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Company Man

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Look, Hickle you're the head of the ClA
Your attempt to overthrow Castro at the Bay of Pigs was so inept...
a circus clown wouldn't take credit for it
l want an explanation
Senator, we sent you our complete internal review of the matter
One page
l consider this completely unacceptable
Why do you think l fought on the Beaches at Normandy
To preserve the last best hope of mankind
or just because l wanted my kneecaps shattered
Well, l can't say, l really don't know you that well
l want an answer
And according to this, the only man
who can give it to me is officer
Quimp, Allen Quimp
Gee, this is so exciting
the U.S. Senate and a secret to boot
Hey, everybody
Allen, get a grip
Gentlemen, you have before you photographs, documents and other...
pertinent information on Officer Quimp's life and work
Officer Quimp, when did you join the company
What's your area of the expertise?
Guerrilla warfare, torture, assassination
Did he say grammar
Grammar, yes, l was a grammar teacher before l joined the ClA
Language is my love, although l did do some Driver's Ed instruction
mostly l was the main grammar teacher at Greenwich Prep
Although also l did substitute for the Spanish teacher if that was ever
necessary Buenos tardes, estudiantes
Also, l knew a little Russian
You spoke Russian?
No...l knew a little Russian
He worked at our country club you know
l just feel that all the problems facing...
our nation today stem from failure to
communicate, thus the Cold War
But before there could be parity in the world there must be clarity in the word
you know that l like to say
l like to say a country that understands the proper use of the objective pronouns
is a country with the...
proper objectives
l don't understand a thing he's talking about
Yes, very commendable
Can you tell us about the Bay of Pigs?
Oh that, well that pretty much started
the night we decided to make our attic into an office
l hadn't joined The Company yet and Daisy
that's my wife, Daisy
She and Kissy, that's our little dog came up
to join me, and Daisy and l spent
the waning minutes of the day, talking as we always did, about my work
Allen, when are you going to find a real job
Teaching grammar is a real job
Allen, smart people don't become teachers
Do you think President Eisendhower...
Though, oh, what should l do with my life?
Save the free world or increase man's understanding of the comma
Daisy, please. Say what you like about me but leave the comma out of this
Now my dream is that you take an upper management position
at a Blue Chip Wall ST firm
And you get a bonus so big our neighbor's will throw up and
we can put in a pool and hire a maid
Now if that makes me a Dewey-eyed idealist, so be it
Daisy, what l'm doing may not pay like a Wall Street job
lt doesn't
lt's just as a valuable, you know the less
we rely on grammar the more we sound like animals
Not a good idea in the nuclear age
As Shaw put it so brilliantly in Pygamalion
Language is what separates us from the animals
Well, quote my favourite philosopher, me
money is what separates us from the animals
For instance look at Kissy, she can be poor and still have a fur coat
l cannot
The reason she was so set on having a fur
was that there was the benefit coming up at The Arts Center
And the great Russian ballet dancer Rudolph Petrov, was going to perform
Well, Daisy was determined to go to that benefit looking her best
But since my salary as a teacher left me
you know, unable to buy her what she wanted
Daisy took matters into her own hands
What are you doing here?
Well, everyone at the benefit is going to be
wearing some kind of fur except me...
Poor Mrs. For-Some-Dumb-Reason- She-Married-A-School-Teacher
So l took your typewriter and a number of
your things l never much cared for and l came here to pawn them
You were going topawn my typewriter to buy yourself coat?
lsn't it straight out of O'henry?
Look, l wanted help her, l felt terrible...
Officer Quimp? The Bay of Pigs?
Oh, yes, l'm just coming that, so it all started that night in the attic...
when l told her that l was working on a secret project
Secret project
Yes, l was writing a book that would blow
the lid off one of the greatest scandals known in the free world
The Grammar Crisis in the English Speaking World
do you really think that's going To clutter the beaches next summer?
Allen, for a book to sell it has to have sex and shame
And people losing control of themselves
like Peyton Place or the Bible
Well, maybe l just need a juicier title but have faith in me, Daisy
l do have faith in you, that's why l want
you to get a real job with commuting and
ulcers and a briefcase l can get engraved for you
where you can get a secretary and l can get a maid
That's l want, and l want it by the time of
the Art Center benefit
Sweetheart, l can't possibly
Don't make me call Daddy
This was the ultimate threat, if she called
her father then he'd call me
And before l knew it l'd be we'd be playing squash
But, irritated as l was with Daisy l have toadmit she might be right
A sexier title might shock the public into paying attention to my book
Greetings, cats and kiddies, this is Dick
the Strict Deerly and the news is that WHlTE is changing...
its format starting now our new call letters
are WBLK and we're going to play the new...
sound that will lift you off the ground
that throbbing, bobbing new thing called rock'n roll
What? What is this?
This is terrible, that was my favourite station
l've never heard anything like this in my life
What is it? l love it
Not since l'd first discovered dangling
participates had anything thrilled me so much
So l did something no one from Greenwich had ever done
l went to Bridgeport looking for rock'n roll
lt's the most fantastic music you ever heard it's utterly without inhibition
Speaking of being utterly without things look at my shoulders
And look at those beautiful stoles on
Betty Crichton and Sally Smith Johnson
Of course, their husbands commute to New York to be
vice-president of something
That's why they sit near the window or by the fireplace
And then there is our section
Don't you think it's funny that everyone else in your family is so successful?
Your brothers make a million dollars a year
Chuck doesn't
Well no, they don't pay astronauts
that much ,but he's also an inventor
Oh, please, like somebody's going to buy something called a compact disk
Who wants smaller records? You'll get fewer songs
Everyone thought that l'd marry someone respectable
You know, if only l'd kept in touch with that nice roy Cohn
Well, if you won't organize your job search l will
Starting tomorrow, we're going to spend the afternoon together
We're going to go through the want ads until we find something
Clerk? No, part time, Heavens no
Vice president, yes
Time to do the want ads
Hotsy plus totsy
At last l had found a safe place but not long
because while l was gone...
Daisy called her father and that meant
it's 1959, Allen, a good time to be
white American male
Maybe the last good time you need to get
your piece of the pie before somebody subdivides it
l'm okay
You have fallen asleep under the back
wheel of the Cadillac of Life
And l am here to pull you to safety
Oh, God, oh, no
Understand me now? l'm saying
get a nine to five, three martini
six figure job...
like every other man in Connecticut within the month
or l will get in my Cadillac and back up over you
l've set up interviews, US Steel American Motors, Bon Vivant Soupt
after school every day for as long as it takes
you're getting a real job, like it or not
Oh, but l can't
Wet the rocks
You don't think that crummy little job at
the school is my real job to you?
lt's a front
Don't boil me, boy, cut the excuses and
wet the rocks
This excuse is my work, l mean this is not an excuse, it's my work
But l must demand total secrecy
lf you reveal what l'm about to tell you
lives could be lost
l'm in the ClA
The only way you could be in the ClA...
is if it stood for Cowering ldiots Association
That's your answer?
What makes me such a good agent
is that it's so obvious
l wouldn't be a good agent
Yeah but...
l mean think about it, the idea spy is a man who acts in a way
that makes it impossible to believe that
he's a spy
So the standard for being right for the ClA's how wrong you're for the ClA
Then you are perfect for the ClA
Whew, Yes, the ClA
This is exhilarating, this is exhilarating
Now, what does this mean for us money-wise?
Oh, well, you know, not that much
because l have to appear to live off a schoolteacher's salary
Off a schoolteacher's salary?
Well, here's stun-a-rooni, l don't mind
First of all, you're sacrificing for your country, What could you be more noble?
Second, you're risking your life for democracy
what could be more noble?
And third, this is the perfect way to turn
your book into a bestseller
Yes, tell your own story what could be more lucrative?
Oh, no, l can't, see, it's my secret life secret life
Even better, l will write it
Allen...isn't life full of the most touching twists?
You know, dear...
for a long time, l thought that everything
would be so much better if you just...
l don't know, died now you could die and l so hope you won't
He just couldn't be in the ClA
Polish the pennie, too
Sir, yes, sir
Excuse me? Did you order the hot coffee enema?
No, that was Mr. Bush. He's at the paddling bench with Mr. Buckley
Crunch, l need to ask a favour
My son-in-law told me he's spy for the ClA
Can you check for me?
Oh, we never reveal our officers too risky you understand?
Of course, l want you to know l'll do everything l can...
to protect that job l got your ex-wife
l'd hate for her to be jobless
with only an increase in alimony...
as a way to survive that would be hard for you
What's your son-in-law's name?
Take one, l don't want him to get the wrong impression of American breath
Good evening, Doris, you look so pretty
Hi, Doris
Anytime, you want to go undercover with me, feel free, ClA you later
Good evening
how are you?
Have you been telling people
Why would l want people to know that
you're a noble brick in the wall against communism
lnstead of just a balding grammar groupie
Mr. Petrov, we loved you those tour jetes
Yes, you are quite a jumper
lf there's anything we can do while you're here, please let us know
ln particular my husband could be of
service, it's not well known...
in actually has to be kept secret but
my husband works for me...
Friend Quimp?
Hello there, Jumper
This is American party custom?
This is Quimp party custom
sometimes l feel l have to get away
Me, too
l feel so oppressed
You mean by the failure of the system the corruption of moral authority...
and the exploitation of the artist by an unfeeling bureaucracy?
Well, sure okay, that an my wife
A man must be free
You speak the words of my heart
Thank you there, jumper, l don't think l've ever done that
So you would support me?
Well, not in any financial way, no, but
you know, look, l'm all for a guy geeing free
Where do you go during day?
l'm a Grammar and Driver's Ed teacher over at Greenwich Prep
Kids, this is an historic day for
Greenwich Prep. Because Rudolph Petrov
Russia's premiere ballet dancer is touring our great land
which some of you may recall from
the geography is called the United States
He was asked what he most wanted to see and he said a Driver's Ed Class
Allen Quimp, start your engine
Yes, sir, Jumper
lt's a thrill to meet you, Mr. Petrov When my asthma improves
l want to be a ballerina
Your handler wants in there, Jumper
He is not just handler, he is KGB
Please Quimpy, l wish to defecate
Oh listen, l always tell the kids to do that before
No...l mean defect, l wish to defect
You want to leave Russia?
Just as you're winning the space race?
Jumper, l'm the wrong person to defect to
l'm grammar, you want Mrs. Scobey current events
Of course you're the right person you are Mr. ClA
Please, Quimpy, if you give me back to them, they'll send me to a camp or
Or what?
Or put me under house arrest
alone in apartment with only my wife
Nora, place your foot on the gas pedal Look both ways and while hot forgetting
to use your turn signals, floor it...
Stop car
Where? l don't know where to go
Nora, l know you're tense, but there's
no sense in ending your sentence on a preposition
Use the wipers
Stop car
Step on it
l'm trying
Speedup, speed up, step on it slow down, slow down
Nice work
Nora, we'll never escape if you don't leave the practice circle
Stop car, come back
You better not take off any points for me driving on the lawn
Where are you taking me? Do you have a safe place?
l want you to wait up here, you're going to just love it, l wish l could...
come up with you, but my wife likes me to come straight home after school
Mom, guys, Hi, is everything all right?
Daisy told us the absurd story about the ClA
We think you should be hospitalized
l voted against it, Allen, l still say you don't need an overnight
for shock therapy
Allen, show them your badge
or a stun gun or something
You know, just because some of you have Nobel Prize
doesn't mean you know everything
ln fact, you are so wrong right now
because one of my Driver's Ed Students and l...
just helped a Russian ballerina, whom l
sat in a sand trap with, outrun the KGB
and defect from the Soviet Union by stashing him up a tree l frequent
l am ready to change my vote
Tom, phone the nurse
l'll dial
No...wait...even now, l'm waiting
for a phone call from headquarter
which will give me my instructions
lt could also be a personal call
sometimes they like to come right to the door
Allen Quimp?
Yes, are you from the ClA?
Yes, how did you know?
l'm sorry, who are you?
Officer Hickle
And you're from where?
The ClA
And you wish to speak with whom?
You, Allen Quimp
And you're from where?
The ClA
Well, right this way
Officer Hickle from the ClA
l think we can speak safely in the fumpus room
lmpersonating a ClA officer is against the law
ln the interest of national security...
we must demand that you cease any such claims
Am l being crystal clear?
Yes, but...
Thank you, good day
But what am l supposed to do with Rudolph Petrov?
l just helped him defect
You helped Rudolph Petrov defect from the Soviet Union?
Yeah, he wants to move here, boy, if he likes our Arts Centre enough...
to risk his life, wait till he gets a load of
Radio City Music Hall
Well, this is quite a coup for the ClA Allen
Yeah, well, except you didn't do it l did and l am not in the ClA
Well, let's not get hasty
Are you interested in working for us?
l'll send for the helicopter, l'll take you and Petrov in
Ever been in the military
Oh, yeah, well, Scouts
lf we make Quimp an officer, the ClA can take credit for Petrov
We know nothing about him
The ClA is not a playground Human life is at stake
But good press is more precious than human life
Put him on the payroll and send him to some Third World backwater
Brian Fry
Welcome to Cuba
How do you do?
How are you?
This is so exciting, Buenos dias, Cuba
You'll be bunking over at my place until we find a house for you and your wife
When's she coming?
Well, l don't like for her to be too near danger, l mean
La playa, Hey, Officer Hickle told me that the guy l'm replacing, Mr.-
Johnson, yeah, Mr. Johnson says this country's on the verge of revolution?
Excuse me, sir, do you give me some matches?
Oh, sure, hang on
A muchacho, La botila, and dos fosforos
Thank you very much
Adios, muchacho
Johnson was delusional, Kept claiming there were Communists here
Chief Lowther sent him home, so don't you fret, ain't nothing going to happen
to your wife down here
Oh, that's good, Fry, l assume when you say: ain't nothing
you're just trying to be colloquial...
But l just feel l have to tell l feel there's very little use in winning
the battle against communism
if we lose the war against double negatives, but let's not dwell on that now
Hey, let's not
Are you sure there is no trouble here?
Come on, you're part of the world's top security organization now
Let's go meet the Chief, he brings a whole new meaning to the term Security
Garcon...l can't believe this
These guys are taught from early childhood
When they hear my voice look the other way
Anyhow, where were we? We're going to set up a dummy corporation
you're going to be the head of it
We'll call it American Fruit, Perfect for you
you'll get chance that way to go out in the countryside
You can mingle with the workers, talk to
the farmers, you'll find out if there's anything going on
lf there's any, believe me there'll be nothing
going on l promise there's nothing happen in this country
with the exception of you can't get a waiter
before you drop dead of starvation lt's in the construction
Look what can l tell you? You're going to
be frustrated, there's no question about it
You know, you outran the KGB, you're
clearly a guy who needs a threat to his life to feel alive
l can appreciate that, this was me years ago
Then a car backfired and
l had a nervous breakdown. Ended it
Chief Lowther ran our Paris office Briefly
l should not complain like this, really l've been here, what?
Nothing, one, two, Monday, Tuesday eight years, l've been here 8 years
Garcon, we'll have the Chateau Lafikke and l believe 1946
Because '45, was you know, a war year there was shrapnel in the harvest
And some Camembert cheese s'il vous-plait, Vite, Vite
Tu madre es una puka
Yes, your mother has the same problem
Mr. Johnson, your predecessor
for some reason Johnson was convinced
there was a mile in the operation here
and somebody was actually passing secrets to the Soviet Union
Yes...Fry and l refer to him all the time as Agent X
My feeling is if l find Agent X l'm out
of here, it's my passport to freedom
What is that?
This is Camembert cheese but they put
but they put black beans in everything in the shaving
That's there thing, black beans that's how they ruin
l'm living in a nightmare, Quimp
l can only tell you, l made one insignificant mistake
He left his book of European codes in a Soviet-owned borthel...
and well, forty-five of our agents were hanged
So it was a no-no, l know that now
You should have heard how they reacted they hung a few people
You only did it once, lt's not like you kept leaving it at Soviet-owned brothel
You know my own contact was poisoned
at a sidewalk caf? l was tense, l was going crazy
l was vibrating like a tuning fork you know
l sought refuge at the brothel
There was this blonde who knew very well
how to manipulate my tensions
Then the car backfired and l thought
they were shooting at me, l ran out
l left the code book
Quimp, look at this, look
they bring Chateau Lafikke with a paper parasol in it
Find Agent X, get me out of here
There is no Agent X
our secrets get out because the chief talks too much when he drinks
He's sweet guy, but let's just say he's real sad
Oh well, let's not say 'real sad'
Real' is an adjective but you're using it to modify...
sad which is also an adjective so you need an ah?
No, no, Adverb...So what's the adverbial form of 'real'?
Hey, look man, don't provoke, ok?
l've killed people, really
Really'? That's the adverbial form of 'real'
so what were you saying?
l don't know, what was l saying? cause you know l think l've only started
one sentence since you arrived in town & we've been correcting it every since
l'm sorry, l mean, l just feel that honoring
the rules of grammar and
speaking with style makes us better people
but look l know it's not always fun to be better
l apologize
Okay, you want to watch some ball
So what do you like to do for fun?
Well, if l'm not going to parse a sentence l love rock'n roll
All right, who are your favourite groups
Well, Danny and the Lifeguards, for me
number one, but l love the Skyliners
Hey, you know what? l was on a train once
you're never going to believe who l sat next to
Whom l say next to
Right, l was sitting next to this guy
You know, object of the preposition to so it would just have to be 'whom'
Like l was saying, so l said to the guy
As l was saying 'As'
Of course, like l was, as l was saying
Good, that's good
So as l was saying, what was l saying?
Oh the guy who l was sitting next to on the train
Okay, whoa...l think we really need to
focus on 'who' versus 'whom'
because l don't think you're listening to me
l don't think l can listen to you and actually
finish my sentence at the same time, okay?
So the guy, he who l was sitting next to on the train
Whom, whom, whom
Whom, l'm just going to keep saying it until you say it properly
Okay, all right, so l say to the guy 'Do you know who' no...
do you know whom my favourite group is
and l say, he says 'Whom?' and l say 'the Skyliners' and the funny part is...
it![s the lead singer of the group it's his brother
That's funny...You see, because that time it should have been 'who'
Who my favourite group is l feel you need
a little work on your linking verbs
Do you want to go over the linking verbs?
no, maybe when we get home we could
diagram some sentence, no, you're right that wouldn't be enough
maybe what we could do is
everyday l'll just keep a list of the numerous things
you say incorrectly throughout the day
and then when we get home, l'll take
the list out and we can just over and over
And over the many things you've said incorrectly until you learn them properly
Hey, l don't mind, no, l love this
even if it takes years
l never get tired of helping
Okay, l'm agent X
l'm confessing, l'm Agent X
l'm him
No, he
'l'm he?' it just sound weird
Well, see this is the linking verbs again l think we really need to go over
No...l'm confessing, so it's okay
l'll sign anything you want
You just have to stop correcting me
What do you want? Just tell me, secrets you want secrets?
Okay, President Batista is about to be overthrown by the guerrilla Fidel Castro
& then four weeks after coup, the Soviets are going to send a high-level emissary to
meet with Castro to arrange the exchange
of some really dangerous military weapons
How's that? That's a good one, isn't it?
'Real' dangerous?
Real dangerous
Have you not listened to a word l've said?
Oh, my God, you know what? They should
have some kind of a thing in the Geneva accords...
about you, a whole paragraph should be dedicated to you, this is insane
l don't care who you are or how they trained you
What? What did l say?
Don't care who l am?
What is it, 'whom'? ls it a 'whom' thing?
Well, l think you know
l don't care whom you are?
You may have been right?
l think you should get a pen and a piece of paper because l'm ready to sign
l am whom, he, whom, l am...
l am he who is ready to sign
l am he who is ready to sign
That is perfect
That's who l am
Very, very nicely confessed
l have some stunning news we found Agent X
But the stunning part is who found him - Quimp
l'm stunned
We've been looking for Agent X for two years
Completely stunned
Quimp has been there less than a day Do you think he's double agent?
His father-in-law says he doesn't have
the wits to be a single agent. l'm stunned
Not as stunned as l am, l met him
Let's keep a close eye on him read his mail,tape his phone calls
l'm stunned
Completely stunned
This guy Johnson, you replaced
l found him to be a total madman
He was laboring under this delusion
that the Cubans are on the verge on a revolution
He was absolute animal, yeah, psychotic
Wow, where did he come from? the military?
No, the mailroom at William Morris
Officer Fry did me tell me that there's some guy named Fidel Castro...
who's planning a coup and he's very closely tied to the Soviets
Yes, but l would not act on the tip of a confessed spy, lt's a mistake
You know, l know what you mean
lt's very hard to believe there'd be a revolution here
l mean, look how happy the people are
you know, they're always having parades
lt's wonderful, l love their funny little customs
The flaming pinatas are so cute
Well, a revolution would not look good on my resume
l think what you have to do is use the Voice of America to...
tell these people that they're happy that they are content
Could l play songs?
Just make them happy
Buenos, dias, Havana
This is el Quimp with Johnny Mathis...
And 'wonderful wonderful'
which is how we all feel living in Cuba
Dear Daisy, l'm writing you from the
battleground of my new life
You must of course keep the contents of this letter secret
Letter from Allen...
l work as a salesman for an American
fruit concern, but that is just my cover
Hombre? Hey, little hombre?
Posing as a native l spend my days making
sure the workers are not going communist
While at night the buss of rebel planes fills the air
And when sleep comes l dream of
what life would be like if you were here
When are we getting bigger hut?
But l couldn't put you at risk it is unwise for you to come
The agency has provided an elderly
maternal woman to look after me...
ln return, l've been teaching her English Which gratifies me so
This letter comes with all my love please eat it
Communists, war planes, hand-offs
l could get six chapter out of this letter alone
But it's all so second hand
Mr. Quimp? Your lunch is ready
l'll be right there
Senor, do you not like our music?
No, not at all, l'm ashamed to say
l only know the giants of Latin literature
Here then
l see what you mean, it's quite peppy
Oh, no, l never move in front of other people
My brothers are good dancers but, well
all right, if you're willing
But how would l even?
Relax and feel the beat through me
Through you?
Right and left, right and left
So you move your...well, everything?
Yes, bring the hips down, right and left
l think l'm getting it
Now, l want you to dip me
l've never dipped with another
Elderly maternal woman, now l see why you didn't want me to come here
Don't you dare answer that door until that is settled
Daisy, l didn't want you to come because there's going to be an uprising of the...
Of the what, Allen?
Well, of the people not in power against the people in power and when that happens
this country's going up like a...
the only revolution around here is the one between you and Chiquita LaTaTa
All right everybody, eat wood
Eat wood...
What does that even mean?
Hit the floor
Hearing anything? We've to make sure we weren't followed
Who in the world are you?
l'm Crocker Johnson, ma'am
Johnson? The Mr. Johnson?
And the revolution l've warned everybody about...
the revolution that will ruin thousands of
lives and deprive people of all liberty...
the revolution that will grab the throat of
democracy and strangle the air from it...
until only the red marks of communism
are left on it, that revolution is here at last
Oh, thank God, my wife was about to kill me
Don't thank God l'm here, l thank God you're here
You're the man who found Agent X you're my man
That's good, man, Roll with it, use it Ride the violence
Mrs. Quimp, l need your husband to come with me to stop the revolution
before it's too late
Revolution, my foot, you're just saying that to hide his affair
Do you not think l'm serious?...
No, l don't think you're serious
Cut me
That's how serious l am, cut me you want me to do it
Look, l'm serious
My God
You see, Daisy, we're serious
Oh, my God, you really did it? What is the matter with you?
Communism's the matter with me
brother, the loss of freedom is the matter with me
Do you think l went into the ClA just because it was easy to spell?
l'm in this company because l love America
But there's a big bear out there trying to
bite the eagle's head off
And if we don't act we'll all be in a long line
in Moscow with shoes that don't fit
You don't have to go to Moscow for that
try the semi-annual sale at Bloomies
Do you think l'm serious?
N, l do
Go on, cut me, you want me to do it?
Look, l am as serious as a stip search
He is going to ruin the rug which is an excellent example of native weaving
These cut are nothing compared to what this guy's been through
What guy?
He was nearly killed an hour ago
What happened? Who is he?
What do you mean, who is he? this is President Batista
President of Cuba? ln my book
l smell Pulitzer
Greetings, little people
How do you do
Hello, how do you do?
He's been overthrown, Fidel Castro has
seized the palace, he's a little upset
Everything l fought for, my domestic policy my foreign policy
Oh my God, my home owner's policy
lf l have to go into exile there is no way l'm paying my premium
We need to figure out how to chase that communist rat...
back into his socialist hole, let's go come one
See, Daisy, now l have to go have a talk with Mr. Johnson
Santa Maria, please don't let that big brute
get hold of my good vases
Allen, you can't leave
The only Spanish words l know are Ricky Riccardo
Daisy, this is why l told you not to come
lf Mr. Johnson needs me for a meeting then l have to go to that meeting
The only meeting that's going to take place is when we get our hands on Castro
and have his balls meet the back of his throat
On the other hand, dear, if you're nervous l'll just stay here with you
Do l have to electronic myself?
ls that what you want?
Get me water so l can wet my hand
Stop him, That's a nice lamp
Listen, Brother Quimp, if we act now
before the palace is secured we can kill Castro
restore democracy to the people and a ruler to his rightful throne
Acting out of your love for the great bald bird, you risk your safety
as well as the safety of your beloved
wife to ensure the safety of an entire people
lf that were a book, it would sell a million copies
Well, l am not in love with the people
Mr. Johnson but a person, my Daisy and it is for her
Can the mush, Allen, Castro must die pack your piece and go
Think what this will do for my book, they have to deliver my royalties by dumptruck
Daisy, come on, let's discuss
Do you no think l am serious?...
You want me to electronic myself?
All right, Mrs. Q, freedom fighter
Allen Quimp, l want you to overthrow this
government in the most highly readable un-put downable way possible
or we're going back to Greenwich on
the next flight with seats available in first class
Yeah, move it, amigo
Every second wasted is another second
that Cuban Judas lscariot could be cracking my crystal
Let's go
Up, Out, Down, Move, Freedom calls
Viva la vista
Meanwhile, l'll plan the details of my triumphant return to the palace
Well, you're not planning anything until this mess is cleaned up
Boy, you think there's a vacuum cleaner anywhere in this country?
Oh, l have one at home, pure gold with a lovely velvet dust bag
l bought it from the Shah do you know Shah?
Very nice man, very firm handshake
always know the latest jokes very good at ping-pong, Brandy
Oh for God's sake, l'm coming
Where exactly are we headed?
The palace, we had to come this way to avoid detection
Just a little further
Oh, no, what you mean is farther
Further, of course, is used to refer to
quantity whereas farther is more
Don't you every correct my grammar
l had a teacher sister Lola
and anytime you said something wrong
Sister Lola whacked you
l know those ruler can hurt
Sister Lola taught shop she used a hammer
Heads up, water moccasins
Well, that's an interesting plan
l'm only have one slight what you might call conservation
Could you just go over that last part again?
yeah, when we get to the palace there's a big outer wall, we scale it
No, later than that
Creep toward his bedroom?
No, just the very last part
Chop off his fat hairy head?
That's it, that's it, that's the part
What's your confusion, man? You hold it l'll chop it, come on
No, no see, l have a chopping issue l just don't feel that
Hey, do you not think l'm serious?
You want me to push this sharp twig in one ear
through my brain and out the other ear
Good God, no
Then movie it, and l mean now, don't be a yellow belly wimp Quimp
Come on, move...
l'm sorry, but l can't do this
lf you want to kill Castro go ahead
You are obviously strong enough yourself
But it's just not something l can do That's it, l'm going
You're leaving?
That's right
You're actually walking out?
Yes, well, l can't stay here under these circumstances
Fine, just walk away
Leave me
l'm used to it
l don't know what's wrong with me
l just can't keep a partner
l try my hardest, but l guess l'm just not
what other agents want
No, don't say that, l'm sure you have
a lot of qualities
l don't
No, you do
No, l don't
You do
l don't
You do, you, listen, l know how you feel
l've got older brothers, they never wanted me around
To them l was always just a secret cat little shrimp
They must be proud of you now
Yeah, well, they can't believe it
So what am l doing wrong?
Well, l tell you, you don't listen to me
You make me feel as though what l say doesn't matter
That is so bad of me, you caught Agent X
You brought Petrov in, you're Mr. Does Matter
But eliminating Communists from
the face to the earth is the reason we're here
Why don't you do it?
Well, don't you think that l want to
see Castro gag on his own tongue?
l wan to believe that, l want to
l do, but if we try now and fail
killing Castro is going to be that much harder
in the future because then the security will be massive
That's a good point, See?
You are so much the man
l've got to try to listen more
Well, yeah, but that's good because l always tell my students
That we have two ears but only one mouth
so we should try to listen twice as much as we talk
He wants to assassinate Castro? We should do something
Oh thank God. l knew you'd want to stop him
No, we should do something to help him
Help him? What are you talking about?
Surely the US government doesn't condone
killing people just because we disagree with them
Of course we do, that's our specially
Fine, lf that's what you want, that's your business
but l'm not right guy to work with Johnson He's very...
l know what you're going to say That he's prehistoric and simian
But that's exactly my point, you have mind He's got the muscle
lt's perfect combination
That maniac almost got me killed
Come on, would you? He wants me to help kill Fidel Castro, Start packing
Abso-very-lutely not, this afternoon has brought my book to life
Listen, my loving reunion with Allen
was violently interrupted...
when a dashing...
soldier of furtune broke through the window...
and delivered to our doorstep General Basista
My second home was now democracy's
last sanctuary
Gee, that's great, but see...
l joined the ClA as an lntelligence officer not as an assassin
Well, then use your intelligence and think of some other way to get rid of Castro
Anyone who's ever been in the Junior League can tell you don't have to kill
someone to make them want to leave the party
But sweetheart
And we are not leaving this country until Castro is gone and
l have an ending for my book
But l
Tearfully l watched my husband depart
for what might be his last mission
l've come up with a plan for getting rid of Castro
but l don't think we should kill him
What? No way. Bring on the bear and l'll bite his brown nose off
No, no that's a mistake we have to be subtle
The trick is to make Castro unpopular
Let's shoot him in the mouth with a shotgun
People without faces are very unpopular
Crocker, l thought we were going to try to use a little more of this
and a little less of this
l'm sorry, l forgot
All right, now what l need though for my plan to work is a drug
that could alter Castro Speech do you know what l mean? Something
Wait a minute
What about this? This is a gas that we
developed as a truth serum but it never really worked
lt could make people lie more than ever but then they slurred their speech
l use this a night when l go to sleep because it will keep me...
believe it or not, from grinding my teeth
That's interesting
l don't know, Have you guys heard about this new hallucinogenic drug called LSD?
l thought American Fruit could sponsor a dagate with Castro and we would put
at his place a glass of water which has been
laced with the LSD
He takes a few sips of that and everybody is going to think he sounds like a nut
Well, l'd rather ram a hose up his butt and blow the skin off his body
But l'm trying to be more sensitive
Where are we going to find some LSD
Well, see that's the problem, l just
l got LSD
You have got LSD?
Yeah, yeah, l use it every now and then l'll take a little bit
when l feel very depressed over getting stuck out here
l take some every single evening and
ever single morning like clockwork
And of course if the day's not going well l'll pop some for lunch too
So l can get you all the LSD you want really
That's great
The big problem's going to be can you get Castro to the debate?
l'm sorry, Senor Quimp a televised debate
would e covered by the print press
and l detest publicity
l am a shy man, a humble man
So l agree only if there is no press
Well, maybe Life Magazine could come
l love the funny little pictures they have on the back
Last week they had a cat on skates
So just Life can come
Well, maybe also Time Magazine could come
because l know they are owned by the same company
And of course, we can't snub Newsweek if Time is going to come
So just Time, Life, Look, Newsweek
and if you can get Norman Rockwell...
l will do the Saturday Evening Post
Good evening, l'm Allen Quimp and on behalf of the business community
l am happy to welcome President Fidel Castro
Welcome, President Castro
President Castro, l can never hear that enough
After all, l used to pick fruit
l was the lowest of the low
But now that we have chased that money grasping midget
President Batista from office
l am the high one
Just drink your water, baby and you'll be higher than you ever dreamed
l know a lot of people are concerned
about what's going to happen to Cuba now
Cuba is like this glass of water
lt is full of what we need
But if l am holding the glass is it different because l am holding it?
lf Senor Quimp holds the glass
Hold the...
That is the same glass of water
Except for the ten teaspoons of narcotics
Now l hold Senor Quimp's glass of water
ls it different because l hold it?
is which?
ls this the Communist water or is this the capitalist water?
ls there any difference?
All that matters...
about these two glasses is the same thing that matters about Cuba
what is inside, l propose a toast
to Cuba and all it can be
lf he doesn't drink, Castro's going to suspect a trap
That's going to put Quimp's life in jeopardy
On the other hand, if he does drink he's liable to hallucinate
and give the whole operation away
which will also put his life in jeopardy
Either one works for me, Twistarooni Galore
Drink, amigo, Drink
Very well, does anyone've any questions for this great man sitting beside me?
Okay, well we might as well head on home because
Amigo, there are many raised hands Sir, in the front row
ls there still a place for capitalists in a Communist country?
President Castro congratulates you on your question
And President Castro will now answer it
There is nothing more sacred than our economy
lt is the engine of peace and prosperity
to all Cuban people
As President, the first thing
have you ever noticed how amazing wood is?
l mean, it is just alive, man
Wow, look at it. Watch that thing go
Here, come on hair-lip. Check it out
Look at that grain
Amber waves of
You know what it's like? You know what it's like?
lt's like a sentence by James Joyce
Anyway, did you hear that?
James Joyce, Jay Joy, Jay Joy
Hello. How are you? Good, thanks's the family? Good
How's your family? How many do you have now? Five
Amigo, you want to lay down?
Lay down? Did you hold on, mom
Do you not know the difference between lay and lie?
Maybe the lights are too hot
Yes, the lights are too hot
That's why l'm going swimming, oh boy
Take that. Man that water looks good l can't wait to get in...
Jesus Christ, there's a mongoose in my shorts! There's a mongoose in my shorts
Help me! Get it out! Jesus Christ!
lf he sees a mongoose in there he is definitely hallucinating
Major mongoose in my shorts look at that thing move
This is the most humiliating debacle
in the history of the United States foreign policy
Well, l wouldn't say the most humiliating
Yeah, you haven't heard what we tried next
Oh, god
So we went to American Fruit and l had to do my radio show
Johnson was just not about to give up
l am so serious about wanting this island to be free
l'm willing to ram your microphone up
my ass and fuck Cuba to freedom
Let's you and l head to the palace and blow the beard off his face
Just over and over, l'm a hog, l'm a hog
Officer Quimp, we get it
All right, so we realized that what we needed was
a more serious plan to get rid of Castro
So decided to defoliate his face
l beg your pardon
Hey, anyone in the mood for lunch?
We just felt that we could undermine Castro's appeal if we could
make all the hair on his head fall off
So we had our lab mix up a depilatory
you know a hair-removing agent
and it would work on a time delay, so that you know Castro would use it
and then he'd go outside and his hair would blow off in the first stiff breeze
And the ClA lab made this?
Oh yes, senator we're
You have a number for that lab?
You want the number?
lt's just that my wife has a little problem with hair on her shoulders
Just her shoulders
And down a little bit onto her upper back
upper and lower back
And her hips
lt's kind of thick there
Where'd you meet her the zoo?
Officer Quimp, please proceed
When the depilatory arrived, Daisy took it
She a big hairball like Mrs. Farwood?
No, she wanted me to take a picture of her holding the bottle for her book
What made you think that Castro would use the shampoo?
Well, President Kennedy recommended a special agent
who had done some work for him She called Castro for us
Hello, Mr. President? l mean, Mr. El President?
Well, l just think you're the dreamiest world leader
and l wanted to send you this shampoo that all the movie stars use
After all, just because one is a revolutionary
doesn't mean one has to look revolting
l'm coming to Cuba to hear your speech on the fifteenth
lf you use it that day, maybe
we could, as you Cubans say Rendezvous
Miss Monroe, l would love to meet you
Castro took the bait.
We had our maid deliver the shampoo to him the night before
he was to give his big speech
Top members of the KGB were present and there was a strong wind
Santa Maria, he's wearing one of my rings
Which one is it? Momasitta gave that ring to me
Well, either moma or ldi Amin l can't quite see it
You know ldi?
Yes, very nice man. Could you look for me, please?
lf it has a heart on it, then ldi gave it to me
Finally the moment of truth arrived The wind picked up
and as l predicted the depilatory began to work
There was just one problem
Daisy had sent him the wrong bottle of shampoo
Well, l don't know she must have just mixed the bottles up or something
and kept the one with the depilatory for herself
lt was a catastrophe, just a complete catastrophe
lt was the worst day of my life
l mean, not only had my wife gone bald
but it make Johnson even more determined
to find a way to kill Castro
What about this?
Mi Casa Es Su Casa, it explodes
No, Crocker
Look, give him the mat and send him up in smoke
No, wait. That's, smoke
Smoke was the easiest way into Castro's bloodstream
So we decided to give Castro a box of poisoned cigars
There are samples in the files
Those samples are poisoned?
Anyway, l had heard that my favourite group, Danny and the Lifeguards...
was coming to Castro's palace to play
at his daughter's birthday party
So we arranged to accompany the band as part of their entourage
and have them present Castro with the poisoned cigars
Well, we've learned a lot today
Haven't we officer Quimp?
We've learned that you have a mongoose in your shorts
We've learned that the missing link isn't actually missing
she's married to Senator Farwood
But what we haven't learned about is the Bay of Pigs
l'm just coming to that, now that l'd come up with his cigar plan
Johnson had calmed down but unfortunately, Daisy had not
Not even General Batista could cheer her up
Making matters worse was our new maid
Where are those drinks?
Allen, we've got to do something about these domestic
l could lose my hair but not my mind
Daisy, when the company shipped me down here they said that
if l ever needed need anything...
l should just wire them for help
so go ahead, wire them for help
Cuban domestic situation intolerable Things must be cleaned up at once...
Otherwise fear total collapse, send help ASAP, Desperate Quimp
But we can't invade on the basis of wire
Sir, we believe that Officer Quimp has
sent us a number of message...
through the music he plays on the radio
asking for invasion
We've made a compilation, Listen
See you later alligator...
Castro must go
Come softly...
We should launch a surprise invasion
lt was an itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow
poka dot bikini
The men should be dressed for an amphibious landing
l'm A hog...
Notice now officer Quimp repeats the phrase
l'm a Hog, l'm a Hog for you, baby
What do you make of it?
We think it's a tip about where to land
Cuba has an inlet called the Bay of Pigs
Get me the President
And so on April 1 7th, 1961 we began
our last assassination attempt
Disguised as hip record executives we went to the airport
and picked up the band
There he is
To insure a thorough knowledge of
the palace...
we brought along General Batista dressed as a chauffeur
Attention please, please, we are now approaching my palace
The palace, the former inhabitant of which was General Batista
you've heard of them
Oh, he's a very nice man, very elegant
Very musical, yes..., no bad body odors
Nobody ever called him a guerrilla, oh, no
You will perform in here
Don't scratch that floor
The wood is imported from a tiny island
off the coast of Madagascar that has not produced
similar quality lumber for over four hundred years
l'm guessing
Let me know if you need anything
Wow, Castro's got quite a spread
Between you and l though, l could never live in this big a space
No, well, you're such a modest guy Kind of like a friendly guy
What is it?
Between you and l? That's wrong, isn't it?
Oh, don't be such a stickler Language is a living thing
Bueno dios, amigos
We want to welcome you to our home
Your home?
ls so lovely. lt doesn't really seem like your home
but more like a museum
Yes, well, the greedy pygmy who used to here
was a petty bourgeois social climber who spent money on bathroom faucets
instead of spending on the people when we catch that fat midget
we are going to put him on display and
beat him like a pinata
El Presidente?
May l?
What are you doing to him?
lt's a special kind of diet
You won't feel like eating now
l'm sorry to brother you before a concert but l have a question
Who does your publicity? you are in the paper all the time
That was a nice spread in Teen Beat Magazine last week
Thank, man, thanks a lot
Do you have to be a teen to be in Teen Beat?
Or could you just be a youthful world leader?
l'm not sure
Senor Presidente, the Soviet emissary is waiting for you
Business calls, well, my friend
if l don't finish in time to hear your concert many thanks
Okay, friends of freedom, you heard what that red rapist of Betsy Ross said
He may not be here after the concert
Brother Q, you and l need to follow him find him and do the job for liberty
We can't, we have no weapon, no way to harm him
lt's full of poison, we'll just have to get it in his bloodstream
Now, how we are going to do that with a pen?
lt's hypodermic nib
Allen, you be sure and be the one who jabs him
lf my book doesn't outsell the Bible l'm going to lose my faith in God
General Batista, you and Daisy keep an eye on things here
Brother Q, ready to bite the Big Bear?
Allen Jugular
General, your taste is exquisite
This place is fab times ten
l'm just not sure about the walls
No, l think the butternut squash is
a little Miami Beach
lf you want to see exquisite, please
And when could we expect to have this come?
Will be here in one, maybe two weeks
lt will be a great day for Cuba when they arrive
Will we show those capitalist pigs
they can't push Fidel Castro around anymore
But enough of business, how is our beautiful wife?
Senor Presidente, your call is ready
My apologies, l will return
My friend, l must return to my daughter's birthday party
but yes of course, send the missiles
Thank you
Thank you, Mr. Gorbachov
Come on, l show you out
Please, please
This is, was my bedroom
Oh General, fatos mucho tico
Che, Che, Che, my baby
May l? Snap snap
Oh, if only this hand-crafted 18th century
four poster bed with the original canopy could talk
Where's the bathroom? l'm a fixtures nut
Yes, please, please
Maracas, mamacita gave these to me
l always wanted to be a musician The piano is my passion
But Mamacita said l should have something to fall back on, so...
l became a dictator
When you come out, l want to show you this portrait of Mamacita
He has moved the portrait of Mamacita if he sold it, l will kill him
with the bare hands of the man that
l hired to kill him with his bare hands
Where can her picture be?
ls she a squatty red-haired woman?
Mamacita is in the bathroom?
l will kill him
Listen to me, the plan's back in place
Castro's coming to the concert after all
so all we have to do is give him the cigars them
Hey guys
Holy S! What happened?
Oh, God
Okay, calm down. Relax l brought along an antidote just in case
anything went wrong, which in your case
is a hundred percent certainty
How long will it take?
Maybe about half an hour
Half an hour?
Presidente Castro and his daughter have taken their seats
The concert must begin
Fernando, how can you do this to me? After all l've done for you?
l do not know you
Of course, l forget my cunning disguise
Generalissimo Batista? My prayers have been answered
Now l can kill you and pay you back for twenty years of hell
And now, Carlotta's favorite group Danny and the Lifeguards
l have no idea how to play these
Just pretend they're Castro's face
Buenos dias, Havana, and a special feliz...
birthday to Carlotta Castro
we'd like to dedicate to her our number one hit
Old MacDonald
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-l-e-l-o
And on that farm not much went on
Life moved pretty slow
Just a quack, quack here and a moo moo there
Not much action anywhere
Old MacDonald had a farm, E-l-e-l-o
Those pills we took on the plane were definitely not uppers
Lifeguards. Wake up
What are you doing?
You guys are out. We had to play
but we don't know how to
Oh man, hey, we do
Get ready to start faking it
Billy, Micky, Skippy, PT, let's rock roll
Everyday the radio played
The songs were all the same
Heavy strings and other things sounded
pretty time
Then came a sound with a brand new goal
to shake your heart and rattle your soul
Old MacDonal loved this sound
the sound called Rock-N-Roll
He'd never heard a sound like this in all
his live long days
lt make his fingers snap and twitch
his feet moved in a craze
With a doo-wop here and a yeah-yeah there
Mac no longer was a square
And now the barnyard critters love this sound
They started dancing all around
Batista is in the palace
There he is, catch that capitalist dwarf
All right, let's divert them, Chief General you go that way
Q, Daisy take this stairs
Do you know the way out?
We've got to go, he said go this way
Hurry, move it...
Let me go, l'm a tourist
The cover of Life
Daisy, come on, Forget the pictures
l don't care what anyone says you can't go wrong with big stones
Move it...
These weeds, will you look at these weeds lt's a sin
Come on, give me your hand
Good God, if we get out of this place we are going straight back to Greenwich
Oh good, then we'll call a realtor
we can't go back to that tacky little shack we need a new house
A new house?
Spanish style, we can build one with fountains and
Q,Q man, let's do like that big bald bird
we love and fly to freedom, come on
Allen, are you coming?
Q...l'm sorry, man
but it was too dangerous to go back for daisy, God save her from her captors
Yeah, well, God save her captors
There's the boat to liberty, let's go
Come on, Q
Hey man, what's all this boat traffic?
We're going to Bay of Pigs to take back the mother island, Cuba libre
Cuba libre, is there room for two more
Two more
Brother Q, you ready to return?
Oh, well, no, don't think l should go to
the agency and debrief them about the Russian
Good idea, l better go
l hate to miss a chance to bring the bear to his knees
But that means that this is goodbye
l know l was a little impatient with you sometimes
And sometimes rough, but we really stuck
our necks out for the red, white and blue
l'm proud we were partners, shoot
here l go again, Old salty
Cuba libre...
Cuba libre...
Vamos, muchachos
Officer Quimp, your bravery in trying
to assassinate Castro
makes you and exemplary agent
The markings you placed on
Mr. Grobachev's head will identify him as a man to watch
Though the invasion was botched it proves
the need for greater funding of the ClA
l'm sorry to have to tell you your wife was arrested
though it is against our policy
to pay for such things, we were prepared
to make the Cubans an offer before we could
they made us an offer if we would take her off their hands
it was apparently the first time in Cuban
penal history where it was the guards who rioted
Now if you'll step to the door behind me
there is a surprise for you
No, sorry, that's my 3:30, that door to the right
Yes, there are one or two little details about your departure
l'd like to discuss with you, but that can wait till we're outside
Get me an assignment, will you?
And that is
how the Bay of Pigs happened
Pretty much what you might have guessed
l'm curious, Officer Quimp, it's been
some time since the events
What's happened to everyone?
Well, Chief Lowther managed to escape through Guatemala
He got the first plane to Paris
Stewardess, some Chateau lakfikke s'il vous-palit
Unfortunately, that plane was hi-jacked
to Havana
Jesus, please, Let this is just be a bad acid flashback
And General Batista?
Things worked out very nicely for
the General, he landed in Miami Beach
Men grow cold as girls grow old
and we all lose our charms in the end
lsn't that the truth, Betty?
But square-shaped or pear shaped
those rocks don't lose their shape
Diamonds are a boy's best friend as well as dollars
Diamonds are a boy's best friend
Thank you, One bottle more for Betty and now...
What about your wife? Were there any consequences for her?
Yes, my weeks in the Cuban prison were
but as woman who twice a year passed
through Times Square on matinee day
l was no stranger
to depravity and horror
Thank you, thank you so much
Thank you, in advance
l don't think the government of the Untied States has ever been so disgraced
Hickle, if you don't want me to make these
findings public, then l suggest you send...
this guy and his lunatic partner as far
from America as possible
There is nothing l'd like better, l mean that's very prudent decision Senator
Just send them some place quiet
some place so unknown...
that even the people living there haven't heard about it, you got me?
We get you
Yes, that's l
Hey, let me take that for you
l'm Scott Emmons
Oh, hi, how are you?
Welcom to Vietnam
Oh gee, this is so exciting, Ciao Vietnam
Hey listen, l'm going to take you to the Embassy
And just between you and l it is the place to be at
Between you and l?
There's nothing wrong with that, is there
Well, this is going to be a marvelous ride for you Emmons because..
you're about to take a trip using the most
powerful vessel known to mankind
The human mind
Caccia alla volpe - After The Fox
Cactus Flower CD1
Cactus Flower CD2
Cage The
Caine Mutiny Court Martial 1988
Caine Mutiny The
Caja 507 La
Calamity Jane
Calcium Kid The
Calender Girls
Callas toujours La 1958
Camille Claudel
Campanadas a medianoche 1965 CD1
Campanadas a medianoche 1965 CD2
Candyman 2 Farewell to the Flesh
Cannonball 1976
Cant Buy Me Love
Cant Hardly Wait
Cant Stop The Music 23,976fps 1980
Cantando Dietro I Paraventi
Cape Fear (1991) CD1
Cape Fear (1991) CD2
Capitaine Conan - Bertrand Tavernier (1996)
Captain Pantoja And The Special Services 2000 CD1
Captain Pantoja And The Special Services 2000 CD2
Captain Ron
Captain Ron 1992
Captains Paradise The 1953
Capturing The Friedmans 2003
Car Wash 1976
Carabiniers Les (Jean-Luc Godard 1963)
Caramuru A Invencao Do Brasil
Caretaker The 1963
Caretaker The 1963 Commentary
Carmen (1984) CD1
Carmen (1984) CD2
Carne Tremula (1997)
Carne trmula
Carolina 2003
Cartouche (23.976)
Casa De Los Babys 2003
Casablanca CD1
Casablanca CD2
Casino (1995) CD1
Casino (1995) CD2
Cassandra Crossing CD1
Cassandra Crossing CD2
Casseta and Planeta - A Taza do Mundo Nossa - Feedback Overflow
Casshern CD1
Casshern CD2
Cast Away
Cast a Giant Shadow
Castle in the Sky
Cat Ballou
Cat In The Hat The
Cat People Directors Cut
Cat on a hot tin roof
Catch Me If You Can
Cats Eye (Stephen Kings)
Cats Meow The CD1
Cats Meow The CD2
Cats and Dogs
Cellular 2004
Celluloid Closet
Celos (1999) - Jealousy
Cenetentola La
Central do Brasil
Cercle rouge Le 1970 CD1
Cercle rouge Le 1970 CD2
Chaikovsky 1969 CD1
Chaikovsky 1969 CD2
Chain Reaction
Chalte Chalte
Chamber The
Champion CD1
Champion CD2
Changing Lanes
Charisma (K Kurosawa 1999)
Charisma (Karisuma)
Charlie - The Life And Art Of Charles Chaplin
Charlies Angels
Charlies Angels - Full Throttle
Chase The
Chasing Amy
Chasing Liberty
Chatos Land
Cheaper by dozen
Cheats The 2002
Chelsea Girls 1966 CD1
Chelsea Girls 1966 CD2
Cheong Feng (1999) - Mission The
Cheonnyeon Ho 2003 CD1
Cheonnyeon Ho 2003 CD2
Cher - Live In Concert
Cherry Falls
Chicago CD1
Chicago CD2
Chicken Run (2000)
Chihwaseon CD1
Chihwaseon CD2
Children Of Dune Part 1
Children Of Dune Part 2
Children Of Dune Part 3
Children of Heaven The
Children of a Lesser God
Children of the Damned
Childs Play 1988
Childs Play 2 1990
Childs Play 3
Chimes at Midnight
China Moon
China Strike Force 2000
Chineese Ghost Story A 3
Chinese Ghost Story
Chinese Odyssey A
Chinese Roulette
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Choose Me (1984)
Chori Chori 1956
Choristes Les
Choses Secretes
Christiane F
Christine CD1
Christine CD2
Christmas Carol A
Christmas Story A
Christmas Vacation (National Lampoons)
Chronicles of Riddick The - Dark Fury
Chunhyang 2000 CD1
Chunhyang 2000 CD2
Cider House Rules The
Cinderella 2000
Cinderella Story A
Citizen Kane
Citizen Ruth
City By The Sea
City Hall
City Heat
City Of God 2003 CD1
City Of God 2003 CD2
City Of The Living Dead 1980
City of Lost Children The CD1
City of Lost Children The CD2
City of No Limits The (Antonio Hernandez 2002)
City on fire 1987
Civil Brand 2003
Clan Des Siciliens Le - Henri Verneuil 1969
Clash of the Titans CD1
Clash of the Titans CD2
Class Trip 1998
Classic The (Korean) CD1
Classic The (Korean) CD2
Clearing The
Cleo De 5 7
Cleopatra 1963 CD1
Cleopatra 1963 CD2
Cleopatra 1963 CD3
Cleopatra 1999 CD1
Cleopatra 1999 CD2
Cliffhanger (Collectors Edition)
Cliffhanger CD1
Cliffhanger CD2
Clockers CD1
Clockers CD2
Clockwork Orange A
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (The Collectors Edition)
Closet The
Club Dread
Coast Guard 2002 CD1
Coast Guard 2002 CD2
Cobra Verde CD1
Cobra Verde CD2
Coca-Cola Kid The 1985
Cock - A Broken Leghorn (1959)
Cock - The Foghorn Leghorn (1948)
Cockleshell Heroes The
Cold Comfort Farm 1995
Cold Mountain 2003 CD1
Cold Mountain 2003 CD2
Cold Mountain CD1
Cold Mountain CD2
Cold Mountain CD3
Collateral 2004
Collateral Damage
Collector The
Colour Of The Truth
Coma (1978)
Comandante (Oliver Stone 2003)
Come And See CD1
Come And See CD2
Commitments The
Como Agua Para Chocolate
Company Man
Company Of Wolves The CD1
Company Of Wolves The CD2
Company The CD1
Company The CD2
Con Air
Conan The Barbabian (uncut)
Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Destroyer
Confessions of Sorority Girls
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
Connie and Carla
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
Conspiracy Theory 1997
Control 2004
Conversation The CD1
Conversation The CD2
Cook The Thief His Wife And Her Lover The 1989
Cookies Fortune 1999
Cookout The
Cool Hand Luke 1967
Cool World
Cooler The
Cooley High
Cop Land
Corbeau Le
Corky Romano
Couch Trip The 1988
Counterfeit Traitor The 1962 CD1
Counterfeit Traitor The 1962 CD2
Countess Dracula (1970)
Country of my Skull
Cousin Bette
Cover Girl (Charles Vidor+1944)
Cowboy (Delmer Daves 1958)
Coyote - Dont Give Up the Sheep (1953)
Coyote - Fast and Furry-ous (1949)
Coyote Ugly
Craddle 2 The Grave
Cranes Are Flying The (1957)
Cravan vs Cravan
Crazy Beautiful
Crazy People 1990
Crazy in Alabama
Creature from the Black Lagoon
Crew The
Cries And Whispers (Bergman Ingmar)
Crime Scene Investigation 3x01 - Revenge Is Best Served Cold
Crime Scene Investigation 3x02 - The Accused Is Entitled
Crime Scene Investigation 3x03 - Let The Seller Beware
Crime Scene Investigation 3x04 - A Little Murder
Crime Scene Investigation 3x05 - Abra Cadaver
Crime Scene Investigation 3x06 - The Execution Of Catherine Willows
Crime Scene Investigation 3x07 - Fight Night
Crime Scene Investigation 3x08 - Snuff
Crime Scene Investigation 3x09 - Blood Lust
Crime Scene Investigation 3x10 - High And Low
Crime Scene Investigation 3x11 - Recipe For Murder
Crime of Padre Amaro The
Criminal Lovers (1999)
Crimson Pirate The
Crimson Rivers 2 - Angels Of The Apocalypse
Crimson Rivers 2 Angels of the Apocalypse
Crimson Tide
Criss Cross
Cristina Quer Casar
Critters 2 The Main Course 1988
Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles
Cronos 1993
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon
Crow The
Crow The - City Of Angels 1996
Cruel Intentions 3
Crumb (1994)
Cube2 Hypercube 2002
Cube Zero
Cure (Kiyoshi Kurosawa) CD1
Cure (Kiyoshi Kurosawa) CD2
Curse The
Custer of the west
Cut Runs Deep The 1998
Cutthroat Island (1995)