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So you're curious. You want to know whathappened to me. That's why you desertedyour TV's and came to see me. You were welladvised. There is so much we don't know. Thousands ofmysteries allaround us. Be on yourguard. ACCUMULATOR 1 Starring Screenplay by Music Sound Recordist Edited by Set Design Production Design Produced by Have you slept with her yet? No. Then I'll try my luck this evening. But I've been warming her up for a month already! All the better! Director of Photography Directed by Come on, we'll miss it! -But our things? -She's been waiting all day! The whole country will be watching! A doctorfriend ofmine had to give the prostitutes regular check-ups, she said they were clean, looked after themselves really well. -We should get our things. -You're on! We 're conducting a survey. What do you think ofhouses ofill repute? You mean... Parliament? No, lmean brothels. Oh shit! -Are you recording this? -Yes. -As far as I'm concerned... -Justsay whatyou think. Butldon't know much aboutit, I'm sorry. -I didn't know what to say. -You were great! I wouldn't have expected any less. They jump you on the street, unexpected... -We're off to bed. -Before dinner? You bring the things in, we're too knackered. -See you in the morning. -Yeah, see you. I wasparalysed. Too weak to go down to getpissed or up to the attic to hang myself. That's when it allstarted. Ishouldgetmy strength up... Take some vitamins... Butl can't. If the headsays no, the feet won'tmove. The feet are afraid ofthe head. Only my involuntary muscles are working. The others have given up on me. ONE WEEK LATER Can you hear me? What's the matter? I've been unconscious for three days. Ofcourse ldon't know it because I'm unconscious. My body continues withoutme. Pumping 10,000 litres ofblood, 500,000,000 spermatozoa. Each day. All to no avail. Pointless withoutme. Doctor! I'm not a doctor. Hey, Mikulik! -How did you get here? -You don't look too good. -You didn't have to come. -I won't let you give up! I don't want it anymore... the young man next to me... the doctors are stumped, give it to him instead. How're you doing? D'you want it all at once? -Are you in pain? -No. Tired, eh? Don't give up, you have to live. You aren't a doctor. -I am and I'm not. -What are you doing in here? I'm just going... -I can't get the hang of it. -You're doing all right! Look, pull it out, then stick it in... Mr Mikulik! -He isn't here! He left. -Good morning! Good morning... You're a mystery, Mr Soukup. So's Mr Mikulik. Unconscious for four days and no-one knows why. We've done every conceivable test. -But we couldn't find anything. -So no more treatment? There's nothing to treat. You're healthy. -So I can go home? -Of course. Good luck! Right now? There is one small problem. We incinerated your clothes. Sorry! They wrote you off! -They found nothing wrong. -They break down your door... -Lifesaving mafia! -D'you have a spare light bulb? -There's a buzzing sound. -Does it work? Yes, but it's buzzing. -Means, it's about to give out. -Exactly. But they can take years. It's like having flu ofthe mind. Notjustbecause ofthatgirl. Idon't think abouther. Not all the time. Idon't care. I'll end up unconscious again. You asleep? -No, just unconscious. -Well, sit up and listen. This is your medical report. You're completely healthy. This is Mikulik's report. Apart from a prostate problem, he's as right as rain. Interesting...but they found you both unconscious. Mind if I help myself? So here you are lying around like a healthy corpse. Fisarek. But call me "doctor". -You said you weren't a doctor. -I'm not but it doesn't matter. I heel too. -Is that you? -Only thing my parents left me. You're a sensitive man. You can tell a lot from a photo. -That man spells trouble. -And the girl? To know what's going on -I have to cure you. -I don't want to. So die then! -So what's wrong with me? -Total loss of energy. Never had any energy. I'm a lethargic bum, always been. Every living thing has energy or nothing would work. I had some and now I haven't. That's right, like Mikulik. Keep going! Don't stop. Worst thing you could do. You're not tired, you just think you are. You want that bench because it's full of energy. It's rich wood. Exposed to the sun, the rain... ...potent young people, the bench sucks it all in. You're not exhausted. You don't need to rest. You see, it works! Up you get! I'm not going to kill myself to get better! Want to go riding? -Not really. -Aha, I understand. -Is it allowed? -Off course, sex is healthy. -D'you have a girlfriend? -I haven't had one for a while. -What d'you do in the evenings? -Watch television. Problems in bed? No, I'm used to watching in bed, with a good pillow... -I mean sex. -I watch that, too. -TV means more to you, eh? -You can't compare it. -Do I take my shorts off? -Yes, it's private. Tantric love-making techniques recommend that a woman approaching orgasm places her tongue on her palate. So that her partner can receive her post-orgasmic saliva. This enables the lovers' energy to circulate. Their bodies are joined above and below. The other way round love juices blend with saliva. This unique chemical bond produces a surge of energy. Of course it's not just sex. The man's potency is doubled, his energy increases. Since we have a man with us today, let's have go. Help each other, girls. So, what did they do to you? The works. I wouldn't mind trying it but I'm not sure... Marta would... -Can you feel it's power? -No. You're not just handling bark. The energy's there. You've got to encourage it to come to you. -I think I feel something. -Great. Like a tingling in my left hand. What about now? -It's stopped. -Let's try something else. The artist's energy still reaches us. Centuries later. -Paintings are easier for me. -Keep sucking! We paid for it! See again wood. Powerful stuff. -Don't touch the pictures! -Sorry, madam. See how she guards it? It's her energy source too. -She can also do it? -No, but she's been exposed for years. Visitors only get what's left. I'll try and get it out of her. -Got to be a way... -The hag's awashed with it. But it's against the rules. Like stealing the freshest energy from children... What would happened if I did? A balcony might fall on you or you might get run over. Remember, any bad you do comes back at you. -That one's a she-elephant! -But she's pretty. Maybe but you need a gazelle. -What about you, doctor? -Me? I'm an ark. I could transmit energy to the other side of that bridge. That reinforced concrete's a great medium. I'm concentrating but nothing's happening. Try saying: "You're mine, you must obey!" You're mine, you must obey! Great! But go easy or you'll ruin the furniture. Where's the toilet? -You going to watch or what? -I thought it was part of... No, it isn't. -The light bulb's gone. -I'll give you another one. It's OK, I know where I'm aiming. That bulb's been buzzing, trying to give up for ages. So now it has. Old wives' tales. Give it here. I'll show you something. Good trick. You've a battery somewhere. I'm the battery. Plus... minus... That's your homework. I'm coming. I'm coming. Stop that nonsense and get dressed. -Am I next? -No, you're young. You'll regain your taste for life, Mikulik couldn't. I rang him every day, told him to get out of the house. -Was he lazy? -Disappointed, lonely. His wife and daughter moved out. He couldn't handle it. I failed him. Can we go in? He's only been dead a few hours and there's nothing. A dead person always has an aura. No energy at all. -What was the cause of death? -His heart gave out. Old age. His heart was O.K. More like a total loss of energy. Look at his hand. Like he was pointing at something. What if someone sucked out his energy? -He really is pointing. -No, it just looks that way. We had to remove it when we got here. Leave his hand! I was just checking something. My father's had enough of your experiments. You might leave him alone, now he's dead! Sorry, it was stupid of me. I'd have you struck off if you were a doctor. That was quite something, eh? -It's over now. -Thank goodness. -It's behind you. -It was pretty unpleasant. -The button is behind you. -There you are! His daughter. Dr.Mikulik. -Single? -No, divorced. -A she-elephant? -No, this one's a gazelle! But she doesn't like us. It's you she doesn't like. Dawn is breaking... the veil ofmist slowly rolls back. The thistle is decked with pearls ofdawn. The spidernowgleams in the morning sun. The white cross on his back gives him his name. The sound offliesprompts him to weave his web... and the spider commences his ingenious work. The firstfilamentis spun... Eightlong legs do the task well. Six... Now, your windows face south... So we've got a south-east direction, bearing 110. It's late, stop shouting. Let's synchronise our watches. It's exactly 22: 15. What are you on about? I've a way of sending you energy. Stay on the line and I'll send a test burst. Let's try it. Open the window. -We've to take precautions. -What for? What can happened? Are you in position? -What's going on? -Someone sucked out Mikulik. A normal corpse doesn't look like that. You'll be up all night messing around. Are you at the window? Yes. Open it. I'll start the countdown. Five, four, three, two, one, now! Word and thought. It's on the way. Got some tape? Tape your hand to the receiver. There's a little more coming than I expected. You're a sensitive man, don't start going wild. We have to remain in contact. Report what you see, what you feel. -Perhaps it got lost. -It's not a telegram! -It's here. I can feel it! -Can you see it? No... Well... I don't know, perhaps... Concentrate. Will yourself! Keep calm! Well, Olda? What's happening? -I've got it! -Great. -I've got it! -Describe your feelings! Olda! It drags itsprey to its lair... -Can you hear me? -...and devours it. What was that? The TV. THE END Olda! Turn it off! Hang on! I'm coming! Olda? Feel better? It's very strange. D'you have the diagram of the television set? -In the drawer somewhere. -You sit down. -How often do you watch TV? -At home? All the time. -How often are you at home? -Almost all the time. Here's the diagram. -Ever appeared on TV? -Once, a vox-pop. -Understand it? -Not really. -Anyone...? -Never understood electricity. We're stumped then. You've two lifelines. On one a child, the other death. Quiet! I can't concentrate. You have a choice to make. -I don't get it. -Who does? Where's the TV? Forget about it. Remember, it takes pain to turn a boy into a man. -Main fuse on! -Lights on! Plugging in! -Check... -Get ready. Three, two, one, now! Here we go. We... we... teachers, now we're paidmore... But... but... everything... costs... mmmm... mmmore... He can't get his words out! As the breadwinner... Imust teach at two schools... and also speak atfunerals. -What if he's connected? -To the TV! -When they filmed him. -That's rubbish. He was captured in that medium. What would you suggest? To teach, teach, teach... -Just like Lenin said? -No, it didn't come out right. That's it for today, see you next week. NEWS And now, the late news. The situation in south-eastern Europe is still unchanged... Most of the foreign... Power andreception restored... The news willbe repeated on channel one. An adult film willbe shown at 1:40 am. How do I get out? Thank you. Out of our way! Hi, boys! Watch out! Out of the way! -Girls! -The ladies are here! It's going to be some party! Don't be a spoilsport. Are you from around here? -What did he say? -Look at the Czech subtitles! I've just been interviewed and I want to go home. Follow the spiders. -Really want to leave? -What d'you mean? You look at if you could do with some excitement. In here we've the sea, girls, everything! All you've seen on TV at your feet! May be you'll never be in here again! But I've school duties! You're just an illusion. No-one's missing you! Before being on TV I was a bellman. Without these vox-pops, ordinary people couldn't get in here. So I can be in both places at once? Let your "real self" teach. -Live off him! -What... what d'you mean? -Drain his energy! -They turned us off. We watched TV all night and didn't see anything special. -Let's see how it works for you. -No. Don't worry. You're in safe hands. -Nothing will happen. -Theoretically. You gentlemen should go now. Thanks for coming but please go now. I've had enough. We won't force you. Don't leave it here. Let the screen face the wall. -Christ, did you do that? -No, we're just passing through. Does it hurt? Hardly surprising, you've got terrible decay. -How did you find me? -In the phone book. You didn't come for treatment. I didn't even know you'd be a dentist. Now you know! Did your "clever" friend send you? He's scared I'll expose him. Rinse out your mouth. I came of my own accord, he's not my friend. -I'm through with him. -You came to tell me that? -I wanted to see you. -So take a good look! I want to talk but you keep shoving things in my mouth. That's what happens at the dentist. When you've finished, will you have coffee with me? -What d'you think? -Suppose not. May l? Thanks. I'd do anything for a piece of chocolate cake. I can't cook. -Not even an egg? -Sure, but say dumplings? -My husband... -Ex-husband... He threw some I'd made at the wall and they stuck. -Sorry, I'm spitting on you! -That's OK. -Any children? -Sorry? -D'you have any children? -Children? No. Want to see some magic? Don't try so hard. Let's just talk. You'll like it. -See my fingers? -No. -Say any number from one to five. -Three. That's so silly it's nice! Compliments of that man over there. -D'you know him? -Yeah. Can I join you? I thought, it must be you. -Slezak. -Mikulikova. Well, well. -Mind if I say something? -Depends on what it is. Olda and I have the same taste. I saw you from behind and said to myself... don't be offended... she's nothing special. But from the front we really have the same taste. When are you going back to work? -Don't know. -I hope you're not still angry. You've had your say, drunk your fill, nice meeting you. So I have. Here's you my card should you need anything. You'll be the first one I call when I go insane. Likewise. I look forward to it. -I don't have my car now. -How come? The garage's closed. Third needs attention. Don't use it that much. Four's OK, though. Will you find your way back? I'm a surveyor. Don't worry. -Keep your eyes on the road! -Sorry. D'you think nature reflects your happiness? The flowers, animals... Are you happy? Yes, I am. At least someone is. -What drew you to Fisarek? -We're not mates. He "energised" my Dad and his furniture. If you don't like him, then I won't, either. Can you believe it? Cupboards, wardrobes... Don't even try, life's complicated enough as it is. The world's as complicated as you perceive it. What you doing? Already off? I said I'd only drop you. Stay for dinner - I'll show you a waterfall. There's much to keep one here. Take it off, Snow White! I don't understand. -Done this before? -Can't hear you! Done this before? You're knock-out, dentist! Eyes, nipples, the works! When we get out. Dad was obsessed with hygiene. He made me wash my hands ten times a day. -After a while I just pretended. -Good you! Know how he beat me? With a newspaper so he wouldn't have to touch me. How did he show affection? Through a newspaper, too? No way. I never got as much as a kiss from him. It wasn't hygienic. I ought to go. OK, then. Thanks for everything, I'll pick you up tomorrow. Hope your car starts - can be a problem in the mountains. This car always starts. -Didn't I tell you. -Think it's the cold? Yes, but it helps to connect the distributor lead. Won't start if it's disconnected. Like this, no way. -Why did you do it? -You know why. But I want to hear it from you. Because I never choose the easy way out. So, make it simple. I'm in love with you. -Pleased to meet you. Name's Anna. -I know. Every TV set drains my energy. All of them. Here! -Where were we? -Got a knife? Don't worry about it. First time can be tricky. -It's not that at all. -What is it, then? Stay with me. I can feel your energy. -Like I'm a tree? -Exactly. A linden. -Marta! -What? If this doesn't persuade you, ...what will... Mr Zima, Mr Soukup. They've never met. And they came to the same conclusion. You tell her... They all do it to you. I'm sucked dry. Gentlemen, at your age! Pigs! -We're on our own in this. -I went to see the President. -Only he can stop all broadcasting. -What did he say? -Couldn't get near him. -We must hurry. Your train is about to leave and Olda has to hide. -Where are you going? -I'll hide out in the mountains. Come with me, I'll teach you how to live off the land. -I'm not going anywhere. -But I must. -Good luck. -And to you. Write to me. -It won't be easy for you. -I know. You could still make it. No, I'm staying. Something more important than your health? Yes. I'm glad you came. Thought you'd never. You men always have to make a joke of it! -I lost a glove once. -I'm always losing gloves. But my gran knitted it, so I just wore the one. My right hand was always cold. -Like with you. -Like what? -That I was missing something. -And now? Think I've found it. But I'm not quite sure. -Know what? -What? Let's get engaged or married, it doesn't matter which. Don't say that. Wait a few minutes and then let's talk. -Why? -You'll see. For the opera. Aren't we going together? Better if we meet there. This some kind of spy game? If you can't go or don't want to, give someone else the ticket. I'll be there whatever happens. -Mummy! -Hi! I missed you but I only cried under the blankets. Me too, darling... those'll make you fat. -Hi. -This is Mr Soukup - my mother. -Hello. -Pleased to meet you. -This is Anicka, my daughter. -Hi. -Hi. Want a sweet? -No thanks. Let's go. It's a bit stuffy in here. You said you didn't have any children. Yes, but I lied. It's so beautiful! And I haven't seen another soul all day! -Only nature. -Everyone likes it here. Welcome to the world before man. What about the ozone layer? Lavatory? Here you can go anywhere. In Australia they even use these for their sheep. Well I never... Come see the sitting room. It's good that people still live like this. You won't be bored here. Look. -They've got the teacher! -Lift up your arm. In the mountains. I'm going to see him. You stay here and be sure to have some wood ready... -Don't lose it. -Here's the number. -Write it down: Poprad 092... -Here's your sun cream. Beautiful Meredith, come andpray for the ones whom channel2 nevergave away. You suck energy no longer, wash andgo to bed, We 'll singyou a song when you're long dead. Vasek, you'll disappearnow butyou're fine. Vaclav's body lies a-mouldering in the grave andhis soulgoes marching on... Sleep well, our friend. Goodbye. -What can I do for you? -Remote controls. -Which TV? -All of them. -Doesn't exist. -Where's the fuse box? At the back, in the stockroom. There isn't one for all. I'll buy those you have. I can't test them cause there's no power. -Put them in a bag. -OK. -It's dark back there. -Then take a torch. -And move it. -No, don't hurt yourself for me. I'll just add this up. Even the till doesn't work. We'll do it another way. 480... 600... -500... -550... -480, 600... -The fuses don't work... -500... -The main fuse is in the hall. Wait! You'll catch cold like that. -Shall I put on my jacket? -Of course! -What about some batteries? -Yes, but hurry up. That's 2x24, two-packs... which is 48... 1... 2... 3... 4... Let me have them all. Son-of-a-bitch! -He beats me. -Hi. -Going somewhere? Take me with you! -I've just got back. Then I'll stay with you. See what he did to me. -What? -And here... -I don't want to see it. -I thought that you and l... So did I but Slezak was quicker. But I didn't want him. D'you forgive me? -Can I tell you something? -Whatever you want. Go home, please. So you want me to be fat and ugly. Well, Verdi, you certainly know how to write. Thanks, Giuseppe, my friend... Sorry, I must have caught a chill somewhere. I'm not angry, I'm glad you came. If you hadn't, it would've been my own fault. -Thank you. -It's lovely. I've also been holding something back from you. Should've told you ages ago. It's not going to be easy. -D'you still want to marry me? -Yes. Those who're going to marry Shouldn't have any secrets. I know but... Shall we go to my place? Mr Chaplin to the make-up department. I thought black people were black all over. Maybe, but I'm a mixture... Mum and Dad... All extras stay away from the colourbars. I can't read you unless you turn round. Thanks, but I'm not feeling well. Here, over here... -Better luck next time. -He is onto me. -What happened? -A police car. -You all right? -He must have been asleep. I'm getting worried about you. What's wrong? I'm just allergic to the hay. Do you need a real doctor? How could I a natural healer be allergic to nature. Our union's having a party. Will you come with me? -Of course. -Give Olda a kiss and off to bed. -Can I watch a cartoon? -Why not read a nice story? -First a cartoon, then a story. -No, only a story today. "The lnflatable Witch and the Princess who was turned into a Turtle." -You won't be scared? -No. Prince Jan and his turtle went to see the Witch. Look what's happened to the Princess. Can you help? Of course I can, young man. But in return, you have to breathe into me every day. She turned round and there was an air vent in her back. The prince took a deep breath and blew into her - it took all his strength away. Next morning he saw the witch was 20 years younger. The prince had to breathe into her again and this time he felt even weaker. Something told him that with the third breath... ...he'd breathe his last. -What's happened? -Power cut, there's a storm. -I don't have any candles. -We can't save the princess. -Wait... -She'll remain as a turtle. No she won't. I know a magic trick. You must have wires up your sleeve. You're my batteries. Plus...minus... On the third day, the witch was a young woman. She eagerly awaited her third puff. The prince said he needed some fresh air first. But he rode off to fetch his brothers, Jakub and Frantisek. Jakub blew first and the witch said: "Now you're finished!" Then Frantisek breathed into her and she screamed: "That's too much!" And the prince gave a little blow and the Witch burst. Nothing remained but a few scraps, like bits of balloon. "Thank you" said the princess, now in her own form. She kissed the prince and his brothers. Nice fairytale but couldn't it have waited until morning? That's how I'm going to do it. I'll accumulate as much energy as I can and directed it at the TV all at once. You're crazy. We don't know how it operates. You might do more harm than good. I don't care. It wants my energy. I'll send it so much that it'll burst. -Wow you'll get it? -So you think it'll work? In theory. But where will you get it from? Trees won't do it. You don't mean from people? Remember what I said... Hello? Are you there? I don't like it. I really don't like it. You're under my power, you must obey! -You going to build something? -Go away! Or are you going demolish it? Help! Farewell to you, Olda. You have to go. From all the ballerinas, actors and whores thatyou know. Smile, and don't spoil the funeral. Promise the girls some fun... Mikulik... Still alive? Who are you? It's Olda, your friend. That's good. Now we'll be together for ever. But I'm not dying, I'm only out of energy. So am l. We were cut off, I couldn't get hold of you. Don't do anything without me. I can't stop it now. Pity you can't see it. You can't move for the wood I have in here. I'm charging it, so when I direct the power it should do the trick. Remember the walkway across the bridge? I'll put the TV there and direct the entire charge at it. Olda... Just before the energy reaches the TV, I'll use the remote control to turn it on... Timing has to be right otherwise the TV'll zap me first. It'll destroy TV root & branch! -Where's the energy coming from? -From people. I'm sad to say. If you abuse people's energy it'll come back at you. I'll be in Prague at midnight. -They're all dentists? -Yes. We won't stay long, will we? In their ordinary lives they're good people. Grit your teeth and come inside. I shouldn't park on the corner... -Shall I wait? -No, I'll catch you up. All right. Doctor! Hold it there! My first flight. Tell me where they keep the parachutes. Believe it or not, there aren't any. Come and meet my crazy friend. -Let me introduce you. -Dr Stach. He'll do you a great set of false teeth! I'll be pushing up daisies before you need them! See how the whole world flies over our little country. You have to fly over us to get from Tokyo to Bangkok. -Must be quicker by boat. -This only shows our airline. Others fly from Tokyo, like Japan Air... -It's not shown here. -That's a pity. Anna... They all like you here. Think so? But there's one who really likes you. Who could that be? The one who leaves you now in order to remain with you forever. He's a strange one. He takes off mysteriously. At the opera, he spends most of his time going to the toilet. he collects wood without explaining why. Says he'll explain but never does. Tell him not to mislead old divorcees. That he should kiss the erogenous zones around my ear. And tell him his car's being towed away. Damn! These people don't know how to enjoy themselves. But now it's going to have some balls. Let's have a good brawl! I've got the hang of it now! -She's pretty. -My daughter. My unhygienic little girl grew up into a dentist. So you're happy now. She's just a headache. Divorced with a child. Who will want her? Divorced but beautiful. He's not feeling well. -Where is she? -What are you doing? -Where's the bitch? -I threw her out. You can stick your aerial... You can pee here. -I don't care anymore. -I want to go home. Didn't your "real self" die? I thought, like me, you didn't have anyone on the outside. -I want to go home. -You're a good man. Take the picture. Open up! -I've called the police. -Get lost, granddad! Word and thought. Please clear the corridor forprogram 5... Clear the corridor for the adult film! Jitka! I'll demolish the place! You're in my power, you must obey! Come here, where are you? Who are you? Any badyou do, comes back atyou. I've a girl for us, but she has a child. Doesn't matter. I thought you were dead. He would've smashed your telly if he'd found it. Dramatic events are unfolding atRuzyne airport. We asked the passengers aboutit. This was my firstflight andlhope... Ihope it was my last. Ibelieve thatsheer willpower saved ourplane... Ibelieve that... Everything is... ... can we edit this out? I can't appear on television in this state. Lost property office. We've a glove here, still looks quite new. That's if you still want it, of course. -Who's that? -Olda. Why don't you say something? He also kept us dangling. We're here but we're keeping you dangling. -Good morning, Anicka. -Good morning. You know what happened to me at school yesterday... So there you have it. My story. Andyou? You in anypain? Tired?Don'tgive up, we have to live. |
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