Simpsons 01x08 - The Telltale Head
You know, Bart,|when I was your age,
I pulled a few boners.
But I think you'll find|that people are pretty decent...
- if you give them half--|- Look! There it is--
- The head!|- Kill him!
They got us cornered, boy.|We'll never get away. Give me the head.
No, Dad. This whole thing|was my fault.
- You run along.|- Son, we're in this mess together.
No matter how|tempting it might be,
I can't let my only boy get ripped|limb from limb by a bloodthirsty mob.
- Aw, Dad.|- We'll die together,|like a father and son should.
Look.|Now we'vegot 'em.
- Hey, that's Homer Simpson.|- And his kid, Bart.
- Let's kill them!|-Bring 'em out!
- off the kid, man. Off him!|- Kill Bart!
- Kill Homer!|- Let's kill this guy!
Murderous mob,|I beg you to spare our lives.
At least until you've heard|the story of how we ended up...
with the head|ofour beloved town founder.
How long will|this story take?
Uh, about 23 minutes|and 5 seconds.
- It's too long!|- 23:05?
Well, all right.|Go ahead.
Okay. It all started|Sunday morning.
Kids!|We're late for church.
Kids!|We're late for church.
Get your butts|down here right now!
- Ready for inspection, Mom.|- Very nice, Maggie.
And, Lisa,|you look lovely.
Bart,|assume the position.
- Ohh!|- Bart.
Now where's your father?
- Phillips has broken free.|- Get 'em. Get 'em!
-The 50, the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.|-Oh, no!
- Touchdown!|-Homer?|- D'oh!
A 64-yardrun!|We've got an upset in the making!
No, we don't.|Ty being objective for once in-- Oh?
- Let's go, Homer.|- But you don't understand, Marge.
I have 50 bucks|riding on this game.
Homer,|you promised me.
- This isn't gambling, Marge.
- It's a lead-pipe cinch.|- Here's the kick off.
Wolodarsky takes it at the five.|And oh, my. He fumbles!
- Oh, no!|-Another touchdown!
- Come on.
Why should I feel like a traffic cop|every Sunday morning?
I'm just tying to get|a little goodness into the family.
- Where is it? The game! Where is it?
-Ahh!|-... got Wolodarsky open in the end zone.
- Catch it. Catch it.|- It's complete. Touchdown!
Oh, Doctor, we got|a barnburner here.
This could be the most|remarkable comeback since|Lazarus rose from the dead.
Come on, eveybody.|We're late.
Bart, I want you to promise me you'll|pay attention in Sunday school.
- Bart!|- Whoa! Are you talking to me?
What's this?|A personal stereo.
Were you going to listen|to rock music in Sunday school?
- Maybe.|- Can you believe this, Homer? Homer?
- Homer!|- No, no, no! We stink. We stink.
...the 40, the 30,|the 20, the 10. Touchdown!
Homer, were you planning on sitting|in the car till the game was over?
- Maybe.|- It's because of your|irreverent attitude...
that Bart thinks he can sneak|headphones into Sunday school.
- Now move it!|- Now here's the kickoff.|Wolodarsky takes it.
And oh my. He fumbles!
Will my dog Pepper|be there?
I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
- Why not?|- Because heaven is for people.
What about my cat,|Snowball?
I'm sorry,|but the answer is no.
- Will there be cavemen in heaven?|- Certainly not.
Um, ma'am, what if you're|a really good person,
but you're in a really,|really bad fight...
and your leg gets gangrene,|and it has to be amputated.
Will it be waiting|for you in heaven?
For the last time,|Bart, yes!
- I'd like to begin today's|sermon, which I have entitled,
"Gambling,|the Eighth Deadly Sin."
Today is Sunday,|the Lord's day,
and yet,|at this vey moment,
millions of americans|are not in the Lord's house.
They're in their own house|worshipping a false idol--
- Oh, Lord--|- It's a beautiful Sunday.
Perfect football weather|for this incredible game.
- And by the way,|this game is being brought to you...
by the good people|at Duffbeer.
You can't get enough...|of that wonderful Duff.
Now they're lining up|fort his crucial kick.
One final tick|of the clock remains.
If they win, it will cap|anamazing comeback.
But it's a 49-yardfieldgoal|into the wind.
Make it! Make it!|Make it! Make it!
- The kick is up.|- Oh, please, please, please, please!
- Holy Toledo, it's good!|- It's good! It's good! It's good!
It's... good to see|you all in church.
- Please, be seated, Homer.|- Yeah, sit down, Homer.
The ventriloquist goes to heaven,|but the dummy doesn't.
- Oh, oh, oh! Me!|- Bart?
What about a robot|with a human brain?
I don't know!|All these questions!
Is a little blind faith|too much to ask?
Don't forget next week.|Remember to read--
That was very nice,|Father.
I was pleased|you enjoyed it.
I seemed to have struck a chord|with you today, Homer.
What? Oh, yeah,|you were great.
Homer, you embarrassed us in front|of the whole congregation.
And today's sermon was one|you should have really listened to.
- What was it about?|- Gambling.
Oh. He didn't say that under certain|circumstances it was all right, did he?
No! Look. I don't want to talk about|this anymore in front of the kids.
what did you two learn|in Sunday school today?
The answers to deep|theological questions.
Yeah. Among other things,|apes can't get into heaven.
What? Those cute|little monkeys?
- That's terrible. Who told you that?|- Our teacher.
I can understand how they wouldn't|let in those wild jungle apes,
but what about those really|smart ones who live among us,
who roller-skate|and smoke cigars?
Oh, cool, man.|Space Mutants 4.
Drop me off!.|Drop me off!.
- No way, Jose.|- Marge, they're only space mutants.
Uh-uh. I know what|those movies are like.
Killing innocent people,|eating human flesh.
You'll just get|a lot of bad ideas.
Hey, Dad.|Can I have five bucks?
I hope you're not planning|to see a certain movie...
starring certain|space mutants...
that a certain mother didn't|want you to see.
Perish the thought.
Here you go, son. Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
Da da da da da|Whoa! Whoa!
- Hey, hot dog!|- What?
- Nice dismount, man.
- Didn't hurt.|- Oh, yeah? Well, do it again.
Nah. Might land on my face|and end up looking like you.
- You little punk!
Hey, man, leave the kid alone.|I like him.
- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
- You do?|- Yeah, you're witty.
- So what's your name, man?|- I'm Bart Simpson.
This here's Kearny,|and I'm Jimbo.
You don't need an introduction.|You're the worst kid in school.
- Thanks.|- Psst. Coast is clear.
You guys|are sneakin' in?
- Yeah. Only saps pay to see movies.|- Hey, Bart, come on!
But sneaking into a movie is|practically stealing, man.
- " Practically"?|- It is stealing.
Well, okay. I just wanted to make sure|we weren't deluding ourselves.
Wait! I think|I hear something.
Oh, come on.|Loosen up, babe.
There's nobody here|but you and me.
No. Stop it!
I think I hear something...|not human.
Let's get romantic.
You little sneaks,|you're coming with me.
Next time you little hoodlums|ty this, I'm calling your parents!
Oh, yeah? Well, we don't wanna see|your crummy movie anyway.
Yeah. We'll take|our business elsewhere.
You know, Bart.
I've been kicked out|of all four Space Mutant movies.
Three jumbo|chery squisheys,
- and one double jumbo|original flavor, sir.|- Okay.
Don't you kids take anything.|I'm watching you.
- I've got eyes in the back of my head.
- Four fifty-two.|- Don't worry, guys. It's on me.
Share the wealth.|That's what I always say.
Hey, guys.|Where'd you get all that great stuff?
- You ripped it off?|- Yeah. Thanks for covering for us, man.
- Go on, Bart.|- But that guy founded Springfield.
He built our first hospital|out of logs and mud.
If it weren't for him,|all the settlers would have died...
in the great blizzard|of '48.
watch me hit him|right between the eyes.
What are you doing? Show a little|respect, you insolent little thugs.
We're really scared.
Hey! Hey, you!|Hey! Hey, you!
You know, when you|look up at clouds in the sky,
they start looking|like stuff.
- No, they don't.|- Yeah, they do.
Like that one over there|looks just like a cherry bomb.
Hey, you're right.|And look at that one.
It looks like a guy with|a switchblade stuck in his back.
Yeah, that one|looks like a school bus...
going over a cliff in flames,|with kids inside screaming.
That one looks just like the statue of|our town founder, Jebediah Springfield.
- Does not.|- Does too.
- I mean, without the head, of course.|- Oh, yeah.
I wish someone really would cut|his ugly old head off.
- You do?|- Yeah, that'd be cool.
Sure would cheese|eveybody off.
But, guys, come on.|Don't you remember history class?
Jebediah once killed|a bear with his bare hands.
- Oh, sorry.|- We forgot how much you love|Jebediah Springfield.
- Yeah, he's your boyfriend.|- Yeah!
- Come on, guys. Knock it off.|- Beat it, Simpson.
Man, I thought|you were cool.
Beat it, Simpson.
Man, I thought|you were cool.
Wow! Look at these|bowling balls, Maggie.
Can you think of a better way for|Daddy to spend his hard-won 50 bucks?
Now I've seen everything.
Black marbleized|with a liquid center.
"The Stealth Bowler:|The pins don't know what hit them."
Dad, can I talk to you|about something?
Sure, boy.|What's on your mind?
Well, I was wondering.|How important is it to be popular?
I'm glad you asked, son.|Being popular is the most|important thing in the world.
So, like, sometimes you could|do stuff you think is pretty bad...
so other kids|will like you better?
- You're not talking about|killing anyone, are you?|- No.
- Are you?|- No!
Then run along,|you little scamp.
A boy without mischiefis like a|bowling ball without a liquid center.
What have I done?
Bart, are you allright?
Uh, yeah.|Top of the world, Ma.
Well, then come down|for breakfast.
- Ooh! Look at this one.
"The Hammer of Thor:|It will send your pins to...
Valhalla is where Vikings|go when they die.
Oh.|That's some ball.
We interrupt "Mamboin the Morning"...
to bring you|this special news bulletin.
The statue of Jebediah Springfield,|our illustrious town founder,
- was brutally decapitated last night...
in an act|of senseless vandalism.
We now go to Police Chief Wiggum|at City Hall.
Well, we have no witnesses,|no suspects, and no leads.
If anyone has any information,|please dial "O" and ask for the police.
That number again,"O."
Stay tuned to this station...
for further developments as they break.
- It's just a statue.|- The statue of the trail blazing|founder of our town.
It's a symbol of what we can all do|if we put our minds to it.
Just a statue?
Is the Statue of Liberty|just a statue?
Is the Leaning Tower of Pizza|just a statue?
- Uh-oh. School bus.
Come on, Lis.|School bus.
Go on, Lisa. We've all got|to be brave, just like Jebediah...
- when he killed that bear.|- It's so awful.
Okay, come on,|come on, everybody.
We gotta get on|with our lives.
Let's ty and put|this tragedy behind us.
You're right, Moe.
A beer, please, and make sure|there's a head on it.
I said it before, and I'll say it again.
" Hell in a handbasket!"
I hope they find|the punk who did this,
and I hope|they cut his head off.
Hi, guys.|What's up?
We were saying we'd love to meet the|guy who cut off the head of that statue.
- Yeah, we wish he were here right now.
Yeah, we'd break every bone|in his stupid little body.
- Yeah, that's right, man. Limb by limb.|- Yeah!
What? But-But yesterday,|didn't you say it would be cool...
to cut off the head,|and really cheese everybody off?
Yeah, that was|just cloud talk, man.
Yeah. I mean, throwing rocks|is one thing,
but I would never cut|the head off of a guy...
who iced a bear|with his bare hands.
-So what's in the bag, Bart?|-My head.
- I said, what's in the bag, Bart?
Go ahead, Bart. Tell them.
It's the head|of Jebediah Springfield.
I gotta go!
Look what you've done.|You wanted to be popular.
Now you're the most|hated boy in town.
You're not really talking to me.|You're just my overactive imagination.
- Oh, I am, am I?|- Shut up.
I wanted them|to like me.
Hmm.|The child seems rattled.
- Can you blame him?|- No. No, I can't.
There, there, Mr. Burns.|Blow, sir.
Hey, Bart,|where are you going?
- Uh, to my room.|- Why don't you watch Krusty the Clown?
There's someone out there in Krustyland|who has committed an atrocity.
If you know who cut off|Jebediah's head--
I don't care if it's your brother,|your sister, your daddy or your mommy--
turn them in,|and Krusty will send you...
- a free slide whistle|just like Sideshow Bob's.
- Wait a minute.
I hope you're not planning to do|what I think you're doing.
Sorry, man.|It's either you or me.
You know, Bart, you don't|have to found a town to be a hero.
Sometimes a hero|could be a young boy...
with the courage to stand up|and admit he's made a mistake.
Yeah, well, I'm running|a little short on courage right now.
Anyway, think about it,|will you, son?
Jebediah Obediah|Zachariahjedediah Springfield...
came West in 1838.
Along the way,|he met a ferocious bear...
and killed him|with his bare hands.
That's " B-A-R-E" hands.
Although modern historians|recently uncovered evidence...
that the bear, in fact,|probably killed him.
- But whether bear killed man--|- Mom. Dad.
- I knew it all along!|- Why, Bart? Why?
Yeah, why?|You little--
Because I wanted|some really bad kids to like me.
Somehow I got the idea|that being popular...
was the most important|thing in the world.
- Where did you get|a ridiculous idea like that?|- Uh--
Lay off|the boy, Marge.
He's a good kid.|Quit giving him the third degree.
Homer, did you have|something to do with this?
Well, maybe I am|a little responsible.
- A little?|- Come on, son.
Let's take the head thing|back to the authorities.
You know, Bart,|when I was your age,
I pulled a few boners.
But I think you'll find people|are pretty decent...
- if you give them half--|- Look! There it is--
- The head!|- Kill 'em!
-Allright. Allright.|- Allright, already.
- We know this part.|-Oh, yeah, right.
Well, that's my story.
And if you still wanna tear apart|this young Sunday school student...
as he stands on the brink|of salvation,
- I await your wrath.|- Aw!
- Somehow I don't feel|like killing anymore.|- Neither do I.
- Forgive me, sir.|- No problem, Bart.
It's beautiful, man.
- I love you, Smithers.|- The feeling is more than mutual, sir.
Good going, son.
But remember--|Most lynch mobs aren't this nice.
Subtitles By|Captions Inc. Los Angeles
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South Park 01x10 - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
South Park 01x11 - Toms Rhinoplasty
South Park 01x12 - Mecha Striesand
South Park 01x13 - Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut
Soylent Green 1973
Spanish Prisoner The CD1
Spanish Prisoner The CD2
Spark the Lighter
Spartacus 2004 CD1
Spartacus 2004 CD2
Spartacus Fixed 1960
Spartan 2004 CD1
Spartan 2004 CD2
Spawn (Directors Cut)
Species 3 CD1
Species 3 CD2
Speed 2 - Cruise Control
Spellbound (Hitchcock 1945)
Spider Man 2 CD1
Spider Man 2 CD2
Spies Like Us 1985
Spirit of the Beehive
Spirited Away CD1
Spirited Away CD2
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD1
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD2
Spongebob Squarepants The Movie
Springtime In A Small Town
Spun (Unrated Version)
Spy Who Came In from the Cold The
Spy Who Loved Me The
Spy Who Shagged Me The - New Line Platinum Series
St Johns Wort - (Otogiriso) 25fps 2001
Stage Beauty 2004
Stage Fright 1950
Stalker 1979 CD1
Stalker 1979 CD2
Star Trek Generations CD1
Star Trek Generations CD2
Star Wars - Episode II Attack of the Clones
Star Wars - Episode IV A New Hope
Star Wars - Episode I The Phantom Menace
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD1
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD2
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD1
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD2
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD1
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD2
Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods
Stargate SG1 1x02 The enemy Within
Stargate SG1 1x03 Emancipation
Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide
Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment
Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus
Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox
Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer
Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus
Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water
Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)