from the Temple.
Are you ok? Who is he?
Spare my life, please! It's not my business.
He is the apple in His Majesty's eyes.
Take him as a hostage.
There's a lookout post in front of us.
Many great Kung-Fu masters are there. You seven,
Brother, you meant...
You protect me.
After I force the nine dragon throngs out
and make the air move around.
There will be no competitors in the Palace.
OK! We protect you.
Don't let him make it.
Or no one can defeat him.
Kill Ao-Bye first. Then, the Emperor.
Master! I'm glad to help you.
Stamp on that. Leave me alone.
Fudge! Ao-Bye couldn't be hurt. And is impotent.
Then, take a hairpin
And stab at his spine point. It'll bounce out.
You've still alive? You've still alive?
Going crazy again?
Yes, I'm crazy! Oh, Poon!
Bao! Be careful!
Don't hurt my penis!
No! You couldn't defeat him.
Lord, be careful!
Master! You killed Ao-Bye.
You killed him finally!
If not for your friends' help. I couldn't.
Thanks. He is my good friend.
Master, you're hurt seriously.
It's better not to kill the Emperor now.
To summarise, you take revenge for them.
Go to see him.
Master! You go first. I'll handle this.
Bao. Be careful.
You're sober again.
Don't be afraid. My veins are broken entirely.
I have no power to kill you.
It's all my fault.
But I couldn't heal the palm print on you.
My master did it to me.
By the way, do you know Queen Mother's secret?
Sure. A long time ago. She is...
The holy girl of Dragon Gang!
Holy girl of Dragon Gang?
Chun! Don't worry! She cannot touch you.
Except if I die.
Sure? Go now! When she starts, you have no chance to live.
No! My Lord!...
Go at once! When he becomes a ghost, you'll die quickly.
Wei-Shew-Bao, you are lucky.
Put in jail with Ao-Bye, and
you are still alive!
Don't mess around.
It's passed midnight.
If you don't hand me "42 Chapter Classic",
you're going to see Hai-Da-Fu and Ao-Bye.
His Majesty has arrived.
Fine! You come here.
Wei-Shew-Bao wanted to hurt me.
Mother, why are you here?
Wei-Shew-Bao and Hai-Da-Fu are members of the TDA.
They kidnapped me.
On the way, we met Ao-Bye's comrades.
They fought, and all died.
Wei-Shew-Bao wanted to kill me!
I don't want to go on.
The fact is that she pretended to be the Queen Mother,
actually she is holy girl of Dragon Gang.
I don't think so.
Soldiers, are you armed? Yes!
Your Majesty! All TDA members
have tattooed on their soles. "Anti-Chin, For-Ming".
If you don't believe that, ask him to take his socks off.
Bao! That's not true! Your Majesty.
Aide! Take his socks off!
Wait for a moment!
The other, "Anti" and "For".
It shows those four letters.
Take the other sock off! No!
Old Man Day?
Though I didn't go to school
having filial piety.
There are days to hold memorial ceremony for ancestors.
Bao tattooed this, just
to remind himselfto sweep the tomb. Your Majesty.
I told you she's not! She's a fake one.
You don't trust me?
No! Of course not!
Don't trust him! This one is real.
She is a fake one, she imprisoned me at the palace and
disguised herself as me for half a year.
Your Majesty! The evidence is in front ofyou. No need to more think.
Fire the arrows!
Wei-Shew-Bao. I won't forget you.
Not me! It's him...
It's me who makes you suffer.
Queen Mother! Blessed!
Luckily, those two eunuchs and the princess come to rescue me.
Bao told me.
Mother, he's my undercover man!
You killed Ao-Bye and uncovered her plot.
What a great deed! I give you the title "Lu-Ding Duke".
Thanks. Your Majesty!
Wei-Shew-Bao. I'll come back.
Next time I show up,
you may not recognize me.
Rabbit Proof Fence
Rabid Dogs - Cani Arrabbiati 1974
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Raging Bull 1980
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Raid On Rommel 1971
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Rainy Dog - Takashi Miike
Raise Your Voice
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Raising Victor Vargas (2002) Deity
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Regarding Henry 1991
Regle Du Jeux La
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Returner (Takashi Yamazaki 2002) CD1
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Ricordati Di Me CD2
Riding in Cars with Boys
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x01
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x02
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x03
Riget I (The kingdom) 1x04
Ring 0 - Birthday 2000
Ring The CD1
Ring The CD2
Ring of Bright Water
Rio Bravo 1959 CD1
Rio Bravo 1959 CD2
Rio Lobo (1970) CD1
Rio Lobo (1970) CD2
Rio das Mortes (1971)
Riso Amaro (1949)
River Wild The
River of no Return The 1954
Road Movie CD1
Road Movie CD2
Road To Perdition 2
Road Trip (Unrated Edition)
Road to Perdition
Roaring Twenties The 1939
Rob Roy 1995
Robe The CD1
Robe The CD2
Robe The CD3
Robin Hood (Disney)
Robin Hood - Prince Of Thieves 1991 CD1
Robin Hood - Prince Of Thieves 1991 CD2
Robin Hood Men in tights
Robocop Directors Cut 1987
Rock The CD1
Rock The CD2
Rock The CD3
Rocket Brothers (2003)
Rocky Horror Picture Show The
Roger and Me 1989
Roman de Renard Le 1930
Romancing The Stone 1984
Romeo Is Bleeding 1993
Romeo Must Die
Romeo and Juliet CD1
Romeo and Juliet CD2
Rookie (2002) CD1
Rookie (2002) CD2
Room with a View A CD1
Room with a View A CD2
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD1
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD2
Rose Red (Stephen King) CD3
Roughnecks - The Starship Troopers Chronicles (1999)
Royal Engagement CD1
Royal Engagement CD2
Royal Tenenbaums The
Royal Tramp (Stephen Chow)
Royal Tramp 2 (Stephen Chow)
Rue Des Plaisirs (2002)
Rugrats Go Wild
Rules of Attraction The
Ruling Class The 1972
Rumble Fish 1983
Rumble in the Bronx CD1
Rumble in the Bronx CD2
Run 2 U
Run Silent Run Deep
Running Out Of Time
Running Out Of Time 2
Running Scared 1983
Rurouni Kenshin TV 1-9 2000
Rush Hour - New Line Platinum Series
Rush Hour 2 (2001) CD1
Rush Hour 2 (2001) CD2
Rusians Are Coming The Rusians Are Coming The CD1
Rusians Are Coming The Rusians Are Coming The CD2
Russian Ark (Aleksandr Sokurov 2002)