Ugly Dachshund The CD2
What are you doing up there?
[Grunts] Your dog chased me.
Hush! Come here.
- Dog won't let me down. - I can't understand you.
I... I... I can't talk.
Hey, you haven't been up there all night, have you?
What in the world for?
Your dog chased me.
Oh, you mean Brutus chased...
How about that?
Now, look, would you take him away and let me down?
Hey, you know, I bet he...
I bet he thought you were the cat burglar.
- Fran! - No. Wait. Would you please...
No, no, just a minute, Sergeant.
I want to prove something to my wife first. Fran!
Mark, what's wrong?
Hey, come here a minute. I want to show you something.
Will you just let me down?
Uh, Fran, you remember Sergeant Carmody.
He escorted us to the hospital.
Lady, will you talk to him? Will you please talk to him?
Well, I don't know what this is all about.
I wanted you to see Brutus.
He chased him up that tree. What do you think of that?
What do you think I think, Mark? That's a police officer.
Now, how would Brutus know the difference?
It's just a prowler to him.
He could've been that burglar they're chasing around town.
He defended us! He protected our property!
All right, Mark, but still...
Don't you see how important he is to us, how valuable?
If we keep him around here, no burglar would come within miles.
All right, Mark, you've made your point.
We can discuss it later.
In the meantime, will you please let the officer
down from the tree?
- [Laughs] - Yeah, okay.
Just wanted you to see, that's all.
Oh, uh, come on down, Sergeant.
Dog... the dog.
Good boy, Brutus. Good boy. Go on back to the house now.
Go on. Go on.
Okay, Sergeant, it's safe now.
Here, let me help.
[Breathing heavily] I don't need any help.
Oh, well, let me give you a hand to the car.
No, no, no, do... don't bother, Mr. Garrison.
- Would you like some breakfast? - I'm not hungry.
- How about a cup of coffee? - I'm not thirsty.
Want an aspirin, glass of water?
Look, all I want to do is get out of here.
- Oh, okay. - Yeah.
Uh, drop in again anytime, Sergeant.
Yeah. [Breathing heavily]
So long now.
This is Sergeant Carmody in...
- This is Sergeant... - [Clicking]
Sergeant Carmody in Car...
[Whimpering] No, no, no.
Oh, Mr. Toyama.
Good morning, Mrs. Garrison.
Um, well, you're early.
I wasn't expecting you until later.
- There is much to be done. - Oh.
I bring Kenji...
newly imported, number-one nephew.
Oh, uh, would you mind starting in the back?
We haven't finished breakfast yet.
As you wish.
Uh, they're very friendly.
Well, they won't bother you.
- [Barking continues] - Quiet, girls!
- Who was that? - Toyama.
[lmitating Toyama] Ah, there is much to be done.
[Normal voice] He's got to get the decorations
and the food and the tables set up by 6:00.
What is this Oriental bacchanal costing us, anyway?
Mark, we haven't entertained in six months.
We owe everybody.
Yes, I did make my hair appointment.
Yes, I did pick my dress up at the cleaners.
That evasive answer means it's costing a bundle, right?
Wrong. We're getting a package deal...
food, decorations, everything for one reasonable price.
Yes, I ordered the guest towels for the bathroom.
No, I did not speak to Mark first thing this morning.
Sure you did. I said, "Did you sleep well?"
And you said, "Make your own breakfast."
Mark, you've got to get rid of that dog.
Now, wait just a minute, Fran. Now, let's not start that again.
Brutus is my dog, and I am...
I mean for today, Mark, so he won't be underfoot.
I mean, it's difficult enough to prepare a lawn party
for 60 people without that 4-legged demolition squad
running around in the middle of it.
Now, what about that, uh, wrecking crew of yours, huh?
Mark Garrison, how can you compare
those dear, sweet, little angels
with that big, clumsy ox?
All right, Fran, I'll, uh...
take him for a walk, all right?
You'll do no such thing. I need you here to help me.
Just tie him up.
What am I gonna do, Fran?
I thought Toyama's taking care of everything.
Well, Mark, you know something always goes wrong
at the last minute, and I want you here just in case.
In case of what, for example?
KENJI: Rion! Rion!
In case of that, for example.
[Shouting in Japanese]
- [Speaking Japanese] - Rion?
- Brutus! - Brutus, Brutus, come here.
Come here, fella. Come on.
Mr. Toyama, are you all right?
Take away rion!
That's not a lion! That's a dog.
You call that dog?
Mr. Toy... Mr. Toyama!
Well, you can't just lie there.
Only way to fool wild beast.
- [Barks] - Oh, Brutus, boy.
Oh, Mark, will you take him away
and tie him up somewhere?
Oh, for Pete's sake, he wasn't gonna hurt anybody.
Rook out... rion!
[Mid-tempo accordion music plays]
How is everything, Mr. Toyama?
Nobody eat kombu.
Oh, well, uh, I'm...
I'm sure everybody will.
Well, good evening, Mrs. Garrison.
Oh, hello, Dr. Pruitt.
Well, I've been waiting for a chance
to pay my respects to the hostess.
Nice of you to ask me.
Oh, you don't think we'd forget the family vet, do you?
Well, I'd hope not. How are the dogs?
Oh, just adorable, especially Chloe.
You know, I think she's got the makings of a champion.
Well, there's the man who could tell you for sure.
And so I said to her,
"Madam, I'm judging your dogs, not you."
Uh, Mel Chadwick?
He's an expert on dachsies. Or didn't you know?
Well, I did know that he was judging
the Fairview Dog Show next month.
Ah. Chloe is entered, I suppose.
Oh, Dr. Pruitt, you don't think that I arranged this whole party
just to get on his good side, do you?
Oh, no, no, no, never entered my mind.
[Chuckles] Well, I did.
[Laughs] It's wicked of me, huh?
No, no, not a bit.
Why don't you bring Chloe out here and show her to him?
Oh, no, I couldn't.
But you will.
Of course I will. Will you excuse me?
Yeah, I will... and good luck.
[Laughing] Oh, my.
Well, I don't think, uh...
Come on, Chloe. Come on.
You girls stay. Stay. Stay.
All right, Chloe, you go. Go on.
Of course, so few of us have the ability to...
- Recognize such a... - Excuse me. Excuse me.
Chloe, bad girl. What did you do?
Hey, I thought we agreed to keep the animal life out of here.
Oh, well, it was an accident, dear.
She just kind of got out.
Oh, uh, would you put those chairs over there,
and could you get me two more for the hors d'oeuvre table?
Oh, that's a cute... yes.
Well, well, well, what have we here?
Your dog, Mrs. Garrison?
Yes. This is Chloe.
A fine-looking animal. Uh, may I?
Oh, of course.
[Slow accordion music plays]
Better sit down, Harry. Remember New Year's Eve.
Nobody'll let me forget.
Good back line.
Ear set... good. Fine head.
You intend to show her?
Well, I... I was thinking about it,
if you think she's good enough.
There's one way to find out.
Why don't you put her in the Fairview show next month?
No, no, no, Mrs. Garrison, let her go.
Dachsies love to be around people.
Oh, but I know some people
who don't love to be around dachsies.
[Shouting in Japanese]
Uh, my sentiments exactly, Mr. Toyama.
Dog not berong here.
That's right. You hear that, Chloe?
Now, go on. Beat it.
Well, hello, Doc. How are you?
Hey, it looks like your wife has her wish...
a real champion.
Uh-huh. A real pain sometimes, I'll tell you that.
- Go on, Chloe. Beat it. Go on. - [Barks]
Well, of course, I can see where your sympathies lie.
How is Brutus?
He's getting along just great. Would you like to see him?
I sure would.
Brutus deserves something out of this party.
- Come on. - All right.
[Laughter, indistinct conversations]
[Gate opens, closes]
[Laughs] Yes, sir, Mark, he is beautiful.
Of course, I could see that when he was a pup.
The best Dane I ever bred, I think.
And is your wife getting used to having him around now?
Doc, let's say she's adjusted to it.
The dachshunds are her pets...
especially that little ol' Chloe.
She's really got the bug.
She's not gonna be happy till she wins a blue ribbon.
Well, what about you?
Did you ever think of trying for one yourself?
A... you mean with Brutus?
He's a fine dog.
Oh, Doc, that's what he's gonna stay, too...
[Chuckling] just plain doggy.
I don't want any spoiled
and pampered show horse on my hands.
Mark, what are you doing here?
Oh, just showing Brutus to Dr. Pruitt.
Is Chloe still wandering around?
I thought you were gonna put the little wiener back in the house.
Oh, she's not doing any harm.
You know, she probably found someplace to hide
where she could watch the fun.
You know, we should be getting back to the guests, huh?
Okay. Let's go, Doc.
See you later, boy.
MARK: So long, Brutus.
- [Gate closes] - [Growls softly]
- Excuse me. - Mark?
- What? - Where are you going?
Oh, I'm just wondering what was bothering Brutus.
There's nothing wrong with Brutus.
Now, he's perfectly all right,
and will you please pay attention to our guests?
[Up-tempo accordion music plays]
Mr. Chadwick, I don't believe you've met my husband.
- Hello. - Oh, Chloe's father.
How do you do, Mr. Garrison?
MAVIS: Eat something, Harry.
"Eat something, Harry."
Nobody ever says, "Drink something, Harry."
Ah, you cute, little rascal.
Mavis, come here. I want to show you something.
Come on, I want to show you the cutest thing.
There's a tiny, little dog in there eating a bone.
No, honest. You can see for yourself.
Just look in the pagoda.
- [Barks] - Aaaah!
- Aaaah! - What's that?
- Lion? - Oh, it can't be. He's tied up.
Where is he? Where is he?
- Aaah! - Brutus!
- [Barks] - Aaah!
Brutus! Come here!
- Oh! - Aaaah!
Oh, Mark! Oh!
[Brutus continues barking]
Oh, don't stand there! Do something!
Brutus! Come here, Brutus!
- Aaah! Aaah! - Aaah!
[Kenji shouting in Japanese]
Whoa, boy! Whoa, boy!
- Brutus, stop! - Oh, stop him!
What a dog.
What's the matter with you, Garrison?
Can't you control your dog?
- Hold it! - Aaah!
Come on, stop!
Brutus, come here!
- Mark! - I'm trying!
Brutus?! Here, boy! Here, boy!
Mr. Chadwick, just grab my hand!
- Fran, you okay, honey? - [Coughing]
Now, here we go.
Fran, I... I really am sorry about this.
- Mark! - I really am, honey.
- Mark! - Fran?
- Mark! - Fran!
I wish you hadn't done that, Brutus.
Knock it off, will you?!
Now, knock it off, Brutus.
That goes for all of you.
Who was that?
On the telephone.
When is he coming to clean up?
- Oh. - Neither is Kenji.
In fact, the entire Japanese-American community
has declared our house a disaster area.
Well, when is he coming for his junk?
It is now our junk.
$325 worth of Japanese lanterns,
broken hibachis, and papier-mâché pagodas.
That, in addition to what we'll undoubtedly have to pay
for ruined clothes, medication,
and the shattered nerves of all our ex-friends and neighbors.
The telephone has not stopped ringing.
Mel Chadwick is on the verge of pneumonia,
Jane Felton had a nervous breakdown,
and the drugstore has run out of vaporizers.
Yeah, okay. All right.
- Mark. - [Dogs whimpering]
Mark, I think you should know
that I called Dr. Pruitt this morning.
To tell him what?
To tell him that you will be returning Brutus this afternoon.
My mind is made up. That dog turned vicious.
- He goes or else. - Or else what?
Listen here, he was absolutely blameless
for what happened last night, Fran!
Brutus is a kind, lovable, intelligent animal!
- [Barking] - Ah, shut up, you idiot.
Now, listen, Fran,
let's sit down and calmly and coolly discuss this thing!
[Growls softly, barking]
Ah, good morning, Brutus. Up kind of early, ain't you?
Oh, now, did you make this mess?
You ought to be ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn't eat this stuff. It ain't good for you.
Looks like it was quite a party.
Hey, what did you do...
Iose a bone in there or something?
Come on, get down. There's nothing for you in there.
Whatever it is you wanted is gone now.
Come on! This is no time for games.
Hey, what's... what's the matter with you?
It's me... Eddie.
What's the matter... you sick or something?
Knock it off.
Take it easy, now, will you? Mr. Garrison!
- Eddie, what's wrong? - Call off your dog.
- He's gone crazy or something! - Brutus, get back.
- Mark! - Please, ma'am, do something!
- Mark! - All I did was empty the trash.
- What's the matter? - Brutus attacked Eddie.
Attacked Eddie? Come here, Brutus!
- He went loony! - Do something!
Brutus, what's the matter with you, huh?
- What's the matter? - What is it, Mark?
Look, Mr. Garrison, you're nice people,
but I don't have to take this.
- That's enough. - I'm very sorry, Eddie.
I'm sure there must be some reason for it.
Brutus, come here.
- Mark, do you hear something? - What's the matter, boy?
Where's Chloe? Eddie, did you see Chloe?
No, ma'am, I didn't.
- FRAN: Chloe? Chloe? - [Chloe whimpers]
Hey, you don't suppose...
Hey, hold Brutus, Eddie. Hold him.
Mark, be careful.
- Mark! - Aaah!
- Mark! - [Muffled shouting]
Mark, be careful!
- Aaah! - [Thud]
Is she in there, Mark?
I don't know.
- Oh, poor Chloe. - EDDIE: [Laughs] Look at her.
She's all right, Fran.
Oh, look at her!
Oh, my poor baby!
Hey, you know something...
I'll bet you that's why Brutus wouldn't let me in the truck.
He knew that little pooch was in there.
It kind of looks that way, doesn't it?
I bet your silly father forgot to give you breakfast.
Come on, I'll give you a couple of eggs.
Oh, excuse me.
Okay, take five.
Come on, girls. Come on. [Smooches]
Come on. Come on.
Ooh, ooh, there's my beautiful Chloe, yes.
Yes, what's the matter...
you want your picture painted, too, huh?
Is that what it is?
Oh, will you get off, you big...
Fran, he just wants his share.
Come here, Brutus. Come, boy.
Come here. Ah, whoa!
Mark, he has got to learn that he is not a lapdog.
Now, we're not gonna have any peace in this house
till he realizes he is not a dachshund.
Well, I don't think that he thinks that... that...
You know, Fran, you could be right.
Go on, girls. Go on.
Go on. Go on.
What have you got there?
It's the dog book.
I'm gonna show Brutus who he is.
Well, it's our fault. We never told him.
You pay attention to this, Brutus.
This is important.
Brutus, now, you look here.
Look... this is a dachshund.
You're not a dachshund, and you never will be.
No, no, no.
Oh, really? Now, let's not get so carried away.
Play along with this a minute, will you?
Now, stick with me, Brutus. Stay with me, boy, huh?
Now, here's what you are, Brutus...
- [Whimpers] ...a Great Dane.
A Great Dane.
You are a Great Dane.
Look at that.
You see that?
That's all there was to it. He just had to be shown.
How about that?
You know, he took one look at that picture, one look,
and I could tell that he...
MARK: . . That he still thinks he's a dachshund.
"Dachshund... phooey. Great Dane... yes."
[Laughs] Poor Mark.
Look, fella, when I tell you to heel, you heel.
[Laughs] Well, who's leading who?
- Hi, Brutus. - Heel, Brutus. Heel.
Hey, what's the diagnosis on Chloe?
Chloe has a rash.
A rash. Well, well, well.
Your wife was sure it was scarlet fever,
but it's just a minor skin irritation.
Yeah, that dog show's got her tied up in knots.
I hope she's gonna make it through the next six days.
Hope I do.
All right, Brutus... stay.
How about that, huh? Want a drink, Doc?
Uh, no, thank you. No, thank you.
Brutus, let me have a look at you.
I tell you... you're absolutely marvelous.
You've kept him in fine shape, Mark.
Trying to teach him obedience is keeping me in shape.
Fine lines, nice, square head...
He's grown up just the way I figured.
Make a fine show dog.
Oh, come on, Doc.
No, no, I mean it.
I'd like to work with him if you let me.
No, no, no.
Teach him ring manners, stance, huh?
No, one in the family's enough. In fact, it's too much.
All I want him to do is learn how to walk around on this leash
without jerking my arm out of the socket.
Hey, stick around a minute, will you?
I want you to see if I'm doing anything wrong.
All right, Brutus... heel.
How about that, huh?
FRAN: Doc! Uh, Doc Pruitt!
Oh, Doc Pruitt, do you think I could take Chloe for a walk?
Why, of course.
Well, you know, that irritation...
I was wondering... it could be an allergy.
Maybe it's something around here.
I assure you, Mrs. Garrison, it's nothing serious.
Heel now. Heel.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, sit down.
Now, come on, Brutus, sit.
Mark... what in the world are you doing?
Well, I'm training him. [Chuckles]
Sit down. Sit down.
[Laughing] Oh, really?
What do you mean, "Oh, really?"
Well, it's just that Brutus is...
well, really, uh...
Fran, you know, when you say "really" in that tone of voice,
you usually really mean something by it.
Oh, Mark, don't be so sensitive.
It's just that Brutus is a sweet, clumsy ox,
and I don't think you should expect too much from him,
Come on, Chloe.
I'll be seeing you.
You got a deal. Get him ready for that show.
Oh, hold on, Mark.
Now, that show is only six days away.
Now, wait a minute... it was your idea, you know.
You said he was good enough.
Yeah, I know, but, uh...
What about that blue ribbon you've been talking about?
No, no, no. It's impossible, impossible.
Then you'll do it?
Of course I will.
Now, one thing, Doc... don't tell my wife, hmm?
Mark, under these conditions, I wouldn't tell anybody.
I wouldn't even tell my mother.
Have a good night's sleep, Brutus.
Brutus, all right, Brutus, you understand?
Wait. Wait a minute. All right, now...
Now, remember, you hold the leash in one hand.
The important thing is that you are in control of the dog.
Now, let's try it now. Nice and easy, huh?
Okay. Brutus, heel.
Hold him. Hold him.
Hold him. Hold him now.
Nice and easy, huh?
Mark, if you...
Keep control of the dog at all times.
You can do it.
Well, what do you think, Doc?
[Sighs] I don't know. I don't know.
He's not consistent.
There should be a proud look to him, a Dane look.
Sometimes he's fine, and then he seems to lose his character.
Well, that's the old dachsie influence.
He still thinks he's one of them.
And so all we've got to do now is to figure out a way
to persuade him that he's a Great Dane.
That's right, Doc. That's right.
Keep him still, will you, Mark?
Yeah, okay, Doc.
Hey, are you sure Fran's not gonna come in here?
The dachsies are benched clear over
the other side of the building.
Come on, boy. Come on.
Hold still, will you? Doggone it.
Now, just relax, boy.
They're dogs, just like you are.
Well, now, let's see. Let's see.
Now, you're as ready as you ever will be, Brutus.
- Doc, down. Quick. - Huh? What?
- Down! - What? What's the matter?
Well, what's she doing over here?
- I don't know, but... - She belongs with the hounds.
FRAN: Oh, thank you.
Boy, that was close.
[Chuckles] Well, you won't be able to duck her for long.
Just long enough to win that blue ribbon, Doc...
that's all I want.
MAN ON P. A: Great Danes to the ring, please.
Great Danes to the ring.
Well, here's your chance.
- Yeah, thanks, Doc. - Good luck.
Thank you. Head up, boy.
Oh, here they come.
Any last words of advice, Doc?
Nope. You're on your own. Good luck.
Walk your dogs, please.
Oh, excuse me.
Look, sweetie-kins, those are Great Danes.
Up! Up! Up! Up!
Up! Up! Up!
Up, Brutus, up. Stand up.
Come on, fella, stand up.
Just a minute!
That dog sick or just tired?
Oh, no. No, no, no, no.
It's, uh... it's stage fright.
- Stage fright? - Yeah, yeah.
- Hey, what happened to him? - I don't know.
Must've got the idea he was a dachsie again.
JUDGE: Stack your dogs, please.
Head up, boy. Head up.
There's no sense hanging around. I might as well go home now.
No, no. You've got to stick it out.
Hey, look at him.
DR. PRUITT: Well...
Now, that's what I call a Great Dane.
Make a deal with you.
Won't have you thrown out if you tell me how you managed it.
- Managed what? - Switching dogs.
Swit... well, I didn't!
Expect me to believe that's the same dog?
Well, it's... little hard for me to believe myself.
- [Chuckles] - [Groans]
Now, don't worry, Mark. You're doing fine.
Hey, Doc, this is making me a nervous wreck.
What got into Brutus, anyway?
Well, he just got a look at that other Dane over there...
She's waiting to be judged for best of breed.
You mean just because he saw her, he...
Dogs are just like people.
Takes a female to make a fella want to show off.
Well, he's sure showing off now, isn't he, Doc?
JUDGE: All right, that's it.
Walk your dogs again, both of you.
Oh. Yes, sir.
Run your dog!
Well, of all the...
I'm so sorry. It slipped.
- That's enough! - Yes, sir.
You sure had me fooled the first time around.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
- Just wait over there. - Okay.
Thank you very much. Thank you.
Good girl. Good girl.
Whoa, that's my boy!
I knew it. It was yours all the way.
Thank you, Doc. He's such a good dog.
- I'm proud of you, yes. - How about that?
Listen, take over for me, will you?
Here, hang on to Brutus for me.
Huh? Why? Where are you going?
I'm gonna find Fran and wave this under her cute little nose,
- That's where I'm going. - No, no, you can't leave now.
Why not? I won, didn't I?
Only for male Danes, yeah.
Now he's got to be judged against this female
for the best of breed, then there's working class...
I've got what I want. Here, take over for me.
Uh, Mark! I c...
You, uh... hold that, will you, please?
Thanks very much.
Mark, you did come.
- You bet your life I... - Ooh. [Chuckles]
I wouldn't miss this for anything.
Oh, don't rub it in.
Well, you saw... second place, after all I went through.
After all I put you through.
Hey, I really am sorry, Fran. I really am.
No, Mark, I am... about everything.
Why don't we go home?
I don't like public confessions, huh?
Let's go home.
Mark, are you hiding something?
Well, it's a, uh... I picked it up in there.
Mark, that's a blue ribbon. They're very valuable.
You can't just go around picking up blue ribbons.
- Now, you put it back. - Fran...
MAN ON P. A: Working class...
best of winners to the ring, please.
Best of winners.
Hey, you don't suppose that...
- Mark! - No, come on.
Mark? Mark? Why are you carrying... Mark?
Best of breed.
Onward and upward, Doc.
Mark, you never told me!
I'm sorry, honey, it was childish of me,
When you didn't win, I didn't have the heart to tell you.
Oh, you sweet, wonderful boob, I love you.
Will you be quiet and watch your brother?
[Laughs] You know, Mark...
it's too bad Brutus didn't do better in the working group.
Look, third place was just fine.
We got a matched set from the bottom right to the top.
How does it look, huh?
Oh, that's perfect.
Mark, where's the other blue ribbon?
Oh, I gave it to Doc Pruitt.
Boy, did he deserve it.
Honey, I'm sorry it was such a disappointing day for you.
Oh, don't be silly, Mark.
At least it's ending better than it began, huh?
I'll make a deal with you.
- You will? What? - Mm-hmm. No more dog shows.
No more dog shows.
No, okay, no more blue ribbons.
No more blue ribbons.
I'll work. You keep house.
Okay, all we'll raise are...
ordinary, everyday dogs.
Among other things, hmm?
Brutus... be quiet, will you?
Mark, he's dreaming.
about that bewitching female in the spotted coat,
I'll bet you.
Do you think that's why he really won, Mark, huh?
You think the female made the difference?
females always make the difference.
Ugly Dachshund The CD1
Ugly Dachshund The CD2
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Ultimate Versus CD2
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Unborn But Forgotten
Unborn The (2003)
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Under Fire CD2
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Under the Tuscan Sun CD2
Undercover Brother (2002)
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Underworld Unrated CD1
Underworld Unrated CD2
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Untold Story The
Up Close and Personal
Uptown Girls (2003)
Urban Legend 1998
Urga (Close to Eden) (1991 Mikhalkov)
Used Cars (1980)
Usual Suspects CD1
Usual Suspects CD2
Usual suspects The
Uzumaki - Higuchinsky (2000)