Dumb and Dumber
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00:00:42.95,00:00:46.71
Excuse me, could you tell me how[br]to get to the medical school?
00:00:46.67,00:00:50.46
I'm giving a lecture in 20 minutes[br]and my driver is a bit lost.
00:00:51.71,00:00:55.13
You go straight ahead and[br]make a left over the bridge.
00:00:58.35,00:01:01.35
That's a lovely accent you have.[br]New Jersey?
00:01:03.02,00:01:04.98
Austria.[br]- Austria?
00:01:06.10,00:01:07.94
Well, g'day mate!
00:01:10.65,00:01:13.32
Let's put another shrimp on my Bar-B!
00:01:14.69,00:01:16.24
Let's not.
00:02:39.53,00:02:41.95
Who's got the wiener schnitzel?
00:02:43.95,00:02:46.45
There you go, doll. There you go.
00:02:48.83,00:02:51.71
Let's see, next we've got rosbif a la jus.
00:02:53.84,00:02:57.13
Who's got the rosbif a la jus?[br]They were beautiful.
00:02:58.67,00:03:00.22
Walk away.
00:03:02.59,00:03:06.06
Last but not least, foot long![br]Who's got the foot long?
00:03:09.56,00:03:12.15
Very funny, Rascal. In your dreams.
00:03:12.65,00:03:15.94
Harry, why haven't you dropped[br]those dogs off at the show you?
00:03:15.94,00:03:19.49
Sorry, couldn't send them to perform[br]on an empty stomach.
00:03:20.11,00:03:23.11
Get a move on.[br]- Yes. Mutt Cutts understood.
00:03:45.93,00:03:47.76
Sock me sideways.
00:04:00.78,00:04:02.70
Hello, how are you?
00:04:09.54,00:04:11.75
I'll be out in one minute.
00:04:41.19,00:04:44.49
Why are you going to the airport?[br]Flying somewhere?
00:04:45.24,00:04:48.07
How did you guess?[br]- I saw your luggage.
00:04:48.87,00:04:52.62
And when I saw the airline ticket,[br]I put two and two together.
00:04:52.79,00:04:55.46
So where right you heading?[br]- Aspen.
00:04:56.75,00:04:58.88
California... beautiful.
00:05:02.46,00:05:05.13
My name's Christmas. Lloyd Christmas.
00:05:05.84,00:05:07.68
I'm Mary Swanson.
00:05:08.60,00:05:10.97
This isn't my real job.[br]- No?
00:05:12.10,00:05:15.48
My friend Harry and I want to open[br]our own pet store.
00:05:15.89,00:05:17.52
That's nice.
00:05:18.48,00:05:21.02
I Got Worms.[br]- I beg your pardon?
00:05:22.03,00:05:26.36
That's what we want to call it: "I Got[br]Worms". Specializing in worm farms.
00:05:27.57,00:05:29.87
You know, like ant farms...
00:05:30.70,00:05:34.04
What's the matter?[br]A little tense about the flight?
00:05:36.41,00:05:40.09
Something like that.[br]- There's nothing to worry about, Mary.
00:05:40.92,00:05:44.42
Statistically your more likely to get killed[br]on the way to the airport...
00:05:44.42,00:05:47.72
like in a head-on crash or[br]flying off a cliff...
00:05:47.72,00:05:50.39
or trapped under a gas truck.[br]That's worst.
00:05:50.39,00:05:53.10
I have this cousin, had this cousin...
00:05:53.72,00:05:56.60
Lloyd, keep your eyes[br]on the road please?
00:05:59.15,00:06:03.15
Good thinking. Can't be too careful.[br]A lot of bad drivers out there.
00:06:22.17,00:06:25.92
And okay gang, you know the rules.[br]No humping, no pushing, no sniffing.
00:06:25.92,00:06:29.76
Where've you been? My dogs should[br]have been here 40 minutes ago.
00:06:30.39,00:06:34.51
Now I hardly have time to primp them.[br]- Don't worry, Mrs. Noogieburger.
00:06:34.85,00:06:36.73
Newborn![br]- New...
00:06:36.89,00:06:39.81
Born![br]- These pooches don't need primping.
00:06:40.10,00:06:44.19
Why, I bathed them and clipped them[br]myself. I stand by my performance.
00:06:57.87,00:07:01.04
On second thoughts,[br]you might want to comb them.
00:07:09.55,00:07:12.18
Thanks. Here you go.[br]- Oh no, Mary.
00:07:14.89,00:07:18.81
I couldn't possibly accept that.[br]Not after all we've been through.
00:07:22.40,00:07:25.40
Thank you, Lloyd.[br]Good luck with your worms.
00:07:31.07,00:07:32.86
How about a hug?
00:07:49.42,00:07:51.22
I hate goodbyes.
00:07:59.60,00:08:00.98
Lloyd!
00:08:02.60,00:08:04.06
Just go.
00:08:26.00,00:08:27.54
Be strong.
00:08:51.03,00:08:54.95
She'll leave the briefcase by[br]the escalator. You make the pick up.
00:08:55.91,00:08:57.62
Piece of cake.
00:09:06.42,00:09:08.13
Goodbye, my...
00:09:32.23,00:09:33.57
Mary!
00:09:35.32,00:09:37.32
There is our pay day.
00:09:39.24,00:09:41.33
She left it. Let's go...
00:09:41.33,00:09:43.62
Excuse me! Coming through...
00:09:46.41,00:09:48.63
Move it or lose it, sister!
00:09:59.14,00:10:00.89
Weny.. meeny...
00:10:01.81,00:10:03.52
miny... mo!
00:10:10.61,00:10:13.48
Hold that plane![br]- You can't go in there.
00:10:15.15,00:10:17.49
It's okay! I'm a limo driver.
00:10:47.68,00:10:49.81
Hi, Lloyd.[br]- Hi, Harry.
00:10:51.15,00:10:54.61
How was your day?[br]- Not bad. Fell off the jetway again.
00:11:02.28,00:11:05.29
Who's he working for anyway?[br]- I don't know.
00:11:08.87,00:11:10.96
But we better find out.
00:11:16.05,00:11:18.17
The ulcer?[br]- I'll live.
00:11:27.52,00:11:29.98
You got fired again?[br]- Oh yeah!
00:11:31.23,00:11:34.98
They always freak out when[br]you leave the scene of an accident.
00:11:36.65,00:11:38.78
Well, I lost my job too.
00:11:39.65,00:11:42.11
Man, you are one pathetic loser.
00:11:45.58,00:11:47.79
No offence.[br]- None taken.
00:11:53.25,00:11:55.79
You know what really chaps my ass?
00:11:55.96,00:11:59.21
I spent my life savings[br]turning my van into a dog.
00:12:00.17,00:12:03.01
Hi, Pete.[br]- The alarm alone cost me 200.
00:12:04.26,00:12:07.14
The chicks love it. It's a shagging wagon.
00:12:08.81,00:12:11.02
What's with the briefcase?
00:12:14.31,00:12:18.02
It's a love memento to the most beautiful[br]woman in the world.
00:12:19.03,00:12:22.74
I drove her to the airport,[br]sparks flew, emotions ran high...
00:12:24.78,00:12:27.83
She actually talked to me.[br]- Get out of here!
00:12:30.33,00:12:32.83
Tractor beam, sucked me right in.
00:12:35.04,00:12:36.54
Anyway...
00:12:38.09,00:12:41.38
she left this, flew to Aspen[br]and out of my life.
00:12:43.38,00:12:45.05
What's in it?
00:12:46.72,00:12:50.68
Man, I'm not a low life who roots round[br]in other people's property.
00:12:52.60,00:12:55.31
And is it locked?[br]- Yes, really well.
00:13:03.82,00:13:06.49
There's two of them. One's got a gun.
00:13:08.16,00:13:10.33
Did you pay the gas bill?
00:13:13.79,00:13:16.88
You realize what you've done?[br]- I say we bail.
00:13:28.14,00:13:31.60
The briefcase ain't here.[br]He must've taken it with him.
00:13:32.77,00:13:34.81
Well he's got to come home some time.
00:13:34.81,00:13:38.44
Maybe we should trash the place.[br]Send him a little message.
00:13:39.40,00:13:43.44
I don't think he'll get the message.[br]He has worms in his living room.
00:13:46.49,00:13:48.57
I've got a better idea.
00:13:52.12,00:13:55.04
I tought I taw a puddy tat. I did, I did...
00:14:07.72,00:14:11.64
We drove around all day and[br]there's not a single job in this town.
00:14:12.14,00:14:14.39
There's nothing, nada, zip!
00:14:14.77,00:14:17.60
Unless you want to work[br]40 hours a week!
00:14:18.27,00:14:20.61
Here. I'm going to the store.
00:14:20.98,00:14:24.86
Just get the essentials. That's our dough.[br]- What do I look like?
00:15:03.15,00:15:04.57
Cripes!
00:15:13.78,00:15:16.12
Excuse me... little old lady.
00:15:22.21,00:15:25.55
You have change of a dollar?[br]- Change? No I'm sorry.
00:15:27.76,00:15:31.80
Well, could you do me a favor?[br]Watch my stuff while I break a dollar?
00:15:33.18,00:15:35.18
Of course.[br]- Thanks.
00:15:36.97,00:15:41.06
I guess that senior citizens may be[br]slow and dangerous at the wheel...
00:15:43.02,00:15:45.73
but they can still serve a purpose.
00:15:45.98,00:15:49.03
I'll be right back.[br]Don't you go dying on me.
00:15:56.03,00:15:57.91
Where's the booze?
00:15:58.37,00:16:01.75
I got rolled by a sweet old lady[br]on a motorized cart.
00:16:02.33,00:16:04.63
I didn't even see it coming.
00:16:10.51,00:16:12.68
Come on, Harry. Cheer up.
00:16:13.43,00:16:16.26
It gets worse, Lloyd. My parakeet Pete...
00:16:18.97,00:16:20.56
is dead.
00:16:24.90,00:16:27.40
Oh man, I'm sorry. What happened?
00:16:29.44,00:16:32.24
His head fell off.[br]- His head fell off?
00:16:34.11,00:16:36.20
Yes, he was pretty old.
00:16:40.87,00:16:43.58
That's it. I've had it with this dump.
00:16:44.92,00:16:47.09
We got no food, no job...
00:16:48.04,00:16:51.59
our pet heads are falling off.[br]- Okay, just calm down.
00:16:52.17,00:16:56.18
And what the hell are we doing here,[br]Harry? We've got to leave town.
00:16:56.89,00:17:00.06
And go where? Where to?[br]- I'll tell you where...
00:17:02.06,00:17:05.23
Some place warm.[br]Where the beer flows like wine.
00:17:06.86,00:17:10.44
Where beautiful women flock[br]like the salmon of Capastrano.
00:17:12.69,00:17:15.66
I'm talking about a little place like Aspen.
00:17:18.20,00:17:21.66
I don't know, the French are assholes.[br]Wait a minute...
00:17:24.91,00:17:27.42
I know what you're up to, mister!
00:17:28.21,00:17:32.21
You just wanna go to Aspen and[br]find the girl who lost her briefcase.
00:17:33.05,00:17:36.18
And you need me to drive you there.[br]Am I right?
00:17:36.18,00:17:38.26
Am I right?[br]- Yes, so?
00:17:40.76,00:17:44.77
So I want to go where somebody[br]can plug us into the social pipeline.
00:17:45.23,00:17:47.10
No, no, no, Lloyd!
00:17:47.98,00:17:51.90
And I say we stay here, hunt for jobs[br]and save for the worm store.
00:17:54.15,00:17:58.37
I don't know about you, but I'm sick and[br]tired of running from creditors.
00:17:59.99,00:18:02.20
You know what I'm sick of?
00:18:04.16,00:18:07.21
I'm sick of having to eek[br]my way through life.
00:18:12.09,00:18:15.26
And I'm sick of being nobody.[br]But most of all...
00:18:22.35,00:18:24.68
I'm sick of having nobody.
00:18:28.27,00:18:29.90
Okay, Lloyd.
00:18:33.69,00:18:35.32
Aspen it is.
00:18:38.82,00:18:41.12
You'd better not be fooling.
00:18:47.21,00:18:49.96
Okay, just let it out. Have a good cry.
00:18:56.42,00:18:58.30
Okay that's enough.
00:19:38.55,00:19:40.47
Lloyd, what are you doing?
00:19:40.47,00:19:43.47
It feels like[br]you're running incredibly fast, Harry.
00:19:43.47,00:19:47.22
We're not even through Connecticut[br]yet and you're annoying me.
00:19:48.73,00:19:51.48
We're really doing it, aren't we buddy?
00:19:52.90,00:19:56.65
Hey, where d'you get those?[br]- I bought them when we filled up.
00:19:57.57,00:20:01.49
We're supposed to talk about[br]expenditures. We're on a tight budget.
00:20:03.41,00:20:07.87
This didn't come out of the travel fund.[br]I raised 25 bucks extra before we left.
00:20:11.16,00:20:13.46
Were you get 25 extra bucks?
00:20:13.88,00:20:16.42
I sold some stuff to Billy in 4-C.
00:20:17.55,00:20:19.21
The blind kid?
00:20:23.51,00:20:25.85
What did you sell him, Lloyd?
00:20:27.14,00:20:29.47
Stuff.[br]- What kind of stuff?
00:20:31.02,00:20:34.40
I don't know... baseball cards...[br]a bag of marbles...
00:20:35.90,00:20:37.36
Pete...
00:20:37.73,00:20:40.69
Pete? You sold my dead bird[br]to a blind kid?
00:20:46.70,00:20:50.25
Pete didn't even have a head.[br]- Harry, I took care of it.
00:20:54.87,00:20:57.67
Pretty bird. Can you say "pretty bird".
00:20:59.21,00:21:01.72
Pretty bird. You're a pretty bird.
00:21:03.26,00:21:04.84
Pretty bird.
00:21:08.60,00:21:10.60
Polly want a cracker?
00:21:14.31,00:21:17.56
The red bastards.[br]They're rubbing it in our faces.
00:21:18.15,00:21:21.99
Andr, wilI have a hemorrhage[br]if we don't get the briefcase back.
00:21:22.19,00:21:25.49
They've been following us for weeks.[br]- Why you say?
00:21:26.32,00:21:28.95
Gas man. How did they know I got gas?
00:21:30.12,00:21:32.08
They got to be pros.
00:21:33.54,00:21:36.25
Don't worry, we'll get that money back.
00:21:37.83,00:21:40.00
I'll tell you something else...
00:21:40.00,00:21:43.42
they ain't never getting to Aspen.[br]I'lI see to that.
00:21:50.64,00:21:54.10
They got The Monkeys.[br]A major influence on the Beatles.
00:21:57.69,00:21:59.52
Excuse me, Flo...
00:22:08.11,00:22:10.24
Flo... like the TV show.
00:22:13.62,00:22:17.00
What is the soup du jour?[br]- It's the soup of the day.
00:22:18.67,00:22:21.17
That sounds good. I'lI have that.
00:22:26.13,00:22:30.01
Feels good to mingle with[br]these laid-back country folk, don't it?
00:22:30.97,00:22:32.76
I like it a lot.
00:22:36.18,00:22:38.02
What's the matter?
00:22:40.48,00:22:43.19
You spilt the salt. That's the matter.
00:22:44.11,00:22:46.70
Spilling the saIt is very bad luck.
00:22:47.45,00:22:51.07
Driving across country,[br]the last thing we need is bad luck.
00:22:51.83,00:22:54.62
Toss some salt over your right shoulder.
00:22:58.25,00:23:00.00
What the hell?!
00:23:02.79,00:23:06.38
Okay, who's the dead man[br]that hit me with the salt shaker?
00:23:18.18,00:23:22.19
It was a terrible mistake, sir.[br]I'd never offend a man of your size.
00:23:25.32,00:23:27.40
Take his ass, Sea Bass.
00:23:30.36,00:23:33.12
You gonna eat that?[br]- What that? No...
00:23:34.87,00:23:36.79
It crossed my mind.
00:23:48.34,00:23:50.47
You really went out man.
00:23:51.80,00:23:54.30
What are you talking about, went out?
00:23:54.30,00:23:56.60
The guy hawked on my burger.
00:23:58.93,00:24:00.77
I think I just...
00:24:01.52,00:24:03.65
Yes, I just had an idea.
00:24:08.61,00:24:10.15
Follow me.
00:24:17.83,00:24:20.87
Excuse me, guys?[br]- What the hell do you want?
00:24:22.37,00:24:24.63
I just want to apologize...
00:24:25.34,00:24:28.42
for that unpleasant scene[br]a little earlier.
00:24:28.51,00:24:30.55
My friend Harry and I...
00:24:30.55,00:24:33.76
would like to buy you guys[br]a round of beers...
00:24:36.05,00:24:39.60
just to bury the hatchet.[br]- Make it for Blothermakers.
00:24:40.18,00:24:43.90
Whatever you want, sir.[br]I'lI have the waitress bring it over.
00:24:47.40,00:24:50.82
What're you doing?[br]We can't afford to buy them drinks.
00:24:54.57,00:24:56.12
Excuse me.
00:24:57.28,00:25:00.66
Sea Bass and the fellas[br]offered to pick up our check.
00:25:00.66,00:25:03.87
They said put it on their tab.[br]They're very nice.
00:25:07.09,00:25:09.63
Sea Bass said that?[br]- Well, if...
00:25:11.01,00:25:13.93
that the guy at the table is Sea Bass...
00:25:21.43,00:25:24.10
All right, if that's what he wants...
00:25:25.31,00:25:27.65
Put these on there too, okay?
00:25:34.40,00:25:36.87
I'll kill those sons of bitches.
00:25:42.58,00:25:46.58
That was genius, Lloyd. Where did you[br]come up with a scam like that?
00:25:47.96,00:25:51.00
I saw in a movie once.[br]- That was incredible.
00:25:52.30,00:25:56.34
What happened? Some sucker picked[br]up his tab and he got away with it?
00:25:56.93,00:26:01.35
No, in the movie they caught up half[br]a mile down the road and slit his throat.
00:26:02.39,00:26:04.27
It was a good one.
00:26:11.36,00:26:15.40
I know this isn't the best time,[br]but can you pull over? I got to pee.
00:26:16.49,00:26:19.45
Are you crazy? Not now.[br]- But I gotta go...
00:26:21.03,00:26:25.21
Wizz in one of the empty beer bottles[br]in the back. They're on the floor.
00:26:36.09,00:26:37.84
Watch the seat!
00:26:50.69,00:26:52.61
What? What's wrong?
00:26:53.32,00:26:55.61
The bottle's almost full,[br]and I'm still going.
00:26:55.61,00:26:58.53
So stop.[br]- I can't stop once I've started.
00:27:00.53,00:27:03.58
Quick give me another bottle.[br]Come on, hurry!
00:27:12.42,00:27:13.96
Hold that.
00:27:20.80,00:27:22.51
Hold that one.
00:27:23.68,00:27:26.85
Hurry, I'm pitching it.[br]- What are you, a camel?
00:27:32.40,00:27:33.94
Pull over.
00:27:38.61,00:27:40.16
Pull over.
00:27:41.57,00:27:44.58
No it's a cardigan,[br]but thanks for noticing.
00:27:45.49,00:27:47.37
Killer boots, man.
00:27:47.91,00:27:50.83
Pull your vehicle[br]to the side of the road.
00:27:59.42,00:28:01.93
License and registration, please.
00:28:06.39,00:28:09.81
You fellas were going a little fast,[br]wouldn't you say?
00:28:11.35,00:28:14.56
You fellas been doing a bit of boozing,[br]have you?
00:28:15.23,00:28:17.78
Socking back Grandpa's[br]old cough medicine?
00:28:17.78,00:28:19.49
No, oh no sir.
00:28:20.86,00:28:22.70
Well what's that?
00:28:25.20,00:28:27.74
That's nothing, sir.[br]- Nothing...
00:28:27.87,00:28:30.25
Are you aware that it's against the law...
00:28:30.25,00:28:34.08
to have an open alcohol container in[br]the car in Pennsylvania?
00:28:35.50,00:28:38.92
Give me that booze,[br]you pumpkin-pie haircutted freak..
00:28:48.14,00:28:50.81
Sir, no...[br]- No, sir. Don't drink...
00:28:50.81,00:28:54.52
You'd keep your mouth shut[br]if you knew what was good for you.
00:29:11.16,00:29:14.04
Tic-tac, sir?[br]- Get the hell out of here.
00:29:20.30,00:29:23.88
How could they not have the ransom?[br]It doesn't make sense.
00:29:24.84,00:29:28.01
I left the money exactly[br]where they instructed me to.
00:29:28.01,00:29:30.02
It makes perfect sense, Mary.
00:29:30.02,00:29:33.06
We should have called the police[br]when Bobby was kidnapped.
00:29:33.06,00:29:35.48
We've been through this, Helen.
00:29:35.94,00:29:37.44
Mr Andr,.
00:29:38.11,00:29:40.11
Nicolas...[br]- Carl...
00:29:42.65,00:29:45.61
Any word yet, sir?[br]- Nothing yet, Nicholas.
00:29:47.82,00:29:50.58
I've been giving this a lot of thought.
00:29:51.45,00:29:54.50
Maybe we should cancel[br]the benefit this week.
00:29:55.25,00:29:59.17
We shouldn't do anything unusual.[br]- She's right, we must carry on.
00:30:01.25,00:30:05.09
Especially you, Mary.[br]- I have to act as if everything was fine?
00:30:06.43,00:30:09.14
Exactly.[br]- Go skiing, act normally...
00:30:10.76,00:30:13.48
We can't let on that anything's wrong.
00:30:13.98,00:30:17.52
If the press gets wind of this,[br]the kidnappers may panic.
00:30:20.32,00:30:22.86
You never know what they might do.
00:31:19.12,00:31:22.38
So he says, do you love me?[br]And she says "No"...
00:31:22.88,00:31:25.26
but that's a nice ski-mask!
00:31:31.34,00:31:32.97
What's that?
00:34:52.42,00:34:54.42
You want me to drive?
00:34:55.30,00:34:56.97
No, I'm cool.
00:35:00.93,00:35:04.64
I don't know. These places just[br]bring back a lot of memories.
00:35:06.48,00:35:09.56
What happened. Harry?[br]Did some filly break your heart?
00:35:09.56,00:35:12.11
No, it was a girl. Fraida Felcher.
00:35:13.15,00:35:16.74
We stayed in a place like this.[br]Not this classy, but nice.
00:35:18.24,00:35:21.03
Felcher, from Cranston?[br]- You know her?
00:35:22.33,00:35:25.41
Yes! I mean, I remember[br]you talking about her.
00:35:29.71,00:35:32.29
We had an incredibly romantic time.
00:35:32.88,00:35:35.59
I thought we'd be together for ever...
00:35:35.76,00:35:39.09
but a week later she sent me[br]a John Deere letter.
00:35:39.88,00:35:42.85
She give you any reason?[br]- I called her up.
00:35:43.05,00:35:46.98
She gave me some crap about me not[br]listening to her. I don't know.
00:35:48.06,00:35:51.69
But what hurt most was: I think[br]she was seeing another guy.
00:35:55.57,00:35:57.61
I never found out who.
00:36:00.53,00:36:03.12
Mr Andr,, guess who we bumped into?
00:36:07.91,00:36:10.25
It all ends in a phone booth.
00:36:10.87,00:36:13.84
Yeah, the boys are holed up[br]in a love nest.
00:36:15.25,00:36:17.30
They're a bit strange.
00:36:17.92,00:36:20.93
What the hell are they up to?[br]Are they Feds?
00:36:22.64,00:36:24.43
Highly unlikely!
00:36:26.89,00:36:30.14
You ever heard of the concept[br]of "other people"?
00:36:32.27,00:36:34.56
Me being that for the phone?
00:36:37.11,00:36:40.03
You turned your back on me.[br]He got me mad.
00:36:40.82,00:36:44.32
You were supposed to grab that bag![br]- Your drink, honey.
00:36:49.75,00:36:51.29
Hold on...
00:36:54.54,00:36:56.38
Get off the phone.
00:36:58.67,00:37:00.55
Get off the phone.
00:37:09.52,00:37:12.14
I'm sorry, Mr Andr, you were saying?
00:37:13.27,00:37:16.40
These jokers have a lot of money[br]and it's mine!
00:37:16.73,00:37:20.03
I want to know who they are[br]and what they're doing!
00:37:20.44,00:37:22.82
I told you already: I'm on it.
00:37:25.07,00:37:26.37
Good!
00:38:16.46,00:38:19.09
Come on Joe, let me do both of them.
00:38:19.38,00:38:21.84
You wouldn't have to worry about it.
00:38:21.84,00:38:24.88
Just shut up. We don't[br]even know who they are.
00:38:25.63,00:38:28.68
You don't kill people you don't know.[br]That's a rule.
00:38:28.68,00:38:31.39
Come up here and lie on the front seat.
00:38:31.47,00:38:34.73
When they pick me up, you follow us.[br]You got that?
00:38:35.81,00:38:37.81
Hey, here they come!
00:38:38.52,00:38:40.07
Stay down.
00:38:51.20,00:38:53.91
Say, are you guys going to Davenport?
00:38:54.08,00:38:56.67
My car died and I'm late for lunch.
00:38:59.17,00:39:01.84
We usually don't pick up hitchhikers.
00:39:03.00,00:39:05.80
But I'll go with my instinct on this one.
00:39:06.76,00:39:08.68
Saddle up. Partner!
00:39:11.14,00:39:12.68
You're it!
00:39:12.97,00:39:14.52
You're it!
00:39:14.56,00:39:16.89
Quitsies...[br]Anti-quitsies...
00:39:17.14,00:39:18.81
You can't do that![br]- Can too!
00:39:18.81,00:39:21.40
You can't![br]Can do; double stamp that!
00:39:21.40,00:39:24.11
Can not! Triple stamp it! No racies...
00:39:24.57,00:39:28.95
You can't triple stamp a double stamp![br]You can't triple stamp a double stamp!
00:39:29.32,00:39:30.49
Lloyd!
00:39:30.49,00:39:32.12
Guys! Wnough!
00:39:37.08,00:39:40.58
Hey, want to hear the most[br]annoying sound in the world?
00:39:44.38,00:39:46.21
Guys! Guys! Guys!
00:39:49.05,00:39:50.59
Fellas...
00:39:51.89,00:39:54.64
You think we could listen to the radio?
00:39:56.89,00:39:59.77
Radio? Who needs the radio?[br]Ready, Harry?
00:40:03.15,00:40:04.57
Mock...
00:40:05.32,00:40:06.78
ing...
00:40:07.07,00:40:08.53
bird.
00:40:11.49,00:40:14.62
Mocking bird, don't everybody...[br]have you heard?
00:40:16.33,00:40:19.04
She's going to buy me a mocking bird...
00:40:20.42,00:40:23.21
And if that's mocking bird don't sing...
00:40:24.34,00:40:27.09
She's going to buy me a diamond ring...
00:40:56.53,00:40:59.33
You want an atomic pepper,[br]Mr Mentalino?
00:41:02.46,00:41:05.75
You guys go ahead.[br]- I'll do it if you will, Lloyd.
00:41:06.63,00:41:09.17
Okay, you go first.[br]- No, you go.
00:41:10.13,00:41:11.93
No, you.[br]- You.
00:41:13.43,00:41:16.10
I always go.[br]- Why don't you guys...
00:41:16.51,00:41:20.27
stop acting like a pair of pussies[br]and go at the same time.
00:41:23.56,00:41:26.69
That sounds like a dare, Harry.[br]- It's a double dare!
00:41:26.69,00:41:28.53
Okay, you're on.
00:41:37.12,00:41:40.00
It's not so bad.[br]- More tingly than hot.
00:41:55.01,00:41:57.97
If you'll excuse me,[br]I gotta use the phone.
00:41:59.10,00:42:01.10
Wnjoy your meal, guys.
00:42:03.89,00:42:05.77
Lloyd, this helps.
00:42:07.36,00:42:09.07
That was good.
00:42:15.78,00:42:17.70
Here it is, Mental.
00:42:18.03,00:42:21.04
I'm sitting down to nice meal[br]with our boys.
00:42:21.54,00:42:24.54
Don't forget[br]the bread plate is on the left!.
00:42:24.54,00:42:27.96
I can't have them running around Aspen.[br]- Don't worry.
00:42:28.71,00:42:33.13
They won't be running around anywhere[br]with rat poison in their Shirley Temple.
00:42:41.22,00:42:42.93
Here he comes.
00:42:45.14,00:42:48.48
Feeling better?[br]- Much better, thank you for asking.
00:42:56.20,00:42:58.87
Why are you going to Aspen, vacation?
00:42:59.49,00:43:02.33
Why don't you eat up and we'll tell you.
00:43:03.16,00:43:06.75
You didn't pack much. I just saw[br]one bag and a briefcase.
00:43:09.67,00:43:13.05
The briefcase isn't ours.[br]A lady left at the airport.
00:43:13.17,00:43:16.59
We're just bringing it back to her.[br]How's your burger?
00:43:18.26,00:43:20.80
You mean you don't even know her?
00:43:27.39,00:43:30.44
Talk about the wrong place[br]at the wrong time!
00:44:04.85,00:44:07.27
You okay, man? It was just a goof.
00:44:07.27,00:44:09.02
Ouch, my ulcer.
00:44:10.90,00:44:13.98
My pills.[br]- Maybe we should call an ambulance.
00:44:14.77,00:44:17.90
You'll get your pills.[br]Don't worry, I know CPR.
00:44:18.32,00:44:20.24
I'll get the pills.
00:44:35.59,00:44:38.30
It's a lot easier if you just lay back.
00:44:39.97,00:44:41.84
He's resisting me.
00:44:42.68,00:44:44.14
Pills...
00:44:44.55,00:44:47.52
Pills are good for you.[br]- Let 'em go down.
00:44:48.22,00:44:49.93
That's better.
00:44:51.06,00:44:53.90
You want to ketchup[br]and mustard like us?
00:45:00.74,00:45:02.53
Some of a bitch!
00:45:13.88,00:45:15.54
Check please!
00:45:19.21,00:45:21.17
I can't believe it.
00:45:21.84,00:45:24.18
Life's a fragile thing here.
00:45:24.64,00:45:28.43
One minute you're chewing on a burger,[br]the next you're dead meat.
00:45:28.43,00:45:31.39
But he blamed me.[br]You heard his last words.
00:45:33.94,00:45:36.61
Not if you count the gurgling sounds.
00:45:40.36,00:45:43.07
He was poisoned?[br]- No doubt about it.
00:45:43.74,00:45:46.20
We found these next to the body.
00:45:47.03,00:45:50.66
The waitress says he came in[br]with a couple of younger guys.
00:45:51.41,00:45:54.50
They called the ambulance,[br]then they hit the road.
00:45:54.50,00:45:56.25
Any idea where there were going?
00:45:56.25,00:46:00.17
We have a report they were seen[br]going west on the I-80 to Colorado.
00:46:00.88,00:46:03.26
You got a make on the vehicle?
00:46:04.05,00:46:06.43
Yes, they're driving an 84...
00:46:08.72,00:46:10.31
sheepdog.
00:47:08.20,00:47:09.74
Skis, huh?
00:47:10.78,00:47:12.87
That's right.[br]- Great.
00:47:13.54,00:47:15.25
They're yours?
00:47:16.75,00:47:18.08
Uhuh.
00:47:21.29,00:47:22.96
Both of them?
00:47:27.93,00:47:29.26
Cool!
00:47:33.18,00:47:36.10
Excuse me, but[br]you're spraying everywhere.
00:48:31.20,00:48:34.95
That's a lot of luggage for a vacation.[br]- I'm moving to Aspen.
00:48:35.41,00:48:38.87
I've got a get away from my boyfriend.[br]He such a klutz.
00:48:39.00,00:48:42.67
My astrologer told me to stay away[br]from accident-prone guys.
00:48:48.67,00:48:50.97
Here, it's a little loose...
00:48:51.93,00:48:53.97
Hey, no... allow me...
00:48:54.60,00:48:56.81
I've got a thing, here.
00:49:06.94,00:49:09.36
I'm heading up to Aspen myself.
00:49:10.32,00:49:13.66
Maybe we could meet up[br]and drink some hot chocolate.
00:49:15.41,00:49:17.95
Sure, why not?[br]You seem harmless.
00:49:18.41,00:49:21.33
I'll give you my number.[br]Let's find a pen.
00:49:21.33,00:49:23.83
I know I have one here somewhere.
00:49:24.50,00:49:28.25
Just tell it to me, I have a good memory.[br]- The number is 555:
00:49:30.38,00:49:33.05
90... sorry, that's my old number.
00:49:33.39,00:49:37.18
You mind sometimes goes blank.[br]- Just give me that damn number!
00:49:38.81,00:49:41.23
You gonna get pushy, forget it.
00:49:48.44,00:49:51.24
Find a happy place.[br]Find a happy place.
00:50:40.70,00:50:44.08
Any sign of them yet?[br]- We're expecting them shortly.
00:50:44.12,00:50:47.67
A motorist saw them about 30 miles back[br]heading this way.
00:50:52.67,00:50:55.97
I told you what happened, okay?[br]- Okay, sure thing.
00:50:57.72,00:51:00.18
A look, were almost in Colorado.
00:51:00.81,00:51:04.31
Shall we change seats?[br]I've been driving for nine hours.
00:51:04.52,00:51:07.56
I don't have the energy[br]to start a new state.
00:51:09.15,00:51:11.32
Hey guys. Big gulps, huh?
00:51:13.69,00:51:15.40
See you later.
00:51:19.16,00:51:21.45
Hey, Harry. I've got some...
00:51:26.50,00:51:29.92
Some people just weren't cut out[br]for life on the road.
00:52:05.37,00:52:08.46
I was wondering when[br]you were going to get up.
00:52:10.38,00:52:12.54
How long have I been out?
00:52:14.05,00:52:16.26
I'd say a good five hours.
00:52:22.72,00:52:26.18
I expected the Rocky Mountains[br]to be rockier than this.
00:52:28.44,00:52:30.81
I was thinking the same thing.
00:52:31.73,00:52:34.44
That John Denver is full of shit, man.
00:52:38.40,00:52:41.61
I'm only human, Harry.[br]Anyone can make a mistake.
00:52:44.16,00:52:46.41
Come on, stop being a baby.
00:52:47.79,00:52:50.00
So we backtracked a tad...
00:52:52.25,00:52:55.80
A tad? You drove a sixth[br]of the way across the country...
00:52:58.13,00:53:00.34
in the wrong direction!
00:53:02.22,00:53:05.85
Now we don't have enough money[br]to get Aspen, to get home...
00:53:06.93,00:53:10.06
to eat. We don't have[br]enough money to sleep!
00:53:13.61,00:53:16.27
We can't sit here and whine about it.
00:53:17.40,00:53:20.74
We're in a hole and we'lI have[br]to dig ourselves out.
00:53:24.03,00:53:27.04
Okay. You'll right,[br]you're absolutely right.
00:53:27.37,00:53:30.46
Where are you going?[br]- Home, I'm walking home.
00:53:33.88,00:53:36.17
Well, pardon me, Mr Perfect!
00:53:37.84,00:53:40.80
I guess I forgot:[br]you never make a mistake!
00:54:29.10,00:54:32.27
Got room for one more,[br]if you wanna go to Aspen.
00:54:33.14,00:54:36.35
Where did you find that?[br]- Some kid back in town.
00:54:37.86,00:54:40.40
Traded the van for it straight up.
00:54:40.73,00:54:43.07
I can get 70 mpg on this hog.
00:54:48.62,00:54:51.83
Lloyd, when I think[br]you couldn't be any dumber...
00:54:55.92,00:54:58.67
you go and do something like this...
00:55:00.25,00:55:02.67
and totally redeem yourself!
00:55:05.93,00:55:07.64
Still wanna go to Aspen?
00:55:07.64,00:55:09.68
Okay, let's go, buddy.
00:55:15.44,00:55:17.48
Go west. Go west, boy.
00:56:04.90,00:56:07.53
I gotta stop and go to the bathroom.
00:56:09.70,00:56:11.36
Just go, man.
00:56:15.33,00:56:17.33
That's nice and warm.
00:57:19.60,00:57:21.23
We're there.
00:57:31.36,00:57:33.86
It got a little dippy back there.
00:57:37.62,00:57:41.29
Isn't this incredible?[br]What more could two single guys want?
00:57:42.25,00:57:44.12
How about some food?
00:57:44.12,00:57:47.21
I swallowed a June bug[br]when we were driving, I'm full.
00:57:47.21,00:57:48.88
I'm starving.
00:57:50.55,00:57:53.47
Jesus, look at the butt on that.[br]- Yeah...
00:57:55.38,00:57:57.34
he must work out.
00:57:57.72,00:58:00.68
Why don't we deliver[br]the briefcase to Mary?
00:58:01.47,00:58:05.02
If I know her, she'll invite us in[br]for tea and strumpets.
00:58:05.73,00:58:08.86
Good plan, where does she live?[br]- I don't know.
00:58:10.23,00:58:12.23
What's her last name?
00:58:15.57,00:58:18.20
I don't recall. It starts with an S.
00:58:20.20,00:58:22.45
Swin... Swamie... Slippy...
00:58:23.79,00:58:27.29
Slappy, Slimin, Solomon, Simin, Sal,[br]Swenson, Swanson...
00:58:28.67,00:58:30.38
Look on the briefcase.[br]- Yes.
00:58:30.38,00:58:34.38
It's right here. Samsonite. I was way off.[br]But it started with an S.
00:58:38.01,00:58:41.14
I'm not seeing it here.[br]- She must be unlisted.
00:58:45.18,00:58:47.23
Great. What we do now?
00:58:53.36,00:58:55.49
I can't feel my fingers.
00:58:56.82,00:58:58.49
They're numb.
00:59:02.33,00:59:06.08
Maybe you should wear these extra[br]gloves. My hands are sweaty.
00:59:08.58,00:59:10.25
Extra gloves?
00:59:11.00,00:59:13.63
You had extra gloves the whole time?
00:59:17.51,00:59:19.76
Yeah, we're in the Rockies.
00:59:22.47,00:59:24.39
I'm gonna kill you.
00:59:27.06,00:59:29.81
I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you.
00:59:30.31,00:59:32.82
Calm down.[br]- I'm gonna kill you.
00:59:33.36,00:59:36.07
You got that crazy looking you arrive.
00:59:39.99,00:59:42.16
I know what I'm gonna do.
00:59:42.45,00:59:45.75
I'm gonna do what I should've[br]done a long time ago.
00:59:46.75,00:59:50.29
Don't do anything foolish.[br]- Foolish? This isn't foolish.
00:59:50.96,00:59:54.25
I'm gonna toss this damn curse[br]into that damn pond.
00:59:58.97,01:00:00.93
I'll do it.[br]- No...
01:00:07.31,01:00:09.44
Your hands are freezing.
01:00:22.32,01:00:26.24
Okay, here's the plan. We borrow[br]a few bucks from the briefcase...
01:00:28.62,01:00:32.75
and find some reasonable lodgings.[br]- And we'll keep track with lOUs.
01:00:33.25,01:00:36.63
We'll pay back whatever we borrow,[br]to the last penny.
01:00:37.30,01:00:40.59
That's what we're good for.[br]- Our word is our bond.
01:00:42.34,01:00:45.26
This is the presidential suite,[br]gentlemen.
01:00:46.81,01:00:49.85
Normally reserved for royalty,[br]dignitaries...
01:00:51.02,01:00:54.73
stars of stage and screen.[br]The Wmperor of Japan is coming.
01:00:56.82,01:00:59.28
Prince Charles and Di,[br]when they were together...
01:00:59.28,01:01:02.41
used to frequent the hotel.[br]- We'll take it.
01:01:31.68,01:01:33.44
There you go...
01:01:35.94,01:01:38.36
There you go... there you go...
01:02:13.89,01:02:16.90
Oh boy, this is living, huh?[br]What's on next?
01:02:18.73,01:02:20.94
I don't know, let me look.
01:02:23.15,01:02:24.95
Lloyd, you okay?
01:02:25.82,01:02:27.99
Harry, it's Mary.[br]- Who?
01:02:30.08,01:02:32.20
Mary with the briefcase.
01:02:32.45,01:02:34.12
Mary Swanson.
01:02:35.83,01:02:37.38
Swanson...
01:02:38.04,01:02:41.00
wool hast a noo...[br]...host an annual...
01:02:44.17,01:02:46.93
annual meeting of t-h-e...[br]- The...
01:02:52.81,01:02:55.35
the inter...[br]- It's a big one...
01:02:55.35,01:02:58.73
lnternational preservation society...[br]tomorrow night.
01:03:01.27,01:03:04.40
Come on, Cinderella.[br]You got to go to the ball.
01:04:58.10,01:05:01.14
Thanks Barn... There you go.[br]- Thank you sir.
01:05:18.58,01:05:20.75
Okay, okay, okay. Cripes!
01:05:30.67,01:05:32.17
Time out.
01:05:33.59,01:05:37.64
Excuse me, gentlemen. This is[br]a 500 dollar-a-plate dinner. Goodnight.
01:05:38.31,01:05:41.27
500? No problem here.[br]Put us down for four.
01:05:43.48,01:05:45.60
In case we want seconds.
01:05:52.45,01:05:55.11
Jesus Christ, it's them.[br]- Them who?
01:05:55.82,01:05:58.12
The guys who whacked Mental.
01:06:00.91,01:06:04.08
Can't you feel it Harry,[br]this is our big chance.
01:06:05.29,01:06:08.54
We just have to show some class...[br]and sophistication...
01:06:08.54,01:06:11.71
and we're in like a dirty shirt.[br]- That's no problem, Lloyd.
01:06:11.71,01:06:14.22
Look at the fun bags on that hound.
01:06:14.22,01:06:17.76
I could eat her liver with beans[br]and a bottle of Chianti.
01:06:21.64,01:06:24.48
Come on, let's get[br]some loud-mouth soup.
01:06:27.02,01:06:29.44
Bartender, two Martinis please.
01:06:31.23,01:06:33.28
Your attention please.
01:06:33.40,01:06:36.99
The Aspen Preservation Society[br]is the foremost defender...
01:06:37.91,01:06:40.20
of 23 endangered species.
01:06:40.70,01:06:43.95
It is with tremendous honor[br]we asked Mr Swanson...
01:06:46.00,01:06:48.71
to introduces us to the 24th. Carl?
01:06:56.30,01:06:59.89
Ladies and gentlemen...[br]I give you the lcelandic Snow Owl.
01:07:08.85,01:07:11.57
These magnificent specimens are 1/7...
01:07:12.19,01:07:15.11
of the snow owl population[br]left on the planet.
01:07:15.11,01:07:18.36
And God willing,[br]with your help and the society...
01:07:19.87,01:07:23.24
these wonderful creatures[br]will flourish once more.
01:07:23.49,01:07:26.29
Thank you again[br]and enjoy your evening.
01:07:29.08,01:07:31.67
Can I have some pistachios, please?
01:07:33.25,01:07:35.26
And another one of those.
01:07:35.26,01:07:38.59
Would you calm down?[br]I've never seen you so nervous.
01:07:40.47,01:07:43.26
Keep an eye on them, Shay.[br]A close eye.
01:07:43.89,01:07:47.98
I'm ready for commitment. The first time[br]I set eyes on Mary Swanson...
01:07:49.15,01:07:52.27
I got that old-fashioned[br]romantic feeling...
01:07:52.90,01:07:56.94
that I do anything to bone her.[br]- That's a special feeling, Lloyd.
01:07:59.61,01:08:01.57
Oh my, there she is.
01:08:02.37,01:08:05.24
Wow, you weren't kidding.[br]She's an angel.
01:08:09.08,01:08:12.13
What are you waiting for?[br]Go and talk to her.
01:08:16.84,01:08:20.30
She's going to think I'm a psycho[br]that I came so far...
01:08:21.18,01:08:24.76
But you have the briefcase.[br]She'll be thrilled to see you.
01:08:27.64,01:08:29.64
Wait, I have an idea.
01:08:31.19,01:08:34.15
Why don't you go[br]and introduces yourself...
01:08:35.19,01:08:39.07
and build me up. Then I won't have[br]to brag about myseIf later.
01:08:39.74,01:08:42.87
Tell her I'm rich...[br]and good-looking... and...
01:08:44.24,01:08:47.58
and have a rapist wit.[br]- Know, I don't think I...
01:08:49.83,01:08:51.29
Come on.
01:08:52.08,01:08:54.21
Okay. What you gonna do?
01:08:55.75,01:08:58.96
I'm gonna hang by the bar[br]and put out the 'vibe'.
01:09:12.69,01:09:15.23
Nice set of hooters you got there.
01:09:16.73,01:09:19.69
I beg your pardon?[br]- The owls... beautiful.
01:09:26.08,01:09:28.62
Are you a bird lover?[br]- Me? No...
01:09:28.99,01:09:32.67
I used to have a parakeet,[br]but my main expertise is canines.
01:09:35.63,01:09:37.88
Dogs... for the lay person.
01:09:39.51,01:09:41.01
Thanks...
01:09:42.26,01:09:45.39
I love dogs do.[br]How are you involved with them?
01:09:46.80,01:09:50.56
I trained them, bathed them,[br]clipped them, and even bred them.
01:09:51.43,01:09:55.23
Oh really? Any unusual breeding?[br]- No, mostly just doggy style.
01:09:56.73,01:09:59.73
One time we mated[br]a Bulldog with a Shitzu...
01:10:02.36,01:10:04.36
Really? That's weird.
01:10:05.61,01:10:07.99
Yeah, we called it a Bullshit.
01:10:19.34,01:10:22.30
Anyway, the real reason[br]I came over here...
01:10:23.47,01:10:26.43
was to introduce you to[br]a buddy of mine.
01:10:26.84,01:10:29.31
Mary, haven't met your friend...
01:10:29.97,01:10:33.60
Well actually we haven't been[br]introduced. I'm Mary Swanson.
01:10:34.35,01:10:37.48
Hi, Harry Dunne.[br]- This is my stepmother Helen.
01:10:38.27,01:10:40.86
Harry Dunne. A pleasure to meet you.
01:10:40.86,01:10:43.90
I saw you come in and[br]was hoping to meet you.
01:10:44.99,01:10:47.66
You were?[br]- That tuxedo is fabulous.
01:10:49.66,01:10:52.87
I love a man with a sense of humor.[br]So does Mary.
01:10:54.66,01:10:56.08
Really?
01:10:57.42,01:10:59.29
About my friend...
01:11:00.46,01:11:03.88
When you doing tomorrow?[br]Mary wants to hit the slopes.
01:11:04.63,01:11:06.13
She what?
01:11:06.93,01:11:10.05
Helen, you're embarrassing me.[br]- Well, you are.
01:11:10.68,01:11:14.18
After all, the snow will be gone[br]in a couple of weeks...
01:11:14.31,01:11:17.48
this may be a last chance.[br]The poor thing never gets out.
01:11:17.48,01:11:20.52
What do you say, Mr Dunne?[br]Are you available?
01:11:20.98,01:11:24.40
I don't know, my friend...[br]- Forget about your friend.
01:11:24.40,01:11:28.07
I think you kids'lI have a great time.[br]- Well, I don't know.
01:11:31.28,01:11:33.08
Sure, what time?
01:11:38.67,01:11:41.25
How come you didn't bring her over?
01:11:42.13,01:11:45.63
Relax, you're golden. You have[br]a date with her tomorrow.
01:11:47.01,01:11:48.80
I love you, man.
01:11:51.68,01:11:53.81
Okay, you're kissing me.
01:11:58.48,01:12:01.19
This calls for a little of the bubbly.
01:12:02.19,01:12:05.28
You're going to be[br]my best man here, I promise.
01:12:05.28,01:12:08.65
You've earned yourseIf a seat[br]at the head table, pal.
01:12:08.86,01:12:11.03
We already got the tuxes.
01:12:22.42,01:12:24.75
Well, this party really died.
01:12:31.26,01:12:33.51
Maybe it was a coincidence.
01:12:34.01,01:12:36.43
"Maybe it was a coincidence".
01:12:36.68,01:12:38.77
It was a message, Shay.
01:12:40.02,01:12:43.11
We killed their bird,[br]they killed one of ours.
01:12:47.07,01:12:49.95
How can anybody whack a bird[br]with a cork?
01:12:50.20,01:12:53.24
These guys aren't just anybody.[br]They're good.
01:13:10.38,01:13:11.97
Hey, coming.
01:13:17.39,01:13:18.93
Thank you.
01:13:35.41,01:13:36.87
Ma'am...
01:13:40.45,01:13:42.50
Beautiful outfit, sir.
01:13:45.08,01:13:46.71
Here you go.
01:13:58.10,01:14:01.10
How you doing?[br]We don't open for 45 minutes.
01:14:04.06,01:14:07.23
I'm meeting somebody.[br]Mind if I wait at the bar?
01:14:08.52,01:14:10.11
Come on in.
01:14:13.32,01:14:17.16
It's a beautiful day, huh?[br]- Yes, and a wonderful time. Thank you.
01:14:20.04,01:14:22.66
God, it feels so good to get up here.
01:14:22.66,01:14:25.83
I haven't been outside much.[br]- Oh yeah? Why not?
01:14:28.75,01:14:31.21
There's been some family problems.
01:14:32.63,01:14:35.72
I don't want to bore you with those.[br]- Thanks.
01:14:37.68,01:14:39.31
Look, frost.
01:14:43.35,01:14:44.73
Harry?
01:14:48.56,01:14:51.28
Are you okay?[br]- I do it all the time.
01:15:07.46,01:15:08.96
Hi there.
01:15:10.13,01:15:11.75
Say, kids...
01:15:12.42,01:15:15.01
d'you have a cup of warm water?
01:15:22.60,01:15:24.93
Excuse me, is it 10 a. m. yet?
01:15:28.56,01:15:30.11
It's one.
01:15:32.53,01:15:35.86
That's what I have too.[br]I thought maybe it was fast.
01:15:40.53,01:15:43.58
She's running late?[br]- Just a couple of hours.
01:15:44.41,01:15:47.87
You know girls... when[br]they're excited about something...
01:15:48.29,01:15:50.75
everything has to be perfect.
01:15:58.80,01:16:00.64
This one's on me.
01:16:02.30,01:16:03.81
Yippie...
01:16:05.06,01:16:06.89
A Chablis please.
01:16:08.02,01:16:09.40
Hello.
01:16:15.99,01:16:17.74
A bad day, huh?
01:16:19.11,01:16:20.53
Me too.
01:16:21.37,01:16:24.99
Wverything is being bad since[br]I broke up with my boyfriend.
01:16:44.10,01:16:46.68
My God. You poor guy. Does it hurt?
01:16:47.18,01:16:49.77
I'm fine. I shaved a sheet for you.
01:16:50.81,01:16:53.56
Listen, this is silly. Let me help you.
01:16:54.44,01:16:56.69
It'll only hurt for moment.
01:16:58.44,01:16:59.82
Ready?
01:18:54.44,01:18:57.81
I said to myself: run before[br]this man kills you both.
01:18:58.81,01:19:02.15
You know what the klutz did?[br]- No, and I don't care.
01:19:04.07,01:19:07.78
He came home one night dead drunk[br]and wanted to fix the sink.
01:19:09.12,01:19:12.50
Anyway. Let's talk about you.[br]How come you're here?
01:19:13.91,01:19:15.37
Bartender.
01:19:18.33,01:19:21.21
You wouldn't happen[br]to know Mary Swanson?
01:19:22.46,01:19:25.51
Mary Swanson?[br]She comes in here all the time.
01:19:28.18,01:19:31.51
What's that supposed to mean?[br]- She has dinner here.
01:19:33.10,01:19:34.64
I'm sorry.
01:19:39.98,01:19:42.15
You know where she lives?
01:19:43.32,01:19:46.49
Her family has the big place[br]up on Alpine Drive.
01:19:46.65,01:19:48.86
Alpine Drive? Big place?
01:19:57.58,01:19:59.13
No way...
01:20:01.25,01:20:02.96
That's great.
01:20:03.55,01:20:05.59
We landed on the moon!
01:20:13.18,01:20:16.35
Today was just what I needed.[br]Thanks a lot, Harry.
01:20:17.56,01:20:19.73
It was my pleasure, Mary.
01:20:23.44,01:20:27.74
You'll pick me up tonight at 7.45?[br]- I've got a few things to take care of.
01:20:29.41,01:20:32.28
Why don't we make it 1/4 to 8?[br]- Stop it!
01:20:35.24,01:20:36.83
Okay, 7.45.
01:20:40.88,01:20:42.33
Bye...
01:21:26.92,01:21:30.38
It doesn't make a sense.[br]She told me ten o'clock sharp.
01:21:30.80,01:21:33.51
You went to the right bar?[br]- Oh yeah.
01:21:35.47,01:21:38.43
I'm pretty sure.[br]Lobby bar... in the lobby.
01:21:43.06,01:21:45.73
Maybe she just had a change of heart.
01:21:45.90,01:21:49.28
That really pisses me off.[br]I hate when women do that.
01:21:51.24,01:21:54.12
She wanted to see you again.[br]And now no?
01:21:54.91,01:21:56.70
Wait a minute!
01:21:58.04,01:22:00.87
She must've meant ten o'clock at night.
01:22:02.87,01:22:06.21
D'you think?[br]- Why would she meet in a bar at 10 am?
01:22:07.25,01:22:09.92
I figured she was a raging alcoholic.
01:22:16.22,01:22:19.85
And all this time I be going through[br]such pain and anguish.
01:22:21.48,01:22:23.56
Such hell, for nothing!
01:22:24.60,01:22:27.19
That's funny.[br]That's good stuff.
01:22:28.73,01:22:32.61
Listen... looks like your night's planned,[br]so I'll catch a flick.
01:22:37.41,01:22:39.33
Ten in the morning!
01:22:57.47,01:22:59.56
Hey Harry, old buddy...
01:23:01.64,01:23:04.44
Join me in a good luck toast[br]before you head out?
01:23:04.44,01:23:07.15
Fine, whatever will help your chances.
01:23:08.06,01:23:09.69
Yes siree...
01:23:11.98,01:23:15.53
You know why I like you, Harry?[br]And you're a regular guy.
01:23:17.66,01:23:20.37
That's why I want you to stay regular.
01:23:21.20,01:23:24.21
One haIf teaspoon[br]for fast effective relief.
01:23:46.98,01:23:49.61
To my friend Harry.[br]The match-maker.
01:23:51.36,01:23:53.15
Get out of here.
01:24:20.72,01:24:23.31
Hi, the door's open, come upstairs.
01:24:29.73,01:24:33.11
Make yourseIf at home.[br]I'm almost ready, one minute.
01:24:33.52,01:24:35.23
Sounds good...
01:25:58.90,01:26:00.99
Harry, are you in there?
01:26:02.70,01:26:04.37
Be right out.
01:26:04.82,01:26:08.04
I hope you weren't using the toilet,[br]it's broken.
01:26:11.25,01:26:13.42
The toilet doesn't flush.
01:26:14.79,01:26:17.13
I was just shaving.[br]- Shaving?
01:26:19.09,01:26:22.34
I was running little late[br]and wanted to save time.
01:26:26.43,01:26:29.56
Okay, I'll be in the kitchen[br]when you're ready.
01:26:50.83,01:26:55.21
Tomorrow in A Current Affair: in the home[br]of the Menendez Brothers' attorney.
01:26:55.71,01:26:59.25
Will be back in a minute with the[br]heartbreaking story...
01:27:00.09,01:27:04.05
of the blind Rhode Island boy[br]duped into buying a dead parakeet.
01:27:04.97,01:27:07.47
I just thought he was real quiet.
01:27:12.81,01:27:15.02
Who are these sick people?
01:27:19.69,01:27:21.11
Hi...
01:27:24.20,01:27:25.82
Remember me?
01:27:28.32,01:27:29.91
Not really.
01:27:30.79,01:27:32.37
Providence.
01:27:33.95,01:27:37.17
I drove you to the airport last week.[br]- My God...
01:27:39.21,01:27:41.92
Lloyd, right?[br]- You remember my name!
01:27:44.92,01:27:48.39
What are you doing in Aspen?[br]- I brought you your briefcase.
01:27:48.39,01:27:50.97
You left it at the airport, you goof.
01:27:52.35,01:27:54.39
You have my briefcase?
01:27:55.43,01:27:58.98
I have it at my hotel.[br]Jump on the bike, we'll go get it.
01:27:59.81,01:28:01.32
Unless...
01:28:02.40,01:28:04.15
you're busy.
01:28:04.78,01:28:07.11
No, you just wait right here.
01:28:13.70,01:28:16.00
Come on, flush, you bastard.
01:28:20.50,01:28:23.09
Harry, what are you doing in there?
01:28:23.84,01:28:25.88
I'm cleaning my teeth.
01:28:27.84,01:28:31.05
Something important came up,[br]I've got to run out.
01:28:32.43,01:28:35.14
It's an emergency. I'll explain later.
01:28:51.53,01:28:53.49
Race you to the top.
01:29:04.88,01:29:06.26
I won.
01:29:07.84,01:29:11.05
Look familiar?[br]- I don't believe it. You have it.
01:29:12.18,01:29:16.56
When Lloyd Christmas drives a woman[br]to the airport, she gets all her luggage.
01:29:17.81,01:29:20.69
That's my whole philosophy.[br]- lncredible.
01:29:20.85,01:29:23.31
You drove 2000 miles[br]just for me?
01:29:27.19,01:29:29.70
I didn't really have a lot to do.
01:29:33.03,01:29:36.33
And I know how frustrating[br]it can be to lose a bag.
01:29:37.91,01:29:40.12
That is so sweet, Lloyd.
01:29:55.01,01:29:58.97
Look Mary this may seem sudden,[br]but I've given it a lot of thought.
01:30:00.48,01:30:04.65
I've been waiting for you my whole life[br]and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
01:30:04.81,01:30:06.32
Please...
01:30:07.02,01:30:08.86
let me finish.
01:30:10.74,01:30:14.37
I'm crazy about you. I've never[br]felt this way about anyone.
01:30:16.37,01:30:19.45
What is it with me...[br]I feel like a schoolboy.
01:30:22.46,01:30:25.63
A schoolboy who wants[br]to make sweet love to you.
01:30:36.85,01:30:39.77
I thought I heard[br]you talking to someone.
01:30:42.27,01:30:43.60
Mary...
01:30:51.40,01:30:54.53
I desperately want[br]to make love to a schoolboy.
01:30:56.45,01:30:58.95
Maybe I should be going.[br]- No...
01:30:59.58,01:31:01.70
That's not what I meant.
01:31:08.29,01:31:10.21
What I meant was...
01:31:14.93,01:31:16.80
I like you, Mary.
01:31:21.81,01:31:23.64
I like you a lot.
01:31:26.27,01:31:29.23
I want to ask you a question.[br]Straight out.
01:31:30.23,01:31:33.15
And I want you to give me[br]an honest answer.
01:31:33.44,01:31:36.07
What do you think the chances are...
01:31:36.41,01:31:39.37
that a guy like you and a girl like me...
01:31:41.16,01:31:44.37
ending up together?[br]- That's difficult to say.
01:31:45.71,01:31:49.42
We really don't...[br]- Hit me with it. Give it to me straight.
01:31:50.88,01:31:53.51
I came a long way just see you, Mary.
01:31:53.92,01:31:56.51
Level with me. What are my chances?
01:31:59.10,01:32:00.60
Not good.
01:32:05.23,01:32:08.27
You mean not good;[br]like one out of a hundred?
01:32:08.81,01:32:11.57
I'd say more like one out of a million.
01:32:19.37,01:32:22.08
So you're telling me there's a chance?
01:32:28.58,01:32:30.17
I read you.
01:32:37.84,01:32:41.76
Hi, we have plenty of towels.[br]- Nicolas, what are you doing here?
01:32:42.97,01:32:46.81
I've been looking for you, Mary.[br]I have news about your husband.
01:32:48.19,01:32:50.31
Husband? Wait a minute...
01:32:52.73,01:32:55.53
What was all that one in a million talk?
01:32:57.53,01:33:00.03
Aren't you going to invite me in?
01:33:05.24,01:33:07.54
Hey Harry, you never called?
01:33:08.71,01:33:10.83
What are you doing here?
01:33:14.75,01:33:17.17
Excuse me, gunman. Who are you?
01:33:17.42,01:33:21.55
Don't play dumb with me, asshole.[br]The rightful owner of that briefcase.
01:33:25.85,01:33:28.77
Nicolas, my family trusted you.[br]- Shut up!
01:33:31.27,01:33:33.36
Listen, Mr Samsonite...
01:33:33.98,01:33:37.65
about the briefcase. Harry and l[br]intend to reimburse you.
01:33:41.28,01:33:42.87
Open it up.
01:33:43.53,01:33:46.08
Go ahead. Do what he says.[br]Hurry.
01:33:53.38,01:33:56.00
Was is this?[br]Where's all the money?
01:33:57.55,01:34:00.38
That's as good as money.[br]Those are lOUs.
01:34:01.55,01:34:04.89
Go ahead. Add it up.[br]It's all accounted for. Look...
01:34:06.51,01:34:09.14
See this?[br]That's a car. 275 thou...
01:34:10.23,01:34:12.77
Might want to hang on to that one.
01:34:15.56,01:34:18.28
You're a dead man.[br]You're a dead man!
01:34:23.78,01:34:25.57
Lloyd, I'm home.
01:34:27.87,01:34:31.25
We've got have a talk.[br]I've got a confession to make.
01:34:31.58,01:34:34.79
Oh good, you found her.[br]I'll leave you two alone.
01:34:35.54,01:34:37.04
No, stay.
01:34:44.64,01:34:48.47
Yes, I'd like a one-way ticket to[br]Amsterdam as soon as possible.
01:34:49.35,01:34:51.81
How do you guys know each other?
01:34:52.35,01:34:56.11
We used to be best friends.[br]- Until he turned into a backstabber.
01:34:56.11,01:34:58.98
Me a backstabber?[br]You got a lot of nerve.
01:34:59.03,01:35:01.07
You knew I was crazy about her.
01:35:01.07,01:35:03.99
You knew I was crazy[br]about Fraida Felcher.
01:35:07.20,01:35:10.08
What do you mean?[br]- Don't deny it, Lloyd.
01:35:10.58,01:35:13.58
She told me the whole story,[br]French tickler.
01:35:17.13,01:35:19.34
What time does that leave?
01:35:24.43,01:35:27.09
I guess we both learned[br]something about each other.
01:35:27.09,01:35:30.43
You said it, pal![br]Maybe we're not such good friends.
01:35:31.27,01:35:34.14
If one beautiful girI can[br]rip us apart like this...
01:35:34.14,01:35:37.86
Maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn.[br]Maybe we should call it quits right now.
01:35:37.86,01:35:41.28
You tell me where to sign.[br]- Right on my ass. Kiss it!
01:35:41.94,01:35:44.70
You kiss mine! Both cheeks! Right here!
01:35:47.62,01:35:49.08
Shut up!
01:35:51.37,01:35:54.46
Which one of you losers wants[br]to get it first.
01:35:55.16,01:35:56.71
Over here.
01:35:58.58,01:36:01.88
I was the one who got you[br]into this mess. Shoot me.
01:36:03.42,01:36:04.92
No, wait.
01:36:05.38,01:36:08.26
Me first. I stole your girl. I deserve it.
01:36:08.34,01:36:10.55
No you don't.[br]- Yes I do.
01:36:10.89,01:36:13.81
No you don't.[br]- Yesterday was a great day.
01:36:14.48,01:36:18.19
Mary and I went skiing,[br]made a snowman, she touched my leg...
01:36:18.85,01:36:20.61
Okay, kill him.
01:36:31.74,01:36:34.50
You killed my best friend, you bastard.
01:36:34.83,01:36:38.21
If it's any consolation,[br]you're about to be reunited.
01:36:44.38,01:36:46.34
Harry, you're alive.
01:36:49.14,01:36:51.39
And you're a horrible shot.
01:36:52.72,01:36:54.68
Lucky me.[br]- Police.
01:36:55.35,01:36:58.89
Don't anybody move. Wverybody freeze.[br]Get those hands up.
01:36:58.98,01:37:00.73
Not you, dummy.
01:37:02.52,01:37:05.03
Special officer Beth Jordan, FBl.
01:37:07.53,01:37:11.53
Mr Dunne, thank you very much.[br]We couldn't have done it without you.
01:37:11.82,01:37:14.70
We've been following you guys[br]all the way from Providence.
01:37:14.70,01:37:17.66
What's going on, Harry?[br]Your name is Harry?
01:37:19.92,01:37:23.17
She grabbed me in lobby[br]and explained what was up.
01:37:23.63,01:37:27.47
Then they slapped this bulletproof vest[br]on me and gave me a gun.
01:37:29.59,01:37:32.05
What if he shot you in the face?
01:37:33.05,01:37:37.22
What if he shot me in the face?[br]- That's a risk we were willing to take.
01:37:37.93,01:37:41.06
How come I didn't get a gun?[br]Did you get a gun?
01:38:10.09,01:38:13.14
You were right Lloyd.[br]She was worth the trip.
01:38:15.18,01:38:18.85
Yet, she is great isn't she?[br]I'm glad we could help her out.
01:38:30.65,01:38:32.41
Bobby.[br]- Wasy.
01:38:33.03,01:38:35.62
I'm just a little sore.[br]- Sorry...
01:38:38.20,01:38:39.87
I missed you.
01:38:40.12,01:38:43.83
Honey, I want to introduce you[br]to the kindest man I ever met.
01:38:44.96,01:38:47.00
Will you meet him?[br]- Sure.
01:38:47.00,01:38:48.75
He's got a gun.
01:38:56.30,01:38:58.81
I said: this is my husband Bobby.
01:39:00.81,01:39:02.27
Hi, Bobby.
01:39:02.27,01:39:04.27
I'm so happy for you.
01:39:06.36,01:39:09.03
Thank you.[br]Thank you both very much.
01:39:10.15,01:39:12.74
I owe you both a debt of gratitude.
01:39:34.22,01:39:36.51
I can't believe this, Lloyd.
01:39:36.97,01:39:40.43
First Mary dumps us,[br]then the cops take our nest egg...
01:39:41.27,01:39:44.85
then the car breaks down.[br]- When will we catch a break?
01:40:02.41,01:40:05.62
Hi guys, we're going on[br]a national bikini tour...
01:40:05.66,01:40:09.92
and we're looking for two boys to[br]grease us up before each competition.
01:40:14.59,01:40:16.38
You are in luck.
01:40:17.09,01:40:21.10
There's a town three miles that way.[br]I'm sure you'll find some guys.
01:40:25.68,01:40:27.35
Okay, thanks.
01:40:37.03,01:40:39.20
You realize what you done?
01:40:40.07,01:40:41.41
Wait!
01:40:53.17,01:40:56.26
You must excuse my friend.[br]He's a little slow.
01:40:59.18,01:41:01.39
The town is back that way.
01:41:11.81,01:41:13.19
Wow...
01:41:13.90,01:41:18.15
The two lucky guys will be with[br]those girls for the next couple of months.
01:41:21.20,01:41:23.91
Don't worry, we'll catch our break to.
01:41:24.04,01:41:26.70
We've just got to keep our eyes open. |
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