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Batman - The Movie

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This yacht is bringing
a revolutionary scientifiic invention to Gotham City.
On a peaceful afternoon motor ride,
millionaire Bruce Wayne
and his youthful ward, Dick Grayson,
have been summoned back to Wayne Manor
by an anonymous call for help.
The invention and its custodian
are reported in grave danger aboard the yacht.
Never ones to shirk responsibility,
Bruce and Dick,
with characteristic speed and resolve,
descend promptly to the Batcave.
And then,
as they have done many times before
as Batman and Robin,
courageous warriors against crime,
they are off once again to the rescue.
Atomic batteries to power.
Turbines to speed.
Batmobile to airport.
Red alert.
Prepare Batcopter for takeoff.
Batmobile approaching Batcopter.
Red alert. Red alert.
Gotham tower to all aircraft
in the Gotham control zone.
Enter your holding pattern.
Batcopter cleared for takeoff.
It's good to know
they're doing their job.
Batdrift angle, 0-3 to starboard.
Roger. Correcting to port.
Altitude 317.
Sink rate .49.
Drop Bat ladder.
Bat ladder aweigh.
Lock computer on afterdeck.
Set automatic Bathold.
Watch out, Batman.
This could be tricky.
I'll keep all my wits about me.
So long...for a minute.
Batman to Robin. Ease off on the power.
Increase sink rate.
Roger. Wilco.
Take her up!
Holy sardine!
Hand me down the shark repellent Bat Spray.
All right, enough pictures.
This press conference must be brief,
ladies and gentlemen.
Mr. Merrick, Gotham City Times.
A transatlantic yacht approaching this city
simply disappeared.
Nonsense. How can a yacht disappear?
It isn't true?
I stand on my answer.
Mr. Stanley.
This yacht belonged to the Big Ben Distilleries.
Isn't the firm's proprietor, Commodore Schmidlapp,
bringing with him
a fantastic new invention?
No more ship questions.
What about that exploding shark?
Doubtless an unfortunate animal
who chanced to swallow a floating mine.
You, Miss...
Comrade Kitanya Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff.
I am from the Moscow Bugle.
You grace us with your presence.
Take off the mask
to give the better picture.
Batman take off his mask?
The woman must be mad.
This young lady is a stranger.
Her request is not unnatural,
however, impossible to grant.
If Robin and I removed our masks,
our true identities would be revealed.
Destroying their value as ace crimefiighters.
Commissioner Gordon and meself
don't even know their identities.
Our own relatives don't know.
But your so-curious costumes.
Don't be put off by them.
Under this garb, we're ordinary Americans.
You are like the masked vigilantes.
Batman and Robin are deputized agents of the law.
Support your police. That's our message.
Well said,
and no better way to end this press conference.
Thank you. Good day.
Come on.
Everybody out now. Get them out.
You allayed their fears.
If I'd told the truth,
panic would grip the city.
Sure, and what is the truth?
A decoy.
An anonymous warning
that Commodore Schmidlapp is in danger.
A fiiendish attempt on Batman's life.
You mean the commodore's yacht
was being hijacked someplace else?
And who behind it?
What known supercriminals
are at large now?
I'll check at once.
Let's have the latest report
on known supercriminals at large.
Coming up, Batman, on the TV screen.
Status report--
known supercriminals not currently in prison.
The Penguin.
That master of fowl play,
maestro of a million criminal umbrellas.
If I had a nickel
for every time he's baffled us!
The Riddler loose, too?
To plague us
with his criminal conundrums.
Gosh! And the Catwoman.
End of status report.
Could be any one of them,
but which one?
Which ones?
Pretty fishy what happened to me.
Where there's a fish,
there could be a penguin.
But wait. It happened at sea.
See? "C" for Catwoman.
an exploding shark
was pulling my leg.
It adds up to a sinister riddle.
Oh, a thought strikes me,
so dreadful
I scarcely dare give it utterance.
The four of them.
Their forces combined.
Holy nightmare!
Batman, could it be?
I don't know,
but I think I know
where to fiind a clue.
Come on, Robin. To the Batcave.
We haven't one moment to lose!
Ahoy, Catwoman.
Imbecile, I told you,
never use my real name in public!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
You and your trained exploding shark!
How should I know they'd have a can
of shark repellent Bat Spray handy?
Why, you sniveling sardine!
You pompous, puffed-up penguin!
Oh, friends, make peace.
Have a shake on me.
Ajoke a day keeps the gloom away.
Sic 'em, Hecate. Scratch out their eyes.
Take away that ravenous panther.
I'll feed him to the birds.
I'll incapacitate the beast with confetti.
United Underworld.
We're about as united
as the United World Headquarters
on Gotham East River.
She's right. She's right.
If we don't manage to swallow
our supercriminal pride--
Right, Mr. Riddler!
We must hang together,
or assuredly we shall hang separately.
And on the eve of the greatest criminal coup.
How did it go, Catwoman?
In my disguise as Kitka,
I penetrated their press conference.
The fools are completely baffled.
Yeah, but undrowned.
Yes, unfortunately.
Batman's boots didn't even look damp.
Does our prisoner know
he's been kidnapped?
He just keeps ringing for tea.
There he goes again.
Take it to him.
[Knock On Door]
Come in.
Your tea, Commodore Schmidlapp.
Oh, thank you, steward.
Jolly good service aboard this yacht.
We strive to give satisfaction, sir.
Your face has the most ghastly pallor.
Are you getting enough sea air?
My duties keep me mostly undercover.
How much longer will this yacht
remain here fogbound off the Grand Banks?
I really couldn't say, sir.
Gives me a chance to read my Dickens.
I would like to get to Gotham City.
I've a clever invention with me.
Should be worth millions.
Pip-pip to you, sir.
If you wish anything, just ring.
Commodore Schmidlapp's invention in our hands,
the whole world almost literally
in our grasp,
and Batman and Robin are still alive to block us.
Everything pip-pip with the prisoner.
He hasn't a clue.
I bet the dynamic duo has,
and when they solve that,
of course they'll be out to investigate.
We'll be there fiirst.
If we hurry, that is.
Catwoman, you tend to this headquarters.
Attention, you unfathomable fiinks!
- Yo ho! - Yo ho!
Call down to our secret dock.
Prepare our submarine for sea.
- Yo ho! - Yo ho!
Yo ho what?
- Sir! - Sir!
Holy Merlin the magician!
Get set for a shock.
The Batcamera was aimed right at the yacht.
So my strange hunch was right.
I don't get it.
No one can make a seagoing vessel
simply disappear,
provided it was ever really there at all.
You mean...
Precisely, Robin.
The yacht we thought we saw
was a mere illusion,
a tricky projection
akin to the desert mirage.
It was blocked
by the Batcamera's polarized Batfiilter.
I know where that projection came from.
Observe that bell buoy.
What's the matter with it?
The coordinates of our position
were 10.3 x 69-B.
Feed those fiigures
into the navigational aid computer.
No legal bell buoy at that position.
Ha! As I surmised.
An illegal projection buoy cleverly camouflaged.
Maybe the crooks left fiingerprints.
Good thinking, Robin. To the Batboat, fast!
One thing I don't dig, Batman.
What happened to the real ship?
Taken to some island hideaway
with every soul aboard, save one.
Commodore Schmidlapp?
The hijackers needed him or his invention
as part of their criminal scheme.
Watch the scope.
Watch for suspicious vessels.
I'm watching, Batman.
We've got the ocean to ourselves.
Diving planes, Mr. Bluebeard.
Hoist her 3 degrees.
Yo ho!
I hope you know what you're doing.
Mr. Riddler, I ignore
your insipid insinuation, sir.
You're leaning on the current control.
Don't sound so bossy, if you please.
As the poet says,
"On land, you may command.
At sea, it is me."
Now hear this.
This is your captain speaking.
We're approaching the tricky buoy.
Sharpen your cutlasses.
There may be skullduggery ahead.
Yo ho!
Unidentifiied small craft.
Bearing 113.
Mr. Bluebeard, hold her steady.
Up periscope.
Yo ho! Up periscope.
Waa waa.
Great quivering icebergs!
Just as I hoped.
Watch your step, Robin.
An underwater shark cage.
The source of that fiiendish fiish.
What cruelty,
stuffiing a shark with TNT.
True. Nothing's sacred to those devils.
Torpedoes! What are we waiting for?
Chain of command.
The Penguin runs a taut ship.
Load the torpedo tubes.
Yo ho!
Load torpedo tubes.
Salt and corrosion,
the infamous old enemies
of the crimefiighter.
No prints here.
Look here, Batman.
That tricky mirage projector
must be behind this plate.
What a set of superpower lenses!
No wonder we were fooled.
Look, Robin.
Holy Long John Silver! A pirate periscope!
He's spotted us! Set torpedoes to automatic homing.
Set torpedoes to automatic homing.
You crazy bird, fiire them off quickly!
Mr. Morgan, kindly activate
the remote control Penguin magnet
inside that buoy.
Yo ho!
Holy glue pot! What's going on?
The fiiends!
They've converted this buoy
into a gigantic magnet.
It's got us by the metal in our utility belts.
Torpedo tubes armed.
Batman, we're helpless
in this monstrous, invisible grip.
Steady. I see one hope.
What, Batman?
If I could just pry loose
my utility belt transmitter...
Mr.Joker, are you ready to fiire?
Ready to fiire!
fiire 1 !
Fire 1 !
If I could just
reverse the polarity,
send out waves of superenergy.
What happened?
Mr.Joker, fiire 2!
Fire 2!
Waa waa waa.
Here comes another one!
You and your reconditioned war surplus torpedoes!
He must be using a superenergy reverse polarizer.
Mr.Joker, fiire 3!
Fire 3!
Ha ha ha!
Here comes the third one, Batman.
Confound it!
The batteries are dead!
This one's getting through.
It is.
It's getting through.
Yo ho!
Yo ho ho ho!
Surface, Mr. Bluebeard, surface.
Let us feast our eyes on the watery remains.
Gosh, Batman, the nobility
of the almost-human porpoise.
It was noble of that animal
to hurl himself into the path
of that fiinal torpedo.
He gave his life for ours.
Please give me the Pentagon in Washington,
Please give me the Pentagon in Washington,
Navy department.
Oops. Too bad.
Admiral Fangschliester's offiice.
Hello. Batman speaking.
Who is it?
Oh, Batman.
Ahoy! What can I do for you?
Have you recently sold
any war surplus submarines,
and if so, to whom?
I'll have to look that up.
[Whistling Anchors Aweigh]
Keep practicing.
Answer affiirmative, Batman.
We disposed of a war surplus submarine
last Friday,
a preatomic model,
to some chap named P.N. Gwynne.
P.N. Gwynne?
The Penguin.
Did this P.N. Gwynne leave an address?
No,just a post offiice box number.
No, thank you, Admiral.
You've been very helpful.
Your tone sounds rather grim.
Have we done anything foolish?
Disposing of preatomic submarines
to persons who don't even leave their addresses...
Good day, Admiral.
The Penguin in command of a preatomic submarine.
Grave situation, Robin.
If only we knew...
Holy Polaris!
From that submarine, no doubt.
That missile, look.
It's written something.
A riddle
in the form of a joke.
Let's race back to headquarters.
You know what this means, don't you?
Our blackest fears confiirmed.
Penguin,Joker, Riddler, their forces combined.
For heaven knows what infamous objective.
It may be worse than that.
Look at this pair of joking riddles.
"What does a turkey do
when he flies upside down?"
He gobbles up.
And number two.
"What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree,
and is very dangerous?"
A sparrow with a machine gun.
Now combine both answers.
What kind of creature
would gobble up a bird in a tree?
Heaven protect us!
- A cat! - A cat!
Yes, gentlemen.
The criminal catalyst in this entire affair,
our old archenemy Catwoman.
Penguin,Joker, Riddler,
and Catwoman, too!
The sum of the angles of that rectangle
is too monstrous to contemplate.
They're working together to take over--
Gotham City?
Any two of them might try that.
The whole country?
If it were three of them,
but four!
Their minimum objective must be...
the entire world.
The United World Building, dear comrades in crime.
Our objective-- the Security Council.
Sitting like fat birds in a tree
waiting to be snatched,
and you bungled it again!
Again the dynamic duo escaped our trap!
Faugh! Passing porpoises which intercept torpedoes!
There ought to be a piscatorial statute.
We've got to get Batman
before he gets us.
Perhaps I could lure him into the fatal embrace
of an exploding octopus.
They've just survived
one of your fiishy explosions!
I suppose they'll be broken up
by your moldy jokes!
I see the way to do it.
We'll play each of our treacherous trumps
in one hand,
and we'll do it here.
The end.
The end.
Hee hee hee!
We shall spring them
from theJoker's jack-in-the-box
through that window, out over the sea,
and into the waiting arms
of the Penguin's exploding octopus.
The trigger--
one of my riddles, of course.
And the bait...
You, Catwoman.
When Batman spots her,
he'll bop her with a Batarang.
You don't understand,Joker.
She'll be disguised as Kitka,
and as Kitka, she shall lure some millionaire
into a kidnap trap...
with a clever clue pointing here.
Which will make Batman
race to the rescue.
Who are we going to kidnap?
I know the perfect victim.
I know the perfect victim!
Bruce Wayne,
the millionaire head
of that disgusting, do-gooding Wayne Foundation.
Just the sort of square citizen
Batman will dash to rescue.
Then, snap!
Into the combination trap.
Purr-fect, Riddler.
Comrade Wayne?
My name is Kitanya Irenya Tatanya Karenska Alisoff.
I'm from the Moscow Bugle.
My friends call me Kitka.
A charming acronym.
Thank you, Comrade Wayne.
The Wayne Foundation
is known from Leningrad to Kamchatka.
It works for peace.
Your picture has appeared countless times
in the Moscow Bugle.
I'm most grateful.
I wasn't aware of that.
Oh, da. Da.
You found these riddles
written on Wayne Foundation stationery
slipped under the door
of your borrowed penthouse apartment?
Yes, Comrade Wayne.
I thought it was some foolishness,
then I remembered.
Is there not a bourgeois criminal cad
called the Riddler,
who preys upon the workers of America?
Your jargon is quaint.
There is such a creature.
What do we do now?
Report these riddles to your police
or perhaps to that masked cossack, Batman?
That's hardly necessary.
Doubtless, it's the work of some harmless crank.
Nevertheless, shall we give this matter
further consideration over dinner tonight?
Oh, what a purr-fectly lovely idea.
I'll telephone, if you'll excuse me,
to cancel a previous engagement.
Alfred will see you to the door.
Do vechera.
Do vechera, Comrade Wayne.
Alfred, see Miss Kitka out.
Take the service elevator to the Batcave.
Robin, listen to these riddles.
Tell me if you interpret them as I do.
"What has yellow skin and writes?"
A ball-point banana.
"What people are always in a hurry?"
Rushing people...
What would you say they mean?
Banana. Russian.
I've got it!
Someone Russian will slip on a banana peel
and break their neck.
The only possible meaning.
A clear threat to Miss Kitka.
Miss Kitka.
The charming Russian journalist
from the Moscow Bugle.
In some baffling way,
she must have unwittingly stumbled on the criminals' plot.
What is the scheme, sir?
Bruce Wayne will go out with Miss Kitka.
A not displeasing chore.
I've rarely met a girl
who's such a potent argument
in favor of international relations.
Dog our footsteps in the Batmobile.
Keep watch via the micro-TV Batscanner.
If Riddler tries his fiilthy tricks--
I'll bash him.
Then we close in with the police.
Alfred, do you have your driver's license?
In my wallet, sir.
Drive carefully.
This may be a most memorable night.
Plaisir d'amour
Ne dure qu'un moment
Chagrin d'amour
Dure toute la vie
J'ai tout quitte
Pour I'ingrate Sylvie
Elle me quitte
Et prend un autre amant...
This curtain which separates our countries
is so foolish.
If we could just contrive some way
of getting more deeply involved
with each other.
Oh, da.
Da. We must search for such a method.
It's not right for us to listen in to this.
Some things have to be private,
even for a crimefiighter.
Your discretion is admirable.
Time for another check-in,
is it not, Master Robin?
Yes? Oh.
Yes, Boy Wonder.
Batmobile position, Gotham Central Park.
Proceeding south on West Drive,
about to pass Benedict Arnold monument.
Still in the park? It's been an hour!
What are they doing?
No comment, Commissioner.
Let's just say no sign of criminal activity.
Uh, yes, I understand.
I've just thought of a clever ruse.
Have Chief O'Hara flash the Batsignal from the roof.
Certainly, Boy Wonder, but why?
The crooks will fiigure
we're racing to headquarters.
Thinking it's safe,
they might try to get Miss Kitka.
Clever. Devilishly clever.
Thank you, sir.
Batmobile over.
Chief O'Hara, dash to the roof.
Flash the Batsignal.
Yes, sir.
Shades of Smolensk!
What is that?
I don't--
Of course. How clever.
Clever, Comrade Wayne?
I mean, clever device, Miss Kitka.
It's the famous Batsignal
flashed from the roof of police headquarters.
Batman and Robin must be racing there now.
Then you got the police
to call them in for my protection.
Hmm? Yes.
Oh, how purr-fectly wonderful of you.
I close my eyes
and I dream of those savage cossacks
racing over the Steppes on their brutal mission.
How strange.
I close my eyes
and I dream of something
quite astonishingly different.
Keep your eyes closed.
Continue with this dream.
The dream continues.
It approaches a climax.
Not so fast. Be more slow.
Miss Kitka.
May I see you home
to that borrowed penthouse apartment?
He's swallowed the cat bait.
Now to make him Bat bait!
Finks, Morgan, Bluebeard, and Quetch,
break out the jet-pack umbrellas.
Excuse me.
I'll slip into something more comfortable
while your cocoa is warming.
Is that prudent, Master Robin?
Our instructions were to keep watch.
I don't know about prudent, Alfred,
but it's the only decent thing to do.
Hmm. Perhaps.
Waa waa waa!
Ha ha ha!
Waa waa waa!
Ah! There it is!
73rd Street and Concord Avenue.
Hee hee hee! Follow me!
Down to the terrace!
Hee hee hee!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
And all my days are trances,
and all my nightly dreams
are where thy dark eye glances
and where thy footstep gleams.
Ochi chemnie, Comrade Wayne.
Edgar Allen Poe, Miss Kitka.
To One in Paradise.
First stanza.
About that dream you had...
Do we dare?
Why not?
Yes, of course.
Of what use is a dream
if not a blueprint
for courageous action?
Oh, into action, comrade!
Miss Kitka, I have the strangest feeling
I am about to be utterly and madly carried away.
[Door Opens]
This is a kidnapping!
Our joke's on you!
You fiilthy criminals.
[Hiss Hiss]
Much as one deplores indiscretion,
Master Robin--
You're right, Alfred.
I'll just take one tiny peek.
Holy demolition!
Cover the exits, Alfred.
I'll race up there with my Batrope.
Holy Halloween!
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Ha ha ha!
Batman should have been here hours ago.
Perhaps you didn't leave a clear enough clue
in your apartment.
Of course I did!
It's all set!
He puts his foot here, my jack-in-the-box fiires,
shooting him through the window
and into the arms of Penguin's exploding octopus.
What a deliciously humorous trajectory!
And nothing to link us with the crime!
Hee hee hee!
Waa waa!
You abominable outlaws!
What have you done with Miss Kitka?
She's quite well, Mr. Wayne.
I swear by heaven,
if you've harmed that girl,
I'll kill you all.
I'll rend you limb from limb!
Ha ha ha!
Mr. Wayne, must you be so impulsive?
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Where is she, Catwoman?
Show me Miss Kitka,
or I'll wreck this place with my dying breath!
Blindfold the captive.
Lead him down the labyrinthine path
to chamber 17.
Ha ha ha!
Waa waa!
Ha ha ha!
Waa waa!
Waa waa!
Two minutes. No more.
Ha ha ha!
Turn on the secret microphone.
Yo ho.
Miss Kitka?
Comrade Wayne.
Are you all right?
Da. Da.
I'll curse myself forever.
This nasty soup we're in
is largely of my own brewing.
If I hadn't let your beauty
lull me off guard...
Off guard, comrade?
Some things I cannot disclose.
Suffiice it to say we're in the hands
of the underworld's most vicious foursome.
We have nothing to look forward to
but death.
It may not be that black, Comrade Wayne.
Batman and Robin are probably hot on our trail.
From something I happened to overhear,
I think we are bait for Batman.
Once he is in their trap,
we will be released.
A slender hope, Miss Kitka.
More slender than you can know.
You do not think Batman will get here?
That I cannot say.
Did you overhear mention of another prisoner
of this rotten gang?
No, I did not, Mr. Wayne.
Who on earth could you mean?
[Bell Rings]
Commodore Schmidlapp ringing for his tea.
It doesn't matter.
Speedy escape is our only hope.
A moment, while I think.
Why didn't I think of it sooner?
Of what, Comrade Wayne?
I have a tiny radio transmitter
strapped above my left elbow.
What a curious device to carry.
Not at all.
Capitalists like myself
who carry large sums of money
often have such safety contrivances.
Wiggle around back to back.
Maybe you can reach it
with your fiingers.
Let's get him.
Ha ha ha! There we are.
Ha ha ha! There we are.
You think you're clever, don't you?
Clever enough to outwit you.
Well, we'll see about that.
Dear colleagues, let's see
what's strapped about this fellow's left elbow.
Credulous creatures!
I knew you'd be listening in.
I told you that fiish story about a radio.
Get him, Mollycoddles!
Miss Kitka, where are you?
Great day in the morning!
Dick, we're late for that demonstration.
Excuse us, Commissioner.
But Great Scott, how did you escape?
With the aid of Batman.
Thank goodness.
He may wish to call you
at police headquarters.
And so, my fiine fiinkish friends,
you have heard my astounding proposal.
What do you say?
Our strike cannot be postponed.
We are at the mercy
of the Gotham river tide.
Riddler's right for once.
It's now or never.
Make up your minds!
Batman will never come here,
but the police will any instant.
So to the Penguin's princely plan,
is it yes or no?
I say it's crazy, but let's try it.
We have to do something.
Oh, go ahead, Penguin.
Mr.Joker, drop one
of your little dream pills
into Commodore Schmidlapp's tea.
Then carry him to the submarine.
Yo ho!
Mr. Riddler, will you tell Mr. Quetch
to fetch the fiive guinea pigs?
Quetch, fetch the fiive guinea pigs.
Yo ho!
Waa waa waa waa!
Waa waa!
Waa waa.
Yo ho ho, sir!
Now, my fiine fiishy fiinks,
you see here Commodore Schmidlapp's
piece de no resistance.
An instant whiskeymaker!
Waiting for us to put it
to more universal use.
Now, don't be afraid.
You'll feel nothing.
Now, I am merely
going to temporarily extract
every bit of moisture from your bodies.
It's a painless operation.
Waa waa!
Hee hee hee!
Hee hee hee!
Waa waa waa waa waa waa waa!
Catwoman, will you get a dustpan?
Put every one of them
very carefully into separate vials.
All right!
Mr. Riddler,
would you prepare the submarine
to get underway?
I'll prepare a demolition charge
of terrifying thrust
to welcome the police.
Where do we meet?
United World Building on the ninth floor.
One hour?
One hour.
Waa waa waa.
Oh, what mere criminal genius, Catwoman.
Who else but a genius
could conceive such an audacious plot
to deliberately trick Batman and Robin
into inviting me
into their secret Batcave
with fiive dehydrated, death-dealing pirates
at my command?
Careful, careful.
Waa waa.
Every one of them has a mother.
Out with Batarang and Batrope.
Stand clear.
With people in weird outfiits
like the supercrooks hanging around here,
it's amazing someone hasn't
reported this place to the police.
It's a low neighborhood full of rum pots.
They're used to curious sights
which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.
I'd rather be dead
than unable to trust my own eyes.
There was somebody walking up the wall.
Ready with superblinding Batpellets.
Away, Robin. Away!
Come on, Batman!
Miss Kitka!
Miss K--
[Band Playing Bringing In The Sheaves]
Quick, everyone,
flee for your lives!
Into the street!
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
[Band Playing]
Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb.
It's all right, Robin.
Holy heart failure!
I disposed of that bomb in time
and shielded myself behind these heavy iron pipes.
You risked your life
to save that riffraff in the bar?
They may be drinkers,
but they're also human beings
and may be salvaged.
I had to do it.
We've lost Miss Kitka's trail.
Stranded without a clue!
Could you chaps direct me
to a policeman?
Commodore Schmidlapp's the name.
Big Ben Distilleries, you know.
Holy costume party. That's the Penguin.
What's his game, I wonder?
What's your game, Penguin?
Waa waa waa waa.
My name's Schmidlapp, old boy, Schmidlapp.
Your fiingerprints will settle that hash, Penguin.
We'll check them
against our mobile anticrime fiile.
Let's see your hands.
Waa waa waa waa waa waa.
Looks like plastic-coated fiingertips.
I scorched myself pressing a waistcoat.
I do believe that the attending surgeon did use plastic.
It looks bad, Batman.
This brassy bird has us buffaloed.
Not quite.
There's one method of identifiication
which no criminal can evade.
Retinal eye patterns?
He's right, Robin.
Tiny blood vessels in the retina of the eye,
as individual as a fiingerprint.
Don't you have an anticriminal eye-pattern fiile
in your Batcave?
Take me there.
You'd submit yourself to a test?
Of course. Might be an amusing experience.
Stand by to catch him.
I'll give him the Batgas.
What's that? The Batgas?
A harmless anesthetic
to prevent you from seeing
the entrance to the Batcave.
If anyone knew that,
they'd know our identities.
Oh, I say,
what deucedly strange customs you colonials have.
Well, I'm ready.
This could be the break
we've been looking for.
Why did he let us bring him here?
We'll soon fiind out.
Stay on the alert.
After I give him the Batwake,
we must be ready for anything.
Waa waa waa waa!
Oh, it's you.
We're here, eh?
I see.
Oh, what's this?
Oh, say,
this is extraordinary.
It's absolutely extraordinary.
I must say that your laboratory
exceeds the limits of man's wildest imagination.
Could I trouble you
for a glass of water?
Your Batgas has left me
with a parched sensation.
The drinking-water dispenser is clearly marked.
Oh, yes. Thank you.
Thank you very much, sir.
Thank you.
Help yourself.
Slake your thirst.
You'll have worse than a parched sensation
when we're through with you.
I am appalled by your attitude.
I mean, condemning me
before the facts have been
authoritatively established.
Thus you are abrogating
my constitutional rights, sir.
my constitutional rights, sir.
All set, Batman.
Time to rip off your false feathers.
Coming, Batman,
I'm coming at once!
Waa waa waa!
Holy hallucination!
I wish it were, Robin.
It's fiive dehydrated pirates rehydrated.
Shiver 'em from stem to stern!
Yo ho ho, sir!
Attack them, you faltering fake!
Waa waa waa!
The pirates, they're gone.
How'd it happen?
Whoever dehydrated those pirates
could not have foreseen their rehydration
with the heavy water
used to recharge the atomic pile!
Which naturally left them highly unstable.
You saw it yourself, Robin.
The slightest impact was suffiicient
to instantly reduce them
to antimatter.
You mean they won't be coming back?
No, Robin.
Not in this universe.
Let that be an object lesson
in the dangers of tampering
with Mother Nature.
My apologies, Commodore Schmidlapp.
It's clear I've done you a cruel injustice.
You have?
You were duped, brainwashed.
The criminals planted
those dehydrated thugs on your person.
You were obviously under the influence
of posthypnotic suggestion
when you rehydrated them.
Come on down, Commodore.
Another sniff of Batgas
and we'll all return
to the city.
Waa waa.
Waa waa.
Are you sure you didn't hurt your head?
Swallow this pill.
Give our friend a whiff of Batwake.
Waa waa! Good morning.
What's wrong, Batman?
Manifold pressure's dropping.
We'd better stop and check it.
Sorry about that, Commodore.
Won't take a minute.
Oh, yes, you will!
Waa waa.
Waa waa.
Yo ho! Away we go in my Birdmobile!
One side, caped crusader.
You O.K.?
Yes. Thanks for that anti-Penguin gas pill.
Quickly, via Batcycle to the Batcopter.
We'll track him to the new hideout.
Disengage go-cart.
Batscanner tracking the stolen Batmobile perfectly!
Port 2 degrees. Steady as she goes.
Yo ho! Port 2 degrees.
We're almost there.
Riddler, where are you going?
To fiire off some more riddling clues.
Riddler! You're mad, Riddler.
Penguin's fiinished Batman by now.
That miserable, waddling mountebank of a bird.
He couldn't fiinish a bag of popcorn!
So say Penguin failed.
All the more reason
not to hand them your clues.
But I must.
Outwitting Batman is my sole delight,
my heaven on earth, my very paradise.
Hee hee hee!
Riddler, come back!
Stolen Batmobile turning,
now heading up Gotham River Drive.
Polaris-type missile coming right for us!
This may be tricky.
The tail rotor disengaged!
Brace yourself, Robin.
We're going down.
This could be the end!
Now to fiind my riddling Polaris skywriter.
Hee hee hee! Hee hee hee!
Look, the dynamic duo!
Ha ha ha!
I got them. I got them.
Holy horseshoe!
Some luck,
landing on a bed of foam rubber!
The odds against it
would make the most reckless gambler cringe.
I spotted it out of the corner of my eye.
That crazy missile wrote two more riddles.
An egg.
Make applesauce!
Apples into applesauce--
A unifiication into one smooth mixture.
An egg--nature's perfect container.
The container of all our hopes.
A unifiication and a container of hope?
United World Organization!
There's a special meeting
of the Security Council today.
Let's commandeer a taxi!
Not at this time of day.
Luckily, we're in tiptop condition.
It'll be faster if we run.
We are now passing through the grotto.
Depth, 1 /2 fathom.
Engines, dead slow astern.
Yo ho, slow astern.
Good.Just as the blueprint said--
An abandoned construction elevator.
Hecate, see about the weak spot.
I hope Penguin made it.
Who needs him?
Stand back!
Ha ha ha!
Hey, can't you read?
Fine day for Penguins.
Waa waa!
Waa waa waa.
Yo ho, my criminal coconspirators.
We meet as planned.
The dynamic duo has been silenced forever.
Blasted from the sky
by an incredible coincidence.
The irony of it all!
Downed by Riddler's Polaris skywriter.
Oh, happy happenstance!
Hold your breath.
There are still lingering traces
of my Penguin gas.
Holy marathon! I'm getting a stitch.
Let's hope it's a stitch that saves nine--
The nine members of the Security Council.
Rosh shalom.
Non solamente en Europa!
Une propre attitude belligere.
Accord! Accord! Main passa!
It is the opinion of Her Majesty's government
that we pursue peace.
Our poor United World in microcosm.
I'm afraid they'll fiind our humor very dry.
My country understands your position,
but we must pursue...
Shinsh, shinsh.
Nipon, heiwa.
Verstehen sie, frieden ist die hauptsache!
Protivopolothno vsemu chto ja...
It has been our policy--
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Quickly now, each one
in a separate vial,
and, boys...
don't anybody sneeze.
Ha ha ha!
Waa waa waa!
Ha ha ha!
Emergency! Seal this building!
Turn off the ventilating system!
The Security Council may have been dehydrated!
Emergency, operator, emergency! Get me security!
Emergency, operator, emergency.
Up, up, up, up...
Surrender, you criminals!
United Underworld is through!
Faugh, what's this? An apparition?
One move and you'll fiind out.
We'll hurl our Batarangs.
To the elevator.
Catwoman, stop.
You don't mean that.
Miss Kitka dies if you take one more step.
This way, Robin.
The Security Council, gone!
What a fiiendishly clever way
to abduct nine men
from a heavily guarded building.
Where does that elevator go?
Downstairs, obviously,
to an abandoned submarine dock.
Holy Captain Nemo!
They'll head for sea
through Short Island Sound.
We have just one trump card left, Robin.
Heaven help the world if we fail.
Come on!
Down periscope.
We're over the last bar.
Mr. Bluebeard, all engines full ahead.
Yo ho! All engines full ahead.
A delightful haul!
Mr. Riddler, will you prepare
those nine radio ransom messages?
All right.
No stupid riddles. Make those messages plain.
$1 billion cash from each country.
Precisely, Mr. Riddler.
To be delivered to our secret island
by trained carrier pigeons
which I shall provide.
No whimsical embellishments, please.
Make those messages clear!
Ha ha ha!
Make those messages clear.
Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Ooh, it's like a dream, Pengy-sweet.
Nothing can stop us now.
Sonar contact. Range 8,000.
Bearing 181.
Yo ho! Sonar contact.
Small craft at 7,500.
What? Small craft?
It's moving incredibly fast.
Range is 7,000.
It's the Batboat.
Faugh! Drat that cockleshell!
Steady on the diving plane.
Yo ho!
I'll man the torpedo tubes.
Mr. Riddler, would you fiire
a surface-to-surface underwater homing missile?
Missile ahoy!
It has a homing device.
Get ready for evasive action!
It's tracking us.
Here, take my Batradio.
I looked it up.
That class of missile
receives on a wavelength of 164.1.
Quickly, send a jamming signal!
[Beep Beep]
It's starting down!
Farewell, Batman!
Farewell, dynamic duo!
Holy Bikini! That was close!
Yo ho, small craft still closing.
Range 4,000. Bearing 88.
They know how to jam our missiles!
Up to periscope depth!
Yo ho! Up to periscope depth.
Range 3,500.
Get the Batcharge launcher.
They hold the world's most eminent men in dehydrated condition.
Our task is not to sink that sub,
merely to make it surface.
Forward torpedo tubes prepare to fiire.
Yo ho! Forward torpedo tubes prepare to fiire.
Torpedoes fiire!
Torpedoes away!
Ha ha ha!
Dive, Mr. Bluebeard, dive.
Yo ho!
Down periscope!
Down periscope!
Torpedo wakes off the port bow.
Fire Batcharges when in range.
Waa waa waa.
No, that's too soon.
It must be Batcharges.
There'll be more of the dratted things
meant for us!
Where has your submarine got us now?
Shut up, you feline floozy!
Mr. Bluebeard, down 30 fathoms.
Run silent.
Run deep.
They're diving. Engines are silent.
We'll circle them at full Batspeed,
diminishing radius of curvature.
Mr. Quetch, what's their bearing?
I don't know.
It's changing.
They must be circling us.
Fire when ready, Robin.
I'll maintain curvature.
Waa waa.
Compartments A, B, and C
are taking green water.
Ah! Penguin, you know
I can't take water!
Oh, you cowardly kitten.
You want to live forever?
This bird has flown around the bend.
Too cuckoo to land!
Riddler,Joker, do something.
We weren't meant for a watery grave!
Now hear this. Now hear this.
Blow all tanks!
Surface! Surface!
Cut the Batcharges.
They've had enough, I imagine.
You're right. They're surfacing fast.
Estimated surfacing position?
200 yards.
Here they come!
Diminishing speed.
Ready to board.
Ha ha ha!
Pirates to arms!
Prepare to repel boarders!
Hee hee hee!
Strike your colors.
We've not yet begun to fiight.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Bon voyage, pussy.
Waa waa.
Holy heartbreak! Miss Kitka.
Plaisir d'amour
Ne dure qu'un moment
Chagrin d'amour
Dure toute la vie
Batman, l--
Say no more, Robin.
It could be compromising.
Of course.
It's just one of those things
in the life of every crimefiighter.
Snap on the Batcuffs.
Batman to Coast Guard.
There is a drifting submarine
2 miles east of Sandy Nose lightship.
It's fiilled with human jetsam.
Take it in tow.
Robin, over here. Look.
The hope of the entire world,
tottering on the brink.
Holy almost!
It might have been shattered
before our very eyes!
Up with you, Catwoman.
Where's my tea?
What is this?
The captain's costume party?
Holy jumble!
Where's the hope of the world now?
Bat-centrifuge at 3 2,000 RPMs.
Increase angstrom force in vector "X".
Vector "X" up one notch.
[Phone Beeps]
Yes, Commissioner?
What progress, Batman? Is there hope?
There's always hope. You know that.
Can you and the Boy Wonder
separate that mingled dust
back into its constituent members?
With all modesty, Commissioner,
if we can't,
heaven knows who can.
Truer words were never spoken.
Howdy, y'all.
How are those boys doing?
Batman says there's hope, Mr. President.
What more can one ask?
The free world is waiting.
Tell Batman
I wish him luck.
I needn't tell you with whom I have just spoken.
Ready for separation.
Then I'll activate the computer link,
feed in the various ethnic and national factors.
Batman, wait.
With the way the world is,
don't you think we ought to try
to improve those factors?
No. It's not for mortals like us
to tamper with nature.
You saw a ghastly example of what happens
when one tries to do that.
Gosh, yes, Batman.
When you put it that way...
Here we go.
Separation accomplished. Ready to rehydrate.
Separation accomplished.
They are ready to rehydrate.
We are ready to rehydrate.
They are ready to rehydrate.
A solemn moment, gentlemen.
One of dedication and humble supplication.
prepare to rehydrate.
Ready to rehydrate.
Turn on the water faucet.
[Water Running]
[Water Running]
[Water Running]
Success! Success!
They've done it!
They've done it!
Success! Success! We've done it!
Success! Success!
Aso, aso, heiwa, heiwa. America, shinah.
[Speaking Russian]
What the...
Interest of peace, you must listen.
Rosh shalom. Shalom.
Es ist ausgeschlossen. Mein land mochte frieden.
Horen sie mich, bitte.
[Speaking Swahili]
L 'espana quierre la paz--
La paz del mundo.
Gentlemen, it is absolutely imperative
that we limit our conversation.
C'est fou, tout le bavard.
Ecoutez, ecoutez, s'il vous plait.
Who knows, Robin?
This strange mixing of minds
may be the greatest single service
ever performed for humanity.
Let's go,
but inconspicuously...
through the window.
We'll use our Batropes.
Our job is fiinished.
BBC - The Blue Planet (1 of 8) - Ocean World
BBC - The Blue Planet (2 of 8) - The Deep
BBC - The Blue Planet (3 of 8) - Open Ocean
BBC - The Blue Planet (4 of 8) - Frozen Seas
BBC - The Blue Planet (5 of 8) - Seasonal Seas
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Babi Leto - Autumn Spring (2002)
Baby Doll
Baby Geniuses 2 2004
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Beach The
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Blind Beast
Blind Chance (1987) CD1
Blind Chance (1987) CD2
Blind Spot Hitlers Secretary (2002)
Blind date
Blob The 1988
Blood Crime
Blood Wedding (1981)
Blood Work
Blood and Black Lace
Blow 2001 CD1
Blow 2001 CD2
Blow Dry 2001
Blown Away 1994 CD1
Blown Away 1994 CD2
Blue (Derek Jarman)
Blue Car
Blue Collar Comedy Tour The Movie
Blue Max The CD1
Blue Max The CD2
Blue Moon
Blue Planet The 1
Blue Planet The 2 - The Deep
Blue Planet The 3 - Open Ocean
Blue Planet The 4 - Frozen Seas
Blue Spring 2001
Blue Velvet
Blue juice 1995
Blue thunder
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD1
Blues Brothers The (1980) CD2
Blues Harp
Boat Trip - Feedback Overflow
Bob Le Flambeur 1955
Bob Marley Story - Rebel Music
Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice
Body Double
Body Heat
Body The
Boiler Room
Bola El
Bone Collector The
Bonnie and Clyde
Book of Fate The
Book of Pooh The
Boondock Saints The
Boot Das 1981 CD1
Boot Das 1981 CD2
Born Romantic
Boucher Le
Bourne supremacy The-1CD
Boxcar Bertha
Boy Who Saw The Wind The
Boys and Girls
Boyz N the Hood
Branca de Neve
Bread and Roses
Breakfast Club The
Breakfast at Tiffanys
Breakin all the rules
Breaking Away
Bride with White Hair The
Bridge Man The CD1
Bridge Man The CD2
Bright Future
Broadway Danny Rose
Brother (Takeshi Kitano)
Brother Sun Sister Moon 1972
Brother from Another Planet The 1984
Brotherhood Of The Wolf
Brothers The
Buena Estrella La (Lucky Star)
Buffalo Soldiers
Bug 1975
Bugs Bunny - Baseball Bugs (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Big Top Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny Gets the Boid (1942)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs Bunny and the Three Bears (1944)
Bugs Bunny - Bugs and Thugs (1954)
Bugs Bunny - Bully for Bugs (1953)
Bugs Bunny - Frigid Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - Hair-Raising Hare (1946)
Bugs Bunny - Haredevil Hare (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Long Haired Hare (1949)
Bugs Bunny - My Bunny Lies Over the Sea (1948)
Bugs Bunny - Rabbits Kin (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Tortoise Wins by a Hare (1943)
Bugs Bunny - Wabbit Twouble (1941)
Bugs Bunny - Water Water Every Hare (1952)
Bugs Bunny - Whats Up Doc (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Fire (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - Rabbit Seasoning (1952)
Bugs Bunny and Elmer - Rabbit of Seville (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Taz - Devil May Hare (1954)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Ballot Box Bunny (1951)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Big House Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - Bunker Hill Bunny (1950)
Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam - High Diving Hare (1949)
Bugs Life A
Bullet Ballet
Bullet in the Head
Bulletproof Monk 2003
Bullets Over Broadway
Bully (Unrated Theatrical Edition)
Burning Paradise (Ringo Lam 1994)
Burnt Money
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid A Special Edition
Butchers Wife The