Whos Harry Crumb
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Good morning. Crumb & Crumb[br]Detective Agency. Please hold.
Yes, he'll be with you[br]in just a minute.
Mr. and Mrs. Downing?
- P.J.[br]- How are you, Eliot?
We still haven't heard anything.
Well, it only happened yesterday.
The kidnappers are probably[br]as scared as you are.
I don't care what they want.[br]Iīll pay anything.
You've alerted the police.
Detective Casey's good,[br]very good.
- We want you.[br]- Look...
she's your daughter.
I can understand your wanting to rely[br]on a private investigator...
but I don't have anyone who can give it[br]the kind of attention it needs.
It's not what[br]I want to hear, Eliot.
There is one possibility.
- Harry Crumb.[br]- Who's Harry Crumb?
He is one of them.
First, there was Augustus Crumb,[br]who founded the agency.
Then there was his son,[br]Lionel Crumb...
perhaps the most brilliant detective[br]of his time.
It was Lionel-- God rest his soul--
who entrusted me with the day-to-day[br]operations of Crumb & Crumb.
- What about this Harry Crumb?[br]- Lionel's only offspring-- pure genius.
He's been on special assignment[br]in the Midwest.
I may have to pull some strings,[br]but I may be able to convince him.
Heīs the last in a long line[br]of great detectives.
He's good, huh?
Oh, heīs better than good.[br]He's a Crumb.
Think, think, think.
Yeah. Now I've got ya.
Oh, yeah? lf you're not cheating on me,[br]whose socks are these?
I've never seen those before.
I get the feeling every time[br]I walk out that door...
someone's gonna come in here[br]and take my place...
sleep in my bed...
and sit in my chair.
It's for you.
Hi. How ya doing?
Nice to see you.[br]Nice people, very nice people.
- Morning, Harry.[br]- Morning, Georgie.
- Any calls yesterday?[br]- No, Harry.
- How about today?[br]- No.
But you do have a noon appointment[br]with Mrs. Maclntyre.
- Are the photos back from the lab?[br]- On your desk.
- Satin finish?[br]- Glossies.
Hold all my calls.
"One who engages in love affairs[br]frivolously or casually."
- Yes. Hello? Yes? Yeah?[br]- It's Mrs. Maclntyre!
- Send her in.[br]- Okay, Harry!
Well, did you or didn't you[br]get the pictures?
Did I get these pictures?
The tough part is not[br]getting the pictures.
The tough part is what you see...
what you learn about people.
Is that tree diseased?
- What are you talking about?[br]- There is, Mr. Crumb...
a lot of money[br]riding on this divorce.
Now, are you gonna show me[br]those pictures or not?
There's some weird things going on[br]in these pictures.
That husband of yours--
he's quite the, uh, philodendron.
- Just give me those pictures.[br]- Sure.
- You idiot![br]- Hmm?
These pictures are of me!
Let me see those!
Not so fast.
Iīve had my eye on you[br]for a while, lady.
I knew you were up to something.[br]Now here's my proof.
It was you who were having an affair[br]with your husband all along.
- What?[br]- I've uncovered low schemes before...
but hiring me to take[br]pornographic pictures...
of you and your sleazeball husband[br]is as low as it gets.
I don't believe this!
Well, believe what you want,[br]but don't believe it here.
You are a poor excuse[br]for a human being.
Crumb & Crumb,[br]serving greater Tulsa.
Yes, he is. Who, may I ask, is calling?[br]One moment, please.
It's the home office.
- Cherry?[br]- No fruit, thank you.
- Coke?[br]- No, thank you.
Mix īem together,[br]you got a Cherry Coke.
What the hell you doinī?[br]Open your eyes!
I see you've been redecorating.
Well, it's been ten years,[br]Mr. Crumb.
I guess a lot's changed.
Yes and no.
Would you like a mint?[br]I got them from the bus station.
They're very good.
- I'll show you to your office.[br]- Good.
Sugar and spice
So nice, so nice
'Cause I got you
Wow, and I feel good
I knew that I would now
So good, so good
That I got you
- Mr. Crumb?[br]- Yes?
Okay, līm coming.
Mr. Crumb, are you there?
- Yes?[br]- Mr. Draisen will see you now.
I really don't think[br]you'll run into any trouble.
Just wanted a second opinion.
- Yes?[br]- It's Harry Crumb.
- Oh, send him in.[br]- Crumb?
- You mean--[br]- That's right-- the Harry Crumb.
By the shine of your suit, the cut of[br]your shoes and the look in your eye...
you must be Eliot Draisen.
No, I'm Draisen.
Master of disguises, eh?
Good, very good.
Actually, Crumb, this is Jeffrey Brandt.[br]He's one of our top men.
Eliot tells me you share[br]my love of languages.
"Do you prefer Chinese or Japanese?"
"Obviously English is a problem too.'ī
Why don't you just check in[br]with me later, Jeff?
I'll bring Crumb up to speed[br]on the Downing case.
Crumb, do you know[br]what that is?
- An egg?[br]- Yeah.
- Well, what kind of egg?[br]- A bird egg?
It's a pterodactyl egg.
It's 90 million years old.
In the entire world,[br]only two of these have ever been found.
You know, that may be[br]worth something.
- That thought had crossed my mind.[br]- We think a lot alike.
I like a man[br]who thinks like me.
Did you bring your copy[br]of the Downing file?
No need to.[br]I've committed it to memory.
At 10:45, on the morning[br]of June 11...
Jennifer Downing was abducted[br]from room three at Suki's...
1225 North Rodeo Drive.
Her assailant chloroformed Ms. Downingīs[br]attendant, Marie Cannell...
and, it's suspected,[br]did the same to Ms. Downing.
A laundry cart was found[br]in the rear parking lot.
Traces of chloroform were present.
This, no doubt,[br]was their means of escape.
Still one thing puzzles me.
There was not one single mention[br]of the stolen jewels.
There aren't any jewels.[br]This is a kidnapping.
I gotta go.
- Hello?[br]- How's our girl?
Oh, she's nice, Mr. D.,[br]real nice.
I have to tell you one thing, Dwayne.[br]We're in better shape than we thought.
- That guy Crumb I told you about--[br]- Yeah?
I was right. The mam's[br]a complete and utter idiot.
This is excellent.
This is just plain[br]old-fashioned excellent.
Would you mind taking your free hand[br]off the doorbell?
Sorry.[br]Bit of an accident.
- You Crumb?[br]- You know who I am?
That's right.[br]Your cover's blown.
- My dad's upstairs.[br]- So, you'd have me believe...
you're P.J. Downing's[br]daughter, huh?
I happen to know that P.J. Downing's[br]daughter was kidnapped 72 hours ago.
I'm Nikki, the other daughter.
Of course you are.[br]Itīs just that I was told...
that P.J. Downing's daughter[br]was a beautiful young woman...
so I momentarily[br]mistook her for you.
What a schmooze.
Yes, it is Jennifer Downing[br]līm here to find.
And find her...
You get paid for this?
- Usually, yeah.[br]- Mr. Crumb...
so nice to meet you.
- And you must be--[br]- Helen Downing.
And then some.
Off to play tennis again?
As you can imagine,[br]these are trying times.
We do what we can[br]to get through them.
But we don't have to enjoy it.
I think it's time[br]I see your father now.
Oh, Harry Crumb.[br]It's nice to--
Please, sit down.[br]Continue what you're doing.
Ordinarily, this is[br]one of my great pleasures.
Today, it's just a way[br]to keep my mind off Jennifer.
A sad situation.
Kidnappings always are.
But they are less sad to me...
because I have yet to meet[br]a kidnapper I could not outwit.
Eliot Draisen says[br]you're the best.
Indeed, he sounds[br]like a smart man.
I'd like to meet him someday.
Didn't he send you here?
- Isn't that a marabou muddler?[br]- Yes. Are you a fly fisherman?
Fishing is my life.
There's a feeling[br]between man and fish...
an intimate connection[br]between fish and fisherman.
A special understanding.
You know, the whole[br]fish/man thing.
I was thinking this morning[br]about the kidnappers.
About how much more respect...
a sportsman has[br]for his quarry.
I'd do anything[br]to get her back.
Money means nothing, Mr. Crumb,[br]when it comes to your own child.
Yes, I met Nikki[br]on the way in.
Oh, she's wonderful, but Jennifer was[br]my first little girl.
- Nice fish-- very big.[br]- Thank you.
And what have we here?[br]Well--
A real beauty.
You certainly know[br]your bamboo.
Bamboo is my business.
And it's my business to know[br]what no one else wants to know.
That is the very business[br]I'm in.
- You all right, Mr. Crumb?[br]- Yes, I'm fine.
The girlīs mother--
how is she holding up?
She's their stepmother, actually.
We married a couple of years ago[br]in a moment of weakness, perhaps.
She's a very attractive woman...
but to tell you the truth, she and[br]the girls have never been that close.
- You know how it is.[br]- Yes...
I know the score of that game--
- Excuse me?[br]- I was just thinking, Mr. Downing...
I must become more familiar[br]with these kidnappers.
I must understand them.
I must think like them.
I must go to the scene[br]of the crime.
- Good day to you, sir.[br]- Good day.
We'll see you then.[br]Bye-bye.
I'm sorry.[br]What did you say your name was?
I am Deszu Djizlas.
- Could you spell that please?[br]- I don't think so. Try it with a "D."
- You say you're from New York?[br]- No, I work in New York.
- I'm from Budapest.[br]- Oh, Hungary.
No, thank you.[br]I had a falafel before I got here.
I'm sorry,[br]that's not what I meant.
- Mr. D--[br]- Djizlas.
- I'm Dennis Kimball.[br]- Dennis Kimball.
Yes. I just heard[br]you were coming.
Yes. Well, I'm here.
- He's our vice president of operations.[br]- Quality control!
Yes, that's very important[br]to us here.
So you say.
Move it, Kimball.[br]Come on.
So, what have we here?
- You don't like what you see?[br]- Only I am the judge of that.
- Of course.[br]- Of course.
The full-body mud pack is[br]one of our most popular treatments.
It tightens the pores[br]and rejuvenates the dermis.
Indulge me.[br]I will be you.
You will be the intruder. Show to me[br]exactly how it happened, please.
Well, he must have been[br]standing here...
just in back of me.
And you were applying[br]the mud like so.
He didn't make a sound.
- And you were leaning over like this?[br]- Yes.
Thatīs correct.[br]Suddenly he leapt out at me.
So, it was not as easy[br]as you said.
But you knew what I was doing.[br]That's funny.
You look different somehow.
Maybe your eyes[br]are playing tricks on me.
you always give Miss Downing[br]her mud pack?
- Well, no, it was her first time.[br]- Oh, really?
Are you saying she doesn't have[br]a regular weekly appointment?
No, that was her mother,[br]and it was Mrs. Downing's regular time.
She had given to her daughter[br]her regular appointment.
I guess she did.
One could say that Mrs. Downing knew[br]precisely where her daughter would be.
A sneaky player.
Very good. Okay.
- They won't really kill her, will they?[br]- Of course not.
That's why Mr. Crumbīs here.
I'll see you later.
Helen should know about this.[br]Tim.
Do you know[br]where Mrs. Downing is?
Well, what happens if I do?
That's all right.[br]I'll find her.
Thank you, God.
Thank you, Eliot. She's probably[br]down by the stables.
Yes, thank you, Eliot.
What do you think?
One size fits all--[br]who are they kidding?
- Would you mind?[br]- No, of course not.
Detective Casey.[br]I'd like you to meet Harry Crumb.
- I know you by reputation.[br]- My reputation precedes me.
Otherwise, I'd be late[br]for all my appointments.
You know, Mr. Downing...
I have a lot of experience[br]in these matters...
and over the years, līve developed[br]a theory about private detectives.
They're slime,[br]and without exception...
they are lazy, stupid,[br]cowardly, arrogant...
and thoroughly incompetent.
It's just a theory.
There it is.
And make sure the lab has the number[br]here in case they come up with anything.
You can have your lab inspect[br]this note as much as you want...
but they may never discover[br]what I already know.
And what is that, Mr. Crumb?
You find that crazy typewriter,[br]and you'll have your kidnappers.
The ransom note arrived.[br]They want ten million.
They'll suck him dry.
He wants to see you.
Listen, I know you're not happy.[br]I can make you happy.
Really? Stop it![br]You make me sick.
-You haven't changed since night school.[br]-I loved you then, and I still do.
I'll tell you what--
Back then, dinnet and a movie might've[br]gotten you into some girl's panties.
But it's going to take a lot more[br]than that to get into mine.
What do you want?
Don't you know?
Lots of money.
I'm working on it.
You see, P.J., I believe[br]that there's the criminal body...
and the criminal mind.
Each are separate from each other[br]in that the criminal body--
although it's a criminal,[br]doesn't know exactly what it's doing--
will commit the crime,[br]unwittingly, if you will.
The criminal mind knows exactly[br]what it's doing.
A mind that is brazen,[br]yet cowardly.
Nimble, yet clumsy.[br]Cunning, yet naive.
- Zealous--[br]- Would you get to the point!
It makes me wonder if the criminal mind[br]is actually human at all.
I believe that there's a reason[br]mankind has been lifted...
beyond the level of the animals.
Human nature is...
man's greatest triumph...
but also the source[br]of his undoing.
We all aspire[br]to our noblest instincts...
and yet, all too often,[br]we indulge our basest desires.
Just like those animals[br]that took our Jennifer.
Yes.[br]They're animals all right.
But have no fear.
The kidnappers[br]will not harm your daughter...
not while I'm nipping[br]at their heels.
Do you think these people imagine...
that they are going to get[br]what they want?
I wonder if it's ever occurred[br]to Mr. Crumb...
that there may be things going on[br]of which he is totally...
perhaps blissfully, unaware.
Unfortunately, people don't always[br]do what we expect them to.
Not criminals.[br]Not anyone.
I don't know what you thought[br]I was talking about...
but I would hope you could keep things[br]on a professional level.
- What?[br]- Please. These things...
can be so easily misinterpreted.
I think this is a good time[br]for coffee.
Oh, great. Now I suppose[br]everyone will want some.
Oh, geez, I hope that wasn't[br]as old as it looked.
You mind if I look around?
It's no wonder they took her, huh?
Do you know that when she was 14[br]she was so skinny everybody worried...
that she looked like a newt.
And now, I mean, just look at her.[br]She's perfect.
I don't know. Look at the size[br]of her head. She must be enormous.
Be easy to find...
'cause she's huge.
- Lecithin.[br]- Lecithin.
Improves slow-twitch[br]muscle response.
I always thought[br]pancakes were good for that.
Jennifer taught me[br]how to make this drink.
She tells me that's what gives you[br]that amazing figure.
Of course, the mileage may vary.
You know, it would appear[br]your mother is--
- She's not my mother![br]- Okay.
All she wants is Dad's money.[br]Money and sex. Sheīs a nympho.
She's gotta have it constantly--[br]four or five times a day.
That's why she's going out[br]with that scumball, Vince.
What a sleaze.
It would appear that your stepmother[br]presents something of a puzzle to me.
I thought maybe youīd like[br]to lend a hand.
- Like what, spying?[br]- No, not like spying.
Mote like perception[br]or observation.
- Like spying.[br]- Like spying, yes.
I just wish they would've kidnapped[br]the old cow instead.
Hmm. Well, the truth is, Nikki,[br]the kidnappers had a very good reason...
- not to take your stepmother.[br]- What's that?
One cannot kidnap oneself.
I wish we could hear[br]what they were saying.
No need to hear. I've been trained[br]in the art of reading lips.
Every word they say, I see.
Godhamn it, Vince,[br]I am suffering here.
It has taken me almost two years[br]to get him to write me into the will.
Then we spend another six months coming[br]up with a perfect plan to kill him.
And what's it all come to?[br]Some kidnappers are gonna get it all.
- Don't get so steamed.[br]- If we do not kill him now...
he is probably gonna pay those bastards[br]every penny they want.
There'll be nothing left--[br]the house, the cars, the stocks.
That's my money.
Look, we can get[br]into his car whenever you want.
You wanna do it tonight,[br]we'll do it tonight, okay?
Did they do it or not?
They're the kidnappers. We've got them[br]right where we want them.
What do you mean? We have no idea[br]where they're keeping Jennifer.
One thing we can be thankful for is...
that they signed that idiot Crumb[br]to the case.
You don't think[br]he suspects anything, do you?
No, I think he suspects he has a dick,[br]but he'd need a road map to find it.
I don't mean to be boastful...
but they're discussing my prowess[br]as a private dick.
Crumb, are you okay?
Donīt worry, Nikki.[br]I've got a firm grip.
Everything will be just fine.
Kid, where you going?
I thought you said you could do this[br]with your eyes closed.
- Shit.[br]- What now?
I just paid 34.50[br]for this shirt...
and that's with[br]my pro shop discount.
I hate it when you talk cheap.
Is that it?[br]No brakes at all?
Better. Pressure's good for regular[br]driving, but once they hit the hills--
No more Freddy the Fisherman.
Stop.[br]I like you dirty.
Say something sexy, you animal.
I gotta check in[br]with the mister.
He cares about you[br]almost as much as I do.
- Hello?[br]- How we doing, boss man?
- Fine. How's your house guest?[br]- She's a little shy.
But I can tell she likes me.
You'll get your chance.
Just control yourself till the check's[br]in the mail, so to speak.
- Damn it, Draisen, you said--[br]- Dwayne, you'll get what you want...
when I get what I want,[br]understood?
- All right.[br]- Sorry, sorry.
Yeah. Just stay there[br]till Dobson gets there.
I have identified the kidnapper.
- Do tell.[br]- Btace yourself.
You may find this[br]very hard to believe...
but the kidnapper is[br]none other than...
That hoes come as[br]somewhat a surprise to me.
I thought it would. But that is why[br]you hired me in the first place.
- Isn't it?[br]- You're right about that.
You wanna hear some more?
Helen Downing is having an affair.
She's doing the bad thing[br]with Vince Barnes...
that two-bit country-club Romeo.
Our little Helen[br]is not only a kidnapper...
she's a slut.
I thought you'd find that funny.
Oh, God, from now on,[br]līm keeping a close eye...
on our Mrs. Downing[br]and that strapping stud of hers.
You really are incredible.
I mean, just the way[br]that you handle yourself.
God forbid anything dangerous[br]should happen.
I've got a black belt in aikido[br]and the boots to match.
We'll be taking[br]the canyon drive today?
Yes, I can't stand[br]this waiting around, Henry...
sitting in the house.
I thought, perhaps,[br]a drive alone might help.
Let's go. It would be better[br]if I'm not here.
I don't believe it.
A 1936 supercharged[br]auburn 851 speedster...
with double overhead cams[br]and in cherry condition.
Youīre certainly[br]a font of knowledge.
I'm fond of many things.
One of them is keeping an eye[br]on my quarry.
I can just see him now,[br]hanging onto that wheel...
Iistening to Mozart,[br]heading down that canyon.
Heīs gonna die a happy man.
The whole trick to tailing[br]a suspect is anticipation.
Anticipation, perseverance[br]and inconspicuousness.
Do you make this stuff up[br]as you go along?
No. Iīve been so thoroughly trained,[br]I don't have to think before speaking.
So, tell me, what's it like[br]being a great detective and all?
Well, my modesty[br]prohibits me saying.
However, I can tell you what it's like[br]coming from a long line of detectives.
It was a very, very[br]big pain in the butt.
- Oh, same old family crap, huh?[br]- Yeah. You know, Nikki...
I'm not like those other Crumbs.
I'm my own Crumb.[br]You know what I mean?
But itīs different with Jennifer.
I mean, she's so good at everything,[br]and she's so beautiful.
Not that I'm jealous or anything.
Perhaps Jennifer[br]should be the jealous one.
I have this feeling.
- That he's dead?[br]- Do you think so?
To tell you the truth...
there's a way in which you and I[br]are very much alike.
We're both traveling[br]through life...
in a car with no brakes.
- My God![br]- Itīs Crumb!
- For Christ's sake, can't you lose him?[br]- He's on me like glue.
Hey, what happened[br]to inconspicuous?
Not now, my little health shake.
He's good, really good.
Can't you control this thing?
Let's see. "Runaway vehicle--
Step number one--[br]remain calm.
Step number two--[br]feather the brakes...
with a light pumping motion."
- Holy shit, that was dangerous.[br]- Danger?
Danger's my middle name.
I'm sure of it, Nikki.[br]It was no accident.
The brakes on your father's car[br]were deliberately tampered with.
One thing that puzzles me is[br]how the kidnappers knew...
I would be driving P.J.'s car.
That Vince Barnes--[br]He's craftier than I thought.
Come on, he's an idiot.
A book cover[br]is only skin-deep.
Sometimes you have to read every word[br]to get the whole picture.
I think it's time we paid[br]Mr. Vince Barnes a little visit.
Mr. Crumb, I have news.
My mechanic says the brake fluid[br]was deliberately drained.
Harry already figured that out.
In that case, the kidnappers have made[br]one fatal mistake.
- What's that, Mr. Crumb?[br]- Theyīre making me mad.
Dad, weīre gonna set up[br]a surveillance operation.
Iīm sure Mr. Crumb doesnīt need you[br]interfering with his work.
On the contrary, P.J.,[br]Nikki's been invaluable to me.
Iīm sure she means[br]to be helpful, but--
No buts about it.
Nikki has given me information[br]I couldnīt have gotten on my own.
You shouldn't underestimate her.
Yes. Well, I'll take that[br]into consideration.
You're an insightful man, Mr. Crumb.[br]A man of many talents.
It's a burden, yes,[br]but one that I can live with.
There we are.[br]There we are right here.
Good, good, good.[br]Vince Barnes.
Good, good, good.[br]That's very good to know.
Right, right![br]Combination, combination!
That's it![br]Left, right!
Come on, throw him!
Oh, boy. A thousand apologies for[br]my face hitting your fisticuffs, sahib.
- Who are you?[br]- I am Vijay from Bombay.
Bombay Air-Conditioning.[br]Let me give you my card.
When the going gets hot,[br]the hot get air-conditioning.
Itīs a cute slogan, no?
Perhaps later, but now[br]I'll fix your air-conditioning.
Now listen, Tonto. I don't know[br]if you speak American...
but I'm just gonna say this once:
Nobody told me nothing[br]about no air-conditioning repait.
Okay, I don't know anything[br]about that.
I do know this. The people[br]of this building are very hot now.
They are sweaty and disgusting.
They are all blaming you.
- Me?[br]- Yes.
I've even heard them say[br]they're talking about your dismissal.
What are you standing around for?[br]Get!
- Come on, get your butt up there.[br]- All right, I'm going.
I still don't understand why Crumb was[br]in that car. P.J. should've been dead.
Shut up. Just think of another way[br]to kill him and pour me a drink.
I got it![br]Vince's apartment is right here...
and the ventilator shaft runs[br]right alongside of it.
- Hello?[br]- Hello, Mr. Batnes.
- Yeah?[br]- You're late.
- What?[br]- Temnis lessom.
- You mean right now?[br]- That's right. I'm waiting.
Who was that?
- The club. I got a lesson.[br]- Now?
Hey, babe, I'll be back[br]in an hour.
Just like a doctor--[br]always on call.
God help us.
How you doing, Harry?
The things I do for money.
Okay, listen, you're almost there.[br]About another...
15 feet up on your left--[br]not too far.
That's easy for you to say.
What's the matter, big boy?[br]Just couldn't stay away?
What the hell are you doing here?
I might ask you the same thing.
You can't just barge in here.
Better me than your husband.
Number 9. I'm here.
The vent's too high.[br]I can barely see.
This is very low,[br]blackmailing me for sexual favors.
But what the hell.[br]Just give me a minute.
...in our own hacienda.
Servamts and seascapes[br]and champagme wishes.
And caviar dreams.
With my brains and your brown eyes,[br]we're goin' places. Big places.
We'll get the loot[br]and to straight to the airport.
I got tickets booked[br]under a false name.
- No, there's no coming back.[br]- They're giving away everything!
It's like taking candy from a baby.
- What about the girl?[br]- Forget her. We don't need her amymore.
- Not where we're going.[br]- You mean--
That's right, baby.[br]Buemos Aires.
Buenos Aires, is it?
- Great![br]- Are you sure you can handle it?
I can handle it.[br]I can handle anything.
If I were rich, would you[br]think differently of me?
What kind of girl[br]do you think I am?
Of course I would.
Hold me. Touch me.[br]Kiss me, you mad fool.
You make me feel[br]like a woman again.
What is going on in there?
Sounds like things[br]are getting a little mushy.
- It's too hot.[br]- What?
Turn on the air-conditioner.[br]It's too hot.
I can't wait, my darling.
I get the feeling there ain't nobody[br]in this crazy, mixed-up world...
who can stop us now.
It's just dribbling out.
It's a little nippy in here.
What kind of cheap place is this?
It's probably just clogged.[br]Just put it on exhaust.
What a piece of junk.
What the heck?
Stick him! Move![br]That's it! Up! Down!
All right![br]My lucky day!
Move! Sucker punch!
All right, come on.
Come to Daddy.
Come on. Jackpot!
And Kelly is the wimner[br]at 1:29 in the 11th round.
Vince, you are not listening.[br]They want the money on Friday.
This Friday. I think[br]I can buy us a little time...
but we just have to kill him[br]this weekend.
No, you don't understand.
If they don't get their money[br]on Friday, they might kill her.
Don't be such a putz, Vince.
You make an omelet,[br]you break a few eggs.
Just be there tonight,[br]you big hunk of meat.
Eliot, I have[br]something to show you.
- You do?[br]- Yes.
As a result of my clandestine[br]photo operation...
I have photographic prints[br]showing Helen Downing...
and Vince Barnes in the midst[br]of their humping activity.
- And you want me to see them?[br]- Of course.
Iīm always interested[br]in your professional opinion.
Say, is that a dog?
Why don't we just discuss this[br]in your office?
As you wish.
Come on in, Eliot.[br]Make yourself to home.
I took these yesterday.[br]I had the lab put a rush on them.
Go ahead.[br]Have a look-see.
You were photographing[br]Vince Barnes' apartment yesterday?
You haven't looked[br]at these, have you?
No. I was there.
You'd think an athletic guy like[br]Vince Barnes would have a big dingus.
But no, take a look[br]at that pathetic little...
You don't know anything[br]about this kidnapping, do you?
Quite the contrary.
The kidnappers are so unnerved by me,[br]they've had to change their plans.
What are you talking about?
See for yourself. They[br]pushed back the ransom top...
from Friday till Monday.
- This is wrong.[br]- No, it's perfect.
I believe, Eliot--
in fact, I know--[br]that at this very moment...
the kidnappers are in pain,[br]mental torment...
trying to figure out[br]my next move.
There's only one thing[br]I don't know--
what this lever does.
I don't know.[br]Maybe it's a brake.
Come on, Eliot. What kind of[br]stationary bike has a brake?
You know, Eliot, you were right.[br]That was a brake.
Go figure, huh?
- One short.[br]- Oh, please!
I hope you're not actually paying[br]this clown for his so-called services.
"So-called"?[br]See for yourself, butch.
95, 96, 97, 98...
- 99.[br]- Amazing.
Right on time. Eliot!
This is Jennifer.[br]They want the money today.
Today instead of Monday?
That's right.[br]Put the money in a suitcase...
and go to the racetrack at noon...
then wait by the phone[br]next to the jockeys' entrance.
And no police...
or they'll kill me.
Okay, Jennifer. Just relax.[br]Everything's going to be fine--
Too short to get a trace.
Iīd say you got at least[br]a 50-50 chance of livin'.
And good news--
We're going to the airport.
As long as we[br]keep track of the money...
we know where the kidnappers are.
This gives us a range[br]of up to three miles.
There is no way they'll be aware[br]of police presence.
Sounds okay to me.
As long as the police[br]stay completely out of sight...
and out of my way.
When this is all over, Crumb...
I'm gonna rip your heart out[br]and eat it for breakfast.
Take a number.
Vince, we've got a problem.
Hello, Susie? My name is Angel.
I'm a friend of Miguel.
- Give the money to Draisen.[br]- Pardon?
Give the money to Eliot Draisen.
- Who?[br]- Eliot Draisen.
- Eliot Draisen?[br]- Give him the money.
You want me to give the money[br]to Eliot Draisem?
I can barely here you.[br]Hello, man !
Speak up, for God's sake!
Use your voice.
We have a faulty connection.[br]I'm on a jockey phone.
I'm on the phone.
I'm on the phone[br]with the kidnappers.
I guess līm supposed[br]to take it from here.
So, just help me, okay?
That's my pants.[br]All right.
Hold there.[br]Wait a minute.
Good-bye, Harry Crumb.
- What now?[br]- Who said that?
It's Nikki. I thought[br]you might need me.
- What do we do now?[br]- Now we sit tight.
Thereīs no point in following them,[br]'cause we know where they're going.
The flight to Buenos Aires[br]doesnīt leave till 4:00.
We've got all the time[br]in the world.
Anh I think we're gonna need it.[br]I think I'm stuck.
I know I'm stuck.
Shit![br]What the hell was that?
- You're losing him.[br]- He's right there. Let me handle it.
We just have to get the money[br]before the kidnappers do.
Vin, just get it!
What do you think he's doing?
Do I look like[br]Mr. Friggin' Wizard?
He's doing whatever the hell[br]the kidnappers told him to do.
One, two, three!
Now anmouncimg the arrival[br]of flight 50 from New York...
arriving at gate 88.
I hate being poor.
Weīve still got each other, babe.
They say our love[br]wonīt pay the rent
Before it's earned[br]our money's all been spemt
I got you, babe
- Yeah?[br]- Hello. Helen?
Who is this? What the hell[br]do you want, Eliot?
You kidnapped her?
Well, of course I'm coming.[br]I'm out the door, you cute little man.
This jacket's too tight.[br]Those motel dry cleaners shrunk it.
Yeah, right. Says you.
Is that the money?
You know, Eliot, I have a little[br]confession of my own to make.
I'm the one who changed[br]the ransom note.
Well, I've been trying to kill P.J.[br]You know, for his money.
I guess we're just[br]two of a kind.
We're made for each other.
You shouldn't talk so loud[br]on the phone, Helen.
Give me the suitcase, pal.[br]Nice and slow.
Thank God you'te here![br]I've been so worried.
Can you believe this man[br]almost got away with our money?
I don't know, Helen.[br]I don't think I can trust you anymore.
I don't think[br]you'll be needing those.
- Flight 212 to Buenos Aires, gate 17.[br]- Right.
Flight 212 to Buenos Aires[br]now boarding.
Should be gettin' a call[br]any minute now.
Are you gonna miss me?
Metal plate in my head.
I forgot. Scooter accident[br]when I was a kid.
It doesn't hurt.
Come on !
Take it down, Nikki!
I canīt get this thing down !
Nikki, turn !
Crumb, are you okay?
Of course I'm okay!
Ladies and gentlemen, we're currently[br]number three for takeoff.
We'll be receiving[br]our takeoff clearance momentarily.
You there! Pilot!
We'll be cruising at 32,000 feet.
What the fuck is that?
Nikki, turn !
Who is that?
Crumb. Harry Crumb.
And I hereby charge[br]these two miscreants...
with the kidnapping[br]of one Jennifer Downing.
- You must be crazy, Crumb.[br]- Crazy?
Crazy like a fox.
I must warn you, Vince Barnes,[br]I have a black belt in aikido.
Just shoot him!
And the boots to match.
Thank you, Mr. Crumb.[br]Nikki says we owe everything to you.
Oh, please.[br]I had a good partner.
Didn't I tell you[br]he was a schmooze?
If it's all right, Miss Downing, we'd[br]like to ask you a few more questions.
Well, well, well. Detective Casey.[br]What about your theory now?
What can I say?
What can you say? I'll tell you.[br]You can say that you're--
It's just a thought,[br]that's all, a theory.
Donīt make a sound.
Don't think I didn't know[br]what was goin' on in your mind.
You didnīt think I could[br]figure it out, did you?
You didn't think[br]I was up to the challenge.
Now you understand.
Now you know how good I really am.
Yeah, now you know[br]the folly of your ways.
Maybe now, in front[br]of these two gentlemen...
you'll finally be man enough[br]to give credit...
where credit is due.
What do you say to that,[br]Eliot Draisen?
All right, you imbecile,[br]I confess! I did it!
I kidnapped her![br]I was behind the whole thing!
I don't know how you figured it out[br]with that witless brain of yours...
but I would rather rot in jail[br]for the rest of my life...
rather than listen[br]to one more idiotic word!
I'm forever in your debt, Harry.[br]I don't know how I can repay you.
You kind words are enough, P.J.,[br]not to mention this enormous check.
You've earned it, Harry.[br]You've given me back both my daughters.
Harry, are you sure you won't[br]come with us to Hawaii?
You'd look great in a grass skirt.
Thanks, Nikki, but a president[br]must be on call 24 hours a day.
- Good-bye, Crumb.[br]- Good-bye, Nikki.
Remember, lunch,[br]soon as I get back.
You got it.[br]Have a safe trip.
Aloha. Say hi[br]to Don Ho for me.
Excuse me, Mr. Crumb. These escrow[br]papers are waiting for your signature.
Not quite. Tell the bank[br]we want to refinance at 8%.
I need to set a date[br]for the stockholders meeting.
Set it for the 12th. That'll give us[br]a week for that tax deferral.
These are you drapes[br]for the board room, Mr. Crumb.
- No. Go with Venetian blinds.[br]- Like I suggested in the first place.
Not now. That's enough.
- San Francisco's calling on line two![br]- All right.
- Harry Crumb?[br]- Yes, this is Crumb.
- You ever been to San Francisco?[br]- Yes, līve been to San Francisco.
- The Bottoms Up Club?[br]- The Bottoms Up Club?
- Yes, I've heard of that club. It's--[br]- Oh, you've been here?
- No, I've never been there.[br]- There's been a murder.
- A murder?[br]- Yes. Can you come?
- Yes.[br]- Right away?
- Consider me there.[br]- Good.
Good luck, Harry.
Yeah, I'm gonna need it.
Looks like this one[br]could get a little rough.
Wag The Dog
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