Duck Soup (1933 Marx Brothers)Click here to download subtitles file for the movie "Duck Soup (1933 Marx Brothers)"Get Paid for using YouTube!
[ Quacking ] MRS. TEASDALE, I ASK YOU TO RECONSIDER. YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY ? I'VE LOANED FREEDONIA MORE THAN HALF THE FORTUNE MY HUSBAND LEFT ME. I CONSIDER THAT MONEY LOST. NOW YOU'RE ASKING FOR ANOTHER $20 MILLION. IT WOULD ONLY BE FOR A FEW MONTHS. WITH $20 MILLION IN THE TREASURY, WE CAN ANNOUNCE A REDUCTION IN TAXES. I'M SORRY, BUT I'M INCLINED TO AGREE WITH THE PEOPLE. THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN MISMANAGED. WHAT ? I WILL LEND THE MONEY ON CONDITION THAT HIS EXCELLENCY WITHDRAW... AND PLACE THE GOVERNMENT IN NEW HANDS. YOU ASK ME TO GIVE UP MY OFFICE ? YES, YOUR EXCELLENCY. FREEDONIA NEEDS A NEW LEADER, A PROGRESSIVE, FEARLESS FIGHTER. A MAN LIKE RUFUS T. FIREFLY. RUFUS T. FIREFLY ? I WILL LEND THE MONEY ONLY IF FIREFLY IS APPOINTED LEADER. [ Fanfare ] THE HONORABLE SECRETARY OF FINANCE AND PARTY. [ Fanfare ] HIS EXCELLENCY, AMBASSADOR TRENTINO OF SYLVANIA. AMBASSADOR. MRS. TEASDALE. IT WAS SO GOOD OF YOU TO COME. I'M ANXIOUS FOR YOU TO MEET THE NEW LEADER OF OUR COUNTRY. NO MATTER WHO RULES, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE THE FIRST LADY OF THE LAND. OH, PERMIT ME. MISS VERA MARCAL. AMBASSADOR TRENTINO. MISS MARCAL NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. I'VE SEEN HER DANCE MANY TIMES. THANK YOU. [ Fanfare ] THE HONORABLE PANDOOH OF MIFHTAN. I MUST GREET HIS HONOR. WHAT HAVE YOU FOUND OUT ? I'VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR FROM YOU. I'VE GIVEN UP THE IDEA OF A REVOLUTION. I HAVE A BETTER PLAN. I CAN GAIN CONTROL OF FREEDONIA EASIER BY MARRYING MRS. TEASDALE. MAYBE THAT'S NOT GOING TO BE SO EASY. FROM WHAT I HEAR, MRS. TEASDALE IS SWEET ON THIS RUFUS T. FIREFLY. THAT'S WHERE YOU COME IN. I'M GOING TO PLACE HIM IN YOUR HANDS. AND I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO -- CAREFUL. I WANT YOU TO MEET HIS EXCELLENCY'S SECRETARY. BOB ROLAND. AMBASSADOR TRENTINO. HOW DO YOU DO, SIR ? MISS MARCAL. WE'VE MET. I HOPE HIS EXCELLENCY GETS HERE SOON. HIS EXCELLENCY MAKES IT A POINT ALWAYS TO BE ON TIME. AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN HIM, HE'S NEVER BEEN LATE. HIS EXCELLENCY IS DUE TO TAKE HIS STATION BEGINNING HIS NEW ADMINISTRATION HE'LL MAKE HIS APPEARANCE WHEN THE CLOCK ON THE WALL STRIKES TEN WHEN THE CLOCK ON THE WALL STRIKES TEN ALL YOU LOYAL LADIES AND YOU PATRIOTIC MEN LET'S SING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WHEN THE CLOCK ON THE WALL STRIKES TEN [ Chiming ] [ Fanfare ] HIS EXCELLENCY IS DUE TO TAKE HIS STATION BEGINNING A NEW ADMINISTRATION HE'LL MAKE HIS APPEARANCE WHEN THE CLOCK ON THE WALL STRIKES TEN WE'LL GIVE HIM A ROUSING CHEER TO SHOW HIM WE'RE GLAD HE'S HERE HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA [ Fanfare ] HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE [ Fanfare ] HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE [ Alarm ] HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE YOU EXPECTING SOMEBODY ? YES. HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY, WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU. AS CHAIRWOMAN OF THE RECEPTION, I EXTEND THE GOOD WISHES OF EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND CHILD OF FREEDONIA. NEVER MIND THAT. TAKE A CARD. CARD ? WHAT'LL I DO WITH A CARD ? KEEP IT. I'VE GOT 51 LEFT. WHAT WERE YOU SAYING ? AS CHAIRWOMAN, I WELCOME YOU WITH OPEN ARMS. IS THAT SO ? HOW LATE DO YOU STAY OPEN ? I'VE SPONSORED YOUR APPOINTMENT BECAUSE I FEEL YOU ARE... THE MOST ABLE STATESMAN IN ALL FREEDONIA. THAT COVERS A LOT OF GROUND. YOU COVER A LOT OF GROUND YOURSELF. YOU BETTER BEAT IT. I HEAR THEY'RE GONNA TEAR YOU DOWN AND PUT UP AN OFFICE BUILDING. YOU CAN LEAVE IN A TAXI. IF YOU CAN'T GET A TAXI, YOU CAN LEAVE IN A HUFF. IF THAT'S TOO SOON, YOU CAN LEAVE IN A MINUTE AND A HUFF. YOU HAVEN'T STOPPED TALKING SINCE I CAME. THE FUTURE OF FREEDONIA RESTS ON YOU. PROMISE ME YOU'LL FOLLOW IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF MY HUSBAND. I HAVEN'T BEEN ON THE JOB FIVE MINUTES AND ALREADY SHE'S MAKING ADVANCES TO ME. WHERE IS YOUR HUSBAND ? WHY... HE'S DEAD. I'LL BET HE'S USING THAT AS AN EXCUSE. I WAS WITH HIM 'TIL THE VERY END. NO WONDER HE PASSED AWAY. I HELD HIM IN MY ARMS AND KISSED HIM. I SEE. THEN IT WAS MURDER ! WILL YOU MARRY ME ? DID HE LEAVE YOU MONEY ? ANSWER THE SECOND FIRST. HE LEFT ME HIS ENTIRE FORTUNE. IS THAT SO ? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU ! OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY ! YOU'RE NOT SO BAD YOURSELF. I WANT TO PRESENT YOU AMBASSADOR TRENTINO OF SYLVANIA. HAVING HIM WITH US IS INDEED A GREAT PLEASURE. THANK YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAY VERY LONG. THAT'S A GREATER PLEASURE. HOW 'BOUT LENDING THIS COUNTRY $20 MILLION, YOU OLD SKINFLINT ? $20 MILLION IS A LOT OF MONEY. I HAVE TO TAKE THAT UP WITH MY MINISTER OF FINANCE. COULD YOU LET ME HAVE $12 UNTIL PAYDAY ? $12 ? YOU'LL GET IT BACK. I'LL GIVE YOU MY NOTE FOR 90 DAYS. IF IT ISN'T PAID BY THEN, KEEP THE NOTE. YOUR EXCELLENCY, HAVEN'T WE SEEN EACH OTHER SOMEWHERE BEFORE ? I'M NOT SURE I'M SEEING YOU NOW. MUST BE SOMETHING I ATE. LOOK HERE ! ARE YOU TRYING TO -- DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT THERE'S ONE MAN TOO MANY IN THIS ROOM AND I THINK IT'S YOU. I'M SO SORRY. I WANT YOU TO MEET A VERY CHARMING LADY. IT'S ABOUT TIME. JUST A MOMENT. I WANT TO PRESENT MISS VERA MARCAL. GO AHEAD. I CAN TAKE IT. OH, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. THIS IS VERA MARCAL, THE FAMOUS DANCER. IS THAT SO ? CAN YOU DO THIS ONE ? I DANCED BEFORE NAPOLEON. NO, NAPOLEON DANCED BEFORE ME. HE DANCED 200 YEARS BEFORE ME. HERE'S ONE I PICKED UP IN A DANCE HALL. HERE'S ANOTHER ONE I PICKED UP IN A DANCE HALL. PERHAPS SOMETIME WE GET A CHANCE TO DANCE TOGETHER ? I COULD DANCE WITH YOU 'TIL THE COWS COME HOME. I'D RATHER DANCE WITH THE COWS 'TIL YOU COME HOME. WHERE IS MY SECRETARY ? HERE I AM. GOOD HEAVENS ! TAKE A LETTER. MY DENTIST. WHO TO ? "DEAR DENTIST, ENCLOSED FIND CHECK FOR $500." SEND IT OFF IMMEDIATELY. I'LL HAVE TO ENCLOSE THE CHECK FIRST. YOU DO AND I'LL FIRE YOU. YOUR EXCELLENCY, THE EYES OF THE WORLD ARE UPON YOU. NOTABLES FROM EVERY COUNTRY ARE GATHERED IN YOUR HONOR. THIS IS A GALA DAY FOR YOU. A GAL A DAY IS ENOUGH FOR ME. I DON'T THINK I COULD HANDLE ANY MORE. IF IT'S NOT ASKING TOO MUCH... FOR OUR INFORMATION JUST FOR ILLUSTRATION TELL US HOW YOU INTEND TO RUN THE NATION THESE ARE THE LAWS OF MY ADMINISTRATION NO ONE'S ALLOWED TO SMOKE OR TELL A DIRTY JOKE AND WHISTLING IS FORBIDDEN WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL A DIRTY JOKE HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA IF CHEWING GUM IS CHEWED THE CHEWER IS PURSUED AND IN THE HOOSEGOW HIDDEN IF WE CHOOSE TO CHEW WE'LL BE PURSUED IF ANY FORM OF PLEASURE IS EXHIBITED REPORT TO ME AND IT WILL BE PROHIBITED I'LL PUT MY FOOT DOWN SO SHALL IT BE THIS IS THE LAND OF THE FREE THE LAST MAN NEARLY RUINED THIS PLACE, HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT IF YOU THINK THIS COUNTRY'S BAD OFF NOW JUST WAIT 'TIL I GET THROUGH WITH IT THE COUNTRY'S TAXES MUST BE FIXED AND I KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH IT IF YOU THINK YOU'RE PAYING TOO MUCH NOW JUST WAIT 'TIL I GET THROUGH WITH IT I WILL NOT STAND FOR ANYTHING THAT'S CROOKED OR UNFAIR I'M STRICTLY ON THE UP AND UP SO EVERYONE BEWARE IF ANYONE'S CAUGHT TAKING GRAFT AND I DON'T GET MY SHARE WE STAND 'EM UP AGAINST THE WALL AND POP GOES THE WEASEL SO EVERYONE BEWARE WHO'S CROOKED OR UNFAIR NO ONE MUST TAKE A BIT OF GRAFT UNLESS HE GETS HIS SHARE IF ANY MAN SHOULD COME BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND HIS BRIDE WE FIND OUT WHICH ONE SHE PREFERS BY LETTING HER DECIDE IF SHE PREFERS THE OTHER MAN THE HUSBAND STEPS OUTSIDE WE STAND THEM UP AGAINST THE WALL AND POP GOES THE WEASEL THE HUSBAND STEPS OUTSIDE RELINQUISHES HIS BRIDE AAAA THEY STAND HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL AND TAKE AWAY HIS BRIDE YOU HAVE AN APPOINTMENT AT THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES. GOOD HEAVENS ! YOU CAN'T GO WITH YOUR TROUSERS UP ! I CAN'T, EH ? THEY'LL NEVER CATCH ME ANY OTHER WAY. MY CAR ! HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR ! - HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR. - [ Fanfare ] - HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR. - [ Fanfare ] I'M IN A HURRY. IF YOU RUN OUT OF GAS, GET ETHYL. IF ETHYL RUNS OUT, GET MABEL. NOW STEP ON IT. IT CERTAINLY FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK AGAIN. I HAVE FAILED, AMBASSADOR. I KNOW IT, YOU IDIOT ! I'M SORRY. YOU HAVE MUDDLED EVERYTHING. IF YOU'D STARTED THE REVOLUTION AS I PLANNED... I COULD'VE STEPPED IN AND PLACED FREEDONIA UNDER THE SYLVANIAN FLAG. BUT FIREFLY BLOCKED US ! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW POPULAR HE IS. I'VE KNOWN OF THAT TOO. THAT'S WHY I HAVE TWO SPIES SHADOWING HIM. I WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING TO DISGRACE HIM. TO DISCREDIT HIM WITH THE PEOPLE. AMBASSADOR, CHICOLINI AND PINKY ARE HERE. THESE ARE MY SPIES. SHOW THEM IN. WAIT OUTSIDE. WE FOOL YOU GOOD, EH ? GENTLEMEN ! [ Ringing ] [ Ringing ] GENTLEMEN, WHAT IS THIS ? SHH ! THIS IS SPY STUFF. [ Ringing ] [ Ringing ] TELEGRAM FOR YOU, SIR. OH. HE GETS MAD BECAUSE HE CAN'T READ. OH, I SEE. GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE SERIOUS MATTERS TO DISCUSS. PLEASE BE SEATED. ROCK-A-BYE GENTLEMEN, ABOUT THAT INFORMATION -- WAIT, HERE, HAVE A CIGAR. THAT'S A GOOD QUARTER CIGAR. I SMOKED THE OTHER THREE QUARTERS MYSELF. NO, THANK YOU. HERE, TRY ONE OF THESE. HERE, THAT'S-A NO GOOD. THAT'S-A GOOD ! THAT'S-A FINE. THAT'S-A GOOD. LET'S CONCENTRATE. HAVE YOU BEEN TRAILING FIREFLY ? HA-HA ! HAVE WE BEEN TRAILING FIREFLY ! MY PARTNER HERE'S GOT A NOSE JUST LIKE A BLOODHOUND. REALLY ? AND THE REST OF HIS FACE DON'T LOOK SO GOOD EITHER. WE FIND OUT ALL ABOUT THIS FIREFLY. LOOK AT THIS. AH, VERY GOOD ! WAIT. WE MUST NOT BE DISTURBED. YES, SIR ? THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT CONFERENCE. I DO NOT WISH TO BE INTERRUPTED. YES, SIR. [ Chicolini ] UH-UH, UH-UH ! GENTLEMEN, WE ARE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE. YOU'RE OUT ! AH-AH-AH-AH-AH ! GENTLEMEN, PLEASE ! WILL YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT FIREFLY ? REMEMBER YOU GAVE US A PICTURE AND SAID "FOLLOW HIM" ? OH YES. WE GET ON THE JOB RIGHT AWAY. IN ONE HOUR, LESS THAN ONE HOUR, YES ? WE LOSE-A THE PICTCH. THAT'S-A PRETTY QUICK WORK. I ASKED YOU TO DIG UP SOMETHING I CAN USE AGAINST FIREFLY. DID YOU BRING ME HIS RECORD ? NO, NO ! [ Gunshot ] AND THE BOY GETS-A CIGAR. CHICOLINI, I WANT A DETAILED REPORT OF YOUR INVESTIGATION. MONDAY, WE WATCH FIREFLY'S HOUSE, BUT HE NO COME OUT. HE WASN'T HOME. TUESDAY, WE GO TO THE BALL GAME, BUT HE FOOL US. HE NO SHOW UP. WEDNESDAY, HE GO TO THE BALL GAME, BUT WE FOOL HIM ! WE NO SHOW UP. THURSDAY WAS A DOUBLEHEADER, NOBODY SHOW UP. FRIDAY, IT RAINED ALL DAY. THERE WAS NO BALL GAME. WE LISTENED OVER THE RADIO. YOU DIDN'T SHADOW FIREFLY ! WE SHADOW HIM ALL DAY. WHAT DAY WAS THAT ? "SHADDERDAY" ! THAT'S-A SOME JOKE, HUH, BOSS ? WILL YOU TELL ME, WHAT HAPPENED SATURDAY ? I'M GLAD YOU ASKED ME. WE FOLLOW THIS MAN TO A ROAD HOUSE. HE MEET A MARRIED LADY. A MARRIED LADY ? YEAH, I THINK IT WAS HIS WIFE. FIREFLY HAS NO WIFE ! NO ? NO ! YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK ? I THINK WE FOLLOWED THE WRONG MAN. OH, GENTLEMEN, I AM DISAPPOINTED. I ENTRUSTED YOU WITH A MISSION OF GREAT IMPORTANCE AND YOU FAILED. HOWEVER, I AM GOING TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE. I HAVE CREDENTIALS THAT WILL GET YOU INTO ANY PLACE IN FREEDONIA. IF I CAN ONLY -- AH, HERE WE ARE. ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU CAN TRAP FIREFLY ? REMEMBER, THIS TIME I EXPECT RESULTS. GOOD-BYE AND GOOD LUCK. OKAY, CAP. COME ON, PINKY. GOOD-BYE. ALL RIGHT, THE MEETING'S CALLED TO ORDER. YOUR EXCELLENCY, HERE'S THE TREASURY DEPARTMENT'S REPORT. I HOPE YOU'LL FIND IT CLEAR. CLEAR ? WHY A FOUR-YEAR-OLD CHILD COULD UNDERSTAND THIS REPORT. FIND ME A FOUR-YEAR-OLD CHILD. I CAN'T MAKE HEAD OR TAIL OUT OF IT. MEMBERS OF THE CABINET, WE'LL TAKE UP OLD BUSINESS. I WISH TO DISCUSS THE TARIFF. SIT DOWN, THAT'S NEW BUSINESS. NO OLD BUSINESS ? VERY WELL, WE'LL TAKE UP NEW BUSINESS. ABOUT THAT TARIFF. TOO LATE ! THAT'S OLD BUSINESS ALREADY. AS YOUR SECRETARY OF WAR -- OUT OF ORDER ! WHICH REMINDS ME, SO IS THE PLUMBING. MAKE A NOTE OF THAT. NEVER MIND, I'LL DO IT MYSELF. THE DEPARTMENT OF LABOR WISHES TO REPORT... THAT THE WORKERS OF FREEDONIA ARE DEMANDING SHORTER HOURS. WE'LL GIVE THEM SHORTER HOURS BY CUTTING THEIR LUNCH HOUR TO 20 MINUTES. GENTLEMEN, WE'VE GOT TO START LOOKING FOR A NEW TREASURER. YOU APPOINTED ONE LAST WEEK ! THAT'S THE ONE I'M LOOKING FOR. GENTLEMEN, ENOUGH. HOW ABOUT TAKING UP THE TAX ? -HOW ABOUT TAKING UP THE CARPET? -WE MUST TAKE UP THE TAX ! YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE UP THE TAX BEFORE YOU CAN TAKE UP THE CARPET. I GIVE MY TIME TO MY DUTIES AND WHAT DO I GET ? - YOU GET AWFULLY TIRESOME. - SIR, YOU TRY MY PATIENCE. YOU MUST COME OVER AND TRY MINE SOME TIME. THAT'S THE LAST STRAW ! I RESIGN. I WASH MY HANDS OF THE WHOLE BUSINESS. YOU CAN WASH YOUR NECK TOO. PEANUTS ! HEY, COME HERE ! JUST THE GUY I WANNA SEE. WHAT DO YOU FIND OUT ABOUT FIREFLY ? YOU FIND OUT-A SOMETHING ? YOU NO FIND OUT-A SOMETHING ? YOU SPY ON HIM ? YOU NO SPY ON HIM ? WHAT'S-A MATTER ? ALL THE TIME I TALK, YOU NO SAY-A NOTHING. WHAT'S-A MATTER YOU NO SPEAK ? STOP-A THIS ! WHAT-A YOU FIND, EH ? THAT'S-A NO GOOD ! HEY, COME HERE. WHAT YOU MAKE A FACE FOR ? COME ON, YOU WANNA FIGHT ? COME ON, I GIVE YOU FIGHT. UPSTAIRS THIS TIME, NO DOWNSTAIRS. COME ON. WHAT YOU THINK YOU ARE, EH ? WHAT'S THE IDEA OF FIGHTIN' IN FRONT OF MY PLACE... AND DRIVING MY CUSTOMERS AWAY ? YOU GOT A MISTAKE SOMEPLACE. I NO FIGHT. THIS GUY HE'S-A WORKING FOR ME. I ASK-A SOMETHING, HE NO TELL-A ME NOTHING. ALL THE TIME HE NO SPEAK. WHAT DO YOU THINK HE DO ? HE GO MAKE-A FIGHT. WHAT'S THE IDEA ? THAT'S-A NOT MY IDEA. THAT'S-A HIS IDEA. I SAY SOMETHING, HE NO SAY NOTHING. EVERY TIME I SPEAK -- WILL YOU SHUT UP ! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' AROUND HERE ? [ Honk ] WHO ARE YA ? [ Honk ] CAN'T YOU -- CAN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING ? [ Honk ] HE NO SAY NOTHING, HE -- AW, SHUT UP ! I AM-A SHUT UP, BUT YOU NO UNDERSTAND. HE'S A SPY AND I'M A SPY. HE WORK-A FOR ME. I WANT HIM TO FIND OUT SOMETHING BUT HE NO FIND OUT. HOW AM I GONNA FIND OUT WHAT I WANNA FIND OUT... IF HE NO FIND OUT WHAT I GOTTA FIND OUT ? WILL YOU QUIT ANNOYING ME ? ALL RIGHT, I QUIT. ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS MAKE HIM STOP DOING THIS. JUST FOR THAT I'M GONNA TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB ! YOU'D THINK -- I NO SAY ONE THING, MISTER, BEFORE WHEN YOU -- NO, NO. HAVEN'T I -- OH ! NOW, NOW I'M GONNA GET YOU ! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ? [ Honk ] WHY, YOU -- [ Honk ] [ Laughing ] [ Silence ] [ Honk, Honk, Honk ] [ Whistling ] I'LL TEACH YOU TO KICK ME ! YOU DON'T HAVE TO TEACH ME. I KNOW HOW. [ Chicolini ] STOP IT NOW. LOOK OUT ! OHHH ! THAT'S-A GOOD, EH ? PEANUTS ! HEY ! DO YOU WANT TO BE A PUBLIC NUISANCE ? SURE, HOW MUCH DOES THE JOB PAY ? I'VE GOT A GOOD MIND TO JOIN A CLUB AND BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH IT. PEANUTS... TO YOU ! HAVE YOU GOT A LICENSE ? LICENSE ? NO, BUT MY DOG, HE'S GOTTA MILLIONS OF 'EM. HE'S SOME SMART DOG. HE WENT WITH ADMIRAL BYRD TO THE POLE. I'LL BET THE DOG GOT TO THE POLE FIRST. YOU WIN. COME UP. I WANNA SCARE THE CABINET. [ Ringing ] HELLO ? NO, HE'S NOT IN. ALL RIGHT, I TELL HIM. GOOD-BYE. THAT WAS FOR YOU. I'M SORRY I'M NOT IN. I WANT TO HAVE A LONG TALK WITH YOU. YOU GIVE UP THAT SILLY PEANUT STAND AND I'LL GET YOU A SOFT GOVERNMENT JOB. HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A JOB IN THE MINT ? MINT ? NO, NO. I NO LIKE-A MINT. WHAT OTHER FLAVOR YOU GOT ? [ Ringing ] HELLO ? NO, NOT YET. ALL RIGHT, I TELL HIM. GOOD-BYE. THAT WAS FOR YOU AGAIN. I WONDER WHATEVER BECAME OF ME. I SHOULD'VE BEEN BACK HERE A LONG TIME AGO. I'VE GOT A SWELL JOB FOR YOU, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO ASK IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. WHAT IS IT THAT HAS FOUR PAIR OF PANTS, LIVES IN PHILADELPHIA, AND IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS ? THAT'S A GOOD ONE. I GIVE YOU THREE GUESSES. LET ME SEE. HAS FOUR PAIR OF PANTS, LIVES IN PHILADELPHIA. MALE OR FEMALE ? NO, I NO THINK SO. IS HE DEAD ? WHO ? I DON'T KNOW. I GIVE UP ! I GIVE UP TOO. NOW I ASK YOU ANOTHER ONE. WHAT IS IT GOT BIG BLACK MOUSTACHE, SMOKES A BIG BLACK CIGAR... AND HE'S A BIG PAIN IN THE NECK ? DON'T TELL ME. HAS A BIG BLACK MOUSTACHE, SMOKES A BIG BLACK CIGAR, AND IS A BIG PAIN IN THE -- DOES HE WEAR GLASSES ? THAT'S RIGHT. YOU GUESS IT QUICK. JUST FOR THAT YOU DON'T GET THE JOB. WHAT JOB ? SECRETARY OF WAR ! ALL RIGHT, I TAKE IT. [ Ringing ] [ Honk, Honk ? ] [ Honk, Honk ] [ Honk ? ] [ Honk ! ] [ Honk Laughing Honk ! ] [ Whistle ] I'D BE LOST WITHOUT A TELEPHONE. DON'T GO AWAY, I WANNA TALK TO YOU. OH, YES, NOW THAT YOU'RE SECRETARY OF WAR, WHAT KIND OF AN ARMY DO YOU THINK WE OUGHTA HAVE ? WE SHOULD HAVE A STANDING ARMY. [ Firefly ] WHY SHOULD WE HAVE A STANDING ARMY ? THEN WE SAVE MONEY ON CHAIRS ! [ Crashing ] PEANUTS [ Humming ] SCAT ! SAY, WHO ARE YOU ANYWAY ? I DON'T GO IN MUCH FOR MODERN ART. HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING BY ONE OF THE OLD MASTERS ? NOT BAD. YOU DON'T HAPPEN TO HAVE HER TELEPHONE NUMBER. SAY, YOU COULD BE A BIG HELP TO ME. WHERE DO YOU LIVE ? IT'S NOT MUCH OF A PLACE, BUT IT'S HOME. MEOW ! [ Barking ] I KNOW ONE THING, I BET YOU HAVEN'T GOT A PICTURE OF MY GRANDFATHER. UH-UH ! NOT NOW. SOME OTHER TIME. [ Honk, Honk ] YOUR EXCELLENCY ? QUIET ! THIS LETTER'S THE WORK OF TRENTINO. THE MAN IS TRYING TO UNDERMINE YOU. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ? I'VE GOT A GOOD MIND TO RING HIS DOORBELL AND RUN. WE'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THAT MAN AT ONCE. I'VE GOT A PLAN. YOU SAY SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM MAD AND HE'LL STRIKE YOU ! AND WE FORCE HIM TO LEAVE. WHY COULDN'T YOU ARRANGE FOR ME TO STRIKE HIM ? AMBASSADOR TRENTINO IS A VERY SENSITIVE MAN. HE'S VERY EASY TO INSULT. WHY, I SAID SOMETHING TO VERA MARCAL IN HIS PRESENCE AND HE SLAPPED MY FACE. WHY DIDN'T VERA SLAP YOUR FACE ? SHE DID. WHAT'D YOU SAY TO HER ? YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED. WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT STORY ? YOU TOLD IT TO ME. OH YES ! I REMEMBER. I SHOULD'VE SLAPPED MRS. TEASDALE'S FACE WHEN SHE TOLD IT TO ME. WHERE IS TRENTINO ? AT MRS. TEASDALE'S TEA PARTY. WAS I INVITED ? TAKE A LETTER. NO. YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED TO ATTEND MY TEA PARTY. SIGN MRS. TEASDALE'S NAME AND TELL HER I ACCEPT. COME ON, LET'S GO. [ Fanfare ] I'VE GOT AN APPOINTMENT TO INSULT AMBASSADOR TRENTINO. I DON'T WANT TO KEEP HIM WAITING. STEP ON IT ! THIS IS THE FIFTH TRIP I'VE MADE TODAY AND I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE YET. YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE MAKING PROGRESS WITH MRS. TEASDALE, HUH ? EVERY TIME I GET HER IN THE RIGHT MOOD TO SAY "YES," FIREFLY POPS IN. WELL, THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY. HE WON'T BE HERE TODAY. ARE YOU SURE ? POSITIVE ! I HELPED MRS. TEASDALE WITH THE INVITATIONS. OH ! HIS EXCELLENCY, RUFUS T. FIREFLY. HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE GLORIA, I CAN'T BE PUT OFF ANY LONGER. I LOVE YOU, I WANT YOU ! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M AT YOUR FEET ? WHEN YOU GET THROUGH WITH HER FEET, YOU CAN START ON MINE. IF THAT ISN'T AN INSULT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS. GLORIA, I LOVE YOU. I REALIZE HOW LONELY YOU ARE. CAN'T WE GO SOMEPLACE WHERE WE CAN BE BY OURSELVES ? WHAT CAN THIS MUG OFFER YOU ? WEALTH AND FAMILY ? I CAN'T GIVE YOU WEALTH, BUT... WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE FAMILY OF OUR OWN. OH, RUFUS ! ALL I CAN OFFER YOU IS A "ROOFUS" OVER YOUR HEAD. YOUR EXCELLENCY, I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY IF I WAS IN YOUR PLACE. MAYBE YOU CAN SUGGEST SOMETHING. YOU DO SUGGEST SOMETHING. TO ME YOU SUGGEST A BABOON. WHAT ? I'M SORRY I SAID THAT. IT ISN'T FAIR TO THE REST OF THE BABOONS. THIS MAN'S CONDUCT IS INEXCUSABLE ! GENTLEMEN ! I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE INSULTED. YOU SWINE ! COME AGAIN ? YOU WORM ! ONCE MORE. YOU UPSTART ! THAT'S IT ! Touche. I'M AFRAID THIS REGRETTABLE OCCURRENCE... MAY PLUNGE OUR COUNTRIES INTO WAR. THIS IS TERRIBLE ! I'VE SAID ENOUGH. I'M A MAN OF FEW WORDS. I'M A MAN OF ONE WORD. SCRAM ! A MAN DOESN'T LIVE WHO CAN CALL A FIREFLY AN UPSTART. THE MAYFLOWER WAS FULL OF FIREFLYS... AND A FEW HORSEFLIES TOO. THE FIREFLYS WERE ON THE UPPER DECK... AND THE HORSEFLIES WERE ON THE FIREFLYS. GOOD DAY, MY SWEET. YOUR EXCELLENCY, I MUST SPEAK TO YOU ! I'LL SEE YOU AT THE THEATER. I'LL HOLD YOUR SEAT 'TIL YOU GET THERE. AFTER YOU GET THERE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN. HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR. HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR ! NO, YOU DON'T. I'M NOT TAKING ANY MORE CHANCES. YOU CAN ONLY FOOL A FIREFLY TWICE. YOU RIDE IN THE SIDECAR. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRAVEL. HEY, PINKY, COME HERE. WATCH-A THE STAND. COME ON, PASTRAMI. [ Silence ] [ Whistling ] [ Gasp ] OH ! HEY ! HEY WHAT'S -- WHAT'S THE MATTER ? I DEEPLY REGRET THE UNFORTUNATE AFFAIR WITH HIS EXCELLENCY, BUT HIS ATTITUDE LEFT ME NO ALTERNATIVE. MAYBE WE CAN STILL AVOID THIS TERRIBLE WAR. IF WE ONLY COULD. OH YES, I -- AH ! MRS. TEASDALE, I HAVE BEEN RECALLED BY MY PRESIDENT. THEN IT'S TOO LATE ? NOT IF HIS EXCELLENCY WILL LISTEN TO REASON. I AM PREPARED TO POCKET MY PRIDE AND FORGET THE MATTER... IF HE IS. THAT'S WONDERFUL BUT I'M AFRAID HIS EXCELLENCY WON'T HEAR OF IT. PERHAPS HE WILL LISTEN TO YOU ! DO YOU THINK SO ? YES, OF COURSE ! I'LL CALL HIM. OH ! [ Ringing ] I HATE TO DISTURB YOU, BUT I MUST SEE YOU AT ONCE. WHERE ARE YOU ? OH. WHY NOT COME OVER HERE ? COME IN THE BACK WAY. NO ONE WILL SEE YOU. IF YOU THINK OF IT, BRING SOME CHEESE. YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOU MUST COME OVER. IT'S A LONG STORY. I CAN'T TELL IT TO YOU OVER THE PHONE. OH, IT'S THAT KIND OF A STORY ! YOU OUGHTA BE ASHAMED. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. HE'LL BE RIGHT OVER. WAIT OUTSIDE 'TIL I'VE HAD A CHANCE TO TALK TO HIM. WE'LL BE OUT HERE IF YOU WANT US. OH ! HOW'D YOU GET IN HERE ? I'M SO SORRY TO HAVE TO DISTURB YOU ! WILL YOU EVER FORGIVE ME ? AFTER I LEAVE TONIGHT, WILL YOU FORGIVE ME ? HERE ARE THE PLANS OF WAR. THEY'RE AS VALUABLE AS YOUR LIFE AND THAT'S PUTTING THEM PRETTY CHEAP. WATCH THEM LIKE A CAT WATCHES HER KITTENS. HAVE YOU EVER HAD KITTENS ? NO, OF COURSE NOT. YOU'RE TOO BUSY PLAYING BRIDGE. CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU, "I LOVE YOU." WHY DON'T YOU MARRY ME ? WHY, MARRY YOU ? YOU TAKE ME AND I'LL TAKE A VACATION. I'LL NEED A VACATION IF WE'RE GOING TO GET MARRIED. MARRIED ! I CAN SEE YOU BENDING OVER A HOT STOVE BUT I CAN'T SEE THE STOVE ! COME, COME, SAY THE WORD AND YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN. GLORIA. RUFUS, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING OF ? OF ALL THE YEARS I'VE WASTED COLLECTING STAMPS. OH ! OH, I SUPPOSE YOU'LL THINK ME A SENTIMENTAL OLD FLUFF, BUT WOULD YOU MIND GIVING ME A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR ? A LOCK OF MY HAIR ? OH, I HAD NO IDEA -- I'M LETTING YOU OFF EASY. I WAS GONNA ASK FOR THE WHOLE WIG. SO YOU'VE COME TO ASK FOR CLEMENCY ? THE AMBASSADOR'S HERE ON A FRIENDLY VISIT. HE'S HAD A CHANGE OF HEART. A LOT OF GOOD THAT'LL DO HIM. HE'S STILL GOT THE SAME FACE. I'M SORRY WE LOST OUR TEMPERS. I'M WILLING TO FORGET IF YOU ARE. FORGET ? YOU ASK ME TO FORGET ? A FIREFLY NEVER FORGETS. WHY, MY ANCESTORS WOULD RISE FROM THEIR GRAVES AND I'D ONLY HAVE TO BURY THEM AGAIN. I'M GOING BACK AND CLEAN THE CRACKERS OUT OF MY BED. I'M EXPECTING COMPANY. PLEASE WAIT. LET GO OF ME, YOU BULLY ! I'M WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO PREVENT THIS WAR. IT'S TOO LATE. I'VE ALREADY PAID A MONTH'S RENT ON THE BATTLEFIELD. OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO ? YES, BUT I'LL TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT LATER. WON'T YOU RECONSIDER ? PLEASE RELENT FOR MY SAKE. WELL, MAYBE I AM A LITTLE HEADSTRONG. I COME BY IT HONESTLY. MY FATHER WAS A LITTLE HEADSTRONG. MY MOTHER WAS A LITTLE ARMSTRONG. THE HEADSTRONGS MARRIED THE ARMSTRONGS AND THAT'S WHY DARKIES WERE BORN. IT WAS SILLY OF ME TO LOSE MY TEMPER... ON ACCOUNT OF THAT LITTLE THING YOU CALLED ME. LITTLE THING I CALLED YOU ? WHAT DID I CALL YOU ? GOSH, I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS. WELL, DO YOU MEAN "WORM" ? NO, THAT WASN'T IT. I KNOW, "SWINE." UH-UH. NO, IT WAS A SEVEN LETTER WORD. OH YES, "UPSTART." THAT'S IT. UPSTART. MRS. TEASDALE, THIS MAN IS IMPOSSIBLE. MY COURSE IS CLEAR. THIS MEANS WAR ! OH ! YOU RUNT ! I STILL LIKE UPSTART THE BEST. I SHAN'T STAY. GO AND NEVER DARKEN MY TOWELS AGAIN ! MY HAT ! MY TOWEL ! I HAPPEN TO KNOW... THAT FREEDONIA'S PLANS OF WAR ARE IN MRS. TEASDALES POSSESSION. I MUST GET HOLD OF THEM. YES, BUT HOW ? WE HAVE A WEEKEND GUEST IN MRS. TEASDALE'S HOUSE. MISS MARCAL. GENTLEMEN, DO YOU MIND WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE ? I'LL JOIN YOU IN A MOMENT. [ Ringing ] EXCUSE ME. HELLO ? YES, I AM ALONE. NO, NOT YET. WE'VE GOT TO WORK FAST. YOU MUST GET HOLD OF THOSE PLANS TONIGHT. CHICOLINI AND HIS PARTNER SHOULD BE THERE ANY MINUTE. DO EVERYTHING TO HELP THEM. I MUST BE VERY CAREFUL. THERE IS ANOTHER GUEST. FIREFLY. I THINK HE IS ASLEEP. RING THE BELL. [ Loud Ringing ] PUSH THE BUTTON. [ Doorbell ] [ Doorbell ] [ Doorbell ] YOU GOTTA THE PLANS ? NO, BUT THEY'RE SOMEWHERES IN THE HOUSE. YOU MUST FIND THEM. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MAKE A SOUND. IF YOU'RE FOUND, YOU'RE LOST. YOU CRAZ', HOW CAN I BE LOST IF I'M FOUND ? GOT A FLASHLIGHT ? SHH ! SHH ! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW SERIOUS THIS IS. IF THEY CATCH YOU, YOU'LL BE COURT-MARTIALED AND SHOT. [ Mrs. Teasdale ] OH, VERA ! I MUST GO BEFORE SHE LOOKS FOR ME. REMEMBER, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MAKE A SOUND. [ Chiming ] [ Music Box ] [ Ringing ] [ Piano ] [ Piano, Music Box, Ringing ] [ Noises Stop ] YOU STAY HERE, BUT KEEP QUIET. IF WE GET CAUGHT, WE'RE GONNA GET, UH, COURT-PLASTERED. [ Ringing ] YOUR EXCELLENCY, I'M WORRIED. I CAN'T SLEEP. WHAT ? YOU'RE WORRIED ? YOU CAN'T SLEEP ? YOU WOKE ME UP. NOW I CAN'T SLEEP. IT'S ABOUT THOSE PLANS. I WON'T REST UNTIL THEY'RE BACK IN YOUR HANDS. WON'T YOU COME OVER AND GET THEM ? OH, THE PLANS. I'LL BE RIGHT OVER. LET ME OUT ! LET ME OUT ! [ Pounding ] LET ME OUTTA HERE ! HEY, LET ME OUTTA HERE OR THROW ME A MAGAZINE. [ Pounding ] SO THAT'S YOUR GAME, EH ? I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF... AND I'LL BLOW YOUR DOOR IN. [ Blowing ] [ Knocking ] COME IN. OH, YOUR EXCELLENCY, I'M SO GLAD YOU'VE COME. I'M GLAD I COME TOO. YOU GOTTA THE PLANS ? WHY, YOUR EXCELLENCY, YOU SOUND SO STRANGE. WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT ? YOU SEE, MAYBE SOMETIME I GO TO ITALY AND I'M PRACTICIN' THE LANGUAGE. [ Pounding ] I'LL SEE MY LAWYER ABOUT THIS AS SOON AS HE GRADUATES FROM LAW SCHOOL. [ Pounding ] YOUR DIALECT IS PERFECT. I COULD LISTEN TO YOU ALL NIGHT. THAT'S ALL RIGHT, BUT I CAN'T STAY HERE ALL NIGHT. WHERE'S THE PLANS ? THEY'RE IN THE SAFE DOWNSTAIRS. I'LL WRITE OUT THE COMBINATION. OH, THERE YOU ARE. HERE'S THE COMBINATION. IS THAT CLEAR ? IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT TO KNOW ? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU ? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR VOICE ? [ Honk, Honk ] LET ME GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER, YOUR EXCELLENCY. YOUR EXCELLENCY, HERE'S YOUR WATER ! WHAT IN THE WORLD'S THE MATTER ? YOUR EXCELLENCY, I THOUGHT YOU LEFT. OH NO, I NO LEAVE. BUT I SAW YOU WITH MY OWN EYES. WHO YA GONNA BELIEVE, ME OR YOUR OWN EYES ? OH. YOUR EXCELLENCY, I'M SORRY, BUT THIS EXCITEMENT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME. I FEEL FAINT. WAIT, I GET YOU A GLASS OF WATER. [ Pounding ] [ Knocking ] HOW ABOUT MY GLASS OF WATER ? I GIVE UP. HOW ABOUT YOUR GLASS OF WATER ? [ Radio ] - [ Crash ] - WHAT'S THAT ? SOUNDS TO ME LIKE MICE. MICE ? MICE DON'T PLAY MUSIC. NO ? HOW ABOUT THE OLD MAESTRO ? OH ! [ Crashing ] GET ME HEADQUARTERS. NOT HINDQUARTERS, HEADQUARTERS. HELLO ? RUSH THE GUARDS TO MRS. TEASDALE'S AND HAVE 'EM SURROUND THE HOUSE. [ Fanfare ] HIS EXCELLENCY, RUFUS T. FIREFLY. HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE LIEUTENANT, WHY WEREN'T THE ORIGINAL INDICTMENT PAPERS PLACED IN MY PORTFOLIO ? I DIDN'T THINK THOSE PAPERS WERE IMPORTANT, YOUR EXCELLENCY. YOU DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE IMPORTANT ? YOU REALIZE I HAD MY DESSERT WRAPPED IN THOSE PAPERS ? TAKE THIS BOTTLE BACK. YOU CAN GET TWO CENTS FOR IT. HELLO, BOSS. CHICOLINI, I BET YOU EIGHT TO ONE WE FIND YOU GUILTY. THAT'S-A NO GOOD. I CAN GET TEN TO ONE AT THE BARBERSHOP. CHICOLINI, YOU'RE CHARGED WITH HIGH TREASON. IF FOUND GUILTY, YOU'LL BE SHOT. I OBJECT. YOU OBJECT ? ON WHAT GROUNDS ? I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY. - OBJECTION SUSTAINED. - YOU SUSTAINED THE OBJECTION ? SURE, I COULDN'T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY EITHER. WHEN WERE YOU BORN ? I DON'T REMEMBER. I WAS JUST A LITTLE BABY. ISN'T IT TRUE YOU TRIED TO SELL FREEDONIA'S SECRET WAR CODE AND PLANS ? SURE, I SOLD A CODE AND TWO PAIR OF PLANS. SOME JOKE, EH, BOSS ? I'LL BET YA 20 TO ONE WE FIND YA GUILTY. HAVE YOU ANYONE HERE TO DEFEND YOU ? IT'S-A NO USE. I EVEN OFFERED TO PAY AS HIGH AS $18. BUT I NO COULD GETTA SOMEBODY TO DEFEND ME. MY FRIENDS, THIS MAN'S CASE MOVES ME DEEPLY. LOOK AT CHICOLINI, HE SITS THERE ALONE. AN ABJECT FIGURE. I "ABJECT" ! I SAY, LOOK AT CHICOLINI, HE SITS THERE ALONE, A PITIABLE OBJECT. LET'S SEE YA GET OUTTA THAT ONE. SURROUNDED BY A SEA OF UNFRIENDLY FACES. CHICOLINI, GIVE ME A NUMBER FROM ONE TO TEN. ELEVEN. RIGHT ! NOW I ASK YOU ONE. WHAT IS IT HAS A TRUNK, BUT NO KEY, WEIGHS 2,000 POUNDS AND LIVES IN A CIRCUS ? THAT'S IRRELEVANT. "RELEPHANT" ! HEY, THAT'S THE ANSWER. THERE'S A WHOLE LOT OF RELEPHANTS IN A CIRCUS. THAT SORT OF TESTIMONY WE CAN ELIMINATE. - THAT'S-A FINE, I'LL TAKE SOME. - YOU'LL TAKE WHAT ? ELIMINATE, A NICE, COLD GLASS OF ELIMINATE. HEY, BOSS, I'M GOIN' GOOD. GENTLEMEN, CHICOLINI HERE MAY TALK LIKE AN IDIOT AND LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT. BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU. HE REALLY IS AN IDIOT. I IMPLORE YOU. SEND HIM BACK TO HIS FATHER AND BROTHERS... WHO ARE WAITING FOR HIM WITH OPEN ARMS IN THE PENITENTIARY. I SUGGEST WE GIVE HIM TEN YEARS IN LEAVENWORTH OR 11 YEARS IN TWELVEWORTH. I'LL TAKE FIVE AND TEN IN WOOLWORTH. I WANTED TO GET A WRIT OF HABEAS CORPUS, BUT I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN A WRIT OF YOU. I OBJECT. EVEN I OBJECT. - I OBJECT TOO. - YOU'RE ON TRIAL, YOU CAN'T. YOUR EXCELLENCY, GENERAL COOPER SAYS... THAT THE SYLVANIAN TROOPS ARE ABOUT TO LAND ON FREEDONIAN SOIL. THIS MEANS WAR ! SOMETHING MUST BE DONE. WAR WOULD MEAN A PROHIBITIVE INCREASE IN OUR TAXES. HEY, I GOT AN UNCLE LIVES IN TAXES. NO ! I'M TALKING ABOUT TAXES, MONEY, DOLLARS. DOLLAS ! THAT'S WHERE MY UNCLE LIVES, DOLLAS, TAXES. [ Laughing ] [ Fanfare ] MORE BAD NEWS. DIDN'T I TELL YA ? YOUR EXCELLENCY. WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, BABE ? ON BEHALF OF THE WOMEN OF FREEDONIA, I HAVE TAKEN IT UPON MYSELF TO MAKE ONE FINAL EFFORT TO PREVENT WAR. NO KIDDING ? I'VE TALKED TO AMBASSADOR TRENTINO. HE SAYS SYLVANIA DOESN'T WANT WAR EITHER. "EITHER." DOESN'T WANT WAR "EITHER." EITHER. SKIP IT. I'VE TAKEN THE LIBERTY OF ASKING THE AMBASSADOR TO COME OVER HERE. WE BOTH FELT A FRIENDLY CONFERENCE WOULD SETTLE EVERYTHING PEACEFULLY. HE'LL BE HERE ANY MOMENT. MRS. TEASDALE, YOU DID A NOBLE DEED. I'D BE UNWORTHY OF THE HIGH TRUST THAT'S BEEN PLACED IN ME... IF I DIDN'T DO EVERYTHING WITHIN MY POWER TO KEEP OUR FREEDONIA AT PEACE. I'D BE ONLY TOO HAPPY TO MEET AMBASSADOR TRENTINO... AND OFFER HIM ON BEHALF OF MY COUNTRY THE RIGHT HAND OF GOOD FELLOWSHIP. I FEEL SURE HE WILL ACCEPT THIS GESTURE IN THE SPIRIT IN WHICH IT IS OFFERED. BUT SUPPOSE HE DOESN'T. A FINE THING THAT'LL BE. I HOLD OUT MY HAND AND HE REFUSES TO ACCEPT IT. THAT'LL ADD A LOT TO MY PRESTIGE, WON'T IT ? ME, THE HEAD OF A COUNTRY, SNUBBED BY A FOREIGN AMBASSADOR ! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS THAT HE CAN COME HERE... AND MAKE A SAP OUT OF ME IN FRONT OF MY PEOPLE ? THINK OF IT. I HOLD OUT MY HAND... AND THAT HYENA REFUSES TO ACCEPT IT. WHY, THE CHEAP FOUR-FLUSHING SWINE ! HE'LL NEVER GET AWAY WITH IT, I TELL YOU ! OH, PLEASE ! SO, YOU REFUSE TO SHAKE HANDS WITH ME, EH ? MRS. TEASDALE, THIS IS THE LAST STRAW ! THERE'S NO TURNING BACK NOW ! THIS MEANS WAR ! THEN IT'S WAR ! THEN IT'S WAR ! GATHER THE FORCES ! HARNESS THE HORSES ! THEN IT'S WAR ! - FREEDONIA'S GOING TO WAR - EACH SON WILL GRAB A GUN - AND RUN AWAY TO WAR - AT LAST WE'RE GOING TO FEET WILL BEAT ALONG THE STREET TO WAR - WE'RE GOING TO WAR - OUR COUNTRY'S GOING TO WAR - OUR COUNTRY'S GOING TO WAR - THE COUNTRY'S GOING TO WAR WE'RE GOING TO WAR THIS IS A FACT WE CAN'T IGNORE WE'RE GOING TO WAR, THIS IS A FACT WE CAN'T IGNORE WE'RE GOING TO WAR IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THEY THINK WE'RE GOING TO WAR WE'RE GOING TO WAR I THINK THEY THINK WE'RE GOING TO WAR WE'RE GOING TO WAR GOING TO WAR - WE'RE GOING TO WAR - WE'RE GOING TO WAR [ Drums ] TO WAR, TO WAR WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO WAR HI-DE, HI-DE HI-DE, HI-DE HO TO WAR, TO WAR TO WAR WE'RE GONNA GO HI-DE, HI-DE HI-DE, HI-DE HO HI-DE, HI-DE HI-DE, HI-DE HO HI-DE, HI-DE HI-DE, HI-DE HO HI-DE, HI-DE HI-DE, HI-DE HO OH, OH OH, OH, OH OH, OH OH, OH, OH OH, OH OH, OH THEY GOT GUNS WE GOT GUNS ALL GOD'S CHILDREN GOT GUNS WE'RE GONNA WALK ALL OVER THE BATTLEFIELD 'CAUSE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN GOT GUNS OH FREEDONIA OH DON'T YOU CRY FOR ME 'CAUSE I'M COMING 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WITH A BANJO ON MY KNEE OH FREEDONIA OH DON'T YOU CRY FOR ME 'CAUSE I'M COMING 'ROUND THE MOUNTAIN WITH A BANJO ON MY [ Cheering ] [ Fanfare ] TO WAR, TO WAR TO WAR WE'RE GONNA GO TO WAR, TO WAR TO WAR TO WAR, TO WAR WE SOON WILL SAY GOOD-BYE HOW WE'LL CRY FOR FIREFLY IF FIREFLY SHOULD DIE A MIGHTY MAN IS HE A MAN OF BRAWN WHO'LL CARRY ON 'TIL DAWN OF VICTORY WITH HIM TO LEAD THE WAY OUR SPIRITS WILL NOT LAG UNTIL THE JUDGMENT DAY WE'LL RALLY 'ROUND THE FLAG THE FLAG, THE FLAG THE FLAG THERE'LL BE TWO LAMPS IN THE STEEPLE IF BY LAND AND ONE IF BY SEA. THEY DOUBLE-CROSSED ME. THEY'RE COMING BY LAND AND SEA ! RIDE THROUGH EVERY VILLAGE. WAKE EVERY CITIZEN UP. TELL 'EM THE ENEMY COMES FROM AFAR WITH A HEY NONNY-NONNY AND A HA-CHA-CHA ! BE OFF, MY LAD ! [ Bugle ] MY HUSBAND ! HIDE IN THERE ! OH, DON'T. FREEDONIA'S GOING TO WAR ! I'M GONNA TAKE A BATH. [ Honk ] [ Honk ] - [ Honk ] - [ Bugle ] [ Explosions ] CLEAR ALL WIRES. THE ENEMY HAS CAPTURED HILL 27 AND 28... THROWING 13 HILLBILLIES OUT OF WORK. LAST NIGHT TWO SNIPERS CREPT INTO OUR MACHINE-GUN NEST AND LAID AN EGG. SEND REINFORCEMENTS. SEND THAT OFF COLLECT. YOUR EXCELLENCY, OUR MEN ARE BEING BADLY BEATEN IN OPEN WARFARE. I SUGGEST WE DIG TRENCHES. DIG TRENCHES ? WITH OUR MEN BEING KILLED OFF LIKE FLIES THERE ISN'T TIME TO DIG TRENCHES. WE'LL BUY READY-MADE. HERE, GET SOME TRENCHES. YES, SIR. WAIT A MINUTE, GET 'EM THIS HIGH AND OUR SOLDIERS WON'T NEED ANY PANTS. YES, SIR. WAIT A MINUTE. GET 'EM THIS HIGH AND WE WON'T NEED ANY SOLDIERS. YES, SIR. YOUR PARTNER'S DESERTED US, BUT I'M STILL COUNTING ON YOU. THERE'S A MACHINE-GUN NEST NEAR HILL 28. I WANT IT CLEANED OUT. ALL RIGHT, I'LL TELL THE JANITOR. MESSAGE FROM THE FRONT, SIR. I'M SICK OF MESSAGES FROM THE FRONT. DON'T WE EVER GET A MESSAGE FROM THE SIDE ? WHAT IS IT ? GENERAL SMITH REPORTS A GAS ATTACK. HE WANTS TO KNOW WHAT TO DO. TAKE SODA AND WATER. YES, SIR. [ Explosions ] ANY ANSWER TO THAT MESSAGE ? NO, SIR. IN THAT CASE, DON'T SEND IT. [ Bomb Whining ] GENTLEMEN, THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. WHERE'S MY STRADIVARIUS ? HERE, SIR. I'LL SHOW 'EM THEY CAN'T FIDDLE AROUND WITH OLD FIREFLY. LOOK AT 'EM RUN. NOW THEY KNOW THEY'VE BEEN IN A WAR. YOUR EXCELLENCY ! [ Imitating Machine Gun ] THEY'RE FLEEING LIKE RATS ! SIR, I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU -- REMIND ME TO GIVE MYSELF THE FIREFLY MEDAL FOR THIS. [ Gunshots ] YOU'RE SHOOTING YOUR OWN MEN. WHAT ? YOU'RE SHOOTING YOUR OWN MEN ! HERE'S FIVE DOLLARS. KEEP IT UNDER YOUR HAT. I'LL KEEP IT UNDER MY HAT. WE'VE GOT TO HAVE MORE MEN OR WE'RE LOST. I'VE GOT A MAN... COMBING THE COUNTRY FOR VOLUNTEERS. YOUR EXCELLENCY, THE ARMY'S MORALE IS CRUMBLING. THE MEN ARE BREAKING RANKS. WHERE'S THE SECRETARY OF WAR ? WHERE IS THE SECRETARY OF WAR ? THE SOLDIERS ARE WAITING FOR HIS ORDERS. THE SECRETARY OF WAR. AWFULLY DECENT OF YOU TO DROP IN TODAY. YOU REALIZE OUR ARMY IS FACING DISASTROUS DEFEAT ? WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO ? I'VE DONE IT ALREADY. YOU'VE DONE WHAT ? I'VE CHANGED TO THE OTHER SIDE. SO YOU'RE ON THE OTHER SIDE, EH ? WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER HERE ? THE FOOD IS BETTER OVER HERE. [ Crashing, Exploding ] CHICOLINI, I NEED YOU. WHAT'LL YOU TAKE TO WORK FOR ME AGAIN ? I'LL TAKE A VACATION. GOOD, YOU'RE HIRED. NOW, GO OUT IN THAT BATTLEFIELD AND LEAD THOSE MEN TO VICTORY. GO ON, THEY'RE WAITING FOR YOU. I WOULDN'T GO THERE UNLESS I WAS IN ONE OF THOSE IRON THINGS. WHAT DO YOU CALL THOSE THINGS ? TANKS. YOU'RE WELCOME. YOU MUST COME HERE AT ONCE. THERE'S DANGER HERE. COME HERE. THERE'S NO DANGER HERE. SHH ! RUFUS ! OH ! WAIT A MINUTE, I WANT TO FIND OUT SOMETHING. JUST AS I THOUGHT, THE COAST IS CLEAR. CHICOLINI, TO YOUR POST ! OH ! REMEMBER, YOU'RE FIGHTING FOR THIS WOMAN'S HONOR WHICH IS PROBABLY MORE THAN SHE EVER DID. YOUR EXCELLENCY ! THERE GOES MY GUN. RUN OUT AND GET THAT LIKE A GOOD GIRL. OH, I'M AFRAID. WE CAN'T LAST MUCH LONGER. OUR AMMUNITION SUPPLIES ARE LOW. MAN THE BOATS ! CALLING ALL NATIONS ! CALLING ALL NATIONS ! THIS IS RUFUS T. -- THIS IS RUFUS T. FIREFLY COMIN' TO YOU THROUGH THE COURTESY OF THE ENEMY. [ Firefly ] WE'RE IN A MESS, FOLKS ! RUSH TO FREEDONIA. THREE MEN AND ONE WOMAN ARE TRAPPED IN A BUILDING. SEND HELP AT ONCE. IF YOU CAN'T SEND HELP, SEND TWO MORE WOMEN. MAKE IT THREE MORE WOMEN. WE CAN'T HOLD OUT ! WE MUST HAVE HELP. [ Explosions ] ONE OF US HAS TO GET WORD TO GENERAL COOPER. QUIET BACK THERE. WHICH ONE OF US IS GONNA HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF SACRIFICING HIS LIFE ? WE DRAW LOTS. WAIT ! I GOT IT. RRRINGSPOT, VONZA, TWOZA, ZIG-ZAG-ZAV, POPTI, VINAGA. HAREM, SCAREM, MERCHAN, TAREM, TEIR, TORE -- I DID IT WRONG. WAIT, WAIT, I START HERE. RRRINGSPOT, VONZA, TWOZA, ZIG-ZAG-ZAV, POPTI, VINAGA. HAREM, SCAREM, MERCHAN, TAREM, TEIR, TORE -- THAT'S NO GOOD TOO. I GOT IT ! RRRINGSPOT, BUCK ! YOU'RE A BRAVE MAN. GO AND BREAK THROUGH THE LINES. REMEMBER WHILE YOU'RE OUT THERE RISKING LIFE AND LIMB, WE'LL BE IN HERE THINKING WHAT A SUCKER YOU ARE. GOOD-BYE, MONT BLANC, GOOD-BYE. FOR FREEDONIA ! FOR FREEDONIA ! [ Bomb Whining ] GLORIA ! GLORIA ! WHERE DID THEY GET YOU ? [ Groaning ] CAREFUL WITH THE WATER. IT'S THE ONLY WATER WE GOT. WELL, IT'S THE ONLY WOMAN WE GOT. WE'RE SURROUNDED ! THEY'RE ATTACKING FROM THE REAR. THEY'RE COMING THIS WAY. WE'LL BARRICADE THE DOOR. THIS IS FIREFLY ! SEND HELP AT ONCE ! HELP IS ON THE WAY ! CARRY ON, MEN ! HELP IS ON THE WAY ! [ Sirens ] [ Cheering ] THEY GOT ME. THEY GOT ME. WATER ! WATER ! GET ME OUTTA THIS ! THE LAST TIME THIS HAPPENED I WAS CRAWLING UNDER A BED. OH, IF HELP WOULD ONLY COME ! YOUR EXCELLENCY ? ANY MAIL FOR ME WHILE I WAS GONE ? GET AWAY FROM ME ! OH ! OH ! HEY, TRENTINO ! TRENTINO, EH ? THAT'S GAME. TRENTINO ! TRENTINO, EH ? CALL ME AN UPSTART. I SURRENDER ! I SURRENDER ! SORRY, YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT 'TIL THE FRUIT RUNS OUT. VICTORY IS OURS ! HAIL, HAIL FREEDONIA LAND OF THE BRAVE CLOSED-CAPTIONED BY CAPTIONS, INC. LOS ANGELES |
DC Sniper 23 Days of Fear D A R Y L 1985 Daddy Day Care Daffy Duck - Drip Along Daffy (1951) Daffy Duck - Duck Amuck (1953) Daffy Duck - Duck Dodgers in the 245 Century (1953) Daffy Duck and Porky - Boobs in the Woods (1950) Daffy Duck and Porky - Daffy Duck Hunt (1949) Daffy Duck and Porky - Deduce You Say (1956) Daffy Duck and Porky - Golden Yeggs (1950) Daffy Duck and Porky - The Ducksters (1950) Daffy Duck and Porky - Yankee Doodle Daffy (1943) Daffy Duck and Sylvester - The Scarlet Pumpernickel (1950) Damien Omen II Damnation (1988) CD1 Damnation (1988) CD2 Damnation de Faust La CD1 Damnation de Faust La CD2 Dance With Me Dancer in the Dark (2001) CD1 Dancer in the Dark (2001) CD2 Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD1 Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD2 Dances With Wolves (Extended Cut) 1990 CD3 Dances With Wolves 1990 CD1 Dances With Wolves 1990 CD2 Dangerous Beauty Dangerous Minds Dantes Peak 1997 Daredevil Dark Angel 1x15 Haven Dark Angel 1x16 Shorties In Love Dark Angel 1x17 Pollo Loco Dark Angel 1x18 I Am I Am A Camera Dark Angel 1x19 Hit A Sista Back Dark Angel 1x20 Meow Dark Angel 1x21 And Jesus Bought A Casserole Dark Blue Dark Blue World (2001) Dark City Dark Passage Dark Water Dark Wolf Dark Woods (2003) Darkness Darkness 2002 CD1 Darkness 2002 CD2 Darling 1965 CD1 Darling 1965 CD2 Das Boot - The Directors Cut Dauria 1971 - Part 1 23976fps Dauria 1971 - Part 2 23976fps David Copperfield - Illusion CD1 David Copperfield - Illusion CD2 Dawg Dawn Of The Dead (2004) Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD1 Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD2 Day A (2001) Day After The 1983 23976fps Day For Night CD1 Day For Night CD2 Day I Became A Woman The 2000 CD1 Day I Became A Woman The 2000 CD2 Day The World Ended The Day after tomorrow The Day of The Jackal [1973] CD1 Day of The Jackal [1973] CD2 Day the Earth Stood Still The Days Of Heaven Days Of Wine And Roses 1962 CD1 Days Of Wine And Roses 1962 CD2 Days of Thunder De LAmour De Vierde Man (23976) Dead End 2003 Dead Friend Dead Men Dont Wear Plaid (1982) Dead Or Alive 2 Dead Presidents CD1 Dead Presidents CD2 Dead Reckoning Dead Ringers Dead Zone The Dead again (1991) Dead again (1991) Commentary Dead man walking 1995 CD1 Dead man walking 1995 CD2 Dead or alive Dear Diary 1994 Death To Smoochy Death Warrant Death Wish Death in Venice 1971 Deathwatch 2002 Debut The Decalage Horaire Decalogue 06 1988 Decalogue 07 1988 Decalogue 08 1988 Decalogue 09 1988 Decalogue 10 1988 Decameron Decline of the American Empire The 1986 Deconstructing Harry Decoys Deep Blue CD1 Deep Blue CD2 Deep Impact Deep Loves CD1 Deep Loves CD2 Deep Rising Deep Space 9 1x01 and 1x02 Emissary Deep Space 9 1x03 Past Prologue Deep Space 9 1x04 A Man Alone Deep Space 9 1x05 Babel Deep Space 9 1x06 Captive Pursuit Deep Space 9 1x07 Q-Less Deep Space 9 1x08 Dax Deep Space 9 1x09 The Passenger Deep Space 9 1x10 Move Along Home Deep Space 9 1x11 The Nagus Deep Space 9 1x12 Vortex Deep Space 9 1x13 Battle Lines Deep Space 9 1x14 The Storyteller Deep Space 9 1x15 Progress Deep Space 9 1x16 If Wishes Were Horses Deep Space 9 1x17 The Forsaken Deep Space 9 1x18 Dramatis Personae Deep Space 9 1x19 Duet Deep Space 9 1x20 In The Hands Of The Prophets Deep blue sea Defiant Ones The Delicatessen Delicatessen (1991) Delirium (Delirio Caldo)(23.976) Deliv and Daniel Webster The Deliver Us from Eva Deliverance Demetrius And The Gladiators 1954 Demoiselles de Rochefort Les CD1 Demoiselles de Rochefort Les CD2 Demon Baby Demoniacs Demonic Beauty (2002) Demonlover CD1 Demonlover CD2 Dentist 2 The 1998 Deranged Derrick 2004 Dersu Uzala (Akira Kurosawa) CD1 Dersu Uzala (Akira Kurosawa) CD2 Desert Fox - The Story of Rommel Desert Rats The Desk Set Desperate Hours The Desperate Living Destination Tokyo CD1 Destination Tokyo CD2 Destry Rides Again Detaljer Detonator Detroit 9000 Dev Devdas (2002) CD1 Devdas (2002) CD2 Devil Probable The Devil Rides Out The 1968 Devil is a Woman The Devils Advocate The CD1 Devils Advocate The CD2 Devils Backbone The Devils Brigade The Devils Own The Dial M for Murder 1954 Diamonds Are Forever Diana Krall Live in Paris Diarios De Motocicleta Diary of a Chambermaid Diary of a Country Priest (1951 Bresson Robert) Dias de Nietzsche em Turim Dickie Roberts Former Child Star Die Another Day (2002) CD1 Die Another Day (2002) CD2 Die Hard 1988 Extended Version CD1 Die Hard 1988 Extended Version CD2 Die Hard With a Vengeance Die Nibelungen - Die Kriemhilds Rache CD1 Die Nibelungen - Die Kriemhilds Rache CD2 Diez de hollywood Los 1951 Dil Ka Kya Kasoor Dil Ka Rishta Dinosaur Dirty Dancing Dirty Dancing - Havana Nights Dirty Harry Dirty Tiger Crazy Frog 1978 Disaster Discovery Air Jaws Sharks of South Africa Discovery Channel - Raising The Mammoth Dish The Disha Disorderly Orderly The Distant Lights Distant Thunder Diva Django spara per primo Do Raaste Do The Right Thing CD1 Do The Right Thing CD2 Dobry vojak Svejk Dodeskaden (Akira Kurosawa) Dodgeball - A True Underdog Story Dog Nail Clipper Dog Soldiers (2002) Dogma Dogs Of War The 1981 Dogville CD1 Dogville CD2 Doing Hard Time CD1 Doing Hard Time CD2 Dois Perdidos Numa Noite Suja 2002 Dokument Fanny och Alexander CD1 Dokument Fanny och Alexander CD2 Dolce Vita La 1960 CD1 Dolce Vita La 1960 CD2 Dolores Claiborne (1995) Dolphins Domicile conjugal Don Giovanni CD1 Don Giovanni CD2 Dong (The Hole) 1998 Donggam (2000) - Ditto Donnie Brasco Donnie Darko Dont Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood Dont Bother to Knock Dont look now Dont say a word Donzoko 1957 Door in the Floor The 2004 Doors The CD1 Doors The CD2 Dora-Heita 2000 Double Jeopardy Double Team Double Vision (Shuang Tong) Doulos Le Down By Law 1986 Down Periscope Down Time Down With Love Down and Out in Beverly Hills Dr Dolittle Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Dr No Dr Strangelove Dracula - Dead and Loving It Dracula 1931 Dracula 1979 Dracula Has Risen From The Grave 1968 Dragon Head CD1 Dragon Head CD2 Dragonball Z Dragonfly Dragonheart (1996) Dragonheart - Collectors Edition Dragons Forever (Jackie Chan) Dragstrip Girl DreamKeeper 2003 CD1 DreamKeeper 2003 CD2 Dream Master The Dream Of A Warrior (Cheonsamong) Dreamcatcher Dreamers The Dreamlife of Angels The Dressed to Kill 1980 Drifting Clouds Driving Miss Daisy Driving miss Wealthy (2004) Drop Dead Gorgeous 1999 Drowning Mona CD1 Drowning Mona CD2 Druids Drumline Drums Along the Mohawk Drunken Master (Yuen Woo-Ping 1978) Du rififi chez les hommes (Jules Dassin 1955) CD1 Du rififi chez les hommes (Jules Dassin 1955) CD2 Duck Soup (1933 Marx Brothers) Dude Wheres My Car Duel The Duel in the Sun CD1 Duel in the Sun CD2 Duel to the Death Duellists The Duets Dumb And Dumberer When Harry Met Lloyd 2003 Dumb and Dumber Dumbo Dune 2000 - 1 of 3 Dune 2000 - 2 of 3 Dune 2000 - 3 of 3 Dungeons And Dragons Dunken Monkey 2002 Dushmun Dust in the Wind (Hsiao-hsien Hou 1986) Dying td CD1 Dying td CD2 The Dawns Here Are Quiet The CD2 |