Chief Wiggum, Archbishop McGee, distinguished guests...
...I'm pleased to dedicate this warning system.
In the off-chance of a nuclear disaster...
...this sign will tell the good citizens of Springfield what to do.
Joke's on them.
If the core explodes, there won't be any power to light that sign.
I'd like to present the man who made this sign possible...
...by dropping his obstructionist legal challenges...
He's never late. Something's wrong.
Nobody leaves "Diamond Joe" Quimby holding the bag!
Must turn over.
Got to greet dignitaries.
-Oh, no! We've got to get a doctor! -Absolutely not!
No quack sawbones is going to apply his leeches to me.
As long as there's an ounce of strength left in me....
He's suffering from what we call hypohemia.
It's a lack of blood.
Damn it, I know what it is! What can we do about it?
-Our only hope is a transfusion. -How long to sterilize a needle?
-Seconds. -Skip it.
Just leave me enough to get home.
It's not that simple.
His blood is double O-negative. It's rare.
I'm B-positive. Damn this gutter blood!
Smithers, don't feel so bad.
After all, that kidney you donated to me really hit the spot.
Attention, all employees.
Our boss and inspiration, Mr. Burns...
...is at death's door.
If you have double O-negative blood, please report to the bloodmobile.
That is all.
-I'd give, except for one thing. -What?
I don't wanna.
I can't believe you guys.
There's a wealthy human being who needs our help.
You don't wanna cash in?
That's why you losers are stuck in this crummy job.
-I'm your supervisor. -Sorry, sir.
Maggie, look. What's that?
-What are you doing? -Teaching Maggie about nature.
She needs the advantages I didn't have.
Lisa, we did the best we could. What's a zebu?
An ox with a hump and a dewlap.
Hump and dewlap. Hump and dewlap.
-What's my blood type? -A-positive.
Nuts! Rare blood and I don't have it.
You know his blood type? How romantic!
A mother knows everything.
-My shoe size? -4-B.
-How many teeth do I have? -Sixteen.
-Ring? -Don't wear them. But three.
-Monster makeup. -Impressive.
-How many hairs on my head? -Homie, you have lots of hair.
-Why do you need your blood type? -Burns may die.
He needs double O-negative blood. No one has it.
-Bart does. -Yes! All right!
Congratulations! You've got a date with a needle!
I don't have to give blood. I have rights.
-Yeah, the right to remain silent. -You must help those in need.
-It's the only decent thing to do. -D'oh!
It's not like I'm asking you to give blood for free.
That would be crazy!
When you save a rich man's life, he showers you with riches.
-You know "Hercules and the Lion"? -Is it a Bible story?
Probably. Once upon a time...
...there was a big, mean lion who got a thorn in his paw.
Everyone tried to pull it out but nobody was strong enough.
They got Hercules.
And Hercules used his mighty strength, and bingo!
The moral is, the lion was so happy...
...he gave Hercules this big thing of riches.
-How did a lion get rich? -It was the olden days!
Hey, let's go! Emergency! Life or death here!
-Just a sec! -Otto-man! You work here?
All my friends are in school...
...so I got a job as a bloodletting tech-dude!
-Let's get this show on the road. -Okay. Let me wash up.
Homer. Brave, young Bart.
-I don't know which one to hug first. -The boy.
-We're ready with the transfusion. -I'm not going to make it.
I want to dictate my epitaph.
-Go ahead. -Charles Montgomery Burns:
...and patriot. American patriot.
Master of the atom...
...scourge of the despot....
O, tyrant, hear his mighty name and quake!
Smithers, I'm back!
Top of the morning to ye!
Why, look who's here! It's good old you!
Hi, Mr. Burns.
Hey, there, Mr. Brown Shoes.
How about that local sports team, huh?
Mr. Burns. He's okay. Jackpot!
Well, that's game. Hasta mañana, Osvaldo.
I'm back in the pink! Full of pith and vinegar!
-Just remarkable, sir. -You know, it's funny.
I tried every tincture, poultice, tonic and medicine there is.
And all I really needed was the blood of a young boy.
-What was the lad's name? -Bart Simpson.
-Who? -The son of Homer, a stiff in 7-G.
The Simpsons will be getting a very nice surprise in the mail.
Very nice, indeed.
Bill. Bill. Summons. Bill.
Wait a minute. From C.M. Burns.
This is it. Yes, this is it!
Bart! Lisa! Maggie! Let's do this out in the yard!
Dim the lights. Turn them on. Do something!
It's thin, but that's okay. Could be a check.
There's no check, just a card. Don't panic.
I'm sure it tells us what we'll get and where to pick it up.
Dear Bart, thank you kindly for the blood. Yours truly, Montgomery Burns.
D'oh! It's just a card!
Is that some way to show your gratitude? No gold, no diamonds.
No rubies, not even a lousy card!
Wait, there was a card. That's what got me so mad!
You don't do these things to be rewarded. You do it to help someone.
You're my wife and I love you very much...
...but you're living in a world of make-believe.
With bells and magic frogs with funny hats.
-We got hosed. -Bart!
We got exactly what we wanted. We gave an old man a second chance.
I promised my boy one simple thing: lots of riches.
And that man broke my promise! I've had it!
Bart, take a letter! Dear Mr. Burns...
...I'm so glad you enjoyed my son's blood.
And your card was just great.
In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic. You stink!
-Read that last part back to me. -"You stink!"
Good. You are a senile, bucktoothed old mummy...
...with bony girl arms and you smell like....
-An elephant's butt? -An elephant's butt.
-He's your boss. You have to mail it? -Yep.
-Why don't you sleep on it? -Forget it.
Please, Homie. For me.
Oh, all right.
You always do that hand thing. And it usually works.
Cheap son of a....
Homer, breakfast is ready.
Marge, you saved me from making a big mistake.
I finally understand the meaning of....
-Of what? -Better half.
-Thank you. -Where's the letter?
Where is it?
I don't think it is in the cornstarch canister.
It's somewhere. It didn't just get up and walk away.
-Seen the letter? -Yep.
Think very carefully.
Where did you see it last?
The last place I saw it...
-...was in my hand... -Yeah?
...as I was shoving it into the mailbox.
Why did you do that?
There were things that had to be said. And I know you.
There was no guarantee you'd still be mad this morning.
I'll show you mad in the morning!
Homer, you encouraged him. You should be strangling yourself!
Don't panic. They don't pick up the mail till noon.
There's still time!
-Give it up. It's locked up tight. -Locked, eh?
I might have a little surprise up my sleeve...
...for old Mr. Lock. Step aside, boy.
Hey! I'm with you, Homer. Fight the power!
-Why the hose? -Why do you think?
I'll get it so the ink will run and no one can read it.
-But don't other people have mail? -So they won't get letters.
You know the letters people write. "Dear somebody...
...how is so-and-so? Blah, blah, blah.
Yours truly, Some Bozo." Big loss.
Look out for the mailman. Give me a signal.
-Mailman's here. -We'll use that.
No, I mean the mailman's here!
God! Are you planning to water the mail?
It wouldn't do any good to run because you know my name, right?
-That's right. -Well, I'm still gonna run!
I want the whole world to hear the story of my struggle with hypohemia.
Roman is the finest ghostwriter. He's written Like Hell I Can't.
Up from the Muck. The Unsinkable Sadruddin Mahabaradad.
All right. First question: Have you slept with anyone famous?
Countess von Zeppelin and l-- What in blaze--?
Listen to me, you bargain-basement Baudelaire!
I'm not a starlet who can't string two words together.
I can write this thing myself! You're fired!
Hello. My name is Mr. Burns.
-I believe you have a letter for me. -What's your first name?
I don't know.
Great plan, Bart.
Oh, look, Maggie! What is that?
I don't know what you're doing but your father's trying to worry.
"Chapter the Fifth. "
The trip to the infirmary with most unexpected results.
Twenty-eight minutes till Burns comes. Time for Operation Mail-Take.
Can I help you?
Don't be frightened. It's a letter opener. Who are you?
Give a fake name.
Simpson, eh? Simpson!
Why, there's a letter from you. I'll read it right now.
"Mr. Burns, I'm glad you enjoyed my son's blood.
And your card was just great."
You've made my day. You're a true gentleman.
-Well, I'll be on my way. -Hello, there's more.
"In case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic.
You stink! You're a senile, bucktoothed mummy...
...with bony girl arms. And you smell like an elephant's butt!"
Come on, Joey. You have to twist my arm?
I don't tell you how to do your job, okay?
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be easy.
No, revenge is a dish best served cold.
I'll bide my time until....
What the hell, I'll just crush him.
Senile, eh? Bucktoothed, am I?
Bony arms, are they? Liver spots, did I?
-Shameless, will you? -His pink slip for you to sign.
Now that's odd.
I've just robbed a man of his livelihood and yet I feel empty.
Tell you what, have him beaten to a pulp!
I've never seen him this mad, and he's always kind of mad.
-Me and my big letter-writing pen. -What's done is done.
No matter what, we'll pull through.
You can move in with your sisters and raise the kids and I'll...
...die in a gutter. It's practical and within our means.
They said I'd destroy the family. I never believed it.
Nobody believed it. We were just trying to scare you.
-You know Homer Simpson? -Yeah, nice guy. Play poker with him.
-Beat him up. -You got it.
-Wait. -What is it?
-Nothing. Wait. -What?
-...don't kick. -Got it.
-What did Homie do anyway? -He saved Mr. Burns' life.
In closing, I'd like to thank you. "What's that?" you say.
"Me, thanking you?" No, it's not a misprint.
I enjoyed writing this book as much as you enjoyed reading it.
-Smithers. How'd the beating go? -Sir-- There was no beating.
-That's a hell of a thing! Why? -Because l--
-I called it off. -Judas!
I'm sorry. But I just couldn't hurt Homer.
-He saved you. -I see.
I know you're mad. I'm gonna stand outside until you forgive me.
No need, Smithers.
You've been the sober ying to my raging yang.
Put her there, old pal.
I wish this handshake would never end, but we still have...
-...the Simpson matter to attend to. -We do indeed, old friend. We do.
-Moe's Tavern. -Is Mike there? Last name, Rotch.
Hold on, I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch!
Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
One of these days, I'm gonna catch you...
...and carve my name on your back with an ice pick.
What's up? You're not your normal self.
I got my problems. Give me another one.
Don't drink to forget your problems.
Yeah. You should only drink to enhance your social skills.
We'll get the Simpsons an extravagant present.
An unthinkable, utterly impossible present!
A frabulous, grabulous, zip-zoop-zabulous present!
A pool table? I'm not going to turn his home into a saloon.
-Eureka! We've found it! -But, sir, it's $32,000!
Don't you dare sully this moment with your price-taggery.
Oh, woe is me.
Oh, my! It's Mr. Burns.
Heave, ho! Heave, ho! Heave, ho!
Wait, Dad, he's smiling.
-You brought us a present! -What did you think I was gonna do?
Have you beaten to a bloody pulp?
To show there's no hard feelings, here's a copy of my book:
Will There Ever Be a Rainbow?
I haven't forgotten you. Here.
-Wow! A crowbar! -It's to open the crate, stupid.
What did I tell you? I bet it's filled with rubies, sapphire, pearls.
-Wow! A big, ugly head! -D'oh!
Actually, it's a big, ugly Olmec Indian head.
It was carved by Mesoamerican Indians 3000 years ago.
This gruesome customer is Xtapolapocetl, the god of war.
No, Maggie, not Aztec. Olmec. Olmec.
-What does it do? -Nothing.
-Really, what does it do? -Whatever it does, it's doing it now.
I'll let you get acquainted with Señor Xtapolapocetl. Ta.
-Did you see their faces? -You're my god of generosity.
Save a guy's life and what do you get? Nothing.
Worse than nothing. Just a big, scary rock.
-Don't badmouth the head. -It's the thought that counts.
The moral is, a good deed is its own reward.
-We got a reward. The head is cool. -Well, then....
I guess the moral is, no good deed goes unrewarded.
Wait a minute. If I hadn't written that letter...
-...we would've gotten nothing. -Well....
The moral is, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
-Perhaps there is no moral. -Exactly! Just stuff that happened.
-But it was a memorable few days. -Amen to that!
SNL Best Of Eddie Murphy 1998
S Diary 2004
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Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)