Targets - Peter Bogdanovich 1968
[SOURCE]Subtitles captured by SubRip 1.14
Baron, you mustn't...
Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah.
Who the hell is he?
He doesn't mean five cents[br]at the box office.
Besides, I got[br]Byron Orlok.
Anyone for a swim?
So he won an Oscar.
Who the hell remembers it[br]besides him?
For that money[br]I could get Sandra Dee.
Huh? I discussed it with Sam.
Well, he feels that Pat Boone's[br]wrong for the part.
You want to see those[br]dailies now, Mr. Smith?
In a minute.[br]Have him stand by, Ralph.
You were late.
Somebody kept me up[br]till 4:00 in the morning.
Oh? Anyone I know?
How did you like it?
I liked it.
- You did?[br]- Mm-hmm.
Okay, okay, good-bye.
You smoke too much.
Tell them to send[br]that pic right out.
Byron, you see our ad[br]in the trades?
Ralph, send that print[br]back to the exchange, would you?
This picture's going to open up[br]in a hundred theaters tomorrow.
Great film, eh, Jenny?
It's all right.
Gonna clean up.[br]Is this the new script?
Has everybody read this?
This is a work of art.
Thank you very much.
No, I'm serious.
This is a very important film.
This is the kind of property
I'm going to be proud[br]to put my name on.
You writing this down, Ed?
It's a good script, Sam.
Don't you think so, Byron?
I'm not making any more films,[br]Marshall.
What is this, a gag, Sam?
Hey, wait a minute,[br]wait a minute.
I put up front money[br]on this script.
Monday I sign a deal with AIP.
It's all based[br]on the understanding
that I got Byron Orlok.
I never signed any agreement[br]to that effect.
You never[br]signed anything
on the last[br]three pictures we made.
We shook hands.
Now, come on, what is it?[br]Is something troubling you?
I understand you didn't like[br]this last film we made.
Not at all.
I think Sammy directed it[br]very well.
That's why I let him write[br]this new script.
Haven't you read it?
This is a real new change[br]of pace for you.
Okay, everybody out.
Let me talk to Byron alone.
Please, Marshall, no scenes.
You owe me a minute, eh?[br]Come on, Sam.
Let me fix this up.
Byron, old pal,[br]what's wrong?
This isn't like you.
What the hell[br]was that all about?
I don't know.
He didn't like my script,[br]that's what it was all about.
Oh, stop being such a paranoid.
What do you mean, paranoid?
I sent him my script yesterday
and today he retires[br]from pictures.
What am I supposed to think?
I'm sure he hasn't even read it.
I'm just afraid[br]it's much more serious.
What about your job?
He hasn't said a thing.
What if he goes[br]back to England?
He's always talking about that.
Would you go with him?
Would you like me to stay?
That's up to you.
Don't feed me that!
I kept you alive[br]for the last three years!
He can fix anything.
You think you're bankable[br]with any of the majors?!
You think they'd know[br]how to put together
a package for you?[br]If it weren't for me,
the only place you'd be playing[br]is in the wax museum!
There's goes another ashtray.
- Herr Michaels![br]- Your turn.
Okay, run those dailies now.
You want me to fix up[br]the mess you just made?
Get him back, boy director.
Go and talk to him, like you're[br]supposed to be so good,
'cause your next picture[br]just walked out the door!
That's why I will.
14, take five.
All right, and action.
You didn't say good-bye.
Stop it, Sammy.
Don't be his errand boy.
It nauseates me.
I didn't come out[br]here because...
I know you came out to save[br]your own little opus.
Well, that's true.
Because without you,[br]there's no picture.
Rubbish. Anybody[br]can walk through
the special effects for you.
It's not that kind[br]of picture.
And there's nobody[br]else for it.
The part is you.
Sammy, you're a sweet boy.
I'm not trying to be.
But you can't[br]possibly understand
what it feels[br]like to be me.
I'm an antique,[br]out of date.
All right, what are you[br]going to do?
Actors don't retire.
Six months and you'll[br]blow your brains out, Byron.
I'm an anachronism.
What does that mean?
Sammy, look around you.
The world belongs[br]to the young.
Make way for them.
Let them have it.
I'll take it.
I've always wanted[br]a gun like this.
It's a beauty.
Yeah, it sure is.
Hey, you see?
That's Byron Orlok[br]over there.
- Oh, yeah,[br]- Yeah, that's him.
You see a lot of movie[br]stars on the Strip.
I thought[br]he looked familiar.
Okay, now, you want[br]the case, too?
Oh, yeah,[br]might as well.
Sure, why not?[br]It's only money.
Will you take a check?
You've been in[br]before, haven't you?
Sure. So's my dad,[br]lot of times.
Besides, you have[br]an honest face.
You want me to toss[br]in some ammunition?
Yeah, a couple extra[br]clips, if you could.
Okay, I can stamp[br]that for you.
That's okay.[br]How much altogether?
Comes to $249.60.
Thanks a lot.
Here, don't forget[br]your receipt.
And then I'll tell the hotel[br]what time we're checking out.
What a nice boy Sammy is.
He's the only one I feel[br]sorry about in all this.
He thought maybe you[br]didn't like his script.
Doesn't he know[br]I haven't read it?
I told him that.
I couldn't tell[br]him why, though.
Oh, come now, Jenny.
I'm too old[br]for playacting.
It's no fun anymore.
How about a drink?
I think we should[br]celebrate my freedom.
Hey, baby, it's the real[br]Don Steele show.
I got to get the devil[br]out of here.
I'm going to be out there[br]shoulder-to-shoulder,
elbow-to-elbow, with the rest[br]of you thrill seekers.
Here I come ready or not.
And who's going[br]to sock it to us?
We're going to hock it and lock[br]it out there, right?
On 93 KAJ Boss Radio.
And you know what happens[br]when Delicious Don goes hog wild
on your receiver, right?
Thrill seekers of mine,[br]are you ready?
Thanks very much for saying what[br]have you, hey,
Dave Garroway, Johnny Ray,[br]Anita O'Day, Curtis LeMay
Sirhan May, X-ray, El Rey[br]and a one-horse open sleigh.
Dennis Day, Marvin Gaye,[br]George Day, Sammy Kaye,
swinging with the car[br]in the next lane,
if you love me,[br]you have to love my suit.
Can you dig it?[br]Here he comes.
Get ready to take[br]a trip along the strip with him.
I'm hip, can you dig it?
You better believe it! Bye!
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,[br]go, go, go, go!
Little Johnny probably[br]wants to shoot...
...just a moment[br]when we continue our news.
This week on[br]the Saturday Night Movie,
James Stewart, Lee Remick[br]and Ben Gazzara star
in Otto Preminger's[br]compelling production
of "Anatomy of a Murder."
You're guilty of murder...[br]premeditated and with vengeance.
That's first-degree murder[br]in any court of law.
Here, I'll do that, dear.
The unwritten law's[br]a myth, Lieutenant.
There is no such thing[br]as the unwritten law.
Anyone who commits a murder on[br]the theory that it does exist...
Goodness, I feel so tired.
That bazaar's going to be[br]the death of me.
Oh, why don't you sit down...[br]I'll take care of this.
Saturday night at 11:15[br]on Channel 7.
I'd like to know where[br]that husband of yours is.
He's been late[br]every night recently.
That job is...
It's all right.[br]No harm done.
Oh, here, let me get it.
She has not spoken, and she[br]carried no identification.
Her head is covered[br]with bandages,
but doctors[br]at County General say
her hair is light brown,[br]cut short.
She was treated for severe[br]scalp lacerations.
Doctors think she[br]might be suffering
from some mental disorder[br]that would account
for this apparent stupor[br]and muscular rigidity.
Her clothing has been taken to[br]the Sheriff's lab in the hopes
that it could help[br]establish her identity.
Turn the TV down, will you?
I thought I heard the car.
I thought I heard you.
Mmmm! Smells good.
Did you remember[br]to call the Irwins, dear?
Of course I did.
Dinner ready?[br]I'm starving.
But don't you want[br]to wait for Bobby?
What do you mean?[br]Isn't he home?
His car's here.
It is? Bobby, you out there?
Go wash your hands, Daddy.
We can eat right away.
That's the best news[br]I've heard all day.
Hi, son.[br]How's it going?
Okay. Hi, Mom.
Hello, dear.[br]Come on, sit right down.
- Hi, Bobby.[br]- Hi, honey.
Where have[br]you been?
Just washing my hands.
Oh, well, we were[br]worried about you.
You certainly[br]came in quietly.
We didn't hear[br]the car or anything.
Have you been[br]home long?
Just got in.
Ah, that looks good.
I didn't have time[br]for lunch today.
- Where were you?[br]- Oh, Robert.
We thank you for the food[br]we're about to receive,
in the Lord's name, amen.
Working you hard,[br]Bobby, boy?
Not too bad, sir.
They certainly are[br]working him hard.
Pass Bobby the rolls, llene.
Oh, did you order those tables[br]for the bazaar, dear?
Didn't I say I would,[br]Charlotte?
- What took you so long?[br]- Give me your plate, llene.
What do you mean?
That bazaar is all I hear about.
- Well, you were so late.[br]- I'm sorry.
- Oh, the boss made me stay late.[br]- Give me your plate, Bobby.
- Got to give you some potatoes.[br]- Had to file some things.
- Guess who I saw coming home?[br]- Who?
- Byron Orlok.[br]- Oh!
- Really?![br]- Yup.
- Did he scare you?[br]- Yeah. No.
I was driving[br]toward the freeway,
and I saw him standing[br]on the sidewalk talking.
Well, to the future.
I'll drink to that.
Just get me a drink.
Oh, my god,[br]I forgot all about you.
How could you forget[br]about me?
Have a seat, Ed.
We had a date, 6:00.
I forgot to tell you.
What's the[br]problem, Ed?
No problem at all.
I just wanted[br]to go over the arrangements
for tomorrow night.
- That personal appearance.[br]- What?
At the drive-in.
Yup, now everything's[br]been taken care of.
We got one of the big L.A.[br]disc jockeys
to introduce you, Kip Larkin,
and I think you should meet[br]with him
tomorrow afternoon at 3:00,[br]if it's all right with you.
I'm not making that appearance,[br]Ed.
I'm not making
What do you mean, Byron?
It's all set.
It's all been taken care of,[br]the ads, everything.
Now what am I going to do?
Would you please[br]bring me a phone?
I don't want[br]to get upset.
I'm not going to get upset.
Thank you very much.
What are you trying to do,[br]get me fired?
Byron, you know, you do
have an obligation here.
I have no more obligations,[br]and it's quite relaxing.
Uh, we got a little problem[br]here.
I'm with Byron,[br]and, uh, he says
he's not going[br]to do that PA tomorrow night.
He wants to talk to you.
He just went to the john.
He knows you're here.
I am here.
He says to tell you,[br]this has nothing to do
with any difference[br]between you two.
There's a lot of innocent people[br]affected here.
Tell him I can't quite see him[br]in the role of public defender.
He's not buying it, Marshall.
If he's so[br]interested
in the welfare of the people,
tell him to stop[br]making pictures.
He doesn't care[br]about the people.
Why don't you talk[br]to him, Byron?
I'm in the middle here.
Don't call him back, Ed.
Why torture yourself?
That's my job.
I get paid to be a masochist.
He's going to sue you, you know.
And he'll win.
I've got a little money.
Did you know[br]I graduated from Princeton?
Summa cum laude.
I majored[br]in English Literature.
I think that I'll go[br]and get drunk.
So long, folks.
Hey, deer season opens[br]next week.
Huh, what do you say?
Think you can get your wife[br]to let you go?
Don't worry about that.
Yeah, it'd be good for us.
Get away from the girls[br]for a couple of days.
Hey, maybe we'll ask[br]Pete and Tim along.
Just four guys.
Sounds great, sir.
Okay, we'll do it.
First one misses sets them up.
What are you doing?!
You know better than that!
I was just checking[br]the elevation.
That's just[br]how accidents happen.
Never point a gun at anyone.
I wasn't thinking.
Good. What about[br]my Chinese lesson?
I didn't think[br]you felt like it anymore.
Well, how about another drink[br]before dinner?
Ah, still sulking, huh?
Oh, yes, you are.
You've been sulking around[br]all evening
ever since my little scene[br]with Ed.
I have been upset.
I didn't know[br]it showed that much.
You don't have to go on[br]being my secretary, you know.
I don't want to
break up a romance.
I don't want that added[br]to my list of sins.
That's not why I'm upset,[br]and you know it.
No? Well, I feel no remorse,[br]I can tell you that.
The thought of never laying eyes
on Smith and Loughlin again[br]fills me with joy.
So you can just stop
being my little[br]Oriental conscience.
You really are[br]in a foul mood.
Not at all.
I'm just tired[br]of your baleful looks.
Is that why you're trying[br]to pick a fight with me?
Look, my dear,
I know[br]you have an Oxford degree,
and perhaps all this is[br]quite unworthy
of your many talents,
but you are only my employee.
There's an old Chinese saying.
With the rich and powerful,[br]always a little patience.
Very clever of the Chinese.
I have an idea.
Why don't you ask Smith[br]for a job?
Then you can be[br]with Sammy all the time.
It would be easier
if my concern were[br]purely selfish, wouldn't it?
I really couldn't[br]be less interested.
You'd love it
if somehow[br]you could convince yourself
you'd been betrayed by everyone.
Then you'd really be happy.
and full of[br]self-pity.
Quite a speech.
You ought to hear it[br]in Chinese.
There are one or two of us
who care what happens to you,
though I can't imagine why.
Good evening, Mr. Orlok.
Where would you like this?
It doesn't matter.
Uh, the dinners are[br]in the warmers, sir,
under the table.
Thank you, sir.
Enjoy your dinner.
They've got another one now.
- Who?[br]- Are you ready?
- Who?[br]- Joanie Man.
Wait till you hear this.
- What does she do?[br]- Yeah.
She takes off everything[br]but her earphones.
Well, I have to go[br]to work now.
Well, I think[br]it's just awful.
Can't you get switched[br]to the day shift?
Oh, it's only for[br]a few more weeks.
- Yes.[br]- In the fourth row?
- Yes.[br]- Do you really?
Yeah, from Lenny's.
Oh, no, no, no,[br]Joe, fourth row.
- Fourth row, behind him.[br]- One, two, three, four...
I'm giving you[br]a memory test now.
I'm taking you back[br]to South Philadelphia.
Do I remember?[br]I remember the lady in green.
Evidently,[br]that must be her daughter...
- That's right.[br]- Because I know the lady...
The lady in green...
- Pardon me?[br]- Lily from Philly.
Lily from Philly.
Lily from Philly!
Last week, it was Millie[br]from Philly and...
- Don't go.[br]- Ooh!
Bobby, don't be silly.
What? You could[br]call them up,
say you were sick.
One night, what's[br]the difference?
Oh, it's not right.
What should I wear?
Come on,[br]just tonight.
Oh, and besides,[br]it's too late now.
They couldn't get a substitute
for me that fast.
Oh, what do you mean?
The phone company's used[br]to emergencies.
Well, what if[br]it was an emergency.
Well, it's not[br]an emergency.
Should I wear this sweater?
Oh, it's got a run.
I want to talk to you, llene.
Hmm. What about?
I don't know[br]what's happening to me.
Oh, I get funny ideas.
Oh, you mean, like
that I shouldn't go[br]to work tonight.
Does this run look too bad?
You don't think I can[br]do anything, do you?
I think you can do[br]anything you want to
if you put[br]your mind to it.
That's what[br]your mother says, anyway.
How do I look?
Oh, don't take my car.
Take my mother's.
Well, I've got[br]to change the oil.
Oh, okay. Bye.
Uh, Bobby wants me[br]to use your car tonight.
Is it okay?
Why certainly, dear.
The keys are in the ignition.
Okay, well, bye now.
Good night, dear.
As a matter of fact,
she and you are my first[br]undiscovered talents.
- That's right.[br]- Yes.
I am probably the first one.
I'm still waiting.
No, you're not.
You are right now[br]a very big personality
in the home[br]of every television owner.
My press agent...
That Busby sure looks good[br]for 72...
The band feels good tonight.
Isn't it... isn't it[br]great to do this
without Boo-Boo jumping in?
Uh, have we something there[br]you want to, uh...
We're having something
a little bit new[br]I think tonight.
We ought to keep talking,[br]and we won't have to do it.
I just like to get[br]in the mood with you.
I like to feel, like[br]the Corsican brothers.
It's more[br]like a Dolly sisters.
Hooray for Hollywood!
Now here's a message.
- Isn't he silly?[br]- Huh?
- I'm bushed.[br]- So am I.
What did you[br]need your car for?
I'll be happy[br]when that bazaar is over.
So will we all, huh?
Oh, l, uh...
got to check[br]some of the hoses.
Okay. Well,[br]good night, son.
Come on, Charlotte.
I'll be right in.
Good night, sir.
...and at very little expense.
You look tired, dear.
Don't tinker with that[br]car all night now.
You really like that[br]insurance job, Bobby?
They keep you so late.
Well, sure,[br]it's a good job.
I spoke to your[br]brother today.
- Oh, yeah?[br]- Everyone's fine.
The baby has a cold.
Oh, that's too bad.
Well, good night, dear.
Not too late now. Promise?
That's a good boy.
These worries need not be yours
with the kind of protection[br]offered you
by Grant of Richmond,
the old line company[br]that cares about you.
Pick up your phone.
The number's in the white pages.
Give us a call,[br]and let us do the worrying.
That's Grant of Richmond.
There's a branch near you.
Here now, ladies and gentlemen,[br]is the young lady
that we feel very happy[br]and proud
to have discovered[br]on our show.
We know you will enjoy her,
and we know[br]you'll make her feel welcome,
'cause this is her first[br]return visit to our show.
You know what happens?
They get so good,[br]we can't get them back.
Can't afford them.
Will you welcome now,[br]Miss Paid March?
Uh, Bob, mayor get[br]off all right?
Yes, sir.[br]He told me
he wanted me[br]to come back here, sir.
That's right. Sit down.
I want to talk to you[br]about a parole
I've been trying to get.
You know, it isn't[br]as easy as it sounds.
There are over 2500 men in here,
and they all want me[br]to do something for them.
The fight's at 2:15.
Oh! I wish you wouldn't[br]sneak up on me like that.
I never see you coming,[br]I never hear you coming.
I just look up,[br]and there you are.
Who is that tapping[br]at my chamber door?
Sammy, I was just[br]thinking about you.
Where is my script?
Come on in.
I was just watching[br]a relic I had a hand in.
Just-Just give[br]me my script.
I'll give you a drink.
Well, that's different.
The Criminal Code.
Take it easy.[br]I've had too much already.
I saw this at the[br]Museum of Modern Art.
Smith's right...[br]I am a museum piece.
Howard Hawks[br]directed this.
Thanks to him, it was my first[br]really important part.
Have you seen Jenny?
I was supposed[br]to call her.
Why didn't you?
you're looking at the world's[br]largest used car dealership
on Balboa Boulevard,[br]in the city of Encino...
He really knows[br]how to tell a story.
Now look at this...
Indeed, he does.
All the good movies[br]have been made.
What'd you do with my script?
Oh, I don't know.[br]It's over there someplace.
I wrote a hell[br]of a picture for you.
For you as you really are.
A tired old man.
This was last week[br]when you still had some guts.
It took days[br]to convince Marshall.
"A work of art."
Should have heard him when he[br]first... when he first read it.
I don't know.[br]I don't understand it...
you sit still for three lousy,[br]terrible, lousy scripts we did,
and finally, you know,[br]I come up with something good,
and you quit.
I haven't even read[br]the damn thing.
Well, why not?
God, geez, it's hot in here.
I guess I feel the cold[br]a little more than I did.
Open a window.
No, it's all right,[br]it's all right.
What's it all about?
Everybody's dead...[br]I feel like a dinosaur.
Well, I know how people[br]think of me these days...
uh, old-fashioned, outmoded.
Well, not after this picture,[br]they wouldn't.
You can't change your whole[br]lifetime with one picture.
And what have you got[br]if you quit?
Oh, Sammy, what's the use?
"Mr. Bogeyman, King of Blood,"[br]they used to call me.
"Marx Brothers makes you laugh,[br]Garbo makes you weep,
Orlok makes you scream."
And once I thought[br]I'd be an actor.
Oh, it's not that the films[br]are bad...
I've gotten bad.
I couldn't even play a straight[br]part decently anymore.
I've been doing[br]the other thing too long.
Of course you could.
And even that isn't the point.
You know what they[br]call my films today?
"Camp. High camp."
Wait a minute.
I want to show[br]you something.
My kind of horror[br]isn't horror anymore.
There they are.[br]Look at that.
No one's afraid of[br]a painted monster.
The only thing you've said[br]that's right...
is about this.
Which is why you ought[br]to do my movie.
Oh, a-a-and you[br]don't play
some phony[br]Victorian heavy.
You play a human being,
and you could play[br]the hell out of it.
If I were your age,[br]I'd play it myself.
I'm going to go offer it[br]to Vincent Price.
I think I'd better go home now.
I think you'd[br]better stay here.
I think I'd better stay here.
Come on, come on, you'll be more[br]comfortable on the couch.
Get up. Here.
I'm very drunk.
Hey, that's my bed!
I'm as drunk as he is.
Leave the light off.
Why are you[br]still up?
Please leave the light off.
Why aren't you[br]asleep yet?
I have a headache.
Do you know what time it is?
Don't forget the hall light.
I can't see a thing.
Honestly, why can't we
turn on the light?
It hurts my eyes.
Well, it certainly was[br]a busy night tonight.
God, I'm exhausted.
Seems like everyone[br]was calling long distance.
You want to talk now?
No, you're tired.
Oh, I sure am.
Well, aren't you[br]going to go to sleep?
I just want to finish[br]the cigarette.
Well... good night.
Good night, llene.
Mmm, good morning.
Good morning, dear.
Oh, that's the grocery boy.[br]Coming!
What are you typing?
Aren't you going
to go to work?
I like to hear you say[br]that you love me
But you don't have to tell me[br]all the time
'Cause I can tell[br]you're thinking of me
I can hear you in my mind...
H-Have you gone mad?
I was having a nightmare.
I opened my eyes,[br]the first thing I see
is Byron Orlok.
Very funny, very funny.
Oh, what time is it?
I'll get it.
No, no, no, no.
Good morning,[br]my dear.
Oh, not so loud.
Here you are.
Suite on the "Super Chief"[br]to Chicago,
suite on the "20th Century"[br]to New York,
first class on the "Queen[br]Elizabeth" to Southampton.
You have to leave[br]tonight at 8:00
if you want to catch the ship.
Suite to Chicago,[br]suite to New York,
first class on the[br]"Queen Elizabeth"...
I might as well make that[br]personal appearance tonight.
No, don't[br]say anything.
I'm still retiring.
But I told you I wanted[br]to go home on the "Queen Mary."
What happened here[br]last night?
He had a guest.
Boy, you just made[br]my headache worse.
You can do that lousy P.A.[br]instead of my movie.
Buy off your[br]conscience.
So, I go back to television,[br]and you take my girl to London.
You look worse than he does.
I feel worse.
Go wash up.
No, I got to go home.
Oh, no, you're going[br]to stay and help me
with that[br]thing tonight.
- Martyr...[br]- Go on.
Order some breakfast,[br]would you, Jenny?
Oh, I couldn't eat[br]on an empty stomach.
This is Jenny.
I have good news for you.
Byron's going[br]to do the drive-in.
Could I have, uh,
300 rounds of the.30-06?
Oh, and a box of the 12 gauge.
Good bit[br]of shooting.
How's your dad?
Damn flu going around.
Spent the day in bed yesterday.
The whole day.
- Oh, yeah?[br]- Yeah.
could you charge that to my dad?
Sign here, Bob.
Going out with your dad again?
Here you go.
Thanks a lot.
What you hunting[br]this time?
Going to shoot some pigs.
Hey, groovy, groovy.
Now, uh, somebody[br]announces me on the P.A.
"Uh, laddies and janes,[br]papas and mamas,
"here's your boss[br]disc daddy,
"the winner spinner[br]with the sounds around,
Kip The Hip Larkin.[br]Let's harken Larkin."
All right, then after you finish[br]plugging your show,
you introduce Mr. Orlok,[br]and we can get on with...
No plugs... not Kip The Hip.
I am just going to tell them
what a big thrill[br]this is for me,
and that's no put-on.
When I was a kid, Mr. O,
I must have dug your flicks[br]four zillion times.
You blew my mind.
Is that beautiful?
All right, come on,
let's, uh, let's go on.
direct me, C.B.
All right, after[br]Mr. Orlok comes out
and says a few words...
That's when I hit him[br]with the questions
from the kids in the audience.
Got them right here.
All right, let's, uh,[br]let's hear them.
Yeah, groovy;[br]uh, Mr. Orlok...
'scuse me, uh, do[br]I call you Byron
or Mr. Orlok?
- It doesn't matter.[br]- Mr. Orlok.
Mr. Orlok... groovy.
Got some questions here[br]from the fans out there.
Mr. O, how do you like[br]being in motion pictures?
What's the next one?
"What's the next one?"
"Is Byron Orlok your real name?"
Sammy, this isn't[br]very interesting.
Jenny, can't we hold up[br]those calls?
Dick, Dick, um...
"What is your next[br]flick going to be?"
Sammy, this is dull...
It's going to be[br]my last appearance,
and I'd like[br]to do something that...
Hey, what are you[br]cats talking about?
Why don't you[br]tell them a story?
You know a few[br]scary stories.
Yes, I might perhaps[br]do that, yes.
Well, what's taking[br]you so long?
Hey, you know what[br]they're doing, man?
Well, now,[br]let me think. I...
I think I know[br]a short one
that might do.
- Let's hear it.[br]- Yeah.
Hey, what about[br]these questions?
Ladies and gentlemen,
boys and girls,
I'd like to leave you[br]with a little story
to think about[br]as you drive home...
through the darkness.
Once upon a time,[br]many years ago...
There should be a pin spot[br]while they see my face
as I'm talking.
Once upon a time,
many, many years ago,
a rich merchant in Baghdad[br]sent his servant
to the marketplace[br]to buy provisions.
And after a while,
the servant came back[br]white-faced and trembling
and said, "Master, when I was[br]in the marketplace,
"I was jostled by a woman[br]in the crowd,
"and I turned to look,
"and I saw that it was Death[br]that had jostled me.
"And she looked at me[br]and made a threatening gesture!
"Oh, master, please,[br]lend me your horse,
"that I may ride away[br]from this city
"and escape my fate.
"I will ride to Sumara,
and Death[br]will not find me there."
So, the merchant[br]loaned him the horse,
and the servant mounted it
and dug his spurs[br]into its flank,
and as fast as the horse[br]could gallop,
he rode towards Sumara.
Then the merchant[br]went to the marketplace,
and he saw Death[br]standing in the crowd.
And he said to her,
"Why did you make[br]a threatening gesture
to my servant when you saw him[br]this morning?"
And Death said, "I made[br]no threatening gesture.
"That was... that was only[br]a start of surprise.
"I was astonished to see him[br]here in Baghdad,
"for I have an appointment[br]with him tonight...
Hey, what are you doing?
Now we're going to go-go[br]with this sound!
He was on his...
He just stopped by to tell me[br]that she's gone
How she laid 'em down
They all heard my baby humming[br]the California...
They all stopped by to tell me[br]that she's gone
Oh, how she used to love[br]to dance that ol' Grizzly Bear
I guess she's gone to Frisco
To dance it there
Because when I woke up[br]this morning
She was gone
- She was gone[br]- Oh, she was gone
Yeah, she was gone
- She was gone[br]- She was gone
- She was gone[br]- Yeah, she was gone
Good evening, sir.
Squares, go home.
We only want the winners here[br]'cause this is
the winner spinner[br]with sounds around.
Hit to hit now.
We're gonna play a record[br]for you, and we're...
That's one-fifty[br]and two.
When I go by Baltimore
Need no carpet on my floor
Come along, follow me
We'll go down to Galilee
And it's a green, green[br]rocky road
Promenade in green
Tell me who y'all love,[br]tell me y'all...
I really did mean one thing[br]I said last night, Jenny.
I don't want you to return[br]to London with me
if it's going to...[br]upset any plans.
I never make plans,[br]you know that.
If you mean about[br]Sammy and me,
it'll probably make things[br]go one way or the another.
Do the Chinese have a saying[br]for that, too?
How can you care about me
When you can't even see me
Standing alone by your side
You tell me that you won't[br]let your pride
Without you, I can't...[br]Aah-aah...
To love and understand you[br]like I do
Always knowing what[br]to call you
I sometimes wonder why...
Promenade in green
Tell me who you'll love
- Tell me who you'll love[br]- Who you'll love
Who you'll love.
Is Byron Arock here yet?
I don't know, Butch.
He's probably here.
Good evening,[br]Mr. Loughlin.
How are you?
Are the folks here yet?
No, no, you're[br]the first one.
It's starting![br]It's starting!
In the name[br]of the government of France,
I order you to open this door!
Your pardon, young sir.
I was at my devotions,[br]and I did not hear you.
I'm sorry, sir,
but surely I[br]made enough noise
to wake the dead.
The government of France.
I've seen the uniforms[br]of many governments in my time.
What do soldiers of France[br]want here?
Shelter, for one thing.
Permit me to[br]introduce myself.
Baron Hector Verig Von Leppe.
I suggest you will find[br]better shelter in the village.
Thank you, Baron,
but I've had my[br]fill of village inns.
Surely you wouldn't want to[br]inconvenience a French officer?
What do you see,[br]Lieutenant,
of a plain[br]but noble house?
A noble heritage is something[br]to be proud of, Baron.
I'm afraid we've forgotten that[br]in France.
My father was[br]the Count Duvalier.
Was, till they came[br]one morning...
Forgive me for reviving[br]painful memories.
You must be cold and tired,[br]Lieutenant.
I would like that,[br]Baron, thank you.
Cognac for our guest.
God, what an ugly town[br]this has become.
Well, we certainly have[br]a lot of police out here.
Baron, I wonder[br]if I might ask,
who was the young woman[br]I saw in the window
before you came[br]to the door?
Oh, I fear[br]you're mistaken.
No, I'm not mistaken;[br]I saw her.
Dark hair and[br]eyes, about 20.
Oh, I'm quite sure[br]you think you saw someone.
I am in full possession[br]of my faculties.
Please, allow me[br]to show you something.
You should never believe
everything your eyes[br]tell you, young man.
Is that the girl[br]you think you saw?
Before you say[br]anything else,
examine the portrait[br]closely...
the signature,[br]and above all, the date.
But that's[br]20 years ago.
The same girl, and she[br]hasn't changed a bit.
She has been dead[br]for 20 years.
...for a ghost,[br]she's a very active
You're speaking of the Baroness[br]Von Leppe, my wife.
...not quite as much[br]as I had thought.
The girl in the window...
the only occupants[br]of this castle
are Stefan and myself.
You are the first visitor[br]since the turn of the cen...
Hey, Mr. Orlok,[br]it certainly is a great honor
to have you with us.
That's very kind of you.
Where do you want us?
Uh, well,[br]we have a little stage
right up in front[br]of the screen.
Come on in and[br]let's have a drink.
It's on Marshall.
Oh, thank you very much,
but I think we'll just wait[br]here in the car.
When do you want us[br]to interrupt the film?
Do you have to interrupt[br]the film at all?
Yeah, we're just waiting[br]for Mr. Larkin.
Oh. Sam hasn't come yet,[br]has he, Ed?
- No.[br]- Well, then,
we'll just go up front[br]and watch.
Uh, when you go in,[br]just turn around
and go all the way up to[br]the front, up by the screen.
You won't be bothered there,[br]Mr. Orlok.
Thank you very much.
All right, Ludlum.
And her lover?
Stefan[br]took care of him.
Later, I made up the story[br]that she had died.
No one ever knew[br]of her betrayal of me.
Turn out the light!
Hey, look, l-I'll take a look.
Stay in there!
There's somebody shooting[br]out here!
Open the window!
Has anyone else[br]except yourself...?
You think I'm mad, don't you?
Right now, Baron, I'm not[br]sure just what I think.
Ah, but don't forget,[br]you saw her, too.
Strange not to hear[br]any reactions, isn't it?
Take this gun.
Escort the lieutenant[br]to the castle.
If he resists, kill him.
Roll your window[br]down!
There's a sniper in here!
Shooting! Somebody's shooting!
What? I can't hear you.
Will you turn that[br]thing down, Eva?
There's a sniper here.
Turn those lights off!
Those damn kids again.
You're not alone.
Somebody's shooting[br]at people in there!
Let's get out of here!
...with our love.
they seem to be loving it,[br]don't they?
What's going on?
I don't know.[br]We can't find the manager.
Hey, C.B.[br]What's happening?
I don't know.
Is Mr. Orlok[br]here yet?
Yes, yes, he's right down[br]by the screen.
- Which side?[br]- On the right.
God knows I have enough[br]upon my conscience
without the senseless murder[br]of a young man
who never harmed me.
How do you know[br]what harm he plans?
Want him wandering[br]around the castle...?
A man went crazy!
What's going on?[br]What's going on?
I don't know...[br]people said
there's a sniper[br]out there someplace.
Go to the booth[br]and tell Bill to stop the film.
You happen to return to...
Let me see[br]who you really are!
What kind of a woman are you?
Where are you?
Turn out those lights!
Turn those lights off!
- Why doesn't Bill...?[br]- Bill's been shot!
He's not moving!
My God, it's true then.
Turn the lights off.[br]I'm calling the police.
Get Orlok out of there!
It's me![br]Open up!
Here, I got one.
That man has a rifle.
My, God, Jenny!
Turn this on!
There he is!
Take care of her.
Oh, I'm all right,[br]Sam, but...
- What?[br]- Byron...
Watch it![br]There's someone going up there.
You okay, Mr. Orlok?
You all right?
- Is he clean?[br]- Yeah, he's clean.
Is that what I was afraid of?
All right, boy,[br]let's go.
Hardly ever missed,[br]did I?
It's all over now.[br]Clear back. Stand back.
Let's go. Clear out.
It's over now. Let's go.
Byron, wait a minute!
TLF - The In-Laws
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