Simpsons The 05x05 - Tree House Of Horror
[ Ghostly Shriek ]
[ Evil Laughter ]
[ Gunfire ]
[ All Moaning ]
Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop.
But at night, they take on a life of their own.
They become portals to hell...
so scary and horrible and gruesome that--
Bart, you should warn people this episode is very frightening.
Maybe they'd rather listen to that War of the Worlds broadcast on N.P.R., hmm?
- Yes, Mother. - Good.
Now, you hold Maggie. I'm going to buy some earrings at the gift shop.
[ Sighs ] The subject of our first painting tonight is the most...
foul, evil, vicious, diabolical beast to stalk the earth.
Of course, I refer to--
[ Muffled ]
And next in our fall catalog-- we love this--
it is a vision in raspberry cream.
[ Applause ]
Ohh! Pure genius.
[ Gurgling ]
Oh! And now to make the leap from dreams to reality.
Sorry, Homer. While you were daydreaming, we ate all the doughnuts.
Well, there were a few left, but we chucked 'em at an old man for kicks.
Damn buzzards! I ain't dead yet!
All right. Stay calm. Remember your training.
''Dear Homer, I.O.U. one emergency doughnut. Signed, Homer.''
Bastard! He's always one step ahead.
Oh! I'd sell my soul for a doughnut!
- [ Rumbling ] - Well, that can be arranged.
Flanders! You're the devil?
It's always the one you least suspect.
Now, many people offer to sell their souls...
without reflecting upon the grave ramifica--
- Do you have a doughnut or not? - Coming up.
Just sign here. Careful, hot pen.
Hmm. Who's that goat-legged fellow? I like the cut of his jib.
Uh, Prince of Darkness, sir. He's your 1 1 :00.
[ Gasps ] Ah!
Now, remember, the instant you finish it, I own your soul for--
Hey, wait, if I don't finish this last bite...
you don't get my soul, do you?
- Uh, technically no, but--- - I'm smarter than the devil! I'm smarter than the dev--
You are not smarter than me!
I'll see you in hell yet, Homer Simpson!
Not likely. [ Chuckles ]
[ Muttering ]
Hm. Hm. Hm.
Mmm! Forbidden doughnut.
- Hmm? - Well, well. Finishing something?
[ Screams ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ Gasps ]
- Homer, did you eat that doughnut? - No.
Your wide behind won't save you this time. Hey, Bart.
- Hey. - Wait!
Doesn't my father have the right to a fair trial?
Oh, you Americans with your ''due process'' and ''fair trials.''
This is always so much easier in Mexico. All right. Very well.
We'll have the trial tomorrow at the stroke of midnight.
Till then, you're going to spend the day in hell!
[ Screaming ]
[ Sighs ] That wasn't so bad.
Huh? Ow! Ow! Ow!
So, you like doughnuts, eh?
- Uh-huh. - Well...
have all the doughnuts in the world!
[ Cackling ]
I don't understand it. James Coco went mad in 1 5 minutes.
[ Chiming ]
- Homer, are you all right? - No.
Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night.
The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it.
Hear ye! Hear ye!
The Court of Infernal Affairs is now in session.
Very well. But first, some ground rules.
Number one: We get bathroom breaks every half hour.
Agreed. Number two: The jury will be chosen by me.
Agreed. No, wait!
Silence! I give you the jury of the damned!
Benedict Arnold. Lizzie Borden. Richard Nixon.
But I'm not dead yet. In fact, I just wrote an article for Redbook.
- Hey, listen, I did a favor for you. - Yes, master.
John Wilkes Booth. Blackbeard the Pirate.John Dillinger.
And the starting line of the 1 97 6 Philadelphia Flyers.
- [ Gasps ] - [ Chattering ]
I'm sorry, Mr. Blackbeard. We're low on chairs, and this is the last one.
Arr! This chair be high, says I.
[ Clears Throat ] I hold here a contract between myself and one Homer Simpson...
pledging me his soul for a doughnut!
Which I delivered! And it was scrum-didilly-umptious.
I simply ask for what is mine.
- [ Murmuring ] - That was a right pretty speech, sir.
But I ask you, what is a contract?
Webster's defines it as ''an agreement under the law which is unbreakable.''
''Which is unbreakable''!
Excuse me. I must use the restroom.
[ Door Slams ]
Uh, Mr. Hutz?
Homer Simpson, I have no choice...
but to sentence you to an eternity of--
Wait! Before you send him to hell, there's something you should see.
That's a photo of Homer and me at our wedding.
Wait a minute. You got married in an emergency room?
Well, Homer ate the entire wedding cake by himself...
before the wedding.
Read the back! The back!
Arr. 'Tis some kind of treasure map.
- You idiot, you can't read. - Aye, 'tis true.
My debauchery was my way of compensatin'.
''Dear Marge, You have given me your hand in marriage.
''All I can give you in return is my soul...
which I pledge to you forever.''
[ Murmuring ]
We've heard enough. Your Honor...
we find that Homer Simpson's soul is legally the property...
of Marge Simpson and not of the devil.
[ Groans ]
- Yea! - Whoo-hoo-- Ow!
All right, Simpson. You get your soul back.
But let that ill-gotten doughnut be forever on your head.
[ Homer Screams ]
[ Homer Chewing ]
- Homer, stop picking at it. - Oh!
But I'm so sweet and tasty.
[ Sighs ] Well, time to go to work.
Dad, I wouldn't go outside if I were you.
Don't worry, boys. He's gotta come out of there sometime.
The next exhibit in our ghoulish gallery is entitled--
the ''School Bus''?
Oh! Oh! They must mean the ''Ghoul Bus.''
Nope. It says right there, ''School Bus.''
Well, there's nothing scarier than having to go to school.
[ Sighs ]
Hey, Bart, look! Krusty trading cards!
The long-awaited Eighth Series!
[ Bart ] ''Krusty visits relatives in Annapolis, Maryland. ''
''Krusty poses for trading card photo. ''
Hmm. He seems to be running a little low on ideas.
- Well, at least you got the gum. - Oww! I cut my cheek!
- [ Screaming ] - [ Horn Blaring ]
Oh-- I hope this is sweat.
Bart, what's wrong?
I just had a vision of my own horrible, fiery death.
- And? - Lisa, your brother's obviously had a nightmare.
- Don't worry, honey. The scary part's over. - [ Horn Blaring ]
Marge, look at all this great stuff I found at the marina!
- It was just sitting in some guy's boat. - [ Horn Blaring ]
Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus because Mother hid my car keys...
to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone.
- She was right to do it. - Excuse me. Bart's a little upset this morning...
so could everyone please be extra-nice to him?
[ All Laughing ]
Hey, where's your diaper, baby?
Thank goodness he's drawn attention away from my shirt.
[ Groaning ]
[ Snarling ]
[ Gasps ] Milhouse! Milhouse, wake up.
- Quick, look out the window. - No way, Bart.
If I lean over, I leave myself open to wedgies, wet willies...
or even the dreaded rear admiral.
Otto, you gotta do something! There's a gremlin on the side of the bus!
Hey, no problemo, Bart-dude. I'll get rid of it.
No! Oh, no. I just made my last payment.
[ Screams ] Everybody!
There's a monster on the side of the bus!
[ Yelling ]
Hey, there's no monster.
- You're deceptive. - I don't see anything.
Hey, who's driving the bus?
Ooh! Una momento, por favor.
Frightened of a creature that does not exist.
[ Laughing Loudly ]
[ Grunting ]
- [ Gasps ] - [ Groans ]
Now, I've gotten word that a child is using his imagination...
and I've come to put a stop to it.
- No! No, it's true! There's a monster on the bus. - The only monster on this bus...
is a lack of proper respect for the rules.
[ Groaning ]
[ Screaming ]
Ach. Me mule wouldn't walk in the mud.
So I had to put 1 7 bullets in him.
[ Groaning ]
You believe me, don't you? You're my friend who believes me.
Sweet, trustworthy Milhouse.
Actually, Bart, you're kinda creepin' me out.
Uh, I think I'm gonna go sit, uh...
w-with that foreign exchange student.
Oh, guten Tag.! Would you care for a bite of my Vengelerstrasse bar?
I also have a bag of marzipan JoyJoys!
The gremlin's takin' off the wheel!
Stop the bus or we're all gonna die! Aaah!
Take me bridle and lash his hands to the seat!
Would you like another lick of my flavor wax?
Well, now that we're friends, Uter...
how 'bout loosening these straps, huh?
Ja, das ist gut.
[ Groans ]
[ Screaming ]
[ All Screaming ]
- [ Screaming ] - [ Gasps ]
- [ Growling ] - [ Grunting ]
- Hey, boy! - [ Horn Blaring ]
Pull, Willie! Pull!
I'm doin' all the pullin', ya blouse-wearin' poodle walker!
Oh, dear Lord! It's some sort of hideous monster.
Aw, isn't that cute? He's trying to claw my eyes out.
Look at the bus! I was right, I tell ya! I was right!
Right or wrong, your behavior was still disruptive, young man.
Perhaps spending the remainder of your life in a madhouse...
- will teach you some manners. - Ha-ha!
[ Sighs ] At least now I can get some rest.
We come now to the final and most terrifying painting of the evening.
To even gaze upon it is to go mad.
[ Shrieks ] They're dogs, and they're playing poker!
Aaah! [ Crazed Laughter]
We had a story to go with this painting, but it was far too intense.
So we just threw something together with vampires. Enjoy!
[ Kent Brockman On TV] Another local peasant has been found dead...
drained of his blood, with two teeth marks on his throat.
This black cape was found on the scene. Police are baffled.
We think we're dealing with a supernatural being...
most likely a mummy.
As a precaution, I've ordered the Egyptian wing of the Springfield Museum destroyed.
Nice work, Ed.
No, no, they're wrong! The creature they seek is the walking undead.
Nosferatu. Das Vampyr.
[ Chuckles ] Lisa, vampires are make-believe.
Just like elves, gremlins and Eskimos.
In a completely unrelated story, Montgomery Burns has just closed a deal...
to buy the Springfield Blood Bank.
Oh, I'm very excited about this deal.
What? Oh. Precious blood.
Hmm. Business deal.
It sure was nice of Mr. Burns to invite us...
for a midnight dinner at his country house in...
Ah, there's something fishy about this whole setup.
Lisa, stop being so suspicious.
Did everyone wash their necks like Mr. Burns asked?
- Yes. - Sure did.
- [ Doorbell Chimes ] - [ Mr. Burns Over Speaker] Welcome. Come in.
Ah, fresh victims for my ever-growing army of the undead.
- [ Smithers ] Sir, you have to let go of the button. - Oh, son of a bit--
Well, if it isn't my good friends, the, uh--
- Simpson family, master. - Simpson, eh? Excellent.
Dad, do you notice anything strange?
Yeah, his hairdo looks so queer.
- I heard that! - It was the boy!
[ Gasps ] Ooh! Punch!
Eww. Dad, this is blood.
Correction-- free blood.
Whoops. Bart and I have to go wash up.
But you didn't get any on me-- Ugh-- Wh--
Lisa, Burns isn't a vampire.
And even if he was, we're not gonna stumble on his secret hiding place.
You're probably right. Let's just go back. [ Gasps ]
- Satisfied? - Big deal.
It's no different from the basement in Grampa's rest home.
Look! [ Gasps ]
Oh, my God!
- [ Muttering ] - Please, Bart. I've seen your stupid Shemp.
Nyung, nyung, nyung, nyung!
Yeah, I've seen your Curly too.
- [ Growls ] - [ Screams ]
I know I really shouldn't, but when am I gonna be here again?
- [ Growling ] - [ Screaming ]
Well, if it isn't little--
Mom, Dad! Mr. Burns is a vampire, and he has Bart!
[ Mr. Burns ] Why, Bart is right here.
Hello, Mother. Hello, Father.
I missed you during my uneventful absence.
Oh, Lisa, you and your stories.
''Bart is a vampire.'' ''Beer kills brain cells.''
Now, let's go back to that...
where our beds and TV... is.
[ Screaming ]
Come join us, Lisa. It's so cool.
You get to stay up all night drinking blood.
And if you say you're a vampire...
you get a free small soda at the movies.
Lisa, it's not like you have a choice here.
Bart! How many times have I told you not to bite your sist--
[ Gasps ] Wait a minute! You are a vampire!
Quick! We have to kill the boy!
How'd you know he's a vampire?
He's a vampire? Aaah!
[ Cackling ]
Homer, we gotta do something. Today, he's drinking people's blood.
Tomorrow, he could be smoking.
The only way to get Bart back is to kill the head vampire...
Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?
This is dangerous.
I wish we could have found a sitter for Maggie.
[ Gasps ] Super fun happy slide!
- No, Dad. - Oh! I guess killing will be fun enough.
You must drive this stake right through his heart.
Take that, vile fiend!
Uh, Dad, that's his crotch.
[ Laughs ] Oh, sorry.
[ Screaming ] No! [ Groaning ]
- You're fired! - D'oh!
It's so nice having everything back to normal.
I'm a vampire, and I've come to suck your blood.
This cape is giving me a rash.
- Grampa's a vampire? - We're all vampires.
But, no, we killed Mr. Burns.
You have to kill the head vampire.
You're the head vampire?
No, I'm the head vampire.!
[ Laughs ]
- Mom? - I do have a life outside this house, you know.
- Mom? - I do have a life outside this house, you know.
- [ Screams ] - [ Hissing ]
Happy Halloween, everybody!
" [ Vocalizing: ''Hark! The Herald Angels Sing'' ]
[ Woman Screaming ]
"[ Macabre Organ ]
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Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide
Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment
Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus
Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox
Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer
Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus
Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water
Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)