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Down and Out in Beverly Hills

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You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautif ul house with a beautif ul wife
You may ask yourself, " did I get here?"
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
You may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
You may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
You may tell yourself, "This is not my beautif ul house"
You may tell yourself, "This is not my beautif ul wife"
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Time isn't holding us
Time isn't after us
Time isn't holding us
Time doesn't hold you back
Time isn't holding us
Time isn't after us
Time isn't holding us
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Once in a lifetime
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Letting the days go by
Once in a lifetime
Oh, shut up, you putz.
Hi, dad. I just want you to know
why I'm being so silent lately.
Now, it's nothing personal,
but I feel it's very hard to express myself in words.
Here is a tape which expresses my state of mind right now.
... Ooh! Oh! ... Ooh! Oh!
... Ooh! Oh! ... Ooh! Oh!
My son, the filmmaker.
I've got to call the sprinkler man now. Jesus!
Ah, there we are.
Mmm. Mmm.
Mr. Whiteman, what a nice new "humpsuit."
Carmen, limpie las ... Oh, how do you say "candelabras"? Candela-baras?
Barbara, for crying out loud, she speaks very good English.
I know that, but the next time we go to Mexico, I intend to be prepared for any emergen-cia.
... Emergencia. ... Emer-gencia.
... Where's Jenny? ... She's asleep.
Vaya al "marcardo."
... Mercado. ... Merca-do.
Family, scene one, take one.
Pr eparing the feast, my father, Dave Whiteman ...
Get out of here, Max.
How do you think Steven Spielberg got started?
How do you feel this Thanksgiving?
How do I feel? I'll tell you how I feel.
I feel like my son should stop acting ridiculous on this day
when we should all be giving thanks for our blessings.
And guilty.
Yeah, we should all be feeling a little guilty.
People are starving in the world.
Guilt is useless.
Your swami tell you that?
My yogi, Ranbir.
I thought this was a holiday.
It's the caterer with the turkey.
Arrival of the bird.
Carmen, la "porta," por favor.
Why doesn't he use the service entrance?
Sal, why don't you ...
Carmen, I f orgot.
Come on, come on, let's go.
Ah, the sister, the princess, back home from Sarah Lawrence.
I'm going to the beach, okay?
If Stacey calls, tell her that I left alr eady.
No breakfast?
I'll get something down there.
Bye, dad.
Goodbye, Max.
All I seem to do is wave to her.
For years, she's been nothing but a blur with a nice smell.
Al, Al, Al ... is the bird big enough?
My f ather loves white meat.
Your bird's bigger than Mel Brooks' bird,
and he's got 15 people coming, Mr. W.
Is he nice ... Mel Brooks?
Very sweet man.
Get the door!
Come on, get the door! Let's go!
This dog is crazy!
Come on, Kerouac, let Jerry sleep.
Hello. You look hungry, huh?
Yeah, you want what I've got here?
Yeah, isn't that good?
hey, are you lost?
You don't have a collar on, huh?
Yeah, you want to come home with me?
My husband's gonna kill me.
Come on. Come on.
Yeah, come on.
That's right.
Let me show you something.
This is our mobile-home parks.
This is our San Diego park.
We're talking about 500 units, Lou.
Jenny, you want some more meat?
I ate at the beach, dad.
What kind of people live in those trailer parks?
Well, we got your nice retired people like Mel and Sadie.
And you got your people who ar e sick and tired of the rat race.
... Let them pay their rent. ... Maybe I should move in to one of my parks.
Could you hold the photo up higher, please?
Max, Max, Max!
Stop it, Max.
You can walk on the fire ... on the coals ... no question.
Yogi, can you teach my daughter to eat?
That's a deeply neurotic statement, dad. Really.
Carmen, las cranberries, por favor.
There's no more white meat. I told you I love white meat.
The pooch ate the white meat.
The pooch.
Barbara, next year, I'm using another caterer.
Make sure you give me the receipts, Dave.
Sidney, I would like to try and walk on hot coals.
Is that a tax deduction, yogi ... to walk on hot coals?
It is? Then walk on hot coals. I don't care.
How's your family, Carmen?
Not so very good, Senora Waltzberg.
My brother ... he's trying to come up her e to find a job.
Mm-hmm. What does he do?
He cuts sugar cane in the fields.
Not much call for that in Los Angeles.
Who asked you?
Matisse, stop that!
Neurotic-dog scene, take one.
You're the one that's neurotic.
We're taking him to a dog psychiatrist.
Father-and-son scene, take one.
You know, Max, I think it's about time
that you started learning the hanger business
and stopped wasting time with the camera.
I don't like hangers.
You don't like hangers?
It's hangers that clothe you, and it's hangers that feed you!
It's hangers that pay for the Farchadat camera,
for crying out loud!
Max, Max, talk to me. Talk to me man-to-man.
What's troubling you? What is it?
Perhaps we should all meditate for a moment.
Did you see a little tan dog?
Anybody seen my dog? It's a little tan dog.
I lost my little dog.
I lost my little tan dog!
Is he ... s-somebody got him?
Excuse me, sir.
Excuse me, you're going to have to leave.
No! I lost my goddamn dog!
You have to leave.
You'r e going to have to leave the restaurant, yeah?
Security is ...
Well, well, well, well, well.
... What's the problem, Jerry? ... I lost my dog.
... He lost his dog. ... That's right.
Look, I think what you ought to do
is stop running around here harassing people ...
No, wait a minute. My dog was stolen. I think it was dognapped.
I understand. It's going to be okay.
Why don't you go downtown and take a bath?
... Hey! Screw you. I'm a citizen. ... Just r elax.
... I'm a citizen. ... Okay. Okay.
Well, I wish you could stay a little longer.
I'll be back at Christmas.
Maybe Jim will come home with me.
Yeah, I'd like to meet him.
It seems real serious.
It's hard to find someone as nice as you, dad.
What does he do ... this Jim guy?
He's a road manager for a rock group.
I hope he's not a drug addict.
He smokes some grass, you know,
and he does a little cocaine once in a while,
but I assure you he is perfectly normal.
Jen, I want you to tell me that you don't do drugs.
Dad, you've got to stop this inquisition, okay?
... Okay, okay, okay. ... I'm 19 years old.
I'm your father.
Why does mother keep falling for all these gurus and charlatans?
It's so '60s.
... Hey, hey, hey. ... What?
You haven't said anything about the car.
It's nice.
The white zone is for immediate loading...
It's not too, uh... too Beverly Hills?
Dad, you do not have to justify anything.
You work very, very hard for your money.
Well, I guess I f eel, you know, a little guilty.
... Guilt sucks. ... Yeah.
... Kiss? ... Bye!
The white zone is for immediate loading and unloading...
Maybe they'll give her a good meal on the plane.
... I'm very worried about Jenny. ... Why?
I think she's an anorexic.
Anybody who doesn't snack all day is anorexic to you.
Couldn't she go to school in California, huh? There are very good schools in Calif ornia.
... She just wanted a change. ... Gr eat schools.
Who is this Jim guy anyway?
I'm sure he's very nice, dear.
You think they're having sex already?
Dave, don't get yourself upset.
What does that mean? What does that mean?
Barbara, what does that mean?
It's a new age for women, honey.
Do you know more than you're saying?
I hope she is having sex.
It's time.
You got great shoulders, Barb.
Must be the moon.
Come on, I'm feeling very sexy.
Who cares what the reason is?
Dave, I ... I'm very depressed.
Come on.
Come on, my little baby.
Come on. Maybe it's too much meditating.
Honey, I think it's an allergy.
In fact, I'm convinced of it. So is Ranbir.
Honey, please. Oh, honey, please.
Maybe you're allergic to me.
Dave, you're such a noodge.
you happy?
I'm content.
Sometimes I wonder.
Dave, I'm changing.
That causes stress.
Why don't you take a couple of Tylenol?
I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.
The punk rockers
will bring Baskin-Robbins ice cream. Nancy Reagan will...
I'm very worried about Max.
He seems very confused.
I saw him in a tutu tonight.
that was the cherry on the cake of my day.
Thank you.
Good night, honey.
Good night, Barb.
I can't think of a better way to celebrate...
A dog's supposed to be loyal, goddamn it.
Where in the hell's your loyalty?
You're a mutt.
You're an ungrateful mutt of a mongrel, that's what you are,
you son of a bitch.
You wait till I get my hands on you.
You son of a ...
Go for it, putz.
Oh, Mr. Whiteman. Oh.
You have to call me Dave.
Oh, Dave. Dave. Mmm.
Oh, I knew you would come tonight.
Senorita Rosalina Mendez de Meco.
Oh! Oh!
Oh, Mr. Whiteman.
Shut up, you putz.
I hate that dog so much.
Oh, trouble at the Whiteman house.
Oh, goddamn alarm!
Cops are gonna come.
Oh, I have no green card.
I'll take care of this, pronto.
Close encounters of the fourth kind, take one!
My house! My house!
My house!
No problem! No problem! It's okay!
No robbery! Don't worry!
Don't worry, that's okay. Ther e's no robbery at all.
Well, we'll take a look around anyway, Mr. Whiteman.
... You never know. ... Sorry, Mr. Whiteman.
Lance, Lance, what the hell ...
why do these things keep happening?
Could be the change in humidity or some animal.
Some animal? I'm gonna need an alarm for the alarm.
Get your hands off of them guns!
I'm Orvis Goodnight!
Record producer, you understand?!
I live right across the str eet from this place!
But I don't get
this kind of service, no, sir!
Two weeks ago, a thief tried to break in my house!
Called the police ... good God almighty!
It took 20 minutes for the policemen to arrive!
One little car!
No dog! No chopper!
And I know why I don't get the protection I am supposed to get!
Because I'm black!
Black! I'm a black man!
Ain't no black man supposed to live in Beverly Hills!
Let one black man stop to tie his shoes
or scratch his behind on Rodeo Drive ...
the S.W.A.T. team would parachute
all down over my brother!
I spent $3.6 million
for that pile of stucco you see over there!
I want the same protection ...
the same protection
that you give old David Whiteman over there!
And I'm bringing in more brothers ...
more brothers!
Whoo, whoo!
I'm gonna sue you, Whiteman! This dog is a killer dog!
He's gonna kill somebody!
Max, stop it and come in, please!
All right, thank you very much.
Sorry, Mr. Whiteman, we ... first thing in the morning.
Take care of it as soon as you can. Sorry to cause you all the trouble.
All right, all right. Get that helicopter out of here, please!
Bueno, Jesus.
No. No, no, no, muy bueno, Jesus.
I'll come down in a couple of days
so that I can wish all the hombres ...
Barbara, how do you say "happy new year" in Spanish?
Feliz ano.
Feliz anos. Okay?
Yeah, s. No, no, no, just, uh...
me and my, uh... esposa...
Hold on. Hold on.
Barbara, is that the new pool man?
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, Mr. Whiteman!
What's happening?
Come on! Here, Dave! Come here!
Dave! Help! Help! Call the paramedics!
Over here, Dave!
I got him! Here, Dave!
I got him! I got him! I got him!
Here, hold him! He's got rocks in his pocket.
Hello? Operator! Operator!
Oh, my God. I called 911 .
What the hell?
Don't! Dave, you'll catch AIDS or plague or herpes!
Oh, my God!
He live! He live!
Carmen, Carmen, Carmen! Get me some blankets! Get some brandy, quick!
Quick! Quick! All right, all right, get him over to the chaise lounge.
Come on! Come on, get him over!
There we go. There we go. Hold him steady.
There we go.
The dog killed somebody. I told you.
Okay, okay. Here, ta... drink this. Drink this.
Oh, Christ, you got any Courvoisier?
He must be in shock. Go on, drink.
How long was he in the water?
Not very long. I gave him CPR.
He saved him ... muy macho.
Would you please check my husband?
He had his lips on this man's lips.
... Good work. ... Thank you. You feeling any better?
What gives, amigo?
... "What gives"? You almost drowned. ... I know that.
Nobody drowns in my backyard.
Aw, Christ, if I'd have known that, I'd have gone somewhere else.
How did he get in the yard? I didn't hear the alarm.
... I don't know. Barbara! ... I'm going to call Lance, Brad, the pool man.
I'm going to make him check the water for bacteria.
Barbara, I knew that lifesaving class would come in handy.
Didn't I? Huh? I knew it. I knew it. Look at that.
He's just drunk and disgusting.
What are you talking about? He's a human being. Where's your sense of charity?
A drunk, disgusting human being, and don't talk to me about charity.
I volunteer three days a week at the free clinic.
I am shocked at you, Barbara. I am really, really shocked, you know?
There but for the grace of God go you or I.
Oh, no, dear, not me. I would never sink so low.
I'd kill myself first.
... Look, I have aerobics in 50 minutes. ... Go, go!
... I have brunch with Sheila at Neiman-Marcus. ... Who's stopping you?
Go right ahead.
Are you sure you're all right?
I'm fine.
You are a hero, you know.
I'm just a scaredy-cat.
Listen, maybe the police could take him to the rescue mission or something.
He does look pitiful.
Barbara, it's okay. You can go to lunch, all right?
... Thanks. ... All right.
Yep, there you are.
Look, I'll tell you what ...
why don't you leave him with me, okay?
I'll take care of him.
... Okay. ... All right.
Thanks a lot. See ya.
Shut up. Shut up, you putz!
You think you can get up?
Okay. Carmen, give me a hand.
Matisse, get down, you rotten ...
Come on. That's it.
Come on. There you go. That's it.
So...what's your name?
Esther Williams.
My name is Dave Whiteman.
Jerry M. Baskin.
What's the "M" stand f or?
This your place?
Yeah, yeah.
What are you, a gangster?
No. No, I make hangers.
Here, why don't you put this on?
Carmen, give me a hand here, all right?
Here, give me your drink.
Why don't you take some of these wet things off?
l-I don't like this. You got a terry cloth ...
Excuse me, that is a brand-new robe, you know.
"Brooks Brothers." I used to shop there.
Carmen, why don't you take some of these wet things into the washer, okay?
And don't throw that stuff out.
Mr. Whiteman!
Carmen, listen to me, please, Carmen.
Please, in the washer. Come on. Give me a break.
Is that, uh... help him, uh...
Dios mo.
Here, you want me to help you out?
... Yeah. ... Okay. All right, then.
Yeah. Whoa, whoo-oa! Hooo-oa!
Get a grip on there. Here.
Give me the robe.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you.
Carmen. Carmen. Carmen.
Want something to eat?
What do you got?
you know, all the stuff that's left over from Thanksgiving.
Got any white meat?
Caterer really stinks, you know?
Who made this dressing?
My mother.
Too much onion.
You could at least say "thank you. "
For what?
For the food.
For ... for saving your life.
Are my clothes dry?
You ... you can keep the robe.
You might ask me to thank you again.
You'r e pretty tough, huh?
Can I ask you a question, Jerry?
How did you get...
I don't want to use the word "low,"
but, uh... what happened to you?
I mean, you're obviously a very intelligent guy.
I was pretty active politically in the '60s.
Sold some draught cards.
They nailed me for counterfeit government documents.
They give me 45 years and a $75,000 fine.
Suspended it and put me under the Youth Corr ection Act.
I was a felon.
So, fuck it, I got into acting.
Show business. Hmph.
There was this girl in the class.
She split.
She was beautiful.
She was one in a million. You've seen her.
Linda Evans.
TV Linda Evans?
... "Dynasty"? ... No, it was before "Dynasty."
Can I get some more cranberry sauce?
... Oh, yeah. ... No, no, I'll get it.
It was between "The Big Valley" and "Dynasty," you know, in that period.
Anyway, we broke up.
I was in bad shape for about a year.
But that didn't do it, really.
I used to drink a lot, and I did a lot of drugs.
Thank you.
Then my sister ... my little sister ... died of leukaemia.
We were real close
'cause we were orphaned so young together.
That's what did it.
So, I lost, uh...
I lost my, uh...
So, I didn't care about myself,
so I learnt to survive on the street, you know?
Yeah, well, I gotta go.
Where you gonna go?
I don't know. ? Quin sabe?
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey! Jerry!
You're not gonna pull
that swimming-pool stunt again, are you?
Mind if I take one of these grapefruit?
Don't want scurvy, you know.
No, no, no, go ahead.
Hey, hey, all right, all right, just a minute.
Look, listen to me. Listen to me. Look. Look, just listen.
Look, look, look. You're gonna stay here until you straighten out, okay?
No if s, no ands, no buts, okay?
... You can sleep right there in that cabana. All right? ... Cabana?
Yeah. All right, come on, come on, help out here! Just ... that's it.
Okay? All right, no if s, no ands, no buts.
That's it, give me a hand.
Come on. Come on, let's just go over here. Right there.
That's it. There we go. There we go.
Roll down the window, put down the top
Crank up the Beach Boys, baby, don't let the music stop
We're gonna ride it till we just can't ride it no more
Hello, darling.
Can I give you a hand?
The Betty Ford clinic wouldn't take a dog.
Did the pool man come?
No, but the sprinklers ar e going crazy.
Oh, honey, that was a very brave thing you did this morning.
I told all the girls in class.
... So, what happened to the poor guy? ... He's in the hot tub.
... He's still here?! ... Yeah.
What's the emergency number? 911?
No, no, Barbara, I invited him to stay for a couple of days.
He is not staying in my house.
He's not in the house. He's in the cabana out by the pool.
I'm calling Sidney. You need immediate treatment.
Barbara, come on. You're overreacting to this a little bit, don't you think?
You don't know a thing about this man! He is a bum, a derelict!
His sister died of leukaemia!
I know something about him, okay?
... He could steal everything... ... His name is Jerry.
And then murder us in our beds! Is that what you want ... another Manson murder?
Barbara, Matisse loves him. Look.
That should be a clue right there. Matisse loves no one.
Look for yourself.
Stay. Stay.
Okay, good boy!
Good boy!
He's gonna give that dog fleas.
Isn't that something?
And it'll be your fault.
Oh, come on, look at that.
If you need a car or truck, go see Cal
If you want to save a buck, go see Cal
If you want a brand-new Dodge in your driveway or garage
Go see Cal, go see Cal, go see Cal
If you're a little short of cash, go see Cal
Trouble's over in a flash, go see Cal
Let go of me!
I'm sick of you, of your damn business ...
you and everything that surrounds you!
What do you think?
Send him away down the crutch.
If you bump him off, he'll make it a buck.
Fred C. Dobbs ain't a guy likes being taken advantage of.
Do the mug in, I say. Goin' south, isn't he?
All three of us hone our cannons and let him have it!
You got any low-cal root beer?
Jesus Christ, you scared me!
Uh, I can't sleep in that bed.
Why not? Why not? Is it too hard?
No, it's too soft. I'm used to sidewalks.
I'm sick of you, of your damn business!
Uh, uh, all right,
I'll make you a bagel, lox, and cr eam cheese,
and you can take it up to your room.
Oh, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute. I can't eat it in that room.
Why not?
'Cause I haven't had a room to eat in in thr ee years.
Uh, you'll, uh, you'll like this.
It's one of my ... one of my specialties.
All right.
Okay, it's the, uh...
it's the onions and the tomato that does the trick.
Oh. I haven't had one of these
since my Brooklyn days.
Are you f rom Brooklyn?
Flatbush Ave.
... No kidding! ... Yeah.
Huh. I grew up around Ebbets Field.
Boy, I loved baseball back in those days.
... Oh, yeah. ... Yeah.
You remember, uh, you remember Duke Snider?
... Oh! ... Yeah, he was my idol.
... Roy Campanella, huh? ... Yeah.
Carl Erskine, there was a tough cookie.
Hey, you remember ... you remember Ralph Branca?
The right-handed pitcher, huh? Remember him?
... Yeah. ... Mmmm-boom!
Barney Thompson that time?
Pete Reiser?
Remember, he ran into the centre field? Oh!
Tough day.
... 57th season, Drysdale won us 17 games! ... 17 games!
... 17 games. ... 17 games.
That was amazing.
That's the year they moved the team.
Yeah. Whew! I was that big. Hmm.
I cried.
How 'bout that low-cal root beer?
... Low-cal? ... Right.
You got it.
... Hey, Jerry... ... Hmm?
Do you ever think about going straight,
you know, getting a job?
Oh, come on, Dave, I've tried it.
I played the game. I tried, I lost.
Now, you get tired of playing a losing game.
What are you talking about? All you need is a little luck, buddy.
Come on, look at me.
I'm serious. Look at me.
I was selling lingerie from the back seat of my father's Oldsmobile.
Look, you gotta be in the right place at the right time.
You understand what I'm saying to you?
I went into a bar in New Jersey, I struck up a conversation with a guy.
What does he do for a living? He's putting up a string of motels.
So I borrowed some money from my Uncle Maurie.
What, do you think I knew I was gonna be in the hanger business?
The rest is history.
What is this, an all-night diner?
Hi, Barb.
You eating again, Dave? Well, it's your colon.
And don't drop food on the floor
and make a mess for me to clean, please.
I thought I heard a rat.
Maybe that's what I heard.
A lot of rats here in Beverly Hills.
Rats are everywhere.
Dave, l-I think I'd like to talk to Jerry alone.
Sure, Barb.
Well, come, Jerry.
I missed you.
Just sit...anywhere.
Jerry, I'd like to apologise to you for how I've behaved.
You have to know I've objected to your presence here.
Frankly, your appearance scares me. I...
there's something very threatening about you.
Um, I realise that this is completely superficial
and that underneath all that,
you are undoubtedly a wonderful person
with wonderf ul human qualities.
I want you to know that I'm trying so hard
to overcome my middle-class prejudices.
You know, my ... my yogi, my guru, my guide Ranbir always says
that we are all part of the same oneness,
the same universal electric tide.
We flow into and out of everything.
So, as a human being,
l-I want you to know that I respect you, I do,
and l-I hope you understand me.
Womp bomp a loo mau ba lomp bomp bomp!
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
S, s, Jesus, s, s. No problema.
I want to be sure that your people know all about the bonuses.
Okay. S, adios.
I got a girl named Sue
Your first ride in a Rolls?
... What? ... Your first, uh ... first ride in a Rolls-Royce?
No, I had one when I lived in London.
... You lived in London? ... Graduate school.
What kind of hangers you make, Dave?
Here, here, check it out. Ther e we go.
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
"Congratulations to Mr. Dave Whiteman,
"President of Dav-Bar.
"This gold hanger honours your sale of one million hangers
to the Holiday Inn."
The baby that revolutionised the business.
See, you got a magnetic lock.
We make that baby in my plant in Tijuana.
Good mornin', Dave.
Morning, Orvis.
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Womp bomp a loo mau ... aaawoo!
Ah, tutti frutti...
David, how nice to see you.
Maurice, this is Jerry.
... The gentleman you spoke of? ... Indeed.
You have the look of the vagabond, monsieur ...
trs, trs chic. Sit down.
What I was thinking of, Maurice,
was that you ought to just, you know, clean him up.
...oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti, whoo!
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
Tutti frutti, oh, rutti
A womp bomp a loo mau, ba lomp bomp a loo mau
A lomp bomp bomp!
500, 000 hangers a day.
You know what that means,
500, 000 hangers a day at 4 cents a hanger?
And we don't have any salesmen ...
do you know what that means?
That's the beauty part.
Hey, Bobby! Good to see ya.
Yeah, this is where Dav-Bar started.
A lot of hangers.
Hey, Raymondo!
Right now, we're negotiating with the Chinese.
We're gonna have a very big party New Year's Eve
for the minister of trade, Mr. Chao,
and his whole group.
You know what that could mean, don't ya?
850 million Chinese ...
200 million hangers every year, minimum.
The Chinese are very neat people.
Yeah, you hardly ever see a Chinese bum.
You want a job, Jer?
You give me the word, I'll give you ...
I'll give you a job tomorrow. What do you say?
Start you on the line, get your feet wet in shipping.
Not really my line, Dave.
You kill me, I swear.
You know we got a very good health plan?
Just put in comprehensive dental.
Alesio, Alesio... how are you? Show him your teeth.
See? You gotta worry about things like that, Jer.
Can we grab some lunch?
Sure, sure.
You know, when your teeth go,
well, you know what I'm talking about.
Would you like another bottle of Beaujolais, Mr. Whiteman?
Ah, what do you say, Mr., uh, Mr. Baskin?
Could use another piece of chicken, though.
Didn't I see you at the Cannes Film Festival?
You were with Susan Sarandon.
Something to do with Nicaragua.
Are you a Sandinista?
No, no.
Wait, I know now. You're Sandy Kinney's boyfriend.
You're a writer. What's your name?
Jerry Baskin.
That's right. Oh ... Roxanne Philobosian.
How do you do?
Dave Whiteman.
I'm over at MGM now.
Call me if you get any story ideas.
We're really looking.
Here's my card.
Oh, say hello to Sandy for me.
Bye, Dave.
So you're a writer?
Al! Al!
Hey, Al! Al!
Come here! Yeah, come here.
Come here.
Al, it's me ... Jerry.
All right! All right!
Can Al join us?
Oh, sure, sure, sure. He's a human being just like you and me.
... Come on, why don't you, uh ... ... Come on over.
You sure it's okay?
Yeah, yeah, come right on around.
Yamato, could we have another chair?
Thank you very much ... very much, thank you. Thank you so much.
Sit down right here.
... Dave Whiteman. ... Hey, brother ... Al.
Hi. Hi, nice to meet you. That's it. There we go.
Man, you sur e look diff er ent.
Well, it's the hair, the beard.
I hardly recognised you. Christ, I thought I was hearing voices.
Would you like something to eat?
No, thank you.
Are you expecting any more in your party?
Oh, no, no, here, Yamato.
Here, here, just take ... take it. Thank you, thank you.
Would you like some, uh, some wine?
No, this is one of my nondrinking days.
Al was down at the mission with me.
You, uh, remember Red Turner?
You know, redhead cat with the glasses.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He got mugged real bad, man.
He down in the county hospital.
Red was pretty old, Al.
They make a very good club sandwich here, Al, if you'd, uh...
You'r e sitting pretty.
Goddamn. Lookin' good, baby, yeah.
I got to go.
Uh, if you don't mind me saying so, Jer, uh...
some of these guys on the street seem a little crazy.
Ah, Matisse, what a lovely dog you are ...
such a pretty dog.
And such pretty eyes you have.
What a lovely dog.
I hear you're not eating, Matisse.
Dr. Von Zimmer has some food for you.
Here you are.
Oh, Matisse...
Oh, Matisse, you're very angry, aren't you?
... Shh! ... What? What? What?
... Dr. Von Zimmer is here. ... Oh, are you ever angry.
Did the dog bite the coloured guy?
Matisse hasn't eaten in three days.
We got an anorexic dog.
You mean you've got a disturbed dog.
Something's bothering Matisse,
and Matisse is very angry.
The dog is a loser.
Oh, what a way to talk about a beautif ul dog like this.
What a way to talk.
He's just disturbed and angry.
Has there been something new in the household,
some new living arrangement?
We have a houseguest.
How long are you staying?
He's staying as long as he likes.
And if the doggy doesn't like it,
then the doggy can find new arrangements.
Oh, well...
the hostility in your voice, you know, aff ects animals,
and the dog picks up on it.
What this dog needs is love and reassurance,
... And he needs love and reassurance from you. ... Mm-hmm.
He's the one that has the problem...with you.
You must go and caress this dog
and hold him, hug him, give him some affection.
... Pardon me? ... Dave...
you must go over and caress the dog.
Oh, come on, the dog is running the whole house!
You gotta hold this dog.
This dog needs reassurance, needs love, attention.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
I like you. Dog, I like you.
I mean, real affection, not pseudo affection.
Nice, nice, I like you. You'r e nice.
I mean, give the dog a hug. Give the dog a hug.
He needs reassurance, needs to be held,
needs to be touched.
Come give him a hug.
... Give me a break here! ... Well, get with it.
Nice dog.
Nice dog, all right?
You're a very nice dog.
When your guest leaves, Matisse will eat.
He'll be voracious. He'll be okay.
I wouldn't worry about that.
But he has other problems.
I believe he suffers from nipple anxiety.
Probably came from a 9-dog litter.
Now, about my fee...
Listen to this, Matisse.
"If your dog has a fit,
"he runs around aimlessly, barking hysterically,
"starry-eyed, foaming at the mouth,
"completely beyond control till he finally collapses, exhausted.
"Often defecating and urinating,
"he becomes stiff and starry-eyed,
"clamping his jaws, foaming at the mouth,
"staggers and falls on his backside
"with his legs pumping convulsively in the air...
"The fit is not a disease,
but a sign that something is wrong"?
Matisse! He's just trying to say hello.
Hello. Thank you.
Are you Iranian?
Yes, but we live here now in Beverly Hills.
Me too. My name is Jerry.
I am Amir.
You want an apple, Amir?
Oh, thank you, Jerry.
Here, catch.
Matisse! Stop that or I'll call Dr. Von Zimmer!
I was listening
to what that psychiatrist said about your dog.
Dr. Von Zimmer seems to think you're the problem.
Could be.
Matisse is a picky eater. I've tried everything.
I bought him every kind of dog food there is.
Where do you keep it?
In the cupboard by the fridge.
Oh, Mighty Dog corned beef.
You see, your dog, this dog thinks it's human.
There are no dogs around to teach it,
so it's got no dog friends, no dog family,
nothing to relate to.
So it thinks human
and wants to eat what you're eating ...
not that stuff you eat.
Taste's important.
Got a bowl?
Yes. Certainly.
Ah, Mighty Dog's good.
That gourmet pup you got, that's way, way, way too salty.
... How do you know? ... This is nutritious.
It's got all your minerals, all your vitamins,
all your requirements.
There were many a day
I wished I had a plate of Puppy Chow to munch on.
People treat their dogs better than humans.
That's 1/3 Mighty Dog, 1/3 Kal Kan with liver.
And you use some Puppy Chow to add texture,
And he put the bowl on the floor, and he put his nose in it,
and he ate it like it was pt from Maxim's of Paris.
... Didn't I tell you? ... What?
He has a kind of, uh, wisdom.
Oh, please. I still don't trust the guy.
Oh, uh, I gave him the burglar-alarm code just in case.
Why didn't you give him a credit card while you were at it?
Speaking of that, Carmen told me
that it would be a lot easier for her to shop
if you gave her her own Master Charge.
... Really? ... Mm-hmm.
Well, maybe Jerry and Carmen will invite us over for dinner one night.
Does the concept "schmuck" mean anything to you, Dave?
Good night, Barbara.
Look, we, uh ... yes, I do. I have spares here.
Somebody cooked my chicken.
Hey, Jerry. How you doin'?
Yeah, got my packet?
Yeah, packet. Checkin' in for a while?
No. No. Do I have any mail?
Yeah, you got book-of-the-month club.
You look pretty sharp.
Hey, thanks for holding this.
... Did you hear about Red Turner? ... No.
... He caught a cab. ... Red was pretty old.
Yeah. Come on.
Good morning.
Here, sign down ther e at the bottom.
You got a licence?
You drive.
Where to?
I don't know.
Some days you just want to take off.
Yeah. All right, let's hit the beach.
I got some friends down there.
The beach? Who's gonna run my business?
Who's gonna pay my bills?
Come on, you gotta be kidding me.
You know what my monthly nut is?
Do you have any idea how much it costs to run my business?
You got enough money to last 10 lifetimes.
Well, maybe I ought to be a bum, you know?
The more hangers, the more responsibilities.
You wouldn't last a half-hour.
You think so?
Hit the beach, buddy, pronto.
So, it's like the '60s.
Tom Tom!
Jerry! Damn, look at you, man.
You look like a damn yuppie or something.
Good to see you, buddy.
Hey, this is my friend. This is my f riend, Dave.
Hey, you want a drink, white man? Ther e you go, yeah.
How'd he know my name?
Hey, look here.
This is my good buddy ... my good buddy, Big Ed, and Peaches here.
Big Ed, hi. Peaches, hi.
And on the guitar is my friend, Patrick.
... Patrick, how are you? ... Fine.
And that's my lady, Dorothy.
Dorothy, how do you do?
I do fine. How do you do?
Drink it up. Drink it up.
... Yeah, drink up. ... Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Jerry.
All right. Yeah.
Tom Tom, huh? That's your real name?
Hell, no. My real and true name is Daniel Whitefeather.
Whitefeather ... that's a very beautiful name.
Yeah, beautiful.
My Indian name is Nanatatche.
Yeah, it means
"He who lost his American-Express card
and don't give a fuck."
Right! Yeah!
That's very funny.
You liked that one, huh?
Drink up, man. Merry Christmas! Shit!
Oh, hell.
One more time!
We are the bums
Everybody, sing!
We are the homeless
... Hello? ... Hello.
Oh, Dave! Oh! Are you allright? What happened?
I called the police, I called your parents, I called Sidney.
I'm okay.
Barb, I'm at the beach with Jerry...
and, uh, I've decided to spend the night.
Dave, are you drunk?
I'm okay. There's nothing to worry about.
I'm at the beach.
I'm with Jerry and his friends, uh,
Patrick and Tom Tom and Ed
and ... and ... and Dorothy.
Dorothy who?
I'll see you manana, Barbara.
I knew that bum was trouble.
Hey, Dave...
How long you been diddlin' Carmen?
What are you talking about?
Come on, it's okay by me. She's a hot little number.
Barb's a handsome woman, too.
Hey, do you know how long I've been married to Barbara?
For ever.
... You ever been married? ... Twice.
You know how sometimes
you get stuck in the horse latitudes now and then, you know?
... Dead calm in the water? ... Yeah.
You need something to, you know...
You need a little hot sauce.
Yeah, spice it up a little bit.
Barbara ought to have a fling, too.
I'm serious.
It'd do her good, get her started again, you know?
I love her, you know?
I believe you.
I believe you, Dave.
On the emiss, tell me something.
You really been married twice?
I was just ... I was just kiddin' ya.
Are you really an actor?
"What a piece of work is man!
"How noble in reason!
"How infinite in faculty!
"In form, in moving, how express and admirable!
"In action how like an angel!
"In apprehension how like a god!
"The beauty of the world! The paragon of animals!
"Yet to me...
what is this quintessence of dust?"
I wish they all could be California...
I wish they all could be California...
I wish they all could be California girls
I will never, ever forgive you!
This disgusting derelict is responsible.
Barbara, I spent the night last night
with some poor, oppressed human beings, okay?
And they live like animals, but they have great capacity for joy, Barbara.
I was panic-stricken. You had no right to do it!
l-I ate garbage last night, Barbara,
and I loved it.
Great! You can have garbage for dinner tonight, too!
Barbara, Barbara, I learned to beg last night.
A total stranger gave me 50 cents, put it right there in my hand.
What do you think of that, huh?
I think I'll take a shower and grab some br eakf ast.
You are pushing me to my limits, both of you.
Shower in the cabana.
You want to hit the beach, amigo?
Walter, that's really a difficult problem, incest,
but we'll try to help you.
If you'll hang on, we'll give you some numbers to refer to.
You'll get some further help.
Okay, let's try to take one more call
before the hour's up. Hello.
Uh, my name is Dawn, and I live in Toluca Lake.
I'm 26 years old.
We have Dawn from Toluca Lake. Hello, Dawn.
Dr. Grant, I'm a nervous wreck.
My husband has brought a bum home to live with us.
That sounds like a very uncomfortable situation.
Is this a displaced person?
Yes, a street person ... a vagrant!
And he lives with you?
Yes. He lives in my house.
In the cabana out by the pool.
Well, this is starting to sound like a real problem,
at least for your husband.
Is your husband a happy man, Dawn?
Not lately.
It's possible, Dawn,
that your husband is living a vicariously freer life
through the presence of this displaced person he's brought home.
Have you thought about that?
Well, let's not talk about him right for now.
How's your personal relationship with him ...
your sex life?
What sex life?
Well, I see we need to talk a little bit more.
Let's take a break for a commercial.
Another headache?
It's chronic.
Where'd you learn that?
At an ashram in Oregon.
You were in an ashram?
Maybe I can help you with your headache.
I doubt it.
Hello? Dr. Grant?
Yes, my name is Bob. I'm 27 years old, and, uh...
I'm no longer attracted to my wife.
How long have you felt this way, Bob?
About nine-and-a-half years.
Was it ever any good?
No, it was great. It was fabulous. It was my whole life.
... What changed? ... I don't know.
She started decorating the house,
she's always in a class somewhere.
What?! You stupid son of a bitch!
Hey, Mr. Rolls-Royce,
you know what you just did to my car?!
You know what you have done, sir?!
What are you, some kind of moron?!
Sir, may I see your driver's licence, please?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, who ... who hit who?
May I see your driver's licence, please?
Uh-huh, uh-huh. I'm just trying to figur e out w-who I'm mad at.
l-I'm not ... l-I'm...
I'm gonna have to ask you to step out of the car, please.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Ho, ho.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Did I hit you or did you ...
...smashing all over the street there.
at the ashram,
we learnt some massage techniques ...
specifically Balinese massage.
Now, it's very powerful.
I really don't think so. I'm a little tense.
A little tense.
I'd say you're rigid.
I'm angry at you,
and I'm angry at Dave for going off with you.
Uh-huh. That's understandable.
But you've got to learn to release your anger.
You've got to just let it go.
I had acupressure, but it didn't work.
Well, of course not. That's the wrong karma.
See, headaches are mostly related
to the build-up of tension and anxiety. Now ...
Good, good, good. Come on. Now lie down, lie down.
... Lie down. ... No.
No, come on, lie down. Lie down. Lie down.
All right, now, listen.
You have to learn to release your anxiety and your tension.
It's very difficult for me to release my anxiety.
I understand. All right.
First, I'm gonna use my aura.
I'm afraid.
No, don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.
It's all right. It's all right.
I want you to breathe with me now. You ready?
Breathe in...
Oh, good.
Oh, good.
Good, good, good.
All right. Good, good, good.
That's good, good. All right.
All right. Okay.
Give me this leg. Just give it to me.
That's good. All right, you ready?
Good, good.
Good, that's your body letting up.
Oh! I think I see your aura.
You have nice skin.
Thank you.
Oh, God...l'm so relaxed.
All right. Ready?
Something strange is happening to me.
I'm scared.
... Oh, that's allright. ... I'm scared.
Oh, that's all right. That's all right.
That's just your body letting it all go.
Now just let it ... let it go.
Let it go.
Just let it go. Let it go.
Oh! Oh!
Jerry, invade me. Jangle me.
I need it, please!
Don't stop! Don't deny me!
Aagh! Aaagh! Aaaaagh!
Whoo-wee! My Lord!
My Go-o-o-o-d!
La 'illah ha, illa allah!
How long do you think this is gonna take?
I got hit here, I got it in the back, I got it ... Oy.
I just take 'em in, sir. I don't fix 'em.
I haven't had an orgasm like that
in nine-and-a-half years.
I never thought I was capable of this.
I'm ashamed of myself.
I am.
Glad and ashamed,
exhausted and exhilarated all at the same time,
just as I was repelled and attracted to you
at the same time.
Yin and yang, you understand?
Yeah, it's just one of those things.
Dave lost interest in me,
and I lost interest in sex.
I went shopping f or gratification.
But that's like sex without a climax, you know?
God, I'm so loose.
All the meditation,
all the yoga never got me to this place.
You know...
I'm well aware of what's going on between Dave and Carmen.
You see, I thought his confidence needed building,
and I thought she could invigorate him for me.
But all that time, I was denying myself.
What power, what heat building up inside of me like a volcano.
And you unleashed it ... you.
Oh, Jerry.
Jerry, I'm so glad to be back in the real world again.
Poor Dave.
He's a passionate, sweet man.
You found my "G" spot,
but this was a one-time trip to the moon.
It happened, and there's nothing we can do about it now.
But no matter how fantastic it was,
we can never repeat this adventure.
I agree.
See the pyramids along the Nile
Watch the sun rise f rom a tropic isle
Just remember, darling, all the while
You belong to me
See the market-place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
But remember when a dream appears
You belong to me
I think you should go with something a little more orange.
Good night.
Mm-mmm. There goes the neighbourhood.
Sir, thank you for speaking to my son Amir.
He doesn't have any friends,
and he's very lonely here in Beverly Hills.
Perhaps you could come over
for a Coke and backgammon some time.
Thank you.
Let's go.
Hi, honey!
Oy, what a day.
Cop car smashed me from behind.
Then the Iranian next door just gave Jerry $500...
for talking to his son.
Aw, honey. You look so tired. Can I fix you a drink?
You know, I know that's just an afternoon shopping at Neiman-Marcus to you,
but to some people it's still a lot of money.
Let's see now.
tonic water, and a slice of lime, right?
Thank you.
Sorry I yelled. I'm a little tense.
Oh, that's okay, honey.
Guess what.
The, uh, man from the city of Beverly Hills came in today
and he told me that we have rats ...
great big ones, white ones, Norwegian rats.
It's an epidemic.
Oh, honey.
Maybe they were just looking for some herring.
... Barbara? ... What?
I thought we weren't gonna drink anymor e.
Well, Dave, yeah, it's true. I am a vegetarian.
But I hear that vodka comes from a potato.
Oh, honey.
Oh, I'm so crazy about you.
Oh, let's go upstairs right now
and make love like we've never made love before.
Ooh, my darling. I missed you so much.
Ooh! Ooh!
Oh! Oh!
Oh! Ah! Ah! Ah!
... Barbara. ... Right now.
You're the best. Come on.
Oh, I love that, Jerry!
... Jerry! ... Dave.
... Get over here. ... Yeah?
Did you just diddle Carmen?
... Yes, Dave, I did. ... Why?
She asked me to come in and fix her TV.
Now, the male cable holder had come off the cable,
so I put some tape around the cable,
and I reinserted it in the femaler eceptacle.
That's when she climbed all over me ...
You are such a bastard!
Jerry, bring me a Tab, please.
Get her the Tab!
Oh, yeah.
I don't want you diddling my maid again.
Then you take her the Tab.
No, no, no, you take her the Tab.
... You take it. ... No, come on, don't be silly.
Will you grow up? Come on. Oh, come on.
Go on up! Go on up! Good. Good. Good.
Hind leg.
All right. Ready? Great!
Oh, Matisse!
Matisse just did a half-gainer!
The Mexicans are driving me crazy.
... There's gonna be a strike in Tijuana. ... No.
Now the Chinese are getting cold feet.
That could kill us. I'm getting very nervous.
Are they still coming for New Year's?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good dog. Good boy.
That was great last night, honey.
The dog is driving me crazy, Jerry!
Are you sure it isn't me, Dave?
I'm not sure of anything anymore.
Well, I am. Hey, amigo.
I'm getting on your nerves. I've worn out my welcome.
I'd just like to see you use your talents, that's all.
My talent is survival, Dave.
I could still make you a manager of one of my trailer parks.
Steady thing, you know?
It's near the ocean, clean air. What do you say?
Hey, listen, Dave ... Here you go, amigo.
Uh, at those trailer parks, people are always complaining ...
their septic tank is backed up,
their trailers are off the blocks,
they're rolling down the hills.
I couldn't deal with that responsibility.
Well, I could put you on the line at the hanger factory.
I think it's time for me to go.
Ahh, you can stay!
Through the holidays.
You're the boss, Dave.
Hey, Jerry.
Oh, Max. Hi.
Hey, thanks.
For what?
Well, that was quite a moment for me when you saw me.
Well, you gotta be what you're gonna be.
Oh, I'm not sure what I'm gonna be.
Ah, well, you can't hide for ever, Max.
It's no big deal.
Well, my father. I mean ...
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
What's your father got to do with this?
Your father is tolerant.
Look at me. Look what he did for me.
I send him tapes.
Besides, if I brought my friends home and ...
a-and my parents saw them,
they would probably freak out on me.
No. Wrong, Max. Wrong. Your parents have been around.
I'd try talking to them.
... Talk to them? ... That's right.
You mean, just go up ther e and say, "Hello, mom and dad" ...
No. Real.
Real. Yeah, real.
You mean, just go up there and talk to them?
That's right.
Okay. Thanks.
I think you can go with more orange, too.
Oh! This is absolutely
the last time I'll ask f or this, Jerry.
I swear.
Oh, Mr. Whiteman.
I've got to tell you, something is killing the azaleas
and your begonias in the backyard.
It killed one hydrangea, too.
At first I thought it was the dog peeing on them,
but the damage is too big for Matisse.
I don't want you to think it's me or my boy.
Richard, Richard... we both know who it is.
You know, Dave, you look like you could use a vacation.
I got a condo in Hawaii ... Napili Kai on Maui.
You can use it any time.
You and your wife, beautiful beach, golf, you name it.
Sidney, Pearl, now, you have to concentrate!
It's all in the mind!
All right, now, let's go.
Go! Go!
... Go! ... Go! Go, Pearl! Go, Pearl! Go! Go! Go!
All right!
You did it! You did it! You did it!
All right, Barbara.
Barbara, over there!
Oh, I'm scared!
All right, now, come on, Barbara.
I'm gonna wet my pants!
Come on, Barbara!
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!
Dave! Dave!
What is ... what did you do to the lawn?
I don't have to do that!
Barbara, please!
Someone is pissing on my hydrangeas!
Jerry's urged me to try and communicate with you,
but too often in our relationship
you have shown only anger.
Jerry says "Anger will get you nowhere. "
Here are some samples of your anger.
Get outta here, Max.
Get out of here, Max!
It's hangers that clothe you! It's hangers that feed you!
You're giving me a headache, Max!
Get out of here, Max!
... Max! ... Max! Max!
Get away! Get away! Get away!
I'm on the phone! I'm on the phone!
P.S. ... I love you.
I don't understand.
Why doesn't he show us the nice scenes?
I think he's trying to reach out to us.
I think he's trying to say something to us.
Trying to say something to us?
Why doesn't he talk to Dr. Toni Grant?
Oy, life! Oh, boy!
He likes Jerry more than he likes me.
Oh, nonsense.
It's true. It's true.
Oh, honey, relax. Relax.
You feeling sexy tonight?
Ohh. It might calm you down.
I have to figure out what to do about Jerry.
Not tonight.
Tonight I'm gonna give you an aura massage.
He's pissing in the garden.
He's ruining all the flowers.
He's cleaning out all the refrigerators.
Well, he has helped my headaches.
I offered him a job the other day.
He said it was too much trouble.
Too much trouble.
That's it. Ow! Ow! Ow!
You know, l-I've gotta get him outta her e.
Well, at least wait until after the party, okay?
Why are you defending him all of a sudden?
I really don't understand this!
Honey, you've done a wonderful thing for this man.
In the process, you have taught me a very important lesson.
I think he's diddling Carmen.
That bastard has to go.
Barbara ... Barbara, the transplants!
Barbara! Barbara!
Oh! Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
I got such a migraine.
I thought your boyfriend was coming home with you.
What a wimp he turned out to be, dad ...
a total drug addict.
This is the Jim guy?
Tell me about this Jerry.
Mother says he's very "gifted."
Ah, he's okay.
So, you want to stop at the deli?
You used to love that, you know.
I used to walk you there when you were 9 to get ...
Dad, I know, but I was 9 years old.
... Give me a break. ... Okay, okay.
Jerry R. Baskin, this is my daughter, Jen.
So, you're the one that doesn't eat.
You're a legend in your own time, Mr. Baskin.
No, no, no, no.
I'm just a bum.
You look more like a millionaire to me.
You should see the way he eats.
...loading and unloading...
Can we have some music, dad?
No, they stole my Blaupunkt.
I apologised about that radio, Dave.
I loaned him the car, and my radio was stolen.
It wasn't my fault.
Then whose fault is it?! Whose fault is it?!
I think I'll transfer to Vassar, mom.
They have this really great exchange programme.
I can go to ltaly in my junior year.
I think Europe would be great for you.
So, um, what's with this Jerry guy?
Oh, he's okay.
There's something about him I don't trust at all.
Well, honey, he ... he ... he has a strange wisdom.
Mom, is it all right if I ...
if I invite a couple of f riends to our party?
Sure, honey.
We could play some music. I'm f orming a band.
Do you know any Chinese songs?
Well, how many of the Chinese are coming?
10. They travel in gangs.
Well, w-what are we eating?
Uh, kosher, Chinese, and Mexican.
Barbara, I invited Orvis and his wife.
... That's okay, isn't it? ... That's gr eat, honey.
You must have had a lot to eat on the plane.
Do I remember talking to you?
You look like you're starving yourself.
Why don't you keep your brilliant insights to yourself?
We don't talk about it, Jerry.
Oh, I see. I see.
W-W-Wait. It's better to talk about it.
It's better to get things out in the open.
Shut up, Max.
You know, you are a troublemaker, mister.
Why don't you just stay out of family business, okay?
I'm getting damn sick and tired of you, too, Jer.
Hey, Dave, I apologised about the radio.
For Christ's sake, look at your daughter!
... It's not about the radio! ... Well, what ...
Oh, to hell with it. I'm outta here.
Dave, this can wait!
Okay, okay, okay.
We'll talk about it after the party.
You're the boss, Dave.
Give me a piece of cake.
Thank you.
There you are, Matisse. Yeah.
The police inform that no league group has put off
the responsibility of these attacks.
Carmen? I can't go on like this.
... Get out. ... Oh, this is killing me.
... You betrayed me. ... She's my wife.
... Ha! I knew you would say that. ... What's the matter?
Come on, what's the matter? Don't you like me?
Oh, that's not the point. And now I see the big picture.
... What big picture? ... You are the imperialist...
using me like the Third World.
Oh, struggle is a great teacher. You see, I am nothing.
I am the worker. You are the capitalist.
The only way we change this is revolution.
Wai... no, no, no. We were having fun.
Yes ... decadent fun.
Where are you getting all this crap on the walls?
What did you do? Did you join a communist discussion group?
My father was a communist, okay?
Oh, then you're a traitor to your class.
Where are you getting all this stuff?
... Books. ... Books? What books?
The books that Jerry gave to me.
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.
Jerry. Jerry.
You play very well.
I play fair.
It's hard to find pianos in alleys, you know.
Just another one of your hidden talents, huh?
When I played the concert circuit,
I always opened with Debussy.
I want you to know that I'm on to you, Jerry.
You're very attractive in a sick way.
You're charming, iconoclastic. You're a sociopath.
See, I'm a psych major, you see,
so I know all about people like you.
Now, my parents, on the other hand,
they are kind, compassionate, totally naive people,
and you are taking advantage of their kindness and naivet.
That's disgusting, it's immoral, and I won't tolerate it, okay?
Do you understand me, Jerry?
Now, you can find a way to leave quietly and gracef ully
or I'm just gonna have to find ...
I'm just gonna have to find another way to deal with you.
The game is over, Jerry, as of tonight.
... Oh, it's beautiful! ... I love it! Great touch!
Barbara, Barbara, there's Minister Chan.
Come on, Barbara. There's Minister Chan.
Relax. That's the caterer.
I hope he brought enough abalone delight.
Oh, oh, oh, look who's here.
Orvis! Hey, hey! Thank you so much for coming.
... Hey, nice to see you. ... Oh, my wife, Sandra.
Sandra, a pleasure, pleasure. This is my wife, Barbara.
These are our friends Dr. And Mrs. Waltzberg.
Hello. How are you?
Would you like something to eat? Either of you like something to eat?
Please, come with me. We'll get you something to eat right now.
Introduce you to some of our friends.
How are you?
This is Sidney Waxman and his wife, Pearl ... my business manager.
And these are my in-laws.
... Sadie and Mel Whiteman. ... Nice meeting you.
This is my decorator, Geraldo.
... Hello. ... Mucho gusto.
... My yoga instructor, Baba Ranbir. ... Nice meeting you.
... My dog's psychiatrist... ... Pleasur e to meet you.
Dr. Von Zimmer.
Oh, nice meeting you, doctor.
Is that his wife? She's a white girl.
They don't have any white meat.
Not white meat ... white wife.
Dave, the Chinese. The Chinese, the Chinese.
Oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me. I'm terribly sorry.
I should've been here to gr eet you.
I'm Dave Whiteman. I'm your host.
Welcome to my home, Minister Chan.
So good to see you. Minister Dong...
and all the other ministers a-a-and managers.
Is it all right if we "hang around"?
Minister Chan said, "Is it all right if we 'hang around'?"
Business joke ... get it? Hangers.
That's very ... that's very funny.
This is my wife, Barbara.
How do you do?
Most beautiful flower in the garden.
Most beautiful flower in the garden.
... Oh, thank you very much. ... Thank you very much.
Would the minister care for some Shanghai plum wine?
Would you like some Shanghai plum wine?
No. Tab with a slice of lemon, please.
... Tab with a slice of lemon, please. ... Tab? ... Tab?
... Good. ... I want that. ... Yes.
They all want Tab. I don't have that much Tab.
Many Tabs. That's very ...
Oh, here is my daughter, Jenny.
Nice to meet you, Minister Chan.
Ho ho ho ho!
Happy new year.
Here you are.
Thank you, Santa.
Jerry! Jerry, Jerry.
Ho ho ho ho!
Please tell Minister Chan that this man was eating garbage
just three short weeks ago.
Ho ho ho ho ho ho!
... Tabs! ... Tabs!
Tabs all around. Minister.
... Yes, yes, yes, yes. ... Yes.
... Thank you. ... Oh, you're so welcome.
Happy new year.
Are you having a happy new year, Spider?
We've made a good start, have we not, huh?
Things are so much better.
And next year will even be better.
Okay, everybody.
Orvis Goodnight is going to play for us,
and there's going to be dancing in the living room,
so come on, let's go.
What did she say?
... We're gonna dance. ... We're gonna dance.
I've been seekin'
I've been searchin'
I've been lookin'
I've been searchin'
I've been seekin'
I've been searchin'
I'm tryin' to find
I'm tryin' to find
More power to the people! Long live the revolution!
I'm a Marxist!
I'm a Marxist!
Radical left is nonsense.
Radical left is nonsense.
This is New Year's Eve! Don't argue in front of people!
You want to lose weight? Blow it out your arse.
I don't want to talk about weight now.
... Blow it out your arse. ... Be, oh, be a human being!
Great gosh almighty, been a long time comin'
Hi, dad.
I would like to introduce you to some of my friends.
This is Jill, and this is Alexis,
and there's Moses, and that's Jordan,
and that's Crystal.
This is my band.
Dad, I know that you're shocked,
but don't say anything until you've thought about it.
Until Jerry encouraged me to face the truth,
I was in torment.
And I realise now l-I just have to be myself.
I know that you understand...
'cause I love you, dad.
I got lipstick on you.
Okay, we're gonna set up.
Daddy, listen, don't worry about Max, okay?
This androgynous thing that he's doing
is all a part of growing up.
... Hmm. ... Really.
Teenagers are under a lot of sexual pressure,
and this relieves it. I promise you.
... Jenny. ... What?
Jenny, did I just see you eat something?
I'm starving.
You'r e kidding! That's fabulous!
What happened?
Daddy, I'm in love.
I am madly, passionately in love.
... You're kidding. ... No.
This is great news. Who is it?
See, nobody was ever good enough for me before, you know,
because I kept comparing everybody to you.
... Oh, don't be silly. ... Really.
... No, no, no. ... Yeah, I was such a bitch.
I mean, a total princess.
But once I let go of my illusions
and my stupid pr econceptions ...
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Who is it? Who is it?
Tell me who it is.
Jerry ... Jerry who?
Our Jerry, dad. It's a miracle.
Did you and he, uh ...
It's really a miracle.
Excuse me. One second.
You took my baby! You took my baby!
You took my ...
you took my baby!
I'm gonna kill him!
I'm gonna kill him!
He took my baby! He took my baby!
Dave! Dave!
Oh, my God! Come back!
Do the thing
Do the thing
Do the thing, do the thing...
... You took my baby! ... Dave!
I'll kill you! You took my baby!
Aah! Call 911! Aah!
You took my baby!
Great gosh almighty, been a long time comin'
Explain to the minister that on New Year's in Beverly Hills
it's the custom for people to jump in to show they're happy.
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Oh, trouble at the OK Corral.
Paddle! Paddle!
I'll kill you!
I'll kill ... I'll kill you!
I've been lookin'
I've been one of them
What happened?!
What happened?!
Get that cigar away from me!
I'll kill you!
What a fucking party!
You bit my neck.
You tried to kill me.
I was provoked.
You shouldn't have saved me in the first place.
I lent you a hand, and you bit it.
I gave folks what they wanted.
Linda Evans?
I never met the lady.
The sister with leukaemia?
I never had a sister.
The ashram?
I drove by it once.
The books ... the political books?
I picked them up in a supermarket.
What about us?
Oh, Jenny. That's life.
You took advantage, Jer. You lied.
Well, what'd you want to hear, Dave ...
real heartbreak, real sorrow?
It's boring.
Here's your pants.
That's my underwear, too, buddy.
Yeah. Oh, right you are.
That's right.
Oh, here's the money the Iranian guy gave me for his kid
when I gave him an apple.
Keep it. You gave him the apple.
It was your apple.
Here's your clothes.
And you can keep your hanger factories,
and you can keep your credit cards
and everything else.
It's called commitment, amigo.
I don't need it.
Yeah, I know, I know. You're free, huh?
You're free to eat garbage.
Yup. And I can piss anywhere I want to.
You could've pissed right here, Jerry.
Dave, he did. He pissed all over the joint.
Where you goin'? I'm real curious.
Who knows?
Stay. I'll make you a nice cappuccino.
Now go on back, Matisse!
No. No, Jerry. You take him.
You're the only one he listens to anyway.
Departure scene, take one.
I'll never eat again.
Come on, Matisse!
It's our lucky day, amigo.
There's lots of places we can go ...
Frisco, Santa Fe, Ensenada.
Jerry's gonna show you the ropes.
I'll show you the best parks to sleep in,
beaches where the coconuts flop into the palms of your hands.
Ahhh. We'll make our own schedule.
We don't owe nothin' to nobody! All right, yeah!
What's wrong, amigo? You hungry?
Come on.
Jerry will fix us up some good grub. Here.
There's good garbage in here.
Ah, look at this. Pt.
Oh, this is gonna be good.
Only the best gourmet chow in town for us, huh?
Here, take a bite.
What's the matter?
Come on. This is good stuff.
This is the best garbage in town.
This is primo.
Let's go grab a cup of cappuccino.
You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
You may find yourself in another part of the world
You may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, " did I get here?"
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
You may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
You may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"
You may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful house"
You may tell yourself, "This is not my beautiful wife"
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Same as it ever was
Water dissolving
Water removing
There is water at the bottom of the ocean
Remove the water
Carry the water
Remove the water
From the bottom of the ocean
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... into the silent water
Under the rocks and stone ... there is water underground
Letting the days go by ... into the silent water
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"
You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway lead to?"
You may ask yourself, "Am I right? Am I wrong?"
You may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?"
Letting the days go by ... let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... after the money's gone
Once in a lifetime ... water flowing underground
Into the blue again ... once in a lifetime
Ripped by SOUTHSiDE in 2003
DC Sniper 23 Days of Fear
D A R Y L 1985
Daddy Day Care
Daffy Duck - Drip Along Daffy (1951)
Daffy Duck - Duck Amuck (1953)
Daffy Duck - Duck Dodgers in the 245 Century (1953)
Daffy Duck and Porky - Boobs in the Woods (1950)
Daffy Duck and Porky - Daffy Duck Hunt (1949)
Daffy Duck and Porky - Deduce You Say (1956)
Daffy Duck and Porky - Golden Yeggs (1950)
Daffy Duck and Porky - The Ducksters (1950)
Daffy Duck and Porky - Yankee Doodle Daffy (1943)
Daffy Duck and Sylvester - The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950)
Damien Omen II
Damnation (1988) CD1
Damnation (1988) CD2
Damnation de Faust La CD1
Damnation de Faust La CD2
Dance With Me
Dancer in the Dark (2001) CD1
Dancer in the Dark (2001) CD2
Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD1
Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD2
Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD3
Dances With Wolves 1990 CD1
Dances With Wolves 1990 CD2
Dangerous Beauty
Dangerous Minds
Dantes Peak 1997
Dark Angel 1x15 Haven
Dark Angel 1x16 Shorties In Love
Dark Angel 1x17 Pollo Loco
Dark Angel 1x18 I Am I Am A Camera
Dark Angel 1x19 Hit A Sista Back
Dark Angel 1x20 Meow
Dark Angel 1x21 And Jesus Bought A Casserole
Dark Blue
Dark Blue World (2001)
Dark City
Dark Passage
Dark Water
Dark Wolf
Dark Woods (2003)
Darkness 2002 CD1
Darkness 2002 CD2
Darling 1965 CD1
Darling 1965 CD2
Das Boot - The Directors Cut
Dauria 1971 - Part 1 23976fps
Dauria 1971 - Part 2 23976fps
David Copperfield - Illusion CD1
David Copperfield - Illusion CD2
Dawn Of The Dead (2004)
Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD1
Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD2
Day A (2001)
Day After The 1983 23976fps
Day For Night CD1
Day For Night CD2
Day I Became A Woman The 2000 CD1
Day I Became A Woman The 2000 CD2
Day The World Ended The
Day after tomorrow The
Day of The Jackal [1973] CD1
Day of The Jackal [1973] CD2
Day the Earth Stood Still The
Days Of Heaven
Days Of Wine And Roses 1962 CD1
Days Of Wine And Roses 1962 CD2
Days of Thunder
De LAmour
De Vierde Man (23976)
Dead End 2003
Dead Friend
Dead Men Dont Wear Plaid (1982)
Dead Or Alive 2
Dead Presidents CD1
Dead Presidents CD2
Dead Reckoning
Dead Ringers
Dead Zone The
Dead again (1991)
Dead again (1991) Commentary
Dead man walking 1995 CD1
Dead man walking 1995 CD2
Dead or alive
Dear Diary 1994
Death To Smoochy
Death Warrant
Death Wish
Death in Venice 1971
Deathwatch 2002
Debut The
Decalage Horaire
Decalogue 06 1988
Decalogue 07 1988
Decalogue 08 1988
Decalogue 09 1988
Decalogue 10 1988
Decline of the American Empire The 1986
Deconstructing Harry
Deep Blue CD1
Deep Blue CD2
Deep Impact
Deep Loves CD1
Deep Loves CD2
Deep Rising
Deep Space 9 1x01 and 1x02 Emissary
Deep Space 9 1x03 Past Prologue
Deep Space 9 1x04 A Man Alone
Deep Space 9 1x05 Babel
Deep Space 9 1x06 Captive Pursuit
Deep Space 9 1x07 Q-Less
Deep Space 9 1x08 Dax
Deep Space 9 1x09 The Passenger
Deep Space 9 1x10 Move Along Home
Deep Space 9 1x11 The Nagus
Deep Space 9 1x12 Vortex
Deep Space 9 1x13 Battle Lines
Deep Space 9 1x14 The Storyteller
Deep Space 9 1x15 Progress
Deep Space 9 1x16 If Wishes Were Horses
Deep Space 9 1x17 The Forsaken
Deep Space 9 1x18 Dramatis Personae
Deep Space 9 1x19 Duet
Deep Space 9 1x20 In The Hands Of The Prophets
Deep blue sea
Defiant Ones The
Delicatessen (1991)
Delirium (Delirio Caldo)(23.976)
Deliv and Daniel Webster The
Deliver Us from Eva
Demetrius And The Gladiators 1954
Demoiselles de Rochefort Les CD1
Demoiselles de Rochefort Les CD2
Demon Baby
Demonic Beauty (2002)
Demonlover CD1
Demonlover CD2
Dentist 2 The 1998
Derrick 2004
Dersu Uzala (Akira Kurosawa) CD1
Dersu Uzala (Akira Kurosawa) CD2
Desert Fox - The Story of Rommel
Desert Rats The
Desk Set
Desperate Hours The
Desperate Living
Destination Tokyo CD1
Destination Tokyo CD2
Destry Rides Again
Detroit 9000
Devdas (2002) CD1
Devdas (2002) CD2
Devil Probable The
Devil Rides Out The 1968
Devil is a Woman The
Devils Advocate The CD1
Devils Advocate The CD2
Devils Backbone The
Devils Brigade The
Devils Own The
Dial M for Murder 1954
Diamonds Are Forever
Diana Krall Live in Paris
Diarios De Motocicleta
Diary of a Chambermaid
Diary of a Country Priest (1951 Bresson Robert)
Dias de Nietzsche em Turim
Dickie Roberts Former Child Star
Die Another Day (2002) CD1
Die Another Day (2002) CD2
Die Hard 1988 Extended Version CD1
Die Hard 1988 Extended Version CD2
Die Hard With a Vengeance
Die Nibelungen - Die Kriemhilds Rache CD1
Die Nibelungen - Die Kriemhilds Rache CD2
Diez de hollywood Los 1951
Dil Ka Kya Kasoor
Dil Ka Rishta
Dirty Dancing
Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights
Dirty Harry
Dirty Tiger Crazy Frog 1978
Discovery Air Jaws Sharks of South Africa
Discovery Channel - Raising The Mammoth
Dish The
Disorderly Orderly The
Distant Lights
Distant Thunder
Django spara per primo
Do Raaste
Do The Right Thing CD1
Do The Right Thing CD2
Dobry vojak Svejk
Dodeskaden (Akira Kurosawa)
Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story
Dog Nail Clipper
Dog Soldiers (2002)
Dogs Of War The 1981
Dogville CD1
Dogville CD2
Doing Hard Time CD1
Doing Hard Time CD2
Dois Perdidos Numa Noite Suja 2002
Dokument Fanny och Alexander CD1
Dokument Fanny och Alexander CD2
Dolce Vita La 1960 CD1
Dolce Vita La 1960 CD2
Dolores Claiborne (1995)
Domicile conjugal
Don Giovanni CD1
Don Giovanni CD2
Dong (The Hole) 1998
Donggam (2000) - Ditto
Donnie Brasco
Donnie Darko
Dont Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood
Dont Bother to Knock
Dont look now
Dont say a word
Donzoko 1957
Door in the Floor The 2004
Doors The CD1
Doors The CD2
Dora-Heita 2000
Double Jeopardy
Double Team
Double Vision (Shuang Tong)
Doulos Le
Down By Law 1986
Down Periscope
Down Time
Down With Love
Down and Out in Beverly Hills
Dr Dolittle
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
Dr No
Dr Strangelove
Dracula - Dead and Loving It
Dracula 1931
Dracula 1979
Dracula Has Risen From The Grave 1968
Dragon Head CD1
Dragon Head CD2
Dragonball Z
Dragonheart (1996)
Dragonheart - Collectors Edition
Dragons Forever (Jackie Chan)
Dragstrip Girl
DreamKeeper 2003 CD1
DreamKeeper 2003 CD2
Dream Master The
Dream Of A Warrior (Cheonsamong)
Dreamers The
Dreamlife of Angels The
Dressed to Kill 1980
Drifting Clouds
Driving Miss Daisy
Driving miss Wealthy (2004)
Drop Dead Gorgeous 1999
Drowning Mona CD1
Drowning Mona CD2
Drums Along the Mohawk
Drunken Master (Yuen Woo-Ping 1978)
Du rififi chez les hommes (Jules Dassin 1955) CD1
Du rififi chez les hommes (Jules Dassin 1955) CD2
Duck Soup (1933 Marx Brothers)
Dude Wheres My Car
Duel The
Duel in the Sun CD1
Duel in the Sun CD2
Duel to the Death
Duellists The
Dumb And Dumberer When Harry Met Lloyd 2003
Dumb and Dumber
Dune 2000 - 1 of 3
Dune 2000 - 2 of 3
Dune 2000 - 3 of 3
Dungeons And Dragons
Dunken Monkey 2002
Dust in the Wind (Hsiao-hsien Hou 1986)
Dying td CD1
Dying td CD2
The Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD2