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Waynes World

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Spend all day with us.
There are two-- pardon me--
two of everything in every Noah's arcade.
That means two of Zantar,
That means two of Zantar,
Bay Wolf, Ninja Commando, Snake-azon,
Psycho Chopper...
It's really good seeing you, Benjamin.
You haven't been into Shakey's for so long.
Well, I've been real busy.
It's two for you 'cause one won't do.
All this week, kids under 6
get every fifth--
There's a new pet.
Ch-Ch-Chia
Chia Pet-- the pottery that grows.
They are very fast.
Simple. Plug it in,
and insert the plug from just about anything.
Simple.
Even for our customers in Waukegan, Elgin, and Aurora--
We'll be there right on time.
So call!
Clap on, clap off
The Clapper
Wayne's World, Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K.
All right, excellent.
Excellent.
Whoo!
O.K., extreme close-up!
Waa!
Waa!
Waa!
Excellent.
Excellent extreme close-up.
Now it's time for Wayne's World's totally amazing
excellent discoveries.
Our guest is Ron Paxton.
Welcome to Wayne's World, Ron.
Thanks, Wayne.
Now, you're the inventor of the Suck Kut, right?
What exactly is a Suck Kut?
The Suck Kut is a revolution in home hair cutting.
Wow! What a totally amazing excellent discovery.
Well, yes.
Fireworks!
Now, Ron, the question that's on everybody's mind is,
how does it work?
I'm fully prepared to give a complete demonstration.
O.K. O.K., Garth, just sit there.
He's going to put that thing on your melon, O.K.?
Just a trim. Don't buzz me, all right?
Uhh! Uhh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!
Tell me, Ron.
Exactly how does the Suck Kut work?
Well, as you can see, it sucks as it cuts.
It certainly does suck.
Ohh! Ohh!
What are we looking at?
Wayne's World. These guys do their show out of their basement.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
People watch this?
Yeah, lots.
Turn it off, man! Turn it off!
It's sucking my will to live!
Oh, the humanity!
You want to hand me the telephone?
Sure.
Uhh!
Uhh!
Russell, this is Benjamin.
Are you watching TV?
Listen, could you turn it to channel 10?
I want you to find out who these guys are
and where they do their show.
I think we can sell it to Vanderhoff.
Take your Ritalin, O.K.?
O.K., you're in a forest.
Forest?
You're in a forest with Heather Locklear.
With Heather?
And you're very warm. Very...
- Warm? - warm.
These guys are so funny.
Oh, they're obviously brilliant.
Hmm.
Wow! What a totally amazing excellent discovery...not!
Thanks, Ron.
O.K., that's all the time we have for this week.
Until then, good night!
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
It's Wayne's World, Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...
we're clear!
All right!
Excellent!
Whoo! Whoo!
All right!
Excellent!
Excellent!
Let me bring you up to speed.
My name is Wayne Campbell.
I live in Aurora, Illinois,
which is a suburb of Chicago.
Excellent!
I've had plenty of Joe jobs.
Nothing I'd call a career.
Let me put it this way.
I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets.
O.K., I still live with my parents,
which I admit is both bogus and sad.
But at least I've got an amazing cable access show,
and I still know how to party.
But what I'd really love
is to do Wayne's World for a living.
It might happen.
Yeah, and monkeys might fly out of my butt.
[ Horn Honks ]
Ahh, the Mirthmobile.
This is my best friend Garth Algar.
Hi.
I think we'll go with a little Bohemian Rhapsody, gentlemen.
Good call.
I see a little silhouette of a man
Scaramouche, Scaramouche
Will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolts and lightning
Very, very frightening
Galileo
Galileo
- Galileo - Galileo
Galileo, Figaro
Let me go-o-o-o
I'm just a poor boy
Nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy
From a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity
Whoa! It's Phil.
Phil, what are you doing here?
You're partied out, man...again.
What if he honks in the car?
I'm giving you a no-honk guarantee.
Phil! Um...
if you're going to spew,
spew into this.
Easy come, easy go
Will you let me go?
Bismillah
No! We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah
We will not let you go
Let me go
We will not let you go
Let me go
Let me go-o-o-o
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Oh, mama mia, mama mia
Mama mia, let me go
Beelzebub
Has a devil put aside for me
For me
For me
So you think you can stone me
And spit in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me
To die
Oh, baby
Garth, pull over.
Oh! Oh, man! Come on!
Not again.
He does this every Friday.
Stop torturing yourself, man!
You'll never afford it!
Live in the now!
It will be mine.
Oh, yes. It will be mine.
Ooh
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters
To me
Hey, Wayne's world! Wayne's world! Party!
- Yeah! - Whoo!
Excellent!
Way to go!
- Whoo! - Whoo!
Party on, Wayne!
Hey, Campbell.
Uno momento, fellas.
Officer Kuharski, how's it going?
Fine.
Say, I smell bacon.
Does anyone else smell bacon?
Yeah, I definitely smell
a pork product of some type.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you're doing, Campbell.
Bacon, pig, oink-oink, police officer.
Ha ha ha.
I said that to cops when I was your age.
Hey, what are you up to?
I just pulled over a tour bus
on its way to Chicago.
We had a tip there was some drug smuggling going down.
We searched the entire vehicle.
It was clean, so we proceeded with body cavity searches.
No way.
Way! I inspected 12 individuals myself--
Inside and out.
Eeew!
Uhh!
Ugh!
O.K., this guy needs coffee and crullers stat!
We got to get him to Rampart.
Let's go!
This is Stan Mikita's Donuts.
Excellent munchie post.
This is the manager, Glen.
He's here 24 hours a day.
I recommend the sugar pucks.
They're excellent. Come on.
I'd never done a crazy thing in my life
before that night.
Why is it if a man kills another man in battle
it's called heroic?
Yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion
it's called murder?
Hello! What do you think you're doing?
Only me and Garth get to talk to the camera.
Come on.
I don't really have too much to say right now.
What's that?
Ohh! Ohh!
Hi, Mr.Withers. How's the amusement park going?
Just great, Wayne.
Four coffees and a half a dozen crullers, please.
And one jelly donut.
Hey, there's your girlfriend, Garth. Yeah.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Ow!
Excuse me. I fell.
Don't you guys ever get tired of ordering the same thing?
- No. - No.
Uh-oh. Don't look. Stacy.
Where?
Oh, God. I made eye contact.
Psycho hose beast.
Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Stacy, we broke up two months ago.
That doesn't mean we can't still go out.
Well, it does, actually.
That's what breaking up is.
You going to go to the Gasworks tonight?
No!
- No! - No!
Don't you want to open your present?
If it's a severed head, I'll be very upset.
Open it.
O.K.
O.K.
What is it?
It's a gun rack.
A gun rack?
A gun rack.
Yeah, great.
I don't even own a gun,
let alone many guns
that would necessitate an entire rack.
What am I going to do
with a gun rack?
You don't like it, fine.
[ Slurp ]
Wayne, if you're not careful,
you're going to lose me.
I lost you two months ago.
Are you mental? We broke up.
Get the net!
Wayne!
Hey!
How you doing?
Garth!
Tiny, who's playing tonight?
Jolly Green Giants, The Shitty Beatles.
The Shitty Beatles-- are they any good?
They suck.
Then it's not just a clever name?
Who else?
Crucial Taunt, and they're just finishing the set.
I hear they can wail.
You're right. Party on.
Party on.
Yo!
All right!
Now, dig this, baby!
You don't care for me
I don't care about that
This is the Gasworks,
an excellent heavy metal bar.
Always a babe fest.
And they got a pool table, too.
Let me stand next to your fire
Party! Whoo!
Yeow! Party!
Excuse me.
Whoo!
Let me stand next to your fire
Let me stand
Let me stand next to your fire
Excuse me.
Um, excuse me.
What?
I'd like to get by now.
Get out of my face, you little dweeb.
Ohh!
Ow!
I have only one itchin' desire
Let me stand next to your fire
Ohh
Let me stand next to your fire
[ Mission: Impossible Theme Plays ]
You don't care for me
I don't care about that
You got a new fool, I like it like that
I have only one burnin' desire
Let me stand next to your fire
Excuse me.
Hey, let me stand next to your fire
What do you want, you little dweeb?
Oh, let me stand next to your fire
Aah!
Thank you.
You say your mama ain't home
It ain't my concern
Just don't play with me and you won't get burned
Oh, dream weaver
I believe you can get me through--
She's a babe! Schwing!
Ohh
Yeah
Ohh
Ohh, ohh
Ohh
Hey
Ow, ow! Ha ha!
Hyah!
Yeah.
Ow! All right.
Ohh.
I love this woman.
Hey, Raymond, club soda with a lime, please.
And would you get me a towel?
Boy, you really wail.
Thanks.
Hey, you're that party time guy on TV.
Wayne, right?
Yes, and you are?
Cassandra.
Cassandra.
Rough night, huh? Everybody's kung fu fighting.
Yeah. Well, nice meeting you.
Hey, hold on! Can I call you sometime?
You got 5 bucks, you can come to the rent party.
It's at my loft.
I'm there.
I got to go.
The club owner's trying to dick me out of some money.
O.K. O.K.
See how many people I--
That bass player's a babe.
She makes me feel kind of funny,
like when we used to climb the rope in gym class.
You said I get cash up front.
She will be mine.
Oh, yes. She will be mine.
Pardon me.
Do you have any Grey Poupon?
Garth, just sit there.
He's going to put that on your melon.
O.K., but just a trim.
Don't buzz me, all right?
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh! Uhh!
Oh, no!
Russell, stop the tape.
So, what do you think?
I think it's two chimps on a davenport in a basement.
I'm not sponsoring this.
I got spots on Love Boat, but this?
What is this?
Mr.Vanderhoff, this is your audience.
They're the same kids that line up at Noah's Arcade.
It looks so cheesy.
That's where I come in.
Russell's our best producer.
He does Chicago P.M. with Elaine Ronkey,
Sunshine Saturday, The African-American Digest.
Never heard of that.
It's on very late.
It won several awards.
I think I'll stick with Love Boat.
If I may,
speaking from a producer / director standpoint,
kids can relate to this show.
These guys aren't phonies.
Kids can spot phonies. They're very smart.
Kids know dick.
I watch them in my arcades.
They stand like laboratory rats
hitting the feeder bar to get food pellets.
As long as they pump in quarters, who gives a shit?
Let me ask you something.
What's your single biggest problem in the arcade business?
Well, uh, keeping the customer informed of new product.
Like, we have a new game called Zantar.
Zantar is a gelatinous cube
that eats warriors in a medieval village.
Every time it eats a chieftain
you ascend to a higher level.
Beauty part is you can't get to the next level.
The kids keep coughing up quarters.
Gelatinous cube eats village--
I think it's terrific.
You know, I know nothing about video games.
I found what you just said riveting.
Well, I do my own commercials.
I did not know that.
I don't mention the games in the commercials
because the technology moves much faster than the advertising.
I did not realize that.
Russell, did you realize that?
No, I did not realize that.
So, Mr.Vanderhoff,
let me see if I'm hearing you correctly.
Are you saying that if you had a spot,
say on a weekly show,
that you could come on the show
and update the kids
on exactly what was new in your arcade?
Yeah, that's it.
I'm impressed.
Wow!
Noah's Arcade presents Wayne's World.
I think that's brilliant.
Brilliant.
Well, thank you.
We'll get right to work on this.
We'll send the contracts over to your office.
We'll be in touch.
Oh.
I'd like to think about this.
Oh, of course you would.
I wouldn't have it any other way.
She'll validate.
Thank you.
He's in.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Stop it! You're scaring me.
Oh, cool. You're learning Cassandra's language.
I've never seen you so mental over a girl before.
You going to marry her?
Marriage is punishment for shoplifting in some countries.
O.K., you passed inspection.
All right.
Just barely.
Uh, O.K., that's 42.57, Wayne-- parts and labor.
No way.
Brutal.
Oh, O.K. There you go.
All right, we got it.
That's not enough.
What?
We got...that.
That's good, but I need more.
Oh, man! Why don't you use a gun?
It's not my fault. Come on.
I suppose it's society's fault?
More.
[ RRRrrrr ]
Cool.
All right.
[ RRRrrrr RRRrrrr ]
Here's an extra dollar.
You guys should have been at Gasworks on Friday.
Yeah, we were there.
There was this band-- Crucial Taunt--
They had this megababe for a lead singer. Unreal!
Phil, we were there.
Have you gone mental? Hello?
I think we should go now.
Here you go.
Cool!
You think it's wise to sell a show we don't own?
By tonight, we will.
Ah!
Excuse me.
Do you know where we could find Wayne Campbell?
That'd be privileged information.
We just want to know where they broadcast from.
Are you a friend or a relative?
We're neither.
Russell, I may not have grown up around here,
but I understand these people.
This must be the place.
O.K., we're just about out of time, right?
But first let's give a Wayne's World salute
to the Guess jeans girl Claudia Schiffer.
Schwing!
Schwing!
Tent pole! She's a babe.
She's magically babe-licious.
She tested very high on the strokability scale.
Mmrreowww!
Ssss.
Are you through yet?
I'm getting tired of holding this.
Yeah, that's what she said.
O.K., so, Claudia Schiffer, we salute you.
- Scha-wing! - Scha-wing!
That's all the time we have this week.
Until then, good night.
Party on, Wayne.
Wayne's World Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
And...we're clear.
O.K. Excellent show, everyone.
[ Garth ] Excellent.
Great show.
Wayne, Benjamin Kane.
Regional program director for Oliver Communications.
Oh, hello.
I'm Russell Finley. We spoke earlier today. Hi.
Maybe we can go somewhere and get acquainted.
Russell, get to know the crew.
You know anywhere nice?
Hi.
Hi.
Let me get this out of the way--
I'm a big fan.
You are?
As I see it, your show's capable of so much more.
We'll try harder, O.K.?
Give us a second chance.
Don't cancel us without a second chance.
Garth, relax, all right? Your pills?
He can't cancel us.
We're on public access.
Can I be honest?
My job, it's usually such a bore,
but the other day something incredible happened.
What happened?
Noah Vanderhoff,
owner of the largest video arcade chain in Chicago,
is in my office
asking me what's with this show Wayne's World
I hear so much about?
I have your shows on tape.
I said I'm a fan.
I put a show in.
He literally jumped out of his seat.
- Cool. - Cool.
He wants to sponsor the show,
put you on our station,
and pay you a huge salary.
He doesn't realize you're both artists.
You're not interested in money.
No, we're not interested in money.
That's what I told him.
But he said take them two cashier's checks anyway
so they know I'm serious.
I may be wasting my time,
but here I am with the contract
and two cashier's checks
for $5,000 each.
Exsqueeze me?
Baking powder?
You're going to pay us for doing Wayne's World?
Give me the word.
I'll tear up these checks.
[ Chokes ]
No! No!
He shoots, he scores!
Want to look at the contracts?
Yes.
Do you have a lawyer?
Yes. Uh...no.
We're between lawyers right now.
Our first lawyer screwed our affairs so badly.
That's right. I walked right into that office,
I grabbed him by his big fat head,
and I said I'm not going to jail for you or anybody.
Exactly.
Can I have an opportunity to peruse that contract
before we sign it?
Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
I like what you've done here.
Ah. Hmm.
Yes.
Yes.
Um, I dropped my pen.
I'm not so sure about...
Oh, I see. I see.
Hi. Um, does this seem weird?
Why does this guy have contracts?
Ever see The Twilight Zone
where the guy signed a contract,
they cut out his tongue, put it in a jar,
and it wouldn't die?
It grew and pulsated and gave birth to baby tongues.
Pretty cool, huh? I got to go.
I like this part.
I feel we can work with you on this project.
You've made Mr.Vanderhoff a very happy man.
To Wayne's World.
- To Wayne's World. - To Wayne's World.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
- Hey, Wayne. - Check it out.
We got $5,000
We got $5,000
Ain't got no reason
For reaction
Party!
Whoo!
Ain't got no reason for distraction
Great party, huh, guys?
Love the way that you love me, baby
Love the way that you stare
Uh-oh. Stacy alert.
We're being pulled in by her tractor beam.
I got to go.
We got to go.
Ooh, if you dare
Don't be afraid to love me
Anywhere
Dream weaver
I believe you can get me through the night
Don't be afraid to love me
Anywhere
Won't you touch me
Won't you love me
Just let me know
God, she's amazing.
I'll be there
Wayne, Wayne, Garth told me about the show, man.
I love you, man.
Yeah, and I love you, too, Terry.
No, I mean it, man. I love you.
No, I mean it.
I love you.
No, you don't, man.
Why don't you love me
Garth, come over here.
Terry has something to say to you.
I love you, man.
Thank you.
Oh
I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Oh, I'll be there
Your vocals are incredible.
Thanks.
You have a very interesting look.
Aha.
Oh, I'm not trying to pick up on you.
Good thing.
No, I'm producing a television show.
It's in Chicago. Very late night.
We're looking for a musical act.
Here's my card.
Is there a number I can reach you at?
We got fliers at the door.
Hello.
So hot and bothered
Hot and bothered
Wayne?
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Want to go somewhere and talk?
Sure.
What's going on in there?
Just a minute.
We'd like to go to the bathroom, please.
In this century.
How long you been waiting?
Like an hour now.
Uh...
Hi, Garth.
Uh...
hi.
I'm looking for Wayne.
He seems to be going through this difficult phase.
You know what I think?
That you're mental?
You know him best. What should I do?
Get over it. Go out with somebody else.
Get over it. Go out with somebody else.
Yeah, thanks. O.K., great.
Hi.
So who's this guy Benjamin?
Only one of the most important producers in television.
He's ahead of his time.
We've signed with him.
He's based in Chicago.
He's interested in the band.
Of course. I love your band.
You guys wail.
Thanks.
You guys kick ass. You're Double Live Gonzo!
Intensity in Ten Cities. Live at Budokan.
If you got a break, you could make it.
And if a frog had wings,
he wouldn't bump his ass when he hopped.
Interesting.
Where did you learn English?
College...
and the Police Academy movies.
Ah.
Cassandra...
I've got something I want to say to you.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Campbell, that's amazing.
You learned to say I look pretty in Cantonese.
Hi, Wayne.
Hello, Stacy.
Sit right here.
[ Stacy ] Kiss me.
You make me laugh.
Can I call you?
Anytime.
Look out!
- Aah! - Aah!
Oops.
[ Whistling The Theme To Star Trek ]
Sometimes I wish I could boldly go
where no man's gone before,
but I'll probably stay in Aurora.
What are you thinking about?
Cassandra.
She's a fox.
In French, she'd be called la renard.
She'd be hunted with only her cunning to protect her.
She's a babe.
She's a robo-babe.
In Latin, she'd be called babia majora.
If she were a president,
she'd be Babe-raham Lincoln.
Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive
when he'd put on a dress and play a girl bunny?
No.
No.
Neither did I.
I was just asking.
O.K., O.K., keep looking up.
O.K.
- Aah! - Aah!
Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Guys, I will be talking to the cameraman
on the headset.
Terry will give you hand cues.
Excuse me, Russell,
but I believe I requested the hand job.
Let's go on.
The cue is-- watch carefully--
5...4...3...
You didn't say 2 or 1.
You don't say 2 or 1.
Why not?
You just don't, O.K.?
Now, it goes...
5...4...3...
Good. O.K., good.
- Ow! - Ow!
We're ready for rehearsal,
unless there are any questions.
Yeah, um...does this seem weird to anybody else?
I mean, we're looking down on Wayne's basement,
only that's not Wayne's basement.
Isn't that weird?
That's twisted.
That's weird, man, that's weird.
Garth, that was a haiku.
[ Telephone Rings ]
- Russell. - Control room.
Oh, hello, Benjamin.
Just finishing up with the Vanderhoffs.
They'd like to look at rehearsal
and make sure we're not wasting their money.
Not a good idea, sir.
Great.
Come in.
Your landing gear is down.
Just put that down.
Ow.
Just go away, guys.
Hey, hey, hey!
Russell's excited you're coming to the studio.
Oh, the studio.
That's where the magic happens.
You've worked in television?
No, I watch a lot.
Of course you do. You're creative.
She came up with the name Noah's Arcade.
I just opened my mouth and out it came.
You're a lucky man, Mr.Vanderhoff.
Bring in the blue screen.
Let's try one.
Ready to cue Wayne and Garth, and go.
O.K.
In 5...4...3...
Good, Terry.
Wayne, Garth, don't count along.
We see your mouths moving. Again.
In 5...4...3...
Guys?
You're nodding.
Once again, Terry.
In 5...4...3...2...
Welcome to Wayne's World. Party on, Garth.
Party on, Wayne.
We got a new feature on Wayne's World
which allows us to travel through time and space.
It's called chromakey, and it's really handy
if you want to go to...New York.
We're in New York!
I got a gun. Let's go to a Broadway show.
I guess kids get this?
Oh, they love it.
Or maybe you prefer Hawaii.
Muka laka hickey. Come on, you wanna lay me.
Pass the poi. Mahalo.
Or say you want to go to Texas.
Howdy, partners. Let's raise and rope broncos.
Let's go down to the floor.
Howdy, y'all.
Or imagine being magically whisked away to...
Delaware.
Hi.
I'm in Delaware.
Noah and Mimi Vanderhoff,
say hello to Wayne Campbell and Garth Algar.
Pleasure to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Garth, how do you like being in a real studio?
It's like a new pair of underwear.
At first it's constrictive,
but after a while, it becomes a part of you.
I got to go.
O.K.
No, no, no. Please.
Wayne, I used to be in meat packing.
Lips and hooves.
One day, I had a four-hour layover in Tulsa.
These kids in the airport kept pumping quarters
into a game called Pong.
They must've gone through 50 bucks.
I sat there watching
and said, "Hell, I'm in the wrong business."
15 years later, I'm a millionaire.
It's so huge.
Thanks.
Do I frighten you?
No.
Do you want me to?
Noah, I love you on that couch.
You think?
Noah does all his own commercials.
Yeah, I got a new one where I rap.
Come bust a move where the games are played
It's chill, it's fresh
It's Noah's Arcade
What do you think of that?
I'd have to say...
ass sphincter says what?
What?
A sphincter says what?
What?
Exactly.
We've got a lunch.
That's what I think of it.
It's been a pleasure.
May I say I've had a thrilling day.
You may.
Shall we?
And may I say your wife's a babe.
Thank you.
We have a table.
[ Woof Woof ]
What is it, girl?
[ Woof ]
Aliens have kidnapped Wayne?
[ Woof ]
Oh, I misunderstood. Wayne's outside.
Thanks, girl.
O.K.
Game on.
Game on.
Game on.
He shoots, he scores!
1 for 1.
Crowd is going wild!
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car. - Car.
Game on.
Game on.
O.K., let's go.
Worsley cuts down the angle.
Gretzky shoots!
Oh, Gretzky is denied!
Choked on the open net.
Wayne?
Yeah?
Do you feel Benjamin's not one of us?
Good call. It's as if Benjamin
wants us to be liked by everyone.
Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that everyone liked.
They left that to the Bee Gees.
[ Honk Honk ]
- Car. - Car.
Game on.
Game on.
Uh-oh. Incoming. Stacy, 10:00.
Hi, Wayne.
Hi.
Hey, are you all right?
Oops.
[ Wayne ] And she's O.K.
Game on.
Yeah, game on.
[ Electric Motor Whines ]
You know, Garth,
you and I have never really talked.
O.K.
You know, I love what you do on the show.
I look at you, and I just laugh and laugh.
Uh-huh.
Let me run this by you
because you're a sharp guy.
I'm thinking about giving Vanderhoff
a weekly interview on the show.
How would you feel about making a change?
We fear change.
[ Electric Motor Starts ]
[ Motor Slows Down And Stops ]
Cassandra, I have to say it--
You look excellent.
Thanks. I've been so busy lately with my band,
I thought I was getting meningitis.
I thought I had mono for an entire year.
It turned out I was just really bored.
You're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Excuse me?
I'm sorry. It's the last song I heard this morning.
I hate when that happens.
Hey, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey
Hey, Mickey, you're so fine
You're so fine, you blow my mind
Hey, Mickey
I think I'm going to put on some tunes.
Hey, when did you get the CD player?
When we got the money.
So big boy said you are bad news
We're tired of mama bein' confused
It's plain to see we rock 'n' roll
If you don't like it, got to move
There it is--
Excalibur.
Wow. '64 Fender Stratocaster in classic white
with triple single coil pickups and a whammy bar.
Pre-CBS Fender corporate buy-out.
I'd raise the bridge, file down the nut,
and take the buzz out of the low "E."
God, I love this woman.
[ Chimes Clang ]
Hi, Garth. Where's the clerk?
I know. I'll use the "May I help you" riff.
[ Heavy Metal Riff ]
May I help you?
Yes, my good man.
I'd like to look at this Fender Stratocaster, please.
Oh, really? Again?
Yes.
Careful.
No Stairway.
Denied!
Wow.
You're...amazing, dude.
Thanks.
I like to play.
[ Ting ]
Excuse me. Wayne.
Can I put the Fender back now, please?
Not today, my good man. I'm feeling saucy.
I think I'm going to buy it.
Do you accept... cash? Cha-ching.
Have you spoken to Wayne about the Vanderhoff spot?
Yes. Briefly. He was not very receptive.
Oh, really? Well, I'll explain to him that it's not a choice,
that it's in his contract.
Oh. Well, Wayne will understand that right away.
Not.
Excuse me.
I mean, there's two Darrin Stevens, right?
Dick York, Dick Sargent.
Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice.
Well, hold on.
Dick York. Dick Sargent.
Sergeant York. Wow, that's weird.
Wayne.
Listen, we need to have a talk about Vanderhoff.
The fact is, he's the sponsor
and you signed a contract guaranteeing him
certain concessions, one of them being a spot on the show.
That's where I see things just a little differently.
Contract or no, I will not bow to any sponsor.
I'm sorry you feel that way,
but basically, it's the nature of the beast.
Maybe I'm wrong on this one,
but for me, the beast doesn't include selling out.
Garth, you know what I'm talking about, right?
It's, like, people only do things because they get paid,
and that's just really sad.
I can't talk about it anymore. It's giving me a headache.
Here. Take two of these.
Ah. Nuprin.
Little. Yellow. Different.
You can stay here in the big leagues
and play by the rules
or go back to the farm club in Aurora.
It's your choice.
Yes. And it's the choice of a new generation.
[ Imitating Paul McCartney ] And her name was Cassandra
Yeah.
Anything wrong, Davey?
Yeah. I got paid today.
Oh, yeah, I know what that's like.
No. You don't understand. They laid me off.
I got one of these.
I know how that feels.
Know what I'd like to do?
Yeah, I know what you'd like to do--
Find the guy that did it,
rip his still beating heart out of his chest
and show him how black it is before he dies.
Actually, I was thinking
about filing a grievance with the union.
Well, the world's a twisted place.
Hi.
- Hey, Garth. - How's it going?
Good.
Hey. There she is.
[ Tchaikovsky's Romeo And Juliet Fantasy Overture Plays ]
Aah!
I must've slipped.
Wayne, um... what do you do
if every time you see this one incredible woman,
you think you're going to hurl?
I say hurl.
If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
If you spew and she bolts,
it was never meant to be.
Oh...I'm not ready yet.
I got to be comfortable with me first.
[ Cassandra ] Why don't you just go talk to her?
Talk to her? Talk to her?
[ Jimi Hendrix's Foxy Lady Begins ]
Foxy.
Foxy.
Uh, you know you are a
Cute little heartbreaker
Ha!
Foxy.
Yeah.
And you know you are a
Sweet little lovemaker
Ha!
Foxy.
I wanna take you home
Yeah
I won't do you no harm
You've got to be all mine
All mine
Ooh! Foxy lady
Here I come, baby.
I’m comin' to get ya.
Why don't you just go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Go talk to her?
Garth?
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one.
Camera two.
Camera one, camera two.
Camera one,
camera two.
Ha ha ha! Don't.
Camera one,
camera two.
[ Giggling ]
Tell me...when that first show is over,
will you still love me when I'm an incredibly humongoid, giant star?
Yeah.
What about when I'm in my hanging-out-with-Ravi-Shankar phase?
Yeah.
And when I'm in my carbohydrate-sequin-jumpsuit,
young-girls- in-white-cotton-panties,
waking-up-in-a-pool- of-your-own-vomit,
bloated, purple, dead-on-a-toilet phase?
Yeah.
O.K. Party. Bonus.
[ Telephone Rings ]
Yeah?
Oh, hi, Anthony.
Who's Anthony? Who's Anthony?
My drummer.
O.K.
You what?
No. I told you next week
we'll be doing a music video.
Do you mind? This is business.
Hey, you want to be a busboy the rest of your life?
Well, then talk to your boss.
Look, this guy Benjamin's putting up serious money for this thing.
Yeah.
[ Imitating Marilyn Monroe ] Happy birthday
Mr.President
Happy birthday
To you
Work it out, O.K.?
Just-- no, just be there.
O.K. Bye.
You asshole!
Oh!
Whoo!
Excellent.
Rrr! Rrska, rrska! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
So motion to me
That you wanted me
Hey. All right. Glad you could make it.
Oh, wow.
Yes.
Cool.
Yes. This is definitely
the type of place I'm going to get
when I move out of my parents' house.
Oh, you have a terrace!
Yeah. Go on out.
I'll get the Dom Perignon.
What's goin' on...
What floor is this?
Um...the 23rd.
Oh.
Oh.
You know...
Cassandra...
from this height,
you could really hawk a lugie on someone.
[ Prepares To Spit ]
I feel so free up here.
Costs a lot to live this free.
[ Wayne ] This might be a tangent, right,
but it's something I've been thinking about...
Hi. If I had a girl like Cassandra,
I wouldn't bring her here.
I mean, look at this place.
This is a fully functional babe lair.
Chicks are helpless against its powers.
Let's check it out.
I don't believe I've ever had French champagne before.
Oh, actually, all champagne is French.
It's named after the region.
Otherwise, it's sparkling white wine.
Americans, of course,
don't recognize the convention,
so they call all their sparkling whites champagne,
even though by definition they're not.
Ah, yes. It's a lot like Star Trek: The Next Generation.
In many ways, it's superior,
but will never be as recognized as the original.
Aha. What's this?
How To Pick Up Chicks.
How To Meet Women.
He's smooth.
Aha.
"Daily reminder--
"Thursday.
"Purchase feeble public access cable show
and exploit it."
Whoa. I feel sorry for whoever that is.
Let's look over here.
"Ribbed for her pleasure."
Ewww!
The show looks great.
Mr.Vanderhoff's very excited. I'm very excited.
I think the show's going to be a huge hit
all over the Chicagoland area.
I want you and Garth to have these tickets
to Alice Cooper's concert
tomorrow night in Milwaukee.
Wow. Backstage passes.
Whoa. All-access backstage with Alice Cooper?
Thank you.
Take the day off. Enjoy yourselves.
Well, what about Cassandra?
She and I have work to do.
Here's to your success.
No. Here's to Benjamin.
Mmm-- who wants Chinese takeout?
I know a great place.
I'll have the cream of sum yung guy.
Mmm!
Cassandra, why don't you order?
No. I'm sure whatever you order will be fine.
Oh. O.K.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
Mountain Dew.
Pepsi Cola.
[ Speaking Cantonese ]
This guy is good.
Picked up a little Cantonese while in the orient.
You sound a lot like you're from Kowloon Bay as opposed to Hong Kong.
I was born in Kowloon Bay.
There you have it.
This guy's really good.
Well, I want to tell you about me
I asked you to stay
And still you leave
Well, I may look lonely and blue
But I've been here waitin' for you
And I
Want an answer or two
Why you wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you wanna break my heart?
Ooh, ooh, why you wanna break my heart?
Sounds great!
Thanks.
You got a minute?
Sure. You guys hang out.
I came by to drop off the contract for the video.
Oh, great. I never really got a chance
to say thank you. You've been very generous.
It's been my pleasure.
Listen, I thought if you were done here
that maybe we could spend the afternoon together.
Take a long, long ride with yourself
We should be pretty close to Milwaukee by now.
Take a long, long ride with yourself
Do you like what you see...
Look! There's Shotz Brewery!
Cool!
1, 2, 3, 4,
5, 6, 7, 8...
schlemiel,
schlemazel.
Hausenpfeffer Incorporated.
We're gonna do it
- Aah! - Aah!
Give us any chance, we'll take it
Read us any rule, we'll break it
We're gonna make our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Nothing's gonna turn us back now
Straight ahead and on the track now
We're gonna make our dreams come true
Doin' it our way
Hey, wait a minute. What are we doing?
Yeah! We got backstage passes for Alice Cooper!
Feed my Frankenstein
[ Cheering ]
Well, I ain't evil
I'm just good-lookin'
I started the fire
Baby, start cookin'
I'm a hungry man
But I don't want pizza
I'll blow down your house
And then I'm gonna eat ya
Bring you to a simmer
Right on time
And run my greasy fingers
Up your greasy spine
Feed my Frankenstein
Do you want to go backstage?
She's a psycho
Yeah. Let's go back now and beat the crowd.
Feed my Frankenstein
Hungry for love
And it's feedin' time, baby, whoa, whoa
Oh, yeah
Feed my Frankenstei-ei-ein
Where you going?
Got a pass.
- Yay! - Backstage passes, yeah!
- Whoo! - Yeah!
Whoo! Ha ha ha!
Feed my Frankenstein
Uh-oh. I think we took a wrong turn,
'cause we're outside now.
Whoa! Look!
Is this Alice's limo?
No. It belongs to Frank Sharp,
head of Sharp Records.
Good friend of Alice's.
Wow. That's, like, way bigger
than a normal size car.
Well, it has to be. He drives everywhere.
Hates to fly.
He's going across the country right now
to look for new acts to sign to his label.
Next stop is St. Louis.
Then he'll come back through Chicago on his way to Detroit.
Thanks.
You know, for a security guard,
he had an awful lot of information, don't you think?
[ Cheering ]
[ Cooper ] Thank you, Milwaukee!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, ladies.
Sorry, ladies. I'm sorry. No--
Oh, you got pass-- all right. Come on.
Let us through, please!
Can't let you in. Sorry.
Please? Aw...
Alice. Is this cool?
Yeah. Come on in.
Sorry to bother you,
but we had to tell you how much we enjoyed the show,
didn't we, Garth?
Y-Y-Y...
Oh. Thanks.
We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
My name is Wayne, and this is Garth.
Ehhh...
Nice to meet you guys.
So do you... come to Milwaukee often?
Well, I'm a regular visitor here,
but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors.
The French missionaries and explorers
were coming here as early as the late 1600s
to trade with the Native Americans.
Isn't Milwaukee an Indian name?
Yes, Pete, it is.
Actually, it's pronounced meeleewahkay,
which is Algonquin for the good land.
I was not aware of that.
One of the most interesting aspects of Milwaukee
is the fact that it's the only major American city
to have ever elected three socialist mayors.
Does this guy know how to party or what?
Huh? Huh?
Oh.
O.K. Well, we got to get going.
No. Stick around. Hang out with us.
Cool. Yeah, we'll stay and hang around with youse...
with Alice Cooper.
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're not worthy!
We're scum!
We suck!
Our first big show.
We almost didn't make it.
I really hope Cassandra's watching.
Oh, yeah, perfect. Whatever it costs--
- How's it going? - Hi, guys.
Well, tonight's the night.
A lot of people in the Chicagoland area
will be watching the show.
I already know it's going to be a hit.
I'll be in the booth.
Mr.Vanderhoff will be your first guest.
Oh, hi, boys.
What the hell is this?
Can we fly in the sign, please?
That's it. Bring her down.
- Wha-- - Oh...look.
Don't tense up. You'll be great.
Garth, have you got a second?
Uh...Wh...
Simply read the cards.
You're going to be wonderful. Really.
O.K.?
Oh, Russell...
can I borrow your marker?
I, uh...I need to make some notes.
Good luck.
My guys.
You're my guys!
Your name is pronounced Algar, right?
O.K.
Wayne!
They'll be fine.
Good.
- Stand by... - This is it, honey.
In 5...
4...
3...
Wayne's World is brought to you by Noah's Arcade.
Party on, Wayne.
Hey!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
It's Friday. It's 11:30. It's time to party
with your excellent host Wayne Campbell,
and with him, as always, is Garth.
Party on, Wayne, and party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
O.K. Welcome to Wayne's World.
Party on, Garth.
I guess.
O.K. O.K., first of all,
we'd like to take a moment here on Wayne's World
to welcome our sponsor.
He's the owner of a fine chain of Noah's Arcades--
Noah Vanderhoff. Nice name...
not.
Now, uh, Mr.Vanderhoff...
He's using the cards. Yes!
I told you he'd fall in line.
What is your most popular video game right now?
Uh, Desert Storm Commando Warrior.
- Ha ha ha. - Ha ha ha.
That would have to do with that limited skirmish in the Middle East.
Yes.
What the hell's he doing?
[ Wayne ] Aren't there long lines for your more popular games?
Well, at Noah's Arcade, we like to say
there's two of everything, so there's never a line.
Ha ha.
O.K. Now, tell me, Noah, I've always wanted to know--
What is the difference between Pac-Man
and Ms.Pac-Man, really?
Well, she has a bow on her head.
That's it?
- Ha ha! - Ha ha!
Get right out of town.
No, that's it.
Heh heh.
- Ha ha ha! - Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Thank you for being on Wayne's World.
It was informative and stimulating.
Now a word from our sponsor.
We're at commercial.
Oh, that was fun.
I'll see you next week.
I hope.
Wayne, could you come to the booth, please?
Oh, honey, you were incredible.
I think it went really well.
Absolutely. There was a huge response up in that little room.
Those phrases were not on the cards when I gave them to him.
Wayne. What the hell is going on?
What are you doing?
Same thing we always do.
You've publicly humiliated the sponsor.
Yeah.
You're fired.
Fired? For that?
Yeah. Right. I'm out of here,
and I'm taking my show with me.
We own the show.
Aw, bite me.
O.K.
Are we back?
Stand by.
Coming back?
And go.
5...
4...
3...
I'm having a good time...
not.
Ever see that scene in Scanners when that dude's head blew up?
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
[ Telephone Rings ]
Hello.
Hello.
It's Benjamin.
Oh, hi.
Uh, listen, did you see the show tonight?
I was working, so I only saw the first part,
but I laughed my ass off.
We had some technical difficulties,
and we're still playing with the format, but...
has Wayne talked to you?
About what?
Why? Are you canceling my video?
No. In fact, I called to make sure we're still on.
Well, we got a deal, right?
Absolutely.
I'll see you in Chicago.
O.K.
Bye.
You really pissed me off tonight.
Garth, you've never been mad at anything in your life.
But you shouldn't have walked out on the show.
I handled it O.K.,
but you shouldn't walk out on your friend
without telling him first.
I have to run everything by you now?
Yeah, you have to run everything by me now.
What am I, some sort of chimp
with you as always is Garth?
Jim to your Marlin Perkins?
You know, Benjamin had you so snowed.
You know what? He's got it for Cassandra.
No way.
Way.
Yeah! Cassandra's not interested.
As if.
O.K., pop quiz--
Cassandra is not interested in Benjamin because:
A) chicks think he's handsome;
B) has cool car;,
C) has lots of cash;
D ) has no visible scars;
E) does not live with parents.
O.K., how about-- F) you're a gimp.
You know what you can do with your pop quiz?
You know what you can do with your show?
You can take a flying...
[ Jet Engine Roars ]
Until the handle breaks off
and you have to find a doctor
to pull it out again.
Kiss your mother with that mouth?
You've gone mental.
I'm getting out of here, Damien.
- Fine, then. Go. - I'm gone.
Go, then.
- I am. - Go.
- I'm gone. - Go, then.
I am.
Where you been?
I waited up for you last night,
and you never showed.
Where are you going?
Chicago. Benjamin set up the video shoot.
I'll be there for three days.
I guess Benjamin will be there, too.
He's producing it.
And what does that mean?
He's been paying you a lot of attention lately.
Well, maybe he thinks I've got some talent.
Maybe he's pokin' ya.
What?
You think that's the way I get a gig?
First he screws me, then he screws you.
It's Dutch door action.
Could you be any more insulting?
Yeah.
I think you better leave.
Fine. I'm out of here.
Oh, man.
What the hell's going on?
I lost my show, I lost my best friend,
I lost my girl.
I'm being shit on, that's all--shit on.
And do you know what really pisses me off?
Where are you going?
O.K., O.K., come on back.
Things aren't as bad as they seem.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dump on you.
I'll figure something out.
O.K.?
Hey, Mr.Doughnuthead man, who's trying to kill you?
I don't know, but they better not.
If you stab a man in the dead of winter,
steam will rise up from the wounds.
That's not good! I'm not happy!
Oh, no!
Indians believed
it was his soul escaping from his body.
Right, Glen.
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Reee! Reee! Reee!
Hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry about what I did...
Buds?
Buds.
Officer Kuharski.
Damn shame how they screwed up your show.
It was a nice little program.
Not that I ever watched it.
Here you go.
So, uh, how you doing?
'K., s'pose.
Just wish I had Cassandra back.
She's in Chicago shooting a video with "Bun-ja-mun."
So, uh...
[ Slurping ]
What are you going to do?
I don't know.
I do have one plan.
What are you going to do with these guys?
Oh, nothing, really.
I just always wanted to open a door to a room
where people are being trained
like in James Bond movies.
Wicked.
I think you should just go get Cassandra.
I just don't think she wants me to.
Let me tell you a little something
I've learned about women.
They want you to come get them.
They love it.
I just wish there was something I could offer her
that Benjamin couldn't.
You'll think of something.
Wait a minute.
No.
Wait a minute.
Hmm.
Wait a minute!
I know--
The guy in the limo, Mr.Big,
the owner of Sharp records.
If we could just get him to listen to Cassandra play.
Halt. Halt.
The security guard at the concert said
Mr.Sharp was driving back through Chicago on Friday.
That's right. Wow.
Aren't we lucky we were there
to get all that information?
It seemed extraneous at the time.
O.K., first I'll access the secret military spy satellite
that's in a geosynchronous orbit over the Midwest.
Then I'll I.D. the limo by the vanity plate "Mr.Biggg"
and get its position.
Then I'll reposition the transmitter dish in the remote truck
to 17.32 degrees east,
hit Westar 4 over the Atlantic,
bounce the signal down into the Azores,
up to Comsat 6,
beam it back to Satcom 3 transponder 137,
and down to the dish on Mr.Big's limo.
It's almost too easy.
We can only pray
he's watching television in his limo
at that exact moment.
We'll need help.
- We'll help. - We'll help.
You get Cassandra! We'll do the rest!
To the Mirthmobile!
Yeah!
- Whoo! - Whoo!
[ Honking ]
O.K., this is a take, everybody.
I think the snake fell asleep!
Uh...
Playback!
[ Music Plays ]
Looking good.
Ain't got no reason for reaction
No
Ain't got no reason for distraction
I love the way that you love me, baby
Love the way that you stare
Ooh, the way that you tease me, baby
Ooh, touch me
Yeah
Touch me
This snake weighs a ton.
It looks great on you.
I'm coming down now.
I'm telling you, you're hot.
[ Heavy Metal Music Plays On Radio ]
[ Radio Stops Playing ]
Yes, Officer? Is there something wrong?
Have you seen this boy?
Aah!
Aah!
You know, you're exactly right.
Why leave the hotel?
We'll have dinner sent up,
you can have a hot bath,
and I'll make some calls.
Cassandra!
We have to talk.
I don't want to talk to you.
I don't want to talk to you.
I've set up an audition for your band.
My show's coming back. You've got to be on it.
Go home.
I'm not going anywhere.
Cassandra, I love you.
You may not believe it, but I love you.
Am I supposed to just turn my back and leave?
Am I supposed to be a man?
Am I supposed to say,
"That's O.K. I don't mind."
I don't mind.
Well, I mind!
I mind big time!
And you know what the worst part of all is?
I never learned to read.
Is that true?
Yes. Everything except the reading part.
Very nice speech, Wayne.
We're very busy.
Of course. Her music video.
Very clever.
But where is her band?
- Hi, Wayne. - Hi, Wayne.
Oh, hi, guys. I didn't see you there.
Well, I guess you've thought of everything, huh?
Nothing left for me to do but just go home.
Bye-bye, Wayne. It's bedtime.
But both you and I know
that there is no film in this camera.
Jimmy!
Wayne...
go home.
Sometimes people outgrow one another.
It's very sad,
but you can't let it drag you down.
Is that you... or the snake?
Campbell, wait up!
Cassandra, I know I don't have his looks,
I know I don't have his money,
I know I don't have his connections,
his knowledge of fine wines,
I know sometimes when I eat
I get this clicking sound in my jaw--
Shut your yap and get in the car.
Excellent.
[ Woof ]
That's right, girl.
Mr.Big's limousine is right where we want it.
[ Theme From Mission: Impossible Plays ]
Gentlemen, this is it.
Let's go.
Down now!
[ Panting ]
Wait up, guys. I fell on my keys.
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
Freeze!
Oh, hi, Russell.
How's it going?
Hold it right there. Hey! Hey!
Watch where you're pointing that thing.
Give me the flashlight, Russell.
You can help us, Russell.
No! I'm supposed to stop you.
W-w-what are you going to do,
be Benjamin's monkey boy
the rest of your life?
Benjamin's my friend.
No.
Benjamin is no one's friend.
If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor,
he'd be pralines and dick.
It's O.K.
He's going to be...
O.K.
Hi.
- Hi. - How's it going?
I love you, man.
I know.
No, you don't.
I...love you, man.
I know.
Just say thank you.
Hey!
Thank you.
All right.
I understand you're doing your job,
but I'm very late.
Would you mind placing your hands on the hood, son?
There's just one other thing I've got to check.
Wayne's World, Wayne's World
Party time
Excellent
[ Guitar Riff ]
O.K, this is a special Wayne's World, O.K.?
It's for an audience of one.
So, Mr. Frankie Sharp of Sharp Records,
if you're watching and you like what you see,
we're at 2234 Pine Way in Aurora, Illinois.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Cassandra and Crucial Taunt!
Yeah! Whoo!
Well, it's been gettin' so hard
Livin' with the things you do to me
My dreams are gettin' so strange
I'd like to tell you everythin' I see
I see a man at the back,
as a matter of fact,
his eyes are as red as the sun,
and a girl in the corner let no one ignore her,
'cause she thinks she's the passionate one.
Oh, yeah!
It was like lightning
Everybody was frightening
And the music was soothing
And we all started grooving
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said, everyone attack
And it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
I'm reachin' out for somethin'
Touchin' nothin's all I ever do
I softly call you over
When you appear
There's nothin' left of you
Now the man at the back is ready to crack
as he raises his hands to the sky,
and the girl in the corner is everyone's mourner.
She could kill you with a wink of her eye.
Oh, yeah
It was electric
So frightfully hectic
And the band started leaping
'Cause they all stopped breathing
Yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
And the man at the back said, everyone attack
And it turned into a ballroom blitz
And the girl in the corner said, boy, I wanna warn ya
It'll turn into a ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Ballroom blitz
Waaa...
Ow!
Waaaow!
Whoo!
Yeah!
Ha ha ha ow!
Hi. I'm Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records.
I saw your performance in my limo.
I've seen a lot of acts in my day,
and although you're extremely beautiful,
I just think it's the wrong time.
I'm sorry.
You screwed my career.
I always knew you were small-time.
Wayne, I'm pregnant.
That's why I've been so moody.
Whoa!
Look! Fire!
Let's get out of here!
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Why, God?
Why?
Last night was the most incredible night
of my life.
You were terrific.
You didn't really think
she'd end up with Wayne, did you?
[ Skidding ]
As if.
As if we'd end the movie like that. Yeah!
Let's do the Scooby-Doo ending.
Good call.
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
Hi. Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records.
I just saw your performance in my limo.
Wow! We got through.
Well, that wraps it up,
but there's one last thing.
Let's just see who you really are, mister.
It's Old Man Withers, the guy who runs the haunted amusement park!
I would have got away with it
if it hadn't been for you snooping kids!
[ Imitates Scooby-Doo ] Good one, Shaggy.
Excellent Scooby-Doo ending.
I think we should do the megahappy ending.
The megahappy ending. That's doable.
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo! Doodle-oo!
[ Music Plays ]
Waaaow!
I'm Frankie Sharp, Sharp Records.
I saw your performance in my limo.
I must tell you, it was terrific.
In fact, I think it's so good,
I'm going to give you a six-album deal.
See you in my office.
I love you, Wayne.
I love you, Cassandra.
I love you, Garth.
I love you, dreamwoman.
You know, ever since I did your show,
kids are looking at me in a whole new way.
I love you, man.
And I love you,
because I've learned
that Platonic love can exist between two grown men.
And I've learned something, too.
I've learned that a flawless profile,
a perfect body,
the right clothes, and a great car
can get you far in America-- almost to the top--
but it can't get you everything.
Isn't it great that we're all better people?
- Fishnet! - Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Fishnet!
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth that they wanna meet
We're in the basement playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it, you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Excellent movie. All right.
Yeah. Good one.
Well, that's all the time we have for our movie.
We hope you found it entertaining,
whimsical and yet relevant,
with an underlying revisionist conceit
that belied the film's emotional attachments
to the subject matter.
I just hope you didn't think it sucked.
O.K. So thank you for coming.
Good night and party on.
Party on, Wayne.
Party on, Garth.
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental when we go down the street
It's Wayne and Garth that they wanna meet
We're in the basement playin' with our toys
Oh, if you do not like it you're a sphincter boy
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
We might grow old, we might get in a rut
Yeah, right, and monkeys might fly out of our butts
The right to party is a battle we have fought
So we'll surrender and go Amish...not!
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Wayne's World
Wayne's World
It's party time
It's excellent
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
Chicks go mental
You know, I don't think
anyone's going to tell us when to leave.
Yeah. Good call, Garth.
I'll bet we're just going to sit here,
and when they're finished,
they'll fade to black.
I can't believe they did that.
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