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South Park 01x03 - Volcano

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Volcano
Now, you be careful, Eric. The woods can be very dangerous.
Okay, Mom.
- Ready to go hunting? - My Uncle Jimbo says we gotta go early.
Right. Animals are easier to shoot in the morning.
Here, hon. I packed you Cheesy Poofs and Happy Tarts.
Don't worry, we'll take care of him.
I brought my war buddy, Ned, to keep things safe.
Hello, Mrs. Cartman. How are you today?
Use lots of bug spray...
...and if you have to poo-poo, don't wipe with poison ivy.
That's sick!
It can get scary up in those woods...
...but just remember, Mommy's not far away.
- Drive! Drive! - You give your mommy a kissy.
Drive the car, damn it! Drive!
- Don't get scared, Cartman. - Shut up! I'm not scared of nothing!
Maybe your mom can give me a kiss too.
That's disgusting!
- You piece of crap, I'll kill you! - That's the spirit!
Let's get that testosterone flowing.
Boys, I need to get serious for a minute.
I want you to understand a few basic rules of hunting.
Don't ever walk with your gun unless the safety's on.
Don't shoot anything human.
Never spill your beer in the bullet chamber.
- Uncle Jimbo, we don't drink beer. - What?!
That's right, I don't think 8-year-old kids drink beer.
Chocolate milk!
We'll be drinking plenty on this trip.
After all, hunting sober is like fishing sober.
It will be nice to get out of the city for a while, away from civilization.
Here we are.
Okay, each of you young'uns take a gun, a beer and some smokes.
Hey, I didn't get a gun!
Sweet. This is like the gun I used in Nam.
- You weren't in Vietnam! - Were you stationed in Da Nang?
He makes stuff up. Don't believe him.
I'll blow your frigging head off!
Look out, son, that's dangerous! You'll spill your beer.
After this, my uncle will take me hunting in Africa.
Wow, that'd be cool!
My mom says there's a lot of black people in Africa.
Look there. That's a Rocky Mountain black bear.
One of the few remaining of its kind. Isn't it beautiful?
My God, it's coming right for us!
It wasn't coming for us. It was just sitting!
Not so loud. Now, that's just a technicality.
- What do you mean? - See...
...the Democrats have passed laws trying to stop hunting.
Democrats piss me off!
They say we can't shoot certain animals unless they pose a threat.
So before we shoot, we have to say, "It's coming right for us!"
You're smart, Uncle Jimbo.
- Jimbo, look. - Oh, it's a deer.
Looks like about a.46-gauge, Ned.
It's coming right for us!
Kick ass!
Did you see that? I was imperiled by that ferocious charging buck.
Rabbit! Rabbit, 5:00.
Let's move! Move!
- Is this hunting? - I guess so.
- Dude, I'm starting to have flashbacks. - What?
Stand forth! Pull up flank! Look out for Charlies in trees!
This one's yours, Stan.
- It's coming right for us! - It's coming right for us.
- Shoot it, Stan! - I got your back, soldier.
I can't.
- What's wrong with you? - I don't wanna shoot it.
What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!
- You're hysterical! - I just don't wanna shoot it.
My nephew's a tree-hugger?!
Hippie! Go back to Woodstock if you can't shoot.
- I can shoot you! - I can shoot you too!
- I'll kill you! - I'll fill you full of lead!
Hey, what's that?
What the heck is this?
Yeah, Frank? It's Randy.
Good. Yeah, listen, the little needle's moving.
It's going back and forth really fast. What's that mean?
Let me check.
Yeah, it's smoking.
Oh, really?
Really?
Oh, my God! A volcano!
- My weenies won't cook. - This wood won't burn.
Looks like we'll have to use the old Indian fire trick.
Stop, drop and roll, Ned!
Goddamn it, I just got that van! How are we supposed to get home?
It hurts, it hurts!
You guys, this works pretty good right now.
Mr. Mayor, you can't stop serving Salisbury steak in our public schools.
What's next, meatloaf?
We are aware of your concerns, Chef, but...
- The geologist is here to see you. - My geologist? Now?
The infection's fine. I don't need a checkup.
No, that's a gynecologist. A geologist studies the earth.
I know that. How dare you insult my intellect!
I went to Princeton! You get out of my office!
I'm not in your office. I'm talking to you through a speaker.
- Just send in the geometrist! - Geologist.
- You are fired, buddy! - It's been great working for you.
Mayor, we've got a very big problem. Mt. Evanson is about to erupt.
What does this mean to the town?
This graph shows everything from normal to bad.
Right now, South Park is here.
- My God! - Mayor, some of the school children...
...are up camping on that mountain now!
This is big! Johnson! Johnson, are you there?
You fired Johnson. I'm his replacement, Ted.
Ted, we've got a major crisis here.
I want you to call Inside Edition, Rescue 91 1 and Entertainment Tonight.
You'd better get my stylist too. Don't worry, things are under control.
And then, Ned picked up the grenade and boom! Blasted his arm clear off!
We spent hours looking for that arm, but it was never found.
Some say it's still crawling around to this day.
- Gotcha! - That's not scary.
- You were scared. You almost peed. - Shut up! I didn't pee!
Ned, hand me that gin.
- You boys wanna tie one on? - No, that stuff tastes like pee.
- Cartman's pee. - You would taste my pee!
What's wrong with you? Can't you have a little alcohol?
Christ, look at that little bastard go!
You see that, Stan? Now, that is a dirty little bastard.
I'm a dirty little bastard too.
You guys, I know a scary story.
- Shut up. You can't scare anybody. - Oh, yeah?
- Have you guys heard of Skuzzlebutt? - What butt?
Skuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up on this very mountain...
...and kills anybody who climbs to the top.
- Why? - Because it loves the taste of blood...
...and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.
Deformed how?
On his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...
- A hook! - A knife!
No, a piece of celery. Yes, and he walks with a limp.
One of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be...
...there's nothing but Patrick Duffy.
Patrick Duffy?! Damn it, that's not scary!
What do you mean? Have you seen Step by Step?
He lives alone on this mountain and weaves baskets and other crafts.
They say that on quiet nights, you can hear him weaving his baskets.
- You suck at telling scary stories! - Give me that flashlight.
- What is that? - Maybe it's Skuzzlebutt coming for us.
It might be.
I hope he doesn't cut me with his celery.
Screw you guys! Go to hell!
Ned, why don't you whip out the old cancer kazoo? Let's do a little song.
They don't think Skuzzlebutt's scary?
Let's see how they like it when they see Skuzzlebutt!
I'll scare them tomorrow.
- Stan. Stan, wake up! - What, dude?
I think something took Cartman away.
- Where's my uncle and Ned? - Fishing with Kenny.
Kenny? But this is supposed to be my camping trip.
Why do they like Kenny so much? Doesn't he like me?
- Stan, you wanna know what I think? - What?
What a beautiful morning for fishing. There's a fish!
Got it.
Great instincts.
Uncle Jimbo, Cartman's missing!
- Who? The fat kid? - Yeah.
Oh, hell. I guess we better go look for him.
Ned, we gotta cut it short. Fire out the 1 2-20!
That's about the limit for our fishing permit.
Oh, man, it smells like dead fish here.
Oh, man, that is nasty.
I've never seen a kid as cool as you, Kenny.
I'm making you my honorary nephew.
People of South Park are humble and friendly.
But now, hot lava will engulf them...
...and end their miserable lives with excruciatingly painful, burning agony.
Hey, I'm on TV! I'm on TV!
What are you doing to prepare for this catastrophe?
All we know right now is that some of our children...
...are camping on that mountain and... I'm sorry, can I start over?
You can edit this, right? Ready? Three, two, one.
All we know right now...
...is some of our children are camping on that mountain.
We can't do anything until we get them!
Okay, people, let's go get those kids!
Everybody, you gotta help the children!
He couldn't have gone far, unless something drug him off.
There's not many animals out today, Jimbo.
Yeah, it's almost like something funny's going on.
- Ned, what'd you have for breakfast? - I don't know. I've got some bad gas.
Wait, there's a ram!
It's coming right for us!
Nice shooting, Kenny!
- Here, you need a bigger gun. - Look!
I am Skuzzlebutt, lord of the mountains!
Behold my Patrick Duffy leg!
- What is it? - Skuzzlebutt! Cartman wasn't lying.
We can make a mint killing this thing.
We'll be on the cover of Guns & Ammo.
This calls for some HJ-1 4.
Those guys are totally scared.
Fire in the hole!
Holy crap!
- Damn, I think I missed. - What is wrong with you people?!
- Come on, let's move! Move! - Wait, wait!
Is it on? Okay.
People, form groups and search the mountain.
Report back here every hour, you got that?
- Mayor, I might have an idea. - What?
If we can dig a large trench, we can divert the lava into a canyon.
Then it would bypass South Park completely.
- That would be good, right? - I'm pretty sure.
What are we waiting for?
Okay, people, change of plans. Half of you, grab shovels.
These look like his tracks.
Ned, prepare some HK-1 2 and some Plasticine.
I'll bet that sucker's headed for a higher elevation... Bird!
It can breathe better higher up.
Look, up there!
You guys, it's just me!
- We sure it's Skuzzlebutt? - Is there a Patrick Duffy leg?
I can't tell. Kill it!
I gotta get out of this stupid costume!
- Kenny, you take the front. - No, I can do it.
- I wanna bag that animal! - That's the spirit! Let's hunt!
Guys, I was just kidding!
As some people try to save their town, others look for the missing people.
But all must take every precaution.
People, listen up. As we near the top of the mountain...
...the chances of our encountering some lava becomes great.
I have special-ordered this training film to assist us in volcano safety.
Mr. Garrison, if you would, please.
Natural disasters can be the cause...
...of troubling and undesirable stress. A volcano is no exception.
What should you do if a volcano erupts near you or your family?
Here, we see the Stevens on a picnic.
Suddenly, daughter hears a noise. It's a volcano.
Junior seems worried. But have no fear...
...Jane learned in school what to do when a volcano erupts.
That's right, Jane. Duck and cover.
So, what will you do when you hear a volcano erupting?
That's right, duck and cover. Looks like you got the idea.
Duck and cover.
Thank you, and goodbye.
Okay, any questions?
That has got to be the most ridiculous load of pig crap I have ever seen!
That's enough!
I'll bag Skuzzlebutt, then we'll see who's a little bastard.
Seriously, you guys!
Kill it. Kill it!
Come on, kill it!
- Goddamn it, I can't do it! - You pansy! Give me that gun!
- Goddamn it, don't shoot me! - What the sam hill?
I was trying to scare you. You can put the gun down now!
So much for the cover of Guns & Ammo.
But I think we've learned some important lessons. I think...
- Holy crap! - The mountain, it's blown its top!
Oh, my God, they killed Kenny!
- Look, the volcano! - Quick! Duck and cover!
That lava's coming right for us!
Oh, no, look!
What is this trench doing here?! We can't get across!
The missing children are trapped in the path of hot, nasty lava.
God, please deliver those darling kids from...
Wait, wait, wait! Three, two and one.
God, please deliver...
Help!
Jiminy! It's the real Skuzzlebutt!
- What? Skuzzlebutt's real? - Oh, my God, look at his leg!
Hi, kids, I'm TV's Patrick Duffy.
Quick, Ned, shoot it!
Oh, no, out of ammo!
- What is that thing? - That's Skuzzlebutt!
He has Patrick Duffy for a leg and weaves baskets.
This isn't happening. Everyone look away. Nothing to see here.
Well, boys, I'm sorry I got you all killed.
He built a wicker basket!
He's saving us!
- Skuzzlebutt saved the day! - And my calculations worked.
The lava's following the trench into the canyon.
Where exactly does the canyon go?
South Park is saved!
Hey, look, Kenny's okay!
Now these humble people can rejoice and celebrate their victory over nature.
I'm getting word that the school's chef...
...wants to sing a song about this struggle of humanity.
What do you have to say about this outcome?
Well, we owe everything to this friendly yet misunderstood creature.
- Thank you, Skuzzlebutt. - Friend.
Oh, how sweet!
I did it! I killed something!
- What has he done? - Turn off the cameras!
That was easy.
No! Why, God, why?!
You shouldn't have done that!
- Why? - Make up your mind, dude.
Some things you kill, some things you don't, see?
- No. - Only now in this late hour...
...do I see the folly of guns. I'll never use a gun again.
I wanted you to be proud of me, like Kenny.
But Kenny's dead now. You're always gonna be my nephew.
You just can't kill anything.
- You understand? - I don't understand hunting.
- It's stupid. Let's go watch cartoons. - Yeah, cartoons kick ass.
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Sound of Music The
South Park - Bigger Longer and Uncut
South Park 01x01 - Cartman Gets An Anal Probe
South Park 01x02 - Weight Gain 4000
South Park 01x03 - Volcano
South Park 01x04 - Big Gay Als Big Gay Boatride
South Park 01x05 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
South Park 01x06 - Death
South Park 01x07 - Pinkeye
South Park 01x08 - Jesus VS Satan
South Park 01x09 - Starvin Marvin
South Park 01x10 - Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo
South Park 01x11 - Toms Rhinoplasty
South Park 01x12 - Mecha Striesand
South Park 01x13 - Cartmans Mom is a Dirty Slut
Soylent Green 1973
Spacehunter 1983
Spanish Prisoner The CD1
Spanish Prisoner The CD2
Spark the Lighter
Spartacus 2004 CD1
Spartacus 2004 CD2
Spartacus Fixed 1960
Spartan 2004 CD1
Spartan 2004 CD2
Spawn (1997)
Spawn (Directors Cut)
Species 3 CD1
Species 3 CD2
Speed 2 - Cruise Control
Spellbound (Hitchcock 1945)
Spetters 1980
Spider-Man CD1
Spider-Man CD2
Spider (2002)
Spider Man 2 CD1
Spider Man 2 CD2
Spies Like Us 1985
Spirit of the Beehive
Spirited Away CD1
Spirited Away CD2
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD1
Spirits of the Dead 1968 CD2
Splash
Spoilers The
Spongebob Squarepants The Movie
Springtime In A Small Town
Spun (Unrated Version)
Spy Game
Spy Hard
Spy Who Came In from the Cold The
Spy Who Loved Me The
Spy Who Shagged Me The - New Line Platinum Series
Spygirl CD1
Spygirl CD2
Square Peg
Squirm
St Johns Wort - (Otogiriso) 25fps 2001
Stage Beauty 2004
Stage Fright 1950
Stagecoach
Stalag 17
Stalker 1979 CD1
Stalker 1979 CD2
Star Trek Generations CD1
Star Trek Generations CD2
Star Wars - Episode II Attack of the Clones
Star Wars - Episode IV A New Hope
Star Wars - Episode I The Phantom Menace
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD1
Star Wars Episode 4 (A New Hope) CD2
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD1
Star Wars Episode 5 (Empire Strikes Back) CD2
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD1
Star Wars Episode 6 (Return of the Jedi) CD2
Stargate SG1 1x01 Children of the Gods
Stargate SG1 1x02 The enemy Within
Stargate SG1 1x03 Emancipation
Stargate SG1 1x04 The Broca Divide
Stargate SG1 1x05 The First Commandment
Stargate SG1 1x06 Cold Lazarus
Stargate SG1 1x07 The Nox
Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer
Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus
Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water
Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strada La
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Style Wars
Suicide Regimen
Sukces 2003
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swept Away
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)