South Park 01x05 - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
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An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
- Stan, where'd you get that black eye? - Nothing, I mean nowhere.
- Your sister beat you up again? - No!
Your sister kicked your ass!
She's pissed she got headgear. She takes it out on me.
You get your butt kicked by a girl.
I'd never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be:
"Get your bitch-ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie!"
My parents don't believe me.
They think she's innocent. She's an evil bitch.
Be a man, Stan. Just say, "Hey, woman! You shut your mouth and make babies!"
What's that elephant doing?
You mean this one? He's my new pet elephant.
- Where'd you get that? - Mail order from Africa.
They said it'd take 6 weeks, but it only took 3!
- Wow, that's cool! - It's not!
Mom won't let him in the house! His poop is bigger than our couch.
That's why my mom got me a potbellied pig because its poop is small.
Yeah, but pigs aren't smart like elephants.
Hey! Wait a minute! What is that thing?
This is the new retarded kid.
Oh, I'm sorry, little girl. But you still can't get on.
You have to take the special-ed bus!
Looks like you're not welcome anywhere. See you!
If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry!"
- Sit down, kid! - Yes, ma'am.
Children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.
That's right, Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering is an exciting new science.
You can splice DNA from some animals and make them better.
- Mr. Garrison? - Yes, Kyle.
Can you make an elephant smaller?
Well, yes, I suppose you could.
You could splice elephant genes with a dog or cat or potbellied pig genes.
Combine my elephant with a potbellied pig and make potbellied elephants.
- Smart like elephants, small like pigs. - Cool!
- I want a potbellied elephant. - I'll pay $50.
Shut up! We can genetical engineer anything.
I bet I could clone a human being before you cross an elephant and a pig.
- I'll bet you can't! - Watch me!
Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie. Two A+ students in a cloning war.
Genetic engineering lets us correct God's horrible mistakes.
Like German people.
You might visit the genetic-engineering ranch outside of town for help.
You could use this for your science-fair projects next month.
- Genetic-engineering ranch? Sweet! - We need a pig.
- We can use Cartman's pig. - Leave Fluffy out of this!
We won't hurt her. We need blood.
You're not using Fluffy's blood! I'll kick you in the nuts!
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I couldn't help notice that black eye. Are there problems at home?
- Yes. - Oh, dear.
Here, sit down, have some cocoa, and tell Mr. Hat all about it.
I'm your friend Mr. Hat. You can tell me anything. Now, who hit you?
- Is it your father or your mother? - Neither, it's my sister.
Your sister? For Pete's sake, don't be such a wuss!
Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with little problems and give me back my cocoa!
Let's open the phone lines for questions.
- Hi, Shelly. - You looking at my headgear?
- You looking at my headgear? - I didn't really notice.
- You little liar! - I think it looks terrific! It matches...
- Ready to go? - Go where?
The genetics ranch. To splice the pig's genes with my elephant.
Nobody's splicing from Fluffy!
- I swear I'm gonna kill you, Stan! - Why is your sister so mean?
If some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be like:
"Hey, missy, why don't you go knit me a sweater before I slap you in the face!"
Who said that?
This must be it.
Looks like nobody's home. We should come another time.
We're splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.
I won't let them hurt you.
- It's just a pig. - Quit being a baby.
- I don't get my ass kicked by a girl! - At least I'm not a pig-f* * * er!
I'm taking my pig. Screw you guys! I'm going home!
This whole idea is stupid!
What would you know? You never get higher than a D!
Why don't you go to San Francisco with the other Jews?
There's no Jews in San Francisco, retard!
I'll kick you in the nuts!
Can I help you?
Yeah. We wanna crossbreed an elephant with a pig.
Brilliant idea. Huge, elephant-sized pigs.
No, little potbellied elephants that people can keep as pets.
That's an even better idea. Come on in.
I'm so pleased that you're interested in genetic engineering.
Nobody will hurt you.
Thanks to genetic engineering, there will be an end...
...to hunger, disease, pollution, even war.
I created things to make the world better.
For instance, here's a monkey with four asses.
- How does that make the world better? - My four-assed ostrich.
My four-assed mongoose.
Have anything besides four-assed animals?
I suppose so. Yes, over here.
I have rats spliced with ducks, gorillas spliced with mosquitoes.
Here, I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunny fish.
These bunny ears are tied on with strings!
Here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk and a beard.
- What about our potbellied elephant? - Well, I'm sorry, children.
Pig and elephant DNA won't splice. Have you heard that song by Loverboy?
Maybe I can help you add a few asses to that swine.
Keep your hands off of Fluffy!
It's amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days.
- What? Excuse me. - Why are you taking Stan's blood?
Pardon me, I tripped. Could I have some hair?
- Watch out, genetic engineers are crazy! - Come on, Fluffy!
- This gas is hurting my anus. - That's pretty fresh.
I sure am hungry.
Any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?
- Lunchy munchies? - Go away, Pip, nobody likes you!
What kind of a name is Pip?
My father's family name being Pirrip and my name, Phillip...
Would you shut up? Nobody gives a rat's ass!
- Yeah, go away, Pip. - Right.
French people piss me off.
Dumb asses! You give up on your stupid science-fair project?
- No, we're already halfway done. - Then all you've got is a stupid pig.
- Probably a gay pig. - It's more than you've got!
Wrong! We've already got our human clone under way.
Oh, my God! They cloned a foot!
Hey, I'll kick your ass!
By Friday, we'll clone a whole human. Good luck with your pig.
- How you doing? - Bad.
A pig and an elephant's genes won't splice.
Of course they won't splice, children.
Haven't you ever heard that song by Loverboy?
- A pig-elephant? That's not a bad idea. - I told you guys.
Imagine a pint-sized elephant that you could keep in the house.
Children, we could make a fortune with this.
You hear? We'll be rich!
Forget about that genetic engineering.
If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, get them to make sweet love.
An elephant won't make love to a pig.
My pig won't wanna make love to that elephant!
Sure they would, if you get them in the mood.
- How do we do that? - Do what I do, get them good and drunk.
- Wanna come over? - We've got work to do.
An elephant takes a while to get drunk.
- Just for a little bit? - Your sister gonna kick your ass?
Shut up, Cartman!
- Yeah, she's just a girl. - Lf a girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be:
"Why don't you stop dressing me like a mailman and making me dance for you...
...while you smoke crack in your bedroom...
...and have sex with some guy I don't even know on my dad's bed."
- What the hell are you talking about? - I'm saying you're a little wuss.
Use family love as a weapon against her.
Next time she kicks your ass, tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister. I love you."
- Sick, she's my sister! - Try it. We gotta get Cartman's pig.
You don't! Leave Fluffy out of this!
- Come on, Kenny. - Kyle, no!
No elephant is gonna make love to Fluffy! I will kick you in the nuts!
And now back to Jesus and Pals...
- Are you staring at my neck brace? - No, I mean, yes? What neck brace?
Before you beat my face into a bloody pulp...
...I just want you to know that you're my sister and I love you.
Someday I'll be bigger than you. You'll wish you'd never done this.
You'll never be bigger than me, Stan. Never!
Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. My son, I think we've finally done it.
Yes, we have, Dad. My very own human clone.
- Hope it's not a gay clone. - Yeah. That's so stupid.
Come on, keep drinking.
I wonder how drunk he needs to be to make sweet love to the pig.
- Damn it! This won't work! - Hello, children.
I'm checking to see how our little entrepreneurial adventure is going.
They're both drunk but won't have sex!
Children, you can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant...
...and expect them to do the mattress mambo.
You need to set the mood. Let me show you boys what I'm talking about.
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
Thank you, Elton.
Look, it's working!
Now, children, gather around and watch the wonders of life.
The beauty of mother nature.
- Sick! - Fluffy!
Now I know how all those white women must have felt.
How luscious, our creature has come to fruition.
- Dad, you're the best. - Oh, my God! He only has one ass!
He's of no use to me. I'll have to burn the room.
This entire experiment is turning out very bad.
He's out of control. We have to destroy him!
But he's our science-fair project!
- He's too dangerous, son. - But, Dad, I want a human clone!
You've made a horrible mistake. You put the people of South Park in jeopardy!
They're all stupid anyway. Come on, guys, let's go.
They're all gay.
Aren't they ever gonna wake up?
They will. It's gonna be one ugly sight.
- I thought nature was beautiful. - When does it go from beautiful to ugly?
Usually about 9:30 a.m., children.
Here we go.
There's nothing worse than getting drunk and waking up next to a pig.
- Or an elephant. - How do we know if she's pregnant?
We might not know for a couple of days.
Couple of days? Terrance will have his clone tomorrow.
Good job, Einstein! Why don't we build a rocket?
Thank Buddha I found you.
Tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?
An elephant have sex with a pig.
- No, I said odd. - You're that crazy cracker from the hill.
Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy, then...
Never mind. There's been an incident at the ranch.
I created a large mutant clone of that little boy there, and he's broken free.
- A version of me? - Bigger than a regular clone?
He's dangerous. His brain is identical to yours. I need you to help me find him.
Stan, are you wearing a different hat?
Hey! I know a certain young man who's itching for detention!
How big is he? I bet he weighs 400 pounds!
Come on, Stan, don't you know where you would go?
Oh, my God!
It appears that the destructive creature is 8-year-old Stan Marsh of South Park.
Asked why he was wreaking havoc on his hometown...
...the little boy replied simply, "Me Stan..."
Back to the studio.
Police request that if you see this boy...
...you immediately kill him and burn his body.
Now back to Jesus and Pals.
The way is paved with gold for ye who seek truth...
My evil clone is destroying the town. We have to find him.
You boys watch The X Files too much.
There's no such thing as genetic clone...
- Come on, let's go! - There you are!
You tore up my entire gun shop! You better have a good explanation for this!
It wasn't me, it was my evil clone.
What the hell has gotten into you? You have got severe lunchroom duty!
I'm gonna have a word with your father!
- Wait till your father hears about this. - Wait, Stan, there he goes.
- He recognizes you, dude. - That's good, dude. Just calm down.
What should we do with him?
Stan? How would you like to go home and meet your sister?
Shelly has a wire in her mouth and a metal plate on her back.
When you see Shelly, kick her ass. Shelly very bad!
- Me bad? - No, Shelly bad. You good.
He's tearing up the house. Stop him!
What the hell do you want?
- I'm lusciously sorry for everything. - They got our clone. He belongs to us.
This beast is a disgrace to genetic engineers everywhere.
I'm sorry I've caused you such inconvenience.
I tried to play God and I failed.
All I wanted was to genetically engineer something useful. I failed.
Perhaps we shouldn't toy with God's creations.
Perhaps we should leave nature alone to its simple one-assed schematics.
You bastards, this isn't over! Wait until tomorrow!
Oh, my God! They killed Kenny! You bastard!
Mom and Dad are home. It's a disaster! You gotta help.
I ain't helping. I wanna eat pie.
- You can't leave me here alone! - Watch me.
We have to find out if Cartman's pig is pregnant.
- Thanks a lot! - Oh, boy, you are gonna get it now.
It isn't fair. Everybody hates me.
The whole town wants me killed. Mom and Dad are gonna send me away.
I don't wanna be sent away. I wanna stay here!
What in God's name have you been doing?
Everybody in town is upset with you.
What's going on? Are you on drugs?
It's not Stan's fault. It wasn't Stan. He was...
He was with me the whole time.
Well, we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.
Oh, honey. Please forgive us, son.
Shelly, you saved my life. And yet you've done so much more.
You taught me the meaning of family. Families don't get along.
When the forces of evil descend, we conquer them by sticking together.
Everyone, let's give Casey and his weed a big hand.
We're ready to see your science project.
Our pig hasn't given birth. She should any time now.
I guess you get an F.
Terrance, I know the class can hardly wait to see yours.
Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, for our science-fair project...
...Bill Fossey and I spawned a creature genetically superior to man.
I present to you the five-assed monkey.
Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful?
Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth! It had a baby!
- What's it look like? - Does it look like pig or elephant?
It kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.
Isn't that an amazing coincidence? What are the odds of that?
You boys get first prize.
That'll do, pig.
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Stargate SG1 1x08 Brief Candle
Stargate SG1 1x09 Thors Hammer
Stargate SG1 1x10 The Torment of Tantalus
Stargate SG1 1x11 Bloodlines
Stargate SG1 1x12 Fire and Water
Stargate SG1 1x13 Hathor
Stargate SG1 1x14 Singularity
Stargate SG1 1x15 The Cor AI
Stargate SG1 1x16 Enigma
Stargate SG1 1x17 Solitudes
Stargate SG1 1x18 Tin Man
Stargate SG1 1x19 There but for the Grace of God
Stargate SG1 1x20 Politics
Stargate SG1 1x21 Within the Serpents Grasp
Stargate SG1 2x01 The serpents lair
Stargate SG1 2x02 In the line of duty
Stargate SG1 2x03 Prisoners
Stargate SG1 2x04 The gamekeeper
Stargate SG1 2x05 Need
Stargate SG1 2x06 Thors chariot
Stargate SG1 2x07 Message in a bottle
Stargate SG1 2x08 Family
Stargate SG1 2x09 Secrets
Stargate SG1 2x10 Bane
Stargate SG1 2x11 The tokra part 1
Stargate SG1 2x12 The tokra part 2
Stargate SG1 2x13 Spirits
Stargate SG1 2x14 Touchstone
Stargate SG1 2x15 The fifth race
Stargate SG1 2x16 A matter of time
Stargate SG1 2x17 Holiday
Stargate SG1 2x18 Serpents song
Stargate SG1 2x19 One false step
Stargate SG1 2x20 Show and tell
Stargate SG1 2x21 1969
Stargate SG1 3x01 Into The Fire II
Stargate SG1 3x02 Seth
Stargate SG1 3x03 Fair Game
Stargate SG1 3x04 Legacy
Stargate SG1 3x05 Learning Curve
Stargate SG1 3x06 Point Of View
Stargate SG1 3x07 Deadman Switch
Stargate SG1 3x08 Demons
Stargate SG1 3x09 Rules Of Engagement
Stargate SG1 3x10 Forever In A Day
Stargate SG1 3x11 Past And Present
Stargate SG1 3x12 Jolinars Memories
Stargate SG1 3x13 The Devil You Know
Stargate SG1 3x14 Foothold
Stargate SG1 3x15 Pretense
Stargate SG1 3x16 Urgo
Stargate SG1 3x17 A Hundred Days
Stargate SG1 3x18 Shades Of Grey
Stargate SG1 3x19 New Ground
Stargate SG1 3x20 Maternal Instinct
Stargate SG1 3x21 Crystal Skull
Stargate SG1 3x22 Nemesis
Stargate SG1 4x01 Small Victories
Stargate SG1 4x02 The Other Side
Stargate SG1 4x03 Upgrades
Stargate SG1 4x04 Crossroads
Stargate SG1 4x05 Divide And Conquer
Stargate SG1 4x06 Window Of Opportunity
Stargate SG1 4x07 Watergate
Stargate SG1 4x08 The First Ones
Stargate SG1 4x09 Scorched Earth
Stargate SG1 4x10 Beneath The Surface
Stargate SG1 4x11 Point Of No Return
Stargate SG1 4x12 Tangent
Stargate SG1 4x13 The Curse
Stargate SG1 4x14 The Serpents Venom
Stargate SG1 4x15 Chain Reaction
Stargate SG1 4x16 2010
Stargate SG1 4x17 Absolute Power
Stargate SG1 4x18 The Light
Stargate SG1 4x19 Prodigy
Stargate SG1 4x20 Entity
Stargate SG1 4x21 Double Jeopardy
Stargate SG1 4x22 Exodus
Stargate SG1 5x01 Enemies
Stargate SG1 5x02 Threshold
Stargate SG1 5x03 Ascension
Stargate SG1 5x04 Fifth Man
Stargate SG1 5x05 Red Sky
Stargate SG1 5x06 Rite Of Passage
Stargate SG1 5x07 Beast Of Burden
Stargate SG1 5x08 The Tomb
Stargate SG1 5x09 Between Two Fires
Stargate SG1 5x10 2001
Stargate SG1 5x11 Desperate Measures
Stargate SG1 5x12 Wormhole X-Treme
Stargate SG1 5x13 Proving Ground
Stargate SG1 5x14 48 Hours
Stargate SG1 5x15 Summit
Stargate SG1 5x16 Last Stand
Stargate SG1 5x17 Failsafe
Stargate SG1 5x18 The Warrior
Stargate SG1 5x19 Menace
Stargate SG1 5x20 The Sentinel
Stargate SG1 5x21 Meridian
Stargate SG1 5x22 Revelations
Stargate SG1 6x01 Redemption Part 1
Stargate SG1 6x02 Redemption Part 2
Stargate SG1 6x03 Descent
Stargate SG1 6x04 Frozen
Stargate SG1 6x05 Nightwalkers
Stargate SG1 6x06 Abyss
Stargate SG1 6x07 Shadow Play
Stargate SG1 6x08 The Other Guys
Stargate SG1 6x09 Allegiance
Stargate SG1 6x10 Cure
Stargate SG1 6x11 Prometheus
Stargate SG1 6x12 Unnatural Selection
Stargate SG1 6x13 Sight Unseen
Stargate SG1 6x14 Smoke n Mirrors
Stargate SG1 6x15 Paradise Lost
Stargate SG1 6x16 Metamorphosis
Stargate SG1 6x17 Disclosure
Stargate SG1 6x18 Forsaken
Stargate SG1 6x19 The Changeling
Stargate SG1 6x20 Memento
Stargate SG1 6x21 Prophecy
Stargate SG1 6x22 Full Circle
Stargate SG1 7x01 Fallen
Stargate SG1 7x02 Homecoming
Stargate SG1 7x03 Fragile Balance
Stargate SG1 7x04 Orpheus
Stargate SG1 7x05 Revisions
Stargate SG1 7x06 Lifeboat
Stargate SG1 7x07 Enemy Mine
Stargate SG1 7x08 Space Race
Stargate SG1 7x09 Avenger 2 0
Stargate SG1 7x10 Birthright
Stargate SG1 7x10 Heroes II
Stargate SG1 7x11 Evolution I
Stargate SG1 7x12 Evolution II
Stargate SG1 7x13 Grace
Stargate SG1 7x14 Fallout
Stargate SG1 7x15 Chimera
Stargate SG1 7x16 Death Knell
Stargate SG1 7x17 Heroes I
Stargate SG1 7x19 Resurrection
Stargate SG1 7x20 Inauguration
Stargate SG1 7x21-22 The Lost City I n II
Starship Troopers (Special Edition)
Starship Troopers 2
Story Of A Kiss
Strange aventure de Docteur Molyneux
Street Of Love And Hope (Nagisa Oshima 1959)
Street of shame (Akasen chitai)
Streetcar Named Desire A
Summer Tale A 2000
Sunday Lunch (2003)
Super 8 Stories
Superman IV - The Quest for Peace
Surviving the Game
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD1
Swedish Love Story A (1970) CD2
Sweetest Thing The (Unrated Version)
Swordsman III - The East is Red
Sylvester - Canned Feud (1951)
Sylvester - Speedy Gonzales (1955)
Sylvester and Elmer - Kit for Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Porky - Scaredy Cat (1948)
Sylvester and Tweety - Canary Row (1950)
Sylvester and Tweety - Putty Tat Trouble (1951)
Sylvester and Tweety - Tweetys SOS (1951)